#bc its all so true
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WHAT COLOUR DOES YOUR LOVE FEEL LIKE?
deep, staining red
Ripped out confessions, warm velvety whispers and a heart like an open wound. Your love flows out like dripping blood, beautiful, flawed and twisted. It's gut wrenching, the type of painfully dramatic feeling that makes you clutch your chest, picturing dramatic monologues about love and loving and big screen over the top scenes of sobbing into your pillow until you fall asleep. It rips out of you, clawing it's way up your throat more so than tumbling out. Sticky words that just need to be let out, feelings so big they don't fit inside you. Your love isn't easy, it's a true bloody mess, dripping and staining everything it touches in a desperate attempt to be seen, to be felt, to be loved back. And you, you love so hard, so deeply, so much for someone who carries all that pain. Atlas holding up the world, how are you? Is your love still flowing? Is your heart still open? Still pumping and bleeding and dripping with blood and tears? Still painting your beautiful pictures and writing your love letters in deeply personal red ink? Because I see them, I read them, I love them and you, you, you, you. Clench your chest, scream your love, cry it out. Spill your words of loving, keep your heart beating, keep your love coming and paint the entire world red with it. Make it in your image, keep going, it's okay. Maybe one day the whole world can be red and loved and beautiful just like you.
dark stormy blue
Sinking ships, raging seas and tumultuous hearts, love isn't easy for you. It's a struggle, a constant inner fight of should I? Can I? Do I? Feelings are hard and they rumble inside you in a dissatisfied mess that begs to be let out. Your heart screams and cries inside you and you... You can't, you won't. You're scared. And love is scary, it's hard and sometimes it just doesn't work out. People leave, people hurt, people change their minds. And you and your cold stormy heart yearn for the calmness, for the distance, to be allowed and able to simply not feel. And yet, you do. It rages, it fights and storms inside you and you try to keep it down, keep it quiet, to feel pretending not to. It's the burn of childhood friends growing apart, of parents that aren't quite there, of relationships that burn out. So you snuff it down with water, cold and calming and blue, blue, blue. But being loved by you is blue too, just not in that way. It's the soothing, embracing feeling of floating, the moment when you sink down bellow the waves and become one with the water, with everything. It's the balance, the dramatic yet calming sound of waves that crash against a rocky shore. You're the good and the bad, the violence of the storm and the watery peace right after. You're the blue, blue feeling and loving you is watery tears, yelled confessions that no one will hear and burying your feelings in a deep watery grave never to be found out about. Your love is dark stormy blue, it's vast and deep and all encompassing, it's safety in the surface of danger, it's trusting the unruly abyss and yet I'd gladly risk drowning just to feel what it's like being loved by you.
i stole this from my old blog when i did chrollo’s, so feel free to take it!
Chrollo’s under the cut bc, well i did his before.
cold stark gold
Fireworks, borrowed lighters and sparklers against a dark backdrop, yours is a love that burns stark and bright. It's scary though, like things that burn always tend to be, but for you it isn't the thrill of the open flames that gives pause and a slight stomach drop of terror, but rather the time when the flames go out, the sparkler ends and the night is cold and dark once again. Fireworks, borrowed lighters, a striken match, your love burns bright and fast and then maybe it passes, maybe the feeling dies out and you're left in the cold once again. And that's the feeling isn't it? Of being bored and waiting for someone to light you up again? To be fair, you do know you don't need it, but then again we don't often crave the things we need. And you crave and yearn and burn in the wait, restless in the knowledge that at some point someone will pass and rub you the right way, that some day you'll light up the night sky bright yet again. There's comfort in the darkness and solace in the predictable loneliness of the in between, but your heart still squirms inside you, waiting and willing and begging to burn up again. Your love might not be comfort, it's not one for the sick days, but then again, there's a reason why everyone waits for the shining lights in the sky during holidays.
#HELLO SERPENT'S IS SO PAINFULLY ACCURATE#like it really is brutal how well that fits her#bc its all so true#its not the prettiest and its intense and messy but its genuine#feels so much that it claws her chst#and ngl seiroku's i did just to see how inaccurate#bUT UHHH YEAH NO ENDED UP BEING P ACCURATE#if he could#i dont think he knows if he can#likes to feel nothin#and talking about the burn of things falling apart?#me staring @ his little comments abt his past when he was talking to naoe#seiroku vc: if i feel anything positive i'll bury it and one day die#᛭ — [HEADCANON] bleak reality is never far away [SERPENT]#and like ive said with chrollos in the past#its accurate bc he just !! oh ! he is feeling something#will get interested but he can crush it if need be#esp for the troupe's sake#its not a soft love but theres soft moments#᛭ — [DASH GAMES] lets have some fun
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
#this is true#writeblr#warm up#relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes#amongst the Siblings#is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting#like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good#(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and#like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract#to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids#so like she was right to stock up#ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that#u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it#> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes#> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9#when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters#i am the middle child#out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite
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thinking abt this .. the panic :( the way he just holds onto himself :( just tells himself theres work to do : (
also look at the little beetle carapace belle left for him :(((((
#belle : (#kiddo say#it kind of makes sense to me that belle left on her own without cad knowing. i always thought it was a bit mental if he let her#(that was if she didnt leave with colton)#which i thought she did but whatever#i thought it was corrin + constance together (p sure thats still true) . then their dad or calliope next. then colton then belle maybe toge#together. but their dad is still with them.#oh welll#because its me i do wish there was more sad lonely scenes of time passing . but also its only 56 pages so theres not rly room#which is a shame#i want the isolation of it all#cr spoilers#caduceus clay#going to reread later to have clear thoughts bc brain is a bit scrambled
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Hi Cass, just letting you know today I received your comic as a birthday gift from my friend (who asked for your permission to print it) and it became one of my most prized possessions. Words have failed me to express my utmost gratitude to you, your artwork and everything you've done for many people, but I hope this message and the hard work my friend did can convey a fraction of all the love and admiration you deserve✨
Also, to show you some pictures of her beautiful work (she thought it could fit in one volume, but she miscalculated and now I'll be waiting for part two in my next bday ig)
Hope you are doing great and have an excellent weekend, and again, thank you for your permission, I'll make sure to take good care of it, because your story has helped me in a lot of way I could've never imagined.
Oh, my God?? I remember your friend asking me about it a while back kfkvngh thanks for showing me
Feliz Cumpleaños :>
#seeing this comic being a physically existing is#ah#my brain doing things#I gues I was greatly underestimating the true size this story bc I cant acually see it all in front of me#its looking so small in my art folder#and this book isn’t even the whole comic oh god haha
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Anyway, Buffy used to be an "I'll die for you" girlie but then she became an "I'll live for you" girlie, if you care.
#ngl i love the dying for u trope as well#so post s7 fics which have the first trope i love u too#but living for u is a beautiful trope!#esp after s6 she really thinks life is worth it#u can read this in platonic sense bc its still SO true for dawn#but i was inspired by in s3 buffy surrendering all her blood to angel#and in s7 when she runs after spike told her to#and then she smiles at the sunnydale ruins#buffy the vampire slayer#btvs#buffy summers#buffy txt#spuffy txt#spuffy
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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so i think solas's lyrium dagger is the same "blade that would end the war" from merrill's fen'harel story in da2 btw
and sam winchester voice get this. we know the dagger was extracted from da2's red lyrium idol right. and likely purified during the ritual discussed in tevinter nights. which is interesting because "a glowing blue blade that has the capacity to resist or possibly even cure the blight"?? sounded incredibly familiar to me :) so with that i would like to also point out the similarities btwn solas's dagger and the sword maric theirin found in the deep roads from david gaider's 2009 tie-in novel the calling. lol
also worth noting that he and fiona banged shortly after he found this sword, and later, after the birth of alistair, she found out she had been effectively cured of the taint and had somehow reversed the calling. the only grey warden ever recorded to have done so.
#datv#dragon age#solas#DOTS. I AM CONNECTING THEM.#im praying on my hands and knees that the devs remember this book exist and DO smth w this connection bc this would be straight up crazy#the only difference between them is that maric's blade is described as glowing blue ''runes'' not the blade itself. and dragonbone obv#but its too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence !!! and those details are so minor i feel like they could be effectively retconned#or explained lol. i do think its possible there are maybe several blades/weapons that are similar and all connected possibly#but idk. my thoughts begin and end at this spot. i need to reread dread wolf take u in case ive missed anything#but yeah. BIG IF TRUE LOL
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invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)
[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."
Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”
Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.
At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.
"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.
Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”
Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."
In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]
Credits for ID here and here
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#another scars comic for one of the vw week days!!!! frankly i think about their scars WAY too often . most notably wolfwood's because#it really symbolizes a lot for him imo bc for vash it's a history of all the people that's ever harmed him betrayed him and the trust he has#given to humanity despite it all. its a beautiful reflection of his character and then u look at ww and presumably#since we dont really see him half naked Ever (shame) and i mean. i guess technically its a hc -- i assume he wouldn't have any scars bc#of the regen potions (which is why he doesnt have his t scars btw the regen pot took them away :pensive:)#in a way its like washing his hands of blood. giving him the body of someone who might never been involved in a fight never held a gun#but he knows thats not true yet he cant really do anything about it anyway bc he's still just human. if he stops taking the regen pots#he can't press forward. so its just a rinse and repeat and growing accustomed to whats inflicted on him because he knows it'll go away at#the end of the day. he's human but he's also not he's far beyond what could be considered a normal human but he still just is.#mortal but also not immortal. idk. i overthink about it a lot GMSKGMDK frankly i dont think it matters THAT much in the context of trimax#but it means a lot to me somehow. also thinking about how no matter how many times ww kills he's never numb to the sensation of it. maybe#the adrenaline gets to him for the beginning half but ive been rereading like.. vol 3? and that entire fight for ww#u can slowly see him spiral as he keeps on going on. anyway anyway. i love ww#ruporas art
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rewatched madoka magica again today bc i fucking hate myself and to absolutely no one’s surprise i went through all five stages of grief in a single evening
#let’s talk about sayaka miki for a second#genuinely the fact that her whole character is centered around tragedy almost to a shakespearean extent#she’s selfless and brave and values her justice and righteousness above all. calls herself an ally of justice#in fact i think it’s rather intriguing how her whole character is centered around “justice”#her story being a more twisted retelling of the original little mermaid#how she is initially portrayed as a very heroic and confident character even before becoming a magical girl. always shielding madoka#selling her soul to heal the boy she loved out of a selfless desire to see him well again#her being absolutely distraught abt being robbed of her humanity and betrayed by kyubey#she combats this harrowing realization by immersing herself in her duties not caring that she is slowly deteriorating in the process#becoming numb with pain and fighting recklessly and psychotically trying to drown out the pain#finally coming to the sickening conclusion that humanity doesn’t deserve her saving and she succumbs to a fate of her making#last words being “i was so stupid” which trumps her previous statement of “there’s no way i’d regret this”#ALSO? the fact that her costume and weapon are symbolic of a knight. she rly portrays this hero of justice who will protect and defend ☹️#i think abt the fact that homura said that sayaka’s wish was so selfless it was only a matter of time before she died#sayaka being the example of what happens to magical girls who go through the entire cycle and eventually become witches is so sad to me#genuinely just like. sick and twisted#very very fucked up.#characters who have their own misconstrued interpretation of “justice” or who are centered around justice in general.#you will always be dear to me.#sayaka reminds me a lot of akechi in some ways ngl#harboring an almost idealized vision of justice but it slowly rots and festers and corrupts their hearts the more immersed w it they become#actually losing their sanity when they fight bc of how much pain they’re in but refuse to acknowledge it until they break#refusing any help and wallowing in misery despite having ppl who love them and want to save them#last words are those expressing regret for being such a fool. for being ignoring#being used by yhe main villain as a stepping stone towards their true goal. they were merely a pawn#also doomed in every version of their reality. always doomed by the narrative no matter what choices they make#i have a type i fear#HAHAHAH ALSO the fact that they’re both dressed so regally compared to everyone else in their respective series#meant to portray them in a virtuous and princely light. only made more apparent by the sword being their weapon of choice#i’m gonna shut up now but they’re soo eerily similar its unnerving tbh 💀
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totally normal about the 'wedding?' response continuing to evolve even though it's only been 5 shows. at this point i'm convinced the grand plan behind tit is to convince dan via exposure therapy that he's allowed to want to get married
#going from being afraid of commitment and anti-traditional to not doing it because of spite and pettiness about peoples' expectations...#it's not weak to want it dan. you dont 'lose' simply bc our desire for you comes true#the only reason we *want* it is bc we want you to be happy#and while yes thats tied up in tradition for a lot of us. and theres a lot to unpack there about society and norms and whatnot.#it's rooted in this deep want for you to get your happy ending. and while life doesnt *end* after marraige.#it's a hell of a fuck you to everyone who thought you couldnt make it. it's a hell of a fuck yeah as a celebration of how far you've come#it means the walls you built to keep yourself safe. that maybe have started to feel claustrophobic these past 5 years. can come down.#idk. its up to you to decide.#imo it all comes back to that same thing. dan wants something. but he cant have it bc what will society say about him for wanting it?#so he has to play it down and partake in this convoluted dance to say he doesnt want it thatd be ridiculous#and then folds anyway. bc denial only lasts so long when desire is strong. and it feels like he should be punished for liking it#yk how wad was about carving the words into his head that we get to live? this is like him hearing over and over we want good things for him#titspoilers#dnp#c.text#dan and phil#phan#dnptit
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THIS SCENE—
#DO YOU SEE THE DISDAIN ON HIS FACE—#THAT’S MY KING!!!! THAT’S MY GOAT!!!!!#the sheer aura i felt from ezran in this scene will power me through the next twenty years of life#GOD HE LOOKS SO ✨DISGUSTED✨ IN THAT SECOND FRAME THATS MY FUCKING SON#IN TRUE TDP FASHION RAYLLUM SPENDS THE SEASON BEING ALL CUTE AND LOVEY DOVEY WHILE EZRAN GOES THROUGH FUCKING 9/11#THE FUCKING RED WEDDING#my son is a VETERAN#god ezran ik you’re fundamentally a pacifist and i LOVE that for you but my boy. son. you deserve your hater era more than ANYONE#my boy needs more screen time more love more tlc and by GOD he needs to FIGHT WITH CALLUM#bc WHY is he dealing with XADIA’S BATTLE OF THE SOMME and KATOLIS 9/11 A L O N E#i mean i’m kinda kidding bc ofc ezran gave the go-ahead for rayllum to transport the pearl so callum’s like. not in the wrong here#i jUST THINK ITS FUNNY HOW—#anyway. i stan one (1) king of katolis#tdp#tdp s6#tdp season 6#tdp spoilers#spoilers#ezran tdp#tdp ezran#the dragon prince s6 spoilers#the dragon prince#the dragon prince s6#the dragon prince season 6
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Guys. GUYS. listen to me- kate carter is a natural brunette. no i’m not just saying that because daisy edgar jones has brown hair naturally, there’s a picture of young kate and her mom that is shown in the scene where she comes back home. I caught it on my second rewatch. I mean ofc you could chalk up her darker roots to it just being a dirty blonde but no, she really is a brunette.
Which brings me to this thought- I wonder what Tyler’s reaction (along with the others ofc) would be when they see Kate with brown hair. Let’s say her blonde dye was growing out enough for her to decide to dye it back. Maybe she does it when she went back to NY for a bit before going back to Oklahoma. Will there be chaos? Definitely. Will Tyler Owens get a heart attack? Duh. Like, imagine the possibilities guys, hellooo
#daisy edgar jones looks gorgeous in her natural hair color so obvi kate carter would look drop dead gorgeous in it too#tyler’s knees will get weak and boone will have to catch him lmao#javi’s gonna be like ‘yooo i havent seen u with brown hair in YEARSSS’#oh but a sad hc#even tho kate’s a natural brunette she still dyed her hair blonde all these years bc its one of the things that still tye her to her past#and her friends#but once she learns to finally move forward with her life and slowly starts going back to her roots and who she really is#aka showing her true personality and becoming true to herself#she decides its time for a lil hair change too (aka her ‘real hair’)#i also hc that she dyed her hair blonde either a) bc of a dare or b) she lost a bet or smth#addy and javi definitely have smth to do with that lol#jeb told her she looked cute tho and it suited her (so did the others) so she didnt mind it too much#kate carter#tyler owens#tyler x kate#kate x tyler#twisters#twisters 2024#not my first post (not being a repost) on this app in god knows how long being about kate and tyler#literally goes to show how obsessed i am with these two- literally can not get Enough#shout out to all the fic writers feeding my obsession lmao#also- i will be incorporating brunette!Kate into my own fic as well bc i can#i am a kate carter has brown hair truther right after being a tyler kate shipper#do with this information (kate’s hair lol) as u wish
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what I need everyone to understand is that men and women are the same
#do you giys know about feminism#all i think ahout all the time is that everyoneis so crazy bc so many ppl pretend that it isnt true that men and women arent the same#im so high and its alllll i can think about rn#txt#100
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I asked myself why I failed to notice. It was the first time we'd been apart that long. I found the birthday gifts you prepared for me in my room, from my 18th to my 21st. ...Shut up. I started to think about what you were doing back then. Were you celebrating my birthday all by yourself?
KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 12
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#chen yi x ai di#ai di x chen yi#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#userrain#uservid#userspicy#userjjessi#pdribs#*cajedit#*gif#do you ever cry about the chen yi that woke up to find ai di gone.#do you ever think about the chen yi that felt ai di's tears on his face and reached up to hold him closer. to comfort him.#who saw & chose in a moment the true ai di that had always been by his side then lost him in the next. & woke up to learn it was his fault#cuz i think about the chen yi during ai di's prison time a lot. i think about him going over so many of his memories#reevaluating ai di's anger and teasing and realizing it was all heartbreak. THAT IT WAS ALL HEARTBREAK.#the guilt...the desperation & need to get through to ai di so he never makes him feel that way again. understanding that he loves ai di too#the way he gently touches ai di's hands and face here... he tied him up to keep him from running but hes being so earnest and SO careful#with ai di's pain & ai di's love. his expressions & the way he takes deep breaths before admitting things out loud like its clear#hes thinking hard abt what he wants to say and how he wants to say it. bc he has to make ai di understand how much he means this#how much he misses him. how much he wants to make this right. how he wants & needs to be by ai di's side forever bc he loves him!#he loves him!!!!!!!!! GOD. i love chen yi.
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When people are like Wei Wuxian was NOT suicidal it’s like. Ok sure. He just believed that his debt to the Jiangs should be paid with everything up to and including his life. And also that the moral and obvious thing to do in any situation is to put himself between anyone and harm's way. This is because he thinks he’s unkillable but he makes himself unkillable for the same reason he’ll die for a good enough reason: because it’s a way to have worth!
And then famously once everything goes to shit he does beg Lan Wangji to let him die as part of the moment where he is either destroyed by his own evil magic or lets his own evil magic tear him apart, a distinction I don't personally think matters very much at that point. Less explicitly textually, his mentally ill ass behavior after he gives up his core says to me that he wishes that he'd died honorably for Jiang Cheng when he had the chance and doesn't know what to do with himself since he hasn't.
Again I’m aware that he’s operating under a pretty specific set of culturally informed norms as a cultivator and member of a sect but like. TO ME. Everything about how Wei Wuxian conducts himself indicates that he has a box in his mind at all times that says 'in case of emergency break glass' and what’s inside the box is his own death. All the sound of mind actions of a man who has a normal and not suicidal relationship to death.
#suicide cw#I know I don’t need to engage with self identified wwx fans#who want him to be a perfect angel who only made good choices for pure reasons#but like#to ME dying for the jiangs is the only thing he might be able to do to please madame yu#and I think they both were very aware of that lol#in many ways Wei Wuxian was very comfortable with the idea that he’d be better use to people dead#this is like the CRUX of suicidality lol#it’s still suicidality even if it doesn’t look like#him being like wow I hate myself I want to die lol#which I do think as much as I don’t agree with giving him self esteem issues uwu style#he definitely gets there after he realizes that he’s ruined his life all to save the wens and it hasn’t saved them#the like who can tell what I should do soliloquy#anyway saw a post and was just thinking about it#also bc I made an offhand comment about him being suicidal#but i actually do genuinely think its an interesting facet of his character#specifically because i think his relationship to his own death is complex is based in his life also being not entirely his own#this is whats so juicy about a lot of the pre timeskip stuff!!!#like arguably this is true of cultivation society bc it’s a martial world#sure!#but imho he’s taking a step further#bc he does have inherent worth issues#namely that he doesn’t think he has inherent worth#which is why everything he does is designed to make up for that
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this is all i got
#Tiny side ramble in the tags its what i do best#in the interview they mention charlie feeling way more like developed in s2 and I. if that’s really true iM SOOO happy and somehow#even more excited for it bc of that Because ive mentioned this before obviously ive always liked charlie#but like. im unable to really get into him the way i can do with pim. like there’s nearly Nothing about him that tells me anything about hi#character which AGAIN IVE SAID. IK THATS THE POINT and ur not even like. these aren’t even like designed to be blorbo type characters so-#-who cares BUT LIKE. I STILL WANT TO LIKE HIM AS MUCH AS I LIKE PIM YA KNOW#well not As much. he could never compare to pim in my personal mind#but yknow what imean. so im happy that probably means we’re getting more of him kinda in s2#Aauauuaau so excited#Also i still hate drawing him#never wont#smiling friends#pim pimling#charlie dompler#Dumb name … stupid guy…#💝#charpim is soo scary to actually tag like woah guys who said anything about all that.. hey now#odieart
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