#well. that said 👍
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hi everyone this feels wildly self centered and silly but i made a guide to my dyke drama/lore that i talk about in barely coded but convoluted terms. i love internet safety. doing this at the request of exactly one person and for the rest of u it's under the cut if youre curious and feel so inclined hashtag close friends <3 i highlighted my previous ways of referring to these people and important notes bc otherwise i just rambled soooo bad <3 and as much as im maybe romanticizing in some ways here i do genuinely care for and love (most of) these people outside of my weirdofreak brain and try my best to do well by them in our relationships. and maybe i just wanted to write beautiful things about my friends whatever
lydia: they're on here we met on here and now we're roommates. we met bc we were two of the only bitches posting in the muna tag and she was brave enough to reply to my one naomi video. and i was like um ok... FREAK.. and then yk we were mutuals but i was always paranoid they'd somehow know film girl or my roommates (or just. other ppl) bc i was being insane so that was awk but then i had a mental breakdown a little bit one night on here about my childhood and decorating for holidays and they offered to meet on campus and give me some leaves for my window and i was like aww (and we used them this year to decorate our shared apartment :')) and i remember i was wearing my black and white sweatshirt that i wore to go see dan live that ive since given away i think but it feels like. a sign u know.. or whatever.. and we do have mutual friends in weird circles including one that connects to steve (see later notes) so it's like chances are we couldve met in person but this just made it really special. we beef bad. but with sooo much love. and i do think we're better for knowing each other or whatever...
film girl: this was bad. i have a tag dedicated to anything i remembered to tag as part of the saga but it was so bad and beyond anything words can say... i'd give her another name but she could never be anything but film girl. it's like if u were there u know. if u weren't... let's just say i was crazy insane mentally ill bonkers jeff buckley lover you shouldve come over i know it's over. maroon 5 even about it. bad. but consider she leaned into me like she did her bf for their first kiss, said our night together when we went to our friend's party where she had dressed up as jennifer check (i showed her the movie it was a whole thing) and danced with me and talked right against my neck and grabbed onto me while walking and said she was maybe bi and i deserved someone really nice and im so swaggy etc and then going back to her place and making me food and watching himym on the floor (oct. 21st u will go down in herstory...) made her the 'happiest person in the world,' stayed over at my apartment until the following morning more than once, unwrapped her bruised hand and held it out to me to see/touch (absolute freaks moment like kill me actually. and that was the day i perioded myself. to use pj of bottoms' terms.) was just generally engaging in psychosexual warfare with me all the time. and we didn't even fuck. or kiss. and she had a boyfriend. who looked like a girlfriend (not that i personally had in february of last year but regardless..) i mean come on she was a straight woman she wasnt even allowed to say slay.. i genuinely still think we need to kill each other but it doesn't matter. how is she still linked to my life? well. we had a class this semester with steve and stede and lydia and scully (prof im in love with. this name is hilar), sort of friends with cool artsy queer girl group (hometown friends, one her best friend i almost met up with at muna concert (with her) one who looks a bit like jackie kennedy. ok not really but that's the one my one friend josh (woman) made out with last semester), had a class with steve and sam last semester with dave, our shared prof that steve told details of our first date and etc to.
steve: this is gonna be ex situationship from beginning of this semester - mid october. gets this name bc they're obsessed w that pirate show so like stede but i simply wont name them that and at this point im annoyed enough w their taste in things that steve feels fitting. anyway. was genuinely very kind and sweet but also got clingy soo fast and we were on very different pages. we'd met last fall (when they had a gf) and worked together on sets and in a couple classes, they kind of got caught up in my triangulation of desire for jane at her birthday party.. and i had fun flirting! um and they were genuinely again very very considerate and sweet but like. seemed to struggle to have a personality outside of their ex and maybe their siblings a bit. idk. just very passive. sowwy. also they were not a very good kisser. i do remember back in may being vindicated bc they also commented on film girl and bf
jane: naming her jane in a gay way. a jane austen way. in that i think we should write lifelong love letters to each other. holy shit shut up. so this is always 'friend im in love with' or 'a little in love with' or whatever. she is also girl with cool short hair and piercings and tattoos and a bookbag with tits on it so god forbid my infatuation. and i just love her voice and i think she's brilliant and so good at what she does and all around just like an awesome person she inspires me to be better and whatever. and she always dresses so cool and used to host house shows (i still never made it to one) (film girl did once) and when we first started talking we were at a film event and were supposed to be networking or whatever but instead we stood by the drinks together and talked abt how we both wanted to be friends in our writing class but never said it and thought the other hated each other a little bit but we were both just awkward and so we'd always make eye contact and laugh and banter together in class and i rlly was just in love with her. and this summer was crazyyy we were on steve's set together and i was a little freak just so obviously enamored with her but the thing is she was obnoxious too so i didnt even feel like a loser. she asked me to massage her arms once and said my half assed attempt was lame and we leg wrestled (also w steve. kinda funny. like yeah u would) and exchanged drunk stories and she said i needed better ones and then i beat her at stack cup at her bday and gave her her card and she hugged me and her lips were wet from the beer she just drank from and right on my arm and i was like wow. her kingdom (surrounded by people who she loved and loved her) for a kiss upon my shoulder. if u will. and i had to have a middle school Look Away moment bc she stripped in front of a few of us that night and i was far too intoxicated to not like lose my mind. also she was supposed to give me a book on set once but never did and im still bummed. and one random night she texted asking if id found a place to live and when i answered she never followed up and i still wonder what that was abt. if anything. um but she does have a boyfriend of like 5 or 6 years. from high school. the worst part is hes a semi cool dude but it's just like really. let her fuck a woman! just once even! jk they are both genuinely cool people first and i think it's great they found each other in this life. but also like fuck off ugh. yk. not to romanticize my life and friendships i just think in another life we were soulmates or maybe in a way we are now. but we also only knew each other for a brief time so maybe something else. we could've done backstreets
sam: friend i just mentioned recently who has a crazy name we shant get into it. i do have a different actual friend named sam but i havent seen her in forever. so i met them working on steve's senior film set and thought they were cool and they were one of the only ones to make it out to our post-wrap dinner/drinks and then we had two classes together this semester. and so we became sort of allies we'd meet up to go to the museum together and send each other the attendance and i went to see fnaf when he rented out a theater for a huge group lol and he helped on my film which meant a lot even if it was only for a bit cause of you know. the everything that was going on. with steve and etc. it wasnt easy to get there so like bless their heart. they also came up with the name for my film and we had that moment around the fire and well i do hope i'll continue to see them just as a friend even, and they're genuinely just the coolest they do a lot of drag and character/costume design and are genuinely just one of the funniest most down to earth ppl i know and they always have the coolest fucking outfits and hats and shit and omg they looked so good in their doc. just something abt the posture and the whimsy and the earnestness and look overall. woah. um when we were on steve's set my friend jackie leaned over and said 'i thought they were film girl for a second' so basically i need to redacted. but it's not like that bad of a resemblance. once again has a partner cause im cursed forever to sleep on a twin size mattress maybe or whatever. i havent even listened to that song more than like once but maybe it is real for me. anyway they were also in the class with steve and film girl with dave.
stede: im sorry this is so funny to me bc this person and steve go by the same name irl but spelled differently or whatever. we met and had a very energetic chat in the hallway at the beginning of this semester jim thought we knew each other lol. they're real cute and endearing and like i said kind of give butch. and we had two classes together but i had so much shit going on man i just. yeah. seemed like they were maybe a little into me but whatever. and well i think we should have a fling but who said that
jim: my buddy prof he's my buddy :-) he helped me so much sophomore spring as i was trying rlly hard to produce our class films and insane already over film girl (he didnt know that but it was omnipresent) and so close to dropping out and is just the coolest guy. he's a little bit like a father figure what who said that. i remind him of his youngest daughter a lot and ive lived in the same buildings as his older one. so just funny connections. i go to his office hours and such a lot with the film friends
grace: one of my film friends. (i just realized i do know a girl in film named grace but it's not her so anyway.) i am in awe of the way she commits to stuff and motivates people around her. she is just so game for anything to make the best of a situation. shes studying abroad this semester so ive only seen her on video chats/texted and missed the one day she came back for her bf's bday. well and she was the friend who said 'no he can keep himself busy' when we went to go see x together so she didnt make me hang out w her not even lame bf at first which was so nice. cause then i eventually actually did want to meet him. and theyre the least annoying couple ive ever met. and shes bi <3
jackie: another film friend. also love her dearly another stoner so we'd smoke together before class sometimes and just went on a walk with our other friend one night around the woods and stuff that was fun. i usually refer to grace and jackie collectively as 'the film friends.' we met in that spring of sophomore year (same class as film girl and jim). this one did have steve produce her senior film after they said they wouldn't work on mine bc of the ""situation"" i was a little sour that was an awkward um situation but it's whatever. i sometimes say film friends and mean a larger group of these ppl/a few extended but whatever
frank: ive just called him frank hes frank hes the coolest dude in the world i think everyone would be obsessed with him and i just think like man hes lived such a life. he's my short cool professor whos just so good at what he does. he's met so many people and done so many things. his van is so him he has a suction cup to pull his windows up in the winter and random albums in the front seat. im gonna try to work w him next semester. i was in that van last night feeling like i was in a gta level to go pick up pizza for our final class.
scully: my film comedy and tv analysis professor she is so everything to me... she loves women and evil women and gay people and camp and horror and comedy and tv and sex and just weirdo freak shit and shes so intelligent and quick on her feet and charming and just. an amazing lecturer. she said be gay do violence once. i felt seen. she said she used to pull her friends (favorite characters) out of the tv and carry them around in her pocket and i knew she understood... she saw bottoms and emailed me and lydia right away. and she's seen willow. and ofc so many other things. and she'll go 'this seems like the type of person/film/etc that you would be inspired by..' OK QUEEN I LOVE U. i want to do cocaine with her. huh. im taking gender and film with her next semester :333 im so excited
claire: friend from high school friend group who ended up ditching me and our other friend a lot that one summer and we almost lived together and we're just always kinda weird around each other but we were some of the only ppl the other hung out with fall semester 2020 so like.
drake and josh: i almost always refer to them together they're codependent a little bit roommates and i love them dearly and i met them thru claire sophomore year but ive hung out with them alone and stayed at their place when i got too drunk and that night i fell down the stairs. me and drake act a little homoerotic sometimes for fun. i cried at dinner over film girl once to her it was embarrassing. i miss going hammocking with them <3
dave: i had him last fall he's really cool he got me on a shoot w the mayor (and steve and jane) and was so cool about me not ocming to class a lot bc i kept in touch w him and hes my homie. film girl had a class w him then too and then last semester was the like news class that crew had together. and steve told dave all abt our first date and etc and got date ideas from him and i was like oh wow... ok lol
couch: couch roommate. theyre not relevant in my life enough to make a name but the couch story was stupid as hell and this one also left ground beef in the sink that one time and had a thing for a rugby girl that steve had a little fling with
jean: if i say 'one of my masc gfs' i probably mean them. sort of friends with couch like she was in my apartment once last year but um. yeah. had a crush on them for like a month at one point and we follow each other on insta and talked when we saw each other on campus the first time and thats like it. chances r ill forget abt this fake name and still just throw that in if i ever see her
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better times (bbg was being gaslit so bad)
@1spooky2me bill design :)
finally came across the call to action on my own in the wild pastures of the twitter for you page and thought: "well, no can do i have to draw them now it's the law"
#gravity falls#bill cipher#ford pines#stanford pines#human bill cipher#billford#my art#digital art#i continue to struggle with backgrounds and shading#ah well#i drew them nobody said it had to be some masterpiece#just a situation#and boy they sure are in a situation#👍#anyway i love this design hes so shaped
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Making progress 👍
#ghost posts#ghost art#it’s been a hot minute since I’ve painted#i got my clay charms sculpted and moved so broke out paints#saw a photo on a moodboard on here so doing that to practice#let’s hope I finish this one 🤞#the canvas is from an unfinished shipwreck painting from like 15 years ago lol#anyway prob going to darken the wall in the back on this#still learning color relatively and actually seeing color well#like I said. practicing 👍
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i love them so much :((
#all screaming meals fans are happy today#i said it from the second that they were announced as teammates that they would be lovely together#i love when friends from before get put in the same team 🥹🥹 sweethearts#oh and yes youre 100% allowed to see this as me just trying to escape my sadness abt a certain other driver#im doing so well when it comes to not thinking about paul#because i just know i will cry even more otherwise#ive cried too much over this race so far and i just. i cant#maybe more tonight 👍 great#f2#formula two#formula 2#jak crawford#juan manuel correa
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After Cyn's done tryna kill him, she'll eventually relent and they can get to work... whatever that is. I didn't do the outfit any justice, but the second i saw the Cowboy!Curt mega @ricky-mortis made i was literally like, "yes, that is IT."
This is, in my heart, a cannon fit for this au
#And if you disagree... well i cant hear you#K but i really am bad at clothes lol! and this weird pose kinda threw me off pretty hard so i will also blame that...#but i will do better next time#I am again letting people know his horse is 100% named after Cynthia because of the occasional attempts on his life 👍#I think i'll dub this a Try hard Doodle because thats what it is actually#and now for me talking way to much in that tags because i'm a terror:#I was going to pair this with another drawing that actually features curtwen btw#but my wrist said “No”#so maybe tomorrow?#(also... i have never actually drawn a person ON a horse before so this was really weird to do#this was actually a full body image... and then i halved it but then i couldn't do his foot? so i halved it again!)#Saf#spies are forever#cowboys are forever#<- WOULD watch the shit outta that [laughing at the idea of all the songs made really really country]#Cowboys your spies#Also some fun but also pretty dumb Au stuff: my vers of this au has always taken place in the wildwest in my head#so around 1865 to 1895#Art#and finally... OTL when the horse is better then the human#is the fact i drew animals for a majority of my life really obvious yet
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maybe this is just because it feels like a metaphor for how tlovm uses vex in general (and i could write an essay about it and have and will again) but something that i both understand tlovm choosing to do and deeply hate as a choice they made is vex no longer being the one to break thordak’s crystal even though vax was still the one to kill him. especially since the show was very explicit about thordak being responsible for killing the twins’ mother and also set it up as a sort of avenging of percy, it felt tonally weird to literally just have vex hanging out in the background for both the crystal breaking and him being killed. it’s fine (deeply upset voice) i understand that adjustments to pike’s vestige made this make sense for the plot but. glad to have vex continue to be a witness in tlovm moments that in the campaign her agency in were delicious character moments. it’s fine.
#cr team respectfully i think you need to think more about the consequences of your Cool Action Choices#on your central characters’ agency and growth#particularly when they are women whose names start with k and v#i think pike does better because there is the extra attention of How To Fit Her In The Story#but for every great moment of character reinterpretation of vex and keyleth there are about five where i’m like.#these characters are animation tradition pilled and not in the fun adventurous way i mean in the#medium that got away with treating women as objects in much more extreme ways for longer way. where i think the echoes are harder to extract#from common tropes and shit that aren’t exactly harmful but do take keyleth and vex. both characters who fit well into archetypes#but who are interesting because of how they subvert them pretty consistently#and instead just have them subvert them on occasion and we’re left with just. innocent flower who occasionally has rage#can’t kill vorugal on her own. can’t crack thordaks gem. why is she there (i said tired and sad for other reasons) i’m being hyperbolic#and cold and charismatic woman (now . trope identical mourning widow 👍) who occasionally is given depth (typically in romantic context)#which sure great. yay action sequence yay npc backstories and motivations. could i get a slice of the time and effort percy and scanlan get#to trace their arcs through everything they do#with keyleth and vex. please. Please#to be clear. this isn’t like. i think the characters are being targeted (certainly don’t think the cast doesn’t have a say either)#this is me saying i think the say they have/choices they’ve made aren’t very compelling ones#tlovm spoilers#vex’ahlia#tlovm
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危機不會創造性格。
它披露了它。
Crisis doesn't create character.
It reveals it.
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You know... it's okay to trust your body. If you are separated from your body to such an extent you feel you cannot trust it, I truly from the bottom of my heart empathize and feel grief for you, but you can trust your body.
It's okay to listen to your body and to heed what it is telling you. I wish you (and your body) well wherever you go. You deserve the peace of mind to feel able to do what you want.
#positivity#mental health#mental health support#gentle reminders#this is something i struggle with myself so that's why i said i empathize (well... i guess as much as you CAN empathize)#(because even if you have gone through the same thing... it's not going to look the same as somebody else going through that)#(and while it can be valuable to express empathy it doesn't mean you truly 'get it' from the other person's point of view)#i struggle sometimes not to feel like my body is fucking with me because sometimes i expect it to function at bare minimum#or i just assume that when it is in debilitating pain that it's just... somehow to fuck with me and i am cognizant that this isn't true#i am cognitively aware that the body isn't Specifically Designed to have a Fuck With You mode even if it feels like it#but my experiences with disabilities and general unwellness made it easy for me to alienate myself from my body#in order to preserve myself i felt the need to separate myself from every flaw (or 'flaw') i have#so when people are confused about why you could mistrust your /own body/ it's stuff like this that can somewhat illustrate it#i think we don't really talk about this but i think it's more common than i would assume#(mostly based on the There Are Eight Billion People principle)#hm making this also makes me realize that abuse absolutely plays into how i mistrust my body. hm.#mistrust in your body feels like self-protection and self-preservation in this weird and almost twisted way (at least in my experience)#but then you start mistrusting *everything* and nothing feels... GOOD or NORMAL anymore#i'm going to play mahjong about this 🫡👍
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sugarspun chapter 2 (a zosan fic featuring sanjirie (sanji lingerie) and general post-ts gender presentation turmoil) for your weekend reading hello
#i know i said id make a proper post for this fic once i posted the second chapter but well. i lied 👍#need to kick my ass into gear to finish c4 so i can post c3 sooooon#zosan#vfic
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jurassicshipping Anyone..?
#does anyone care abt this ship other than me I feel like im all alone here Im crazy T-T#i just think its cute .. petty rivalry over jaden turned to friends turned to uh oh i think i might have had a crush for awhile#also .they are t4t nonbinary for nonbinary To me …#tyranno gender: dinosaur. enough said#syrus is somewhere btwn nerd and by god a history major wearing earth tones .i gave him little alien earrings but u cant see them that well#hm. Guess I will have to make the content I want to see in the world 👍#jurassicshipping#tyranno hassleberry#tyranno kenzan#syrus truesdale#sho marufuji#yugioh#yugioh gx#yugioh gx fanart#yugioh fanart#vani art :]#kat post
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It was fun watching frapollo's face reveal stream :] Didn't expect my funger hot take to get the most flamed, though that's purely on me. Clickbait thumbnail to commemorate the lovely time I had trying to explain away and yap about my beloved.
[Here's the part of the stream I was in] [if link doesn't work properly, it's at 3:52:20]
#I had 4 time sensitive art pieces i wanted to make and. well i mean this wasn't time sensitive. this was for a special event#that happened yesterday. so. standing emoji#i mean it by when i said those 4 art pieces are gonna be a month late pretend they were posted in april#fuck i might even only finish some in june.#anyway- this is my sona. not my OC. ik. we look similar. shocking since UG is a self insert.#basically. if the hair is parted at the middle and is way short. yknow like a more realistic standard of curly hair#based off real me 👍#tagging time now#pocketcat#pocketcat fear and hunger#fear and hunger#art tag#sona
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came out to my dad 👍 there’s officially no area of my life in which i’m not out and proud we did it queers
#it went fine :) his 5 second hesitation where he took a deep breath and stared at the wall before slowly nodding and turning to me will#haunt me forever . but then all he said was ‘and what are this woman’s intentions’ (i came#out by telling him about my partner) so.#i saw so much flash through his eyes there and i know he’s not really 100 percent okay but he chose peace and that’s what matters#and i’m v grateful. but still. haunting . me and my sister were just staring at each other so scared#bc that could have gone so many ways but again he clearly made a deliberate choice there and i’m so thankful#and finally free!!! + he no longer thinks me and my bestie are in love so yay#and then my grandma (who was also there) just went so she’s not hispanic AT ALL??? 😕#and my dad went wait yeah you’re dating a white girl????? and all was well 👍
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WELP -
I was going to make a hella thirsty post about Sugar, but after Misha's post and this stupid sequence of songs, I guess we're yearning and crying instead!! Wow!
#aaaaaaand Shelter just ended and now it's Atlantic and I think I need to sit down for a bit#remember how i said i was holding off my menty b for the weekend? WELL#🥲👍#sleep token
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To The Metal Gear Fandom
Okay so silly question but i see a lot of yall on here and you say all the homoerotic stuff in mgs is canon right? Especially otasune, bbkaz, bosselot. Not to sound like a hater but the first game came out in 1998. You know what age hideo Kojima was back then? 36 with a wife and kids. So what's his real purpose for making a whole game series about a buncha gay guys? That's what leads me to believe it's unintentional but idk. If he said why then lmk cause I dont get why he would? I've been thinking about this a lot recently because I've been seeing a lot of people saying it's deliberate. Anyone can answer btw my askbox is open because i Need an explanation. More in tags cause im insane.
#mgs#Metal gear solid#solid snake#Otasune#Bosselot#Vkaz#Bbkaz#Don't come at me mad btw im literally a gay guy so it's not like I mind it ���#Its just I get confused when mgs is praised for like . rep? its not rep if it's ambiguous really..And like why would he even care#Enough to make it his lifes work when he's straight. Mayb closeted but its so weird to speculate on anothers sexuality 😭 I see people do it#Idkkkk im thinking the ppl that point out the blatant homophobia have it right. Only villains being explicitly queer and raikov well. exist#My friend says the beach date w kaz is mocking his admiration like Ooh hoooo someone has a big ol crush on Big Boss. Ocelot too#Hes also gay btw but neither of us could come with a good reason other than hes closeted but that seems unlikely. Infact he said so I think#It makes more sense in my mind that Kojima accidentally made the gayest series ever. He's an ally though thanks Kojima 👍
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the kung pow penis is like long dead by now and really like. it was kind of funny when it was done against trilllizard. sensible chuckle. it stopped being funny and became boring when it was done against other bigots. it was incredibly tiresome and cringe when it was done against random people for no reason. this is peak reddit behaviour, dredging up an old ass meme and stripping it of its context. if you join in and kpp me I will assume you are comparing me to trilllizard and will block you accordingly.
#well aware it's a bit ironic to act offended by it when that was the impetus for people doing it more to him. but I assume most of you#can see the difference btwn a bigot making a mountain out of a well deserved molehill and a trans woman minding her own business who doesn'#like the implicit comparison to said bigot#and if you can't well bye 👍
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don’t trust your brain after 7pm (winter mode) don’t trust your brain after 7pm (winter mode) don’t trust your brain after 7pm (winter mode)
#marzi speaks#hi i’m fine. no intrusive thoughts or anything like genuinely i’m ok#just thinking a bit too hard about a bit too much at once#i loveeeee anxiety rumination brain. can we GO TO SLEEP#i offered to drive my dad to his pharmacy tomorrow since i’m getting my pneumonia shot there as well#it is a perfectly safe drive and i know the route exactly. but i haven’t been at a traffic light in months#i’m nervous 👍 i’m most nervous about the parking#i’ll feel better once i do it. and now that i offered to i can’t back down unless it becomes a matter of safety#which it won’t because i know i can do it#but if i avoid doing it now it’ll just reinforce the fear. so i have to push myself a little#and i’m overthinking with that and everything else. as per usual i feel like i have no time. which is Freaky Scary !!#hooray for anxiety rumination brain. oh hey i basically already said that. my mind’s running in circles can u tell :3#i AM okay tho. i’ve had worse anxiety spells. think i just need to get to sleep. and maybe have a cry first we’ll see
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