#but his voice is not enough to save the overall mediocrity of the songs

[bisexualnamjoonie]

I open tumblr just to see your tags 🙏 it’s a highlight of my day

armys don't scare me. i've been on the internet for fifteen years and i used to be a directioner, jungkook fans wish they were as insane as me 👍🏽

[chloroformthelittleb4stard]

Family Relations - Part 4

Summary: Your criminology teacher is acting all kinds of weird, which is the norm, except for the part where his eyes glaze over and he tries to kill someone. Stiles, the hero he is, tries to stop your professor with little avail until he gets some unnoticeable help from you. Stiles seems to find himself with you at the location of multiple attacks, just barely making it out alive. Through the bloodshed feelings, family, and friends mix to create a perfect blend of chaos and calm.

T/CW: Blood, gore, like a lot of fucking gore, swearing, body horror?

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I hope it's worth it. This is a long chapter but because the first part is short I put a time skip in the middle of it, that's what the = means. P.S - Happy mother's day!

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You'd convinced him to stay with you for the night because of what you were absolutely sure Allison and Scott's "after-pack-meeting" activities would include. It wasn't hard, as soon as you mentioned the prospect of Stiles' precious sleep being interrupted by their shenanigans he was on board with staying at yours. Your dorm had two beds, you'd been lucky and not gotten a roommate, a blessing and a curse really. You'd laid the sheets out and gotten your extra pillow, all ready for Stiles to get to sleep. The only problem was, Stiles wasn't particularly interested in sleep yet. You'd had a long day, mostly it was just that bout of magical fighting that wore you out but still, you were tired, and Stiles simply didn't want to be in silence.

"So, Y/n..." You'd been listening to the sound of Stiles fidget like mad, and you were wondering when he was going to snap and finally talk to you.

"Yes." Your tone was smooth and song-like. Despite needing sleep desperately you wanted to talk to Stiles, he was fun to talk to. You'd always been kind of a loner, it was easier to stay hidden that way, but you didn't need to hide with Stiles and it felt fucking amazing.

"What's D.C like?" He didn't look at you when he asked, staring straight up at the ceiling, but you were happy to stare at him, studying the moles on his cheek and the way his hair laid against the pillow.

"It's, interesting." He snorted, turning to you as you whipped your head away so you didn't get caught staring.

"Care to elaborate on that?" He had a dopey smile on his face, looking at your side profile like his life depended on it while he waited for you to respond. You felt his gaze burning your skin, it was a burn you could get used to.

"I don't know what you want me to say. Traffic's a bitch if you live in D.C, that's for sure. It took me half a hour to go eight miles from my house to school." He sucked in a breath at the statement, like simply hearing about traffic that bad was physically paining him.

"Good thing is if you live in the city you don't really need a car. My mom didn't have a car, neither did any of my babysitters, so we took the metro and the subway everywhere." He hummed, like the thought of the subway actually pleased him.

"I'm going to be in the city, that's for sure. FBI headquarters is on Pennsylvania ave." His muttering made you giggle, surprised that he knew so much about the landscape.

"You've been there before?" Your smile was wide from laughter and you didn't even care if you looked like an idiot, you were having fun.

"Yeah, once. I looked at going to George Washington so when I toured we stopped by. It's a really ugly building by the way, they should fix that." He was quirking a smile as well, glancing between you and the ceiling to try and look discreet.

"Yeah they should." You were trying to be quiet for the sake of your dorm mates but you were having trouble, Stiles was funny and it felt so good to laugh. You hadn't laughed like this in years, always too stressed to find anything amusing.

"So, what's is like rooming with Scott?" He made a vague hum of mediocrity, shrugging and leaving it at that.

"Care to elaborate on that?" You giggled using his words against him.

"It's good, we've been like brothers since we were little kids so it's really not that big of a difference. We spent a lot of time together at my house because my dad was gone a lot so living with him is kinda familiar." You felt a pang of sympathy when he said his dad was away, you thought back to your dad and how absent he'd been. The memories cut off almost as suddenly as they'd started.

"What about your mom?" He took a deep breath, he had a slight frown on his face and you knew immediately that you'd hit a nerve.

"She died, when I was a kid. She had a type of dementia and it, killed her." He was fully frowning now, and he was no longer fully with you, his eyes had glazed over and he was staring right through you. He shook his head and came back, frown gone and a small smile took its place.

"I'm sorry, both for what happened and that I brought it up."

"It's ok, it's been a long time and it brought me and my dad really close so it wasn't all bad." His silver lining was slim, slimmer than was arguably debatable to even count as a silver lining, but you didn't argue. He'd shared enough of his past with you, and you felt honored by the confession even if you did accidentally cause it to happen by asking. The fact that he shared something with you meant a lot.

"My mom died too, she was hit by a car when I was 13 and she died in surgery." The air was tense, but Stiles' expression and morphed from fake stability to real sympathy as your eyes locked and you tried to comfort each other without words. You fell asleep shortly after that, Stiles had stayed quiet for more than five minutes and that was all it took for sleep to wave its wand and take you under it's control.

==

Screams woke you up, screams from within your dorm. They woke Stiles up too and you both sprung to get re-dressed properly, rushing out the door as soon as you'd slipped your shoes on. The screaming was coming from down the hall and you already had a sinking feeling what had happened.

It wasn't uncommon for your fellow dorm dwellers to leave their doors open, it helped circulate cool air in the desert that was California. Being born and raised in D.C left you significantly more paranoid than most of them however, and so you decided you'd rather just suffer the heat than the possibility of getting robbed blind. You'd told some people in the common room at the beginning of the year about your fear and they'd all but laughed at you, saying that nothing like that happened here. You'd never wanted to have been so wrong in your life.

One door was already wide open, and blood was smeared on several other doors, also open. It seemed that the killer had gone down the hall, checking who decided it was too hot to save their lives. The first body was in the doorway of the room three doors up from yours. It was sprawled out on the floor and you and Stiles nodded, agreeing not to go into the room considering the carpet was currently soaking up the victim's blood. It seemed there were plenty of others anyways.

Room after room, one slaughtered college student after another left you feeling ill beyond belief. You didn't need to be told what had happened, you already knew. You had never actually had the chance to see what happened when the killer was finished with their dirty work, what they did to the people they used as instruments of mass murder. Sadly it seems you didn't have to go searching to find out. At the end of the hall was another body, this time with a knife in its hand, most likely from the kitchen in the common room. Its throat was cut, much like all the other victims.

The screaming had long stopped, you assumed it came from one of the other residents who peeked out into the hallway and saw what looked like a scene from an upcoming Scream 5. Stiles was bent over the body, examining what you assumed was its deadness.

"Whatcha looking at?" He gave you a vague noise of acknowledgment before standing up and looking at you with a face slightly paler than it was before he bent down.

"I think you should see this Y/n." You squatted down next to the corpse, examining its overall lack of life and raising an inquisitive eyebrow up at Stiles.

"Look in her throat, through the cut." You'd really planned not to come this close to a corpse in your life. What's that saying? Make a plan and the universe laughs.

The throat was indeed, mostly just bloody and disgusting, but also intriguing. The windpipe and both carotid arteries were slashed straight through, a feat that was essentially impossible to do for the normal non-possessed human. In the back of the windpipe, which you could just barely see through the cut, there was a small mark. You dug your phone out of your back pocket, almost dropping it with how much your hands were shaking, and turned your flashlight on to it's brightest setting so you could see the mark clearly.

It was a small symbol, lines and swirls within a small circle that struck you as soon as you saw it. With a soft thud your ass met the ground as your precarious balancing act failed and you fell from your squatting position.

"Are you ok?" Stiles' voice was lost as your brain went into panic mode, the new found information stirring up a whirlwind of anxiety.

"We need to get out of here. Like, right now." Scrambling up from the blood soaked floor you made your way back to your dorm room, dragging a confused Stiles behind you asking a million and one questions.

Without answering any of them you grabbed your nearest backpack and started destroying your dorm room in an attempt to gather all of your most important belongings, a mix of underwear, clothes, and books thrown into your worn backpack.

"Are you going to keep ignoring me or do I get an explanation for why we need to leave your dorm room? Y'know other than the murdered college students..."  Stiles had passed the stage of being thoroughly confused by you, that ship sailed when you fought off the vine that attacked you both. Now however, he was fed up with not having answers to the predicament you now found yourselves in.

"Can I explain it to you in the car? We need to leave ASAP."

"The car has a name, it's Roscoe." You rolled your eyes, of course he named his car, and of course now is the best possible moment to tell you.

"Less talking more walking please."

"Sorry." The keys jingled as he grabbed them and yours, tossing your purple keychain to you so you could lock up. You took the stairs two at a time, almost tripping over Stiles in your haste to get out of the building.

The car seats were cold when you got in but you couldn't be more awake than you already were, adrenaline and fear coursing through your blood, the symbol seemingly burned into the back of your eyelids, haunting you whenever you so much as blinked. Stiles booked it out of the parking lot, Roscoe's tires making an awful screeching noise as he turned while reversing, a move that would have scared you had there not been the max amount of fear already happening.

"So, explanation." He raised an expectant eyebrow at you, biting his tongue to let you answer before he spiraled into asking questions without enough time for you to answer them.

"Uh, do werewolves have symbols for different concepts, like danger and stuff?"

"Y-yeah they do, there's one for revenge it's a spiral. Why?" A spiral, of course the supernatural weren't creative when it came to symbol differences.

"Ok well witches do, it's called the witches' alphabet, it's a few symbols they mean stuff, the one we just saw in the corpse was the symbol for revenge. It's used to channel the chosen energy into whatever magic you cast." Your voice was shaking, the lack of oxygen in your system making you feel light headed, or maybe that was the endorphins, who knows.

"Ok, so what does that mean?" Stiles was shaking as well, not liking the sound of any more revenge business. He had to deal with this once before, he didn't want a repeat supernatural problem.

"It means that whoever cast the spell is one, vengeful, two, meeting the victims beforehand to get the symbol on them. This is bad, like, really bad." You had to actively sit on your hands to stop their fidgeting, the nervous energy bubbling inside your body like a volcano.

"Just what we need, a witch who wants vengeance. Was a normal evil witch not enough?!" Stiles' comment made you chuckle, the breathy act brought a twitch of a smile to his face, your happiness spreading to him in the midst of your crisis.

"Apparently not. Where are you going, the dorms are the opposite way."

"I don't know, I didn't want to take you back to Scott until I knew what was going on so I kind of just started driving around." Had you not been stressed beyond belief at the moment you would have been endeared by Stiles' care for his friend and roommate, but at the moment it was just irritating.

"You just drove us in the middle of the night down a street you have no idea where it leads? Really Stiles?! Take us to Scott, now." You were fuming but upon seeing the dejected look in Stiles' eyes at your harsh tone you were reminded as to how hard this entire situation must be for a normal human, werewolf pack member or not.

"Please. Could you please take us to Scott." Your manners had escaped you for a moment but with the regaining of your senses they came back.  A pang of guilt struck you at how mean you'd been to the brunette next to you. Reaching out for his hand which was resting on the stick-shift you hoped silently that he would accept your unspoken apology. He did accept, a blush rising to his cheeks at the skin-to-skin contact that you initiated and a smile creeping on his face.

Moments after your mutual flush and giddiness over the contact Stiles pulled up into the parking lot of his own dorm, the tar lit up just barely by a floodlight near the sidewalk. Unwinding his fingers from yours he was the first to get out of the car, you following shortly after, the cold air hitting your bare shoulders per your tank top which you just now realized was covered in blood.

Rushing to Stiles' side you wrapped your arms around your torso to try and cover the evidence of your dorm's activities, only to realize that your arms were the source of the problem. A mix of various people's blood was coating your arms, the red solution drying crusty on your skin. Thankfully it was the middle of the night, the darkness mostly covering your blood-stained everything.

Looking over at the mole-covered man next to you you took in the sight of him, surprisingly not covered entirely in blood. He had spots of it on his hoodie, only barely visible thanks to the floodlight, but he'd managed to stay clear of the mess, something you were currently jealous of. You wouldn't be able to take a shower until you were back in your own dorm and you were really dreading the idea of having to wash off both of your arms in the small dorm sinks.

Stiles opened the door for you and the heat influx from the building was a welcome change, the goosebumps immediately vacating your skin. You both headed up to his dorm in relative silence, trying not to wake his neighbors up. It was a harder feat than it should have been, given how often Stiles almost tripped on the single flight of stairs up to his shared room.

You could hear snoring coming from one of the beds, presumably Scott's, and the embarrassing situation you'd found your friend in made you momentarily forget your current predicament. In the darkness you could see two bodies in Scott's bed, the smaller one of which you assumed was Allison, tucked under her boyfriend's arm. They were sleeping so peacefully you almost felt bad to wake them, Stiles however, did not. With a loud enough greeting and the swift act of turning on all of the lights in their dorm, he woke his roommate and his roommate's girlfriend up with a startle.

"Stiles! They were sleeping!" You'd wanted to put up a semblance of good will with the woman you'd met less than 24 hours ago but in reality you were stifling a laugh, biting your tongue to keep from bursting out. The couple let out groans of protest at being woken up in the wee hours of the morning but got up eventually anyways, thankfully somewhat dressed after what you were still convinced their nightly activities consisted of.

"What the hell dude?" The were-wolf's voice was groggy from sleep and the rough scratch in his throat reminded you of Stiles' voice less than two hours ago when you were woken up by screaming neighbors.

"Sorry but you really can't be asleep right now, also yes that is blood on Y/n's, well everywhere, I will explain that in a minute. Allison could you help her clean up? Scott I need to talk to you." Nodding Allison took immediate heed to Stiles' request and looked carefully for a space to lead you that wasn't covered in blood before eventually deciding 'fuck it' and grabbing one of your slowly drying arms, washing the blood off of the area in the small sink.

There wasn't a lot of space in the dorm for a private conversation but you and Allison made small talk in an attempt to give the boys some facade of privacy.

"So, rough night I guess?" She let out a small chuckle at her own joke while you allowed a smile to creep onto your face at the problem you had earlier found yourself in.

"You could say that. Someone decided it'd be a good idea to murder a solid percentage of my floor mates so, y'know, the night could have gone better." She gasped at that, the light air of the conversation having gone as soon as you brought up the traumatic events that had occurred.

"Murder? Oh God. By 'a solid percentage' you mean how many people exactly?" Your mind flashed through the bodies you'd seen, counting at least six in the haze of the night.

"Six, maybe more. I don't know for sure, it was a lot. We found who did it though, kind of." You wished that you were dealing with a normal murder where finding who did the killing actually solved your problem. Sadly, that wasn't the case and the situation was getting more and more fraught in your mind the more you stressed about it, the images and circumstances pulling the strings in your mind so tightly they were beginning to fray.

"Are you ok?" Allison's eyes were kind and you noted in the back of your brain to thank Scott that he had such good taste in girlfriends.

"Yeah, I think so. I'm not hurt or anything, just a little shaken up." She nodded silently before going into nurse-mode and scanning your now-clean left arm.

"No scratches, all of this blood seems to be someone else's. I think most of the blood is other people's but I need to wash off the other arm to be sure."

"Be my guest, I wasn't feeling the whole blood-sleeve look anyways." You shrugged and let out a small giggle at your own joke, Allison following suit as she lathered up the ruined washcloth for another round of scrubbing.

You were in the process of cleaning the blood from underneath your fingernails when Stiles and Scott crept up behind you, interrupting the light bonding that you had started with Allison.

"Ok, we need to get out of here and go back home, right now." Scott took on more of a dominant personality when in charge and it made you glad that someone knew what to do, even if you didn't. You'd already grabbed spare clothes from your dorm room so you and Allison waited by the door nervously while Stiles and Scott scrambled to gather their most important belongings.

"Where is home?" You knew where you were from and where your home was, but you doubted that everyone would be game for catching a flight at almost 4 a.m.

"Beacon Hills, it's where we all met. Stiles and Scott are from there, so is most of the pack, I moved there sophomore year. The pack started in Beacon Hills, the town is like a beacon for the supernatural, it's probably the safest place to be because it's home territory, Scott's pack has been protecting it for years now."

"So Scott's the alpha?" It made sense given his natural leadership abilities and his friendliness, but it was still a little odd to see your friend as the strongest were-wolf out of the entire group you saw the other night.

"He's a true alpha too." You'd heard of true alphas, mostly by myth however, they were rare but the more you thought back on Scott's character the more it made sense. He was easily one of the most loyal people you'd met, and he was brave as well, fighting for people he didn't even know, or people he didn't know well. He was willing to risk his life to save the barista on the day of that attack, even willing to let her see him shift, it was only logical that he was a true alpha.

Your conversation was interrupted as it took all of five minutes for the two best friends to pack their things, swing the backpacks stuffed full of items over their shoulders before they led the way back down to the Jeep that was parked out front.

The ride was quiet and tense, Stiles in the front with you and Scott in the back with Allison, explaining the specifics of the situation that you had purposely left out because you didn't know how to explain it without making a joke out of it. Dark humor was quickly becoming your most solid coping mechanism for morbidity.

Scott went to protect Allison as she ran up to her dorm to grab her things as well, insisting that she tell her roommate she was going home so no one would file a missing person's report and make the entire situation more complicated.

She came back downstairs quickly, Scott in tow looking noticeably dazed as he held on to his girlfriend's hand when she plopped in the back of Stiles' Jeep. You let out a snort at what had most likely been a 'our lives are in danger' make out and let them have their secrecy as Stiles started up for what was the drive to Beacon Hills.

[tosikoarts]

SFW Alphabet | Shiraishi Yoshitake

Long live the King! You can check tosikowrites tag for more. Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Relationship for Shiraishi is more about friendship with intimacy than a long tradition-based order of courtship and conventions. His affection does not manifest in standard gestures like buying flowers or singing serenades, acting all gentlemanly and saving the day pompously like a romantic novel protagonist. If he ever does anything from list above, it is his daydreaming that he doesn’t try to bring to life.

One of Shiraishi’s main goal in the relationship is to keep his partner happy, and the main sign that they are happy is their shrill laughter. It doesn’t matter if they are laughing because stray toothy animal bit his head or because the joke was funny (yay!), mission accomplished and he is satisfied.  Seeing them cry is worse than being hit hundred times with a baton.

Every single soul in the one kilometer radius know whom Shiraishi loves and why he loves them and how amazing, adorable, lovely, cool they are. Sugimoto and Asirpa are making earplugs because Shiraishi can’t shut the hell up. He managed to piss off the men who kidnapped him with bragging about his loved one. Kiroranke puts maximum effort not to bury him in the nearest snowdrift. His admiration doesn’t die down through years.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

The best friend to get dumb with. Sing inappropriate songs, prank others, annoy boring elders and all this jazz. His jokes are never offensive because Shiraishi wants to have good time only but they are unpredictable and never repetitive. His instinct of self-preservation goes m.i.a. in the process so it’s literally life-saving to have a reliable person by the side.

If you need a friend to gossip with Shiraishi is you best choice. He got hot tea on everyone, I mean e v e r y o n e, from old man Hijikata to naïve Koito and he needs best friend to spill it. Damn, Shiraishi is definitely that bih with neon acrylics and golden hoops.

Probably the friend that introduce you to people and brings you into new circles. Wide range of characters, social statuses, affiliations gives a chance to meet potential partners. There is one unspoken rule though: you come here as Shiraishi’s bff, you leave this place as Shiraishi’s bff.

Speaking of which, he comes across as possessive friend. Restriction of other’s social circle and constant need in validation aren’t his behavior traits, but Shiraishi is sensitive to subtle changes in communication. Sole possibility of losing the established connection gives him extreme anxiety. To avoid it he can make concessions and sacrifice his own interests for them.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Eeh, indifferent? He doesn’t seem like a big fan of cuddling but will do it on occasions. When lights are down and they are in a private of the room, Shiraishi may spoon them to feel the comfort of another person and a little bit of safety he finds in their touch. He doesn’t have a preferred position as well: whatever his loved one wants he will do without hesitation.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

The closest home equivalent that Shiraishi knows is a dark prison cell and this is how he sees the stability in its best light. Yep, same food every day, funny inadequacies behind the adjacent wall, and a guy in not-so-sexy uniform who checks his asshole now and then. What a paradise. Seriously, he needs time to get used to concept of comfort zone. Maybe, after few years Shiraishi himself will offer to find a cozy place for both of them. Average cook. Doesn’t know how to hold a broom.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Breaking up with Shiraishi is a whole three-ring circus because he is hot and then cold, yes and then no. Get ready to prepare sad clown look for both you and him because it will be a long story: as soon as the idea settles in his head, Shiraishi will turn into giant wreck. Everybody around notices him walking in circles as well as asking Sugimoto how to properly show person that he is not interested. Of course, he ignores rational “just tell them, set a record straight”. Of course, Shiraishi plays dumb and tries to distance himself in all ways possible and impossible. The only way to end this agony is to break the relationship yourself before the mutual sympathy and respect turn into disgust and tension.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Doesn’t experience a burning passion to get married but doesn’t completely discards this possibility either. If person seems to be the only one, the meant one, Shiraishi will pop a question after 3-4 years of stable relationship. Cruel push and pull game, sudden break ups and get backs together kill his will to settle down. He may stay with them but Shiraishi will never bring up thought of marriage, wedding bells, and family.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Even the prison could not knock softness out of Shiraishi: he is utterly gentle with his partner, dreading hurting them or jeopardize their life with the hunt of tattooed skins. Choosing the right words is a little more complicated so translation of an emotional mess in his head does not always convey implied sentiment. That’s the reason why Shiraishi may be unintentionally harsh when it comes to serious conversations: he is torn between being tender and showing firm character.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Somehow, loves hugs but rarely initiate them. He is almost always cold, his skin feels cold and rough like papyrus paper, therefore, his partner frequently serves as a living heater. When they are busy with work or chores, Shiraishi catches their hand and embraces their arm, practically immobilizing it. Hints fly left and right when Shiraishi wants a hug: he really comes to the partner with puppy eyes and  index finger pointing towards one another because no, he won’t go for it himself, he want his loved one to do it.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Mentally, he already did it when they met for first time but it takes at least a month for Shiraishi to say three magic words aloud. Two would be even better. He's not serious enough to wait for the friendly phase of a romantic relationship when people have already got used to each other. The longer the relationship lasts, the more serious Shiraishi gets though. You can hear it in the changing of his voice when his playful “I love you so so much” shifts to calm and earnest confession.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Easily jealoused walking disaster that will follow his partner like a poodle if they give him a reason to doubt their faithfulness. Sometimes Shiraishi overreacts, he even thought Sugimoto was looking at his loved one somehow weirdly but quickly brushed this idea off just for it to come back to him next day. Shiraishi gets extremely needy and tries to show everybody that this is HIS person. He is NOT sharing. They love ME. He gives them extra kisses, hugs, grabs their hand and squeezes it few times, smiles at them as much as he physically can.

If his loved one is the one being overly flirtatious, Shiraishi feels awful. Wave of insecurity knocks him off the feet and he doesn’t know what to do. He is overthinker so without proper explanation Shiraishi comes up with the worst scenarios possible. In this case he distance himself until person reassures him in their relationship.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

In the beginning, Shiraishi seems the worst kisser in the world. He has little experience, almost no experience to be honest: yujo do not have time to teach clients the art of kissing. So, yeah, he is pretty average, goofy, sloppy and eager. Wants to kiss everywhere anyhow.  

After a little bit of training his kisses become more sophisticated, and Shiraishi himself doesn’t try to jump on his partner with smooches. He is still impatient when they put their hands on him and tends to get touchy even in public places. When Shiraishi gets in the mood for kissing session, he is unstoppable.

There is a sweet spot right under the earlobe kissing which send Shiraishi on the cloud nine. One kiss and he surrounds to the will of the partner. Ask whatever you want. Besides that he doesn’t care where to be kissed. Likes to give his partner gentle pecks on the nose and cheeks.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

If you remember chart going around the Tumblr with categories like “wine aunt, great at babysitting, mediocre at babysitting” Shiraishi would fall both in “God is dead, house is on fire” and “Is a baby”. Kids absolutely love him because they are on the same level *cough cough* and he is overall funny guy unlike the most adults around. Shiraishi likes active games and never sits still. For every crying child he got a candy and few tricks in his sleeve. He would love to be a father one day so he has few more minions to annoy grumpy people.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

People who sleep in together stay together. This is the rule of Yoshitake house. No matter what time his partner wakes up Shiraishi wakes up later. Nine in the morning? He is in the bed until noon. Three in the afternoon? He is still sleeping, squeezing his partner tightly in his arms. Even after waking up Shiraishi stays under the blanket. He playfully asks the loved one if they want to keep him company and cuddle too but if they are in hurry, he will lazily crawl out of bed and cook something for them.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Prefers to spend night outside gambling or drinking, skinny-dipping, lying in the grass and telling fables with varying percentage of truth. In the cold season Shiraishi still likes to go downtown but mainly to meet old friends and have dinner with them and his loved one. Rarely he chooses to stay in the comfort of home. Shiraishi teaches his partner different board games, and soon playing turns into a competition. From time to time Shiraishi loses on purpose, gifting sweet victory in shogi/igo/karuta to the most significant person in his life.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

You don’t have to ask anything unless you want to spend next hour listening to Shiraishi’s biography. He will tell you about the relationship with parents, about childhood scar on the knee, about search of Sister Miyazawa, and what a bastards his cellmates were. The list is endless, and every day Shiraishi remembers one more story he forgot to tell. There are only two things that can stop him: firm “no, not now, Shiraishi” from the partner and lack of mutual openness on their part.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

It is impossible to piss Shiraishi off. His ability to reduce everything to a joke does not help only in advanced cases where person wanted to break his neck from the beginning. Even when his patience runs out, Shiraishi cannot explode in anger, he just grimaces, stomps, and spits sarcasm. In everyday life, he avoids conflicts as much as possible and does everything to find a convenient compromise so you won’t catch him slipping. He would rather go for a walk and leave another person to cool down than get involved in heated argument.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He doesn’t remember shit if his partner doesn’t indicate that it is important information. Worth remembering. Shiraishi, please, listen. At the same time he notices slight changes in their appearance, from new haircut to ring, and keeps in mind such details like eye color, favorite clothes, maybe, particular qualities like never buttoning shirt up completely or writing notes on the wrist. Anniversaries? Baby, he doesn’t remember what day it is today. Just give up.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first kiss. Not only did it happen completely by accident due to a bet, but it was so awkward and unexpected that Shiraishi forgot how kissing works. Yep, he froze feeling their warm lips on his, only eyebrows slightly raised up in disbelief. After this incident, Shiraishi could not stop thinking about them. God, he is disgrace, to embarrass yourself in front of the person you like. It could not be otherwise. To remedy the situation, Shiraishi pulled himself together, remembered the cheesiest lines in the reserve, and suggested to try again because he was astonished by their daring attitude. He has no idea what happened after that but that spontaneous kiss with a touch of childishness and innocence stayed with him forever.

Oh, one more moment! Meeting them after coming back from Karafuto. Honestly, Shiraishi didn’t believe he will make it out alive. Ogata or Kiroranke could slice his throat, hide the body, and tell Asirpa he left with his tail between his legs. Therefore, it is miracle to see their adorable face again.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Let’s be real, he is the one who needs protection. He also needs some ass-whooping for getting in troubles regularly too but that is not the point. Shiraishi rarely stands up against obviously strong opponents and chooses famous Joestar backup plan �� run for his life with loved one under his arm. Another option includes involvement of threatening allies, mostly Sugimoto, to save them both. Sometimes courage overwhelms him, and Shiraishi comes up with risky but bold plan how to save them without outside help but it happens much less often.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Most of the time, Shiraishi hopes that everything will be fine by itself, every event will run like clockwork without excessive effort. Dates are unpretentious: no fancy restaurants, exquisite gifts, long intricate confessions of endless love, etc. To his credit, Shiraishi takes chores more or less seriously and does his best. For the anniversaries he transforms in person you've never seen before: dressed immaculately Shiraishi holds a small bouquet of bright moss phlox and box of sweet sakuramochis, his face glows with happiness and love, however, you can sense a nervousness behind the wide smile. On days so special, he is afraid to ruin the mood with usual tomfoolery.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Canonically, Shiraishi is not the tidiest person around. For some it may be stumbling block because constant battle with desire to throw him in hot springs and scrub ingrained dirt with the hardest sponge can be too tiresome. Also Shiraishi bites his nails until they bleed as well as pulls the hangnails until his fingers start to hurt.

A sense of proportion leaves Shiraishi as soon as a bottle of sake appears on the horizon. Even though he is funny and harmless drinker, he goes overboard with alcohol to end up throwing out behind the nearest pine.

Little lies always slip through the conversation no matter what it is about. When the truth is revealed, it is too late to blame him.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Shiraishi doesn’t care about his appearance but likes to get compliments on it. He knows bunch of tricks how to remove different stains from clothes in the wild and doesn't know how to avoid them. One look is enough for Shiraishi: he could wear his old prison uniform for life time because it is strangely comfortable and universal for any event. Except the pursuit by guards, of course.

Has mixed feelings about his tattoos. Living with them is to sit on a powder keg: you never know when the new man with the gold rush will try to scalp you alive.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Gets very, very attached to the friends and loved ones so break up feels like punch in the gut. Unlike the rest, Shiraishi basically refuses to let go. He gets clingy, keeps acting like nothing happened, like they are still the best friends, just to cover up growing emptiness inside. No matter how hard he ignores it, Shiraishi can feel how part of him fades. Sometimes even abrupt refusal doesn’t work, but it’s simply his way to deal with sadness.  After few weeks, he has an insight that things will never be the same and that when it hits him. Shiraishi tries to distance himself and it takes all of his strength since by this time he becomes easily distracted, irritated, and whiny. He needs months to get over it.

If they died or were killed, Shiraishi puts effort to maintain his clown image. Only closest people can notice small detail that give away his sorrow and melancholy. Doesn't attempt to get revenge. The time to recover increases to year.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Do you think Shiraishi went to jail so often because of negligence? Partially, yes. Besides the fact Shiraishi is being hopeless fool, he finds prison cell a great place to take a break from fleeting life. If you think about it time slows down behind bars. There’s no point to worry what tomorrow will bring, how to survive and make it through another scuffle, and his impressive skills guarantee him easy escape.

Shiraishi has joint hypermobility syndrome which helps him bend joints at unusual angles and even pull bones out of the fossae. Prolonged arthralgia is a side effect that Shiraishi had to deal with from the first conscious days. There are days when the pain becomes so excruciating that he just wants to lie still and stare at the sky for 24 hours.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Continuous scolding when there is a reason and when there is not. Yes, with his behavior it is difficult to resist the urge to say a couple of strong words or raise your voice, and Shiraishi is totally okay with it until rebuke becomes daily tradition.

Shiraishi's thoughts are always in motion, usually Brownian motion, his body twitches even when he tries to sit calmly in one place so stagnation in any form would be the death of him. This includes repetitive thoughts, boring behavior, and general passivity.

Shiraishi is genuinely upset if his partner doesn't like children. This is an inexplicable feeling, he really hurts if they ignore little ones or, worse, openly express dislike for kids.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Prepare yourself to unexpected awakening in the middle of the night, you will have a lot of them. Shiraishi keeps running from guardians of the law even in his sleep: he kicks, turns, throws his arms out to the sides for the most part of the night. Accidental elbow blow to the nose is not uncommon either. Worst of all, he does not wake up after that!

In the morning Shiraishi likes to sneak closer to his loved one and just presses him onto them. Like, completely. He throws his leg over them, hugs them, presses his cheek to their back, and if it feels just right in winter, in summer such cuddle can be a real test.

Abrupt sleep schedule changes do not bother Shiraishi at all. His organism is so adapted to the crazy lifestyle that he stays fresh even after sleepless night, after waking up at 3 a.m. and going to bed at 3 p.m.

[missusk]

Pecha Berries

A Pokemon Shield Nuzlocke Story.

Chapter 1 - Mediocrity

Mediocrity was the one thing she was ever really good at.

Dolly gazed out her living room window, slumping her head on her fist. Her fingers drummed on the sill as she watched the trees sway back and forth, the spring wind wisping through strands of her hair. She picked at the skin surrounding her nails - an unfortunate habit, sure, but it was something to do.

She was never very popular, never very funny, and pretty average when it came to marks in school. Her ex-boyfriend said she was a solid 5/10, so she had that going for her. Not interesting enough to be pretty, not interesting enough to be ugly.

A few Sqwovets bumbled across the branches of the Slumbering Weald, a fat one cracking the branch and tumbling into a shrub below. She winced on his behalf. He seemed fine though, as he quickly scuttled back up her fencing.

Well, she has been known as being 'a pleasure to have in class', but that's about it.

Average on all accounts; the princess of plain, the queen of common, the czar of standard. If anything, It didn't matter if she was the best at something no one cared about.

“Hey Dolly, wanna come play?” the Sqwovet asked, flicking his tail back and forth. “Me an’ the boys are having a dung war later.”

Dolly resisted the urge to grimace.

“Thanks Jeremy, but uh, no thanks,”

"Why? You’re not doing anything,” the Sqwovet huffed, setting his hands on his hips.

She shrugged and he scrambled back toward the trees, calling back into the bushes.

"She’s not coming! I told you humans don’t play with their own dung!” 

“What a step back on the evolutionary ladder,” another voice grumbled as the shrubs rustled. 

Perhaps there was one interesting aspect about her - she could talk to Pokémon, not by her own choice, however. These daily requests for dung wars was exhibit A of why talking to Pokémon wasn’t as dreamy as everyone assumed it was. Exhibit B was Blipbug mating season. She shuddered at the thought and slumped over to the couch, flopping onto the flowery decorative pillows her mum picked out when they first moved to Postwick. 

It's not that she didn't enjoy doing things, it's just that she was completely average at them. Sometimes by her own account, sometimes not. A lot of people lived by a dramatic, inspiring mantra. Hers manifested in that half-assing anything was better than no-assing it, and easier than whole-assing something.

Her mum’s Munchlax snored in the corner, letting out quiet murmurs as he slept.

“Rawst berries…snrk …Sitrus berries…. snrrrt ….pork loin… hurk…” 

Dolly rolled her eyes as she flung a leg up on the back of the couch, pulled out her new Rotom phone, and started scrolling. Living in the world of Pokémon had perks, but sometimes pictures on social media weren’t one of them. Lady posing with a Slowbro here, Sudowoodo there, a picture of a sandstorm…even social media was average today. Her eyes began to droop until she saw a flash of gold and red.

"Ah! The exhibition match!" Dolly exclaimed, sitting up on her couch.

Now that was someone who was good at something. One of those blokes that was good at everything, probably. Champion Leon was tall, dark, and handsome, charismatic to a fault, and the most powerful person in Galar, next to Chairman Rose of course. They said he was bad with directions, but it’s not like that was a character flaw. The passion that he oozed through every pore was palpable, even through a screen. It was magnetic, pervasive, and it almost made her feel like she could feel that passion again one day, too.

Almost.

As she watched Leon's team decimate yet another Trainer, her mind began to drift. Charizard used Air Slash, which is effective against Fighting-types. Rubbish mistake sending a Machamp against his famous Charizard, what was this Trainer thinking? Has she ever even seen Leon battle before? Rubbish.

Even though Dolly allowed herself to believe she was absolutely average at everything, a small thought pricked the back of her mind as she evaluated the battle.

She was good at one thing, once. Pokémon battles.

But that thought didn't last very long.

"Hello, hello!"

The pseudo-politeness of that verbal knocking was Seismic Tossed into the dirt as a boy barged into the living room, along with a cotton sphere and dirt from a pair of shoes and two pairs of hooves.

"Oh, that your flash new phone, Dolls? Were you watching Lee’s exhibition match on it?"

She glanced up to see her purple-haired best friend grinning at her, with his trusty Wooloo partner grinning right along with him. A quick glance to the left revealed her mum grimacing at the now dirt-speckled carpet.

“Hi Hop,” she said. “And hi Wooloo,”

“Hi,” Wooloo replied sheepishly, hiding half of his face behind his Trainer.

"I've got all my brother's matches recorded anyway,” Hop continued, ignoring her greeting. “Don't you want to meet the legendary Champion in person?"

“That’s today?!”

Hop beamed and folded his arms over his chest as Dolly scrambled off her couch.

“You bet, it’s been on the calendar for months! That’s why I came here to get you! Lee’s coming into town today, so come on, get off your duff and let’s get moving!” 

“Yeah!” Hop’s Wooloo bleated as he raised his head in mock-triumph as his Trainer did.

Dolly trailed after her best mate who was already heading out the door.

“Going to Wedgehurst with Hop, bye mum!”

“Now wait a minute, Miss Dolores, you get your hat, remember the weather,” she scolded from the kitchen.

“And grab a bag, too, Lee’s probably going to have presents for us!” Hop sing-songed on his way out the door.

Dolly hopped to her room, slung her mum’s old leather bag over her shoulders, figured she’d be fine without her gran’s ugly old hat, and sprinted back to the front room. After a kiss on the cheek from her mum, she sprinted out the door.

“Now no going into the forest with the two of you!” her mum called from behind them.

“We know!” they replied simultaneously.

They trotted down the steps of her house and to the dirt path and a laugh exploded out of Hop’s mouth.

“Look at that bag, it’s about to pull you over! If Lee brings a Snorlax you’ll be all set!”

"Shut it, it’s the only one I’ve got," Dolly said, shoving at him with said bag. "If you’d like to buy me a new one at the boutique I’d be happy to trade it out,”

“No thanks, mate, I’m saving my money for potions and Poké Balls for when Lee endorses me for the Gym Challenge,” Hop whistled as a Wooloo came rolling by.

Their eyes followed it as it rolled into the fence near Dolly’s house.

“What’s a Wooloo doing here?” Dolly asked as it butted its head against the fence post.

“I see what you’re up to,” Hop grinned, marching up to it. He pulled at the Wooloo’s flank and backed it up. “Don’t go using Tackle on the fencing!"

“Don't go past that fence, little Wooloo, there’s some scary Pokémon in there,” Dolly agreed as Hop patted its head.

The Wooloo looked at her blankly. Odd for it to not respond... She had dozens of conversations with the Wooloo around here, but perhaps she had never spoken to this one specifically. Although her Curse was overall pretty terrible, talking with Pokémon was one perk - the only perk, really.

Hop brushed his hands off and grinned as the Wooloo scuttled off.

“Well now that that’s taken care of, let’s set off! You’ve still never met my big bro, right? You can’t miss out on your chance to meet the undefeated Champion!”

“It’s true,” Dolly grinned, hiking her bag up on her shoulders. “Someone so famous from such a nowhere town, and your brother, no less.”

“Yeah, well Postwick will be the hometown of two of Galar’s Champions once I get through with the Gym Challenge,” Hop grinned, pumping a fist in the air. “Speaking of nowhere towns, there’s Wedgehurst! Race you there!”

Hop took off at a sprint, kicking up dust as he ran towards the Wedgehurst train station. Dolly snickered and took off right behind him.

The plaza was filled with spectators and villagers, which wasn’t too challenging, to be honest, as their little villages weren’t exactly a thriving metropolis. They reached the back of the crowd, peering around bodies and through the arms of folks gathered to see their beloved Champion. The crowd erupted with cheers, and Hop and Dolly saw a flash of fire and a twirl of gold.

“Hello, hello, Wedgehurst!” they heard from through the crowd. “Your Champion Leon is back!”

Hop was grinning ear to ear as they pushed their way through the arms and legs of the spectators, Leon addressing the people of Wedgehurst. Once they finally made it to the front, Hop stumbled forward, beaming at his older brother. Dolly followed behind him, curiosity burning in her to see the undefeated Galar Champion in person. She had seen so many matches on the telly and scrolling through her phone, and she had imagined countless times what it would be like to meet someone so charismatic and passionate. Well, not countless. She didn’t daydream about the Champion that often. 

Anyway.

He stood tall, a dark red and gold cape slung over his shoulders. She could immediately see the resemblance between the two brothers as they stood grinning at each other, each with a megawatt smile, golden eyes, and indigo hair. He seemed even more dynamic in person as he ran to give his younger brother a hug. He ruffled Hop's hair as they stepped back.

“So, my number-one fan in all the world has come out of his way to pick me up! Look at you, Hop! I reckon you’ve grown…” he said as he scratched at his chin, then snapped his fingers. “Exactly an inch and a quarter since the last time I saw you!”

“Bingo! That’s the sort of sharp eye that’s kept you undefeated for so long, eh, Lee?”

Hop was vibrating with excitement. Suddenly, Leon turned her way, taking in her appearance as well. A grin appeared on his face.

“And these bright eyes over here,” he started, making his way toward Dolly. 

Automatically Dolly stood a bit straighter, her mind racing for something clever or interesting to say that could possibly surprise or enrapture Galar’s famous Champion. He approached her, still smiling his million-dollar smile. Dolly felt like she was about to turn to a puddle.

“You must be Dolly - am I right? I’ve heard loads about you from my little brother,” he grinned, looking between her and Hop.

Now was her chance to make a good first impression.

“Yes.”

Nailed it.

“Now that we’re all acquainted,” Hop grinned. “Bet I can beat you both back home!”

And with that, he took off sprinting to Postwick again. Dolly watched in horror as her safety net sprinted off, kicking up dust at the two of them. She was banking on Hop and Leon chatting all the way home as she walked beside them, basking in the glory of the Champion. What on earth did she have to say to the most famous person in the country? ‘Yes’? Because that went over great the first time. Leon let out a laugh as he watched his brother.

“Always got to be the best, that Hop. You know,” he said as he turned to Dolly. “With a proper rival of his own, I’m sure he could push himself to become something truly special.”

“Yes.”

He was surely captivated now.

Dolly stood beside him, waiting for Leon to finish addressing the crowd again. She pondered for a moment that sure, who wouldn’t want a good rival? An accountability partner with a dose of healthy competition was often a recipe for growth. She wasn’t sure where Hop would find that in their little town, though, but perhaps if he started out on the Gym Challenge like he always said he would, then maybe he’d find a suitable sparring partner. 

“Do you train Pokémon too, Dolly?” Leon asked as they started towards Postwick. Hop had already made it to the edge of Route 1, hopping back and forth as they made their way to him. 

“Ye- I mean uh, n-no,” she stammered, fiddling with her hands. “I did, once, but uh, not anymore.”

She certainly didn’t anticipate talking about this today, with the Champion, no less.

“Well, I hope you change your mind soon.”

“Come on, you Slowpokes!” Hop called, tapping his foot. “I could have made it to Kanto and back by now!”

A devious grin inched onto Leon’s face.

“Pardon me, Dolly, but I need to show my little brother that Galar’s Champion is truly the best. Not if I make it there first!” he yelled to Hop with a laugh, breaking into a sprint. Dolly watched as the two brothers ran beside each other, pushing and laughing as they raced back to their childhood home. 

She was nearly out of breath by the time she caught up, the two of them laughing and chatting in their front yard. She tried with every fiber of her being to breathe like a normal human and not the Weezing she felt like. Maybe if she willed it hard enough the sweat would disappear from her brow and the undefeated and surprisingly attractive Champion wouldn’t notice how completely out of shape she was.

“Finally, took you long enough,” Hop grinned, running to meet her at his front fence and pulling her arm. “Come on, Lee, you promised us a present! You brought Dolls and me some Pokémon, didn’t you?”

“Consider this the greatest present from the greatest Champion,” Leon grinned, waving his hands before him. “Come on out, you three!”

He turned to the makeshift pitch in their yard and tossed out three Poké Balls. In a flash, three Pokémon appeared, all running to explore the new space around them. In a burst of chaos they had managed to ignite one of the hedges, knock over the mailbox, and fall headfirst into the pond by slipping on a puddle of tears. After a grimace and some quick repairs, Leon called them to line up, which they dutifully obeyed. Hop pushed Dolly’s shoulder forward. 

“Go on Dolls, you pick first. I’ve already got Wooloo, after all.”

“P-pick?” she asked, eyes wide at the Pokémon before her.

She hadn’t had a Pokémon in years, not ever since her last partner. Even when Hop had tried to persuade her to catch a Wooloo to befriend his, she always made up some excuse to avoid the trip. He tried relentlessly for a while, but after years of attempting he eventually gave up. She glanced at Leon. But then again, the undefeated Champion of Galar had brought Pokémon all the way back for Hop, and for her, even though they had never met. She couldn’t turn down a gift from Galar’s Champion, right? She may be lazy, but she wasn’t rude.

Dolly looked to the options before her, trying her best to swallow her fear. The Sobble was looking at the ground, the Grookey was looking at the surroundings, and the Scorbunny was looking straight into her eyes.

Could she really do this? As she looked at each one, the reminder of her Curse flashed through her head like a gunshot. It could happen by one overpowered Solar Beam, a Blast Burn, a Hydro Pump. Sheer Cold, Fissure, Guillotine...she shook the thoughts out of her head. How could she have the audacity to choose who may meet an early end? The dried sweat on her forehead was chilling.

“Hey lady, are you going to pick one of us or not?” the Scorbunny yawned, scratching at his nose. He turned to the other two. “When do you think Mr. Leon will let us get some grub?”

“Soon, I expect,” Dolly replied, kneeling down. “We’re to have a barbeque later tonight.”

All three of them jerked their heads to her.

They stared wide-eyed as the Grookey and inched his way toward the Scorbunny. Cupping his hand on the wrong side of his mouth, he whispered.

“Did...did she just understand what you said?”

“Shit if I know!” the Scorbunny shouted, spurring more tears from Sobble. “But I do know she said barbeque!”

The Grookey slapped his forehead before shoving the shoulder of the Scorbunny.

“Try asking her something.”

“What color am I?” the Scorbunny asked, squinting his eyes.

“That depends,” Dolly responded, “Most of you is white, but you’ve got bits of red, orange, yellow…”

“A human can understand me!” he yelped, falling onto the grass.

Grookey and Sobble’s mouths dropped open Dolly could feel Leon’s gaze on her as Hop jumped up and down.

“See, Lee? I wasn’t pulling your leg when I told you she could talk to Pokémon! Brilliant, right?”

“Yeah, I’ve been able to since I was a kid,” she laughed nervously, scratching her neck. Was it wicked? Sure. Was it worth it? No.

“Hey lady! What am I thinking?” the Scorbunny interrupted, squeezing his eyes shut and scrunching his face. After a moment the Grookey thwacked him on the back of the head.

“She said she can talk to Pokémon, not read your mind.”

“Oh yeah.”

“So,” she said as she looked at each Pokémon again. “I’ll let you guys pick. Which one of you would like to be my partner?” 

Perhaps it wouldn’t be all on her if something were to happen again, right? She was torn from her thoughts when the Scorbunny immediately jumped up.

“Oh pick me! I want a Trainer who can speak Pokémon!”

The corner of her mouth twitched up, and she nodded her head.

“Well, that takes care of that,” she whispered, more to herself than anyone.

“Yes!” he yelled, bounding around her.

She laughed and held out her knuckles for a fist bump. He bounded around her again, then seeing her first, he prepared for a jump. Fist out, he jumped, overshot it, and punched Dolly square in the face and it only took a second before she was on the ground with a Scorbunny on her stomach.

“How’s that for first impressions,” the Grookey said, slapping his forehead again. 

First she saw stars, then the blue of the sky, then the wide grin of her new Scorbunny.

“Heh, sorry,”

“You’ve got quite the arm,” Dolly mumbled, rubbing her jaw and sitting up. The Scorbunny fell to her lap, still looking up at her.

“High attack,” she continued, opening and closing her jaw. “Pretty adamant...we’ll have to watch your special attack in the future. Do you have a name?”

The Scorbunny scratched his chin again.

“Hmm...Scorbunny.”

“Okay, well now is your chance to change it," Dolly said, letting out a laugh. "What would you like me to call you?”

“Something ace! Like...like...” he started, hopping off her lap. He paced back and forth, then looked around. “Like Mr. Leon!”

“Okay well I’m not going to call you Mr. Leon, just because you think he’s cool,” she added with a smirk and a glance to Leon. Though he was, indeed, very cool. “How about Jackson? I had an old rabbit stuffy named Jackson,”

“Awh, yeah that’s even better!” Jackson yelled, hopping up and down.

“Jackson it is then," she smiled.

“Right, then” Hop interrupted, helping Dolly up and stepping over to the remaining Pokémon. “I’ll go with Grookey. You and Wooloo will have to get well-acquainted, since we’ll all work together so I can be the next Champion!”

He held his arm out to Grookey, who cheered and raced up Hop’s arm until he was sitting on his shoulder. Leon grinned and walked up to them, nodding as Grookey cheered from Hop’s shoulder.

“I bet you will be, Hop. That’s why I brought along these Pokémon for the both of you, so the two of you can battle and train and grow stronger together to try to reach me!”

Dolly’s eyebrows furrowed. Reach him? Why? She supposed he didn’t often hand out rare Pokémon to strangers, so perhaps she shouldn’t be so surprised he’d want more Trainers out in Galar. Maybe she should just hand Jackson back off before she got too attached and all this got more misconstrued. 

“Oh, thanks Mr. Leon but-”

“Just call me Leon,” he grinned to her.

“Oh, right, uh, Leon, thanks and all but I’m not-”

“Alright!” Hop and Leon’s mum called as she made her way out of the house carrying a rack full of ingredients. “Enough with all this Trainer nonsense for one night! Dinner’s about ready, so bring your Pokémon and wash up!”

Dolly’s sentence died in her throat as the two brothers sprinted into the house, pushing and laughing again as their Pokémon trailed behind them. Her mum walked up to her and hugged her arm around Dolly’s shoulders.

“You’ve got a new Pokémon, haven’t you, love?”

Dolly looked down to Jackson, who was gazing between the two of them expectantly.

“I guess so,”' she said with a faint smile. “I certainly didn’t expect today to be filled with so many surprises,”

“Well, I’m glad. I know I’m always nagging on you to get up and do something, and this seems like the perfect avenue for it. I think it will be good for you,” she added, gazing at Dolly with an understanding only her mum could muster.

Dolly nodded weakly and let out a sigh. Even her mum now, too?

“You gonna eat or what,” Hop asked as he walked up to the two, barbeque sauce smeared on his cheek. “Mum says you better get some before Lee eats it all.”

Dolly’s mum clapped and ran back into the house, stating that she forgot to add her secret spice blend to the vegetables. Hop looked to Dolly and swallowed the rest of his kabob. 

“I told you Lee was the coolest,” he grinned, sauce still smeared on his cheek. “I asked him to bring you a Pokémon too, hope you don’t mind. I figured you just didn’t like the ones around here, and that’s why you’d never catch one. Now we can battle together! It’ll be ace, you and me, getting endorsed and doing the Gym Challenge together!” Hop enthused, bobbing his kabobs up and down with enthusiasm. Grookey on his shoulder kept swiping at the meat on top, to no avail as Hop kept bouncing them up and down.

Dolly looked at her best mate, gung-ho and enthusiastic for her in a way she could never be for herself. She probably wouldn't be very good at it, but maybe if she could support Hop in his journey and muddle through a handful of Gyms before dropping out. She nodded. Yeah, that was a good plan. Catch no more than six Pokémon, beat the first Gym, release her team all back into the wild, then drop out and move back to Postwick and watch her friend become the new Champion and achieve his dream. Less risk, that way, to herself and her new Pokémon. She wouldn’t get too close, just in case.

Looking down to her new Scorbunny, to the hope and trust she could already see in his eyes, something in her heart tugged. Maybe keeping one would be fine.

The rest of the night came and went with everyone having full stomachs and full hearts. Dolly spent a sleepless night with her new Scorbunny, him asking her thousands of questions, and her finding an odd amount of joy in answering them. She had to admit, he was pretty funny, and as the sun rose they had ended up talking and learning about each other almost all night. They both liked spicy curry, they both knew how to juggle, and they both had an embarrassing fascination with Leon. The sun hit Dolly’s face, and she awoke to see Jackson snuggled beside her head on her pillow. She reached to pet him, a bit of love already built up between the two of them. Yeah, maybe keeping just one would be fine.

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Author’s Note (A/N): View story summary and full chapter index HERE!

Chapter Index:

Current: Chapter 1 - Mediocrity

Next: Chapter 2 - A Mysterious Encounter

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 180 - 175

180. Alma - “Requiem” France 2017

[2017 Review here]

~M’brace moi, dis-moi qu’tum’aimes~

God Alma is always a pain to write about because is there a fun way to convey “I think this is good, but not great”? That might actually be the worst thing about it. It takes away all the creative writing fun / snark I have in picking apart these entries. INEXCUSABLE!!!

There are a few things I’m not too hot on: I think the staging and the overt reliance on back- and floordrops (recurring theme for France in this decade) is a bit underwhelming. I’m also not fond of the revamp. The language change itself is.. a bit forced but what bothered me more is the additional orchestration, which breaks my immersion and stops me from really getting into the ~Spam Replay Button~ territory.

ON THE FLIP SIDE HOWEVER, “Requiem” does a lot of things right: For starters, it is one of those Vocal Exercise songs that normally end up being a vocal disaster, but Alma seamlessly manages to avoid Elhaida’ing herself into a mediocre 17thish place. Secondly, while the act literally is just LEDs, they are also visually appealing LEDS (particularly fond of the spinning floordrop). But mostly, “Requiem” is a fun uptempo orchestral ballad, and god, uptempo ballads are SO rare in ESC, I WANT MORE OF THEM!!! Watch us get 0 of them in 2020 after everyone tries (and fails) copying “Proud” instead

________________________________________________________________

179. Compact Disco - “Sound of our hearts” Hungary 2012

*Gasp* a charity song that I ~LIKE~. All it takes it repackaging it as 80s-inspired synthpop with some dubstep and I’m SOLD. ��� To be fair, I only care about the ~sound~ of our hearts this song but it’s one of my favourite tracks in 2012, perhaps even in this decade? I have it on my youtube playlist!

So if I love “Sound of our hearts” that much, why am I booting it now? Well... you know why. I’ve mentioned this before but in addition to being the Land of Fire, Friends, Favouritism and Autofellation, Azerbaijan was the Land of Potato-Quality Soundmixing. Many of the songs I ADORED pre-show ended up sounding like gutter scum and Compact Disco were one of the most severe casualties. Csaba’s voice already sounded shaky in A Dal, but in Baku it turned into a postmodern Nuku Pommiin, specks of nuclear vocal poo scattered EVERYWHERE!!!! The ~delightful~ blonde backing whose name I’m forgetting (omg I am SO pissed I’ve forgotten her name because she is to Hungary what Dagmar Oja is to Estonia and WE STAN!!)  carried it hard for me, enough for Green. 

So, Bakustans, listen hard and listen good: 2012 will be purged from this ranking in DROVES in this section of the ranking. “Sound of our hearts” is only the first casualty in this Battle Royale. Ten more will follow. Place your bets now and LET THE GAMES BEGIN :cannonshot:

_______________________________________________________________ 

178. Ester Peony - “On a Sunday” Romania 2019

~She left us, on a Thursday~

But first, I’ll rank some lovable randoms. 🤭 “On a sunday” slaps and did a lot of things right for me, but each of those come with a caveat. 

Ester delivered probably her best vocal performance on the night of the semi, but she also stopped slurring her words, which I found very endearing

I think her Acting is pretty convincing, but she’s dressed like a secretary.

 The dancers provide cool, animé-inspired moves, but feel pointless 

The backing guitarist “possessed” look is immensely cool, but idea of possession is underutilized throughout the rest of the performance

The backdrop is mesmerizing (with good use of the pyrotechnics), but too many wideshots are spent on it. 

I think Ester was robbed hardcore, however it was What Romania Deserved by letting Wiwibloggs EMMELIE DE FUCKING FOREST on their jury to ruin Bella with her TERRIBLE DANISH TASTE!!!

Overall, I think the end product is very good, however... not *as good* as it could’ve been. “On a sunday” goes in the right direction but doesn’t run away with its Inspired gothic horror novel theming, like say, a Moldova or a Georgia would have. If Romania had shown more bravery, they would’ve been rewarded by the audience, and Leonora could’ve died instead. I will repeat my motto again, people: stage right or pay the price. 

________________________________________________________________

177. Douwe Bob - “Slow down” Netherlands 2016

~Slow Down Brudder~

“Slow down” is good. 🤗 There isn’t much else I can say besides noting it’s a canister of cajun spice that is somewhat let down by a dumb chorus, but he makes it work. 

Funnily enough, I have a LOT more to say about Douwe’s backstage content, which is why he made it this far. Most notably, Douwe proved himself a prolific backstage flirt, hitting off with men and women alike. 💜💙💚💛🧡❤. In addition, he was a top tier ancillary character in Sergey’s storyline where they clearly had something which Sergey hastily tried shrugging off as a “bromance”, adding to the hilarity of Sergey desperately trying to hide his homosexuality with the least convincing straight-acting tropes EVER. <3 But the Douwe role I cherish the most is as the human-shaped dartboard Hovi Star could hurl his razorsharp, acid-coated witticisms at. That’s mostly a Hovi thing however, so I’ll save that for when its time to rank him. (not very soon. 🤭)

________________________________________________________________

176. Elnur Hüseynov - “Hour of the wolf” Azerbaijan 2015

Elnur is mostly an academic fave for me, because he in a way he’s the cannonically most important Azeri entrant ever. First as being a part of Azerbaijan’s delectably decadent debut, and second for being the harbinger of New Azerbaijan, where they’ve discarded their blatant jury pandering and instead carve out their niche of as everybody’s overstaging indie darling.  🤗

Elnur IS the second weakest link on the chain though (after AISEL), but he is not without his charms. The tacky eclypse/blood moon backdrop <3 Shirtless dancer <3 the HOWLIIIING <3 Melodramatic ovine-voiced TRASHFEST <3 Azerbaijan really transformed themselves from literal (not literal) Satan into a solidly above average Eurovision Country and Elnur is the perfect entry to mark that transition. 

[acesotonic]

acesotonic reviews | Logic: “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind”

hello everyone! welcome to the first album review on this blog. i have always been reviewing music from all walks of culture, languages and ‘genres’ on my instagram, but i figured putting it on an actual blog would be way neater. and because my opinion is so important, it’s more accessible in this format. so without further ado, enjoy!

Logic’s latest 16-track release, “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind”, had me feeling all sorts of emotions; and not all of them for the better. Some tracks were so good on their own, and some tracks made me question, “Why is this here?”. 16 tracks is long. Especially when Logic himself kept emphasising how any upcoming album would be his last... then proceeds to release another album. That makes the 16 tracks seem way longer than it should.

We begin with the first song that takes the name of the album title. The instrumental begins with a pleasant melody, and reminds you that this is indeed a Logic project. When he begins to rap, his flow is calm and emotional which grounds the listeners into this track at its most foundational level. He gets sentimental and sensitive about the album’s main themes, success and its demons that haunt the mind. But the snare comes off at some points as disruptive; an odd alien semi-grunge hit. The chorus gets lyrically cheesy (which will pop up again later), especially when Logic starts to sing (this too). I would think it was a decent start to the album, but more weak than it was strong.

The next track Homicide, a pre-release featuring Eminem, remains my favourite off of this album. Logic’s rap is rapid-fire, his lyrics are hilarious and his rhyme is impeccable. He switches into characters with his voice, which makes the song prominent. The hook is playing its role as a hook, and transitions into Eminem’s verse cooly. The older rapper’s flow felt fresh, a mix of modern styles but still very much nostalgic sounding with old school sandwich-rhyme schemes. The ending is still odd to me - funny - but does not reduce the quality of the track in any way. Eminem’s feature was a good one, fully fleshed out and utilised. An addictive track indeed. A total repeat.

Unfortunately, Wannabe and clickbait take the album to a downturn when it was just starting to climb. Wannabe feels out of place and almost lacked in the content it intended to have. Similarly, clickbait suffers from cohesive and juicy lyrics. Some bars that had references were fun, but that was only 2 or 4. There’s a cheesiness that is starting to pop up in these weaker tracks, either through Logic’s serious attempts at vocalising melodies or other ways.

The next piece Mama/Show Love that features YBN Cordae does not veer off from passable. The saving grace of this track’s first portion was YBN’s rap - with great content and rhyme. When the beat switches to the Show Love section, Logic’s rap feels more magnetic compared to the Mama section. This makes me feel as if the first half of this piece was not necessary. The melody of the instrumental felt a bit cheesy compared to the previous sounds as well.

It is at this point listening to Out of Sight that I realised I was getting bored. “ALrEaDy?!”. Yes. And I don’t like that. The instrumental does not have anything special to it, almost too consistent with no risk (which is contrary to the album’s themes). There is no strong hook and leads me to question the purpose of the track in this record. The next song Pardon My Ego is slightly better with some unique sampling in the beginning. Logic’s flow and some of the funny lyrics make the track’s safety net. But again, the instrumental sounds repetitive after awhile. There is no lasting impact on my ears and mind.

I started to get excited again for the next track COMMANDO, but only because it features G-Eazy. Many have said that his rap has no personality, but many have also said that he has a distinct voice and accent. I believe in the latter. The instrumental starts to sound more trendy, which I thought made sense since it featured a new generation rapper. G-Eazy had the more interesting flow compared to Logic; fast, rhyme-filled, funny and had cool switch-ups. However... it was too short. Logic’s powerless segment in the beginning made up the bulk of the track, which made COMMANDO almost forgettable.

The next song Icy also has a feature, by Gucci Mane. Logic in the beginning hook uses a high-pitched voice that comes off as comedic, but his carefree and funny lyrics make up for it ever so slightly. Gucci’s segment has a mediocre delivery, but some creative lyrics. Again, it is a very short feature which could’ve expanded to make the song more entertaining. The hook starts to get a little annoying towards the end of the song, though the overall instrumental is quite cool. In the following track Still Ballin featuring Wiz Khalifa, the roles are reversed. Logic’s flow was straightforward with clean lyrics, while Wiz’s bars were basic and fundamentally useless to the song’s theme of hustling. This is when I rather the feature not be... well... featured. Though the song speaks of something important in the life of a reckless artist, the hook comes off as lazy and does not make the song important to the album lineup.

The following track Cocaine again gets me questioning the purpose of it in the record. The instrumental is your typical arpeggio piano-based hip hop beat which is nothing I’ve not heard before. Nevertheless, Logic’s lyrics in the second half of the song get very personal and emotional. It delves into the reality that drugs and poison in music sell better than real and traumatic stories. The 808s laid out across the track becomes progressively crazy and is the most distinct aspect of the instrumental. These 2 things have made Cocaine a tolerable piece.

At the 12th track Limitless, the album almost becomes irredeemable. The record could have stopped at 10 or 11 tracks... and when the 12th one is not of high quality, a listener’s stamina drops. This track is sonically boring, and Logic’s sudden singing comes off as out of tune to my ears. The hook was bland with a repetition of “you the man”, and the existence of this whole song in the album is vague. Although, the album starts to pick up a little bit in Keanu Reeves. Logic’s flow is not stellar, he sounds bored sometimes, and the flute sound in the instrumental feels random. The piece may seem forgettable, but some of the self-referential lyrics are entertaining enough for me to keep listening. Also, the second half of the song is where his flow picks up and reminds me again of Logic’s true potential.

With 4 tracks left, Don’t Be Afraid To Be Different features Will Smith who takes a very short first verse that is lyrically featureless. The chorus has a weird-sounding synth that does nothing to amp up the track’s quality. It is also so loud during Logic’s verse that I can barely be immersed in his part. The hook is overly repetitive and does not help to make the track cohesive, like it is one whole element. But what makes this track decent is the instrumental in general, with a slight callback to It Takes Two by Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock; with the rugged-sounding shakers and drum pattern. Will’s flow, while plain, was cute and nostalgic with references to his Bel Air days. It kept a part of the album a bit more interesting and colourful, to reflect the album art minimally.

As the record comes to an end, it hits hard and suddenly gives us pretty amazing final pieces. BOBBY features sampling with an attention-grabbing intro and background ad-libs chanting “Bobby!”. Logic’s lyrics are raunchy and whimsical, showing off his confidence and presenting himself as an original entity. He gets very personal about his cultural identity as well, but masks it with the funky beat that gives listeners a slightly uneasy feeling being able to access his “dangerous mind”. I do wish the drums went back to a consistent 4/4 beat after awhile and stopped going into half-time, because I was yearning for more speed in this up-beat sampling. Featuring his father’s lament about how great his son is is a sweet touch, and makes the song even more personal and unique. It adds more character to the record, even though at an arrangement stand-point, BOBBY feels oddly placed.

Finally, we reach Lost In Translation. It begins with a wistful 2000s R&B vibe with electric piano and a bit of organ rotations in the background. The bass is soulful. The drum set is muted and very much old school, taking you way back to the times of Ashanti and Ja Rule. Then almost 50 seconds into the track, the beat switches up. It still retains the soul and blues elements in the bass and electric piano. The drums, however, have become more hip hop and so is the drum pattern. I guess it is to keep the track melded into the mainly hip hop album... but I wouldn’t mind a full-on cool R&B-reminiscent outro. And then, the beat switches up for a second time. The bass has become much stronger, and electric piano melodies are funkier. Logic’s flow is so good, with catchy rhyme schemes and edgy references to Hannibal Lecter’s passion for human flesh. His rap is on-going and fresh. Suddenly though, a Japanese narrator starts to speak. I have not found an accurate translation of her segment but one thing’s for sure, she says “Rattpack, motherf***er”. The general gist of her part translates to “Thank you very much for your help” (Logic_301). This could be referring to how this album grapples with themes that may seem distant and unaccessible to most of Logic’s listeners, but uniting them all as music-lovers at the echo of his label. But why Japanese? The purpose is still unknown - at least to me. Some have argued that this is cultural appropriation, but I will leave this to Logic himself to explain. Overall though, an entertaining track with a pleasant and atmospheric finish.

Conclusion

“Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” sinks deeper into an abyss of half-starred quality at almost every track. While very few from the many 16 selections of songs stand out to be great, like Homicide and BOBBY, majority of the album barely skims the surface of “passable”. We expected to see a raw and unedited form of Logic on this record. Instead, it came off as unsealed and unready to be released into the wild. The good songs are very strong, while the weak songs are absolutely underwhelming.

4.75/10

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Estonia to Eurovision with a lowkey tribute to Avicii soundwise I guess

I’m not one of those people to go all their way out to overdefend Eesti Laul as “THE most diverse NF to ever exist songwise”, but even I was disappointed in this sudden rush of radiofriendly pop music that I would rather refuse to describe if I had to endure any of them ever again all at once this year. Remember - Netta won with being CRAZY! Why can’t Estonia be CRAZY even more! Was this secretly a bigger demand from the new producers or so that Estonia would need to out-radiofriendly the Latvians whose goal actually was to find a good radiofriendly song that’s enough for qualification????

Also, I kind of wanted to watch Eesti Laul, but I haven’t really settled with it, as I didn’t have enough patience to watch it one time it wasn’t on Saturday (!!). Even with Eesti Laul usually taking the live tweets from foreign fans into account and displaying some of them on the national Estonian television for good measure. And often showcasing their weirdness through crude animations every so often. But I already saw my Twitter timeline being full of that stuff, and for that I’m happy.

I did have some favourites despite being tired of all this pop stuff, and one of them was the ever-so-gender-ambiguous INGER (I say so cuz I thought it was a guy, turns out it’s a she, yeah), and I kind of wanted to see her win after the lowkey last minute interest towards her? But the televote didn’t seem to want any of it during the final public say, and didn’t even want Kerli (not the Spirit Animal Kerli) through despite of her being “hot” (are we now choosing ESC NF winners based on their looks??? tighten up ffs). Instead the final’s televote thought it’d be a good idea to fuck up the international jury’s expectations by putting through an act that got 2(!!!!!) finalised points from them jurors overall and making it win the superfinal. That televote 12 the act got beforehand was just enough for the guy to last-minute qualify over another act of 14 overall points, and who knows, maybe if it wasn’t for that 12, the winner would’ve been someone else. But it didn’t and we have a last minute qualifier victory because televote superfinal is a thing.

And in the literal sense of the way Estonian minds thought their victor that was unfairly treated by the juries was a Swedish singer Victor Crone and his song “Storm”, which was written by the one and only Stig Rastafarian~ err I mean Rästa. Stig is one mythical human creature that never rests a minute without really wanting to appear in the Estonian delegation somewhere every year - whether as all by himself, with someone else, as a songwriter for someone else, or even as part of a band (remember Traffic, anyone? Now that I think of it, the whole band looks like a puppet-act just for Stig to get to Eurovision and the other band members didn’t even want any of it in the first place). Just exactly what is Stig’s aim here? To "take it back to Tallinn”? To meet new people in Europe because he’s too lazy to travel otherwise? To boast about the many Estonian entries he contributed to? Beats me.

That and Victor Crone being Swedish, therefore a man more suited to Melodifestivalen (where he actually once participated in) and only on Eesti Laul because Stig really wanted to save his voice for this one and tag some randomer along with him just for the sake of yearly input to Eesti Laul. Well, at least Victor is historically joining Sahlene and Sandra Oxenryd as “a Swede represending Estonia for a year because what do we know for the Estonians that weren’t chosen instead”. Let’s check his song out.

First and foremost, as the title obviously states, the song reminds me of the late Avicii’s music style, especially around 2012-2013, when he was just starting to get bigger post-”Levels”-release. Just with a bit more singing surrounding the song because... well, maybe to fill up the song some more in order to not look awkward on stage during an instrumental part of the drop being as long as would be one you hear on the radio.

Then he has this easy-listening generic male radio voice that the audiences can not necessarily reasonate with, but it’s memorable, together with the chorus, whose purpose is to be memorable - you don’t need no message that’s special, you just need a melody to hum in your head for the next few weeks, and that’s basically what Stig was able to achieve with this little ditty. Then there’s the amazingly easy song structure: verse - chorus - verse - (extended) chorus - bridge - chorus (+ song ending). That’s a structure that works on basic songs to make them more user-consumption-friendly and not too overbearingly dragged out. And I enjoy it, just like I did “Light Me Up” last year, which was also sung by a mediocre-live-vocalist-Swede that could have easily ended up 6th in Melodifestivalen edition with such song, sadly. I do acknowledge that it’s basic, but I enjoy it.

The problem the Eurofandom finds with this song is that it’s too basic of a song from Eesti, Victor’s proven himself to be a dull live singer, and the chorus rhymes “like this” with “like this”, and all the self-rhymes are automatically shite. And it’s fine if a song I like has its flaws, but it automatically worries me that its live potential is automatically down the drain because of the singer’s lack of vocal compassion or strenght. That begs the question, why choosing THAT kind of song if it’s totally going to underperform live in Eurovision if the singer wasn’t sick in the NF at the time???

...oh I get it now, you Estonians must have thought Stig deserves another year in the Estonian greenroom. Or you found Victor hot. Or you find it great that a song about a storm actually was originally staged to look like Victor’s in a storm. At least for the televiewers’ eye. Because all that they see in the real arenas is the singers’ backs if they don’t turn around in time.

With visuals like these, why even need a music video! (except that there already is one, look at the beginning of the review)

All in all, all condiments are there: just the sugar, spice and everything nice there’s needed for a song like this to break a fandom like this. You can practically smell the Hesburger grease from this song. I don’t care if that’s a bad thing - if you like the song, that’s fine, just shut up and enjoy... but if you dislike it, welp, there’s no way I can change your mind then.

And a random backing singer. Not that she’s helpful as the one for Ott Lepland or anything, she just strikes like thunder and leaves no lasting impact whatsoever.

Greta Salóme’s imaginary cousin, is that you????

Now excuse me while I contradict and repeat myself some more in the next few paragraphs:

Approval factor: As you might have seen me shading Elina a lot last year, I can safely say that at last I’m spared from her vocal practice entrapped in a porcelain-and-silk dressing!!! I like “Storm” myself so I’ll sheepishly approve the hell out of it, lolol. :-)

Follow-up factor: I would be lying if I didn’t say that after a risky-ish way to get all out opera and then coming back to a safe song after doing well with that opera number weren’t a complete nosedive into an empty pool. Subjectively it flows way better for me, but objectively, and the same could be, once again, said for Eesti Lawl [sic] 2019, it is rather interesting of a letdown? But hey, maybe it was finally time for the Estonians to chillax a bit and cave in to send an Estonian-Swedish pop number after the opera stuff, after the 80s synthpop stuff, after the smooth and slightly orchestrated and a little bluesy number, and heart-grabbing ballads... just so they could keep up their ‘variety’ in case Hungary runs out of ideas and starts sending cop-outs of themselves. They already did it with rehashing one artist and one lyrical idea already this year (the catch is that the father’s alive!), honestly. And oddly enough, they have yet to send something a little more modern/electro-influenced that appeals to the common crowd... (”Running” may not count because not everyone can relate, whereas there are more cases of broken-off love (as if in the other half being a heartbreaker or the first half missing the other half so much that they feel “incomplete” than abusive fathers. Just what I think there is? If I’m wrong I obviously expect to be @’ed in the replies section lol) For this conclusion though I’ll say that my opinion says it’s a ‘’’decent’’’ follow up, but for Eurofans, it’s not very much so of such, idk.

Qualification factor: you may think it’s dead while going to perform in between the more badass entries AND mediocre live vocals, but it won’t at least be the worst Stig entry to ever place - around 14th in the semi at the very worst and maybe in the lower half of top 10 at very best imo. Nothing more, nothing less.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

I actually barely even bother with Eesti Laul since they don’t accept my Twitter comments live on their television anyways. Say, were there any Twitter comments live on their television this year? No one on Twitter boasted about it if they saw theirs from what I’ve seen, but what I’ve definitely found from the eager Eesti Laul watchers were some casual and usual Estonian oddities thrown on the broadcast, such as:

• The soft and warm but also random and deranged yearly transitional postcard animations (that were refered to as “crude” earlier in this review), which I commonly know now as “my last two braincells”. Even if the graphical theme itself of this year’s Ee-Lawl were oddly-shaped birds coming out in forms of letters, they didn’t really show up much in the broadcast I suppose, and the best fuckery with my mind this year definitely happened when I saw some of THOSE pop up on my Twitter timeline:

We now return to your regularly scheduled news programm~ wait why are you saying that the scheduled programme should be Eesti Laul

• Even if the most acts themselves weren’t that kooky musically, they were obviously interesting performance-wise. We were greeted with an impulsively quirky crazy cat lady Kaia Tamm who bemoaned the absence of the fluffy creatures in German somehow (you know Germany’s a terrible track-record keeper when the only song in German this year featured on Estonia and the only German in Eurovision this year was gonna be sung by an Ukrainian entrant if she was alowed to), as if a song in full Italian from last year wasn’t enough. Not only did she dress up as Alice in Wonderland with kitty ears, but her costumed dancers were entertaining, the violinist was FIRE and a cute large teddy bear looked cute on stage. Not to mention, someone have rightfully noticed that some costumed felines in the audience looked like as if they were to kill someone:

• Lumevärv too is an interesting thing. Never forgetting Lumevärv. This Inga woman, the fiery orangehead she was, used her 3 minutes on stage the best possible way with dancing with her back turned on at the audience and only looking at the camera, while millions of lights (which is sadly not what the songtitle "Milline päev" means) shone in the audience, creating an amazing mood.

• Hey everyone, the 10 years challenge is back! This time it’s with the violin virtuousess(???) Sandra Nurmsalu, the lead of Urban Symphony, who deserved much more than a 3rd place. Unfortunately the Estonians did not bring her back to get her desired revenge, which meant that they thought that they woodn’t need no magic tale fairy that’d grant them tree wishes and let her magic wand our out the wondrous [sic] sawdust. I’m already seeing myself out for how terrible this sounded. And it’s a bit saddening about this not doing as well as some hoped, considering she would have brough out the new and the better Jacques Houdek teas:

• Other favourite act of mine from this year, besides the aforementioned “ever-so-gender-ambiguous-looking INGER” with her indie-folk jingle “Coming Home”, was the charming disco-haired Sissi Nylia Benita with a wholesomely radio bop “Strong”, and they both actually looked like they stood a chance in the superfinal vote-up now that the actual Eesti Laul fan favourites, pretty cute pop boys like piano-indie-pop-driven Stefan and electro-pop-and-Kirkorov-driven Uku Suviste, were not receiving enough support by the juries I guess??? I’ll show a video to INGER if anything and link you all to the rest so you could judge these young and beautiful souls to yourselves in a way!

• Other note-worthy acts include another song about the notorious instrument horsefly in Ee-Lawl’s history that stood even less chance than “Parmupillihullus” but is still fun regardless, and the united forces of Tanja (EE 2014) and Birgit (EE 2013) trying to compose a bigband talk show anthem and dedicating the lyrics for them being ladies with their high heels out on. And honestly, that’s all I’m gonna talk of acts-wise because most other songs were THAT of a radiofriendly-radio-filler that they don’t warrant anything else exciting for me to say.

• No but for real, the voting to the superfinal was completely off-rails. Instead of Victor, juries were there to support that Kerli woman that wasn’t from 2017 (and her soft acoustic song too), as well as Sissi and INGER (but you already know that because I barely read my write-ups before I finish them, hence lots of redundancy). At least that’s all to my knowledge. But everything definitely changed when the televote attacked! And turned the top 3 all male, lol. This voting was rather random simply because the juries didn’t really love Victor, but it definitely took the televote to convince them that “lol Victor is definitely worth of Eurovision!!! screw that he’s non-Estonian!!!” (the difference is that Victor doesn’t have a big social media following unlike Bilal and didn’t win an obnoxiously people-powered talent show unlike USNK from A Dal 2018 - it’s just that he’s more backed by Stig Rästa, and Stig is love, Stig is life.) Honestly, I am all up for unpredictable voting, but if it looks unpleasant to me, then I feel like tuning out.

We’re over with this write-up, thank-fuck-fully, so that you won’t need to hear me lamenting how supposedly cheap “Storm” is ever again. But before that I will have to leave you with some Eurovision 2019 facts coming on: Estonian delegation can be lucky for once - instead of having had to panic for spending an egregious amount of money for a staging detail, this year they don’t have to worry, as the organizers were so shook by Victor’s stormy sky effect, they offered to pay for it themselves!!! Crazy, huh??? (reported for favouritism)

And now I’m done. And we’re moving on to another review and I end up wishing Victor Crone the every best of luck out there. Storm out with a good time well spent! (Whatever that might mean.)

[natsthinkitythinkthinkthonk]

Code:Breaker - Thoughts

Summary: Cool (not-so-new) concept, great ideas, good animation, under-developed characters and story, mediocre everything else, and characters that you might have mixed opinions on.

Score: 7.1/10

Usually, when things get below seven on MAL, that means they are downright bad. We usually have the ecchi harems, the otome game adaptations, the 3D animated trash where they mess with mecha and boob physics, and you got things like Boku no Pico. If you gave Boku no Pico any score above one, you are deceiving the population, so stop. 

Anyway, when I heard this show got a 6.96, I thought it was going to be downright sad. In case you’re wondering, Boku no Pico is a 4.96 and SAO is a 7.6. However, I’ve been meaning to find a show that defied the score that it was given, and this... it tried.

Animation

We’re actually gonna start here because it wasn’t even that bad. Kinema Citrus is the studio, and they’ve created good and bad anime. Tokyo Magnitude 8.0, Barakamon, Made in Abyss, and Black Bullet are some of their major titles. It was solid, character designs were nice, and it was overall did the job well. The OP was kind of lacklustre and cliche in visuals, and the ED was mediocre too, but I usually don’t pay as much attention to those. It didn’t blow me away like Studio Bones did, but I certainly thought it was good enough.

Sound

This includes voice acting and music. I happened to really like the OP and ED because they had Granrodeo and Kenichi Suzumura. It opened with a hyped up song from Granrodeo who did the first opening for Bungou Stray Dogs and Kuroko no Basket. 

Kenichi Suzumura also plays a supporting character in the show which brings me around to the voice acting. I happened to like it. Yeah, it had its shortcomings at times. The casting was done well enough, and I say this because most of the actors did their jobs well. I question some of the direction that was taken at times, but that’s alright because nothing bothered me too much. I was wondering why they cast Shinichiro Miki to play Hitomi though. He looked like he was in his 30s, and Miki just sounded too old for that. I won’t doubt he did everything in his power to make his performance the best it could be. Mitsuki Saiga was a great choice for Rui. I never doubt Nobuhiko Okamoto or Yoko Hikasa. I like them both. Really, the casting decision that didn’t settle with me at first was Subaru Kimura. His rich guy accent sounded... forced (even though they all are). It wasn’t a sophisticated-type of forced; it was like a “let’s take this thug off the street and get him to sip tea and imitate the high-class��� kind of thing. I eventually got used to it, but I think it would’ve been a good role for someone new.

Story and Characters

Hahaha... we all know why I saved this for last. This is where the show has the most shortcomings. A lot of people don’t like the female lead Sakura, and I can certainly see why. She’s stuck on her morals, stubborn about her values, and wishes no harm upon anyone even if it means putting herself in harms way. In my opinion, I didn’t mind her. Yeah, she’s kind of annoying at times, but Rei Ogami is just as annoying. The whole “cool guy” persona wears on a person eventually. I will say that they lay off a bit in the manga (which I’m currently reading); he makes blunders and is a lot more emotional. Besides that, they didn’t have time to develop anyone else. You’ve got thirteen episodes with at least seven characters that really should be developed (I’m not even counting the teacher or the prime minister or anyone besides the Code:Breakers and Sakura). They strayed from the manga just to get everyone together, and that probably irked manga fans enough. The concept for this isn’t new. I was just saying how Rei reminds me of Rin because they’re both voiced by Nobuhiko Okamoto, both have a sword for good parts of the series, have blue flames, and have a love interest. Other things exist that I can pick on too, but I think I’ve said enough.

Overall

It’s definitely not the series that you should watch if you want deep development, thought-provoking story, or realistic characters with dimensions. At the end of the day, it was a slightly-above mediocre show that entertained me. It certainly deserved something just higher than a 7.0/10 though.

[vvlin91]

Stage Patalliro -Stardust Project- Super Long Ass Review Pt.3 (end)

I’m finally getting to the actual play!

Here, with as little spoiler as possible, I'd briefly cover the show in general, the use of props, how they dealt with multiple injuries and what to keep in mind when you watch the online stream/DVD.

Pt.1 What makes Patalliro so special compared to other 2.5D productions?

Pt.2 It’s because of love - oh jealousy♪ - the BanMara perspective

The live audience, if inside the theater early enough, will be able to hear Patalliro, Bancoran and Maraich read out the preshow announcements, telling you to switch off your phones and stuff. They all use their distinct IC voices so it was really fun, and Sanaich would end his part with a soft moan. Just a sexy, sweet "Ahh~❤".

This play is titled "Stardust Porject" but it covers more than just that. It's actually based on the Stardust Project arc, "Fly me to the moon", that chapter where Maraich fake betrayed MI6 but was actually helping Bancoran and a few more tiny things from other chapters. It's actually quite ingenious to put the Stardust arc and Robby's story together because they are both space-themed. And they intertwined the 2 arcs together very elegantly it really doesn't feel in any way uncanon.

One pressing question many people had before the 2nd play was how it'd deal with the Maraich/Bjorn paradox. As we know from the 1st play, Maraich's encounter with Bancoran was completely different from the manga. Instead of having Maraich meet Bancoran in a masquerade, the writer put together stories from several pre-Maraich chapters, basically merging other pretty boy characters into one Maraich (I covered the reasoning behind this change in Pt.2). And that included giving Bjorn's story to Maraich by letting Maraich be the person to make love with Bancoran in the rose garden instead.

So where does Bjorn fall in the 2nd play? The writer simply compressed Bjorn's romance with Bancoran to a brief flashback with as little detail as possible. So Bjorn only showed up on stage when Bancoran was explaining their past to Maraich. There was little specifics to it and therefore does not contradict with what happened in the 1st play. Interestingly, they also paid tribute to Maraich's actual first appearance in the manga by letting Andresen show up to strangle Bancoran in a masquerade. The context is totally different of course but it's just a nice touch for manga fans who knew what they did with the story.

One thing Stage Patalliro is well-known for is its songs. I've seen many 2.5D musicals (at least I think I do lol) but to be absolutely honest, a lot of the songs are just mediocre. Even in a production as spectacular as Kuromyu, there are still songs I sometimes skip on the playlist. But Stage Patalliro's music is so insanely catchy it could easily beat 95% of the 2.5D musicals I have seen and it doesn't even call itself a musical! Also, all the original songs (not the cock robin song or other folk songs) are written by Director Kobayashi Kensaku himself! He has such an incredible grasp of the 70s-80s pop music style that I can well remember my dad asking me why Maraich's solo "That Man" from the 1st play sounded so familiar despite having never heard of it. The songs in the 2nd play are just as catchy if not more so. There are a couple songs that are taken directly from the 1st play, such as the Hana to Yume tribute song and the ending theme. The music is the same but they changed the lyrics to suit the new play. Overall, the music is just superbly awesome, I honestly cannot think of another play that's as karaoke-friendly as Stage Patalliro.

Besides reusing some of the music, they also made the 3 main characters enter the stage in pretty much the exact same fashion as the 1st play. Patalliro entered as he shattered his fake, beautified public image, Bancoran hopped on stage chasing away rascals with his killer eyebeam, and Maraich bursts onto stage with a hurried "Excuse me~!". Same formula, same taste but oh boy how sweet.

(In case anyone is confused this is from 2018)

Another beloved feature of Stage Patalliro is its use of intentionally "cheap" props, such as the famous "Cockroach Run" boards and Bancoran's actual laser pointer representing his eyebeams that were both used since 2016. One of the most outstanding examples in Stardust Project would be the tiny helicopter Andresen held on a long rope (as if he was flying down from it).

Also these plushies, used in a song that recaps what happened in the last play.

The use of such simple, almost idiotic props is both hilarious and such a nice tribute to the manga's retro style.

This year, Stage Patalliro suffered 2 injuries along the way. The first one was from dancer Sato Ginpei before the play even started touring. He surprisingly didn't leave the show, but instead just played "a guy in a wheelchair" throughout. Although they ended up missing one person in a lot of the dance numbers, they also added a few new jokes that were specific to the fact that he was in a wheelchair.

And then there's Yoshimoto Kouki, whose injury was probably too serious for him to even travel from Tokyo to Osaka. He ended up missing the entire Osaka tour. In 100% Patalliro style, they wrote on the official website saying there will be a "replacement" for his role without actually doing so. Kouki's character Tamanegi No.17 was not himself an indispensable character. There aren't any lines that MUST come out of his mouth. So his lines can easily be said by the other 4 Tamanegi boys. But even so, they refused to wipe away the existence of No.17. Even if Kouki cannot be here in person, they will make sure that the audience KNOW that he is supposed to be here with the rest of them.

At the start of every performance in Osaka, Director Kobayashi would come on stage in person to explain Kouki's situation and apologize. He said they made changes to the show that could give the impression that "No.17 is still here". And so what they did was that during the Tamanegi pheromone corner, where all of them have to perform their very own skits, the other 4 boys would just talk to air as if No.17 was present. "Hey, No.17, it's your turn." "No.17, good job!" even adding splashing sound effects to indicate No.17 entering the Jacuzzi. When they leave the stage all sitting inside the Jacuzzi, they will hold up a helmet to caress it while lovingly calling, "Oh, No.17..."

In the ending song, when all the Tamanegi boys would dance in a row arm in arm, Aoki Jin would extend an arm to his left to indicate that's where Kouki would be standing had he been there. During curtain call, they also encouraged the audience to buy Kouki's bromide set "so you know what he looks like". So even though the Osaka audience did not see Kouki there in person, it was impossible to not remember him.

(No.17′s invisible presence in their finale photo)

Lucky for us, they did the recording before Kouki got injured, which means fans can still enjoy his performance in this play by purchasing the DVD and/or online stream!

In a way Stage Patalliro has always felt like a strange family to me. A group of adventurers got together to attempt the implausible, and their crazy experiment ended up a huge success. That’s why they kept even the same ensemble team. Basically everyone who’s already here STAYS, only new people in, but nobody goes away. If you are in a wheelchair, we will let you play a guy in a wheelchair. If you can't even be here on stage, we will STILL make sure that you ARE ON STAGE. It's the kind of creativity and freedom that is uniquely enjoyed by a play like Patalliro.

Lastly, things you will not see in the online stream/DVD version. I write this list to remind you that plays evolve, accidents happen and what you can't see on the screen doesn't mean it never happened:

BanMara kiss: they did not kiss until they started their Osaka tour, the recording was done in Tokyo. Also missing would be Patalliro’s long disgusted scream after he saw them kiss with his own eyes lol

Bancoran's "Maraich" pink happi: he only started wearing it on March 23rd, the recording was done on March 21st.

Maraich's middle finger: at the start of their lovers' quarrel song, Sanaich would always give Tsunecoran the middle finger, but on recording day, he gave a thumbs-down instead.

Maraich's final reminder that he is pregnant: there are 2 definite places during the play where Maraich would exhibit morning sickness, and he would sometimes do it a 3rd time during the ending song. But he didn't do so on recording day.

Bancoran holding Maraich in both arms: in the couple's final showdown with Andresen, Bancoran would use his body to shield Maraich from Andresen's knife. Maraich would always hold on tightly to Bancoran with both arms, and Bancoran would have one arm on Maraich and another on the handrail. On both Tokyo and Osaka finale, Bancoran let go of the handrail and held Maraich against his chest with both arms. Recording day was neither of those days so he still had one hand on the handrail.

There are a couple other instances that might be better explained with gifs so I might as well save them for later posts. But then I also drew this for your reference: 

That's pretty much all I have to say about the play for now. Please remember to pre-order the DVD! I will update on online streams if they become available (hopefully on DMM). If you have other questions, feel free to message me here or on https://curiouscat.me/vvlin91

[mearnsblog]

“Pocahontas” (1995)

I have a bit of a funny relationship with "Pocahontas." Unlike all previous Disney movies, I definitely remember when this came out, and it was a big deal. Disney had produced hit after hit after hit, and there wasn't much to indicate that they'd be slowing down. Even after its somewhat disappointing critical reception, "Pocahontas" was still super popular. My kindergarten actually put on a mini-production of it at the end of the year*, and subsequently, the movie soundtrack my mom bought became one of the most frequently-played CDs in my room growing up.

*I played Kocoum. No, they didn't have me die in it, though in hindsight, that'd be hilarious. "Guess what, kids? Andrew's going to die in this scene!" Instead, they just had me arrest John Smith to get him into captivity or something like that. Not as interesting.

All that nostalgia aside though, one thing is evident: the story of Pocahontas should probably have not been made into a Disney film. Perusing the history of Disney canon, "Pocahontas" is pretty much the only one to be based on a real person. Given the colonists' shoddy history with Pocahontas and the Powhatan, this seems ill-advised and would likely not be attempted nowadays.

The Powhatan and Pocahontas herself suffered poor fates, and while it's nice that Disney portrayed them as having been thrown into an awful situation by the English invaders, to make a cutesy movie with all that lingering as the elephant in the room is honestly in poor taste. In one sense, it's throwing an emoji on the overall story of a tragedy, especially since we don't know if the positive climax in this situation -- Pocahontas saving John Smith -- even happened. There are so many wonderful Native American stories out there that they could've turned into a Disney film and represented their people in a much better fashion.**

**Pocahontas being the first non-white Disney princess is not nothing, and should be acknowledged. There's no doubt that Disney has struggled with representation over the years, and including someone like Pocahontas in their many branding efforts is important.

But, well, that's the '90s for you. What's done is done. So with all that being acknowledged as a caveat, is the fictional story any good?

Eh. A major weaknesses of "Pocahontas" is that it's relying too much on its leads (one of whom is voiced by human garbage Mel Gibson), and neither is that compelling. Think about the other great Disney movies of this period. They all had tremendous side characters who could not only carry some of the emotion of the movie, but also add to the story. I did like the "Looney Tunes"-esque comedy of Meeko, Percy, and Flit, but they don't measure up to the members of the household in "Beauty and the Beast" or the supporting cast of "Lion King." The same goes for the human side characters, who are at a bit of drag in comparison to, say, Sebastian and even the Sultan. They're fine, just not stand-outs.

Ratcliffe does check the boxes of an evil villain having a smashing time being a bastard, and you can tell that David Ogden Stiers (the former voice of Cogsworth) loves doing the back-and-forth dialogue between Ratcliffe and his butler all on his own. "Mine, Mine, Mine" is musically mediocre, but also pure lol. Once again, while he's not as good a villain as others of this period, he's at least on par with the similarly named (and animated) Ratigan from "Great Mouse Detective."

Despite my love of the soundtrack when I was little, I'd only grade it about a B. "Just Around the Riverbend" is a good, fast-paced hopeful ballad, and "Colors of the Wind" is a decent enough lead hit, even if the lyrics don't make much sense after the beginning. I also like its audio-only placement at the very end of the movie. Between that and the "Virginia Company" opening, the team did an excellent job of setting some stakes and going all-out with a grand finale. (So much of the movie's problem is its middle; the decision to not have Pocahontas go off to England with John was actually quite daring for the time, and I respect it.)

The rest of the songs aren't that good, and the less said about the heavy-handed "Savages," the better. The implication that the Powhatan were getting as bad as the settlers is... not great.

It's possible that the string of incredible Disney movies in a row has taken the shine off of "Pocahontas" in a way that I might not have noticed had it been thrown in the middle of a more mediocre stretch. However, I think I'm rating it correctly. Despite strong moments here and there, its entire premise is flawed, and it just leaves a lot to be desired.

Meeko forever though.

Best song: “Just Around the Riverbend”

Updated ranking

1. “Beauty and the Beast” (review) 2. “The Lion King” (review) 3. “The Little Mermaid” (review) 4. “Cinderella” (review) 5. “Sleeping Beauty” (review) 6. “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” (review) 7. “Aladdin” (review) 8. “One Hundred and One Dalmatians” (review) 9. “The Jungle Book” (review) 10. “The Great Mouse Detective” (review) 11. “Fantasia” (review) 12. “The Rescuers Down Under” (review) 13. “The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh” (review) 14. “Alice in Wonderland” (review) 15. “Lady and the Tramp” (review) 16. “Pinocchio” (review) 17. “Robin Hood” (review) 18. “Oliver & Company” (review) 19. “Pocahontas” 20. “The Rescuers” (review) 21. “The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad” (review) 22. “Bambi” (review) 23. “The Aristocats” (review) 24. “Dumbo” (review) 25. “Peter Pan” (review) 26. “Fun and Fancy Free” (review) 27. “The Fox and the Hound” (review) 28. “The Sword in the Stone” (review) 29. “The Three Caballeros” (review) 30. “Make Mine Music” (review) 31. “The Black Cauldron” (review) 32. “Saludos Amigos” (review) 33. “Melody Time” (review)

[bobbystompy]

My Top 120 Songs Of 2017

Previously: 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

The one saving grace is we do have 12 fewer than last year.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs for an artist, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track; not the ultimate factor, but it typically makes sharing the music easier

Speaking of… each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself

Oh, also, off the suggestion of Mike Gilkes -- and a few others -- I made this whole thing into a Spotify playlist, which you can peep here (includes 114 of the 120):

Let’s go?

120) Big Sean & Metro Boomin f/ 21 Savage - “Pull Up N Wreck”

Some mediocre, listenable rap made by dudes who know a bit better (well, at least 2/3rds of them).

119) Maroon 5 f/ Future - “Cold”

This song makes me feel mostly nothing... but the first minute of the video does have some solid Adam Levine alone-in-the-car acting.

/oh my god it has 119 million views

This was a lot easier to enjoy when I assumed it went unnoticed. Bonus points for the Wu-Tang shirt at the end.

118) Bleachers - “Hate That You Know Me”

Closed out 2017 undecided as ever on one Jack Antonoff. Should we hate him for dating Lena Dunham? Somehow respect him more? Give him mega credit for his big time pop songwriting collabs? Or is that a ding? Is he a nerd or the coolest guy in the cocktail bar? I do not know the answers to any of these questions, and this song is merely OK.

UPDATE: THEY GAWN

117) B.o.B f/ T.I. & Ty Dolla $ign - “4 Lit”

Real bad song with a mindless/terrible/misogynistic chorus. Yet... something about professional musicians sitting in a room and coming up with “4 Lit” as some sort of escalated to catchphrase to “lit” is just hilarious.

116) Prophets of Rage - “Unfuck The World”

Sure, this hits a lot of the same beats as Rage Against The Machine’s “Sleep Now In The Fire” from 18 years ago, but in these increasingly polarized, political times, I welcome their voice.

115) Kacy Hill - “Like A Woman”

This song is so chill and ethereal that it seems almost unfeasible for my punk/hip-hop/XX chromosome havin’ ass to completely sync with its wave.

114) The Decemberists - “Ben Franklin’s Song”

What happens when pop indie teams up with the lyrical stylings of Lin-Manuel Miranda? Well, this. I’m not sure if The Decemberists drop f-bombs in any of their other songs, but it pleases me to think it only happened here.

113) Offset & Metro Boomin - “Ric Flair Drip”

Mostly here for the beat.

112) Hurray For The Riff Raff - “Hungry Ghost”

A cool song that’s hard to put into a box. Indie? Pop? Rock? Forget labels, just enjoy.

(Minus a few points for the low hanging “girl/world” rhyme)

111) Wavves - “Dreams Of Grandeur”

I was pretty let down by the new Wavves LP, but this song sounds enough like the old stuff to be a net positive (despite being, like, 70 seconds too long)

110) Culture Abuse - “So Busted”

Culture Abuse got on my radar with last year’s all-timer, “Dream On”. It was an unrelenting, robotic pulverization. “So Busted” is more of a drug comedown; a ballad, even. While “Dream On” wanted to seek you out and kill you like a terminator; “So Busted” just wants a cuddle.

109) Trey Songz - “#1Fan”

This song is so dumb and funny and pseudo competent. Really not sure how the R&B guys get away with this shit.

108) The Killers - “The Man”

Is this in a movie? It should be in a movie. It’s kind of, like, a better version of what Arcade Fire has been trying to be.

107) New Lenox - “Protest Sweater”

A good song for the ending 2017 -- or any year, really -- and its run time (1:30) would make Joyce Manor proud.

106) Logic - “Everybody”

This is really good, but it reminds me so much of Kendrick that it becomes distracting.

105) Gorillaz f/ DRAM - “Andromeda”

Didn’t spend enough time listening to the new Gorillaz record, but I actually put the blame on them: it was long, man. So while I woulda loved to pick one of the songs with a cool cameo (hi, Vince Staples!), this is the one I actually had around the most. It’s all we’ve come to expect from this cartoon band -- kinda British, kinda futuristic, very undisturbed. Also, if it gets you back to the album before me, I heard that Damon Albarn told all collaborating artists to record their parts like the world was ending tomorrow.

104) Dropkick Murphys - “Blood”

If you know me at all, you know I historically have not been a fan of this band. But for whatever reason, this one connected -- bagpipes and all.

103) Captain, We’re Sinking - “Books”

CWS was never, ever going to top the falling-apart-desperation of 2013′s “The Future Is Cancelled”, but this song comes pleasantly close.

102) IRONTOM - “Be Bold Like Elijah”

My buddy Crooks rec’d this band, and the guitars give me Queens Of The Stone Age vibes in the best possible way. A bio on lastFM compared them to Arctic Monkeys, and you know what? I agree with that, too.

101) Jidenna - “A Bull’s Tale”

This song feels primed to explode and makes you wanna rip the shirt off your chest; only we don’t know if the bomb’s gonna blow in the middle or at the end.

100) Jeff Tweedy - “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart”

Yeah yeah, the original version of this dropped in 2002, and yes, it’s just a cover by the dude who originally sang it. I... do not care. It made me appreciate the confessional regret all over again.

99) Talib Kweli f/ Yummy Bingham & Jay Electronica - “All Of Us”

It was all bad just a week ago

Kweli and Jay Elect are a collab made in conscious rap heaven, so this song was more than a pleasant surprise.

98) Rise Against - “House On Fire”

This song could have been on “Revolutions Per Minute”. Or maybe I’m just saying that because of the hand grenade lyric in the chorus.

97) HAIM - “Want You Back”

Can’t imagine there being a lamer song on this list. HAIM and Bleachers should get in a wuss rock beef that ends with pistols.

96) The Bigger Empty - “By Its Own (So What)”

My producer plays bass in this band. This song is super solid, and, maybe most importantly in these completely divisive times, unoffensive and approachable. Kinda Hush Sound-y.

95) Little Big Town - “Lost In California” (note: link is to live version)

From the bros and broettes who brought us “Day Drinking” comes this much more subdued track. If you squint, it doesn’t really even seem like country. Granted, if they sang “Alabama” instead of “California”, you could probably call that claim out immediately.

94) Lana Del Rey - “Heroin”

Another beautiful/dreamy song from an artist who’s near-perfected that niche.

93) Wavves & Culture Abuse - “Up And Down”

Wavves and Culture Abuse have already made appearances on this list, and we haven’t even cracked the Top 80. Fortunately, their collaboration scored a little higher than their individual outputs. Shout out to their uplifting outro “I’ll just get high and I’ll die alone”.

92) The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - “Something Just Like This”

This song played at my gym all the time, and I was positive it was Coldplay. Then someone told me it was The Chainsmokers. Then I looked it up on YouTube, and it says “The Chainsmokers & Coldplay”... so what’s the deal, assholes?

91) Lil Peep f/ Lil Tracy - “Awful Things”

I hadn’t heard of Lil Peep when I found out of his passing in 2017. After looking up some pictures, I was nearly 100% positive his music was not for me. This was incorrect. I haven’t really listened to songs that sound like his; it’s kind of like rap that treads this line of being bad while also kinda sounding like alternative rock; destructive love song that doesn’t flinch.

90) AFI - “Dark Snow”

Nothing new, but Davey Havok can still sing circles around almost anybody.

89) Dashboard Confessional - “Love Yourself” (link is to live, partial version)

Well, Dashboard covered Biebs, and we all lived to tell the tale.

88) Garrett Dale - “2016 Was...”

This song would be a blast as a singalong in a late night hotel room. There’s something calming about celebrating -- or at least acknowledging -- everything sucking.

87) Katy Perry f/ Skip Marley - “Chained To The Rhythm”

Got more than a few issues with this song, but it’s catchy, so they’re mostly forgiven. Even though it’s Katy Perry, I was pretty surprised to see it racked up 444 million views.

And seriously who the hell is Skip Marley?!

86) The Ramblin’ Boys Of Pleasure - “Glug, Glug, Glug”

Now is probably a good time to plug the lead track from my band’s b-sides record that came out this year (ten years in the making, baby!). Mandatory listening if you’ve ever bonged brandy, partied in Champaign, or counted down in a country voice.

85) Charly Bliss - “Glitter”

It’s been nearly a year, but it’s still somewhat difficult to calibrate this singer’s voice. Is it a little too saccharine, too childlike, or just perfect? You be the judge.

84) Emperor X - “Wasted On The Senate Floor”

This singer is real god damn frenetic.

83) Father John Misty - “Total Entertainment Forever”

/obligatory “yes, this is the one with the Taylor Swift lyric” reference

FJM has such a pro’s pro voice and makes super sound music... but it’s also kinda hard to have an overall opinion. The more 50-50 I get, the more I think it’s not all that great. The video is a microcosm. Like... why is Macaulay Culkin paying Cobain? Is this a commentary on capitalism? Oooh, nah nah nahs are nice! As divided as I still am, I’m pretty positive this song is good-if-not-great.

82) St. Vincent - “New York”

This song is further proof that soft, radio friendly music can still benefit from a well placed “motherfucker”.

81) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness - “Dead Man’s Dollar”

As long as Andrew McMahon’s project is called “Andrew McMahon In the Wilderness”, I will make fun of him like clockwork.

This song is nice. I sometimes sing “I want Thon Maker” when he says “I want to make a” in the chorus.

80) Kele Okereke - “Streets Been Talkin’”

Kele’s most impressive feat was sneaking “bae” right into the chorus without me noticing until literally right now.

79) Rick Ross - “Summer Seventeen” 

How the hell did this dumbass song get so high up on the list? I have no explanation. Classic Roazy though -- aim high, fake it till you make it. When I started my new job in August, IT reset my password to “summer2017″, and I had this song’s hook in my head nearly every time I typed it in. All told, a pretty hilarious way to start a work day.

78) Michelle Branch - “Best You Ever”

This song sounds so dark and sultry, but I’m not totally sure why. Branch rules.

77) Calvin Harris f/ Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - “Feels”

The best way to ruin this song for anyone is to point out how much the hook sounds like Katy Perry singing “Don’t be afraid to catch fish”.

76) Morrissey - “Spent The Day In Bed”

This is a very low maintenance lyric video. So you can either make fun of that or the “I spent the day in bed / I’m not the type, but I love my bed” line.

75) Red City Radio - “If You Want Blood (Be My Guest)”

The “We don’t need a god damn thing from you” chorus is a little punk cliche to win me over, but the Oklahoma City reference (”where our dreams come true and die”) is the line I’ve been waiting for since I found out RCR was from there.

74) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs - “Talk 2 Her”

The closest we’ll get to a new Clash song in 2017.

73) Bad Cop/Bad Cop - “Womanarchist”

Factoring in the 2017′s themes (#MeToo, Harvey dead, etc.), this has to be the song title of the year. I smiled ear-to-ear watching this music video.

72) The Movielife - “Mercy Is Asleep At The Wheel”

Hey, The Movielife reunited!

71) The Rocket Summer - “Gone Too Long”

Unlike that lazy ass Morrissey, The Rocket Summer gave us a lyric video that basically passes as a legit music video.

70) Miguel f/ Travis Scott - “Sky Walker”

Me, every time I listen to this song:

“Ooh, beat is pretty solid.”

“Ah yeah, the hook’s good. I thought I really liked this song though...”

/falsetto part

“AW YEAH.”

69) Queens Of The Stone Age - “The Way You Used To Do”

Had never known about the Josh Homme/Elvis comparisons, but after hearing this, I totally get it now. Also: god damn it, man.

68) Macklemore f/ Skylar Grey - “Glorious”

What can we do to make Skylar Grey more famous? She Ginger Rogers’d for Em on “SNL” -- seriously, she played piano and sung Dido, Beyoncé, and Rihanna hooks (that’s a solid ass trinity!) -- has unarguably awesome songs, and never takes anything off the table. I honestly don’t care if she has another hit... let’s just, like, all Venmo her five bucks or something.

One of my fav music videos on the list so far. Be as skeptical of Macklemore as you want, but when his grandma offers him a drink (haha) then says she wants to “do it all” with their day together, it warms the hearts.

67) Direct Hit! - “Blood On Your Tongue”

Direct Hit! continues to be the best modern version of Green Day, The Ramones*, and themselves.

(* - without being Ramones-core)

66) Boyd & The Stahfools - “Party Penguin”

I’ve been in the game for a long while, but, for the first time in my career, I finally was part of a music video. If you told me it was a 2Pac parody that advertised craft beer, I’d, well, I’d believe you. We got Dave Hernandez on the hook, Mike Healy as Dr. Dre, and yours truly as Makaveli.

And all jokes aside, “On vacation like Bev D’Angelo” is one of my favorite penned lines.

65) Rancid - “Telegraph Avenue”

I like when Tim sings about grabbing his left-handed guitar.

64) Big Sean f/ Jeremih - “Light”

Sean Don made a forgettable 2017 album with many throwaway tracks -- but “Light” ain’t one of ‘em. I liked this song even before the touching video cemented its power.

63) blink 182 - “Parking Lot”

This is that weird mix of what makes all new blink really good and really eh at the same time -- Skiba involved (for better or worse), inspired Mark (for better or worse), and Travis’ overplaying (for better or worse). It’s for sure easier if you just turn your brain off and go with it.

Why does he reference Chicago in the verse then California in the pre-chorus?

I SAID “OFF”.

62) New Found Glory - “Your Jokes Aren’t Funny”

This song doesn’t break a ton of new ground, but it’s got this circular, easy chorus that keeps me coming back.

61) Teenage Bottlerocket - “Goin’ Back To Wyo”

Similar to Red City Radio writing about OKC, I can’t get enough of TB writing about their home. Did I blast this song while driving across the entire state alone this summer? Do you know me an ounce?

60) Frank Turner - “The Sand In The Gears”

A little dissatisfied with the current administration? Frank may be from across the pond, but he’s with you on this one, man. One of my favorite parts of this song is when he breaks the rhyme scheme just to angrily say “I thought that we were winning the war against the homophobes and the racists”.

59) Billy Bragg - “Not Everything That Counts Can Be Counted”

Billy Bragg is here for all of us, with perspective, wisdom, and insightful guidance in tow.

58) Dave Hause - “The Flinch”

Send this one to an old flame if you’re hoping, you know, to maybe rekindle.

57) Selena Gomez f/ Gucci Mane - “Fetish”

That’s right -- “Bad Liar” got beat out by this significantly less popular single featuring one of my least favorite rappers.

/looks up play totals

”Fetish”... 130 million

“Bad Liar”... 214 million

Comparably popular, I say! For me, this one is all about the chorus -- and that beat’ll get you swayin’.

56) Jay Electronica - “Letter To Falon”

‘Cause who gon’ save them babies? / And finally put a definite to all those maybes

Death, taxes, maybe death again, and Jay Electronica never releasing a full length album. Our man has been on Roc Nation for nearly ten years. I hate him so much. /anxiously awaits his next move

Jay Electricity in his zone on this one; so comfortable, in full operation within the confines.

55) Laura Jane Grace - “Adore”

I don’t know who Amy Shark is, but LJG covered her song and punted my heart into Lake Michigan.

54) Russian Girlfriends - “Antidote”

Upbeat, direct song that starts kinda Metric-y with the riff but then gets more pop punk as it progresses.

53) Brian Fallon - “If Your Prayers Don’t Get To Heaven”

My fiancee laughed when I looked up how to play this song on the guitar and the guy who tabbed it out wrote “Typical Brian Fallon open chords” in the intro.

52) Cloud Nothings - “Enter Entirely”

If “Womanarchist” is the ‘best’ song title of the year, “Enter Entirely” is certainly the coolest. And please don’t let the very boring music video fool you -- this song gets after it, man. If you are a fan of rock music, it would blow me away if you found this song remotely objectionable.

(After seeing CN open for Japandroids on back-to-back nights this November, it feels criminal to have such a slow song represent the band, as their drummer is the Russell Westbrook of the indie scene. That dude does not tire and comes off as more machine than man.)

51) Conor Oberst - “Napalm”

Oberst released a 10-song album in 2016 that was super brooding and piano-y... then he released another album in 2017 (17 songs) that had every track from his previous record and seven new ones. Kind of a weird move, no? This is one of those seven; suffice to say it’s a little more upbeat.

50) Sorority Noise - “No Halo”

You could tell me this song came out in 2002, 2007, or both -- but not 2017. How is this not a time capsuled rival of Taking Back Sunday or My Chemical Romance? I don’t know, but if you like a lot of death, this one’s for you.

49) N.E.R.D f/ Rihanna - “Lemon”

Let’s lighten the mood back up with some RiRi rap. My buddy Crooks’ take: “That's how every 2017 hip-hop beat should sound.”

48) Kesha - “Praying”

It’s damn near impossible to talk about this song without talking about The Note. It occurs at 4:21, and it will make you a little faint.

Kesha dusts herself off and gets beyond empowered in this one. This song could legitimately soundtrack the entire #MeToo movement. When the drums kick in halfway through, you’ll be ready to fight back too.

When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

47) The Smith Street Band - “Laughing (Or Pretending To Laugh)”

This soft, hopeful love song is almost *too* respectful when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. I’m not sure there’s a more endearing 2017 lyric than “And I don't wanna marry you just yet / But at least let me get you a cider / And I don’t even think I’d have to pay for it / Hopefully there’s a couple left on the rider”.

46) Run The Jewels - “Legend Has It”

Whenever I think of this song, I will always have that image of El-P holding up that gun to the bunny’s head. This song is��braggadocious, each line one-upping the previous in perpetuity. Man, they probably rule live.

45) Vic Mensa - “Say I Didn’t”

Vic Mensa's Roc Nation debut (CAN YOU HEAR ME AT ALL, JAY ELECTRONICA?!?!?!?!?!?) was real strong, and this one gives you a good taste of what he’s about. He’s intense but controlled and even gets a little soulful. And depending what sphere you come from, you’ll either be extremely more or extremely less interested after he drops a Weezer reference. If that gives you trepidation, maybe the Nate Dogg namedrop will reel you back in?

44) Kendrick Lamar - “HUMBLE.”

I like Kendrick Lamar and will always recognize his talent, platform, and body of work (there’s a real case to be made that his “Control” verse killed hip-hop, and it’s just been an animated zombie ever since). Having said that...

He doesn’t always make it easy. The all caps song titles, the weird high pitched flow, the massive reliance of “bitch” in his choruses... yet, he’s the same dude who begs for stretch marked butts and body positivity. I don’t know, man. By the time he hits the “I make a play fucking up your whole life” line, I’m nearly all the way back in.

Last complaint: that organ-y keyboard thing could be so much louder. The beat almost feels diet because of that decision.

43) PKEW PKEW PKEW - “Cold Dead Hands”

This song is about how you can’t freeze this band to death, because they’ll party their way out of the situation.

42) Weezer - “Any Friend Of Diane’s”

This song puts me in a trance; they sing the same chorus lyric a million times, and I still almost want more.

41) Taylor Swift - “I Did Something Bad”

If this song isn’t a hit in 2018, then I do not know anything. For as uneven and questionable as her new singles were, this song has none of that. By the time she’s rolling on the tremendously magnetic “over and over and over again” part, you’ll feel like it’s 2009.

Maybe the old Taylor is still alive after all.

40) Best Ex - “Someday”

What’s that, you want your pop with a lot less baggage? This song is currently at 1,042 views, which is further proof of no justice in this world. I remember grocery shopping with this in the headphones, and you woulda thought it was the happiest moment of my life by the expression on my smiling, dumb face.

39) White Reaper - “Judy French”

“There are no good new rock bands wahhhhh”

Nah -- you just suck at finding music when it’s never been easier in human history, I guess?

38) Anti-Flag - “The Criminals”

This band has always lived in this dramatic life-and-death world, and it’s been going on for so long, that it’s like their vision of what they were always rebelling against was willed into existence.

37) French Montana f/ The Weeknd & Max B - “A Lie”

My dislike of French Montana is so high that I sometimes think about having to answer for saying something heinous about him. Kinda like when Kevin Garnett was accused of calling Charlie Villanueva (who has alopecia) a “cancer patient.”

KG’s all-time response:

“I am aware there was a major miscommunication regarding something I said on the court last night. My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact ‘You are cancerous to your team and our league,’" Garnett said in a statement to the media on Wednesday.

Hahahaha.

French, you are a cancer to hip-hop and our league. His verse even references stupid Karl Malone, because why wouldn’t it? The good news is we have The Weeknd on the hook *and* in the first verse, so you can basically just pretend it’s his solo song with a few regrettable cameos.

36) The Penske File - “Oh Brother”

The Penske File make it look effortless sometimes. After hearing this song and doing a Malört shot with their singer, I have higher hopes than ever for their 2018 full length.

35) The Front Bottoms - “Don’t Fill Up On Chips”

TFB’s new album didn’t give me everything I wanted in terms of uptempo bangers, but the lyrics, sentiment, and craftsmanship are all still very much present.

34) Vince Staples - “Big Fish”

The Juicy J chorus might not win a Pulitzer (”I was up late night ballin’ / Countin’ up hundreds by the thousand”), but Vince is rapping invincible, and by the time the lyrics call back his monster single (“Norf Norf”), you won’t be questioning anything anymore.

33) Julien Baker - “Shadowboxing” (link is to live version)

I know that you don't understand 'Cause you don't believe what you don't see When you watch me throwing punches at the devil It just looks like I'm fighting with me

I swear, Julien Baker might be one of the only people on this planet with the power to shut us all up and listen.

32) Paramore - “Fake Happy”

Paramore is a band that does dumb shit all the time. Infighting, legal drama, horrible makeover after horrible makeover. Seriously, this is real:

But through it all, there’s that unbreakable Hayley voice, and it’s like everything is gonna be OK again. I mean, no, it’s not -- but let’s still enjoy these fleeting moments, full blown pop transition or not.

31) Nothington - “Cobblestones”

This song briefly sounds like Lucero before turning into no nonsense despair punk.

30) Lorde - “Perfect Places”

Such a phenomenal album closer; great to have her back in the pop music fold. Car, headphones, party, whatever -- this song goes all around you.

29) Remember Sports - “I Liked You Best”

If Kesha’s high note in “Praying” was pop music’s peak vocal moment in 2017, I’d like to nominate the “You made this me-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hess” (2:37) part as punk’s.

28) Phoenix - “J-Boy”

This band makes such gorgeous music.

27) Drake - “Free Smoke” (no link)

Drake’s full album output, in minutes, for the last four years:

2013: 59 minutes 2014: N/A 2015: 108 minutes 2016: 81 minutes

And this doesn’t include stray singles, diss tracks, or cameos (2014 had “0 To 100″, for example). What I’m saying is, despite high quality material, Aubrey has saturated us with music for nearly half a decade. So even though I dig him lots, it was like “Really?!” when I heard he was releasing 2017′s “More Life” and “WHAT” when I found out it was another 81 minutes (the same length as 2016′s “Views”). Though the record is stylistically very different -- I keep hearing people use the word “grime”, though I have no idea what it means -- it’s still got bars. My favorite stray lines (they add up):

- “More life, more everything” - “I dunk text J-Lo / Old number, so it bounce back” - “Hilton rooms, gotta double up / Writin’ our name on a double cup” - “I fall asleep in sororities / I had some different priorities” - “Women I like was ignorin’ me / Now they like ‘Aren’t you adorable?’ / I know the question rhetorical” - “I make too much these days to ever say ‘Poor me’” - “I wanna move to Dubai / So I don’t never have to kick it with none of you guys”

But, it wouldn’t be Drake without making fun of him some. The song beings with, well, him sampling himself at an award show. The sample: 

And more chune for your headtop So watch how you speak on my name, you know?

Which begs the question: did he do the weird Jamaican accent knowing he was gonna sample it? It treads this weird genius/calculated doofus line. All I know is it makes me laugh.

26) Tigers Jaw - “Favorite” 

This song could make me pensive and unhappy on the sunniest of days.

25) Tee Grizzley - “First Day Out”

Like many, I first heard of Tee Grizzley from a LeBron James Instagram workout video. It was an easy sell: Detroit, ferocious beat, and the dude goes *hard*. I got a little too excited and emailed my hip-hop friends: “What the fuck is this? This is GOOD.”

This was before I realized he kinda sounds the same in every song. It’s no matter -- we’ll always have “First Day Out”, a brief time in June 2017 where I thought Tee Grizzley could be the next to run the game.

I can’t even be in public with my hoodie on

24) The War On Drugs - “Strangest Thing”

It’s very difficult to write about The War On Drugs without mentioning how transcendent it is to listen to them in the car. Everyone is right about that, but, for me, I also have to mention how much this dude sounds like Dylan. People say Springsteen, but I hear so much Bob. You don’t necessarily have to get “past” it, but you do kinda have to get used to it. Once you do, the lead guitar will carry you into the clouds. This music will make you contemplate and reflect.

23) Foxing - “Night Channels”

Let’s keep the mood contemplative; you almost feel sleepless if not completely locked in to this one.

UPDATE: This dropped in 2015, /sigh

22) Craig Finn - “God In Chicago”

This is more of a movie than a song -- and the visuals agree. Focus in on the lyrics, take in the story, and then do it again soon because you’ll catch new wrinkles each time. One of the year’s best videos, for sure. Punk News phrases it well: “Here he’s made a solo album of losers who have no idea they’ve already lost.”

21) DJ Khaled f/ Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper, Lil Wayne - “I’m The One”

No one wanted you to know he had sex in 2017 more than DJ Khaled. He made his infant son Asahd the “Executive Producer” for this video. Why? Because he’s an idiot. Khaled’s still existing fame continues to confound. He’s more faux-platitudes than man at his point. So why do the best artists in the world collaborate with someone so seemingly unintelligent? I don’t know, but this song bangs and was probably my Song of the Summer. We got JB on the hook, a dumb-but-amusing Quavo*, Wayne trying to gain footing, and Chance running across the finish line backward with Best Verse title belt. But Khaled won’t let you forget about him, blaring DJ tag and all. This song suffers for that, and it’s all his fault. 

(* - his ad lib of just repeating everything becomes charming once you start to get Stockholm Syndrome with the song)

20) Ed Sheeran - “The Shape Of You”

What a 2017 for the man behind the year’s best (super successful) pop song.  At the turn of the calendar, I barely knew who he was, but before we all knew it, there was a legitimate public outcry because he was on “Game of Thrones” for, like, two minutes. What a time. Oh, also, the “Come on, be my baby...” bridge gave me some “Real World: New Orleans” acid flashbacks.

Great meme, take us out.

19) Minus The Bear - “Last Kiss”

If the shattered neon heart didn’t give it away, this is a “the relationship is definitively over” breakup song. Seeing them play it at Riot Fest made me miss my late friend Luke; I wish he could have heard this.

18) Hot Water Music - “Never Going Back”

I’ve always maintained Chuck Ragan plays guitar and sings songs like a running back. Well, this song carpe diem’s me enough to play actual running back*.

(* - jk, would never do this unless it was against very small children)

17) Lucky Boys Confusion - “Good Luck”

My hometown heroes released their comeback album in 2017, and I’m not sure any track sums up the effort better. By the time Adam sings “Burned out, they call us / Screw ‘em, we got endless memories / Punk rock and the polish / I hope it gave you something to believe”, there are no dry eyes left.

(And yes, this could totally be an AM Taxi song, but with Ryan Fergus’ killer-fills-only drumming, I’m glad it wasn’t.)

16) Hodera - “Baltimore”

This song would likely have a Top 5 objective approval rating of any on the list.

...“The Wire” forever.

15) Iron Chic - “A Headache With Pictures”

It ain’t heavy, it ain’t heaven

If Hot Water Music is carpe diem, what is Iron Chic -- seize the life?! My favorite description of the band came from Sam Sutherland, who tweeted: “Whose day has already been derailed by the unavoidably weighty introspection of listening to the new Iron Chic record.”

They are a certified run-through-brick-walls outfit. One of my final 2017 memories of this song was subtweeting “Now I know” the night I got engaged and having my buddy Ricky think she might’ve declined the proposal. May have to include a ring emoji next time.

14) The Flatliners - “Indoors”

Had to listen to this, like, five or six times before its brilliant greatness overtook me like falling into a river. The chorus is so, so heartfelt.

Don’t sleep on the video, either (especially the end).

13) Sylvan Esso - “Die Young”

Though I have tickets to see them for the first time in 2018, I am not mega-versed in the catalogue of Sylvan Esso. But this feels like their best song. Imagine if Romeo and Juliet turned out OK.

12) Oso Oso - “Shoes (The Sneaker Song)”

Jade from Oso Oso would likely want all of the above stylized in lowercase -- but this ain’t Jade’s list. This was my favorite new band of 2017, and I do believe they made the year’s best album. It’s early-2000s emo at times, pop punk at others, and all ear candy.

11) Sincere Engineer - “Corn Dog Sonnet No. 7″

Staying in the new artist lane, I proudly introduce Sincere Engineer. This band sounds like if Modern Baseball had a little sister. By the time singer Deanna Belos sings “I’m still learning how to be”, you want to pat her on the back and give her all your best advice.

Fantastic music video -- and she confirmed to me this past weekend that it’s real mustard, not puffy paint (“I have a towel that is all yellow from cleaning it up”).

10) new.wav - “Girls”

Alright, so stick with me on this: new.wav is the band, covering The 1975′s song “Girls” in the style of “Enema of the State”-era blink-182. Confused? Yeah, I was too, but check it out. Maybe more impressive than the arrangements/performance is how they were able to match blink’s production style -- no easy task.

9) Jay-Z - “Family Feud” (starts around 5:30; partial version)

Shawn Corey Carter wants to get right with everyone -- America, his peers, and, of course, within his own home. And though I may never understand the “New n****s is the reason I stopped drinkin’ Dos Equis” lyric, I’m on board with about all else. Similar to the Oso Oso record, “4:44″ is such an album that it feels unfair to single out a song to represent all of its parts. Stripped from the LP, the song does not hit as hard, but in the groove of the record, it’s the apex. And despite Hov seemingly desiring peace, the song does have more than a few call outs:

- “My stash can’t fit into Steve Harvey’s suit” - “And old n****s, y’all stop actin’ brand new / Like 2Pac ain’t have a nose ring too” - “Al Sharpton in the mirror takin’ selfies / How is him or Pill Cosby s’posed to help me?”

In the latter stages of his career, it’s hard to call everything Jay does ‘necessary’, but “4:44″ definitely checked that box.

8) Rozwell Kid - “Wendy’s Trash Can”

Vacillated all year between this one and “Michael Keaton” and literally flipped a penny my cousin Maggie loaned me to decide. “Wendy’s Trash Can” was heads.

7) The Weeknd - “Reminder”

This one got backdoored in as a latter single from The Weeknd’s 2016 album. One of my favorite parts about Abel is how little he has had to change to succeed. Sure, it’s silky smooth, but he hasn’t sacrificed the drugs, darkness, or ego that should offend (but doesn’t because it he pulls it off so well). After bragging early in the song about he won a kids award for singing about cocaine, he calls out peers for biting his sound, blings out his entire crew, and, well:

When I travel 'round the globe, make a couple mil' a show And I come back to my city, I fuck every girl I know

/clutches pearls

6) The Bombpops - “Be Sweet”

The guitar riff in this song is why I fell in love with punk music. Also, super cool story behind the lyrics:

“'Be Sweet' is an homage to our dear friend, the late Brandon Carlisle of the band Teenage Bottlerocket," vocalist Jen Razavi told AP. "Back in 2010, we were partying in a hotel room with Brandon and Ray Carlisle. There was a guitar in the room and Brandon was showing us an idea he had for a song. He had written it for his wife, but he told us we should play it and change the lyrics to 'getting rad with my boyfriend.' He wrote down all the lyrics on four sheets of hotel notepad paper. Since then, the melody and the chord progression were forgotten, but I still had the lyrics. So we wrote our own version of the song in the studio and used every single lyric that Brandon had written down.

Did I mention the video has an “In Bloom” feel? Stop reading, go listen.

5) Action Bronson - “Let Me Breathe”

Action Bronson ain’t givin’ nothin’ up. This is my pick for rap song of the year. It’s got TV brags (”I got two shows, I’m about to pitch another”), a tight chorus (”Let me breathe for a minute / White Range Rover blowin’ trees all in it”), and whimsy shit too (“Honey bouncin’ up and down, she nearly broke my dick”). Ghostface’s disciple is having more fun than just about anyone.

4) Japandroids - “North East South West”

Only a Canadian band could get me to care this much about my own country. The Vancouver duo penned an Americana ode to the road -- but there’s a twist... they talk about their cities too. For every New Orleans, there’s a Toronto. For every California, a Vancouver.

Maybe they’ll be the ones to end all the border wars.

3) Alex Lahey - “Every Day’s The Weekend”

This is the only submission on the list I’d feel comfortable calling a perfect song. Relatable themes, a chorus that’ll tangle you up, f-bombs in all the right places, and every part maximized. She has this way of weaving between cool confidence and youthful insecurity, all in the matter of one verse.

2) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Cut To The Feeling”

When it comes to “Call Me Maybe” and its legacy, I do not fuck around. This song gets really, really, really close. Just watch this dude.

Queen Carly blessed us with another one. The chorus soars, arms go up, and clouds are your closest companions.

1) The Menzingers - “After The Party”

It's the little things my mind commits / To etch behind my eyelids

When this song dropped, my buddy Dave Rokos called it his favorite Menzos song ever. That felt like high praise, but man, he might be dead on. “After The Party” rips me in half with its lyrics of palpable desperation:

Like a kaleidoscope in vibrant hues I navigate around your tattoos Said you got that one on a whim when you were breaking up with him And that Matryoshka Russian doll That lines your shelf from big to small What a way to start anew To shed your skin and find the old you 

If Carly’s chorus flies, this one holds us down like gravity. You feel everything, you feel nothing, you feel full yet voided, but after all of this -- the life, the party, the friends, the bars, the experiences, the nights, the lights, the fights, the city you live in -- it’s still her and you. Or him and you. Or whatever it is you come home to at the end, when it’s finally quiet.

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no 99

99. Hell-O

Written by: Ian Brennan Directed by: Brad Falchuk

Overall Thoughts: After watching “Sectionals”, this episode seems… well, lackluster, to say the least. Finn and Rachel are somehow dating, but we didn’t get to see that start up (I list it as a positive in my upcoming review of “Sectionals”, but in a way it’s too bad they didn’t give us that continuity. Even just having them share a kiss or something would have made this feel a little less jarring). The episode introduces two new characters that will become important later on, but right now it just feels like they’re jammed into an episode that barely has enough time for its actual protagonists. It’s definitely a disappointing episode after how amazing “Sectionals” was.

What I Like:

Rachel standing her ground with Finn and telling him that by dumping her he’s losing, all because he’s scared. I know Rachel is obnoxious as fuck, but I feel like you could never get a more committed girlfriend (which is what makes her later cheating with Puck so out of character).

Emma breaking up with Will, and pointing out the fact that they’ve been acting like teenagers this whole time. It was actually really nice to have that stated on the show, as I talk about this throughout most of my reviews of the first half of season one, and I totally forgot they actually brought it up.

Jesse St. James. I know he’s a dink in this season, but he’s honestly one of my favourite guest starts (after Elliott), and Jonathan Groff is the cutest little muffin. Plus, I always felt that Rachel and Jesse had more in common than Rachel and Finn. While I know that if it weren’t for Cory’s passing Finn and Rachel would have been the endgame, I do think that Rachel and Jesse are right for each other, and it’s pretty interesting seeing Rachel tell everyone that maybe what she and Jesse have is true love when we all know that they end up married.

Finn deciding he wants to be with Rachel, and telling her he isn’t giving up. While normally a storyline like this would piss me off (I hate the whole “wear her down” trope), it is nice to see the tables turned. For the first thirteen episodes we just watched Rachel following after Finn like a lovesick puppy, so it’s nice to actually see him reciprocate, and to see him make the decision to be as purposeful about it as Rachel was earlier in the season.

I have mixed feelings about the revelation that Emma is a virgin. While I think it’s amazing representation for older women who haven’t had sex (which is a lot more people than I think people realize), it does also suck that they really only did this so they could save Emma giving Will her virginity as some sort of ultimate token of their love/a prize. I’ve always wished that they’d gone with Emma being asexual, but realize that when this show first started airing asexuality wasn’t as well known. As it stands, for now I’m going to list it as a positive aspect of this episode, since it really is nice to have an older character who hasn’t had sex. Those are actually quite hard to come by, you know?

When they all talk about how they answer their phones (although it does bring back memories to that one fic I read where Kurt picks up the phone and literally says “No, she’s dead, this is her son,” as his greeting. Some people take these things a little too literally, huh?)

What I Don’t Like:

Too much focus on Will! Oh my god!!! And he’s an idiot in this episode too!! He literally makes me crazy. Starting to date Emma when he isn’t really divorced, cheating on her with Shelby… Ugh. And then we’re supposed to feel bad for him because he doesn’t know who he is and is “a mess”?!?!?!?!?! No. I feel no sympathy for you Will. Get your shit together and stop waiting for the women in your life to get that shit together for you (that being said, I think I’m finally starting to understand why Will and Terri worked as a couple for so long).

Based on a few interactions we’re led to believe that Puck and Quinn are dating, but it’s never confirmed and they never really break up, so what’s the deal? It feels off seeing the two acting like a couple when just one episode ago Quinn made a big deal about going through the pregnancy alone. It feels like we missed an important step.

Same goes for Finn and Rachel. They’re suddenly dating, or at least Rachel seems to think they are, but it feels sort of like… what? Did I miss something? Did I fall asleep at the end of “Sectionals” and miss these two couples getting together? When did this happen? The voice-over at the beginning seems to imply that we should know this is happening, but we literally got no indication of it.

I honestly don’t like much of the music in this episode. I find it boring, and “hello” is a stupid theme.

Brittany and Santana. Look, they’re normally in the positive side of things, but for the next couple of episodes they’re kind of on my shit-list. They’re unnecessarily mean, and I get that they’re working for Sue, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that they’re straight up bullying Rachel in front of Finn as he’s paying for their dinner. Plus the way they talk to that waitress is inexcusable.

Considering what an important character Shelby Corcoran becomes, and how amazing Idina Menzel is, she really gets a shitty, lukewarm welcome into the show.

Songs

Hello, I Love You: I used to really like this song, but honestly, watching it this time I find the vocals to be pretty mediocre, and the sequence is actually kind of awkward and weird. It’s not sexy, because Finn doesn’t come across as sexy. Honestly, it’s hard to seem sexy in a bulky jacket and ratty jeans, and then in a too-large polo shirt. But whatever, Glee often made their female characters treat their male characters like they were sexy even when they really, really weren’t.

Gives You Hell: This is probably the only song I actually enjoy from this episode. It’s a nice group number, and it marks the beginning of singing your feelings to someone in the club. Plus it’s nice to see Rachel get angry for an actual reason for once.

Hello: I wish that they’d cut this and kept Hello Twelve, Hello Thirteen. It’s a better song, it’s more energetic, and the chemistry works better. This song is just boring and feels ridiculously long – also, once again Glee is going way too deep way too soon.

Highway to Hell: This is okay, but it’s short and feels a little out of place. They didn’t really need it.

Hello, Goodbye : Oh my god I am so tired of watching group numbers where only Finn and Rachel sing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M DONE!!!!!!! Give me actual group numbers Glee, for fucks sake!!!!

Final Thoughts: Considering when it first aired people had to wait almost five months for it, this episode is beyond disappointing, to say the least. It feels like they didn’t have enough time for everything they wanted to do, but they wasted a good three minutes on Hello, which dragged on for so long I legitimately thought it was a ten-minute number. It’s boring, and mediocre. Not an episode I’d watch again unless I was doing a full watch-through.

masterpost

[carinareviews]

Steam/PC: The Charming Empire Review

He’s a cutie <3

Final Grade: D+/C- TL;DR: Not great. OST was very mediocre. A little above average visuals. Storytelling was terrible. Voice Acting (VA) was the only saving grace for this game. UI is terrible/no improvement from the mobile version. Characters were great but development was non-existent in many of the routes. Couldn’t stomach the game to play through everyone’s Good ending…I just did Happy Endings which were still just mediocre ends.

Route Order I followed: Yoshimine, Togawa, Tanba, Sera, Soshi.

Route Order I recommend: Yoshimine, Tanba, Sera, Togawa, Soshi Though it honestly doesn’t matter since none of the storylines are that closely related anyways….I’d say Soshi for the beginning or end since his has the most “answers” in it. His route is pretty painful to save for last though….

Here are the route reviews: Ratings for the routes in this game will be actually higher than expected. I'm not saying these are "good" routes but the overall game is pretty kusoge (shit-game) so I'm rating them based on the low standards the overall game has set already. That being said, if you're use to fully fleshed out otome games, which I'm spoiled with...since I tend to play console based ones and not mobile based games, this game is pretty garbage. However, if you just want some light fluffy writing with tolerable visuals and a simple UI, this game is perfect. I originally played this game cause Tsuda Kenjiro VAs onii-chan... but holy shit after the first route I wasn't sure if I could make it through all the routes.

Luckily all the routes are pretty short....thank god. I didn't bother with the Normal ends cause the lackluster CGs with the shitty auto mode really made me want to kill myself while playing. Without further ado.. Here are the individual route reviews. Each written after completing the Good end.

Yoshimine 6/10

Angry Tsundere Shota >_> Uhhh def not my type. So I chose this to be my first route cause I saw the character pictures and this looked like no.1 not my type I tend to play the routes I don't think I'll like first then end with the best. He's an okay tsun-shota type. He def has some cute moments but it was really hard to get into his character since the kusoge didnt really give him good character development His idle sprite also looks really awkward too so that didn't help. Overall his VA really made up for the shitty character writing he had and semi brought his character to life. Oh yeah... the plot "twist" at the end...was so obvious.... holy shit.

Wtf is this idle..... something looks off....

Togawa 7/10

Okay... from what I see so far... this game is mainly a setup for the Soshi route at the end... I'm kinda okay with this. This route was sweet due to the bachelor being such a sweet cinnamon roll. Luckily his sprite wasn't as awkward to look at. His CGs were pretty weak as well. I think there was like 1 good CG. Augghh this kusoge with the shitty character development. I'm glad this character had some "history" with the MC though that made the lack of character development better. There were some interesting translation differences IDK were meant to be in there like switching black tea to just Earl Grey tea.

Tanba 8/10

So I really like Tanba Toki's design and the fact that his VA is also Prompto from FFXV's VA is even better.The VA suits him really well and his character development is on point. There was some questionable OST choices for certain scenes... there was "happy" music when you were helping the rebels... like whhaatt? THEN THE MAIN THING THAT MADE ME UPSET. NO CG FOR THE CONFESSION PART HOLY SHIT IM SO PISSED. THIS GAME IS KUSOGE WTH D: Then after the confession scene theres an awkward Kiss CG which look sssoooo weirrdd >_>

Overall though, this is my favorite route so far. He had the best writing so far. I think the fact that the MC doesn't get to be with him all the time really helps. There was def. slight character development written in for both the MC and Tanba. The trend of setting up for Soshi is still very prominent in this route...anddd still no connection to any other characters expect for Soshi. I really hope Soshi's route is good to make up for all the rest of these mediocre to shitty routes. (Spoiler…it didn’t) Sera's route next.

Sera 7/10

Alright, I'd be lying if I was going to say that I didn't enjoy this route. ITS STILL A TERRIBLE FUCKING ROUTE. Writing is very mediocre and storyline/development is downright garbage. BUT I fucking love Sera's character trope. Stoic quiet big guy who's actually a fucking cinnamon roll inside. He also holds the knight card as in he must protecc. Seriously, if he had glasses he would be perfect for me. HOWEVER, the VAing in the beginning was a little forced. I think Takuya (the VA) was trying to force himself to have a deeper voice at times and it didn't sound good. Then there was the sprite of Sera... wtf is this hand shit going on his idle sprite?!??

Besides that shitty idle hand...I love his character design. A LOT of the scenes (including the ending) were not satisfying at all....they could've done so much more with his scenes. The sewing scene pissed me off the most....WTF IS THAT "he said thanks" end scene. The best part of this route is that Kagamitsu Togawa actually exists in this and Yoshimine Kei is hinted at...finaaaalllly other characters being shown. I'm also glad of Soshi's end in this route compared to others. Lots of good but lots of bad in this route.... Soshi for last bois.

Soshi 6/10

I'm. so. sad. I was super hyped for this last route cause there Soshi was the only route that was hinted at in ALL the other routes. This route was a whole lot of disappointment though :( In fact... Togawa was kinda the only saving grace of this route. Arrgggh I tried so hard to like this route I really did but the story telling was soooo bad. I mean after playing the other routes you kinda are just waiting for the "twist" that was shown before...so the precursor to it is literally like WHY?! WHY YOU GOTTA BE LIKE THAT SOSHI KUN?!Also there was some fucking weird ass development or something messed up in the translation.... WHERE THE FUCK DID THE TEA PART COME FROM!? DID I MISS SOMETHING!?!?!AS IN (Spoiler alert)

WHY THE FUCK DID SHE TRY TO KILL HIM?! I'm sorry this is the only major spoiler I had to mention cause I was so confused when it happened. Then the writing got even weirder when the "Happy end" scene played where she literally started to call him "Onii-chan" and she's been calling him Soshi the whole time.... even Soji at some point IDK why....top of that...why the fuck was Soshi allowed to do what he was allowed to do at the end like no you were still the ruler howwww?....This route was just full of weird plot holes and shit that just didn't make sense. Since the route was very shitty to begin with the CGs were equally lackluster. Boring scenes got boring CGs except for the last CG but by then I was just so sad and done with the game. Tsuda Kenjiro's VAing talents were wasted on this kusoge and kuso-chara.

The Pros:

Artstyle/Character Designs- I really enjoyed a lot of the Character Designs. In fact it was the VAing and Character designs that made me eventually pick up this game. The art is vibrant is really nice to look at. Sadly some of the CGs weren’t the best of quality and some sprites could be improved. However, overall the art is very pleasant and well suited for the time period it is set in.

OST- OST was decent too. For a mobile game that ported to PC. I was decently surprised that even after trudging through so many routes the OST didn’t get annoying or repetitive. Granted there were some questionable timing on when to play certain tracks but the songs themselves were still pretty good.

VAing- So many good voice actors involved in this game. Tsuda Kenjiro is literally my favorite VA and they had the voice of Prompto too? Man good shit. The VAing did not disappoint. They def. made the game 100x better. If this game didn’t have VAing I would’ve been so sad and I don’t think I could’ve played through it all.

The Cons:

UI/UI Functionality- My BIGGEST GRIPE about this game. I get it shitty story/development, budget art, etc. BUT WHEN YOU CANT EVEN GET YOUR UI TO FUNCTION/LOOK GOOD?! COME ON! The UI is directly a port from the mobile game so it looks clunky and jenky. Not only that Auto doesn’t work as auto normally does in otoges. It acts more of a skip button which was SO FRUSTRATING. I sometimes multitask when I play otome games like check my phone/send messages to people, so I love having it on auto especially with VAing. Additionally I don’t know if it was only a bug on my game but my settings would NEVER save when I would start a new route… holy that pissed me off.

Development of Characters- Do I even have to touch on this? There was little to no development of the bachelors at all… Most of their characters were just thrown together and you were to just nod your head at some of their “developments” as in they would say “I’m partially a cat” and your character would go “Oh cool”. End of story sequence. I wanted to just punch the screen sometimes…

Tasteless CGS- Artstyle==cool. CGs==terrible. The CGs were at really weird timing and sometimes I wished there was a certain CG at a certain time but there wasn’t. I don’t know if its because there wasn’t enough memory to put in CGs for the mobile release or what not, but regardless the game did not have CGs at good times. Leading the CGs to be at awkward moments, except for the “core” CGS aka the “meeting” CGs and the “ending” CGs.

Main Character- She’s weak willed and not a fun character to follow. She just takes things as is, except maybe in Tanba’s route. I hated “being” her… I wanted to make choices at times when the games doesn’t give you a choice.

Bottom Line:

This game is just pretty garbage. I just want to move on my life and pretend that Tsuda Kenjiro wasn’t VAing in this game. If you’re thinking of buying this game..buy it on sale…like 50% or more sale or some shit. The routes are short and not fun to play through. There are def. better choices of otome games out there for PC. Of course not a lot of them are voiced by cool Japanese voice actors but this one is pretty shitty you might as well pass. I would highly recommend Nightshade on Steam or if you’re looking for something more comedy-esque and risqué… Fashioning Little Miss Lonesome. For good artstyle I’ve heard good things about OZ-Mafia too. Or just save your money up for a PSTV for those sweet sweet PSVITA games. ;)

[uclaradio]

Lil Yachty - Teenage Emotions // Album Review

Written by Harold Gonzalez-Mejia 

The Atlanta crooner with the voice of a cartoon cat disappoints on an in cohesive, unfocused, and hard-to-listen-to debut album, despite having released one of the most unique and interesting mixtapes of 2016.

One can argue right off the bat that the main problem that Lil Yachty has is a lack of overall talent and focus. There is no doubt that the teenager has the ability to construct a very infectious, silly, and fun track that manages to strip off all stereotypes of grit and darkness that is usually associated with hip hop, like enjoyably free spirited and energetic songs such as “Minnesota” and “1 Night.” However, on Teenage Emotions, the crooner does not manage to string together any worthwhile, digestible or entertaining tracks. In fact, on many instances the crooner’s amateurish charm has disappeared and instead the kid falls short of any kind of previously established value.

One can begin to pick apart the flaws of the record in terms of over-production, mismatched with the same foolish voice that he worked well with on the Lil Boat mixtape. Yachty’s voice made complete sense played on the production that was found on the mixtape: fun, bouncy, colorful production that was assembled with purposely mediocre mixing cuddled the squeaky, wobbly voice provided by the artist. The little mumbles of autotune that dressed Yachty’s voice worked well on simple, straightforwardly melodic beats found on Lil Boat. The rapper has instead abandoned the fun production in exchange for various types of big budgeted production that instead betrays his own unique, fun voice. The various beats, from the reggae-tinged “Better” to the slowly churning “Lady in Yellow,” and the tropical bore that is “Forever Young,” all make the rapper’s voice stand out violently like a sore thumb. There are various moments where the singing provided by Yachty is painful, and falls dramatically short of being as endearing and cute as it did on various moments on Lil Boat. The rapper clearly has to have the correct team behind him on the record in order for success to be achieved.

This can lead one to wonder, “Where the fuck was the Sailing Team?” all over this album. And when Yachty is not providing hard to hear vocals passed off as “singing,” he is falling completely short of being an adequate rapper. Of course, one has to consider that Lil Yachty is no Nas. Nobody is going to this record expecting bars to riddle the entire tracklist through and through. In fact there are gross, unexpected and disgusting mentions of incest and whore fucking throughout the record which leads one to believe that Yachty himself is not capable to carry himself over as a charismatic, slick, or even successful player or ladies man as he so fondly believes he is. “Peek a Boo” is a terrible misunderstanding and execution of a sex driven, dark and hard image. The hook on this track is not memorable as Yachty goes forward to annoy the listener with a horrible repetition of the same phrase, while managing to successfully stay off tempo throughout. The beat on the track is indefensibly boring and quite honestly garbage. Even the feature provided by Migos couldn’t save the track from being forgettable and unsettling. It sounds like Yachty was whispering in the booth to prevent from being found out by his friends for trying to make a banger. Instead of sticking to his guns, the rapper attempts to become something that he will probably never be (in terms of image).

The closest success that Yachty finds to having a banger on the record is “X Men,” but even then if one were to want to slap a slapper, they wouldn’t turn to this song before turning to one of the crooner’s contemporaries. On “DN Freestyle” Yachty sounds like he is angrily ranting on beat. It is as if the rapper has forgotten to truly stay on tempo, or somebody needs to tell his producers to throw the metronome on while the guy is recording. And it is very important to note that the bars don’t have to be extremely well written; Yachty is not putting out a lyrically potent record, but if one is to do this in the current age of hip hop there have to be memorable hooks, memorable slapping beats, memorable features, and very well constructed, vibe driven songs. There is a complete lack of focus throughout this record and nobody is helping Yachty with any of these things. The quality of the record must improve if anyone is willing to slap any of this guy’s records in the near future. It is certain that hype dies with time, and there will not be enough hype to protect Yachty from criticism for his mediocrity if there is no product to support said hype.

3/10

[gloieee]

Me, Ms. Melting 20 Something

This is the longest stretch I’ve gone without writing since I started this blog. This applies to both public posts and writing personally. Perhaps it has something to do with losing all my writings and musings from before. I always would look to those to be reminded of how to feel, especially in moments like these when I feel as though I’ve lost how to reflect and feel things in that way. It definitely has everything to do with how busy I’ve been, and how I’ve become utterly drowned in real life logistics, that are far from glamorous to write about. I’ve been so utterly wrapped up and consumed by these very real issues, to a point of nerve wrecking anxiety at times, that it is exhausting to even enumerate them in writing. Even to reflect on them, however from a different perspective, brings quite literally a heavy pressure on my chest, although without any of the romance or sentimental moodiness of Eels- The Longing (an old favorite of mine, and one of the songs that capture the more pivotal, desperate times in my young adulthood).

Words feel dull to me. I don’t seem to have the capacity, the 여유 (read “yeo-yu”; a Korean term that combine capacity with the idea of leisure) to search for the right expressions, the perfect word to capture how I’m feeling. But more than that, I feel so faded, like a perpetual fog has settled in my head, at least in this regard—in the aesthetic, expressive realm. Instead, I know multiple words that are cover letter worthy, several synonyms to sell my efficiency and proficiency and action verbs to describe experience.

Another reason I haven’t been able to write is because most of my posts are centered around the songs I’m into at the moment, and what they reflect about my overall vibes. The music I’ve been listening to have been pretty mundane and even embarrassingly basic, with muted emotions, without a cohesive theme. Looking through my slough of saved songs right now, it seems as though that is actually the theme of my life right now. Oddly so busy and overwhelmed but also bored and passive, because I know I don’t have the time or energy to explore or really reflect and find new sources of joy or creativity in my life. The lugubrious, slightly bored voice of SZA, detached but also all the more earnest because of the detachedness, in 20 Something, which has been the song I play first lately without even knowing whether I actively enjoy the track, perhaps accurately captures how I’ve been feeling. 

Honesty hurts when you're gettin' older

How could it be?  20 something, all alone still  Not a thing in my name  Ain't got nothin', runnin' from love Only know fear  That's me, Ms. 20 Something 

Stuck in them 20 somethings, stuck in them 20 somethings  Good luck on them 20 somethings, good luck on them 20 somethings But God bless these 20 somethings  Prayin' the 20 somethings don't kill me, don't kill me

This song seems to capture the restlessness of being 20 something and feeling lost, stripped from the vague, romantic and sentimental, albeit deeply painful, somewhat aesthetic way of being lost (as I had, ironically, been in the last time I wrote a blogpost with its namesake). This song, so mundane, so general and relatable through its lack of specificity hits me at the core right now. I’m treading a specific combination of paths within a path that is utterly unique and terrifying but at the same time, still a composite of such stereotypical paths, the epitome of typical. I feel almost faceless --that’s me, Ms. 20 Something--no other name for myself. There are so so many frivolous obstacles that make this a such a tedious and laborious path and because no one has really attempted to do what I’m embarking on, I can’t seek any one person for advice, yet don’t feel recognized for what I’m going through, because it seems like just something everyone deals with. Although it’s terribly an exaggeration, I’ve been reflecting on the decisions I tend to make at my own expense, and I really have been feeling like my 20 somethings might kill me.

When I have too much to do, I am often paradoxically paralyzed because I am so overwhelmed and don’t know where to begin. That has been the epitome of my days since this winter break. Yet another random, perhaps slightly mediocre song I’m oddly stuck on Mae Muller- The Hoodie Song captures this lackluster, lazy sense of lethargy. I imagine Mae singing this with a wry smile on her face—her voice is muted but not entirely sad, lazy and available and hence vulnerable but also attempting to lure. I feel like this—just in my loose hoodie and home shorts, waiting endlessly for something that I’m lazily, yet akso somewhat desperately trying to lure, without enough energy or spirits to actively seek it out. Except I’m not waiting for da boy. But I’m definitely waiting for something to get here and I have been waiting endlessly and anxiously for most things lately —a response for room availabilities, subletters, first round interviews, second round interviews, rejection at revealing my visa status, acceptance, much belated visa documents etc. But it feels like at this point, I’m waiting the most for some energy and enthusiasm that I simply can’t seem to muster. I know that being in my oversized comfort clothes won’t help the situation, but I also can’t seem to get out of them myself before it gets here. Hence I’m stuck. 

But I'm doing nothing today I'm wearing your hoodie all day  And you can pick it up when you get here  But I'm doing nothing today  I'm wearing your boxers all day  And you can take them off when you get here

When you get here  When you get, when you get here, yeah  When you get here  So you should get here

I feel like this winter has oddly destroyed me with all the realities that I have had to suddenly face. They caught me so by surprise that despite the fact that they were actually comparatively very short-lived and I was able to resolve the situation quickly (which I am very very grateful for), I feel oddly so very worn out. I have been so incredibly lucky, and everything objectively worked out, but I scrambled so hard in the midst of it, and oddly, I feel like it has broken a little bit of me before I even began. Cigarettes After Sex-K. captures the vibe of how I felt over winter break so well. I listened to this song alone on the beach of Danang. Danang was still slightly in wet season, and the beaches that stretch for miles on end were empty and deserted, the waves so strong that there was permanently a red flag signaling unsafe waters in even in the well-manned private resort beaches. A strong wind and ominously thick, white-gray clouds hung low above the waves, leaving the sky as a rare sighting, even during sunny days. There is an ominous, melancholic, and painfully empty feel to Cigarettes After Sex, regardless of their lyrics, especially in this song.

I remember when I first noticed that you liked me back  We were sitting down in a restaurant waiting for the check  We had made love earlier that day with no strings attached  But I could tell that something had changed how you looked at me then

This simple scene oddly captures how I feel now, despite the fact that it could not be more out of context. I feel like I was in something that was new and although laborious, somewhat fun and exciting, up until last semester, and I had/have succeeded in the first few steps of it, which could be analogous to getting to the point of ���making love with no strings attached,” in the romantic sense. But oh so subtlely yet so noticeably, something has changed, which has made all the difference. It is the kind of difference that shows and is felt, and perhaps the worst kind of difference for my situation. No matter how often I listen to the song, my heart always falls when I hear that line: “But I could tell that something had changed how you looked at me then.” In these lyrics, it’s perhaps a positive change, but the utterly melancholic, hollow crooning voice and melody gives it an unshakeably ominous undercurrent. I can’t help but think that this is one of those utterly complex, ~millennial~ romances where catching feelings leads to unnecessarily prolonged heartbreak (so I’ve heard). 

And I'm kissing you lying in my room  Holding you until you fall asleep  And it's just as good as I knew it would be  Stay with me I don't want you to leave

Perhaps in the ultimate end for me too, it’ll truly be “just as good as I knew it would be,” but that seems so far off. And their voice is just so damn sad and empty that I can’t help but feel like they’re saying that everything is ostensibly fine and even “just as good as they thought” but still not good enough & still empty as fuck (again, weird millennial romance). But completely separate from millennial romance,  in my own situation and goals, I can’t help but feel like even if it is good, there will obviously still be some incredibly precarious aspect to it—or else, why would I already be worrying about it leaving?

My absolutely favorite song these past few weeks has been one of those single gems in an unknown artist’s short discography, Cosmo Pyke- Social Sites. It again is somber and empty yet also incredibly funky and earnest, in a way that heightens its lugubriousness.  As expected, it’s also about someone bumming around with a bitter aftertaste. He’s so acquiescent about his sadness, simply  repeatedly saying there’s nothing to do and nothing to say about the situation, which is exactly how I feel at times. It’s a slimy day and I’m fading away. I spent so many days sitting alone in my empty kitchen, resplendent with a murky kind of light, sipping a latte feeling empty. This spliff may be “really nice”, but how nice can it be when I don’t even have a light?

There's nothing to do  There's nothing to say  This love's sweet like tooth decay

There's nothing to do It was as slimy day  I lost my baby, now I'm fading away  There's nothing ruthless, I just seem to be useless  And truth gets something inside of the way  I'm sitting alone, sipping a latte  With heartache every single time I wake up

Why, does she cry?  Cuz' these social sites  This spliff is really nice, but I need a light  I need a place to sink, my aura stinks  And if you'd realize

I haven’t been sleeping well lately, in the sense that I have trouble falling asleep, sleep a lot when I eventually fall asleep, have vividly stressful dreams and always feel tired (although maybe am not with heartache every single time I wake up). There have oddly been many moments that I’ve stirred from sleep briefly to hear the voice of Sampha singing the following lyric while my long list of Spotify saved songs play on and on (Plastic 100°C):

It's so hot I've been melting out here  I'm made out of plastic out here  You touched down in the base of my fears  Houston, can-can-can you hear?

I have felt quite distant from people lately, just being in such a different phase from so many people in my life. I feel in between so many stages--between adult and student, between independent yet so dependent. I’ve felt inexplicably lonely, to no fault of anyone’s. But it’s been even harder to express what it is I’m feeling, and it seems futile to express and communicate all the things that I’m juggling with that seem so impossible. I seem to feel the pressure even though many of the situations have in effect, resolved. I have really felt like  I’ve been melting from the pressure, when I’m just made of plastic. A lot of what I’m going through have touched the base of my fears, and I def feel that sense of losing connection with Houston--I feel a little out of touch with my communities, with some of my own faculties and sense of self. 

Usually I'd run home, and tuck the issue under Oh, sleeping with my worries, yeah I didn't really know what that lump was, my luck

I do feel like things are already starting to build up and I am a little worried that I have exhausted myself before I even begin.  

But of course, melting isn’t always bad. Melting, at times, is blissfully happy (Kali Uchis- Melting), and comes in the very simplest things. Tiny fleeting things, like bargain grocery shopping, cleaning my dusty *new* room with a new vacuum, new but on-point hagen-daaz flavors of ice cream, and renewed faiths have made me very excited lately.

Melting like an ice cream when you smile Melting, you're a daydream Stay a while

I have to remember why I started all this in the first place. How I am so blessed to even have a shot. I have genuinely learned so much in this short process so far and have grown so thankful for completely unexpected aspects in my life. As Sampha says in a variation of the chorus: 

You touched down in the base of my fears And that's when your beauty appears

Alongside feeling lost and overwhelmed in new territories, in some very crucial ways, my life is more stable and wonderful in ways it never has been before. There were times when I though I would never be able to live alone in the States, let alone, just alone. I haven’t felt so very secure in support in such a long time. And these are aspects I’ve yearned for deeply in the past; aspects that have wrecked and destroyed me beyond end for lack of them. Maybe behind the cynicism that has settled from exhaustion and seeming depletion, it will be as just as good as I knew it would be. Maybe Cigs wanting Kristen to stay, in their breathy voice, is not at all ominous but just a sweet and earnest, late night whisper. What I’ve learned  (wistfully) over the past few tumultuous years is that there are rarely moments when you feel as though you have everything, on multiple fronts, of your life. You really do win some and you lose some, and there have always been pros and cons in every situation, lessons and blessings, even in the biggest mess of things I’ve found myself in. 

Kristen, come right back  I've been waiting for you to slip back in bed  When you light the candle

I should focus on the loveliness of the things I do have in the moment. I have, right now, what I’ve waited for for so long. And perhaps if I wait again, I’ll finally have the light too, and it’ll be a lot more than just for my spliff.

2.5.2018

[miasswier]

miasswier’s ultimate glee ranking: no. 116

116. A Night of Neglect

Written by: Ian Brennan Directed by: Carol Banker

Overall Thoughts: I think it would be very hard to find somebody who actually enjoys this episode. I personally don’t know a single one. Now, the reasons as to why people dislike this episode? Well, those vary. Mine can be summed up pretty fucking easily: Holly Holiday. But, I digress.

What I Like:

Mercedes gets the spot she fucking deserves. Even though it was the most mediocre and god-awful performance New Directions ever put on, she deserved that closing spot. Did she deserve all those things she demanded? No. But remember, that was Lauren whispering in her ear, and honestly even though it got way out of hand, Lauren had good intentions. Mercedes is the best singer on that entire fucking show. She deserves the spotlight.

Mike standing up for the academic decathlon and his friends. Get rekked Will Schuester et al.

Mike’s dance! So adorable and sweet

Just… Mike in general in this episode.

The academic decathlon scenes are funny and cute.

Holly Holiday leaving at the end. Hasta la vista!

“You’ve just been poked. Poked by the dagger!”

The short Klaine scene with Santana standing up for Klaine. Gay besties <3

“You’re a really horrible person”

What I Don’t Like:

Holly Holiday. I can’t stand this character. I really, really, really can’t stand this character. I basically tune out whenever she’s on screen because she seriously frustrates me that much. Like, why is she in this episode so much? She’s a guest star. Yet she has multiple major scenes, most of which exclusively involve other guest stars. Goodbye, Holly Holiday! The next time I’m forced to endure your obnoxious attitude will be when you drag down the 100th episode.

Sue’s Legion of Evil was useless, and not even that funny. Sandy has his one line that’s hilarious and that’s it. They accomplished nothing, and basically just dragged the whole episode even lower than it already was.

The heckler’s club, which got way too much screen time, and interrupted Tina’s amazing solo. This is now the second time Tina hasn’t been able to finish a song because she starts crying. Why does Glee insist on hurting Tina?

Sunshine is back, but does anybody care? She sings yet another long, boring ballad that has me pulling my phone out within seconds. Listen, she has a great voice, but oh my god. This is literally her second of three episodes. Who. Cares.

You know, it’s funny, this episode is about Mercedes being this demanding diva, and yet Rachel spends the whole episode acting like she doesn’t get every single solo in glee club, and assuming she’ll be doing the closing number because, well, duh. She’s a neglected artist, even though she sings in every single episode, and is given every solo because Will knows if he doesn’t give them to her she’ll literally throw a temper tantrum. Mercedes was definitely being unreasonable with some of her demands (and seriously, where did the glee club get the money for all those humidifiers?), but even at her highest form of diva she doesn’t even come close to Rachel Berry’s natural state of assuming that the entire world revolves around her and throwing a pity party for herself when she realizes it doesn’t.

I want to like the talk between Rachel and Mercedes in the car, but honestly, it feels a little condescending. Rachel tells Mercedes to go out there and take the closing number from her, as if it’s her natural right because she’s Rachel Berry. It’s supposed to be this big deal that she doesn’t go on after Mercedes. But you know what? There was no discussion on how the set would play out. Rachel just assumed she would get the closing slot, and of course Will gave it to her because he lives about ten feet up Rachel Berry’s ass. Mercedes didn’t have to go out and take anything from her, since really, there was zero reason for it to have been Rachel’s to begin with.

I know I already said it but, ugh. Seriously. Fucking Holly Holiday.

Songs:

All by Myself: Like I said before, Charice has a beautiful voice, but who cares? This song is long and boring, and like many songs sung by guest stars, could have been much better utilized at other point’s in the show.

I Follow Rivers: I’m honestly morally outraged that this song gets cut off in-episode because it’s actually really good. Glee always seems to forget that Tina is a fantastic singer.

Turning Tables: Why in the hell is Holly Holiday singing Adele? She doesn’t pull it off, and that’s not just me being bitter because I hate her character. She really just doesn’t make it work. It’s not emotional at all, and it feels like they’ve constrained the song because Gwenyth Paltrow doesn’t have a strong enough singing voice. Thankfully they save Adele in a few episodes by having Rachel and Jesse, who can actually do her songs justice, cover her.

Ain’t No Way: I teared up. Mercedes is such an amazing performer, she honestly blows my breath away. Fight me if you don’t think this song being that ridiculous concert’s closing number was her god-given right. Rachel should have had to fight Mercedes for it, not the other way around.

Final Thoughts: I love Mercedes Jones and greatly dislike Holly Holiday. Everything else is useless. Klaine has a cute scene, but it’s not nearly enough to make up for the excessive amount of Holly Holiday in this episode. Also, it’s just overall terrible.

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