#bc I dunno when I'll feel up to writing anything

[byanyan]

struggling to exist rn, so. idk man I'm kinda just lurking lmao

[xaeyrnofnbe]

as far as buffy comics go, so far i have read:

buffy season 8 (a wild ride from start to finish, everyone was out of character, i still have no clue how anyone came up with ANY of that. i've kind come to terms with it though. funny as hell in hindsight.) (bonus points for the spangel crumbs littered here and there. points withdrawn for buffy's reaction to them.) (season 8 is bonkers bananas all the way through, you have GOT to read it if you haven't. hell of an experience.)

buffy season 9 (a lil rough around the edges but the plot was much more casually engaging, buffy and spike had some very cute moments in the first half and overall i just like what the comics do with spike's character, even if it's a little inconsistent. oh and the plot twists were very silly and fun) (spoilers: the resolution was a little weird but i found it much funnier than i probably should have when illyria sacrificed herself. guy trying to destroy the world bc his girlfriend died and illyria was just like. hey i knew a guy who's girlfriend died one time. how'd he live with it? no yeah he didn't. he died. sorry.)

angel & faith season 9 (loved the callbacks to prior stories, though the stuff with whistler was kinda lost on me. pearl and nash were ok. i liked seeing drusilla again! though i'd prefer to see more of who she is now. the plot involving angel's nipple piercing struck me dead on the spot, weirdest part of the whole thing.)

spike: a dark place (extremely silly, spike leading spaceship full of giant cockroaches was not something i knew i needed but they were so so entertaining. generally just so amusing. i'm totally incorporating an appreciation for space into his character when i write him now.)

spike: into the light (PEAK comic!spike. thank you james marsters. easily the lowest-stakes, most grounded of anything i've read so far, which was extremely refreshing. this guy gets dragged through the dirt the whole time and still manages to be hilarious and endearing throughout. loved him narrowly hiding his vampirism at every turn from dylan. my favorite detail was the constant flapping of the bottom of his shoe.)

buffy season 10 (currently a little ways through, EXTREMELY promising so far. total vibe shift from seasons 8 and 9, way more in line with the feel of the show. every scene with buffy and spike has me kicking my legs and twirling my hair. love those two. dunno how to feel about giles yet. i am ECSTATIC at the notion of xander finally getting some character development, but i'll hold back on celebrating until i get firm confirmation.)

angel & faith season 10 (reading at the same time as buffy s10, the different art styles are a bit jarring to bounce between. genuinely the art in this one is making it way harder to connect with. i LOVED the style in s9, so the shift to realism has been disappointing to say the least. genuinely i just Do Not Know how to feel about this season yet.) (also separating your 2 main leads when their dynamic was the central focus of the last season is certainly A Writing Choice.)

[goose-duck]

🥧 Class Trip 🥧

~~~~~~

Maxley?? Fanfic oneshot thingy, idk, I'm sick and felt inspired. I say "maxley??" Bc it's Max and Bradley for sure but I dunno if it'll come off as romantic or not I actually have no idea what I'm writing...why am doing this when I'm sick? Oh well, enjoy ✨

~~~~~~

Our class is going on a trip today, I can't tell if I'm excited or not. We're going to a museum which isn't particularly entertaining...especially given its the one I'm employed at, but anything's better than class I suppose? I don't know why the professor decided to take us on a trip, he's usually so...uh...how do I describe him? Lame? Boring? Old? Decrepit? I should stop...before my inside thoughts become outside thoughts...though im sure everyone else is thinking the same thing. Maybe it's because it's the end of the year and he just kinda gave up? I don't know...why am I even still thinking about this?

I'm sitting where I usually sit with Bobby and PJ. We're waiting for the rest of the class...or at least most of the class, to show up so we can leave. Bobby and PJ are talking but I'm not overly interested. I started being friends with Bradley a few weeks ago...its been good...but it started off really weird. We don't talk much but there's less animosity between us now and we occasionally make light conversation. Bradley also sits with us now so that's cool I guess?? He's on the other side of me, my left side, the side of my dominant hand. Makes it difficult to write sometimes because we'll bump elbows. He's also here, he was here before everyone else, as always.

I lay my head on the table and look at him, admiring his sharp jawline and beautiful blue eyes...what..? Nevermind, he's got a nice face, it's not weird at all to think that. Right? Right! I'm not...uh...feeling things...at all. Totally normal thoughts and feelings here. I look down at the desk, silently judging myself before looking up at him again, meeting his eyes. Bradley's giving me a strange look, probably because I have my head on the table after having been so excited a few minutes ago. I'm just bored of waiting for the rest of the class. He gives me a soft smirk before rolling his eyes and going on his phone. I just continue with what I was doing.

I finally decide to say something, I say it every morning to him, "good morning, Brad." I say. He normal says good morning back but today he just looked at me before pulling out a bag of cough drops and popping one in his mouth. Ah, his throat must be sore. "You sick, Brad?" I question. He nods at me. I giggle a little, our professor's name is also Brad, it's funny, kinda.

Eventually most of the class shows up and we all start on our way to the museum. It's close enough to walk to but we have to walk down a steep hill which we all know will be miserable on the walk back up. It's a hot sunny day, 25°c, and it's only the morning. Bobby and PJ and ahead of me and Bradley by a little bit on our walk. I think Bradley is walking slower than usual because he's sick, he'd normally be out walking me and I'd have to run after him. On the walk down me and him share a few words and joke around a bit. We come to a crosswalk and a few people jaywalk instead of using the crosswalk, not a big deal but Bobby makes a joke about it being illegal before soon following suit and also not using the crosswalk.

A little further on our walk and we're on a flat spot before the next hill we have to go down. Somehow me and Bradley ended up in front of Bobby and PJ, I guess we were walking quicker than I thought. Bobby walks up to Bradley holding out a $10 bill, "Hey, Brad?" He says laughing a little. "What, Bobby?" Bradley responds, his voice sounding hoarse from his cold. "I'll give you $10 to carry me the rest of the way." Bobby suggest, holding the bill more out to Bradley. Bradley laughs, taking the money and stops walking to Bobby can get on his back. Me and PJ stop walking too to watch this. Bobby hops up on Bradley's back and Bradley let's out a huff, walking a little ways before dropping Bobby and giving him his money back. "You're heavier than you look!" Bradley says sounding a little more tired than before, "how much do you weigh!?" He quickly adds on. Bobby tells him he doesn't keep track then retorts my asking Bradley how much he weights. Apparently Bradley weighs 220 lbs...double the amount I weigh, literally, I weigh 120. Bradley then says, "fuck, you're probably heavier than I am, Bobby, no wonder you're so hard to carry!" Bobby gets offended but doesn't deny it. I laugh a little, as we all continue walking.

Eventually we get to the museum, it's a historical museum full of old artifacts from the native people of the area. I got my job here three years ago, I got in on account of being indigenous myself. They wanted indigenous people to work here with these artifacts rather than the people who colonized our land. Fair enough, and it got me a job that pays more than minimum wage, so, win for me.

When we get inside my boss introduces herself and tells us all what we'll be doing. A scavenger hunt. I already know where everything is as I helped set it up, but I don't say anything, I'll be the secret weapon to whoever decides to work with me as we're told to get into teams of two. Bobby and PJ group up and so does everyone else, leaving me and Bradley, which I'm not opposed to. My boss gives everyone their clipboards giving me a look when she got to me and Bradley. "Why'd she look at you like that?" Bradley inquires. I giggle a little, signalling him to come a little closer so I can whisper to him, "I work here." I whisper into his ear. He gives a look, "ah, how convenient, so we'll get this done in no time?" I give him a snide look, "nope, if you were a cute girl maybe I would have, but you're Bradley Uppercrust iii, I'm sure you can do this without my help." I joke, making it clear I'm not letting him use me as an advantage. Bradley sighs, rolls his eyes, then gets started on the scavenger hunt.

While Bradley does the scavenger hunt I go find some of my coworkers and chat with them. Mostly just talking about how school's been for everyone. Some found university easy, others said it was miserable, one said she didn't have the money to continue. I felt bad for her, but there's not much I can do right now. Bradley gives the clip board with the scavenger hunt sheet to our teacher, Mr. Bradley, then walks over to our group to join in on the conversation until we get told we have to go back to campus.

About an hour later Mr. Bradley calls us all to meet at the front of the building, telling us it's time to go back now. A student asks who got done the hunt first, Mr. Bradley says it was Bradley. Huh, looks like he didn't need my help after all. Good for him. A few students groan and glare at Bradley but I give him a high five. "Good job, dude! Told ya you didn't need my help!" Bradley smiles at me in response to that, ruffling my hair and giving me a thumbs up. His throat must be hurting again, poor guy. Being sick is miserable. Sick on a trip where you have to walk everywhere? Even worse.

The first part of the walk back is fine, but it's definitely a lot hotter out now. I have Bradley check his phone, it's 31°c. Holy fuck...we're gonna die on the big hill just before the school.

Once we get to that hill Bradley gives me a worried look putting his hand on my back. I'd been breathing quite heavily, I didn't find it strange, I'm used to it, it's always like this for me, anemia kicking my ass at all times of the day. I look pale and I'm sweaty and can barely think, but I know I just have to make it back to class and sit down and get a drink. Bradley doesn't seem to think I'll make it though as I stumble around the sidewalk almost falling a few times. Bradley's hold on my tightens a bit when I almost fall into an oncoming vehicle. "You sound like you're dying.." Bradley says saying stressed. I laugh before coughing a little, finding it humourous that he's sick yet I'm the one having such a hard time. Bradley offers to carry me the rest of the way but I'm too prideful to let him, telling him I can make it on my own.

Once we get to the top of the hill there's a bunch of little kids and a few adults, I recognize them from the nearby daycare center. They're adorable, this one in a pink bucket hat waves at me and Bradley so I wave back. Bradley also gives the child a small wave before pulling me along so we actually make it to the school rather than me just being distracted with the adorable children. I'd never want kids of my own, but if a friend of mine had kid's I wouldn't mind babysitting for them.

Once we get into the foyer of the school Bradley quickly tries to pull me over to a vending machine and buy me a bottle of water. While he's doing that one of my friends walk by and asks what me and Bradley were up to, point out how we both look a mess. I can't get my words out because I'm still breathing heavily from the walk so I just wave and give a thumbs up. I'm sure that'll be a satisfactory answer, right?

Bradley comes back over to me with the bottle of water, opening it for me and shoving it up to my mouth. I guess he doesn't trust me to do it myself...do I really look like I'm in that bad of shape right now? Maybe I should just take the water. I drink the water Bradley is holding up to my mouth until I swat his hand away a little so I don't drown. He pulls the bottle of water away from my lips, allowing me to breathe and screwing the lid back onto the bottle. He then hands me the water and puts a hand on my back before pushing me along back to the lecture hall so we can sit down. I give him a nod as a thanks and he smiles and nods back.

[astradyke]

Suddenly I need you to write a dissertation on anything!! You're so well spoken <3 since we're getting into a bit of a character (?) study almost on them, I need you to talk about phil's supposed breakdown when dan left him aka went on tour. These two are so codependent it's adorable!! And now in the context of phil incorrectly (but still sweet) explaining to dan the invisible string theory. I can't!!!!! If it wasn't so sweet, it would almost be toxic but I love them!! They're obsessed with each other, only want each other, cannot stand to be separated for more than a day and want us to know it!

i again need to pause and thank you profusely because i am really happy that there is an interest for my little dissertations ^_^ this is the second to last day i have at home before i move back into university so we really need to maximize this time haha

honestly though, i know i say this every time i make a post but i actually don't know how many thoughts i have about this? i dunno... this is going to be messy but, i guess here are some of my thoughts as to why i don't think Dan and Phil are codependent (ft some tangents and affirmations that they are still crazy insane bc you are right and i'm emotional about it)

Dan is leaving me is actually such a masterpiece of a video because it is really like the loudest thing they have ever publicly released, barring the second pizza mukbang video. it's a little ridiculous in concept because like, come on guys, you're in your thirties and you haven't been apart for longer than two weeks? ever? in like a decade? but also like... i don't know! i kind of get it?

one of the aspects of their relationship that Dan specifically really amplifies in interviews (and throughout Dystopia Daily interestingly enough) is the fact that Phil is essentially a part of his everyday routine so much to the point that it's no longer remarkable. it's heard when he describes their relationship as "two 1,000 immortals/ancient divorced couple", or when he says "Phil doesn't count as a person", or when he calls Phil a piece of furniture (can't snag citations right now but if you are unfamiliar with any of these just ask me and i'll find them for you). a lot of these are done snarkily, but it is actually a massive facet of many close relationships: you become so used to each other that your everyday existence is parallel play, and you are so good at communicating that you know how to flow in and out of each other's spaces like it's breathing.

quick little Mare lore drop, let's talk about university! from January to May at the bare minimum, i would spend anywhere from 2-8 hours a day with my best friend (who comes up in these posts way too much i promise that isn't intentional). we'd study together, eat together, hang out together, etc. we were talking about this recently, because i'm actually not the most extroverted person in the world-- i have spent the majority of my time alone this summer by choice-- but i simultaneously spent literally every waking moment with another person in college, aside from when i was asleep and maybe an hour or two in the middle of the day. the last time i FaceTimed him we both spent it playing separate video games and basically not talking for 1-2 hours straight? yet i am exhausted after seeing another very close friend of mine at the mall for like, two hours. how do you reconcile all of that?

the reason why my best friend's company doesn't drain my social battery is because i have embedded being around him so deeply into my routine that my brain doesn't register it as a social event anymore. i could be in a room with him for literally eight hours and only spent about a quarter of that time socializing. and yet, a few days away from going back to university, that reality feels like a total shock to me, because i spend all my time alone-- how the fuck am i going to go back to being with him from three PM to midnight?

well, that's the exact opposite question Dan and Phil had to ask themselves in 2022! the two of them had been so used to each other's company that it really did become part of their daily routines: a post-social event recharge for Dan might not exclude him resting beside Phil, because Phil isn't a Person, he's just Phil who happens to be a person-- Dan's person. Dan playing the Elden Ring DLC involved Phil being there because yes, Dan was the one playing, but Phil's obviously allowed to be there. so, when Dan decides to go off on tour, and the two of them split apart... that's when the question springs up. because suddenly alone time isn't alone time and also Dan's there, it's proper, actual alone time. the things that you forget to do around the house because you know someone else is able to do them shocks you, because it was never a problem to rely on someone before-- Dan was literally always there! etc etc.

and i actually... okay, i love jokes about codependency and sometimes i do look at them (like with parts of Dan is leaving me) and go holy shit you two that's crazy, but i actually don't see this as a codependency thing! it's a pretty massive shock to anyone's system when you live around another person for that long in such a compact space, right? and like they joked about in... shit, i don't remember the video, might have been the wdapteo 3 (?), the two of them were startled to see the other person in the flesh after Dan's long stretch on tour because that is also a massive adjustment! it's kind of a terrifying one to be honest! just like how university life / home life is a distinction for me, home life / WAD life was a distinction for Dan. and i do take note of the fact that this scenario was unfolding while Dan was the one on tour, because I do think we'd see something kind of interesting if it was the other way around-- like, my point holds, but Phil was right in the video when he said that he has lived alone before versus Dan hasn't because as soon as he moved out he found Phil and, well, not even Dan seems to remember when he proper moved in with him versus when he just crashed in his bed for a weekend. tour life gave Dan structure, and i think that overwhelming reset to his system probably helped with the lack of Phil, versus Phil had experienced living alone but didn't have the same routine that led him to handle the shift in company with the same grace. can't fault the guy.

that being said, while i don't think they were codependent exactly in this period of their life, i do think they were still crazy obsessed with each other because like they really cannot go two seconds without calling or texting or saying each other's names it's so funny. i don't really feel comfortable likening anything they have to toxic because i (like all folks here i think) am very very strongly for the idea that really none of it is, they just kind of happen to be a healthy relationship in which both party is convinced they are soulmates and nobody else has ever had a love like theirs. which... cheers, mate. for sure! can't believe Dan and Phil invented romance, should we throw a party, should we invite Joey Graceffa etc etc

anyway! those are my thoughts <3 this is a clusterfuck of a post SORRY i am very sleepy and also between packing 😭 so not as articulate as usual. but i tried!

[juniperpyre]

writer wrapped

this is from @clare-with-no-i but yeah i thought it would be fun!! happy new year

it got long so everything under the cut

ur fav line u wrote this year

cheating with like 9 sentences from somewhere on lsd when jily meet because lily is lyinggggggg to herself girl stand UP.

"Handsome in a simple, obvious way, with blunt features and broad shoulders, the most remarkable thing about him was his smile. He met her eyes. Lily’s stomach flipped upside down and stayed that way. He wasn’t that special. There was a magnetism to him Lily had never experienced before. He was wearing slacks and a button-up like every other yuppie that came into the Snowy Owl. They fit him perfectly, his sleeves pushed past his elbows and the first few buttons undone. He and his friends were obnoxiously loud. They were laughing, genuinely, in a way that made Lily want to laugh with them."

saying james is handsome in a simple way. like it's simple because he's literally perfect for you. and the back and forth is so funny she's so adverse to experiencing a connection but it's undeniable

scene u wrote this year

honorable mention to priest james and vampire lily bent over his lap in the pew (ch 2 of earth after rain). favorite smut scene for sure.

& in this christmas thing where james asking lily and severus to join him in hogsmeade that fucking cracked me up. james is soooo dismissive to severus and they're both rude to each other but james is just so much more cool and collected. i think the flaws of all 3 of their characters and how the flaws play off each other really come through in the scene too.

but my true favorite is the first part of the second chapter in the sun and the storm. bc it made me cry to write. and i think i invoked the emotions well in such a short passage. plus james is always born after lily, and he always.... yeah

chapter u wrote this year

broooo i dunno. maybe chapter 3 or 6 of earth after rain?

chapter 3 has james admitting to sirius that lily could make him do anything she wants, lily putting her vampire-ness and intention to eat james on the table, the internal thoughts of lily when she's washing up and how james intrigues her, and it has james just desperately wanting her to drink from him.

it was high drama and i think it characterized everyone so well.

and then in chapter 6 both are working through their complicated, fucked up feelings for the other. they're both confused and angry and questions the foundations of who they are! lily is emotionally vulnerable! they have the craziest "what are we?" "can we be exclusive" conversation that i think has ever been written!

one shot u wrote this year

might be supercut... fabian/lily my loves. this is wildly unpopular so it's truly just for me. a real, pure love.

i am always pushing the fabily agenda. perhaps i'll write a bit about lily's relationships (in order, marlene, fabian, james) and what they mean/how they impacted her. it's really all centered around lily as a character (i don't think james had a deeply meaningful romantic relationship besides lily)

fic u planned this year or idea or whatever

planned and executed, earth after rain. shocked that i finished something in like two months. and it's almost novel length.

planned and have not executed, the jily orpheus and eurydice au. i have the whole plot outlined, tho not a full chapter outline. this is not winning my what should i write next year poll but god. it really pulls at something in me.

fav comment u got

perhaps uncertainwallflower's comment on the last chapter of the sun and the storm, the earth after rain epilogue, which is a long comment but quoted one of the lines from that chapter I really enjoyed (about the weird smell of james' dead body!) and was just so sweet about the whole series

honorable mention goes to Nina (a guest so I have literally no clue who) for calling earth after rain jily a messy elderly couple

honorable mention to soupcrackers for saying somewhere on lsd is one of their comfort fics

fav thing that inspired u

the beautiful city of chicago (somewhere on lsd) the beautiful art of maleuch (earth after rain)

[chevvy-yates]

WIP Wednesday Whenever

Got tagged by @elvenbeard, @gloryride, @cinnamon-mey and @morganlefaye79 ! thanks! <3 Idk if it was last week or two weeks ago bc I lost track of time.

I tag: @dreamskug, @humberg, @imaginarycyberpunk2023, @alphanight-vp, @wraithsoutlaws, @heywoodvirgin, @pinkyjulien, @kharonion and @rosapexa – also everyone who likes to do it as alway and no pressure!

—

Since I've been sick for nearly a week and before that more busy with blorbo bday shots during the last weeks I came not to anything new since then other than just thinking about blorbos.

but I can share this pic now, that was only a test to see how it is to have three spawned bubis in a game now:

Thyjs is so darn pale!

I had Vijay and Thyjs talk about Ryder in another answered ask the other day I would like to share here again first as not many have seen this and it means a lot to me so:

Vijay: "Ryder's a complicated dude, but a real lovely one. You can't hate him, even if you wished for it. Yes, he's got problems with his tonality an' is easy to erupt. If you only get to know him superficially you may not like him. It's not easy to become his choom, but if you are allowed to be — bro, he's the best choom you can have. Never met one as loyal as Ryder — at least not before meeting Thyjs — Ry's like that lil' pup phenomenon; the stray black lil' doggo you found wandering aimlessly in the streets and picked up to bring home with you. Result is a super loyal strong watchdog who will be alerted immediately once someone approaches. I can say of my own experience that he's extremely protective if you happen to be in his rather small friend circle. He will do anything to protect you from the bad. He's a good boy and therefore my best friend forever."

Thyjs: “I didn’t know what to think of him in the first place. He talked to me with such an arrogant tone, on top in German. Ik was totaal geïrriteerd. Unsure if I would like him. He's got quite some personality. But knowing him better now, I see who he truly is and when it is the ‘other Ryder’ coming through. There is something about him I did like from the very first moment: his honesty and straightforwardness and his strong will to withstand the pain he endures every day. I can only imagine how he must feel. So I decided to give him a chance. En ik ben eerlijk — he's one of the kindest people I’ve met. Ry willed to show me the city — he hardly knew me. Hedecided to trustme even though I served those who he despises most. He offered me to stay at his place, as I had none, until I made some eddies for an apartment. I enjoyed spending time with him more and more. He made me put down my strict soldier shell I usually keep up, allowing me to appreciate the more casual life now as I cannot pick up my soldier career anymore. Thanks to him I’m a little more of an outgoing person now too I guess. Ryder saved my life! I owe him my protection and he magically made me fall in love with him. It was the least I expected to happen. He helps me explore my own feelings as I struggle with emotional numbing even though he has a hard time to express himself either. In private he's the loveliest and most caring man I've ever met. You can only fall in love with him."

I'm currently spending some time when I find the energy for it to write on a monologue Ryder is doing (he pretends he speaks to Tommy though) how he feels about Beast and Vijay saving him. It's lots of feelings I struggle to put into written form atm. In my head it sounded so good and it made me cry but writing it down myslef is a bit disappointing. Dunno how long it will take me until I think it is good enough but if I ever finish it I'll post it for sure.

[lemonlilactea]

I don't tbink I've posted this so! Have it I guess

And yeah I'll tuck all my writing under the cut bc I don't want to spam a wall of text onto the tag

“I'll miss you, V.”

“You too, Johnny.”

It isn't time yet, but it does feel like they're on the edge of it now. They're alone like usual, together. V sits with one leg off the bed, the other tucked under them, a cigarette dangling from their hand and smoke curling in the air. “D'you think…..we really did anything? Really left a mark in the city, in a way that meant something?” Their eyes glance from him to the window, the neon shining like impossible stars.

“Fuck, I hope so. Don't think I'd like to die again without at least a scratch on this place.” Johnny, of course, is in one of his usual moods. Sitting on the couch, head leaned back, staring at the ceiling. “Did a lot of fuckin' work to be remembered.”

“Yeah, that's one way to put it.” V snorts a laugh, before taking a few puffs of the cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray. “But really, I mean…..hell, what if it's all for nothing? World keeps spinning, Night City paves over the graffiti of our names, we go back to bein’....nothing, I guess.”

“What's with you? Been talkin’ spiritual shit with Misty again?”

“Nah, just thinking out loud, maybe. Dunno.” They drag a hand down their face, sighing, and falling back onto the bed with their arms out. “Can I blame the migraine?”

“Sure, fuck it.” Johnny snorts a laugh from the couch, and in a moment, him image flickers to stand beside the bed. “Look like shit, by the way.”

“Gee, thanks. You say that almost daily, yknow.” They sling an arm across their eyes, blocking the artificial light from the window. “Almost like I'm dying, or something.” There's a beat, longer than usual, and they're tempted to look at him. Not enough to risk the light causing a swell of pain, though, so they keep their arm in place over their eyelids.

“Right, well, bet I've seen a prettier corpse than you.” It's his usual, that easy automatic joking, but there's something in his voice these days. Anytime V brings up the imminent demise, even while they're both fighting it, Johnny seems taken aback, somehow. Like he doesn't expect to hear about it, again and again. Like it isn't going to happen. “Low bar.”

“Obviously.” By this point, their banter is practically rehearsed, a daily occurrence, even if it's grown less aggressive over time. All their interactions have slowly but surely grown softer, as much as is possible for either of them. Johnny is still a dick, and V is still stubborn, but they've grown to respect, and maybe even care for one another. “Not gonna shower til the headache goes away, though. Hell, moving hurts at all. Talking, too.”

“So why you keep yapping, idiot?” Not that they can tell, but Johnny sits on the edge of the bed, no weight to shift the mattress. “It's like you wanna flare that shit up.”

“Well, there's this voice in my head…”

“Yeah, yeah, shut it.”

“You first.” They grin, and would laugh if not for the throb of pain in their head. Days like these are harder by far, but even now, even with Johnny they can't help but keep up the mask. That facade that they're alright, they'll be alright, they'll handle shit just like always, no matter the odds. When someone lives in your head, though, it gets hard to hide the cracks. Under the banter and the chaos, both of them know just how scared V truly is. Both of them, frankly. They've both died before, come back different, trapped with someone they didn't know and hated at first. It's insane, impossible, terrifying. But it's also shifted over the time they spent together. Adapted from begrudging allies to almost friends, now. Probably closer than anyone has been, since Jackie. Shitty run of luck with friends for V.

Fear feels different when it's two different people. It comes from different places, expressed differently. Where Johnny wants to rage and scream, V might just observe silently, might negotiate where Johnny would shoot first. It leads to frustration, mostly, but sometimes to connection. The knowledge that even if they're different, deep down, fear is at least somewhat the same. Fear of pain, of death, these human things that line the path to understanding one another. A slow process, made slower by host and parasite both being more stubborn than imaginable, but one that they've made it through, mostly. Johnny is still a douchebag, V is still shockingly gullible at times, but they're together, at least. Never alone for a choice or consequence, always someone there to listen and assist as best he can, when they need it.

“....hey, Johnny? When you were alive, did you ever…I dunno, get scared of shit? Your memories, the way it feels, you always felt…confident to a fault, kinda unaware how bad you were, but fearless about it.” Their voice breaks the silence, softer than intended, not quite a whisper. The connection hasn't exactly been simple, and memories are muddled enough without the warped minds they both have, and both have learned asking is the best way to get anywhere.

[tinukis]

some details about one of my one piece ocs, Z here i should like draw proper ref of Z soon bc i think abt the little guy often. if i do talk about him more and draw him, i may just reveal his real name eventually

anyway theres really nothing happy about this boy from what i shared and i still have nothing happy. however the reason he even still holds onto life is because of books. he loves reading about adventures, whether the tales are from real journalists or something made up. it inspires Z to continue living on despite being chained down in hell

thats not what i actually wanna talk about, i just wanna talk abt something more lighthearted. while Z does appreciate all the strawhats, the ones hes most particularly fond of are luffy, nami, and robin

not that any of them told their stories, but that those four can really sympathize with Z. nami especially can relate with how Z believes he needs to shoulder everything himself to save his island considering hes only 13 enduring all this pain and suffering-- how he even refused to ask for the strawhats help until things were extremely desperate and that he had to accept that he really was powerless to do anything.

doesnt help that Z's "foster family" fed the strawhats too and how charismatic they are- Z thought that they were completely entranced by them so they wouldnt believe a word a bratty kid would say. and when Z felt completely helpless, he had pinned the blame on the strawhats and wished they never met bc things did go downhill for Z since his arrival

with robin, Z would talk about his favorite book and robin adores how he'd light up talking about it. not to mention him getting really excited when robin said she read the book before and gave him recommendations. (and as a parting gift, she gave Z a book she already finished reading. and it's about a kid his age starting their own adventure and writing everything about their exploits as they travel the world)

and with luffy, i'll admit was p hard to think about as hes not an easy character to write... but hes always been good w kids (AAAAUUUGJWHDIWHDK) and how theyve been inspired by him. what makes it harder to think about is how this kid has ace's face and acted similar to a younger ace. luffy felt a bit uneasy and Z just didnt like him at all. though theyre attracted to each other like magnets so kinda impossible to be separated without being pulled apart. when the strawhats went off to do their own things, luffy and Z somehow come across each other and it's like "stop following me!" / "you're the one following me!"

neither share what adventures they had and neither cared enough to ask. though Z was a little curious about who ace was and luffy bluntly says that theres nothing to know now bc hes dead. Z was about to pry bc ace had to be important to luffy but then again why should he care about this guy? he didnt care much about luffy and he was gonna leave soon anyway so they just left it at that. and as luffy gets distracted by a beetle on a tree trunk, Z suddenly disappears.

at some point though, luffy knew there was something wrong if Z couldnt just leave the place and people he claims to hate. and Z was startled by luffy's sudden interest in him and the island. he wasnt even sure if he could trust this pirate (esp when the 'rulers' were previously pirates !!) but he didnt feel ill intentions from luffy either so Z does tell him about the strict laws of the land which pisses him off gravely bc basically all of the people's freedoms are revoked and have to live a certain way if they wish to even live 👍👍

Z: "dunno why you're interested. you're gonna leave and forget about this hell of an island anyway. theres nothing you can do."

and again, Z cant trust others- especially not pirates. but the more time spent with the strawhats, the more respect and trust he gave. but he never once believed that they cared for him the same

[rui-xyz]

Okey hear me out.

Rui smut that timelines is late 18th century when Rui is noble who came into the poor village where he met ‘poor’ village girl who he fell in love with and after some months they became couple and engaged, and when they were about to start their fun time, manipulating elders show up?? (Rui is 20 and reader is 19)

HIII ANON ok ok so I feel bad but like I DEADASS dunno how to write this 🧍‍♀️

I was tempted to give it a shot bc I would do literally anything for Rui but I just don't think I'd be great at writing this particular scenario :( so very sorry that I couldn't go through with this completely, but by all means, feel free to keep requesting! Hopefully I'll be able to write the next one better! :)

[studentbyday]

me @the stuff i have to do this week

day 50-56 // 100dop && day 29-35 // 100doc

saturday/sunday: finished lab report and data structures lab, spent what felt like a really long time trying to understand the instructions and distro code for speller.c and wrote lots of notes and some pseudocode for the load function.

monday: finished 2 and a little bit of a 3rd section of chem chapter. wrote drafts for the load, check, and unload functions in speller.c but it's returning the opposite of what i should be getting. ☹️🧐

tuesday: it seems i have to accept that as the semester wears on, my study space will inevitably become very very messy with scrap paper (note to self to sift through them tmr and keep only what i need rn)... finished 2.5 sections of chem chapter but didn't take notes on everything yet (halfway through the chapter whooo 🙌). answered tutorial worksheet. also, for some reason i didn't have to change anything except for some minor things in unload and load and check50 works for everything now???? now all that's left to do is figure out why my size function is not returning the same number as the staff's solution and improve on that dreaded hash function...everything i've tried so far takes longer than the one already in there... 🤔 in my impatience to move on, i started the python lecture (YAY PYTHON 😁💗 i'm so ready to be done with C for now)

wednesday: OMG i wasn't expecting to be able to finish speller today but i DID!!!! i thought it would take me much longer to figure out that hash function - i owe it all to cs50's reddit (and stepping away from it and doing smth else when stuck) 💗💗💗 now i can REALLY enjoy myself w python (my beloved XP) and not have that unfinished problem hanging over my head ☺️ also almost done making notes for the sections covered yesterday and finished 3/4 practice assignments.

thursday: i woke up at 12pm 😑☹️ finished all except 1 section of the assignment bc i haven't covered all of the chapter yet. i haven't even finished taking notes on...several things, it's kind of all over the place and i'm just trying to learn enough to do the assignment and then go back in more detail once i'm done bc that's how bored and overwhelmed i feel rn (did not know it was possible to feel both at the same time until uni XD) 😅 watched a little more of the python lecture even tho i should be prioritizing chem rn... still got the lab report to write and a quiz to do after the assignment 😵‍💫😑 (it'll be fine, ik, but if i'm being completely honest, it would be soooooo nice if those things could just do themselves and i could download all the info i need into my brain and instantly understand it and be calculator-fast at the math and not make any mistakes 😤)

friday: finished practice assignment, actual assignment, writing all of the lab report except the intro and references, and the python lecture. got through the remainder of the chem chapter but still gotta write notes on it... it was late at night when i got to the python problems and gaaahhhh coding is sm harder on a sleepy brain, i only finished hello.py XD also dunno how much time i'll have to spend on 100doc this weekend but at least i was able to keep up the streak through the weekdays this time!!

saturday/sunday: finished lab report, notes on chem chapter, quiz, and mario.py. am now working on credit.py and uuuggghhh i did not read the instructions carefully for the checksum!!! 😡 i just followed their example but not all credit card numbers are like the one in the example, so...i have to redo and rethink what seems like a lot of stuff so i basically just wasted all of that time getting confused as to why it wasn't working XD aaaannnddd idk if i should be doing this but i keep converting strings to ints back to strings and then back to ints as needed cuz i lovelovelove iterating through strings but also it seems kinda messy? it also feels super weird writing in python after writing in C for a while...

[heartxshaped-bruises]

                                    ✧･ﾟ 𝐃𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄.

WIP MEME FOR WRITERS !!

Fill out the form for your current WIP and tag your fellow writers to share the fun!

TAGGED BY: snatched from dash TAGGING: @ask-thedepressedkidatthetable @myriadxofxmuses @fantasystrangers @brokenblondeprincess @iisoldmysoulxx @alwaysanangcl @lxvefrxmthextherside @lilxmcrtes

(( I dunno for sure who of you also writes on their own projects in their freetime, I am just guessing and curious xD ))

(WORKING) TITLE? Currently it's titled The Water Is Fine. Kind of a dumb title, ik, but it's rooted in both where the story goes & a real life event I took inspiration from. So, it makes sense in my head so far but I might change it later.

GENRE? I'm dipping my toes into Horror / Mystery for the first time. Though I'd say it's more Psychological Horror than anything more upfront. It's fun figuring out how to change your writing style to evoke emotional responses, but it's tough af. Not sure if I'm succeeding, we'll see xD

THEMES? Bullying, Dying Relationships, Nature Mythology, Control Loss

MOODBOARD / AESTHETIC? ( included above)

FIRST LINE / LAST LINE / FAVORITE LINE? I'll go with the first line since the project is neither finished, nor have I found a favourite line so far bc I'm a bloody perfectionist 😅

"The morning when they pulled the dead stag from the pool, Asher Dunn and I were breaking up."

CURRENT WORD COUNT? 5.354 - not much. I have been slacking a lot lately due to uni-related stuff T_T

ANY INSPIRATIONS? Mainly it's rooted in my own fear of erratic, unpredictable behaviour of someone you are supposed to feel safe with. I thought it was good to start with something familiar. A while ago I also found a podcast where a young woman told her story of having to deal with the drug abuse related issues of her boyfriend. While my project doesn't deal with drug abuse or the like, I really felt for her as I listened what twist that story took and got inspired by the water-related ramblings of her partner. Other than that, I have always been interested in nature mythology - especially in the microcosm of small towns in the middle of nowhere and local folklore.

PLAYLIST / THEME SONG(S)? The main songs I relate to this projects are probably

Gigantomachy by Cake Bake Becky

A House In Nebraska by Ethel Cain

Grow Old by The Naked And Famous

ANY TRIGGER WARNINGS? Hydrophobia, Violence, Body Horror, Deadly Diseases

[hislittleraincloud]

I have deleted the "Teaser" chapter from Satisfying Afterburn, since it really doesn't tell much of anything now (you can see and hear the teaser here in my pinned post anyway) and because I might need the extra chapter.

It has always been my intention for Satisfying Afterburn to have 13 chapters. Right now working on 8.1, 8.2. ...and a possible 8.3 🫠✨

I can't believe I've been working on this for over a year. Christ. I haven't even put this much time into some of my screenplays. It barely took me what...a few months to crap out Cardinal Pleasures? But then again, the storyline for that wasn't as convoluted as this monstrosity.

Afterburn was first published on my birthday (end of this month). So... I dunno if I'll get 8 out on my birthday or what, but I do hope to at least get 8.1 then. But I want to have all parts written and ready to publish before I publish, like how I did it with UVC.

I never published this one bc I ended up using the sexier one, plus the Easter Special was Wenovan-based. I have hundreds...hundreds...of Jairo generations. 💀

I will likely publish another Miller's Girl fic/the fluffy In Three Bites (working title) before then. Stop looking at me like that. Jairo is easier (and more pleasant) for me to write. I hate it. I love it. I hate to love it and love to hate it. I have the same relationship to Jairo that I have with the unwanted muse. 🫥

Doing the audio work with Donovan's voice/song helped a lot to get my motivation up. I was going to use it for 8, but the ficwives put their ideas in my head and now I can't unsee them too, so...it'll probably be saved, just as I saved the Big Twist that will be revealed in 8.2 (a secret I been sitting on all of this time). But when I listen to the piece I just melt into ABW's black and loving heart towards him and...ooo, iss so cute. It makes ABW want to just wrap herself around him and never let him go. But only after Tyler is subdued.

I never published this one either. I have a bunch of others like this, with a grumpy Little Wednesday in them. I just have a shit ton of AI generated stuff for all of my stories.

I'm still working on the poll question post too, but that's not a priority rn. Wenovan/Afterburn is, and deciding on a potential 3rd part for this has lifted some weight off bc there's still a bit of story in here and I don't want to feel like I'm cramming it into two crowded chapters. I'm still unsure if that's how it will be (and changes my header needs a little), but the space is there if I need it.

That's where things are rn. Plus there's that bullshit with the broken image links. If anyone has an idea of where I can host my shit without the links being broken af, lemme know.

[bittercoldbrew]

3,7, and 8!

Thank you darling T^T <3

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Hahaha what a way to start, I'm feeling hesitant to answer honestly bc I think these things are embarrassingly telling about who I am as a person, but alas it can't be helped. Whether I intend to or not, I always seem to find myself writing protagonists with something to hide, some part of themself that they feel is dangerous or hideous enough that it must be kept secret from the world--and they always end up feeling completely uprooted by, and then madly in love with, any character who is able to see past the facade and find them lovable and worthwhile anyway.

Also I write about naps a lot. I think napping together is just like the pinnacle of human connection.

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

God, I dunno, kind of....all of it? That sounds arrogant but idk, I don't really think of myself as a fanfic writer, I more write original fiction and then occasionally dabble in fanfic--which is incredibly frustrating because I've found it nearly impossible to get the kind of collaborative sharing/feedback back-and-forth for original stuff that you see with fanfic (and honestly it's rare to get that with fanfic these days anyway....)...... But all that's to say that when I do write fanfic I tend to build out the world a bit more than other writers do--sometimes parallel to the source material, sometimes tangentially instead--because I'm accustomed to building everything from scratch, and that's something that I think (hope? pray??) makes my work stand out to readers.

That said, right at this moment I think I'm feeling most fond toward the setting(s) of my Prospect (2018) fic, To Build Something New. The movie is entirely focused on a single location within a wider scifi universe, but my story takes place after the characters have left that location, and at the time of writing there was really very little info to go off of. There's quite a bit more floating around now, especially in the discord the creators of the film set up, but I'm really pleased with what I managed to come up with on my own. I think it feels really lived-in, which is always what I'm hoping for.

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

This is so hard!!! Omg okay hang on... I do occasionally make up playlists for certain stories or characters, but those are almost exclusively based on vibes more than actual relevance so I'm not sure. Obviously just about anything by Hozier works, but everybody knows that so let's see if I can't pull out a couple of surprises, and hopefully get more people listening to these artists too....

I love love love Rachel Chinouriri, especially for my Coral Island fic Tideline. I actually almost named that story Riptide after her song by the same name lol, but ultimately I didn't think that quite fit with the cozy feel of the game or the fic. Whenever I listen to her song Mama's Boy I always think of Rafael and my oc, Mika: "I'll tell you all the things I fell in love with first, / the stains on your shirt, / your eyes, your nose, your mouth / but I'm waiting for that smile to come back around..."

Also I've been listening to a lot of Mannequin Pussy lately, everyone should listen to more Mannequin Pussy. I don't have anything to write from them yet but I think Who You Are especially has potential, "I have a chain I wear around my neck / I did not choose my life, and I won't choose my death / oh here we are now, stuck between the two / don't you waste it"

These are all such great questions, thank you so much for asking!!!

[demonsfate]

I remember the whole Xiaoyu/Heihachi debate on the Tek subreddit as well. I always thought some people got weirdly defensive about that even though you had some great (and valid) points. It's like they become blind when the same logic applies to other characters/situations. And that's why I don't like seeing arguments on the Tek6!Jin topic bc I know I'm not gonna like what I see.. like people will say "yeah well *I* Like this Jin and I'm a Jin fan!!! He's never been a goody-two-shoes hero!!" If you like him in 6 that's all fine and dandy but truth is Jin was never like his dad at all and they tried to make him Kazuya 2.0 but they don't see that lol

I really dunno why there were some who got defensive about that. I guess 'cos there are a lot of Heihachi fans. But my point wasn't even entirely about how Xiao was affectionately a child abuser, power hungry, selfish, criminal "grandpa" and crying over his "death." But I was also just saying how it conflicted with her Tek4 depiction/story where she was becoming very suspicious of Heihachi after the email she received from Jin. It showed that Xiao, despite being seemingly childish, has a good head on her shoulders, and can be quite smart. Although never said, considering that Jin had disappeared for 2 years, and had sent her that email out of nowhere - she likely put two and two together and figured Heihachi had something to do with Jin's disappearance. Even if her ending is noncanon in Tek4, it's still bizarre for her to go back to being "I LOVE GRANPA HEIHACHI!!!" in Tek5. Though, Tek5 amped up her immaturity and naivety A LOT. I'm glad it seeeeems like they may be fixing that in Tek8? Hopefully.

When it comes to other websites, I am pretty much done with arguments about Tek6!Jin. I'll bitch about it here because Jin's an important character to me. But like, it really is pointless arguing with most ppl most of the time just because it's always the same. It's either what you said, or "well it happened so it's canon and that's just what Jin is now." OR worse "Jin's a Mishima and they're all bad so he was never really good based solely on that and not anything else his character has ever done." I understand maybe being interested in stories where there are "no good guys" - but that just wasn't what Jin was intended to be (idc what Harada had tried to say in the past)

Any argument about Jin's characterization in Tek6 can be shot down fast just by showing how he acted in the previous games, like I did a week or two ago, and how they're complete contrasts. Even if ""character development"" exists - there's no way Jin would've changed that suddenly and that differently. It's unnatural.

Anyway, people can like whatever they want. We're all entitled to our own opinions. But like, Tek6 is the opposite of why I fell in love with Jin's character. But beyond the issue of Jin being out of character and the "bad guy," he's just a bad character in Tek6. The writing for him was sloppy and inconsistent. His goals are ridiculous and farfetched, and has you coming up with better alternatives than starting a war. His characterization is all over the place as he'll go from "I'm going to mercilessly kill you, go fuck yourself and your dead family" to "I had no choice but to do this, I feel guilty about it, but what else could I have done?" Although lots of ppl point out his goals of ""saving the world"" from Azazel, as well as curing the devil gene, most people forget that he also did this because of CORRUPT GOVERNMENTS. Yes, there's a part in the game where he actually tells Lars that he took control over nations because "government bad" and that the people are terrified of those who rule with an iron fist. Because you know, Jin isn't just another tyrant ruling with an iron fist - in fact, even MORE merciless than the leaders of the world given that he's completely taken over the world and hasn't shown a lick of compassion towards anyone but his own goals. He doesn't even fake compassion ffs. It just SHOWS you how messy his character was even if we ignore what the character was before. It also further confirms that, yes, there was definitely creative differences regarding the character in the writing room.

[privacyredux]

76oz

somewhere sometime in the sky

it's been a long time. val and i said i love you and while, maybe it was a bit fast? im not sure. i've heard conflicting information. regardless, it feels so nice. i get that immediately after it's normal to be in this like heightened lovey dovey state for a minute and that part doesn't really last forever, but it's fun for while we have it. i'm not always the best at accepting compliments and that kind of appreciation piled on me, but it feels really nice coming from her. i believe most of it. maybe all of it. you know, it's hard to accept things sometimes, but im really enjoying the feeling of it all.

i have tour to leave for and im gonna miss the whole event thing, which kind of sucks, but it's nice that everyone will be out there too even if it's not exactly the same place. i know some of my friends will stop by and i hope maybe some others too. i was gonna wait to float that suggestion until it's closer to the date. and val will come and hang out for a bit after that. we can explore europe a little bit and it'll be really nice. i invited whitney to come out to work if she wanted, but i think she's probably not going to. i hope she's still going to come for the us tour but i guess i'll see.

there was a whole thing with max and her and the other day or well, max and her feelings about what he was doing. i'm not sure i'm totally on board with her current approach to things, but i guess it's not my business. i just don't want to see her lose control over her boundaries until they're practically non-existent. like, i hope im wrong. i really do, but addiction is shit to deal with and as much as im sure max doesn't want to cause anything bad for whitney, i'm just worried it'll happen anyway. it's really not in my control though. it's one of those things that i just have to try to remember to support people. i can't control how things are handled. it just feels like there's already been some deceit on his part and i don't want it to be seen as something that just rolls off her back. whatever.

this morning started with me going over to get whitney bc she was upset about everything and taking her to breakfast with me, val, and eric and for now it all to feel like what happened is cleaned up just seems weird. i just have to deal with not knowing what goes on between other people and accepting that the people i care about are adults who can make the best choices for themselves. it's just hard.

there are plenty of ways ive fucked up in my life and i don't want anyone to repeat them or suffer the consequences of them as a bystander either. i wish it was somehow possible to just like pass on the experience to someone else without them having to live through it themselves, but the reality of that would probably be some kind of fucked up black mirror shit i haven't even begun to imagine the consequences of. i dunno. i really hope that when ive spoken about it i don't seem like i hate max or think he's a terrible person or something. i just think he's capable of doing terrible things in the same way anyone can, especially with the kind of burden he's dealing with currently. maybe both he and whitney think i hate him. i don't.

having val around for it was helpful though. not just for the compassion and support for me, but just for the distraction too. even just writing this she was sharing something that she'd written about me.

like, it makes me feel like the grinch sometimes with my heart growing bigger and bigger bc it really does make me feel good and special. i feel like there's so many things i wanna do for myself and for my friends and it can be hard to figure out how to go about it right. and there are definitely times i can be down on myself about how ineffective certain things are or if im being too much or whatever else. it's just nice to have someone who is always looking to build me up bc as hard as i try not to, i'm always going to have a talent for tearing myself down

there's also a whole thing with sabrina... which i guess i won't get into yet bc she's said it's really just a joke just a bit. i'm not sure, but i think ive said more than enough.

lo que siento - cuco

love this - cosmo jarvis

something right (daytrotter session) - microwave

she made me a couple playlists if that's not obvious heh

[rosepetalkitty]

hi hey hello please read this its important info!!

about!!!

what is this? who am i?

hi hi hi!!! finally caved and made an nsfw/kink altblog. no i will not be linking this to my main blog even if u know me there. i doubt im ever gonna post anything thats just outright sexual here bc im acespec and not really into that stuff very much but like kink is such a fun topic so that'll come up a lot. also for the record, this is not a "men dni" page but i am generally sapphic.

call me Rose if you're subby or rosie if you want me to be ^-^ my pronouns are she/her (in english) and ella (en espa��ol), i'm an 18y/o trans girl, and i've been diagnosed with adhd, autism and tourettes, among other things.

also, as of october 30th, 2024, i am a voice actress!!! my audios are posted on my reddit page!!! i don't do commissions (yet!) but im happy to take suggestions, so if you have an idea, shoot me an ask!!

all my links are on my website, check it out!

and uhhh dunno what else i was gonna say. plspls send me asks i love the attention!!! i'll leave anons on until it becomes a problem~ anyways uh yeah! enjoy!

please read below the break for more information, especially if you plan on interacting with this blog!!

where you can reach me:

here, obviously, though tumblr dms are pretty bad. on the bright side this is like zero effort. you're on tumblr, im on tumblr, yay

simplex! you can click that link to add me, and if you don't have simplex it'll explain to you how to set it up, which is super duper easy. it's really really great privacy wise!! i would very much appreciate it if you send me a tumblr dm telling me your simplex display name so that i know who's who.

discord. my discord tag is the same as my url here. i do prefer simplex over discord though (mostly cuz i don't switch discord accounts on my phone bcuz it's a pain, and also bcuz of the privacy thing)

here are some posts that are significant to me for one reason or another

this blog is a persona, a ranty short essay about identity, emotional freedom, masking and what it really means to know Me

my first real audio post!! oh my goddess this was so exciting!!!

on fear regarding human domestication guide, and on my hope to someday overcome it

regarding my roommate, myrrh

as of writing (2024-11-08), myrrh (murmur unless you have been given permission to use the prior! check baa pinned before interacting with bah!) and i are now comfortable interacting on tumblr. this is awesome because discussing kink as an interest is great and ba's my bestie, but i need to make this incredibly clear:

we are strictly platonic! we are not dating, we are not fwb, we do not do any kinky or sexual stuff together at all and never will. we chat about kink and sometimes make jokes about it at each other's expense, but we are friends who live together, not partners. do not insinuate otherwise, it makes both of us very uncomfortable.

as of writing (2024-12-06), myrrh and i are dating. funny how that happens.

An important note about dominance...

If you're exclusively a dom(me) you can skip this, otherwise I would appreciate it if you could at least skim it.

i do not like the expectation that i will be dominant at any given time, but I do enjoy showing some dominance sometimes, in some situations. I do enjoy being a brat, when I'm not already feeling really subby but want to be put in my place.

Hell, I do enjoy hypnotizing people. A lot, actually. I've been a hypnotist (in both a purely for fun way and occasionally a kink way depending on the person) for a relatively large number of people over the past several years, including in person for a handful of people, though much less so in the past year or so. I even make files now, and it's really really fun.

The problem is, I get burnt out very quickly if I force myself to be dominant when my brain isn't just doing it spontaneously. How do I know? In past relationships my partners saw me as a switch, and expected me to dominate them at least as much as they dominated me. I really can't do that. My dominance is as much within my control as my hyperfixations — I can make good use of it when it's there, but when it's not there there's nothing I can do to force it, and trying to do so inevitably leads to stress, exhaustion and burnout. I also very much tend towards submission. I think of my default state as being submissive towards domme-aligned people who I trust. My dominance comes out with certain people some of the time.

One of my lovely partners, my Mistress @enchantress-arc (who, obviously, is much more of a domme than I am), often talks about what she describes as "blood in the water," where she'll suddenly go from her usual mood of "lightly and casually dominant but mostly just hanging out" to "super dominant and excited to break someone" after something small triggers it, like a sub calling her by an honorific in a certain tone, or a different domme showing off a shared sub. That effect applies to me too, and I love it as a way to describe my own dominance. There are certain things, like my beautiful blossom calling me by the honorific I've given her in the right tone, that occasionally trigger a ton of dominance. Most of the time, however, that's not the case.

For all of these reasons and more, please understand that I am not able to be dominant whenever I want, for whoever I want, in whatever way I want. This shouldn't even have to be said, but do not DM me expecting dominance.

I'm currently debating opening up paid sessions as an option, but I'm still figuring out whether I'll really be able to do those consistently. If I ever decide to start doing that in the future, there will be a post about it.

some notes for the page!

if ive tagged a post with #pull my trigger! then that means im ok with ppl playing with my brain in the notes!! otherwise, please just message me directly. im always okie with dms.

posts with #mean rosie on them have me teasing/messing with/bullying (in a /lh way) other people~ don't ask me to do this to you unless it's like a reblog responding to me doing that to you or smth. i don't usually enjoy showing dominance like that. sometimes im just the flavor of brat that likes to tease people. other times i do kinda feel a little bit dominant but. meh. even then ill pretty much always slip down into good girl mode on the spot if anyone shows any dominance towards me, usually even more so than i would normally.

posts tagged #angel rosie are ones that make me really happy~

#rosie rambles and #rosie rants go on serious/out of theme posts, with the latter being for emotionally heavy ones

#rosie speaks goes on all my audios~

plspls ask me about my triggers, my kinks, etcetc!!! i love getting told to answer questions >w<

dni list

any adult is free to view my page. minors, please leave. im serious. that said, there are certain things that will get you blocked from interacting with my page, so if your blog falls into any of these categories please kindly just look, don't touch.

agepl@y

terfs, and anyone else who doesn't think trans women are women

s!ssy, crossdressing and detrans themed pages. i have nothing against you for liking that stuff, but it makes me really uncomfortable because of some past experiences. please dni.

blank blogs, no age in bio or pinned, blogs that seem to just be spam reblogging everything, etc. sometimes this is case by case — "18+" is usually not chill, but "20s" or "30s" usually is. if you have nothing at all that's a nope. having a pfp is important, by the way.

blogs that just spam ai generated pictures. im sure youre chill, but ai pictures take the humanity out of your blog and frankly just look bad. posting one here or there on an otherwise human blog is thin ice, but i care a little less when there's other content too, as long as your other content is good.

my kinks, my limits my triggers

obviously im very very into hypnosis, especially intelligence play (aka dumbification), especially especially when there are bimbo themes involved. im also into everything on this list (in no particular order), but its definitely not exhaustive because theres things ive never tried before. please try new things on me!

light/medium bondage

pet play (as a kitty or a bunny, totes open to others but those are ones i luv)

spanking and other light pain, including light scratching/marking

being groped

praise and degradation, especially when its condescending

gentle doms (not that other styles are bad, but gentle+manipulative+condescending+possessive is my favorite)

other people picking my clothes

physical affection (headpats, scritchies, cuddles, kisses)

medical play (very specifically anesthesia, limited interest in other parts of it)

gaslighting

exhibitionism (especially when im being shown off)

behavior modification (especially clicker training!)

edging and denial

i have a voice kink for certain types of voices. generally my favorites are deep femme voices with really soft tones that get sharp to add emphasis to certain words like "drop" or "now". i also sometimes like higher softer masc voices, but deep or rough masc voices make me uncomfortable most of the time. if you want me to give you examples of hypnotists on the internet whose files i like, please send an ask or dm me.

when im in control (especially when it's about my audios!!!), i love being told how i make you feel, what you think of me, etc, so go on, feed my ego ;)

sooo yeah!! next are my soft limits — things i don't necessarily love but can tolerate in an otherwise fun context. please ask before acting on these because i would generally prefer to avoid them.

hypno audios narrated by text to speech — most of them are just grating and i can't relax with them.

"brainwashing" files that are just someone saying the same thing over and over with no induction or deepener or triggers or anything to put me under. i need to be in trance before that stuff does anything.

"hypnosis audios" that have loud music, or where the script is turned into a song. i've heard it done well maybe once or twice, i've heard it done wrong a million times.

hypnosis content as long form videos, especially when i need to read text in the video. my eyes get exhausted from staring at a screen for too long. i really really prefer audio, and text is good too, but videos longer than a couple minutes are rough.

and finally, here are my hard limits. please don't bring these things up. full stop. these are non-negotiable.

everything on my dni list

the drugs haloperidol/haldol, lorazepam/ativan and promethazine/phenergan

heavy pain

blood, knives/sharps, heavy scratching/marking

being asked/"forced" (i can and will block you if you're pushy) to send pictures or videos. audio is a hard maybe and very much depends on dysphoria at that moment and vibes. but yeah pictures and videos are a no-go.

being sent dick pics. please don't. im not into that. other pics are probably fine as long as you're chill.

extended degradation with no praise (i start having genuine self image issues past a certain point - i like being degraded, having my behavior changed, and then being praised as a reinforcement mechanism)

intox play, especially alcohol and weed. it scares me because of some past experiences. this is specifically about being intoxicated in the traditional sense (drunk/high), so like for example being sedated is something im cool with (and actually love the idea of)

feeding kink stuff

and here are some of my hypnotic triggers, in no particular order

"brain goes bye bye" melts my brain and makes it really hard to think

"control goes bye bye" takes control of my brain and my body away so that i just do as im told

"memories go bye bye" makes it really hard to remember anything for a while, which mostly just shuts my brain off. these first three are all from Miss Lilith, i love her files~ <3

"sleep" and "drop" both put me under, to varying degrees of success. might take multiple uses to really take me down deep, and really everything works better with a snap

"good girl" makes me happy and a tiny bit more obedient

"look here", "listen" and "focus" draw in my attention and make it hard to look away from/ignore whatever is being shown/said to me. they also usually make me more suggestible.

"lightning" makes me feel weak and dazed and when im like that "thunder" puts me under and gets me really floaty and fuzzy

i have a lot more, im just not remembering them all right now. theres probably dozens in my brain from all the files ive conditioned myself with over the years