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sacredjake · 1 year ago

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Carpe Noctem

pairing: Jake Kiszka x Siren!Reader

warnings: MDNI 18+!!! blood, death, killing, angst, cursing, supernatural elements, brief mention of weapons and minor assault, guilt, talk of dying, smut, fluff, soulmate au

word count: 13.8k

This fic will display themes of death and killing, and i will do my best to tag every warning, but if i miss one please, please, please bring it to my attention.

As Nympha Legatus of your pod you must do what it takes to complete the duty bestowed upon you and your sisters. Even if it means killing the man you love. Will fate continue to haunt you or will you give in to what you truly desire?

a/n: this fic has been almost a month in the making and even longer in the brainstorming stage and i am so excited to share it with everyone! thank you @malany-gvf for always helping me talk out the ideas i have. huge, massive thank you to @gold-mines-melting for giving endless feedback, support and suggestions and taking time to read this and edit it. i appreciate and love you both so much, thank you from the bottom of my heart <33333

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Light from the full moon overhead illuminated your already glistening skin every so often as clouds passed by. The silver rays that shone upon you reflected a scene like the ocean you had emerged from, like moonlight glittering off the waves. The night was misty, rain falling lightly as your pod walked through the streets towards the closest club or bar. Forgoing the need for a coat, raindrops dotted the exposed areas and rolled off seamlessly disguising the naturally dewy texture of your skin.

The rain was purposeful, a product of your magic to blend in better with the humans. If not for that you would look even more out of place with the way your skin looked wet even when dry. It was also a way to ensure everyone was hydrated and avoided drying out. While a quarter of you would not return tonight, at least it would not be from lack of water.

Scuffing from shoes on gravel and rocks being kicked were the only sounds echoing through the dark streets. Some of your sisters were still getting their bearings, it being their first night on legs and all, stumbles were to be expected. Wearing shoes was a major adjustment, but to fit in, shoes were a necessity.

Oh how you missed the days when the humans walked around barefoot. Things were so much simpler then. Before him.

You shook the memory out of your head before it snowballed any further. Now was not the time for that. Focus.

Red light caught your eye as it reflected off puddles and the shiny black gravel. Your eyes followed the trail, landing on multiple different neon signs lighting up the club your pod approached. Like you had expected there to be, a long line formed outside the bar of humans waiting to get inside. At the front stood a tall, large man wearing a tight black shirt and jeans with his arms crossed looking over the line.

Sarenya stopped beside you, and your sisters who followed closely behind mirrored both your actions. She turned to face the pod as you eyed the bouncer a bit longer, sizing him up. When she began to speak you turned around and met the faintly glowing eyes of your younger sisters.

Another distinguishing trait that showed you were not human.

Nymph’s eyes were usually different from the humans’. The color of one’s eyes determined their age and their status. While a siren’s eyes were green in the early stages of their life, red during their middle age and silver in their later years, a mermaid’s eyes were blue, purple and then gold in their respective life stages. The commonality between the two? Every nymph’s iris sparkled. No, not like that disgusting glitter humans loved so much that stuck to everything. Within each iris lay a million tiny flecks of their color in a lighter shade, reflective and bright. And definitely not human.

And yes, mermaids and sirens were both sea nymphs. Humans always tried to make different categories for everything they knew little about, but it was not that complex. Although the technical terms back home were oceanids and naiads, you had learned long ago that people on land had left their original names behind. It didn’t matter much to you honestly, you were all children of the sea, and there wasn’t much difference between a mermaid and a siren anyways beside your eye color and abilities.

Everyone knew sirens had beautiful voices, but this was merely an amplification of their compulsion. While sirens couldn’t compel any other sea nymph, it worked on every other living being. But that’s just the most well known ability. Sirens can also manipulate water, and alter the way something may appear to others. Illusion was the most useful ability a siren could use on a night like tonight.

A mermaid’s abilities were different of course. While sirens could manipulate water, mermaids could control the state of water turning it from liquid to gas to solid. Hence the rain, a combination of both your powers working together. Their most useful power for tonight, however, was their ability to control the emotions of others.

“Alright, we have a few fleshlings with us tonight so we’re going to go over how this works.” Sarenya addressed the pod since she was tonight’s leader. “Use your abilities, rule number one. We are here for one purpose and we must do whatever it takes to achieve that goal. Rule number two, do not leave any damning evidence behind. We do not need a repeat of 1986 where a scale was left behind for a human to find and cause a frenzy. Rule number three, the humans can be quite attractive, but do not forget that they are not one of us. They are food, not mates. Kill them and move on. Fail and you will die. We can not survive on land.”

At the end of her rules she caught your eye, speaking the last one almost directly to you. Like a reminder. As if you needed one. It made your chest hurt, your heart being squeezed torturously by an invisible vice.

She was right though. You only got one night on land, one night to quench the insatiable thirst and gather enough blood for the members of your pod who were not allowed to join the hunt.

Sea nymphs didn’t rely on blood to survive, it’s not the main source of food. Proteins and sea veggies like kelp and seaweed were a big part of an everyday diet. But human blood was a delicacy, and the key to immortality for a nymph. Just a drop of their blood, and a few ingredients, and you had the key to another ten years of youth.

“We only have nine hours until sunrise. I do not care what you do in that time as long as all of your vials are full when you return and you follow those rules. Remember, when the sun comes up this is finished. If you do not make it back to the ocean by then… Well you get it by now.” For a mermaid Sarenya was quite blunt and cold, but when so many of your sisters fail to return over the years you kind of have to be.

“Fleshlings stick by me until I say otherwise, everyone else, you know what to do.” Her golden eyes landed on yours once more with a reassuring glint to them before she strode off towards the bouncer, fleshlings in tow.

The two of you had been overseeing your pod��s hunt since 1693 when you were both promoted to Nympha Legatus, or Nymph Lieutenant. Rising in rank isn’t an easy thing to do, and it was rarely heard of especially since they usually lived forever, but that was an unusual circumstance. The hunt had started out as it usually did with the Nympha Legatus, Nymerian and Tessaya, leading your pod on the shore before breaking off for the night. As the night progressed things went horribly wrong. It had been a year since anyone had been on land and no one was aware of the witch mania that had overtaken the town of Salem. Along with a few others, Nymerian and Tessaya were captured, accused of being witches and thrown in jail to which they never made it back to the sea. Upon returning to the Nympha Ducem, Nymph Commander, you and Sarenya were the only two old enough within the pod to assume the position which required one mermaid and one siren. Since then she has been by your side through everything. You looked out for one another and always made sure the other made it back to the sea even if they had wavering thoughts.

“Alright everyone, you heard Sarenya, you do what you need to and get back to the beach before sunrise. This isn’t your first Hunt. You know what to expect and how to handle it and we expect you to do just that. Enjoy yourselves, but don’t return home empty handed. Good luck…” Your silver eyes flitted to each of theirs briefly before continuing on the last note before separating.

“Carpe Noctem.” Their voices mingled with your own as they recited the phrase with you. Sharing smiles, you and the pod turned towards the bar and made your way to the big guy in front of the door.

Convincing him to let you in was easy. There was no need to use compulsion on him, your beauty taking care of that all on its own. When he asked for an I.D. however, you knew you had to turn it on. Pretending to look for the nonexistent item you pat down your pockets before giving him a sad, doe-eyed look.

“Oh no… It seems like I left it at home. If I tell you a secret will you let me in?” You could feel the power roll off your tongue, sweet and thick like honey coating each word. The bouncer’s eyes glazed over and he leaned forwards at your request.

“You don’t need to see my I.D. or any of the girls behind me. You know us.” He straightened back up, his eyes still in a haze.

“Oh I didn’t realize that was you! Go on in ladies, I don’t need an I.D. for my best girls.”

There was muttering from the line of humans behind you. Most of them were women expressing their displeasure and jealousy and some were men who were fawning over you and your sisters. Human men were so simple, each one of them the same as the last, year after year. All but one had ever shown you any difference.

The bouncer opened the door and stepped aside letting you walk past him into the crowded bar. Cigarette smoke lingered in the air and blurred your vision slightly as you push through people to find an empty spot to sit. In your experience the hunt always worked better when you let the humans come to you. It was nice to sit and enjoy your time on land, appreciating the music, observing the humans and their strange behaviors, and savoring the cocktails they made. There was work to be done, sure, but you had the time.

After an hour had come and gone of observing and accepting drinks from different men you had found yourself in conversation with one. And by Zeus was he the most obnoxious human you had ever met. Ethan, or so you think you heard right, went on and on and on about how much money his family had and how nice his house was and how he just got back from Italy- blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Pfft. Italy, big freaking whoop you had been there more times than you could count, and you really could not give less of a fuck about his money either. So trivial.

Ethan, or was it Evan, who cares honestly he was about to be dead, kept talking even though you had zoned out long ago. For the last few minutes while what’s his face rambled on you were thinking how exactly you wanted to end his life. Would you promise him sex if he walked out of the club with you only to die in the alley? Or would you use your illusion and kill him right here without anyone noticing? You could also ask him to show you his ‘sick new lambo’ and bleed him dry all over the white leather seats he was raving about. New ideas kept popping into your head, each one better than the last, but your train of thought came to a screeching halt when you caught his eyes.

He looked the same as he did every damn time. Long, slightly wavy chestnut brown hair, a soft yet strong jawline, plush soft lips, and gentle brown eyes lined with subtle dark circles underneath. No matter how many times you saw him he always seemed to steal the air from your lungs.

Once his eyes were set on you they didn’t move. It was like he was trying to piece together where he recognized you from although you knew he never would. Your eyes bore into his own taking you back to when you first met.

June 1713

Dover, England

Twenty years. It had only been twenty years since you were appointed Nympha Legatus which seems like a long time, but in the life of an immortal that’s nothing. Barely scratching the surface.

The first ten years were rough. You and Sarenya had lost every single fleshling each year, none of them returning to the sea. Some were killed in random accidents, and the others just never made it back. On the eleventh year the first fleshling from your pod survived, finally giving you both hope that maybe you could do this. Maybe everything would be okay. Each year after more and more survived until only one or two didn’t return. That in itself was a success.

Sarenya led the speech this year warning your sisters about pirates in the area, and human officers in the streets. Men were not so kind to women, especially pirates, and on land nymphs were at their most vulnerable, the Nympha Ducem deeming it illegal to use your abilities during the hunt in fear of causing suspicion amongst the humans. Deciding to hunt in a well populated port was dangerous, but it also offered a safety that desolate towns could not. More people meant you were less likely to be looked upon for being strangers, the sea was close by and there was safety in large crowds.

“Carpe Noctem.” Everyone spoke the phrase in unison just as they had for centuries before, beginning the hunt.

You wandered the streets for some time before finding a small pub to begin your night. Drunk men were always easy prey. But they were also unpredictable. A man who went by Billy had approached you shortly after entering the rickety establishment and offered his rum to you. The rum should have been the first indicator of who you were dealing with. The cutlass at his hip should’ve been the second.

Between sips of the dark liquor and hollow flirting you had ended up in a back alley with Billy trying to execute your plan for killing him. You had sorely underestimated how aware, sober and strong he was. When he caught on that you were not going to do him any sexual favors the cutlass at his hip had been drawn to your neck with his other forearm laid across your chest, pressing your back into the rough brick. You squeezed your eyes shut and waited for whatever Billy was about to do, but nothing happened.

The pressure against your chest lifted, and the cold metal of the blade at your throat was gone. When you opened your eyes Billy stood in front of you, his hands up in defense, shock and terror written all over his face, dagger pressed to his jugular.

“Drop the cutlass. Now.” A male voice spoke from behind him, commanding but smooth. Billy did as the disembodied voice said, the sword clattering loudly, the metal banging and scraping against gravel.

“Apologize to the lady.”

“I- I‘m sorry miss. Won’t ha- happen again.” Billy stuttered, his legs shaking and hands trembling in the air.

“Leave and don’t come back. If I see your face in Dover again I can’t promise I’ll be as kind a second time.”

The man behind your attacker lifted the blade off his throat, nicking the skin ever so slightly drawing the smallest amount of blood. Finally free, Billy bolted down the street not staying to try and fight. You swore you saw his brown trousers darken as he ran away, streams of piss flowing down his legs. Coward.

When the man straightened up from retrieving the cutlass off the ground you were able to see his face. His brown wavy hair was illuminated by moonlight, plush lips upturned at the corners into a gentle smile, and brown eyes twinkling in the silver beams from above. He was the most gorgeous human you had ever seen.

His smile dropped a fraction when you made no movement, continuing to stare at him with wide eyes. He took a step back thinking he must have frightened you even more and mentally cursed himself. Instead you took a step forward wanting to not be any further from him than you already were.

“It was not my intention to frighten you, my lady.” He hung his head in disappointment and shame, unable to meet your eyes again.

“You did not frighten me, sir. I am just in awe of your beauty.”

You wanted nothing more than to reach out for him. To touch him, and feel his smooth skin under your fingers. You kept your hands to yourself begrudgingly.

The man’s head snapped up so quickly it looked like it hurt. Brown eyes were back on your own, a pink tint flushed onto his cheeks.

“My beauty?” It was incredulous to him that a woman so fair, so breathtaking, was in awe of his beauty.

“Yes.” You took another step closer to him as you spoke.

“The most devine creature I have ever seen is calling me beautiful.”

Your entire body froze. Every muscle and ligament locked in place and rigid. Creature. Did he know what you were?

“Creature?” The word rolled off your tongue with disgust. A word you had always despised.

“Well you certainly can not be human and possess the features of a goddess.”

Just as your body had locked up in mere seconds, it relaxed hearing that what he had called you was a compliment. This was the first time you had actually liked the word creature. It was filled with endearment not disgust.

“What is your name?”

“Jacob.”

“Thank you for stepping in, Jacob. I can only imagine what could have occurred had you not. Would you allow me to buy you a pint as a show of my appreciation and gratitude?”

“Only if you’ll stay and enjoy one with me.” He beamed brighter than the moon overhead, eyes and smile wide.

“I shall join you then.”

The two of you walked down the cobblestone street back towards the small ale house you had come from with Billy. He had asked your name in which you told him earning yet another compliment.

“A name just as beautiful as the woman who bears it.”

You couldn’t describe what he was making you feel. There was never another time during your long life that you had ever felt so giddy and nervous around a human. Jacob was something special indeed.

Time was lost on you once the two of you entered the pub and sat to enjoy a drink. Various conversations about either of you followed naturally, careful to think about your answers. You were not like him after all and one wrong thing could raise questions.

“That’s a pretty blade.” You pointed to the dagger Jacob had set on the table, it had been the same one held to Billy’s neck. The weapon was fairly simple, a straight cross-guard that downturned slightly at the end and thinned out, the grip looked to be wrapped in leather leading to a round pommel with an atocha coin in the middle.

“Thank you, I actually made it. I’m a silversmith.”

Jacob was quite talented. Every piece of weaponry aside from Billy’s he had made himself. A few of the patrons in the tavern had also been carrying around his creations, all of them beautiful. He had taught himself how to fight with a sword, and how to play the guitar. He was the most intriguing human you had ever met.

And yet he would die that night by your hand.

Things had finally been going right for your pod in the last nine years, and you had almost thrown all of it down a trench because of some human. Wasting the night away talking to a human because he saved your life? Because he was a wonder to look at? No, that was not important. What was important was gathering the blood you needed and getting home. You had a mission.

At least that’s what you told yourself when you drained the blood from Jacob, unable to stop. What you had to remind yourself when you saw his body limp and lifeless at your hands. It was what played in a loop in your head any time you thought of how you would never see his beauty again, how you would never admire another human in that way again.

But you were wrong. Fate was cruel and twisted.

You finally tore your eyes away from his and turned back to whatever his name was. He will come just as he always did, but this time you will be prepared. Finally taking a breath from speaking, Erik allowed for a lull in the conversation giving the opportunity for you to suggest the two of you find somewhere more private. Of course he was more than happy to oblige. Naïve human.

Once Edwin was taken care of and you had your vile of blood, you cleaned the mess in the dirty alleyway as best as you could. The door you walked out of had been propped open from the cardboard box you wedged in the doorframe and you slipped back inside easily. Women filled the tiny bathroom, drunk and stumbling as you cleaned yourself up making sure there was no evidence left behind. Satisfied, you left the bathroom and made your way back to where you had been originally sitting.

You sat there for some time watching the humans dance, talk and laugh trying to keep your eyes off of him. A truly fruitless distraction, your eyes trained on his form unable to look away. A part of you knew that you had to cherish this before it was too late. Not knowing how much time would pass before you did see him again.

After what seemed like hours, although you’re sure it could’ve only been thirty minutes, he pushed off the table he was leaning against and made his way over to you. Trying to seem like you had not been staring at him all night, your eyes wandered elsewhere looking for anything remotely interesting. It wasn’t until he was basically right in front of you that you allowed your eyes to shift onto him. He stared down at you, the corners of his lips pulled into the smallest smile.

“Alright if I join you?” His hand was outstretched, palm facing upwards and motioning to the empty seat next to you.

“Not at all.” You smiled back at him and scooted over slightly on the small cushioned bench to make more room.

“I wasn’t going to come over here since you were with someone earlier, but it appears that he left.”

“Yeah,” You chuckled, “Honestly I’m glad I was able to ditch him. He was a bore. Had I known you’d come over sooner I would’ve gotten rid of him a long time ago.”

“Is that so?” His eyebrows raised, the smile on his face only growing in size. You hummed a short “Mmm,” your eyes meeting his for the first time since he sat down.

“I’m Jake by the way.”

Jake extended his hand out to you and you took it, shaking his hand with a firm, but still soft grip. Neither of you could keep your eyes off the other.

“Y/n.”

“Fitting. A name just as beautiful as the woman bearing it.” You could feel your heart skip before it sank. You knew he would say it, but that didn’t make the pain any easier. He dropped your hand and lifted his glass up to his lips taking a sip.

“Not much of a dancer I presume?”

April 1865

Boston, Massachusetts

People were everywhere. In the streets, in the bars, cheering, drinking, celebrating. The perfect time to begin the hunt.

After separating from the pod you found yourself observing the humans while they celebrated victory. The civil war had just ended and their side won. It was fascinating to watch them dance and sing and drink to their hearts desire without any care in the world.

So caught up in watching the humans, you hadn’t even noticed him in the crowd. But he had noticed you, of course he had. Not only were you the only person in all of Boston to not be celebrating in some way, but you were also stunning.

“Not much of a dancer I presume?”

The accent was much different, but the voice was the same. Your head snapped to where he was standing just left of you, shock wracking your entire body. How was it possible? He was dead. You had killed him over a hundred years ago.

“Um… Uh- n-no. Not really.” You stumbled through the shock that had taken hold of you, mind racing.

“I see… C’mon,” He held his hand out to you as an offering. When you didn’t take it he whispered, “If you don’t celebrate in some way they might think you’re a sympathizer. Take my hand.”

You did as he asked and slid your hand into his. He pulled you up from the stoop you were occupying and led you into the street with all the other humans. Musicians were playing loudly out in the open, the songs always fast and upbeat keeping everyone moving. He dropped your hand once comfortable with where you were standing and began a dance you had never seen before. When you didn’t move an inch he stopped.

“Do you not know how it goes?”

“No.” Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip as you shook your head.

“I’ll teach you. Follow my lead.”

“Okay…”

“Jacob. You can call me Jacob.”

Song after song, dance after dance, Jacob leads you into each one. He taught you all the steps, keeping patience the entire time which would not have been an easy thing to do. While you were no fleshling, you definitely looked like it was your first time on legs with how uncoordinated you were.

You talked as you danced the night away. Jacob was just as intriguing the second time you met him as he was the first. He was the same man you had met in 1713, but more modernized. Everything about him drew you in.

Eventually the music died, the streets cleared and it was just you and Jacob left out in the night. The two of you were sitting on the steps of his porch talking under the stars and enjoying each other's company. At some point you were no longer looking at the empty street or the starry night sky, but looking at one another instead. Jacob’s eyes traversed every part of your face like he was trying to memorize even the smallest details. After a few moments of this he sighed dreamily.

“May I kiss you?”

“You want to kiss me?”

“More than anything.”

“Then yes, Jacob, you may.”

You had kissed plenty of humans in your lifetime, none of them ever meaning anything significant. But when Jacob’s lips touched yours for the first time you had finally realized why humans liked to do this. Your entire body felt… alive. The feeling was the strangest, yet most blissful experience that you wished would never end. When he pulled away from you sadness ran through every fiber of your being, instantly missing the warmth of his soft lips.

You would never forget the way Jacob looked at you after the kiss. His eyes were soft, a gentle smile gracing his pretty face, every bit of him glowing with something other than the light from the moon. You would’ve done anything to see him like this for the rest of your life. To feel like he had just made you feel for eternity.

When the blissful haze cleared however, the longing vanished and panic quickly set in. What was he doing to you? This wasn’t right. You have a purpose and it is not to fall in love with a human. Get it together. Do your duty.

Every other thought bounced back and forth, your heart and brain fighting for dominance. Your heart told you to let him live, you didn’t need to kill him, but your brain knew better. You needed to do it or you would come back year after year just to see him. Risk the safety of you and the pod for a human you could never be with.

You had to kill him.

“Thank you for tonight Jacob.”

“The pleasure was all mine.”

He had insisted on walking you home to which you didn’t fight. If he walked you home you could lead him to a quiet place to take his life. Maybe even somewhere beautiful. Jacob deserved more than to just be drained and dumped in some filthy alley.

When he took you through the public garden you knew that was the place. So you led him down close to the pond underneath a willow tree, rays of light breaking through the wispy leaves that lay in drooping branches.

“Jacob?” You turned to him and gently grabbed both his hands.

“Hmm?”

“Kiss me again… Please?” There was the possibility that he would not come back like he had this time. A possibility that you would never feel his lips on yours again and you needed to experience it one last time.

“Okay.” It was soft and breathy, and had the night been any more lively you weren’t sure you would’ve heard it.

Jacob did as you asked, his lips pressed to yours like they had the first time. Tingles rolled through your body from head to toe crashing over you like waves. When you thought he would pull away and end the kiss he did something that surprised you. His tongue swept across your lower lip sending new vibrations along your spine, your body shivering slightly. Your own mouth acted without volition and opened against his lips.

The feeling of his tongue gliding along yours like velvet was euphoric. Noises bubbled from your throat in sighs of pleasure to be swallowed by Jacob. His hands gripped your waist, fingertips pressing into the meat with desperate longing. You liked the way his hands felt on you, almost as intoxicating as his mouth.

The kiss calmed and turned into short, slow kisses until your foreheads were resting against one another. You watched both of your chests rise and fall rapidly as you tried to regain your breath and slow your racing hearts. Neither of you said a word, just simply enjoying the moment.

Do it now. Get it over with, the longer you delay the worse it’ll be. Do it.

“May the flames of our souls dance together endlessly, Jacob.” You didn’t dare look at his face when you spoke your last words to him knowing you wouldn’t have it in you to do what needed to be done.

As your teeth sank into the delicate skin of his neck you prayed for it to be over quickly. Each desperate gasp of breath was a stab to your already fragile heart, and you were thankful you couldn’t see his face.

When he finally fell unconscious you filled the vile with his blood quickly before returning to finish what you started. Each pull of your mouth was a physical battle within yourself knowing that if you left now, before it was too late, he’d live. You could save him if you stopped. But that wasn’t an option anymore. You had to see it through.

You laid him down gently beneath the willow, teardrops dotting his skin, and cried harder at the sight of them. Had you been crying the whole time, you weren’t sure, but deep down you knew you had been. Brushing his hair from his face you looked at him one last time and pressed a shaky kiss to his forehead.

You had never run faster or sobbed harder in your life than you had that night.

“Something like that. I’m not one for this type of dancing or music if I’m honest.” You shrugged looking out at the people jumping and grinding to the music the DJ played.

“I’m not either, but my younger brothers wanted to check it out so I appeased them,” His eyes were trained on the crowd as he spoke, “I was starting to regret coming, and was just telling my brother I was going to leave.”

You peeled your eyes away from the people dancing on the floor and looked at Jake. He did the same, turning his focus back to you.

“Oh really? What made you change your mind?”

“Well I saw the most gorgeous woman looking like she’d rather be anywhere but here.” A cheeky smile formed on his lips. You’d forgotten how smooth he always was, your own lips breaking into a small smile.

“Would you wanna get out of here?”

“And go where?”

“I know a place.” Jake stood from his spot on the bench and set his drink on the table. When he turned to you he had his arm extended for you to take. His face gave a look of ‘what do you say?’

“Better be a good place.” You smiled and took his hand letting him lead you out of the noisy club. When the two of you stepped outside onto the street his hand dropped yours, the warmth he brought quickly dissipating. The action made you sad, wanting nothing more than to touch him again.

You weren’t sure where he was taking you, but you trusted him and let him lead you down the wet streets. The two of you talked, and just as you had expected he was the same as each time before just with slight differences. He was a musician now, self made of course, and in a band with his brothers. It was almost relieving to hear that there was finally a version of him in which he played music. You knew he was destined for this profession, his love and devotion for the art always remaining throughout the decades.

Eventually you came to the entrance of a park shrouded with hundreds of trees and flowers. He continued to walk down the pathway, a destination clear in mind. You couldn’t help but look in awe at the breathtaking scenery around you, all the trees and flowers, the moonlight bouncing off the large pond that sat in the middle of the park. You wondered what it might look like in the daytime.

Since you had left the club there had not been a moment of silence. Comfortable, casual conversation flowed easily between you, talking about anything and everything you could think of. Jake was well read in human history and literature, things you knew much about having lived through most of them. While you only came upon the shore for one night each year you liked to keep tabs on what was happening with the humans as it usually impacted the lives of the nymphs greatly. Especially as technology advanced.

The two of you came to a bench surrounded by large drooping trees that overlooked the pond, and your chest tightened. The scene before you looked strikingly similar to the public garden in Boston where you had taken Jake’s life almost two hundred years ago. Images of his lifeless state came flooding back to you, tears pricking your eyes. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes, willing the tears back down. When you opened your eyes again and looked at the trees more closely you breathed a small sigh of relief. They were not willows, but instead oak trees covered in spanish moss that were still living. And they were hauntingly beautiful.

“I like to come here at night when I’m stuck on a melody or riff I can’t quite work out. There’s something about this place that’s so peaceful and reminiscent. Which sounds ridiculous since I don't even know what I could possibly reminisce about in a place like this.” He sat on the bench and looked out over the water as he spoke, like he truly was thinking back to something. You tried to deny that maybe in some way he remembered that night in Boston as you sat beside him. It was easier to lie to yourself than accept that old pieces of his lives that involved you lingered.

The night had grown somewhat cold and a chill ran through your body as wind swept through the trees. Jake noticed the way your arms wrapped tightly around your body and wordlessly took off his light jacket, placing it around your shoulders.

“Thank you, but you didn’t-“

“I wanted to.”

The skin of your cheeks burned, heat creeping along your face and down your neck. You were thankful for the thickly coated trees overhead as they blocked out most of the moonlight and hid your growing blush. With the wind dying, you could smell his natural musk that wafted from the jacket, woodsy and clean like driftwood that sat on the beach. The smell flooded your senses, reminding you of the last time you had seen him.

September 1923

Charleston, South Carolina

Prohibition made hunting harder. Without the effect of alcohol humans tended not to hang around in large groups and were more difficult to subdue, but thankfully speakeasies existed. Sure finding a human who knew where one was could be a challenge, but once you did find one who could point you in the right direction they would do so of their own free will.

Bourbon and Branch was where you had found yourself this night for the hunt. The darkly lit underground club was congested with smoke from cigarettes and cigars, the sound of jazz filled the space. There couldn't have been a better place to prey on humans and you certainly took advantage of it, your body count for the evening rising higher and higher. Were you out of control? No, not yet, but hey it was the roaring twenties, everyone was on the verge of losing what little grip they had on self control. It didn’t help that you had been nursing your self loathing and pain since 1865.

Every waking moment that fateful night played on a loop in your mind. Over and over. You would do anything to get through the day without thinking about him, and human blood helped take your mind off of everything. The more you drank, the better you felt, the less you thought of him, but the more you drank, the more you pushed yourself further to the edge. You were quickly becoming a liability to the pod with each hunt that took place. It’s not that you didn’t care that you were endangering the pod, you just couldn’t see past your own misery to realize that what you were doing was dangerous.

You had lost track of just how many bodies you had left in the alley behind the speakeasy that night. It was nearing double digits, but you didn’t care and instead headed back inside the small club to find your next meal. When you slipped back inside though the image of the next human you had intended on targeting vanished instantly.

Sitting in a booth with a drink in hand looking at home was the man who haunted you. His eyes seemed to be scanning the room, like he was looking for something in particular when they landed on you. You didn’t dare take your eyes off of him, fearing that maybe the blood had gotten to your head. You watched as he said something to one of the men who sat by his side, identical to him in some ways, before sliding out of the booth and walking towards you. Not once did his eyes leave yours.

It felt like catching up with an old friend in some weird way. You know the person down to their core, but aspects of their life have changed, and small parts of them have too. Most of the night was spent in the Bourbon and Branch just talking with Jacob and getting to know what he was like in this life. There were plenty of smiles, laughs and flirting, and you were floating on air. And when he kissed you that night it was as if no time had passed, like you were back in 1865 sitting on his porch steps under the stars.

When the bar had finally closed for the night, neither of you could bring yourselves to say goodbye. Jacob invited you back to his house with his brothers and their partners as a proper way to wind down after a night out. More secret booze and music. The lot of you danced and drank for what seemed like hours before everyone either left or went to bed leaving you and Jacob out to enjoy the night alone. The two of you talked and talked until talking led to gentle touches, those touches turned to kissing, and the kissing led to something you had never done.

While painful at first, the feeling that came after was truly unlike anything you had ever experienced. Nothing would compare to the overwhelming euphoria you and Jacob had shared that night. Images of him above you, bare and glistening with sweat while his light brown eyes bore into your own were seared in your brain. The scent of driftwood and sea salt was all around you, enveloping you wholly. His whispers of praise, encouragement, and adoration echoed forever in your head. How beautiful you were and how good you felt. How utterly perfect you were. If you thought you liked the way his hands felt on you once long ago, you loved how they felt on you tonight. You loved the pleasure he could bring you with just a drag of his finger, and how gentle he was. So gentle like he was afraid he would break you. When you reached your peak you felt nothing but pure pleasure, every thought and memory erased from your mind that wasn’t him. He invaded every part of your being.

Afterwards the two of you laid in his bed, bare and pressed against one another. No words were spoken, but none needed to be. You were both content to exist in the moment listening to each breath the other took while his fingers traced mindless shapes and paths across your skin. The only noise that could be heard was Jacob humming softly, a tune that had no real body like it was something he made up as it came to him.

When he finally fell asleep you slipped out from underneath his arm carefully to not wake him and redressed. You had decided you would not repeat history this time. You wouldn’t be the cause of his death, you couldn’t do it again. You knew had you taken his life a third time you would come apart at the seams completely. While you were unsure if he would ever come back to you since you had let him live, it was a chance you were willing to take. For one last time you admired him in the faint glow of the candles by his bed, and this time as you looked upon him you didn’t have to tell yourself he was sleeping.

“May the flames of our souls dance together endlessly, my love.” Your hand caressed his cheek and you bent down to place a gentle kiss to his forehead before you made your exit. You had barely made it to the ocean when the sun rose that morning, your first true close call. To you though it was well worth it.

“So you’re in a band? Do you enjoy it?” You pulled his jacket tighter around your frame hoping to trap in more heat and cocoon yourself in his smell.

“I love it. It’s been my dream for so long to be a musician and I don’t think I would trade anything in the world for it.” When he spoke you could feel the excitement pour off of him. He truly loved what he was doing and that made you happy- knowing that he was happy.

“I’m sure it's not easy though being in a band with your brothers.”

“Everyone thinks that, but it’s not always difficult. Sure tempers fly, and things get smashed or broken, but nothing will ever come between us that we can’t overcome. We’re family, we’ll always have each other’s backs.”

You could understand where he was coming from. Your pod was your family, each member was a sister to you biological or not, and the hunt was your job. Things get dicey every now and then, but for the most part you just tried to do what was best for your family and looked out for one another.

Another hour had passed just sitting under the trees talking about everything and nothing at all. It had taken all the strength you had to not shiver uncontrollably from head to toe till now, Jake’s jacket not doing much anymore. You were positively freezing. The cold finally won, and violent shakes wracked your body.

“I have this beautiful hand-made dagger from the 1700s, absolutely exquis-“ His sentence stopped abruptly on the count of way your body jolted continuously and he began to rub his hands up and down the length of your biceps, “C’mon let’s get you somewhere warm, you’re shaking like a leaf.”

Jake stood from the bench, his hands falling away from your arms for a moment to help you stand. When the two of you began to walk he was next to you, his arm wrapped around the back of your body so both of his hands were back on your upper arms. The friction from his hands did heat your body slightly, but not enough to subdue the intense shivering.

“My place isn’t far from here, is that alright?” When you turned to answer him you came practically nose to nose with him. He was so close that the only thing you could see in front of you were his honey brown irises.

“Um, yeah that’s fine. How far away are we?”

“About seven minutes, think you’ll make it that far?” The smallest hint of a smile drew the corner of his mouth upwards, his top lip curling the tiniest bit.

While you didn’t spend most of your time around humans you knew when one was making a joke. Or in this case, poking fun at you. Instead of finding it offensive the jest was rather endearing. Nonetheless you rolled your eyes playfully.

“Yes I can make it that far.” You finally willed yourself to look away from his mesmerizing face and stare out ahead of you. A part of you feared that if you didn’t look away now, you never would.

Shortly after leaving the park you had stopped shivering and Jake’s hands stopped their vigorous movements on your arms to rest at his sides. It seemed silly, but you mourned his touch as soon as it left your body and you decided to ask him about the dagger from earlier to distract yourself.

“You were telling me earlier about a dagger that you have?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot I was nerding out a little.” A breathy laugh escaped from between his lips. It was more of a huff of air than an actual laugh. His focus was on his boots as he walked beside you on the concrete sidewalk.

“Tell me about it? I would love to know more.”

“Yeah, uh,” He looked up to you with an expression that looked something similar to disbelief mixed with excitement. “It’s a beautiful handcrafted dagger from the early 18th century I believe. It’s a family heirloom, been passed down to the Kiszka men when they turn twenty-five. That’s how old my ancestor was when he made it.”

His hands waved about and fidgeted as he spoke like it was something he did out of nervous habit, but you think he just liked to keep his hands busy. You knew exactly which blade he had been referring to, there was no doubt in your mind. The weapon had to be the same blade used to strike fear into the heart of Billy back in Dover, England. The same blade which you complimented later on in the night.

“This is me.” Jake stopped in front of a large house, very modern and elegant looking, but simple, and dug his keys out from the depths of his pockets. While he fidgeted with the keys you took the opportunity to slide the vial of blood you had collected from earlied out of your pocket and drop it gently in one of his bushes by door to grab in the morning.

He opened the door and walked inside, holding the door open for you to follow behind him. As soon as you stepped through the threshold of his home, warmth flooded over your entire body.

Jake’s home on the inside reflected the outside, modern and sleek, but it still had a cozy and comfortable element to it. In a way it somewhat reminded you of his home in the 1920’s.

You followed him deeper into the house through a hallway that led into a living room and kitchen. The areas were separated by a black granite bar top that had bar stools lined along the wall facing into the kitchen. Jake walked around the bar into the kitchen and you decided to stay on the other side, standing next to a stool. He looked at you from the other side, his hands on top of the black surface and his upper body leaning towards you.

“Would you like anything to drink? Water, tea, booze?”

“Hmm, tea sounds quite nice. Would you by any chance happen to have any peppermint tea?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” He smiled at you fondly before turning around and walking to a cabinet on the wall behind him. He opened the cabinet and pulled two mugs off the shelf before closing it and opening another one to rummage through it. When he found the proper tea he filled the kettle up with water and set it on the stove to bring to a boil.

“You can sit, you know, make yourself comfortable.” He was facing you now, back pressed against the island in the center of the kitchen, his hands resting on the countertop behind him and his legs cross at the ankle. You knew with the tone of his voice and the soft smile on his face that he was just trying to make you feel more welcome.

“Thank you, although I’m content standing for now.” You smiled back at him gently with your upper body leaned into the cool black stone. Jake only offered an amused hum in response, continuing to stare at you with fond eyes.

“What?”

“Nothing… You’re just so beautiful,” His focus shifted to the ground and he shook his head, a giddy smile still splayed across his lips. “When I saw you at the club tonight I almost couldn’t muster up the courage to speak to you, and now you’re in my house and I’m making tea for you, and…” He looked up from the ground and met your eyes again. “You’re just so beautiful.”

You pushed off of the counter and made your way into the kitchen where he was standing. Neither of you looked away from the other the closer you got.

“I think,” You stopped in front of him and lightly draped your arms around his shoulders. His hands lifted from the countertop behind him and rested on your hips. “That you are quite beautiful.”

He was quiet for a moment, your compliment stunning him. He continued to stare at you in wonder and your eyes stayed locked on his.

“Me? Beautiful?”

“Breathtaking.”

His hand left your waist, his palm coming to rest on your jaw with his thumb splayed across your cheek, and his fingers laid against your neck just under your ear.

“C’mere.”

Jake pulled you closer to him, his fingers curling gently around the back of your neck, his lips pressing to yours. Just like each time before your skin felt tingly, spreading from your head all the way down your toes. You could feel his lips still curled upwards into the smile he was wearing as he kissed you. After a beat or two he pulled away from you.

The second his lips lifted from your own you felt the immediate longing of wanting to feel their warmth and softness again. It felt like sand slipping through your fingers.

However, his mouth was back on yours continuously pressing quick, tender kisses upon your lips over and over. With each time he pulled away, the amount of time between the kisses grew shorter like he couldn’t bring himself to pull away from you entirely. Not only did they become shorter, but they quickly became more heated and needy. Jake’s tongue ran the length of your bottom lip and you welcomed it happily, parting your lips with a low hum. You didn’t fight him for dominance and instead let his tongue explore your mouth as he pleased. The tip of his tongue teased the roof of your mouth slowly from the back to the front before he met your lips again and his tongue brushed against your own.

He walked forward a few steps and used the hand placed on your hip to turn the two of you in an one-eighty, and then walked you backwards. Your back pressed into the edge of the island countertop, Jake’s chest and hips pressed flush against your own, his hand moving to tangle into the soft tresses of your hair. Everything he did was gentle, careful not to push too far. Even with his body pressed into yours there was no overwhelming force.

Your hands wound into his hair, pulling him impossibly closer to you and earning a groan from Jake in return. He grabbed both your hips in his hands and grinded his growing erection into your core. You couldn’t help the way your head lulled back, breaking the kiss. Taking advantage of your exposed neck, he trailed kisses down the column of the soft skin. His mouth worked slowly, dragging out each open mouthed, hot kiss with his tongue licking over the area before moving to place the next one.

“Jake.” His name rolled off your tongue in a whisper, broken and whiny. You hadn’t meant to say his name out loud, but the reaction you pulled from him was worth it. The tips of his fingers dug into your hips harder and vibrations rumbled from his mouth through your neck with the low moan he released.

“Sounds so pretty when you say it like that, darling.” His teeth scraped across your skin with the next kiss just barely applying any pressure.

“Fuck, Jake.”

His teeth grazed the delicate skin once again, adding in another roll of his hips into yours. He was much harder now and the friction he supplied was making your head dizzy. You wanted more of him, so much more of him. In the background you could hear the kettle whistle loudly on the stove signifying it was ready.

“Water’s ready for tea.” Jake’s voice was low and husky while still moving his mouth down your throat.

“Forget the tea. I need you, please.” Your hand traveled between your bodies to palm his clothed length. His lips finally ceased their assault, his forehead resting on your clavicle with a sharp breath pulled into his lungs.

“Oh darling,” He lifted his head from your chest to look into your eyes. There was a fire in his eyes this time that you had never seen before, dark and swirling beneath the surface. “Have me you shall.”

He stepped away from you and grabbed your hand, pulling you behind him. He walked over to the stove quickly turning off the burner and setting the kettle aside. Once the fire hazard was taken care of he pulled you into him again and reconnected your lips. You were walking backwards, unsure of where exactly he was directing the two of you, but you couldn’t care less. Your fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt popping them open one by one. In return, Jake was working to unbutton your pants. When the last button was undone on his shirt you pushed the light material away from his shoulders and let your hands roam his warm skin. He was solid under your hands, yet still delicate. You loved the way his chest and stomach felt, obsessed with how sturdy and soft he was at the same time.

He moved on to your shirt once the button on your pants was undone and the zipper had been pulled down. You could feel the material slipping lower on your hips ever so slightly with each step you took. Jake pulled your shirt up over your head by the hem and dropped it to the floor, and you took one more step backwards before your back hit what you assumed was a door. His hand flew out and twisted the knob opening the door. He continued to walk you backwards into his room until the back of your knees came into contact with his bed.

You let out a shocked gasp, your knees buckling underneath you and falling rather ungracefully onto the bed while pulling Jake with you. He was able to stop himself from crushing you fully, his arms on either side of your head. When the initial surprise subsided the two of you broke into a fit of giggles unable to contain them.

“Sorry, I should’ve stopped.” He pushed himself up from the bed to stand still chuckling slightly.

“It’s okay.” One last giggle escaped from your lips as he made to stand. He was wedged between your legs while he looked down at you.

The look in his eyes from before had returned, quickly stirring the heat in your core again. While you were still wearing your bottoms, the top you had been wearing was long gone revealing your bare chest to him for the first time. He leaned forward and placed his hands on both sides of your hips. His fingers gripped the tops of the waistbands on your pants and underwear.

“Can I?” There was a gruff tone to his voice now when he spoke.

“Please.”

Jake didn’t waste anymore time and tugged the clothing from your body. There was no rush, taking his time undressing your lower half, and you propped yourself up on your elbows to have a better view of him. He dropped your bottoms to the ground and stood up straight to have a better view of your naked body.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone more stunning.” His eyes trailed along your body, drinking in every inch. You sat up fully, your face level with his toned abdomen and your hands toying with the waistband of his trousers.

“I have.”

The sight of you below him made his dick twitch. You were looking up at him almost innocently with your hands and mouth mere inches away from his aching cock. The very thought of having your mouth so close to him made him almost cum right there.

You started to undo the button and fly on his pants while placing sweet kisses to his stomach just above his navel, never breaking eye contact. Once the button was taken care of and you moved onto the zipper you trailed the light kisses lower and lower until your bottom lip brushed the top of his underwear. You drew your lips from the heated skin of his torso and hooked your fingers into his pants like he had just done to you.

“May I?” You were still so close to him that your breath fanned over his skin and sent shivers through his body.

“Oh god, yes.” The words were filled with air and flew out in a hushed whisper.

You pulled the fabric down his legs taking the boxers down with his pants. His hardened length sprang free, the tip slapping his lower belly gently. You were mesmerized with how gorgeous every part of him was, and while it had been over a hundred years since you had seen him bare, he was the same as before. When you got the top of his pants past his sturdy thighs they dropped freely the rest of the way down his legs.

Jake stepped out of the trousers carefully before bending down to cup your cheek and bring his lips back to yours. He laid you back slowly as he kissed you, kneeling on the bed with one knee between your legs. His other hand rested on your hip and pressed into you guiding you to move further up the bed.

Satisfied with where you were, Jake laid into you more fully. His forearm was braced into the mattress next to your head, his chest brushing yours with each heaving breath, and his heavy cock nestled in the crevice where your thigh met your groin.

His fingers skirted from your hip down the outside of your thigh just barely touching the heated skin. With the same pressure his hand crossed over the top of your thigh and slowly inched its way up to your core. Every touch his fingers made on your skin left behind a trail of raised skin in their wake. A breathy moan was pulled from your lips as he ran his middle and index fingers up your slit slowly.

“Fuck, you’re so wet.” Jake groaned against your lips.

Your hips bucked into his hand involuntarily as his fingers swept over your clit for the first time. You writhed under his touch earning a smile from his lips that you could feel against your own before he began kissing his way down your neck towards your chest. Even as he moved down your body you could still feel the smile he wore. His fingers swirled your clit in tight, slow, figure eights while his tongue gave an experimental flick to your perked nipple. Your back arched from the bed, pushing your chest into him silently begging for more. He loved how responsive you were, and you could tell. Each time you reacted to his touches, you felt his hard length twitch and pulse against your hip.

His lips wrapped around your nipple fully, sucking and licking the bud, earning the sweetest sounds from your open mouth. Not once did his fingers stop moving against your clit and you were quickly being brought to the edge of ecstasy. He pulled his mouth from your breast with a soft pop and kissed lower down your belly. A soft giggle bubbled in your throat as his lips passed over a sensitive area of your stomach, his lips tickling you. He huffed a laugh at the way your muscles contracted and you squirmed under his touch only making the tickling sensation worse.

“Sorry.” He laughed with you, his eyes catching yours.

“S’okay.”

You reach a hand down into his hair encouraging him to continue where he left off. Jake did as you implied and kissed further down your abdomen to your core, looping his arms around your hips and thighs. He kept eye contact as he placed one last kiss to your center right on your clit. When his tongue licked a stripe through your folds his eyes fluttered shut. He hummed against your soaked heat, the vibrations flowing through your entire body. Your fingers wound tighter into his hair and your hips begged for him to be closer.

He slid his tongue back up your slit, collecting your arousal and wrapped his lips around your clit once at the top. He sucked the sensitive bundle into his mouth, flicking his tongue against it rapidly. Your entire body felt like it was on fire and your head was becoming more fuzzy with each roll of the wet, velvet muscle. Whines and moans of pleasure rolled out from your throat, his name mixed in along with them sweetly. Just when you were about to be sent over the edge you pulled his mouth from your core and back up to your own. His chest and torso were pressed to yours, now propped up on his knees between your spread legs.

You could taste yourself on his lips and tongue. Sweet with a hint of saltiness. Like watermelon lightly sprinkled with salt on a summer’s day. You wanted more.

“Jake, please,” You whispered against his lips between feverish kisses trying desperately to get the words out. “I need you. I need all of you. Please, please.”

“Say it again.” His hand pressed down between your sticky bodies, gripping his length.

“I need all of you.”

“Say my name again.” He ran his swollen head through your wet lips, and coated himself in your slick.

“Please Jake.” He pressed into you slowly, the tip just inside as you spoke his name causing it to hitch in your throat. Your walls fluttered around him trying desperately to adjust to his size while he continued to push the rest of the way inside you. Your arms wrapped around the underside of his arms holding him close to you with your hands resting on the tops of his shoulders. The sound of his heavy breaths cascaded into your ear, his head dropped with his chin resting on your shoulder between your cheek and his hand.

“Oh fuck, you’re so tight.” He took a few ragged breaths. “Are you alright if I move?”

“Yeah, I-I’m okay.” Your voice cracked in a whisper already sounding fucked out.

Jake withdrew his hips from yours slowly, his thick length gliding out easily until just the tip of his head remained inside at your entrance. He pushed back in faster than before, but still at a steady pace. His other hand that was placed next to your head shifted so that he was cradling your head in his hand and gently pushing your opposite cheek into his.

With each push and pull of his hips to yours, both of your breathing became heavier, filled with moans and whispers of praise. He brushed your cervix upon every re-entry and grazed a spot that made your entire body explode in pleasure.

There was no doubt how good he was making you feel, and while you knew you were making him feel the same pleasures, you wanted to physically be responsible.

“Jake.” You tapped his shoulder lightly to get his attention. He quickly stopped all movement and lifted his face, looking at you with worry etched onto his features.

“Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

Your heart practically melted at his sincerity, and you couldn’t help but smile up at him. Worry changed to confusion at the sight of you smiling.

“Yes, I’m okay. I just, um,” You weren’t sure how to tell him exactly what you wanted. Mainly because you didn’t know what exactly it was that you wanted. “I want to… You’re just making me feel so good, and I… I want to make you feel good.”

“Baby,” A breathy chuckle left his lips, and his head fell, shaking lightly, “You’re already making me feel good. So unbelievably good.” He looked back up at you, the corner of his mouth pulled upwards showing off the smallest portion of his top teeth.

“I just want to… actively make you feel good.” You tried to reiterate to him what you meant.

“Are you trying to tell me that you want to be on top?”

You nodded your head slowly and watched the adoring smile on his face grow. Without much warning, his arm hooked around the back of your knee securing it closer to his body as he started to roll onto his back. He was seated fully inside you as he changed your positions, making you feel much more full once you were sat on him completely.

You wiggled your arms out from under his shoulders and sat up using his chest to stabilize yourself. He looked even more gorgeous below you than above with his skin shiny from sweat and his hair falling in waves around where his head rested. You stared at him for a moment longer taking in the way he looked and feeling how firm his chest and tummy felt.

You also weren’t sure what you were supposed to do, so you were sort of stalling.

“I, um, I’ve never really done this before…” Your gaze fell to watch your fingers dance along his tanned, smooth skin.

Jake didn’t respond. Instead his hands found your waist and gave you a reassuring squeeze making you look back to his face.

“I’ll show you.”

His hands lifted your hips ever so slightly before angling them forward gently. He continued to guide you upwards at this angle until you reached the end of his length. Just before he slipped out completely, you rolled your hips backwards again with the guidance of his hands and took him down to his base. He repeated the motion a few times to help you get a feel for it, each time speeding up just a little.

“If something feels good, follow it. Don’t think too much about what you want to do. Just let your body be the guide.” Not once did his hands stop guiding you while he spoke.

You started to take more control by lifting your hips on your own and changing the angle to take him down deeper. His hands stayed on your hips with his fingers extending to your ass. The more comfortable you got, the more you rolled your hips and sped up causing Jake’s fingertips to dig into the meat of your backside.

“That’s it. Doing so good.”

You did what he told you and just let your body do what it wanted to naturally. Carefully, you leaned back placing your hands on the outsides of his shins and kept moving your hips forward. With the new angle you could feel a searing hot tightness form in your lower belly with each thrust. You could see his cock, glistening in your juices, disappear in and out of you which only spurred you on more. You looked up to Jake to see him watching you slide along his length, his lips parted and his chest heaving. He caught your eyes and his hands traveled up your back.

“C’mere.”

He pulled you back to him, his lips crashing into yours and his hips bucking up into you. A loud moan ripped from your throat and was sent straight into his mouth. You could do nothing for a moment, but lay on top of him and let his hips do all the work, his thrusts disabling your mind and body. When you did finally push back onto him, his breath hitched before a deep groan tore from his chest and his hands gripped you harder. It took you a few tries to find the right rhythm, but after a few moments his hips were thrusting up to meet your own on their descent. Curses and praises tumbled freely from him, air filled and raspy. The movements were perfectly timed and you could feel yourself on the edge of the cliff once again. His kisses became sloppy, filled mostly with grunts and breathy moans against your lips.

“I’m close. A-are you, shit, are you almost there?” He sighed, his breath fanning over your face.

“Yeah, I’m- I’m about to- Oh fuck, Jake.” Your orgasm hit you before you could even finish your sentence. Intense pleasure ignited every inch of your body as your muscles contracted, squeezing his cock like a vice. His name slipped off your tongue over and over as he helped you ride out the high while chasing his own.

It was his name falling from your lips continuously like a mantra while you came that had him reaching his own climax. Soft whimpers, moans and gasps spilling from his lips and swirled around your head. He pulled you into his chest further, hugging you tight to his chest and kissed you harder until his hips slowed to a stop inside you.

Neither of you made to move for a few minutes, both of you entirely spent. Your entire body weight was being supported by him as you laid on top of his chest and stomach trying to come down. Jake was the first to move. He helped you up and gently guided you to lay on your back before making his way off the bed with a promise to return. When he came back he was holding a wet cloth and a glass of water. He cleaned your mixed release up from between your legs tenderly, and then disposed of the cloth in his dirty laundry basket. You gulped down the water while you waited for him to return again. A few moments later he came back and crawled back into his bed laying next to you. As soon as Jake laid down you started to get out of his bed to leave for the night needing to return back to the sea.

“Hey, you don’t have to go. You can stay- If you want to, I mean-” He fumbled over his words trying to get across what he wanted to say properly. You couldn’t get over how cute he looked, his cheeks getting pink from being flustered. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I would like for you to stay.”

“I can stay for a little bit longer.”

You smiled at him softly and eased back into the bed beside him. He pulled you closer to him and wrapped his arm around your shoulder. You rested your head on his chest, his skin warming your cheek, and laid your arm across his stomach. The two of you stayed wrapped up in each other’s arms until you drifted off to sleep, the slow rise and fall of his chest soothing you. Just before sleep took you under you heard him mutter something in his sleepy haze.

“I’ve waited for you.” You could barely register what he said, already half asleep and in a dreamy haze yourself.

A faint yellow glow woke you from your dreamless sleep. Sunlight beamed into your eyes when you finally got up the courage to pry them open, and your heart sank to your stomach. It was daytime and you hadn’t made it back to the ocean. You frantically threw the covers off of your still naked body, jolting Jake awake in the process. You began searching all around the room for your clothes having no luck in locating a single item of clothing. Jake’s hand around your wrist finally stopped you. You hadn’t realized that he had been talking to you the entire time.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” His eyes searched your face, his soft voice trying to calm you down while his thumb rubbed circles on your wrist.

“I can’t find any of my clothes, and I have to leave. I can’t believe I missed sunrise, I-” You stopped talking immediately, the words dying in your throat. You had missed sunrise, by hours, and yet you were still alive. How the hell were you still alive?

You felt disoriented and nauseous, the edges of your vision blurring and your hearing starting to muffle. The pounding of your heartbeat thundered in your ears completely blocked out whatever Jake had said to you. Your mind raced trying to make sense of what was happening. There was only one possibility that could explain it.

“It was all a lie…” You muttered to yourself still in shock, forgetting that Jake was still there.

“What was a lie?”

“Um,” You shook your head, trying desperately to clear the fog from your mind. When you shifted your focus back onto his face, you instantly felt at ease. The nausea subsided, and your hearing came back in full. The black edges around your vision faded away allowing you to focus on his face, seeing clearly the lines of worry between his furrowed brows.

“Nothing. I- I think I was having a bad dream… I’m okay now.”

“Are you sure? You had me stressed out there for a second.” His thumb was still rubbing against your skin in soothing motions.

“Yeah, I’m good now.” You gave him a reassuring smile and tried your best to make him believe it.

It was the truth though. You felt better and it was because of him. With just a look of his face you knew this was your destiny all along. For centuries you pondered over why the universe had always brought him back to you, and now you knew. You were always meant to be with Jake.

“Okay, good… So you don’t have any plans for today?”

“No, I have nothing planned.” He smiled at you then, and you had never felt better in your entire life.

“Would you wanna grab some breakfast then? I’d like to spend more time with you.”

“I would absolutely love that.”

———————————————————————

Your bare feet sunk into the warm, white sand with each step you took along the beach. Carrying your shoes in one hand and the other intertwined with Jake’s you looked out to the open water of the sea. The sun was setting over the water creating beautiful orange glitters across the top of the small waves. While the blinding light burned your eyes you couldn’t turn away. Sunset was your favorite time of day and the scenic view of your old home had you somewhat reminiscent.

Roughly eight months had passed since the night of the hunt. In that time you’ve been adjusting to living life as a human which was quite different than living as a nymph. The biggest adjustment was probably the loss of your powers. Or getting a job, that was pretty difficult. Throughout the whole process Jake was there though. The two of you had started dating and eventually you had to come clean about your true nature, especially when you didn’t understand the simple things that came with human life. Cell phones, bills, cars, rent, social media. It was all very foreign to you and Jake never understood.

When you did finally tell him about being a nymph and coming from the sea he truly didn’t believe you. He thought you had made the whole thing up which you understood. After a while and some very confusing conversations about the aforementioned topics, he finally believed that you were not originally human. The most convincing aspect for him were your eyes. You were able to hide them for a few months before your powers faded completely, but when your abilities were gone he finally was able to see your glittery silver irises. Now though, your eyes too have since faded and changed color allowing you to look fully human.

He asked a lot of questions, all of which you welcomed and answered freely. You decided to omit the whole truth from him when it came to your previous meetings in his previous lives. How were you supposed to admit to the man you love that you had killed him not once, but twice centuries ago? He knew your paths had crossed before and in a few instances the two of you had become close in a sense, but you mostly told him how and where you met unless he asked for specific details. When he learned that the two of you had had sex before in the 1920s his only response was, ‘I was better this time.’ Mostly he would ask which version of him you liked better.

As you continued to look out at the sea you thought of Sarenya and your sisters. You wondered who would’ve taken your place as Nympha Legatus and where they would be this time around. Ciree would make a great siren leader if she could focus on-

“You’re doing it again.” Your thoughts faded away as Jake spoke beside you, squeezing your hand gently. Instantly you knew what he was referring to, you gazed down at your feet that we’re almost touching the water now. Every time the two of you walked along the beach you would absentmindedly walk towards the water until the salty liquid lapped at your toes or Jake made you aware. Usually he would say nothing and just watch in amusement while you led him closer.

“Sorry.” You laughed under your breath and turned to face him. He was smiling warmly at you, his honey brown eyes sparkling in the orange hue of the sun.

“Nothing to be sorry about…” You both started walking down the shore again still hand in hand letting comfortable silence take over. Your thoughts continued to wander, thinking about what life would be like for your pod now.

“Do you miss it? Your old life and your sisters?”

This was the first time he had asked you if you missed any part of what you used to be. You were sure he never asked because he didn’t want to make you upset. While it didn’t make you upset, you did think about it for a moment before responding.

“Sometimes... I miss Sarenya mostly. I mean she was my best friend and sister and she probably thinks I’m dead, so it makes me sad to think she’s grieving me and that I probably won’t see her again.” He nodded in response, showing that he could understand what you meant, your arms swaying between your bodies while you walked.

“But I’m happy here. I think this was always supposed to be my destiny… to be human and be with you. Live our lives with one another and grow old together. Even if I could go back somehow I wouldn’t because this feels right. This is right, and I don’t ever want to not be with you. I’d rather have this lifetime and the afterlife with you and remain human than have only fleeting moments together and be a nymph.”

He was beaming at you now with a smile that could only be described as soft, warm and giddy. The amount of love in his eyes as he looked at you was unmistakable and you were happily drowning in it, letting it lay like a heavy blanket over your entire body. Jake used the hold he had on your hand to swing you forward in front of him and maneuver your body to where he twirled you around a few times before bringing you into his chest tightly and pressed his lips to yours sweetly. He shifted his weight from foot to foot creating a small swaying motion as he held and kissed you.

“May the flames of our souls dance endlessly together, my love.” He repeated the phrase you had spoken to him years and years ago against your lips, smiling the whole way through it against your own smiling lips.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------add yourself to my taglist! taglist: @gold-mines-melting @indigofallingsky @sunandthemoontwinflames @ageofhearingloss @lipstickitty @hellowgoodbye @wildbluesorbit @jjwasneverhere @stardustjake @sanguinebats @sinarainbows @jordie-gvf-admin @malany-gvf @dannyandthekiszkas @popejosh4ever @gretasimp @sacredthefran @writingcold @thecoldwind @reesetrippingthelight @starcatcher-jake @musicspeaks @joshskittytickler @for-ur-love @carbondancingthroughtime @violet-hayes @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @way-to-go-lad @worldsgayestbonenerd @jakesgrapejuice @alwaysonthemend @livkiszka @klarxtr

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elliespassagerprincess · 2 years ago

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𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝘃𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲: 𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

This is a happy one! Like i promised in my last post.. speaking of my last post thank you for all the love and support! Anyway lets get back to the story:)

This story is based off the edit below! It popped up on my fyp and i was like "fuck yeah! lemme make this a story"

And it's also heavily inspired by the song All of the girls you've loved before by Taylor Swift! If you can please listen to the song as you're reading:) The story is not based off the full song, only the beginning <3

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: Jackson!ellie x fem!reader

Remember requests are always open! Feel free to leave one, or you could just send me a song and i'll take it from there

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: none:)

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: Two lost girls, finally found what they've been looking for in each other

When you think of all the late nights

Lame fights over the phone

Wake up in the mornin' with someone

But feelin' alone

Ellie sighed, slightly rubbing her eyes, as she slowly sat up. She didn't know where she was, and who the hell was laying next to her?

Suddenly all the memories came flooding back to her. Dina broke up with her, Ellie went out to celebrate her new freedom, Ellie saw you for the first time, she got jealous that Dina was dancing with you. Even though Ellie had no clue who you were, she wanted you. She got drunk and she ended up in some random girls bed.

"What a night" Ellie thought to herself. She got out of the bed as quietly as possible- trying not to wake the girl next to her. Ellie let out a soft fuck as her feet touched the cold tiles. She practically ran back to her house, praying that no one saw her.

Ellie hopped in the shower, warm water hit her hair, and she led out a hum out of pleasure as the water dripped down her head. As she squeezed a big gulp of shampoo on her hair, her thoughts went back to you.

Who were you? Why hasn't she seen you before? Why were you dancing with Dina? Did you like girls? Could she have you?

Ellie quickly decided she'll find out who you were. Ellie wanted to, no, needed to have you. You were beautiful. The kind of beautiful that would make any person fall in love with you instantly. The kind of beautiful that would make make thousands of people drool over you. Even if you didn't want Ellie, Ellie just needed to know your name.

A heart is drawn around your name

In someone's handwriting, not mine

We're sneakin' out into town

Holdin' hands, just killin' time

A small smile graced Ellie's face as she wrote in her journal. Your name sat in a corner with a heart around it.

Since that day, Ellie went straight to Maria, immediately asking her a million questions about the new pretty girl. After interrogating Maria, Ellie found out you came a couple of months ago, and that you worked on a farm. To Ellie's frustration, Maria wont tell her anymore things about you. So her only option was to go up to and talk to you.

It was a silly crush. Or it started as a crush, but now it's an obsession. Ellie memorized your routine. She knew what time you came to breakfast, she knew which animals were your favorite. She got to know you, by listing in on your conversations with friends. She knew your favorite color, favorite bands. Ellie knew everything.

"You cant follow her around forever a voice" said from behind Ellie, and she almost pissed herself. Ellie turned around and met eyes with Tommy.

''You like her, don't you?"

"Like is a under statement" Ellie said

"you know, talking to her is easy" another voice said.

"Why the fuck are you talking to my girl" Ellie asked and she made eye contact with Jesse.

"She isn't yours" tommy interrupted

"yet" Ellie said quickly

"Well you better hurry up because you aren't the only one that has eyes for her" Tommy said pointing to where you were standing

Ellies brows furrowed as she took in the sight. You were there talking to some of the new guys that recently joined Jackson. Ellie felt like she could see red. If they were allowed to keep weapons on them, Ellie would've grabbed one of her knives and she would cut off their-

Her thoughts of violence were cut off by Jesse's hand coming into contact with her shoulder, giving her a slight nudge, its now or never he he whispered as the two of them watched you walk over to the farm.

Your past and mine are parallel lines

Stars all aligned and they intertwined

And taught you

The way you call me, "Baby"

Treat me like a lady

All that I can say is

Ellie cringed at the memory of her asking you out.

If started with her following you to the farm. When she eventfully spotted you, Ellie tried her best to act non-chalet, but the universe wasn't on her side, as she was about to introduce herself she fell face first into a bunch of cow shit. She heard you laugh in the distance as you ran to her, asking her is she was ok. Instead of answering your question Ellie just said "my name is Ellie" and she gave you a shy smile as her face was full of shit. You let out a laugh and the rest was history.

Now here Ellie sat in front of you on one knee, holding a ring she spent months looking for.

With tears still streaming down your face you said "who would've thought I would end up with the cow shit girl"

all Ellie let out was a "shut up", as she grabbed your face for a kiss.

All of the girls you loved before (ooh)

Made you the one I've fallen for

Every dead-end street

Led you straight to me

Now you're all I need

I'm so thankful for

All of the girls you loved before

But I love you more

All the girls Ellie loved before, doesn't compare to you. Riley, Kat, Dina, none of them. Ellie thought she would never find love again after everyone of her relationships. She's thankful to all the girls she's been with, that taught her how to do things. That showed her pain. And that taught her love. Now she had you. She's thankful for Dina, and that night in the bar. If Dina wasn't dancing with you Ellie would've never saw you. Ellie thought she would end up alone, but there you were. You were the light in her darkness. And there were no words to describe how happy she was when said yes to her proposal.

She might've loved them before you, but she loves you more.

A grin was plastered on your face as you walked down the isle. Who would've thought you would find love. Who would've thought you'd end up getting married but here you are.

The pastor let a you may now kiss the bride and Ellie leaned in, her warm lips toughing yours. As your lips were locked it felt like there were fireworks exploding inside your stomach. Both you and Ellie smiled into the kiss, and when you both finally pulled away there were huge grins on both your faces. Ellie held your hand into the air as both your family and friends screamed with excitement.

This was the beginning of your fairytale.

Ellie was thankful to all the girls you've loved before because they made you who you are today. Her wife.

The two of you might've had other lovers before each other, but you both loved each other more

Authors note: Thank you for reading, i hope this makes up for the last post! Remember to always be kind and feel free to request anything! Stay tuned for my next story, it'll be posted Tuesday, and you better be ready because its a bumpy one!

Yours truly,

Zia:)

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squerlly · 8 months ago

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just felt like doing a little something something... this post is kind of a little clarification for certain things about my new series. for those who don't know I made a series called flames of desire and it is an Alastor x (f! bunny reader) slow burn romance with eventual smut ofc. my writing style is a bit odd to say the least since I have a hard time explaining things in detail and in attempt to make mine and my readers lives easier iv color coded the dialogue for each and every character so that you know what's text vs dialogue. I also try to include individual POV to get a clear aspect of certain things *cough* *cough* lore. so here are some things you should know

-dialogue colors-

husk, angel, Alastor, Vaggie, Charlie, Niffty, reader (this font specifically, please don't get it mixed up with her thoughts) incase I run out of colors for certain characters I will substitute a color but I will always specify whos talking!

yes bunny Reader design has paws and she can't really wear shoes so I decided to make her wear socks similar to the helluva boss character Lunas, which are open-toed socks just to have something to cover her feet at least. in this story, y/n is old enough to drink but I wouldn't say she's on the older side so use your imagination or don't I don't mind if you edit the character, this is a story about you lovely people after all!. I'm also terrible at smut so don't really expect a lot.

I am Hispanic and although I am not fluent I will try my best to make the characters cannon yet not cannon, by this I mean I will make valentino speak slight Spanish as his cannon form does. I will also make Alastors cooking related to new Orleans Louisiana dishes because hes old fashioned and I doubt he will ever put in the time to learn other cooking don't come for me!!!

I will not be adding sir pentious in this series, I know I'm sorry please forgive me, maybe if I change my mind later which I always end up doing eventually I will add a part just for pentious, a little something. I already struggle trying to make sure I include every character in at least every 2 to 3 chapters because I don't really do favoritism when it comes to my writing, same goes for lucifer but once again maybe something but I also don't want to spoil the show for people who have not watched it yet.

I have a tight schedule when it comes to things I have to do at home vs my free time so I will try to get at least 2 chapters out every week maybe 3 if I feel motivated enough or unless I don't get writer block. as for request I will be re opening those this Friday and close them on Sunday so I can work, edit, and release them throughout the week if I get any.

this series is a shared project between me and my bestfriend @strippezzz please go check out there artwork its so good. he works on helping me proofread because I have ADHD and my brain works a million miles an hour and tend to miss things here and there. hes also 10x better at writing smut, not for the ideas but just describing it detail so I leave that to him and wanted to make sure that I'm not getting all the credit!

if you have any question or concerns just ping me in the comments and I will probably answer in 5 min tops because I'm always using my phone for literally everything

I hope this was helpful!!!! and have a wonderful day/night love you all stay tuned~

-squerlly

for more stories and more chapters please click this masterlist

#hazbin #alastor x reader #alastor #hazbin alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x you #alastor x reader smut #hazbin hotel smut #hazbin hotel x reader

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hearts4golbach · 1 month ago

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Get the Angles Right!

chapter 13.

a/n:

I'm so so so sorry for ghosting this book! I'm really trying to get back on the grind.

not proofread

warnings:

none!

word count:

1.2k

. . .

You gently chewed on your lower lip as you concentrated on your computer. You had imported the photos of Johnnie and were completing the editing. Needless to say, Johnnie was nothing but sexy. You may as well have been drooling over the photos before your phone buzzed twice. You scrambled to grab it, hoping it'd be Johnnie.

Neither of you were clear about what you really were. But, neither of you had time to really talk about it. Johnnie said he'd be busy all day, he was recording a few videos around town and claimed he most likely wouldn't be able to see you that day. Of course, that worried you. You still held onto the deep paranoia that he really wanted nothing more to do with you, but his texts said different. He frequently checked on you, as well as updated you about how recording is going. He gushed about how much he missed you and said he'd see you 'asap,' as he put it.

Your leg gently shook under the desk as you read the text. Your heart skipped a beat when you realized it actually was from Johnnie. He had sent a few random emojis before asking what you were doing. You quickly typed out a response, explaining you were simply editing the photos. He said he couldn't wait to see them and explained they were working on recording their last video right then. You grinned, typing out a simple response before getting back to work.

Uploading the photos to Instagram and your website was a simple task, one that didn't take more than ten minutes.

You stuffed your face into your sketchbook, itching to make more designs for Johnnie. Your mind raced with millions of amazing ideas, a lot of them specific outfits you wannted to keep between the two of you. You had never been so motivated before, and that's when you knew you were crazy for that boy.

You had lost track of time, not realizing what time it was before a knock on the door startled you out of your trance. You flinched, whipping around towards the door. You groaned, standing up and stretching before checking the time on your phone. It was just past 9 pm. You wondered who could be knocking on your door this late.

You cautiously opened the door. A pair of soft lips met yours as hands gripped onto your hips. You closed your eyes, immediately melting into Johnnies touch whenever you realized it was him. You heard him kick the door shut before pulling away to look at you.

"Well, hey." You greeted with a smile. "I thought you wouldn't be able to come over tonight."

He pulled you closer to him. "I wanna see you as much as I can before I leave," he placed a kiss on the corner of your lips, "and kiss you." He added.

"You're so corny." You giggled.

Johnnie shrugged. "Whatever."

You led him into the living room, pulling him down onto the couch to sit with you. He wrapped his arm around your waist as you rested your head on his chest.

"How was recording and all of that?" You asked twirling a piece of raven colored hair between your fingers.

He hummed quietly. "It was fine. Just couldn't stop thinking about you all damn day."

You sighed softly, your mind wandering back to the fact that you were in the gray zone at that moment.

"What's the matter, love?" He asked, gently caressing your waist.

You didn't want to be that person, but you also didn't want to sit with the anxiety of not knowing. You took a deep breath before speaking up. "What are we going to do?" You asked cautiously, afraid of what Johnnies answer would be.

He took a deep breath. "I don't know." He answered truthfully. "You know I have to leave."

You nodded carefully, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes. "I know, Johnnie."

"Y/n, we can make it work." The hopeful in his voice made you feel even worse. "I can fly you down to see me all the time." He combed his fingers through your hair comfortingly.

You hummed in response, melting into his touch. "Are you sure?" You couldn't help but worry about your future with him. "I don't want to fuck this up."

"I'm positive. I really want this to work. I want you." He emphasized

That moment was when Johnnie officially became your boyfriend. You trusted his promises for the future and then on, but your paranoia didn't subside.

The comfortable silence lasted for what felt like forever. Johnnie ran his fingers through your hair, gently combing out the small tangles.

Johnnie placed a kiss on your head before speaking up. "I have an idea."

You hummed questioningly. Your eyelids felt heavy. You were always so much more relaxed whenever Johnnie was around.

"Can I, like, design an outfit for you?" He asked. You couldn't help but giggle at the way he phrased his question.

You began tracing shapes into his chest. "Yeah. I mean, what do you have in mind?"

"Something." He muttered. "Let me surprise you."

You sighed as you dragged yourself off of him. "You comin'?"

He nodded eagerly, peeling himself off the couch and following you. Excited energy radiated off of him as he sat down at your desk.

"What do you need, babe? I have paper and.. well literally any art supplies you can think of," you paused. "Everything is organized in these drawers. Go ahead. I'm going to go make some tea, do you want some?" You pointed towards said drawers as you spoke.

"I'd love some." Johnnie pulled you down to be face to face with him.

He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead before getting to work. The small gesture made your face heat up as if it were the first time he had ever done that. You hummed an okay before walking into the kitchen. Johnnie sang to himself, but you could hear it from the other room. You listened to the quiet noise as you made peppermint tea. He had a beautiful voice. You didn't want to walk back into the room, fearing that he'd stop when you did.

Once the tea was done and had steeped for a few minutes, you carried the two mugs back into the room. You silently re-entered the room. Somehow, Johnnie didn't notice. He seemed to be deeply concentrated. You sat one of the mugs down next to him, (you made sure to give him your favorite cup.) You set tours down elsewhere after taking a sip. You snaked your arms over his shoulders and around his neck.

"Don't look." He whined. You obliged, resting your head atop his and looking the other way.

You placed one final kiss on the top of his messy hair before flopping down onto your bed. He was so focused, so mesmerized by what he was working on. You couldn't help but smile at his commitment and snap a picture before posting it to your story.

#fanfiction #fanfic #johnnie guilbert #hearts4golbach #jake and johnnie #jake webber #johnnie guilbert x reader #johnnie guilbert x you #tara yummy #johnnie guilbert smut #johnnie x reader #johnnie and jake #get the angles right!

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emberfrostlovesloki · 9 months ago

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Count the Cost [Emily x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@lone-nyctophile) Center (@weemsicalweems) Right (@paracosmoon)

Prompt: An unspoken conversation rocks Emily and the reader's relationship when Prentiss gets shot on a case.

Pairing: Emily x Non-BAU!reader. The reader uses she/her pronouns.

Category: angst/comfort

Word Count: 5.1K

Content Warnings: Use of nicknames [sweetheart, love, etc.] throwing up/nausea, airports, Emily getting shot, not described in detail, hospitals [waiting rooms. IV’s, medical equipment.] brief mention of periods/chronic pain/migraines.

A/N: Hi loves! Here is another fic based on the amazing @imagining-in-the-margins January/February Writing Challenge. The dialog prompt this was based on was “There are a million reasons not to do something.” This is the fourth part of my Emily x Non-BAU!reader series. You can find Part I, Part II, and Part III here (all fics linked). However, you can read this as a standalone. You just need to know that the reader works for a senator. I had fun writing a bit of angst between these two. Of course, I hope I made the ending worth the angst. If you enjoy this fic, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! I hope you’re having a great start to your week and thanks for reading. Love Levi - ❤️

List with all stories

_y/n_ = your name

_y/l/n_ = your last name

_y/f/s_ = yuur favorite senator

_y/f/c_ = your favorite color

The tiredness and dryness of _y/n_’s eyes didn’t stop her from keeping them open. There would be no sleep on the small dark cabin airplane tonight. The early morning flight to Kansas had been as unexpected as the call from a number _y/n_ had never seen at 2:47 a.m. At first, _y/n_ had thought it was just spam, but when she listened to the nurse on the other end of the line say he was trying to reach Emily Prentiss’s emergency contact, _y/n_’s stomach dropped like a stone. _y/n_ panicked, hit answer, and with a shaky voice said, “This is _y/n_ _y/l/n_. What’s happened to Emily?” There was a pause as the nurse took a moment to properly identify _y/n_, who was standing up and pacing with worry. Finally, the nurse replied, ‘Miss Prentiss was brought into the hospital about a half hour ago. She’s been shot.” _y/n_ nearly dropped the phone and said, “Shot! Shot where? Is she seriously injured, is there anyone there with her like law enforcement? She has a dangerous job. Someone might be after her. Try to kill her even.” _y/n_ realized that the last question was stupid because, generally, if you shot at someone, you were trying to kill them. But _y/n_’s thoughts were too paranoid and catastrophized to notice more than that. There was a pause that only deepened _y/n_’s fear. Finally, the man on the other end of the line replied, “Miss Prentiss was shot in the shoulder, has remained unconscious, and has lost a significant amount of blood. We aren’t sure about the type of bullet. And we can’t speak about anyone else on the hospital grounds, ma’am. The hospital is aware of Miss Prentiss’s situation.” _y/n_ took that to mean that they knew Em was an FBI agent. At this point, with _y/n_ knowing that Emily was hurt, potentially significantly, without any idea if she was alone or not, convinced _y/n_ that she should get to the hospital as soon as possible. Even if it meant having to phone bank, raise funds for the campaign, and edit _y/n_’s _y/f/s_ speeches in a hospital waiting room. This was the first time that Emily had been in serious, medical danger since _y/n_ and Prentiss had started dating. Sure, Em had come home once with a few cuts and scraps from a fall or a scrap with an unsub. Fights that Emily always won, it seemed. But this, _y/n_ didn’t know what to do about this, as she threw some clothes into a backpack along with some work stuff.

_y/n_ sat on the edge of her bed, the room illuminated by a single lamp, as _y/n_ looked for the earliest flight to Topek, Kansas. _y/n_ had at least had the foresight to ask for the name of the hospital from the nurse before saying that she’d be there as soon as possible. It seemed like a miracle that there was a flight leaving for Kansas at 5:00 a.m. that morning. It was a blessing, but the price of the ticket and the circumstances under which _y/n_ had to book them were like a living purgatory or limbo. Time seemed to barely pass. _y/n_ got to the airport, moved through security, and then waited for the plane to land on the tarmac. _y/n_ sent a hasty email to work letting them know that an emergency had come up, but that she’d brought her computer with her and could be accessed through email or her cell after she landed. The flight from D.C. to Kansas was no better for _y/n_’s nerves. _y/n_ had put on her comfiest _y/f/c_ sweater and kept ordering coffee after bland and burnt coffee. The acid taste of the hot liquid left _y/n_ feeling queasy and by the third hour of the flight, she was ready to be on the ground again. That wouldn’t happen for another hour and a half. Once in the Topeka airport, _y/n_ moved to the bathroom and threw up. The nerves and too much caffeine had that effect that made her body reject anything trying to keep it going. It was one of _y/n_ least favorite things about herself.

Emily had been so worried one day after a very stressful workday when y/n_ had to run to the bathroom and threw up. Em had pulled y/n_’s hair back and then handed her a cool damp towel to run over her face. After _y/n_ had rinsed her mouth and sat back down on the bathroom floor to take a few breaths, Emily sat down across from her in the small space. Prentiss took hold of _y/n_ delicate hands and asked, “What’s wrong, love? Are you sick?” _y/n_ let out a sigh and said, “I’m not sick, sick. This happens pretty often actually. When I get very stressed, it just kind of happens.” Emily nodded and said, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. That has to be awful.” _y/n_ shrugged and replied, “You get kind of used to it, I guess.” Prentiss squeezed her hand and said, “Well how about we get off these cold tiles and make you a cup of ginger tea to settle your stomach?” _y/n_ nodded and accepted Emiy’s hand up. That was one thing about Em that _y/n_ would never get over, just how caring her girlfriend was. The warm memory washed over _y/n_, and she was reminded that Emily was now in a hospital somewhere, possibly alone. This thought had _y/n_ get up quickly and rinse her mouth in the bathroom sink. _y/n_ grabbed her backpack and moved outside, flagging down a cab. She told the driver the name of the hospital to take her to. The closer they got to the hospital, the more anxious _y/n_ got. She was almost buzzing in her seat. She was also feeling sick with worry, but there was no time for that now. At the hospital, _y/n_ paid the driver and moved into the bright light of the room.

_y/n_ hadn’t gotten a follow-up call from the place of healing which made _y/n_ assume that Emily hadn’t taken a turn for the worse, but there was still a huge amount of dread as she approached the front desk. The charge nurse looked up at her and said, “How can I help you miss?” _y/n_ wrung her hands together and said, “My name is _y/n_, _y/l/n_. The hospital called me a couple of hours ago about my partner being shot. Emily Prentiss? Is she okay? I came as quickly as I could.” The woman gave her a soft smile and replied, “Let me check with the doctor for a moment. I’ll be right back.” _y/n_ stood and waited. The bright lights in hospitals always put _y/n_ on edge. She was more of a lamp and soft light person. Sometimes, when the lights were bright like these, _y/n_ could hear the electricity above. _y/n_ waited with anticipation when a slightly familiar voice called out, “_y/n_? Is that you?” _y/n_ whipped her head around and saw the bright colors of Penelope Garcia. A flood of relief washed over _y/n_, and she nearly ran to Emily’s team member. Penelope opened her arms and _y/n_ nearly fell into them. Garcia enveloped her in a hug, saying, “Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” _y/n_ felt the panicky feeling bubble up in her and said, “I got a call from the hospital. We’re each other's emergency contacts. It sounded bad so I came right away.” An older man, whom _y/n_ had never seen before said, “I guess y’all haven’t had the talk yet.” _y/n_ lifted her face from Penelope’s shoulder and asked, “What talk?” Garcia let _y/n_ go slightly and turned her toward the man, saying, “_y/n_, meet David Rossi.” Dave gave the young woman a small smile and extended his hand saying, “_y/n_ it’s nice to finally meet you. Emily talks about you all the time.” Rossi didn’t mince his words, as he added, “You make her very happy. I’m sure she’ll be glad to know that you’re here.” _y/n_ nodded, taking his hand in hers. Now that she was here, _y/n_ was beginning to feel better, but there was still the worry, and now _y/n_ had more questions than before. _y/n_ started with the big thing, asking, “Is Emily alright? The charge nurse was just going to check for me.” Rossi let out a sigh and said, “The last we heard the doctor in charge of her care was trying to stabilize her.” _y/n_ nodded and processed the information. The next thing _y/n_ asked, because her head was buzzing with many thoughts, and not all of them were as important as the rest. So _y/n_ just asked, “What’s ‘the talk’ Emily and I were supposed to have had by this point?”

Before Rossi had a chance to say that was a conversation that should probably happen between Emily and _y/n_, Aaron and the doctor emerged from a hallway that led into the hospital's interior. _y/n_ didn’t recognize either man, but the members of the BAU team present, Rossi, Spencer, and Penelope seemed to. Everyone turned to the two men and waited with bated breath for information. The doctor approached the group and Aaron moved to the left flank of the team. The somber leader of the BAU noticed the new edition to the party immediately but didn’t want to cut off the doctor’s statement. There would be time for questions later. Doctor Smith took a breath before saying, “Miss Prentiss is more stable now. She left a significant amount of blood and the bullet was lodged in her left shoulder. The shot was dangerously close to her carotid artery, thus the excess loss of blood. However, I’ve managed to dislodge the bullet. It was a 9mm soft point bullet. The damage could have been much worse. I gave her a transfusion and stabilized the wound. She should make a full recovery. It will take time but she should be okay if she takes things slow. I’ll let you see her when she wakes in a few hours. I’ve given Miss Prentiss a mild sedative for now.” The doctor walked away to speak to a nurse nearby. The team seemed to instantly relax, but _y/n_ didn’t take the news so well. _y/n_was shocked to hear what Emily had been through, the pain, and the near-death experience of her partner The suddenly relaxed attitude of the team also surprised _y/n_. How the group could suddenly be so calm was beyond her. _y/n_ wanted to say something, but she was cut off by the last man that she didn’t know in the group. By his demeanor and solemnity, _y/n_ had to guess that the man was the leader of the BAU, Agent Aaron Hotchener. _y/n_ was proven right when the tall man said, “Hello. I’m Aaron Hotchner. I assume you’re _y/n_?” _y/n_ nodded and Aaron took on a look of understanding. With a tone that was slightly softer than his normal demanding voice, he said, “Can you give the team a few minutes to talk, alone?” _y/n_ wanted to protest, but then realized that this was all their job, she was just here. Emily was alive, and there wasn’t more she could do here until Em woke up. _y/n_ sat down in an uncomfortable chair. The tiredness seemed to hit her all at once and _y/n_ closed her eyes. She was too far away to hear what the BAU members were saying, but the tone was serious. After the conversation, _y/n_ watched as Spencer and Rossi left the hospital. This left Aaron and Penelope standing in the hallway. _y/n_ watched as Agent Hotchner put a hand on Garcia’s shoulder, said a few words, and then pulled a cell phone from his black slacks and took a call.

Garcia moved toward _y/n_ and sat next to her. The normally bright and spunky tech wizard held out a hand for _y/n_ to hold and anchor to. _y/n_ took it and sniffled. _y/n_ asked, “I thought you didn’t go on cases, Penelope? At least, that’s what Emily said.” Gacia smiled and replied, “I don’t normally go on cases, no. They needed my tech skills in person on this one. I’m happy Hotch, Aaron, asked me to come because I was able to find Emily in time.” _y/n_ squeezed Penelope’s hand. She knew that Garcia was as upset about what had happened to Em as she was. _y/n_ knew the whole team was, even those not at the hospital. However, Penelope showed that concern more openly. _y/n_, like Garcia wore their heart on her sleeve. _y/n_ looked at the technical analyst and asked, “Can you tell me how you found her? Is the um…” _y/n_ tried to remember the word for unsub, and it clicked. “...unsub been caught yet?” Gacia gave _y/n_ a small sad smile and said, “I can’t tell you, _y/n_. The investigation is still ongoing. I know it’s frustrating, but I can’t say.” _y/n_ nodded in understanding. In some ways, it was annoying but more than anything it was just difficult. Up until that point, Emily’s job had been something exciting to talk about. And _y/n_ did worry about her when she was on a case, but Em had never been seriously wounded while they had been together yet. But now the possibility that Emily could die, could be stripped from _y/n_ forever, every time she stepped out the door to a case, became a possibility. This was a new kind of dread that _y/n_ realized she was going to have to live with. That possibility felt like the discomfort of knowing a period was coming next week. And that menstruation could be better or worse or not happen at all some months, but the possibility was always there. At least until menopause. Or if someone had migraines or other chronic pain. _y/n_ realized how gross and juvenile those comparisons were, but it was the best her brain could come up with at the moment. There was a shift when Aaron came back, the phone still in his hand and pressed to his ear. The tall man walked up to Penelope and said, “Garcia, Morgan has a question for you.” Penelope stood and took the phone from Hotch and moved over to the corner where he had just been standing. The hospital was pretty crowded and the chair Gacia had just vacated was one of the only ones open. Hotch looked down at Emily’s girlfriend. The woman had a look on her face of understanding of what a job at the BAU really meant. Aaron pulled _y/n_ from those thoughts when he asked, “May I sit here?” _y/n_’s eyes snapped to his firm ones, and she said, “Of course, Mr. Hotchner, Agent Hotchner?” _y/n_ strumbled through the possible names to call him. Neither she had tried to work. The man let out a small breath that might have been a laugh as he said, “You can just call me Hotch, or Aaron.” There was a small silence before Aaron said, “It’s nice to meet you, _y/n_. I wish it was under better circumstances than this.” _y/n_ nodded and said, “It’s nice to meet you too, Aaron.” The next half hour was spent making small talk and _y/n_ looking at her hands or the hands of the clock slowly ticking by. As the time moved, the dread returned and Aaron could feel it like a weight on _y/n_’s frame.

Hotch understood. Not from _y/n_’s point of view, but the other way around. He knew how it felt to leave Haley and Jack and not know if he’d see them again. He knew how those feelings for Haley had been so great that she had to step away. He didn’t blame her for that. It was clearly all new to _y/n_ and he softly said, “It’s not fair.” _y/n_ looked over at him and said in a weary voice, “What do you mean?” Hotch shifted in the chair and sighed very softly before saying, “It’s not fair for the people who stay behind. I can’t speak for Emily, but I know she understands that too.” Feeling slightly defeated by the circumstances and new reality, _y/n_ replied, “I was living in a fantasy world where she never got hurt, and that’s been shattered for me. I know fantasies are silly things and we don’t live in them, but I’m not sure how to deal with this kind of uncertainty.” _y/n_ turned and Aaron, the man Emily had spoken so highly of as the fearless leader of the team, was looking right at her. Not just right at her, but right into her, with an understanding that _y/n_ was unaware was possible. _y/n_ suddenly understood why the man was so respected. Hotch replied, “I think that’s a conversation you should have with Emily. That’s the best advice I can offer you.” It was with that last full conversation they shared before the doctor returned and told them that Emily was up now. They both stood up, and _y/n_ realized that Aaron was going to need to speak to her alone. Emily probably had some information that he needed. Hotch turned and said, already a step ahead of _y/n_, “I’ll make it as quick as possible, _y/n_. You’ll see her soon.” _y/n_ nodded. The anxiety came back to the surface. She spent the next forty-five minutes pacing the waiting room and counting the ceiling tiles.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, a nurse came back and led _y/n_ to the back of the hospital. _y/n_ watched from the closed blinds as the shadow of Hotch stood from a chair near the shadow of the bed and the medical equipment. He opened the door and held it open so _y/n_ could slip into the small room. _y/n_ looked at Aaron and they exchanged a brief nonverbal “thank you” with each other. Once the door was closed, all _y/n_ could think of was Emily. _y/n_ rushed into the room and to her bedside. The brunette turned her head to see _y/n_ and tried to fake a smile. _y/n_ saw right through it as she sat down in the chair and took Em’s hands in hers. Prentiss had an IV in her arm and there were multiple monitors attached to her chest. Then there was the large bandage wrapped around Emily’s left shoulder. _y/n_ could see it under the flimsy hospital gown covering Em’s body. _y/n_ took a second to look Prentiss over and then asked, “How are you feeling, please don’t try and make it sound better than it is because, to be honest, you look rough.” Emily let out a shaky breath that _y/n_ knew to be a laugh. The sound could make _y/n_ cry at that moment. _y/n_ did start crying once Em started talking. Her voice was hoarser than usual and it sounded thin, but Prentiss said with sincerity, “Well I’m on a lot of drugs, so I don’t feel anything too much right now. Even with that being the case, my shoulder feels like a mountain either got dropped on it, or something burst out of it like Aliens or something. And there are some scrapes and bruises from when I fell.” _y/n_ nodded along noting how pale Em looked. _y/n_ was amazed that Prentiss could even speak as coherently as she was. It was a reminder that Emily could be tough as nails. However, _y/n_ could see the hints of pain in the corner of Emily’s eyes and the firm line of her mouth. She also looked tired. _y/n_ knew there needed to be some conversation between them to address what had happened with her injuries and _y/n_ being there at the hospital. Prentiss had seemed surprised almost when _y/n_ walked through the door, though it was clear that Aaron had told Em that she was there. Deciding to postpone that conversation for when Emily was a bit stronger, or at least in less pain, _y/n_ said, “Why don’t you rest for a while, Em? I’ll be here when you wake up.” Emily nodded and closed her eyes. The only sounds in the room were the soft beeping of the machines in the room and _y/n_ and Em’s soft breathing while both of them rested.

An hour or so later the doctor came back and checked on Emily’s vitals and administered another dose of the various medications Em was on. A nurse also raised the head of the bed and promised to bring Emily some food. Once the medical professionals were gone, _y/n_ looked at Emily. They were both slightly refreshed in a way, and with the prospect of food on the way it gave them a timeline of something happening. It was helpful because time in a hospital just seemed to stretch on forever. Lunch provided a definite finite point in space. Both Em and _y/n_ just knew that their conversation was going to at least start before Prentiss’s food arrived. _y/n_ started the dialog by asking the hard question, “Am I not supposed to be here, Em? Is there something I’ve missed? The team seemed very surprised I guess when I showed up.” Emily, with her piercing eyes, looked at _y/n_ and sighed, knowing she couldn’t avoid this talk forever. She replied, “No _y/n_, it’s okay that you’re here. If it wasn’t, Aaron or Rossi would have sent you away by now. It’s just they didn’t expect you. Partners don’t normally come to see an agent until after the case is over.” _y/n_ furrowed her brow and said, “But how would I know that, Em? You never told me that. I just heard that you were hurt, maybe seriously, and I didn’t know if you were alone. How could I not jump to be here with you?” Emily nodded, knowing this wasn’t on _y/n_ and wanting to reassure her. Prentiss said, “_y/n_, you didn’t know because we haven’t had that conversation yet.” _y/n_ bit her lip wondering if this was “the talk” that they hadn’t had yet. _y/n_ released her lip from her mouth and asked uncertainly, “Em we’re almost five months into this relationship, what is this important conversation we haven’t had yet?”

Em could see that this lack of information was distressing to _y/n_ and Emily said, “The conversation about what happens if I get hurt. If I die doing this job.” _y/n_’s eyes widened and she said, “That seems like a pretty important conversation to have. I mean, we’ve talked about the risks. I just assumed that if the hospital called I should come.” Emily looked at _y/n_ and replied, “It’s not always that easy, _y/n_. Sometimes they can’t tell you. Even if it’s bad. So bad that I might not make it. If the hospital does call, like I said, most people just wait until the case is over, or their partner lets them know.” _y/n_ struggled to process the information and said, “So if the hospital, or you, or Garcia tell me you’re seriously hurt like shot in the arm say, I just have to wait and see what happens? If that’s the norm, why didn’t you tell me that, Em?” Emily listened to the desperation in _y/n_’s voice, at the fear of being left out of such important information. Meanwhile, _y/n_ struggled to comprehend having to just wait and see for something as important as Emily’s life to be had or lost. Finding out that Emily being shot had nearly put _y/n_ into a downward spiral, having to just wait and hear if the love of _y/n_’s life had made it or not at the end of a case seemed unsurmountable. It was asking too much. Em watched these emotions play out on _y/n_’s face, and _y/n_’s expression of what she was being asked was why she had avoided this conversation for so long. Because the reality of what loving an FBI agent entailed often sent people running in another direction. To something or someone more stable. A place where the likelihood of pain and uncertainty was far less. Prentiss swallowed and said, “I let you down, _y/n_. By not telling you this earlier. At how much of a sacrifice this is. I didn’t tell you because I had been so lucky that I hadn’t been hurt before. At least not when I was with you. I suppose I was naive and just hoped my luck would keep going, but it didn’t. I also didn’t tell you because when that conversation happens it forces people to choose whether or not this is something they can take. I was careless with your feelings by not telling you. I just love you so much that I couldn’t think about losing you because of that conversation. I’m sorry, _y/n_. I’m sorry for putting you through this the way I did. What happens from here is up to you, _y/n_. If you don’t think you can take that stress, I understand. You just have to count the cost of if it’s worth being with me and understanding how it works sometimes. Just know that every time I step into the bullpen, or onto the plane, I’m thinking of you. I’m thinking of making the world a safer place for you.”

Emily realized that she wasn’t letting _y/n_ get a word in edgewise, because she was afraid of what _y/n_ might say or do. But it was up _y/n_ now, and Emily thought that perhaps _y/n_ was going to get up and leave right then and there. It had happened to her once before. _y/n_ sat silently in her chair and closed her eyes wondering if she could take it. _y/n_ did feel like Emily had kept this from her, but it had been out of a fear of losing her. Their relationship flashed through _y/n_’s mind and the love, passion, and warmth filled _y/n_ nearly to the brim. She tried to compare it to the anxiety she had felt and would feel in the future if Emily got hurt again. As painful the uncertainty was, the love outweighed the fear, and _y/n_ looked at Em and said, “There are a million reasons not to do something. A million reasons why you didn’t want to have this talk with me, a million reasons why I could walk away, but I just need one reason to stay, and that’s you, Emily Prentiss. I’m picking you. I’m going to pick you every time. But no more secrets. No more missed conversations. If we’re going to make this work for the long run, which is what I want, then we have to be honest with each other. Even if it’s conversations that are painful.” Em nodded with tears in her eyes as she said, “You’re everything to me _y/n_. I promise to tell you everything. The good and the bad, there won’t be any more surprises. I’ve never met anyone so willing to love me. To choose me over the uncertainty.” _y/n_ leaned in and kissed Em’s hand. She would kiss Em all over if it wouldn’t hurt her.

Their brief moment of intimacy was interrupted by the nurse bringing in a plate of soft foods for Emily. _y/n_ pulled back, and the woman looked at them for a moment before setting the tray on the bed. The older woman said, “Make sure to use your right hand only. You shouldn’t move your left arm or shoulder at all.” Emily looked at the stern woman and nodded. With that missive, the nurse left them again. _y/n_ watched as Emily attempted to poke at some jello with a spoon unsuccessfully. _y/n_ couldn’t help but chuckle and Em looked at her saying, “Hey, no laughing at me. I’m injured.” _y/n_ fixed her face and said, “Well then let me help you because that jello is fighting for its life right now.” That comment had Em laugh slightly and it felt good to have their dynamic closer to their normal. Em teased, “Hey I’m a big girl. I think I can handle it.” _y/n_ sighed and took the spoon from Prentiss’s hand as _y/n_ said, “Listen, love, you’re the bravest person I know. We just had a brave conversation, now I just need you to be brave enough to let me help you, okay?” Em smiled and gave in saying, “Okay love, and for the record, you’re pretty brave yourself.” Though their relationship had been rocked, momentarily, their foundation was strong, built on trust and love that could endure hard storms and conversations. _y/n_ and Em were affirmed of their love for each other as Em allowed _y/n_ to feed her in an intimate act of caring.

That evening when Morgan and Penelope moved back to the hospital to check on their teammate, Derek asked, “You really think Prentiss didn’t tell _y/n_ about coming during cases?” Garcia replied, “She couldn’t have, or why else would _y/n_ have shown up here?” Morgan nodded and said, “Well I bet that was a tough conversation.” The pair moved to Emily’s room and stopped. Inside the darkened space, they could see Emily sleeping while holding _y/n_’s hand. _y/n_’s head was resting on the edge of the bed and they both seemed to be at peace. Penelope softly said, “Maybe it wasn’t so hard after all.” Pen let out a sigh and said, “Let’s get a coffee or something, we should let them rest.” Derek agreed, and they let the couple rest and recuperate in the love they had for each other.

______________________________________________________________

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alexisnoir · 1 year ago

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Turning poison into positivity

Now that I had time to process the last episode of season 2 of OFMD, took out my anger and frustration out on few dick-ish customers at work (they deserved it!), took on vaping in the span of one day (not very good for my health but that's just life). I can finally focus on the show itself and what I did love about it.

I loved it as a whole because we finally got what we fans yearned for for years sometimes, I know I have. Love between two characters without judgement of the outside, where their journey is not too colorized but painted in various color of life - like heartbreak, hurt, love, anger, sadness, hope, excitement and so on.

We finally got many characters we can relate to without fear of being told we see too much into something. What we see is what we get (most of the time but let's not let poison back in)

I enjoyed Roach this season, he was more sure of himself, tried to take command of the Blackbeards crew, be their balast so to speak.

Archie is very nice addition, I liked her character, she's a bit like me, doesn't hide from a fight and can kick ass when needs to but can be soft when needs too. What I missed this season is where and when they picked her up. Hopefully when Season 3 happens we will get that information and a bit more of her backstory

Zheng, well I don't know what to think of her, her character is okay, too short of a season to really pass out judgement. I neither loved her nor hated her. She was just there.

Absolutely fell in love with Wee John this season and his seagoddess Calypso! You can't not fall in love with him for that!

Stede and Ed both went through a journey. Stede of course from a child to a young adult and Ed from angry hurt man, to finding peace of mind, at least some form of a peace. He learned thanks to Fang how to center himself, how to quiet himself which in turn will help him keep his more negative emotions at bay.

The season as a whole was very good alas a bit too short but what can we do on cut budget right? If only I had million to spare I'd gladly pay for the next season myself and get 20+ 40 minutes episodes

What are my hopes for the next season?

Well, as I mentioned in one of my previous posts I'd love for Mary, Doug and the kids to come back and meet Ed and the rest of the crew.

Now that we know that the weasel of a prince is out there, I hope the Revenge crew alongside Stede and Ed will hunt him down and serve justice to him for what he did to Izzy. Hopefully it's going to be a theme for the next season - the REVENGE.

As to anything else...

a dance between Stede and Ed, we need to see that and since THAT LOOK of Ed's toward Stede at Lucius and Pete wedding, I can safely bet we would get a wedding dance between these two - if we are lucky

no more death

Izzy coming back

Stede and Ed taking on a responsibility for another person - a child. Just like Ed was somehow taken care of by pirates after running away after killing his father it would be interesting to see his take on someone young and in need with Stede helping him. Let's not forget Stede has some experience in taking care of for children

Stede and Ed renovating that shack into an Inn. I'd love to see some of the process, even as a montage

the Revenge crew visiting them on their island, getting them supplies, having parties etc

THE TALK - I need them to talk through their emotions, their grief

This is more like a speculation but I'd not be surprised if Ricky the dick went after Stede's family as a Revenge. Which paints a interesting plot IMHO

That is for now. I may or may not add something later, you will know if you find the word EDIT somewhere below in the future.

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #our flags mean death #ofmd season 2 spoilers #ofmd2 #taika waititi #rhys darby #con o'neill #stede bonnet #stede x blackbeard #stede ofmd #ed teach #edward teach #stede x ed #stede fucking bonnet #blackbeard #blackbonnet

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kaylinalexanderbooks · 5 months ago

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OC interview

Thanks @mysticstarlightduck here!

Rules: answer the questions in the POV of an OC!

This time, I'm feeling Liam!

Are you named after anyone?

“Yes, I am. I made sure of it. Liam is an extremely common name, see, I've met a million of them. Liam could be referring to any number of Liams, and you would never know which one. Besides, now in certain situations I must be called Beaumont, which I just think sounds cool.”

When was the last time you cried?

“Pfft. I don't cry often. Sure, there's, like, a psychological reason for why doing it is healthy, but I just find myself in situations that don't call for it. When you need a good pathos, sure, being able to cry on the spot is an extremely good skill that I have. Crying isn't something I usually do when I'm upset. I try to stay focused on the facts to craft my argument. So the last time I cried was for my AV club. We were filming a commercial. It had puppies.”

Do you have kids?

“Oh, absolutely not. There are a million reasons, seemingly, why. First: I'm barely eighteen. Second: I'm not quite sure I want any of my own to begin with. Many different personal reasons I would much rather not get into right now. Third: not only the last two, but I'm going off to college next fall. Do you think I'm gonna have time to raise a kid? Nah. If it's to be, I'm going to wait until after graduation. Then I'll reassess where I am in life.”

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

“It depends on who I am talking to. I love sarcasm. Use it when I can. However, I've found that being blunt works better for others. Saying what you mean has a more effective, direct approach that clears up any potential misunderstanding. On the other hand, sarcasm is an effective tool to use as humor or to throw an opponent or challenger off-guard. It can be a gotcha moment. It can piss people off, ruffle some feathers, if you will. You understand my point, I assume. Sarcasm is a tool that must only be used when appropriate and should never go to waste.”

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

“... I notice everything about them. Their posture, where their eyes are, hands are, everything I can, I analyze. Why? It makes talking to them a lot easier. I bet Wade said 'general vibe', and I'd have to say that is a correct assessment of what there is to notice first. I need to know how to talk to people. How to approach this conversation.”

What’s your eye colour?

“Green. Objectively the best choice for myself. I have a very...eh, Sam would call it a 'naturalistic aesthetic.' What she means is that my color palette consists of colors associated with nature. Brown hair and green eyes help that, I presume. It fits with my 'vibe' so to speak. I would love to argue that assigning aesthetics is a little ridiculous, I do enjoy general color theory.”

Scary movies or happy endings?

“Who the hell decided these were opposites? Aliens is horror and it has a technically happy ending with four characters alive and well. I'm ignoring the next movie. This is absolutely ridiculous. I'm sorry, as a film student--or someone on track to be--this is stupid. Who wrote this question? Tragic endings or happy endings. Scary movies or feel-good movies. Technically, one could be both. Die Hard, for example, is pretty intense but gives the 'warm fuzzies' at the end. Nothing is binary except computer code. This is ridiculous. I consider myself to be a highly opinionated person, but I'm not sure I could debate either side of this. My opinion is this question is stupid, and I uncharacteristically refuse to answer.”

Any special talents?

“I can edit. Very well. Would like to edit YouTubers' vids. Generally good at cinematography and vision. Apparently I can also turn anything into an argument. Speaking of which, what defines a special talent? What makes you special? Everyone is 'special in different ways' but what is special? Some may consider my argumentative streak to be a special talent, but some may just think it's an annoying personality trait or psychological issue that I need to seek help to treat. Or is it actually healthy? I argue it's both. And what is a talent? Something we are natural at, or something that we became good at? A mix of both?”

Where were you born?

“Bit invasive. Earth. Narrowed it down to Alium or Ceteri. Which Earth? You decide.”

Do you have any pets?

“I have a cat named Beans and a dog named Macie.”

What sort of sports do you play?

“Unless arguing or debate is a sport, I do not play any. I say debate counts. It requires a good offense and a good defense. Strategy. Approach, follow through, anticipating movements. You get it.”

How tall are you?

“About 170 centimeters or 5'7. Some call me short but on Alium I'm neither short nor tall. Next to Sam I feel tiny but then I'm next to someone like Tyler and I feel much better about myself.”

What was your favourite subject in school?

“Uh, debate. I would debate you on that, but I think you get the point. Other than that, film classes and computer science are the best classes I have ever taken.”

What is your dream job?

“I want to be a filmmaker so bad. I want to direct and boss people around. I want to be a cinematographer or an editor. I want someone to use my movie as a good, ideal example in film school. I want to write my own script. See my film premiere on the red carpet. Cast all-stars, nepo babies, and fresh blood. I want it all. Call me ambitious, but I could rock this industry.”

Other Liam: questionnaire

Other interviews: Wade, Jazlyn, Gwen, Lexi, Carla, Carmen, Maddie

Tagging @somethingclevermahogony @badluck990 @theprissythumbelina @talesofsorrowandofruin @loopyhoopywrites

Blanks below the cut!

Are you named after anyone? When was the last time you cried? Do you have kids? Do you use sarcasm a lot? What’s the first thing you notice about people? What’s your eye colour? Scary movies or happy endings? Any special talents? Where were you born? Do you have any pets? What sort of sports do you play? How tall are you? What was your favourite subject in school? What is your dream job?

#the secret portal #teaspoon #tsp #oc interview #my oc #writing tag game #oc tag game #liam beaumont #writers on tumblr #writing community #writers of tumblr #writing on tumblr #writeblr #writeblr community

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highqueenofelfhame · 2 years ago

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idk if this is good i just wrote it and didn’t edit it IDK MAN IDK WHAT THIS IS i hope you enjoy it tho xo

rowaelin // 1820 words

It wasn’t the first time Aelin had cursed her socialite lifestyle, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last, but she really hated that a full camera crew was filming every second of Aedion and Lysandra’s wedding tonight.

Not because she didn’t want the event well documented. This footage would immortalize their love for each other in a beautiful way and there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that she would never be able to watch it back and not shed a healthy amount of tears. If anything, she was grateful for that aspect of how chaotic their lives tended to be. What she wasn’t looking forward to seeing was Rowan Whitethorn’s face sneaking in and out of frame while he enjoyed the party.

Aelin could deal with everything this night threw at her, but she hated that she kept catching glimpses of the top of his silver head over everyone else’s, or that he looked unfairly delicious in a dark, forest green tuxedo that fit his frame perfectly. She hated the feeling of his gaze on her when she wasn’t looking, and she especially hated when they made eye contact from opposite sides of the dance floor.

The option to disappear completely wasn’t on the table. As maid of honor, she had duties to fulfill and knew there would be a million and one rumors about her having a falling out with Lys or Aedion. Though they laughed about all that outrageously ridiculous gossip, she refused to have that trump the day that was solely about them.

So instead of trying to make herself blend into the background or hiding in the bathroom, she had taken to being keenly aware of where Rowan was at all times so that she could easily avoid bumping into him and having to talk to him at all. So far, through the ceremony and the first leg of the reception, it was a success. Her shitty relationship drama wasn’t going to muddy up the wedding, especially when Rowan and Aedion had only recently began to speak after two years of radio silence on Aedion’s part.

Their breakup had been very public. More than one episode of the reality show that followed the scandalous lives of Orynth’s elite had featured her crying over everything she and Rowan had lost. Though she never watched the show unless she was feeling sentimental, she especially avoided the clips from that part of her life. It was a chapter she had slammed shut, and she refused to look back on any of it. Not yet, anyway.

Truthfully, Aelin didn’t like thinking about it because she always tried to look back on it with rose colored lenses. There were many nights that she lay awake, watching her ceiling fan spin in spirals while trying to avoid a mental one of her own.

It wasn’t that anything truly terrible had been the reason for their breakup. Rowan’s career simply took off and, in the process of a blooming music career, their relationship had taken the backseat. He got too busy, long distance was hard, and they had grown apart.

Except she didn’t feel like she was the one that drifted away. Even with oceans between them, she made her best efforts to show up when it mattered to him, to talk to him as much as she could despite a busy schedule of her own. And then one night while they lay in bed on a rare weekend he had free to visit her in Orynth, she’d whispered the words that shattered her heart and crushed her soul: I can’t do this anymore.

It was all too hard, too much. It felt as though they had gone from being madly in love and bordering on obsessed with each other to struggling to hold a conversation. Rowan was often exhausted from long days of travel, rehearsals, or shows. Aelin worked hard, long days between filming the show and working on her designs for the next season.

Rowan had tried to fight her on the breakup, insisting that things would get better, but neither of them could figure out the when and the how. He had begged, made promises that she knew he couldn’t keep, and swore up and down, left and right, that he would be better and more present. But after months of drifting, she couldn’t see the shore anymore. By the time she said it out loud, there was nothing he could say or do that would fix it. Aelin had made up her mind and waited until she couldn’t handle it anymore. And then she just… shut down.

It had caused a big falling out with their friend group. A few had been on his side, a few on hers. Aedion was blindly loyal to Aelin and cut ties with Rowan almost immediately after watching her slowly crumble from heartbreak. It had only been three months ago when he’d tentatively asked her how she would feel if Rowan was at the wedding.

“Aedion, it’s not about me. You used to be best friends. If you want him there, then he should be there,” she told him, squeezing his hands as she spoke. Aelin had even told him early on he should invite Rowan, something he had shot down at the time. But as time went on Aelin could see it was bothering him. That getting married without his best friend since he could walk at least in the room would leave a single piece of happiness missing on the best day of his life. Of course she had insisted he be invited. It wasn’t about her, that was the truth.

But seeing him had been more painful than she had anticipated, even five years later, and she was tired of knowing where he was in the room at any given millisecond. As she had the thought, their eyes locked across the dancefloor and she quickly turned to find anything else to do than be caught in a staring contest with the love of her life. Instead of walking away, though, she slammed into the hard body of her cousin.

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” He teased, steadying her with his hands on her shoulders. Aelin conjured up one of her infamous mischievous smirks as she gestured toward the open bar.

“Where else?”

“The dance floor. You owe me a dance.” At those words, her heart softened and she patted his cheek, taking his arm and allowing him to pull her into the center of their dancing friends. A slow song that sounded vaguely familiar drifted through the speakers as they fell into a relaxed carriage, Aedion leading them in slow circles.

“Our mothers are probably weeping over this,” she joked, eyes scanning the crowd once more to where Evalin and Aerin stood arm and arm with their husbands. The matriarchs had their phones already pointed to the cousins and deep laughter rumbled from Aedion’s chest. Aelin stuck her tongue out toward the two women, her mother shooting her a flat look over the top of her phone before she let herself be swept back into the moment with the man who was so much like a brother to her. “I’m really proud of you, you know.”

“I think you’re going to take that back in about ten seconds.” As Aelin’s brows wrinkled in confusion, Aedion spun her around and– let go of her hand that was quickly caught by someone else.

The easy, relaxed posture she had with Aedion disappeared almost immediately as she scowled at him over her shoulder. He mouthed an apology, one that she mentally flushed down the toilet, and turned around to stare at the bowtie tied around Rowan’s neck.

There was no need to look up to know it was him. Aelin knew the callouses that scarred his fingers and palms, knew his warm smell of pine and snow. Her entire body was rigid while he led her in a slow dance as the song played on. Everyone around them had definitely clocked the encounter, and Aelin caught Lys smacking Aedion’s shoulder while he held his hands up defensively.

The worst part about the entire thing was how badly she wanted to relax into his body, his touch. She wanted the hand that rested on her side to slip to her exposed lower back and hold her closer. It made her want to cry, but she exhaled slowly and willed her emotions to simmer instead of breaking the dam she had so carefully built around anything that had to do with Rowan.

“I’m sorry for ambushing you,” he finally said, his thumb soothingly stroking soft circles over the bare skin of her ribs.

“I doubt that,” she replied, finally lifting her eyes to meet his. Rowan’s lips twitched like he was fighting a smile. Aelin frowned.

“I’m a little sorry,” he amended, eyes sparkling in the low, twinkling lights that surrounded them. Aelin didn’t say anything, shifting her eyes to the dark green fabric of his suit instead of the piercing green of his eyes. It maybe made her a shitty dance partner, but she couldn’t get her body to relax. Every muscle was stiff, even her fingers where they rest on his arm. Her nails were pressed into the skin of his hand where he held it, but it didn’t seem enough to push him away. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Maybe you should have told me that more often before,” she quipped, unable to keep her mouth shut. Typical.

“I should have.” Surprise must have flashed on her face, because he nodded, letting out a sigh. “I should have done a lot of things that I didn’t do, that I stopped doing. I should have tried harder.”

“I don’t want to rehash our old bullshit at Aedion’s wedding,” she said tightly, jaw clenching over every word he said. “Time and place, Rowan. I know you were never good at that, but–”

“I’m sorry.” Aelin stilled at his words, something about hearing them now threatening to break down every wall she had built where he was concerned. “For all of it, Fireheart. You deserved better than what I gave you that last year. You deserve more than that. I was young and stupid, and I’m sorry. I never meant–”

“It’s a little late for all of that, Rowan.” Aelin pulled her hand from his and stumbled out of his arms, catching the bicep of a college friend of her cousin’s to steady herself. She wouldn’t fall, not with the way Rowan had immediately caught her hips to keep that from happening.

“Ace–” He started, but she shoved his hands off of her and held up her hand to stop him.

Without another glance over her shoulder, Aelin gathered the bottom of her gown in her fist and disappeared from the dance floor with a burning hole in her heart.

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muppetminge · 4 months ago

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i don't as such care much for the concept of pride month, but since i happen to not have much going in june i will take this as an excuse to watch a bunch a lesbian films. in theory, this could be 30 - in practice, it almost definitely won't be. i will 100 % get bored and stop at some point. anyway i want to find like actually good lesbian movies - which might be an oxymoron, but anyway - this means i'll only be watching woman-directed movies, preferably lesbian-directed but i'm aware i probably won't get to be that picky </3.

movies watched:

1. The Watermelon Woman (1996), dir. Cheryl Dunye. "all you do since you don't have a girlfriend is watch those boring old films" well, screw you too, tam. so happy to start off the month with something that's actually good. thank you cheryl <3 speaking of, this woman is so fucking hot it's bullshit. also i do need her earrings like asap but that's another topic. forever saddened by the death of video stores... where am i supposed to go to meet hot lesbians now? netflix? it's bullshit, man.

I don't think there's any part of this I don't find incredibly compelling. It's really funny, and just generally so charming and, well, human. the narrative of building your own history really resonates, and honestly cheryl gets it across incredibly.

2. Pariah (2011), dir. Dee Ress. i didn't vibe with this one as much, but i guess that's my own fault considering i knew very well going into this that i don't particularly like coming-of-age movies. the soundtrack hit most of the time, even if the soundscape in general was a bit flat for my taste. it's a very dark movie. like, physically. i couldn't see shit half the time. also not really a fan of the camerawork throughout most of it. it's a nice-looking film if it's your kind of taste - unfortunately i am too kitsch to really appreciate it :/ i thought scene near the end with lee and her dad on the roof was really nice. also found kim wayans' character really compelling

3. La Belle Saison (2015), dir. Catherine Corsini. not projecting but also delphine i feel you so hard. is this representation because if so i don't mind it... (except the part where you're actually getting some but whatever). desperately making me feel like i should wear more tank tops. anyway delphine was really in a headlock with every single one of her principles toward the end huh. i get the dilemma though her riding tractors is basically public service (to Me because it's incredibly hot). i'm not even gonna be an ass about it like i genuinely just really liked this.

4. But I'm a Cheerleader (1999), dir. Jaime Babbit. "1-2-3-4, inverts we won't be no more!" obviously i've watched this a million times before. did take this as an excuse to watch the extended edition and like just saying ms babbit if you want to extend even more you're more than welcome to it <3 gonna be careful about mentioning natasha here because i love her and chances are i won't be able to shut up again but gd people really do underestimate how fucking funny she is… i've personal beef with clea for having basically the same haircut i had for a long while and making it look so much better. only realized on this watch that melanie lynskey's playing hilary. incredible. anyway i genuinely don't know what more anyone could possibly want in a movie. it's so hot. like all movies should look like this - let those colors pop for a change! one of the best soundtracks of the last thirty years and i'm so serious about that.

i think this was probably the first genuinely good lesbian movie i saw as a teenager desperately searching for something to relate to. it still grips me from the very first scene even now. i do think the stars aligned to make this work. it's so funny and it's such a great satire.

5. リズと青い鳥 / Liz and the Blue Bird (2018), dir. Naoko Yamada. shit, dude. first of all this is so so pretty. it makes me insane how much care and effort they'll put into like a background shot of a shelf or something... and all the watercolor... gorgeous. like just the opening shot with all flowers and the colors that are just popping right out at you... in general just really effective visual communication, especially on rewatches i'd imagine (after having seen the final hug scene). i remember when i went to high school one of my classmates was so incredibly musically talented it was genuinely a bit infuriating and i was so shocked she didn't go on to study music 'cause i would have if i'd been able to get in lmao. anyway this was really sweet. the last third is so incredible. when they finally play it, damn... genuinely like goosebumps. and then it somehow kept going? i feel like it's still settling while i'm writing this but i feel like i'm probably going to watch again at some point.

6. I Can't Think Straight (2008), dir. Shamim Sarif. cut to waters novel. cut to k.d. lang cd. one wonders. this having a lower average than imagine me & you if anything really shows that reviews are bullshit. loved the music. loved lisa ray's character being half a second from jumping leyla at all times. loved zina; wish she'd had more scenes. loved leyla's dad being an insurance salesman; life insurance even. sells itself. when the ladies finally did jump each other it was with zero hesitation and i fuck with that so hard. this movie is so funny i don't care. bonus the ladies are very very hot. you can't fault a movie from 2008 for being incredibly 2008. here's to leyla for one day achieving the honor of being tala's fifth fiance(e). truly gettin' it all.

7. Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019), dir. Céline Sciamma. writing this on the eighth with an officially broken streak :( it Will happen again. this is indeed the first time i've watched this because i am to my core a contrarian bitch and seeing everyone freak out about this did Not make me want to watch it. now i have, and like... it's alright, yeah. didn't love love it. it's probably too long for what it's got going on. i loved héloïse; she was great. there's some really powerful scenes in here, the bonfire scene especially. i really liked how blue the ocean was; i hate this tendency of (especially) period pieces washing out everything to a ridiculous degree. i know some people are like insane about this movie and i'm happy for them but i can't relate unfortunately.

i did think briefly at the start that it was gonna be about croquis, and i really wish it had been, ngl.

8. Carmen y Lola (2018), dir. Arantxa Echevarría. 'ya te he olvidado' yeah babe sure looks it. had a certain interest in this going into it for very elaborate personal reasons. it's a lot better than the synopsis makes it sound. lola searching 'lesbianas madrid' like i feel you girl, been there!!! speaking of i was def convinced lola was a lesbian which feels like so rare in such a 'mainstream' movie lmao so well done. very believable. and like my girl was so so persistent you gotta give her that like she really went for it. can't blame her i'd be so into carmen too so like. her voice made me wanna die. so hot. (sí también es que el acento madrileño me pone un poquito pero,,,,). it really went insane at the end like damn. i was not expecting the ending tho like i really thought carmen was gonna be annoying about it. do i even have to save that i really liked this? because surprisingly i really really did. i can't help but feel it's getting rewatched a ton some time lmaooo.

9. 漂浪青春 / Drifting Flowers (2008), dir. Zero Chou. can't believe someone in the reviews of this stole my joke three years ago. speaking of reviews don't look at them because of course people have to be so so annoying about this. as usual. anyway. i was so drawn in by this you wouldn't belive!! i don't even know what to say... this is for all us if these walls could talk babes btw. loved the scene where one of the characters blatantly walked by posters and posters of one of chou's other movies. show off.

diego!!! <3<3<3 every single character is lovely but diego made me wanna *** ngl. it did hit very close to home, thanks for asking. realised in her part that i probably chose the wrong day to watch this but that's on me lmao. this would have broken me if i had watched it as a teenager lowkey. does it come across in this that i really like interconnecting vignettes? because i do, and this is really well-executed. hope you'll watch it and also that you'll find less spotty subtitles than i did if you do lmao.

it's a very genuine movie; i don't mean that in a condescending way, because it's also very much a well-made movie, but it's a movie that so clearly has a lot to say, and i appreciated all of it. perhaps this is also why i was so surprised at the reviews, because it really resonated with me. i know i've already pointed out diego a lot, but all three parts were incredible and they really held each other up. i don't think any of them would feel as complete without the other parts. in an odd way it stands like a shining light in the darkness.

10. Addicted to Fresno (2015), dir. Jaime Babbit. "(lesbians are poor. ..)" confirmed babbit apologist sorry :/ anyway i'm not gonna compare this to cheerleader i wouldn't want to try to follow that either. it's a fun movie! i laughed a ton. my lyonne obsession is well-documented so i'm not even gonna touch on that lmao. that being said martha is exactly the kind of lesbian i want to see more of (no projection here. obviously). i'm bound to be all over anything with these themes; lo and behold indeed i was. i stand by this being really well-executed, y'all just didn't get what she was trying to do <3 you could argue some tonal difficulties, but honestly i'm not going to. it worked. it's a bit quiet, but i can see that adding to the whole point of being stuck. some surprise appearances to delight

11. Saving Face (2004), dir. Alice Wu. first of all gd will's mom has got it going on. anyway i wanted a fun romcom and i got a fun romcom so i'm not complaining! i will say that i think this is the genre at its best. like romcoms often risk coming across as a bit clinical i feel, a bit empty, but this is just so warm. i adored hwei-lan (not just because she's hot but let me reiterate that she's so unbelievably hot; i get that boy so much, i really do), she's so funny. i love circular storytelling, and i think the end was done really well. the scene after that during the credits is exactly how i want my movies to end actually, i want my face to hurt smiling. don't you? wil is an absolutely idiot. i cannot blame her for a single thing. also i get you babe, i can't stand for dancers either. i feel like this is close to being one of most just plain fun movies i've watched so far.

12. Kyss mig (2011), dir. Alexandra-Therese Keining. gd i so want all my lesbian movies to start with a straight sex scene, don't you? coming to you with the exact opposite mood of that from yesterday. everyone in this is horrible. mia and frida's relationship is not believable at all to me sorry. i barely believe that these two even like each other if i'm being honest. it's not the first movie here where the romance comes a bit from nowhere (namely portrait, which made up for it with some level of charm, and belle saison, which i just liked enough otherwise to excuse it) but here i'm definitely gonna blame it for it because it's got nothing else going on, either. to be entirely fair, it was very optimistic going into this with my dislike of 'scandi dramas', especially of the swedish variety, but fuuuuck, i was so bored i'm sorry. it's soooo slow. i actually quite liked elin but she was there for like five seconds - and good for her, because damn you deserve better babe... both of the main women kind of suck lmao but at least frida sucks in a fun way most of the time, so she's excused. i don't know if i'm supposed to feel bad for tim (probably! knowing the genre, knowing swedes, knowing movies), but he's such an asshole. i genuinely think mia should have killed him. i can't blame mia for sucking; her dad's a major asshole, i'm sure she's had it rough. i'm sure if you like this sort of movies it's alright. it's not badly made by any account, i just really didn't like it. it has its audience. definitely a new low so far. the one good thing about this was that it really made me appreciate being a lesbian; those scenes with mia and tim genuinely looked like my personal hell. if i was mia i'd jump the first girl who looked at me too, ngl. the ending did make up for a few things, all things considered. i watched a not insignificant part of this without subtitles (because they would not workkkk) and i'm so brave for that tbh

13. Kokon (2020), dir. Leonie Krippendorff. proof that i should probably do more research before watching stuff (never going to happen though; no fun) because i did not realise this would be this much of a coming-of-age story. like literally hitting all the points. anyway it didn't do much for me. i really don't want to be mean here because it's obviously a very well-made film, and i get the intention, but... i was so fucking bored you would not believe. like i was less actively annoyed by this than kyss mig, but way more bored. it's not a very long movie, but it sure feels like it! anyway, if you're watching for the rep, you can skip this one; it's not really the main part of the movie, which is fine - comparatively, pariah had much more of a lesbian focus. this one really is just coming-of-age. something something you know you're in berlin when the whitest girl you've ever seen is swearing on the qur'an. i'm so glad i'm not a teenager - and what a joy to be getting further and further away every day <33

14. Desert Hearts (1985), dir. Donna Deitch. first of all the soundtracks is lovely (and it's a well-documented fact that mona will forgive everything for a good soundtrack). second of all i want to watch this again. like, immediately, right now. i'm gonna watch this so much i fear it's not even funny. ignore the 80s hair; we're in the 50s. one of the better romances yet. the lesbian-english teacher hypothesis proving true time and time again... incredible. cay is so funny. like the way the camera pans over to her in the bed in the hotel room scene... cinema! i was fucking done lmao. it's all just very lovely.

15. Go Fish (1994), dir. Rose Troche. well, we had to go here at some point. it's a very jazzy movie; take that however you wish. i have my criticisms, but also you can't blame a 90s movie for being too 90s (which in truth is what a lot of it boils down to). max' narrations were without a doubt my favorite part, the start especially so. there's more lesbians in one 80 minute movie than i've even crossed paths with, ever. cutting your fingernails before a date counts as foreplay in my book.

16. Joven y alocada (2012), dir. Marialy Rivas. i just know the progressive profesoras are going wild over this. huge respect to chileans for seeing a word and deciding fuck that shit and dropping half of it. top five accent ngl. also polola... also credit for starting a movie in the most uncomfortable way possible. anyway i am so not the target audience for this it's not even funny. it's well-composed, the style is great, entirely well-done, did not care for it. i only finished because i couldn't get the last-moment replacement to work and i didn't have time to watch anything else lmao. i have a lot of respect for rivas (hence me watching this) but... yeah. also really getting confirmed that i am very fine with lesbian sex scenes but straight sex scenes are horrrrrible.. nice reminder of the lesbianism i guess! i will be singing yo no te pido la luuuuna the rest of the night though. non voglio mica la luna...

17. Les Rendez-vous d'Anna (1978), dir. Chantal Akerman. an excuse to cross some akerman off my watchlist? you could call it that. i have a ton of respect for her. she's a very interesting person, i think. an interesting movie, too, all things considered. i'm very much drawn to the fastpaced and erratic truth be told, which this is like the polar opposite of, but it's got its point. i really liked the part with her mother. that was probably the high point of this. i didn't really care for either of the guys, like, at all, but it is what it is. still gathering my thoughts, i feel. not sure i'm entirely in the right space to really appreciate this.

18. Codependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same (2011), dir. Madeleine Olnek. "...I did wonder about the gills". oh, this is how you make a movie. (was smiling and/or laughing from beginning to end). question: can this be replicated in real life. like can i just go find the nearest hot stationery clerk or how does this work.

19. Mädchen in Uniform (1931), dir. Leontine Sagan. all impact aside, this is a lot more fun than i'd thought. obviously i've been putting this off for a while now considering i hadn't seen it til now, but i really did enjoy it. i feel like it's rare seeing girls just having fun like this. as a young girl i was very into this old book series (incidentally from my mother's childhood) about some girls at a boarding school; entirely irrelevant to every and anything here, but watching this gave me the same vibe throughout much of it.

20. سكر بنات / Caramel (2007), dir. Nadine Labaki. absolutely adore this one description i found that says rima is struggling with her attraction to women - lmao where?? the most she struggles in this movie is the coerced leg wax lmao. otherwise it's basically all very sensual hair washing, gd bless. she's also very hot btw i do need to mention that. i see you all going crazy over labaki and you're not wrong but gd man... anyway, sensual hairwashing aside, the straight girls are alright too. seriously, this is actually very good. even though rima's the lesbian the most homoerotic part of this is layale very aggresively waxing of her lover's wife.

21. Een vrouw als Eva (1979), dir. Nouchka van Brakel. after a hundred minutes still not convinced this is a real language. anyway, i don't even know what to say. fuck, dude. gd. you could argue dated, but fuck it's rare to see a movie like this treat its lesbian protagonist with this much sympathy, even today. there's a lot to say, but in my mind this is what i keep coming back to. it's in the little things. at no point does this feel perfomative to me, either. a few asides: the beginning of this movie was very extremely effective at showing how utterly miserable eve was lmao. ad is a giant asshole; eve not slapping him is a testament to this poor woman's patience.

22. 蝴蝶 / Butterfly (2004), dir. Mak Yan-Yan. between the marianne faithful, patti smith and janis joplin i can't be entirely sure jin's place isn't actually mine also fuck josie ho is gorgeous. i almost didn't watch this (length) but gdddd i'm so glad i did. it took a bit for me to get into, but by the time it ended i had to just sit for a moment. it's breathtaking, honestly. i don't know what it is - maybe it's the timelessness? the way everything weaves in and out of each other constantly, like it's all happening at the same time. i don't know. it's so gorgeous, though.

23. Viola di mare (2009), dir. Donatella Maiorca. ah, sicilia, amore mio <3 anyway what the fuck. i think that's my main impression for the moment. gd. supposedly based of a real story, i really do think it's told well for the most part. i mean, gd, it would have been so easy to focus on all the surrounding, but the love really is palpable i gotta be honest. making me sigh and swoon over here... if more people were like angela, like first of all that would rule, but also lesbian movies would be sooo short. she's damn persistent lmao love her <3 definitely worth watching, but like do not read up on a single thing beforehand.

24. The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (1995), dir. Maria Maggenti. "Is this another one?" sometimes you really just do wanna watch two girls having fun. american high schools in media always throws me a bit because i genuinely can't tell how much is artistic exaggeration and how much is just you guys living like that. seems sick. if i still went to the hairdresser i'd show her a picture of randy in this. not getting over vicky's husband getting physical with a literal seventeen year old lmaoo go home dude! it's all very cute, genuinely. by my count this brings the jopling counter up to three. bonus for the bratmobile.

25. I've Heard the Mermaids Singing (1987), dir. Patricia Rozema. i'm really glad this is the one i'm the ending this on. gddddddddd i loved this so much. to quote polly herself: it's so... nice! oh, polly... <3 seeing a quirky weird girl represented so well is like seeing a shooting star.

all in all: this has been... really fun, actually. i don't know that i was counting on that. i did not in fact get bored and stop. i'm willing to concede that the amount of actually, genuinely good lesbian movies might in fact be a positive integer after all. definitely a much more fun way to spend pride month than engaging in nonsensical discourse. happy july! <3

#mona mona mona #had to rewrite parts of this so many times before discovering tumblr won't let me make a '</3' in a draft post love this website #the first broken streak was in fact mean girls so arguably it wasn't broken at all. lesbian janis truther. lesbian regina truther.#(lesbian karen truther bc i love ms seyfried....)#now on to sloth month where i'll be do absolutely fuck all <3 #you'll all be hearing back from me in time for wrath month ig #mona was in fact going to edit this monster of a post (spoiler alert: she did not. she tried and somehow made it longer. she gave up.)#lesbian media #lesbian #lesbian film #it's not even pride here yet btw lmao

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