#bc everyone who fucking follows me here or is mutuals with me loves that freak too

[mohntilyet]

i have to be so real. sometimes you have to outright not give a shit what the author thinks. i’m not saying to disregard how a character is portrayed and give into fanon characterisations but sometimes i will see fans be like “(head writer) omggg do you think this character is a good person?” “how would this character react if xyz happened?” as though that’s not a question you can and have to answer for yourself.! any character can contain multitudes and if you keep limiting your perception of them solely on word of god its not fun for the writer or even yourself anymore. THINK FOR YOURSELF. INVENT NEW WAYS TO FUCK YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS OVER

[bitchslapblastoids]

dumb fic thoughts that are going to sound whiney and like personal complaints but i promise are really me talking big picture about the state of fic engagement on ao3. and i know i've been on this soapbox before and I KNOW everyone who follows me is a homie so i’m really just old man yells at skying about this again, but just let me say all the quiet parts out loud please. I do not wish to be aloof and demure.

1. hits to kudos ratios are so fucking bleak. and i don't mean wrt my own fics, i mean in general, the two numbers side by side is always so dismal to see. hits are kind of a meaningless metric, esp for chaptered fics and for fics that people return to to reread, so i wish ao3 just wouldn't publish them, because it sets up this weird pair of numbers for people to compare and jump to conclusions based upon, even though they aren't actually informative for anyone. Why do I want to know how many people clicked on something? That doesn’t tell me anything.

2. That being said (to make it about me now), I know I’m a good fic writer. and while obviously my fic isn’t going to be to everyone’s taste (puppet smut isn’t a crowdpleaser wym??), I feel pretty confident that out of the 250+ people who have clicked on my brand new fic so far, more than just 17 of them must’ve liked it. which brings me to…

3. people can get so cagey about leaving kudos on explicit fics. this is a time-tested truth. let's let go of this phenomenon! I promise no one's stalking where you've left kudos. if they are, they're a freak. and if they're judging you, they're especially a freak because HEY LOOK, they wouldn’t have seen it if they weren’t on that fic too lol! let's all try and shake off these fucking shackles of sexual shame and stigma.

4. similarly, the # of bookmarks that i can see on an explicit fic i've posted vs the # of bookmarks the public can see is so funny. This one makes more sense to me and I can understand why bookmark choices feel more private. But i will say again, people aren't judging your bookmarks. even if it's smut! no one cares what you get horny about and probably the only reason they'd be looking is bc they trust your judgment and they'd like to get horny about it too lol.

5. lack of feedback/interaction is such a scourge. We all gotta fucking engage with the writers we like! it means so much and it's such a great way to build a mutually supportive community. Also, people who have left comments on my fic and vice versa are the people i became most immediately PALS with on here. It’s a lovely thing to do and it’s not time intensive I promise! Authors don’t seek comments for validation but more because publishing fic is sharing this thing this offering that you became so obsessive and giddy about that you had to literally create it and once it’s out you just want to be giddy and obsessive with others about it.

6. Obvs no one should feel obligated to leave kudos or bookmark or comment on anything they don’t like. Be a discerning reader and engage with what brings you joy! There’s a ton of shlock out there. No one has to pretend to like it all. But societally I feel like we’ve become such selfish consumers - I see it in streaming our favorite music for .0000000000000000000000000000002 cents, in the erosion of concert etiquette, in the rabid sense of entitlement towards celebrities’ attention and time, in the uncredited circulation of other people’s art without a second thought, and in the way apparently only ~10% of readers leave kudos, which are a paltry way for an author to get a sense if someone liked something enough to take the most bare bones possible step of simply tapping a button (you don't even have to have an account! you can leave kudos as a guest!). that's a bummer. I don’t want fandom to be a selfish one-sided space where we’re just taking what we want instead of connecting or building together.

Ok, that’s all ✌️✌️✌️

[fappellmoan]

hi everyone this feels wildly self centered and silly but i made a guide to my dyke drama/lore that i talk about in barely coded but convoluted terms. i love internet safety. doing this at the request of exactly one person and for the rest of u it's under the cut if youre curious and feel so inclined hashtag close friends <3 i highlighted my previous ways of referring to these people and important notes bc otherwise i just rambled soooo bad <3 and as much as im maybe romanticizing in some ways here i do genuinely care for and love (most of) these people outside of my weirdofreak brain and try my best to do well by them in our relationships. and maybe i just wanted to write beautiful things about my friends whatever

lydia: they're on here we met on here and now we're roommates. we met bc we were two of the only bitches posting in the muna tag and she was brave enough to reply to my one naomi video. and i was like um ok... FREAK.. and then yk we were mutuals but i was always paranoid they'd somehow know film girl or my roommates (or just. other ppl) bc i was being insane so that was awk but then i had a mental breakdown a little bit one night on here about my childhood and decorating for holidays and they offered to meet on campus and give me some leaves for my window and i was like aww (and we used them this year to decorate our shared apartment :')) and i remember i was wearing my black and white sweatshirt that i wore to go see dan live that ive since given away i think but it feels like. a sign u know.. or whatever.. and we do have mutual friends in weird circles including one that connects to steve (see later notes) so it's like chances are we couldve met in person but this just made it really special. we beef bad. but with sooo much love. and i do think we're better for knowing each other or whatever...

film girl: this was bad. i have a tag dedicated to anything i remembered to tag as part of the saga but it was so bad and beyond anything words can say... i'd give her another name but she could never be anything but film girl. it's like if u were there u know. if u weren't... let's just say i was crazy insane mentally ill bonkers jeff buckley lover you shouldve come over i know it's over. maroon 5 even about it. bad. but consider she leaned into me like she did her bf for their first kiss, said our night together when we went to our friend's party where she had dressed up as jennifer check (i showed her the movie it was a whole thing) and danced with me and talked right against my neck and grabbed onto me while walking and said she was maybe bi and i deserved someone really nice and im so swaggy etc and then going back to her place and making me food and watching himym on the floor (oct. 21st u will go down in herstory...) made her the 'happiest person in the world,' stayed over at my apartment until the following morning more than once, unwrapped her bruised hand and held it out to me to see/touch (absolute freaks moment like kill me actually. and that was the day i perioded myself. to use pj of bottoms' terms.) was just generally engaging in psychosexual warfare with me all the time. and we didn't even fuck. or kiss. and she had a boyfriend. who looked like a girlfriend (not that i personally had in february of last year but regardless..) i mean come on she was a straight woman she wasnt even allowed to say slay.. i genuinely still think we need to kill each other but it doesn't matter. how is she still linked to my life? well. we had a class this semester with steve and stede and lydia and scully (prof im in love with. this name is hilar), sort of friends with cool artsy queer girl group (hometown friends, one her best friend i almost met up with at muna concert (with her) one who looks a bit like jackie kennedy. ok not really but that's the one my one friend josh (woman) made out with last semester), had a class with steve and sam last semester with dave, our shared prof that steve told details of our first date and etc to.

steve: this is gonna be ex situationship from beginning of this semester - mid october. gets this name bc they're obsessed w that pirate show so like stede but i simply wont name them that and at this point im annoyed enough w their taste in things that steve feels fitting. anyway. was genuinely very kind and sweet but also got clingy soo fast and we were on very different pages. we'd met last fall (when they had a gf) and worked together on sets and in a couple classes, they kind of got caught up in my triangulation of desire for jane at her birthday party.. and i had fun flirting! um and they were genuinely again very very considerate and sweet but like. seemed to struggle to have a personality outside of their ex and maybe their siblings a bit. idk. just very passive. sowwy. also they were not a very good kisser. i do remember back in may being vindicated bc they also commented on film girl and bf

jane: naming her jane in a gay way. a jane austen way. in that i think we should write lifelong love letters to each other. holy shit shut up. so this is always 'friend im in love with' or 'a little in love with' or whatever. she is also girl with cool short hair and piercings and tattoos and a bookbag with tits on it so god forbid my infatuation. and i just love her voice and i think she's brilliant and so good at what she does and all around just like an awesome person she inspires me to be better and whatever. and she always dresses so cool and used to host house shows (i still never made it to one) (film girl did once) and when we first started talking we were at a film event and were supposed to be networking or whatever but instead we stood by the drinks together and talked abt how we both wanted to be friends in our writing class but never said it and thought the other hated each other a little bit but we were both just awkward and so we'd always make eye contact and laugh and banter together in class and i rlly was just in love with her. and this summer was crazyyy we were on steve's set together and i was a little freak just so obviously enamored with her but the thing is she was obnoxious too so i didnt even feel like a loser. she asked me to massage her arms once and said my half assed attempt was lame and we leg wrestled (also w steve. kinda funny. like yeah u would) and exchanged drunk stories and she said i needed better ones and then i beat her at stack cup at her bday and gave her her card and she hugged me and her lips were wet from the beer she just drank from and right on my arm and i was like wow. her kingdom (surrounded by people who she loved and loved her) for a kiss upon my shoulder. if u will. and i had to have a middle school Look Away moment bc she stripped in front of a few of us that night and i was far too intoxicated to not like lose my mind. also she was supposed to give me a book on set once but never did and im still bummed. and one random night she texted asking if id found a place to live and when i answered she never followed up and i still wonder what that was abt. if anything. um but she does have a boyfriend of like 5 or 6 years. from high school. the worst part is hes a semi cool dude but it's just like really. let her fuck a woman! just once even! jk they are both genuinely cool people first and i think it's great they found each other in this life. but also like fuck off ugh. yk. not to romanticize my life and friendships i just think in another life we were soulmates or maybe in a way we are now. but we also only knew each other for a brief time so maybe something else. we could've done backstreets

sam: friend i just mentioned recently who has a crazy name we shant get into it. i do have a different actual friend named sam but i havent seen her in forever. so i met them working on steve's senior film set and thought they were cool and they were one of the only ones to make it out to our post-wrap dinner/drinks and then we had two classes together this semester. and so we became sort of allies we'd meet up to go to the museum together and send each other the attendance and i went to see fnaf when he rented out a theater for a huge group lol and he helped on my film which meant a lot even if it was only for a bit cause of you know. the everything that was going on. with steve and etc. it wasnt easy to get there so like bless their heart. they also came up with the name for my film and we had that moment around the fire and well i do hope i'll continue to see them just as a friend even, and they're genuinely just the coolest they do a lot of drag and character/costume design and are genuinely just one of the funniest most down to earth ppl i know and they always have the coolest fucking outfits and hats and shit and omg they looked so good in their doc. just something abt the posture and the whimsy and the earnestness and look overall. woah. um when we were on steve's set my friend jackie leaned over and said 'i thought they were film girl for a second' so basically i need to redacted. but it's not like that bad of a resemblance. once again has a partner cause im cursed forever to sleep on a twin size mattress maybe or whatever. i havent even listened to that song more than like once but maybe it is real for me. anyway they were also in the class with steve and film girl with dave.

stede: im sorry this is so funny to me bc this person and steve go by the same name irl but spelled differently or whatever. we met and had a very energetic chat in the hallway at the beginning of this semester jim thought we knew each other lol. they're real cute and endearing and like i said kind of give butch. and we had two classes together but i had so much shit going on man i just. yeah. seemed like they were maybe a little into me but whatever. and well i think we should have a fling but who said that

jim: my buddy prof he's my buddy :-) he helped me so much sophomore spring as i was trying rlly hard to produce our class films and insane already over film girl (he didnt know that but it was omnipresent) and so close to dropping out and is just the coolest guy. he's a little bit like a father figure what who said that. i remind him of his youngest daughter a lot and ive lived in the same buildings as his older one. so just funny connections. i go to his office hours and such a lot with the film friends

grace: one of my film friends. (i just realized i do know a girl in film named grace but it's not her so anyway.) i am in awe of the way she commits to stuff and motivates people around her. she is just so game for anything to make the best of a situation. shes studying abroad this semester so ive only seen her on video chats/texted and missed the one day she came back for her bf's bday. well and she was the friend who said 'no he can keep himself busy' when we went to go see x together so she didnt make me hang out w her not even lame bf at first which was so nice. cause then i eventually actually did want to meet him. and theyre the least annoying couple ive ever met. and shes bi <3

jackie: another film friend. also love her dearly another stoner so we'd smoke together before class sometimes and just went on a walk with our other friend one night around the woods and stuff that was fun. i usually refer to grace and jackie collectively as 'the film friends.' we met in that spring of sophomore year (same class as film girl and jim). this one did have steve produce her senior film after they said they wouldn't work on mine bc of the ""situation"" i was a little sour that was an awkward um situation but it's whatever. i sometimes say film friends and mean a larger group of these ppl/a few extended but whatever

frank: ive just called him frank hes frank hes the coolest dude in the world i think everyone would be obsessed with him and i just think like man hes lived such a life. he's my short cool professor whos just so good at what he does. he's met so many people and done so many things. his van is so him he has a suction cup to pull his windows up in the winter and random albums in the front seat. im gonna try to work w him next semester. i was in that van last night feeling like i was in a gta level to go pick up pizza for our final class.

scully: my film comedy and tv analysis professor she is so everything to me... she loves women and evil women and gay people and camp and horror and comedy and tv and sex and just weirdo freak shit and shes so intelligent and quick on her feet and charming and just. an amazing lecturer. she said be gay do violence once. i felt seen. she said she used to pull her friends (favorite characters) out of the tv and carry them around in her pocket and i knew she understood... she saw bottoms and emailed me and lydia right away. and she's seen willow. and ofc so many other things. and she'll go 'this seems like the type of person/film/etc that you would be inspired by..' OK QUEEN I LOVE U. i want to do cocaine with her. huh. im taking gender and film with her next semester :333 im so excited

claire: friend from high school friend group who ended up ditching me and our other friend a lot that one summer and we almost lived together and we're just always kinda weird around each other but we were some of the only ppl the other hung out with fall semester 2020 so like.

drake and josh: i almost always refer to them together they're codependent a little bit roommates and i love them dearly and i met them thru claire sophomore year but ive hung out with them alone and stayed at their place when i got too drunk and that night i fell down the stairs. me and drake act a little homoerotic sometimes for fun. i cried at dinner over film girl once to her it was embarrassing. i miss going hammocking with them <3

dave: i had him last fall he's really cool he got me on a shoot w the mayor (and steve and jane) and was so cool about me not ocming to class a lot bc i kept in touch w him and hes my homie. film girl had a class w him then too and then last semester was the like news class that crew had together. and steve told dave all abt our first date and etc and got date ideas from him and i was like oh wow... ok lol

couch: couch roommate. theyre not relevant in my life enough to make a name but the couch story was stupid as hell and this one also left ground beef in the sink that one time and had a thing for a rugby girl that steve had a little fling with

jean: if i say 'one of my masc gfs' i probably mean them. sort of friends with couch like she was in my apartment once last year but um. yeah. had a crush on them for like a month at one point and we follow each other on insta and talked when we saw each other on campus the first time and thats like it. chances r ill forget abt this fake name and still just throw that in if i ever see her

[puff-mmd]

in-soft-grass, this au is for you

it's also for me and everyone else i know that likes vampires, but specifically for you bc you inspired it

--

VAMPIRE AU

ok so basically, it's what i think would happen if kaisei was a vampire and like. how he became one and how he ends up meeting ciro (who is a vampire hunter), and like. all that good stuff.

i did watch interview with a vampire (2023?) on recommendation of a friend and i Liked certain parts of it, so if some elements sound familiar, well. you know why lol.

OK LETS GET INTO THIS

--

it starts out during the turn of the century. kaisei is an odd-job worker who picks up work to help take care of his mom (whom took care of him his whole life by herself and is now older and declining in health).

one evening he decides to stop by a tavern. normally he avoids places like this because they do nothing but suck the money and time out of you, but he's so tired and just wants to see some of the few friends he knows frequent this particular establishment.

it's here that he meets a man named yakumo 👀

and yeah this is the whole "i was inspired" bit where they spend time together and they start to fall in love. kaisei definitely feels like what they have is special, and yakumo does too...

but he rushes into things a bit too much.

he divulges his identity as a vampire, and begs kaisei to become one too so they can spend eternity together.

really romantic, right?

yeah, well. as touched as kaisei is by this, he is 1) a little freaked out by having fallen in love with a bloodthirsty monster, and 2) even if he gets over that, he has friends! he has a mom he's taking care of, he can't abandon her!

but things change when he can't seem to find work anymore, nobody is willing to take him on. his friends drift away faster than ever as he no longer has a connection with them through mutual jobs.

and then the worst of all, his mom dies.

it's the last straw, and surrounded by abandonment and grief, kaisei agrees to be turned so he can spend the rest of forever with at least one person who won't leave him.

(oh kaisei, i'm so sorry, yakumo is not any better in this au. in fact, did you ever wonder, kaisei, why you stopped getting jobs and your buddies abandoned you? how your mom, even though her health wasn't stellar, sharply declined? huh. interesting.)

still thinking about the reasoning, but yeah. yakumo is okay for a few years and tries to love him as best he can, but eventually feels suffocated having to take of kaisei, and is overwhelmed by the prospect of eternity. he can't seem to understand that this (kaisei being dependent on him to traverse being an undead bloodsucker) will not last forever, though the years that fly by so quickly make him feel otherwise. he starts doing things in an attempt to push kaisei away, but the fact of the matter is that he is all kaisei has left. there isn't anything he wouldn't do or put up with that would keep him from following yakumo to the ends of the earth.

he is all he has left in this world.

and yet, one day, kaisei wakes up to an empty house.

nothing in the stillness but a single note with his name, inside of it an "I'm sorry" and a pitiful amount of money.

nothing is left in kaisei but a shattered heart.

--

kaisei attempts to make ends meet on his own, but it's difficult finding work when you can only meet with people at night, even if the prospected job is performed in the wee hours. he resorts to feeding on small animals, beings that won't be missed, in order to avoid attracting attention from humans.

he can afford some kind of roof over his head, but in all honesty, kaisei is fucking miserable.

his stability in life, his mother, is dead and buried. the people he once called friends have all grown old and died, never even knowing what happened to him. and the man he threw his humanity away for ended up abandoning him when he was needed most.

it's decades later, i'm thinking 70's, and one night when kaisei is wandering the streets before dawn on his way 'home',

he's stopped by a man with a gun pointing to his head.

...yeah, it's ciro 😔

while not his target, ciro is not one to pass an opportunity to rid the world of one more monster if he can. this monster however, straightens up to press the gun barrel against his head and, accepts? the fate of death?

ciro is baffled by this response.

he's used to these monsters pleading for him to spare their life, not asking him to end it without even saying a word.

ciro figures if this vampire isn't going to fight him, he might as well try to get some info out of him, if possible. he asks if he knows a vampire named yakumo, and he can sense he's onto something when he watches kaisei bristle and the hands at his sides clench into fists.

Of course kaisei knows that mf'er. He's the whole reason kaisei is the monster he is now, doomed to live out eternity alone and miserable.

kaisei admits to knowing him, but doesn't know where he is. ciro decides the fact that kaisei has had some kind of contact with his target is useful, and lowers the gun.

at first i imagined this part being more dramatic, but knowing how defeated and tired kaisei probably is, he more likely turns around slowly and takes hold of the gun's barrel - Ciro wasn't quick with taking it away anyways - and points it back at himself.

"Please."

"Not while you can be useful to me."

Ciro pulls the gun away again, this time placing it in it's holster. He extends his hand back out, offering kaisei a deal.

"If you work with me, I'll keep you alive."

"What makes you think I want to live?"

"I think you want to know where that monster's at too."

kaisei stares resentfully at ciro, knowing he's right to some degree.

if he could see yakumo again, what would he say to him? would he ask why he abandoned him? would he apologize for something he doesn't even know he may have done? would he beg for him to bring him back into his life?

probably not those latter ones after so many years alone, but kaisei isn't sure of himself here.

He doesn't take the extended hand in his own, but nods and agrees to follow ciro anyways.

--

they end up back at a dingy, shady motel where ciro was staying (places like this are handy for a guy that travels around at night and doesn't need to be asked unnecessary questions like "why are you checking in so late?" or "why is there blood on your clothes?")

ciro tosses aside his coat and turns to see kaisei standing awkwardly in the doorway. He walks over, jabs a thumb towards the bathroom door and mutters, "you can sleep in the tub."

He mostly does this because there's a lock on the outside of the bathroom door (i meant it when i said shady motels), and he can keep kaisei locked in there to be safe. No, kaisei wouldn't hurt him, but ciro doesn't know him yet, and he'd rather be safe than sorry.

they go to sleep and when they wake up, they kind of hash out where they are going from here. ciro proposes he won't kill kaisei if he will to help him find yakumo. he also says he'll take kaisei along with him when he moves around to different places, but of course, there's the obligatory "if you try anything funny, you'll regret it" line.

Ciro lays out that Kaisei must sleep in the bathroom until he feels that he can trust him. Kaisei is just grateful to have a decent roof over his head, so he doesn't mind. He explains that he goes around during the day to take jobs and get information on targets while leaving the hunting for specific nights, so when one's asleep, the other will probably be out. Ciro also questions kaisei's feeding habits, to which kaisei responds with the whole "i don't feed on humans, only animals" thing, which is acceptable enough for the blondie.

At first, I think ciro takes some pity on kaisei and decides to just kind of let him do his own thing until he thinks kaisei is a little more comfortable around him. At that point, he asks kaisei to accompany him on his hunting jobs at night, to which kaisei kind of shrugs and admits he doesn't have much else to do anyways.

Ciro asks this after coming back at dusk one evening to see kaisei snuggled up in the bed. He was exhausted and thought he might have a little bit of time to indulge in an actual mattress before ciro returned to kick him out. The sight of the sleeping man makes ciro's heart clench, and all of the sudden he feels bad for forcing him to continue sleeping in locked bathrooms like some wild animal. So yeah, when ciro asks kaisei to join him, he also throws in there that they can take turns sleeping in the tubs when they are both in the room. kaisei kind of looks at him, before raising an eyebrow and saying, "why cant we share the bed?" Ciro blinks back, unaware of how warm his face was, and simply states that as long as kaisei doesn't kick him in his sleep, it shouldn't be a problem.

Some time passes, and they move around to different places and different motels. Ciro's main target of yakumo doesn't change, but in the meantime he does take up a few investigative and "removal" jobs. Imagine a fellow vampire's surprise when he shows up with kaisei, a vampire, to help exterminate them.

Which by the way, he isn't half bad at doing. With all the weird jobs kaisei has had throughout his life, killing other vampires isn't even the worst thing. He ignores the vampires pleas to stop, that they are one and the same. Kaisei does not give a shit - he is the way he is because the only vampire he'd ever known had lied to and abandoned him. Why should he care about the life of another lying, despicable creature?

With time as well, their relationship also evolves. It's not clear who started feeling differently about who first - is it kaisei who inches closer to ciro on those days with the curtains drawn and they share the bed, him searching for the warmth that ciro's living body gives off? Is it ciro who starts to think about how handsome his undead companion is in the moonlight after carrying out a successful job? It's hard to say, but...

Ciro is in fact the first to act on those feelings.

--

It's one evening that ciro returns to their room after gathering some information on their mutual silver-haired bastard, and he finds kaisei tinkering with some old kick knack he found in an alley (i would think after being alive for nearly a century, kaisei would be the type to pick up many little hobbies). In the blonde's hands is a paper bag, inside is a bottle of wine. He states that he acquired some promising intel, and wanted to celebrate.

"Can you drink wine? Or does it taste like shit to you now that you're dead?"

"It's been so long, I can't remember. Might as well see."

They each pour a glass, and in the dingy motel room, kaisei sits on a musty old couch while ciro sits in an armchair. With a few sips, Kaisei divulges that the wine in fact tastes like nothing - not good nor bad, but it might still be leaving its inebriating effects on him.

"Hm? How so?"

"I don't recall you looking quite so attractive."

Ciro tilts his head, letting his bangs fall over his eyes. He plays with one of the buttons on his already half undone shirt, pulling another through its little hole.

"I've got a question for you, vampire," he drawls, emerald eyes sliding down the purple haired man's body.

"If you're technically dead, can you still get it up?"

Kaisei fails to hide the way his breath hitches at that question.

"If I've had enough blood, I can."

The blonde sets his wine glass down on an end table, rises from the chair, and steps towards his companion on the couch. A few more pops of his buttons echo in the tiny room. In a few moments, he stands in front of kaisei and lifts his wrist over the vampire's wine glass.

"Go on. I want to make sure you have enough then."

Kaisei stares in awe up at him. Was Ciro really offering his own blood to him right now so they could fuck?

Before he can answer, the blonde pulls a pocket knife from his trousers. With one quick slide across his skin, blood drips from his arm into the wine glass in kaisei's hand. After he determines that should be enough, he pulls his wrist away, only for kaisei to catch it in his free hand and bring it to his lips. He licks the cut, and ciro is surprised not only by the action, but also that the wound stops bleeding after he pulls away from kaisei's mouth.

He momentarily forgot that vampire's saliva had congealing properties when used to heal a wound, a little distracted by the unbearable tension building between them.

"Well, try tasting it now. See if it's any better," he breathes out.

The vampire brings the glass to his mouth and drinks the remaining liquid in the cup. He pauses before answering, "It's sweet."

The lustful look in kaisei's half-lidded eyes looking up at him breaks ciro's self-control. He sits himself on kaisei's lap, taking his face in his hands and kissing him deeply. The wine glass is forgotten as kaisei grabs at ciro's waist, pulling him close and responding to the fervent kiss with his own desire. He pins him to the couch, laying on top of him and breaking the kiss only to whisper breathlessly,

"Are you sure?"

Ciro's eyes widen at what he believes to be an obvious question - what did he think the whole bloody wine trick was for?

"Of course I am."

--

Future me here to write this out yeaaaaaa

The pair grows closer over time, hunting down vampires and finding comfort in each other when they need it. The comfort comes in many forms: from gentle, assuring touches to stress-relief via more lustful means. They spend a few years with this same routine, their ultimate goal remaining the same: find that bastard yakumo and take his ass out of this realm of existence.

However, things suddenly change when ciro finds himself caught up in a mistake of his own creation.

Given a reliable but time-sensitive tip, he decides to forego retrieving kaisei and decides to follow up on it alone. Turns out, the tip was a set up, not even by yakumo or anyone who knows him, but another vampire who caught wind that ciro and his deranged vampire partner were the ones killing off his friends. Like any smart vampire, he doesn't carry out the dirty work himself, oh no. He gets a human to trick ciro and get him alone in an alley, only for him to make a clean gunshot through his abdomen.

Thinking he's done his job, the man leaves ciro to bleed out in the alley, all while kaisei is back at the motel, completely unaware of what's transpired.

But unfortunately for the lackey, ciro isn't one to go down easily, and luckily for him, the man had shittier aim than he prided himself on. He is able to get himself to a nearby payphone and calls kaisei for help. Kaisei is of course shocked and frantic as he takes off as soon as ciro discloses where he's dragged himself to. By the time he reaches his partner, the blonde is slumped on the wall near the payphone, breathing still, but just barely.

Kaisei tries to scoop ciro into his arms, assuring him that he will be alright, they will get help, but he's been losing blood this whole time. Kaisei is fighting his own urges as he tries to help his partner up, but ciro can't even stand at this point. He looks at kaisei, and the vampire can't ignore the pain on his face - he knows his time is up.

"Can...can you turn me?"

Kaisei's eyes widen at the request. He had never tried to turn a human before, and he had never wanted to inflict his own fate onto anyone else. But now the only person in his life who had not abandoned him was asking for that lonely fate.

"I...I can't bear abandoning you. You don't deserve to go through that again."

With those kind words, who was he to deny the one person he truly loved and felt that love be returned a request to stay with him longer?

As much as he wants ciro to stay with him, the process scares kaisei. He has to drain ciro of blood until he is almost gone (which at this point is not a lot more), and then get him to drink from his own blood. There is no set time or amount of these things, and this is something he's never attempted nor has a clear memory of his own turning at this moment. He tilts ciro's head and takes a breath before biting into his flesh. He tastes the warm blood flowing into his mouth, and it takes every ounce of his control to not drain him completely.

Just as ciro begins to lose strength and lean into kaisei, he pulls away and the blonde slumps to the side with a groan. Kaisei quickly drags his nails across his wrist before placing it to his partner's lips and encouraging him to drink. He once again has to tilt ciro's head back to allow the blood to trickle down his throat.

Seconds feel like hours after he pulls his arm away, having given him a decent amount of blood. Kaisei's blue eyes watch closely as his partner's breathing slows to a halt. Fear creeps up the back of his neck that he did something wrong, he had failed, his companion and lover was dead-

Until ciro began to cough violently, to the point of retching. Kaisei put an arm around him, a feeble attempt to comfort the man as he experienced the worst pain imaginable, his insides dying and giving way to whatever demonic powers kept their undead bodies moving. Sitting up shakily, ciro leaned into his savior and groaned again. Shifting his arms, he uncovered the bullet wound and felt a mix of disgust and relief to see it slowly closing itself.

They sat in the alley with the distant sounds of the city bearing witness to the sins they committed in the name of love.

--

After some time, kaisei helps ciro to his feet, and they slowly make their way back to the motel. They were lucky it was evening, but the dawn was fast approaching, and they were not about to be caught in the sun's rays.

They stumble into the motel room, kaisei doing his best to keep ciro up. He has regained some strength in his legs, and at this point insists that he can wash up on his own. The blonde fumbles with the handle to the bathroom, until it clicks open and he steps inside, closing the door behind himself.

Kaisei, however, is too wound up to do anything other than fret over his partner. He listens for anything suspicious, only hearing a few wet thumps of clothing being balled up and dropped into the tub. The silence that follows beckons the purple haired man to peek into the door, only to find ciro standing over the pile of bloody clothes, staring down despondently. He swings the door open slowly, and the blonde turns his empty gaze up at him. It's enough to break kaisei's heart, and he steps forward to embrace his lover.

Ciro is still as kaisei sobs apologies into his shoulder. He closes his eyes, wrapping his arms around him. He whispers that it wasn't his fault, he should have known better than to do something so stupid on his own.

"The only reason I'm still here is because of you."

Standing in the glow of the buzzing overhead lights, kaisei gives ciro one last squeeze, before asking him to rest - he will take care of the clothes and wash him up afterwards. Ciro does not argue, he hums a response and shuffles back into the darkness, shadowed by the heavy curtains on the single window, before collapsing onto the bed. His tired mind focuses on the muffled sounds from the bathroom, the thin lines of light escaping the cracks between door and frame - the only traces of light in the pitch darkness.

Water rushing, then lightly splashing, followed by thumps of wadded clothing being unfurled and scrubbed. The gentle noises, comforting darkness, and exhaustion were enough to close ciro's eyelids for the time being.

--

He was just barely falling asleep when he felt a hand on his shoulder trace up to pat his head - kaisei's voice following the caring touch.

"Lets clean you up before you get too comfortable."

Ciro sits in the tub, allowing his partner to scrub the drying blood and other bodily fluids from his skin, being extra careful around the now barely visible wound. He relishes the warm water on his cooling skin - it's a strange sensation, one he guesses it must feel like for a person with hypothermia to be doused in warm water. The silence made him ever more aware that he could not hear blood rushing in his veins, only a barely audible trickle like water dripping into his ears. His heart, or whatever now inhabited the cavity in his chest, did not beat as it had hours ago. He breathed slowly, and was grateful for the rise and fall of his chest still feeling somewhat normal.

Kaisei noticed the far-off look on his partner's face, and cleared his throat to break the silence.

"I know it feels strange," he whispered softly as he held ciro's wrist in his hands, "to suddenly not hear the sounds your body made for so long without you ever noticing."

Ciro nodded.

"It was one of the first things i noticed too - it freaked me out," kaisei said with a dry chuckle.

"You'll eventually get used to it, just like how we must have gotten used to all the noise when we were alive."

The purple-haired man slid his fingers down ciro's wrist and held his hand in his own. He held it to his lips and mumbled, "i will miss that warmth of yours, though."

Ciro leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lover's forehead.

"We'll just have to find other means of keep warm then, won't we?"

--

Not sure how much more i will add on to this, but i was thinking as an extension, writing about them finding yakumo at some point. Part of me was thinking maybe he should be alive, but more fittingly, i feel like yakumo would be dead. Whether by his own hand or someone else's, i just can't see him being alive when they track him down, because what would there be to say? In the end, it would never make sense to kaisei why he was abandoned, no matter what yakumo would use as an excuse or reason.

I also had ideas of branching out into ciro's family (all of or almost all of which are vampire hunters) and making the decision to confide in them his fate. On the fence about his family being accepting of how things have turned out, or being ashamed of him and turning him away.

Also also i had a scene of them intimately together, and kaisei voicing that he would like to find a more permanent living situation. He has been around a long time now, and feels like he has not had a stable home for most of it. Having found someone who won't leave him again, he wants to settle down and at least attempt to enjoy eternity - for real this time, and not another false promise from a man that likely never meant it in the first place.

[cocogukkie]

2020 in review: kdramas (the heart fluttering, the disappointing, the saviors of 2020)

it’s december 31st! the new year is quite literally upon us (some of y’all are already in 2021) and my procrastinating self has chosen to upload this today. i’ve always loved these rec lists and I wanted to do one for 2020! this year was a rollercoaster for kdramas with some excellent ones and some not so excellent ones. i watched all of these in 2020 but not all of them were released in 2020.

if you want to use my questions to make your own list please do!! or give your favs in the tags, i’d love to read them. (fair warning, some of these have multiple answers bc i just can’t choose one!!)

drama that made me laugh

When The Camellia Blooms (2019)

i finally got around to watching when the camellia blooms this year and it. was. so. funny. oh my goodness, the comedic timing in so many scenes was pure excellency and im kinda mad at myself that i didn’t watch this last year. this isn’t just a comedy for those who are interested, its a thriller/romance but its also so fucking funny. definitely watch this if you want to laugh (and be touched bc the emotional scenes in this one are beautiful)

drama that made me cry

Sweet Home (2020)

hahah….. um this one is gonna go to sweet home friends. i went into this one with zero expectations and the first couple episodes didn’t really wow me? but i kept watching and holy shit fam. this show really picks up story-wise around ep 4 and makes the viewer love a lot of these initially unlikable characters. all i can say is that the end was devastating for me and i cried quite a bit. (warning, there are a lot of mature themes in this one so make sure you look for trigger warnings or send me an ask and i’ll list them all out for you) 

best OST

Itaewon Class (2020) 

i loved the ost for itaewon class!! the music is just so inspirational and pump up music, its so good. my favorites are ‘you make me back’ by woosung and ‘start’ by gaho.

drama with chemistry royalty (aka the best couple) 

i have three for this one because i just cannot choose one. 

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

we recognize this one as one of the best things to come out of 2020. go moon young and moon kang tae have some of the best chemistry i have ever seen in a drama couple. i waited on the edge of my seat every single week for the next couple of episode just so i could fawn over these two. they work so well together, lift each other up, and so fucking funny together and support one another. while they’re not the chillest couple (lmao) they’re most certainly one with the most personality. they’re so cute and bicker and they just get each other. who could ask for more.

Flower of Evil (2020)

our badass mom and dad 😭😭. this was another peak drama that came out this year and our married partners-in-crime-but-not-really had amazing chemistry. baek hee sung and cha ji won were so cute as a married couple but they were even more precious later on in the drama after certain things unfolded (no spoilers). they both just get each other and protected one another as well as on the most precious kdrama children this year, their daughter eunha. they were so wholesome, flower of evil is so very worth a watch.

Into The Ring (2020)

this was one of the more underappreciated kdramas of the year but hoo buddy was the main couples chemistry top notch. they were so friggin cute and i just couldn’t. goo se ra is highkey one of the best female characters i’ve ever seen, she’s absolute chaos, lawful chaos, but chaos nonetheless. her other half, seo gong myung is opposite from her as lawful neutral. he’s just along for the ride that is se ra and loves her. they’re both so very fond and protective of each other and back each other up!! very very cute and you’ll definitely replay more than a couple of their scenes together.

most disappointing

Record of Youth (2020)

it’s sad but true… i went into this one with so much hope and excitement (i was riding off that ‘psycho but its okay’ high) and i was vastly disappointed. the plot mostly focused on the male lead, and there wasn’t much characterization for the female lead which i didn’t like. honestly, i only cared about maybe 3-4? characters in the whole drama. the rest were absolutely terrible or plain boring and i ended up skipping eps 14 and 15 and just watched the finale. i would not recommend tbh.

drama you can’t really get through

Crash Landing on You (2019)

this one is absolutely on me, i want so badly to love this one. but i just… can’t seem to get past ep 2? i’ve tried!! i swear, but i just cannot get through it. maybe in 2021, i can try again and i’ll enjoy it more.

drama everyone else liked but was meh

Kairos (2020)

i though kairos was a bit predictable tbh. i know those of us who did end up watching it really liked it but maybe its because i watch so many crime/mystery shows that this one didn’t really do it for me. the writing is quite solid and everything connects well, i would recommend that those who don’t really watch thrillers, to watch this one. (also the friendship between the female lead and her two friends is suuuper cute and worth it alone to watch kairos)

favorite romance

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

yeah… this one wins again lol. what can i say, i just loved it so much and the main theme of the show is romance (its also a comedy and a mental health/healing drama) all i can say is watch this if you haven’t yet, its definitely worth it!! 

favorite mystery

Memorist (2020)  & Watcher (2019)

i really enjoyed these two mystery dramas. both were super fun to watch and very kinda unique in their own ways. i liked memorist because it was lowkey funny and i liked the relationships between the characters, but most importantly i couldn’t guess the main antagonist by the end! i really thought i knew who it was and then i was completely wrong lmao. watcher was also very good, the main trio had really good chemistry and i really cared about all the characters. (also i’ll never say no to watching seo kang joon) plus the plot twists threw me a bit at the end which is always a feeling i welcome, i love being surprised and wrong (as long as it makes sense)

favorite slice of life

Hospital Playlist (2020)

oh my goodness, i was late to the hospital playlist party and i regret it because this show is so. so. good. its just a slice of life following 5 friends who are doctors and work at the same hospital together but its so much more than that. this is honestly one of the first shows i’ve seen that are optimistic? in the show, every time i thought a plot was going to play out a certain way (usually negatively, as tends to be life unfortunately) it surprised me by taking the more optimistic wholesome route. characters in subplots changed for the better, became more understanding, chose to do the right thing, etc. if you want a feel good drama where the main characters have wonderful platonic chemistry and just care about each other but is also super funny, watch hospital playlist!! (season 2 is coming out early 2021 and im so pumped)

favorite fantasy

The Untamed (2019)

this one is a cdrama but i watched it in 2020, mostly because of how many people on the internet were adamant that the rest of us watch this and ngl they were v right. the untamed was very very good and im really glad i gave it a chance and watched it, its also my first cdrama ever. the chemistry between the male leads is honestly what makes this show and its worth the 50? i think? episodes. to be completely honest the fanfiction for the show are peak and if you do watch this, go straight to ao3 and you will not be disappointed.

dramas that saved 2020

The Uncanny Counter (2020) & Run On (2020)

these two dramas are among those that started airing at the end of the year and will go into the beginning of 2021 and absolutely saved the end of 2020 for me. while neither of these are finished, both have been excellent so far and worth starting. uncanny counter has the best use of the found family trope i have ever seen. i fucking love the four counters and their relationship with each other, how protective they are of one another. they all have amazing chemistry and the actors have amazing chemistry in the making films.

run on has one of the cutest couples that will definitely make my best chemistry list for next year. i didn’t put them on this list bc they actually haven’t gotten together yet but once they do, they’re gonna be freaking adorable, i can already tell. there’s no specific grand events propelling the plot forward, but just following the lives of these unique, interesting and relatable people who have casual yet entertaining conversations with each other. the show is super soft and the main couple are so straightforward and honest (plus theres mutual pining!!)

best dramas of the year

here are my best dramas (and one movie) watched this year, no further explanation given lolol. just watch them and enjoy because these are fucking excellent in the feels department. trust me 💞

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay (2020)

Flower of Evil (2020)

Itaewon Class (2020)

Hospital Playlist (2020)

One Spring Night (2019)

Midnight Runners (2017)

Hot Stove League (2019) 

I hope this gives you some fun stuff to watch!! or convince you to start that drama in your watchlists! 

[redxblueihateloveyou]

i saw this tweet https://twitter.com/_omigashh/status/1365170181148798976?s=21 and i was like ???? what do you think about this?

Lol we’ve discussed it before, it’s the same one thing each time. I wish they would find something else, cause I feel like we’re walking in circles in this blog already and I’m having trouble finding previous asks xD. Haha I love the first personal interpretation with the “what she really meant”, that’s how the wrong info spreads.

And no, that’s not what she meant. She said “if it wasn’t for the swimming, they probably wouldn’t become friends bc of their different personalities”, which in no way means that the only thing Rin likes about Haru is swimming [sending you to this post with all the real proof] and vice versa as some of them say and if you don’t see that this ain’t true, you’ve watched smth else.

As I’ve said before according to their logic all ships are invalid in this case, cause “if it wasn’t for basketball / volleyball / ice-skating / mutual goal of becoming heroes, etc they all wouldn’t be friends”. Also since when different personalities in a ship discard the ship? Cause all the canon ships have opposite attract thing going on and been doing just fine, thanks. As people in life. Cause I don’t know a person who would want to date yourself tbh.

Haru said the Sousuke reminds him of Rin a lot and in books Sousuke described as Rin’s alter ego. He also reminds Rin of his dad. Of course, they’re on the same wave, of course, they undestand each other the best. I understand myself the best. Makoto is Haru’s shadow, his whole life is based on following him, he literally has no personal dreams or whatever since the moment he met him, Haru in the books literally cringes since he just repeats what they do, even if he just goes for a run [here are all the direct, unedited, original quotes]. I do not know Makoto’s true identity, sometimes I think he’s Haru’s ghost.

And I agree with her statement. And no, she didn’t mean it in a romantic way as mh fans still think after all this time AND all the CANON that happened and what Haru said out loud. She is a well known hardcore Rinharu fan, who like me “can talk about these two forever” and writes random short stories about them and also, man, they’re literally in her every work. LIKE JUST KNOWING THIS, YOU MUST UNDERSTAND, SHE DID NOT MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

I know this would be painful for this person to hear, but if she read the books and watched the anime Makoto’s personality and his attitude towards life, they do not inspire Haru... he’s just not a fan, to say, to soften the blow. He very much appreciates and loves him as a friend, but he does not respect his way of living, even comparing him to a sticky fly (A FLY!), who has nothing else to do, but stick to somebody else. They said zillion times, the reason Haru admires Rin is not bc of his swimming, but because of the way he lives. Rin is free, Rin is “vibrant”, he compares him to a strong vivid red flower among the other peasants. If Haru is canonically Rin’s shining, Rin is more like Haru’s sun tbh.

Also I have like a whole book of what Utsumi and the crew said about Rinharu being a couple, but they’re still running around with this one thing for 7 years. Like do you have anything else? Like literally... anything? It’s 2021 and each time the interpretation of that interview is getting wilder and wilder lol. Let’s just, let’s please quote the real things, I’m begging you. Like one anon said, pls seriously, I understand if mh is your thing, but let’s not be too blind. Stop running around with the only quote you have and twist it.

I also have ships that are not canon, but I do not try to prove that they are, I try to prove why I ship them and why they are better then canon in such cases.The truth is in Free! from the beginning they never wrote anyone besides rinharu as romantic relationship, it is what it is. That is the anime and books fact. If you think that Makoto is “a better match” for Haru (god forbid tbh), that’s your preference, but lets not write what’s not there. It’s like each new season/movie/drama/story is out creators write things black on white, but someone is still like “it ain’t canon, it just ain’t, I haven’t seen this”. Who the fuck after everything that happened thinks that Rin have ROMANTIC feelings for Sousuke and Haru for Makoto?! (I’d understand the other way around maybe, but NOT THIS!). I’m serious... as in okay, you can prefer your ships despite everything, it’s a free state, but you can’t think so... like for real, after everything that Rin and Haru said themselves... or do they think everyone is under imperius curse casted by Rinharu fans and it’s all just a HUGE lie? :D 

ALSO WE’RE IN 2021! I THOUGHT THIS WAS NOT THING ANYMORE. AS IN ARGUMENTS LIKE WHO IS THE REAL DEAL (not which ship is better..psst, its rinharu still). THEY WANT TO “TRAVEL THE WORLD TOGETHER AND BE IN ONE BE TOGETHER” AND SWIM IN ALL KIND OF TOURNAMENTS NOW THAT THEY’RE TOGETHER, LEAVE THEM BE ALREADY PLS SERIOUSLY. THEY JUST WANT TO BE TOGETHER... IT WAS LITERALLY THEIR DREAM. AS IN THEY BOTH WANT TO BE WITH EACH OTHER AND THEY MAKE EACH OTHER HAPPY. I KNOW YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH MAKOTO FOR SOME REASON, AND YOU THINK HARU IS HIS ONLY OPTION AND THAT’S YOUR REASONING, BUT HARU’S ALSO A PERSON. WITH HIS OWN WISHES. SO PLS CONSIDER IT, TOO. HE’S ALSO NEVER BEEN HAPPIER AS HE WAS DURING THAT NIGHT TRIP, SO PLS CONSIDER THIS, TOO. ALSO PLS CONSIDER THE WHOLE FREAKING ANIME.

♫ let it go, let it go ♫ (I fucking hate this song, but pls lol)

[daggery]

Gif Maker Appreciation Tag

rules: answer the first half of the questions with gifsets of your own, then answer the second half by tagging gif makers you love!

@iridescentides @deweyduck tysm for tagging me! ❤️❤️❤️

LINK A GIFSET...

Link a gifset you’re really proud of:

definitely the malvie gifset. i feel like if i could solidify this type of gifset as my Style tm i would be satisfied but unfortunately that requires making more gifsets like this one lmao

Link a gifset where you tried something new:

this huma set i tried out channel mixer and i like how it turned out on the individual harry and uma panels esp

Link a gifset that features your favorite character or celebrity:

not a gifset but a little graphic for inej ghafa love of my entire fucking life!!!!! hoping to gif her more from the show in the future when i have more time!!

Link a gifset that you want more people to see:

glowy eyes mal gifset, even though it’s simple it was a gifset i had tried to make several times before but wasn’t happy with for whatever reason until now. gifmaking has rly exposed the way im a perfectionist help. but i do feel like i’ve improved!

Link a gifset that you had fun making:

LOTS of fun making my halloween descendants set, i made it in one day which almost never happens. usually finding the scenes to use is so boring but it was fun to find clips that matched the halloween theme

Link a gifset that you created as part of a meme, challenge, or series:

haven’t made one yet. i did make a simple descendants giffing meme for myself some months ago, but i haven’t posted it yet because i. dont want to commit to it

Link a gifset of yours that makes you smile:

jay eyebrows >:) and i’m still unapologetically obsessed with my xiaohei and wuxian gifset bc it makes me smile but also want to cry in a good way they’re just so found family

Link a gifset that you made for someone else:

the malvie and huma ones^^

TAG SOMEONE WHO...

Tag someone who inspired you to start making gifs:

gonna go out on a limb and tag a non mutual to say i love @wespers jamie’s creations!! they were one of the first gifmakers i followed and even though i havent tried out pale coloring yet, you can probably see a bit of the pale gifset format insp in my first(ish) gifset. so yeah they were an inspo for me to start making gifs and i rly love their recent shadow and bone sets!!! (currently in my queue) <3

Tag someone who makes great vibrant gifs:

@moorsgrimhilde / @malviesbitch sofia is singlehandedly keeping the descendantsedit tag alive with her gifs not to mention how bright and vibrant and pretty they are and i just think thats iconic of her

Tag someone who makes great pale/pastel gifs:

@deweyduck i associate her with like, bal, barbie and ALSO!!! this one ducktales gifset whose colors really stood out to me, it’s so pleasing to look at

Tag someone who gifs for a fandom you love:

@mobei-juns making xiaohei and wuxian sets (latter one currently in queue!) for legend of hei <333 the best shifu-student duo.

@oretsevmal kat’s shadow and bone gifs i adore them, the coloring and text on the malina one is so pretty. also descendants gifs!! i get so happy when i see them

@inejkazjesper the CUTEST jayvie roadtrip au gifset ever. i love gifsets that use clips from videos other than the original movies to create something unique

Tag someone who uses text/typography really well in their gifsets:

@hersilentlanguage i love the text on this jaylos edit with the placement and colors and just nailing the vibes overall, all of their graphics are a+++

Tag someone who motivates you to step up your game:

@iridescentides the way i reblogged this gifset again and almost immediately others also reblogged it to reminisce abt everyone collectively freaking out over it as well.. this gifset was literally a community bonding event. also need to mention your colors i literally dont understand how you do it!! 

Tag someone who you have taken inspiration from:

@hersilentlanguage i haven’t actually posted anything yet BUT i do have an idea or two for future things hopefully :)))

Tag gif makers who you admire and appreciate! (Put as many people here as you want!): 

i can count the number of gifmaker mutuals i have on two hands so everyone’s tagged above :)if you’re tagged do this if you want (invitation extends to you too sparrow for your graphics!) ❤️❤️

[startreatment]

everyone turn away I'm going to be cringey for a sec

HELLO BABES!! this year was a nightmare (in every way imaginable.. wow) so i wanted to thank some people that made this year less shitty. this is my first time writing a post like this so excuse me if I forget someone. I still love you all dearly!!

amy (@bybdolan) – you literally saved my 2020 with your beautiful edits (cried at several of them bc they make me unhinged (I’m still thinking about this and this and this and this and this and omfg you’re so talented I’m going to lose my mind). you influenced my style so much (and I always get SO excited when you reblog my edits. Its like the highest of praises). you are also genuinely a nice person and I love seeing your takes on my dash so much!! you are always  right, never forget that

ananya (@taylorry) – you are insane girl. your takes made my 2020 worse in every sense but it’s ok bc I still love you. obviously i’m joking, we both know that you’re really smart and funny and your posts always make me feel better :) your rankings are still bad tho so :/

claire (@andtosaturn) – oooh, we have another funny man on our hands!! seriously tho, even your star wars posts make me laugh and I don’t know shit about star wars. It’s ridiculous. Your edits make me want to eat my own hands so that’s nice. My favorite is this one I LITERALLY SCREAM EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT IT’S SO GOOD but these are also IMMACULATE: x x x x x x ALSO your gifsets>>>

jacinta (@londonsboy) – talented brilliant amazing showstopping you know the rest. you’re such a lovely person and I missed you the most when I was inactive. even when you’re just screaming about something I know nothing about (like narnia or awae) I still feel like we’re just.. friends hanging out, yknow? 

jess (@cellphonehippie) – well hello queen. you’re so important to me!! you were the first person that actually talked to me on here which was so exciting…you made me feel included.  you already know how I feel about your edits (I love screaming in the tags) but just in case, here are my favorites: x x x x x x + your collabs with amy (just thinking about them makes me want to AHHHH)

noemi (@alisonsmouth) – you’re my sunshine and the only person who doesn’t make me want to punch a wall. you’re so sweet and nice and lovely and you always make me smile and aaahhhhh I just want to hug you!! you deserve the nicest things!! ily

madie (@thelasttime) – I still remember how much I freaked out when you followed me. it was crazy. your anons are unhinged but it’s ok bc y’all are entertaining. I love going through your blog!! makes me feel like i’m hanging out with my very weird friends

raquel (@patchyourwings) – girl….. I am surrounded by funny and talented people how is that fair. I already told you that everything you post makes me chuckle (genuinely everything… it’s kinda embarrassing) and I’m so happy that we’re mutuals. still don’t know why you’re following me BUT I’m not complaining

valeria (@tolerate-it (I kinda miss treacherousdemo. will it make a comeback?) – SLAVIC SWIFTIES FOR THE WIN!!! your music taste is immaculate, you have the best opinions, your edits make me insane, you’re HILARIOUS BABE and sometimes I feel like we’re the same person. you’re probably the closest person to me personality-wise (…which is probably not a very good compliment jfdksdfhkj) and I loveeeee seeing you on my dash like. so much. so happy that you’ve found your editing style! my personal favourites: this one which makes me feel so fucking dlskfjlksdfkldbark bark  and this one?? OH AND THIS ONE and this one too (your reputation edits are so fucking cool honestly)

I also would like to tag people that I really enjoy seeing on my dash (I read all of your posts and sometimes laugh. do with that what you will): @pjo @ou7rage @mercurialshigh @shesfucked @stillbrights @bitchpack @scottstreett @lovethebeach @beginagain @quinnfebrey @cardgian @coldasyou

thank you guys for being amazing!! I want yall to know that when I felt terrible, I read your posts and it made me feel better. like I wasn't alone. thank you for that. I sincerely hope that you’ll have an good year full of healing, great memories and joy. you deserve it 💖

[tuffduff]

The First Meeting (Duff McKagan x Reader)

Pairing: Late 20′s!Reader x Older!Duff McKagan

Words: 1,951 (oops)

Request: @julessworldd​ :  You don’t see enough of older!duff on here. I was wondering if you could do something where the reader is like 28-29 and Duff brings her home to meet his daughters. After dating for a while. Maybe the girls are sorta rude bc she’s still in here 20s and is the first girl he’s been with since him and Susan got a divorce.(I love their relationship so much 🥺). Thank you love 💗

A/N: Thank you for requesting babe!!! Kinda struggled with this one, don’t know how I feel about it, despite the length lol. Also, can I just say as a bi girl in her early twenties how wild it is that Duff’s daughters are also so fucking gorgeous and talented? Jeez. Anyways, listen to The Pink Slips if y’all haven’t, all my love to you guys!

Taglist: @ubernoxa​ @the--blackdahlia​ @reigns420​ @stradlin-cold-heartbreaker​

You should’ve worn the pants and blouse instead of the dress you were cooped in. Or better yet, leggings. You kept smoothing your dress down, trying to judge the distance from the hem of it to your knees. Were you going to look like you were trying too hard? Either way, you knew how was it was going to look regardless of what you wore, but maybe if you dressed more modestly...

Duff’s hand grabbing yours pulled you out of your dread. He took his eyes off the road for a second and smiled.

“Why are you worried? What is it?” You fixed your gaze straight ahead to the lines painted on the road. He always seemed to just know what you were feeling, just by looking. You would have guessed maybe you were just an open book, but no, it was only Duff that always knew. Ever since the beginning.

“Maybe we should wait a little longer.” You blurted out with no buffer, no warm-up, no nonsense. Even your voice was unsteady. Duff’s grip on your hand tightened.

“Y/N, we’ve been dating for over a year now.”

“And we could break up tomorrow.” You reasoned lightly, making Duff laugh.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” He bantered back, still a relaxed smile on his face. “I’m not going anywhere, so...” he let go of your hand to pat your thigh now. “C’mon; serious. What is it, why do you want to wait?”

“Duff, we’re so close in age. It’s...I mean, they’re automatically gonna hate me. I know I would hate me if I were in their shoes.”

“Y/N, I don’t think you realize just how easy it is to love you.” Duff mused. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s, I mean, the situation is...unique. We both know that. But my girls, we raised them to be open-minded. They just have to get to know you. They’re going to love you.” You grimaced at Duff’s assuredness.

Though you had been dating Duff officially for a little over a year, you had known each other for a few years before that, introduced by a mutual friend at a small holiday get-together. At that time, you hadn’t known Duff was newly single, you were just freaking out on the inside about having a conversation with the bassist from Guns N’ Roses and praising yourself for actually getting him to laugh. Little did you know, he genuinely liked you as a person and he wasn’t just being a fake polite celebrity interacting with someone not quite as illustrious as himself.

Since then, well, things had obviously taken off. You had even met Susan, who had split with Duff amiably and still saw each other for friendly lunches or to support their daughters. But Mae and Grace themselves? Intimidation at its peak.

Neither Mae nor Grace followed you on Instagram, they never liked pictures that Duff posted including you, and they certainly were never around backstage at Guns N’ Roses gigs if you were there. You understood from their eyes; you knew how it looked. That was just the unfortunate truth, as well as disadvantage, to being so young. Everyone thought you were just after Duff for his money or something of the sort, some kind of vanity or ticket. But it wasn’t like that; you turned Duff down several times. It wasn’t as if you weren’t interested, you were just apprehensive of dating not only an older man, but a very famous and wealthy one.

But if you weren’t going to date him for that, you weren’t going to not date him for the same reasons. And it was undeniable; you and him clicked from the very beginning. Inevitable, you could feel your heart tugging, fighting, to be with him.

You started passing more familiar houses in the neighborhood, and as you got closer, you could feel yourself sweating.

“Sweetheart, relax. Everything’s gonna be fine; you’ll be laughing by the end of the night.” You turned and looked at Duff as he parked the car in the driveway, still smiling—the yin to your terrified, panicked, yang. “Come on, breathe with me.” He coaxed you gently, and you nodded, focusing on his eyes to steady yourself before you got out of the car together.

As soon as Duff opened the front door you could feel yourself tense, as if you were expecting to get attacked from the get-go.

“Mae? Grace? You guys wanna come down and say hello to Y/N?” Duff called up the staircase. You bit your lip and again smoothed down your dress.

Mae appeared first, intimidatingly beautiful and a spitting image of her mother, dressed in a tied crop top and baggy jeans with tennis shoes. Grace was right behind her with a more obvious scowl, and to your horror, wearing leggings and a t shirt. Both girls raised their eyebrows at your dress before sharing a private look at each other that knocked your self-esteem meter down a good amount.

“Y/N, this is Mae, and this is Grace. Girls—”

“Dad, we know her; this isn’t really necessary.” Grace spoke up, refusing to look at you. Mae had her arms crossed and appeared bored.

“You’ve never met before.” Duff argued lightly. You kept your mouth shut. “And what’s with this, we’re going to dinner, remember?”

“You’ve never had an issue with the way I dressed before.” Grace argued back heatedly. “Now I have to look presentable for her?”

“No, I’m not saying that, of course I’m not saying that, honey—I would never. But Y/N put in an effort to—”

“No, no, I uh, I really didn’t know what to wear…” you blurted out, wanting to cringe as both girls turned to you for the first time. “I really should’ve gone with the leggings.”

“Do you want to change?” Duff offered. “You could borrow one of my shirts—or, you know I’m sure you could borrow one of Mae’s—”

“Dad!” Mae protested immediately.

“No! No, I’m okay.” You interjected quickly. The silence filled the room again and made a mental note that you now had a story to tell if someone ever asked what your most awkward and embarrassing moment was.

“Okay, well, dinner, yeah?” Duff asked as if there weren’t obvious tension in the air. The girls silently marched passed him towards his car and climbed in the back seat together.

“They’ll warm up at dinner,” Duff insisted to you confidently. You said nothing and remained silent as you climbed into the car.

“Who’s gonna pick the music?” Duff asked, looking back in the rearview mirror. “Grace, why don’t you show Y/N some of your stuff?”

“Why would I do that?” She muttered, staring at her phone. You swallowed a little; this was actually a topic you felt confident enough to maneuver.

“I’ve already heard some of your stuff, actually.”

“What, did my dad force you to listen to it?” Grace asked unenthusiastically.

“No. I mean, he told me you had a band, but I never listened until I heard one of your songs on this sorta underground playlist at work. I loved it, and then I realized it was you.”

“Which one?” Grace asked, her tone neutral now instead of disinterested.

“‘Texas’. I really love it. I like ‘Miles Away’ too.” There was silence and you tried to remember your words and figure out if you said something insulting.

“...Thanks. I like that one too.” She said. “We’re doing a music video for it soon.”

“Really? What kinda vibe?”

“Kinda like, road trip aesthetic. Convertible with the top down on a highway.”

“That’s so perfect, I love that.” Suddenly, somehow, you had managed to stumble your way into a conversation. Duff was smiling silently, allowing it to unfold, but you barely noticed due to the conversation.

As you pulled up outside of the restaurant you and Duff frequented, you noticed more traffic and gasped lightly at the sight of the cars filling the parking lot. “Dad, look at the line! It’s Friday night at dinner time, you know it’s always packed.” Mae complained.

“Shoot, I forgot what day it was.” Duff murmured. The line was out the door with several people waiting around out front and even more inside. He frowned, clearly unsure of what to do next, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel.

“Dad, I’m starving. I don’t feel like waiting an hour to eat dinner.” Grace added in her own disdain. For a moment, you took in the situation. Something so mundane, just with Duff and his daughters with the dilemma of trying to figure out what to eat, a little piece of his life that you were lucky enough to be a a part of. No problem, not even this, even seemed like a problem.

“Why don’t we just pick up pizza? Or burgers?” You suggested lightly. Duff turned to you and you smiled at him. “Or both?” He laughed, and that’s when you noticed you heard more than just the sound of his.

Both Grace and Mae were laughing too with smiles on their faces. “Yes! Both!” They agreed.

“Hell yeah,” Duff decided, giving you one last smile before he turned the car around.

When you finally arrived back home with your eclectic dinner assortment, you kicked off your heels immediately.

“Finally,” you muttered, not realizing the girls could hear you. Grace grinned.

“They’re cute, though.”

“You can have them.” You proposed without thinking. “I haven’t worn them in three years, I imagine it’ll be another three before I wear them again.”

“Oh, well...okay.” She said, giving you a small smile. “Thanks.” You smiled back and headed towards the kitchen where Duff was gathering utensils and napkins, a small smile on his face.

“You know, when I eat pizza I just hold it in my hand the entire time.” You joked lightly at the sight of the plates in his hand. “What?” You asked when he kept smiling.

“Thank you.” You frowned at him quizzically.

“For?”

“Earlier. Nothing ever makes you lose your cool. When I’m with you, life just feels as easy as breathing. Like it’s just supposed to be this way, you know?” You were taken aback by his words and smiled, leaning up to rest your head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of your head. “That’s why I wasn’t worried about today. It’s important to me to empower my daughters and I know once they get to know you, you’re gonna inspire them as much as you inspire me.” You let out a deep breath of appreciation, soaking in the weight of his praise, allowing yourself to feel this happiness deep to your bones.

“I hope so.” You replied. “Although, I think it’s still gonna take quite some time...” You murmured, turning to glance over your shoulder. To your surprise, the girls were already watching, whispering to each other. Mae had her phone out and smiled when she made eye contact with you.

“That height difference, though.” Mae said, heading to your side to show you the photo she had taken of you and Duff just moments prior. There was a comfort in her actions, as though she had already known you for years, watching your face and waiting for your reaction. You laughed at the picture, as did Duff, who put his arm around you and Mae both.

“I’m a real catch, what can I say,” Duff joked dryly. Mae rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, you’re in for quite the deal, Y/N…” she told you. You laughed before you privately took in the picture before you, Duff and his daughters settling down for an evening together, and somehow, that involved you. Quite the deal indeed.

[cosmosrival]

just a quick vent post i wanted to make since i got a shitty lil experience on twitter and also found out about some things!! its just me talking about my take on kama and sakura fans (the Bad ones)

just needed to let it out <3

there’s this person on reddit whose content i genuinely despise since he babifies kama who is a character who Absolutely Should Not be babified and is one of the reasons why i wish kama’s first ascension didnt exist. but unfortunately: fgo. i usually have no problems with ppl’s headcanons since i can’t control their minds u know? same goes for ships, just do whatever u want (and if its gross keep it away from me lol). but the AMOUNT of traction this man gets on his fucking posts where kama is parvati and emiya’s daughter is so insanely repulsive to me ??? LIKE... I GET IT. YOURE PROJECTING ON EMIYA. URE A SAKURA FAN. U LIKE SHIROU AND SAKURA TOGETHER BUT THINK SHIROU IS A LOSER SO U SHIP PARVATI AND EMIYA INSTEAD. OKAY. THATS FINE. just PLEASE for the love of GOD, leave kama out of it and dont turn them into this clueless baby because thats NOT what they are.

for a while i was just stuck in this position since i’m petrified that the ENG fandom only sees kama as the Haha Baby Nugget ! baby Sakuraface ! servant and then look away. when all they took from sakura is her body and negative personality traits (BUT EVEN THEN. kamadeva had their own grudge and negative feelings about shiva so sakura’s just amplified those and didnt create anything new) meanwhile their backstory is so RICH and their trauma with shiva leaves so much room for growth and there’s so much in indian mythology that’s about kama and their death/the whole Becoming the Universe/galaxy godly state frozen when they reached the Throne thing too.

but im afraid. i’m going to be honest. i’m afraid of their NA release. because of the traction this degenerate got on his posts amongst the english fandom. i know everyone hates reddit but its still a popular website :/

but then the greatest thing happened and a mutual of mine dmed me and told me that he’s actually a p*dophile who made porn in that 3d japanese porn game of emiya and first ascension kama fucking and i felt like a weight got off my chest. SO HE’S A FREAK ! HE’S ACTUALLY JUST A FREAK!!! he then told me that he’s also extremely hated on 4chan which is... the website i didn’t expect to be on the same side with ???? but you know what, i’ll take it.

this isnt even a battle or anything... since the main reason why people will roll for kama anyways is that they’re a sakuraface, and i’m fine with that. do whatever u want!! love em however u want.

what im scared of is that ppl will literally forget their third ascension exists????? and that more disgusting content of kama’s first ascension will end up coming out because of dudes like him getting popular because they’re good at photoshop and sprite editing. and that kama will end up being babified ONCE AGAIN meanwhile they’re an ethereal god and are older than the world itself.

being a fan of the god is suffering but i’m glad there seems to be a large portion of the fandom thinking the same way i do fjdnfndjdfgfgdgft

im glad kama got sakura physical traits bc sakura is a pretty girl !! and they turned out really gorgeous thanks to redrop. but sometimes i wish they werent a sakuraface.

this kinda got messy and i wont be checking this for mistakes since its really just me venting but... yeah. i like exploring kama as being this mess of a servant, god, demon and half human ? the ooku event added a lot to their character and i think the sakura side shouldnt be ignored even if i personally believe that its like. 15% of them. the rest is kamadeva and mara. its still interesting to explore !!

but then weirdos like these exist and i suddenly log off <3 i could very well ignore these comics no problem, if they WERENT ALL AROUND THE INTERNET EVERYTIME I TYPE KAMA IN THE SEARCH BAR its tiring. 

though, mutuals coming forward and followers as well, coming to tell me that i made them like kama since my take on kama is so detached from sakura and the whole dark sakura theme and that they see kama in a new positive light thanks to me, gives me strength and makes me want to continue posting my headcanons. 

if u made it this far and still choose to support me, thank u so much !! i think that kamadeva is a genuinely interesting god and that fgo’s take on his revenge is very fun to explore and i wanna keep going in that direction and learn more about them !!

tho if ure a hardcore sakura-only fan and decide to unfollow me because of this rant, no problem. i never watched heavens feel, i dont want to watch it and im more of a rin fan to be quite honest !! my fate/stay night knowledge is enough for me to get by im jus here for fgo historical lore fellas !!! Peace !!

[roguish-gallery]

Did you ever make that joker tier list, I always like seeing what people think of all the different ones. Though if they put Romero last I can no longer respect them.

LMAO I DID! I think I’ve made it kind of obvious in this blog but I... don’t... particularly... care... for... the joker.... unless he’s, y’know, fun to watch. Cause he’s a clown, and clowns are supposed to be entertaining. But since you politely brought it up, and and because I have a deep respect for mutual Romero-lovers, I guess this would be a good time to explain my rankings and just discuss my general thoughts on each clown:

General Thoughts:

For the most part, I don’t really care for the Joker. This is hardly an uncommon opinion here on tumblr, but I definitely fall on the side of the fandom that feels that he gets too much attention from DC. I get WHY they use him so often for films and comics, and I don’t have anything against *most* folks who consider them their favorite Batman villain, but at this point he’s used more for shock value and as a crutch instead of anything interesting. Like, instead of giving attention to the other Rogues, writers (at least for the comics) will try and make up some bullshit story that they can shoehorn the Joker into, ‘cause it sells. It’s tiring, and I feel like the character has lost his meaning; I can only read so many stories about the Joker, I don’t fucking know, wearing a suit made from dead babies and Jason Todd’s flayed corpse before I get sick of it.

I’m at the point where I’ll like any Joker who’s just fun to watch. I genuinely respect those who prefer darker interpretations of the character, but that isn’t me; I vastly prefer the lighthearted takes on him, because... at this point... writers who use the “cleaner” version of him tend to be more creative, since they actually have to write a Joker story that doesn’t rely on gore/torture porn.

TIER ONE:

Joker Baby: Self explanatory. Joker Baby is thematic, thoughtful, and intense. Everytime I watch this video, I shiver with fear and pleasure; something primal in me awakens whenever Joker Baby runs his fingers through his spray-on dyed hair, and ends up smearing green paint on his forehead- it represents the inner turmoil, the chaos, that resides within the disturbed body that is Joker Baby. Nothing can ever hope to top the artistic and cultural impact Joker Baby has had on society.

TIER TWO:

Batman Ninja: I genuinely believe that Batman Ninja is one of the most fun, organic, and creative things to come out from the Batman side of DC comics in like... hmmm... a decade, maybe (I could talk for hours about how much I love this movie but that’s something for a future post). This Joker is easily, and unironically my favorite interpretation of the character, period. I love his energy, his design, everything. This is the most fun I’ve ever had watching a Joker on-screen, and for that I’ve gotta give the film credit where it is due.

Batman ‘66: I looooove Caesar Romero. Batman ‘66 in general is one of my favorite pieces of Batman media, and I absolutely adore this Joker. The show is pure, genuine fun, and it’s nice to turn my brain off and watch a show where the entire cast was allowed to goof around. This Joker is just a cute, goofy little clown-man who likes to commit crimes, go surfing, turn Gotham’s water reserve into gelatin, and have wild orgies with Penguin, Catwoman, and the Riddler. I massively appreciate the hustle. I love his little mustache and his facial expressions. I’d give him a chaste little kiss on the cheek if I could.

The Batman: EXTREMELY CONTROVERSIAL TAKE BUT. I think TB!Joker is better than what people will give him credit for. I can only imagine how stressful it must have been to be the first Batman cartoon to follow BTAS and the writers for this show knew they were gonna be fucked no matter what they did with the Joker, so they just decided to try something completely different with him. Personally, I appreciate the new direction- he has a fun, unhinged energy. I’ve placed him higher than BTAS/BTNA!Joker simply because The Batman was the show that got me into the Rogues in the first place, and I’m just a bit closer to this Joker because of it. Also his vampire form was cool as FUCK in Batman Vs. Dracula and the scene where he gets drenched in blood at a blood bank is fucking awesome.

Batman the Animated Series/The New Adventures: Everyone loves BTAS’s Joker, and I’m no exception. Mark Hamill is fucking great, and the writers clearly knew the character well enough to create a version of him that can be fun and threatening. As an aside, I unironically like his redesign in BTNA- I remember Hamill mentioning somewhere that he thought it was neat that this Joker looked more like a shark (I’ll see if I can find a source on that... I think he said it in an interview with Kevin Smith?) and I kinda agree with him. the redesigns in the final season are hit or miss, but I didn’t get why so many people bitched about the Joker’s new look.

Batman Unlimited: Hear me out... Hear me out... Clown... funny... and cute... He wears a little crown and gives Solomon Grundy a little smooch on the cheek and it is as delightful as it sounds. Yes the Batman Unlimited films literally only exist to sell toys but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy them on some ironic level.

TIER THREE:

Lego Batman: He’s a gay icon. He has the range. Enough said.

White Knight: This is just a genuinely good, original take on the character, and the art in White Knight is absolutely gorgeous. 

Arkham: My friends and I joke that this Joker is basically a more unhinged version of BTAS! Joker and... yeah. I’m glad Hamill and Paul Dini got to fuck around with the character more, but I never really dwelled on the Joker parts of the games like I might have for other characters. I definitely liked him the most in Arkham Asylum, as he was more fun to watch. Arkham City was fiiiiine, but I think I replayed the game so much that I kinda got fatigued with everything about it. Genuinely hated his part in Origins, and I was pissed that he stole the attention from Black Mask and Bane (who’s the best fucking part of Origins IMO). I’ll admit that I... Haven’t... played... Knight yet (I have it on PC but my laptop is too wimpy to run it) but like... He’s dead at that point, so I’d assume he isn’t the main point of that game anyway. I love Mark Hamill and the fact I can personally beat the shit out of this Joker, so he’s ranked up pretty high for those reasons.

TIER FOUR:

Batman ‘89: TBH this Joker should be a rank higher, but I’m too lazy to hop onto PicsArt to change it. NIcholson was an excellent choice, and I apprecaite how this Joker makes use of the playful and unhinged aspects of the character. Also, his outfits are cute, and I love the museum scene.

Brave and the Bold: Technically this Joker SHOULD be ranked higher since he’s literally based on the more lighthearted comics in the 60′s but... ehhh... I haven’t really watched BATB so I don’t have any strong opinions on the show and how it handles the character. he’s ranked this high through beause I appreciate what they were going for.

Golden Age: The quality of comics are always subjective, based on the creative team behind them. Some I’ll like more, others less so, It’s kind of hard to rank the pre-52 comic version of the Joker because of this.

TIER FIVE:

Killing Joke: Read it, didn’t care for it. I acknowledge how massive the impact this comic had on... everything, but just because I recognize how important this graphic novel is, doesn’t mean I have to like it.

The Dark Knight: Ledger did an excellent job with the role, but uhh... I’m kind of sick of the alt-right chuds who are out there sucking this Joker’s dick. The fanbase definitely ruined the character for me.

TIER SIX:

99′: Eh

Endgame: No

Suicide Squad: NO

Death of the Family: Hate him. Despise him. Lame stupid dumb little edgy bitch.

Gotham (Jeremiah): I don’t particulary care for Gotham in general, but the only reason I ranked this Joker over Jerome is beause I thought it was kinda funny to see that they made him a little rat-man, and I liked watching all the fujoshi on here cry and complain that they can’t ship this version of the joker with the pre-pubescent Bruce Wayne in the show bc he’s too ugly.

Gotham (Jerome): stop shippping this freak (who is fucking eighteen years old) with a literal twelve year old child. what the FUCK is wrong with yall.

UNRANKED:

The Joker (2019): I don’t plan on watching this film, nor will I ever. I know this is ironic, coming from someone who runs a Rogue blog, but stuff that focuses primarily on a character’s deteriorating mental health makes me reaaaaallllllyyyyy anxious (it’s kind of a phobia) and considering that I don’t particularly the Joker, I have no reason to watch something I know will only give my dumb ADHD-ass intrusive throughts.

[benstillers]

can you explain what's going on right now? i keep seeing big IT blogs talking about some discourse or something but i have no idea what they're talking about other than it involves you lol

alright i like. i truly do not like having diScOurSE out in public because i’m not one to air out my dirty laundry 24/7 but seeing as how it was brought into public against my will i feel like the least i can do is clear up the situation for those who’ve been seeing the posts. 

i’m putting this under the cut bc it’s long. tws for some biphobia, brief mention of transphobia and, at the end, a rape mention. 

so if you don’t know: hi, i’m migz, i’m an it fandom blogger. its okay, i know, its really cool. part of my shtick here is that i like to turn normal thirst tags into works of art for the sake of comedy. perhaps you’ve seen some of my highlights from my “fhg” tag - perhaps your brain has been spared. either way, it became kind of “my thing” around the third or fourth week (mid nov) of me having this blog. at first, i tagged just about every ask i got mentioning the thirst tags with “bill hader” - they had to do with him, so why not tag him? it would draw more like minded people! about two days into that i got a message asking me to tag my nsfw. i am a big dumb idiot, and apologize for not initially doing it. i havent had a following bigger than like 10 in several years and completely spaced on basic etiquette. so by the end of november i was tagging everything applicable  with “notsfw” and “bill hader”. 

now you’re caught up.

on december 1st i got this message from user billhaderanti:

now i want to start by saying i absolutely was in the wrong here. i didn’t even think about how many people were being subjected to the asks i was getting - especially ones who had no idea they were all jokes. i don’t track the bill hader tag, so it just didn’t even occur to me - that’s ignorance on my part, and to anyone who was subjected to the terrors of me before my tagging system: i am genuinely sorry. i relay the same sentiment in my response, though you can tell i’m on edge.

and they replied:

clearly they Were offended by it but thats.. not the point. at this point, im feeling Really weird about the whole interaction, but still understanding, because again - i GET it. i know my posts are gross - that’s the point. it doesn’t make it excusable, though, which is why i understand why people are offended. so i responded with the only solution i Knew would keep us both safe and happy posting on our own blogs. 

so i thought this would be the end of things! i’d been pretty anxious lately already since i’d started to receive anons telling me i was gross and whore-ish for thirst posting in this way (i delete all of those, so if ur thinking about sending one, i guess no one’s stopping you but it won’t be seeing the light of the dashboard). i’m unsure if it was immediately or a few hours later, seeing as how i have a bad concept of time and the post-dates are right on the edge between nov 30 and dec 1, but i went to their blog - because anyone who has been on the internet knows the opportunity to vague post is near irresistible. and...what do ya know

fair! it’s their blog. however i am an emotionally fragile egg girl and immediately got freaked out. the odds that they were the only one who thought this were low. and, again, i’ve been very open on my blog about how important it is to respect boundaries; my posts are absolutely prone to breaking those boundaries people have created for themselves. 

so i made my own, semi-vague post, letting my following know (and i’m pretty sure i’d answered asks about it before, but this is going to be long enough w/o me searching those up too) that i understood if they wanted to block me or unfollow or whatever - people need to create their own safe spaces. the tension is pretty clear in the tags, i’m not trying to hide that. i felt that the way this woman slid into my dm’s was pretty abrasive (just my opinion/how it made me personally feel) and i let myself be a lil emotional about it in the tags of my post.

alright! maybe this is the end. maybe we both go our separate ways and post happily on our own blogs... except it’s not the end. later in the day (some of this was happening like 1/2am, so now its Day day, i believe - again, not good w time passage lol)

clearly, i’m upset. my groupchat double checked that i didn’t get too emotional in my response - did i mention im anxious about discourse lol - and apparently.. it did the trick. she didn’t message me again. great. it was over. 

at this point, i decided i needed to make an even bigger change. so a few days after i’d calmed down i created an entirely new tag for my thirst posts so if people hadn’t already hidden the notsfw posts or just blocked me outright, they’d have a third option to escape the madness. at this point, id had my blog about 6? weeks, but there were still 2k posts for me to sift through - some of them were completely untagged. i also had to do it post by post, because one of xkits features - the mass re-tagger - was getting blogs deleted for some reason, and i wasn’t going to do that. so i spent a few days going through all 2k+ posts, adding the “fhg” tag. 

YEEHAW! a brand new tagging system, no more hopping into the bill hader tag (minus one or two really funny, not super explicit asks, like the bill hader farquaad meme), and, tbf, i’d completely put this woman out of my mind. i don’t seek out drama and do my best to stay in my lane. yesterday, i checked my activity for the first time in awhile since id put out a couple new original posts that had started to get traction and i Love reading tags. i noticed a mutual had @’d me, and realized i havent checked my @’s in...ever, maybe. i see a post from my good pal billhaderanti. 

since i dont follow them and never check my @’s, i’d completely missed it. however, once i did see it, i was horrified. id gone through all that fucking work to keep my blog My Blog and also respect everyone’s boundaries and it still hadn’t been enough. i’d been awake for almost 24 hours and went. a little crazy. and i didn’t reply immediately because i just had no words. i sent it to my friends because i... i just wasn’t going to be able to figure it out myself. 

there’s a lot to unpack in this post alone, but whatever, i’m gonna put my own grievances with the immaturity of 1. making a callout post to begin with when i’d been nothing but civil 2. making a callout post about something as (in the grand scheme of Life) minor as some tags where i refer to a someone’s genitals as a “whack pack” and 3. making a callout post in such a rude way - aside. at the end, she calls me (and whoever else!) a demonic mlw (man loving woman, we assumed, and then later confirmed with a post further back on her blog). 

which - yeah, we started scrolling. at first we were looking for more vague blogs, and then we just...started finding things. billhaderanti is a self proclaimed lesbian separatist, which... fine. but it’s already pretty clear that this woman hates me on some level simply because i am a bi woman (demonic mlw, remember!) which is just. damn man i can’t believe we are still fighting the biphobic fight lol. so the more we scrolled, the more we uncovered - and not just the biphobic / vaguely mtf transphobic things they posted (or put in tags), but we also found that they had their OWN thirst tags. certainly not as hyperbolically comedic as mine, but they were there, talking about his body and his person the same (and, frankly, a bit creepier for other reasons) as mine. 

there’s one post in particular that snatched my wig in it’s creepiness - and i say creepiness in the sense that it feels personal. like this woman feels like she knows bill to some degree where she can say these things. my tags have always had a sense of distance, as they’re written for humor. and maybe this particular post was written for comedic purposes, but it doesn’t read that way, and if it WAS, then she has no right to call ME out for MY comic tags and posts. 

i’ll let it speak for itself, mostly because i don’t want to read it again. 

i also won’t be going through her blog again to find the posts with biphobic and other Interesting:tm: tags because there are plenty and i just really! want to be done with the whole ordeal! her blog is public and i’m sure you can all find it and look to your heart’s content. 

feeling a bit feral and a bit pissed off now that we knew the depth of how rotten this woman’s vibes were, a couple of my pals made a post or two similar to what my tag’s are like except turned up to eleven (if possible) - and tagged them with “bill hader” (and notsfw!!). yes, a bit childish, but at this point, the entire situation was childish, and making jokes was truly the only way we were going to get through it. another vague post went up on her blog soon after.

talking down to us, calling us children, and then for whatever reason calling us virgins... whatever, weird post. around this time most of us (est) went to bed, because it was nearing 3 or 4 in the morning. 

and then today happened. i woke up fresh and ready for the day after a wonderful 4 hours of sleep and found that jane had made an incredibly intelligent post in response to the situation. i won’t ss it, but i’ll LINK in case you missed it. attached there in the reblog is my own response. i think they can speak for themselves. 

after that, things were kind of jumbled, since i wasn’t online a lot and when i was i was Not checking my activity simply because i was afraid of what i’d see. for the most part, it ended up just being support (which i am very grateful to all of you for - it means a lot that you all enjoy my content to any degree). 

there was some more vague posting from both “““““sides”””””” of the “““““argument”””””” - mostly just people restating the fact that this is a public space and we should All be aware of how we effect others. i still hadn’t heard directly from billhaderanti, so i assumed we’d all be dropping and disengaging and moving on. i still wasn’t blocked, though, so who really knew what would happen. 

eventually, it culminated in this last post. tw for mentions of rape

i’m going to start by saying that 

1. there are nearly no teenagers that were involved in this. im turning 23 in january and most of my friends are 20+. maybe one or two are 19. 

2. none of us sent any sexually violent asks - most of us didn’t send asks at all. i believe one or two of my friends admitted to sending asks however they assured me their nature wasn’t bad; as far as i know, everyone remained civil in whatever went on (again, unclear to me as to what was being sent; no one was actively posting or talking about it. if billhaderanti wishes to elaborate, they can, but i don’t have anything to put in). 

3. before i finish this, i would like to apologize to billhaderanti. as a comedian - not just my stupid tags, i mean in real life, too - i know that humor can hurt. it’s not always funny, it’s not just stupid hahas. sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes just hit people differently and cause bad things. i recognize that. i never meant to trigger you (if you’re reading this) or cause you any severe mental/emotional harm. i apologize for my humor bringing up your trauma, and i never meant for that. regardless of my own thoughts and opinions about the nature of my posts/the thirst tags themselves, they hurt you, and i’m sorry. 

anyway, i’m going to wrap this up (i’m bad at endings, what can i say! steven king and i took the same writer’s class!). if you read all this... sorry. i probably won’t be taking any asks about it, because i find the whole “drama” of this to be stupid and rooted in some seriously biphobic issues this fully grown woman has. 

tldr; i attempted to contain my blog so this woman could exist and function safely on her blog, but it wasn’t enough for her, so she called me out, and then some of the fandom called Her out for being biphobic and mean and overall just immature about the situation. as of now, she’s yet to block me, though her and her wife have blocked a few of my friends. her wife continues to clown on my friends. this post was made for clarity’s sake. the end, i’m getting a drink. 

[nozomijoestar]

Transcribed and formatted for readability the master thesis between me and @wlwclem​ on the nuances to NaraTrish together and as individuals being why we love it and respect it not being CompHet- we spent way too much Big Brain Energy on it to not share 

tw: brief mention of F-Slur when giving an example on toxic masculinity being bullshit, sexuality is briefly discussed in a non sexualizing way and in no graphic detail

*insert IM TRISH KIN BUCCIARATI joke here*

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:45 PM

JDDBSJDBD YES bc ofc she gotta be Reassuring but at the same time his Himboism Knows No Bounds One of the lines in EoH u can give her is “Go get me an Italian Vogue magazine too while you’re at it” and I’m like. Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:46 PM

JDHDHDF BDE Narancia whipped Narancia stands no chance

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:46 PM

OH FOR REAL one of HIS victory lines is something about getting all the stuff for her lmao And this is like even if she isn’t in the battle, Always Thinking Of His Queen

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:50 PM

Trish decides to test the limits of this and his ability to recognize them by asking for impossible or nonexistent items/feats and when he continues to try for her without question she realizes she has too much power and must restrain it fjdjjdjfjf Can't turn into Dad

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:51 PM

JDBDBSJS The color palette changes while she has an inner monologue while she watches him try to make her happy

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:53 PM

"Oh my god Bucciarati was right...he's too loyal for his own good I need to stop even if it's a little fun"   Meanwhile Narancia: growing more and more frustrated with himself for perceived failure to someone he loves

epickinnienaranciaYesterday at 11:55 PM

She stops for the most part but does it every so often bc it’s cute

nozomijoestarYesterday at 11:56 PM

Lucky to have a freak like dat I feel like the only thing that can counter this self defeatism Narancia can get (bc his younger childhood...ofc he's fucked up and anxious and paranoid abt not being enough or abandoned) is Trish having to open her own repressed self up and love the shit out of himLike those reassuring lines she has in EoH and her moments in the anime/manga Bruno fucking does it as his father figure and Narancia admits it gives him strength

December 19, 2019

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:04 AM

Yes, he feels like he has to prove his worth and like he’s worth having around otherwise he’s useless, i def feel like he would not like talking about the stuff that happened in the past with everyone bc he would feel ashamed and stupid or st, he needs to be told You Are Enough and her to open up too so they can lean on each other

nozomijoestarToday at 12:12 AM

Honestly no jokes for a second I feel like this is also abt breaking toxic masculinity bc it's fucking Italy in the early 00s just out of the 90s...it was RIFE rifer than even now with that shit like in much of the world then too, the idea that a boy becoming a man and men in general need to strictly follow dumbass self harming rules

 especially abt not opening up and only having real priorities for earning money, honoring family, and procreating as much as possible whether it's marriage making a family or "having sexual conquests" in promiscuity, anything outside of this bullshit image can't be tolerated and you might as well be a woman or "a fag" if you don't assert some fictional narrative of trying extremely hard to have power in everything bc that's all that matters is the ridiculous idea of Alpha Males applied to humans 

Narancia being a 80s- 90s kid with the childhood he had did not give him much fighting chance at all in this context and time period  esp just bc he happened to be born with a dick and thus saddled with these harmful expectations society made that could've only further repressed his recognition of not beating himself up and his own emotional needs on top of EVERYONE ever betraying him Where was he supposed to go? He can't go anywhere unless he meets Bruno

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:18 AM

yes i agree..... like, males being looked down upon for opening up, being societally forced to shoulder the burdens and “man up” and just deal with it and fix everything. And then already having a toxic support system with his “friend” betraying him and his dad Sucking Major Ass, all he’s been taught is deal with it but hasn’t been given the tools to know how, and if Bruno didn’t meet him he honestly would be so stuck, what person (esp in that time period) is going to go out of their way to help an uneducated young male?

nozomijoestarToday at 12:20 AM

Even if it tragically ends with his death in canon I feel like the time he spent with Bruno's bois, Giorno, and Trish was huge in making some of that crack little by littleBc he has moments where you see how sweet he actually is, his "real" personality if you will underneath all the unresolved anger when he's with ppl he sees love him and give him hope When Giorno said No One Is Going To Hurt You Anymore that just made me cry harder

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:23 AM

Yes! Like, ofc he gets angry, has unrepressed rage and reactions to things, he hasn’t had any type of emotional support in SO long and it’s not like it’s 100% fantastic in that regard with buccigang (which don’t get me wrong they are family but they are still in an aggressive gang and go off and give each other lots of shit)-YEAH AND THE FUCKIGN PLANT GROWING TOO IM

nozomijoestarToday at 12:25 AM

Trish is legit I think the one person aside from Giorno who would treat him without even the gang's aggressiveness Narancia is my fav in VA even if Bruno is the best written VA character bc he's me, this kind of shit in my life is why I developed PTSD undiagnosed since my childhood that only kept getting worse until only this year have I gotten any true help I know exactly how he feels 

Esp when you think your whole life exists to serve others never yourself NaraGio shippers I see y'all argument even if I don't follow it tbh, Gio was again the only one besides Trish to consistently care for Nara in day to day and when he was in danger and esp during the Clash and Talking Heads fight Gio was the one dude present like No Narancia It's Ok Please Tell Me What's Wrong You're Clearly Stressed

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:31 AM

yeah although i haven’t experienced it i can still empathize and try to understand, i think there’s so many layers of protection and walls that most people never truly look past it to see the root cause or true self YES that fight was so frustrating bc they were all like Narancia stop being an idiot when something was clearly wrong and he was obviously in distress!!

nozomijoestarToday at 12:32 AM

Also Gio was the only one who first asserted that No, Narancia did the right thing in fighting Formaggio

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:33 AM

Yes and with that whole interaction the gang often uses Narancia as the scapegoat essentially and just give him shit for every little thing without trying to understand his POV

nozomijoestarToday at 12:33 AM

The Clash fight tbh I feel was an ass pull set up to give Narancia his big bad ass loyalty proving moment even if it's a great fight that beginning part is...only the Trish and Gio interactions rly make sense fjdjdjI wish him and Giorno hung out more or I guess more like talked more bc you can't rly hang out when you're getting assassinated every day hfgdg

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:36 AM

Yeah hdkdb, even with Fugo, even tho he found him and brought him to Bruno, he still calls him a dumbass, stabs him with a fork and shit, and then with Mista even tho I feel like they are Like Bros, he destroys Narancia’s radio for no fucking reason and also has a pattern of taking shit Narancia paid for without paying him backI def agree with that, I feel like Giorno interactions were lacking in that there really weren’t many one on one meaningful things so it’s hard for me to grasp his personal headspace and relationships a lot of the time

nozomijoestarToday at 12:37 AM

However to be a little more fair to the Bucci gang the manga version has Narancia trying a lot lot more to get their attention in logical ways that unfortunately Talking Heads completely ruins, he tried writing to let them know what was happening and TH warped the text into him saying vulgar things bragging abt his dick being a powerful Stand

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:38 AM

Yeah I was gonna add I wasn’t sure if the manga had other stuff, tbf

nozomijoestarToday at 12:38 AM

I think this is also Shounen Tropes of the 90s at play too the "child" character was often written as the comic relief dumbass Narancia suffers it so it does add a layer of Not Good to his relationships The trope still exists tbh Anime cut out him writing I assume bc it's too sexual It's already pushing it having him whip it out and piss in front of everyone jfhdhd

epickinnienaranciaToday at 12:41 AM

Yeah you right, it’s like the i want it to be that deep meme, like Araki obvi doesn’t have him only as comic relief but if he delved into his character more there would’ve been so much more that could’ve been done and shown YEAH DJDBDJDJF I WAS SURPRISED THT WAS ANIMATED

------------------------[ CUT INTERMISSION ]-----------------------------

nozomijoestarToday at 12:51 AM

Ok but to get back on track with where I was trying to go even opening this all up is how it's critical to NaraTrish in a mutually beneficial way

nozomijoestarToday at 1:01 AM

Nara is no incel he's a King obvs but he is also at heart a confused scared kid uncertain of anything in the world beyond what's closest in his grasp and without someone actively believing in and validating him he can't fully achieve awareness of healthy dynamics and even the problems within the ones he already has with his gang and Bruno- Trish doesn't have to babysit him and be the stereotypical The Woman Only Supports And Gives Up Her Body bc thats never her and couldn't be her and Narancia wouldn't make her that way bc even when he kinda touches on that (giving in a bit to the idea that men are the main protectors of women) when he gets too fixated on wanting what he thinks is for her wellbeing he does snap out and acknowledge he's wrong bc 

Trish by her independent nature and tremendous Will proves those stereotypes are bullshit, not even factoring in their first meeting as already making a huge impression on his beliefs of what girls can do- Trish knowing how to challenge him by staying true to herself yet having the compassion to help someone suffering and with fewer chances from birth than she had would not only win him over but give him something even Bruno can't, self sustaining confidence, bc Trish isn't part of a chain of command, she's just a girl in love with a boy who wants him to be happy and that concept while foreign to him for so long once it kicks in he could actually learn to build himself For himself and For someone who wouldn't use him for some greater schemes or dirty work, 

I love Bruno ok he's one of the best characters in anything ever but his flaw in his ability to help motivate ppl is tied to that fact that he's bringing them into a dangerous strict order of command to Serve not entirely in a place/way that lets them just be themselves and realize organic loving relationships with anyone and themselves SO

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:05 AM

they’re healing...... being shown love without a position of authority or any obligations is so powerful for his growth

nozomijoestarToday at 1:25 AM

That all being said, Everything Trish does he's paying attention to, she keeps him alive during the Grateful Dead fight not because she needs him to serve for a cause ( a cause might I add even Bruno the near saint he is was ready to let Nara go right then and there for bc death is in the job description) but because she doesn't know him well yet and shit he even swung a knife at her when they first met over who was in the bathroom, but he's a person suffering and in pain and to let him die even if it's Expected Of The Mission is garbage to her even if she respects Bruno down the line as a father compared to fucking evil Diavolo,

 Trish constantly goes out her way to do these things for Nara bc Trish instinctively knows he's the most vulnerable mentally and her sense of compassion and justice (likely something Donatella made sure to instill in her before her death by cherishing Trish and spoiling her even as a single mother) will not stand to not help someone when she could've- and he reciprocates it even if in disbelief bc he can tell This Person Is Safety, This Person Is Like Me Yet Not, A Better Me I Want To Be, by the time he's about to die someone with his fragile mind was actually gaining conviction about taking control for himself on his own terms and he would risk even those chances to defend the person who actually helped him arrive there (along with Gio) in the first place, 

I think by the end of his life he rly did love her or start to, it being romantic or not is up to individual interpretation to which you know I'm in the romance camp, point is he found someone who truly taught him strength without him fully realizing it and did so without belittling him, if anything instead treating him only with love and kindness and patience (not being a door mat for him, but like, not treating him like ass like everyone else has their moments of either), I think anything Trish asks of him, this is all why he's so willing to do it on top of feeling deep  empathy, I've written in my character notes as well that like this goes even further to sex being one of the most intimate things there is, like I kno we jest and jape abt Teens Doing Dumb Shit bc we're clowns 

but the sheer vulnerability you have to have esp in a first love situation to be willing to go through with that for the first time ever takes a lot of trust and courage, aspects I think Trish was able to give him and would solidify in asking something seen as so important for many people from him, the headstrong Trish wants to be vulnerable for him and the slowly confidence boosted Narancia wants to accept that faith and trust and love and exchange it with his own of the same for her, it's not horny teens 100% it's two hurt but hopeful kids on the verge of having to be adults wanting to find another piece of identity in how they are with someone else, obvs it will forever be offscreen bc pedos deserve to be skinned alive 

I just feel that the components that would fuel them to do something teens try to do to feel more adult and bc hormones are a lot more based in growing maturity than pure lust, I think this is what I fully mean by Writing About Teens Exploring Love And Sexuality; Not Fetishizing And Reveling In Showing The Act Itself Especially For Disgusting Titillation, I think this and not explicitly writing the sex are the difference between child porn and creating realistic characters

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:36 AM

Yeah, it is going to sound like a dumb take but the topic of sex and sexuality itself is not inherently sexual, by which I meant it isn’t the focus — there’s SO much more to it and in this case especially it can be like the ultimate sign of love, trust, intimacy, compassion, trying to make your way as a teen through a harsh world, like I can go on. Nasties Dont Interact but the shying away from the mere mention of it in a non-sexualized context is unrealistic. 

 Yes The Grateful Dead fight i 1000% agree is so important in both his personal growth and the development of their relationship, I think it’s an important parallel that he is dumbfounded about her going to such lengths to keep him alive without the sense of duty/obligation versus Trish’s feelings and outbursts of confusion on why Bucciarati and his gang even cared about her, protecting her to the point of death being on the line.(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:44 AM

all these elements of complication and similarities between their characters is why ive gotten so passionate about both them and their relationship (whether romantic or platonic it’s really fucking strong and good), the story of two kids making it through adversity, learning to unshoulder their burdens and lean on others, the Found Family™️, and learning and growing together is just so much more fucking deep and complex than the mainstream bs that exists. 

now im not any type of elitist hipster but esp in male and female relationships portrayed in what feels like basically fucking everything are just like CompHet Bullshit and they’re together bc They Are Just Supposed To Be (not to mention the toxic masculinity culture within that where the women barely have character arcs and are just seen as objects anyways) But what I’m trying to say is that in this the relationship is real and it feels earned in a way that just isn’t there in so much other media out there(edited)

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

Honestly if we tweak this just a lil more this is basically Guts and Casca One of the greatest and saddest romances ever written

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:48 AM

i still have berserk bookmarked just haven’t gotten around to reading yet

nozomijoestarToday at 1:48 AM

If VA was a Seinen it's p much Berserk In Italy Also big brain...galaxy brain...everything you said was a fact signed sealed and delivered(edited)

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:51 AM

Wow we’re actually in sync and using the brain cell to its fullest extent tonight

nozomijoestarToday at 1:51 AM

When I say she's his world and he's hers this is what I mean, not comphet hdhdhfhYEAH HFHDG

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:52 AM

(also my phone autocorrected “and” to “ANF” bc of twdg..... it also sometimes changes it to “AMD” bc I work in technology. My Phone Knows My Interests Are More Important To Me Than One Of The Main Parts Of Speech. Iconic)YESSSS they’re just SO GOOD there’s so much to articulate!

nozomijoestarToday at 1:55 AM

She was his Queen, and god help anyone who disrespected his Queen

epickinnienaranciaToday at 1:55 AM

JDBDHE SHIT THE FUCK IP DKDBEBDJFBBD

nozomijoestarToday at 1:56 AM

Buy my silence $8000 a month

[suhoerections]

OH MY GOD THIS BLOG TURNED 1 ON THE 21ST AND I FORGOT ASKDJFHASJKF BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUHOERECTIONS AND EVERYONE WHO FOLLOWS I’M GONNA GO ON A RANT ABOUT MY MUTUALS UNDER THE READ MORE TAG OKAY BUT BASICALLY I LOVE ALL OF MY FOLLOWERS AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THIS YEAR SO INCREDIBLE <3333

also shout out to all my followers i’m not mutuals with but enjoy my content and reblog/like my work, I really appreciate yall, keep up the good work you’re all beautiful

okay this isn’t in any particular order i’m just going off who i remember and i’m trying to not miss anyone so if i do feel free to call me out and also i’m sorry if i don’t write as much for some people asdfjkhasd

@ninibears-erigom

okay look,,, you’re literally such an amazing person and the reason why i didn’t straight up deactivate in january like you helped me so much during that time and also through so much other stuff and I’m so thankful for you,, you’re one of the most realist and most amazing people I’ve ever met. I love you so much you’re literally the best mother i could have ever asked for like i want to squeeze the life out of you god. I seriously cannot express how much i love and appreciate you like?? I’m tearing up writing this because you’re literally one of the most amazing people to walk this Earth like??? and even though i’m a shit head and i spam you with ‘ayla’ 20 times just to tell you i did a good shit,,, you still love me?? also like you’re literally the reason i write???? that sounds so dumb but you’re seriously my muse,, i genuinely look upto you as a person because you’re so strong, wonderful, amazing, genuine, beautiful, sweet, caring, kind and that’s all i can think of off the top of my head. I love you so much and I have to cut this short cause i’m gonna feel bad cause i wrote so much asdkjfh but you’re amazing and i swear if you say otherwise i’ll eat all the lactose in the world (i cried writing this stfu) also you are nini’s cheek spreader :>> 

@thesoondongiefiles

You’re like?? my literal best friend?? and probably one of the best people i’ve met on this hell site,, i really don’t regret randomly messaging you “hey i need aussie friends” asdkjfh but fr i love you so much and you’ve been with me through thick and thin and i really appreciate it so much like you’re so amazing and kind and your art is actually so beautiful like you’re such an amazing person you don’t even know the start of it you dummy. I love how we can be ourselves around each other even though we haven’t known each other the longest but still, you’re my favorite soondongie and i love you so much man,, like we talk so much you’ve literally just become the older sister i never had and i really appreciate that like man idek what to write cause i just really appreciate you,, you’re just amazing and i love you very much and i hope we can meet one day cause you’re not that far away from me and i really love you ehehe 

@chanyeolol

KUKI MY FREAKING CHILD I LOVE YOU AND HELL YOU’RE SO AMAZING OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG idek kuks you’re just the best and you’re like the first mutual i made on this hellsite and damn you’re also like the best?? like i love how hyperactive you are you dummy you keep me on my toes and i love talking with you even if it takes me days to reply on instagram (sorry i’m barely active there askdjfh) but fr i love you very much and i really appreciate you and you’re so freaking BEAUTIFUL and i’ll bop you on the head if you say otherwise you dummy i love you

@letsmakeitforever

FUY MY GOD like i pray to you everyday smh i love you,,, like you’re amazing and cute and like you’re so NICE jesus christ i want to hug the shit out of you,, you’re sweet as fuck and istg you’re just great?? and i love that i can talk to you about sucking Jungkook’s dick cause like almost all my mutuals don’t stan bts so its nice to have an army friend,, i also really appreciate you and the support you’ve shown me and i always try and send you asks but i never know if they get through because my tumblr likes to fuck up but bottom line is i think you’re literally one of the most amazing people akjsdfha

@kyungseokie

OH BOY HERE COMES A TRAIN WRECK,, dia,, my child,, i love you very much and you always make me DIE with those freaking things where you just cut the conversation short and go “hey junmyeon would fuck you in a change room” LIKE JESUS CHRIST LET ME BREATHE but at the same time i sorta just drop like ksoo bombs as well so aksjdfhkj i guess its fair hehe but seriously!!! i love sharing ideas with you cause you’re literally so creative and you’re so amazing and have such a way with words like your writing is so magnificent no one can compare like you’re a poet with words akjsdfhkajs and you’re such a sweetheart too?? like i could write a whole ass page filled with positive words to describe you because you’re so beautiful and sweet and kind like gosH you’re such an amazing person i love you very much <33

@heonythighs

well howdy partner welcome to ram ranch askdfjhds gosh the horniest cowboy ever, 10/10 commentary, you’re amazing to converse with cause you’re just greaT and like idk you’re just super fun to talk to?? like i always laugh my ass off when we converse cause you’re a comedic genIUS i swear and you’re also the horniest chanyeol stan i’ve ever met oh god asdkfhasdkj but you’re jsut a really fun person and you’re also so amazing in general like fr fr your cowboy hat should have a label on it that says “i’m the best cowboy fuck all you bitches” like ugH i love you you’re so cool and just so chill i hope you have a fun time at ram ranch with your cowboys

@byunfirstlady

LAURE LOOK NOT TO PLAY FAVORITES BUT YOU’RE MY FAVORITE MUTUAL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ASDKFJHAS like idek how to describe it but i could write so much about how much of an amazing person you are like you’re so cute and sweet and you always tag me in stuff (i need to tag you in more bbh adkjfh) but you’re such an artist like your work is so amazing!! i always feel so inspired by your work and it never fails to make me write!! you’re also the sweetest person on this site and your tags make me  c r y   like Laure you’re just so beautiful and sweet and i just combust because you’re so adorable,,, i want to hug you you’re so amazing and you’re so sweet ugh i could go on forever about this because you’re such a cutie i swear and you’re so fun to talk to as well like i really like discussing my fic ideas with you, especially the bbh series i’m writing askdjfh anyways i better stop before i take up a whole thing of why i love you so much you’re adorable <333

@flowerline8

ugh my number 1 nini stan !!!! i love writing nini stuff for you because you’re just so amazing and i love your tags they always make me smile,, you’re also adorable and funny to talk with and you’re also super beautiful ??? like i think its illegal how beautiful you are btw like its just the law,,, you’re under arrest for being too beautiful, sweet and kind. Like ugh Pauline you’re so sweet i want to hug you bc you’re so sweet but then again you’re so chaotic it makes me laugh adskfjhas like idek how to describe it but its so funny but fr fr you’re so sweet and you deserve everything <33

@fairyyeols

SIENNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY OTHER MOTHER!!!!!!!!!!! gosh what a hoe i love you akdsfjhasjk you’re also too sweet like >:(( call me cute again i dare you like YOU’RE the cute one in this relationship smh,,, pcy agrees kdfak but ugh you’re just so nice i swear to the lord above god was making you in his little bowl and accidentally dropped all the sweetness in your mix cause you’re just so sweet omg,, like Enna you’re so amazing and your writing!!!! *chef kiss* exquisite just like you. You’re also hella funny??? like you’re sweet AND funny like that’s not fair, you’ve gotta have something else bad about you but no! cause guess what! YOU’RE ALSO SO BEAUTIFUL WTH!?!?! so you’re beautiful, literally the sweetest person alive, funny as and am an amazing author,,, like you’re too perfect for this world,,, you’re such an amazing person i hope you get everything you ever want <33

@multi-yeol

GRACE AKJDSFHKSJ i remember the first time we talked was such a mess jesus christ you’re so chaotic i love it and gosh you’re also so beautiful, funny and amazing?? like you’re gonna look at this and go ‘no i’m not’ but you are just saying asdkjf you’re so sweet and like a genuinely good person??????? like how can you be both that and super freaking beautfiul??? my tiny brain can’t comprehend your amazing-ness,, you deserve the whole freaking world you sweetheart asdfhkdh 

@cbxtual

Hope, my fellow weeb,,, we don’t talk as much but i do miss it! you’re funny and a great friend and i really miss all the times we’d say dumb shit with grace in the group chat aksjdfhak you’re also really funny and like?? idk you’re just great in general?? like your writing,,, god tier,,, your personality,,,, amazing,,, your looks,,,,, beautiful,,,, like Hope, you’re the full package man ugh and I HOPE you have a great time hehehe (sorry i couldn’t help myself) akdsjfhas but i’m still writing that yoongi fluff for you its just buried under all my other wips but i will get around to it adsfkjah

@naminalati

all i have to say is you’re the kindest person to ever exist and we haven’t talked much so i can’t really say a lot sorry but you’re just so kind and sweet?? like you’re the literal definition of a sweetheart and you’re the cutest person i’ve ever witnessed <33 I hope you have an amazing day because i really appreciate you and you’re just so amazing and beautiful and i have no idea how long you’ve been following me but you’ve been there for ages and i appreciate it 

@abunnycotton @khelmatic @yayitsjay @k-pop-trashx 

OKAY so i’ve never talked to any of yall but like !!!!! i see yalll in my activity a lot and i just want you to know that i really love and appreciate you all because you’re all beautiful sweethearts who deserve the world, thank you

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Truth Pt. 5

Master List: @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin

Request: What’s up sug! sorry you’re struggling right now but I’ve come to help you If you could bring this to light for me I’d absolutely love for YOU TO DO JT So basically Bucky X Enhanced reader who are fuckin enemies. Hate each other to every last fiber of their beings bc Bucky is rude and she calls him out on it. AnywHs, they get drunk, truth or dare (go crZy baby) and LOTS LF dirty talk if u wanna do smut but if u don’t then buck taking care of her while she’s drunk cause she admitted her feelings

Pairing: Bucky X Reader (Enhanced)

Summary: Since The Avengers gave you a home the only blight has been Bucky Barnes, a ghost from your past that you can’t seem to shake. It makes you hate him. The feeling, it seems, is mutual. But… a simple game reveals that maybe things aren’t quite so simple. (Post Winter Soldier AU)

Warnings: Physical violence, (non-major) character death, blood

A/N: First fic of 2019!!! WOO! And it’s a fucking doozy... I’ve never written a battle like this before so it was certainly an adventure. I hope it reads well. 

This damn fucking story. How did I get here?! I feel like I’ve been hijacked and held for ransom. But... I like it...? I’m also enjoying really working some of the other Avengers into this. 

Anyway I hope you’re enjoying the ride this enemies to lovers thing is taking us all on!

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @peachthatdrinkslemonade @breezy1415  @wonderlandmind4 @handplucked @piensa-bonito @midnightdream83  @buckysstar

Four days later Tony’s voice pipes up while you’re making your first cup of coffee.

“Hey Sparky,” his somewhat endearing nickname for you, “we got a job to do. Meet in the briefing room in an hour.”

“You got it, boss.”

Perfect. A mission was exactly what you needed to get your mind off of everything. Sure he’d be there but your focus would be on the task at hand not what happened between you. Plus it would feel good to fuck some Hydra agents up.

Sam barrels into you on your way to the briefing room, “Where the hell you been, girl?”

You shrug, “Around.”

He huffs, “We need to work on that move soon. Stark thinks he’s got the wings just right so they can deflect your energy and not freak out.”

“Oh, nice! So you can be my own personal jetpack!”

“I was thinking you’d be my laser gun, but to each their own.”

“I should really get my finger gun skills up to par then.” You hold your hands up in the quintessential finger gun style and make points of light glow at the tips of your middle and index fingers.

“If you could get on that immediately it would be great,” Sam laughs, “and be sure to make the ‘pew pew’ noise as you shoot those assholes down.” Continuing down the hall you both proceed to make shooting noises at the other laughing at your ridiculousness.

Before getting to the door you pause and enact a dramatic battle ending. Someone sighs audibly behind you. Bucky, er Barnes, whatever, stands, hands shoved in his pockets looking truly put upon by your display.

“Man, how is it you can ruin a good time without saying a damn word?” Sam grumbles at him.

“It’s a gift,” Bucky responds dryly.

You put a hand on Sam’s arm, “Come on, we’ll finish our battle when the geriatric isn’t around.” Casting Bucky a sidelong glance you head inside and take your usual spot.

Hovering above the table is an image of a low non-nondescript building in an industrial area, a live feed from one of Tony’s stealth drones, schematics, and personnel info. On the table, are pastries. You grab a cronut and pass another down to Nat who sits to your right.

Tony sighs before beginning, that was never a particularly good sign. “So this place,” he makes the static image fill the viewing area, “came on our radar a couple of months ago. Natasha and Clint tried to do some recon but came up pretty cold.”

“Yeah,” Nat pipes up, “there’s obviously set personnel there, shipments coming in of what seem to be medical supplies, but other than that it seems pretty neutral.”

“Where is it?” Sam asks.

“Just outside of Chicago,” Steve replies. “Mainly an industrial region but there are suburbs not far away.” Suburbs meant civilians. Sam runs a hand over his face.

“Either of you, know anything about this one?” Tony points to you and Bucky. For a second you hold one another’s stare, a tingle inches up your spine.

“I don’t,” you answer tearing your eyes away. “The medical shipments could mean something but it could also just be a way station for them. They had plenty of those.”

“Are we sure it’s Hydra?” Bucky asks not directly answering Tony’s question.

“I’m assuming you don’t know anything about this one either, Manchurian Candidate?” Bucky nods.

“We’re sure,” Clint says. “We found reference to it in the Hydra files from S.H.I.E.L.D. but no information other than the location.” That was pretty standard.

You sigh, “Schematics?” There had been some kind of blueprint on the screen a minute ago.

Tony flicks his hand bringing it up, “Barely. I have the actual blueprint of the building but the draw on the power grid here implies there’s more than what we’re seeing.” He pushes the map to the side and brings up the live feed, “I’ve been scanning it for 24 hours to see if I can get a read but there’s something blocking it that I can’t get past.”

He moves his hands to bring everything up in equal measure for you all to study. Once Tony thinks enough time has passed he speaks, “So, what do we think? Go in with what we have or sit on it?” He’s asking the room but looking at Steve, the two of them being the unofficial leaders here.

“If we sit on it there is a chance people could get hurt and if we go in there’s the same chance. I don’t like going in practically blind but I don’t know that we can risk letting any Hydra base we find fester for long.” Steve says, nods of agreement from around the table from everyone but Bucky. “Maybe we take a small team, ground ops.” That meant you, him, Bucky, and Natasha. Great.  

“I’m ok with that, it’s too close to residences for my comfort,” Bruce says, relief visible. He would have gone if asked but he’s so happy to not have to.

“I’m happy to hang back for backup if needed,” Sam says. Steve nods.

“If you think that’s the best call. We will all be close by in case. Except for you Banner,” Tony gives him a reassuring nod.

“Let’s suit up then,” Steve says and with that, you all disperse.

[Bucky]

The jet lands a few miles away from the targeted location and you all load up into an armored van. In the close quarters, he swears he can smell your shampoo, something with vanilla. It makes him think of burying his face in your neck. Not the time, Buck. He thinks to himself.

Other than the exchange this morning he hadn’t seen you save for that glimpse in the gym. Neither of you had exchanged a word still and were actively avoiding the other. However, as Sam drives over a particularly rough patch of road, sending the four of you jostling a bit your eyes meet and he swears they sparkle just a touch in the near black of the van.

He doesn’t like this mission. Not one bit. Steve told him he was being paranoid. This would likely be like most of the others, a partially deserted base with a handful of people, easy enough to take out. Something ate at him though. He just wished he knew what it was or that he had a few days to work it out…

The van stops. If everything was going according to plan Sam was walking around to open the doors from inside a deserted warehouse a couple of blocks away. As they open Bucky braces himself, already prepared for things to go south. It’s just Sam though, exactly where they were supposed to be.

Steve senses his tension and gives his shoulder a squeeze.

“Come on Ms. Daisy, we don’t have all fuckin’ day,” Sam jabs. Bucky hops out, on alert and the three of you follow. Sam gets in the back where you all were, hitting a button that makes the cabin come to life with Stark tech. “I’ll be your eye in the sky. Go get ‘em.”

Outside the building, you all pause, waiting for the all clear from Sam, once given you stalk inside. It’s quiet, very quiet. A generic two-story industrial workspace opens before you, housing some kind of metalworking machinery, and offices toward the back.

Sam’s voice comes in quietly over the coms, “I’m not reading any life signs besides y’all in the building right now.” That wasn’t right because they knew five men had come in earlier and you hadn’t seen them leave.

You crouch down and lay your hands on the ground, light pulsing around your fingers. Nodding you say, “There’s something under us. I can feel the heat.”

“Think you can blow the power?” Steve asks you.

“Not without blowing the whole block out,” you respond.

Bucky can’t shut up, “That’s a bad call.” He gives Steve a steady stare. “It’ll immediately alert them of our presence.”

“Got a better plan?” Steve asks.

“Yeah, we leave.”

“No dice,” Nat says as she whips out a gun and shoots two guards heading down the stairs by the offices. Shit.

“Blow it,” Steve says looking at you. Bucky shakes his head but you ignore him. Laying your hands on the ground they start to glow, pulling in kinetic energy before you send a low pulse that blasts every electrical circuit in range.

A siren can be heard from underground, “What the hell did I say?” Bucky growls running and taking out the few others coming down.

Steve barrels ahead toward the offices, you hot on his heels, no doubt assuming an access point is somewhere back there. A minute later him and Natasha catch up to you. Things are quiet again, save for the low wail of the siren.

Natasha ducks into an office, “Here,” she hisses. As she hits a button the desk moves to reveal stair access. This had to be an old facility, Bucky hadn’t seen something so rudimentary in decades.

Slowly you all descend. Steve at the front, shield up. Bucky right behind him, as always. Then Nat and you bringing up the rear. At the bottom of the stairs, there’s no one, no rushing guards or panicked drones. Just a long hallway extending to the left and right flooded with red light and that maddening sound. As if to say told you so Steve glances back at Bucky a small smile on his lips.

As soon as four agents come barreling toward them Bucky makes a mental note to slap Steve upside the head, with his left hand, the next time the opportunity presents itself.

[Reader]

When you see the agents shooting down the hallway you groan internally. Something told you this was going to be a shit show and these guys were just the opening act.

“Get down!” you say loud enough for your team to hear and shoot a concentrated bar of energy toward the assailants. It was… gruesome. You were used to it. But hopefully, the sight of their comrades mangled smoking bodies would deter anyone from coming from that direction.

“Split,” Steve orders. Automatically you and Natasha head the direction of the agents you took out, effortlessly avoiding the gore.

There’s a lot of electricity being used here. What you had knocked out was only a fraction. You can feel the whirring of maybe a hundred or more heavy duty generators under the building, and it’s hot, oven hot. This is great for you because it gives you plenty of ammo, knowing this she lets you take the lead.

The slightest sound of footsteps greet your ears and a small grunt comes from Nat. You spin on your heels. There’s a woman with her arms around Natasha’s neck. She’s… muzzled. Shit. An asset, not an agent. Nat and you have a system though. Spinning around, acting as though she’s trying to free herself she puts the asset in your line. Laying your hand on her head you put her down, quickly, painlessly.

When she falls Natasha notices the muzzle. Her eyes find yours, the silent, You good, passing between you. You nod and keep going. Hoping this was a one-off.

Silence, still, save for the siren. The presence of the generators is bothering you. Everything is lit by that red emergency light. But those things were running something.

The floor plan seems to be a loop because you hear the boys scuffling just to your right as the hallway opens to a large open space. Papers are scattered, drawers tumped over, desks on their side people left here fast.

“Sam,” you ask into the com. Nothing but static. Fuck. There was definitely something here blocking the signal.

Steve and Bucky round the corner. Immediately you seek out Bucky’s eyes but you don’t have to see them to get the answer to your question. In his left hand is a muzzle, blood dripping from it to the floor.

Goddamnit. These were the worst kind of fights, taking out your own. And there was never any way to tell without prior intel who was a Hydra devotee and who had been taken against their will. The only reason Steve pulled you instead of killing you was the intel they had on you from Bucky and a bit from the Hydra files to corroborate. 

You swallow the bile in your throat, fighting the phantom feeling on the muzzle over your face, and keep going. Focus on the mission. Clear the facility. That was your job.

“I don’t think there’s anyone left,” Natasha says behind you. Desperately you want her to be right but you know she’s not. Those generators.

“Let’s be sure,” Steve says slowly stalking forward as Bucky tosses the muzzle to the ground. When your eyes meet he doesn’t really see you. That’s fine.

There’s a glass partition after the empty open office space. Doors leading further underground. Power licks up your arms, hot and throbbing. This is where the generators are pumping uninterrupted electricity you realize as you enter what appears to be a medical site. A memory tickles the back of your brain.

Bucky and Steve are at the front, methodically swiveling into each small room, opening each curtain, you and Natasha poised to take out anything or anyone that may emerge. Another open space is ahead. Your mouth goes dry. You hiss in a sound and something like a whining growl comes from Bucky.  

A chair.

Every muscle in your body tenses. A hot burning throb lashes up your spine. You can see the plates in Bucky’s arm shift up and down again and again in response to the panic.

This was an Asset Facility. This was a place where they tore people apart and stitched them back together in Hydra’s image. It was in places like this you and Bucky had been made or rather... unmade… You just didn’t think there were any in the states… Stupid assumption. So far, though, all the team had found were R&D facilities, way stations, and holding sites. Not hell mouths like this.

Steve approaches the chair, he knows what it is even if he hadn’t seen one in person. “Don’t,” Bucky grinds out. You’re thankful for it. Seeing someone approach it fills you with a dread you can’t name. Steve looks back at his best friend and you can see the horror, anger, and worry blend on his face.

The sound of a large metal lock echoes over the now distant wail of the siren. Everyone is frozen for a second… And that second is everything.

A strangely familiar bolt of heat shoots your direction. It’s not accurate buzzing and pulsing random bits of energy rather than a knife blade like yours. Bucky pulls Steve down and you grab Natasha. It slams into the steel wall behind you and a groaning sound resonates.

Looking up you see someone, head shorn, muzzled but in a hospital gown. They’re bone thin, dirty, head twitching, chair marks fresh on their face. All across their body are white tendrils of light glowing. Holy. Fucking. Shit.

You can’t think, can’t move, can only see this person and know they feel like they’re inside of a lightning storm, you know they feel like their atoms are being torn apart bit by bit and they can’t stop it or contain it. They can’t even scream out in pain for fucks sake.

Natasha takes a shot but the asset dodges. You come back to yourself then and hurl Nat away as you catch a ball of energy thrown at her. It throbs then snakes its way into your body, burning, through you as you absorb it. 

You scream in pain but raise to your feet. Steve attempts to throw his shield at them and instead takes a messy lash of hot energy across the chest. This asset is fast, even if their release is crude.

“Steve!” Bucky bellows and catches him. You look back to the asset keeping their distance and see them pulse bright and hot all over. Fuck. Bucky sees it too and literally throws Steve at you while rushing for the shield.

You catch him, he’s conscious, though he’s going to be feeling this for at least a week. “Get them the fuck out of here, Y/N!” Roaring Bucky charges the asset and you realize he is just trying to hold them off, give you all enough time before they blow. Shit.

“No!” Steve yells as you drag him along. You do as Bucky says and get them to the entrance of the med ward when you hear a loud crackle. Bucky roars. Steve looks at you, not Captain America at this moment but a scared kid horrified he’s going to lose the only family he has left.

“Take him,” you say. Natasha nods holding Steve’s arm over her shoulder. “Do not stop. Get to the van. Get as far away as you can. Don’t wait for us. Go!” You spin on your heels and bolt back the way you came.

They’re too close to one another for you to take a shot. The asset is on Bucky, an inhuman noise coming from behind the muzzle. God, this was you at some point. Some wraith with only one goal in mind. Kill the target.

You let loose a blast of energy next to them and the asset’s focus shoots to you. Now that you’re a little closer you can see them more clearly, a woman, her skin bubbling and burned, body unable to contain this force that lived within you both.

Bucky moves under her and her focus shoots back to the easier of the two targets present. Another sound comes from her and he throws her back, using the shield for leverage. She slams against the wall. Bucky looks at you, his expression murderous.

There isn’t any time to waste. You see the pulse of light before he does. In an instant you’re in front of him, catching more of that undisciplined energy. It sears its way into you as you try to wrangle it but you hold in your scream, not wanting Steve or Nat to somehow hear and come back.

She’s suffering, this woman before you. A part of you wishes you could save her, help her, but you know the only way to ease her pain is release. With that thought, you direct her own energy back at her blasting a neat five-inch hole straight through her heart. The energy in her body pulses but dissipates as she collapses to the ground eyes seeing nothing, body feeling no more pain. Something in you goes dark when she does.

You know Bucky is ok enough to not need immediate attention if any, so you run the direction the asset came needing to know that there wasn’t another. He calls your name but you ignore him. No one was going to suffer like that anymore on your watch. There are only two cells, sensibly most Asset Facilities only worked on one or two projects at a time.

One cell is open, clearly, the one the woman had come from. The other is locked but you fry the old lock and pry it open. The sight inside is gruesome, a body, charred beyond recognition. They had burned out in here alone. You slam the door shut and stride back the way you came.

He’s kneeling over the woman, taking her muzzle off. Slowly, almost delicately he closes her eyes.

“We’re clear,” you bark and keep heading out. You pause, turn, and send a burning bolt of power, hot enough to melt some of the metal and render it useless straight to the chair.

“What the fuck!” He was far enough from it to not be hurt, not far enough to not be startled. You say nothing.

As soon as you emerge in the above ground space you hear the com signal open. “We’re clear,” you say again.

“Thank god,” Tony’s voice responds. They’ve pulled up outside the building. Exactly what you told them not to do. You burn a bit with annoyance.

As you exit Bucky spins you around. “What the fuck did I say?!” He’s in your face screaming, feeling so much more emotion than you right now you almost envy him. “I said get them out,” he gestures to Steve and Natasha.

“We’re out Bucky don’t-“

“I wasn’t talking to you Rodgers,” Bucky’s tone is icy as he cuts him off.

Rather than respond you let the heat build up under his hands. Hotter and hotter until he hisses pulling the flesh one away, the metal staying put for a moment until it’s glowing red. No one moves and he finally let's go.

You grab him by the neck, spinning him a bit and forcing him down on the ground, straddling him the way she had. It takes an instant. There’s the rustle of bodies around you but you hold up your left arm, lashing tendrils of light curl around it in warning.

“Next time,” you hiss your breath making clouds in the cooling air around you, “I’ll just fucking let you die.” You release him.

When you stand everyone is staring at you. Unsure, afraid. Good. He was right. They needed to remember what kind of monsters were among them.

[phenomeniall]

reposting a lil’ 1x1 wishlist bc i’d still love to get more plots going and play more characters! if nothing catches your eye i’m happy to go through your tag, so hit that heart for discord or tumblr rp on private sideblogs, though i do prefer to plot on discord bc #accessibility. 18+ only, here are the rest of my rules.

SOULMATES ok could someone please give me a classic au where everyone has a countdown to meet their soulmate on their wrist. muse a’s partner was freaking out about the countdown so much that muse a proposed just to prove it didn’t matter. they go in to meet their wedding planner, muse b, and surprise! they’re muse a’s soulmate! muse a’s fiance loses it and calls off the wedding, so muse b offers to try to help win the fiance back. but by some CHEESY TWIST OF FATE muses a and b end up falling in love instead i am sure NO ONE SAW THIS COMING | i want to play muse b (wedding planner) as jamie chung, 30+, m/f 

MESSY EXES, ETC. “we both recently broke up with our bf/gf on bad terms so we decided that we were gonna pretend that we’re dating to make them jealous, so we regularly get drunk together and make out at the parties they’re at too and one night we even end up fucking and we’re kinda starting to dig each other but then our exes are starting to come back to us and shit gets even more complicated.” give it to me please, thank you | either muse, any age, any gender

FIRE ALARM hEy gimme a plot where there’s a single dad who lives alone with his kid in a cheap apartment and he’s reserved and keeps to himself and is pretty shy and there’s a girl who moves into the apartment across from his and they each have their windows open all the time and she just gets amused watching him interact with his kid and she’s so amazed by it and they communicate through their windows a lot, looking up every so often and waving or chuckling and making little faces at each other, but never actually talk until there’s a false fire alarm at three in the morning and they’re standing out in the cold and she offers his kid her jacket because they at the time thought there was a real fire and he was too worried about getting the two of them outside to think about jackets and it just kind of takes off from theRE !! | either muse, any age

FAKE DATING how about a “our asshole mutual friends set us up on a blind date and didn’t tell us it was a blind date, so instead of getting to know each other we spent the entire ‘date’ scheming against them and decided an awesome way to get back at them would be to pretend to date and then have a horrendous breakup but now that we’re two months into this charade we’re not sure what’s real and what’s fake anymore” au | either muse, any age, any gender

BIG TIME RUSH i had this plot a few years ago and i just loved it with everything in me….. anyway, a plot where muse a and muse b have been dating for a long time. muse a is graduating high school and muse b still has a year to go. muse a decides on a whim that he wants to pursue music so he’s not going to college….. BUT it’s alright bc he/his band get picked up and he records his first ep !! and people like him !! and he’s starting to get famous and it’s all happening so fast and suddenly he’s got thousands of followers and girls falling head over heels for him !! it’s all great but what about his relationship with muse b ?? and ooh maybe muse a has to put on this facade that he’s ~~single~~ in order to sell his music idk drama ya y !!! | muse b, any age, any gender

AMNESIA huhu maybe a plot where muse a and muse b broke up like five years ago and then muse a got a call from muse b’s parents telling him that she got into an accident and had temporary amnesia and only remember the time when they were together so they’re asking him for a favor to go back home? | any muse, 25+, any gender

EMERGENCY ROOM ok but what about this plot where muse a is a nurse and they’re working night shifts cause they’re young and independent and one night they have to deal with muse b; a stoner who wakes up in the hospital to muse a’s face and has nothing better to do than to shamelessly flirt with them and joke about how they’d get themselves into the hospital again just to have muse a as their nurse and actually make it happen and at first muse a just thinks it’s funny, but at some point they also realize that muse b is kinda cute just give me this it could be so cute and angsty?? ? | i’d want to play muse a as lauren jauregui, early 20s, any gender

JUST FRIENDS someone give me a 1x1 where MUSE A and MUSE B are both apart of the same friend group and all of their friends tell them to date but they get super pissed that they would try to set them up like every second and then at some party one of their friends makes some dumb joke about them hooking up and MUSE A gets really upset about it since she’s sort of got a thing with this other guy except he doesn’t want to make it public so MUSE B goes to comfort her and they’re both so fed up about the whole thing that they’re both just like ‘fuck it, let’s give them what they want’ but be totally obnoxious and make out in front of them at lunch and stuff. and even though MUSE A is totally reluctant about the plan, she goes along with it because they agreed to stage a break up once their friends get the message and she’s kind of pissed at the guy she’s seeing cause he doesn’t want to be serious, but then MUSE B starts to fall for her once they actually go through with the plan except when he tries to tell her about it MUSE A interrupts him and tells him that they need to speed up the plan bc the guy she had a thing with finally wants to make it serious and yeah. there’d be lots of fluff and angst and give it to me pls. | any muse, any age, any gender