#bc like pisses me off that they think i want to be here
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me vs over sharing
#my partner n i had a fight like 3 days ago bc they want to move out at the end of this month and i said it wouldnât be the best time#bc my mum is having back surgery and my sister is taking the 6 & 7 year old to make it a bit easier for her#and i said iâd want to be here to help her with six damn fucking kids and they got mad at me for letting them hold us back#GIRL I HATE THIS FUCKING HOUSE I DONT WANNA BE HERE EITHER i hate the mess iâm so fucking tired of it like every space feels so overwhelming#and j canât do anything ab it bc i fucking clean and itâs there again in a day#and my mum has the surgery the same day we have our house inspection here and itâs just A LOT AT OBCE AND THE MF WANTED TO ADD FUCKING GETTI#A HOME OOAN ON TOP OF THAY????????? be so fucking real bro anyway we argued for literally like 2 hours ab this and iâm still kinda mad ab it#but iâm gonna be Relaxed#bc like pisses me off that they think i want to be here#iâm treated like a second mother to these kids which is like fine whayever bc we live here rent free and i want to pay back in some way#but like k donât fucking want kids i donât want to parent i donât want to fucking wake up in the middle of the night for milk i donât want#to deal with tantrums like u rlly think I WANT TO BE HERE LONGER THAN ENCESSARU BRO#anyway sorry#tw: vent#ămercury speaksă
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â-and that's why I ain't allowed in Pier Point no more!â Boothill throws his head back and cackles, somehow completely comfortable on the bare floor of the archives. He's the very picture of ease, his arms behind his head, his legs bent and crossed.
Dan Heng barely looks up from his notebook, not much surprises him anymore after the first few tales of lawless exploits. âSo they really have that many laws and restrictions there.âÂ
âAnd probâly a few more now that I've been through there! Heck, ya think they named any after me? I'm hopinâ so.â There's so much smug cockiness seeping through his voice Dan Heng could bottle it.
Silence settles in, stretches out. Dan Heng doodles pensive circles in the corner of his page.
He shouldn't ask. It's a private matter. It's none of his business. He of all people should know-
Something pokes his shoe, and when he looks up, Boothill has stretched one arm up to tap metallic fingertips against his foot. âAin't like ya to hesitate.â With his head tipped back on the tiles and gazing at him upside down, Boothill's hair is out of his face and spooling out all over the floor, offering a rare view of his right side. His right eye is sealed over with a pitch-black patch, stark against his skin. Dan Heng wonders what he looks like behind it. âC'mon, then, out with it. Spill the beans, brother, just say it.â
âWhat does âBoothillâ mean?â
The man blinks at him, the crosshair in his cybernetic left eye flickering. Dan Heng shifts, smooths out his long coat. âI tried to look it up once. It's not in any database as a name...other than your wanted posters.â There's a thread beginning to fray near the hem, he should sew it up. âI couldn't find it anywhere.âÂ
He nearly takes it back, but- âHeh, ya that curious about me, darlinâ?â
Dan Heng quickly levels his face into the most impassive, nonplussed expression he can muster, but Boothill has already turned away, head pillowed on his arms and face once again turned to the ceiling.
âBut nah, ya wouldn't. Hah, like they'd allow any record of the language, fudgeheads.â One arm sweeps around blindly until it finds the edge of Boothill's hat, sets it back where it belongs on his head. Dan Heng shuffles around, scoots a little closer, but the brim is pulled too low to see his eyes anymore.
âIt's âcause it's not a name. It's a noun.â All that's visible of his face is a sharp grin, pulled too tight at the edges.
âIt's my people's word for a grave.â
Dan Heng's pencil stops.
âIt's the kinda grave fer someone who died with their boots on. If ya catch my drift there.â Boothill's foot starts to bounce. âThere was a war, and it got reeeeeal intense, yup. Folks started droppinâ like flies, ânâ there was bodies faster'n what we could bury âem.â A cooling fan kicks on somewhere. Dan Heng is pretty sure it's not any of the Express equipment.
âWe lost some real good people there, real good. Mighty shame.â His hidden Vidyadhara ears detect a quiet metallic click, a whir, pressurized gas. Boothill's next words waft steam from his angry circuits into the air. âWhen I left, I decided to leave my name there, too. Didn't feel right otherwise. The life I lead now is a whole ânother existence.â And then Boothill turns his head, raises his hat, and Dan Heng suddenly feels pinned dead center, caught in that crosshair.
âYa know what I mean, don'tcha?â
Dan Heng swallows.
Does Boothill know? Who he is and who came before him? There had been that moment in the Penacony Grand Theater, after he activated the Jade Abacus⌠Dan Heng had tried to shoo him out, keep him from seeing anything, but Boothill has the astounding ability to turn up exactly wherever people are trying to keep him away from.
If he did see, does he actually understand it? Does he know what a High Elder is? Does he know about the sedition of Imbibitor Lunae, the transmutation arcanum, everything Dan Feng had done and Dan Heng was punished for?
He doesn't want to explain it all. Not now. Possibly not ever, truth be told.
And it's not the same as Boothill leaving behind his old identity when whatever event happened that caused him to leave home. Not really. ButâŚ
But so far, Boothill has slid so easily into Dan Hengâs routine. His presence never feels like an intrusion. He's already figured out what he can push and when to back down. And even Dan Heng finds himself able to roll with whatever punches Boothill throws with baffling ease. They share too much in their methods and ideologies, and sometimes Dan Heng knows what Boothill will do seemingly before even Boothill himself knows.
â...Tell me about Talia and the Nailscrap Town.â Boothill must know he's avoiding the topic. He must. But the man just throws his head back and cackles, melting easily back into what they had been doing before, as he speaks fondly of a planet that Dan Heng has never visited.
Not today. But.
Dan Heng inches just a little closer, just enough to nudge his foot against a metal leg. Boothill doesn't pull away.
Maybe someday.
#honkai star rail#henghill#boothill#dan heng#hsr#bootheng#hsr boothill#hsr dan heng#BEHOLD. my brainrot#Aeragan-Epharshel and The Sedition of Imbibitor Lunae not as things they feel they have to tell each other#(bc what is most important is who they both are TODAY and what they are like NOW)#like they aren't maliciously hiding anything from each other and neither thinks so of the other#their pasts are just something they CAN share to deepen the bond and know each other better#things like Boothill better understanding why Dan Heng sleeps in a room lit 24/7 by electronics if he knows he grew up in a dark prison cell#or Dan Heng better understanding Boothillâs motivations & what kinda life he might want post-revenge if he knows how Aeragan-Epharshel was#I think it's only thanks to the Express Crew that Dan Heng can even begin to think about telling someone All Of That#he has people who love him and it has made such a huge huge difference for him âĄ#meanwhile in in-game texts Boothill tends to gloss over the loss of his home. I don't think he's super keen to talk about it much either.#I let him say a little more about it here since he and Dan Heng had a lot more time together to get comfortable with each other in canon.#the thing with his eye is based off a voiceline of his but isn't canon from Hoyo or anything#but it's canon to ME#same with things like him having to literally let off steam when he gets pissed haha#I need to just make a post about all my weird robot body Boothill hcs I love cyborgs woohoo#that and him & Anger I have a lot of feelings about that too âĄ#also. wireplay NZMZMXMMDDM
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@vanweek2024 day 4 - food
peep the vanny
#my art#vanweek2024#vanny fnaf#the stinky rabbit is also here technically but its a minor cameo so i will not be tagging it lmao#sso anyway. admittedly this one was really rushed but i was going for a simple style anyway so? idk it worked out#originally when i finished the lineart my program didnt actually save it. its very outdated and weird so it happens sometimes but UGHHHH#luckily it does save the thumbnail for the image... so i was able to save it#i did do all the coloring in an entirely different program bc of this though#and SPEAKING of the coloring i edited this like a MILLION times#PISSED ME OFFFFF ugh#its done now though. smiles#but if i stare at it too long i'll want to edit it again BDJZJFJG#so YEAH this one. despite being so simple. gave me a lot of trouble HFJSJGJG#anyway uh just in case this is only a US thing.... i based this off of 'peeps' which are like a marshmallow candy#that come in two main shapes: a little baby chick and a little bunny rabbit. theyre mainly for easter i think#honestly i hate them. HFJSJFKF but theyre rabbit shaped so u know. rabbits
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rdj the (whitewashed) electric boogaloo
This is a reminder to everyone who's excited about RDJ's casting as Doctor Doom that this casting is whitewashing. Victor Von Doom is a Romani character and has been a Romani character since his introduction in the 1960s. (Fantastic Four Annual #2 [1964]) Not only that, but his Roma identity and the persecution he and his family faced due to it is integral to his character, it is what forms his identity. (Books of Doom by Ed Brubaker) Even if on the off chance this casting is meant to not be Victor but instead be some variant of Tony or whomever else becoming Doctor Doom, it is damaging to the character to rob him of that important cultural background. Doctor Doom does not exist without that history. Fans have been pushing hard to cast Doom as a Romani actor for years, especially since the MCU has whitewashed other Romani characters. (Wanda, Pietro, etc) This casting is not a celebration moment, it's fucking heartbreaking that the MCU repeatedly ignores the important and nuanced cultural backstories of characters.
I know I can't change anybody's mind on whether or not you want to be excited about RDJ's return to the MCU. But I do think at the very least you should be mad that the MCU is baiting us all and destroying nuanced and interesting characters for the sake of self-referential easter eggs and nostalgia bait. Because that's what it is. Feel how you'd like to feel about RDJ's return, but personally, this is soul-sucking. I had such a deep love for the MCU as a teenager, it was obviously something incredibly formative to me, especially Tony Stark. This isn't recreating what I fell in love with the MCU for. This is turning a well-planned and artistic storyline of adaptations into cheap cash grabs and fan service. Because, I think we're past the point of being able to call the MCU an adaptation of anything. They can use existing characters' names and powers, but to say they're being properly adapted is laughable.
This is not an adaptation of Doctor Doom. This is RDJ the Electric Boogaloo because Marvel's fear of losing the interest of dedicated MCU fans overrides their willingness to tell stories that are genuine to the characters. I don't know what there is to be excited about that. The MCU has lost its authenticity and aside from a few projects, feels heartless. Every movie is a copy of a copy. This announcement isn't something celebratory, it feels like a death knell of a cinematic universe that's so desperate to cling to relevancy it's resorting to nostalgia for a character/actor who hasn't even been dead for a decade. We're not getting anything new, we're just rinsing and repeating the same song and dance.
I get it. I love Tony Stark, his death destroyed me and I to this day, rue the ending he got in Endgame. It misunderstood his arc and it robbed him of a satisfying conclusion. But the solution to that isn't dragging the corpse out of the grave five years later to whitewash an existing character with rich and interesting nuance, just to forcibly tie his existence in the MCU to Tony. Whether he is a variant or not. Why would you want someone else's fave's legacy to be destroyed simply so your fave's legacy can go on? Hell, if we were really all so hellbent on the return of RDJ and/or Tony to the MCU, we have the multiverse for a reason. There were other ways to do it that didn't whitewash and ruin someone else. This just. Isn't something to be happy about.
#... we will not be addressing that i'm a dead blog#no one say a WORD about my inactivity for 4 years this isn't about that /lh#also if anyone tries to get smart about âromani isn't a raceâ i don't care and you can shut up.#it's an ethnic and cultural identity. and it should be portrayed correctly.#ESPECIALLY for a character like *victor von doom* of all people. like it is fundamental to him.#i would've included panels of the comics mentioned but most of them use the g-slur and i don't wish to encourage that here#like listen i don't think you need to be a comics fan to be an mcu fan. they're so divorced from each other atp#nor do i think the mcu owes complete comic accuracy. but i do think you should at *least* care when characters are whitewashed.#look. i really don't want this to be a debate on if rdj's return is good or not#i've been frankly baffled at how many old mutuals are excited but. whatever if you want him back i get it.#but it shouldn't be like this. not at the expense of a different character.#this whole thing made me realize i'm *far* more jaded and turned off to the mcu than most of you guys are.#which is fair you can still be an mcu fan. if it brings you joy i'm so happy for you#but how does this like. bring joy i don't get it.#this is soulless. it's uninspired. it's done purely for shock value.#i occasionally get asks to this blog about why i left and asking me to come back#and i get it. i *want* to come back.#but i don't *care* about the mcu anymore. this is not the franchise i fell in love with.#i don't recognize what once meant everything to me.#winteriron will always hold a special place in my heart (as will tony stark)#but like. i just don't have love for it. and it sucks that this bullshit from marvel actively kills the love i had.#this sours tony stark to me. i'm sorry but it does. because was it really worth this? is this what his legacy has become?#this does cheapen his legacy btw. like without question. it turns him into a cheap cameo reference. heart of the mcu my ass.#my fandom circles have *massively* changed#i'm now entirely surrounded by comics fans bc my primary fandom is dc comics. that's what i'm up to these days#and the difference was actually baffling to me. everyone i follow now is *pissed* about this. comics twitter is so mad.#and then i see ppl on here excited and i'm just genuinely surprised this is something you want. i don't get it.#i don't say that to be rude. i just don't get it. how is *this* actually something people *want*.#do i still care about marvel? eh.#i like winter soldier comics and i could give a comprehensive rec list. and i read some other characters i deeply enjoy.
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karma's gotta come for all of us
i just hope she comes for you first
#the ignacio varga and lalo salamanca thesis. yes i will be taking questions at this time#they make me sick!!!#bcs#nacho varga#ignacio varga#lalo salamanca#better call saul#edit#my edits#te vas a morir. i like it when you're pissed off fucked up in the head it makes me feel a little less crazy. don't think i don't see you.#i see you. i do. everyone is bad. so why are you a pacifist? to sleep. and those who need it. to sleep. i'm living in a horror film.#i'm gonna break you down. slow like mold in the vents in the walls. ignacio varga. eres un chingon. just like a stray animal.#you keep feeding me scraps. nachito come over here eh don't be shy! ignacio it's your call. everyone is a bad guy.#do you want me to take care of it? i'm at the foot of your bed. waiting for you to throw a fist. to sleep. te vas a morir.#they've been making me sick for TWO YEARS.
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Any Only Murders in the Building watchers here? I need to know if I'm the weird one here: Joy was the asshole, right?
So she's engaged to Charles, someone who has not so long ago been almost murdered by his previous girlfriend. And now he's found her lipstick has been used for a hate message to the most recent murder victim. He asks her "do you know anything about that?" And she goes "are you accusing me of murder?" and storms out.
When she comes back she finds that he has had a heart to heart with a good friend, because technically proposing to her was an accident and he had doubts. But now that he's talked it through, he wants to really go for it! He's absolutely sure! And she pushes cake in his face and walks out.
And all the while this seems to be presented like she's right to do so, because he's self absorbed.
#only murders in the building#it's a fun silly show to watch and I tend to not take anything too seriously#but this kinda pisses me off actually#bc I know who they want me to side with here and that feels wrong#ikke#like what if she borrowed that lipstick to someone idk#he didn't accuse her of anything he just asked for information#he even basically says ''I didn't think you did it - my friends did and I defended you''#ugh
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im really not saying this with any real hate in my heart but. sanji pissed me off so bad for doing that to robin i literally donât care... if the intention was meant to be âoh he relies on her and isnât afraid to ask for helpâ that would be sweet and cute if he literally had just called for her from the BEGINNING. instead of calling her only AFTER black maria beats his ass so bad he canât bear it anymore and then out of desperation calls her for help. it just. does not make the point i think is trying to be made.
furthermore its just sooo hypocritical that it makes it impossible for me to like this. sanji refuses to fight black maria because of his chivalric code that he would never hurt a woman ok fine! (or not. whatever not the point). but heâs totally okay asking his female crewmate to enter into a life or death situation where she will have to fight for her life because HE got himself into a death trap he refuses to take care of himself because of⌠his ideology. his ideology that hurting women is bad. which is why he calls robin. a woman. to fight to the death for him. because he wonât take care of his own mess. which he only got into bc he entered a room upon seeing naked women. ok girl.
#mossy posts#literally if anything was done differently i would have liked this but.#like i think it is sort of sweet. but it was done so badly i just cannot like this#HE got himself into that mess. HE refuses to fight his way out of it because of a weird gender code he forces onto himself because he is#weird about women. and then last of all HE ironically puts his female friend in danger to get his ass out of it.#what am i missing here this is so dumb. and hypocritical. im sorry#i wish i liked this i really want to but no matter how much i look at it its just dumb#and yes it pisses me off ! sorry !#yeah this chapter is like 2 years old idc.#one piece#edit.#ALSO. he only went into the room because he saw naked women in there. he got himself into a mess bc of his own foolishness đ
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finished rogue trader. so mad about it i had to take a nap and then start a whole new playthru again to cope <3
#tay plays rogue trader#I DIDNT GET THE HEINRIX-LEAVES-THE-INQ ENDING..... AFTER EVERYTHING...... GRILLS MYSELF............#actually sooooooooo miserable like what do you mean ''the two lovers rarely crossed paths going forward..... '' shut up literally fake news#that man was HOOKED !!!!! he could not get enough !!!!!!#sigh. anyways. *clicks new game* heres how leda von valancius can still win#aka playing diviner is so funny bc i can just metagame thru every mistake i have ever made irt her playthru <3 just a dream bby its fine dw#anyway i loved the game sooooooo much. way more than i thought i would#definitely a top 5 rpg for me i think#my only main critique (outside of the 7 million bugs lol) was smth SO many games do and it pisses me off to no end#how the game will just. literally END. it will CEASE. the second u do the final boss#da2 did it ! fallout did it ! pillars of eternity did it ! bg3 did it before they added the epilogue months later#its so common and it makes me mad bc its so lazy... like throughout the entire game the story allows u to opt in#to moments of catharsis w ur companions.... to get their viewpoints and reflect on whats happened. but the ending just Ends lol#and ik Ending the story is a catharsis in and of itself but damb maybe i just want to celebrate killing whatever the fuck a c'tan shard is#with bae yknow. but fuck me i guess !!!#KJFDGJKFDG#BUT IM JUST BEING A HATER. LOVED THE GAME RECOMMEND TO ALL THE MOOTS !#im so excited to replay and make all the same choices i did the first time but Sexy this time. and also to build the party correctly#so its not just me and heinrix carrying everybody on our backs this time đâ tho that was pretty funny tbh
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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well that was a shortlived good feeling about my job
#maybe i should just become unemployed. maybe i should just suffer!#recap of todays further events .#that supervisor? who i kinda didnt already like but now absolutely hate?#she came down to confirm that i wasnt leaving. okay . and then she fucking tells me#oh we're going to get another person to help out from this other company. we were going to do that bc we thought you were leaving#but she thinks that even if im staying there should be another person on this floor. bc apparently more has to be done#and there are 'constant complaints' abt this floor . which doesnt make sense to me bc there shouldnt be#and so we're waiting to see what the manager decides but hes on fucking vacation and wont get back until. next week??#she said she was gonna email him and like right after she left i emailed and texted him explaining everything#and trying to very nicely say hey what the fuck are you doing you don't need to hire anyone else#and if im doing a bad job fucking tell me so i can do it better. bitch#and she had the nerve to fucking tell me when she was talking to me#that i wont find an easier job than this one#well if its so fucking easy why are we hiring someone else#by the way getting that extra person from this other company doesnt cost them anything which is why theyre doing it i think#which is making me not feel good abt my own future lmao. like why would they keep paying me when they can get someone for free#and she was saying all this stuff like oh you have it so good here we dont write you up i do all this stuff to help you like . ok#i didnt ask you to come downstairs w the coffee order and if you wanted me to i would come up . god#but the thing of me not being able to find a better job like wow! what if i killed you. for saying that to my face#and she talks abt how shes been w the company 20 years ok and that doesnt give you an excuse to treat me like a child. jesus#anyway im very pissed off and not enjoying my work situation lol. i dont wanna do this anymore#but looking at other jobs im so unemployable. sigh
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Racist white ppl who donât realize theyâre racist getting mad about gojo is so funny
#yâall do the same shit#making them hot cheeto girl edits using AAVE USHER!!#helloooooo call in house etc.#but also Iâve been saying this for awhile#where ppl donât want complicated characters or interesting arcs bc then they have to think about themselves#Iâm not just yapping yâall u can look back#this is the second time feeling so vindicated#bc when it happened with Sokka and everyone was confused I literally said this is a product of this mindset#like grand scheme the reason they removed that from Sokka is that yâall canât stomach ur faves having biases even when they improve#look at how yâall are reacting to gojo#I may tell a joke but I will never tell a WHAT#well no I lie a lot sorry#anyways point is yâall running to say gojo isnât racist even tho the point of the scene is him unlearning that bias#and then turning around and saying you want complex characters#like itâs so telling when the only flaws u give ur characters is insecurity and maybe assholeish tendencies that donât actually mean a lot#like yâall want these ppl to be you till theyâre actually you#ugh#anyways yâall are so lucky I resisted adding my hate for another character for this#you ALRDY know who#just know heâs in here too#oh obvious obligatory duh ppl didnât write sokka or gojo bc of eachother Iâm talking about behavioral trends across media consumption dont#piss me off like with the way yâall act I wouldnât be surprised#Iâm not saying theyâre related Like linearly or whatever Iâm saying this shit isnât coming out of nowhere itâs YOU!
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the idea that theyâre writing the season as they go so theyâre seeing the reaction the audience has and that it (even in the smallest way possible) could have an impact on what happens this season (and in future seasons) is so wild to me. not saying that theyâre seeing our response and saying âoh that sounds good, totally writing that in,â but itâs not impossible to say that they will see what the people want, realize the best way to generate buzz and excitement and increased viewership is to keep your fans happy, and then actually do something about it instead of killing characters/storylines just for kicks
911 has the opportunity to be that bitch even more than it already is and they shouldnât squander it while theyâre on top
#911 abc#yall remember dabbâs 10% comment bc i do!!!!#i just think theyâre paying a lot of attention to promotion and audience reaction in ways that they never did before Because they want it#to continue performing as well as it is (which is to say better than it did on fox)#and because of that they can continue to make moves that benefit them and not hurt them ykwim#i want to be clear that this isnât me saying buddie should go canon or even anything close to buddie specifically#but more that angering fans by just Deciding to do things or even worse KNOWING itâll piss ppl off and doing it anyway is the wrong way to#make people want to keep watching your show#like if everyone is begging for more ravi (which we are) and they go okay! hereâs more ravi i know you guys love him! that would be great#instead of slowly writing him off (god forbid even worse) just bc they wanted to or bc they know we love him#and theyâre in the PRIME position to take advantage of the extra eyes on the show and making moves to make this season (ABCâs First with us)#and have it go down as not only one of 911âs best seasons (by ratings and views and fan opinion) but also a damn good season of television#is this just a pitch for ravi main s8. idk at some point it mightâve turned into one#i just think itâs cool how theyâre doing the work they have this season with interacting with fans/the GA and doing promotion#itâs so well done it makes my marketing major heart squeeze a little#anyway. gay eddie đ¤#notes from the prime minister
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no, i dont think im obligated to still small talk an hour into my meet up with a friend group ive been a part of for 2 years, and i dont think im overreacting or showing a lack of loyalty when im unsatisfied with such a conversation. As someone who hates small talk, that friend group isn't for me, and i get nothing from it, and i will choose not to feel like a weirdo (derogatory) or a traitor (..because we didn't promise each other we'd be together forever afaik), for being unsatisfied and leaving. ive shown them affection (that i didnt fully feel) for as long as i could
#switching to small talk bc i dont vibe with them is something my mom suggested#i know they feel the same but even then i think it feels bad to suddenly end it.#probably bc i dont want them to see how bad id treat them if we werent friends. i dont want them to hate me even more#but also i have to come to terms with the fact i will have no friend group if things go this way#because i dont talk to ppl and better ppl wont magically materialise in my dms#or on the lone forest bench i sit on when biking or at the rpg sessions i go to. bc people there are never my type#ppl on the bench are too rich and sporty and ppl on the rpg are too sigma male#im pretty much only hoping ill meet people in college or at art classes irl. or a convention but i didnt even have time to go this year#i should start meeting ppl online but if i dont show my face (online games) it usually doesnt go anywhere#and if i do show my face (tinder) and i mess up (like you do on tinder which is a risky place)#im losing the limited queer people in my city forever. im using up a very finite resource#i could go to meet ppl on tumblr but we will never go to voice call bc its not what you do here#conclusion: what i should do is join more random fandom discords thru tumblr and wait til theyre on call#(<- option A.)#or wait til im in some classes and join a discord with people from my school but not my class#(<- option B.)#however i dont even want to talk to people#fuck people. im tired of people#theres a number of ways i could make friends but i hate everyone i meet and am constantly pissed off and dissatisfied#i may just be aplatonic#its hard to come to terms with
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just full force threw a shoe at my sister's face and when my mum got me alone after she was like 'you shouldn't clobber her. but i get it' đ
#it kicked off today but in my defence she's actually proper in the wrong this time even my DAD called her a bitch and my mum is FUMING#baso my sister came into my work with her mate when i was closing the other day and all the staff GLARED at them bc of aforementioned#close so i was being v chill so everyone 1) knew it was my sister and not some customer coming in late and 2) her friend wouldnt be uncomfy#like that's the real kicker her i was being extra laid back FOR her friend so he'd feel more at ease. and one thing about me is yes ive#said countless times i have a rural accent but my mum also raised me to know when and how to speak nice if need be bc people are cunts here#so when im waitressing i speak nicely bc it's a stuck up restaurant w stuck up customers but when im with my sister? making a point of#being laid back? my normal accent came through. and her mate when i was gone said i sounded 'really [from the county we live in]'#which WOULD NOT BE A COMPLIMENT. it's baso saying 'your sister sounds local and chavy' without using such explosive words#and my sister LET HIM SAY IT. SHE DIDNT DEFEND ME. and she told my mum about it later bc SHE THOUGHT SHE'D TELL ME OFF#LIKE SHE DID IT TO SNITCH. THERE WAS NO SCENARIO WHERE MY SISTER WASNT BEING A CUNT. and my mum hit the ROOF#one thing she's rlly been big on is loyalty bc it's always been the 3 of us so when she found out my sister let him say that she FLIPPED#and this all happened last night and i only found out this morning bc i overheard them screaming at each other and turns out my mum#tried to keep it from me bc she didnt want my feelings hurt and IM pissed bc it actually did hurt more than i thought it would#like i KNOW what people say about my accent but it's a guy i know? my sister's been friends w him for years? i was being nice?#it's EMBARRASSING like i was clueless & friendly and turned around for him to be like 'look at this stupid local girl' like??#and my sister did NOTHING? it just sucks so i STORMED upstairs when i found out and had it out with my sister#and she knew she was fucked so she did all 'im not talking to you i have nothing to say' AND PUT HER EARPHONES IN?#the way i RIPPED them out. got in her face like okay girl u think i sound like a chav ill act like a chav lets GO#and it just got really aggressive and i wound up grabbing HER OWN SANDAL and full force hurling it at her face đ oops#from close range too like i was already in her face so i basically just smacked her with a sandal DSHGJKSH#now we're sat in silence bc alas we still share a room. WHAT the fuck. insane tbh but it's a bit funny. im so angry rn i could KILL#hella goes home
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very very personal, just insight into where im at w my family and things that bother me/have encouraged me to move out
"i know youre moving out so im just gonna say no ones kicking you out and if you feel like this is something you have to do then ok"
thanks! i know im not being kicked out! but yknow i kinda yet a weird vibe when your out of touch husband takes me to a cemetery to yell at me, tell me im just like my father/dont give my father "the time of day", and that im "mean to people who care about me" in front of his dead mother's grave in a poor attempt at guilting me out of speaking my mind. but no yeah thanks for stating the fucking obvious that im leaving on my own terms
#problems!#people seem to underestimate how quick i am to make moves#the job market is piss. cant believe yall two would blame me for being unemployed when all i do from rise to slumber is hound ppl for jobs#im not going to stay in a house where i will be 'scared straight'. that shit doesnt work on me. in fact it has the opposite effect#i respect yall even LESS now#and youre so so fucking lucky one of my goals for next year is to make things right with you it would be easy to cut you off forever#same way i did with my abusive transphobic dad.#my mom is someone i know can do better and can actually listen to reason instead of being stuck in her generation's mentality of#'x is easy if you just do y. you kids have it so easy the world is at your fingertips' blah blah fucking blah#i am autistic i do not keep jobs easily. i am trans jobs do not want me. i am black and perceived as a woman. every customer at all of my#past jobs thinks i am rude or mean or have an attitude when i do nothing but treat others the exact way i would want to be treated#customers dont like what i say? i stop talking. customers dont like when i dont talk? i talk to them. rinse repeat#like i know im the problem here but all of my problems circle back to my autism and the fact that because im not a supergenius or#someone whose special interest is capitalism i fail at every avenue i try to jam myself in.#but yeah no i need to work harder i need to be taken to a FUCKING CEMETERY and yelled at by YOUR HUSBAND for wanting to go to the bathroom#in front of his mothers grave. god rest her soul and yall know im no christian so i actually mean that shit#because in his mind all i want to do is smoke and party. when i smoke because i have fucking migraines and g to shows#(two out of three of them being free and for the purpose of their willingness to 'get me out of the house')#bc i like music and i like engaging w my scene. but no its all violent noise theres no actual purpose or activism behind moshing. nope#its just one big party right. im just wasting my time right. because i like sleepin on a couch every night with no doors to close. yep ok#anyway heres to me getting my meds getting the fuck out and being somewhat far from my scene now that im moving#hows that for smoking and partying all the time huh?#if any of yall read this i am so so sorry. bitching about my stepdad will become a thing i think#hes one of those bible thumpers that are totally boring and indifferent to differences around them and thinks my mom is just like him#in some ways? she is. but she is a people pleaser and will never take her wants or her feelings seriously#because she had the unfortunate upbringing in being brainwashed into thinking her feelings/wants are sinful#shoutout to my christian or catholic mutuals who are fucking normal and dont let some old fantasy novel control your life. peace#religion mention
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