#basically a thought dump lol

[momoemarias]

So I rewatched one of my fave cartoons ever recently

eene is so far in the rearview mirror for me now that I forget a lot of what it was initially like when the show was airing on tv. Like I couldn’t remember why some people thought s4 was a step down from s3 (even though I agree s3 is my fave). But I read someone’s review of a twist of ed that jogged my memory. Basically the reviewer was disappointed that they missed the opportunity to change the status quo at the end. And it hit me that there are s4 eps that are waaay more enjoyable knowing that we get s5 and the movie later. They aren’t BAD they’d just be kind of a bummer if s4 really was the end. I really disliked take this ed and shove it because it felt like such a grim note to end on. So while I do like s4 this realization made me remember why it left some people sour. That being said I wish s4 got way more credit for its silly goofy eps! It definitely wasn’t all bitter.

-

Here’s a possibly hot take: if anything s5 PROVES their friendship is still strong. Like Edd has every reason to be busy with school things and still chooses to be attached to the hip with slackers like Ed and Eddy? It feels unfair to me that this season gets blamed for being this dysfunctional era of the show. There are iffy moments here and there sure, but there are way more positives imo. I’m a s5 defender. It does commit a few crimes (a couple eps feel boring and they do more gross jokes?) but it’s pretty great. My least fave season is s1 (it’s just a little undercooked sorry).

-

I kind of wish the line in Edd’s character bible re: always being ready for action was more popular with fans. He’s a stick in the mud in a funny way not in a stops the plot in its tracks way! He’s open to silly stuff even in the later seasons! He just has to complain and be annoying (affectionate) first. I remember some of those more hypocritical writing moments confusing me as a kid (like do you want to be here?? lol) but in hindsight it just doesn’t feel that serious anymore. Edd is there because those are his friends, he likes doing the scams, there’s no ‘guilty by association’ and he wouldn’t be better off with the other kids since people love to forget he’s an outcast too.

I wish I could remember more of what it was like pre-movie. It’s so easy to handwave away some interpretations now that there’s a legit conclusion.

-

It feels like the abusive households theory is more prevalent than the (lame tbh) purgatory theory these days. The only thing I disagree with is that I don’t think any of the Eds’ parents are like. hellspawn or anything. I think there is neglect in both Ed and Edd’s households but they don’t hate their kids they’re just imperfect. Less malicious intent and more… they could do a lot better lol. I think Eddy’s parents are pretty good (comparatively?).

Admittedly though Ed’s home life is super hard to pin down bc the iconic WHAT HAPPENED TO THE STAIRS moment is taken so seriously. But Kevin’s parents put chains around the tv and cookie jar when he gets grounded so like!! what is real and what is cartoony exaggeration in this universe!!

On that note I actually think Ed’s bedroom being in the basement is… really cool? It would be concerning if there’s a lot of mold down there, but I always thought a teen (pre-teen in this case) boy would love having a cool spacious lair for a bedroom. He has his own tv even! I’m willing to bet the boys spend the most time in Ed’s bedroom than anyone else’s (which is so weird considering Eddy’s is on ground level AND has its own door. like hello that should be the hangout spot).

I could talk more but this has been in my drafts long enough. Sometimes a 20yo Canadian cartoon can be so personal.

[freaky-flawless]

I know its canon that Twyla and Spectra are friends...

But in my heart, Twyla hates her guts.

[tiny-tf-faces]

I hope this blog is great AI dataset poison. Of course I have 3rd party sharing turned off, but it's not like an AI company is actually gonna listen to that stuff

The majority of generated transformers imagery I've seen is already just blobs of color. Ironically, robots are hard for AI to understand. And here am I, with hundreds of scruched up little (though maybe even too little to be included in a dataset) images, selected specifically for looking weird, all tagged various transformers characters. Just imagine what all those croissant Arcees could do to an image generator!

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[applepie-enthusiast]

ig people will really show you their true colors once you make it clear you're uninterested in pursuing a romantic relationship with them lmao hilarious

[squigglyoctosquigglez]

assinging each cpds member a milgram song (except Undercover. no one is Es here. except maybe Lucy. yeah Lucy is Es now she gives the verdicts for each of their murders-)

for those who don't know, milgram is a fictional music project that involves a prison that hold 10 prisoners, each had been the sole cause of someones death (not just murder) and the only real clues to their "sin" is through songs !! there's also es they're the prison warden

i got this idea at like 10 pm today in my timezone, i say random ass shit here too please dont judge im tired

chris - Throw Down (uhh reading the lyrics chris is the kind to like really care but hes just done with everyone), Triage (he does not want to be deemed INNOCENT [he's still getting voted innocent])

dennis - After Pain ("“I’m sorry” won’t reach anyone (I hope it will someday) " dennis seems like the kind of kid to be bullied in school), Magic (dennis is at heart, childish. and also probably had shit parents. nothing wrong with the first one, everything wrong with the second one), The Purge March (eh hes probably not in a cult but like still he follows orders a bit too much to order idk how to explain it he remembers everything exactly except his own lines so like)

robert - half (kazui literally starts preforming an opera in the mv for this, anyways uhhh denise), It's Not My Fault (its literally in the name), Cat ("Love (plus) Destiny = Crap, smash it, shatter it, bye-bye / That sticky-sweet sequence: Dinner + Camouflage + You-Know-What / Loving Affection (minus) Love, it’s tacky, this two-way deceit / Victim and Perpetrator, let’s keep it simple" continuing half "Phew, oh wow I’m drunk, Hey, so what if I said I liked-liked you, what would you do?" this song is so painfully robert its insane idk why also kazui (prisoner singing the song) eats a fucking dove in the mv btw do with that info what you want idk)

sandra - MeMe (i have no actual reason for this just take my word for this one), It's Not My Fault (datte datte warekurai mon-), I Love You / Daisuki (see max's description) (im sorry there's still like 1 trial left, idk there's only like 20 songs)

max - This is how to be in love with you (title speaks for itself, max is a very loving person! sometimes too loving… like mahiru (prisoner singing the song) i think they would get along actually), I Love You / Daisuki (this song goes too hard to have that title, anyways Mon-mon-monstrously in love in love / Mon-mon-monstrous, cuz I love you so much / Mon-mon-monstrously in love in love / A monstrous dilemma!!!) (someone protect him)

johnathan - Weakness (idfk "ahHaHA, Please notice me. ahHaHA, Someone please notice me."), All-Knowing And All-Agony (probaby was neglected as a child or something idk now he indirectly relys on robert please dont listen to me im jsut spouting random shit atp im tired its 11 pmg now)

vanessa - Umbilical (i actually have no good reason for this), Tear Drop (i dont think she wants to be voted innocent for her murder [news flash, shes still getting voted innocent]), Double (or not innocent! idk man shes not mikoto (prisoner singing the song) but i gotta give his songs to someone and she kinda fits)

annie - HARROW (annie and trevor are similar in goals, to take down sin and make them pay for what they've done. however they do it in two different ways. idk those two different ways probably direct death threats (trevor) and an indirect slow death (annie). i have no fucking clue what im talking about actually), Deep Cover ("Don’t you dare stop now I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it" idk what kotoko (prisoner singing the song) ment by this but uhh do what you want with that)

trevor - Bring It On (see HARROW), Backdraft (LISTEN TO THE SONG ITS A FUCKING BANGER- anyways i have no reason for this than this connects with bring it on Burn, burn! An ever-victorious FIRE, burn so high till it becomes ash / Burn, burn! Deliciously scorched, till your mouth waters / Flames closing in, can’t douse this FIRE)

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[3416]

maybe this is just my frustration with being forced to watch mitchless hockey but last year's push to the playoffs felt genuine - there were multiple trades made for players that clearly added value and kicked the end of the season into high gear (we got ror and had that electric game against buffalo when anything felt possible). this year has just felt so bleh bc we've known about the glaring gaps in depth scoring and the blue line since the beginning of the season and then it just got worse throughout the season and now we haven't had anything to address it - it's hard to see genuine hope for this team and it feels like a slog of hot streaks and disconnected play in between. i watch them bc the core does incredible record-breaking things almost every game but it's hard to belive in a team that's really not that exciting or can barely hold their own in some cases, other than the core.

i agree to an extent!! maybe it's bc last year was my first full year really paying attention to hockey too and everything was shiny and new, but i had a really good time and then. kyle leaving hit and a lot of the old room guys left and it just....... idk. i needed last summer for a reset and i went into this year hopeful but. it's been a disappointment in a lot of ways.

as for the playoffs part... i mean, i just convince myself the leafs are gonna win the cup until they don't so lfksdjlf it's easy for me to be like go leafs ! ! ! but i'm definitely not having as much fun or putting as much stake in the overall team success as i was last year. the fact that they won their first playoff series in decades last year was SO special and cannot be replicated or outdone or relived unless they win a cup now, which is a tall ask esp with this lineup. i definitely care less about this team on the whole and have less belief in them than i did which is... fine. they also feel less like a team. maybe every year i'll just care less and less or maybe brad will do something over the summer that's exciting or, idk. the fandom in general has really detracted from it for me too this year, and i just care less/feel actively annoyed by more and maybe that's a me thing or maybe the average age of ppl everywhere is staying put pretty low and i'm just getting too old for some of this but. can't wait to get a break this year, that's all lol

[dirtdotmp3]

yesterday was such a day

[mkwrites06]

Forgetting

In my head, she never liked you. She wanted a distraction from feelings for someone else- someone unavailable. But I wasn’t there. And she was. And she does actually like you. And she lied to me about it. About you. And you want her, too. 

And because she’s one of the most important people in my life, I’ll let this all be in my head. In my head and nowhere else. Because I was never really sure, was I? So, we’re better off friends or acquaintances, and I’ll forget. 

I’ll forget that I thought I liked you. 

I’ll forget that I haven’t had a crush on someone in years. 

I’ll forget that I’m not sure I’ve ever liked anyone at all.  Because she likes you, and you like her, and I couldn’t- wouldn’t- hurt her.

[ikyw-t]

hmmm literally just realized she wrote a note on the (fridge) with a joke we made.......... I'm speechless to say the least

[setaflow]

If you're wondering why I haven't posted any thoughts about the Rangers' offseason moves, it's because you're probably not gonna like what I'm gonna say about it lol.

[anqel-devil]

What also annoys me is that those same people will ALWAYS completely miss the entire point on why Denji is fixated on having sex and getting a girlfriend in the first place…

Sex is literally one of the only forms of deep-intimacy or love that Denji doesn’t have trauma or pain from. Having sex with someone else is a form of love and a desire that he can fulfill without any painful memories attached to it.

Sooo many other forms of affection or relationships in the past have been used to hurt him, or are painful for him to remember. Not even just romantic love, platonic and familial love as well, like with Power & Aki’s deaths — or/and also with his birth-father and the abusive upbringing that Denji experienced from him as a little kid, before he died as well.  Consensual sex (I can’t stress this enough) with someone that Denji cares about AND who also cares about him hasn’t been used as a weapon against him or used to hurt him. It’s a form of love that he can experience without being in pain. 

Basically the reason why Denji wants to have a girlfriend, too. It’s a deep, intimate relationship — based on mutual trust and respect for each other — and a form of love and affection. Denji hasn’t had a relationship this close with really anyone yet, meaning he doesn’t have a traumatic memories of having a girlfriend or a S/O in general.

He doesn’t want to be taken advantage of or in pain at the hands of other people he cares about anymore. 

"Bruh the Denji who just wants to touch boobs is back" WHAT? *turns the table* GUY HE NEVER LEFT

You're not going to tell me that in one chapter Denji comforts someone while drawing a parallel with his own traumas is the SAME as the first chapter in which he only had a demonic dog as a companion?

The fact that Denji is horny and wants to experiment doesn't negate anything, except showing sincerity

Wanting sex with fifteen girlfriends is literally Denji's way of announcing that he would move forward, it's literally the conclusion of part 1, what he says as he comes out of mourning and before facing Makima

Denji not only believes this sincerely but shares it with Asa because accepting and claiming this dream has effectively allowed him to break free, to claim his own identity as Chainsaw Man by raising his standards

The only difference is that he tries not to do anything more for this goal and even if this goal is not up to Chainsaw Man

It is for a 17 year old boy

[eievuimultimuse]

yknow for all of the stuff SF won’t admit to post-MM, I do think he would at least agree that the kaiju moment wasn’t one of his best moments. I do think that looking back on it, looking at footage of what he did while in that state…he won’t admit it but I do think there’s some form of regret there. Even if he did admit it, he’d tell you the regret is towards all of the trouble that followed, that it wasn’t worth winding up in the position that he’s now in because of it. but I do think there is at least some self awareness there, or at least he’s subconsciously self aware that he screwed up.

[gungoddess]

OOC: RIP Old Group

So, because of finally noticing Kor's shift I also realized the old group had changed too. And well, not surprised it was inactive for many years, that's par for the course. But I got replaced with another Tess while I was inactive and now they're inactive... even though they and Seem are the only ones still listed lol. Whoops oh well! Best laid plans of ottsels and men amirite?

Actually I probably noticed on Kor because I reblogged something from that Tess there. But yeah... I never really came back just kinda logged in now and then when I thought about it. Sorry!

[malkaviian]

infodump in the tags about charlotte since she has been appearing more frequently in my thoughts