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thought I want to share number 236(? I can't remeber if I've done 235 yet:P): foxes should be like the dog summons, where they have a whole pack to summon. also they sould be able to transform using elemental chakra. imaggine a jutsu where a skulk (did you know a pack of foxes is a skulk?) is summoned turn into literal Fire Foxes and then go after the opponant?
You know, I just think more animals should get the Toad-Slug-Snake treatment.
Okay I'm imagining now...
After having 2 Kurama jinchuurikis the Uzumaki clan just start to gravitate towards foxes and vice versa, developing jutsus with them over the years and, slowly contracts as well. So instead of teaching Naruto the Toad Sage mode, the frogs teach him just the basics of senjutsu and leave it to himself to figure his clan's connection to foxes.
Naruto meets Kushina when trying to get in touch with Kurama, just like before, and *she* teaches him the Fox Sage mode!! That she was still developing before her death, with Minato's help - And Naruto finally perfects it!
Also Naruto should get a little skulk of 9 foxes that catch fire with his chakra when he activates sage mode <3 And the other clans should also be at different stages of achieving sage modes from their respective animals. Some almost there, already having some jutsus close enough to senjutsu (Aburame, Inuzuka, Sarutobi), others still pretty far from it, having taken a different path for their animals (InoShikaCho), and some others don't even know what their animal is yet (Hyuuga, Senjuu, Hatake - Kakashi is cheating).
I just think more clans should have stronger animal themes. Clearly.
#ask ffrogs#You did 235 btw#but it's Neji related and I wanted to draw something but I'm not sure about posting right now#bc as you might have come across them#some ppl in the fandom are taking “being annoying” and “petty hate” to a sick level recently
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First pass at the bingliu and bingqiu fusions
Bingliu has all of lqg’s confidence, lbh’s social graces, and both of their crippling need to avoid failure!
Bingqiu loves himself sooooo much, is pretty detached, and definitely thinks he’s better than everyone else. He’s just helping, why are you running away!
In the ficlet I said lqg doesn’t like interacting with BingQiu (or… sqq thinks that) but really it’s because BingQiu mercilessly flirts and teases him, is effortlessly stronger than him, and kind of projects ‘oh you sweet thing, I could just eat! you! up! [pinches cheeks]’ energy and this is such a contrast from his interactions with lbh and sqq that he just gets very awkward all the time about it.
#kamaetedraws#svsss#I guess haha#BingQiu#bingliu#fusion bingliushen au#BingQiu is like… when both of you want be wifey so bad…..#I don’t know if it comes across but bingqiu has a second face hiding a toothy mouth#like a mask…. you know… since both sqq and lbh mask their true selves#bingliu has a second pair of eyes that usually stay closed#they only open when they’re close to destabilizing#oooor when they really want to See something#things that amused me:#bingliu uses they/them pronouns bc lqg is [hand wave] about gender and lbh is [hyperventilates] about gender#so bingliu was like ‘split the difference’#bingqiu on the other hand uses he/him bc lbh and sqq have such a strong sense of who the other (is supposed to) be#that even though bingqiu is SO wife coded he’s gone back around to ‘dude who is so comfortable in his masculinity that he wears pink’ vibes#if sqq ever loosens up a single iota his fusion’s pronouns might change up but currently EVERY sqq fusion goes by he/him#funnily enough this contrasts og!sqq who fused and used they/the#less bc of gender and more that he has such an ingrained sense of self#that when he’s fused he conceptualises that as sharing….#so plural not neutral even though they are a singular being#sqq just hates himself a lot about it
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i lost the post but i saw someone talking about how some of y’all act like being weird is a choice and like. YEAHHHHHHH.
that’s fine, it might be for you. but i just live like this and don’t know any other way. like yeah i’ve worked customer service, i can do innocuous small talk, but anything beyond that, i don’t understand what i’m missing. and it’s frustrating to see the tonal disconnect especially from people who are like “uwu embrace weirdness!!” where they’re like. dressing quirky and talking about bugs and listening to obscure music and eschewing small talk to ask Deep Questions on the first date and unlearning their tendency to not infodump. and generally have an idea of what Weirdness is supposed to look like. idk man some of us wake up and get out of bed and can’t figure out why the rest of their coworkers chitchat with each other but when they join the conversation it dies.
weirdness is value neutral. let’s stop trying to turn it into a badge because quite frankly, it’s not a choice for everyone. it’s fucking exhausting to never be on the same wavelength as other people and they’re going to react the way they do and label you the way they will without any conscious actions on your end. it’s difficult to talk about this without feeling like you’ll be dismissed as immature, a teenager whining “no one understands me” but the thing is. sometimes you don’t grow out of feeling alone and different, and there’s no good way to talk about it without feeling like people will think you’re just fishing for pity.
#most of it is stuff i can’t help like!!!#coworkers and i don’t share a lot of interests so i’m always like. yes i’ve heard of that show but haven’t seen it. no idk that band sorry#and they’ll like. talk shit abt other people who share my interests without realizing that i also like those things#so i just have to sit there and take it#i feel like i don’t have a lot in common with my friends even. a few shared interests but very different lives#in my experience the conscious choice has been to try to keep up with what’s popular but it’s just. not interesting to me#i got bored and forgot to finish s2 of stranger things and never picked it back up#even alt subcultures have gone kinda mainstream and i never quite slot in#let’s not even touch the gay culture ‘flags’ that are extremely online and unrelatablr#and the most frustrating thing. every time i try to talk about myself and my interests i feel people shutting down#one person i know. open mouth sighs in exasperation when i open my mouth#i don’t know why you’re making it my problem that we’re different#i know there is supposed to be a niche out there for everyone but some of that feels like#those niches are falling prey to marketability. if you’re too far out of the mainstream. too out of touch. it can’t be helped#a lot of messaging online is like. embrace weirdness but only if it’s subversive in a very specific way#too normal to hang out with self-proclaimed proud weirdos. too weird to hang out with normies#like i thought the thing was to disavow performativity. i’m sorry i don’t find the same things interesting#i don’t care about the office and you don’t care about the hundred years’ war. that’s fine. why is that seen as a personal fault of mine#i feel like some of the reaction i get might be bc it comes across as hipster shit. idk#i’m literally just oblivious and looking for any kind of indicator for social interaction#but so often it feels like the onus of finding common ground is on me. i have to listen abt things idk but no one cares what i have to say#i think what makes it more frustrating is this reaction from people who claim to not care. do their own thing#and then get annoyed when i do mine and it’s. different#instead of being like ‘fuck the mainstream! conformity is bullshit! be yourself!’ it’s like#‘fuck the mainstream because it doesn’t appeal to me personally and i’ve made my own club!’#and this is not going to come out right because i’m just at my limit and venting and don’t know how to say things the right way#so people don’t misunderstand me#i just happen to never like the Right Things and know the Right Things and act the Right Way and idk how else to say it other than#can we be more normal about weird people#idk it’s hard to talk abt this without sounding like i’m just complaining but i’m more bewildered and trying to state things as i see them
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so uhh i DID start writing again but this time its w my Riptide Cowboy Au Thats Also Just An Animorphs Au. here check out this very small bit of it. (under the cut is an OLD doodle page that i made based around this idea)
#ITS AN ANIMORPHS AU BABY AND THAT MEANS THAT THERES YEERKS BABY OOH YEAH#I LOVE YEERKS THEYRE JUST LITTLE SLUGS THAT CRAWL INTO YOUR BRAIN#im very happy w my descriptions in this lil snippet. i hope it comes across as scary as i wish it to be#im also still very happy w this doodle page. check out chip he has a pickaxe earring now#jay also comes from an airforce family. instead of RAFT its called CRAFT#yknow like air craft. teehee. also instead of the planet o MANA im thinkin o calling it either LIFE or STAMINA#yknow like how ina game u have ur health bar n mana bar n you get what i fuckin mean#OKAY AND ILL ALSO MAKE A CONFESSION. I HAVNT READ ANIMORPHS SINCE ELEMENTRY SCHOOL#IVE BEEN MEANING TO READ IT AGAIN. BUT IT STILL HAD SUCHAN IMPACT ON ME I THINK I REMEMBER ENOUGH#i wont be following any Exact canon of animorphs bc yknow what this is a different planet. or somethingm#yes i DO plan on giving the trio the power to morph#and yes i DO plan on making C.R.A.F.T entirely infiltrated by yeerks. jays dad is especially taken already#ayvas also been taken for a very very long time. even before she died#im thinking edyn in this au would also be taken. teehehee. her and her yeerk work together tho maybe#OOH lizzie is out there also. running w a big n awesome caravan of bandits. caspian is an alien but im not sure what kind yet#yknow whjat i could inject whatever wacky alien shit i want in this au. my world. my world. my world.#anyway if u feed me ideas i might eat them. i might eat them. i feel so fuckin possessed tofay#EVERYTHING IS SO DARK HEEEEEL[P!!! HELP MEEE!!! HEEEEELLP!!!!!!!!!
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tiny PSA for trolls fanfic writers who are making (or have made) the move from wattpad to AO3
referring to your fics as "books" is a dead giveaway that you came from wattpad
#its not inherently a bad thing. i personally find it kind of endearing#but wattpad does have a bit of a reputation#and so some readers might avoid your fics if they can tell theyre crossposted / that you're fresh from wattpad#ao3 users just refer to their stories as fics; one-shots (if there arent multiple chapters; or ficlets (<1k words i believe)#trolls#dreamworks trolls#trolls band together#trolls fanfic#anyway ive come across it a couple times now & every time ive been like. should i say something? LMAO#it is ultimately harmless though & if you prefer to call your fics books. by all means go for it#as long as you dont try to actually publish them as books without getting a legal opinion. bc copyright infringement and all that#joon talks
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/ I've noticed that at this point I'm not even writing on any blog anymore, I just come and yell about some blorbo and leave. Rinse and repeat my lieges
#;ooc#ooc#me: -sleeps-#also me: -SUDDENLY JOLTS BACK AWAKE- I haven't expressed my love for x in some time#/usually i would feel pretty guilty about this! but lately i've been zoning out in the sense of just vibing#/im not dropping writting; im just doing something else ! when i feel the inspiration i'll drop by#would like that to come soon; i do miss writting hehe#the power a blorbo can have on a person can be a very profound and moving energy truly-#recently one of my 8376733 m.octezuma fanarts got reblobbed from some artists from aaaall across to japan and#it made me feel so giddy like!!!! no way you also like this one character that isnt even on the game!?#i haven't seen other artists being obsessed over him! he's kind of forgotten in the lb cast; it was so fun reblobbing each other's posts!#we may have a language barrier but we all love m.octe and i find that to be a lil heartwarming moment#it made me thonk;; there are so many ways to bond with people; of connecting in general#even without speaking to someone directly; there is a bond there#like i knew this existed; but experiencing it again makes u go like waow! im not alone ! not in at least one (1) way!#that there are other people out there in this big big world that would enthusiastically talk to you about the same fictional character you-#like; with a lot of love and interest#i've seen people making their own t.ezca and d.aybit plushies and putting them in cute lil clothes#or people posting about museums they got interested on visiting bc they've done a collab with f.go#its all very cute to me#its like the same energy i saw from this tktk where two girls randomly met on the street#and saw that they both had the same ita bag and they got all happy and started laughing together#or that time i was selling my stickers and someone came in and said how glad they were to find h.ypmic stuff!#if hy.pmic is quite niche nowadays; its even more from where i live!#or how excited i get if i meet someone who also plays id.v#its all a cycle of fangirling; pure joy; connections are so important!#important to know that whatever you are facing; that no matter how 'weird' you think you might be; there are a lot of people out there that#are like you and me; and its also why i like roleplaying#its like we all pull our blorbos and talk about them and get excited about it all like dolls#the sweet thing about rping is precisely the part where u connect with others
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goddd. okay, i know it was honestly QUITE some time ago that i talked about jack mathis, so let me just give y'all a bit of a refresher as to why he is the (current) best of that mathis kids in my humble opinion: he doesn't like killing, but will do it in instances where he is 'forced to' (and i mean where he feels like there's no other choice BUT to do so, such as to protect one of his family members, or save them from going to jail, etc.) and jack honestly just wants to make barton proud.
(though, unfortunately, his father tends to treat him the worst out of all of his kids because of his 'joking' attitude). and he is also touch-starved as HELL / actively seeks out anything that will bring him comfort in regards to this, like warm showers, for example. so let me get on to the reason why i'm saying 'god' — him literally barely scraping by on the positive interactions he gets from barton when they have a 'family night' once a week?
as well as once a month, when his father takes a day off to just spend playing video games with jack + whatever else he wants to do? it's such a sad concept for real, because just imagine having five days out of the month feeling like they're the only reason why you've kept whatever semblance of sanity you have left. well, that and his relationship with matilda, as she is the closest sibling to him, but 😭
considering jack has the lowest amount of blood on his hands, and he actually seems to have a stronger conscience (though i could see him still having some moments where he's morally bankrupt)... i think there could be a good chance that he could be, quote unquote, 'flipped' as in change to want to redeem himself. but he feels an obligation to be loyal to his family, which might make that difficult NGL
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ANGER'S HELPED ME STAY ALIVE: headcanons.#AHH i know i'm back on my crap of talking about character's that i have yet to roleplay as on this account but... SHH lolll#i honestly think jack is interesting because he is the perfect example of how one can persevere through really hard circumstances and-#still try to hold onto what makes you human even though there are forces on all sides of you attempting to make you make you 'like them' -#+ hurt people without ANY sense of remorse and just be horrible in general. but whenever jack kills someone it does not feel-#good (unless the person was particularly bad but even then he knows that what he's feeling is... well kind of dangerous) and -#jack feels like such an outsider from the rest of his family because of this + since julien is gone seeing as they were like brother's -#before they were 'adopted' by barton. and i say that in quotations bc he didn't officially do so they were just in a reallyyy bad situation#that barton happened to come across and might of uhh. Spared them from a horrible fate by taking them under his wing but#yeahhh. i'm just am being emotional about my circus-inspired contortionist + thief as usual / j LMAO#tw: mentions of childhood trauma.#tw: mentions of murder.#tw: mentions of unhealthy family dynamics.
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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yuffie has many interesting elements to her but people refuse to move past "i find energetic kids annoying" and it makes me sad
#first of all...... treat kids with the grace + patience you wish you had been given when you were one. just. in general#second.....#god forbid a 16 year old have flaws...! especially when part of the boisterous energy is because she is masking#she has a very strong love for her home to the point she's gone into unknown territory#entirely in over her head! but she refuses to give up#it's an interesting way to look at how patriotism can affect a person when you look at the differing views of protecting wutai that her and#godo have. i'm so interested to see how 'a miserable daughter's homecoming' is gonna go in remake pt 3#given that we know they want to expand on wutai more than they could in the OG#remake intermission as well has been rolling around in my head bc i think its interesting that sonon still wants godo to be respected but#yuffie very much is like. nah fuck that old drunkard idgaf. at least thats how it comes across#i've always felt like the kleptomania was allowed to bloom because she didn't receive enough care or support on top of the patriotism from#young age... so the intermission dialogue makes me wonder if we'll delve into that potentially being the truth in part 3#anyway... rebirth gave such good yuffie + party sibling moments im excited to get more in part 3#especially with vincent because they're one of the funniest not-quite uncle and niece combos#yuffie ringing vincent post-AC and then he goes to cloud like 'tell her that's illegal' instead of just replying to her normally 💀funny af#pettiness off the charts. i adore their 'i do care about you greatly but i'd also sell you to satan for one (1) corn chip' dynamic#ultimately you like and dislike whatever characters#but its always worth looking past the surface level. you may discover that the layers have a unique charm to them#and if the charms don't appeal after that? well at least you now have a better understanding of the character. win/win#god knows i've tried to like characters and came out of diving into their facets -still- not liking them. but more often than not it#gives me some new appreciation of the character. because the depth is there you just have to put the effort in to connect the dots#(this was spurred on by brainless takes i saw in general chat of a public discord. yes i know. my own fault for looking in a godless place)#these tags are 2 short to add proper nuance to my thoughts but you get the idea. this has been my once in a blue moon ramble post o7#might delete later i just wanted the thoughts expelled teehee <3
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what is it with revolutionary girl utena video essayists and not citing their sources
#like i keep coming across interesting looking videos but they never SITE SOURCES#PLEASE IF YOU HAVE ANY GOOD ONES THAT ACTUALLY CITE SOURCES SEND THEM TO ME#it might just be bc i watched like half of the hbomberguy video but PLS OMG YOU HAVE TO SITE YOUR SOURCES#YOU CANT JUST LINK THE ENTIRE OTHORI WEBSITE#YOU HAVE TO SITE THE ARTICLES YOU USED#rgu#revolutionary girl utena
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>sees miqo tail pov post>it claims duskwight elezen have tails >me, duskwight main eggman voice "WHAT ARE YOU TWO FUCKING TALKING ABOUT" ( jk I just thought of that bc of the header lol. But really what does that does that point of the post refer to? it is an inside joke? just curious : o )
I have given you a tail. Congratulations! You have no choice in this matter
#no if you go back in my posts I decided elezen should have them because it’s cute#it’s a headcanon of mine! Just like drawing Miqo’te with paws. No one else has to do it but I’m going to bc I think it’s cute <3#this is an oddly loud ask. I feel like I’ve been recognized at a con. But no it’s not a joke it’s headcanons#I feel like I need to put a disclaimer on things bc ppl just come across them w no context. but im too lazy to do such a thing#ask#anon#im not actually forcing a tail on you that’s a joke. but u deserve one if you want it. u deserve any extra features you want#I think duskwight have mothlike tails by the way. in contrast to the jerboa tails#any wing tail or antennae that might be on a moth could be their tail shape
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i have been working with kids for four years and i had to write my first ever note just now about a seventh grade boy being inappropriate towards me. i don't know what the hell this could possibly lead to or what. he was trying to feel my legs repeatedly to the point where i had to stop sitting next to him (and i was subbing for his one-to-one para!!!). he's got high support needs. in that kind of job, you're supposed to sit next to them all day and look over their work.
the teacher whose classroom this was happening in could also tell something was wrong. the whole class was acting kinda crazy because it was the day before school vacation week and there was another class coming in to share projects. so like, he was swamped with keeping order already. but we were sitting two feet away from his podium at the front of the room. the kid was giving him and me a hard time when he wouldn't take out his chromebook as he was instructed. and then when he did take out his chromebook, he immediately, for some reason, places it on my lap. he had been ogling my legs the whole time. he puts his computer ON MY LAP. and i'm just like, stunned, because what the hell? can you not keep it on your own lap, for some reason? i don't even know what to say, i just hold it a little above my lap while i'm thinking why on earth would this be happening? he would NOT do this to his regular para if she were here, would he? this can't be normal.
and the teacher sees this and within a minute places a stool in front of the kid for him to put his laptop on. and i'm like. oh ok. yeah. he notices exactly what's happening and that that's not appropriate. and then when the other class comes in to share projects he tells me "miss b——, you don't actually have to sit next to c—— this whole period if you don't want to." and he grabs me a chair for me to go sit with the other paras in the back opposite corner of the room. like he KNEW. and thank you mr. d—— for recognizing that because i was just kind of shocked and didn't know if i was overreacting in my head to all of this.
when there's a point in the class where the kids are discussing stuff, i privately mention what's happened to the para who's sitting closest to me. and she says that the thing about him calling me pretty is something he's been known to do, but the fact that he kept trying to touch my legs is new behavior. and that's a completely different class of behavior. i was telling him NO, don't do that, and he kept doing it. and the fact that he was calling me pretty repeatedly, even when i was giving him instructions that he wasn't taking. and this is the second to last class before the end of the day, so she says she'll take a walk with him before learning center and talk to him about it, and i'm grateful for that. she does. the kid apologizes to me as soon as i come into learning center. but like. WHAT the hell.
i'm STILL like what the hell. this is unfathomable to me. the other adults who i told about this or who witnessed it were supportive of me. but. what to do??? i wrote a long note to his regular para about this, because i knew she was going to hear about it at least from the first para i told. the second para i told about it after school had a kind of... i'm not gonna say enabling reaction, but i suppose since it had already been "taken care of" (or at least, he had been spoken to and apologized) she didn't really have much to add in the way of discipline. i told her what happened after school and she was just like... a little bit, laughing? like oh, yup, that dog. she at the very least confirmed he KNEW what he was doing, that that was not an accident. she said to me "i had a feeling he was going to develop a crush on you" (me and these other paras were together for most of the beginning of the day too). but it's like. it's not about that.
i have worked with children for FOUR years. children have had crushes on me before; i'm quite unfazed by it. boys from the ages of 5-to-15 have told me i'm so pretty before and asked me to marry them. i've never had them feeling up my legs before. i've never had them making me physically uncomfortable. it's NOT about this seventh grader having a crush on the pretty substitute. he is NOT unusual for that, at all. but i've never had a boy of any age or education level repeatedly touching my knees and thighs. THAT is problem behavior!!!
because what if i wasn't assertive enough with him to tell him to stop? what if i was a girl his age? worse, what if i was an adult who encouraged this behavior? i don't come to the middle school to be a seductress. i had no intention in putting on a pair of tights and a skirt this morning of being viewed as an attractive object, especially not by a pubescent boy. what if i did though? what if his interpretation of me wasn't so incorrect and offensive? what if i let him keep touching me inappropriately and saying flirtatious things to me? me, an adult in my mid-twenties, towards a middle school boy?
in no world would that be ok. if i had been feeling up and overly-complimenting a CHILD at my place of work, holy shit would there be reports about me. so a child acting that way could never be ok either. if it'd be firable for me to be reciprocating that action, then that action should not be happening to me. ever. and that child should never repeat that action again to any other adult again.
like i am simply not there to be treated as an attractive young woman. i put on a skirt that shows too much knee and get paired with a boy, though, and that's apparently just a natural consequence. hooo-ly shit. like i don't know what to do. first of all, the more time passes since this has happened, the more i am just unable to stop thinking about it. i wasn't "hurt" or too emotional in the moment but i'm just still processing it and it gets worse. i'm just more and more disgusted.
i don't know what i expect to come out of this, or the email i sent to his regular para. like, am i gonna have to attend a fucking meeting? what is the precedent that this sets for him? WHY do i feel BAD for him about this? well, because he's a child, of course. a child who has done wrong he may not be able to understand. but he knows WHAT he did. he just doesn't know WHY it was wrong.
and i couldn't even say something to him that was like, "well, how would you like it if i was touching you like this?" because young boys do not understand how inappropriate it'd be. i'm sure this kid thought he was gonna get away with what he was doing at the very least. but probably not unlikely he (being a child with no concept of how wrong it'd be) thought he could get some sort of "positive" attention for treating me like this. either way he was simply doing what he wanted to do, with no perspective of how it would make me feel or that it could be classified as harassment. teenage boys think it'd be awesome if the older attractive woman would reciprocate their affections. they're wrong. i, as the older attractive woman of his affection, cannot be the one to convince him of that, though.
i don't know. i don't know. like it's just so not ok. but if i didn't tell another adult about this, he would've gotten away with it. he would probably do it again. and him being in trouble for it is not the same as him understanding that it was wrong. unless someone has a REAL talk with him about inappropriate attention and consent, it's not unlikely that he'll just repeat the behavior in a setting where he thinks he won't be caught or told on. THAT'S the problem. me, i could just never have to be this boy's para again. in my email, i didn't say that i would never be ok working with or around him ever again. he already knows i didn't like it and i'm not afraid to tell on him; as far as that lesson applies to me, individually, i think he's become too ashamed to repeat that.
i don't know. i don't know. i very much expressed that i, i guess, "forgave" him in the email that i wrote. i clarified that i was writing it for the sake of having it on the record. i think that could potentially be very important for the purposes of preventing further similar or escalating behavior from him in the future. i don't want him to be in trouble. i don't think i will be blamed for this, especially not with how promptly i acted, although i don't know to what extent this will be framed as me thinking i'm a "victim." i'm not... i don't feel victimized. i feel disgusted. i feel afraid for the sake of what could happen to or with him in the future, if he thinks behavior like his towards me today is ok.
i feel like if i end up having to further respond to this, this will be made about me. in a way it kind of was. is? in the moment it was happening, it was certainly about me. because i was the one this boy was giving all this unwanted attention to. but to make the consequences of this about me and to involve me any further, i also don't want. because i said what i said already, i don't care if a student has a crush on me. this isn't about me being the pretty substitute. i'm the pretty substitute all the time, to tons of people. that's not really something i've been concerned about up until now.
but do i have to reexplain my personal embarrassment? that i was wearing a skirt? that he was ogling my legs? really? what more do i have to gain from sharing that, other than having the adults at my place of work confirm or deny me in their heads as the pretty substitute? i don't know. perhaps that's REALLY overthinking it. but i don't want to be the substitute that caused a problem for this special ed kid. i don't wanna be the reason that he can't be around me anymore, the person people think of when they're monitoring how he's acting around girls and young women. i DON'T want to be the one people think of when they think of his past misbehavior. i'm NOT here for that.
that's just fucking humiliating. and in this being a thing that could follow him, i have to be ogled and touched over and over again in people's minds for this to be taken seriously. but for this to be swept under the rug would be even worse, no? i don't know. i hate this. the principal is a nice guy; i wouldn't be surprised if he and/or people from the special ed department reached out to me sympathetically about this. but i don't wanna be reached out to. i don't wanna have ppl i work with tell me "sorry that kid was just so attracted to you he couldn't help himself" like come on. if the kid himself doesn't change then i don't really care to remember this incident. and no one reaching out to me and saying they've talked to this kid will actually prove to me he understands. this is the kind of inappropriate behavior it takes years for people to understand why it was wrong, especially a child who has no idea. i mean come on.
#tales from diana#long post#sorry i should probably put this under a read more but it was just a long stream of consciousness#and idk. im tired. im so tired#do you wanna be known as the substitute teacher a kid kept touching inappropriately? probably not#thank god for the first para i told bc she took it really seriously seemingly. i mean idk what she told him in their conversation#not EXACTLY what she told him. she obviously said this was wrong and she reiterated in learning center again#that if that were her daughter she'd be through the roof and that she'd be telling his regular para#i mean of course i had to tell the regular para directly. i would rather it come from my mouth#i'm the one who has the most information of how and why it happened. i think other ppl telling it would just reduce it to#'he thought she was so pretty and he kept staring at and touching her legs cuz she wore a skirt' like come on#the indignity of that!#i already feel undignified enough.#and also thank god for the social studies teacher. the more im processing this the more im like thank god#i dont know him well. he had already been a nice dude to me before in my interactions w him#like as a sub you notice the people who are really affirming of the strange and irregular work you do#earlier this week i was subbing for the math teacher across the hall for instance and he came in before class started and said#that if anyone's giving me a hard time to just send them to him. bc that group can be a little rowdy/wild#my classroom discipline skills are not that bad where i felt the need to have someone more experienced defend me so to speak#like i know i look young and am assumed to be new. but with most classes. i can handle most misbehavior#i can put my foot down in a way kids normally respect. i know how to keep em on task#and for MOST of the day with this kid that's what i was doing. but if that social studies teacher hadn't done what he did#i might not feel so bold in just straight up walking away from that kid. after saying stop stop stop repeatedly#like he had his own job to do independent of me but i remember the gestures and like. i could cry. he KNEWWWW#that's just a very trustworthy person i feel. he didn't want me to suffer through that any longer#a lot of teachers (unfortunately) largely ignore the kids with paras and/or expect the paras to communicate to the kid exclusively#that teacher is not like that. he was willing to mind that boy while i escaped that situation. so so grateful to him
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i'm having more side quest ideas
#so there is a religion of sorts that's built from the belief that dragons will one day return#and it's that group that sasha is 'warning' his subjects of and what he's blaming the quest on#he's all like 'oh no there's a sub group of Fanatics trying to bring dragons back from the dead you must stop them' but it's a distraction#ANYWAY#i was thinking about other religions that might exist across the continent#and then i was thinking of like. oracle types and the general idea of someone being Chosen#and having to live their life devoted to this one being/idea#and then i thought of freya and her love of knowledge and the way she literally goes through and edits the books in the library#how at least once a week she makes the treck to bruasse just to speak to rue about rivers and water nymphs#how it's her dream to explore the continent just to /learn about it/#and i know i've said in the past that the gods don't really manifest the way you'd normally expect#like maurua literally IS the mountains she is not some personified guardian of them. she is them.#and taiua IS the earth and slovua IS the ocean#but i feel like there are maybe younger gods that could be a little more like. malleable#like how vietua is the night sky but she is also known as the 'mother of all' bc they believe creation started with her#and she's literally where stardust comes from#and i was thinking of that and akoua - education and learning - and thinking of her like. calling to freya#and freya going on some big coming of age like journey that leads to her being this Bearer Of Knowledge like some sort of human encyclopedi#and her becoming some sort of priestess for Akoua and it being a Whole Thing#idk how i'd do it im just having visions#side quests#WHICH ACTUALLY I WAS ALSO THINKING OF SOME SORT OF MIEDNIC / OMOS FORBIDDEN ROMANCE THING#SO TECHNICALLY. MULTIPLE SIDE QUEST IDEAS#i just really love having a pre-existing fantasy world to play in
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Hell yeah automatic renewal on my library book
#I'm only half way through#turns out taking detailed notes takes a damn long time#especially when you're essentially transcribing the entire book into a bullet point format#girl i need this information and the book has to go back so I'm writing the whole damn thing down#plus it helps me actually absorb the information when i have to read every sentence 2-3 times and also write it myself#learning about the neuroscience of human communication 👍#having actual mechanical knowledge of complicated concepts like my own consciousness makes it easier to troubleshoot and resolve issues#it's like “hey when you're experiencing this emotion here's what's happening and why and how you can slowly change that reaction”#i wasn't born with the intuitive understanding of emotional connection allistic people apparently have#but I've always been a powerhouse in the classroom#i have full confidence in my ability to absorb information and to learn to apply it appropriately in various situations#i have the pattern recognition to tell when someone's feeling a way with pretty good accuracy#Chinese dramas are really good for studying facial expressions and emotion because they do a lot of acting with their eyes#my main problem is not having the mirror neurons that simulate the emotions of other people in my own brain#so i have the information and i understand what it means#but i also can't help thinking it's odd to feel that way because only the data comes across and not the emotion itself#but if i get a detailed enough understanding of human behavior i think i can make up for that#and with enough applied effort over time i might be able to build those networks in my own brain on purpose#bc it's not like I'm fully missing them#when someone in a show or book is sad i do cry#but i think my defenses are up too high in person to let anything through#i have noticed increased understanding and something like empathy developing lately#still not feeling the feelings but i can recognize and accommodate them which is a lot better than i used to be
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tbh will never forgive radfems for appropriating 'why don't you think about why you feel that way :)' as 'do it until you're Fixed and don't feel that way anymore'--especially when often they use it for conversion therapy in particular 🙃--because as a genuine, good faith, open-ended question to guide a toolset of other questions, it has brought me not only a lot of insight but SO much peace in processing things my brain would eat itself over otherwise
#moogletalks#radfems cw#conversion therapy cw#braintag#like the open-endedness here is the strength of it bc it puts you in the mindset where you're thinking of /new/ questions to ask yourself#like you can add those questions into your toolset to apply as you go#but it's important to be able to examine something you feel doesn't /quite/ have the full picture; and figure out what data points you need#and like. internalizing that it's okay to put a pin in a question you genuinely don't have the tools to investigate further yet#and percolate on it and keep an eye out for tools you might come across elsewhere that are the key to discovering the truth#like i have a lot of questions already stored up; and important guidelines i use for them; and I Could Go On#but it has done SO much to help me think through my worldview and morals and how i would put them into practice#while also validating my own feelings and experiences; that they are an important factor and data point in themselves#and that trusting my gut when something doesn't feel quite right is not just allowed but important#even when it's something i can't in good conscience just leave at that without reconciling what's going on here#compare that to the spirals my brain goes into when i /don't/ do that and..... yeah#fuck radfems man leave a single well unpoisoned challenge (impossible)
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I need to be weirder about the scavengers and cannibalism...
#its been a long day... but im feeling better now. (thanks for the well wishes and such btw <3-)#(-sending my well wishes in return by tenfold bcs. damn. it seems stuff is really going around rn)#but yeah... just. augh. theres just smth about how the scavs sorta translate into more like. thriller-esque genres pretty well?#like. i feel somehow those themes compliment their characteristics? or could compliment their characteristics in a more rounded out way#sure. theyre generally a light hearted romp of absurdity with occasional themes of a not good not bad handling of 'mental health matters'#but they just really shine a bit in horrific circumstances. esp with the sort of absurdity they bring to the table#theyre odd people. even in the context of their generally weird and alien universe. and that right there feels like a trove of potential#its like. ok. the lost light crew? also odd. but thats a huge ship. full of people and variety and a sense of purpose and normalcy post-war#(normalcy being. whatever all those background folks were getting up too while plot happened around them. cruise ship stuff ig)#but in contrast. with the w.a.p crew. its an ark class ship with like. a handful of people. and a whole lot of junk and free time#both just cruising through space endlessly for years. one with hundreds of people. and one with like 6 people.#so both are technically isolated when theyre not making pit-stops planet or station side. but again. 100s vs 6 dudes.#think. top of the line cruise ship from hell with a small town sized populace vs a big shitty boat and 6 starving guys#both have the capacity to become case studies in madness. both could do really well thriller wise. but the scavs being a smaller group?#it only being the 6 of them emphasis the isolation perhaps. less variety. less change. same 6 people for 5(?) years#things could get weird fast. codependent mentalities. us vs them mindsets. an otherness about everyone else outside of their group#and then! then you add to the mix the fact that theyre eating/drinking from corpses?! *chefs kiss* awesome. love it.#non-stationary isolation + cannibalism. ough. perfect mix. a classic of maritime horror but in space! :D!#a big ship. small crew. living while knowing that as soon as you kick the bucket. your body is the meal. your body is the fuel.#no decorum about it. no faith. no belief. just perverse survival. bcs they might enjoy it. a bloody gluttony. with a bite. a sample. a taste#it takes seeing your buddy as a walking talking burger to another level. bcs every corpse you come across is also a burger. and a gas can#also fulcrum making candy out of corpses is so. particularly perfect when it comes to the horrifically absurd. just. smth about it. idk#but also also. the line. where was the line drawn for each of them? and when did they each cross it?#most of them dont seem like the type to jump head first into that. so how did they justify it to themselves? had they done it before?#and then. when did it become normal? a habit? smth enjoyable?#i might be running out of tags. but yeah. them being weirder. esp about each other and others.#nothing brings a group of people together like the overhanging knowledge that you sort of kinda wanna eat each other#(rlly wishing i could stomach realistic thrillers rn. but i just cant. gotta stick to written or artistic styles or risk panic attacks :/)#(ive tried a couple movies and shows now. and cant get through most of them. praise be synopses and peoples long rambles about them tho :D)#(nothing like reading someones passionate ramble about the meaning/symbolism of some gory nightmare without having to actually see it lol)
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