#based on a convo i had with my partner

[stardewvalleyincorrect]

Shane: Yoba, my back is fucking killing me

Farmer: Old.

Emily: Old.

Sam: Old.

Abi: Old.

Seb: Old.

Shane: ... I'm 28-

[infiniteorangethethird]

Man talking to alloros abt romance is so fucking funny like they'll come up with the most outlandish imaginary scenarios to "prove" that you need a partner to get through life, and when you point out the logical fallacies and how each problem is still solvable if ur single & how it might even be harder to face the problems WITH a partner they get angry at you and blame you for "refusing to understand what they're saying". Like ma'am I'm sorry you're bad at examples but maybe not everyone's happiness is based on a single other person they kinda like

[siilverfang]

Cat loafs!

[iunctura-arch]

"Know your place, Ryoka boy."

"Bankai. Senbonzakura Kageyoshi."

"The fuck are you doing???"

"....Cosplaying."

[cheesiedomino]

Second Chances ꙳ ੭ * ‧

synopsis: your old situationship from many years ago just moved back in town and of course, he has to text you. but it’s not just any normal text — he’s asking you out on a proper date this time. will you give a second chance to Cupid? or will you be left here feeling stupid?

genre: lee minho x fem!reader | exes (??) to lovers wc: 4.6k tags/warnings: fluff, some light angst, slightly suggestive but nothing srs, mild cursing, kissing, small mentions of crying T-T

now playing 🎧: from the start by laufey

[this is part of my valentine’s series where i write a short story for each member surrounding themes of love, newfound romance, relationship hardships & more.]

“Why don’t you give Tinder a try already? I’m sick of hearing you nagging all day about being lonely!” Areum abruptly suggests mid-convo , resting her palm on the side of her face.

As you both casually wait for the food to arrive, you end up on the dreadful topic of dating again. You got into a real heated discussion with her, sitting in a booth at this new restaurant one of your coworker’s recommended. It wasn’t super well known but they wouldn’t stop raving about how delicious their breadsticks were. The place wasn’t too jam packed but definitely had a decent amount of people. What you weren’t anticipating on was seeing dozens of couples here, it kind of threw your whole vibe off since it only reminded you of your current sad relationship status. Maybe you were putting far too much thought into it but everything seemed so highly unfair. Glaring in envy while they all happily rub in your face that they’ve found their forever companion.

Life really can be cruel at times.

“You can’t be for real right now..” you instantly side eye your friend from across the table. Feeling personally triggered whenever she mentions online dating. You refuse to try it, never wanting to partake in such a vain concept where you swipe left and right based solely on looks. “That’s not the same as real romance. I want to meet someone naturally, wanna tell my kids when they grow up how I met their dreamy, hunk of a father in aisle 39 at Whole Foods.”

One could say it’s almost pathetic in a way— this burning desire you harbor within, longing for a pure, quaint, and beautiful love. Constantly catching yourself daydreaming about finding your life partner, the person you’re going to marry and possibly create an eternal family with. That day has yet to come unfortunately, but you still hold onto the thought of you someday meeting the one.

You thought you found them before, but thou shalt not speak thy names out into existence.

“Well, good luck finding ‘real romance’ in the big age of 2024-” Areum snorts in amusement, taking a pause to sip on her mango strawberry lemonade. “I need whatever drugs you’re on that’s making you this delulu so I can fantasize about my knight and shining armor that’s never coming!”

God you hate that word. Delulu. Why are you suddenly “delusional” for wanting a picture perfect romance? It doesn’t need to be perfect per se, but you want to feel adored, swept off your feet and embraced like the true queen you are. Was that too much to ask? Considering the current state of dating in this day and age, it might just be.

“I mean, let’s face it girl. You literally don’t know the first thing about love ___, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows like in the K-dramas y’know! Haven’t you only had like one boyfriend in high school? You barely even dated that guy for a month-”

“That’s because he dumped me to go move to LA and become a dumb YouTuber!” You snapped back, cutting her off to get all the facts straight.

It was hard not to grimace while thinking of such old memories. Dating a Minecraft streamer definitely had to be one of the most embarrassingly cringe choices you’ve ever made.

“Whatever that’s beside the point. What I’m trying to get at here is you don’t have the best track record when it comes to men. Remember that other guy you were seeing before we graduated? I thought y’all would’ve dated for sure but he turned out to be a dickhole just like the rest of ‘em…” Areum shakes her head in disbelief, recalling all those times you’d call in a frenzied panic about things not working out.

“What was his name again? Min… Minwoo? No, that’s not it.. it was definitely Min something.” She attempts on remembering but keeps drawing a blank.

“Minho.” You answer almost instantaneously. His name still rolled off the tongue smooth as velvet.

It felt weird though. Saying it out loud after so many years of blocking it from your immediate vocabulary. A name you thought would never escape your lips again.

“Damn, you really still think about him don’t you?” She dares to ask, knowing how difficult it is for you to even talk about this anymore.

You only respond by nodding slowly, unable to bring yourself to look at her. It was far too intense; bearing the emotions of hurt and guilt from a past fling that meant more to you but nothing to the other. That’s how most of your tragic stories end— always too overly into them while they barely reciprocate any of that energy towards you. The thing is, you thought Minho actually liked you, even so far as wanting to date in the near future. Considering he brought you over his parent’s house (to hook up of course), and though you didn’t meet them you still think that meant something. Most men don’t just bring any woman they’re seeing to their parent’s place without somewhat thinking a potential relationship could happen down the line.

“So that’s why you should download Tinder and start swipin’ on some other cuties! It’ll at least distract you for a bit and get your mind off that asswipe,” Areum pitches her idea once more, “there’s plenty other fish in the sea ___. Not everyone online is some crazy serial killer, plus you clearly don’t seem to be having much luck out in the real world.”

You wanted to jump up from the table and erase that smirk from her face but instead you roll your eyes at that last remark. “I don’t need those shitty dating apps. I’m very capable of finding someone in real life for your information!” You quickly retort as a means to defend yourself. Even though she did have a point, her delivery could’ve been a little bit nicer.

It’s not easy being a hopeless romantic, you can’t help but yearn for that special someone to enter your life and change it for the better. You won’t feel wholly satisfied nor complete until you do. The sad reality of the matter was that you are still painfully single. No one’s interesting enough to cease your attention, let alone go on any actual dates. Areum’s had enough of your bitching and whining though, there’s only so many rants and tirades she can keep listening to about your vicious hatred for men before she loses it completely. Your nonexistent love life has become more of a nuisance as that time of year approaches— Valentine’s Day. A god forsaken holiday you’ve always loathed with a passion. Wanting nothing more than to be one of those girls on the receiving end getting flowers and chocolates. A day full of the utmost joy and pleasant surprises from your loving significant other.

Must be nice..

Speaking of surprises.. The buzzing in your ear echoes from your phone pinging loudly, indefinitely startling you. Grabbing it to check the sudden notification, your eyes go absurdly wide at the contact name displayed on your screen. Blinking numerous times from shock, you stare at your phone in incredulity; making sure your eyes weren’t playing tricks on you.

Lee Minho. The Lee Minho?

What kind of sorcery is being conjured where the instant you bring him up, he somehow texts you after all these years of not speaking? This coincidence was more than unsettling to you. A part of your inner thoughts still believes this is all some elaborate joke being played on you, waiting for a cameraman to pop out of some curtain to announce you’ve just been pranked. But nothing happens, life proceeds as normal. Now you’re left with the most puzzling notification you might’ve ever received.

It was your last year of college and the pressure of your academics along with appeasing your family was getting to you immensely. You needed an escape from all of it, desperately. Which you found through none other than Lee Minho, the boy who worked as a barista at Cozmo’s; this coffee shop you used to frequent a lot. It was a cute, small family-owned establishment and they made the best matcha lattes— in your humble opinion. You’d pick one up almost every day along with a slice of freshly baked cinnamon bread. It started off as only playful banter with him in the beginning, then it lead to more as time went on. One day, as you reached out to pay he blocked your hand from moving any closer, letting you freely walk away without spending a dime. This soon became a regular occurrence, as you’d start seeing Minho outside of work, getting to know more and more about him. You remember so desperately wanting to date back then, pitying your past self for thinking there was even a chance.

‘Maybe he’s just texted the wrong person’ you psyche yourself into thinking, but when you unlock your phone to finally read the message — an uncomfortable lump forms in the pit of your throat.

Minho 🐈:

Hey is this still ___’s number?

You honestly don’t know why you still have his number saved, let alone allowing a whole emoji to be next to it. Though it never was like you to delete anything, no matter how painful it may have been. More lingering questions makes you want to seek out the possible solutions. Why would he text you of all people ? None of this adds up in your mind realistically. Furrowing your brows in concentration, you think of what to say as you draft out a response.

Yes… who’s this?

After a tedious struggle of typing out multiple paragraphs and immediately deleting them, you went over your words a few more times before sending a final reply. It would’ve been strange had you knew exactly who he was off the bat, that’ll just be dead giveaway you still had his contact info saved this whole time. But with that logic, doesn’t that make Minho just as odd for still keeping your number after all this time has passed?

Your phone dings again.

Minho 🐈:

Srsly -_-

Did you really delete my number??

Bet he didn’t see that one coming. He probably thought the moment he texts you, you were gonna kiss up to him like you’ve always done in the past. Mentally giggling to yourself at the image of him getting flustered by you not knowing who he was at first. Feels good to know you knocked his confidence down a peg.

Lol, chillax.. I know it’s you Minho :P

Not even a minute later, a flood of incoming messages appear. Biting your lip out of nervousness, your heart couldn’t stop beating so fast— anxiously checking your phone as the atmosphere around you suddenly gets stuffier.

Minho 🐈:

Better be lucky I didn’t block you after that ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Guess who’s back in the city btw. Did ya miss me? ;)

No need to answer that, I already know you did. You should stop by at Cozmo’s again sometime!

Also what’re you up to this week? I need you to clear out all your plans because I’m taking you out on a date.

You always knew Minho was the bold type but this was on another level. The sheer audacity he has to even ask something like this after not reaching out for almost 3 years was more than ballsy on his part. It felt like a surge of butterflies erupting in your stomach, getting lightheaded as you think about seeing him again. He really had an effect on you like no other.

Glancing up from your screen to finally pay attention to Areum again, you assure her everything’s going to be just fine. “Looks like I won’t be needing to download Tinder after all.”

Later on that day you ended up going to Cozmo’s and meeting up with Minho. It never really took much convincing from him to get you to budge, though it was a hell of a lot worse back then. You used to blindly follow along with anything he said just to seek his approval, hoping that eventually he’ll see you as the girl he wants to settle down with. Alas, nothing ever blossomed into something more, and you knew deep down that this was headed nowhere— but that still didn’t stop you from fantasizing about a future with him. Getting lost into deep thought, head heavy in the clouds as you imagine the idea of Minho confessing his undying love for you. You’ll be so caught off guard as he gets down on one knee, looking at you with the entire solar system in eyes while he proposes in the most charming way. It really is pitiful how much you still daydream about a guy who wasn’t your boyfriend but would constantly act like he was, then up and leaves without mentioning a single word about it.

You convinced yourself he ran off with someone else to have a better life with, even hearing through town gossip that he’s moved to South Korea to pursue becoming an idol. Whatever the case may be it still weighed heavily on your mind that he never bothered to tell you anything, even a simple ‘goodbye’ would’ve sufficed the empty hole in your heart. The main reason you agreed on meeting up with Minho was to finally ask, why? Why did he pretend to like you? Why did he act like your boyfriend when he never had intentions on seriously dating? Why was he so good at making you fall so hard for him..?

“You look great.” You subconsciously blurt out, affixed in a daze as you stare in awe at the man in front of you.

It’s been a while since you came here— never able to fully bring yourself to try and go back. Though you knew this place first, and they really did have the best Mactha lattes in the universe. It reminded you too much of him and you sadly had to let it go.

You weren’t proud of it but you did go home quickly to change clothes and redo your makeup. Usually you wouldn’t care but this was the only guy you’ve been consistently crushing on for years, you had to feel good inside and out. Minho was just as gorgeous as you remembered, if not he looked even more ethereal — which seemed impossible in itself already. He’s grown up so beautifully, his facial features became more sharp, especially his jawline which looks so defined and sculpted by the Gods.

Minho lightly chuckles at your timidness, some things just never change. “You look way better.” His lips drew into a faint smirk as he admires your presence.

He meant every word of what he said, you looked really good, and it was making him even more frustrated that so much time has passed. Regretting the way he handled things so many years ago, wishing he could take it all back and do everything differently. Seeing you again made it easier for Minho to suppress the guilt he’s borne for so long. This moment feels like a second chance to make amends for his past mistakes.

You couldn’t help but blush when you hear his compliment, feeling your ears grow hot as you look at the ground. There was a silent pause between you that lasted for what seemed like ages. Weirdly enough the conversation flowed well after he finally broke the awkwardness, the chemistry was overall still there and were able to pick up right where it left off.

“I’m so glad you came ___, I’ve been dying to see you since I got here. I’m surprised you even still responded to my lame ass.”

Minho’s light confession puzzles you. If he really was dying to see you, why’d he wait so long to get in contact with you? To be fair, you don’t know the exact time he came back.

“Oh, is that so? When’d you come back? Also show me pics of Korea, I’ve always wanted to know what it’s like there.” You fondly inquire, leaning against the side of the wall as he’s still behind the counter. He mentioned to you he’s only working part time because his parents would rather mooch off their son for free labor than to hire and pay a new employee.

“Yesterday,” he quickly states before taking out his phone to scroll through his gallery, “guess my sister must’ve told you I went there huh?”

You shook your head, “Nah, I haven’t talked to Elle in a while. She’s tried hitting me up a few times though.. but I found out through Areum ‘cause she was seeing Hoseok back then.”

They were definitely “seeing” each other alright, but mostly in the bedroom. Areum didn’t want anything exclusive with Hoseok and neither did he, it was the perfect friends with benefits situation. Minho and Hoseok were good friends who’ve known each other for a while, so naturally he’d tell Areum everything and overshare at some point.

“Agh, there’s a customer gotta take this. One sec, sorry!” He briefly apologizes before bringing his attention to the new person heading inside. You nod, signaling he’s good to go. “I’ll be waiting over there,” you point to a small wooden table with 2 chairs in a corner.

Once Minho comes back you notice he’s no longer wearing his purple work apron; back in his regular attire now and sporting an oversized dark grey hoodie that was three times too big. He was holding a large cup with green liquid and a paper bag in his hand, that’s when it clicks for you— he still remembers your favorite meal.

He’s grinning the whole time he’s handing you the matcha latte and cinnamon pastry, smiling from ear to ear like a kid on Christmas Day. This was the most you’ve seen him be so enthusiastic about something, even back when you were “with” him you can’t recall him beaming with such energy like this.

“Awh, thank you. I haven’t had either one of these in years!” You wanted to give him the biggest hug but you refrained from doing so, feeling as though it may be too early for that.

“Of course dear, anything for you.”

Why does everything he says have to make you melt from the inside out? It’s not fair! >:(

Glancing down at your yummy beverage, you see a message written on the side of the glass with bold permanent sharpie. Tilting your head to read it, the words are bit jumbled together but you get the gist. You’re almost left speechless after it reads: ‘___, Will you be my valentine?’

Your most dreaded and least favorite holiday is here, yippee! But, there’s a twist on this year’s turn of events; you actually have someone to celebrate this wretched tradition with. You should be excited but all you’re feeling is the sudden urge to vomit as you were nervous out of your mind. This was kind of weird to you, going on a date with your ex boyfriend who was never even your real boyfriend. Looking back on it now you shouldn’t have tolerated a relationship dynamic like that, Minho was clearly taking advantage of your passiveness by not explicitly saying what he wanted. On the contrary, you had no one to blame but yourself, you never spoke up or criticized anything even if it didn’t coincide with your personal morals.

The fact he never took you on an actual date until now speaks volumes, you obviously didn’t have enough self worth back to demand better treatment. It took you years of figuring out what a real, healthy relationship is supposed to be like through trials of therapy and that was an emotional rollercoaster in itself. All your uncertainties soon faded away once you became more secure and knew exactly what you wanted for yourself. It took every ounce of patience and acceptance to unlearn all your bad coping mechanisms and other toxic behaviors that were only stunting your inner growth. You’re happy to be in a position now where you’re able to express wholeheartedly what you deserve, it’s the best feeling ever to feel like you’re in control of your own life.

You spent almost 3 hours getting ready and your bedroom now looked like a war zone. The outfit you chose was super girly, a frilly white dress with pink platform heels— Minho’s going to drool in amazement when he sees you. When you sent Areum photos of you before heading out, she responds right way with a series of hearts and other sweet comments— hyping you up to no end like the best friend she is. She’s also able to help pull you out of your doubtful headspace, when you felt unsure if you could really go through with this she quickly psyched you out of it. Reminding you exactly who you are and why you are the prize, not him. ‘He should be the one who’s nervous, not the other way around’ you assure yourself over and over as a mini ego boost.

His jaw dropped when he spotted you walking up to his car, infatuated by how pretty and perfect you looked in every way possible. It angers him so much to know he took all this for granted, he didn’t appreciate all of you the way he should’ve but now he gets another chance to redo everything and right his wrongs. It’s a lot of pressure but he bravely accepts it, he could never mess up another opportunity like this again. The car ride was fairly silent in the beginning, you were vibing in peace as the only thing you could hear was Minho’s soft indie playlist as background music.

You ultimately chose to be the one to speak first, breaking the ice with a simple inquiry about the date. “So where are we going?” Looking out at the scenery from the window, all you is trees and more trees. If it’s something to do with nature you surely don’t want any parts of it, you’ve never been too fond of the wilderness.

“It’s a surprise, I can’t tell you.” He keeps a tight seal on today’s destination without dropping a single hint, forcing you to go completely blind into this. As he goes back to focus on the road, you sigh anxiously after hearing him refuse to disclose anything.

Did he seriously forget what kind of person you are? Anyone who’s close to you at all knows you’ve never been into those types of things. Ever.

“You know I hate surprises Minho,” you remind him, attempting to pry for more information. Even shooting him a doe eyed look along with poking out your bottom lip, but he doesn’t falter.

He simply nods, “I know but you’ll like this one, just have a little bit of faith me.” Flashing an innocent smile at you, he seems to be overly confident in whatever his plan consists of.

After almost half an hour passes the car finally comes to a stop, you scan the area and instantly notice a sense of familiarity among the place. Across from you was an ice cream parlor you thought didn’t exist anymore. But there it is, still standing with dozens of customers waiting in line. The small shop was famously known for its fish-shaped ice cream cones, you’ve always wanted to visit the place and try it when you were a little from seeing it on TV all the time. When you told Minho about it, you said how your parents would say it was too far but it actually closed down and they didn’t know how to tell you. From time to time you’d still think about that place, but you would’ve never thought they relocated. Being here with Minho brings an indescribable amount of happiness to your spirit.

“I mentioned this place like one time in passing, how’d you even remember?” You wonder in amazement, after all these years he still remembers something as minuscule as this.

“It may not have seemed like it but I paid attention to every little detail you told me ___, all it. Of course I know you don’t like surprises but how else would I have been able to take you here?” He sweetly expresses to you, not wanting to hold back anymore.

You wanted to cry right here, right now. All your emotions came crashing down at once and it’s hard to keep them concealed. A lot has changed within these years, things feel so different with him now, especially with how much he’s matured. You notice how he doesn’t act like the typical fuckboy in his early 20’s anymore, he’s much more interested in getting to know only person — that being you.

“I’ve rehearsed this in my head like a million times and I don’t think I’ll ever say it the right way I want but it’s time I start being as transparent as possible with you…” Minho takes a deep breath before continuing, “I’ve always liked you ___, from the start actually,” he keeps going, “I was just scared, of what I don’t know.. Commitment maybe?”

Slightly looking in another direction, your vision faintly blurs from tears welling up, “I- I honestly don’t know what to say..”

“Then don’t say anything at all, I don’t need you to. I may not know the first thing about how to love someone, but I want to learn all of it with you.” He feels all the remorse of leaving you alone for all these years, unable to process the pain you must’ve endured at him not getting into contact with you. “I’m so sorry ___. For everything, I’m going to make it all better I promise.”

Your eyes subconsciously flutter shut when he comes in contact with you. Connecting in perfect symmetry with your lips to sync together in motion. His gentle hands cupped your face delicately; his touch was so warm and inviting. Your fingers were deeply tangled in his brunette locks, relishing every minute as he tilts his head to capture more of you. He genuinely couldn’t believe he went this long without kissing these luscious lips again. His tongue grazed the bottom of your lip to subtly ask for entry and you comply. Dopamine floods both your senses like a series of fireworks going off, feeling intoxicated by each other’s taste. It was probably that vanilla bean chapstick you always wore— an old favorite of his and is still your go-to flavor of choice. He wanted to savor you in this moment for as long as he could, cherish the fact he has you in his hold again.

“Want to know something funny?” He asks out of nowhere, still smirking from that heated kiss that just happened seconds ago.

“Hm?”

“You’re the reason I ended up coming back here.” Minho states bluntly, no hesitation detected in his voice whatsoever.

You struggle to comprehend anything, overwhelmed by all his sudden confessions. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I never want to leave your side ever again ___. I’m staying here with you, I already made the biggest mistake of losing you once I can’t let the same thing happen twice.” He spoke tenderly from the bottom of his heart, it felt so genuine you couldn’t not believe him.

Going back to rewind time isn’t possible, but “do-over’s” are, and sometimes we’re able to get those second chances to make things right when we get them wrong the first time.

[End <3].

[thedovesaredying]

Zombie!Ghost x F!Reader | Smut

Synopsis: You and Zombie Ghost play a fun game. Based on a brief convo with @konigsblog I had on my main account.

Words: 600~

Rating: NSFW

Warnings: Teratophilia, PnV, Unprotected Sex, Muzzles, Predator/Prey Kink.

Reminder, this is an 18+ account!

You’re glad that you managed to convince your lover to wear a muzzle while playing your little game together. For as much as he loves you and would do anything in his power to keep you safe, even he can’t fight down the urge to try and bite at you, his delicious prey. It’s dangerous given his state, but that merely adds to the thrill.  

Adrenaline has his senses clouded and his iron grip on his behaviour slipping. His teeth, inches from your soft, supple flesh, are snapping at you with the occasional growl slipping from between them. It’s instinctive, the way he tries to sink his jaws into your throat. His hips, desperately grinding against your ass is also entirely instinct.  

He wants to devour you, in each and every way he can.  

Zombies lack any kind of impulse control, driven only by the need to survive, to consume. And it seems, reproduce too.  

Ghost’s pure, baser needs are all that matter with his head swimming in a sea of pleasure chemicals. He’ll come back to himself soon enough, but part of the enjoyment is letting him have his way with you when he’s too far gone to even consider being gentle. He’d won the game after all. He deserves a reward for a successful hunt.  

Running through the deserted streets with such a monstrous creature hot on your heels is one hell of a method of foreplay. The other undead pay you no mind, you smell too strongly of Ghost’s musky scent for them to realise you aren’t one of them. But Ghost can still tell, able to track your scent like a bloodhound on steroids. Your arousal just makes it all the easier for him.  

He chases you all throughout the winding streets of the city, always getting close to catching you, before letting you “escape” his clutches at the last second. It isn’t until you start sprinting across a park that he decides to end the game, his broad mass tackling you to the ground. Thankfully, you land in a pile of fallen leaves so the landing isn’t too harsh, but that’s the last courtesy Ghost plans on extending to you.  

It was certainly a good idea to do some prep before your little hunt, considering your partner doesn’t bother to wait, tearing both your pants and panties down in one firm yank. The chilly air meets the wetness of your cunt for only a moment, before something hot nudges at your opening.  

The man curled over you lets out a loud grunt as he pushes inside of your warmth, rough and swift with his strokes. Your breath is punched from your lungs the moment he bottoms out, heavy balls slapping against you as he very quickly picks up speed. He’s still trying to snap his teeth at you, and while the muzzle keeps him from getting too close, that doesn’t stop the drool from his eager snarling and biting from dripping onto your neck.  

He’s been running exceedingly hot ever since the infection took hold, so his every inch feels as though it’s burning you from the inside out. The heat of him only helps feed into the building warmth in your gut, the little coil inside you curling tighter and tighter until, with a gasp of his name, you clench down around him, milking Ghost for everything he’s worth.  

Unfortunately for you, his infection hasn’t damaged his stamina, and he continues to pound into your overstimulated hole. Your pleas for him to slow down fall of deaf ears.  

He plans on breeding you and breeding you good.  

[whenmemorydies]

Chaos and Consistency

I've been thinking about why Carmy chose a career in fine dining in the first place. Obviously there are the reasons we're told in the show:

Cooking was a source of connection between Carmy and his family, particularly with his brother/surrogate father, Mikey (recall the first scene of 1x06 Ceres).

Carmy also knew that he wanted to be chef from a young age (recall 3x02 Next and the convo between Carmy and Chi Chi, and 3x06 Napkins and the convo between Tina and Mikey about Carmy's purpose).

Carmy's family is well connected in the restaurant industry: his parents owned their own restaurant (The Beef) and his cousin Michelle owns restaurants too (recall Michelle and Carmy's sidebar in 2x06 Fishes). Carmy is given the opportunity to work in these places and gain valuable experience that opens up doors for him to go onto work elsewhere in the industry.

In addition to the above, I think Carmy chose and stayed in professional kitchens as a response to the chaos he grew up in, which was largely the result of his absent father and abusive mother. I'll explain my reasoning for this conclusion below.

Chaos

The chaos that would have been present in Carmy's childhood is never as clearly illustrated in the show as it is in 2x06 Fishes. The emotional powder keg that is his mother, Donna Berzatto, propels the action in that episode, whether its via her constant yelling at the people around her, the repeated dinging of her kitchen timers or the multiple pots and trays of food she has going that simmer and bubble until everything boils over at the end of the episode with Donna purposely crashing her car through the family living room:

Its clear that in Donna's house, chaos reigned. She was erratic, unpredictable and inconsistent as a parent. She also nursed an alcohol addiction and left her children feeling afraid. Recall 1x08 Ice Chips and Natalie's disclosure to Donna about the former's fears for her unborn daughter:

Natalie: Mom, I don't want her scared like I was scared.

Donna: I scared you?

Natalie: You scared all of us.

While its indicated on the show that Carmy's father left the family when Carmy was young, its also implied that he too behaved erratically and suffered from multiple addictions. In 1x04 Dogs, Cicero tells Carmy that the last time he spoke with Carmy's father, they had fought about the latter's drug and alcohol use as well as gambling issues. Cicero also discloses to Carmy that his dad couldn't settle on a job and had a new career "every ten minutes."

Cicero's chat with Carmy along with what we know of Carmy's father from Mikey and Donna (i.e. that he abandoned his family leaving his eldest son to step into the trap role of "man of the house", that he was an unsupportive partner only being present for the birth of one of his three children - Carmen's - and while he was at the hospital, did everything BUT support his wife through her labour), paints a picture of a volatile and incredibly unreliable person.

Consistency in childhood

One of the most important things that caregivers can provide children is consistency in their parenting. This usually takes the form of regular routines for your child and as much predictability as possible in your reactions and behaviour.

Routines and predictability give children a sense of safety as they absorb the world around them. Consistent parenting gives kids the space to learn what to expect in any given situation, particularly in relation to cause and effect. It teaches them about limits: physical and behavioural, because kids can rely on their parents to model and guide them as to what is acceptable in both regards. Repetition through routine has a big role to play in children's learning (as kids - and adults alike - learn new skills through repetition). Importantly, the security that children feel due to consistent parenting also gives them the confidence to take risks and try new things. And novel experiences expand children's knowledge bases and skill sets.

Think about it: if you are in an unpredictable situation with lots of things changing or out of your control around you, would you feel comfortable doing something totally out of the box that you have no experience in? Probably not.

Where a child experiences parenting that is inconsistent or unpredictable, this has been found to lead to a number of different, harmful outcomes for that child, including but not limited to:

low self-confidence

anxiety

depression

attachment issues

emotional dysregulation

Its clear that the Berzatto kids grew up in a home where chaos and a fair measure of dysfunction dominated. Consistency was rare and when it did occur, it was likely to have involved the elder Berzatto children, Mikey and Natalie, stepping into provide that security for each other and their youngest sibling, Carmen.

Throughout The Bear, we've seen multiple examples of the impact of that chaos and dysfunction on Carmy as an adult. Those impacts include Carmy's various attempts at asserting control over his life (for example, his spiral in 1x07 The Review or his obsessive focus on perfection, most dramatically highlighted in season 3). Another example is the firm boundary he's able to set with his volatile mother. Of all three of Donna's kids, Carmy is the one who's maintained the widest distance from her: its been established by those working on the show that by the end of season 3, Carmy hasn't seen Donna since the events of 2x06 Fishes (which took place roughly 5-6 years ago).

Carmy is also the only Berzatto child whom we see clearly articulate that at least one of his parents was chaotic. He's also the first Berzatto child that we hear name the antidote to chaos: consistency. Recall the conversation between Carmy and Nat in 1x06 Ceres:

Natalie: Plus, we never spend any real time together. This place is eating you alive.

Carmen: You always blame this place.

Natalie: What do you mean?

Carmen: I mean, you blame the restaurant. Alright, you don't blame Mom. You don't blame Mikey.

Natalie: How can I not blame this place? I just cleaned up shot-out glass, and now, I'm covered in carbon. All of our time, money, work, gets sucked up into this place. The only thing we get back is chaos, resentment. Its bullshit.

Carmen: Sounds like Mom.

Natalie: I'm serious.

Carmen: I'm serious.

Natalie: I just want things to be calm. I just want things to be on solid ground. I want things to feel...

Carmen: Consistent.

Natalie: Yeah. Consistent.

Carmen: Yeah. That's totally reasonable.

While Natalie identifies The Beef as the source of the chaos that plagues her family, Carmy insists that that chaos rests at the feet of their mother, Donna. It is here in this conversation, that we can see a difference in approach between Carmy and Nat when it comes to relationships. Natalie is quicker to give her family members grace (recall her admission in 1x06 Ceres that she knew it was a bad idea to co-sign with Mikey for ownership of The Beef but did it anyway; also recall 3x08 Ice Chips and her reaching out to Donna to help her through labour, despite all of her trauma directly caused by her mother) while Carmy has shown that he will internalise sleights (real and perceived) and will cut people off as a result - though we know how deeply feeling the man is, I imagine the cutting off would be experienced as akin to dismemberment for him. Recall his monologue in 1x08 Braciole and his description of how Mikey made him feel as they grew apart:

Carmen: He stopped letting me into the restaurant, couple years ago. He just cut me off, cold. And that...that hurt, you know. And I think that just, that flicked a switch in me, where I was like, okay, fuck you, watch this. And because we had this connection through food, and he had made me feel so rejected, and lame, and shitty, and uncool, I made this plan where I was going to work in all the best restaurants in the world.

Also recall the entire walk-in blowout between Carmy and Richie in 2x10 The Bear after Richie compared Carmy to his mother, Donna (I'll just include an excerpt below because, honestly, I hate rewatching this fight):

Richie: Where were you when I fuckin' put your brother in the ground you selfish piece of shit?

Carmen: You know what? You're-you're obsessed with my family. That's what you are. You fuckin'...

Richie: I'm fucking obsessed with you.

Carmen: You're a fucking leech.

Richie: I'm obsessed with you.

Carmen: You fucking leech.

Richie: Yeah.

Carmen: I should've cut you out!

Richie: I fuckin' love you!

Carmen: I should've fuckin' cut you the fuck out!

Above: The line that, in my view, blew up Carmy and Richie's relationship at the end of season 2 and from which it still hasn't recovered by the end of season 3. Screenshot from 2x10 The Bear.

Despite Carmy and Nat's different approaches to their relationships, the conversation between them in 1x06 Ceres shows they do have something in common when it comes to responding to the chaos in their lives: a desire for consistency.

Striving for consistency as adults

Natalie and Carmy go about achieving their goal of consistency in different ways. Nat has sought it out and found it in her partner and father of her daughter, my beloved Pete. The man is the definition of an unproblematic king: see this post and this post by @thegirlwhowatchedeverything for the evidence). Natalie has also got a head for accounting and project management. Its hard to be good at that stuff without being consistent and diligent. She's actually a bit of a jack of all trades: she can lecture a plumber on how to fix a toilet (recall her phone call about The Beef's possessed toilet in 2x02 Pasta), run FOH for The Bear and interference with The Bear's main investor, Uncle Jimmy. For Natalie, consistency means making sure her home life is safe and secure. It means being practical and reliably available to check in and help others, even to her own detriment ("if someone feels sick, I start to feel sick").

In contrast, Carmy spends little to no time on building a secure home life for himself. When he does partner up, its with a woman wearing a bullet necklace, who talks about almost committing manslaughter at work and who mirrors his abusive mother. Carmy's home itself is pretty barren and he appears to be living out of boxes. He's still storing his books in piles on the floor by the time we hit the penultimate episode of the series thus far (3x09). Its also clearly established that Carmy is not practical (recall Sydney and Nat's joint observation in 2x01 Beef: "Your math is fucked" lmao), and he's often not reliable (recall episodes 2x03 through to 2x10 when he flakes on The Beef's renovation repeatedly).

The primary way Carmy has sought consistency in his life has been through his work as a chef.

In the course of researching and drafting You love taking care of people: Love in the Time of Late Stage Capitalism, it became very clear to me just how regimented the back of house of commercial kitchens aspires to be. The creation and implementation of the French Brigade system is one way that the restaurant industry tries to imbue order into a kitchen setting. The French became synonymous with fine dining and restaurants because, in large part, of their involvement in systematising the kitchen in order to scale service and increase the number of patrons that could be fed.

That systematisation and desire for order, consistency and control in restaurants is reiterated repeatedly in The Bear. Recall the following bits of dialogue from throughout the show:

1x02 Hands

Marcus: [cleaning BOH] Why am I using a toothbrush?

Carmen: Its about consistency and being consistent. Can't operate at a higher level without consistency.

1x08 Braciole

Carmen: And the more he wouldn't respond, and the more our relationship kind of strained, the deeper into this I went and the better I got. And the more people I cut out, the quieter my life got. And the routine of the kitchen was so consistent, and exacting, and busy, and hard, and alive, and I lost track of time and he died.

3x10 Forever

Will Guidara: I was just, like, immediately obsessed with the controlled chaos. Like, the orchestrated frenzy. [...] And then you get to, like, be the conductor of it all.

We also saw visuals throughout the show of the control asserted in restaurants, particularly in BOH. Recall Carmy scrubbing floors by hand, the cold sterility and precision in the Empire kitchen, and the well-oiled cleaning machine that is The Bear crew in 3x03 Doors:

Note how different the above restaurant kitchens are to the state of the kitchen in the Berzatto house - how orderly and clean. While I'm sure these kitchens can reach epic levels of mess when staff are in the middle of service, through his experiences as a chef Carmy would have seen time and time again a system - as fucked as it was - to get that mess under control. In the Berzatto house, there was no system - at least no reliable one - that could reign in the chaos left in the wake of Donna and her ex-partner.

We know Carmy came back to The Beef to try and fix his family, as he tells us in 1x08 Braciole. But what if Carmy has been trying to fix his family with every job he's taken as a chef? What if he is using - either consciously but more likely unconsciously - his experience in each kitchen he's been in as an opportunity to perform control and consistency in the way he wishes he was able to have done at home, with his mother and with Mikey?

Carmy may not be able to fix people, but he knows restaurants. He’s had experience in wrangling, to varying degrees, the chaos of a kitchen into some semblance of order. And if he can impose that order, that consistency in one context, maybe he can do it in another. What Carmy will need to learn is that consistency in terms of a product (e.g. a clean kitchen every night or immaculately plated dishes each service) and consistency in terms of relationships are two different things. You can strive for consistent products but destroy all your relationships in the pursuit of them. Conversely, if you strive for consistency in your relationships, you may not always make consistent products (and quite frankly, that's OK - is a perfectly plated agnolotti dish worth Carmy's relationship with Tina? Is driving Syd to a panic attack worth Carmy's pursuit of a star? I think not on both counts).

Consistency as peace: Sydney

The reason why Sydney makes Carmy better at his job is because unlike him, she is a chef who has practically mastered both forms of consistency. She understands what consistency of product means in the realm of the restaurant industry and can execute to that standard (she may not be as experienced as Carmy in this regard but she's more than capable).

Sydney is also incredibly adept at relationship-building and the consistency required for this. In regards to her relationships, Sydney is consistent to a fault, likely due to the fact that the parent who raised her for most of her life - Emmanuel Adamu - was also a consistent and loving father. He modelled steady, unwavering love for his daughter and Sydney exudes this in turn.

For me, the most clear manifestation of Sydney's consistent love and care is in how she mentors the staff at The Beef and The Bear. Unlike Carmy, she does not visit the trauma she has been subjected to (which we understand has largely occurred in kitchens through her work as a chef) on her peers. Sydney does not displace or blow her trauma through others. The one time she comes the closest to doing so is in 1x07 The Review. However, the experience is such a foul one for Sydney that she quits her job because of it (much to Carmy's dismay). And as we all know, she returns to The Beef and then goes onto run interference between Carmy and the rest of The Bear crew in season 3, protecting the crew so that don't get in Carmy's line of fire.

Above: Sydney physically and emotionally protecting Tina from Carmy's emotional dysregulation in 3x03 Doors.

Like Nat, Sydney is reliable and practical. Recall the below non-exhaustive list of examples:

how Sydney took control of lunch service at The Beef in 1x05 Sheridan after the restaurant loses power and gas (including by building an entire grill from found construction materials - what?!);

how Sydney single-handedly oversaw much of The Beef's transformation into The Bear in season 2 while Carmy was out numbing himself with Claire;

how after the birth of Nat's baby, Sydney makes a shit tonne of food for Nat and Pete, including Nat's favourite lasagne.

Above: Sydney and Tina building an outdoor kitchen in 1x05 Sheridan

Sydney is also able to establish firm boundaries with Carmy ("You are an excellent chef. You are also a piece of shit.", "If this is going to work the way that, I think, we both want it to work, we need to try to listen to each other.", "I'm not your fucking babysitter") and pushes Carmy to be consistent in his relationships. Recall 3x01 Tomorrow and her gentle insistence that he call Richie after their walk-in blow up.

Carmy recognises all of this pretty quickly with Sydney, making her his sous chef by the third episode of the series ("I will dial business. You are everything else.") and offering her part ownership of The Bear by 3x02 Next. Whether Syd is going to accept Carmy's offer is another question and one that I suspect is going to heavily depend on Carmy's ability to repair and practice loving consistency in his relationships next season.

I think key to this, is going to be a realisation on Carmy's part that he cannot treat consistency in relationships like he does consistency in the restaurant or creating a dish. He can't just "be square with everything [...] and everyone" or "make it good [by filtering] out the bad" like he described in 3x07 Legacy.

That description by Carmy of how he wants to be remembered - his legacy - still reads to me like the description of a product. That Carmy wants to be remembered for creating something panic-less and anxiety-free while giving little attention to how he might go about actually creating the thing in the first place: the consistent work that needs to be done in relationships to make sure that people aren't panicking and aren't anxious. Contrast this with Marcus' desire for his legacy:

Marcus: I kept my chin up. Listened and learned. I did honest work. Fun to be around. And an excellent emergency contact.

Marcus' legacy is all about relationships and process. He, like Sydney, knows that at the end of the day, the end product - his legacy - will not be a thing. It will be the sum total of everything: what he made through honest work but more importantly how he engaged with others: how he listened and learned, was fun to be around, and was reliable enough to be an excellent emergency contact. Key to all of this, is his consistency (which Marcus models from the first episode of The Bear and is probably why he is held so dear by Carmy as well). I’ve no doubt that Marcus’ consistency and how he treats people was modelled for him by his primary caregiver, his mother Angela Brooks. This is based on Marcus’ eulogy for Angela in 3x03 Doors.

Marcus: She loved everyone. I think you can tell 'cause there's so many people here. I always felt loved. It didn't matter what was going on or if I was in trouble or whatever. I knew she was listening. And she knew I was listening too.

This is essentially, the core of consistent parenting. Ensuring that a child feels loved, even when things are hard. Its also the core to consistent relationships throughout one's life. And it depends entirely on people and how we handle our connections to each other.

Indeed, what Carmy needs to realise could also be put another way, as it was by Chef Terry in 3x10 Forever:

Andrea Terry: I think what I've learned over the years in all the places I've worked, is people don't remember the food. [...] Its the people that they remember.

Tagging in case you're interested in more of my rambles but as always, I'm interested in chatting about this stuff with whoever wants to (tagged or not!):

@currymanganese @vacationship @thoughtfulchaos773 @moodyeucalyptus @fresaton @ciaomarie @hwere @tvfantic87 @freedelusionshere @mitocamdria @ambeauty @angelica4equity @anxietycroissant @turbulenthandholding @brokenwinebox @devisrina @alwaysrunningoutoftime

[xxzlushiez]

My American dream

“You’re so Art Deco out on the floor, shining like gunmetal, cold and unsure”

Bill Kaulitz x f!reader

Synopsis: I’m in such a mood right now I just want to write everything that comes to mind. Basically, bill takes a liking to a teen singer that came from America to Germany

Tags: 18+, implied smut, Name is from America, Tom being Tom, kissing, bill is a tease but means well, making fun of American accents, language barrier (this is based before the members spoke fluent English), confusion, reader smokes weed

German in bold

English in italics

- it started with your tour manager saying you should consider going to another country to gain more popularity

- you believed it was a good idea and could benefit your career so you agreed, easy enough right?

- you were wrong…so so wrong😭

- Communication was ROUGH

- Your team had to rent out a whole car because talking with transportation workers was too difficult for everyone without a translator

- Your managers were definitely getting gray hairs because of you

- When the day of the interview came, your manager surprised you last minute saying you would be collaborating with a popular German band in the interview

- It was a good idea essentially

- Rising teen artists from two different countries hanging out would cause some attention

- But both parties couldn’t even speak to each other so it was a wreck for everyone up until the interview finally started

- you rambled about how excited you were to your makeup artist and you swear he pressed down on your eye extra hard while applying the makeup just to get you to shut up

- When the interview started and you settled into your seat you took time to look at all 4 of the members

- You looked for who your manager had described as the main vocalist of the group and he easily caught your eye

- The same could be said about you

- Bill noticed when you walked out that your styles were similar and he was mesmerized

- you saw the way he was eyeing you up and down while the other band members were answering questions

- “he’s definitely judging me rn”

- In a way…but he was just checking you out don't worry

- the interviewer decided you should all play a game of charades between languages and see who wins

- And with his luck he had gotten partnered up with you

- While you were so excited to be partnered up with another lead singer, he was shaking in his skinny jeans💀

- he was also very happy he just got a little nervous because he had to speak English which he wasn’t completely confident in

- He sat with you on the cramped sofa and tried to introduce himself to you

- “I'm Bill, it’s nice to finally meet you! I’ve heard some of your songs”

- You stared at him with the stupidest look of your face

- Bill:😊 you:😁

- “Oh I didn’t know the game started already”

- It was so awkward for the first few minutes that the translator had to come help you guys out out of her own secondhand embarrassment

- But once you properly introduced yourselves you were able to “talk” with each other so easily

- the convos flowed so naturally between you two that fans started to get jealous🤭

- half way through the game he was trying to help you understand a German word and saw you had gotten extremely close to him

- When he noticed he went dead silent and went as still as a statue, fans swore he turned into concrete and you were just 3 inches away from his face like-

- “Why’d you stop? I almost had it.☹️”

- there was so many urges he was holding back on when he was near you

- was staring at your lips the whole time but played it off as learning the pronunciation of the word you were saying when you asked him

- everyone noticed how he was looking at you, and how he touched you even when there was no need

- You guys both had undeniable chemistry with one another

- the band teased bill on how quick he cozied up next to you during the game

- Tom dry humping the air and George pretending to make out with Gustav to embarrass Bill and he’s just there like…

- 🧍”and that’s why I’m leaving”

- He would go off to find you and complain abt how annoying they were as you both munched on some snacks until the break ended

- He would always giggle when you spoke and you thought he was making fun of you

- He kinda was in his mind but he mostly just loved the way you sounded and when you tried to speak German it made him all giddy for some reason

- couldn’t contain himself around you he was always laughing at your jokes and smiling so hard when you talked to him and he himself didn’t even know why

- wouldn’t stop complimenting you because he loved how happy you got when he did

- always positioned himself so he was touching you in someway be it your thighs being smushed against his when sitting down or his arm slung over the sofa to play with you hair

- sat with you even after the game was over not caring how his band mates were snickering at him

- he loves your accent it’s his new favorite thing

- you always caught him staring into your soul while you were speaking with the interviewer (he doesn’t know how mean he looks pls forgive him)

- fans got butterflies on how he would just randomly stare at you for a few minutes before looking back at whoever was talking

- Tom said you looked like a tomato the whole time and wouldn’t stop making fun of you and bill had to smack some sense into him (literally) to get him to stop

- during the middle of the interview some random questions were asked and he saw how quick you got weirded out

- was annoyed the rest of the time, he was sitting there giving the interviewer the biggest stank eye ever while talking to you

- He’s good at making ppl look stupid I just know it

- The interviewer would ask him something and he’d be like “Idk, what do you think?😐”

- his manager had to tell him to get his act together bc ppl were starting to notice💀

- when the interview ended you made your way out to the balcony to relax before you had to leave to the hotel

- You didn’t notice Bill had rushed off to follow you until you heard the emergency exit door being pushed open

- he looked around the small balcony until he spotted you

- His face lit up when he saw you 😕 to -> 😃

- he waved as he jogged over to you

- he tried to apologize for the questions but it came out more in German than English but you understood

- You smiled and looked up at him with heavy eyes before puffing some smoke out of your nose and telling him it was “whatever”

- He was practically drooling over you he thought you looked so pretty

- the way your eyes looked with that lazy smile on your face was doing something for him

- But he just smiled like he understood what you said before grabbing the blunt from you and taking a drag

- He coughed

- so much

- it was nighttime and dark so he thought it was a cigarette and quickly found out it wasn’t

- “you, okay?”

- “Ja! 😊” (He’s not okay)

- it was fine though you both laughed and made fun of the incident after

- he was basically caging you between the chain fence with his body (I’m going crazy) without noticing

- When he finally did the blunt was dying down and you were gazing at the stars while he gazed down at you

- “I wanna kiss you so bad right now”

- you just stared at him with the sweetest smile he’s ever seen because you didn’t understand what he was saying

- if you knew the things you did to him oh my god

- before you put out the joint you shot gunned some smoke into his lips and that seemed to finally pushed him over the edge

- when he kissed you he tried to be slow n soft but it escalated quickly bc he has no self control with you

- he’s a lightweight and was so out of it, eyes droopy and everything

- so noisy with it to, gasping into your lips the whole time when your fingers even slightly grazed his skin

- had his hands tangled in the fence and his knee pushed up inbetween your legs to rub against you

- rutting himself into your thigh while making out (dude’s starved)

- since he was so much taller he was basically hunching over to reach you

- everywhere you touched all you could feel was him and it made you so dizzy

- whined into you neck the whole time, he couldn’t get enough of you, wanted all his senses to be filled up with you

- “Want you, need…need you. Need to feel all of you”

“Name please- need you now, please I’ll be good”

- makes his brain all fuzzy and he can’t think when you kiss him

- gets out of breath so fast bc he’s so overstimulated but doesn’t wanna stop so it leads to him panting like a dog in heat

- he’s never had it so bad for someone like he had it for you

- grins into the kiss when you notice his tongue piercing

- you had your arms around his neck to bring him down to your level and played with a hair for a second and his eyes rolled back and he let out the most pornographic moan you’ve ever heard and had no shame abt it

- kept doing it when he noticed how heated you got from it

- forgets how to function when making out w/ you

- got a little to frisky and you had to stop him before you went to far and risked being caught

- your manager was so frustrated with you both when he found out but you both just giggled and ran off to go do it again

- if you googled ‘dumb teens in love’ you two would show up as the definition

- you hung out with him and the other three the rest of the time you were in Germany

- you and Tom scare him all the time and he’s so extra abt it

- Screams, then gasps for air, and then pats down his body to make sure he didn’t ascend before glaring at you both and throwing whatever’s nearest to him at you

- the media loves you guys together

- some thought the relationship was fake because you guys were just that couple

- He helps you learn German and you help him learn English

- literally started bawling into your neck when you had to leave a few weeks later

- whined abt how you should “just move in with him bc it’d be easier”

- travels to America lots but mostly pays for you to come out to Germany because he thinks it’s easier

- always calling and texting each other when your both free

- go to each others concerts to support one another (so cute!)

- so many pictures of one of you at the others concerts cheering for them in the crowd

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Eps 28-29 Speedrun...

I'm trying to play catch up after falling behind a bit, so here's just a highlight reel/speedrun (as much as I can speed...which is not very much tbh). The meta has dwindled down to nothing; I do apologize. This is very much just reaction-based. Also, I'll probably have to stay out of the tag once the express episodes come out, unless the site I'm watching on uploads those eps too.

Spoilers incoming!

Ep 28

Heh. ZYC's plausibly deniable jealousy is back and boy have I ever needed it. His cursing better be more intense now that he's basically confessed to ZYZ several times over lmao. And oh how precious he is, taking Ying Lei's ice marks comment seriously enough to double check his neck.

Ah. Watching WX's convo with Princess Longyu while knowing what happens in ep 29, the irony of her lie about being poisoned...Good (and terrible) stuff...

Oh god oh dear I was watching the whole acting ordeal through my fingers with preemptive second-hand embarrassment for ZYC. The moment WX pulled out her little booklet but we were cut off from seeing the msg, I knew, esp given the very pointed shots of the fish right before their whole convo haha. Not bad of a set-up imo, more subtly natural than usual which I like since I prefer explanatory flashbacks to have a bit more premeditation baked into the original scene for viewers to pick up on in real-time, which this show doesn't always do.

But oh my. I have to say this. I apologize in advance but it's in my damn handle so forgive me but—ZYC is so fucking lovely when sulky and embarrassed. I'm smitten. I had seen the director post those shots of TJR all dramatically lit and beautifully framed months ago and I had no idea it was going to be used for this. And this is coming off the heels of the previous episode's mpreg joke, which I'm still not over. This show's commitment to flustering ZYC's character needs to be studied and replicated in fanfics. Who said that? Not me. Anyway.

I've seen mixed reactions to ZYC not being in on the acting, but just for me personally, I like that it wasn't intentional for them to leave him out, and I really am glad to have heard his honest feelings in that moment. It felt significant to see him make that decision against even the rest of their family, and I'd personally rather it come out while the rest of them are playing at discord than actually seeing them fight internally just to witness ZYC draw his ultimatum so genuinely and seriously. It feels like yet another moment where the narrative is creatively committing subtext into text for us and for ZYZ to hear, without having to torment us with somehow worsening the stakes within their group to the extent that would elicit such a reaction.

WZY and Chongwu Camp really invest in a lot of latex skin huh?

Oh my god I love that PSJ sucks at acting too. Her panic at having to pretend lmfaooo. Also, this gets at something I really should have realized much earlier on, but the way ZYC and PSJ have so many similarities in disposition and belief, and also how WX and ZYZ overlap a lot in their inclination for acting and playful tricks and teasing—I love that. WX and ZYC each gravitating towards respectively familiar personalities in romantic partners, which actually very much happens irl. Basically seeking out personalities similar to their comforting (pseudo-)familial bonds. Also explains why I love both ZYC and PSJ so much.

Lmfao Ying Lei's theme song kicking in as he volunteers to hold onto the dragon scale really does get me. His song captures his character so well.

Any day I get to watch TJR inception-act as Ao Yin acting as ZYC is a good day for me. That little snarl of a reaction after Ying Lei pulled out his weapon is some good shit. I love that even the texture of his voice and the cadence of his line delivery is different (the stark contrast when actual ZYC shows up in the next scene is *chef's kiss*). And he is uniquely suited for batting his eyelashes, I must say.

Okay! Onto Ep 29:

First ZYC forgets how to count when he calls them a group of five...now ZYZ tricks Ying Lei into giving his all to protect an empty box...when will the grievances against Ying Lei end?

My live reaction to finding out WX's been fatally poisoned: ZYZ, ZYC, Bai Jiu, and WX passing around the hot potato of mortality.

I'm glad for some more emotional development on the Li Lun!Bai Jiu front! I feel like he's been on the back burner for a bit with the ZYC demonizing (which he caused anyway, lol). I am certainly intrigued by Ying Lei being around to hear Li Lun!Bai Jiu's monologue and what this may lead to. And it's been said but LZY (Bai Jiu's actor) does soooo well here it's such a great watch.

Also...Li Lun wants a roof (well, technically, eaves) to shelter from the rain and a lamplight in the dark? Sounds like a throuple with ZYC and ZYZ really might fix him tbh.

Justice for WX in ZYC's flashback from two years ago. She does not say "Are you stupid?" but more along the vibe of "Don't be silly" as she and ZYC discuss his snake bite. The subs are too literal here it makes her sound so out of pocket lmao

God I'm so glad PSJ slapped all of WX's will to live back into her in ep 27 because yes girl!!! Fight for your right to live!! Also, speaking of, where tf is PSJ ): Her girl is dying, why doesn't she get any screen time to react? Do I assume she knows or not?

But yay! The contract ripping was cute. As an aside, I do wish I personally felt enough of a spark between ZYZ and WX to ship them on my own because the writing is there for their pairing to be pretty solid. Like I've said before, they're sweet and good together but they just don't rot my brain. I wonder what's missing for me because I honestly like their acting much more than I expected to. Perhaps it could also be a matter of contrast, as some dynamics in the web of relationships stand out to me in terms of chemistry more than others, even if we're not talking strictly romantic (I mean, I'm of the belief that TJR could have chemistry with a brick wall if he wanted to). Anyway though, I'm going off topic. ZYZ and WX cute (and tragic)!

I gasped at ZYC going to meet WZY. That's what I call desperate measures.

Ha, ZYZ asking ZYC to protect him while he's weakened from the Ever-Burning Wood reminds me of CQL c:

Yooooooo ZYC grabbing the newly reforged Cloud Light Sword and all that gorgeous light. What a hero. Smitten, I say.

Ohhhh the Li Lun/ZYC superimposed images, the way I was holding my breath and worried for a second that ZYZ would call ZYC by the wrong name !!!! That's some legit ex-vs-current-lover storytelling like whew. But I needed ZYC to catch ZYZ a little better than that when he fell like embrace the man already pls

The cave scene!!!!! I'm looking through my fingers. I feel like I'm intruding. How many jade pendants does ZYC have on his person for ZYZ to drink at any given moment? And oh wow something about the framing of ZYC's hand on the wine bottle as he mixes it—what an intimate ritual. Feels like I watched ZYC make three separate confessions just seeing him pull out the jade, mix the drink for ZYZ, and hold it out to him with his eyes averted...And then he goes and lays his heart bare (again! once more on top of the conversation in ep 26 like he is really not letting any chance of misunderstanding arise he is trying to show his hand as much as possible wow). But yeah who's gonna gif the wine mixing for me?

Fuckkkk, they're zhiji, they said it, I'm going insane.

I love ZYZ's pause right before he drinks the first cup. Watching the gravity of this moment and ZYC's absolute sincerity hit him, settle on him. Such a meaningful and significant breath between actions. Like, we are allll aware of how serious this is.

ZYC holding intense eye contact while drinking the second cup??? Uh??? I really should be turning away now right? And ZYZ's stare back is truly indistinguishable from his openly loving looks at WX. I am on the floor.

All of ZYC's toasts are about ZYZ being a savior of some kind ;-;

Another live reaction: WHEN DID ZYC BECOME A SURGEON THEY JUST DID SURGERY ON ZYZ'S CORE IM CRYING.

ZYC most dramatic surgeon I've ever seen did you see the way his hair caught the wind? God but his nonchalance is killing me. Yes why not bare your heart and soul over some wine you mixed specifically for ZYZ and then operate on ZYZ's core in one sitting? All in a night's work I guess. Also ZYZ's still recovering from the Ever-Burning Wood oh my god someone take ZYC's license away what is this medical malpractice. Bai Jiu is out of commission for a little bit and all of a sudden everyone thinks they're a doctor smh.

All I have to say about the WZY meeting is sometimes I get so distracted by ZYC's eyelashes. Also goodbye and good riddance WZY! Unless the drama decides to pull a fast one on us, which is never beyond the realm of possibility here. But at least he burned.

PSJ is back :D Head empty except for how pretty her red cape is.

Ouuugh Li Lun who is constantly possessing people and obsessively making others look at the real him and Ao Yin who is constantly impersonating people and now asking to be remembered for how she actually looks. What a pair, I can see why they stuck together all this time. Also Ao Yin's true form is so pretty. Girl I know you killed a bunch of people and continuously framed our heroes and caused so so so much heartache for them but I'll remember your true form dw )-:

The borrowed sympathy Li Lun gets while in Bai Jiu's body is quite poignant and so complicated and tbh I want more of it. As someone who doesn't want him to go down this unfortunate path any further, I have hopes about the potential there, but it's probably safer to expect the worst.

Not sure if this more surface-level commentary is still fun to read, but this will probably be all I have time for from now til the end. And since I'll be staying out of the tag soon, it'll just be me shouting into the void for the next few days. Thanks to anyone still sticking around and reading these!

Also sorry I don't add more photos on the regular, I'm watching the show in pretty shitty resolution and on a player than is awful to screenshot from (-:

[ariesbloodstone]

I know buck was weirded out by the fact that tommy and abby was engaged. I mean who wouldnt? That's a crazy twist. But I got a feeling that buck was bothered by it because tommy had hurt abby. Almost like he still care about her and feel protective over her and angry at tommy for hurting her. I know he loved her and maybe still care about her, but that just seem weird to me. At the restaurant scene when tommy said he was engaged and almost married a women, buck looked surprised seems understanding about it. When tommy said abby took a himbo half her age, buck just responded by saying she maybe did that to get tommy out of her system. He didnt even mad at tommy and seems to be on his side. But when tommy said it was abby clark and buck realised who it was, he got shocked which is understable. And then he told maddie. And said that tommy led abby on and hurt her. And buck thought he knew tommy and never thought tommy would be that cruel. But he only feel that way when he found out the women was abby. So I wonder if he would react the same way if the women wasnt abby? Based on his reaction before tommy mention her name he doesnt seem to care about it. I dont know. To me it looks like he still care about abby which is ok but like he cares more about her than tommy when he is actually dating tommy in the present. I dont know maybe I'm wrong but I just feel weird about it. Actually all the scenes was weird in this episode.

I really dont like buck flirting with that women in the restaurant. I mean tommy was there and watching. Its so rude. And then the convo about women and abby. And then the scene with maddie and josh. Another thing thats weird to me. Why buck was so suprised and hurt on abby's behave for what tommy did? I know what tommy did is not right, but tommy used to be a closeted gay men when he was younger. We all know that and so does buck. He was probably spend most of his life being in the closet than out. Which means he probably had girlfriends in the past and hook up with guys in secret. Like most all closeted gays do at the time?. I mean I know this is 2024 but buck is not a teenager. He's young but not that young. He's what, 30, 33? I'm 30 and even I know how hard it was for the gays in the past. A lot of them hiding in the closet meaning they maybe had girlfriends and even wife. Even I know and understand why they had to do that. And buck doesnt and got angry about it? And what the hell about that speech about post glee stuff. I know a lot of people like it but its not my favourite. It just seems cheezy and frankly unnecesarry because a man at buck's age should've known all that stuff already.

It seems like buck had build up a perfect image of tommy in his mind. His first impression of tommy is that he's so cool and feel threatened by him which turn out to be a crush. And he look up to tommy and admired him which is cute and all. But then he saw this flaw of tommy and he got dissapointed. I think he should know that not everyone is perfect not even tommy. But its not good to have that kind of high expectation to anyone, even your own partner. They gonna have flaws and weakness.

Making buck asking tommy to move in after all that knowledge about abby and gay history is another weird move. How come he got that idea after all that. Another thing to blame the writers about. Not to mention making tommy feels like that is the end of their relationship. He could have just said it was too soon which it is. It is too soon and clearly tommy is not ready for it. A lot of couple survive through that. Its not a marriage proposal. Most doesnt work out after a rejection of proposal but this is not it. They could've work it out. Its like the writers in ep 5 is totally different from ep 6. I have read a lot of fanfiction that are a lot better than this mess of storyline.

[stardewvalleyincorrect]

Farmer: Shane would you still love me if I was a worm

Shane: Bitch I hate worms

Farmer: So you'd hate me if I was a worm

Shane: How would I know it's you, you're a worm

Farmer: ...I'd be a special worm

Shane: Go the fuck to sleep

[spiderpussinc]

You know your post about divorced Peter got me thinking. A lot. Then I realized that I, in fact, never thought about this much because from the beginning I just stay in my lane rather than judging people for divorcing Peter again. I think I am really too old to care that much about what people write especially if it end up limiting other out of moral obligation.

Basically it's dumb and you're right

Ur the most normal for this. Its incredibly fucking silly discourse to me bc Peter Parker *has* been divorced for pretty much two decades now. (Not even just divorced - the marriage was ERASED out of canon. they are just ex bf/gf.) MJ has her own share of past and present different partners! There are multiple universes where she is either *canonically* a lesbian, or implied to be coming to terms with it. Peter had countless girlfriends/hookups in the meantime! I think what gets me the most is how confidently wrong a lot of these assumptions are; I keep seeing this weird "one-and-only, first and last, soulmates.." thing applied to Peter and MJ and its like...

1. Peter dated multiple people before her AND after her; Gwen wasn't the first either, but for a long time, Gwen *WAS* the biggest regret of his life and they were meant to get married. Gwen was the one based on stan lee's wife, the closest thing to a planned soulmate; and she dies bc it's not meant to be. Not ever. There is no predetermined true spider-man love interest, you're just talking about some of the adaptations you've seen. This is one of the most debated superhero writing convos of all time LOL even Marvel editorial internally disagrees on this - everyone has their favorite. That's the point!

2. Divorce is based and awesome and maybe I'm just getting old but when a marriage doesn't work **having a child** certainly isn't the thing that's going to save it. I know how that one goes! Be prepared to crash even harder once the baby glow passes and the complex shit kicks right back in! To be honest it'd be even more realistic if it crashed again post-mayday, or if MJ divorced him bc she was already pregnant and wanted to do something better with her life instead of playing second fiddle to spider-man forever or being in peril to motivate his character arc.

But the thing that does annoy me is how entitled some ppl have become. Siding with actual homophobic redditors and posting up under gay fanart with the most annoying 'umm. hes married? the sanctity of marriage???' comments. who fuckin care. It's comics. It's all fanfic. Even the published stuff. Stream:

[lurkingshan]

Anticipating the LITBC Adaptations

One of the questions @bengiyo asked us this week is what parts of the book we are most looking forward to seeing in the upcoming film and drama adaptations. I had a good convo with @doyou000me and @stuffnonsenseandotherthings in the comments here, and I wanted to talk a bit about why I am excited for these adaptations.

Most folks who watch a lot of South Korean media know that there is precious little LGBTQ+ representation in Korean dramas and film. In mainstream kdrama, we are lucky if we get a queer side character a couple times a year, and it's even more rare for those characters to get a romantic partner (but not unheard of, see Be Melodramatic my beloved). There has been a big uptick in Korean bl production over the last few years, but most of those projects are underfunded and fly under the radar (with notable exceptions like Semantic Error, The Eighth Sense, and Love for Love's Sake). So it is a very big deal to me to see two mainstream adaptations of Love in the Big City, a story that is undeniably centered on a queer lived experience.

Let's talk about the film first. When I first saw the announcement that we would get a film adaptation starring Kim Go Eun, Steve Noh, and Kang Ha Neul, I was ecstatic. These are huge names in Korean media, drama headliners and movie stars. Now, does the choice to focus only on part 1 and center the story on Jaehee mean this project likely won't feel fully rooted in Young's queer perspective? Absolutely, we should recognize that and manage our expectations accordingly. But there will be a mainstream film about the relationship between a woman and a gay man living together, and that is already a very big deal for South Korea. We have to look at this project from the context of Korean social politics and recognize that it signifies progress. And I am still hopeful that Young will feel like a fully realized character, even if we are unlikely to see the full extent of his depth and complexity represented in this film.

And that is where the drama comes in. Sang Young Park himself is the screenwriter for this adaptation, and based on the production photos @my-rose-tinted-glasses shared here, we are getting all four parts of the story in this version. The cast here is not as famous as the film headliners, but they are recognizable, solid actors who have had main roles in other dramas. I don't know how these two projects came to be made at the same time, so I can only say that having them premiere around the same time is genius, whether by intention or happenstance. Because I can easily imagine that people who are exposed to this story for the first time via the film might then go check out the drama, where they will see a much fuller picture of Young's life and an authentic queer experience. @archiveofmystuff shared that there has been some reporting about the long process to secure funding for this full novel adaptation, and I'm not surprised it was difficult. But with Sang Young Park attached I feel confident that we will get a solid version of this story, even if it can't get quite as explicit about all the gory details as the novel did. I can't wait to see Young, Jaehee, Umma, Hyung, and Gyu-ho on my screen, and I'll be so curious to see how he structures the show to fit the four parts of his novel into eight 50-minute episodes. There are so many exciting possibilities and I am feeling optimistic.

TL; DR: it's a big deal that these adaptations are being made, and it will surely result in more people seeing Young's story. It's a signal of positive progress in the Korean media landscape, and I welcome it.

[alexanderlightweight]

You know what I rarely see? In the show after wooing Alec, Magnus is not shown as overly invested and it always appears as Alec reaching/apologizing/moving the pair along. Which was definitely a writing/directing choice. But what I’d like to prompt if it suits you, is Magnus being the one to apologize or to reassure Alec that he is important and not temporary-I’m team immortal but this convo certainly should happen. I liked the way you had Alec be angry in that prompt fill about his birthday and Magnus had to own up to that. If this isn’t your thing no big deal! Hope the weather is nice where you are and nightshade has enough pets and treats for the day!

i believe in 'no partner is perfect' and while i don't tend to write the angstier couple stuff 'i like my malec happy' i don't mind occasionally dipping my toes into partner angst (with an immortal happy ending)

this particular fic isn't about about immortality but it's about haing two people who have fundamentally different lifestyles having a miscommunication that devolves and while the argument is based on the show scene, it doesn't follow it perfectly. nor is the actual argument written. just the aftermath.

my thoughts are that magnus tries to spoil alec in season two still but it's more intimate and offscreen and he sort of in season 3a but magnus relies heavily n his magic to spoil alec and he kind of is spiraling all of season 3 tbh. they just really were sprinkling angst on malec like it was salt and they realized the show was bland.

all they did was get oversalted content which got salty fans, since they forgot to add actual herbs and spices.

it's a bloody hot day okay. i love the sun as much -nevermind apparently this is a lie-

so i don't hate the sun okay. i enjoy sunshine in specific environments. the sun is not a tyrant devoid of compassion.

anyways i live in a desert because its whats best for the people i love but give me mist and foggy days and give me winters of waist deep snow i can fall in. oceans so cold your lips go blue and rivers so deep and clear and still cold with melting ice.

if people are going to send me 8-10 feet to the bottom of the lake because they lost their electronics. it better be cold and clear. not warm and murky. (this has only happened 3 times but i have a preference).

So I made Say breakfast and nightshade breakfast and then I made @saeths breakfast a few hours later so i made an extra egg for nightshade to tempt him to eat another bowl of kibble.

so i fed nightshade twice and forgot to make any eggs for myself ^_^ so he is plenty spoiled (don't worry his egg was made without cheese and salt).

also the reason i'm awake is because he needed snuggles and after that he wanted to play in the pool and then i was too awake to bother

but that's our wednesday so far and i'm getting my work out of the way so i can focus on writing and house things.

<3 lumine

-

Magnus is ready with another quick retort when Alec’s face goes blank for a moment.

The argument fades from Magnus’ mind in an instant, because while this is the perfect moment to land another barb, the words die and his sentence stops, ending with a snide comment he doesn’t really mean.

“That’s fine Magnus.” Alec says and he’s not angry, which is worse. He sounds tired and yet professional. His manner restrained and placating in the way he does when he no longer has any fight left and he just wants to retreat and lick his wounds.

Wounds that Magnus caused.

“Alexander—” Magnus starts, because he didn’t intend to get so upset but Alexander just shakes his head.

“You’ve said your piece, Magnus. I get it.” Alexander sighs and runs a hand through his hair as he shuffles. “I messed up, again.”

Magnus winces, because he’s begun to feel more like a scolding mentor than a partner.

“I need to get to the Institute—” which makes sense, the argument started as they both got ready for their days. “I’ll—” and Alec hesitates and then shrugs, “I’ll see you tonight.”

—

Magnus waits until it’s dinner time and then portals to the Institute, already preparing words to once again explain that it’s not Alexander, it’s just not time yet.

He opens the door to the office without knocking and steps in.

“Alexander—” Magnus starts and then he hesitates.

Because for once, Alexander’s eyes don’t soften when they meet his. They remain cold, devoid of the warm ardor they normally contain but once again, without anger. Only an empty tiredness that Magnus longs to chase away.

“Do you have an appointment today, Magnus?” Alexander asks, setting down his pen and turning off his tablet with a sigh. Even upset Alexander will still give him his full attention and Magnus steps closer to the desk when Alexander continues, “because I’m sorry, but I don’t have time for a meal, or a conversation if it’s not official. So, if you don’t have an appointment, it needs to wait until I’m off.”

Alexander doesn’t mention coming home like he normally does, and Magnus suddenly misses it, with a deep lonely ache.

It also reminds Magnus that despite how often Alexander drops everything to join him, his boy is being worked to the ground and also driving himself to his limits in his pursuit of building a better Institute. Alexander is struggling to create ties between an Institute and local downworld leaders that would be revolutionary, with a sincerity that is unmatched by anything Magnus has ever seen.

Of course, he’s exhausted, and Magnus feels hollow now, remembering their fight all over again with a new clarity.

“No darling, it’s nothing official. I’ll see you tonight—” Magnus pauses, wanting to offer to summon Alec something to eat or drink, but it feels too much like an emotional bribe with how shuttered his boy is. Alexander nods and gives him the same perfunctory, polite smile he gives his siblings when he’s too exhausted to deal with them and doesn’t know what else to do.

It cuts Magnus to the heart to have that same expression directed at him, when he’s supposed to be safe for Alexander.

Magnus can’t handle the idea of reaching out only to be shied away from, so he runs from the possibility and instead summons a tiny flower to land by Alexander’s pen when the door shuts.

No one in the Institute seems to notice anything is wrong. Magnus gets a few strange looks, but he quickly realizes that it’s because everyone expected Alexander to be leaving with him, like his boy usually does.

Magnus feels cold and it’s with determination that he sends out an emergency message.

—

“I became stagnant in my old, single age.” Magnus bemoans, “I spent so long on my heartbreak that now, with a man I adore over every living being, I keep pushing him away.”

“Truth potion?” Catarina offers but Magnus shakes his head. Alexander deserves Magnus explaining this without the aid of something to help his thoughts form, even if it’s a trick Magnus has used continually and without remorse on himself.

This is different though because Magnus wants to become aware of what is wrong, not rely on a potion to figure it out.

“He wants to move in.” Magnus starts, about to launch into it when Cat laughs, interrupting him.

“What do you mean he wants to, he already has. Or did you just move him in on the sly and forget to ask him if he wanted to?”

“Cat—” Magnus says hesitantly, “he’s never moved in. He’s the one who brought it up. I told him no.”

Catarina pauses and then she sighs, and she summons her favorite, light summer beer and pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Start from the beginning, Magnus. I need details.”

Magnus does, realizing things that he missed as he’s explaining so many details that he just assumed and took for granted.

“I did wonder that the Loft hasn’t changed much. It seems more like Alec’s an addition to your things rather than his own person.”

It’s that comment that drives Magnus into a frenzy the moment he’s home.

Magnus doesn’t go overboard; Alexander wouldn’t want him to. Also springing this on his boy after the prior rejection will be too much like whiplash.

So, Magnus starts very small.

He finally creates the foyer he promised himself and Alexander he would make.

Alexander’s never pushed but Magnus remembers the tightening of his shoulders and the way Alexander will be too tired for anything but cuddles — rarely even hungry — after barrages of people through the loft.

The kitchen he only summons when Alexander asks, which is rare, so he makes it a permanent fixture and makes sure to hang an apron with little angel wings up. It’s with a pained smile that he sighs and wonders when he got so old that he forgot to enjoy life, and instead spent all his time focused on the past, just like Ragnor always warned him about.

Magnus doesn’t want to regret any time with Alexander, and he finds that he already does.

Not the time spent with his boy, but the time he could have focused on him more.

Magnus has spent so long protecting himself from losing Alexander, that he hasn’t noticed that he’s pushing him away, stopping him from coming too close.

Except Magnus has also bound him tightly.

Alexander sleeps more often in Magnus’ bed than his own. He’s rerouted his own schedule so he can take the last patrol before shift change, come to Magnus’ loft, write his report there and send it in, and be in bed for Magnus to return to.

Except for work, Alexander spends the majority of his daily life either in the loft, or with Magnus.

There are signs of him, all over the loft, but Magnus can’t look at a single piece and think, “Alexander picked that out.”

It aches in way that is almost visceral, because now that Alexander isn’t here, it’s only more obvious.

Magnus is chest deep in a drawer when he becomes aware of his boy stepping slowly into the bedroom.

“Is this a bad time?” Alexander’s tired voice asks. “I noticed there was a new door and tried to knock but the door just opened.”

Magnus wants to say something except he’s furious with himself and everything and the idea that Alexander saw a new door and knocked instead of walking right in, tears something in him.

They stare at each other for a moment, Magnus with his hands still wrist deep in the dimensional dresser, sure he’ll eventually find more than the sparse offering of Alexander’s clothes that he has.

“Where are all the clothes that you leave here?” Magnus asks instead of answering because he genuinely doesn’t know, “I was cleaning, and I couldn’t find them.”

Alexander sighs and Magnus just knows that he’s gearing himself up to — once again — explain to Magnus that it’s not about the clothes, before his boy visibly gets too tired. Instead, he just shrugs and potions to the paltry pile that Magnus has found.

“You have more than that!” Magnus exclaims, frustrated because he knows Alexander does. “That green shirt I got you that you loved. And those pants, the black ones with the umber stitching. The cream sweater I adore you in! That suit I had tailored for you in Milan and the other one in Hong Kong.”

Alexander sighs and he rubs a hand over his face, the stubble he normally shaves away in Magnus— in their bathroom, shadowing his face.

“Magnus, those don’t exist anymore.” Alexander doesn’t seem upset, if anything his face softens into an almost reluctant fondness, “you tend to vanish all the clothing you get me, some way or another. Mostly before fucking me. I tried to ask you one time where they went and you waved a hand and said, ‘another dimension, nothing to worry about’.”

“Surely that’s not all I said.” Magnus protests weakly.

“Well, you proceeded to fuck me unconscious so no, it wasn’t the last thing you said. But it was the last thing you said abut clothes.”

Magnus gives a flat chuckle and then sighs, snapping his fingers to clean up the mess.

“Have you eaten?”

“I figured I could grab something from the cafeteria when I head back. It’s fine.”

It most certainly is not fine, but Magnus doesn’t think coaxing Alexander into eating is going to work this time, which means that Magnus has accidentally undone weeks of effort.

Magnus doesn’t press, doesn’t remind Alexander that he can here. Or that, if by normal standards Alexander stays until he usually leaves Magnus, it would be the early evening of the next day.

“So, you were cleaning.”

Alexander is looking around, voice faltering but face devoid of actual emotions.

“I realized some things, after this afternoon.” Magnus admits slowly, “you’re the first person I opened my heart to, Alexander. In a very long time, I’ve told you that before.”

Normally, explaining things is easier but all Magnus can think is he’s not explaining it correctly.

“I know. But Magnus, you’re the first person I’ve ever opened my heart to.” Alexander interjects and he sounds raw and broken, like he’s been torn apart. “Doesn’t that get to mean anything too, to you? Because I don’t know what I’m doing, and you told me that there was nothing wrong with that. That I had nothing to feel ashamed about but now, it doesn’t feel like that.

"It feels like I can’t do anything right and I thought, I hoped something was coming together with us but now—” Alexander gives a heavy sigh and shrugs. “Now I don’t even know what I am to you anymore. Where do I belong, in your life Magnus? If you tell me where to fit, I’ll make it work.”

And that breaks Magnus’ heart, because Alexander was never meant to feel like he had to cut off pieces of himself to ensure Magnus loves him, that he has a place in Magnus’ life.

“Oh darling, beloved.” He murmurs and Alexander flinches, like it was a knife to his side. “You belong. The entirety of you. You belong in my bed because it’s no longer just my bed. How can I say it’s my bed when I lay in it without you and can’t sleep? When I reach for you in the night and can’t find you?” Magnus moves across the room with slow, purposeful steps and then reaches out to carefully — only because Alexander allows it — cups his face.

“Alexander, I have no excuses. My heart is old, and it is scarred and it is a wonder that you love me with all the cracks you’ve seen exposed. I don’t fear men or demons or angels, Alexander. I fear my heart being torn from my body and leaving me alive, an empty hollow cavern where it should be in the shape of you.

“I’ve always been too much, Alexander. I put my own fears on you, not that you deserved any of it, sweetheart. You’re right. I am your first relationship, and you grew up and live in a shadowhunter society. The relationships you've witnessed aren't similar to ours at all.

"You trust me to guide our relationship but I’m always encouraging you to ask me for things and you rarely do. I’m sorry, that you finally trusted me enough to ask me for something and that I broke that trust.”

And Alexander breaks, his eyes filling with tears and he coughs, scrubbing over his eyes because he hates being emotional during talks like these. As if Magnus will use the crystal sorrow streaking his face against him.

“I don’t understand.” Alexander murmurs against Magnus’ shoulder, “I thought this was already my home, here with you. I don’t know what I did wrong, I’m sorry Magnus.”

“Oh sayang.” Magnus whispers, eyes stinging because his heart is lanced every time Alexander apologizes. “You did nothing wrong. My heart was too scared to admit that you already were home for us, I pushed you away because I panicked. I’m sorry, my darling.”

Magnus is as tender and sincere as he can be, because he doesn’t want Alexander internalizing anything over this. Especially not when he realized that for Alexander, the loft already was home and he just wanted permission, for it to be official.

It’s endearing and sweet and Magnus presses a kiss to Alexander’s temple, softly and then harder when Alexander pushes into the caress.

"This is already your home. Where ever I am, will be your home." Magnus promises, "that will never change, my love. This is our space, for us to grow together and live together in.

Instead, Alexander tackles him to the bed and just lays there, pinning Magnus to the comforter as he snuggles into Magnus.

"Alexander?"

There is no answer, just a soft, exhausted snuffle and Magnus wonders how upset Alexander's been, thinking he was deprived of the home Magnus gave him.

He uses magic to change their clothing. More conversations and decisions can be made after rest and well, Alexander certainly isn't going anywhere and neither is Magnus.

[dumbass-duo-showdown]

Dumbass duo showdown losers bracket round 1 battle 2

Ruffnutt & Tuffnut from how to train your dragon VS the doctor and Donna(aka Dr Donna) from dr who

Propaganda

Ruffnut & Tuffnut

They tried to kill Hiccup so that their dragon(s?) could rescue him and stop feeling indebted to him and return to them. Technically it worked, depending on your point of view...? Long story short they're idiots and I love them with my whole heart

They're so stupid, I love them. Just so stupid. They can actually be pretty smart, but they actively CHOOSE to be stupid, and I love them for it. They're 100% fully self-aware (well, maybe less than 100%, but still-), they know they're stupid, and they delight in it- and delight even more in dragging other people into their stupidity. They get even worse when they're together, too, since they'll bounce terrible ideas off each other until things start to snowball into a terrible, terrible mess (and have I mentioned that I love them yet). They are, like, the epitome of this trope.

They are so silly and get up to so much stupid mischief! Even when they're not the focus of the episode, they often have a weird and silly b-plot that ends up stealing the show. Highlights of their weird exploits include trying (and in the end succeding) to build a boar pit at the gangs home base, spending an entire dragon rescue mission playing fashion critics, inventing ice cream and searching for Tuffnuts beloved lost pet chicken. They really care about each other, but they're also pretty stupid about it.

DR DONNA

Just. Watch the scene where they find each other again. The miming/lipreading through glass windows. It is absolute gold. But all of partners in crime is. Also, they literally merge together in the end, so they actually share a brain for a while

The miming scene in Partners in Crime

They are So Dumb!! Like yeah they’re smart and they solve all the cases and shit but like!! They are so so dumb oh my god! They had a whole charades convo while trying to hide while the villain was in the room watching it was hilarious. Every interaction between the two is like brain cells are actively being lost. They are idiots you’re honor! The doctor brings up all these alien invasions and Donna is like “wtf are you talking about mate”. Also Donna has to open a door by putting her hand in a hand scanner thing but it’s a scanner for aliens with only 3 fingers and she’s like “it won’t work! I have 5 fingers” and the doctor is like….. “you can just put your fingers together?????”

[crystal-mouse]

Thoughts on snw 2e6 (contains spoilers)

Okay ik i was saying this in my previous post but i really can't get over the whole chess sequence and how it leads up to how spock and jim's relationship/friendship in TOS.

Subtextually speaking, it shows how chapel and spock, whilst having some level of feelings for each other, are really not on the same page- Spock in his words and game actions, wants to be more committed in his relationship/moving faster/looking for someone on his level, whereas Chapel really just wants to take her time/not necessarily be in a 'relationship' relationship- she can't keep up with Spock in the fast-paced game he wants to play.

As we know, good relationships are usually based on having both partners wanting the same goal (in terms of what they want from a relationship) and good communication (which lets face it theirs, re: prev episodes, isn't that great, although it could be worked on etc etc) and regarding what both characters have communicated in the past (Spock valuing his career and relationships but not wanting to be 'settled on a planet' as T'pring does, and chapel who loves but wants a more FWB situation and wants flexibility and understanding in this) Ultimately, they're doomed by the narrative.

then we bring in Jim to the whole situation, he hasn't had many scenes with spock so far in snw so there's not loads to go on, but from the interactions we have had so far, we can see that they already have a much stronger basis (from their own core traits).

Jim is someone, who like spock, is career minded- he's always pushing forward (see his convo with sam about his promotion) but he's also someone who desperately wants roots within this, he's never truly had a solid home as his family has always moved about. This isn't necessarily about settling down and sticking on a planet, but it's about needing someone who understands him and he can share his goals with (cough cough mr spock)

Jim, particularly as we've met him in snw, is a really smart guy, and because of this he's been isolated as no one can level with him (ep3- his first officer couldn't keep up with him in chess) and once again this is something he can find in Spock.

Now back to the chess scene- they haven't met during this scene, and yet, from viewing the game from the bar- Jim is on par and even thinking ahead of the game Spock is playing. He can see the trouble Spock is in ahead of him, and this as we eventually see in TOS is how they can match each other and provide the support/dependency that both desire.

In each other ,Jim and Spock can find someone who they can finally keep up and level with, they can complete each other and support where the other struggles.