#bc how could this be good enough yk
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I can't sleep 😔
#johnny's silly rambles#if i fail this i can try again i know that#but wiating for it#and for longer that it should take#is making me so fucking anxious#and if i fail. I'll just live in a lifes worth of embarrassment and shame#I'd not recover#and yet i was too tired to care much about this thesis#they all say I'm so hardworking but nope#I'm actually not#i feel like a fraud#even if i pass this#it'd feel ridiculous to me#bc how could this be good enough yk#i more so skipped over the articles i used instead of reading them as deeply as i should have#and probably forgot to mention so much#not to mention this thesis was supposed to me 30 minimum long#and i have around 25#which ARGH#I'll not pass#I'll fail#I'll fail and I'm going to die internally#vent
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this might be a hot take, but i feel like following duplicates of a characters shouldn't be as big of a deal as some people make it out to be bc every relationship ends up being so different and explores different facets your muse
#and to be fair i'm biased in this bc i never play canons#but like#no one could ever replace someone else bc each interpretation is so individual yk#+ the dynamics end up varying so wildly#shutout to all the durges i follow love u deeply you're all so creative and unique#just random thoughts in my head today ig jshsjjs how r u yall u all good#go drink some water >( ik u haven't had enough#gonna rest my wrist a lil bc carpal tunnel has been acting up butttt#i should be around to reply to some asks soon <3#˚₊𓆩༺🕷༻𓆪₊˚ ooc — lenny.
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What if Wakasa was a reformed antagonist before he joined Black Dragons...
#pen rambles#wakasa imaushi#i don't believe there's a good or bad guy here bc they're all delinquents committing juvenile crimes#but here me out 😭#i'm really trying to figure how waka got to be leader even tho he doesn't seem like the kind of person to have that drive#(benkei def did knowing he's the 3rd gen leader of ragnarok prob climbing up their ranks)#waka comes off more to me as someone who aloofly got to have a gang and be the leader bc he's strong enough to beat ppl he didn't like#and he just did whatever he wanted bc he can#guys respected him for it and he didn't mind being followed anyway#until he met shinichiro and figured maybe he could do something sort of good in his life (maybe he should start caring more..)#the character arc would've just been so sweet yk?#not to mention his greatest rival/enemy becomes his best friend 🥹#also the tragedy in og tl where waka regresses and becomes a yakuza like how he started out in kodo rengo 🥲🥲🥲#ok that's it thanks for listening to my ted talk jdksks
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chat im really starting to fear that spiderman 4 wont have peter be nearly as sad as i need him to be. nothing at all has happened to indicate that but i just got a bad feeling. im almost completely expecting disappointment atp im just like mj fr
#sorry spideryapping again i cant help it. its in my brain again#saw on tiktok that black cat will be in it and my first reaction was NOOOOOOOOOOOOO bc i just love mj too much im not ready#but also black cat was at the top of my theories. bc it makes so much sense. so i SHOULD be optimistic if theyre thinking the way I think#like. it would cheapen the weight of the last movie if they completely undid the consequences. so they have to be apart for at least 1 movie#and mj and ned are supposed to be in boston at mit so idk how they could be in the plot anyways#and like. black cat makes so much sense bc the whole reason their relationship doesnt work is cuz she likes spiderman not peter#and thats so good for spiderman 4 bc now nobody remembers peter. and also black cat hasnt had any live action appearance yet#AND she comes on really strong so its literally the perfect setup for her#like. itd be weird if peter went looking for a love interest cuz he should be sad but it makes sense that black cat comes onto him#and he needs to meet a new cast beyond his high school friends it makes sense. but mj is endgame always im manifesting it she WILL be back#like black cat being there just suggests all the right directions. they arent immediately undoing the last movie#and theyre introducing more spiderman characters rather than spiderman villains and an obligatory mcu babysitter yk#SO ITS GOOD BUT. FEEL LIKE PURE SHIT JUST WANT MJ BACK#i wanna speed thru the necessary plot without mj to get back to her. mj my beloved#but slso besides all that even if black cat is a good sign. i still fear they wont make him sad enough. i fear the sadness will be offscreen#also i just think its rlly funny. that right when i got into spiderman again after YEARS#i was thinking abt more movies and was like. i think im happy if they stop. idek if i wanna see this peter without his buddies#his story moving forward has to be without them at least for a bit to do his character justice. but i dont need to see it#and then right after i settled on that opinion. BREAKING after 3 years new movie is coming. after i said i didnt want it#ironic (<- palpatine voice)#x
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eughhh i feel dumb
#one of my best friends is coming over and ive been ghosting them (like pretty much everyone) for a couple months#and i think im reading into it too much but it seems like shes upset with me? idkk but i don't wanna ask bc if she IS mad at me that means#we have to talk about it and im Not in the right state for that atm#she has every right to be upset just like everyone else but i really dont want her to be#both bc i love her and them and i don't want to hurt them and bc i honestly don't wanna have to answer for it#'yeah every time smth even remotely resembling obligation comes up my skin feels like it's gonna peel away from its body and scuttle away'#like. i should not be terrified of it but it's like my tendons are splitting and i can't close my fist around anything#it all just slips through my fingers. but i still feel like it's my fault#selfishly i just wish they wouldn't ever bring it up. me taking forever to respond and stuff#i don't really like being teased about it but i can't just hurt them and then ask them not to bring it up yk#even if i don't super feel in control of the whole responding and socializing and functioning thing#i am. really really burnt out i think#but i don't wanna make my friends feel guilty for wanting to be around me bc 1) thats normal 2) thats an honor 3) theyre not doing anything#wrong by like. texting me. it's not their fault it feels so bad#especially since im not telling them bc that is itself an obligation#every reminder of something i have to do has felt physically painful more and more#everything from doing dishes to answering texts to cleaning my room to reading a book my dad likes#every day there's a dozen reminders of how im letting the people i love down and it looks to them like i just don't care enough#and in reality my friends are and have always been understanding. i know that. im just getting really in my head about it rn#it's been building a lot this past year. i thought i was getting better but im just.. really stuck rn#ughh i wish i could cancel. and i hate that bc i miss her and i know she's gotta miss me too but we have to talk about the foster turtle#so i cant back out now. aughhhh it's so dumb i feel so helpless and useless every time i think about anything but what's right in front of#me. ive been running from everything much more consciously lately and it's fucking embarrassing and stupid and basically im just feeling.#really really lame. shitty ass body and shitty ass brain and i don't think anyone really believes me when i blame them and not me#i just have to trust in the goodness of my friends more than the badness of myself for hurting them. two titans clashing#ughh anyway. whatever#i wanna talk to one person in particular bc they don't really make me feel that obligation as much but then im like if i respond to them i#have to respond to everyone else. it's dumb. ugh if you read this acm im thinking of you sorry my brain is being difficult <3
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“i’m all alone, but i’m as happy as can be!”
#aka top 10 things i wish i could drill into my coworkers brains grrrrrrrrrrrrrrnrhrhbgbgbfbfbfnf#‘you should get a bf’ ‘when are you gonna get married and have kids?’ how about n e v e r#i just want to sleep when i’m not on the clock mans i don’t want to waste my precious sleep time on others#i mean. i don’t even leave the house on my days off. not to go shopping or anything bc sleep is more important~~~#and stuff can be bought online anyways s o o o o o#g o d speaking of online purchases thoughhh this massage seat i bought online came in yesterday and it works amazingly well~~~~~#used it for half an hour last night and i was relaxed enough to sleep for 11-12 hours straight#wish i had space for an actual massage chair though but this will have to do…#it’s been my dream to own a massage chair for the longest time…… but ig this massage seat is good enough……#i can just slap it onto my desk chair and b a m ✨instant paradise✨#speaking of instant though… one of my coworkers was commenting on my love for instant noodles the other day#‘you’ll ✨d i e✨ faster if you eat a lot of cup noodles yk?’ he said#so ✨o f c✨ my mouth chose to work faster than my brain when i replied with ‘i’m fine with that bc i won’t have to work then’#he and another coworker laughed :( sadded#b u t i finally had my cup noodles that i ‘customised’ at the cup noodle museum today and it was good~~~~~~~ i have good taste (self praise)#the best part was the lack of spring onions!!!! bc screw spring onions really who decided that they should be included with most cup noodles#or just noodles in general? the texture sucks and they don’t even taste good man. why would you even add spring onions?#it’s number 2 in my list of most hated food toppings. it loses only to ikan bilis bc s c r e w ikan bilis or dried anchovies or whatever#they’re known as >:( i hateeeeee how takeout places will just assume that you want ikan bilis and lop on a huuuuugeeeee serving of them#atop your food as you desperately and futilely b e g them to stop#and when you try to pick them out they just!!!! keep turning up everywhere instead?????#like hello???? how did you manage to get to the bottom of the bowl???? you were only added as a topping!!!!!!!#also. their eyes are really creepy. and the heads get detached from the bodies all the time and just. seeing the eyes ruins my appetite.#wait this was supposed to be about my coworkers and their pushiness in a matter that doesn’t concern them how did we get so far off-topic—#chizuutan chizpost
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things i think buddie would argue about after moving in together: buying organic, the tupperware cabinet, couch throw pillows, the coffee maker
#yes i will elaborate#yk bucks buying all organic and name brand. eddie only buys organic or name brand if buck or chris want it. otherwise its gonna be generic#like if chris wants cheezits then hes getting cheezits if buck wants organic fruit leather then buck is getting his organic fruit leather#but if eddie wants oreos hes getting twist and shouts or sandwich creme cookies or whatever generic brand is available#every grocery trip is like just grab organic lettuce eddie. it doesnt matter buck just cuz theres no dirt on it doesnt mean its not lettuce#and the tupperware cabinet at the diaz (buck changes his last name to diaz okay he told me himself) house is crazy#i just know bucks tupperware cabinet in the loft is organized like crazy prob has labels or something. have you seen his immaculate kitchen#eddies tupperware cabinet is based on vibes. he tries to keep it organized but chris keeps coming home with more for some reason and theyre#all different sizes and theres no good way to condense them so theyre all just kinda in there and the cabinet closes so thats good enough#and that cabinet is the bane of bucks existence bc eddie let him have free rein over organizing everything else in the kitchen except#the tupperware cabinet#seriously eddie why cant we just throw some of these away and make some room in here?#oh suddenly mr we need to buy organic sustainably grown toilet paper wants to throw plastic directly into a landfill? absolutely not buck#and about the throw pillows#i just know mr eddie diaz loves home goods hes prob a member of the finders club or something#that man is decorating for all holidays and changes the pillows every season (canon) and buck well. weve seen the loft its the bare minimum#eddie comes back from home goods with a new pillow set and buck is like. eddie. eddie we have a dozen pillows already why do we need more??#none of the old ones match the new painting.#the new painting?? what new painting???#the coffee maker is a constant battle#because buck has had a hildy coffee maker for years and when he tried to set it up at eddies eddie was like. no. get that out of my house#and bucks like your house?? i thought this was our house 😔😔😔#oh baby i didnt mean that ofc its our house everything of mine is also yours#so i can set up hildy in our house right?#no.#and so buck is always dramatic as hell whenever he makes a pot of coffee.#oh if only i could set the brew cycle to match our work schedule. oh imagine how much we could save on the electric bill if it could put#itself to sleep after brewing. eddie. eds. babe if we could brew coffee from our phones then we could cuddle longer in the mornings#buck no. that thing is not allowed in this house.#me thinks
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#i’m a little drunk so forgive me please but#idk if it’s like.. bc i’ve been kinda down/moody anyway recently or if it’s bc i was gone for a week or bc i’ve finally picked up on it or#what - but i feel like legit kinda isolated now in work.. not in like some awful everyone deffo hates me way but in that bs olivia laing way#like it’s taken me way too long to notice that i’m not doing a good enough job making fuckn work-friends or whatever the fuck#& it’s so hard to say if that’s like. a me issue or if that’s bc fuckin almost all the people i work w are guys so i’m not a real person t#*to them!! probs fuckin both lbr - but it’s rly not helping shit yk#bc as soon as u go in knowing that ppl are talking 2 u for politeness then ur quieter so u look worse so there’s less talking etc etc etc#great fuckin stuff - ANYWAY remembered what i actually wanted to say#which was that i went to get some drinks w a friend earlier this week and god i wish i could like. this week just do ANYTHING#get properly pissed! see people & shit properly again; i miss having a proper social life and i’ve litch never had one#this is best left to be forgotten#so let’s not tag it lol - but anyway; anyone know how to make proper friends as an adult as a compulsive nonsharer & someone w/o interests!
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dear gods i adore horror tbh but i am way too sensitive to it
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#idk how to describe 'sensitive' rn i'm dying in the head i should be asleep but Man!!!!!#i search up tons of horror stuff for funsies. movies uhh creepypastas stories real life events etc. fun!#BUT it freaks me out wayyy too much. bcs i really don't deal well w Those feelings of paranoia.#my imagination too good i was scared at night going to sleep bcs i'd imagine what to do if an intruder came in from the bedroom door#or bathroom door and think of how i'd escape Death.........#Did Not Help my area before was kinda yk. chillax. chillax meaning grassy tree-sy backyard overgrown trees#old-ish in a filipino chill neighborhood that isn't very fancy ?????? idk.#and the fact one time my dad almost died and someone standing close to him Did die so. haha. traumatized from that.#I WASN'T THERE..... but i rmbr my dad coming home and the news absolutely terrified me. anyway!#wow... rambling on tumblr at 3 and a half am... Nostalgic.#anyway yeah i love love love horror stuff but i am !!! so bad w them !!! like jesus christ i adore resident evil and bloodborne#is my whole bloodline. or something. but i can't even watch my twin kill 1 zombie in a re game Demo (she can't do it either)#and i can only make it to killing the first monster in bloodborne and explore a tiny bit where there are still no enemies. god.#AAAGGGGHHHhhhh ... and the first point of horror in omori then i stop playing for months...... even tho i rlly wna play more :((#2024 ........ cmon... i will try to overcome my fears more.#i've improved somewhat at least! ...from when i was younger. like. man. i could never stay in night-time in games ever.#ffxv? nah i always have to travel at morning. only when i got strong enough that daemons were nothing to me did i stop#getting scared. ouuughhh... and i always try to be stealthy in games........... for many reasons ofc but 1. Scared#okay i shut up now. apollo rambles of tonight: done and over!
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also its so dumb that one of the arguments ppl have against a sims 5 is that theyve already invested too much money into 4. like yes its fucking scummy that ea charges so much for dlc and its Ludicrous the amt sims 4 costs if you have all the dlc and its going to keep getting more and more expensive but . to be honest . why are you paying for sims packs. im sry
#ik not everyone can pirate i get it and its your money do what you want#but itis your choice to invest so much into like. a sinking ship DJRNFJFNG. idk....#i want 2 be optimistic and believe that somehow they WILL be able to fix every single issue with ts4#but i honestly believe thats require them to take an extended break from releasing new packs and shit#and i genuinely honestly dont think theyll do that. lol.#but like. i think itd be a good idea like. Cut down on new releases and focus on fixing the base game and then pack refreshes#bc itd be rly cool to have like. pack refreshes to make them more fleshed out#but also like. sigh. it rly does come down to the packs bc i judt genuinely find it kind of disgusting how little is in each pack#and how many of the packs could be consolidated#genuinely earnestly feel like growing together and parenthood shouldve been one pack. like. and honestly throw hsy in there...#hsy could do with a refresh Badd ik its fairly new but oh my god the school is so fucking buggy#and in general like. IDK. id rly love the packs to be refreshed and id love love love More fucking lots in the worlds oh my god. multiple#worlds have literally 4 lots. Thats fucking actually insane it makes me crazy#i get like. ooh bc you can travel between worlds the worlds can be smaller but i hate it 😭😭😭#i think its just bc i grew up playing 3 perhaps but like. i rly loved like. idk when i choose to play in a sims world i want to play in tha#world. i dont want to have to like. i live in moonwood mills (5 lots .) and thej i have to go to like. san myshunonif i want to go to a bar#or whatever. is there a bar in san myshuno idr#IDKIDK. i feel like Innnn my opinion there should be like. at least 1 of the basegame lot types for every world maybe with some exceptions#and there should be enough empty slots ppl can fill it out more if they want...#but also like. idk. i suppose it wouldnt affect me much bc i usually stay on my home lot as much as possible#bc of the loading screens#it wouldnt be so bad if like. idk. i understand why they didnt wanna do open world like ts3#well i dont its fucking actually stupid. but i get that ts4 wasnt supposed to be what it is and it wasnt built to be a longrunning game.#hence why ts5 should happen instead as a Strong Foundation BUT WHATEVER but like. yk. and ik im not the only person in the world and other#ppl want different but i feel like maybe you could have options .. idk. im not a programmer#but itd be cool to have some sort of way to toggle between like. open world semi open world and closed world#where itd be like. ts3 style where the exteriors of everything r there but the interiors r loaded in when u visit (if that is how ts3 works#i may be a bit off) nd closed would be ts4 style Loading screen to go . next door#am i misremembering or are there even loading screens between like. the new apartments with forrent.... there were for the city living ones#skull Fuckk i ran out of space
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why is there no actually good music app :/
like i’m using apple music and most of it works okay but the search function sucks so bad and i considered switching to spotify a while ago so i tried that out for a bit but holy shit the user interface sucks so much. the only good thing there are the user created playlists
and why youtube music and amazon music suck is obvious probably lol
#literally i have to say apple music is so close to being good enough but its not and i doubt they’re ever gonna fix that stupid search thing#like it can’t be that hard yall#youtube can do it. spotify can do it. so why can’t apple 😤😡#ahkdbdkfn#but i also don’t value that enough to switch to spotify bc i rly don’t want to torture myself with that infuriating ui (no offence but i#dislike it immensely lol)#like who tf thought itd be a good idea to put everything into playlists???? like stop it bro don’t do that to me#and why the heck can’t i change the name of that default playlist :(#also the software is just kinda ugly ngl#but if the rest was good i could try to look past that but its just not#:/#i mean i do have to say there are also music apps i havent tried yet but i feel like if the megacorps can’t do it then the smaller ones are#probably also not better?? bc like how yk? anyway yeah idk idk#rant rant rant#moi#ignore this i just needed to complain bc ut rly annoyed me today#uwu
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sniffles sadly. every day im so sad that fnaf didnt go with placing vanny into aftons role.... god forbid women do anything ! ! !
#just saw gtlive finish the first ending n like. urgh#maybe if i liked eclipse more i wouldnt mind how prevalent they r but woof man#like i get it its charlie and evil baby or whatever in the same body but come onnnnn#that and the candy cadet stories just bashing the same kid going into woods framework into the ground#i miss when it was like. this dude sewed 5 kittens together! this lady melted 7 keys! stuff like that yk that was different and scarier#i do rlly think the series is going toward this like polished marketable thing instead of the grimy sludge i liked .... </3 and the AI stuf#is sooooo boring like fuuuuck its so boring. i wouldnt mind if its charliebots bc at least theyre interesting !!!!#but mimic as the new villian? bro. dude. thats so boring come on... afton was interesting bc he was fucked up severly#and robots r just like. theyre just robots dude its not even scary its just a thing being programmed smh#without the afton behind it its kinda just ..... bleh#honestly i wish they would cap the story? like make vanny take aftons role; do some shit; end it in a tragic but cathartic way#and then if they want to make more games do either other families in universe (like fazbear frights) or prequels/ world building shit like#something set in circus babys pizza world or w/e .i mean you could argue its about cassie now but if her dad is bonnie bro we're still stuc#in the afton central place. and i dont like that hteyre moving on without wrapping up the 102938120 loose ends they already made URGH ! !#is it too much to ask for a fnaf game thats crusty round the edges and really metaphorical for theorists to dig into but logical enough it#can be solved and also creates a good plotline . yeah i guess hell will freeze over before that#d.txt#sorry im sooooo normal about fnaf <- is abnormal. fuhnaffs theories r GREAT thoguh i love that guy he makes me happy about the franchise :o
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#realized how fucked it is i haven't played any chiral games. dmmd i want to play bc i feel like everyone has and don't want to be left out#+ want to justify buying That aoba figure (yk the one). slow damage seems to be the favorite among ppl whose vn opinions i listen to#sweet pool. well. i feel like i need to play and fast bc i have a fucking. keychain from it (bought bundled w like. saya + the totono girls#(i didn't just buy a keychain of a character i knew nothing abt just bc he was from a vn). and as for togainu no chi. i'm going to be fr w#you i was scrolling through jlist looking for games w physical releases bc i rlly do prefer to get a physical copy of these things . and it#was there so like. it could be good who knows. it was good enough to get an en physical copy.#romeo.txt
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randomly thinking about that one assignment during the lord of the flies unit in 10th grade english where we were given a hypothetical: 4 people are stranded and their boat can only carry 3, who do you leave behind? and idr a lot of specifics but 1 character was asthmatic and 1 was diabetic and at the time i didn't know how to articulate how fucked up that was and said something to the tune of "you're asking us to play god and i'm not okay with that"
eugenics.
my teacher was asking us to do eugenics based on ableist bullshit.
#i wish i could go back in time to tell myself exactly why it felt so shitty and give myself those words#idk if that teacherr discontinued the assignment but he did at the time say he'd take my feelings/thoughts into consideration#i definitely cried trying to figure out how to explain how fucked up it was 😅#and yk at the time i was sitting there like some of my classmates are saying leave the asthmatic behind theyre gonna die anyway#and call it practicality#which. is ableism and eugenics. but i did not know that#iirc my classmates were of the opinion that i was taking things too seriously#i think one of the characters was elderly so it was also an ageism thing bc there was also the argument of 'they have less time left'#i butted heads with that particular teacher a lot 😅 everybody else loved him. i did not.#he was a nice enough guy but idk#i will say i think if i had been able to articulate and explain that it's eugenics i'm pretty sure he would have been horrified#edit: asked someone who had the same teacher and class the following year if they had that assignment and fae does not think so#so that's good at least#eugenics#ableism
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I open tumblr just to see your tags 🙏 it’s a highlight of my day
armys don't scare me. i've been on the internet for fifteen years and i used to be a directioner, jungkook fans wish they were as insane as me 👍🏽
#ksjhfjksjhdjksjd ily too#i finally listened to golden btw#(cant believe i wasted 30 minutes of my time on this when i could have been listening to indigo instead but ANYWAYS)#my take is: still not sure how 3d is supposed to be about heterosexual sex and the term champagne confetti still has me rolling on the floo#i guess i kinda like closer to you? but i like major lazer's stuff usually and it's clearly not my fav sound he's ever put out so yk#grasping at straws there#his falsetto in seven is good but that's about it with this song#overall jk's voice when it's not completely overlaid with autotune is nice he's doing what he does best#but his voice is not enough to save the overall mediocrity of the songs#(also bc i guess his voice is the one i like less in the band so ofc it won't hook me like jin's or tae's singing voices might)#(but that's very personal in no way i'm saying he's a bad singer)#standing next to you sounds like a rip off from a michael jackson song so it's not that it's bad necessarily#just that it's... not... original. at all? i mean the song is very representative of the whole album in that way.#it's not that i dislike it necessarily just that it sounds like a cover album more than anything#the only thing i truly hate about golden is that i don't listen to bts to listen to mediocre white men's music and that's all that album is#yes or no is a skip boring as fuck#please don't change is. lyrically and musically underwhelming but i do like his voice? id say it's a white people festival song which. yeah#hate you. white man christmas movie song. skip.#somebody is ewwwww i do not like his voice in it at all and the rest is uninteresting so yk SKIP#too sad to dance. unoriginal literally have nothing to say about it. white man song. skip#shot glass full of tears. once again it's not that it's bad per se. id even say i like it. its just that it sounds like somebody else's son#this is so frustrating!!!! gaaaaaaaah!!! everything about this is frustrating!#id say im disappointed but it's what i expected since seven came out so im not.#overall boring and disappointing i beg u poc artists dont let white men make music for u thanks for coming to my ted talk#raplinenthusiasts#ask#answered#it's not even that golden is horrendous it's just... mediocre. idk what's worse tbh#anyways not tagging all that i might be insane but im not gonna consciously invite the crazy armys in#thank god for rapline huh
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Sorry. I meant cis ted.  I would never baby girls transman that would be offensive.
???? yeah i mean. i kind of figured you probably meant cis ted, i was saying I got distracted on the topic of feminization kink. also i mean. yeah it CAN be offensive but i was talking about how me, as a trans man, enjoys feminization kink on a trans male/transmasc character (in this case trent, sorry) bc i project a lot😩 and it's fun specifically because of the inherent contradictory na--i mean i did explain this? didn't i? i. sorry??
#please tell me im not about to get a bunch of anon hate for . [checks notes] having a kink#anyway i only like it done a certain way like. im not into misgendering or whatever its more just like. ohhh idk how to explain it rn#Again. Headache#but like. its ABOUT the contradictory nature of it its ABOUT how it#ironically--perhaps paradoxically--is validating of my/his gender#and like i mean. aftercare. praise kink anyone? good boy? love that shit. validation.#like. it's just. a guy can enjoy being feminized. and a trans guy is a guy#with as much wide variety as cis guys#and sometimes hes into that! and not necessarily in the specific Misgendering way but just. in the regular way. like a cis guy might be. yk#sources: I Am Into It And I'm Transmasc#anyway tldr IM babygirling trans trent bc id like to masculine enough to be babygirld.#plus ngl it just plays into my Complicated Gender Feelings#one of my ideal genders (i collect them like a dragon#im fluid i think but i lean very masc but in different shades?) is like#i want to look like a boy in girl's clothing if that makes sense. masculine enough that i could wear a dress and people would think#'guy in a dress' not 'lady' but still like. you know. wearing the dress.#and this plays into that--being masculine enough that you can be feminized and still be recognizably a guy? or know that you are still like#you and your partner still Know and Perceive you're a guy? you know?#the security of that in your own gender + safety/trust in your partner + it's FUN it's just fun#idk how else to explain it man but it's literally me projecting my personal feelings#also idk what emoji that is it wont load for me rip#ANYWAY sorry to derail thats why i did it in the tags. im just like#honestly not as interested in ted getting railed which--again not that it's not valid but it's also like 90 percent of the fan content for#the ship and like. again that's not invalid or Not Canon or something im just more interested in WRITING about trent getting railed#bc i have blorbo disease and my own preferences yknow?#askbox#anonymous#if i get like. Cancelled over this. im going to. like. walk into the sea
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