#my partner n i had a fight like 3 days ago bc they want to move out at the end of this month and i said it wouldn’t be the best time

[a-ikuoliver]

me vs over sharing

[1kook]

commercial break ; NINE

this is part of my netflix & chill series!

SUMMARY “I think that, like— me and you? We’re like, totally destined,” you ramble, “you should, like, take my number! And maybe we can, like— Netflix and chill one of these days?” WARNING angst with implied smut at the end!!, flashbacks, low self esteem, alcohol consumption, jk is (implied) a virgin in this, there’s a lil fondling by oc u know the usual  MISC they r soulmates <3, our queen doyeon returns, i tried to use symbolism👁 in the dialogue so yes everything drunk oc says has a meaning hehe RATING m bc alcohol WC 2.2k

NOTES i said once a long time ago that n&c couple were prolly at the same party once but didn't realize so hERE WE GO ! its not proofread bc um. yeah<3

Homecoming week. 

Jungkook doesn’t even think his university’s football team is good, but he had read somewhere that part of the college experience is obnoxiously supporting this team all four years. And well. Jungkook wants to fit in. Frankly, Jungkook feels a little dumb having accepted this invitation from Kim Taehyung from his first-year writing class. He’s only known the man a solid four weeks, probably won’t know him this well once Taehyung finds real friends, ones who suit his outgoing personality, and decides Jungkook is too boring, but Jungkook will make the best of it while he can because, again, he wants to fit in. Badly. It’ll be different this time, he had told himself while getting ready. You won’t be awkward anymore. You’ll make friends. 

And then it’s nearing midnight and Jungkook has spoken to a whopping two people at this party of over a hundred. Not including Taehyung, it’s down to one. Even that had only been to ask where the bathroom was. He feels severely out of place, like he’s both too large and too small to be in this area, to be at this party, so he shuffles into the kitchen when he hears them call for another match of beer pong. He’s actually pretty good at the game, has refined his skills at get togethers with his older cousins. But it’s not like anyone here wants to be Jungkook’s partner anyway. Or even knows who he is for that matter. 

Taehyung had bumped into him a little past ten, had had two girls clinging to his sides when he had greeted Jungkook. One of them had almost looked tempted, Jungkook wanted to believe, brushing her hand against his arm. But he didn’t act quick enough— what would he even have done? what did he even want? —and Taehyung disappeared with both girls soon after, leaving Jungkook by himself once more. 

The kitchen is empty, the drinks long since having migrated to the living area of this huge frat. With a defeated sigh, Jungkook sinks back against one of the counters, setting his lukewarm cup of beer down beside him. He’s buzzed, drank in a feeble attempt to ‘lose himself’ as all the movies claimed. But now all he can feel is a pounding headache threatening to consume him. He doesn’t even like drinking— why did he drink this much? 

He should go home. 

Events like this, parties like this— they weren’t meant for someone like Jungkook. He was too quiet, too shy to let loose like everyone else. He doesn’t do well in social situations, or at least not as well as his therapist had told him he would. He hesitates too much, never speaks when he needs to. Haerim from his freshman basics class had even said so. “You’re quiet, huh,” she had smiled, and when her notebook had touched his elbow, he flinched. She didn’t take it to heart. Just like Taehyung wouldn’t if he left right now. They know how he is. He doesn’t belong here. These types of parties were made for outgoing people, people who lived on the edge, people who weren’t trapped in their own thoughts all the time, people like—

Like the girl who stumbles through the doorway now. “Woooo,” she slurs, and then promptly faceplants into the dirty tile of the kitchen, the same tile littered with sticky footprints and random debris. He can’t even imagine what else is on the floor of a frat house mid-party. Jungkook flinches at the sound of her knee hitting the ground, before rushing over to help her up. 

She’s a giggling mess, eyes half shut by the time Jungkook gets her into a seated position. “Are you okay?” he flounders, hand on her shoulder when she wobbles again, nearly falls back down. 

“Just peachy,” she sings, flashing him a sloppy thumbs up. Her neck isn’t doing a particularly good job of holding her head up and when Jungkook places a hand on the back of her head, she leans into it, blissful smile on her face. She’s really pretty, it makes Jungkook’s cheeks burn when she aims it at him next. “Pucca loves Garu,” she lets him know, eyes finally fluttering open. “He’s a pretty boy.”

Jungkook blinks. He has no idea what you’re talking about. “Huh?” he stutters, glancing back at the bar stool by the counter instead. It’s probably infinitely times better than the sticky tile beneath your bare legs. “I’m gonna stand you up,” he tells you, taking your loud cackle as a sign that you’re okay with it. Jungkook’s been working out all summer, so you’re not heavy in the slightest, arms thrown around his shoulders while he slips his own around your back. Your proximity leaves him drowning in your scent. 

The giggles don’t subside when he sits you down, not even when he begins opening random cabinets in search of a glass to get you some water. He’s had his fair share of experiences looking after drunk people, so he has a pretty good idea of what to do now. However, your sudden bout of commentary certainly doesn’t make it easier. “Isn’t it, like, super cool how the sun and the moon are, like—“ a hiccup, Jungkook settles on tap water “tooootally different beings, but, like— they, like, both maintain the earth?” Your hand reaches for his forearm when he returns, gives him this little squeeze in your excitement. “Like— Like they both have to, like— work together? To keep it perfect, y’know?” 

Jungkook pushes the water into your hands. You’ve got this sparkly sheen to your eyes, the one that most people get after one too many drinks, but it’s accompanied by this childlike wonder that leaves Jungkook breathless when you meet his gaze. “Yeah,” he says quietly. You beam. It’s blinding. So blinding that Jungkook promptly looks away, nudging the cup in your hands. “You need to drink this.”

You frown. “Boooo, so boring,” you huff. It’s nothing Jungkook hasn’t heard before, but it is a little disheartening to hear it from a stranger. He stamps the feeling down, pursing his lips as he gives up on letting you drink yourself. The cup is swiped from your hand and Jungkook tasks himself with making you drink it instead. And of course, like all wasted young adults, you put up a fight. “Ew, what is that?” you spit. 

Jungkook sighs. “Water.” 

At his defeated tone, the exaggerated grimace slips off your face, replaced with a rather solemn expression instead. Jungkook tries to take advantage of it and pushes the cup against your lip again, but all he really accomplishes is sloshing it down the front of your dress. You don’t yelp, but he does. “I’m so sorry,” he panics, sliding the sleeve of his shirt down around his thumb to wipe your chin. 

You let him, head tilted curiously to the side. Jungkook tries to ignore your analytical gaze until: “you’re cute,” you announce, and abruptly send him into shock. 

He recoils, face a blazing mess. “I’m—“ he chokes, swallowing when you wipe your hand down your own chest, leave a glistening layer of water over your sternum and down between your breasts. 

“Cute,” you repeat, downing the glass he had been trying to coax into you like it’s nothing now. With it gone, you don’t waste any time, throwing your hands around his shoulders, fingers brushing through the hair at the base of his neck. You pull him close, so close in fact, that he ends up having to hold the back of your chair to keep from accidentally crushing you with his weight. “Your name, pretty boy?” 

He can’t think. You’re so drunk and smell so good and are just so pretty— his brain short circuits. “Um I’m, uh, Jeon J—“

“Jeon,” you repeat, silly smile back on your face. You’re not technically wrong, so he nods along with a blush high on his cheeks. “Well, Jeon,” you purr, but you’re still so drunk, eyelids fluttering in a rather funny way. “I think that, like— me and you? We’re like, totally destined,” you ramble, “you should, like, take my number! And maybe we can, like— Netflix and chill one of these days?”

Jungkook doesn’t even know what that means, and honestly, he doesn’t really hear you over the thundering of his own heart and the bass in the other room. “Um, but you’re really…” he stammers, leaning back but a finger loops around one of his curls and he gasps when you pull at it. “You’re drunk,” he rushes out, lower lip trembling when your nose knocks against his. 

A soft hum, the sound sending electricity down his spine when you cup his cheek. “But don’t you think I’m pretty?” you murmur, eyes flickering to his mouth. 

“Yes,“ he chokes out, “you’re a very, very pretty girl. But I really shouldn’t—“

“Hey,” you shush, tilting his head just the slightest. Jungkook has never had a girl touch him like this, has never even touched a girl before either, but, well. He really wants to kiss you. And that’s saying a lot considering Jungkook has never kissed anyone before. 

Despite how good it feels, he knows you’re still really drunk. It’s with a decisive huff that he pushes away, hands on your waist to keep you from touching up on him any further. You’re not that strong anyway. And then he’s met with the biggest pout he’s ever seen, an absolutely distraught look on your face. 

Something in him says you’ll cry if he doesn’t explain himself soon, so he launches into it right away. “You’re very pretty,” he says, almost laughing at the way your entire face lights up immediately. “But you’re very drunk.” You huff. “You deserve to be treated like a queen.” Mostly regurgitating something he heard in a motivational video. 

It works. Eventually, you stop being fussy in his arms and settle with a frown. “You’re too nice,” you grumble, forehead on the countertop. He doesn’t see how it’s much better than the floor but he lets you be. “You got a girlfriend, don’t you?” 

At that, Jungkook laughs. “No,” he reassures you, hesitates, and then gently pats your back. Jungkook actually feels you melt under his touch. That sultry look is gone, replaced with this rather tranquil look that he doesn’t quite understand. 

“That was pretty,” you murmur, but Jungkook doesn’t quite hear. 

“What was that?” he asks.

“I said your smile was pre—“

“There you are!” someone hollers from the kitchen doorway, the shrill tone of their voice making both you and Jungkook jump. When he turns around, he’s met with the sight of a rather tall girl angrily stomping your way, eyes a blazing fire, fists clenched by her side. Jungkook realizes only a second too late that she’s looking at him. “Get off of her, you sweaty city-owned dumpster,” she hisses, using the strength of three football players to push Jungkook away. “You make me sick—“

“Doyeonie,” you beam, launching yourself into the angry girl’s arms. Ah. The Help had arrived. 

Said angry girl (Doyeonie?) is still using every mash-up of words possible to degrade Jungkook as she hauls you into her arms, shooting daggers every step of the way. “I can’t believe you would try to take advantage of a poor girl when she’s this drunk,” she spits. 

“What?” Jungkook coughs, cheeks warm. “I wasn’t—“

“Tell it to Campus Safety when I report you, you wannabe, dollar store Rain.” Jungkook clutches his chest at the acidity of her tongue, surprised anyone could be so mean. 

All things considered, this was actually good. Someone who knew you had come to take you to safety, meaning Jungkook didn’t have to look after you anymore. When this Doyeonie turns around, he’s met with your smiley face smushed against her shoulder. 

(It’s weird. He’s a little sad to see you go.) 

“Bye, Jeon,” you giggle, hand brushing down his arm, squeezing his hand, before you’re abruptly yanked away. Jungkook manages one weak wave, cheeks lit ablaze once more when you send him a silly air kiss from the doorway, urging him to catch it. He does, and he feels really silly when he puts it in his pocket, but he can hear your laughter for a second more before he loses you. 

The last few minutes being so hectic, he decides to go home. Parties weren’t really his thing. Jungkook doesn’t think he’ll ever go to one again. 

Until a few years later. 

“You’re, like, really pretty,” you slur, lips against his throat. Another invitation, this time, Taehyung’s birthday. His friend had practically begged him to come, knowing how Jungkook was. In the end, it had been you who had accepted on his behalf. 

“Baby, not here,” he laughs, hand on your shoulder when you try to shove your hand down his pants for the third time that night. 

Taehyung had been ecstatic to see Jungkook here. And then had quickly become annoyed when he caught the two of you making out in his storage closet an hour later. “Bro, don’t be that couple at parties,” he had groaned, locking the door behind him. 

Jungkook had laughed. “I wouldn’t know what ‘that couple’ is at parties,” he reminded him. 

Taehyung rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m sure your girlfriend can fill you in.”

Apparently not. You’ve been trying to kiss him for the past three minutes but keep missing because you’re so drunk. “Just one,” you beg, so pretty but so drunk. The fake lashes you’d worn today make you look like a doll, batting them his way until he’s giving in, slotting his lips against yours. You’re probably going to throw up in his bathroom when you get home, so he should make the best of your kisses now. Jungkook pushes that thought aside as he reaches a hand out to wipe at the sweat accumulating on your chest. There’s something weird about the gesture, like he’s done it before at another party. But that doesn’t make sense; he couldn't have— this is his first party with you. 

“We should, like, leave,” you whisper against his ear, fingers burying themselves in his hair; when you pull on a strand, he nearly moans. “Go home. Maybe netflix and—“ a hiccup that makes him smile “—chill?”

Jungkook kisses your temple. “Sounds good to me, pretty girl.”

Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[honklore]

ahhhh can u do something with Karl where reader is insecure and overthinking and Karl comforts them :D

once and future love | karl jacobs

(gn!reader, once and future means something with an enduring, eternal quality. karl is lame but he calls you darling so that kind of makes up for it. karl’s idea of a good time is cuddling and a movie and he’s my wrong.)

listen to: year 3000 (cover) by the jonas brothers, peace by taylor swift

okay :(

i don’t want to think of any readers ever being sad okay!!!

u r loved n safe n perfect n deserve the world

but it’s just one of those days

where your brain feels two sizes too big and you can’t fight it the way you usually can

it gets worse when karl collabs with popular creators

social media is constantly pairing him with someone whether platonically or romantically, it still always seems to be a better fit than the two of you

don’t get it wrong, karl never even hints at being unhappy with you or your relationship, but what if that’s because he’s too he’s nice and sweet and he’d never intentionally hurt you

so what if he’s faking it

and what if he is secretly telling all his friends on discord that he can’t wait to break up with you

and what if he never tells anyone about your relationship bc he’s embarrassed to be seen with you

he’s streaming now, and you had to turn it off because as much as you love hearing karl laugh with his friends, each laugh feels like a step further away from you and closer to the realization that you’re not special at all

you’re not a famous streamer or super skilled at storytelling, you can’t draw for the life of you and sometimes you forget the words to songs

you don’t have an insta-worthy body or an interesting face,,, and you can’t imagine karl ever bragging about you

cue karl currently, on his stream, telling chat about you for the umpteenth time: “listen chat ik i said i’d introduce you but i’m a selfish man, okay? i want to keep my partner all to myself! haha! sucks to suck chat.”

“imagine not having a partner chat looks rlly lame right now!!”

“actually guys my partner is so pretty once they consent to a face reveal it’s going to be so crazy... like you’re all going to fall in love with them”

does that thing where he makes his voice high and raises his eyebrows “but guess what chat???? they’re all mine!!! heheheh!!!!”

says goodbye to stream and sees you curled up in his t.v. room, flipping through disney+

“oh my gosh meet the robinsons,” he says as soon as you click on the title. “can we pls cuddle?”

does not realize that ur feeling kinda down

he grabs a fluffy blanket and wraps it around your shoulders before he literally pulls you into his lap, as close as he can get you

will not shut up throughout the movie

“we are soooo spike and dmitri”

“i would train a frog choir to serenade you”

“i have to call wilbur i forgot he was in this movie”

*says tiny’s lines with him* “i have a big head... a little arms... i’m just not sure... how well this plan was thought thru... master...”

“GOOB!!!!!! when we get a pet together let’s name it goob.”

and all his little comments are so sweet and natural,,, you are so confused that he’s watching a movie and thinking of you the entire time,,,,,,,,,,

“karl?”

“yes, darling?”

“do you sometimes wish i was better?”

“what?” and karl gets kind of pouty. like he’s one of those cancers that cries at the sight of emotion in another. literally sniffles before you can finish ur thought bless him.

“idk i just see you with all your friends and it’s like i’m the lamest person you know,” you try to explain.

karl is rubbing circles into your skin with his thumb, and he pulls you even closer to him if that’s possible, so that you can hear his heartbeat through his shirt “i am literally so in love with you that you’re all i talk about to my friends. seriously, ask any of them.”

“but—”

“butts are for chairs, silly!!” karl nuzzles his nose against yours, getting you to giggle. “besides,” he lowers his voice and looks into your eyes, super serious. “sapnap is by far the lamest person i know. i don’t think you could ever beat him, babe.”

you giggle again, and karl kisses your nose, and then your cheeks, and then your forehead. “can i post us? i get it if you’re not comfortable, but chat keeps asking about you and i really want to.”

“chat knows about me?”

“duh!” karl snorts. “i’m kind of offended you don’t watch my streams enough to know that.”

makes u watch the jonas brothers year 3000 music video three times to make up for the fact that you didn’t watch his stream :// he’s so rude ://

that night u get a notif that u were tagged in an instagram pic, and it’s some candid karl must’ve taken awhile ago when you weren’t looking. but you’re standing with him in line for ice cream, and you’re looking at the sun, squinting at the rays

and the caption is something rlly goofy like “is the sun bothering you, my liege?” with a gun emoji

okay i’m done

wilbur robinson is a comfort character i forgot i had before i wrote this

thank you both for requesting <3

@mayhapskarlwillmarryme tagging so u see this :)!

[teddy06writes]

nonono I need more ANGST part 3 for out of his grasp/out of their grasp were reader comes back as a ghost like Ghostbur but remembers bad memories so she doesn’t remember Dream or George

Out of Their Grasp

{THIS IS THE NEW UPDATED VERSION BECAUSE APARENTLY THE FIRST VERSION WASN”T ANGSTY ENOUGH}

{real talk though I thought maybe I could change this to be more angsty cause I didn’t think the ghost thing would work}

requested by this anon: “hey hey I was wondering if you could do dream x George x reader fantasy/royal au (bc I just read "for his hand" and I love it so much!!) where reader and dream go to battle but only dream returns from it. and he has to tell George that reader died. the more angst the better😝💅”

and also this one: “will there be a part 2 of For His Hand? It’s so good, i loved it!”

{Technically you don’t have to read part one but I would recommend it because this one takes place in the same universe}

Dream x George x reader

trigger warnings: swearing, yelling, major character death, aGnSt

premise: war breaks out near the borders of the SMP, you and Dream are sent ahead of the royal party to the front lines in an attempt to stop any further battles until a peace can be reached when disaster strikes, leaving your partners to deal with the repercussions.

{dude I’m like manically laughing right now}

(y/n/n)- your nickname

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“It was just skirmishes, here and there for the last few weeks,” Sam gestured to a few spots near the northern boarder on the map spread out across the table, before pointing to another in the center of the rest, “But then, yesterday there was a huge attack on the villages, and our military bases in this valley.”

You glanced around the room, from person to person, gauging there reactions.

George had visibly stiffened in his seat, and behind him Dream seemed equal tense.

“Have we taken any measures to fight back?” Sapnap asked impatiently.

“How bad are the damages?” George asked, ignoring him.

Eret looked down at the report they’d been given, “There seems to have been more pillaging than raiding, they were breaking into peoples house, causing general destruction and looting, when our forces attempted to stop them they began to fight. All in all 30 of ours were killed and there was an estimated 10,000 in damages.”

George frowned, as Niki spoke up, “We should pay the people reparation's and help them with any reconstruction that needs to be done.”

Many people nodded, but next to you Sapnap was still unhappy, “Are we doing anything about the invaders? We cannot just sit here and allow them to attack the people!”

“Pushing, pushing.” You muttered.

The king looked at him for a long moment, before turning to Callahan, the scribe, “Attempt to negotiate a peace. I don’t want anymore bloodshed to curse this land.”

The man beside you groaned, and you were quick to elbow him in the side and Sam ended the meeting and everyone began to file out of the room, hissing, “I don’t know how they do things where you’re from but that is no way to behave in an advisory meeting. Next time you pull that shit you won’t be allowed back to one.”

-You had taken the new coming warrior on as a sort of apprentice after he’d first arrived at the palace, and it was clear the change of pace wasn’t something he was ready for-

“They can’t just stand by! The King is a fool if he thinks a peace can be reached like this!”

You glared at him. “The King is no fool.”

“You only say that out of obligation.” Sapnap fired back.

You recoiled, burned, before crossing your arms and starting out of the room, “You may be a trained mercenary but you haven’t the faintest idea as to how to hold yourself among this crowd. It will be the death of you.”

He followed you back toward your office, listening as you continued, “King George is a good and just man, to say that he is a fool is to say the sun is square. He has wiped this kingdom clean of many years of bloodshed.

“The Kings advisors, and cabinet are kind, respectable people, you must remember to hold your tongue  unless spoken too, and never say anything brash as you have done now, lest you make a greater fool of yourself.”

He huffed, “If I must stay silent in those meetings than how can I get my point across? Sending a messege to the enemy through force may be the only way!”

“Now you sound like Tommy, just as foolhardy and headstrong as the child,” You pushed the door to your office open, “I’m sure that Technoblade agrees with you, though he knows better than to speak freely.”

“If he agrees with me than perhaps it’s the right move.”

You turned to look at him quizzically, finally saying, “A wise king does not seek out war, no matter what his knights advise.”

Sapnap turned, “Then the lot of them are fools.”

“I have told you once to never disrespect the king, I suggest you don’t do it again. This land has seen it’s share of unjust rulers, be thankful you have not come here under worse authority.”

~~ That night, when the palace grew quiet, and the sky dark, you found yourself back in Dream’s quarters, an overtired, overstressed George having wedged himself between you two and refusing to move.

You sighed as Dream ran a hand through your sleeping partners hair, “He’s anxious.”

“I mean, can you blame him? War may be on the horizon.” Dream murmured.

“I meant even now- in the time of sleep. I think Sapnap is just adding fuel to the fire.”

Dream sighed, “If he has another outburst like that-”

“He’ll be cast out,” You nodded, “I know. He just needs to be willing to learn the way things go around here. In time he will learn.”

Your boyfriend chuckled to himself, “Fucking hotshot.”

“I think you’d like him, if you were able to spend more time with him.” You smiled.

“Well someone had to go snatch him up as an apprentice!”

“Well it was him or Ranboo, and Ranboo is far too- forgetful, for this sort of thing. I’d’ve had Tubbo but he and Tommy are a package set an you took ‘em.”

“What about Purpled?”

You rolled your eyes, “He started an apprenticeship with Punz ages ago.”

“SHHhhhhhhh, ‘m tryin’ to sleep.” George muttered, burying his face in your shoulder.

In the darkness of the chamber you could barley make out Dream’s eyes sparkling as he took your hand, “Course love, course.”

~~

As the weeks continued the damages on the northern boarder only seemed to grow, the new invaders claiming three of the villages there own.

There was yet another large attack on the town that had been damaged the first time, this time a direct threat left etched on the walls, ‘You have made my people suffer, and now yours shall feel the same’

“Militia, both local and our own soldiers have taken it upon themselves to fight back, almost a hundred lived lost to each side.” The silence in the room grew deafening as Sam finished reading his report, not even Sapnap daring to speak.

“Your Majesty?” Bad hazarded, “What is our next course of action?”

George frowned, glancing around the room, “Peace is still the priority. Maybe- maybe we call a ceasefire, I could meet with there ruler-”

“No,” Dream interrupted, drawing all eyes to him, “It would be too dangerous. How do we know they can be trusted to lay down there arms?”

George shot him a look, “How do we know that we haven’t done anything to provoke them? Whatever we have done wrong we need to fix it. If we can work something out then people will be spared on both sides.”

“Shall we arrange for a ceasefire?” Eret asked.

The King nodded as Wilbur spoke up, “We could set up a meeting place, on neutral ground, possibly similar to the holy lands, so there would be no worry of a security breech.”

Dream seemed to relax at this, and then eyes were turned to you and Sapnap, representing the royal guard, “We can, but even so we should stay vigilant, perhaps send a group ahead with the runners to see too it.” You said, noting the gratitude on Dream’s face, as well as the slight annoyance on George’s.

“Well I see no one better to attend to the King’s safety than you,” Bad said, “You shall go with the party, and Technoblade with you, Sapnap can remain here to take over your day to day duties.”

The man in question quietly shot you a pleading look, at which you sighed, “With all do respect I think Sapnap could be better severing to the crown if he joined the running party.”

Bad glanced around to the others, looking for any objections before shrugging, “We can find someone else to do the work. So that’ll be you, Technoblade, Sapnap, and we can send the usual scouting party, and Sam shall go with again.”

~~

You sighed, tracing an absent pattern on George’s side, listening to Dream’s ramble about how dangerous the idea that had been decided on at the meeting was.

“Finding peace is the priority, you can’t can’t change that.” George mumbled.

“That doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous!” Dream protested.

“It’ll be fine, We’ll have a perimeter set up with guards and everything. I’ll make sure none of them can even get near him with such intent.” You yawned.

The blonde huffed, “That just makes me more worried.”

“Don’t you trust me?” Your hand blindly sought his, “I’m going to do everything in my power to keep the ceasefire from being broken.”

“I know.” Was the only quiet response you received.

The next morning found you suiting up and heading out to the stables to tack up your horse. Techno was already down there, idly chatting with Phil as he readied Carl for the journey, and out in the courtyard you could see Sapnap talking to two men.

“Good morning, (y/n)!” Phil chirped, waving your direction.

“Morning Phil.” You moved down the row, reaching out and letting Beckerson nuzzle into your palm.

After getting your horse cared for and saddled, the rest of the party had headed out of the stables as your partners entered.

George took your hand, “Don’t start any more trouble.”

“Sounds like your talking to Dream not me.” You chuckled.

“Hey!” Dream protested.

“I’m not wrong!” You teased.

George rolled his eyes, quickly pulling you in for a kiss, “Make things good for me to be out there.”

“Stay out of trouble.” Dream advised, pulling you away from George to kiss you himself.

“You underestimate me.” You smirked, grabbing Bekerson’s reigns.

Dream rolled his eyes as you started to lead the horse out of the stable, calling, “And stay safe!”

“I’ll see you in five days!” You chuckled, heading out of the stables and quickly mounting your horse, kicking at his sides to catch up with the others.

~~ The last few days had been spent anxiously waiting, and now the journey to the norther board was coming to a close.

Dream rode alongside the carriage, eyes following the strange trail of smoke on the horizon; something was wrong, he could feel it.

The quiet, almost calm of the morning was slowly being cut through by a growing noise, and then finally shattered as one of the runners sent ahead to signal their arrival came crashing through the trees looking panicked.

“What’s going on?” Punz asked.

“They attacked! They broke the ceasefire!”

Dream’s brain surged with panic as he turned to where George and his advisors were starting to climb out of the carriage asking why they had stopped, “Turn around! It isn’t safe here! Go! Punz! Tommy! Ponk! Get them out of here!”

Before he could even stop to see if they were following his orders he was rushing forward down the road, urging Spirit to go faster as the road widened into the village.

Dream was met with nothing but chaos, the royal insignia’s on the tents set up in the field were aflame, and the clashing of swords filled his ears as the royal army and the few commoners who could fought back against the pillaging people.

“About time you showed up!” Sapnap yelled from halfway across the field, “We could use some fucking help!”

“No shit!” Dream yelled back, dismounting and unsheathing his sword.

Almost immediately another person came barley towards him, throwing him into combat.

He cut his way across the field, taking down people here and there, still searching the carnage for you.

Eventually he made it to where Sapnap had just disarmed and knocked out another opponent, “Where are they?”

His eyes danced around the wreckage, “Could be anywhere, saw ‘em trying to get the townspeople out of the way.”

Dream cursed, running off the direction of the village, calling you name.

The fighting continued, the addition of the extra royal guardsmen helping turn the tide of the battle, though Dream still couldn’t locate you on the battle field.

The invaders, or what was left of there battalion began to retreat, but still Dream could find no sign of you, the now all too quiet valley erupted into noise as another skirmish broke out.

Taking off at a sprint he made it up the hill to find you locked in combat with another warrior.

You panted, throwing up you shield to block another strike from his axe before shoving forward and swing your sword at his spear wielding hand.

He wasn’t excepting this, and the spear clatter out of his hand, the shock on his face giving you enough momentum to keep pushing forward, throwing attack after attack at the man as he edged backward.

You had just managed to shove him to the ground when a cry broke your attention.

“(Y/N)!!”

You turned to see Dream, smiling, words starting to form on your lips as a spear suddenly drove through your chest.

“NO!!!!!” Dream shrieked, charging forward and quickly slashing at the mans throat before turning to where you had fallen in the grass.

“T-that one was your fault.” You mumbled as he did his best to pull your shaking body into his arms, “You-ou had t-to go distract-ing me.”

“I know,” tears flooded his eyes, “It’s gonna be okay, I’m gonna get help.”

You did your best to smile through your fear, “What would G-George say if he saw you here cuddling m- m- me without him? Huh?”

“(Y/n)....”

“Bad time for a joke I guess,” you shaky voice was disrupted by a painful cough wracking your body, “Never real-really planned on being r-r-ran through with a spear this morning.”

“It’s gonna be okay! It’s- it’s gonna be okay!” Dream desperately pushed your hair out of your face, head whipping around to where the royal soldiers were beginning to regroup, “WE- I need a medic! Please! We need a medic!”

It was the first time you’d ever heard him sound so distraught, gently you reached up to his face, “Dream- Clay, leave it alone, they won’t be able to- to do anythi-ng.”

You coughed again as he turned back to you, “Don’t say that! Don’t say that!”

“It’s just my time d-d-darling,” You gasped at the pain brought by him trying to pull you closer, “You- you gotta let go.”

“NO! You’re not gonna die! You’re not gonna leave! I won’t let you!”

“I d- don’t have your permission to d-die?” The spots floating in your vision began to grow larger, blocking out spot of his face, and the sky.

“No! You don’t! You’re not leaving! I’m not letting you!” He said desperately.

“You’ve- g-got too...”

He glared down through the valley, barking out, “I said I need a medic! Someone! Please! They need help!”

There were people hurrying up the hill now, not that you could see, as Dream continued to yell.

The spots began to grow even bigger, merging together until darkness fully overtook you and you slipped from there grasp, “I’m sorry...”

Dream tore his gaze from the approaching medical team, looking down at your now limp body, “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no-”

“You can’t leave! You- your not allowed to leave us! You- you can’t- I- I didn’t give you permission to die!”

He blubbered, still trying to pull you closer to him, as if he held you tighter you wouldn’t have slipped away.

“You can’t go! I didn’t say you could go! You can’t leave! You can’t.....”

Then people were pulling you away from him, and Sapnap was pulling him up, and leading him away.

~~

“Your highness, news of the attack on the boarder has returned.”

George stopped his anxious pacing a Wilbur led in a scarily calm Technoblade and a visibly shaking Dream into the room, Sapnap still with a firm grip on his shoulder.

“What happened? Where’s (y/n)?”

Dream started to shake more at the mention of your name, and Techno stepped forward, “(y/n)- died in combat two days ago.”

George stayed silent, so he continued, “They died a hero’s death defending our kingdom.”

The king waved them away, “Out, please.”

Wilbur nodded, and quickly Sapnap and Technoblade followed him out of the room, leaving Dream to slowly move toward George, pulling him into his arms, tears coming from both men.

“It was my fault. They were fighting- an- and I distracted them.”

“You- you what?” George croaked.

“I wasn’t thinking,” He said quietly, ducking his head as George pulled away, “Th- they died in my arms George!”

“Wh- what have you done?”

Dream looked at him in shock, “What do you mean?”

“Tell me what happened.” It was a command, said in a way Dream had never heard directed at him.

“I got there- there was fighting, when the fighting died down I still couldn’t find them- then I heard another fight- on the ridge, I got up there, and It seemed like they had won, I yelled there name- and-” He broke off, barley muffling a sob.

“You all but killed them yourself.” George muttered.

“I didn’t- th- I- George.” Dream grappled for words.

“You killed them.”

“I didn’t! George I know it’s my fault, but-”

The King just shook his head, turning and silently stalking out of the room.

~~

The castle seemed to stay in mourning for weeks, the kings council having to take over as the king stayed shut up in his chambers, refusing to talk to anyone.

The King’s Knight became more and more vocal during meetings, providing insight on how to get back at the enemy, amplifying Sapnap’s voice.

Then, as plans were being finalized, Dream was met by another figure as he sat in front of your grave.

“You think this will make up for what you’ve done?” Georges voice was horse, rough, as if he hadn’t spoken in days, though still laced with the same venom as when he’d found out.

Dream nodded, remaining quiet as he traced the hilt of his blade.

“Tomorrow then?”

Again Dream nodded, looking down at the copy of the note that had been sent to the enemy:

‘Holy water cannot stop me now, a thousand armies couldn’t keep me out. I don’t want your money, I don’t want your crown, see I’ve come to burn your kingdom down’

[cno-inbminor]

a/n: drabble dump for our boy kuroo -- i love him loads and think about him endlessly. i also apologize beforehand for the awkward ending bc i’m terrible at ending things. hope you all enjoy! gonna go knock back a melatonin and sleep my wooziness away

w/c: ~2.4k; some angst, fluff, mentions of alcohol

you’re avoiding tetsurou, and he’s keen on figuring out why. college!au, friends to lovers.

“you’re not as slick as you think, y’know.”

instantly, a shiver creeps up your spine, electrifying you in quick, tiny bursts. those eight, nine words were more than enough to let you know who was standing behind you, peering over your shoulder in an effort to catch your gaze. his voice made your heart clench and lungs fight for oxygen – you begin to curse the high, intellectual level of tetsurou’s observational skills. you just wanted to make it another day without seeing his face outside of class, opting more for longer walks and just looking back to see the back of his stylishly mussed hair in the far distance. it frustrates you how much you’ve used the word ‘infuriating’ when it comes to him, but there’s no other better word you can think of without having to consult the thesaurus.

you have a few seconds to dart your eyes around, desperately searching for a way to escape. your productivity typically thrives within the library, but he’s always there, so with lots of pleading and promises of baked goods and decent coffee, you were able to borrow a close friend’s ID, a graduate student, and access the graduate resource room in a less traveled hallway. and in the expanse of that area, you’ve tucked yourself away into the back corner behind some shelves where almost no one visits. but it leaves you cornered and vulnerable – no matter which direction, in combination with his long legs, tetsurou would catch up to you in a heartbeat. you thought you had finally found a way to permanently escape his grasp, but apparently not.

much like you, he’s not supposed to be able to access this area. after all, you’re both senior undergrads so –

“how did you get in here?” you quietly hiss. you’re pretty sure you’d be booted out if you made any sound above 15 decibels, and you’re not about to let tetsurou ruin this haven for you.

there’s a rustle of clothing, a hand that rests on the back of your seat, and the hairs on the nape of your neck spike, before a delicate whisper informs, “you’re not the only one with grad student friends, love.”

if you weren’t so focused on keeping yourself rigid, body absolutely understanding of the effect that this man has on you, you definitely would’ve shivered from the proximity. but the gentleness in his tone sends you back to three weeks ago – you’re no longer under a fluorescent light tucked between cream-colored walls, but rather basked in a somewhat garish hue of crimson. your veins were tinged with alcohol, the substance leaving you feeling like you were on clouds, a silly smile breaking across your face uncontrollably. other bodies surrounded you but the only one you were focused on was the one in front of you, following your swaying movements to the beat of the music coming through someone’s speakers. even in the warmth of the house, tetsurou’s hands on your waist seared your skin, branding the feeling on you for eternity. his eyes twinkled with apparent affection, unbridled and screaming at you for you to understand the line he wanted to so desperately cross, that the alcohol pushed it behind his efforts to deny himself the one thing he’s been searching for in all these years.  

“i’m a little drunk, but fuck, you have no idea how bad i wanna kiss you,” he had murmured just loud enough into your ear, then ghosting his lips over the shell of it. everything around you dissolved into a blur as you could only focus on his breaths and the tightening of his grasp on you. his confession wasn’t completely unwarranted – not at all.

tetsurou and you had met in the quantitative analysis lab freshman year, having been assigned as partners for the semester just by how the ta’s drew the seating chart. he was a friendly, kind soul – had saved your ass multiple times from overshooting your titrations, prevented multiple beakers and graduated cylinders from falling over, always down to compare numbers to help ensure that neither of you were fucking up too hard.

coincidentally, the two of you were registered to the same ochem lab the next year and immediately gravitated towards each other, grateful to find some familiarity in all the anxiety. he witnessed your breakdown mid-lab, did his best to comfort you and salvage your sample so there was enough for recrystallization because you somehow got landed with a shitty, leaking separatory funnel, and stayed back with you when you had fallen behind in the cleanup process. from then on, it was a weekly habit to study together and work on your lab journals and reports together, not taking long to become close friends.

tetsurou did his best to keep his growing feelings at bay, knowing that you had explicitly mentioned swearing off relationships as you tried to figure out your future first. he wasn’t oblivious enough to think that you didn’t feel anything for him whatsoever – you were stubborn and tenacious at best. the house party at miya atsumu’s was simply a suggestion for the both of you to relax after a brutal midterm in your inorganic chemistry course, to let loose and treat yourself. he really hadn’t meant to say what he said, but just looked so good, so lovely and beautiful and enthralling, and you were looking at him like he hung the stars and moon in the sky – he knows he’s sent that same look to you multiple times when you weren’t looking, completely sober and unfazed.

he couldn’t stop himself from leaning close into you that night and you hadn’t stopped in – he knows he should’ve resisted, but feeling your soft lips against his was easily one of the top ten highlights of his college career, and his love for you only surged beyond his hold, overwhelming him to the point where all he could think about was nothing but holding your cheek in the palm of his hand so he could get a better angle and let himself indulge just this once.

that’s all it was – kissing and kissing in the middle of the makeshift dancefloor until there was no more oxygen left in either of your lungs. like a decent human being, he dropped you off at your apartment and bid you goodnight, hoping that you wouldn’t forget all the events that had transpired. and maybe, just maybe, he wished that you would let it happen again, that you could make him the exception in your plans.

evidently, you did remember it, because suddenly your responses to his texts were delayed and dry. you were picking up extra shifts, showing up to class at the very last minute, and leaving as soon as the professor dismissed you, allowing practically no room for him to make small talk. and while he would usually pass you in the halls of the chem building at some point, you were always too far from him and scurrying away in a different direction. tetsurou did his best to give you your space, but the less he saw of you, the more nervous and frustrated he grew. there was a wrench thrown into his daily routine, and your presence had always managed to bring some peace to him. so when he realized that you had truly abandoned your usual study spot in the library a week and a half later, he set himself on a mission to find out exactly where you were hiding.

it honestly had been sheer luck that he saw your figure ducking around into a hallway he’s never bothered to go down, and by the time he caught up, the door to the graduate resource room had just closed on your and there was no way he could get in without some help. luckily, his mentor who had stayed at the university for their phd was pretty nonchalant about letting him borrow it for a few days, preferring to study at home or in a coffee shop off-campus themselves.

he knew that since you were hiding, you were probably going to be in the most inconspicuous spot possible. so while there was some time dedicated to navigating the new maze of an area, he immediately felt a sense of relief when he saw your back hunched over your notes, hair tied up into a messy bun, and your laptop open with a spotify playlist.

after you’re done reminiscing, you begin to pack your stuff up, opting to just nor respond to tetsurou and ignoring the pleasant sensation that his term of endearment for you brought. he pulls back and stands straight to give you some room, but the tapping of his foot against the tile floor speaks to his blooming agitation at your silence. you’re still wordless as you weave between the shelves to the exit, knowing that the man plaguing your dreams is not far behind. the game of ‘follow the leader’ (or is it ‘cat and mouse’?) continues until you both have exited the main door, and right before you can walk down the granite steps, tetsurou seizes the opportunity to run ahead of you and stand in your way.

“tetsu, please,” you sigh, avoiding his piercing stare by fiddling with the sleeves of your jacket. “is there something you need?”

“you can’t play coy with me,” he chastises, bending down slightly in hopes that you’ll finally look at him. “you know why i’m here.”

it’s a bad habit of yours to nibble on the inside of your lips when you’re searching for the right things to say. tetsurou only picked up on it just last year – the action itself is very subtle to the outside viewer, and he hadn’t been paying close enough attention back then. “don’t bullshit me right now.”

“do we have to do this now?” you whine a bit.

“yes, or else i’m never gonna get you to talk to me. come on, you don’t do this, love.”

“what do you mean?”

“you’re running away. that’s pretty cowardly, don’t you think? you’ve had 3 weeks—”

you start to walk forward and around his tall, lanky figure. “i’m not humoring you with this—”

“with what—”

“—you’re doing that provoking thing, you’re trying to get me to think that i’m wrong in avoiding you—”

“so you have been avoiding me—”

“i said not now!” you protest in a raised voice, path once again blocked. tears of frustration are beginning to build in the corners of your eyes, and you’re cursing yourself for feeling so weak in this moment. part of you wants nothing more than to run into his arms.

it’s dead quiet for a few seconds – the ambient noise of the wind and the occasional passing car this late at night fail to make themselves known over the pounding of blood in your ears. only tetsurou’s first knuckle underneath your chin to raise you up grounds you, and you can no longer avoid his gaze. small crests of guilt wash over you as you recognize the uncharacteristic brokenness in his eyes – the last three weeks must’ve been much harder on him than you thought.

“just hear me out for a few minutes, okay? you can make your decision then.”

he takes your nod as a signal to continue, but also softening a bit at how nervous you look.

“i’m in love with you,” he softly confesses, a smile of defeat gracing his complexion. “and i have been for a while. i don’t think i’m bullshitting when i say i think you feel something for me, too, but i knew it wasn’t in your plans. didn’t wanna push or force you into making a decision when you weren’t ready. so i held back – but i couldn’t help it at the party, and…i’m sorry, love. i really am.”

tetsurou doesn’t miss the flash of hurt that crosses your eyes. “so does that mean you regret it?” you bite out, nails clenching and digging into the fabric of your jacket sleeves. he shakes his head.

“i don’t regret kissing you at all – it’s all i’ve wanted to do for the last two and a half years. but i’m just sorry that i did it without your explicit, sober permission. i went against your wishes in a time of vulnerability, and that’s pretty shitty of me – i’m not gonna excuse myself either just because i was a little drunk, so i hope you’re able to forgive me.”

he watches you sniffle and fight the grin that’s trying to creep across your face. “someone had their shot of respect women juice this morning, didn’t they?” you chokingly tease.

“five shots directly injected into my veins, every morning,” he jokes back, thumb sweeping over to catch your falling tears. “but i mean it though – i’m really sorry.”

“you’re forgiven, and i appreciate that more than you know. but if i’m being honest…it was something i’ve wanted to do for a while, too. i was just really scared because it was so unexpected and i wasn’t sure if i was ready for our relationship to change, or like if i would be emotionally available enough for you, y’know?” you blubber, hand reaching up to rest against his on your cheek.

“hey—”

“i really want this to work out.” tetsurou can hear your voice shake, and he’s sure you’re almost trembling. “you’re one of my best friends – i can’t lose you, tetsu. and what about grad school? what if we end up too far away from each other and video calls aren’t enough? what if you get tired of me or—”

“i know you hate it when i interrupt, but honestly (y/n), you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried. i’m gonna do everything i can to make this work, too, mmk?”

“okay,” you whisper. “okay.”

his thumb gently sweeps back and forth against your cheek for a little bit before speaking up again. “not to ruin the moment, but do i have permission to kiss you now?” his eyes shine despite the midnight sky, and you can’t help the small chuckle that leaves your chest.

tetsurou swears up and down that your kiss in response is much, much sweeter than the one at the party, and he can’t wait to see what the future holds for you two.

[outerbankswriting]

Could it be? Chapter 11 (JJ x Reader)

JJ x Reader

CH.1 - CH.2 - CH.3 - CH.4 - CH.5 - CH.6 - CH.7 - CH.8 - CH.9 - CH.10

Description: She has a crush on JJ, but he has always seen her as another one of the “dudes”, or  at least that’s what she thinks so she just doesn’t even try anymore, until things start to shift between the two of them. (A/N: I’M NOT GOOD AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT THESE IS JUST WHAT I WOULD LOVE TO HAPPEN IN OUTER BANKS WITH JJ)

A/N: THIS CHAPTER GOT DELETED BC TUMBLR WANTED TO MAKE ME CRY FOR A BIT SO I HAD TO REPOST..

Warnings: mentions of sexual trauma

CHAPTER 11

You shot a glance at Sarah once she finished spilling all your business. You watched as she gave you an innocent smile after realising you didn’t want everyone to know about Rafe yet.

“Look, I can explain alright?” You sighed as you reached for a beer. It was going to be a long day.

“Please do.” Kie muttered, raising her eyebrow at you.

You looked at JJ who was staring straight into your eyes, you couldn’t tell if he was hurt or angry but either of those options made your stomach twist.

“He promised that if I faked it for a night, he would leave all of us alone which means th-”

“And you believed him?” Pope was quick to cut you off.

“Why would you even trust Rafe Cameron in the first place?” John B added.

“If you would all stop interrupting me, then maybe I would be able to clear your doubts.” You spat coldly at your friends.

“Go on then.” Kie nodded.

“It’s just for the night, so he can be on the clear with his father and have no problems whatsoever,” you bit your lip, “after that I’m completely done with him.”

The silence was broken by JJ’s sarcastic laugh, making you immediately stare at his movements.

“Well I think it’s bullshit,” he gulped down his beer before standing up, “and if you’re trusting Rafe Cameron, then you can’t be trusted either.”

His words hit you like a thousand knives on the chest.

He definitely felt betrayed by you but his anger was stronger than the pain he was feeling. He tossed the empty beer on the sand, ignoring Kie’s complaining and gave you a final glare before walking away from the group.

“JJ,” you sighed and rushed to walk towards him, ignoring whatever your friends were complaining about as well, “JJ wait!”

You tried to walk faster towards him but the sand wasn’t letting you catch up to his pace.

“JJ stop!” You yelled a little louder but he kept walking.

You decided to run towards him, ignoring how ridiculous you looked trying to run in the sand for trying to chase a guy.

“JJ let me talk to you.” You grabbed his arm making him turn to face you.

His eyes drifted to the sea, not bothering to look at yours.

He was stubborn and you knew him too well to know how whenever he gets angry, his mind becomes clouded with his own thoughts, not bothering to listen or try to understand anything.

“Do you honestly think I want to talk to you right now?” He spat out.

But he was not the only stubborn one here, you were not going to let him leave without first making him listen to you.

“I want you to listen.”

“I don’t want to listen.” His jaw clenched and he pulled his arm away from you.

You were starting to get annoyed but you couldn’t blame him for feeling this way.

“JJ stop walking away from me!”

“You listen to me!” He raised his voice at you as he walked closer to you, your eyes starting to water at his actions, “I cannot trust you if you keep lying to my face!”

“I never lied to you JJ!”

“You said you were not going back to him!”

“I’m not!”

“Then why the fuck are you going as his girlfriend to the stupid party?!”

His eyes were filled with anger and your face probably looked like the one of a scared puppy since JJ’s features softened at the realisation of how loud he was raising his voice at you and how he was projecting his anger.

“I just can’t believe how you can still trust him after everything he’s done.” He lowered his voice but the anger still hadn’t left him.

“Nothing’s going to happen between us JJ,” you slowly walked closer to him, afraid he was going to walk away at any second, “I’m not going to let it happen.”

JJ licked his lips while shaking his head in frustration, he tried to avoid eye contact with you but failed once you softly caressed his cheek, making him calm down a bit.

“If that asshole lays a finger on you, I promise I’m going to kill him.” He muttered as his breathing got slower.

“Sarah is going to be there,” you said and grabbed his hand, “and so will my parents JJ. It’s just one night and then Rafe will be out of our lives.”

His eyes softened as you kept caressing his cheek and holding his hand. You watched as he slightly nodded, knowing he was still not trusting Rafe.

“Let’s go home okay?” You whispered before giving him a light kiss.

The two of you went to your house, not really bothering on letting your friends know you weren’t going back to the beach. You were probably going to send a text later to Kie explaining her everything. Right now all you cared about was calming JJ down and letting him know things were going to be alright.

Once you were in the comfort of your bedroom you decided to grab some beers from the fridge to loosen up a bit and forget the tension that had built a few minutes ago.

You knew JJ was still upset and angry since he wasn’t really talking.

“Last to finish their beer has to cook dinner.” You playfully winked at him before taking a big gulp of your beer.

You noticed JJ take a sip of his beer, not really following your little game to cheer things up.

“JJ come on,” you sat down on the bed next to him, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you last night.”

“It’s not only that Y/N,” he said softly this time, “it’s the fact you always tell me your relationship with him was bad and I know there’s something about him you’ve been hiding from me.”

You didn’t know what to say so you just stared at your bed covers.

“Do you see?” JJ went on, “How can I trust you completely if you can’t even trust me?”

“I do trust you JJ,” you sighed, “I just,”

You took a deep breath, thinking about the right way to tell him.

“I have never talked about this to anyone because it scares me.”

His eyebrows furrowed as he moved closer to you.

“What do you mean Y/N?” He softly grabbed your hand.

“I just don’t know how to say it.” Your voice trembled and you felt your eyes start to tear up, JJ immediately cupping your face.

“Hey Y/N,” he whispered, “you can trust me, I’ll take care of you.”

You stared at his eyes while letting a few tears fall down your face. The two of you had already seen each other at your most vulnerable times and that’s what had made you feel so close to him.

You knew you had to tell JJ, you knew it was time to let it out, even if it scared you and even if you knew JJ would probably lose his shit.

You took a deep breath.

“I didn’t really want to do it with him,” your voice was low and soft and you noticed JJ’s jaw clench as he realised what you were talking about, “but I didn’t know how to tell him.”

You fought back the tears as you remembered the first time you had sex with Rafe and how you knew you weren’t ready but he somehow convinced you.

“It’s not like I told him I didn’t want to,” your voice trembled again, “I just let him do it because he was my boyfriend at the time even though I didn’t want to, and after the first time I didn’t want to do it again, but when I told him he got mad at me and he started hanging out with other girls so I just,”

You paused to stare at JJ, his eyes were once again filled with anger but there were also tears in them. His hand was still holding yours tightly, giving you the trust and confidence to keep going.

“I just did it again with him until I learnt to kind of enjoy it I guess? But there were more times I didn’t want to do it than times I did want to, and it just haunts me.”

You let the tears fall down as you felt a weight being lifted from your shoulders.

“JJ?” You asked once you noticed he remained silent, his eyes filled with tears and not leaving yours.

“That piece of shit.” He muttered as he trembled with rage.

“JJ,”

“I’m going to kill him.” He spat out coldly.

“JJ I told you this because I trust you, please,” you cupped his face, “stay out of this.”

“Are you kidding me Y/N?” He raised his eyebrows at you, “My fist on his face is the least I could to him to make him pay for what he did.”

“He never forced me to do it.”

“But he manipulated you Y/N.”

“I know that now,” you sighed, “but I didn’t know that back then.”

He nodded and bit his lip but you grabbed his face and made him stare straight into your eyes.

“I’m a different person now JJ, I’ve learnt from it.”

Just when his tears were about to fall down his face, he wrapped his arms around you, making you let out all the tears you were fighting back and feeling safe in his embrace.

“I will never hurt you Y/N,” he sobbed against your neck, “I’ll always take care of you.”

You weren’t even able to let out the words you wanted to tell him, you wanted to tell him how much you loved him but the words just wouldn’t come out because of your loud sobbing.

“I’ll be there.” He whispered once he let go of the embrace and cupped your face.

“What are you talking about?” You asked while wiping away the last tears falling from his eyes.

“I’m going to the party and I’ll be watching over you and I don’t care if your parents hate me for that.”

You smiled with tears in your eyes before nodding and softly placing your lips against his.

———————-

CH.12

A/N: I touched a pretty sensitive topic this chapter and I really want to talk about this. unwanted consensual sex (also known as gray zone sex) is a thing that happens to so many people and it’s not talked about enough. one of my closest friends experienced this and it has affected her sexual relationships deeply. if you’ve ever been through something like this please know that you’re not alone and you can always talk to me. you should never feel pressured to do sexual intercourse or any other sexual activities by anyone, not even your partner.

sorry for all the mess that’s been going on with my tumblr, I honestly don’t know what happened but tumblr support apparently already fixed it...

thank u so much if you’re still reading this story, means a lot!

——————–

[gladiatortale]

My DEPRESSION BEATING, fandom obsessing, shit-tastic FANTASTIC year in review!

TL;DR: I’m fixing my mental health and figuring out WHO THE FUCK I AM one fandom filled day at a time! Thank you to everyone who’s been there for me along the way. xoxo

what’s up HEATHENS.

stating the goddamn obvious here, it’s been a HELLUVA YEAR. One emotional rollercoaster after another but we’re ALMOST DONE. I know things aren’t gonna magically get better the second it flips to 00:01 on January first, but I’m excited to put this year behind me, and (SHOCKINGLY) a bit sad to see it go.

It was a year where the whole world completely stopped, we realized what is really important, what is really worth fighting for, and took a GODDAMN SECOND to just breathe.

For me personally, the year (which I’m counting off from November 1st) started out UNBELIEVABLY SHIT. I had just been kicked out of the country I called home for the last four years (thank you Brexit), I had ZERO job prospects, my depression was the WORST it had ever been, and I just didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. And in the beginning, the pandemic felt like salt in the wound, an extra kick in the teeth to my early twenties that had already “failed to launch.”

But I tried to embrace the madness, really take advantage of the world (that I always thought moved to fast) properly slowing down, and take time to try and become myself again. I wanted to figure out what I loved and try and become a bit more like the person I was before my depression got so bad.

I often say I became that Manic Trash Planet Lady™ you see in sci-fi adventure films; a bit zany to say the least, with a million ideas and a very eclectic fashion sense, but embracing the insanity as it comes...

*cough cough* audrey, get to the goddamn point!

Right. lol. THE POINT IS! 

I’m not 100% “healed”, I’m not sure if I think depression is a “oh look you’re officially cured! hooray!” type of disease, but this year I let myself ENJOY SHIT for the first time in god knows how long. I still don’t know “wHaT i WaNt To dO WiTh mY LiFe”, but I’ve got a better idea and I’m heading in (what feels like) the right direction. And most of all, I can look back and say I am better than where I was a year ago.

So I wanted to say T H A N K Y O U to the mad lads on this website that introduced me to the fandoms, shows, movies, fics... THE SHIT that made me happy this year and were there to be one (BIG) piece in my healing journey.

AND SO, with out further rambling ADO! Here are the highlights of the year marked by my ridiculous hyper-fixations and OBSESSIONS. Thanks for putting up with me ya fiends, xoxox

November 2019  The Arcana (Visual Novel)

I had just gotten home and I was in a LOOOOOOW place. Randomly decided to download this app when it came up and it proceeded to ruin my life (and my bank account...) for pretty much the rest of the year. It was exactly what I needed to get me through a tough time and I was thoroughly, horse-blinders-up-to-the-rest-of-the-world, OBSESSED. These gorgeous magical fiends ruined me and all I could say was thank you.

Joined the fandom: November 2019 Obsession peaked: Late November Obsession faded: December 2019; I started a new job AND my bank statement came in and I realized I had accidentally spent over SIXTY BUCKS on this stupid app. No ragrets, but I definitely started to phase out at that point. Fandom friends: Velma, (@lanavxds on insta) miss you girlie xx Fanfics you NEED to read: ‘Second Mistake’ by DeathBelle on AO3, because DAAAAAYUM SON. Favourite moments: Basically the whole of the Julian arc. That gangly himbo OWNED my ass for a month.

December 2019 Hazbin Hotel (TV Series)

Y’ALL okay here me out. Am I proud of this one? No. Is the show crass as hell? OOOOOOOOHHHH YEAH. Did my angsty ass love it at the end of last year? DAMN STRAIGHT IT DID. Goes without saying, but this is NOT FOR EVERYBODY, but it definitely helped me along the way to becoming more comfortable with myself and being open about being the massive geek that I always was, and watching things I enjoy regardless of what people say about it.

Joined the fandom: December 2019 Obsession peaked: Shortly there after. Fandom friends: None. Dipped one toe in fandom discourse and then promptly YEETED the fuck outta there. Obsession faded: January 2019. Still curious to see the full series if A24 actually ever does produce the whole thing, but I have def moved away from it. Fanfics you NEED to read: Haven’t read any. Maybe I’m a pussy baby piece-o-shit, but I DID NOT want to go down that rabbit hole, NO MA’AM. Favourite moments:

Discovering the Hunicast podcast. These guys are a riot and Ashley is a flustered GEM. Even if you don’t watch the show, go watch an episode of these fucking LADS just dicking about and your day will get better.

Watching the first episode with my partner and watching him realize his girlfriend is a total freak.

January 2020 Lore Olympus (Webtoon Comic)

*Officially* discovered this one thanksgiving weekend in 2019, but my Arcana phase was still raging pretty strong at that point so I didn’t really get in to it until later. EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER NEEDS TO READ IT. It has everything and handles the reality sexual assault and it’s aftermath EXTREMELY well.

Joined the fandom: Late November 2019 Obsession peaked: January 2020 Fandom friends: KELLEY. MA GIRL XOXOXO Obsession faded: June-ish 2020. I’m like 10 chapters behind now, but I still love this story so much. Fanfics you NEED to read: SO MANY ON MY ‘MARKED FOR LATER’ LIST AAAAAH. I have to get to that... NEW YEARS RESOLUTION lol Favourite moments: Having a drunk conversation on New Years Eve in 2019 with one of my oldest friends from high school about how much she loved it too. Helped me see how popular fandom and fandoms, are especially after feeling like I needed to hide my enthusiasm through high school and uni. (THAT WAS A MISTAKE BUT I’LL GET THERE IN A MINUTE).

February 2020 Versailles (TV Series)

SO FUCKING GAY Y’ALL. Oh my god everyone in this show is so gay. Even when they’re not they still are a little bit. AND BEST OF ALL!! it’s very historically accurate (except for the demon satanic nonsense in season 3, what was that???)

Joined the fandom: February 2020 Obsession peaked: Like??? The SECOND I finished episode one. Fandom friends: none... WHERE ARE ALL OF YOU??? Obsession faded: March 2020. It was a fast and passionate love affair, what can I say? Fanfics you NEED to read: IF YOU HAVE RECS, GIVE ‘EM TO MEEEEE. Favourite moments: 

Showing the first episode to a friend of mine and the *ungodly GASP* that came out of her throat was... PRICELESS.

The ENTIRE throuple(???) relationship between the Chevalier, Philipe, and Palatine. PLATONIC/ ROMANTIC LOVE G O A L S.

March 2020 Yuri!!! On Ice (TV Series)

*deep breath* ...y’all knew this one was coming.

Was I ready for this show to ruin my fucking life? No.  Am I so glad it happened??? FUCK YEAH.

NEVER IN MY LIFE have I fallen off the deep end so quickly with a fandom. HOLY SHIT. This blog didn’t have much of an “identity” before, but I you said that this is a Yuri On Ice blog now I wouldn’t even be mad (nor could I really defend myself to the contrary... bc??? like??? just go LOOK at my archive). Craziest thing is I watched the first two episodes like?? a solid TWO YEARS ago, but I didn’t continue watching because I was just not in the right head space for all the love and silliness and positivity.

I could do a whole separate post about how much this show and how this fandom has changed my life (DON’T TEMPT ME I JUST MIGHT). But I’ll stick with the highlights for now ;)

Joined the fandom: March 2020  Obsession peaked: Has it peaked?? Went straight up and it still going lol Fandom friends: Sandra, my mentor, my queen @aeriamamaduck, my fandom ride-or-die. Thank you for taking this internet bby under your wing. RACHEL @idancewiththefairies I TRAPPED YOU HERE. MUAHAHAHA xxx Obsession faded: ON GOING. CAN’T STOP, WON’T STOP. Fanfics you NEED to read: jfc, SO MANY.

‘Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches’ and ‘Of Bright Stars and Burning Hearts’ by Reiya @kazliin​ -- Rivals AU companion pieces. Longest fics I’ve ever read and JESUS CHRIST these two fucking SENT ME. Most popular YOI fics on AO3 for a REASON.

‘Tell Me Where Your Love Lies’ by @aeriamamaduck -- Royalty AU, trope-breaking ABO. Ah sweet, TMWYLL, how you’ve killed me over and over again. This BEAUTIFUL wip has SUCH amazing world-building idk where to start (Congrats on passing 50,000 hits!) EVERYONE GO READ IT.

‘Blackbird’ by sixpences -- WWII/Coldwar Spy Fic. I don’t have enough words to describe how amazing this is. It’s elevated to a higher plane beyond fanfic. Just go read it. Thank me later.

‘Zanka’ by rinsled05 @dreaming-fireflies -- The geisha fic that ruined me. *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH *gasp* I’m fine. lol I sooooo not ready for this fic. Holy hell, Aoyagi had my heart in his hands from the first chapter. “’Please’ [...] ‘Don’t give me hope.’“ FUUUUCK.

‘Echoes’ by Reiya @kazliin -- Future fic. First fic I cried at... BOI. I was NOT ready for this. Shouldn’t be surprised given the author, but MAN. “‘A love like that, a love like what they had together, it never leaves completely.’ Yuri spoke again, eyes still staring out onto the ice, lost in memory. ‘There are always echoes.’” JUST FUCK ME UP.

Favourite moments: Oh good lord, where do I begin??

Having two (count ‘em TWO) main characters with mental health issues (Yuuri and his anxiety and Victor with burn out and depression) and NOT MAKING IT THE ONLY ASPECT OF THEIR PERSONALITY. CLAPS FOR KUBO AND YAMAMOTO!!

Everything about Yurio (ESPECIALLY HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YUUKO AND HIS GRANDPA), that tsundere motherfucker is too pure for this world.

THE KISS. THE PROPOSAL. MY HEART WASN’T READY. AAAAAH!!

This fandom *properly* introducing me to smut on AO3...

Thinking I was going to get Rachel to like the show... NOT being prepared for her to fall off the deep end and START LIKING REAL SKATING TOO!!

Staying up waaaaaay too late waaaaaay too often to plan out plot points for TMWYLL with Sandra. Love ya dearie.

The warm fuzzy feeling I get every time I think about Victor and Yuuri.

April 2020 Bungou Stray Dogs (TV Series)

I had a hunch I was gonna like this show considering ALL of the characters are based off of famous classic authors from around the world... what I was NOT prepared for was just HOW MUCH I was going to love it. HOLY SHIT. The art style? Love it. The plot?? Bonkers, but so fun. THE VOICE CAST??? AMAZING. Highly recommend to anyone who wants to get in to anime, great place to start.

Joined the fandom: April 2020 Obsession peaked: Probably this summer? But we have DEF plateaued in a VERY high place. Fandom friends: FIJI. MA BOIIIII @lil-1nsane  Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Hope it doesn’t Fanfics you NEED to read: So so so many. The smut in this fandom is *chef’s kiss*, but here are a few...

‘He Works Hard For the Money’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019​ -- Sugar Daddy AU. FUCK MAN. I was not expecting to like this one, but bloody hell. This fic grabbed me by the throat and WOULD NOT let me go. Praying for chapter 16! But the author is working on another STELLAR fic so I’m okay for now.

‘Everything or Nothing’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019​ -- University AU. FUCK THIS FIC. Started reading it as I was waiting for HWHFTM to update and BOI, this fic ROCKS. The alternating POV fits so well with the enemies/idiots-to-lovers vibe. Solid 10 outta 10.

‘The City Where Wind Blows’ by @raven-rein​ -- Cancer Death fic. *pained shriek* AAAAAAGUUUUUUUHHHH *gasp* aaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, FUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKK MEEEEE. THIS FIC. Only the second fic I’ve ever cried to but I BAWLED MY GODDAMN EYES OUT. FUUUUUUUCK. I was not ready, never would have been ready. This is so tremendously well done, it killed me so beautifully, 

‘Haunted by Hatred’ by DeathBelle -- Canon compliant Soukoku. It is a CRIME that DeathBelle doesn’t have more BSD fics on her page, but this one is still brilliant.

Favourite moments:

THE CHUUYA-DAZAI MAFIA REUNION TEAM UP WHEN THEY FIGHT LOVECRAFT. Ooof. BOI. We love it.

The first three episodes. Soooo many break neck plot twists.

Every insane hypothetical conversation with Fiji.

Every time Atsushi or Tanizaki is on screen bc I LOVE THESE LIL BEANS.

June 2020 Trash Taste (Podcast)

Goddamn I love these chaotic lads so much.

As I became more and more comfortable with myself and my love for anime I stumbled upon these three goons, -- Joey, Connor, and Garnt, -- best known for there SUPER successful (mostly) anime YouTube channels. Even if you don’t watch anime, WATCH/LISTEN TO THIS PODCAST. The focus is mostly on their lives and the overall expat/immigrant experience, with a bit of anecdotal anime references sprinkled in. 

This show is both wholesome and heathenous in equal measure, and after having lived abroad for a significant portion of my (admittedly still quite short) life, it was such a breath of fresh air to hear people talk so openly about how living outside your home country is both wonderful and terrifying. They’re wonderfully candid about the fact that even if you love a place dearly, no where is perfect, and you WILL hate somethings about your new home even if the majority of the experience is fantastic. I cannot rate this show highly enough.

Joined the fandom: June 5th 2020, loved it from the first episode. Obsession peaked: July maybe? I was RELIGIOUS about watching the episodes as soon as they came out. Still watch every week, but less “on time.” Fandom friends: None :( but I have tricked my partner in to listening several times :) Obsession faded: It’s dimmed from where it was, but still going strong. Fanfics you NEED to read: NONE. NEVER PLAN TO. Hard and fast rule, I don’t read fics about real people. Characters played by real people, even that’s a maybe for me. But real-real people? FUCK NO. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Any time Garnt and Connor get into a big-brain-monkey-brain argument and Joey is just LOSING his GODDAMN MIND in the corner.

Bringing a retired Japanese porn star in the show for an honest conversation about consensual sex work and showing people can have more than one career in life.

Everything about the, ‘Are Online Friends Real Friends?’ episode. GO WATCH IT, it’s brilliant.

Garnt making “chotto-THE-FUCKING-matte” an expression

August 2020 Great Pretender (TV Series)

Spent most of the summer marinating in my BSD and YOI bubbles, until THIS BAD BOI came up on my Netflix recommendations. HOOOO BOI. This is some Anime Of The Year shit right here. Has a pretty original concept (Catch Me If You Can by way of Oceans 11-ish) but generally starts out like most other shounen (sans the super powers). AND THEN EPISODE FIVE HAPPENS. Not gonna spoil it but they TOOK THAT SHIT UP A NOTCH. Brilliant, even with a bit of an insane ending. GO WATCH THIS ONE.

Joined the fandom: August 2020 Obsession peaked: Pretty much as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: What’s up Fiji ;) @lil-1nsane Obsession faded: Naturally faded, but so glad I watched Fanfics you NEED to read: None so far! Little scared about this one, heard mixed reviews, but maybe someday. Favourite moments:

Edamame’s “madness arc” at the end of season 2. HOOOO BOY.

Laurent getting fucking WRECKED when Edamame punches him mid way through season 2, kills me every time.

Introducing my partner to anime with this show.

October 2020 Attack on Titan (TV Series)

RETURN OF THE KING. lol

In my quest to find an anime that I can watch with my partner, I turned on season 1 of this bad boi. Holy hell I forgot how much I loved this show, NO WONDER everyone lost their goddamn minds when this show first aired. I NEED to catch up before all the season four spoilers come to get me...

Joined the fandom: Winter 2016 Obsession peaked: Basically as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: None yet, but I know you’re out there... Obsession faded: 2017, JUST BEFORE SEASON TWO... I should have stuck around longer I know, but it’s slowly coming back. Reeeeeally need to catch up on seasons two, three, and four. Fanfics you NEED to read: GIVE ME YOUR RECS HEATHENS. Favourite moments:

Watching my partner FREAK OUT about Eren’s “death.”

EVERYTHING ABOUT POTATO GORL! lol

Getting in a conversation with a die hard fan after I hadn’t watched it in three years and saying... “Who’s that blond bitch that cries all the time?”/ “Armin?”/ “THAT’S THE ONE!”

November 2020... kind of. Figure Skating (Sport)

Okay this one is a bit hard to explain. 

I have been a DIE HARD figure skating for A LOOOOOONG time. My grandmother got me a hat from the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City and I remember watching even then. But I first became consciously aware of different skaters, my faves, etc. from about 2010. I vividly remember watching Plushenko skating in 2014 while on a school trip to Hawaii, and my friends laughing at me as I yelled at the TV.

But I didn’t TRULY get involved in the fandom side of it until this year. I had all this knowledge bottled up, but didn’t have any skating friends to talk to... UNTIL NOW. Super ironic that this happened in a year with almost NO skating, but I’ll take what I can get ;) Also did I stay up until FOUR-GODDAMN-THIRTY IN THE MORNING a few nights ago to stream Japanese Nationals on my phone??? YOU BET I DID.

Joined the fandom: Three times; 2002, 2010, and 2020. Obsession peaked: 2014? 2018? Idk it peaks any time someone does something amazing. Fandom friends: Rachel, my girl @idancewiththefairies​, WHY DIDN’T I INTRODUCE YOU TO THIS SOONER??? Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Won’t. lol Fanfics you NEED to read: NOPE. NONE. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. No fanfics about real people. Never gonna change that. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir doing THAT routine at the 2018 Olympics.

Rachel​ sheepishly admitting to me that Shoma may have replaced Yuzu as her favourite, and me being SO DAMN PROUD of her for growing and developing her own skating opinions apart from me.

Yuzu’s 2012 ‘Romeo and Juliet’ routine and Worlds. THE RAW FUCKING POWER OF THAT SKATE.

Plushenko, cheeky bastard, changing his 2014 Team Event routine AS IT WAS HAPPENING.

The worlds friendliest rivalry between Yuzu and Nathan.

Any thing the Shibutani’s do, and all they do to break up the stereotype that all of Ice Dancing has to be rOmAnTiC and SeNsUaL to be good.

Watching my early faves become coaches and the D R A M A.

Honorable Mentions:

Coco (Film): I watched this the weekend I came home and I owe this movie a lot. It is so sweet an heartwarming, and it a roundabout way it brought me back to Tumblr (needed somewhere to vent my feelings considering I watched the movie a solid THREE YEARS after it came out, Tumblr seemed like the place to go lol). Watched in again in 2020 and it’s just as amazing.

Jekyll and Hyde (All media): Loved this book from the first time I read it in my first year of uni. But in December 2019, my fandom understanding reached its PEAK. The musical?? The comic?? YOOOOOO.

Dear Evan Hansen (Musical): I have BARELY engaged in fandom discourse, but the MUSIC. She fucking SLAPS.

Sirius the Jaeger (TV Series): This show is such an underrated gem. It literally has so much; "dead” family drama? Eclectic international group of monster hunters? Cowboys and vampires?? Yes, yes, and YES. And the main character has the same Japanese voice actor as Atsushi from BSD!

Studio Ghilbi (Films): My love affair with Ghibli goes back to when I was about 5 and BEGGED my mom to take me to the library so we could rent Kiki’s Delivery Service on DVD. But that love has been FULLY rejuvenated this year when I went to the Ghibli Film Festival in New York City (ironically in the last week in February). If you haven’t seen them, go watch From Up On Poppy Hill, Whisper of the Heart, and The Wind Rises. Spoilers, you’re probably gonna cry.

If you’ve made it this far, THANK YOU FOR READING! 

And thank you to all the amazing people that made my 2020 not so horrible. Good riddance 2020, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

[moskaisley]

migraine pt. 5 | relief

gif cred: @coredrive

rating: mature

word count: 4k platinum hi def TV

warnings: angst but also some comfort bc everyone is in their feelings, violence, descriptions of fighting and blood, mentions of death 

a/n: 

me: yea i’ll post by 8pm!!! also me @ midnight:

 i got slammed with some work from my job last minute so thats why she’s a couple hours late!! such is the life of a freelancer but thank u all for being patient anyway hehe. anyways!! i’ve had a LOT of ideas for side stories lately and i’m thinking of posting them in between the main parts of migraine so maybe look out for that??? 

and thank u all for your kind words on part 4!!! ily all and i hope u enjoy this one. alexa play in my feelings by drake  🥺🥺🥺

summary:

“Did you love him?”

You freeze, heart pounding loudly in your chest at the thought. You know the answer, but you’re terrified to speak it aloud, as if Mando could hear you utter it into the universe.

Where you find the strength to feel it all at once.

parts 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6

ao3 link / masterlist

“I’m going on ahead.” 

“Well, I’m not coming with you.”

He scrunches his nose, nostrils flaring. You refuse to look him in the eye.

“Seriously?”

You pick at the threads in the thin blanket on your legs with your nails. He’s fully dressed, standing in the doorway of your tiny dwelling. You’re still in your cot, your last chance to flee with him slipping away with every string you pull.  But fear claws at your insides, paralyzing you in your spot. You hear him shuffle, kneeling beside the bed and forcing you to meet his gaze.

“Please, help me stop them,” he pleads.

Your lip quivers, tears threatening to spill over. He’s such a beautiful boy. You loved and loathed his courage; Luca was always braver than you were, fighting off bullies in the schoolyard and sneaking out after dark. He was the first one to defy the Moff when he showed up at your doorstep, and he was the quickest to arm when they came blasters ablazing. But while Luca had moved forward ready to enact his revenge, you were still stuck in front of your burning home, heat blistering against your skin and pathetic tears streaming down your face. You’re still frozen at the other end of a blaster, cowering on your knees before a man clad in black. You’re still being ushered away down the country road with your brother, two very distinct shots ringing through your ears. 

But Luca doesn’t understand. 

“We’ll die, just like them.”

“Don’t you want to die fighting?”

You tear a hole in your blanket.

“I don’t want to die at all, Luca.”

--

You haven’t spoken to him in days. 

It was quite impressive, really.

Ever since your breakdown, you denied yourself any sort of contact with the Mandalorian, bitterness and hurt still raw every time you looked at him.  At first, he tried to get you to respond to him, prodding with simple questions and painfully awkward small talk. But when his one-sided conversations were only met with more eerie silence, Mando took the hint and stopped trying altogether. You didn’t spend too long in the same space with him either; you made sure to work on opposite sides of the ship. Shifts were still maintained at night to watch over your camp while the other slept; but when it was his turn to take over, you only woke him with a wordless shove and quickly slipped into your bunk to get your share of rest.

Sleep never came.

Instead, you aimlessly tossed on the mattress for hours and hours on end, mind torn over the man standing outside your door. You loathed him, you were sure of it. He hurt you, more than anyone ever had. Took everything and crushed it beneath his boots. Then had the audacity to come back and ask for a favor. It was time to just let it all go; to push it far behind you and go on forward with your heart guarded and barred from the rest of the universe. To live and die alone. 

So why was the thought of never seeing him again making your chest tighten with agony?

You dug your face into your pillow a few times, letting out guttural, violent screams of frustration until your voice nearly gave out.

You should be angry with him. He left, he left, he left.

Just like Luca.

In those solitary hours, you thought a lot about your brother, and how painfully similar this all felt: The resentment that festered in your bones clashing with the deep love and care that resided in your heart. You didn’t want to forgive, but living with these thorns in your side was so fucking exhausting. You wondered if the universe doomed you from birth, never destined for a moment of peace. The warring feelings within you made it impossible to sleep easy, and soon enough, the sun would come up. Mando would be outside rapping on your door and you’d start the day over again. Rinse and repeat.

By the fourth day, the lack of sleep had caught up to you. 

Precariously perched on top of a ladder, you took the day to work on the repulsor grilles. Your mind was in a daze. You struggled to figure out which parts go where, and your hands were so clumsy you kept losing your tools to the small slot you’d been tinkering with. After dropping your screwdriver for what seemed to be the seventh time today, you were so fed up that any caution was thrown into the wind. Hot metal and active wires were the least of your worries as you carelessly shoved your hand down the slot for your lost tool. Your fingers grazed the handle, but as you shifted to get a better angle, you felt a burning shock shoot through your arm. You all but ripped your hand from the slot, wincing as you feel something tear at your palm. Your sudden movement was enough to drive the ladder toppling over. Squeezing your eyes shut, you braced for impact. You hear a low grunt as your body collides into Mando’s, strong arms quickly wrapping around your waist to steady you. Your cheeks grow hot at the feeling of him, and for a moment, your body pleads to stay in his arms just a little longer.

“Are you okay?” the low timbre of his voice brings you back from your panic. 

You quickly push off of him but hiss at the searing pain radiating from your hand. Turning over your palm, you grimace at the big nasty gash that gushes down your forearm with blood. Mando grips your shoulder and spins you around, trying to take your injured hand. 

“Let me see.” 

“I’m fine.” 

You recoil, holding your palm close to your chest and bleeding all over your shirt. Impatient, he goes in to grasp your wrist and wrestles with you again. 

“Will you quit being difficult and hold still?” he growls, voice devoid of any softness. The edge in his voice makes you freeze. It’s the first time on this journey that he spoke so firmly with you. Too tired to fight, you let him take your hand into his and study your injury. 

“Sit,” He lets go of your hand and gestures to the ground. “You’re going to need stitches. And then you’re going to rest. I know you haven’t been sleeping.”

“I’m fine,” you grit.

“It wasn’t a suggestion,” he chided harshly, as if lecturing a child, “I don’t need someone wrecking my ship more than it already has. You can work when you’re capable.”

He briskly storms back into the ship to grab the medpack, effectively ending your spat. Collapsing to the ground, you curse under your breath in irritation as you stare at your stinging cut. A piercing ache begins to radiate in your temples and weariness starts to settle into your bones. You’re so tired. The emotional turmoil of the past week had sucked every drop of energy you had left, and you were left feeling like you’d been hit with a landspeeder. 

A worried coo draws you from your thoughts, and the child looks up at you expectantly. 

“Hey, little guy,” you said, patting his head lightly with your free hand. He gingerly toddles to your thigh and tilts his head at your bloody palm. The kid begins to fuss, gurgling as he claws at the side of your leg. You scoop him up into your lap, and he settles down, satisfied.

“What’s going on, kiddo?” 

Then, he closes his eyes and holds his hand out, hovering over yours. You feel the flesh on your wound begin to move. Your gash is closing before your eyes and the skin is completely healed, as if it was never there at all. You pressed your fingers into your palm; the burning pain had subsided and the skin beneath it was completely smooth. Brows furrowed, your eyes dart from your hand to the child, his eyes slowly drooping closed. Your mind is racing. You hear Mando shuffle back out from the Crest, quickly dropping beside you and checking your hand.

You’re both stunned to silence as the child in your lap falls fast asleep.

--

Early mornings in the forest were cold.

You’d been shivering in front of the fire for a few hours now, wrapped in a threadbare blanket you’d taken from your bed. You stared pensively at your palm, gently tracing your fingers over where a cut should’ve been. With a sigh, you hug your legs to your chest, and rest your forehead on your knees. After the child healed your injury, you thought your shock would’ve kept you from getting rest, but you slipped into sleep the second your head hit your pillow. You woke up later in the middle of the night, insisting to trade shifts with Mando. 

“I doubt you want a repeat of yesterday,” you told him, “Go to bed.”

In all honesty, you needed the early hours of dawn to collect yourself as your mind was all over the place. Between the mysterious child, your clashing feelings for your partner and your impulsive career change, your life had seemed to unravel in the span of a week. You thought of the way he spoke to you the day before; he was quick to care for you, but his voice was emotionless and cold. It sounded very similar when he left all those years ago. You know he only means to keep distance between you and respect your wishes. After all, you were the one who wanted to separate for good after this mission, but the ache in your heart told you otherwise.

Pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes, you could only come to a single conclusion: the Mandalorian had successfully derailed your life yet again.

The cry of an animal pulls you from your brooding and you’re swift on your feet with a vibroblade in hand. Stalking around the trees, you keep low in the foliage and slowly move towards the source of the noise. You see a fathier standing on the main trail hooked to a lopsided wooden wagon. Fruit and vegetables were spread all around the road along with a broken wheel. An old man rounded the corner, looking tiredly around him and began picking up the mess. The grip on your blade relaxes. Standing to your full height, you walk forward to meet him on the main path.

“Excuse me, sir,” you call to him, “Do you need help?”

He gawks at you, obviously not expecting anyone to be in the forest. He gives you a smile.

“That is very kind of you. Thank you, child.”

You learn that his name is Amir. He’s a farmer with fields down the road, and for the past 50 years, he’d make the trip every weekend into town to sell his harvest on the same wagon. He tells you how the fathier lost control, pulling the old carriage and damaging the wheel. 

“I suppose I must invest in those blasted speeder-whatevers,” he sighs. 

You chuckle lightly. He sounds like your father. 

“Please, let me fix it for you.”

Amir sits on a rock to the side of the trail, and you try your best to repair the wagon. Making light conversation with him as you work, you spoke of your own family’s orchard and recounted the times you spent on the farm. His company relaxes you and for a moment, you’re able to forget the chaos that consumed your thoughts earlier. 

“It’s hard work, this life,” he says, “but it is fruitful all the same.”

You laugh earnestly at his joke. He smiles at you warmly, patting his hands on his knees. 

“Where is your family now?”

“They were lost to the Empire. Our farm was burned down.” 

He sighs sadly, “War seems to take from us both. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Please, don’t be. It happened a long time ago,” you say quickly.

A beat of awkward silence passes. Amir changes the subject.

“So what are you doing here? In these woods. You look less like a farm girl and more like a mercenary.”

“Close. I’m a bounty hunter. Our ship crashed just past those trees.”

“You’re with someone else?”

“Yes. A Mandalorian. He’s–” you pause, thinking carefully over your words, “He’s just an old colleague of mine.”

But Amir is a very observant man, and he notices your hesitation.

“Tell me more about this Mandalorian of yours. I’ve never met one before.”

“It’s kind of a long story,” you say sheepishly, “I wouldn’t want to keep you.”

“A long story?” He questions, mischief flashing in his eyes, “I thought he was just a colleague.”

Warmth travels to your cheeks as he looks at you expectantly.

Cheeky old bastard.

But you indulge him, giving him a watered-down version of your history with Mando; how you met, how you worked together for many years before you parted ways, and how he came back asking you to help with his weird magical son. Amir listened intently, and when you finished, his face was pulled in thought.

“It’s a bit odd for a bounty hunter to have a child, isn’t it?” He wonders aloud, “I take it isn’t the safest profession in the world. I could see how he could need the help.”

You chew on your bottom lip, attention focused on twisting a screw. 

“We... didn’t split on the best terms. It wouldn’t be good for the baby.”

“I see.”

Amir notes your sudden change in demeanour, observing the way you tensed at the subject. 

“Did you love him?”

You freeze, heart pounding loudly in your chest at the thought. You know the answer, but you’re terrified to speak it aloud, as if Mando could hear you utter it into the universe.

So you answered him honestly.

“I’m angry with him.”

He lets out a hearty laugh. 

“My dear, you can be angry with someone and still love them.” 

What a nosy man. 

You shrug laughing lightly with him as you go back to work. As you mull over his words, you find them resonating deep within you. Had it been anyone else, you probably would’ve ignored or straight-up denied the question, but connecting with Amir had made you feel comfortable to speak freely. It felt cathartic to put your feelings into words. 

“You know, Imperial soldiers occupied the town for many, many years. My daughter decided to join the rebellion after she joined the local militia. We got into a terrible argument, begged her not to fight, to stay home but–” Amir struggles to finish. You’d stopped your tinkering with the wheel, instead listening carefully to his story. Your heart twisted, as the grief he felt was very familiar. You reached out to hold his wrinkled hand, giving him a sad smile. 

Amir takes a breath, looking wistfully towards the treetops as he continues,

“Sometimes, when people hurt us, we think we want nothing more to do with them. But when they’re gone, we only regret the love we never spoke out loud.”

-- 

Din thought he was dreaming when he woke up to the smell of cooking food. 

When he left the Razor Crest, you were feeding the child a small bowl of sautéed vegetables and rice. To the side of the camp, he spotted bags of fresh produce and grain. You greet him with a relaxed grin.

“You know, some of the things you’ve kept in there haven’t been touched since we split. It was kind of disgusting.”

He’s so confused.

“Where did you get all of this?” He asks.

“There was a man who broke down on the side of the road. I helped fix his wagon and he gave us food in return.”

You pat the child’s head as he finishes up his meal and take him into one arm. Din only stares, bewildered, as you pick up a dish that was sitting by the fire pit and hold it out to him. 

“Eat. And when you’re done, come find me,” you say, “We need to talk.”

--

“We need to talk.”

Words stronger than any weapon. 

Anxiety churned in his stomach, nearly rendering him incapable of keeping any food down. But your cooking was leagues better than any ration pack that he’d had in weeks; Din wasn’t about to (literally) throw the opportunity away, especially if this was some of the last moments he’d ever have with you. He ate slowly, savoring every bite, heart warming at the way you made it especially spicy for him. From the window of the cockpit, Din watched you leisurely skip rocks across the water while the child excitedly wandered along the shore. It was almost unsettling how quickly your energy had changed within a day; it reminded him of the days before he left. The days where there wasn’t a giant rift between you. 

When he finished his meal, Din rounded the corner of the ship expecting to see you at the shore, but you were nowhere to be found. He approached the edge of the water and stared at the abandoned pile of smooth stones. The next thing he knew, he was being roughly tugged by his arm and thrown flat on his back, knocking the wind out of him. He gasped, chest heaving for air and adrenaline coursing through his veins. As he struggled to prop himself up on his elbows, you meandered into his view.  He expected to see your face contorted with rage once again, but to his surprise, your expression was cool and collected as you pulled at the wraps around your hands. 

“We’re gonna spar,” you say, tone suspiciously even, “And you’re gonna tell me everything about the kid.”

Din stares, bewildered as you tower over him.

“Why?”

You still don’t look at him directly, instead tugging tightly at the cloth against your wrist and checking if you’re satisfied with your work. 

“If memory serves me correctly, we’re still evenly matched. 350 to 350,” you say, not even bothering to address the second part of your demands. 

But Din will take whatever you give him at this point, so he complies and swipes at your ankles with his legs, knocking you down. Taking the opportunity to get back onto his feet, he squares himself into position. You propel yourself back to your feet with much more grace, brushing yourself off and bringing up your fists. Din swears he can see faint lines of a smile on your lips and a glint of excitement in your eyes.

“Don’t hold back. Even if I’m mad at you.”

He smirks. 

“Never.”

--

You were always better at close combat than he was; the nature of your preferred weapon required so. But what Din lacked in skill, he made up for in stamina, and that’s why he was able to keep your little competition even for such a long time. Your fight had been going for nearly an hour, and at this point, you’d normally tire out and start getting sloppy from exhaustion. But your residual feelings of frustration and dream of kicking his ass for the past three years kept you fierce on your toes. It also helped that he had a story to tell. 

You listened attentively as Mando told you of the Mudhorn in between your relentless assault of jabs and kicks, how the child used his strange powers to lift a giant beast and how it was unlike anything he’d ever seen before. He also told you how he actually delivered the kid to the client, but turned back to rescue him before the Imperials had a chance to do any harm. (You noted how his voice dipped slightly in shame admitting this to you.) He told you of Sorgan, Tatooine and his reunion with Ran, and how no matter what system he seemed to end up in, the child was always in danger. As you processed this information, your attention seemed to slip, and Mando was able to throw a punch straight into your nose. 

You stumble backwards, cursing at the pain and feeling warm liquid pooling on your upper lip. He relents for a moment, pacing towards you in worry.

“Shit, I’m sorry–” 

You cut him off by gripping his arm, using his momentum to drive him over your shoulder and throw him on his stomach. Pressing your boot into his back and pinning him firmly against the ground, you tease.

“Not the first time I had you like this, Mando.”

You keep your foot firm against him as he struggles to push himself up against you, heavy breaths crackling through the vocoder of his helmet. Eventually, he relents and holds up his hands in surrender.

Pride blooms warmly in your chest, and you collapse on the ground next to him.

I nearly broke one of his ribs this time. You’re dizzy as you come down from the high of adrenaline coursing through you, exhaustion settling into your sore body. 

“If I sustain another injury on this stupid mission, I’m taking all the credits for myself,” you say, wiping the blood gushing from your nose. 

You hear him chuckle lightly beside you.

“You deserve it. I’ve been a total ass.”

“That, you have.” 

Catching your breath, you focus on the sounds of birds in the trees, and the feeling of wind cooling and relaxing your body. It was so tempting to just give into him, but you remembered what you called him here for– why you initiated a duel in the first place. The talk with Amir this morning helped clear your head, but it still terrified you to address it all. 

You take a deep breath, basking a little longer in this moment of peace. 

“Thanks for not holding back,” you said earnestly, pointing to your nose.

Standing up and brushing the dirt from your clothes, you turn to him and hold out a hand.

“Are we good?” he asks, hope slipping through his voice.

“No. Not even close,” your lips curl into a sad smile, “But it’s a start.”

You pull him up to his feet, and your grasp on one another lingers for a fleeting moment. You’re the first to let go, brushing your sweaty palms against your pants. Walking to the shore of the lake, you take a few rocks in your hands and continue skipping them across the still surface of the water. Your heart is racing; you feel his gaze on you, expectant for … something, anything. 

“When my brother left to become a rebel,” you began, voice taught with anxiety, “I was only 18 years old. For a long time, I was so angry with him. Who leaves their only family behind? Alone? To fend for themselves? I was–I was convinced I didn’t care what happened to him after that. That I hated him. ”

Something painful catches in your throat. You skip another rock.

“We were so young. He wanted to take me with him, y’know? Find the Moff that killed our family and get revenge. Destroy the Empire and end their reign of terror. I was too afraid; all I could think about living to see another day. But after a while, I missed him so much–I just wanted my family again. I started to regret not going with him, but then I met you.”

Mando didn’t respond, listening carefully and hanging on your every word.  

“And when you came along, it felt... nice to let someone in again. Not just as a coworker but as a friend. To not be alone. To have someone in my life. To– ”

To fall deeply, wholly, and beautifully in love.

Frustrated, you grip the smooth stone in your hand tightly. You feel like you’re rambling; there’s just so much.

Mando finally speaks, “Y/N, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m still hurt and angry,” your voice was beginning to tremble, “That being abandoned for a second time was the worst feeling in the galaxy.  I need you to know that.”

You hear him walk towards you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“Mesh’la, please look at me,” he pleads.

“But I also need you to know that and I left things like this, I’d never find peace.”

You turn around to face him, tears in your eyes and heart leaping in your throat.

“Because there was a time where I thought I’d know you forever. And I don’t want to let it go.” 

--

taglist

@bella-ciaao @tiffdawg @peggers-n-beggers @sinnamon-bunn​ @adlerorzel-blog​ @theocatkov​  @paryl​ @fruitsaladtree​ @allisondavis236​

thx loves 💘

[memoriashell]

the luck of the draw ( surely is not in her favor )

Characters /  Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru ( focused ), ft. ( some of ) Class 78

crossposted on ao3

Notes: day two of @tokomaruweek, i'm combining the killing game and talentswap prompts!! it’s still before midnight i’m totally not late at all here,

featuring my totally not original talent / roleswap luck student komaru au. because creativity is dead and i think komaru being stuck in a killing game is ??? when you think about the fact that komaru canonically sees ghosts. you KNOW she ends up possessed by one of the dead students in the last trial bc someone wants to say fuck you to the mastermind :/ also the fact that syo remembers shit but just never says anything feels like great potential!! they just want to love their partner but toko won’t let them front this is homphobia /j

anyways this au just lives in my wips rent free bc i keep changing my mind on how i want things to play out anyways. so this is more of a concept and not canon to that au if i ever finish it and that's also why this takes place in ch1 so i don't gotta think too hard on the details <3 any talents brought up are the ones i'm for sure sticking with.

tws for touko's general paranoia / anxiety / etc, mentions of murder bc kg au, and also since i usually depict syo as nonbinary with they/them pronouns, komaru’s technically accidentally misgendering them from her pov bc she doesn’t/can’t tell that syo is fronting, in case that bothers you!!

Summary: for being chosen on the basis of luck, it doesn't feel like she's ever going to catch a break here.

It’s quiet, this morning.

Not that she really knows any better— they’ve only been trapped in the school with the murder bear for a few days, after all. So maybe Komaru’s focusing on the wrong part.

It’s less that it’s quiet, there’s a few faces missing that she’d have expected to get there before her. Especially since she’d managed to sleep through her alarm again and had been kind of late; she had fully expected to be greeted with a lecture as soon as she’d gotten to the dining hall. Alright, one person specifically that stands out in her mind, but it hasn’t gone unnoticed by her that Fukawa’s not there yet. Weird, given the moral compass had lectured her for being tardy to meet up with everyone on their first day, and then for sleeping in the first morning, but...given the videos that bear had shown them the previous day, she supposes she can’t blame some people to feel reluctant to show up. Maybe that’s where she is? Going around to check on people? She had seemed a little paranoid that people were skipping out on gathering in the morning on purpose...

( Because she really, really doesn’t want to think about the possibility that Fukawa, or any of her other classmates might possibly be dead. That someone would have actually gone through with trying to kill one another? So she simply won’t think about that fact. It feels kind of like a Pavlovian...no, wait, that’s the wrong person. Uh. Freudian theory? Ah! Schrödinger’s cat. Yeah, that kind of scenario )

Okay, that settles it! She should probably have breakfast first, and if Fukawa hasn’t shown up by the time she finishes, she’ll go see if she can find her. Besides, she’s sure they aren’t the only ones who are concerned about the ones that haven’t shown up. Maizono seemed super nice ( unsurprisingly ), so maybe if she’s still hanging out in the dining hall, Komaru can convince her to help her in her search! Now that she thinks about it, she can probably ask anyone that comes by the dining hall for any leads.

...But why does she care so much in the first place? It’s not like she doesn’t care about the others: even the ones already dead— she can’t place why exactly she feels attached to people she barely knew, but she’s always been pretty sentimental. Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s the way Fukawa seems to try so hard to be close to people in one moment, and then so distant in the next.

In any case, standing in front of the fridge and spacing out is probably far from a good idea, besides the obvious fact that she’s in the way— she doesn’t even notice that someone has decided to take advantage of her distracted state to pull the wool over her eyes. Er, the hoodie of her jacket, technically.

She’s hardly gotten a chance to push the hood back before a hand comes down on her head to ruffle her hair. Or, well, she presumes that is his intention, even if the gesture comes off as more of a light noogie. She puffs her cheeks out in a pout, glaring up while the other smirks down at her. “‘Sup, squirt? Falling asleep on yer feet, or is there another reason yer zoning out in the middle of the kitchen?” The baseball star tosses an apple in his hand like one would with a ball, and she considers lightly kicking Oowada’s ankles in retaliation.

“Just thinking. You probably shouldn’t play with your food like that though.” She responds, and he makes a face at her.

“Ah, so ya do still got something still rattlin’ in that tiny head of yours, good. Worried I knocked everything outta ya.” He teases, reaching past her to open the fridge door. “An’ why would you do that to yerself? It’s still too early in the mornin’ fer that shit.”

“Well...I’m just a little worried. There are fewer people hanging out in the dining hall this morning.” She admits.

He scowls. “Pretty sure they’re just antsy ‘cause of that damn bear ‘nd if any of them have a lick of sense in ‘em they’ll be busy looking fer a way out or somethin’. Don’t worry yer pretty lil’ head about it.”

“...Yeah, I guess.” She can’t help but worry, but her concern isn’t exactly going to help right now, at any rate. Maybe she’ll just find something that she can take with her to eat. “Oh! But speaking of that, did you happen to see Fukawa-san on your way here? I would’ve thought she would have stayed around here this morning, honestly.”

“Her? Mm, yeah, heard her and Ishimaru goin’ at it in the halls earlier—”

“They were what?” Before he can finish his sentence, Asahina’s voice cuts in from behind her, pitch breaking midspeech.

“Fighin’! They were jus’ yelling at each other! N...Not anything weird!” Oowada backtracks in a panic when he realizes how poorly his wording could be misconstrued, even if such a thought never occurred to her. “Jeeze, ya think the Public Morals chick would engage in that shit? Not that I don’t think she might be a bit hypocritical with her rules ‘nd shit but—”

“No! No, I don’t! That’s why I was asking!” Asahina retorts with a huff, and while they bicker, Komaru takes this as an opportunity to slink out of the kitchen with a slice of toast. Unfortunately, Maizono seems to have left in that span of time, but the Clairvoyant happens to be sitting alone, so she figures she might see if she has anything interesting to contribute.

Enoshima opens an eye to stare at her upon hearing her footsteps, presumably, and before Komaru can even greet her, she speaks, monotone. “Four.”

Whatever question you’d planned to say dies in your throat, instead sputtering out a bewildered, “H-Huh?”

“It’s your lucky number for the day.” She sounds bored, as if she’d been stating the obvious, instead of some cryptic statement.

“...Isn’t that the number of death?” She is less certain of herself than she wants to be, ignoring the shiver that runs down her back upon realizing this.

Enoshima grins at that, for reasons she doesn’t understand; cheery voice a total 180 from what it’d been moments ago. “Well, perhaps it means you’ll be having a meeting with death today? Probably about time someone kicked the bucket, someone was bound to snap sooner or later... I’m sure your luck will kick in though, right? But I’ll wish you good luck anyways!”

“Thank you...?” Is that the appropriate response here? She’s not sure, but it’s probably not worth lingering on any longer than she already has, and decides with a rising urgency that maybe she should find Fukawa.

Although, recounting the conversation in the kitchen, she wonders if she should check on Ishimaru as well. Neither of them really struck Komaru as the kind to fight ( with their fists, at least, Fukawa’s mouth seemed set on picking a fight half the time ), so to say she was a little concerned might be an understatement. Given the writer had a tendency to be more openly friendly she could probably get a straight...well, an honest answer from him as to what had happened.

But she wanders for what feels like ages, and doesn’t have any luck ( haha, the irony ) in finding any hint as to where either of them might have gone, and decides to stick to her efforts to find Fukawa first. Ishimaru seemed like the type to be more resilient, so maybe she can catch him around their next meal time. If he didn’t lose track of time again, at least...

Ugh, she’d kill to honestly run into anyone around here. Not literally kill, obviously, but for reasons she’s been trying to keep quiet on, she really hates wandering the halls alone: or most places that they can access right now, to be honest. She keeps seeing this one ghost this one ghost in particular ( or at least Komaru is pretty sure she’s a ghost ), but she refuses to acknowledge her hanging around because that would be weird, and she would like to seem normal and if someone saw that it’d be a hassle to explain.

Fortunately, her search finally turns up fruitful when she finds Fukawa spacing out in the A/V room.

...Unfortunately for her, finding Fukawa earns her a pretty close brush with death. In the blink of an eye, a pair of scissors are thrust against her throat, pinning her back against the moment she steps into the room.

Oh. Uh. Oh god? Was Enoshima actually right about that? Her breath catches in her throat and for a moment, she wonders who would find her if she was killed here. Would they care? What about her parents— Makoto?

Would they sigh and just ponder if she’d ever been lucky at all?

And just as quick, the cold metal is pulled away from where it rests against her neck. “Oh. It’s just you.” The words are spoken with more warmth than she can ever recall hearing Fukawa speak with, which is really weird considering what just went down.

Ever so smartly, Komaru doesn’t actually process what is said to her, and responds with, “Isn’t that technically against the rules?”

A thin eyebrow is raised at her, scissors being tucked away under her shirt. Uh. “No? That’s what they want, right? Or are you so naive that you think that everyone would really follow the rules?”

Well. She’s probably not entirely wrong in thinking that she’s naive, but... “Isn’t, uhm. Isn’t that your thing, though? The rules?”

Fukawa looks startled to have this pointed out to her, for some reason. “Oh, hahaha, yeah. T-Totally! I was just...uh, testing you.”

Okay, now she’s just downright acting strange? Komaru’s willing to give her the benefit of the doubt that maybe she’s just acting odd because the videos are weighing on her mind. They are in the AV room, after all. Something doesn’t add up though, but she can’t quite place what it is...

Komaru opens her mouth to ask the other a question, but when she looks back over at Fukawa, her expression has gone kind of...distant? Hazy? She doesn’t quite know how to describe it, and begins to ask if she’s feeling okay when the other girl sort of...collapses into her, arms going around her loosely. She panics a little because that can’t be a sign of anything good, right? Is she feeling dizzy? She’s not passed out, and at least she’s breathing normally. She’s surprisingly pretty light, so it’s not like it’s really an issue to just help support her until she feels better.

The only warning that she gets is the feeling of the other girl tensing up before Fukawa suddenly bolts upright and shoves herself away. Komaru frowns a little, not because of the sudden change in attitude ( if anything, she finds that strangely reliving ), but moreso out of concern, attempting to reach her hands out to help steady her on her feet, but gets her hands slapped away before she can do so. “Don’t touch me.” She hisses.

Okay she’d be lying if she said that didn’t sting, but she can’t help but laugh for a moment. “Ahaha— sorry, I’m not laughing at you. For a moment there, you seemed like a completely different person! I’m glad to see you’re feeling better, Fukawa-san.” If she were more aware of the situation, she might feel more guilty for being unintentionally insensitive: but as she doesn't, she simply misses the way the other looks nervous for a moment while she wonders what that had been all about ( but can’t quite gather the nerve to actually ask ).

“Y-Yeah, real likely story. You just...just came to l-laugh at me in a moment of weakness, r-r-right?” She glares, hands clenched. “I know your type! No one is...is actually that nice w-without some kind of ulterior motive.”

Is that what she actually thinks about me?

“No! I really am glad to see you’re feeling better. You really had me scared there for a minute.” She says sincerely, offering her a reassuring smile. “If you want, I’ll listen to whatever’s bothering you. It’ll stay between us.”

Fukawa scowls, watching her for a long minute with a guarded expression. “There w-was something on the, uh, disc that Monokuma gave you, right? Just like— like everyone else?”

Huh? Well, if this is what it takes to get her trust, then she supposes she can talk about it... “Yeah. It was my parents and my older brother. It’s...kinda scary to think about, honestly. What about you, Fukawa-san? Was it also your family?”

“No. M-M-Mine was blank. Because...because there was no one to choose. Or so he says.” Her jaw is clenched. “Of course, I had to— I acted like I was the same as everyone else, b-because it’d be strange if I didn’t, right? You’d think I was, was working with them or something...everyone would really hate me after th-yhat.”

“Uhm, I’m pretty sure Togami-san didn’t even blink an eye...?” She tries to bring up as a counterpoint, but apparently she has more to say.

“A-A-And before you ask, it’s not like they’re wrong about that, so...so it didn’t surprise me to here it. But everyone got s...something similar, right? All these personal th-things about us...just how much do they really know? How are we supposed to act like, like this is all normal when they’ve got that kind of leverage over us...!”

Oh. She’s shaking— she’s scared. She’s been putting up a front? Komaru puts two and two together after a moment, gently taking the other girl’s hands in her own. This time, she doesn’t get pushed away.

“I’m scared too.” She admits. “Thinking about it like that is scary. But that’s what they want from us, right? To make us scared, so we act the way he wants us to, right?”

Fukawa remains silent, but the conflicted look on her face at least indicated that she was paying attention to her and not ignoring her like she might’ve feared. Komaru squeezes her hands in an attempt to be reassuring. “But you think we’ll all get out alive, right? So no matter what, as long as you believe that, no matter what they might know we’ll be okay. And if you don’t think you can do that on your own, I’ll be right here to support you. So we’ll definitely get out alive, it’s a promise...!”

“You...You really don’t know wh-wh-what you’re saying.” She mutters under her breath, but Komaru takes it in stride with a grin.

“That’s not a no!” It’s not a yes either, but Fukawa doesn’t humor her in further acknowledging the subject: it doesn’t really mater, because Komaru sees a hint of what might be called a smile in her gentle expression.

Yes, at least with one of your peers, you are sure you’ve grown a little closer with today ( and for today, that is a good enough start ).

[javis-beretta]

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (1)

this is part one of my first series, based off the movie w/ the same title which is so stupid and cheesy, i love it. i’m gonna continue this anyway (because i’m having a good time writing it) but pls send me an ask or a message if ya like it bc i crave validation. enjoy! <3

((also this has some swears and i don’t like writing abt girls fighting, so i’m changing that part of the plot thx))

part 2 / part 3 / part 4

It wasn’t that you fell in love easily, the opposite was actually true. You just had a lot of fuzzy feelings, fairly often, and those feelings were pretty easy to misinterpret as love. That’s how it had been with Race Higgins, back in grade six, when everyone still called him Tony and he was your first kiss in a game of spin the bottle. That’s how it had been with Romeo Cortes, when he danced with you at your first ever school dance in grade nine. That’s how it had been with Jack Kelly, who had been your first best friend, your cute neighbour and your sister’s first boyfriend.

(Well, Kath wasn’t your sister, not exactly. Her parents, Mr and Mrs Pulitzer had taken you in when your mom had passed and, when Mrs Pulitzer joined her, Katherine’s dad had become a father to you both. So, she wasn’t your sister, not by blood, but she was your family in every way that mattered.)

One thing your mother had taught you, long ago, before you’d been old enough to understand what she meant, was that there were few better ways to understand yourself than writing. She filled books with pages and pages of how she felt when she met your dad, and how she felt when he wasn’t around anymore, and how her heart soared with love for you.

So, whenever you heart felt a little too full, you let your feelings overflow onto pages. After you kissed Race, in the middle of a game of spin the bottle at your first real boy-girl party, you wrote him a letter explaining how much it meant to you. After Romeo saw you standing alone at your first Homecoming and took your hand to lead you in a sweet, short slow dance, you wrote him a letter about how good it felt to not be alone, and to have him by your side. After Katherine told you that she was dating Jack, when you felt your heart sink as you smiled and gave her a hug, you wrote him a letter about how much you wished he’d chosen you, or even seen you as an option.

The letters were only ever for your eyes, for you to understand what your heart wanted, at those moments. Race was dating Spot, your second (and ex) best friend; Romeo was gay, and the entire school knew that he’d been pining after Darcy for forever and Jack was cute and creative and kind, but Katherine was the closest person to your heart and you would never ever hurt her by dating him, even after they broke up when she left for college. The letters were all hypotheticals. They were impossible fantasies and you liked it that way.

Until, on the third day of your junior year, when it all came crashing down.

Race walked up to you, dressed in the same jeans and bomber jacket kind of style that he (and most of his track team friends) had been rocking since the start of high school. He made it work, but that was no secret. Everyone who had ever been in your school hallways knew that Race Higgins was cute. It was one of those things. The sun rose every morning, the moon controlled the tides, Race Higgins was cute. It was an easy and simple fact. Another easy and simple fact was that Spot, Race’s boyfriend, had stopped liking you pretty much as soon as high school had began. You weren’t sure why, but you didn’t mind too terribly. You had people in your corner, like Katherine and Davey, so Spot could dislike you if he wanted to. Still, he probably wouldn’t have been too happy to see Race coming to talk to you with a serious look in his eyes, looking as though he was seeking you out.

He found you sitting outside school, with your laptop open on your lap. You were working on your English assignment as you waited for the bus.

“Hey, Y/N. Can I, uh, talked to you for a second?”

You were surprised, but you pulled out an earphone and motioned for Race to sit down next to you.

“Listen, as much as I appreciate the thought, Spot and I, like, just broke up so I don’t think that we could…”

He trailed off, looking at you expectantly.

“No offense, but what are you talking about, Race?”

He laughed, sounding a little uneasy and reached into his pocket, pulling out a piece of paper in a vaguely familiar envelope.

“This letter is, like, really sweet and from what I can remember that kiss was pretty hot, given that we were twelve, but, I just don’t think we should date.”

Suddenly, you felt a wave of nausea wash over you. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. He could not have gotten the letter. How could he have gotten the letter? It was locked away in a box at the top of the closest in your room and there was no way he could have it. But, he did. And, if he had gotten his, that meant that… Oh, motherfucking, no.

You looked up and saw Jack, heading out of the school building and making a beeline for you. No, no, no. So, before you could think, you panicked and did the only thing that would stop Jack from talking to you. You grabbed the collar of Race’s jacket and pulled him towards you. Letting your laptop drop onto the grass below you, you screwed your eyes shut, and kissed him. After a moment, he sunk into you and you opened your eyes for a second to see Jack, in your peripheral vision, hesitating and turning back. In your head you thanked Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

You pulled away from Race and both of you were gasping a little.

“Uh, okay, that was a little better than the kiss we had when we were twelve, but, um, respectfully, what the fuck just happened?”

Race sounded as confused as you felt, and just then, the school bus pulled in.

“Shit, I-I’m so sorry about that, but, uh, I have to go. Thank you!”

You grabbed your laptop, stuffed it in your bag and ran to the bus, sinking down into the first seat you found. You glanced out of the window and saw Race, still clutching the letter tightly in his hands, looking well-kissed, with wide pupils and swollen lips and more than a little bewildered.

“Fuck,” you said under your breath.

“You can say that again, sister.”

You glanced to your right and, there, sitting next to you in all his glory, was Romeo Cortes.

“Hi,” you said feebly, with an even weaker wave.

“Hey. You okay? You kind of look like you just got rejected from the college of your dreams.”

“Ha. Something like that. I definitely have the same ‘my life is officially over’ feeling.”

He gave a low whistle and spoke softly.

“So, I, uh, got your letter.”

For the third time that day, you felt ready to chug a cup of lighter fluid. You didn’t reply.

“I’m really flattered, and Homecoming really was fun, but, um, you know I’m gay, right?”

You covered your warm face with your hands.

“I know, of course I do,” the words came out a little muffled, so you pulled your hands away and continued. “I wrote that letter ages ago. Those are the feelings of past me, not current me, I swear. I am so so sorry.”

Romeo nudged your shoulder with his and shrugged.

“Hey, it’s all good. I’m used to being irresistible.”

You let out a little helpless laugh and he grinned, kindly.

“There we go. So, you can smile! You look like you need someone to talk to. Wanna tell me about your day?”

You looked at him and the words came spilling out. You explained the letters, and Jack and your consensually ambiguous kiss with Race and the pit of helplessness you felt at the bottom of your stomach.

“Wow,” was all he said, at first. What more could he say?

“Well, first of all, homeboy kissed back, so I wouldn’t worry about the consent there. Secondly, you need to talk to your sister before her ex-boyfriend does. And then, you need to talk to him. And Race. Basically, you’ve got a lot of talking to do.”

“Can’t I just sink into a hole and die instead?”

“While that sounds like a great option, I’d be gutted if my favourite dance partner disappeared.”

He gave you a smile, and you felt a little bit better. If Romeo believed your story, maybe the others would too.

The bus pulled up to your stop and you got up to leave. Romeo was right, you needed to call Kath, as soon as you could.

As you walked from the bus stop to your house, you saw someone standing on your porch. He was wearing paint-stained jeans, a dark blue shirt, murderously hot combat boots and a badass leather jacket. Jack Kelly. Of fucking course. Shit. You turned and ran, as fast as your legs would carry you.

[jbuffyangel]

Bored Now: Arrow 6x19 Review (The Dragon)

What in the ever-loving hill tops of Olympus was THAT?

I was exhausted Thursday, so I missed the episode. However, I waited until Sunday because I wasn’t motivated to watch given the fan reaction. But I figured it couldn’t be that bad right?

Yes. Yes it can.

I would rather watch Oliver pontificate about his super-secret plan to stop gun violence (without revealing his super-secret plan to stop gun violence) than “The Dr*gon.” I would rather watch L*urel earn her BC suit (without really earning it) by hallucinating her dead sister. I could watch Oliver and Sara bang fifty times over. Yes, I know what I am saying. 6x19 is worse than all the terrible 13th episodes combined! After six years and 134 episodes I am bestowing “The Dr*gon” with the title of WORST EPISODE EVER.  Congratulations. We have a new low.

I flitted between enraged and bored watching “The Dr*gon”, so I feel Evil Willow’s iconic expression conveys my emotions nicely.

Let’s dig in… it won’t take long. I promise an excess of snarky gifs.

Felicity Smoak and Curtis Holt

This is the first week post Oliver firing Felicity. Yes, he can dress it up any way he likes, but that’s exactly what he did. Felicity chooses to devote her extra free time to her company and reaches out to Curtis for a truce. A truce in these writers’ minds means FELICITY APOLOGIZES TO CURTIS. 

Liz Kim, who co wrote the episode, explained:

Let’s pretend we live in a world of rainbows and unicorns where the main governing body is the Girl Scouts and instead of paying taxes we get free cookies. 

We must live in this kind of world to understand what Liz Kim is pushing. Fine. Felicity isn’t holding a grudge. She’s being the bigger person and is sorry for her role in the fight. If we look objectively at all six characters Felicity has the least to apologize for, but that’s just details. 

What infuriates me is Curtis just stands there and glowers at her. He oozes moral superiority, contempt and arrogance. 

Why, dear writer, didn’t Curtis then apologize to Felicity? If this is all about being the bigger person and not holding a grudge, why didn’t Curtis step up to the plate next? Last time I checked, Curtis has as much to apologize for if not more than Felicity. Instead, we get Felicity apologizing to yet another man on this show and Curtis just stands there like a condescending lump. 

UNACCEPTABLE.

Then Curtis cannot hide his glee over Diggle quitting the team. He wants to skip around the room and sing, “Nananana boo boo” while Felicity is distraught about her husband being alone in the field. CURTIS HAS THE NERVE TO TELL FELICITY HE MUST FIGHT THE DESIRE TO GLOAT. But sure, what an amazing friend. 

Listen asshat, if you tell someone you are trying not to gloat that’s the same as gloating.

Why is Curtis the only “friend” Felicity is ever allowed to speak to? Why couldn’t she have gone to Lance or even Diggle. Diggle has a beef with Oliver, not Felicity. I don’t see how going to Curtis is any better than going to John in Oliver’s eyes. Hell, I’d take a phone call Thea over this. I don’t need to hear her side of the conversation.

How does anything Curtis says correlate to real friendship? He states the obvious – Felicity is using work to distract her from worrying about Oliver. OH MY GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH CURTIS. WHAT WOULD WE HAVE DONE WITHOUT YOU HERE TO EXPLAIN THAT COMPLETELY OBVIOUS PLOT POINT TO US ALL?

Then, he almost laughs in her face about it, but can control himself enough to only gloat. Wow. Felicity’s friendship cup runneth over. And last, but not least, he refuses to take any responsibility for his role in the team breakdown. How magnanimous of him. What a petty little prick.

Also, why is Curtis always the one to fix a problem with the Helix tech? JUST ONCE I would like to see Felicity solve something tech related to this company without Curtis’ help. Felicity Smoak can program and hack anything. SHE INVENTED THE KEY PIECE OF RAY’S ATOM SUIT. But whenever Curtis is around she is forced to be clueless and rely on Curtis’ brilliance to save the day because LOOK AT WHAT A GOOD TEAM THEY ARE. She is a shining example of a genius female character and now she’s being used to prop Curtis’ man baby brain. It’s nauseating and unbelievably insulting to my gender.

If this is the route Arrow chooses to fix the breach between the two teams (OTA members apologizing while Newbies gloat) then I can safely say I will not forgive the newbies for anything they’ve done. They will be on my list of “Characters Who Need to Die” for the remainder of the show. Starting with my number one spot – Curtis Holt.

Olicity

At least the writers knew the only way to get Olicity fans to watch this garbage pile of nonsense was to stick a 3 minutes Olicity scene at the end and promo the crap out of it.  Unfortunately, the scene didn’t give me “all the feels” the writers intended. 

Felicity comes home in a panic after watching a news report stating the Green Arrow is probably dead. 

Source: @oliverfelicitygifs

Oliver pops up behind her and a very relieved Felicity throws herself into his arms. Any gooey feels I have over Felicity’s concern and emotional hug are about to be obliterated. Felicity informs Oliver this set up doesn’t work for her. When she’s in the bunker, and knows where he is or can see what is happening, it’s easier to cope with her worry. Oliver condescendingly implies there’s very little Felicity can do to help him while she’s in the bunker.

Excuse me, but is Oliver a pod person now? How do we get from THIS

to THIS 

to THIS. 

Do the Arrow writers watch Arrow? This is why people get so fed up. We can go from one episode to the next and characters act completely OOC to push a storyline along. Oliver “You’re My Partner” Queen is now saying Felicity can do very little to help? 

Let’s just unravel the entire basis of the show and the reason the character exists in the first place 

for another bullshit Oliver Queen regression that makes no sense. 

All I am asking for is a modicum of character cohesion and storyline consistency. Is it so much to ask that the Arrow writers know the show and characters they are writing for? I think not.

After Felicity correctly argues she can and HAS helped Oliver many times, he does another 180 and tells Felicity she can never be helpless. Cool bro, but you stated the exact opposite 15 seconds ago. 

Oliver decides it’s time to placate his wife’s legitimate fears by telling her he will always come home.

Source: @oliverfelicitygifs​

Sure, it’s a nice foreshadow for the future since Oliver is probably going to land himself in jail. This scene can serve as reassurance for all those terrified Oliver is going to do 25 to life. I take issue with the promise, however. Do you know why Oliver didn’t make that promise to Felicity in 2x09? 

Because he respected her too much to lie to her. Oliver knew then he doesn’t always have control over what happens to him in this line of work. Accepting death and not being afraid of it is part of the job description. Oliver knows this is a promise he can’t keep because NOBODY CAN. The tiny look of hesitation and resignation his face after hugging Felicity proves it.

Source: @oliverfelicitygifs​

We tell our children little white lies to ease their fears because sometimes they aren’t old enough to understand the truth. Was the promise Oliver made to William completely true? No. Should he have made the promise? Probably not, but I understood why he did. Oliver was trying to ease his son’s fears because William is a child.

But Felicity is a grown woman. Oliver doesn’t need to tell little white lies to his wife so he can continue his deeply stupid need to regress. The only reason Felicity needs to buy into this obvious lie is so she can function while Oliver is out in the field by himself.  How about Oliver LISTENS to his wife and acknowledges the truth – he can’t do this without her. Even emotionally stunted Oliver Queen understood THAT. 

We’re really supposed to believe emotionally evolved Oliver doesn’t? 

I MEAN GIVE ME A FRIGGIN BREAK.

This is why viewers get so frustrated with Arrow. The characters can change personalities like the show changes writers. 

Things we know to be true, and are the backbone of the series, are tossed aside to make an illogical plotlines work. It does nothing to service the characters, show or viewers. All that’s left is a terrible hour of television.

The Dr*gon and Bl*ck S*ren

The function of this episode is to make us give a flying flip about the Dr*gon. However, we are given a sloppily slapped together back story that doesn’t connect to any of the main characters whatsoever – particularly Oliver.  

Di*z grew up in an orphanage and was bullied by an older boy. This is the reason he’s become a menace to society. 

He named his fear “The Dr*gon” and tattooed it everywhere because he’s so tortured and intense.

He’s been trying to move up the criminal ladder to conquer his fear and be respected as a legitimate crime lord. Ummm… okay? Good luck with that. WHY DO I CARE? Oh, that’s right. I don’t. 

Ultimately, Di*z gets a seat on the Quadrant (Season 7 villain set up for sure) and revenge on the kid who bullied him as a child. The moral of the story is don’t be a bully because someday the kid you tortured might show up on your door step and light you on fire.

I thought this was supposed to be the season of many villains. Weren’t we doing away with the singular Big Bad? Why are we suddenly zeroing in on the lamest villain in the group? He’s so lame the writers had to come up with an entire episode to mitigate the lameness.

Di*z and Sir*n spend 85% of the episode sitting in a car trading fortune cookie sayings with one another. They go on and on and on about power, control and not being a dog. It’s a lot about not rolling over, bellies, tails... maybe an ear. Think of every single villain cliché you’ve ever seen and that sums up “The Dr*gon.” 

Di*z’s moves are utterly predicable and I’ve heard the dialogue in about fifty other shows/movies. I wish they had just gone full throttle with plagiarism and stuck, “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse” in there. It’d feel more honest.

BS spends the entire episode asking the big strong man how to be a big strong villain. So, a win for feminism all around. 

BS is so busy telling Di*z not to “roll over” she fails to see she’s following him around like a lost puppy.  

Di*z is the lamest Arrow villain in history (Yes, even worse than Sebastian Blood), but BS is his henchman. So, what does that make her? Nothing good! I’ll tell ya that much. 

In C*ssidy’s defense the dialogue is cringe worthy, but she didn’t make it any better with the over the top acting.

BS tells Di*z not to be a wuss, but when he listens she acts like she has a problem with violence. YOU JUST TOLD HIM NOT TO ROLL OVER. HE’S DOING WHAT YOU ASKED, KEVIN. 

Yet, her eyes cannot behold the horror of Di*z beating a man. Her soul withers at the sight of Di*z killing. She blinks, sighs and turns away in disgust. SHE IS SO CONFLICTED.

Oh, holy hell. Are you kidding me with this crap? This is the same character who killed a security guard begging for his life. This is the same character who screamed in another man’s ear until his veins popped. She’s tried to kill the team multiple times. It’s a little difficult to believe BS has a hard time watching someone get punched. But we’re supposed to believe it because REDEMPTION. Sorry, Imma gonna need a little more than excessive blinking from C*ssidy to sell me on that one.

Di*z’s need to be a legitimate crime boss doesn’t mean the character translates as any more than the common street thug he is. His backstory is intended to make him look complex, but it does the direct opposite. We’ve seen “a villain is made not born” trope a thousand times, including on Arrow. Unfortunately, “bullied in an orphanage” doesn’t hold up against the backstories of Slade, Merlyn, Ra’s Ahl Ghul or Prometheus. 

BS has the nerve to compare Di*z to Adrian Chase and I laughed out loud. 

BS spent all of 15 seconds with Chase, but she knows his anger consumed him? Okay, cupcake. Whatever you say. Comparing the genius ways Chase inflicted pain and revenge on Oliver to the Dr*gon’s hum drum plan of vertigo and the Quadrant is just wrong. Why didn’t they do this villain focused episode with PROMETHEUS? That would have been a good time.

“But Jen, you didn’t like Prometheus at first. You thought he was boring and then you loved him.” Sure, that’s true, but by episode 19 we were full throttle on Adrian’s crazy.

There’s nothing to unmask with Di*z. This isn’t Josh Segarra going to another level. If it was those things then 6x19 was the episode to do it. All that’s revealed is more boring on top of boring.  I can tolerate a misfire in the 10-15-episode range, but we’re rapidly approaching the end. It is incredibly late in the season to be telling us why we should give a flying fig newtin about Di*z. The writers need to come armed with a hell of a lot more than bullied and power hungry for a chair.

Stray Thoughts

It’s safe to say it’s going to be a terrible episode if the writer is tweeting as a PR defense strategy. We shouldn’t need episodes explained to us, but if we do then the answers should make a modicum of sense.

Oliver was in episode 3x10 more AND HE WAS “DEAD.” There’s a reason why Stephen Amell is the star. He carries the show. Don’t ever bench him, writers.

This wins Twitter:

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me. 6x19 gifs credited.

[theroundeviloftable]

Park Ranger

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Soulmate AU

Summary: Y/N and Namjoon live in a soulmate universe where they receive the same injuries that the other does; for example, if one soulmate were to cut their finger, the other would receive the same cut spontaneously a few seconds later, without the initial pain but still with the blood/other physical effects.  You can imagine how well this would go for a pair of soulmates where one is just naturally clumsy, and the other works as a tree-climbing obsessed park ranger.

Word Count: 2,391

A/N: so this AU is something I wrote for a different pairing a while ago (its not my AU originally, but I lost the original post I got the AU idea from), but I thought that it would just fit Joon so damn well, so I decided to create this...whatever it is. As always, this has not been proofread at ALL lmao so go easy on me.  (Also I know I’ve been MIA for quite some time now...ha ha..don’t @ me bc I will fight)

Enjoy my lovelies!

“Y/N, I think you’re bleeding again...?”

You turned to your left to see your shift partner pointing at your forehead with a questioning look in her eyes.  You huffed out a tiny breath and brought your fingers to your forehead, feeling around until you felt moisture right above your left eyebrow.  You pulled your fingers away and, sure enough, they were coated with a thin layer of dark red blood.  Letting out another, albeit louder, huff, you turned away from your coworker and headed towards the first aid kit.

“You need some help?” She yelled at your retreating figure, but you replied back with a strong “NO”, and continued your 4th trip to the bathroom that day (only one of which had been to actually USE the bathroom), first aid kit in one hand and an ever-growing distaste for your “soulmate” in the other.  You hadn’t even been outside at all that day, hadn’t climbed a single tree, hadn’t given a single nature tour to a visiting elementary school group, and yet you already had a shallow cut on your forearm, a bruise on your calf, and now another cut above your eyebrow.

You hoped your soulmate was either a doctor or a tattoo artist because you were going to need some way to cover up all the scars he was responsible for.

~~~~~~~

Namjoon had one of the worst headaches in his life, and all because of his friend, Seokjin.  

He was visiting said friend at work, the pair choosing to take a walk around the hospital grounds while Seokjin was on a rare break, and everything was going fine, until the pole.  Namjoon had walked face-first into a steel pole, all because Seokjin had failed to warn him it was coming.

“Joon, I told you, I was looking the other way!  I swear, I didn’t see the pole, otherwise I would’ve said something and-”

“Jin, please just be quiet.” Namjoon was crouching and had one hand pressed over his left eye that had taken the brunt of the collision with the pole, his head pounding and Jin’s voice bouncing around in his skull doing nothing but amplifying the pain.  Seokjin mimicked Namjoon’s position, grabbing his friend’s wrist and slowly pulling his hand away from his eye only to discover that-

“Joon!  You’re bleeding!  My goodness, how hard does someone have to smack a pole with their face for the skin to break?”

Seokjin began rifling through the pockets of his lab coat to find a bandage, meanwhile Namjoon was groaning and cursing himself for his stupidity.  “Jin, my soulmate is gonna kill me!  This is the third time today that I’ve hurt myself, honestly I think this is the start of a personal record-breaking day for me.”

The doctor simply chuckled as he peeled the protective backing from an adhesive bandage, pressing it lightly over the cut on Namjoon’s forehead after wiping it with an antiseptic cloth.  “Just, when you meet her, make sure you bring her in to see me first thing, yeah?”

Namjoon looked up at Seokjin with confusion written all over his face, the expression making the bandage over his left eyebrow crinkle worryingly.  Jin just chuckled again, and tried to clear up his friend’s confusion.  “I meant to bring her so that I can work on patching up all those scars she probably has from your clumsy ass.”

“Hey! I’m not that clumsy...”  Namjoon rises back to standing straight, but keeps his eyes trained sheepishly on the ground, and Seokjin just joins him standing, laughing brightly and flinging an arm around his friend’s shoulders to usher him forward on their continuing stroll.

Namjoon smiles devilishly and stops rubbing at his bandaged forehead for a moment.  “At least I don’t sound like a broken windshield wiper when I laugh.”

Seokjin punches him in the shoulder, hard.

“Jin!! C’mon, I think that left another bruise!”

~~~~~~~

“Y/N, can you take this group out for me?!  The supervisor over at the RV station called and said he needed an extra hand over there.”  

You stopped your shift partner with your hands on her shoulders, and looked deep into her eyes while you smiled softly.  She was obviously panicking, and you wanted to try and calm her down a bit before she had to drive a four-wheeler over to the RV station further in the forest.  “Emily, Em, hey look at me for a sec.”

You saw her eyes focus on yours and hold the contact, so you began speaking once more.  “I’ll take care of this group, and the rest of the groups for today, so don’t worry about it, okay?  Everything will be fine.”

“But, Y/N, your shift is scheduled to end in like, 30 minutes and there are still 3 groups left for tours today and I can make it back for those I just really need help for this one-”

You held up a finger and Emily immediately closed her mouth, following your instructions for her to breathe in a out a few times.  You continued to assure her you would take the remaining tour groups out for their nature walks, and Emily was in a much better state of mind as you watched her strap on a helmet and begin her ride to the other park station.

You took a deep breath and patted your hands on the sides of your khaki cargo shorts, scraping off invisible dust, before turning on your heel and exiting the back room of the nature center.  Out in the arrival area of the center, you could see the beginnings of a group of school kids, one by one piling off the yellow school bus and practically vibrating with their excitement to go on a hike.  The sight brought a small smile to your lips, and you took a moment to grab your ranger hat and re-tie your boot laces before heading out front to greet the school group.

Little to say, that day of tours ended with a slightly twisted ankle (on both you and your soulmate) that resulted from having to stop a kid from slipping off a rock while he was playing in a creek,  multiple cameras that held pictures of the “daring park ranger” who had climbed a tree to save a baby squirrel, and a mess of tiny, stinging cuts on your face from climbing said tree that had Namjoon yelling in pain when he went to wash his own face later that night.

~~~~~~~

It had been 2 days since you had received any secondhand bruises, cuts, or scrapes from your soulmate, and you were honestly starting to get a little worried.  He usually gave you at least one bruise or bump a day, whether it be a stubbed toe or a certain tender spot on the hip that only comes from impact with a table corner.  You were secretly hoping (and this might make you sound a little crazy) for any sort of small pain just to let you know that your soulmate was still alive and out there somewhere.

Finishing tying your hair into a ponytail and brushing your teeth, you slipped on your ranger hat and boots again, prepping to go in for another rewarding, if not tiring, work day.  Your stomach grumbled quietly, and you humored it by grabbing an apple from the bowl on the counter on your way out to your car, keys in hand and backpack slung over one shoulder.  The apple was already halfway gone by the time you were in the driver’s seat with a hand on the wheel, ready to depart.

You felt something dripping on the arm that was currently holding the apple up to your waiting mouth, and you silently prayed to yourself that the wetness was from leaking juice.  You shut your eyes, breathed in deep, and opened them to face whatever reality existed.

You were sure you had been eating a green apple, but the whole upper half was stained red from blood that was currently pouring from a large gash in the center of your hand.

“Shit.”

Your hand shot off the steering wheel and reached over to your bag, groping blindly for any sort of cloth to bind your hand in temporarily while you drove yourself to the hospital.  You were sure you needed stitches, and just hoped that the cut wouldn’t hinder any possible, near-future tree climbing opportunities.

~~~~~~~

“Joon?  We weren’t supposed to meet today, why are you...oh.”

Seokjin simply raised one eyebrow, unamused, as he surveyed a very sheepish Namjoon with a sock wrapped right around the middle of his left hand.  The once white sock was now stained bright red, clearly from something the boy had managed to get himself into once again.  Jin had to stop himself from sighing before he motioned to Namjoon to follow him back to the section for emergency patients.  He pointed to a clean bed, and Namjoon obediently sat while he waited for Jin to return with what he needed to assess and fix Namjoon’s wound.

However, not even a moment later, a woman was being led to the bed directly next to Namjoon’s, and he craned his neck in curiosity to see what was wrong with her, as she seemed perfectly healthy.  It was then that he noticed she was also cradling her left hand to her chest, with what looked to be a bright orange safety vest wrapped carefully around the middle of it.  Namjoon was just beginning to notice the clear start of blood seeping over the portions of cloth that were not clutched in the woman’s fist when she turned around from talking to the nurse to sit on her assigned bed.

It was as though Namjoon experienced the moments after while submerged in a jar of honey, everything looking slow and golden.  Their eyes met as he looked up from her hand, and he swore he could feel a rush of strong emotion go straight to his heart, squeezing it in a vice.  The sound of her voice was muted when she started to speak, but he watched as her eyes flitted to his own sock-clad hand, and then returned to holding his gaze as her eyebrows furrowed in obvious understanding and annoyance. 

“I’m sorry, what was that?”  Namjoon visibly shook himself out of whatever sort of moment his brain decided to have just then, and looked at the girl with wide eyes.  The expression was so comical and endearing that you had to stop yourself from cracking a smile and laughing a bit.

“I asked, how did you get that cut?”

Again, you bit back a laugh as the man before you (who you realized was most likely your soulmate) donned an equally expressive face, this time conveying his embarrassment at having to tell his possible soulmate how he managed to slice open his palm.

“I uh...I, well...”  He cleared his throat and adjusted the collar of the button up shirt he was wearing, even though the top two buttons were undone and were nowhere near tight around his neck.  “I was..attempting to cut the tag off of a new pair of sunglasses I had just gotten in the mail, and it seems as though I wasn’t meant to use a pair of scissors.”

At that remark, you couldn’t hold in your laughter anymore, and it flowed freely from your lips as you rocked back a little and rested the non-injured hand over your abdomen.  Namjoon thought to himself that he had never heard your laugh before, but it was already a sound he wanted to keep on repeat for the rest of his life.

~~~~~~~

“So now I know why I have so many little cuts all over my hands and face all the time!”

You turned to glare down at Namjoon, who was currently pointing up at you accusingly as you continued to climb up a rather tall pine tree.  He withered under your glare, and you smirked at the fact that he knew he had caused you just as many injuries, simply because he was a clumsy fucker.  At least your injuries were warranted by your job.

He huffed out an indignant breath, and crossed his arms over his chest.  “This is just great, my soulmate is goddamn George of the Jungle, and I’m her clumsy ape of a sidekick.”

“You what, mate?”  You looked down at Namjoon again as you reached out your hand for a squirrel to jump on your arm (it gladly took the invitation and clambered onto your shoulder without a second thought), and soon there were two pairs of eyes staring down at Namjoon questioningly.

His jaw was almost on the floor when he saw the squirrel on your shoulder.  He threw his hands up in exasperation, and began walking away from the tree.  “That’s it, I’m done with this.”

You just laughed and expertly navigated the tree branches until you were safely back on the ground, placing the squirrel down and waving at it as it scurried back into a bush.

You called out to Namjoon, who was currently about a yard away from the tree.  “Hey, wait up, Joonie, you’ll get yourself into trouble somehow without me there to watch you!”

He turned quickly with a goofy grin on his face, one that he couldn’t stop from spreading at your use of his favorite nickname, and replied, “I’ll be perfectly fine, don’t you worry!  I’m not that much of a klutz that I can’t walk a simple hiking trail without-gah!”

Your hand shot out immediately to catch Namjoon’s own to stop him from falling completely on his face.  He had tripped.  On a stick.  It wasn’t even rooted into the ground, just a plain stick lying in the middle of the path.

He looked up at you in mock horror as he saw the self-assured smirk gracing your lips already.

“Aw Joonie, you didn’t need to go through all this trouble to show how much you’re falling for me.”

“Shut up, you’ve been hanging around with Jin too much lately.  Your jokes are terrible.”

You simply giggled softly under your breath as you tugged Namjoon into your waiting arms, planting a kiss on the side of his jaw and laughing louder when you saw the tips of his ears turn red.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and don’t be afraid to like, reblog, and tell me your thoughts/comments!  Love you, darlings <3.

[ask-svt-hearteu]

boyfriend! Joshua

Anon requested: “Boyfriend! Joshua please wow that writing is great thank you for continuing this blog over school” & “a boyfriend!joshua scenario where he teases your height, like even if they go on events/prom, heels have no effect bc she’s still shorter than him. (reader’s height is a lil’ shorter than woozi) :))) it’s okay if the scenario is short as long as it’s very fluffy”

Genre: fluff

Word Count: 1546

so to just sum up how Joshua became your boyfriend

you met Joshua through a mutual friend

you and your friend being at a cafe at that time,

just as she spotted Joshua coming in

funny, because you guys were just talking about this guy who plays the guitar who’s exaaaccctttlyyy your type

and obviously, your friend didn’t know what she was thinking 

you THOUGHT

"Joshua~~ Come here!”

she wasn't plotting to get the two of you together or anything HAHAHAHA

the ship had sailed in her mind already, long ago

"LISTEN to me, it’s science, one good looking plus another good looking equals cuteeee”

"Okay first that’s math, second he’s a whole universe out of my league f/n."

"Don't say that he's a dork like you are, promise."

so she called him

totally not by shouting across the room or anything

him smiling warmly

but also being an awkward dork and rubbing the back of his neck nervously

you both introduced yourselves to each other

and w o w

his eyes were so pretty and they were shaped like a cat's and his voice was quiet and gentle

everything about him screamed soft tbh

and damn he thought you were hella pretty

always been kind of shy at first around new people but he really wanted to talk to you and know more about you

it was a weird but refreshing feeling for him

and it helped that you were so nice and fun to talk to

and he was easy to talk to as well

you both chatted for a while

about random life stuff, favourite foods, colours, movies, shows...

"DUDE YOU LIKE NARUTO?!?!?!"

"YEA OMFG!"

with your friend sitting off in a corner ordering her coffee with a smirk on her face at how well the two of you were hitting it off, but also like 'why didn't I get those two dorks together earlier?'

and exchanged numbers so that you two could talk more

he eventually says that he has to go and buy his latte or his members would kill him

leaving with a graceful smile, 

possible directed a little more towards you

after a few days, he texts you asking if you wanted to go on a picnic with him

saying yes, everything started from there

hanging out and know each other more,

the two of you had a lot of similarities

so you two got along very quickly

after like a month or so

he asked you out

you went on your first date at an ice skating rink

then went on your second date at a museum, third date at a zoo

until he finally says those five simple words 

your whole relationship with him is perfect

except for the part where he teases you about your height

you're like an inch shorter than Jihoon

but you get all the teasing

if you wont give him any attention when he’s feeling hyper sassy

“Can I get a kiss first?” he points to his cheek

his smile being way too sweet for someone holding your things over their head 

not giving it back until he gets that kiss and some couple time

and it would just be you trying to reach his cheek and accidentally kissing his lips

how you two first kissed to be honest and both of you guys being cute awkward MESSES

purposely putting things on the top shelf so that you will call for him and reach it for you

saying things like

"Aigoo. What will you do without me?"

"Find someone who wont tease me about my height."

"Ahhh no. I was only joking. You know I find your height adorable."

and you just playfully hitting his chest for making you blush

honestly his teasing doesnt affect you

what's annoying is even if you wear heels

it will have no effect and he will still tease you

patting your head and calling you adorable

you not being able to stay annoyed for long,

YOU’VE SEEN THE WAY HIS EYES SPARKLE RUDE MUCH

would just blush while he pulls you in for a hug

okay so he has a pretty tight schedule

so during his free days, he’d make sure to plan a movie date with you

that's one thing you both liked

so you both decided on watching a movie every time he is free

so that you could at least spend time together after a whole work week

half of the movie date would consist of the two of you cuddling under the same blanket while watching the movie intensely

you won't even notice but halfway through the movie,

your legs would be tangled together under the blanket

your head is laying on his chest instead of the pillow

and him softly playing with your hair

Twenty-five percent would be trying to decide what food to order next after finishing your pizza

"How about Thai food?" he asks without looking away from the tv

"Nah, we had that last movie date."

"Chinese food then."

"Too spicy."

"Then just make some popcorn. There's some on the top shelf" he says with a half smirk

"I swear Joshua."

10 percent would just be you guys making out

and the last fifteen would be casually forgetting about watching the movie and just talking about random things

"Do you think dogs can understand our emotions through facial expressions?" you ask, straight-faced

"I think so, yeah. Why?" he says turning to you

"I dont know. I just want to know if dogs can actually see how happy we are when we see th- oh shoot, someone just died."

after watching like 2-3 movies

the both of you would be too lazy to leave the couch so you just end up sleeping there

and you would wake up to noises caused by the other members 

"I wonder what movie they watched." 

"This is the fifth time they slept there."

"Make sure to tell them to clean their own mess."

"We all know Mingyu will end up cleaning it up for them anyway."

at times where the two of you do have enough energy to walk to his room and sleep there

you would wake up to Joshua pulling you closer

as you try to adjust to the sunlight coming from the window

"Good morning." 

him greeting you with his raspy sexy morning voice

when he’s away or you cant visit him due to being busy

expect calls lasting from midnight to 3 am

consisting of talking about how your day went

deep, meaningful talks

you asking him to sing for you when you're already getting sleepy

and when there’s a lot of free time

your dates wont only limit to movie dates

two dorks at the arcade competitively playing pacman

or the carnival when spring season comes

Joshua winning you a giant stuffed animal because he wanted to see you struggling to walk with it in your arms 

recording your cute self and then carrying it himself

sharing a cotton candy

going in a lot of photo booths

and riding the carousel

when you guys both feeling like just spending time together alone

he would take you to this nearby beach that also has a park nearby that only has a few visitors

walking barefooted in the sand, holding each other's hand, talking about something cute

like baby names

the two of you laying down on the dewy grass, cloud gazing

"That one looks like a flower" 

"There’s another one."

"Where?" you turn to him after seriously looking for it 

"Here." he grins, tapping your nose

you getting caught off guard, just ends up wildly blushing

you were honestly screaming inside

fights are rare but they happen

and you guys would talk calmly and rationally

always figuring out ways to solve the problems

you guys fight like once every blue moon

your chemistry together is on another level

and it honestly amazes the other members

because the other can pick up easily on what the other is saying while they’re still trying to figure out if it was a joke or not

overall though

your whole relationship works really well, you both understand each other

he provides you with enough support and love and you give the same to him

you both understand that there’s only a limit the other can give

and you got each other's backs

especially when it comes to teasing the members

Jeonghan was honestly surprised when he realised that the dynamic between the two of you if better than him and Joshua

you and him were basically partners in crime when it comes to teasing the members

and in all honesty

you wouldnt ask for any other relationship than what you have with him

"I’m free today, do you want to go to the museum?" he asks, arms around you after not seeing each other for a bit

"Yes please." you say, smiling excitedly

"Calm down, there’s a limit to the excitement your small body can take." he teases 

looking up at him, glaring,

"....youre cancelled."

"I was only joking~ I love you." he says, pressingly a kiss to your head

you huff, your frown immediately changing back into a smile

"I love you too. Now let's go before I change my mind."

MASTERLIST

[alien-bodies]

Oversharing Time!!!

(i just made that title up that’s not the official title I’m just Like That)

Ok so @frogyell​ tagged my main account (I am BLEST) but that’s for Refined Star Trek Content and this one’s for excellent moodboard content and garbage so here’s the garbage!!! I’m putting it under a cut bc it manipulates your brain to want to read through 85 fuckin facts about me more wow I love science

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: Water! off to a great start

2. last phone call: my local Hot Topic. I feel like I should also mention I work there. But if you don’t know that and steal my phone you’ll see I have a contact named Hot Topic

3. last text message: Google sent me a verification code, but the last one I sent was to my brother it says “k”

4. last song you listened to: It’s called The Horror Of Your Love by Ludo, if I had to delete all but one song on my 121-song Best Enemies playlist I’d keep this one it’s Peak and kinda has vore but it’s metaphorical. metavoreical, if you will

5. time you cried: during my latest EMDR sesh! I was in Wales and everything it was a Lot I got ice cream after

6. dated someone twice? Big No

7. kissed someone and regretted it? Not really?

8. been cheated on? my ex had 16 anime dating sims downloaded at one point while we were dating does that count

9. lost someone special? yea

10. been depressed? hella

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve been drunk 1 time and it was when I was playing English handbells at my dad’s church’s wassail night but I did not throw up no

fave colors

12. Black

13. Lavendar

14. Light blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? Hell Yell!!

16. fallen out of love? k i n d a ? ?

17. laughed until you cried? oh absolutely

18. found out someone was talking about you? OH BOY YUP YUP

19. met someone who changed you? yes! she managed to physically alter my hippocampus without touching it how fuckign whack is that

20. found out who your friends are? It’s always the same miraculous group chat

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? sure have

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? I keep it nice and refined so all of them. My old account is another story

23. do you have any pets? one beautiful and talented cat named Moriarty. A good description is she’s got puppy software on cat hardware.

24. do you want to change your name? listen I’ve been through 4.5 of these fuckers, I like Nate, I’m Quite Finished

25. what did you do for your last birthday? invited 2 pals over, I remember one of them suddenly whipped out I Am The Doctor and the Dr Who theme on the piano out of fuckin nowhere and I was like “Daniel what the hell you’re so talented” and then I hardcore dissociated the rest of the day

26. what time did you wake up today? 10:00

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? chatting w @houseofoakdown​ and also editing my monstrosity of a fanfiction

28. what is something you cant wait for? Going back to school! then I can graduate in my pajamas and eat creamed corn in celebration

30. what are you listening to right now? the same goddamn playlist, this one’s called Battle Cry by The Family Crest, i cri erytiem

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? probably???

32. something thats getting on your nerves? my brother vaping in the bathroom with the fan on at 12:30am

33. most visited website: tungle dot hell

34. hair color: I started out blonde af now I’m less blonde but still blonde.

35. long or short hair: short

36. do you have a crush on someone: :[] yes

37. what do you like about yourself: i’m hella smart, my moodboards are bangin, my writing is cool af, I’m well-hydrated at all times

38. want any piercings? Big No

39. blood type: A+!!!!! thats me!!!!!

40. nicknames: my brother calls me a goon sometimes

41. relationship status: im married to my laptop

42. zodiac: I was born on the last day of Taurus so I’m a definite Taurus/Gemini power combo

43. pronouns: they/them, tho in some places I use he/him bc The Dysphoria got hog wild enough I decided to pretend to be a trans guy so ppl would take me seriously, but I’m moving more towards they/them everywhere now. 

44. fave tv shows: Dr Fuck, Sherlock (I’m armed with a pitchfork and an arsenal of beefed up tv & film knowledge come on fight me), DOWNTON ABBEY

45. tattoos: in August I will get a bee on my right arm and probably a Secret Word in Gallifreyan on my left it’ll say fuck

46. right or left handed: one time I was bored in grade 10 and tried to make myself ambidextrous but that was a hassle so I’m firmly right handed. Except in archery.

47. ever had surgery: got all 4 wisom teeth out not long ago! I still need to squirt water in my gum holes so I get all the mushy food out :{

48. piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but they’re grown tf over now!

49. sport: first of all what the hell is this question looking for second of all I have a red belt (which is 2 below black belt) in Taekwondo. I really need to do that again hhhhhh

50. vacation: i went to England and France in the summer with my family as a “””grad trip”””, it was lots of fun but my collection of sensory issues extended to chomping and I dissociated so intensely in The Louvre my mom told me to go back outside so I wrote fanfiction while listening to 21 Pilots and chatting w my imaginary friends and it took me like 18 hours to process I’d seen The Mona Lisa with mine own 2 eyes. Also the plane was delayed twice bc we used Air Canada for some godforsaken reason and I had 0 hours of sleep when I went to the Sherlock Holmes museum and I started talkin to this bust of Sherlock Holmes and then I hadn’t eaten enough and we were walking to this bookstore and I said “I need food!” and my dad said “We’ll get it AFTER” then I shouted “I’M GONNA DIE” so I got a BLT from Tesco. 

51. trainers: h

more general

52. eating: the last thing I ate was chocolate chips straight out of the bag

53. drinking: I got another cup of water

54. im about to watch: my entire fanfiction to take 3000 notes on consistency. and by watch I mean read

55. waiting for: my brother (not vaping) to get out of the bathroom so I can PEE

56. want: Orphan Black to be on Netflix so I can actually binge watch it then call my grandma about it

57. get married: idk I didn’t think I was a get married person but since realizing I’m a lesbian it seems like a good idea!

58. career: nurse and a writer. I might just move to London and work double time to write enough scripts I have some street cred then pitch a TV adaptation of Faction Paradox to the BBC and win

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs bc it means my friends are in my vicinity not Toronto

60. lips or eyes: uh. eyes???????????

61. shorter or taller: i’m 5′3″ and I would love a tol partner

62. older or younger: i don’t think I care

63. nice arms or stomach: what fresh hell does this mean. I’d like a nice stomach free of gastrointestinal issues and acid reflux. not that I have either of those but just in case

64. hookup or relationship: I have 300 many self-esteem issues so imma say relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: AU where I don’t have anxiety and I’m a trouble maker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: noop

67. drank hard liquor: I PUT RUM IN THE WASSAIL HELL YEAH also once someone bought me a shot at a queer dance thing bc it was payday and my friend told me to gulp the WHOLE SHOT and then the lemonade so I don’t barf and I was like “brah this is too high-stakes” so I poured the vodka in the lemonade and took sips and everyone stared at me

68. lost glasses: in grade 6 and then my mom threatened to make me wear one of those granny glasses chains so I never lost them again

69. turned someone down: ya this kid Cyrus used to chase me around in grade 5 and I’d run away always he was weird af one time he made out with a folder right in front of me in the middle of class

70. sex on first date: probs not at this point but I’m not opposed to the general idea when I’m less w h a c k e d  u p

71. broken someones heart: Not that I know of?

72. had your heart broken: c o n s i s t e n t l y in the most fricked up ways god

73. been arrested: no but once I booed at the police bc the local nazis (yeah) were gonna have a rally so we had a counter-rally and I dropped in but there were no nazis except one old dude in a MAGA hat showed up 2 hours late lmao

74. cried when someone died: oui

75. fallen for a friend: Big Lesbian Mood

do you believe in

76. yourself: YA BB

77. miracles: not as such

78. love at first sight: nah

79. santa claus: I wasn’t allowed to believe in Santa as a child bc he was “too much like God” sad

80. kiss on a first date: ye!

81. angels: big no

other

82. best friend’s name: I don’t exactly have a proper best friend but I’m goin with Liam

83. eye colour: blue/grey

84. fave movie: either The Force Awakens (bc I love bb8 and I’m gay 4 Rey) or Interstellar shut up

85. fave actor: uh idk let’s go with my brother

WOW THAT WAS LONG JEE🅱️US. I’m tagging @houseofoakdown @spoonietimelordy @gemvictorfromtheponyverse @spockswhales @raesand and that exhausts the ppl I know but you’re all worth quadruple in my heart 💖

[groundramon]

Homph I finished tri and I wrote down my thoughts as I was watching because I had too many funny shitposts and nobody to share them with bc charlie hasn’t watched tri yet

PS i wont be reblogging tri spoilers (besides MINOR stuff like, digivolutions of already confirmed digivolution lines or non-spoilery shitposts, but I’ll try to tag shitposts as #tri spoilers anyways [digivolutions specific to tri ill tag as well but not ones that were already basically confirmed]) for a while so ur safe here!  I’m just gonna like everything/most things because then I can rb em to hisyaryumon lmao (also u should check out hisyaryumon....its me n charlie’s digimon blog)

EP 1:

- ok. alright. ok. good. they’re dealing with kari’s emotions now instead of just. nothing.  ok. alright. cool.  Still dont like how obscure/”artsy” they’re being with it, this is digimon not kagerou project, but ok.

- Also. I stand by tk and kari being one of the few good straight ships in digimon.  just saying.

- kari: this is my fault... me: god damn it shut up you little brat also me: god relatable ALSO me: ill take whatever display of emotions i can get

- I love how nobody believes tai is dead like.  They’re upset and worried but they’re also like “nah. he cant be. that fucking asshole just left us in our time of need” (actually only matt is the last one)

- Gabumon i would die for you also im crying and I think that’s the first time tri managed to make me fucking CRY

EP 2:

- I had thoughts but then the 02 kids happened and I entered another plane of reality.  I don’t feel real right now

- the only one I can remember is evil!gennai being a dumbass and being like “SUFFER AND SQUIRM YOU PATHETIC HUMANS AS YOU FIGHT OVER THE LAST SEAT” 1. humans are KNOWN for their ability to care for others you dumb obvious fuck and 2. is. is the entire tube going? because that tube can fit too people if they squish.  This isn’t a joke I’m serious it can.

- oh yeah also when i saw whomstever the fuck his name is (adult guy who i love but fuck names) and he was all bloodied i was like “its a cold day in hell when i see blood in digimon” (I think there was blood in an earlier ep but shh idc)

EP 3:

- didn’t nishijima start off as a fucking life coach to these kids.  What the fuck he was supposed to help them find a career not emotionally scar them by bloodily dying in front of one of them

- im realizing that the reason hackmon was always in his cloak, in the shadows, standing still is that they cannot animate him in any normal position for the life of him.  I drew him with better anatomy when i was 14 and didn’t have a tablet.  No seriously, look:

I didn’t say it wasn’t bad, you guys are just underestimating how bad the anatomy on this poor creature is.  Why cant ppl draw dracomon or hackmon correctly imma cry

- ordinemon has the best reaction faces

the best part about these two screenshots is that they literally cut one to the other, first the first one to the second one and then it cuts back to the first one.  They were really proud of these stupid ass expressions.

- I started overcoming my dissociation shock from the second episode and my hypercritical mind was analyzing the shit out of everything that happened (it is Not happy) but then evil!gennai called kari and evil goddess and idk if he’s exaggerating to make her feel bad or if she’s literally a fucking god of chaos and destruction and either way im like

she did kinda like.  Watch wizardmon die, watch tai die, watch gatomon get absorbed.  The dark ocean is just a metaphor for depression and honestly if 02 wasn’t all over the fucking place I think Kari would’ve had some pretty decent development in it.  Actually you know what, I’m using that as an angle to approach Tri at now, wish me luck bc i might actually give it more leeway now

EP 4:

- I’m not dissociating but I forgot to say anything again and I already forgot what happened

- Cant believe mei is fucking dead

EP 5:

- I like to imagine that Tai got there like a few minutes ago, but he was like “well damn guess yall figured it out without me.  alright ill just. see if I need to do anything” and then meicoomon was Still Bad so he waited for when she struck just to make the most badass entrance possible.  Fucking extra ass bitch

- I forgot to write anything again but uhhh I wasn’t satisfied so anyways lets just get into the Juicy Details

Originally I was actually planning to be kinder to Tri than I expected.  Was very invested during it.  ‘Round the end of the last ep I realized hmmm no this isn’t working out.  Where are the 02 kids.  You should’ve brought them in to save the day.  That would’ve been SO cool and SO fun.  Fucking cowards.

god I’m kinda tired so I’m going to address a couple things I still had problems with, note that this isn’t everything it’s just everything I felt comfortable yelling about without rewatching past eps.  Like I forgot nishijima was all bloodied and presumably died in the last part until they brought it up and I was like “????” ALSO DID THE LADY WHO WAS HIS PARTNER OR W/E KILL HERSELF WITH THE GUN SHE FOUND, I JUST REALIZED LITERALLY AS I WAS TYPING THIS THAT SHE FOUND A GUN AND THEN I THINK IT CUT TO BLACK AND I’M

DID SHE FUCKING KILL HERSELF WHAT THE FUCK

anyways my problems:

1. They did joe. really dirty.  I’ll write a more proper rant on this sometime later (mostly bc charlie is MUCH better at talking about joe than I am) but basically I can tell you that his character development in the movies squandered his OG character development.  He’s basically an entirely different person.  Like Tri joe isn’t bad, besides being largely neglected (yes he has a whole half a movie to himself, no that doesn’t make up for it all), its just...not OG joe.  He’s a fine character just not the same character, and its NOT fine when you put the two together.

2. THEY DID THE 02 KIDS EVEN DIRTIER IM SO BITTER sorry you nostalgia-blind, money-hungry fucks at bandai, but the 02 cast is PART OF THE ADVENTURES UNIVERSE.  The only people who hate 02 are ones who like the characters but hate the mess of the storyline at the end, or are completely irrational and elitist about their love of the digimon series and would greatly re-evaluate their opinions if they watched the original series and 02 back to back.  They couldn’t even show them in some kind of group montage at the end??? Standing in the background when they call Mei???  Why couldn’t they call mei from a home phone also, but that’s a less important problem idc that much.  It was a cute scene besides the lack of 02 characters.  Whatever.  AND THE PROBLEM IS LIKE kari and tk?  This entire time???  Were like “oh they disappeared. oops” instead of being frantically searching for their lost friends???  Like i get tk and kari probably have fucking ptsd and can’t express any emotions because they watched important people die in front of their eyes at an incredibly young age but also 1. they didn’t address the ramifications of ptsd, so fuck that theory/excuse and 2. THAT??? WOULD ONLY MAKE THEM LOOK HARDER??? and put on a brave face as they look, but inside they’re so scared and so worried.  Not just “oh sweet, they were found/saved, theyre in the hospital but that’s fine” like WHAT theyre fucking assholes if that’s what they’d canonically do lmao.  God I am SO bitter over the ENTIRE thing with the 02 kids, it would’ve been BETTER if they were deleted from the fucking canon entirely.  Would I have still been bitter?  Yes.  But at least I wouldn’t be madder at TK and Kari too.

3. I stand 100% by the notion that Digimon is not and will never be cut out to be an adults’ franchise.  It wasn’t designed for adults, and it can’t be skewered towards adults.  These particular characters were designed for kids to relate to and find entertaining.  They do not work when placed into an adult setting.  Like, can you imagine a character like Ed from FMA going to the Digimon world?  I guess in a way that’s just Marcus but like.  Just imagine the FMA cast in Digimon Adventure.  It doesn’t work.  Digimon Tri is basically that except real.  Also Data Squad was darker than Adventure so my joke doesn’t even work.

I guess my primary point is that Tri isn’t mature enough of a setup for an adult audience.  It puts a focus on being “complex” and “philosophical” instead of working within Digimon’s constraints and making something good and adult out of that.  Like!  Digimon is a fucking TOY COMMERCIAL.  Don’t give me messages about the futility of human life.  I want bad puns and emotional characters.  That’s what Digimon has ALWAYS been, and ideally always will be.  Tri could’ve made itself more mature by dealing with the ramifications of the Digital World’s events, how it affected the kids psychologically and dealing with healing old scars.  It would’ve been a more mature take on a story we loved and would use things we loved about the story already - the fact that it took so much time exploring characters’ emotions and was surprisingly mature for the time - to make itself better.  You need to take the aspects that drew adults to the show and amplify them, not just slap on a complex story and unfunny dialogue and be like “oh this is fine, right?”

It’s not that Digimon can’t exist as an adult property, its just that if it repeats what Tri did, it’s got no merit and in my eyes the franchise is dead.  If it survives I guess I’ll be happy that people can still enjoy it but I find it unsustainable and unsatisfying to fans of the older series.  Tri is just a fuckfest of highly specific nostalgia that tries too hard to appeal to old fans without capturing what made the original series so magical, and in part thats because the original series WASN’T FOR ADULTS.  I don’t know about the Digimon Story games, bc they’re T-rated so perhaps they’re a better take on an adult Digimon story than Tri?  But you either need to make your own characters and lore specifically for an adult-oriented Digimon season, or perish.  Also, please make it a series and not a group of movies.  Getting four eps every 6-9 months was hell.

I stand by saying Appmon is a more faithful Digimon season than Tri to Digimon’s original spirit.  I believe it holds more potential for success than Tri and better embodies the spirit of the older Digimon seasons.  It’s dumb, its corny, it has horrible puns, but I LOVE it because it also has a deep dark story and emotional moments.  If you dislike Tri and you agree with things I said that make it unlikeable, I highly recommend giving Appmon a chance - if you watch a few episodes and think “oh yeah, I guess this is decent” you’re going to like it.  It’s everything Digimon has always been and hopefully always will be, just with a different concept.  And hopefully the end of the series doesn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth and I have to redact this statement haha since I’m not done with it yet, but I’ve heard good things about it so I’m hoping not so.

Overall, if you watch Tri, don’t get your hopes up.  It resolves everything okay-ish but it’s a pretty forgettable anime on its own and simply doesn’t work as part of the Digimon franchise.

I am, however, pretty interested in what evil!gennai said at the end about Diaboromon and Daemon.  It raises interesting questions about the timeline too.  We know Daemon is in the dark ocean, so perhaps that’s a hint at a future project?  (They did confirm a future project btw, in conjunction with tri being over)  But what about Diaboromon?  I dont believe that Our War Game (I think thats what its called?) took place after Tri, based on the outfits and ages and stuff, but I also don’t remember the movies that well.  Could Diaboromon still be out there too?  It’s interesting.

However, because of the lackluster performance of Tri, I don’t have my hopes up and I really hope that this “next project” goes in a different direction.  Although I guess if they include the 02 kids, I’ll be somewhat less salty...

Side note, did they ever explain why the gennais went evil?  Like ?  That’s a pretty important thing.  The gennais helped SAVE the human world in 02.  And I get that apparently Tri is ignoring 02′s ending but still.  It’s shitty, because Gennai was still a good guy in the original too (and also they cant just keep is younger look and act like 02 never happened)  MAYBE its something I missed but I dont think so.  God there’s just.  So much wrong with Tri.  I’m very displeased and very bitter and I wanna get back to Appmon asap.

It’s got good moments, its got bad moments, I dont know, I don’t care.  There’s nothing wrong with you if you like it, there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you if you flip flop and are split like me.  I just wish Tri fulfilled its potential instead of becoming a boring mess.

[sadbeautiful-tragic]

All Too Well

Pairing: Maria Menounos / Derek Hough

Rating: T

Word Count: 7230 

Summary: Almost a decade has passed since they met, and with it has come boundless changes. Does love conquer all? Is timing the true test?

A/N: It has been yeaaars since I last wrote menough. So much has happened in Maria and Derek’s lives. My heart still aches over its tragic rupture. And I will never, ever get over it. I learned this while writing and reengaging myself in their gradual departure (although I’m sure they still talk casually, just not as much as before). But anyway, here’s a menough fic. Even though the fandom has disappeared, writing this was a great way to release my emotions into a story and I hope even non-shippers or non-watchers appreciate it. 

For you all interested in reading even without being acquainted with menough; or for those who would like a refresher on the untouchable chemistry that was Maria Menounos and Derek Hough, I (re)introduce you to the tributes I had made years ago. I believe watching at least one or two of them before reading will make you feel more wrapped up in the story. (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

Finally (sorry these notes are so long), I have sort of a songfic section written into this fic. I insist with my entire being that when it comes to that part that you pull up the song and listen to it with accordance to how it is written in the fic. I recommend having the fic side by side with the song. Or if you are reading on the app, pull up spotify and click play when you’re ready. Otherwise the lyrics I had included will seem like empty words which is not the way I intended them to feel like.

Francois Klark - Please Stay

Thank youuuu and enjoy!

_______________________________

“So, it’s really her, huh. The brunette beauty. The woman you met through dance.”

“Absolutely, I couldn’t be more sure of it.” Derek beamed as he and his best friend looked over at their women standing and laughing on the balcony together. 

The night was almost like a peek into the rest of their lives as a foursome: the women were off chatting about their outfits for the engagement party while the men were discussing their childhoods. Derek and Mark were in their hometown in London which had brought back a lot of memories. And just three hours ago, the blond had proposed to the love of his life. 

The four of them had celebrated over dinner and now the two long term best friends were sitting at the round dining table in Derek’s hotel room.

“When we were here as kids,” Derek smiled, a glow in his eyes, “I couldn’t have imagined us being so lucky. I don’t know what I did to deserve her. But I’m so glad I do.” 

Just then, the infamous brunette beauty walked over to Derek while the other woman walked over to Mark. Derek grabbed the brunette’s hand and kissed it. “Your hand looks even more beautiful with the ring on it.” He raised an eyebrow to her and they both laughed. 

She leaned her forehead against his and giggled against his lips. 

“I love you so much, Hayley. I’ve never been happier in my entire life.”

“You mean that?”

Derek hummed with happiness against her lips. “Couldn’t mean it more.”

Mark and Derek had both decided to marry someone who shared the same lifestyle as them. Values, interests, hobbies, aspirations all matched their partners’. The two couples served to disprove the idea that opposites attract.

“Ok, ok, ok lovebirds. We need to get to sleep or we aren’t going to catch the plane in the morning.” BC Jean grabbed Mark’s hand and helped her husband up. “See you at breakfast tomorrow. 7am?” They nodded. “Awesome,” she said succinctly, grabbing her purse. “I really am stoked for your happiness, but it’s about time I got some action of my own.”

“Oh really?” Mark cocked an eyebrow,  reaching to wrap his arms around her.

“Fuck no,” she responded bluntly, slapping his arm away. “I’m exhausted. It’s an hour past my bedtime.”

Mark rolled his eyes and laughed. They had definitely been married for too long; the honeymoon phase had far ended. He took his wife’s hand and led them to the door. They said goodbye to the newly engaged couple and walked back to their suite across the hall.

_______________________________

“You could have said no like all the other times.”

“It isn’t that easy.”

“And that’s what makes this thing between us so hard.”

Going into the closet, her fingers traced the outline of an intricately detailed wedding dress hanging for all to see. It was on a mannequin that stood at the far wall of her closet. Surrounding it hung picture frames of the brunette modeling the dress at her wedding. A magical night indeed. 

The night when her parents’ dream had come true. 

Known for throwing some of the best parties in Hollywood, Maria knew her wedding, though intimate, needed to be the wedding of the decade. It definitely had not come short of extraordinary. The event, by requirement, took place in Greece and centered around not only her heritage but most importantly her family. Her parents, after all, had been the ones who had especially pushed her to get married. 

At the back of her mind, Maria always wondered the importance of marriage. She acknowledged some people did it for things such as insurance or tax deductions, but she knew the financial aspect of life was no issue for her. She had questioned, decades into a relationship, how important it was to have the government check mark yet another married couple. After all, what about common law marriage? Yet, her Greek heritage and her parents whom she loved more than anything else in the world thought otherwise. And for her parents, she would do anything. Besides, why not throw the biggest party of your life and look flawless doing it? As an added bonus, Maria had understood how nice it would be for the tabloids to lay off the constant pestering once the question was settled once and for all. 

Yes, annoying magazine, after 19 years, we finally tied the knot. I told you I loved him. 

That magical day, Maria had been dressed head to toe in nothing but glam. Her hair was in an updo and she had been decorated with an off the shoulder silk dress with hand-painted flowers and a veil made from silk tulle. It held a slight difference to the dress she had worn for the first ceremony that had taken place on New Year's Eve. That dress, slightly girlier, had been a Pronovias' lace "Randala" wedding dress. It had a mermaid silhouette and lace long sleeves. Each dress was now worn on separate mannequins, located beside each other.

Throughout her wedding night, attention was drawn on her, as family and friends joined her to celebrate her special day. And yet, every now and then, she had stolen glances at the venue door, waiting, wondering if the two people she was most anxious to see would eventually arrive. She remembered feeling bad because she’d be mid-conversation, mid chaste kiss with her new husband, the other end of the interaction asking if she was okay as her eyes remained searching the door for any glimmer of hope. She would respond, yes, of course, “I’m married to a man who loves me,” but the people she really wanted by her side never came. And neither did the truth in her response.

Maria knew despite all odds, she would say her vows to Keven. She knew she would live the rest of her life in the dream mansion with her dogs, her parents, and her business partner. After everything her parents had gone through, she knew stability was key. She knew she was living and helping her parents live the life they had always dreamed for her. She knew she needed Keven by her side to continue to let that happen.

Similarly, she knew the amount of joy Derek brought to her life. A kind of joy she once didn’t think existed. She knew the way a simple touch of his hand would send goosebumps rising all over her body. She knew of the taste of both his gentle and passionate kisses and how breathless both would make her feel. She knew how instant their chemistry was the second they met, how open and welcoming each of their families were of the other person, and how unbelievable it was the two of them could somehow cycle through all the vital aspects of a relationship. She knew she could be goofy and literally roll on the floor laughing with Derek; she knew how fast a simple peck on the forehead could lead to them goofily wrestling and within minutes begin fighting off the urge to tear the other’s clothes off; she knew how after a stressful night, the one person that could make her smile and put her back together with an arm around the waist and soft words of reassurance in her ear was Derek.

She also knew she shouldn’t have strung him along for years. She knew she shouldn’t have let him find out through a live interview that she had accepted another man’s proposal; however, she knew that if she had told him, she wouldn’t have been able to handle the broken heart on both ends of the… friendship.

She had broken his heart and consequently betrayed one of her best friends, his sister.

Of course the two of them didn’t go to her wedding.

Although she had tried to convince herself there could be a slight chance they may want to go, it was just a fool’s wish.

That, she knew too.

Maria smiled sadly, a breath falling out as she rummaged further into her closet. She swiped her fingers across the different sections of her capacious closet, passing through casuals, evening wear, business casual, gala wear, and then finally event costumes. She felt a lump form in her throat and she subconsciously gulped. She unzipped the black clothing protectors that had been shielding both dresses. Maria had saved two important costumes from her Dancing with the Stars days: her rumba dress and her paso outfit. The latter had been salvaged as their paso was the season’s first 30 and the dance and its theatrics had been one of her favorites. Her rumba dress, however, held a different meaning to her.

The first time we kissed.

Unlike what America and even their castmates had believed, however, that first kiss wasn’t during the live performance. No, it was actually an accident during their dress rehearsal. Derek had intended to quickly mock a kiss on her forehead, but when pulling himself down, his lips had, like a magnet, locked onto hers. When that happened, Maria, for the first time in fourteen years, felt her heart skip a beat. She felt her stomach tie in knots and her body flush red. And she knew he felt it too.

It was a mental thing. Since the moment they met, they knew what each other thought or felt and somehow managed to understand what the other needed in times of extreme stress. Maria had never felt so naturally connected with someone before. Most of the time they had been laughing or goofing off but when things got serious, the other person always knew exactly what to do to help the other person cool off. Simultaneously, they knew just the right thing to say to make the other person blush or cause a shiver to fall down their spine.

And as Maria had exited the dress rehearsal that morning and felt a hand find its way into hers to pull her in, she knew Derek was going to do it yet again.

They were in a dark corner backstage, away from cameras and other cast members. Derek’s back was against the wall and there was sweat across his forehead from the routine. 

“Hey, I’m sorry about what happened back there, I must have gotten distracted and slipped up.”

Though she had been listening, Maria realized she had been staring at his lips and forced herself to shift her gaze to his eyes. She simply chuckled in response.

Derek smiled at her laugh. “What’s so funny?

For a moment, Maria didn’t say anything as she looked back down at his lips. Her arms wrapped around his neck, she pressed her body against his. “You’re cute when you do that.”

“Do what?” Derek questioned again, relishing in the feeling that Maria’s touch brought him.

“Excuse what happened by saying that you ‘slipped up.’”

Derek looked like he wanted to refute her response but couldn’t find a justifiable answer.

“You were caught up in the moment.” Maria said matter-of-factly as she began stroking circles on the back of his neck; a few seconds later, she felt as Derek gulped down nerves. She smiled brighter, noticing the effect she was having on him. Maria then moved her hand to run her thumb against the corner of his lip, rubbing off remnants of her lipstick. “It’s okay,” she responded when Derek had remained silent. By this point both of their faces had faded red. “I was too.”

Derek smiled slightly, his eyes subconsciously falling down to her lips and then back into her eyes. “Let’s, uh, let's just do it how we rehearsed, alright?”

Maria noticed the shakiness in his voice and she smiled. Derek sensed a sort of mischief behind it but blamed the suspicion on the sudden acceleration of his heartbeat.

Maria had done the dance just as they had rehearsed – dress rehearsal version. An act which had led America to wonder for the rest of the season if they’d ever be together. During the live dance, she had intensified her movements, nudging Derek even more to “unintentionally” kiss Maria during the reenactment. Why not? She had simply followed the directions of her dance instructor.

_______________________________

Julianne was sitting on the balcony alone, sipping red wine from her glass every now and then. After saying her hellos to the other party guests and watching the surprise first dance between the newly engaged couple, she had escaped to the balcony. A lot had been running through her mind since she had received the news. Recently, she had been having marital issues with her husband. Though she knew she’d always love him, recently she had been questioning the meaning of love. She used to be a hopeless romantic and had once believed in soulmates but for the past few months she had been reexamining the significance behind marriage. Maybe, just maybe, it was just a social construct forcing two people to commit to each other. 

Suddenly, Julianne heard a knock on the sliding door, bringing her out of her thoughts. 

“Hey hun,” she heard a voice. Instantly, she realized it was her soon-to-be sister in law. 

“Hey Hayley,” Julianne smiled softly at the younger woman. 

“What are you doing out here alone?”

A question Julianne had been hearing a lot lately.

“I just wanted to get away from the noise for a moment.”

A half-lie.

While Julianne always found herself searching for solitude, especially in recent times, the party had reminded her of back when she and Brooks were at their own engagement party, the time in which they were their happiest. The constant reminder and endless display of love had caused her to need a break from the restlessness.

“Brooks couldn’t make it, huh?” Hayley asked as she sat down in front of Julianne.

“Yeah, he’s out of town for the weekend.” 

A full lie. 

Truth was, Julianne hadn’t even invited him. They had remained in touch and contacted each other on a daily basis, but they’d been living separately for the past few months. It was only for the time-being so they could work on their relationship. Of course, she had updated him on the engagement news, but she hadn’t even thought of asking him if he’d like to go to the party with her. She already knew the answer.

Hayley adjusted herself in her seat as she looked down at her glass, nervously swirling her champagne around. She had examined Julianne for a moment, knowing something was off. But she didn’t know what it was. 

“Are you okay?” Hayley asked, concern clear in her voice. 

Surprised by the sudden question, Julianne finally gave Hayley her full attention.

“I mean, I know things have been hard on you recently. You know you can tell me anything or vent to me. Or, you can let me in on something embarrassing from Derek’s childhood,” Hayley joked with a small smile. They both recognized she was trying to ease the tension in the room.

Hayley’s last sentence caused a genuine smile to rise on Julianne’s face. “I’m sure I’ve told you the best stories already, but it’s nice that I now have the rest of our lives to tell you everything.” They shared a laugh. After a moment, Julianne finally admitted, “It’s been tough recently, but Brooks and I… we’re working through things. At the end of the day, we know we love each other. Sometimes that’s all that really matters, yknow?” Julianne smiled softly at her words, meaning them wholeheartedly.

Julianne wanted to add in how much she missed her dogs – the true loves of her life – but everyone already knew that. Plus, mentioning or even thinking about her loss shattered her to pieces. Losing them truly broke her world more than she could have ever imagined. She wished she had her old best friend with her to mourn with her; the one person who loved dogs just as much as she, if not more. Her former friend constantly crossed her mind, especially recently, and Julianne wondered if the woman missed her as much as she did. 

Hayley reached over and patted Julianne’s hand. “Y’know what, Jules?” She looked up from their hands and back at the blonde. “I’m fortunate to soon be able to really call you my sister.”

Julianne grinned at that. “Ditto,” she winked back.

They sat in silence for a moment – a happier, more peaceful silence. Julianne sipped on her glass of red wine as they stared off into the night sky. It was 10pm and the only light that hit the sky was from the glow of the stars.

Eventually, Hayley looked over at Julianne again. She hesitated, Julianne noticed, before she admitted, “You know… I used to think you weren’t a huge fan of me.” 

Julianne laughed softly, seemingly forced. She was caught off guard by the accusation and turned her full body back to the brunette. “What do you mean?” 

“I don’t know… You just, you used to seem so distant.”

Julianne winced at her words. She squinted, at a loss for her own. She scrambled her mind for a response to propitiate her but couldn’t find one.

“When we were on tour, everything seemed fine. We were all friends. But then the second the news hit that we were dating and we told everyone… something about you, about our friendship, it just sort of changed.”

Julianne closed her eyes for a second before looking back at the sky. She took her glass in hand and downed a big shot of it. She immediately missed the sense of peace they had shared just minutes earlier.

“I’m just overprotective.”

Hayley shot her a look.

Wrong, try again.

“I just didn’t want to see him hurt again.”

Not quite, try again.

Julianne looked over at Hayley and let out a deep breath. Her eyes found those of the newly engaged woman and she found solace. “Truth is,” Julianne paused, mulling her words over for a moment, “Derek has entered certain relationships and there have been times I think, ‘oh wow, this woman really is the one.’ I befriend her, we get along, she fits in the family, and then Derek gets left in the dust. It’s hard, seeing him get his hopes all tied up in a knot only to be left for someone else.” 

Hayley gave her a look of complete empathy, not only for Julianne but for her fiancé. She didn’t mind hearing about Derek’s past. She was just happy to know she was finally receiving the truth.

Julianne eyed Hayley for assurance that she could continue. “And when that bond is broken and they don’t speak at all anymore, it’s a bit selfish on my part I guess, but I for one am not only losing the ability to see my brother happy but I lose a best friend too.” Julianne returned Hayley’s earlier gesture and patted her hand in return. “I do give him credit, though. Each new girl he became serious with was always better than the last. Of course, that only made me more curious about the new girl and whether she would meet the level that his prior relationship had.” Julianne smiled reassuringly at Hayley. “I didn’t want to see your friendship with him break, and I didn’t want to lose a friend. But after a year or two and seeing you guys in love and engaged, I truly am happy for you guys. You’re everything he ever needed.”

Hayley grinned at Julianne as a thank you for her honesty. She found relief from her words; the happiness she felt from what she had just said was radiating off of her. She then looked past the sliding door, the two of them suddenly remembering the rest of the party. An even brighter smile came onto Hayley’s face just then. Julianne felt a small one rise on hers as she watched her friend meet the eyes of her brother; the brunette winked and her fiancé smiled. Somehow, Julianne thought, even years later, there was still a slight tint of red that had fallen on her tan cheeks. 

_______________________________

Once the engagement party was over, Hayley and Derek began getting ready for bed. It had been nice to see their closest family and friends gathered together to celebrate them and they were excited knowing it was only a preview for their wedding. They planned to have the ceremony within a few years, but they were in no rush to jump into things. Both valued the excitement of each day and acknowledged that the small moments mattered just as the big. 

 Still, Hayley was eager to start planning and had actually begun the night Derek had proposed. A romantic at heart, she wanted to have the fairytale wedding she had dreamed of since she was a little girl. 

“Hey Derek,” Hayley started, looking through their desk. “Have you seen my journal?”

Derek was in their master bathroom, shaving. Shaving cream covered the lower part of his face as he turned to look at Hayley. “Can’t find it?”

She looked at him and shook his head before continuing to search.

“Uh, hey Der,” Hayley began again, but a bit more hesitantly. Her fingers slid down a 24” silver pendant. “What‘s this key for?” she asked, referring to the diamond encrusted key dangling from the chain.

Derek stopped in his tracks when he saw what she was talking about. He became silent. Hayley had access to just about everything Derek owned, so it was out of the ordinary for Hayley to find something she didn’t know about. “It’s just an old thing, it doesn’t really have a use anymore,” he shrugged off. 

Hayley studied Derek knowing something was off about him. She thought she knew him better than anyone else did which also meant she knew he wouldn’t be giving her any answers right at that moment. She would simply have to ask him later. She then went back to examining the necklace, knowing it didn’t belong to Derek. “Well, it’s beautiful,” she murmured under her breath. 

_______________________________

After her talk with Hayley, Julianne realized she needed to do more than just think things through. And she knew just where to start. 

A few days after the party, Julianne was sitting in her bedroom, alone as usual, no dogs, no husband. She was staring at her wall, trying to build the courage to go through with her plan. After a moment, she grabbed her phone and searched through her contact list. She hesitated, but with the help of two glasses of wine, she had been able to finally call Maria. 

A week later, Julianne and Maria met up. It was 9pm and after having dinner, they decided to take a walk. For dinner, they chose to grab burgers and beer: Maria’s favorite. When Julianne brought up the idea, Maria had initially turned it down, insisting that Julianne pick as she knew she was the one who had the making up to do. Julianne still persisted, and Maria decided to even the deal by volunteering to pay for both of their meals. 

It was dark outside and they were being guided by the streetlights. They had been walking for ten minutes, talking about anything and everything. They loved being able to finally catch up on each other’s lives. 

Eventually there was a short silence and Julianne looked over at her friend. Spending quality time with the journalist for the first time in years gave her a sense of comfort she hadn’t felt in weeks. 

“Maria?” Julianne murmured softly. 

“Mhm?” 

“Thank you for agreeing to spend time with me.” 

Maria smiled. “No, thank you for inviting me.” Maria teasingly nudged Julianne’s shoulder with her own. “It’s been nice to get out of the house. I really missed you.” 

Julianne grinned in response. “I missed you too.” Part of her wanted to admit that she wished she had reached out to her sooner, but she decided otherwise. 

All night they had managed to avoid talking about the falling-out between Maria and Derek. Maria was surprised Julianne hadn’t brought it up; thinking that was why she had invited her, she had even gone through a few lines in her head to prepare for the conversation. She had been on edge all night, expecting one of them to bring up the subject—but nothing. 

While they continued walking, Maria's eyes eventually landed on Julianne’s finger. Since the moment she saw her that night, Maria had sensed something may have happened, but the sight of a missing ring confirmed it. “I can tell you don’t want to talk about it,” Julianne looked at her, first confused and then stunned, “but I’m always here if you ever need me.

Maria could always tell what was on Julianne’s mind. She understood what to say and when without pushing it too far too early. Julianne realized that even with Maria and Derek not being on the best terms, Maria was still going to be there for her, always. Their friendship wasn’t and had never been conditional on Maria and Derek’s relationship. She then affirmed that maybe it was possible Maria could continue to be the honorary Hough.

Maria grabbed Julianne’s hand in comfort. “Also, my babies do miss you. The pups could use some Aunt Jules time.”

Julianne couldn’t help but smile. “Well, they are cute,” she giggled with Maria. 

When Maria began looking around her again, a sudden sense of familiarity hit her. 

“Jules… isn’t this—”

She was so distracted taking in her surroundings, she hadn’t noticed that Julianne had left her side and was now in front of her, against what looked like a hidden wall. 

Julianne smiled. “Derek’s old apartment?” She pointed to her right, and nodded. Before Derek and Hayley became serious and moved in together, Derek had lived in the apartment and it hadn’t taken long for Maria to learn the code to it. They used to sneak inside for extended alone time, during and after their season ended. “But this, this is something separate.” 

She pushed past branches just then and opened what had actually been a door. 

Maria raised her eyebrows, surprised by the reveal. Julianne motioned her to go inside and she complied.

“Wow,” Maria said under her breath. The moment she entered the room, a chill crawled down her spine. Whoever said that weddings were the most beautiful settings were terribly mistaken. 

This place was by far the most magical thing she had seen in her entire life. 

This felt like home.

Maria had only taken a few steps in before becoming frozen in place. She was absolutely mesmerized. Maria’s eyes wandered the expansive space and quickly she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. The room was currently dark with string lights providing the only true light source. On the left and right walls lined all of her Dancing with the Stars costumes. There were speakers in the left and right corners of the wall closest to the corner door. In between, at the back wall, blue and pink, separated by purple, paint splatters were found. The mirror wall was on the far wall; above the mirror was a large neon light spelling the words “menough said.” In the left corner between the mirror and the barre were mannequins with the shirts Maria and Derek had designed that had the same phrase written on them. There was slight dust in the room, she had noticed. But it definitely didn’t distract from the captivating space. 

Last but not least, behind the costumes hung framed pictures. Maria could feel a lump build in her throat as she realized that her wedding photos she had framed in her closet had never elicited this much emotion from her. There was a range of pictures of her and Derek goofing off in rehearsal, dancing on stage, from their trip to Las Vegas, and even from them just goofing off post-season at one of their houses. 

“Julianne, you did all of this?” Maria’s voice cracked. She had walked to the right wall and was eyeing the picture of her and Derek eating burgers in New York. Pain struck through her heart from the simple memory of how perfect things had been during that trip. When they were able to be in their own little world, even for just a little bit. 

“Still giving the other Hough all the credit, are you?” 

Maria’s eyes widened. She froze again, her eyes glued to the frame. Part of her was terrified, anxious, to turn around, while the other part of her felt as if her heart had just jumped out of her chest and she was physically incapable of moving. 

The voice was deeper. The scent, familiar. 

 She felt hands push her hair to her left shoulder before tying around her neck what felt like a necklace. The touch had caused her heart to skip a beat and chills to rise up her arms. The soul-stirring sensation couldn’t be mistaken. 

 “Derek…” she murmured more to herself than to the voice. 

Maria closed her eyes for a moment and tried to catch her breath before turning around. 

“Do you like your new dance studio?” Derek asked once his eyes met hers. He caught himself smiling at Maria; just like all those times before, it was helpless. Simply seeing her lifted his spirits. 

Maria, still speechless, turned to look from Derek to his sister. 

The night of the engagement party, Julianne had stayed the night in the guest room. As she went to grab a glass of water, she heard Derek and Hayley discussing the key and she had pulled Derek aside to talk about it. He had mentioned the idea to Julianne years ago but she hadn’t known he would go through with it. 

Julianne realized this was the last time she could play matchmaker.

Julianne looked at Maria; she grinned and shrugged in response. “Coffee date, Monday, 8am. Don’t forget.” She winked at her friend, pressed play on the remote, and closed the door behind her. 

Derek chuckled, looking down shyly before looking back at the beauty in front of him. 

“I got this studio for you a few months after our season ended. I was thrilled that you were so passionate about dance and I wanted to think I was a part of that.” 

Maria gazed deeply into his blue eyes, her own eyes glowing. She nodded slightly at his last words before he continued.

“I realized you could just add a studio to your house, but I thought it’d be nice for us to continue dancing together here, just for our own enjoyment.” He paused. “I mean, it’s been years and I know things didn’t quite go like how I had hoped and now we don’t really have a reason for privacy and you have your own personal instructor and…” He stopped, noticing he was rambling and upsetting himself with his own words.

Maria took a step forward. “Derek, this is—” Maria began, but her voice got interrupted by the music. She instantly recognized Julianne had chosen the song, Please Stay, by Francois Klark. 

These four walls became a home

Since the day you walked in

She was ready to express how much the gift had meant to her. How it was genuinely the most beautiful thing she had ever seen — far surpassing any party she could ever throw, including her own wedding. How she could see how much time and thought he put into each little detail, details that not only meant everything to her, but for him as well. 

But as they saw a matching twinkle in the other’s eyes, they knew that conversation could be saved for later. 

My heart ceased to be alone

“Would you like to dance?” Derek asked, reaching out his hand. 

Since the moment that you took my hand and 

Maria could feel her heartbeat quicken, a flash of red hitting her cheeks. Her eyes were still wet with tears and she sniffed. 

She took hold of his hand. 

“Always.”

pulled me closer

Derek pulled Maria in close to him, his arms naturally falling around her waist, her arms around his neck.

He pressed his lips against her forehead, causing Maria to blush redder.

Kissed me unexpectedly

And told me it’s ‘cause you want me to know what I'd be missing

If I didn't call you back 

They held each other and swayed to the music, cherishing the moment between them.

I picked up the phone,

How could I have known that one day I would be the one to say 

Please stay, don’t go

Please stay, don’t go

Please stay, don’t go 

I can't live inside these walls if it ain't you that I came home to

“This is nice,” Maria said softly.

“The studio?”

“Yes, but also…” Maria pulled back slightly so her eyes could meet his. “Just being here with you. I never thought I could miss someone as much as I missed you.”

“We still talk sometimes,” Derek replied, though perplexed by his own words. 

Maria raised her eyebrows at him in disbelief and they both smirked. They both understood he was alluding to the very few social media interactions and how minimal meaning they held. Especially recently.

Maria lay her head on Derek’s shoulder. In his ear, she murmured, “You were my best friend, Derek.”

I don't think we will survive

“I know,” Derek whispered, reversing his earlier statement.

on just hello every now and then on a small screen

“I really missed my Greek Goddess.” 

Hearing Derek call her by the nickname he had once coined caused Maria to smile softly.

I say goodnight when by you the morning rise

and another day will pass by

Derek dipped Maria and as she came back up, he found himself pressing his forehead against hers. “You always did bring a different light to my life.” 

That I can't kiss you quietly

Like I used to when you came to bed,

Laid your head upon my chest

Instead I lie here on my own

Trying to forget that you already left

as my words echo in this empty bed

Please stay, don’t go 

For the last few beats of the song, Derek decided to lead Maria through different moves from their Viennese Waltz. He was pleasantly surprised that she had remembered a lot of it. As they listened to the remainder of the song, they could feel their heartbeats rising with awe of its relevance. 

I can't fall asleep without the shape of you that I fit into

Julianne knew just how to get to them. 

I wish I met you at a different time

When neither one of us would have to go

Is it wrong of me to hope that someday we might meet again

And that our stars would realign

As the song came to a close, they remained in a tight embrace. Neither of them wanted the moment to end. Eventually, Derek kissed her cheek before pulling away and smiling softly at her. It was his turn to turn a bit red. He bit his lip; Maria looked as gorgeous as ever. 

“Mar…” Derek breathed, looking down before looking back at Maria. 

Please stay, don’t go. 

Maria looked back at him expectantly.

Please stay, don’t go. 

He wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked and the eruption of feelings that had returned to him; but instead he shook his head at the thought. “I’m really glad you like the studio and that I could be your first dance.”

Please stay, don’t go. 

Maria let out a nervous giggle; the same one that Derek had fallen in love with all those years back. “Somehow you were a lot of my firsts,” she joked back, which caused him to turn redder. She smiled at that. 

I can’t fall asleep without the shape of you that I fit into

Derek looked at her peacefully until his brain and the end of the song brought him back to reality. “I do have to go though,” he declared regretfully. “But let me know if you ever want a dance lesson or someone to grab a bite to eat with. I’m—” Derek stopped himself from casually saying the words “I’m your guy,” and instead revised it to, “I’m always a call away.”

Maria smiled and nodded, though sad their time had to be cut so quickly. She murmured a thank you and Derek turned and made his way for the door.

Maria watched as her former dance instructor walked one foot after the other to the door. Her fingers reached to the key dangling on her necklace. It took a moment but she worked up the courage to speak.

“And Derek?”

Derek stopped walking, a foot away from the door.

“I’ll be sure to be there.” 

There was a short silence before Derek finally turned to look at Maria. He wore a look of absolute puzzlement.

“At your wedding. You know, if you decide to invite me.” Maria forced a small smile. Derek hadn’t told her he had gotten engaged. No one had. She just knew. Maria did know him better than anyone. No one would change that, at least. Not even his fiancée.

“That’s why you’re here, right?” she continued as she took a step forward and looked at the professional dancer. “You wanted to do the one last thing so you could move on.” Maria traced the edges of the key. She walked over to Derek. She looked into his eyes, hesitating before pressing her lips against his cheek. “Thank you. Not only for the dance studio. But for everything.” 

Derek looked down and found his hand gravitating to hers. He couldn’t stop it even if he wanted to. There was a small silence where their eyes locked and they got lost in each other. It reminded them of when they were in the Dancing with the Stars studio, when everything was simpler yet not so simple; when they’d take a break from rehearsal, their hands interlaced together, when just gazing into each other’s eyes and grinning cheek to cheek had said more than words ever could.

“I… I have to go, she’s waiting in the car.” Derek shook his head at his inability to say Hayley’s name. He was too choked up.

Maria smiled. “I know.” She knew Derek wouldn’t have just snuck around with her. Of course he’d tell his true love everything. She rubbed her thumb against his. “I really am happy for you, Derek. You deserve someone who can love you with their entire being. Someone who would never leave you or have you guessing their next move or force you to lie to the universe about your love for her.” Maria released her hand from his. “You know… like I had you do.”

Derek closed the distance between them again. He felt tears well up in his eyes, a feat hard to accomplish. His lips curled into a small but sad smile as he pressed his lips to her forehead. 

Without realizing it, Maria felt her hands clasp back behind Derek’s neck as she wrapped her arms around him, the same feeling of home returning to them both. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, as Derek kept his forehead pressed against hers, his hands finding the small of her back.

Maria and Derek felt like they were taken back to 2012. They could feel their hearts beating in synchronization. Their hearts were throbbing, aching for more. Maria bit her lip as she found her eyes looking down at his lips.  

Just like all those times before, Maria could feel the two of them moving, inch by inch, their stomachs twisting in knots as they felt their lips gravitating to each other. 

Whatever it was, it felt right, Derek had once said about their rumba kiss. 

Maria sighed against his lips and Derek felt his lips go dry. 

Flashbacks of their rumba, salsa, rehearsals, argentine tango, trips to Vegas and NYC, and several moments outside of the show flashed through both of their minds. The oh-very-familiar tension between them was very present and they could feel their bodies preparing themselves for what was coming next. 

However. Something happened that had never happened before. 

Derek brushed his lips against Maria’s before decidedly forcing himself away. He kept his arms around Maria’s waist, not wanting to let go; Maria kept her head on his shoulder, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to escape. A few minutes passed between them as they took in what had just transpired. 

Not once since they met had he turned Maria down. 

Derek shut his eyes, trying to sort through the thoughts jumbling through his mind. He wanted to kiss her. After all these years, he still wanted to kiss her. Even when he was truly, deeply, happily, in love with his fiancée, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her. 

But he couldn’t. 

After a moment, Derek could feel Maria’s body shake slightly, followed by a small whimper. And then a sniff. 

Derek raked his fingers through Maria’s hair in comfort. He rubbed circles across the small of her back as he whispered in her ear, “I love you, Maria. I always will.” 

Maria stayed silent for a moment and Derek could swear he felt a tear drop onto his back. 

He continued running his hand through her hair as he laid a gentle kiss on her shoulder. 

“I’m always going to be in love with you, Derek Hough.”

It was at that moment that Maria realized for the first time why she had allowed herself to fall for Derek. She wasn’t in love with Keven. She had never been in love with Keven. She never wanted to be around or let her walls down or be as intimate with someone as much as she wanted to with Derek. All those years, Maria had been physically attached to Keven but her heart had always been elsewhere. The feelings and connection she had with Derek were irreplaceable, untouchable, unimaginable, unseeable with anyone else. 

But Derek? Maria knew the one thing in the entire universe that stopped Derek from kissing her was the woman whom he had given the engagement ring to. He was truly and completely in love with Hayley Erbert. And once Derek hugged Maria long enough for her to stop weeping, he slowly let go of her, inch by inch: first the forehead, then the arm around the waist, and finally the hand she had long lost privilege to.

Please stay, don't go.

The lyric echoed, achingly, in her ear as if Julianne had pressed play again. 

Maria watched it all fade away. The foreseeable future she had once dreamed of was now nothing but an unachievable dream. She didn’t know it until just then, but once Derek left and she was all alone in her own personal studio, she realized that she may have fulfilled the dreams her parents had long aspired for her, but her own personal dream, the one she valued the most, was now lost forever. 

I can't live inside these walls if it ain't you that I came home to.

And she knew. She knew the only thing at fault was herself.