#bc i didn't know this month was a thing
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#sars cov 2#covid 19#i've interacted with 4 different friends/acquaintances in the past month alone who have all been hospitalised after having a stroke#(and in one case multiple strokes)#one who i visited in hospital over the weekend had a (unmasked) nurse coughing up a lung in her room 👍#and one of them who had to undergo surgery also had to be moved to a different hospital#bc the ward they were keeping him in was full of confirmed covid patients 👍👍#idk how many times it needs to be said before it gets through people's heads but VACCINES ARE NOT ENOUGH#and encouraging ppl to rely solely on them when there are already plans to jack up the prices so you have to KEEP PAYING for boosters#for an ONGOING mass-disabling event is so laughably unrealistic and absurd and flat-out demonic#you need to mitigate the actual spread of covid by WEARING A MASK + fighting for CLEAN AIR/proper ventilation in public spaces!!!!!!#ppl are so eager to forget the whole 'break the chain of transmission' thing and how effective masking is and so this is where we're at#'i got infected and infected other ppl who might die or become permanently disabled but it's no big deal bc no one else wears a mask#so if /i/ didn't infect them someone else would have anyway so it's not my fault and really its got nothing to do with me and my choices'#if everyone is responsible then no one is responsible - that's how it works right?#it's no wonder some ppl go rabid at even the sight of someone wearing a mask and minding their own business#ppl seeking treatment for unrelated conditions/illnesses and then dying from covid caught in hospitals#due to lack of npis/basic mitigation measures - no regulations no accountability#we truly live in a hell (''new normal'') of our own making#anyway none of this is new news at all i mostly thought it might be good to share the info graphic abt signs of stroke#covid has been given free reign and chances are increasing as to how likely you'll encounter it happening to someone you know at some point#also heart attacks and pots and alzheimer's etc etc etc
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something i promised on my kofi 6 months ago... 🫠
#sorry for people who has been asking for commission and finding me very unresponsive#literally i don't feel ready mentally ; i think the '6 months' is self-explanatory#frieren: beyond journey's end#fern#sousou no frieren#fanart#frieren at the funeral#actually it was 1.5 years ago; i was supposed to be drawing other character that time#but for 9 months i didn't manage to make myself sit down & finish it; so 6 months ago i re-asked if the person wanted other character#bcs i thought i need to re-start fresh & maybe the person's interest had changed#ko fi#when drawing for money sometimes u sit down & just stop 'working' entirely ; like ur will goes blue screen & refuse to do it#because it's / work / and u have to be more meticulous ; it gives u all the extra pressure#tho i like to have the money again.... but i'll start studying again soon; and i'll need to do my best on this one i think#drawing has always been a distraction on my study so maybe it is a good thing if my drawing drive dies down for a good while#tho not drawing at all also stress me out; finger crossed for good life balance#I CAN'T BELIEVE POPULAR TAG SHOWING THAT PEOPLE ALSO KNOW IT AS 'FRIEREN AT THE FUNERAL'. THAT SOUNDS WAY TOOOO DEPRESSINGGGG.....😭😭😭😭
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hello finally putting my au stuff down on paper after several months.. also finally chose a name for it !! it's called Sonic Aeroventure :)
(+xtra traditional sketches below)
#Aeroventure AU#sthav#<-titles/tags i'll be using for the AU#my art#sonic the hedghog#amy rose#tails the fox#cream the rabbit#rouge the bat#shadow the hedgehog#sth#sonic#sonic fanart#sonic au#designs and stuff will probably change a bit in the future knowing me but i do rlly like these rn#i don't have alot written down rn bc i didn't write down anything back in march(?) 2023. and so I've forgotten quite a bit#but i did remember some things :)#amy sketch page isn't rlly anything to do with the au itself i was just rewarding heroes and the haunted house part came up#alot of these sketches are from like. last month but i wanted to think of the name of the au before posting more#yeah :) the general idea and inspos are the same im just actually sitting down to world/storybuild now
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number #1 tactic that people use to not sound as racist as they are when they talk to black people: 'uhh so you AMERICANS need to stop pretending everything is about YOU. why should i know this im not from the us :/' (= is talking about like. a phenomenally internationally well-known black artist)
#myposts#kendrick lamar#drake#i updated it from 'white europeans' to 'people' because some people pointed out that 'gringo' is probably more south american lingo#but the point i wanted to make is like. there is this subset of european people (quite a lot of them)#who try to deflect by saying them not knowing these things isn't because of an active lack of disinterest in black culture and influences#and like. them not knowing who a certain black person is is never an educational failing on their side of any sorts#but instead are pretending that like. they are by virtue of being european always correctly educated on What History And Art Is Important#like. 2 months back that one post pretending that 'us europeans dont need to know all your AMERICAN writers 🙄' talking about james baldwin?#like just because that person didnt know who james baldwin was#they immediately were mad at the implication that They Didn't Know Someone Of Cultural Significance#and twisted it into 'well he cant be that important by virtue of me not knowing him'#like completely ignoring that the european school system also has. race problems and also ignoring that he lived and wrote in France too#but like. its this really racist defence mechanism of like. 'well you stupid americans always make everything about yourselves'#i hope i make sense i didnt think this would blow up lol#and like some people in the notes of that post were so smug about not knowing who Kendrick Lamar is#bc to them thats like 'oh im too cultured to be listening to rap of any sorts' like completely dismissing his music as kind of second class#by virtue of it being rap and black music and him not being in the White Mainstream as much as other musicians#(i mean hes still like 24th most listened artist worldwide but you get what i mean)
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I know it doesn’t really matter but I’m curious on whether u think Jason killed Felipe Garzonas or not. I could go either way tbh.
He did it and he'd do it again I've got evidence can you see the evidence no but trust me I have it
#ask#anon#honestly i change my mind anout this atleast 5 times a month#but yeah it doesn't really matter if he did or not#it was more about bruces reaction and how he handled the situation#yadda yadda yadda#but no shut up just thought of a fun question#bc i do know alot of people tend to go the opposite direction#of he didn't#so im curious#if it was ever confirmed jason did kill him#like full flash back in a good jason book#would that change any thing for you#presuming you are the type of person who thinks he didnt push philippe#if your with me and you flip flop on it#or just think he did already#then this isnt for you#idk this seems like a fun wee thought game
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I have this thing where I project my stuff onto fictional characters I like, so sometimes I go
What if Leo Valdez also had that thing where sometimes autistic masking and adhd procrastination are so exhausting that you consistently want to do something, but you just kinda can't and the sentence
"So, what did you do today?"
Is incredibly depressing, because the answer is "nothing much" but what is really also true is "I was trying to force myself to do literally anything at all the entire day and I kept failing the entire day so even if I factually did a thing, it doesn't count because I didn't achieve anything valuable that someone else could understand"
#i know the people who ask me this actually care#or at least they pretend to#but they do it in such a neurotypical way of assuming i actually Do something everyday#i know they mean no harm#but fuck man#what did you do today?#really?#Nothing at all and it was EXHAUSTING#“but didn't you want to do this thing?”#yes i did#i have been wanting to do that for months now#i have not yet done the thing stop asking pls i will tell you when i did#because that will be all i achieved that day#leo valdez#autistic leo valdez#autistic leo#undiagnosed neurodivergent#undiagnosed autistic#undiagnosed adhd#maybe at least#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#pjo leo#leo valdez pjo#pjo hoo toa tsats#heroes of olympus#is that just me#am i just weird#or is this an actual thing#bc now that i typed it out idk anymore
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#some thoughts incoming idk if i should share but i need to put them somewhere#it's hard being in the yr fandom since the finale when you don't share the same vision and opinion as the rest#and people make future wilmon posts or write post s3 fics (which many exist now) they just don't align with your idea at all#and they're not exciting to me at all and the whole concept just makes me upset#i don't wanna imagine Wille as a 'normal' person (not that that's ever possible anyway which the show loves to ignore)#like I'm sorry but i didn't come to the show to watch an ordinary love story and have them lead an ordinary life#the idea of Wille being a future king and them navigating that royal life together is so much more interesting#i hate that that isn't canon anymore and when ppl make posts about them it's not about that or that would only be seen as a negative thing#i don't wanna imagine a life where they are 'normal' that isn't appealing to me at all and it sucks seeing everyone embrace it#and it's like you're not allowed to want something else or think differently bc that makes you the bad person and you're just wrong#i can't be excited about their future (also bc i don't really see them going strong in the future with how they messed them up in s3)#(i also didn't want to know what could possibly happen in the future i wanted that to stay open and just be in the present)#and seeing everyone else excited and happy about it makes you feel horrible and very alone and disconnected in the fandom#i don't wanna take it away from them but i also would love to see other takes but that's basically impossible now#am i the only person who feels this way or are there any other who can relate? pls let me know#i already feel like ppl are gonna attack me for this but it's been hard especially now with Simon's month and seeing so many interpretation#navigating ao3 has also become difficult now#it's hard finding fics to read where wille stays crown prince and you don't have to be scared for that to change#i just can't read any canon compliant fics anymore and i hate it bc i hate to disagree with canon#i normally don't do that bc canon is important to me and i don't want to reject it and create my own fantasy#and that's what's upsetting#anyway sorry i had to write this#personal
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i lied kuwameshi time NOW
#sorry for drawing yusuke like a muppet that's just how he looks in my style lmao. also it's funny to me#also i drew the is this gay?? one a month ago then didn't post it then made another post i was gonna include it in then forgot to include i#it has come a long way to see you all is my point. anyway#yyh#yu yu hakusho#kuwameshi#kazuma kuwabara#kuwabara kazuma#yusuke urameshi#urameshi yusuke#skrunkart#also i would like to add that the common perception kiss dynamic is also good i love that shit no worries. captain grabass yusuke right#but i think kissing freaks him out more bc it's a shared vulnerable thing y'know? it's mushy and you both gotta work for it#yyh puu#oh ALSO this is partially me making up for drawing hair-down kuwa with straight hair. genuinely don't know what i was thinking#i should also clarify that kuwabara's expecting a kiss with tongue because he thinks yusuke's a slut. that's all
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sorry i'm thinking abt megumi's incessant desire to be the first to die vs. the narrative keeping him alive despite and how the most tragic ending for him is not actually dying, but being left behind. for megumi, the worst fate is living a long life
#megumi growing up assuming he will be the first to die out of those he loves#bc gojo is the Strongest and tsumiki is a non-sorcerer so they should both be Safe while megumi is just. megumi#vs megumi at 15 having lost tsumiki gojo nobara nanami etc etc and knowing it's only a matter of time before he loses yuuji too#megumi not knowing how to be the survivor because he never thought he'd live long enough to have to say goodbye#also sometimes i think abt that post that was like... remember in thg how katniss' motivation for Everything is saving prim?#and then prim still died at the end because the world they lived in could not allow someone so good to live? it could not allow#katniss the One thing she wanted most#yeah so like. everything megumi is doing and has done has been for tsumiki. it's all been for her#but the world they live in is cruel and tsumiki is too good of a person#and when has megumi ever been granted anything he's wanted? why should the world allow him his one biggest desire of tsumiki's safety?#and what is megumi supposed to do when he outlives the one person who has been by his side - the one person he wanted most to save#how is he supposed to live a long life when everyone he cares about is gone? how is he supposed to care about new people?#what's that one quote that's like. a son or a husband can be replaced but who can grow me a new brother#no one can replace tsumiki. megumi cannot find a new sister#yes losing gojo and yuuji would be devastating. but at the end of the day megumi has known yuuji for only a few months#and gojo was already a replacement for his father#tsumiki has been with him longest and she's always been megumi's main motivation#she's the reason he didn't go to the zenin clan. she's the reason he was trained by gojo. she's the reason they're all in the culling games#trying to fix it from the inside and running on a time limit#and what happens if he CAN'T save her. what happens if. like katniss and prim. despite EVERYTHING. tsumiki still has to die#THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF TSUMIKI#BECAUSE MEGUMI WANTS TO SAVE HER#DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE TRAGEDY IN BEING ALIVE WHEN EVERYONE ELSE IS GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sorry i'm not normal about fictional sibling dynamics. btw if you even care#hello grace here#jjk spoilers#update i just realized it's not even 7am. as you can tell i'm having a great time today
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antwerp real
#looney tunes#marvin the martian#art attag#you know sometimes I wonder like#if people who follow this blog but not my main blog have any idea what to expect here anymore#anyway I loveee little titbits and trivia about long-running characters and how they developed over the years#especially when there are noticeable differences between early instalments and their later more well-known versions#e.g. m.oominmamma didn't get her apron until the newspaper comics!#so learning that marvin's original internal name was antwerp is cool!!#which is such a fun name in itself!! bc not only is that said to derive from the myth of roman solider#it can also be read as a portmanteau of ant and twerp! marvin's cute for the alliteration and satisfying similarity to martian#but man that's a good bunch of wordplay#I also love consuming any sort of supplementary/promotional/concept material of things and finding out mel blanc once recorded a song#called ''antwerp is my name'' for like a stage show or something which is Likely lost media by now is#Such a shame#bc that was probably the only time it was officially used outside of chuck jones' personal notes before his current name was chosen#lost media my beloathed :(#not searching for it that's fascinating but just that it like. occurs at all#anyway hi I didn't post any art for over month thank you for reading my infodumping here#oh & also I know he's been shown without the helmet & he really is just a little bowling ball. but I want to believe
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I'm so proud of myself about finances in the past couple months. I still struggle with money but I did enough meditation and journaling and practicing about it to make myself able to actually face my loans and credit cards and savings and bills and start really truly organizing and addressing them for the first time in years instead of just flying by the seat of my pants.
Like. This is a huge deal for me. I've felt like I'm in deadly danger every time I've tried to think about money for years and years. I'm finally able to look it in the face and stare it down and start to organize and plan on purpose instead of just keeping up with the minimum to stay afloat. I'm so proud of myself.
It's still a refrain of "GUILT (funny link)" every time I think about money but I'm able to actually make spreadsheets and face the numbers and monthly tracking again, and even make a new full budget which I haven't been able to do in ages.
still feel guilt, overwhelm, and helplessness, but no longer feel as much deep elemental shame and terror. that's progress baby
#we don't need to talk about how many months and months of therapy visits and doctor appointments I put on credit cards#among other things#but I had to put my foot down about it a couple months ago and shout at myself a little saying HEY#I AM SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS I AM SHOUTING FOR YOU TO HEAR#OF COURSE IT WAS A TERRIBLE FINANCIAL DECISION BUT YOU WEREN'T EVEN EXPECTING TO BE ALIVE#THE CREDIT CARD DEBT WAS NECESSARY TO KEEP YOU ALIVE AND IT DID AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS WAY LESS IMPORTANT THAN THAT#why the FUCK are you feeling SO ASHAMED for making the best decision you knew how to make at the time???#just because you know NOW that you could have tried some other options doesn't mean you did THEN#you may have known enough to feel shame and guilt yes but you would never in a million years have gotten the help you needed fast enough#by attempting to go another route#you didn't trust anyone besides a very few handfuls of people and even them it wasn't fully#and the stress of running it through parental insurance was so terrifying to you bc you didn't know what that would do#and you never had cosigners for anything your whole adult life. it's OKAY#you fucking DID YOUR BEST#YOU HAVE LEARNED. YOU HAVE MADE CHANGES. YOU HAVE ALREADY DONE BETTER#YOU WILL CONTINUE TO LEARN AND IMPROVE OVER TIME#it is not the end of the world. even the utilities sending you to debt collections etc etc#YOU ARE FIGURING IT OUT ONE PIECE AT A TIME#MORE PEOPLE ARE ASHAMED AND AFRAID OF THEIR OWN FINANCES THAN YOU THINK#if the people who fought and argued with and shamed you for considering student loans much less taking them out#had wanted you to actually be financially safer and healthier#they could have just fucking helped out or cosigned your loans or actively helped you find other solutions#instead of spending months and months telling you it was the worst decision ever and would ruin you financially for decades and such#you made the best decisions you could with the level of terror and knowledge that you had. it was enough to keep you alive.#isn't that enough?#isn't it a victory to survive?? isn't that enough??????#god i'm cringing at sharing this but if it's been this hard for me surely at LEAST one of you has also made financial mistakes or regrets#and seeing me be honest that I fucked it all up too and it's a mess and I'm just climbing back through it as best as I can as I go#will hopefully make at least one of you feel a tiny bit less alone
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will you guys still love me if i make the occasional lunter shitpost
#i don't really ship it in the same way like. i don't really ship a lot of things. bc i don't care much for romance in general#BUT i do think that conceptually it's actually really funny.#lunter is rife with comedic potential#i say this bc ive got several really stupid lunter doodles i wanna post#im not gonna turn this into a lunter blog. i just think multishipping is fun. hexsquad polycule my beloved <3#it's funny bc before I didn't care much for lunter#but after spending months doing research for my video essay (that I'm still working on!!!!!)#i realized lunter... isn't actually that bad....#everyone just doesn't like it bc they see it as incest and bc it breaks up lumity#2nd one is fair. 1st is an interpretation of the text sooo#i don't know man. Im gonna go into WAY more depth with my video essay about it so#tbh I just like luz and hunter as codependent and mentally ill no matter what flavor their relationship is#lilac post#ill tag all the posts w/ lunter tho so y'all can filter them out if u don't like it#lunter
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She was the only thing I was living for. I’m sorry for your loss, sir, but right now we need to get you airborne. Police will be here any minute. I’m well aware of that. I’m turning myself in.
— SMALLVILLE, “Bizarro” (7.01)
#it's wild how they were actually doing some interesting character work with lex in the beginning of s7#('I wasn't miraculously saved so I could run away from my demons. I was brought back to face them' etc etc)#only for them to just go 'nah' midway through and toss out all nuance and complexity in favor of a million veritas-related retcons 🙃#not sure if that's because of the writers strike or just this show's usual incompetence but it's a real shame either way#anyway I really liked this plot/scene#lex didn't kill lana but he knows he fucked up in a multitude of other ways in his relationship with her#so he's willing to be punished for a crime he didn't commit bc he doesn't know how else to make up for what he's done#(also him keeping the cute photo of them folded up in his pocket is so heart-achingly sweet I actually can't take it)#smallville#smallvilleedit#svedit#lex luthor#lexana#dcmultiverse#sv 7x01#my gifs#god this gifset has been languishing in my drafts since *checks* FEBRUARY?!?! jfc...#I guess it's a good thing I have so many unposted sets saved since I don't actually have time to make new gifs for the next few months#but still. lol
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For those who are unsure of whether or not they really have the "sensitivity to cold" symptom of fibromyalgia, because you think that it's just you not being able to handle colder temperatures like other people, that's one way of putting it. The other way is, when it's winter and the temperatures start dropping, do you feel your pain more intensely? Do you feel like you have more problems with your joints? Is your partner always commenting how cold your fingers and toes are, but it somehow gets more frequent in winter? Those are other ways to consider being sensitive to the cold.
#just a little food for thought#I'm thinking bc I'm high af#I had to take an entire 50 mg gummy tonight because I had some serious fucking pain#I didn't realize it was going to be a consistent pattern of winter making me feel like shit#but here we are in year two of No Longer Ignoring My Symptoms#and I'm still questioning whether or not it's actually fibromyalgia#like I 100% definitively know what it is#I just still don't have the doctors sign off bc I hate phone calls and I'm getting new insurance next month#so I figure might as well wait to see if the new insurance covers any differently#things to look forward to with the new job#anyways I'm forever grateful I didn't have to jump through every stupid ass hoop my husband did when he went full time with my company#it's explicitly designed against people who aren't neurotypical and it's honestly the most bullshit program ever#no they don't give full time by merit in my company#I really only got the job because my file boss wanted me explicitly for her job when she retires#and I will be eternally grateful that she saw something in me that no other manager saw#anyways ignore all these tags anyone who reads this that found this in the fibromyalgia tag instead of my blog#fibromyalgia#>.>#kudos to those who read this far#your journey shall reward you with a small token of my gratitude#🐦��⬛ a friend for you
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rewatched arrival for the hundredth time. this movie never fails to gut punch me with its approach to determinism. louise embracing her future that she knows every moment of, despite the tremendous loss and pain it contains, with open arms. she doesn't hesitate, or ruminate on how she can try and change it. she accepts it all, the good and the bad, because what she gains is worth it, so many times over for her. she steels herself against a certain future and runs forward to meet it all, to love, learn, and lose, and trusts and leans on herself to live through it all. because that's what life is; it's the joy and the suffering. to try and isolate the joy alone is madness, futility in its purest definition.
comparing her line of thinking to a palindrome (how she named her daughter, hannah), the movie kept emphasizing, "it's the same backwards as it is forwards." it doesn't matter if you can see the end; life is the same whether you live it "forwards" (without knowledge of the future) or "backwards" (with foresight). it doesn't change the significance of your life experiences; to try and avoid certain future pain just because you have the knowledge of it is a zero sum game. you think you win because you avoided pain, but you also avoided the joy that preceded it. the metamorphosis. so you still lose if you try to win, and vice-versa.
all you can do is rush forward and take it all head-on. see this whole beautiful mess as your one most precious gift; this one life, this one chance, a laughably miniature blip on the colossus that is linear time, to experience all there is to feel before you return back to an eternity without perception. it's all worth it, because only in living a full-fledged life open to everything it has to offer does the experience of living turn out to be greater than the sum of its parts; it's in trying to beat the system (avoid pain) that we actually lose.
"if you could see your whole life from start to finish, would you change things?"
"maybe i'd say what i feel more often. i...i don't know."
#arrival 2016#pleaaaaase this movie has a chokehold on me#the perfect sci-fi imo is one that blends the scientific and the emotional realms seamlessly and wow does this do that#this particular movie speaks so personally to me#because i lived so much of my life in stagnation trying to avoid pain i could see on the horizon#a couple of years ago when beginning my last relationship i could see the end as early as 3 months in#you know when you just realize early on there are cracks in the relationship foundation that are not repairable and will only get stressed#the more you build on top of it? yeah#it terrified me like you couldn't believe and i spent so much time in denial and fighting against it#fighting against this future i was intuitively certain would materialize#i watched this movie around that time and decided to just go for it#to not let my intuition rob me of joy in the present#as someone who lived so prudently and always tried to make the “right” choice this was monumental for me and so out of character#for a while i wished i'd just listened to my instincts about how this person would ultimately hurt me so i could avoid the suffering#because i really did have foresight everything i was scared would happen did happen almost to the letter#and i wondered does that make me stupid?#that i marched forward anyway? i didn't have the degree of certainty louise did so i thought i could change things#if i loved hard enough if i was patient enough if i did what i knew in my heart to be the right thing#but it changed nothing#but no i wasn't stupid and i would do it again#because it was still a beautiful experience at its best and it taught me valuable lessons at its worst#i have undoubtedly changed as a person i will never be the same again and THAT is living#not rotting away in an unchanging state. unchanged by joy or mundanity or by adversity. that is not living#undoubtedly better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. i never rly agreed with that until i saw this movie#personal#favourite movies#scifi#movies#this applies to everything not just love. take that chance! do the thing that scares you. bc that's the only way to really live#regardless out of the outcome
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#shedinja#now THIS is what i'm talkin' about! i love shedinja. i think it's a very unique pokémon and wonder guard is very *cool* if only it were ever#y'know. relevant. this thing is weak to way too many types for it to be relevant but like it's still cool in concept i think#you kinda can't tell what it is from this angle but that's why you have me here to tag it so you do know what it is#so. bit of a life update for you all. i accidentally deleted some semi-important files i needed for work. like two weeks ago#and i didn't realize i did‚ bc they were inside a folder that i deleted. but i didn't need the files at the time and i hadn't for months#i hadn't used those files since like last year. but now i need them again and i just realized that i deleted them two weeks ago#by accident? and now i need them again. to be able to do my work. so i'm actually queueing this guy and the next guy up#while i'm supposed to be working. as i've just sent an email to my boss being like Haha Hey. Do you Have a Backup of tHese Files……… PLease#and i'm hoping DESPERATELY that she does. if she doesn't i'll have to fucking reverse engineer them which i am not excited for#if it comes to fruition. so i'm just hoping she has a copy of them. feelin like shedinja against a fire-type rn fr i swear#i'll let you all know what she says when i get her response. if i get it before i'm done queuing up shedinja and whismur#spoilers. whismur is next but you could just look up the natdex numbers. and know that whismur is next#also don't tell me to look in the trash. on my computer. i know they're not there. for one i checked and for two they couldn't be there#because i rm -r'd the folder. i didn't just right-click delete that shit. i killed that shit. it's GONE#you might be asking me… why would you do that! and i would say? i did not know these files were in there#you didn't ask for all this information so i'm cutting it off here
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