#and i wondered does that make me stupid?
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rewatched arrival for the hundredth time. this movie never fails to gut punch me with its approach to determinism. louise embracing her future that she knows every moment of, despite the tremendous loss and pain it contains, with open arms. she doesn't hesitate, or ruminate on how she can try and change it. she accepts it all, the good and the bad, because what she gains is worth it, so many times over for her. she steels herself against a certain future and runs forward to meet it all, to love, learn, and lose, and trusts and leans on herself to live through it all. because that's what life is; it's the joy and the suffering. to try and isolate the joy alone is madness, futility in its purest definition.
comparing her line of thinking to a palindrome (how she named her daughter, hannah), the movie kept emphasizing, "it's the same backwards as it is forwards." it doesn't matter if you can see the end; life is the same whether you live it "forwards" (without knowledge of the future) or "backwards" (with foresight). it doesn't change the significance of your life experiences; to try and avoid certain future pain just because you have the knowledge of it is a zero sum game. you think you win because you avoided pain, but you also avoided the joy that preceded it. the metamorphosis. so you still lose if you try to win, and vice-versa.
all you can do is rush forward and take it all head-on. see this whole beautiful mess as your one most precious gift; this one life, this one chance, a laughably miniature blip on the colossus that is linear time, to experience all there is to feel before you return back to an eternity without perception. it's all worth it, because only in living a full-fledged life open to everything it has to offer does the experience of living turn out to be greater than the sum of its parts; it's in trying to beat the system (avoid pain) that we actually lose.
"if you could see your whole life from start to finish, would you change things?"
"maybe i'd say what i feel more often. i...i don't know."
#arrival 2016#pleaaaaase this movie has a chokehold on me#the perfect sci-fi imo is one that blends the scientific and the emotional realms seamlessly and wow does this do that#this particular movie speaks so personally to me#because i lived so much of my life in stagnation trying to avoid pain i could see on the horizon#a couple of years ago when beginning my last relationship i could see the end as early as 3 months in#you know when you just realize early on there are cracks in the relationship foundation that are not repairable and will only get stressed#the more you build on top of it? yeah#it terrified me like you couldn't believe and i spent so much time in denial and fighting against it#fighting against this future i was intuitively certain would materialize#i watched this movie around that time and decided to just go for it#to not let my intuition rob me of joy in the present#as someone who lived so prudently and always tried to make the “right” choice this was monumental for me and so out of character#for a while i wished i'd just listened to my instincts about how this person would ultimately hurt me so i could avoid the suffering#because i really did have foresight everything i was scared would happen did happen almost to the letter#and i wondered does that make me stupid?#that i marched forward anyway? i didn't have the degree of certainty louise did so i thought i could change things#if i loved hard enough if i was patient enough if i did what i knew in my heart to be the right thing#but it changed nothing#but no i wasn't stupid and i would do it again#because it was still a beautiful experience at its best and it taught me valuable lessons at its worst#i have undoubtedly changed as a person i will never be the same again and THAT is living#not rotting away in an unchanging state. unchanged by joy or mundanity or by adversity. that is not living#undoubtedly better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. i never rly agreed with that until i saw this movie#personal#favourite movies#scifi#movies#this applies to everything not just love. take that chance! do the thing that scares you. bc that's the only way to really live#regardless out of the outcome
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i’ve never been as angry on behalf of a character as i am for sam winchester
#currently thinking about season four and five. absolutely fuckibg mental#the world literally reshapes itself around him to prove him wrong#its all framed as God. Sam was so stupid and selfish and reckless for drinking demon blood. He just liked the power of it and he chose a#DEMON over DEAN.#but. that’s not the story they tell in s4.#like even aside from every single other complexity. Sam is literally right. he has ZERO WAY of knowing that killing lilith is the final seal#AND DEAN DOESNT KNOW TJAT EITHER. like sam is literally right he can kill lilith and he does kill lilith. dean wants lilith dead just as#much. sam’s cardinal sin is disobeying dean and then the world flips around on him and plot twist sam and dean were both wrong all along and#killing lilith is what will bring back lucifer :)#but. it’s not framed like that either. it’s framed like SAM BROUGHT BACK LUCIFER BY KILLING LILITH WHILE HIGH ON DEMON BLOOD#dean you wanted to kill lilith too?????????#but. doesn’t matter dean despite being mostly motivated by jealous anger is retroactively proven to be Right#and sam is retroactively proven to be Wrong. he is bad#i just. jesus. sam’s not evil ever. he’s hardly even that fucking morally grey#and he still thinks there’s something wrong with him that he’s a freak that he’s inherently evil and needs to be purified#why?? cause of something fucked up that happened to him when he was a baby#and because he’s disobeyed his father and his brother and been angry at awful things that have happened to him#makes me feel fucking insane actually#no wonder narrative frames sam as evil no wonder he’s inherently marked as Bad by the forces in supernatural like even on a meta level#in supernatural gods just another shitty father. embodiment of the familial patriarch. and from sam’s very first moment on the show he’s in#opposition to that he’s ran away from john and he argues with dean. therefore he is evil#i don’t think my words r really making sense right now but. fucking hell#and sam is so swamped in guilt all of season five and he just fucking accepts that everything bad is his fault#and he gets tortured in the cage to save the fucking world and it’s STILL not enough. not to appease his own guilt and not to appease deans#anger at him. dean is still throwing his perceived violations back at him in like season nine!!#and whenever he tries to get out it’s treated as yet another Sin. narrative acts like sam thinking dean was dead and having a life outside#of hunting is The Worst Thing He Ever Did#worst sin sam ever commits in the eyes of the show is disobedience. Absolutely awful actually#spn#sam winchester
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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PHOBIA OF SEAWEED IS AN ACTUAL THING?????????????????? you see i am not afraid of the open waters nor am i scared of the things that live there,, like i regularly spend time watching deep sea videos i think they're so cool but oh my fucking god the idea of KELP IS MAKING ME LIKE ACTUALLY TWITCH EEEEEEEEUUUUUUUGHHH okok actually looking at it is kind of fine but the thought of it touching my feet is genuinely making me wanna throw up😭😭😭😭😭
#this is such a stupid thing bc sometimes it's fine#i live by the ocean i am a fish i have seen seaweed i have touched seaweed but it's different when you grab it on purpose compared to it#just randomly touching you#DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE#OMFG I'M GONNA SPIRAL#like once i thought i was gonna drown#mickey lore time#we were paddleboarding with my family and then me and my brother got off it and we started swimming to the shore and like we're both very#good swimmers so this was nothing insane aaand there were no waves or anything and my parents were still close by#but then at one point i was like oh i wonder how deep this actually is and i went under and i tried to touch the ground and sEAAWEEEDDDDD#EEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FEEL SICK JUST THINKING ABT ITTT#and it freaked me out so fucking bad and then i suddenly felt so tired and i just wanted to get out but i was still far away and i couldn't#stop thinking abt how it's gonna touch my feet again lmao#and i was very very very close to a panic attack in the water😭😭#oops#anyway i survived and i never told anybody i thought i was gonna drown bc i am not a pussy like that whewwwww#also. when i played subnautica (i only played for a few hours) i was more afraid of the fuckass kelp forest than anything else😭😭😭#i started thinking abt this bc i saw a video of a man in this dark scary cave (????) and like it was fine i was super intrigued until he pu#his fucking foot on the rock and you can just see the layer of seaweed i almost jumped out of my bed FUUCKKK THATTT
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Can- can I ask about the Somali pirates?
Hi hi, Lili! Yes, of course. Tbh I shouldn't have called them "pirates" they are known as such and treated like villains, but they're more like unofficial naval guard! The official naval guard was disbanded in the 90's due to the civil war that broke out [btw this civil war is why I'm diaspora! My maternal family fled to Djibouti or elsewhere. My dad came to Canada due to it.] Anyway! Other nations took advantage of this as they tended to do and started fishing illegally in the waters! Somali citizens rely on fishing to live [also farming and agriculture bc I also recall there was a drought and famine going on] so they turned to "piracy" to stop these thieves from stealing from them! Of course, these outsiders didn't like it and called it "piracy." they shouldn't be there in the first place!!!
BFJRKRKRKR I TALKED IM THE TAGS AND REACHED THE LIMIT I AM SO SORRY LMAOOOOO
Other than Puntland there is also Jubbaland ok lol I love talking about my people's history too much
#momo's fantastical replies#so anyway I saw other Somali ppl calling them the naval guard and jumped on it#but I have always gotten heated when ppl treated Somali Pirates like villains#but iirc even South Park defended them? lol they even got ppl speaking Somali in it!#talking about how they did this for survival!#lili#lixenn#also yeah sure they fuck ppl up but I consider this a 'fuck around and find out'#stop taking advantage of poor countries!!! especially when they are due to outside meddling forces!!#random but somalia makes me so sad bc of how destablized it is#somaliland is a lot more peaceful and has been but recently its gotten more dangerous due to#Somalia's destablization#djibouti seems fine as ever tho lol happy for them but wish somalia would fuck off already [with somaliland]#lili if you are wondering djibouti/somalia/somaliland and parts of kenya and ethiopoa#ethiopia* are all where Somali ppl are from#the parts of K and E were stolen while Somali ppl were getting colonized [so fuck Kenya and Ethiopia too tbh! who does that?]#but all 5 places are why Somalia's flag is a 5 point star! this siginifies we are all one#its funny bc Somaliland was a country before Somalia but then joined Somalia bc of false promises Somalia made#anyway the false promises was unity but the president/dictator named Mohamed Siad Barre#was all 'we should all band together...and kill Isaaq tribe! true unity after for real though'#and then Darood and I a few other major tribes tried that#Isaaq survived but there was in fact a genocide#they fled to what is Somaliland today! apparently they keep the bullet holes in the structure to remember what Darood/Somalia did#bc to these day these bitches deny it#diaspora somali ppl from somalia are especially insistend of this and im like...you stupid puppet you werent even there#I know this despite being Darood bc my parents arent puppets and also my mom is Isaaq tribe#what else? oh there are other places as Somali ppl within Africa become disapora#so strange right?#there is also Puntland [based off the ancient land that is said to be Ancient Somalia--#fun fact our queen from that time named Queen Arrarwelo was said to be friends with Queen Sheba of ancient Ethiopia]
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Selfish poll time let's go
#i got bonked on the head with proof that i exist in other peoples lives and now i am wondering if my art does too#maybe it will make me feel less lonely who knows#if a piece of my heart lives in someone else's personal collection then i would make a fool of myself saying something stupid#idk idk i need to sleep
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this is the worst day of my life
#the day i have had..#and you tell me this…#ok#cool#no yeah i don’t even care actually it’s fine#not like i am on this stupid ass fucking website posting about this shit every damn day#i knew something like this would happen bc of the strike but a whole nother year…. what. how could you do this to me#like me specifically#i know you thought about me specifically when posting that tweet and said is this gonna make her kill herself and yeah it is#ITS JOEVER#hurts me so bad to have to bring this to this blog i am supposed to be safe here however when the movie does arrive i will look back on#this post and wonder where all the time went so fast. Right? RIGHT.?!#the batman#do not tell me i am being overdramatic about this i dont know you#reevesverse
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Why is there an empty space next to Dark Urge???
They could have placed the custom Tav option next to Dark Urge. Or adjust the 3 portraits in the second row so that they are in the middle.
Do you also find this aesthetically strange? Why make it weird looking? Am I just fixated on symmetry? lol
I don't know. I am still wondering if there will be surprise origins revealed.
#although the screen where we select the race also looks asymmetrical so it probably means nothing but#it bothers me#lol#why make it look like that#meanwhile the class selection screen is perfectly symmetrical (of course they had an equal number there 12)#but this would be equal too if they had not placed the custom option on the top for no reason#awghfkjsghtklh#it annoys me so much#stupid I know#I am wondering if I have ever seen a character selection screen that looks this asymmetrical (but I can't think of one)#every time I see this in a video I wonder#so I have to ask... does this not bother anyone else?#if there isn't a number 8 then I hope they fix it and place them in the middle#character creator#baldur's gate 3#bg3#my posts#my post#bg3 mine
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...
#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper#thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times#like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she#was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled#a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where#you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what#then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have#and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my#leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but#i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying#my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound#by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting#better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that#and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do#what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated
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Went to that post to see about installing Into the Pit and I got curious so I looked at the books and. Guys.
In the recipe book, Glamrock Chica has three recipes. Food is her whole thing, the original Chica got a good amount at least, but neither of them have the most recipes. All the other Glamrocks have five or more recipes.
They made a cookbook. And gave the food animatronic. Three recipes. They gave the food animatronic. Three. Recipes.
Like, at what point does the lack of care for Chica specifically just become insulting? They even gave her fucking maze to Monty in the new interactive novel. The recipe for Cupcakes is in Roxy's section now. Not a single one of the Glamrock recipes are Glamrock Chica themed.
They really just can't give her anything can they?
#GOD DAMN IT LET HER HAVE SOMETHING#WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS FNAF FRANCHISE THIS IS JUST CRUEL#glamrock chica#I'M RALLYING THE GLAM CHICA FANS THEY KNOW WHAT'S UP#SHE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER THIS IS RIDICULOUS SHE'S NOT EVEN ALLOWED THE MAZE OR THE CUPCAKES#GIRL HAS /NOTHING/ HOW IS THIS /FAIR/#this honest to god makes me want to make a cookbook zine that's just what the fnaf cookbook SHOULD have been.#but I'm not a cook so like. I dunno if I CAN do that#but this is just like how I wanna play five laps at freddy's and then make a racing game of what five laps at freddy's SHOULD have been#with ROXY as the OBVIOUS HOST SINCE /RACING IS HER ENTIRE FUCKING THING/#every day I wonder why they do this. why are they this stupid. it's so obvious. it's all right there. god forbid women have anything.#I guess. these people are just mean honestly like really what's going on here why does the food character have three recipes#in a whole ass cookbook where none of them are actually hers#who okay'd this. what dumbass did this. are they besties with andrea by any chance cause I'd believe it#andrea doesn't even know what glamrock chica looks like she's still yellow with a bib to her#couldn't even google it for some reason#anyway that's enough of this. this franchise sucks absolute ass sometimes#pop rox talks
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how the motherfuckers in college feel after giving you info LAST FUCKING MINUTE. DO THEY WANT ME TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF I SWEAR TO GODDDDDDDD
#by god you shall see me on the news#WHY DOES MY COLLEGE DO THIS ALL THE FUCKING TIME#FIRST WITH CLASS LOCATIONS NOW WITH CLASSES THEMSELVES? WHY CANT THEY LET US KNOW A WEEK IN ADVANCE??? THAT CANNOT BE TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??#ITS SO FUCKING ANNOYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG#i cant do this anymore#AND ITS NOT EVEN LIKE A ME-SPECIFIC ISSUE#ALL MY OTHER FRIENDS HATE THEIR COLLEGE TOO THEY DO NOT GIVE INFO ASAP#fucking annoying ass institution#i dont wanna be here anymore bruh no wonder bitches drop out all the time#a professor is allowed to be late for a whole HOUR and they're allowed to randomly switch the location to a different BUILDING but#im not allowed to be more than 15 mins late. like ok. what if i killed you#theyre allowed to MAKE U RUN ACROSS CAMPUS TO THAT DIFF BUILDING BUT I CANT BRING TEA INSIDE THE CLASS?!?!? ALRIGHT.#stupid complaints . no shit theyre allowed to do that. it still makes me mad#god taht building thing actually pissed me tf off . when i say lastminute i MEAN LAST MINUTE#THEY TOLD ME THEY SWAPPED BUILDINGS ON THE EXACT HOUR THE CLASS STARTED LIKE WTF#this is just a rant#im like really mad . right now. cause i accidentally skipped a class. again.#ugh i know its not that BIG of a deal i missed once for one class but it still makes me so fucking mad bc#i couldve easily gone in IF I HAD KNOWN BEFOREHAND#is it really that hard to update ur students. omfg.#THE ONLY REASON I EVEN KNEW WE HAD CLASS TDY WAS BC MY FRIEND DM'D ME#'im late" WAIT HUH!?!??!? LATE TO WHAT BRUH#ohh its over i cant keep up like that#this means i have to actually lock in and get the best grades ever. omfg.#blabberpar#IM SO MAD IM SO MAD IM SO MAD#im so mad i could. end up on the news.#starting now im checking that damn portal and all the news in the world .#omfg.#im so mad man.
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There is no question of whether 'people hating your faves inaccurately' or 'people loving your faves inaccurately' bothers me more. The former can be annoying but it's the latter, hands down zero question. When people talk about my favorite characters in the "awwww blorby poor helpless itty bitty baby lamby... soaking wet teensy weensy widdle ickle baby kitten born shivering in a cardboard box all alone 🥺" way I'm just like Okay so I'm putting blorby into the woodchipper now
#Unless it's like... Specifically a bigoted brand of inaccurate hatred. Though that probably goes without saying#Like I fucking love Skyler BRBA. Fantastic character. I adore her. So it does bother me when people overcorrect by acting like#she does absolutely no harm and is just this shining lovely person with a wonderful personality (she really isn't LOL and#that is okay and IN FACT part of what makes her a good character) but like#Yeag that IS preferable to the absolute frothing at the mouth misogynist bent of hatred she got from so many fans#Actually a lot of BRBA examples like this because I was exposed to so many reddit brand morality takes like#'Uhh they're an addict so they're stupid and worthless and deserve whatever happens' etc
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What even is a voice lesson if I don’t cry atp
#light-hearted. I’m fine#I truly wish I understood why I cry uncontrollably in voice lessons#like wtf#it’s so humiliating#anyway it kind of makes sense this time#this opera is so fucking hard it’s quite literally making me rip my hair out#and I feel like such an idiot for not getting my part down perfectly#we’ve had it for so long I feel like I should be better#everyone else in it is also struggling and they’re all music majors and said it’s the hardest music they’ve ever worked on#which does make me feel a little less stupid bc like. this is just REALLY ridiculously hard music#but it’s still so frustrating#plus I have literally 10 hours of nonstop rehearsal today between opera and choir urgrhgrhthrhfhh#sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself#I love singing but fuck it makes me miserable like 90% of the time LOL#musicposting
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does anyone else struggle with following instructions? well not struggle per se but i really need instructions and directions to be crystal clear and with all necessary details and i feel like whenever theres anything up for my own interpretation, i always manage to interpret it wrong. like i feel like if someone assumes i can just "fill in the blanks," i fill in those blanks completely wrong and i get blamed for being incompetent and lacking common sense. i dont know if i really am just stupid, but i always end up feeling that way all bc i couldnt infer something based off what i felt like wasnt enough information for me
#i dont know anyone else with this problem bc again itslike#i wonder if i am just the only person around me who is this dumb and born without common sense#if the directions im given are good enough for me then i am awesome and can carry them out fine#does any of this make sense#does this sound like me complainign and wishing i was not stupid T^T
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I'm so fucking sick of my brain
#mud rambles#I've been having A Time recently because my bpd wants me to fucking suffer#having an fp is so nice until it's not#my jealousy issues are fucking ridiculous and while I'm doing good at keeping it My problem.#I can feel myself starting to self isolate in the process#I wish my brain would just stop. Like it's not fair for me to be jealous like this. I have no reason to be and it's stupid#on one hand it's nicer because of it not having to Constantly wonder and worry about what he's doing and what's going on since I'm more#Involved now in a general sense. but as a caveat it feels More isolating a lot of the time since I get less one on one time#and I KNOW part of that is due to the fact he's. y'know. got a Life. He's got things going on. So it's not fair for me to be like this#I hate how frustrated and lonely it makes me feel. because I SHOULD feel more secure#I am much more generally involved now!!! WHY does it feel more isolating to me!!! what the fuck!!!#and a lot of this is my inability to reach out. I'm afraid of asking for more#he's so good at making me feel included it's not fair for me to feel this way#it's my fault for being hesitant. always hesitant. I don't want to make the mistake of thinking I deserve more#or that I'm wanted when I'm not#It's so hard to tell and I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I can't fucking take it man
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Authentic Story of the Shining Force - Saint Fencer Max - Chapter 3
Translation notes:
So, uh. Elliot's name is rendered with two t's in the og game, but a single one in the GBA version. I had never paid attention to that at all until I had already edited all these pages, and I don't care enough to change it.
Cain's sword causes an explosion here. In the game, it is indeed capable of summoning flames.
This is a perfect illustration of how I feel about these names, but I do wonder what the actual intention was, since Cain is supposed to be already gone. The original image is even cut off weirdly in the middle of the text, and i don't think it's a problem with the scan, since every scanned page has a black border showing that the paper itself doesn't cut there. I wonder about the production of this thing, but i'll wait until i translate the author's comments before saying more.
The map in the previous chapter was very accurate to the beta map of the game. The smaller map here showing Rindo however looks off, the coast is different, and there seems to be a river directly to the north of Rindo, as opposed to the path to Shade Abbey. Perhaps fitting since Shade is skipped here.
Metaphaluna, huh? Needlessly to say, the country of the gods/Ancients is called only Metapha in the final game. Also, in this panel, it pops up as an alternate reading for 前世紀 (ancient times), not the name of a country specifically. I chose to romanize the last part as "luna" for three reasons. One is that the continent of Rune is actually rendered as Lune in at least two guides. I take romanizations from JP guides with a grain of salt since they sometimes look bad/unnatural, or are inconsistent (Pelle's name for example has been romanized as both Peil or Payle depending on the book). I checked though, and town names however are consistent in both the books I've seen romanizing things. The second reason is that the beta map used at this point has a fairly noticeable crescent moon shaped island right in the middle. In the final game, we can't know exactly where Metapha is, because you only teleport there. But I wonder if this island had something to do with it at some point. The third reason is simply I saw no better reason. Metaphalna and Metapharuna would be just as valid, but don't have any meaning to them.
The biggest equation next to Tao as she explains the magic types is very clearly a E=mc². Look close.
I've retranslated Elliot's scenes from the game thinking it would be relevant to these notes. Now I feel it really isn't, but you get more content so you should be happy.
My main point with that is that Elliot does not say anything about Cain in the game. In the GBA version, Balbazak does try revealing Max, Cain and Darksol's identities before dying, but that's not a thing in the og. So yeah I really translated a bunch of stuff for nothing this time! Except not because Darksol is awesome in that scene and everyone should get to see it.
Now let's talk about Otrant. I have mentioned before that Otrant's gender is never explicitly said, and they speak in a mostly gender neutral way (I feel like there's a few masculine patterns in some lines, but I'm not confident enough to say for certain). What I hadn't noticed is that they also use lipstick in the games, which is probably what sparked these observations to begin with, but i'm uh, occasionally not smart. In any case, if any of these aspects were done at this point in development the artist here sure ignored them, and drew a regular old man who gets called an old man. They hate to see an androgynous boss winning.
I don't recall Otrant's third eye being called "Eye of Truth" anywhere else, but the manual of the game does say it can see the past and the future.
Otrant's naming of the Shining Force is a bit more elaborate here, but the wording is very similar to the actual game.
Finally, let's play spot the cameo!
We've got Gong, Zylo, one of the birds, and probably Anri. Easy.
Here, besides the obvious three who were actually introduced in the story, we again have a bird, Anri between Ken and Hans, Gong to the right, and Mae and Gort behind Luke. If you read the pre-release page you know that Gort was meant to be Mae's servant at some point, so this might be why they're together, or it's just coincidence because they still join around the same time in the final game. More importantly, to Ken's left we have...
Some guys. Who are these. They could be made up by the artist (there will be another case of this), but I find it curious that the artist had to do that when there are so many character to pick from, and he clearly wanted to depict official characters here. For one, there's evidence that Earnest was already designed at that point in development. However, that link also shows that Vankar didn't have a portrait by that time at least, and Vankar would have already joined by this point in the story. So could the bald centaur here be a beta Vankar, or the artist's interpretation of Vankar via unfinished art? Maybe, but just a guess in the end. Mostly I'm just fascinated by how detailed this guy is compared to even Mae and Gort's cameos. The other guy isn't so i don't think about them nearly as much.
#shining series#shining force#saint fencer max#saint fencer max translation#sf cain#sorry i mean 'giga cain'. lmao#this is what i meant when i said i was hysterical about the chapter names btw. how are these real names#also. 'what a stupid face' lol. definitely do not share any genes with this guy or whatever#he is coping#sfm max#god the battle scene is. so bad. now you get what i meant by this thing not engaging the premise right. zero group battle#he's just doing random shonen shit. fellas he's a swordsman not sonic the hedgehog. why is he dodging lasers#sfm tao cantal#in a good manga a villain telling the fire mage 'no matter how strong the flames they can be a force for good'#would be some sort of character moment#don't expect anything of it here though#also the magic thing is infuriating because it's so close to my headcanons but fails the landing into some bizarre anti-science bullshit??#mages are said to be studious everywhere else so to put a line about equations there is just wack. also manarina literally has machines#just make the point about actual environment destruction you dumbass#i wonder how masaki wachi felt on this because the spells in the GBA version often show machines (and blaze 4 is a laser)#but torasu does spout some anti-tech stuff in his HQ lines#still less bad than here tho#sf elliot#you lose something of his character by not showing the fight#but the talk is far more interesting than the game#if you removed his mentions of darksol in pao and used this after the battle i think it would be the best portrayal of him#i think about him a lot. there's the shape of a good character but it never nails the landing to me in any version#though perhaps this is more due to the characters' full acceptance of him than he himself#which is why final conflict again wins by having his own son condemn him#...and then loses again by having lynx be the worst version ever of 'villain is okay because he has Honor' in this series
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