#bc it does feel personal. i didnt do Anything to you. and you treated me like shit. all bc u were dealing with shit.

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

fang i need to see yukimiya with an oversexed s/o so bad

i think about this all the time bc of hypersexuality

tags for some implied religious trauma on mr yukimiyas part and very explicit sexual content. reader is very wanton lol, 18+

it is . sooooo hard for him. the thing is yukimiya genuinely thinks of you as such a warm, kind person. his feelings for you are so deep and sincere and completely removed from any lust he might feel for you. or at least that lust is intertwined with a stronger desire to be gentle and intimate and sweet with you yk

but you are sooooo horny and so shameless and it is soooo much for that poor boy. i do genuinely think yukimiya has like self imposed saving himself for marriage thing. and he's super upfront about it with you from the start bc u so obviously want to jump his bones. he has a very Strong sense of discipline overall.

like the first time you kiss you're just like... all over him. hands in his hair, pressed against his lap, tongue in mouth and he is trying to handle all the sensory input and failing. he has to PRY you off of him and he's so red and he's like no no we can't go any further.

and you pout jokingly but you never push him. you're so sweet about it, maybe a little teasing but that's it. you always express your desires and voice them, always tell him whats on you mind. if you think he looks handsome or sexy or whatever—you'll sort of fidget with the end of your straw and bite and make a comment so unbelievably lewd before moving right along.

you make these like... eyes at him. fuck me eyes, he's heard the term before but he didn't really get it until he met you. you know exactly what you want from him and you're thinking about how you can get it. a little dazed, very determined. always gets him sooo flush.

you brush things off easily enough when he blows you off about it. you're a lot but you're not....forceful or anything. he makes a little face of faux disappointment and you laugh it off and thats all there really is but the longer you date the less he feels sure of himself.

yukimiya wanted to get married young and didnt see a whole lot of purpose in trying to lose virginity to someone he didn't love so he held onto it for longer than most people. that plus growing up religious its just something he was so sure about it.

and he does want to treat you well. marry you. yukimiya is the first guy to ever be such a gentleman to you and he doesnt want to taint that because of his own ...desires. its dirty to him. he doesn't think it's bad when you want things, but it's different when he wants things.

but it gets. harder and harder. you're so forward and you are also so good at touching him (too good) and so attractive already without trying very hard. you could do anything and look insanely beautiful to him but god.

you really don't go farther than making out and heavy petting. but that in itself gets so obscene. the way you space out your kisses, the way you flick your tongue - how your hands slide up his chest and neck, thumb rubbing against his ears, how you carry your weight in his lap, how you use your teeth. you kiss him like you could eat him whole.

when your hand gets on his belt he always loses his sense of reason - only barely tears himself a way from it each time. half-hard and apologetic. eventually you get the feeling that he's not even... it's not like he doesn't want to do it but he's holding onto beliefs he only barely has.

you have to have a long conversation about it i think. give him a peptalk about how you know how much he loves you and sex can be intimate too etc. when he's still resistant to it, you make a compromise. no penetration until he's ready, even if that means marriage. no sex. you think its silly but it helps him make sense of everything.

i think he agrees to this kind of blindly, assuming it will take the edge and tension off. like letting the pressure out slowly so something doesnt explode.

but. once you open that box, you can't really close it again.

so you do everything but have sex. and it absolutely makes him want to fuck you.

its light at first. dry humping while you make out and making him cum in his jeans. giving a handjob or teaching him how to finger you ("for when you do fuck me, someday"). directing him on how exactly you like getting head - on foreplay, your sure hands over his shaky ones as he make him squeeze your tits and guide them into his mouth. tell him the other places on your body you like being touched.

you teach him things about his own body too. or rather, he learns them because of you. his ears get red and sensitive, he likes when you bite his ear lobes lightly.his lips too. likes your hands on his biceps or chest or back, kissing and rubbing his muscles appreciatively. it does something to him. he knows he's attractive but it's... different. it's a nice feeling to be wanted but being wanted by you makes his whole body break into these terrible shivers.

he learns that the tip of his cock is way more sensitve than it should be. he learns he doesn't mind when you take advantage of this either.

he's got a few moles on his body and he likes how you kiss them when you go down on him. on his hip and inner thigh and some other places. likes when you rub up against him in general, when you cling to him during it or when your nails dig into his arms

yukimiya likes how... relaxed you get when you feel good. the first time he makes you cum with his mouth he feels so absurdly accomplished, even more so when you giggle at him and kiss him so full of love.

nothing changes. you go on dates and see each other. sleep in the same bed. but when you stay over at his place now - he's started to anticipate your little escapades.

no penetration. he knows that should mean not getting his dick anywhere near you. but you're persuasive. it's fine, yuu-kun. just slide your dick against me, it'll feel good. you can do it between my thighs, if you want.

the first time yukimiya slides his hard cock through the soft, slick folds of your pussy he nearly passes out. randomly on a date night. it just turns out that way. your hands on the back of his neck, kissing him as it slips through the sticky warmth.

it feels so good. it's mindblowing. it's so unfair. how can something feeling so much better when everything else you've been feeling had felt so incredible? how can there be anything more tempting than what you already do?

but there is. its you with your ass up and your thighs squeeze as yukimiya fucks the plush of them - tip knocking against your clit, catching on your hole, one misstep away from thrusting. the thought haunts him even as he's cumming up against your belly and thighs.

there's a guilt he feels about greed in particular, even more than lust. sometimes you go at it and he just. can't help it. can't help but want more. can't help but shamefully jerk off in the bathroom after you've already done it for a while.

you come onto him the same as always, more now that he's receptive to it but god he can never turn down your advances. even when it'd be smarter to do it. all it takes is his name now, or maybe just you taking his glasses off so it's a little easier to kiss him. it scares him a little, just how easy it'd be to slip up and . take you really. thin threads of control fraying as he gets close and closer to just giving you what you want.

it's Hard. he holds onto it for so long. i think he snaps eventually when you do something very thoughtful for him on a bday or anniversay and he just becomes uncharacteristcally aggressive (not that ur mad) and u have such intense deep missionary. like eye contact, chest to chest, slow rolling of his hips while he grinds into you. it is such a crazy feeling.

yukimiya just really. bends to your whims after you have these breakthroughs. he is so unbearably seduced by you even when he tries so hard to fight but it . god its rough on his brain. shame and pleasure are not opposites for him, that's for sure.

[nothorses]

hi sorry to bother u about this, i searched around transmasc subreddits for an answer to this and while i saw a few people joking about getting dry cramps, nobody seems to know what this is. and i vaguely remember seeing a post by you mentioning "mystery cramps" in a post also about vaginal atrophy, but I didnt pay attention to the post much at the time bc at that point i wasnt experiencing atrophy or mystery cramps.

but now I'm a bit over a year on T, (my periods stopped only about 4 months ago though, because i was on a much lower dose than most for a lot longer time than most. that ~4 months ago time frame lines up with upping my dose from 0.2 to 0.3ml. i'm on 0.4ml tho now as of about 3 weeks ago) and suddenly i'm getting "mystery cramps" sometimes, it seems to happen especially the night before my T-shot day, (but i cant say that with certainty—i know i'm having them right now and my shot day is tomorrow morning, and i think thats been the case, but i dont know for sure) and they feel exactly like period cramps. to the point where i feel super paranoid that maybe i've been injecting improperly and the testosterone isnt absorbing right and my period is actually coming back. (something i often have nightmares about)

i searched your blog again for that post and did find it, (the one about estradiol cream treating it) but the wording of it is a little unclear and i wanted to just clarify that this is the same thing youre talking about? or if what im experiencing is different than the "mystery cramps" you meant and i should see a doctor

I am for sure not a doctor, and I think you should see one either way!

My personal understanding of the "mystery cramps" is that it's a part of "vaginal atrophy" that some, but not all trans folks who go on T experience, and it usually doesn't start until a couple of years on T ( which is also, to my knowledge, based on more standard doses as opposed to "low-dose" T).

Mine started about two years in, and was happening occasionally at first- always at night, and often the day before my T shot- then progressed to several nights a week over time. Nowadays I tend to experience cramping almost every time I so much as miss one dose of estradiol. Ibuprofen and Midol are the only OTC pain relievers that seem to do the trick, and the cramping will keep me up through the entire night untreated. It also tends to come in fairly predictable waves (spaced maybe 15-30 minutes apart) and right before I started estradiol, I remember getting some light spotting as well.

iirc, I talked to my PCP when it was just starting up, and their response was along the lines of "that's weird, let's keep an eye on it". I moved and didn't have a PCP for a while, so when the spotting started, I went to a walk-in urgent care clinic and talked to them. They gave me a referral for an ultrasound, and encouraged me to go to a "women's health" clinic that had long history of specializing in trans care as well. When I talked to the folks at that clinic, they encouraged me to go through with the ultrasound (I didn't), and prescribed estradiol cream because I asked them to and they didn't see a reason not to try it.

If you think it's possible this is what's going on with you, I would really encourage you to talk to a doctor, specifically bring up research around this issue and estradiol cream as a treatment option, and ask them if there's a reason not to try it just to see if it does anything for you. If nothing else, estradiol cream also treats vaginal dryness, tightness, and inflammation (other symptoms of "vaginal atrophy"), so it might be worth a shot for those reasons anyway!

And don't do what I did; if they want you to do an ultrasound or whatever else, go with it, and rule out other possibilities. Listen to medical advice from medical professionals who know your medical history and who you trust are listening to you & know what they're talking about.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for dragging my cousin through the mud using tarot?

i know not everyone believes in tarot, and im not here to preach about whether you should believe in it or not. i believe in it and it has worked for me, so thats all that matters.

anyway, so i read tarot. i've been reading tarot since 2018 and ive gotten fairly good at it. to the point where i have had people cry when i read their tarot bc of how "accurate" my readings were. (i use quotation marks bc i personally dont like saying my readings are accurate)

anyway, i have a cousin (20s M) who is what people would call a lover. Love and Finding-A-Girlfriend are on his mind 24/7. As an aromantic person, his desperate attempts at pursuing any woman he lays eyes on is frankly gross to me. i just wont understand, and thats fine.

one day i went to his house and after having dinner with his family, they had me do tarot readings for everyone bc the topic naturally came up and i carry a tarot deck everywhere i go.

so i read my cousin's cards. he specifically asked for a love reading.

Now. the cards said that there would be a dark-haired woman. immediately he thought about girlfriend prospects, but the other two cards (bc i usually pull 3) talked about family and issues within the family.

and so i figured the dark-haired woman represents his mother, or more likely, his little sister whom he treats like shit.

he's an awful big brother to her, constantly yelling at her, demeaning her, and bringing her down when all she does is like, hang out.

as soon as i understood that the card was talking about his sister, i told him that his love life wouldnt go well until he fixes his relationship with his sister. and i justified it using the other two cards, but also by telling him that women do look at how a man treats his siblings when looking for partners.

and no good person would want to stay with him after seeing how he treats her. i basically ended up lecturing him in front of his entire family, using the cards as something of an excuse (even though the cards were the ones that started the lecture 😤)

anyway, he got mad at me, saying that i didnt know anything bc i dont do relationships and that i let my personal feelings affect the reading, which is true to an extent but i cant make up the fact that he pulled those cards.

he's in disbelief and hasnt made any attempt to fix his attitude toward his sister, and his girl problems continue, as i predict they will for a hot minute... but AITA for reading him for filth using tarot?

What are these acronyms?

[itgomyway]

(you)r sp and you ♡

i have already made a post about how you should love yourself and your sp will love you almost as much (bc they actually are you!) but lets go into more detail

a lot of you guys, including me, wanted to get into a relationship. and with that, youve discovered the law of assumption. the basics start off with whatever you assume will be. but after months of arguing, harassment, and bullying on twitter, you’re probably confused and too scared to ask.

FUCK THAT. let me be the one to tell you that none of it matters. you very much can and WILL manifest your sp. others false opinions (false because theyre not real) mean nothing. this isnt a loass post though im talking about non dualism (which is not the same).

“but wait… i want my sp and non dualism isnt about getting so why would i-“ because your sp shouldnt be someone that brings you happiness. they should be someone who adds to your quality of life. why does that sound like loass vs non dualism? because it is.

people use the law of assumption to manifest desires for their physical world. theres nothing wrong with that! that is how i manifested my current relationship. however, when we speak about non dualism, it goes beyond trying to get anything. youre just being. and “getting” into a relationship can very much help or make your false sense of self feel better. you as consciousness know relationships themselves dont exist because it is you but your ego, the false sense of self doesnt know that. it wants to experience love as part of the human condition. but youre still not getting anything. lemme explain.

you were trying to “get” something that was never outside of you TO make you happy. that doesnt make sense when not only are they you, but they are apart of you. everything your awareness is on “reflects” how you feel about yourself because all there is is you.

lets go back to non dualism’s basics. everything is consciousness = you creation is brought on by your awareness = you. “but back when x happened-“ the past and the future do not exist. the only thing that exist is now. you cant “apply” this way of thinking to something that doesnt exist. that makes no sense. youre just going to confuse yourself. i am telling you RIGHT NOW the only truly real thing is YOU. that is all there is and will ever be. you can control your awareness through observations meaning youre in total control. read that again.

so when it comes to your sp, romantic or not, they are never not yours. they were never not you or not a part of you. every thought, feeling, affirmation, or word you wrote down, they have received. because its you. think about it. are you ever aware of anything youre unaware of? (no). because things only exist the moment youre aware of them!

and remember, if something can come to our awareness like a relationship and leave our awareness it is not real. but you, as consciousness are infinite and are always here and always consciousness. so you are real!

after discovering non dualism i have thought about the feelings my boyfriend has presented to me and how they currently match the feelings i have for myself. i have always loved myself and will always love myself. if i didnt, how could i expect my creation, which is a projection of my own self image, to have different feelings than me? your sp isnt a separate person. Your relationships will always show how you feel about yourself, romantic or platonic. they’re not real because they come and go through your awareness but your ego as the false self believes they are. and thats okay. thats its job. let it be and observe them as consciousness.

nothing can happen outside of your awareness because the moment you are aware/conscious of something, it exist instantly. so if your sp is treating you the way you dont want to be treated then reflect on your own feelings about yourself. this DOES NOT necessarily mean work on your self concept. ask yourself if “you” think youre worthy of what it is your ego desires. a lot of my blockage came from that. i had to fall in love with myself so my ego could comprehend how i could be loved. because its still me.

lets talk about “free will”.

“free will” doesn’t exist. lemme tell you why. the idea of free will is a person outside of you having a say in their own life. the basic principle of non dualism means theres only one being, consciousness (you). so tell me how can “another person” “outside” of you have a say in their “own lives” when none of that exist in the first place?

your sp having or not having free will shouldn’t effect how you feel about them unless you see them as a separate entity outside of you. they’re not an “object” you control theyre your creation and another form of consciousness so of course you have control over your creations you have control over EVERYTHING.

your sp feels the same way you feel about yourself. always. if you dont feel good about yourself then i do suggest working on your self concept. not to “get” anything but for YOURSELF! why not love yourself? why cart that responsibility off to your creation?

at the end of the day, itll just be you surrounded by your creations. you can pick and choose what they are specifically BUT THE ONLY REAL THING IS YOU

© itgomyway

[moonshynecybin]

#he really does cut people out cold shoulder them with no discussion huh.... fascinating man......#invisible transgressions remembered forever at arms length#he is. i think. pathologically nonconfrontational. idk even with the sepang stuff.#like he doesnt look at marc AT ALL only performs to the press. same with argentina he sends uccio.... <- *eye* have a theory that vale on his factory settings is actually quite a desperate people-pleaser. not necessarily in a "i need others to approve of me" way (though that too) but in a "i need for others to cheer for me" (to try and explain what i mean better, he's not doing anything just to get the approval but he wants to feel approved/supported for whatever he's doing. different catalysts for action, same need). that's why he can play the crowd so well. and sepang - i think it was genuinely a protracted breakdown caused by vale realizing he's not superhuman anymore and his lead slipping and compounded by the anniversary of the worst loss he's suffered in his life

post about graziano here, jorge confrontation here

like the thing about vale is. well we dont personally know him. so outside of stuff people close to him tell us, we only see the side of him he wants to show the press, which is still him, just more of a performance, i think. its already been discussed AT LENGTHHH that he loves to do this sort of performance and is just. generally very good at being a celebrity. and i think its an extension of his PR deftness that when jorge comes at him he just laughs and looks at his audience. he ropes them into a private joke, like can you believe this guy? which jorge (who takes to confrontation like a duck to water) HATES so bad. its a very effective deflection tactic. fr the easiest way to seem like the bad guy is to treat an argument like it is worthy of your attention. so he meep-meep roadrunner court jesters his way through off track conflict for the majority of his career. and yes he makes enemies and they tell US that he is being cold and prickly and treating them differently. but crucially. he does not seem anything other than a Chill Dude in front of the cameras. until well. sepang lol.

so yes! i think he is invested in controlling these narratives and good at it to boot. but!!!! where it gets crazy is when you get to the personal arenas. like the people he loves that he is actually invested in. where his feelings are on the line fr.

like for other (professional) conflicts he gets over it!! but not with his dad and not with marc. and part of the marc stuff is the ego involved (theyre having a GOAT-off) and the professional stakes, as ive discussed. BUT. i think he doesnt get over these two because. well. because they really really hurt his feelings, i think. like he's said in the past that he's been able to get over the rivalries he has with other racers (like biaggi) bc they WERENT friends before so he didnt gaf when it got nasty. but. he still. REALLY cares with marc. (and of course with his parents divorce. like yeah that makes sense) so i actually think its very telling that he isnt over sepang. and that he didnt look at marc at all whenever they had their epic divorce moments (sepang press conference, postrace argentina 2018) rosquez would be less real if he could just move on lol. like it is a divorce to them both for REAL. so vale is going to handle it the same way he did with his parents and quietly cut marc out while making it. VERY clear. that marc is no longer one of the people that he holds within the select bubble that gets to see vale without all of his press trappings.

[swashbucklerred]

Speaking of Kenny, it feels like he has the opposite problem in some fans' eyes? (I'm not going to pretend he isn't flawed himself, he is. But I feel like depending on how you see his perverted-ness, plays a lot on how you see him as a person. Especially in terms of morals, when it really shouldn't.)

(at this point i think i should clarify that i havent actually watched the newest episodes and am a bit behind, so if im missing anything major thats 100% on me, but i think if there was a massive 180 twist on anyones character i would have heard about it by now)

first off, lets get it out of the way: every single character in south park is flawed. i am never denying that. even wendy, who is generally the voice of reason (kyle is also the voice of reason but hes way more hot headed, while wendy tends to keep her cool a lo better) originally started off fucking insane. she flew a lesbian into the sun because the boy she liked had a crush on her! (a bit tangential, this links back to what i mentioned before about "character development vs retconning", where i think wendy being the (mostly) level headed liberal mouthpiece now is actually supposed to be retconning her earlier characterisation, especially since they were briefly using bebe as the voice of reason (bebes boobs destroy society) before switching their roles because m+t will die of 18th century diseases if forced to write a three dimensional woman)

that said, the fandom definitely has a problem where they exaggerate kennys perversion to the point hes a borderline sex criminal who should never be allowed near women (or smaller, weaker men, since people also do this when they want him to be the strong, dominant seme to his soft, submissive uke (usually butters)), when that is just not true at all

throughout the show, kenny actually treats women with respect. in tweek vs craig, he wants to be in home ec with the girls because its safer, and he never says anything to make him uncomfortable; they actually like him around, and hes only forced to stop taking home ec because the teacher thinks girls should only do girl things and boys should only do boy things. when he wants to trick or treat with the girls in the scoots, its not because he wants to hit on them, hes just lonely and wants to be friends with them. even during the ring, when he DOES want his girlfriend to have sex with him, he prioritises her comfort and happiness and agrees to the promise ring because its what she wants, and he NEVER pressured her into doing anything she didnt want to do! and in fbw, if you play as a girl, mysterion doesnt say anything pervy, he says he has the urge to protect you

the idea that kennys some sort of uncontrollable sex pest comes down to how he has an inappropriate interest in sex (he hit puberty early and his father leaves porn around the house where he can easily find it (exposing a minor to pornography is a sex crime btw just so were clear here, and if youre able to laugh it off with kenny bc hes the comic relief (and people rarely take the sexual abuse of boys seriously) then can you at least think about karen)) and he is 9 years old so he thinks grossout humour and words like "boobies" are funny, which his friends also think is funny, but kyle doesnt get saddled with the "perverted misogynist sex pest" label by the fandom

but generally, kenny is a much harder character to analyse than butters because what kenny represents is much less clear. hes not used as consistently or clearly as butters, and the writers intent is less in-your-face obvious, so we cant cross-reference how his actions relate to his archetype or what real life group hes supposed to be satirising because... he isnt really satirising a real life group. most of what we get from him was an unintentional side effect from 30 years of them using kenny for whatever and his character stacking up overtime, even when they care about him much less than they do stan and kyle (or even, like... clyde 😭)

so at the end of the day... not many interpretations of kenny are wrong, perse. but i think so many suffer by boiling him down to the "comic relief pervert" trope, with only vague references to mysterion or karen in context of "he might be a perv, but he has a good heart deep down!" as if its what justifies him not being put on a list. theres SO MUCH more to kenny if you actually dig your teeth in! you can get a LOT out of the little bits of characterisation they sprinkled in throughout the decades. he is NOT just an uncontrollable pervert, and if you want to treat him like one then no one can stop you but its so obvious where youre coming from when you make kenny some ultra macho sex pest so you can pair him with your sweet and innocent, never did anything wrong, a gust of wind could knock him over Leopold "Butters" Stotch

[house-on-sand]

this song gives me jason vibes lowkey

dude

this IS jason vibes thank you (apparently id heard this song before but never knew the title or anything? so double thanks bc i like it a lot)

theres so much here that screams jason to me i fear this may turn into a long post 😔

"all the things you told me where they meaningless? i needed to know" <- jason and his thoughts abt like. his place in bruce's life yknow? especially with the whole good soldier thing i think. just wanting to know if he was cared about, if that stuff was real, or if it meant nothing and he really was just another soldier in batman's mission.

"told you i ain't mad, so let's stop before we crash / cause i don't wanna run anymore" <- DUDE this is so utrh coded specifically what do you mean!!! it's like his whole speech there!! nd the whole confrontation!!!! & that confrontation does signal the end of jason's running!! bc he's back in gotham and he's finally at the big finish of his plan!! this line drives me insane bc i can see it so clearly in like an edit or something. bc it works so well to me.

"cause you know i wear my heart on my sleeve" <- THIS ONE IS REAL TO ME AND REAL IF U UNDERSTAND JASON AS A CHARACTER AT ALL I SWEAR! LISTEN! YES HES CLOSED OFF AND SHIT BUT HE DOES! SHOW HOW HURT HE IS AND HOW ANGRY AND THIS JUST MAKES SENSE TO ME BC JASON IS SUCH AN EMOTIONAL PERSON N NOT EVERYONE SEES THAT! HE FEELS THINGS SO BIG! ND HES NOT ALWAYS AS GOOD AT HIDING IT AS HE THINKS! NOT EVEN RELATED REALLY BUT IT REMINDS ME THAT JASON IS AN ANGRY CRIER!!! IVE GOT SO MANY THOUGHTS I CANT PUT INTO WORDS ABT JASON TODD AND EMOTIONS!

"you'd be praying on my downfall with each and every phone call / just to see if i'd stay away / you and i could never break this never-ending focus of seeing who could keep playing games" <- very rhato 2016 to me. specifically like around #25 & the annual n stuff. idk if anyone else will see the vision or if it's just smth in my head that makes sense but yknow. bc rhato #25 is the big batman and red hood fight that ends with jason leaving gotham with roy and at the time he's pretty much Banned from gotham bc he'd broken the rules (not really) and batman made it clear that if he did that there'd be no more red hood, jason wouldn't be allowed to do as he wished anymore and all that shit. the whole stay away part is very much abt how jason is sort of Banned and stays out of gotham for awhile. idk can't articulate this one as well

"you lie through your teeth, feels so incomplete / wait for your story to take you too deep / and i call out your name" <- THE FIRST PART IS THE VICTIM BLAMING NARRATIVE AROUND JASON’S DEATH!!! THAT EVEN JAY WILL ADD ONTO BC NO ONE BLAMES JASON TODD FOR HIS DEATH MORE THAN HE DOES!!! U CANT CHANGE MY MIND!! BUT SERIOUSLY EVEN FROM A META POINT ITS ABT HOW EVERYONE ACTS LIKE ITS ALL JASON’S FAULT HE DIED BC HE WAS RECKLESS N SHIT ND MAYBE HE WAS A LITTLE BUT ITS NOT HIS FAULT! IT IS IN NO WAY HIS FAULT HE DIED! HE DIDNT TURN HIMSELF OVER TO THE JOKER AND HE DIDNT BEAT HIMSELF OR BLOW HIMSELF UP! IT WASNT HIS CHOICE TO SUFFOCATE BC OF ALL THE SMOKE HE WAS INHALING!! HE WAS JUST A KID!! AND HES TREATED LIKE THIS CAUTIONARY TALE IN UNIVERSE SO OTHER ROBINS (MAINLY TIM AT FIRST) KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DONT FOLLOW ORDERS!! JASON DIED AND WAS TURNED INTO AN EXAMPLE! ITS ALL FUCKED UP!

then the calling out your name part is so. it's so evocative of the panels of jason in his grave waking up and realising he's trapped and calling out for bruce!!! it's so. it's got me fucked up

this is a very jason song to me now

[endykelopaedia]

I didn't say gender works separately from race, just differently. As I said, a White person is always White and a PoC is always a PoC, and that's a binary under White supremacy. People hate trans women and trans men for the same reason, they're doing the same thing, i.e. rejecting their AGAB. The cishetpatriarchy thus does not extend anything like the same benefits to trans men because of that. You being a man is therefore not equivalent to me being White. That doesn't preclude race and gender interacting.

NGL, I feel like it was a bit generous of me to apologize for saying something I believe is racist is racist just because the person who said it turned out to not be White. Like you can say it was "only" about male privilege but you were in fact mocking people who bring up their other marginalizations in this discussion. And the reason I bring up that as being generous is because I have to wonder if there's a contrast between that and me being called a transmisogynistic crypto-TERF by a trans man. Like maybe I shouldn't have apologized and it is actually okay to do that? You still seem really offended by it but I don't see why you would if it's valid to make accusations like that. Is it less valid to, without even intending to, accuse a Black person of enacting racism than it is to intentionally accuse a trans woman of enacting transmisogyny? Not even just "enacting transmisogyny," specifically calling me TERF-y and insinuating the words I use for myself make me less of a trans woman, or less a victim of transmisogyny.

I'm also annoyed that you seem pretty intent on taking what I say about the cishetpatriarchal view as being what I believe, which is a really common tactic I see around here usually about how non-transfems discussing being seen as their AGAB is essentially the same as misgendering trans women.

I guess maybe mentally revise my first ask to having just said "I didn't know you were Black and do not particularly care, I deleted it for other reasons."

to be clear; when i said "only a white woman could think white privilege and gendered oppression are completely separate" i meant that only a white woman could think that white supremacy and patriarchy are somehow any more separate than cisgender supremacy and patriarchy. theres nothing about your logic that another white queer couldnt use to say they dont really have white privilege (which ive noticed a lot of people in your movement TEND TO DO) the same way you insist us trans men cant really have male privilege.

but again. i dont think you really believe that theyre not deeply connected anyway. bc why would you then invoke the existence of black trans men unprompted? and it was unprompted. my post didnt bring up black people in any capacity. it was about male privilege. and how men use their other oppressions to pretend they dont have it. which i mocked them for. bc that's stupid.

idk what a crypto-TERF is or what thought terminating cliché it provides for you but im gonna be very clear that you saying "Nonono, I fully believe that youre a man i just dont think wider society ever will or treat you like one, and i base my politics off of this" is not somehow a better or more-supportive-than-TERFS position to have.

i dont really care for your apologies because i know they ring hollow. if you still believe what i said was racist against again, MYSELF. you really only were being deferential to my blackness and you havent actually listened to me. a lot of white people like to pretend theyve done such a good job at protecting black people by invoking us to argue with other white people (like you assumed i was) as "activism" and you are nooooo different. you say you dont care that im black but your "actions" (arguments on the internet) dont reflect that.

i will apologise for one thing though, i never meant to imply that you were somehow less of a woman or don't experience transmisogyny for how you identify. fucked up of me. and the fact i aint a he/him female isnt relevant to that.

really, what i shouldve said is that i know that you've self admitted to being isolated from a lot of other transfems who talk about transmisogyny on here specifically bc of your beliefs. and youre also quite infamous for it. which doesnt mean you dont have a valuable thought in that head of yours but it does mean i'm more inclined to listen to women who arent you on the subject.

[hostilemuppet]

I know it's been a while since you've talked abt mouthwashing but it really is driving me crazy seeing people reblog their little cutesy aus of the game. like I mean whatever in the end I can just block and ignore but it's funny bc it's like. you guys are basing this stuff on nothinggg wdym "reverse personality au" what personalities do they all have. you just assumed personality traits for them. and there's a racism problem (as always) with everyone infantilizing daisuke bc he's an asian man like yeah he's the youngest but. even if he's 18 years old exactly (I assumed 20/21 personally), he's not the little baby child everyone seems to want to act like he is. going back to the personality traits thing lol some people seriously seem to think that sexual assaulter is like. jimmy's personality and not something horrible he chose to do bc they need a villain and they need that villain to be born villainous and not someone who did the wrong things. bc the average fandom simply cannot comprehend that people aren't just born evil. if they can't dehumanize one character to the point that people won't even say his name then what's the point. like it's crazy to me. you can say you want jimmy to suffer and die without acting like he isn't human and was just some evil force who forced his way into the crew with the rest of them. do people just not see how theyre minimizing what he did to anya when they act like he's some creature from hell and not a person like the rest of them

i agree with literally everything you said its so crazy 😭 it really does make me feel like the "no fun allowed" guy when i say this but mouthwashing did NOT need the typical fandom. it was an incredible work of fiction that used its medium to its full advantage to tell the story it wanted to tell, but people will DIE if they cant make silly "and then nothing bad happened!" aus bc they see ALL fiction as a sandbox game, or like playing dolls where they just smush their blorbos together and thats all they wanted to take from it

AND DAISUKES TREATMENT SPECIFICALLY MAKES ME SOOOOOO MAD between the way they treat him like some kind of toddler, and the way no one even cares enough to pronounce his name correctly... i KNOW youve probably watched naruto you KNOW the "u" is basically silent youre just being deliberately obtuse and racist. there was this one tweet that was like "the way you all infantilise the asian (and only non white) character is kinda weird" and people chewed them OUT saying "um its just bc hes canonically the youngest 🤨 it has nothing to do with race. that one friend whos too woke" like... okay yeah even if he was white hed probably still be infantilised (especially to make him out to be The Good Guy who wouldnt have let that happen! more later) but youre fucking braindead if you dont think its substantially worse bc hes ASIAN and people infantilise (and simultaneously sexualise) east asians to a disgusting degree 😭 people were acting like an artist made child porn for drawing him with a little hint of a thong poking out of his jeans... in general ive noticed people arent taking anti asian racism seriously lately, especially on twitter. there was this on tweet going around defending the use of HIGHLIGHTER YELLOW SKIN on asian characters with a LOT of interactions and i was going through the qrts hoping SOMEONE would say "hey this is fucked up" but there was NOTHING i felt like i was going INSANE 😭

in general i think a lot of the fandom struggles with "every character is either 100% fully good or 100% fully bad" which is. EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING! bc theyll say that curly is just as bad as jimmy for not immediately killing him, while also saying that swansea is a perfect angel and if he knew he would have killed jimmy. even though SWANSEA LITERALLY DID KNOW. ANYA TOLD HIM. SWANSEA KNEW AND HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING AGAINST JIMMY BEYOND GIVING HIM THE EVIL EYE (and he already didnt like him anyway! not only did he not treat him any different, he wasnt being manipulated in a codependent friendshp 😭 just turning a blind eye to rape for the love of the game (hating women)). he only did anything once jimmys actions hurt daisuke, a man. i always call mouthwashing "bystander effect: the game" bc it really fits with how no one on that ship actually bothered to help anya so by the fandoms logic, swansea is also just as evil as jimmy is. really the only character who didnt fail anya is daisuke, but thats only bc he wasnt given the opportunity (that we know of)! and since anya thought "curly will help me" and then he didnt, and then "swansea will help me" and then he didnt, chances are, if were thinking "daisuke would have helped her"? he would not have done that. im sorry. i like daisuke as much as the next guy but that useless ray of goddamn sunshine looked up to jimmy and would be just as easily persuaded as curly was. sorry to burst your bubble that daisuke and swansea probably arent the rapist hunters youve decided they are bc the only way you can interact with the game all about rape getting swept under the rug is by insisting that the two dudes you like would not have done that, actually. they are still men. even if daisuke is "nice" and swansea is a "jerk with a heart of gold" they are not immune to upholding rape culture just bc swansea had a soft spot for daisuke (again. a man) and daisuke didnt want anya to kill herself. curly didnt want anya to kill herself either is all im saying

[24hrsoda]

it’s sometimes hard for me to tell what is fandom and what is cannon in the whole Batfam thing and I like to know what is and isn’t cannon when I write even if I do ultimately going with something that isn’t cannon

I’m learning a bit more from some of your posts bc Tim Drake is my favorite but I dont like to write him as the fannon white boy twink guy who is kind of portrayed as weaker or op but still kind of baby if that makes sense I don’t really write about things that I dont know or understand but can still sometimes get things wrong

What I am trying to say is I like your blog and follow you bc you sometimes point things out that are very popular in the fandom Like how Ra’s “stole” Tim’s spleen which didnt really happen at all

I like op Tim but its overdone and often times kind of makes his character not at all like his actual character and many times is just annoying and Ra’s is an actually cool villain that is well written but people tend to focus on the whole missing spleen thing when Ra’s isn’t really responsible for that at all Ra’s is a much cooler villain than most people give him credit for I think

Yeah, that makes sense. Some people tend to act like Ra’s thinks Tim is better than Batman, or smarter than Batman, etc. But at the same time treat him like a helpless baby. lol

I used to actually like him, especially in BTAS, but after getting in to the DC fandom it’s became so clear that the overall image of him is seemingly made up of fanon and flanderization of one or two small traits so my interest in him fell off.

I also think people assuming that Ra’s is batman’s ‘greatest enemy’ and that Tim is “so good Ra’s calls him Detective too” is a disservice to Tim, Ra’s, and even Batman’s character.

There’s more than just Bruce’s detective skills that interest Ra’s, and being a detective is a skill everyone in the family needs to do their jobs, so it reduces bruce and tim to one small part of them when there’s a lot more that goes in to being batman and robin respectively.

And with Ra’s, he doesn’t ever just pick people to invite to his cause because they’re ’good detectives’ lol. I also think he does not want to be Bruce’s enemy, he wants to be partners.

But also, don’t feel like you have to ever refer to or adhere to anything I say when making fan content of Tim. I personally don’t vibe with a lot of fanon or even modern canon stuff but that doesn’t make me an authority to tell you what you can and can’t do

[riddlesmoon]

being part of a few hermione fanfic groups on fb has been quite enlightening bc i get to see the kind of ships and dynamics that primarily cishet older women hp fans like. especially since i get to contrast it with, say, tomarry and drarry fans (mostly on twt, but some on tumblr too) and most interesting of all, cn fans. which, granted, are also mostly tomarry and drarry because, well, i also ship them so thats the kinda content im seeking out yk.

so whats interesting about it? well, to start with, i am putting this under the cut because holy shit my ass can YAPPPPP and no one actually gives a fuck but i wanna get it out even if no one reads it! Also an ever important DISCLAIMER that this is my personal opinion and is highly subject to bias and only seeing a certain sphere of people and i dont know what im talking about so please dont @ me im stupid.

as i said, theyre older (many married or with kids! they even sometimes talk to their husbands about said fics, which is... sweet), and... probably mostly het. so i would say (though i have no stats) the rough popularity of hermiones partners (in those groups specifically) are draco >>> sirius > snape, tom > rarer pairs like lucius theo dolohov viktor cedric >>> harry > ron and femslash (i will come back to this). maybe i could compare with ao3 stats later to see how well i pegged it but for now im mostly just going off popularity of certain posts and how often i see "please share fic recs of X ship")

i feel like millenial/younger hp fans would balk at the idea of sirius, snape, lucius, and dolohov, but i do think this can be chalked up to them being older and thus more interested in "adult" characters. and rarely do they talk about fics set in canon timelines, more often i see recs with time travel (which effectively solves many of the age gap problems), or otherwise set in the future, where age gap becomes less remarkable as theyre adults. marriage law or pregnancy are also common tropes...

i did wonder for a while if this was a yume/selfship phenomenon and that perhaps older western women just didnt know or use that term? after all, hermione is the most prominent female character in hp, and obviously can be very relatable since, like the reader, she is from the muggle world discovering the magical world, and a bookworm, which has a 70% chance of being true if you are a girl reading a book i think. so i was like, ah, shes can be kind of a good way to self insert into the hp universe or at least a good way find a vast amount of ship fic since shes so popular.

however i dont think this is the case—im not 100% sure of course, i asked one (1) time but it appears most of them are genuinely invested in hermione as a character and arent using her as a self insert board. not that either is bad or worse, im not passing judgement!!! though i do think it makes sense, since, from my view, the self insert phenomenon is often seen in younger fans who are less secure in their self image and want their fav to reassure them without fear of rejection soooo yk (and what does that say abt me who has a yume harem? well youre not my therapist so we dont have to talk about it)

aaaaanyway. this fucking long ass post is mostly just because i remember getting culture shock'd twice while looking thru cn comments. for example, i was surprised to see romione viewed so positively, because holy shit do those hermione fic fans fucking hate romione. and harmony next, but it isnt as bad as romione. any post asking for fic recs inevitably ends in "no romione", but cn fans think theyre kinda cute.

i have some theories. for one, they think ron is extremely unromantic. this is exacerbated by the yule ball incident, but in all honesty at no point in the books does ron really do anything romantic for hermione and in fact treats her pretty badly. the kiss at the end was, in my personal opinion, a bit random, but i dont think its an unpopular view that what ron does doesnt make up for the past years especially since the very cause he is advocating for (the house-elves) is one he has disparaged before.

of course you can argue the same for all of the other candidates, that they dont do anything romantic for her either, but i think there is a difference, because for all those candidates they dont have a "chance" in canon to pursue her (save viktor) because theyre not viewing each other as potential partners, but ron is in that position and goes about it pretty badly. for everyone else, writers can make up whatever they want! for ron, well, you have to work with (or against) what canon gave you.

next, i think a lot of them really like when hermiones prowess is appreciated. a lot of fic recs have her being quite badass or kind of holding things together (to be fair, she does this for the trio a lot) and her partner usually acknowledges her power while being on an equal or better level. so i guess that turns a lot of them off romione since he spends a lot of time in canon brushing her off while using her brains etc... being praised hits different when its a dunderhead who needs ur help vs someone just as brilliant ykyk. its not looking good.

side note on harmony: i think this suffers from a similar phenomenon in that canon gives us their friendship tgt and people have already seen that together, sparks dont fly. ofc people can make up whatever they want but when one char canonically says "i see her as a sister" you kind of have to overwrite that in your head and not everyone is willing to do that.

Sorry wtf was i talking about. uh. cn. right. so why doesnt cn have this problem? well for one i think they may be younger than this western group, which makes sense since the series is originally english so it hit foreign audiences a bit later. that and i wonder how many cn fans actually read the books vs the movies (which dilutes the aforementioned problems a lot)? the movies are def more accessible for non english fans i think. but yea i think those women, being older, are more no-nonsense and less fairytale daydream-y about their potential partner. thinking more realistically about who theyd settle down with versus younger fans who are like its fine if theyre hes silly and stupid theyre young. btw this also applies to jily which i see cn (and jp. all this applies to jp for similar non english reasons) post about more frequently; whereas in english sphere i FEEL LIKE (i must again emphasise this is all subject to bias) of the marauders i mostly only see wolfstar discussion. dgmw theres plenty of wolfstar in cn spheres!! i just also see jily where i dont in en)

And of course you can throw everything i said out the window because its not like i have a particularly extensive or wide range of sample data. very little actually. i just. noticed stuff. and was surprised. and want to TALK. Arugh

[nomeniko]

hi :D for the ask game What do you wish more people understood about kazui? Which trial 2 MV do you enjoy the most, and why?

thank you for the ask i would grovel at ur feet in gratitude i hope the sun shines down and makes the light dance for u and you only today

1. if anything ive seen a few theories of kazui possibly revealing himself to be a two faced manipulator of sorts due to his self proclaimed liarness…. like ‘ohh u cant trust what he says he cld be trying to make himself look pitiable to the audience to get voted inno’ sort of theories which is. no he wont do that???

is he a liar? to a degree yes—liar not in the sense that what he says are direct falsities, but more like hes built much of his character to constantly disguise his true intentions/feelings as a defense mechanism. the lies he says are less of words from a schemer and more of redirections from someone who is, all in all, an insecure adult scared of what will happen if he isnt able to meet peoples expectations of him

as much as he calls himself a liar hes mad honest about where he thinks his capabilities lie, which is to say he doesnt believe in his capabilities at all lol. when amane asks him for help with her studies, he turns her down after some consideration bc he doesnt believe himself to be smart enough to help (despite having graduated from a university; sports degree or not credit shld be given where credit is due). when he talks to shidou post ktk attack, he refuses to admit doing any of the work in taking care of the situation and instead puts all the praise onto shidou. even his physical strength and skill (which is arguably the one part of him he does acknowledge and take some sort of belief in) is something he treats as less of something that he has achieved himself and more of an obligation of his—like, hes strong bc to him he HAS to be, bc it is expected of him to protect those who need protecting. he does want to protect others, sure, but much of that wanting comes frm how ingrained it is in him that thats what hes good for, thats what his strength is for (his timeline w/ yuno on her bday says as much nyway)

the way i see it, that self deprication of his plays back into his obsession with meeting the expectations placed onto him, or at least lessening the disappointment of others by lessening those expectations in the first place. if u tell someone that u didnt go to the right university, that u didnt do much to help anyway, that u were born so fundamentally wrong as a person that everything is bound to go to shit as long as ur there (he basically said this to es in his t1 vd im not even kidding), wouldnt that ensure the safety that youre less likely to ruin someone elses confidence in you? less likely to ruin bc in the small chance that u still fuck up, theres not much left to ruin at that point

in the end ig what i wish more ppl understood abt kazui is that hes a liar yes, but not a manipulator. he lies to stay safe, not to be a sadist or whatever. you cant take what he says at face value (in much the same way u cant do the same for any other prisoner tbh), but that does not mean u shldnt take anything he says srsly at all!!!

2. ok this one i have to give a bit of thought, mostly bc i cant pick just one

if the standards were which t2 mv do i enjoy for its direction music n visual wise, purge march takes the cake so quickly. the music itself is so bomb (which like, i cant even find a logical explanation as to why… its just so good to listen to) n the mv itself does such a great job at creating the right atmosphere, both in its flashy theatrics and the subtle uncanniness under it. mayb i have a slight bias bc tpm was the whole reason i got into milgram in the first place, but i stand by it idccc

aesthetic wise, def all knowing and all agony. the horror elements r genuinely disturbing, but not so overbearing that it overwrites the pop style that milgram has going on. i luove the use of amber for blood, plus the filters that remind me of found footage u usually see show up in asian horror movies. i think i was actually terrified the first time i watched the mv

symbolic wise, its cat always and forever god bless. it takes advantage of its aesthetics to hint at subtle secrets so well that it makes me giddy as hell. the use of colors as a part of the set, the transitions frm scene to scene having its own part in making the story, n honestly making the bg more blank than usual readjusts the focus of the mv on what matters p well. i cant mention every detail rn or else id be here all day

[the-s1lly-corner]

Could you possibly write about slenderman's ghost s/o trying to make the mansion festive for Halloween bc they're really excited for the holiday and never experienced it before? They have a list and everything as soon as they learn about the custom-

For instance, every room is decked out in decor totally not stolen, they make loads of themed treats, and try to engage the him and the proxies into doing multiple festive activities as well?

-slender anon <3 (sorry if this is too much exposition, tysm for all the cool writing)

Celebrating Halloween w/ Slenderman!

so so sorry for taking a a bit to get to this !! I meant to get this out tomorrow but I got distracted </3 still torn on if i want the mansion to exist in my au but for all intents and purposes we'll say it does for this >:) i might make the mansion like, some abandoned creepy haunted house in universe, like the house from IT or Nightmare on Elm Street (i actually... dont remember if it gets abandoned or not in the later movies, its been a while since i watched the series..) or something something yeah i think ill go with that for the mansion anyways enough rambling

Cue curious head tilts and questions from slenderman, he knows OF Halloween but he doesnt know all the ins and outs and intricacies when it comes to how its celebrated; best he knows is costumes and candy

initially watches you try to hang up all the decorations by yourself but eventually steps in to give you a hand

probably consults in you what basic Halloween traditions are, and probably also tries to ask the proxies if they know anything about it

i think outside of toby, the proxies don't really. remember much of their lives before becoming proxies, but that's because I'm basing my take on them off of the original MH where like, there's brain fog and the proxy/person are internally separate, but that's where inspiration from the original stuff ends; merging two fandoms together is. hard when the canon and fanon are so different

anyways

but also i never really like the creepypasta interpretation of masky and hoodie, at least from when i was in the fandom years back where they were shy and soft, but thats likely changed now- admittedly i dont interact with the fandom outside of creating

im rambling again, but i think masky and hoodie would also be a little lost but ready to do whatever they're told to do in regards to helping deck out the mansion

good news is that the mansion already looks like a spooky haunted house! especially on the outside since it's not as well kept as the inside

the inside is like what comes to mind when someone says old ass house; creaky wooden floors, shitty heating system, crawl spaces and compartments, that sort of thing. old enough that it would definitely have mold and rot, and be falling apart, if slenderman didnt come and keep it in tact

again, it already looks spooky enough as is, but decorations can really tie in the look

fake cobwebs, skeletons, spiders

oh those are real spiders

the mansion probably has spiders, slenderman cant do anything about the spiders sorry

okay anyways

treats! totally not stolen from some store by a teleporting entity that naturally distorts electronics! definitely not

he would make them with you, i think

i sometimes think about how slenderman would probably like calm and quiet activities, domestic ones included, so i think this is something he would actually end up loving especially with you around

learns he hates working with melted marshmallow, that shit is not banned from the mansion as well as marshmallow creme

he even gets those cute little halloween themed goodie bags so you can give them out

unfortunately he's going to have to pass, on account that he can't really eat any non-human meat food, but rest assured if he could safely eat your treats he would

Toby would be fucking that shit up, especially if you make those popcorn ball things. i feel like toby would love those. masky to me seems like a butterscotch haystack enjoyer to me (based), while hoodie fucks up those chocolate dipped pretzels, you know the ones that get decorated to look like mummies? those. he demolishes those (also based)

i kinda miss the popcorn balls tbh i havent had those in years but they were good from what i remember- i think i might make some this evening

moving on once more

if there's any extras slenderman may offer to take you around to give them to others

im still deciding character dynamics and relationships and who knows who in this funky au, but i feel like slenderman knows at least a handful of the other character. at least on a first name basis

so thats fun! you also get to share the joy with characters such as splendor and trender, and perhaps even jeff. i hc that eyeless jack and slender are both in the same forest but not like. buddy buddy. but he can get goodies too. ignore the fact jack is in the same boat as slender in terms of what he can and cant eat- he appreciates the gesture

now activities! i gotta admit i never really did halloween stuff outside of trick or treating; so im a little stumped on ideas

theres the obvious, pumpkin carving (the pumpkin insides get used to make more treats!), apple bobbing, and a few others

while not really a halloween game, you guys probably play a few games in the woods

thats

wait no thats terrifying, do not play hide and seek/tag with them in the woods regardless of if its night time and regardless of if youre a ghost, that shit actually sounds terrifying esp since i think slenderman and hoodie would get WAY TOO competitive

oh scary stories

definately

you insist on summoning ghosts and demons to fit the vibe

" but Dear, you're a gho-" "hush"

you guys accidentally summon one of the ghost creepypastas or something/j

you guys accidentally summon zalgo and halloween gets cancelled'j

idk if this is just a me thing but whenever me and my friends sit down to read creepypasta stories we get derailed and somehow end up reading fanfics and acting them out but i can see this happening as well; though this one also isnt a halloween exclusive activity

overall its a learning experience for most of you guys, and slenderman is totally up to humoring you again next year!

oh oh oh halloween costumes, how could i forget?

good luck trying to find something for slenderman, even if he could fit in anything he probably wouldnt dress up no matter how you try to word it

actually now that i think of it, do you think his suit is just part of his body? like ive seen loads of interpretations where it is; the shitty slenderman movie included. like is it a removeable suit? is it something that looks like a suit but its part of him? is it like a scp 049 situation where it is a suit but its attached to him?

im not getting into that today

masky and toby both dress up as classic slasher icons

hoodie probably would too but i got flashed with a vision of him dressed as pumpkin so im rolling with it

i think thats about everything! i hope you like this! this ended up way longer than i thought it would be but i fully blame that on me still being in my ramble mindset </3 ive been cooking up some major hcs for my au/interpretation as well as smaller stuff so my brain just wants to dump it TToTT

anyways

runs off to go draw spooky stuff (cough cough creepypastas dressed up in costumes)

[td-yuri-takes]

I LOVE SAMELLA...... read twinning with a twist and havent been the same since but they really do just work really well together if you think ab it. with both coming from bad family situations (only implied for ella tho i think) and needing everyone to like them all the time. sammy is really hurt that she's always painted in a bad light no matter how hard she tries to fix it, while ella doesnt realize how she comes across as annoying and that people dont really like her until sugar flat out tells her, and she starts spending so much time trying to get sugar to like her. its just interesting bc sammy feels defeated and ella is just determined to both be herself and be someone who everybody likes.(though, and this might just be pulling from twinning with a twist a lot, it does feel like she uses her princess fantasy as escapism. possibly partly bc shes Not oblivious i bet she realizes people dont like her that much, she just doesnt know what to do about it. if they dont like her when shes trying to be the perfect princess and polite and kind what is so bad about her that even if shes nice they dont want her?) sammy IS nice, and she doesnt hide it, but somehow ends up taking the fall for amy's behavior (even tho amy was outright awful to everyone?? this plot confused me so bad. but i guess scarlett and amy dont care, topher probably just doesnt care or Loves to stir the pot, max and rodney are probably too dense, and we know how jasmine reacted) and she has such a complex about it its Bad. i honestly love sammy i wish they treated her better. i think ella shouldve also had a last straw snap like sammy did, just absolutely go off on someone about why they dont like her. isnt she trying hard enough? whats wrong with her? and sammy might see that as inspiration and really admire ella for it, and spend more time together (without amy this is important.) then later maybe sammy asks ella for tips and she tells her that she seems like a really nice person !! and maybe likens sammy to a princess as well, because ella didnt have amy on her team influencing her perception of sammy. so that like shocks sammy and she realizes that if ella can do it she can, and if ella sees her as someone worthy just knowing Sammy, then maybe she is, and has worth on her own outside of amy. i love jasmine but i dont love the way she just lets it happen either. i think sammy believed jasmine when she said she was good, but couldnt help but feel like its only because she feels sorry for her, and not really based on her own merit because amy has never let sammy have anything for herself, not even her friendship with jasmine. so being on different teams from ella and still bonding could give them a chance to establish that connection without amy at all, which might make sammy feel more secure that ella truly means what shes saying. i think one of the conversations would happen after ella is voted off, and sammy would get mad, saying that ella was genuinely sweet and they couldnt see past the fact that she was also 'too weird', and then say her situation was similar in that they judge her on the surface of what amy tells them without ever trying to get to know her at all, and she tells amy shes done trying to compete with her. her worth shouldnt depend on whether amy or their mother thinks shes good. maybe this could also relate to ella's brief crush on dave, and how she feels betrayed by sky for being so excited when she was clearly upset about it when she thought they were friends, and she also realizes dave didnt fit the mold she wanted him to. i think sammy would comfort her after, and this shouldve been the start of ella accepting she cant spend her whole life in a fantasy or she wont make real connections. and later when they get together sammy might confess she worries about not being enough for ella, not being able to fit the princess life. but ella tells her that their relationship isnt a fantasy, its real. she wants to take it slow, and not put any expectations onto her. like, character growth. IDK sorry for the rant i just like them

this might just be my favorite thing

[actualbird]

this sounds rly weird to say but stick with me - i wish luke would get ill in canon. obviously he has a terminal illness which would weaken his immune system and while it’s great he’s physically fit i mean SURELY he’s way more susceptible to getting seriously ill from a cold/the flu, right?? idk i think i just want to see him being taken care of bc he deserves it but also i do like the idea of him being taken care of by the nxx and them looking out for him when he gets seriously ill from a virus/bug etc etc

i got this ask Before main story 9 dropped but only after did i wanna answer it because i totally feel u.....

i feel like tot doesnt let luke get smaller ails in canon because hes already dealing With The Big One Thats Killing Him (any more wld be overkill?). and though it's also true that neurological conditions dont necessarily always affect the immune system, it's still a dang shame cuz like u, i'd adore a story where it's the others taking care of him when hes down with a bad case of the flu....and given recent main story events, i reALLY WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE TEAM HELP LUKE WITH A LOW-STAKES AIL :(((

in true luke fashion, he'd probably keep it under wraps and make excuses until his absence at an nxx meeting cannot be ignored and they crash his apartment to see him in a MISERABLE little pile of blankets trying to remedy this by himself

mc: why didnt you tell us!!!! >:O

luke: it's not a big deal :( it's just the flu and already called aaron for doctor's advice and meds and everything, i can take care of myself

vyn: have you been hydrating?

luke, nervously: ..............yyyyyes?

artem, looking in his fridge: theres nothing in here but peanut's treats, what have you been feeding yourself?

luke, still nervously: ffffood?

marius, finding a pack of sliced bread near his bed: dude, have you just been eating bread???

luke, increasingly nervously because hes fighting for his life out here: i cant stomach anything else for some reason!!!

mc: uh huhhhh, you seem to be doing a Great job at taking care of this yourself :/

luke: ;-;

cue the team helping out: helping in cleaning the place up (when luke is miserable his place gets even Messier), cooking simple foods (artem's soup to the rescue), etc etc. luke would be So apologetic during the whole thing, constantly apologizing for being a bother, which is both depressing and grating to hear. mc almost wants to take two piece of sliced bread and sandwich luke's face in them to tell him "STOP SAYING SORRY!!!" but she knows thatll probably make him feel worse, so she restrains herself

for all luke's apologizing, he does feel better with the team helping out. but then he feels bad about feeling better (because HOW DARE HE....AFTER HE INCONVENIENCED THEM ALL!!!) and it's this terrible ouroboros of shame

eventually, mc sends the other boys out on a grocery run to help stock luke's fridge with fruits and other good snacks-for-sick-person, and alone in luke's apartment she sits next to him.

mc: hey, tell me the truth. you knew you were doing a cruddy job at looking after yourself, you knew you shouldve asked for help. why didnt you?

luke: ...i dont...like it...i dont like you or the others seeing me like this

mc: pathetic?

luke: i mean, yeah. but i meant....sick. i dont like you guys seeing me sick. because of, yknow.....being sick and useless and helpless, it feels like a prelude, and everyone else is burdened picking up the pieces around me.

mc: oh

luke: yeah

mc: hm. youre an idiot

luke: ????

mc: i cant speak for the others, but i can tell you that i surely dont mind seeing you like this if it means i can help. dont you always tell me to rely on you more? how about you return the favor, luke. let us help, sometimes. let me help.

and we all know shes way too good at setting up a winning argument.

by the time the others get back, luke is a more cooperative patient and a less-apologetic one. in the back of his mind, he figures it cant hurt to let himself feel okay getting help every once in a while.

[b4rc0d3-c4t-b0y]

Tw/cw vent bc im sick of this fuckjg shit

I love it when the people around me claim to care about me and then they go and force me to do something without my knowledge.

Lore drop, i was sexually abused as a child, so i feel like its understandable for me to be oh idk a little more testy when it comes to people make me do things with no regard as to how it affects me. My mom signed my whole family up for volunteer work, AGAIN, and i couldn't care less what we're actually doing. We could be playing with shelter puppies and id still be upset, BC YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT WHAT I THINK YOU DONT CARE WHAT I WANT YOU CLAIM TO LOVE ME YOU CLAIM THAT IM SMART AND GIFTED BUT IF YOU FUCKING CARED OR GAVE ANY FUCKING THOUGHT TO WHO I AM AS A PERSON OUTSIDE OF YOUR IDEA OF ME THAN YOU WOULD ACTUALLY FUCKING CARE. LAST TIME YOU DID THIS ALL I WANTED, AND I MADE THIS VERY CLEAR, WAS FOR YOU TO FUCKING ASK ME BEFORE SIGNING ME UP FOR SOMETHING. IM NOT A FUCKING PUPPY FOR YOU TO DRAG AROUND WHENEVER YOU WANT, THATS HOW EVERYONE ELSE ON THE FUCKING PLANET HAS BEEN TREATING ME, YOUR MY FUCKING MOTHER WHY CANT YOU BE DIFFERENT? HOW DOES MY OWN MOM NOT CARE ABOUT USING ME. im exaggerating, shes caring and wonderful and i live my mom. I just wish SHE WOULDNT FUCKING LOOK AT ME LIKE THAF WHENEVER I FEEL ANYTHING. WHENEVER IM MAD OR UPSET SHE PURSES HER LIPS AND LOOKS AT ME LIKE IM AN IMMATURE CHILD WHO DOESNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE WORLD. AND THATS WHAT HURTS THE MOST, THE WAY SHE LOOKS AT ME THAT TELLS ME SHE THINKS IM THE DUMBEST THING ALIVE. WHENEVER I GET ANGRY AND SAD SHE LOOKS AT ME LIKE I KNOW BETTER, THAT ITS CHILDISH FOR ME TO FEEL THESE EMOTIONS THAT IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FEELING THEM AND IM A FUCKING RETARDED BABY. I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY SHES THE ONLY ONE IN OUR HOUSE TO BE UPSET I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IM NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL THINGS I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IM NOT ALLOWED TO BE UPSET THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING UPSET BUT BECAUSE OF YOU, WHEN YOU DONT FUCKING LISTEN TO ME I GET ANGRY AND YOU GET MAD AT ME FOR BEING ANGRY, NOT TRYING TO KNOW WHY IM UPSET. ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS HOW YOUR THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO BE UPSET, EVERYONE ELSE IS AN IMMATURE BABY. IM SO FUCKING SICK OF EVERYONE I CARE ABOUT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME OR USING ME AND NOT GIVING A FUCKING SHIT WHEN I SAY HEY CAN YOU NOT IM SO FUCKING SICK OF NOBODY SEEING ME AS A HUMAN BEING WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. I GET FUCKING HURT I GET UPSET I GET SAD BUT NOBODY FUCKING CARES AND NOBODY HAS EVER NOTICED. DURING MY CSA NOBODY FUCKING NOTICED. EVEN WHEN I TRIED TO TELL SOMEONE AND EXPLAIN WHAT WAS HAPPENING SHE DIDNT FUCKING CARE SHE CALLED ME "CRAZY IMAGINATIVE " AND PUSHED ME AWAY. NOBODY HAS EVER ACTUALLY FUCKING CARED ABOUT ME AND NOBODY EVER WILL ALL I WANT IS SOMEONE TO FUCKING LISTEN TO ME TO ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING I HAVE TO SAY. BUT NOBODY DOES AND I DESERVE TO ROT IN A DITCH IN THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. NOBODY FUCKING CARES.

Edit, post volunteer work: it was fine. I got over it im so fucking dramatic it was fine rn im more disappointed than anything that people keep disregarding my feelings over and oger and over and over. But its whatever. Fuck me ig, it is what it is. I need to shut up i sound ungrateful. Tldr, i just wish people would listen to me. Just once. I feel like nobody hears my cries for help nobody understands anything i say nobody cares or notices when my scars are visible. I just wish i had somebody that noticed, cared, and listened. Even if its just for a little while and then they realize im horrible and they hate me forever and leave my life. But just for a little while i wish i could feel special.