I have this thing where I project my stuff onto fictional characters I like, so sometimes I go
What if Leo Valdez also had that thing where sometimes autistic masking and adhd procrastination are so exhausting that you consistently want to do something, but you just kinda can't and the sentence
"So, what did you do today?"
Is incredibly depressing, because the answer is "nothing much" but what is really also true is "I was trying to force myself to do literally anything at all the entire day and I kept failing the entire day so even if I factually did a thing, it doesn't count because I didn't achieve anything valuable that someone else could understand"
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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.
Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.
It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.
still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby
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heyy! thank you for the tag--i did this one last week but i am SO excited to see some of your wips!! 🧸 and 🤨 for the ask game, please! <3 -lizzy
(honestly they all sound so good i will take any/all you're willing to share!!)
omg two of them!! thank you so much, i appreciate you 🥰🥰🥰
brother, father, son:
“I’m okay with this, you know.” And this, too, is a repetition, a broken record stuck on loop until it’s just white noise in the background of Sam’s nonstop panic. He tries to remember how many times Dean has tried to reassure him, in some sort of twisted self-flagellation, but he loses count sometime after fourteen because then he looks over at Dean again and it’s all so uncomfortable.
He’s at least a head shorter than Sam—sitting down, at least—and a hell of a lot thinner. “We can’t hunt like this,” he says, and when Dean rolls his eyes it’s a clench in Sam’s gut instead of a familiar, brotherly ribbing.
“We’re not on a hunt,” Dean says with well-worn patience. “We’re going home. And when we’re there, we’ll figure it the hell out. Okay?”
Sam blows out a thick, heavy breath and doesn’t respond, and after about fifteen minutes of insufferable silence, Dean drops the needle on his record player and starts all over again.
sam is weird about his brother:
Dean’s aim has always been better than his. It’s no secret, and it’s no wonder, either—Dad keeps him locked up in motel rooms flipping through thousand-page tomes while he and Dean actually gets to go out and kill the thing they’re hunting. Sam might even envy Dean, if that weren’t drowned out by his fatigue and frustration. As it is, it’s just a detached observation that only really serves to explain why Sam is bleeding right now and Dean isn’t.
Sam missed his shot, and Dean had to save his ass again: a typical Saturday night for the Winchester freaks.
“I gotcha,” Dean says, throwing himself onto the floor where Sam is clutching his arm and groaning miserably—loud enough for the ghost to hear his complaints, wherever the hell it ended up—and pulling him into his arms. “How bad is it?”
Sam stifles a groan and slows his exhale in an attempt to control the pain. “We’re talking Black Knight, at least.”
“Well, at least you’re a trooper.” Dean rolls his eyes and pushes Sam off of him again. “‘Tis but a scratch, dude. Get up already.”
It hurts considerably more than he’s letting on, but he’ll be damned if he’s gonna let Dean coddle him when he was the one who practically begged to come on this hunt.
✨️ send me an emoji and i will write 5 sentences of that fic ✨️
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