#barber richie

[the-losers-are-still-losing]

something about these overly specific genres of character

[imsodonewiththissite]

Hmmm I see you I see you

Barbershops are dirty so Myra always cut his hair, but it was lacking in intimacy and real care for what eddie enjoys. After they start living together, ruchie is always teasing him about the soulless corporate haircut and styling until eddie finally just says fine you do it then as a joke

Richie I assume has some hair experience from his brief college days, maybe Sandy also taught him a thing or 2 to deal with his messy hair.

The first time richie cuts his hair, eddie very tentative and critical at first but realizes it's way different when its done by someone who knows you well enough to be careful, showcase who you are and hold you gently. And the hands, and watching steady concentrated expression and arms through the mirror. Yep eddie definitely complains and protests much less the second time around lol

barber richie. you can't tell me Eddie wouldn't have some weird little kink abt getting his hair cut

[mysticalarmand]

My brother: You can't be in that many fandoms

Me: *Tryna figure out which Eddie, Mike, Stan or mean lesbian, ppl are talking about*

[yes-17-15]

Yooo happy autism awareness month to me, my dad, Mike Wheeler, Will Byers, Jonathan Byers, Eddie Munson, Jane Hopper, Dustin Henderson, Joyce Byers, Murray Bauman, Jim Hopper, Robin Buckley, Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier, Evelyn Katz, Ziggy Katz, Fraser Wilson, Stanley Barber, Viktor Hargreeves, Five Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves, and every other autistic person!!!

[fivesslut8]

Why is writing fanfics so HARD like I have such amazing ideas I just can’t write them

[your-friendly-neighbourh00d-fag]

this has been a saga by me. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[loversclwb]

the fanbase I wrote for is dead so i don’t think anyone will see this but i’m wanting to write a jacob barber fanfiction like multiple chapters and idk what the storyline/plot should be i have multiple ideas but am lost if anyone sees this and cares abt little old me plz put in any suggestions 🙏

[agaypanic]

should i start doing tag lists for specific characters/fandoms i write for? rn i only have a taglist for the fella series, but i’m wondering if i should do it for my stand alone works too. like yea i have separate masterlists based on fandom and the works are split up by character, but what if someone likes my work but only for one thing or not enough to follow me to keep up with everything i post?

[laz-262]

this fucker (grips viciously)

and while im at it have stanley barber art

[brettdoesdiscourse]

"Pronouns are too confusing! Gender is too confusing!"

No, you know what's confusing? These two are transphobic and Christians. Like, you're telling me these are the men who want to reenforce gender roles and Christianity???

[taytrashmouth]

Requests are open!!!!

I write for:

Stranger things

Game of thrones

I am not okay with this

IT

Marvel

Friends

Kingsman

The summer I turned pretty

Heartstopper

The last of us

Harry Potter

Outer banks

Send requests!!!!!!! I’m so excited to write!!!!

[reareaotaku]

Masterlist III | COMPLETED

Finished: June 7, 2024 [12:27 PM CDT] *= Slightly NSFW/NSFW Masterlist I Masterlist II Masterlist IV

I Am Not Okay with This

Stanley Barber

Stanley Barber Headcanons Late Night Calls Backseat Driving*

Stranger Things

Mike Wheeler

My Sweet Valentine I Loathe You [Mike's POV]* Mike Wheeler & Jane 'Eleven' Hopper Headcanons Jealous Mike Wheeler Headcanons Brother's Best Friend*

Lucas Sinclair

My Sweet Valentine

Jane 'Eleven' Hopper

My Sweet Valentine Mike Wheeler & Jane 'Eleven' Hopper Headcanons Jealous Eleven

Maxine 'Max' Mayfield

My Sweet Valentine

Billy Hargrove

My Sweet Valentine

Steve 'The Hair' Harrington

My Sweet Valentine Mean Little Boy I'm in Love with You

Nancy Wheeler

My Sweet Valentine Nancy Wheeler & Robin Buckley Headcanons

Robin Buckley

My Sweet Valentine Nancy Wheeler & Robin Buckley Headcanons

Johnathan Byers

Johnathan Byers Headcanons

IT

Richie Tozier

Richie Tozier Headcanons

Karate Kid

Daniel Larusso

Daniel Larusso Headcanons*

The Umbrella Academy

Five Hargreeves

I Can't Lose You Sick Reader

The Goldfinch

Boris Pavlikovsky

Run Away Boris NSFW Headcanons* Injured Reader Mean! Boris Headcanons You're so Drunk*

Theodore 'Theo' Decker

Run Away Theo Decker Headcanons

Celebrities/Influencers

Matt Sturniolo

Matt Headcanons

Blue Beetle

Jaime 'Blue Beetle' Reyes

Jaime 'Blue Beetle' Reyes Headcanons

The Turning

Miles Fairchild

Miles Fairchild SFW/NSFW Headcanons* No Where 2 Run* Reader is Sick School is a Bore [PT 2 of School Girls] Made into a Woman* [Pt 3 of School Girls & School is a Bore] She's the Only Girl I wanna Love* [Pt 2 of Mary is the Girl that I wanna Fuck] Soft Schoolboy Headcanons Maid of the Rich Kind Nanny! Reader* Stalker 2 Be

Ben 10

Ben Tennyson

Yandere! Ben Tennyson Headcanons

Clone High

I Am Not a Clone Series

Where the Fuck am I? [Part 1]

Fear Street

Christine 'Ziggy' Berman

Christine 'Ziggy' Berman Headcanons

Nick Goode

Nick Goode Headcanons

Rick & Morty

Morty Smith

Morth Smith Headcanons Evil Morty Headcanons

Scooby Doo

Fred Jones

Fred Jones Headcanons Fred Jones Mystery Inc Headcanons

Hex Girls

We're the Hex Girls & We're Going to Put a Spell on You

Corpse Bride

Emily the Corpse Bride

Yandere! Emily Headcanons

Young Sheldon

Georgie Cooper

Georgie Cooper Headcanons

When You Finish Saving the World

Ziggy Katz

Yandere! Ziggy Katz Headcanons Jealous! Headcanons

We Are Who We Are

Fraser Wilson

Fraser Wilson Headcanons

Shazam

Freddy Freeman

Freddy Freeman Headcanons

Game of Thrones

Daenerys Targeryan

Male! Daenerys Targeryan Headcanons

Ghostbusters

Trevor Spengler

Jealous Headcanons

Don’t Tell a Soul

Joey

Joey Headcanons

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Rodrick Heffley

Crazy Party What if Rodrick was Jealous?

Wednesday

Wednesday Addams

I Don't Love You Singing my Love [Pt 2 of I Don't Love You] I Know You Got Issues & I Do Too [Male! Wednesday Addams] Male Wednesday Headcanons +drabble

Spiderman

Gwen Stacy

Gwen Stacy Headcanons

Scream

Stu Macher

Stu Macher Headcanons*

Batman

Dick 'Richard' Grayson

Save Me, Baby

Damian Wayne

Superboy vs Robin Damian Wayne Headcanons Love in High Places [Pt 2 of Superboy vs Robin]

Barbara 'Batgirl' Gordon

Barbara Gordon Headcanons

Tim 'Red Robin' Drake

Tim Drake Headcanons

Superman

Jon Kent

Superboy vs Robin Love in High Places [Pt 2 of Superboy vs Robin]

Clark 'Superman' Kent

Superman Headcanons

Lolirock

Iris

Genderbend Iris Headcanons

Shrek

Arthur Pendragon

Arthur Pendragon Headcanons

Kim Possible

Kim Possible

Schoolboy Crush

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Jessica Rabbit

Jessica Rabbit Headcanons

Mario

Princess Peach

Princess Peach Headcanons

Princess Rosalina

Princess Rosalina Headcanons

OC

Prince Alexander

Yandere Prince Headcanons

Ace

Grumpy x Sunshine Headcanons

Nightmare on Elm Street

Glen Lantz

Touch Me

That's Not My Neighbor

Francis 'Milkman' Mosses

Milkman Headcanons*

Goofy Movie/ An Extremely Goofy Movie

Max Goof

Max Goof Headcanons He was a Skater Boy

The Lion King

Kovu

Kovu Headcanons

Beetlejuice

Astrid Deetz

Astrid Deetz Headcanons

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

'Leo' Leonardo

Leonardo Headcanons

'Donnie' Donatello

I Do Not Like You

[asteriismos]

eleanor's archived masterlist (2020-2022)

a/n: basically everything i posted in this era. cringe below!

it (2017 & 2019) —

bill denbrough:

tear you apart (smut)

next door neighbor (smut)

novocaine (smut)

postcards from italy (smut)

all your love (smut)

attention (smut) (unfinished series)

time to pretend (smut)

nsfw alphabet (smut)

as the rush comes (smut)

toxic (smut)

richie tozier:

hard to get (smut)

nsfw alphabet (smut)

hey jude (smut)

gold dust woman (smut)

stanley uris:

beautiful (smut)

eddie kaspbrak:

sunshine riptide (smut)

i am not okay with this (netflix) —

stanley barber:

alone together (smut)

nsfw alphabet (smut)

i found (smut)

knives out —

jacob thrombey:

irresistible (smut)

politics (smut)

dark hallways (smut)

nsfw alphabet (smut)

five oh five (smut)

[jakessbtch]

☆ request list | j.b

what i can/will write!

x reader [y/n, __, ect.] fluff, angst, smut character x character

what i will not write!

basics [r4cism, p3dophilia, ect.] smut for characters/persons under 18 y/o/a [including actors.] smut for ageless characters/persons. heavy gore. romanticization of SA, Gr00ming, SH, R4pe, ED's. abuse + physical/emotional cheating.

fandoms/persons i currently write for!

Trap House! Jake Webber. Sam Golbach. Colby Brock.

Youtubers! Tara Yummy. Johnnie Guilbert.

Spider-Man! Peter Parker [earth-199999/Tom Holland] Peter Parker [earth-120703/Andrew Garfield] Peter Parker [earth-96283/Tobey Maguire] Hobie Brown

IT [2019]! Bill Denbrough [19] Beverly Marsh [19] Richie Tozier [19 + Male Reader ONLY] Eddie Kasprak [19] Mike Hanlon [19] Ben Hanscom [19]

IANOWT! Stanley Barber Sydney Novak Dina Bryant Brad Lewis

masterlist.

[js-a-writer]

Requests

People I Write For :

Stranger Things

El Hopper (fem, gn, male)

Max Mayfield (fem, gn, male)

Dustin Henderson (fem, gn)

Will Byers (gn, male)

Lucas Sinclaire (fem, gn, male)

Mike Wheeler (fem, gn, male)

Steve Harrington (fem, gn, male)

Nancy Wheeler (fem, gn, male)

Eddie Munson (fem, gn, male)

Robin Buckley (fem, gn)

Billy Hargrove (fem, gn)

Scream

Sidney Prescott (fem, gn, male)

Randy Meeks (fem, gn)

Tatem Riley (fem, gn male)

Stu Macher (fem, gn)

Billy Loomis (fem, gn)

Derek Feldman (fem, gn)

Mark Kincaid (fem, gn)

Kirby Reed (fem, gn, male)

Marnie Cooper (fem, gn, male)

Amber Freeman (fem, gn, male)

Chad Meeks-Martin (fem, gn)

Mindy Meeks-Martin (fem, gn)

Wes Hicks (fem, gn)

Tara Carpenter (fem, gn, male)

Sam Carpenter *Loomis* (fem, gn, male)

Liv McKenzie (fem, gn, male)

Anika Kayoko (fem, gn)

Danny Brackett (fem, gn)

Ethan Landry (fem, gn)

Outer Banks

Rafe Cameron (fem, gn)

JJ Maybank (fem, gn)

Pope (fem, gn)

Kiara (fem, gn, male)

Cleo (fem, gn, male)

Shameless

Carl Gallagher (fem, gn)

Ian Gallagher (fem, gn, male)

Fiona Gallagher (fem, gn, male)

Debbie Gallagher (fem, gn, male)

Liam Gallagher *aged up* (fem, gn)

NCIS

Tim McGee (fem, gn)

Tony DiNozzo (fem, gn)

Gibbs (fem, gn)

Jimmy Palmer (fem, gn)

Abby Scuito (fem, gn, male)

Ziva David (fem, gn, male)

Caitlin Todd (fem, gn, male)

Greenhouse Academy

Haley Woods (fem, gn, male)

Leo Cruz (fem, gn)

Alex Woods (fem, gn)

Brooke Osmand (fem, gn, male)

Max Miller (fem, gn)

Sophia Cardona (fem, gn, male)

Daniel Hayward (fem, gn)

Parker Grant (fem, gn)

Jackie Sanders (fem, gn, male)

Ryan Woods *young* (fem, gn, male)

Fuller House

Stephanie Tanner (fem, gn, male)

Jesse Katsopolis *young and old* (fem, gn)

Ramona Gibbler (fem, gn, male)

Max Fuller *aged up* (fem, gn)

Steve Hale *young and old* (fem, gn)

Jackson Fuller (fem, gn)

Jimmy Gibbler (fem, gn)

Matt Harmon (fem, gn)

Ethan (fem, gn)

Ginny and Georgia

Ginny Miller (fem, gn, male)

Abby (fem, gn, male)

Marcus Baker (fem, gn)

Georgia Miller *young and old*(fem, gn, male)

Maxine Baker (fem, gn)

Zion Miller *young and old* (fem, gn)

Paul Randolph (fem, gn)

Brodie (fem, gn, male)

Norah (gn, male)

Padma (gn, male)

Matt Press (fem, gn)

Joe (fem, gn)

Jordan (fem, gn)

Heartstopper

Charlie Spring (gn, male)

Nick Nelson (fem, gn, male)

Elle Argent (fem, gn, male)

Darcy Olsson (fem, gn)

Tara Jones (fem, gn)

Tao Xu (fem, gn)

Anne with an E

Gilbert Blythe (fem, gn)

Anne Shirley-Cuthbert (fem, gn, male)

Diana Barry (gn, male)

Jerry Baynard (fem, gn)

Cole Mackenzie (fem, gn, male)

Sebastian Lacroix (fem, gn)

Billy Andrews (fem, gn)

Charlie Sloane (fem, gn)

Nate (fem, gn)

Prissy Andrews (fem, gn, male)

To All the Boys I've Loved Before

John Ambrose (fem, gn)

Josh (fem, gn)

Peter Kavinsky (fem, gn)

Lucas (gn, male)

Gen (fem, gn, male)

Chris *Christine* (fem, gn, male)

Julie and the Phantoms

Julie (fem, gn, male)

Luke Patterson (fem, gn)

Alex (gn, male)

Reggie (fem, gn)

Nick (fem, gn)

Flynn (fem, gn, male)

Willie (gn, male)

IT (Chapter 1 + 2)

Stanley Uris (fem, gn, male)

Richie Tozier (fem, gn, male)

Eddie Kaspbrak (fem, gn, male)

Beverly Marsh (fem, gn, male)

Ben Hanscom (fem, gn)

Mike Hanlon (fem, gn)

Bill Denbrough (fem, gn, male)

Henry Bowers (fem, gn)

Belch Huggins *Reggie* (fem, gn)

Patrick Hockstetter (fem, gn)

Victor Criss (fem, gn)

I Am Not Okay With This

Sydney Novak (fem, gn, male)

Stanley Barber (fem, gn, male)

Enola Holmes

Enola Holmes (fem, gn, male)

Tewksbury (fem, gn)

Sherlock Holmes (fem, gn)

The Kissing Booth

Noah Flynn (fem, gn)

Lee Flynn (fem, gn)

Marco Peña (fem, gn)

The Imperfects

Tilda Webber (fem, gn, male)

Abbi Singh (fem, gn, male)

Juan Ruiz (fem, gn)

Sydney Burke (fem, gn, male)

P.J. (fem, gn)

Malibu Rescue

Tyler (fem, gn)

Dylan (fem, gn, male)

Lizzy (fem, gn, male)

Gina (fem, gn, male)

Eric (fem, gn)

The Package

Sean Floyd (fem, gn, male)

Sarah (fem, gn, male)

Becky Abelar (fem, gn, male)

Purple Hearts

Cassie Salazar (fem, gn, male)

Luke Morrow (fem, gn)

Frankie (fem, gn)

Armando (fem, gn)

Riley (fem, gn, male)

Wednesday

Wednesday Adams (fem, gn, male)

Xavier Thorpe (fem, gn)

Enid Sinclair (fem, gn, male)

Tyler Galpin (fem, gn)

Rowan Laslow (fem, gn, male)

Lucas Walker (fem, gn)

Ajax Petropolus (fem, gn)

Heartbreak High

Spencer White *Spider* (fem, gn)

Anthony Vaughn *Ant* (fem, gn, male)

Darren Rivers (gn, male)

Amerie Wadia (gn, male)

Quinn Gallagher-Jones *Quinni* (fem, gn)

Dustin Reid *Dusty* (fem, gn)

Harper McLean (fem, gn, male)

Douglas Piggott *Ca$h* (fem, gn, male)

Malakai Mitchell (fem, gn, male)

Hype House (All time)

Vinnie Hacker (fem, gn)

Taylor Holder (fem, gn)

Jack Wright (fem, gn, male)

Barron Sho (fem, gn)

Ryland (fem, gn)

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger (fem, gn, male)

Harry Potter (fem, gn)

Ron Weasley (fem, gn)

George Weasley (fem, gn)

Fred Weasley (fem, gn)

Bill Weasley (fem, gn)

Charlie Weasley (fem, gn)

Percy Weasley (fem, gn)

Ginny Weasley (fem, gn, male)

Mattheo Riddle (fem, gn)

Theodore Nott (fem, gn)

Dean Thomas (fem, gn)

Lee Jordan ( fem, gn, male)

Seamas Finnigan (fem, gn, male)

Pansy Parkinson (fem, gn, male)

Lorenzo Berkshire (fem, gn)

Tom Riddle *not Voldemort* (fem, gn)

Blaise Zabini (fem, gn)

Luna Lovegood (fem, gn, male)

Regulus Black *young* (fem, gn, male)

Sirius Black *young* (fem, gn, male)

Remus Lupin *young* (fem, gn, male)

James Potter *young* (fem, gn, male)

Lily Potter *young* (fem, gn, male)

Nymphadora Tonks (fem, gn, male)

Narcissa Malfoy *young and old* (fem, gn, male)

Fantastic Beasts

Newt Scammander (fem, gn)

Queenie Goldstein (fem, gn, male)

Credence Barebone (fem, gn, male)

Theseus Scammander (fem, gn)

The Black Phone

Vance Hopper (fem, gn)

Finney Blake (fem, gn)

Gwenny Blake *aged up* (fem, gn, male)

Robin Arellano (fem, gn)

Bruce Yamada (fem, gn)

Billy Showalter (fem, gn)

10 Things I Hate About You

Kat Stratford (fem, gn, male)

Cameron James (fem, gn)

Bianca Stratford (fem, gn, male)

Patrick Verona (fem, gn)

Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children

Jacob Portman (fem, gn, male)

Emma Bloom (fem, gn, male)

Alma Peregrine (fem, gn, male)

Enoch O'Connor (fem, gn)

Victor Bruntley *alive* (fem, gn)

Olive Abroholos Elephanta (fem, gn, male)

Millard Nullings (fem, gn, male)

Horace (fem, gn male)

Fiona *aged up* (fem, gn, male)

Bronwyn Bruntley *aged up* (fem, gn, male)

Hugh (fem, gn, male)

Titanic

Rose Dewitt Bukater (fem, gn, male)

Jack Dawson (fem, gn, male)

A Quiet Place

Marcus (fem, gn, male)

Evelyn (fem, gn, male)

Regan (fem, gn, male)

Lee (fem, gn)

The Office

Jim Halpert (fem, gn)

Dwight Shrute (fem, gn, male)

Pam Beesley (fem, gn, male)

Five Feet Apart

Stella (fem, gn, male)

Poe Ramirez (gn, male)

Will (fem, gn)

Celebs/Influencers

That I don't already have as characters (cuz I write for the character and the actor)

Nils Kuesel (fem, gn, male)

Jack Harlow (fem, gn)

Dua Lipa (fem, gn, male)

Olivia Rodrigo (fem, gn, male)

Jenna Ortega (fem, gn, male)

Dove Cameron (fem, gn, male)

Benjamin Wadsworth (fem, gn)

Girl Meets World

Farkle Minkus (fem, gn, male)

Riley Matthews (fem, gn, male)

Maya Hart (fem, gn, male)

Lucas Friar (fem, gn)

Isaiah Babineaux (fem, gn)

Isadora Smackle (fem, gn, male)

Auggie Matthews *aged up* (fem, gn)

Josh Matthews (fem, gn)

Boy Meets World

Shawn Hunter (fem, gn)

Eric Matthews (fem, gn, male)

Cory Matthews (fem, gn)

Topanga Lawrance (fem, gn, male)

Jack (fem, gn, male)

The Notebook

The Breakfast Club

Barbie

Ken (fem, gn)

Barbie (fem, gn, male)

She's the Man

Duke Orsino (fem, gn)

Hazbin Hotel

Alastor (fem, gn, male)

Angel Dust (fem, gn, male)

Husk (fem, gn, male)

Adam (fem, gn, male)

Lucifer (fem, gn, male)

Lilith (fem, gn, male)

Sir Pentious (fem, gn, male)

2 Broke Girls

Max (fem, gn, male)

Caroline (gn, male)

Johnny (fem, gn)

Oleg (fem, gn)

Bridgerton

Benedict (fem, gn, male)

Anthony (fem, gn)

Daphne (gn, male)

Eloise (fem, gn, male)

Fran (fem, gn, male)

Madame Delacroix (fem, gn, male)

How to Request :

Make sure to state what you would like in the imagine/story and what genre (?) Like angst, fluff, smut (sometimes). Also what character or person you would want in the imagine. 🙃

*Disclaimer*

I write for all of these characters and their actors and if you have someone else you would want me to write for be sure to put that in your request these are just the characters I could think of off the top of my head

P.S. I also do some ship imagines like Nick x Charlie (heartstopper), etc. So if you want ship imagines be sure to send them in and I will try and get to them.

[carmenized-onions]

NEW CHAPTER, 14, new recap (can you believe the first one i recapped was chapter 5 oh my) lets rip some coke and goooo

“I thought it was a good bit!” “Cause I’m a piece of shit?” - IVE MISSED THISS

CHARMIN SOUNDS LIKE CHARMING 🥹🥹🥹

the deer in headlights bit is v funny, you’ll see when you see the memes (which i made before the chapter, i am nostradamus)

she is fruity for sure

nodding like i understand food talk (tf is a3)

unrelated but the same therapist thing reminded me about something i keep forgetting to bring up - RICHIE IS HR. so when you mentioned the bear needs an HR, well they do. and as long as carmy treats chip right i think he’ll accept the co-worker relationship (anything to be able to work with chippy)

THE CAT. he is those cute curly kitties. the shat, iykyk

the fact carmen wants to say ‘i love you’ this early (something he struggled a lot to say to his family) IS SOOOOOOOOO

OMG CHIPPY GOING TO WORK FOR THEM FOR REAL????:333333333

This has been Carmichael Burrowski, folks! Don’t call no one— — DNEKRKRIOELEKDKFODNEKE CARMICHAEL BURROWSKI

Ugh, boyfriend? What kind of word is ‘boyfriend’? That's fucked. - THEYRE SO SIMILAR AND PERFECT TOGETHER

And you cannot say you love him because that would be weird. - OH SHUT UP THEYRE SO

“I’m going to kiss you.” “Yeah, okay.” - THAT IS SO FUNNY SJDJFJKF

He’s fine with the touch of hair pulling, on your part— Possibly more than fine. — *giggles in meme*

“You’re so pretty.” You tell him anyway, speaking into his half open mouth.  Whatever thought he had, it’s dead now.“—Jesus fucking Christ.” - i need them to know how much i love them jesus fucking christ

“I’m not a fucking virgin.” - LMFAOEKRKKEOEKEKRNRKRKRKEKEKEKE

“It was a recent development, okay?” “Darn. Sorry I was late.” - 🥺🥺🥺 imagine -

“I want you in every sentence.” - FUCKING KILL ME WHY DONT YOU CARA MIA😭

to bite you like a cannibal - this man and his hickeys🤭🤭🤭

“Fak is still outside, I’m pretty sure.” - CHIP??1?2?2?3kr3kr3kr3kr838484kr4&4&4

“Wait— Are they?” Oh, so Richie’s here, too? Good. - oh great everyone’s here, bet squid is there too

NUZZLING NOSES

her old cat, her old pu-

Nuzzling your face into Syd’s cheek - squidink as she’s holding carm’s hand?? wild

“First of all, wrong placement.” - ofc it is

When shit happens, you call me - 🥺🥺🥺 bestie!!!

“Get your weird little hands off my Chip, you perv—” - LMFAOOOW DJEJEJDJDJ I LOVE HIM SO

and syd’s reply sidjdifi

“Y’know how going to a different barber is like cheating—?” - SJDJDJ GET HIS ASS CHIP. they swapped her for fucking ted fak???

“You’re still— We’re still sharing, right?” - SYD SHENJEHEJE

I’m sexually normal - very normal thing to say, it me tho

OMFG IF CHIP RECOGNIZES DONNA AND PETE FROM OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT

“Baby’s do traditionally experience time, yeah.” “You n’ that smart mou—” - their dynamic is unmatched

You have to respect the power in that. “Damn.” - that reminded me of marcus

“Oooh, Charmin gets his first paycheck suddenly he’s all that—” “You wanna come up to my room or not?” - i was gonna comment on the charmin thing but HELLO1??1?23)kr3:kr

THEY CAN HANG. SURE BRO

THEYRE WATCHING RATATOUILLE OMGGGGG

Sleeveless black turtleneck? Maybe black palazzo pants - HOT

Please say yes to the white apron. Please say yes to his team. He'll get your initials monogrammed and everything. - *passes out*

the wonderful rat chef

ON GOD

“Yeah. I’ll answer.” - bc 🥺😭

“You’re fucking Carmen!” - GOODBYEEEE. not carmen outing them YET AGAIN

“So fuck you, actually.” - 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

“Fuck off! I’m already coming to fucking Time Square with you, don’t be whiny.”  - this is giving when dwight was like ‘of course i’ll get that stuff for you so just shut up’

“I nominate Carmen.” “I second the nom.” - tag-team<33

Don’t fuck in a fuckin’ Holiday Inn Chip’s worth mo - he’s so sweet and yet so???

HE CALLED CHIP BABY I REPEAT

It's absolutely going in Carmen's top five favourite expressions of yours. - 🕊️🕊️🕊️

“Syd said she will be knocking violently if I’m not back at midnight on the dot, yeah.” - SQUID GIVING HER GF A CURFEW

THE BERF SHIRT

“God, it’s over—” - squidink is so over rn😔

“Baby, just say you’re happy for me.” - BABY. THEYRE SO BACK

squid can stab men, a little, as a treat

You hand her your water bottle when you spot her looking at it. - 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

her instinct is to call chip, oh OH oh

“I didn’t ask you to be great.” Syd says it before she thinks it, and it’s enough to make your eyes water - MINE ARE RUNNING TOO ACTUALLY

God you’re dehydrated - *careless whisper plays* i mean what I SAID NOTHING

squid out🦑🦑

“It’s so crazy that you think that’s gonna happen—” - I LOVEEE SHEEE

Your shoulders touch as you both stare at the ceiling. - CUTIES

She hums, pointing to the popcorn tiles - namedrop! jk…unless?

“Oh my fucking God it’s that bad—”- GET THEIR ASSES SQUID

In front of everyone, accidentally while saying goodbye, off-handedly while hanging up, over text, and so on and so forth. - all of those are cute actually

“Now it’s three.” “Fuck, it’s gaining interest?!” - WE’RE SO BACK!!!!

“Wait, what the fuck, Syd, say it back!” - REAL!!

this was so cute!! just them and their adventures

LETS. GET. ROLLLINNGGGG!!!! (papers!!!) (we both can do drug jokes in this house!!!) (there will be a wip under all this as a treat I promise)

I’m honestly shocked Charmin isn’t a canon nickname (yet!!), cause like. IT DOES SOUND LIKE CARMEN!!! AND THE TOILET PAPER BEARS!!! AND THE TOILET PAPER BEARS ARE BLUE NOW TOO!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!

You are frfr an oracle with your memes, occasionally I look at em like hmmmmm,,,, this is gonnna be a lot funnier after the next one. My comedic Nostradamus genius. (the secrets of the universe ARE in the popcorn ceiling!! U!!)

The benefit about writing about food for people who did not come for food is that I also don’t have to fully understand what I’m saying. Had to look at a wagyu chart and make a lot of assumptions. I am not going to make steak with pop rocks to find out if it’s any good.

OKAY WHAT THE FUCK I S RICHIE’S JOB I’M BEING SO FR I DO NOT !!! Carmen’s Exec, Syd’s CDC/Head, Richie is… HR/Co-Manager/Host??? No wonder he can afford fuckin eras tour tickets bro is getting THREE DIFFERENT PAYCHECKS WHAT!!! But this does make sense. Bro IS THEE Human Resource.

Had to look up photos of sheep cats. Yeah that’s him. That’s Carmen but a Cat for sure.

RAHH. The held back I love yous are very. Very rah. Theres a lot of thought behind them for me but I shant share because I feel like that may give too much away I fear?

Carmichael burrowski is brought to you by seeing Carmichael company vans a lot and Mae Burrowski from Night in the Woods. Thank u both for ur service.

I completely forgot about the ‘that’s fucked’ convo with Fak until I saw a gifset and went OH YEAH…. It IS fucked. They are so stupid. They are also both unable to say I love you because that would be WEIRD!!!!!!!

I am so happy with the incredibly funny smooch because it was very much to mimic Carmen’s —

I think funny kisses are the way to go. There is something very charming (CHARMIN!) to me about awkwardly expressed consent.

YOU DIDN’T PUT THE RATATOULLIE MEME IN THIS ONE FOR THE PUBLIC TO ENJOY AND FOR THAT!!! YOU’VE DEPRIVED OUR PEOPLE!! i knew if I was gonna make him watch ratatouille and have him relate, he’d have to relate to more than just remy.

I’ll call them and let them know you love them, promise. Whenever they get out of the bathroom.

Carmen 30-Year Old Virgin Berzatto— Or 28-29, time line is UNCLEAR!! Regardless, I couldn’t take away my man’s one W. He fumbles most people, I had to let him have the one he canonically got. And also it was too fun to consider him absolutely STEWING as Tony recounts her emotional relationship with Mikey, just thinking in the background “I need to tell her I am in fact. NOT . a virgin!” I hate this man.

I WANT YOU IN EVERY SENTENCEEE RRAAAWHWHWHEHE!!! Loved that. Loved writing that paragraph. Love love. Love wanting to have someone so intrinsically in your life that in order for someone to know you they have to know them. WOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Carmen give her a hickey before we have to confront the emotional implications, GET HER BOY!!

Well how much did you bet on syd being there because now I owe you

CHIPS GOT TWO HANDS FOR A REASON BABY!!! I’m kidding the triangle would never work. But they should try anyways.

Whole Richie scene makes me :)) it’s fun to navigate these two going through like, so many internal emotions obviously over Chip’s trauma dump, and deciding what Richie would actually take a moment to comment on. And I think it absolutely has to be the ‘imagine your friends are dead’, bro 100% HAD TO BE HELD BACK FROM RAMMING THE DOOR DOWN TRULY TRULY. Don’t imagine I’m fuckin dead cousin!!!!!! I’m not a fuckin ghost!!! Call me!!!!!!!!! I am literally your guy!!!!!

Watching season 3 and seeing half of the season unnecessarily focusing on a Handyman (Ted) really had me clutching my pearls like. Bro. where’s my baby. Who the fuck does this guy think he is. This is CHIP TURF!!

BIG SHOUT OUT TO SYDNEY ‘THE SQUID’ ‘SEXUALLY NORMAL’ ADAMU!~

Donna!! Donna!! Finally semi-time that I have to face my white whale of writing,,, da mom… I’m still mentally tackling how to write her, but we’ll get there when we get there…. (truly thought she was gonna fucking die this season I didn’t think I was gonna have to DEAL WITH IT!!)

Everyone simultaneously did a record scratch at ‘do you want to come up to my room’ and I think that’s beautiful. I think that’s everything I wanted and more. They can hang bro. and watch ratatouille. Like hang out and be normal and fantasize about easily removable aprons with monogramming done.

Carmen is a certified shoe in his mouth yapper. Sugar, hand the crown to your brother, you may step off your throne; because this fucker has gotten caught like three separate times simply by being himself.

VERY DWIGHT Very like, sibling texting ‘fuck you I hate you what do you want from mcdonalds im omw home’. That’s the Richip dynamic to me. And then they kill carm.

Chip baby!!! This is not a drill he finally called her a pet name!! men, to your stations! And she didn’t even have the brain to COMPUTE IT, alas.

The post squid scene was so tough I was like, ‘do I cut this and just end on carmen?’ but then I knew, I’d never write this scene, cause spoiler alert, we’re doing a very slight time skip. So like. I just wanted Squidink to have their actual last beat to their sad no contact era because!!! So many feelings to be had over not contacting your boy in forever!!! But god its so OVER!

‘Didn’t ask you to be great’ is SUCH a punch to the gut, esp for a people pleaser like Chip (or me, man). Like. Fuckin. GOD. It’s the same sentiment Richie had in Just Dropped with ‘I’d love you even if you weren’t useful’, but like, this side of it is pre-useful. Like. Not only would I love you if you weren’t useful, I would never ASK you to be useful. HELL.

All of those I love yous are cute you say? Well I will have to up my game in coming up with something truly mortifying, then.

Shout out to me, directing on set, and demanding that my crew says it back when I say I love you. Genuinely my ‘Heard’ is a reciprocated ‘I love you’. No one call Richie/HR.

also the memes. immaculate as always. AND THE AUTHOR/CHIP COMPARISON,,, ART IMITATES LIFE, what can i say? if carmen/chip manage to live together at a point i really can't imagine him denying anything she wants. i think he would only have opinions on the kitchen and maybe efficiency of moving through spaces. (WE NEED TO PUSH THE COFFEE TABLE BACK!!! SIDLING AGAINST IT TO GET TO THE COUCH IS CAUSING A 3.4 SECOND DELAY IN MOVIE TIME!!!!) psycho.

Anyways. As always, a pweasure to hear your thoughts. I am hoping next weekend will finally be the fucking weekend I put something out. It’s hard slugging through this next chapter because it’s basically our so much fucking dialogue chapter, and navigating action and meaning AROUND that has been a nightmare. I think I’m probably over thinking the fuck out of it, to be fair. I feel so bad making y’all wait, so here is a juicer snippet.

THANK YOU LOVE YOU APPRECIATE ALL UR PATIENCE AND ALL UR THOUGHTS I LOVE TO HEAR FROM YALL!!