#back to feeling empty a lot of the time

[deathfavor]

@kisumshi said: sender looks receiver in the eye as they shoot / stab / kill someone draken shooting kisaki :)

blood, blood, gallons of the stuff starters

   Hanma sighs as he rubs the back of his head, listening to the elevator music that’s obnoxiously cheerful at this late hour as it takes him to the top floor. Kisaki was probably going to be pissed that Hanma was interrupting him from whatever plans he was brooding over. Typical. But he figured it was better to face his wrath now than the tenfold wrath that would unfold if he waited till tomorrow morning. The elevator dings to announce his arrival and the reaper steps out into a scene of chaos.

   Amber eyes take in the sight of the dead bodyguards on the floor then immediate flick up to the main event unfolding. There’s Kisaki, a gun pointed at his face, and then a very familiar someone holding the gun. Draken. Their eyes meet for a moment and Hanma can hear Kisaki’s intake of breath to say something – but he’ll never get to. The gunshot rings out, loud and deafening in the space and blood splatters everywhere. Hanma’s eyes dart back, away from Draken and towards Kisaki’s lifeless body dropping to the ground.

   It’s always rather stunning how quickly life can dissipate, how someone so loudly alive can be nothing but a dead corpse in seconds.

   Hanma stands just inside the doorway, and everything is eerily silent in the wake of the violence. It’s almost funny. As soon as the reaper had entered the threshold, death descended. Maybe it is the universe’s idea of a joke. Those around Hanma always seemed to meet unfortunate ends; Kisaki was bound to sooner or later too.

He moves, slow and steady, across the room until he stands towering over the fresh corpse. What a sad way to go. What a predictable way to go. Boring.

   He doesn’t look at Draken, doesn’t seem the least bit concerned about potentially being the second victim. He looks at the mangled mess of flesh and blood as it stains the carpet and waits for…something. But nothing happens. He doesn't scream, he doesn't run over, he doesn't reach for his own gun. Once he would have cried. Maybe when they were younger, when they were still shooting for the top and fighting to get there, when Kisaki still made Hanma’s world feel full of color. But the last few years had been so painfully boring. With Kisaki's dream achieved and Mikey nothig more than a puppet, Kisaki had grown…dull. Life had become uninteresting again without any threats or challenges. Hanma hated that, he hated the way apathy and boredom had dragged him back down into the depths. His circus had lost its color and Hanma had started becoming harder and harder to control, less inclined to obey, more willing to turn a blind eye to anything he saw as interesting.

 To me, you are just a tool. Once I don't see any use in you, I'll replace you. Keep this in mind, Hanma. Well, Kisaki had just been entertainment. Show’s over.

   “  Told you, Draken.  “  Hanma finally speaks, voice languid and calm.  “ Good guys like you either get killed in this life, or end up just as fucked as the rest of us. You should’ve left the gang when you had the chance. “  He rubs the back of his head, Sin still fresh and bright on his hand after the recent touchup. “ This is going to really fuck shit up. “ He grimaces at the thought. Then again, who said he had to deal with it? Maybe he’d walk away, let it all fall apart and burn. Maybe it'd be fun. “ Probably be all over the news. What a claim, eh? He had a deal going with some oversea companies too. “

   Hanma only then lifts his head, turning to look at Draken. In the face of death, even Kisaki had been afraid. Hanma isn’t. Hanma just watches Draken and then gestures to the gun with his chin. “ You going to shoot me next? “ His lips curve up, playful like he wasn’t talking about his own death. Or maybe it was exactly because it was his death that he greets it so casually. Death has followed Hanma everywhere like a shadow. He turns away from the body and bloody carpet to stare at Draken to wait for what he'd do. They both know Hanma could text a single message to everyone in a heartbeat and have all of Toman descend on here like a pack of rabid wolves; he doesn't.

[ghost-proofbaby]

hey y’all!

so i’ve been considering this a lot in the past few weeks, and figured i’d make an official post so you all know i’m alive and what not since i have been very much inactive as of recently.

i’m taking a break.

not forever! not because of anything in the fandom! this break is solely due to personal life reasons and the fact i just can’t be as active on here right now between my jobs and personal affairs. and it also won’t be long — i’m going to be off here probably through the end of november. if i have the time/mental capacity to come back before then, i absolutely will 🖤 but right now, tumblr isn’t something that fits easily within my days and also, writing for my fics hasn’t been something i can easily do not due to lack of inspiration but lack of time.

again, this is just due to my own personal life currently. nothing happened in the fandom that motivated this decision (i honestly don’t even know what’s happening on here currently solely because i haven’t had the time to scroll lol) and it’s very much not permanent, and will HOPEFULLY be very short. like i said, until the end of november. i’ll still be writing in my free time, and my hope is to be able to update fics once i’m back and worse better than ever! 🖤

see y’all in december <3

[vodid]

wondering if someday i should tackle the autism/adhd dynamic for jazzprowl like i do with adhd/bpd in my blitzbee fic

(lots of rambling in tags vv)

[hephaestuscrew]

I'm still thinking about that scene in Victoriocity S3E7 where Fleet runs back towards the Beast so as to lure it into the path of the train...

Clara's exclamation of 'Teamwork, Fleet!' after Fleet says he's got a plan reflects her conviction that any plan that Fleet has will be a shared plan, something they do together.

This conviction is a kind of trust, and that trust is part of the reason Clara takes a moment to realise Fleet has headed back towards the Beast. She trusts that he's following behind her. She keeps talking to him, her words full of optimism.

When she realises Fleet isn't there, she immediately realises what that must mean he's done, and her voice sounds more small and scared than I think we've ever heard it before.

Fleet's attempt at self-sacrifice is a kind of betrayal of Clara's trust, but when he echoes her celebration of their teamwork in a more somber tone, I think it suggests that he understands the weight of that betrayal.

If Fleet's plan is that Clara won't realise he's gone until it's already too late, then he thinks "Teamwork, Clara" will be the last words he'll ever speak to her. In what he imagines will be their final conversation, Fleet affirms Clara's understanding of them as a team who work well together, even as he is making a choice that rejects the possibility of their teamwork in this scenario. It's a recognition of what their dynamic has meant. It's a goodbye and an apology, even if Clara doesn't understand it as such at first.

I don't think Fleet sounds scared as he initially faces down the train. When he shouts "Yeah, this way, you stupid machine! Come on then!", he sounds defiant and grimly determined.

In fact, I don't think he sounds afraid until Clara appears, until she might be at risk of being in the path of the Beast or the train as well. It's when he shouts "Clara, stay back for God's sake!" and "Please, get back!" that there's real fear and desperation in his voice. He can confront the idea of giving his own life, but not the idea that doing so might put Clara in danger.

Another thing about these lines is that the move from 'stay back' to 'get back' suggests that Clara didn't obey his first instruction but got closer to him (and therefore to the path of the Beast and the train) between those two lines.

Then Fleet gives what might be another attempt at his last words: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry."  A repeated apology before an attempted self-sacrifice is an implicit acknowledgement of how much losing him would hurt Clara. He regrets causing her pain.

Even so, he's accepted that he is about to die and that it'd be worth it to destroy the Beast. But Clara very much hasn't accepted either those things. She's still trying to yell over the noise of the train; she's pulling off her ring to throw at him.

I think it's a good illustration of how Clara's optimism is a kind of strength. She always believes that they can "make a new plan" and that it'll be one in which no one has to die. I think Archibald Fleet needs someone like that, someone who'll tell him to drop to the ground when his death advances from both sides, someone who - even in a dark tunnel with an murderous metal monster and a speeding train - won't stop shouting that there's hope.

[kyliafanfiction]

I sometimes feel like characters who do truly monstrous things while also having been victims of some pretty insane shit themselves are sort of an exercise in empathy. Or at least, should be seen as such.

Like, in real life, if a person who has been horribly broken by their experiences and failed by society than proceeds to rape someone - it's hard to feel the justifiable sympathy/empathy for that person (without excusing their rape, never do that) because well, you can look at this actual human person they hurt, or worse, and it feels gross and disrespectful to the rape victim.

And this is understandable. (And applies to more than just rapists/rape victims of course, that's just the most visceral one and thus picked for that reason)

But a fictional rape victim is... fictional. You can't 'disrespect' their trauma, and while obviously rape/whatever else is real, and people may related to the rape victim and thus see your comments about the rapist also being a victim as somehow being about their experience...

Well, it's not.

Because the rapist here, didn't actually hurt a real person. Fictional characters are objects. They're objects that often grab us by the throat and refuse to leave our fucking heads, yes, but they're objects. They are tools used by writers to tell a story, and readers to tell a story.

And one of the things fictional characters are good for is allowing us to consider experiences we never had, and imagine ourselves in other circumstances and lives. (Also just fun and fascinating and interesting to watch their stories).

It's very easy to feel for the rape victim in fiction, and rightly so. That's Level 1 Empathy there. Granted, some people IRL fail that, but that's not really what we're talking about here.

Advanced Empathy, hard Empathy is feeling for the rapist. Not for the rape, of course, even if they feel guilt about it, but if someone really was failed on multiple levels and was broken and damaged and went through the sort of psychological wringer that would leave most of us here on tumblr catatonic - they do deserve the same Empathy any human (any person) who went through all that.

Even after they also do the bad thing, critically they still deserve Empathy. And that is fucking hard. I very often have a hard time feeling bad for truly awful people who also deserve empathy and sympathy, real and even fictional (despite all this, yeah, I'm not perfect on this) for what they (separately) went through.

It also becomes even harder when what they went through is utterly bound up with what they did. How what they went through and experiences is in part responsible for what they did - because they still made a choice. The circumstances may have left them not in their right mind, may have left them feeling without choice, may have driven them to things they normally might not think of or do, but they still chose to do that bad thing. And that's not okay. They still hurt someone.

And yet - one cannot remove the action from the circumstances. So you can still feel empathy, and elucidate all the factors and circumstances as to what led up to their choices and why, and it doesn't change that they did the horrible thing. The rape, or the murders, or whatever.

But circling back - with a fictional character... they didn't hurt a real person. There's no one who is real that suffered. The things the character did IRL are bad because they hurt real people.

So you're not being disrespectful to the victim by feeling that empathy, or sympathy. By exploring the things that they were a victim for. Even by wanting to focus on those things - fictional characters should be compelling in all their aspects, if they're written well.

And yet, of course, if you do that empathy and do talk about what the bad person went through and all that context, people come at you. They call you evil, just as bad as the (again, fictional) character, or they say that you're treading dangerously close to the arguments people use to defend the real people who do these things in real life. Or you're disrespecting all the victims of these crimes IRL. Especially of course, if the person coming at you has a reason this comes close to home.

But again - fictional.

In an ideal world, we'd all feel sympathy and empathy when it's called for, regardless of what the person did. Even the worst most monstrous people deserve human treatment in prison. And if you don't have empathy, that's hard. Even if you do have empathy, that's hard.

So if you look at a fictional character (who doesn't hurt a real person by virtue of being fictional) that does horrible, vile things, but went through so much, and you still can't empathize or sympathize with them... I mean, it doesn't make you a bad person, not even close, this is still fiction, and there's people I should empathize with in fiction that I don't, but...

It's still a failure of your ability to be empathetic. And we're all humans. We're all failing at that, among other things, all the time. But... it's good to be aware of that. at least?

At the very least, bear that in mind when other people are talking about that context, and that victimization. And please, for the love of god, don't fucking pretend that the victimization didn't happen, that this person who did do terrible things (in fiction) suddenly didn't also (in fiction) experience awful shit, as if doing a bad thing erases all the bad things done to you.

Again - it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but like... the horrible state of prisons in our society is a real, actual problem. The way we as a society dehumanize people who do bad things is a real actual problem for a lot of reasons (not least because it creates an incentive for authority that wants to dehumanize a person or a group to expand the definition of 'did bad things' to make their dehumanization now acceptable, among other things).

So yeah. Fictional character who suffers but than also makes others suffer - that's a useful exercise in Empathy. And doing that doesn't make you or anyone else a bad person, or actually defending the sorts of crimes, IRL or Fictional, that this character did. Contextualizing is not whitewashing, empathy is not erasing, and humanizing is not disrespecting the victim(s).

So yeah, they fictional character did bad things. But there's more to them than that. And you can say but and talk about what comes after but without disrespecting the fictional victim. Because the fictional victim... is just as fictional. Just as not real.

Is it possible for this to end up being taken too far? Yes. But that's a reason to be mindful of yourself when it comes to real people, not to never do it. And when it comes to fictional people - again, fictional. Nobody was actually, really hurt.

(I really do want to make clear, before people read the tags, that this applies to all crimes these sorts of characters do, rape was just picked as the one to use as the example.)

[sunsunbauds]

screaming crying throwing up about how i can never go back and relive my childhood and teen years with the knowledge and emotional maturity and self-assurance that i have now

[manasurge]

bleh

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

[mazzy-rockstar]

Monday blues are hitting me hard today

[roobylavender]

i’m sure you’ve talked about it before but you expand more on your thoughts about talia & jason and how their relationship would be? what are some positives and negatives their interactions would bring? (your talia metas are everything)

thank you! on talia's end i think a lot of it would come down to balance and restraint. because there are a lot of unpredictable factors at play and on top of it her tutelage of jason coincides with her last years under her father's thumb so there's parts of herself that she's beginning to close off out of self preservation and exhaustion. that's why i like the placement of under the hood right after the close of lexcorp era even if it obv wasn't intended because it puts her in a place comparatively to take all of the risks after a year of complete physical and emotional isolation. and even then i feel like there would still be a lot of restraint because of the guilt over her part in jason's various massacres. i could see her reprimanding him but in a very cautious and empathetic way so as not to set him off the way bruce would if he was the one lecturing him. so like.. not quite in the realm of mothering but maybe teetering on the edge of it. and i do think talia would try to maintain some distance out of respect for his history. which may or may not fuck with jason emotionally because as possessive as he is of his own grief i do think he'd long for even the smallest semblance of what he thinks he could get. like guarded as he is he would certainly soften to her over time and abide by her guidance even if he didn't necessarily verbalize the fact. i don't really know that i'd see any negatives between them like at worst it would be awkward and strained because he wouldn't be sure of how to place her in his life and she wouldn't want to overstep

[sorcerous-caress]

nothing like waking up to a mouthful of saliva on the verge of throwing up

[millionsknives]

genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry

[konfizry]

echoes of wisdom was alright!

[vaniliens]

Theres like 8 sims per household on my sims mobile thing what am i doing

[triglycercule]

give me more horrorkiller content i say as i proceed to post solely about full mtt/mttpoly. i cant I CANT i cant just SOLELY post about one of the duos...... i cant JUST post about 2/3 of them it upsets me. everything MUST be in a trio of else i merge into my bed and rip my skin off when i try to get up

[totallyawesome123]

rediscovering I have empathy? craaaazyyyyy