#But my thoughts on free agency can be summed up in two sentences:

[setaflow]

If you're wondering why I haven't posted any thoughts about the Rangers' offseason moves, it's because you're probably not gonna like what I'm gonna say about it lol.

[allen-messenger]

The End of the World (707 x Reader)

Trigger warnings: torture, death.

If you intend to read the beginning of this one-shot, don’t worry, the triggering part is under the cut.

Genre(s): Angst, Tragedy

Summary: Seven has been spending most of his time making sure MC is safe, and the agency’s boss is disatistied.

  ’’Make sure that my next target won’t be you.’’

  Vanderwood had warned Seven over and over. He really did. How many times did he advise caution to the hacker, urging him to care about his personal safety? How many times did he compel his colleague to let go of his feelings? How often did he reminded Seven that their organization could remove the two of them from the face of the Earth at the slightest mistake? So often he couldn’t count his admonitions anymore, actually. However, the redhead had always brushed aside his numerous lectures.

  Of course, Luciel was incredibly talented. As a matter of fact, only him could undertake some of the organization’s missions. Even among secret agents, Seven’s skills were highly praised. Because of that, the boss had been rather lenient with him. Truthfully, if it hadn’t been for his abilities, the hacker would have been disposed of a very, very long time ago. Nonetheless, it didn’t mean this status quo would remain forever. And today, Luciel would finally learn his lesson – the hard way.

  Although he knew this day would eventually come, Vanderwood had strived to delay the inevitable. He had been in charge of Seven for several years now and despite his threats, the secret agent had developed a soft spot for his colleague. For the longest time, he lied to the boss in an attempt to cover the hacker’s blunders. Sometimes, he would even reluctantly put in a good word for him. For god’s sake, he even regularly cleaned Luciel’s house so the latter could focus on the damn work. Even though Vanderwood had turned a blind eye on Seven’s antics, keeping the RFA’s existence a secret from the higher-ups, he couldn’t afford to do it anymore. This time, his life was on the line, and it was far more precious than Seven’s affection.

  Despite his old age, the boss was unexpectedly sharp. The secret agent had no idea how his superior had learnt of her existence, but he knew a woman was the source of Seven’s distraction.

 “Bring her to me. Don’t fail. You, of all people, should know what would happen if you were to fail, don’t you?”

  Of course he knew. Disposing of failures was part of his job as a handler, after all. The agent wondered if his colleague would be able to withstand his sanction. In all honesty, the punishment that awaited Seven was arguably worse than death. Vanderwood remembered the face of the agency’s previous victims, drowned in agony, while they watched their lovers be swept away. Yes, dying probably was a better option. Unfortunately for him, the hacker’s talent was irreplaceable. Because of that, the man would not be the one to suffer the consequences of his mistakes.

  In the end, the mission had been amazingly dull. It didn’t involve any risk whatsoever. The target was just a pitiful, naïve college girl. She didn’t even hesitate a second before opening the door when he told her Seven had sent him to check on her. Not like he expected anything from a woman who had unwillingly locked herself in a trapped apartment, anyways. Still, deep in his heart, a sparkle of pity was flickering.

  30cl of chloroform and an old cloth. To the agency, it was all her life was worth. His eyes wandered and laid on her face. She was sleeping peacefully, unaware that her fate was sealed. Anyone could realize in one glance that she didn’t belong to neither his and Seven’s world. It was painfully obvious that the girl was just an average person whose life could be summed up in a couple of words: sleep, work, eat, love and friends. And yet, she would die because she unintentionally crossed the boundary between their realms. The handler weakly tried to dismiss those thoughts, but in truth, those jobs always left a bitter taste in his mouth he could never get rid of.

  After a few hours, Vanderwood stuffed the drugged woman in a suitcase and entered the church. At first, the building seemed to be an ordinary sanctuary where believers gathered to pray together. However, some devotees could make a “generous donation” and “confess their fears” to the priests. If they had been benevolent enough, their prayers would be heard by God, and their dreads would miraculously disappear.

  The agent made his way to the highest floor. After respectfully announcing himself, he was led to the archbishop’s office. An old man was waiting for him. Vanderwood reckoned his host must have been around 65 years old. Despite his age, the boss was a force to be reckoned with. Time and betrayals had never been enough to graze his authority, until now, at least.

  For the first time, the organization’s very existence was threatened. Although the old fox’s power was significant, the agency’s client’s dominance was said to be absolute in the underworld. Rumor has it that it wouldn’t take more than a day for the customer to successfully destroy the institution. The agent had also heard that the said patron had no enemies anymore, as they had all been secretly removed. And unfortunately for the boss, that client had been dissatisfied by Seven’s delay in delivery. In view of the recent events, there was no way the higher-ups would tolerate the hacker’s behavior any further, no matter how talented he was.

  “So that’s her… Agent Vanderwood. You may take your leave.”

“Thank you, sir.”

  This kind of respect didn’t suit him, but he had no choice. His life was precious. If he had to fake reverence to preserve it, he would do it without a thought. If he had to sacrifice an innocent passerby to protect it, he wouldn’t hesitate to do it either.

  The handler internally said a prayer for the woman. He didn’t believe in any god, but he knew that she would need a miracle to leave this building unscathed.

  One hour later, a redhead stormed in the archbishop’s office.

 “Boss! Did you do anything to her?!” He growled.

 The old man peeked at his watch with a deadpan expression.

“As expected, you analyzed the situation swiftly. It is a shame, truly, that you do not work as fast, Agent 707.”

  Although the hacker tried to hide it, he was terrified. No matter how stupid he seemed in the chatroom, he was wise enough perceive what was going to happen. He had to get her out of here, no matter how. If he couldn’t, she would die without fail. He had to find something... Think Seven, hurry, think of something, anything. Use every single cell your brain, even if you have to burn them. You can’t fail. In the end, he knew that escaping the church unharmed would be impossible. The building was crowded by numerous agents after all – some far more experienced than him. The only option was negotiation, but was there really a way he could convince the boss to let MC go?

  “No, there is none. Don’t even think about it.” The voice was stern. The old fox’s tone didn’t leave any room for compromise. Argh, how sharp was this man? His acute gaze had always looked like it could pierce through one’s lies, but Seven had never expected the boss to literally read his mind. Keep thinking, Saeyoung, there must be a way. Every puzzle has a solution, right? There must be something I can do. There has to be. Truthfully, he knew that negotiating would be impossible. Although he was a tremendous asset to the agency, he was still a pawn, and threatening the King himself would be useless. However, he didn’t want to give up. He was the one who put a random civilian in this mess, so he had to save her, even if it meant he would have to become a sacrifice.

  “Wait, boss… I admit I haven’t been the most diligent agent lately, but… I’ll work, I promise, you don’t need to take a hostage to intimidate me.” The hacker’s arguments were far from persuasive, but his head was frozen stiff. All his leftover neurons were already dedicated to creating coherent sentences.

“It seems you do not understand. This isn’t an incentive, but a sanction. When you entered the agency, I believed your talent would make up for your psychological weakness. It appears I was wrong, and it is time for me to rectify this mistake. Your mental training is long overdue.”

“Wait!” The young agent pleaded in an attempt to gain time. However, seconds passed while Seven was still paralyzed by fear. “Don’t hurt her, please! It’s my fault, I’m the one who messed up. Don’t touch her… Please.”

“Weren’t you told? You should never get involved with others. I am sure you realized it by now, but personal relationships will be the end of you. You have failed as an agent, 707.”

“I…” Words wouldn’t come out of his mouth anymore. His sight was blurry. Dazed, he felt like the world was slowly crumbling underneath him. In an ultimate struggle, the hacker pleaded the man. “Don’t… Boss, don’t hurt her, I should be the one to go through – that -, please! I’ll work like a slave for the rest of my life, so… So…”

“Do you still not understand? Agent Seven, this is your punishment.”

  The hacker was dragged into an empty room, and solidly tied up to a chair. In front of him, a glass let him view his significant other. Just like him, she was trying to break free from her restraints, in vain. Her irises were filled with a unique kind of terror, with the dread of someone who was facing death itself. Seven thrashed around violently, yelling whatever sentences he could think of in this situation. He screamed her name, once, twice, ten times, but his pleas never reached her ears. He tried to attain the glass separating them, but it was pointless. His chair wouldn’t budge, no matter how much he flailed about.

 “Seven… You said there was a chance you would come if I were to call your name while looking at the sky, but… What should I do? I can’t see it… from here.”

The redhead’s eyes raised, before laying at the speakers transmitting sound from her room to his. That damn deviant planned punishments so well. Seven had to admit it, now. There was no way out for any of them. Both him and his beloved would break in this church. The hacker would see and hear his dearest, but she would die all alone, drowned in the agony he inflicted upon her.

  The metal door opened, and a middle-aged man entered. Much to his dismay, Seven realized he had never seen that person. There was no telling how much of a monster the torturer would be. Please don’t be a monster, at least that, please, please--.  Repeating this single sentence like a mantra, the hacker stared at the agent, powerless.

  “Yo, little girl. Before you start crying, let me tell you that I don’t enjoy doing that to innocent civilians either. It can’t be helped, though, that’s my job – and I will be in the same situation as you if I don’t do it right. So instead of blaming me, curse your poor excuse of a boyfriend.” The newcomer said, with a matter-of-fact tone, before sighing. He acted like an office worker whose higher-ups demanded they work overtime. He seemed utterly disinterested in his prisoner’s destiny: she was just the file he had to submit to his chief tomorrow morning, no more, no less. On one hand, it meant that the torturer would do his job thoroughly. On the other hand, he appeared to not enjoy making his victims feel unnecessary pain.

 “… I won’t blame him. Seven… Seven didn’t want that either.”

“Whatever suits your boat. Anyways, the boss ordered me to break you. Here is how things are gonna go: I’ll hurt you real bad, and when you are on the brink of death, I’ll give you some privacy for a few minutes. Lucky for you, it turns out I’m pretty experienced, so your cuts will be clean. If you want a piece of advice, just throw away your pride and yell to your heart content. Say whatever makes you feel better, really. The dead don’t need ego.”

“… Okay.” MC answered, hesitantly.

  Although a little voice in Seven’s head had been whispering him that MC would die here because of him, it was only after the torturer’s speech that he fully realized the seriousness of the situation. It wasn’t just an eerie nightmare. It was reality, in its purest form.

  “I’ll start with your fingers. Then, I’ll go for your arms, legs, jaw, and finally, for the kill. Good luck, little girl.”

  Without delay, the first bone snapped. The next digits followed their peer soon enough. Every scream of hers pierced through Saeyoung’s heart likes rusty knives. Whenever she cried, the blades twisted in the wound. The hacker thrashed around like there would be no tomorrow – and maybe there actually wouldn’t be any -, but still, the chair wouldn’t move an inch. His own cries confused with her anguished voice while his restraints lacerated his skin.

  Between her sobs, MC whimpered his name. She was pleading for help, and yet, he was sitting there, paralyzed. Useless, useless, useless, you’re so… useless. His princess’s bones cracked, one after another, and the only thing he could do was observe her with watery eyes. He wanted to tell her he was there, right next to her, to alleviate her worries, but even that was impossible. Remembering how he ever dared to call himself a defender of justice made him sick. Wasn’t it hilarious? He pretended he could protect world peace, and yet, while in truth, he had been the one bringing misfortune to his loved ones. Be it Saeran or MC, all his precious ones had suffered because of his arrogance.

  MC… The cheerful smile that had once made him fall for her was gone. The sparkle that glimmered in her mischievous irisis had long disappeared. They had been replaced by empty eyes, clouded by tears. Seven wanted to avert his gaze – but he couldn’t. He did not deserve to. It was true that he had sinned, and he couldn’t deny that he had to atone for his crimes. MC’s limbs were distorted because of him, because he had once yearned for a glimpse of affection. His wretched self had no right to ache for intimacy. He had been aware of it all long, and yet… He hadn’t been able to escape her warmth.

  “I have to make you look a bit gory, but it’s almost over, little girl.” The torturer stated with the same indifferent tone. After lending a few blows on MC’s face, the agent rolled up one of his sleeves, revealing a sharp dagger. With skill, he carved a few wounds on the prisoner’s body.

  “Yep, looks good enough. I’ll only ask you once, so think carefully: do you wanna die now, or later? I don’t recommend stalling for time – your boyfriend won’t come.”

“N—Now… Plea… se.” The girl’s answer was immediate. She had completely given up on hope, and rightly so. His powerless self would never be able to protect her. It was the cold, hard truth. Death itself would offer her more comfort than he could.

“Alright.”

  Without any hesitation, the man planted his knife in her body. He pulled the blade out, letting blood promptly flow all over the prisoner’s clothes.

“I’ll leave you alone, now. You will die in a few minutes of blood loss, so… Spend your time wisely.” Having said that, the agent left, quietly closing the door.

  A few seconds passed before MC’s voice gently put an end to the harrowing silence.

  “Se… ven. I don… I don’t know… if you’ll ever hear this but… To… To me… You were… a real defender… of justice.”

  Many sobs interrupted her sentences. In truth, the simple act of talking was probably excruciating. However, the woman gathered all her remaining strength to utter her ultimate words. On the other side of the wall, the hacker struggled to hold back his cries. Although he didn’t want to admit it, Seven knew it would be his last chance to ever hear his lover’s voice. His mind was full of screams, but he refused to convert them into sounds. No matter how painful it was, he had to focus on her message.

  “You must… become happy… Don’t… bla… blame yourself, be… because… even now… I thi—th…ink that meeting you was a… blessing. Sae— I… I… ve...”

  The final syllables were inaudible, but it was alright, he didn’t need to hear them to understand.

  “I love you too, MC… So much I could die.”

  He stared at her with eyes filled of sorrow, despair, and tenderness. He didn’t know how long he spent motionless, simply peering at the corpse who was once his significant other. The merry person who had once held his hand, guiding him through new lands, was now sitting on front of him, lifeless. When she was next to him, the city suddenly overflew with colors. When he felt her warmth, the stars which were faintly glowing unexpectedly started shining like jewels. She had showed him a whole new world, a realm where he could give and receive affection. It was her who had slowly, but surely illuminated his dark locker and who had allowed him to see how far the azure sky unfolded itself. Thanks to her, he had discovered how the summer breeze could caress his cheeks and how soft the winter snow felt.

  However, the universe they once shared had collapsed before him. Powerless, Seven could only watch while his world turned into cosmic dust. Even though he didn’t deserve to love his princess, he prayed. He prayed that the heavens would allow him to fulfill his promise. MC and he would never be able to be together on Earth, but still, Saeyoung clinged to the hope that one day, he would be able to marry his lovely 606 in the space station.

A masterlist can be found here.

[aevocation]

Book review: The Water Cure (Sophie Mackintosh)

I picked up this book based on the recommendations from goodreads, an algorithm analyses the types of books I’ve read or plan to read and the overarching themes I tend to lean on and suggests titles to me. The Water Cure caught my eye first with its’ cover (a women with her back turned to the viewer nearly immersed up until her neck in cloudy almost-brackish water) and second with the plot: three girls living in isolation on an island away from a world that their parents (mother and the not-so-subtly named King) have told them is cruel to women and filled with toxic air. This book is one of those dystopic feminist fictions whereby the main characters are conduits for readers to explore themes of patriarchy, violence against women, and survivalism amidst the backdrop of mackintosh’s lush descriptions of the verdant and sanguine scenery that is in sharp contrast with the abuse and self inflicted harm that happens within the confines of their home.

It’s never made entirely clear why mother and King decided to uproot their brood to an island in an unspecified location, we are only made aware of King’s intentions; he frames himself as the protector of the women and the de-facto leader of their commune which, at some point in the past, functioned as a safe house for women who claimed to be suffering from cancers and illnesses contracted from their contact with men in this outside society. To cure them, they must undergo a strange water ritual akin to a catholic baptism where they are fully submerged in a basin filled with equal parts water and salt. It’s never made entirely clear if the women are completely cured, why they did not remain on the island and why others completely stopping coming to the island.

This brings me to another point, this book is so frustratingly vague. I think Mackintosh succeeded in building a world that conjured and amplified feelings of dread but the slow pacing and plot development in the middle of the book gave way to many questions that were left answered. Midway through, I felt like I was reading just for the sake of discovering a new tidbit of information about this strange reality they live in. The book’s aura of speculative fiction and clear feminist themes is an echo of the Handmaid’s Tale but the Water Cure falls flat in terms of its pacing, character development and world building. We know why Offred is the way that she is, why she was forced into sexual servititude because of the draconian laws of the theocracy she finds herself living in. We empathise with her desire for connection with another human being that goes beyond a ceremonial fucking with the commander. We also feel her pain of yearning for a world that no longer exists, she frequently experiences flashbacks of a past life where she is free to sleep with whoever she wants and has complete and full autonomy and agency. But in The Water Cure, the characterization of Lia and Grace feels...flat. Beyond the very clear indication that the daughters of King (of whom it is implied that one of them was borne of a different mother and became entangled in an incestuous relationship with) are the products of severe emotional and mental abuse, what was very murky was the why. Why did mother and King decided to uproot their daughters to this isolated place? Why create a mythos of the dangers of masculinity and how it is (quite literally) toxic to their existence? And why did the King go through the trouble of concocting this convoluted plot of rescuing his daughters by sending a trio of men to their island? The last point is assuming that James’ words are to be trusted...

This then brings me to my next point: the role of the men in the book. Again, what is clear is that they are introduced as the foil to the women but it felt almost...too on the nose. Too perfectly harmonized in terms of their age, personalities and motivations in relation to the women. The core gist of the book can be summed up in a few sentences that are best uttered in Neanderthalic beats: man enter world, man have sex with girl, girl love man, man no love girl, man destroys girl. In a nutshell: this book is disappointingly reductive!! All the characters but especially the men are reduced to two dimensional caricatures that are self serving and filled to the brim with hidden motivations and gasp! The male gaze! There is so little nuance and subtleties to their personalities. When it was revealed that they were there to retrieve the girls back to King, I thought that was the right moment to flesh out a deeper portrayal of the men but I was sorely mistaken. Ok maybe the men are viewed that way because they’re being depicted through Lia and Grace who up until the men’s arrival, have only experienced being around one man, King. But I guess I was still expecting a grand reveal, that maybe the world out there really is toxic and the men are only under the pretense of saving the girls.

In the end, we are left with nothing to glean from the story. It’s dark, atmospheric and full of dread. As a woman reading it, I could feel the tension of three young girls trying to make sense of the men, their gender a cryptic code that the women been raised since young to fear. But once you power through that layer, you realize that the story itself is rather uneventful, frustrating and I suspect, easily forgettable in a few weeks time.