#back on my bullshit? yes im tired and just about ready to start throwing hands | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stvrs13 · 3 years

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My Happy Ending (pt2) ~ Ellie x fem!reader

note. sorry i cant use gif rn because of my stupid wifi. i'll change it soon if i have good connection :) enjoy!

click here to read pt 1 !

[ summary ]

Patrol is a disaster but to make it worst, you went out with the 2 people you hate at the moment. Ellie and Dina. (lmao i suck at summary)

warnings: angst,swearing, kinda sexual themes

"There you are!" Maria cheerfully walk towards you. You could feel your heart beating faster as you walk closer to the stables, you know this would be a disaster. She met you halfway of your walk and discuss about patrol while you were practically dying inside.

"Their waiting for you at the gate, I will talk to you later. Stay safe y/n!" said Maria who is turning away from you. You were about to say something when a hand touch your shoulder gently. Turning around, you see the one and only Ellie Williams.

"what" You spoke furiously, Not having the mood to talk to her. She sighed quietly before replying, "you ready?". Nodding, she point at your horse waiting outside with Dina standing beside Ellie's horse. You walk towards them, not saying a single word to Ellie.

Ellie follows beside you and sneakily place her arms around your waist. "what are you doing?" you pulled away from her touch, a little uncomfortable. "cant i touch my girl?" Ellie smirks. You scoff, walking further away from her until you reach the gate. "hey" Dina grins and hands you Rafe's (OC horse huh sorry obx fans 💀😂) rein.

You grab it swiftly, looking at her with a blank face. not in the mood to talk with her too. You have every right to be angry, and have every right to treat them unsatisfactorily because they made a mistake espicially Ellie.

You pat Rafe's head lightly while listening to the man giving instructions when you see Ellie walking towards your side. You ignore it somehow, thinking that maybe she was just gonna walk past you but you were wrong.

She stop beside you and tug you closer to her, making your body turn and press against her. "Ellie! what the fuck?!" you whisper-yell, pushing her away. She chuckles and pulled you by your waist, leaning in for a kiss. You immediately push her away. A little too hard though as she stumble backwards and hits Shimmer's side, making the horse whine.

Some of the adults look towards your way and some teens laughing. Dina just sighs and mounts Shimmer. Ellie stands there, looking at you angrily. You dont care though. Maybe.

The man finish his discussions and told the patrols to head out, all of you following his orders. Ellie gave you one last glance while she whistles for the horse to trot and went off like a rocket. You groan in annoyance and followed her.

»»

It's been an hour or two since you were in this trail and its killing you. Ellie giving you the glances and the awkward silence. Dina somehow getting tired of it, started a conversation. "it's peaceful out here" smiling as she look around the trees. Ellie nods and glances at you for the millionth time. "I think its just a bit further till we arrive at the lookout." Dina point towards north.

Still silence....

"look, y/n we're sorry! We shouldn't have done that, we just-" Dina frowns. "This is bullshit. We're not talking about this now." You interupt her, giving them a glare.

Ellie mumbles something but you couldn't hear it due to the wind. Dina just nod at what Ellie's statement is and stayed quiet.

It's been 10 min since that happened and you were currently tying Rafe's rein to a fence when Ellie unknowingly slap your ass. You gasped and turn towards her, "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" you yelled, seeing her smirking and letting out a chuckle.

"c'mon I know you love it." Ellie replied. crossing her arms, leaning her side to the wall. You scoff and rolled your eyes, "I dont have time for this." walking away for no more further actions from her.

"okay so.. the lookout is right over there but Maria told us to check this shop for supplies before we head to the lookout." Dina sighs, stroking Shimmer's hair. You nod and open the door. Not caring if there are infected inside.

Unbeknownst, a clicker was infront of you and when it heard the door creak open, it immediately push you to the ground. "FUCK!" you growled as you struggle against the clicker. You tried reaching for your switchblade, which Ellie gave before but failed as it was thrown away from the side due to the clicker moving its hands around.

Ellie ran towards you and immediately kick the clicker's head leading to a gunshot being heard as you were laying there closing your eyes. "fuck, are you good?" Ellie kneels and checks your figure. You open your eyes and mumbled a "yes" before getting up hastily. "hey, slow down" Dina gently held your arm. You immediately shove your arm away when you felt a pain on your elbow.

"shit. you have wounds" Ellie mutters, immediately gripping your wrist and leading you towards your horse. "im fine"

Ellie doesn't listen though as she unties your horse rein and demands for you to ride the horse. You obey otherwise, getting angry as to Ellie pretending that she cares.

Dina did the same too, riding Shimmer while Ellie holding the rein for your horse to walk slowly. "Ellie, I said im fine. We should check-"

"Stop with the bullshit, y/n. Your hurt." Ellie spoke furiously, giving you a serious glance.

Dina stopped Shimmer as the three of you arrived at the lookout. Ellie tied Rafe's rein to a post and immediately held her hand out for you to hold as you dismount the horse. You didn't accept it as you jump away from the horse.

Dina open the wooden door and waits for the two of you to come in, "Im gonna sign our names, Y/n clean up." Closing the door, Ellie immediately pulled you into the closest room and lock the door. Leaving Dina outside the room.

"Damn it y/n, why are you being reckless? that was so stupid." she mumbles, throwing her bag to the table and opening it to find some bandages. You rolled your eyes.

"sit" Ellie demands, glancing at the chair then back at you. Sighing, you lazily walk towards it and sat on it. "arms up"

"oh my gosh, Ellie im fine" you look at her, only to see her giving you the "serious demand type" look. (ngl stubborn ellie is adorbz) "you know what-" stands, "stop pretending that you care"

"I do-" Ellie whispered, "then why the fuck did you do it?!" you semi-yell at her, raising your hands slightly at your side. "the what-"

"stop being stupid Ellie! you know what I mean" You got up your sit and tried walking past her but she grip your wrist, making you look at her.

Ellie pushed you to the wall, putting her hand beside your head while the other places on your waist, "you know- your hot when your all like this. pretending to be mad at what i've done, you think I didn't caught on to that, babe?"

She pulled you closer to which both of your bodies pressed against each other and she immediately lean in, which shocked you. You push her away not long after, "Are you stupid?! Ellie. You cheated on me!! and now you act like it didn't just happened?!" yelling at her.

Ellie smirks and harshly grab your ass, pulling you closer again. "Damn it, Ellie! Let go!!" you cried out. Ellie didn't obey as she kept sucking your neck and squeezing your ass.

Pushing her harder this time, she stands back giving you an angry look. "dont make me go rough on you, y/n" she smirks, unbuttoning her jeans. You push her again, this time a little more harsh as she hit the side of the table.

Sighing, "okay" she mumbled. "Me and Dina were just having fun-" "yeah well no shit." you spoked, all the anger bottling up inside you. "and im sorry-"

" 'sorry' isn't gonna fix our relationship, Ellie! You cheated on me!!" you could feel tears streaming down your cheeks as you yelled at Ellie. "and then you acted like it didn't happen and being all around me at public?! your not being yourself Ellie!!"

sighing, "just tell me...tell me that you dont love me anymore.. please.. I dont wanna just go on with our relationship thinking that you love me but you truly not.. this is just a waste of our time." you look her in the eyes, seeing nothing but an angry ones. shocked that she wipe her tears away, "fine, we're done. your nothing but a useless bitch." the last part that Ellie said went straight to your heart, making you feel broken and fragile even more. She look at you one last time before leaving the room, slamming the door shut.

DAMN so i've tried to my best to write it really well and sorry if my grammar or spelling is bad lmao, english is not my first language so yeah. also this is kinda short bruhhh hope you like this story and dont worry im gonna make a pt 3 💭 love ya friends! ~ Jazmine ( name reveal :) )

#ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie x reader #ellie williams imagine

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2dmenenthusiast · 4 years

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Grounded - Levi Ackerman x Reader

I had this whole thing typed out but it all got deleted cuz im an idiot so all I’ll say is that writing for Levi is hella difficicult, I hate the ending, and I hope you all enjoy. also yes there is a line from TWD in here but it fit so perfectly and it was too good to pass up okay? and I gave Hange they/them pronouns btw

(also one of my favorite fanfic writers @phen0l followed me and uhh I just wanna say that I’m honored?? They write amazing Levi fics and fics for other fandoms, so make sure to go check them out)

Summary: The Scouts are getting ready for the 57th expedition outside the walls, and you can’t help but let Levi know how worried you feel about the possible outcome of the mission

Word count: 6.8k

Warnings/other info: swearing, angst, death, spoilers for AOT season 1, reader has possible anxiety, reader is kept gender nuetral

No matter how many times you face them, no matter how many times you find yourself suspended in mid-air right over their gaping mouths, ready to swallow you whole, you will always have nightmares about that one fateful day in Shiganshina. The day the Colossal Titan kicked in Wall Maria and let his friends feast on the people in your district. Your friends, family, all destined to be one thing at that moment. Titan fodder. You still wonder how you made it out sometimes. How through all the commotion, a titan didn’t target you and scoop you into its mouth, effectively sealing your fate just like everyone around you. You chalked it up to luck at first before telling yourself that was bullshit. Luck didn’t have anything to do with it. Shit just happens, and there’s nothing you can do about it besides roll with the punches and try your best to survive.

The sight of your sister and father being eaten by those beasts was permanently engraved behind your eyelids, seeing flashes of their thrashing, screaming bodies whenever you close your eyes to go to sleep. In those moments, you always wondered why you survived rather than them. Your sister… she was the sweetest little thing, lighting up a room whenever she smiled and constantly greeting you at the door with a hug whenever you came back from shopping in town. You swore her laugh was all you needed to take you right out of a bad mood, reminding you that things weren’t so bad if you had someone so full of joy in your life. And your father, while he was stubborn, he made sure to take care of his family the best he could, and you were forever grateful for that. He raised you to be strong and rely on yourself because in the end, the only person you truly had on your side was you.

No one really knew about your past. Well, besides your superiors who needed to know, but other than them, your fellow cadets knew the bare minimum about your private life. Although, when they found out you were from Shiganshina, they all just automatically assumed you suffered a great loss of some kind, whether it be your family or your home. In your case, it was both. Of course, you were close with some of the other soldiers. Eld and Petra were people you considered to be good friends with, along with the rest of your captain’s squad. Though, that didn’t stop you from wanting to deck Oluo in the face whenever he got too cocky, throwing his arm around your shoulders during lunch before immediately removing it when you would elbow him in the ribs.

“Jeez, Oluo. You think you’d learn by now. What is this, the fifth, sixth time?” Petra asked, pushing a stray hand of hair behind her ear.

“Seventh,” you chimed as you brought a spoonful of soup up to your mouth.

“Aw, you’ve been keeping count. That must mean you actually like me.”

You raised an eyebrow as you looked over at him, placing the spoon back in your bowl before licking the remaining soup off of your lips. “You know this food is still steaming. Don’t make me throw it at your old ass face.”

He let out a noise of protest while the rest of the table laughed, and you snickered to yourself before shifting your gaze to meet Levi’s, his steely eyes almost piercing through you before he looked down into his cup and tuned back into the conversation his commander and squad leader Hange were having, watching as the dark liquid swirled around.

You always knew Levi to be a man of few words, but a strong sense of purpose. He wasn’t one to waste time on trivial things, always wanting to get straight to the point. He didn’t seem to be the type to waste time on feelings either, but you guessed it wasn’t any of your business. You knew he felt things. Experienced emotions and all that. You’d be stupid to think he didn’t. During training, when he’d survey your group to see how things were going, there would always be gossip when he left, your peers saying how he was cold and emotionless, but you disagreed. You had already heard the rumors of the captain being some type of underground gangster at that point, so when you really thought about it, it wasn’t unusual or weird for him to act the way he did. Something, someone, had made him that way, and that was okay. Something had affected all of you too. The world you all lived in didn’t have the time to spare you from grief or trauma.

“Cadet l/n.”

You jumped slightly at the sudden mention of your name, lifting your head to see your captain entering the mess hall with a signature cup of tea in his hand, and you gave him a lazy smile before looking back down at your own cup, the liquid having gone cold over the time you had been sitting there. Levi didn’t reprimand you for not saluting him, just silently walked over and occupied the seat across from you, looking at you with that stern gaze of his.

“You should be asleep. I won’t make training any easier for you tomorrow just because you’re tired.”

“This isn’t unusual for me, captain. Just needed something else to look at that wasn’t my bedroom wall,” you said, your voice quiet.

He slightly tilted his head as he studied you, lifting his hand to gesture around the room. “And you thought an empty mess hall would be better?”

You let out a scoff, meeting his eyes for a moment before sipping at your drink and immediately grimacing at the taste of it. “It’s better than the alternative. For now, at least.”

He didn’t respond at first, simply staring off into the distance as he let your words sink in before setting down his cup with a soft ‘clink.’ You thought that maybe if you weren’t so over everything at the moment, you wouldn’t be acting so casual with your superior, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by it. Hopefully this wouldn’t bite you in the ass later

“You’re not the first one here to experience nightmares, you know.”

“Oh, so you have this talk with all of the cadets in the middle of the night?”

“No,” he answered simply, taking another sip of his drink.

You didn’t know why, but that simple interaction had been the best one you had with another person in months. Sure, you loved the company of your friends, but talking to Levi was just so… different. Almost liberating in a way. There were things you had told him that you never told anyone else during your late-night meetings, and it got to the point where you had found yourself looking forward to talking with him. Because you knew that behind his gaze was a man that felt so much, and you knew what that was like.

“You know… I only really made it out because they were too busy eating my family.”

Levi paused at that, eyebrows slightly raised as he looked at you over his cup that was pressed to his lips. He didn’t speak at first, taking his time as he leisurely drank his tea, and you could practically feel the depth of the silence looming over the both of you like it was its own presence.

“Shit, maybe I should’ve just kept my mouth shut,” you thought, teeth digging into your bottom lip as you anxiously waited for Levi’s response.

You didn’t want him to pity you. That was never your intention. You guessed you just.... wanted someone to know what you were thinking and feeling, tired of constantly keeping it to yourself. If you got eaten by a titan one day, you’d at least want someone to know who you were. Who you really were.

“Sorry, I um…” you looked around at everything besides the man sitting in front of you, trying to find a way to fill the silence. “You probably don’t wanna hear some sob story from some cadet, I-”

“‘Some cadet?’”

Your eyes snapped over to his, mouth slightly agape before swallowing thickly. “I… Well I mean-”

“Talking like that about yourself isn’t going to change anything or make anything better. You’re not just some cadet, and I’m even willing to say that you’re not as bad as some of the shit-for-brains we have here. You came here to do the same thing everyone else is here to do. Fight for humanity. Whether your end goal is selfish or to try and relieve yourself of some guilt from the past, it doesn’t matter.” He leaned closer to you, elbows placed on the table as he pinned you with his gaze. “Every life sacrificed out there matters. So does yours, even if you don’t think it does. And it’s our job to make sure those soldiers don’t die in vain.

You didn’t know what to say. No one had ever really talked to you like this, so how could you know how to respond? Luckily, he started speaking again so that you didn’t have to.

“Your family… it’s a shame what happened to them. What you had to go through. But, their deaths will be avenged, and I will make damn sure of it.”

That night was the first time you cried in probably months. You thought Levi would think of you as some pathetic little soldier, trying to gain the sympathy of their captain, but he didn’t. He just placed a hand over yours and let you cry, and you remembered how you were sort of surprised by how warm he was. You remember that talk like it was only yesterday when in reality it was years ago. You and Levi didn’t talk as much as you used to, considering the fact that he was constantly busy with helping the titan shifter cadet, Eren Jaeger, and you had been recruited to squad leader, so you had your own people to deal with. But that didn’t mean you two never spoke. Whenever your paths crossed, you’d make sure to give him a little greeting, whether it was a simple wave or a “hello.” And occasionally, when you couldn’t sleep and you’d come down to the mess hall, he was there, a steaming cup of tea in front of him, and you’d talk for a few hours until you both agreed it was time to try and catch some sleep.

Now, the soldiers were getting ready for the 57th expedition, and you couldn’t shake off the bad feeling you got whenever you thought about it. Of course, every expedition was dangerous. More often than not, the scouts would come back from outside the walls with more than a few dead, and on bad days, their numbers would be cut in half. Eren was making progress, and you hoped he would be useful, but a part of you was still doubtful.

“I’m worried,” you stated, arms crossed over your chest as you stood next to Levi, watching the cadets train vigorously.

“You always worry.”

You glanced over at the man and huffed, seeing him completely focused on the soldiers before you lightly kicked your boot into the dirt. “I guess that’s kinda my thing, isn’t it? Can you blame me though? We’ve seen what Eren can do, but… he hardly has it under control. And this isn’t exactly a normal expedition.”

“Things will turn out the way they turn out. There’s nothing we can do except make sure things go the best way they can.”

You sighed. Levi was able to reassure you most of the time, but other times he did nothing to calm your nerves. It wasn’t his job to, though. His responses were straightforward, and if you didn’t like it then that was just something you had to deal with.

“Ever the optimist, Levi,” you said, a sarcastic lilt to your voice, and you smiled when he glanced at you before shaking his head.

“Hey! You’re not here to slack off. Pick up the pace before I make you all train through dinner.”

You were used to Levi giving out orders. Hell, he gave them to you all the time, but his commanding voice sent shivers down your spine at that moment.

“He’s a freaking tiny tyrant, I swear,” you heard one of the cadets mutter, and you couldn’t help but snicker as you turned your head away from your captain, covering your mouth to conceal your smile.

“Find something funny?”

You cleared your throat as you shook your head, turning to Levi with a grin and shrugging your shoulders. “Not at all, captain. Just have a little cough is all.”

“Mhm. Maybe I should make you run it off then.”

“Aw c’mon, Levi. Have a little laugh. We all need one once in a while, especially considering the day you’re all going to have tomorrow.”

He just let out a hum, and your smile slowly dropped as you looked out at the horizon, the sky painted in beautiful strokes of orange and pink. Yes, you were right, you all needed those small moments of joy in this fucked up world you lived in, but you weren’t stupid enough to believe that those moments could last forever. Sometimes you just had to face the reality of the situation you were all in, and you couldn’t help the feeling of dread that filled you as you thought about tomorrow.

“You’re overthinking. Stop it,” Levi said, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You shook your head and gave him a smile that felt bittersweet. “I can’t help it sometimes. I wish I could go with you.”

“We have enough force and skill in the recruits we have for the expedition. It would be a waste to put you and your squad into it and leave you hanging with no real job to do.”

“No real job? We’d be doing what everyone else would be; killing titans and keeping Eren safe! How would we not be useful? You know for a fact that my squad and I are plenty skilled and-”

“We can’t risk more sacrifices by putting you out there. We have enough people to hopefully accomplish what we need to.”

“Then why wasn’t my squad a first choice to go beyond the walls this time? We’re more capable than most of the people here and you know it. Maybe if I talk to Erwin he’ll-”

“This wasn’t just Erwin’s decision, it was mine. And your insubordination is starting to get irritating, so I suggest you take a walk.”

You looked at Levi with widened eyes, disbelief clear on your face, and you swallowed down what you actually wanted to say before letting out a deep breath.

“Levi, I-”

“Take a walk, l/n. I don’t wanna hear about it.”

You simply blinked at him a few times, clearly upset by the way he addressed you, before letting out a scoff and walking away, your jaw and fists clenched tightly. Yes, maybe you were being a bit childish, but you refused to acknowledge that when you felt so pissed at the moment.

“I mean, how can he just treat me like that?! Just completely dismiss me and not even give me a reasonable answer! He’s so… He’s just so… Ugh!”

You groaned and rested your head in your hands as you sat across from Hange, your friend looking at you with raised brows as they idly tapped their fingers against the table.

“I mean, he is your superior, y/n.”

“But that’s not the point! Like, yeah okay, I know he’s my captain and all that, but… We’ve always just been casual with each other. We’ve never seen each other as our ranks. I still respect him and follow his orders when he gives them but…” You let out a noise of frustration and slammed your fists down on the table. “That doesn’t give him the right to just pull out the superiority card whenever it benefits him!”

Hange blinked a few times before letting out a sigh, brushing a piece of stray hair out of their face as they leaned back in their chair, shrugging their shoulders. “I mean, he said it was also his decision, right? So maybe… he’s trying to keep you safe?”

Your eyes widened almost comically, feeling heat travel up the back of your neck at the mention of the possibility that Levi was concerned about your safety. “I-I… I mean he- um.”

“Oh my, are you getting flustered, y/n? Does the thought of Levi caring about you make your heart race?” Hange asked, a playful smirk on their face.

“Stop! For the love of everything, please stop,” you whined, waving your hands in front of you as you tried to ignore how embarrassed you felt.

Hange just laughed at you, continuing to poke fun until you threatened to not be a part of their crazy experiments anymore, to which they quickly backed off. You thought talking with Hange might make you feel better, but hours later when you were pacing in front of the door to Levi’s office, you still wanted to rip your hair out as you thought of what to say to him. Letting out a huff and straightening your posture, trying to gain some nerve, you raised your hand to knock on the door, only for it to suddenly open and reveal your captain, his cravat having come off and the first few buttons of his shirt undone.

“Your incessant pacing is driving me up the wall. What do you want?”

Oh, so he had heard you. You avoided eye-contact, reaching a hand up to rub at the back of your neck before clearing your throat to try and relieve some of the awkwardness you felt.

“Um… can I come in?”

You both stood there for a moment, Levi’s gaze traveling up and down your body before stepping aside to let you in, and you gave him a small, appreciative nod as you walked inside his office. The tension in your shoulders was almost painful, your whole body almost stiff as Levi walked in front of you to sit on the edge of his desk, crossing his arms over his chest. You didn’t know why you felt so nervous. It was only Levi, a man you had come to know for years. And while you didn’t know everything about him, you still considered you both to be somewhat close. So why were you feeling so weird right now?

“Uh… I wanted to talk about this afternoon,” you said, mindlessly fidgeting with your fingers.

Levi raised a curious brow, letting you linger in silence for a moment before letting out a soft hum. “Not sure it’s something worth talking about.”

Lips curving into a small frown, you mimicked his posture and crossed your arms, shifting your weight onto one foot. “Well, I think we left some things… unaddressed back there, and I wanna talk about it.”

He didn’t say anything, and you were starting to get pissed, your fuse short enough as it is. Your frustration finally hit its peak when he grabbed the cup of tea next to him and wordlessly took a sip, and you swore at that moment you wanted to take the cup and smash it against his head.

“Goddammit, would you stop drinking your stupid fucking tea and listen to me?!” you yelled, and you could see a flash of shock in his eyes at your outburst before he glared at you, setting his cup down.

“You wanna repeat that?”

“Oh, don’t get all fucking ‘Captain Levi’ on me. You know exactly what all of this is about. You didn’t even try to give me a reasonable explanation earlier, and I feel like I deserve one.”

“Do you? You think you deserve something for acting like this?”

“I’m not a child!”

“But I am your superior, which you seem to forget quite a lot.”

“That is such bullshit! Since when have you given two fucks about ranks when it comes to us? I follow your orders when I have to, not when you use your superiority when it’s most convenient for you.”

Levi clicked his tongue as he got off of his desk, rounding it to sit in his chair, and your fists were clenched so tightly it was becoming almost painful, your nails digging into your palms.

“You know, you say you’re not a child, yet you constantly act like one. Throwing a fit when you don’t get your way. Sometimes I wonder why Erwin made the decision to promote you.”

Your eyes widened as you softly gasped, questioning if you heard Levi correctly, but you know you did. There was no mistaking it. You always believed that Levi knew that you were capable, that you could protect yourself. But now he made you question if he really thought those things. Did he even respect you as a soldier? After countless nights of spilling your guts to him and him reassuring you… did he think of you as just some simple-minded cadet? You felt like your heart was in your throat and tears were threatening to spill, but you just swallowed everything down and turned your head away.

“Good luck on the expedition tomorrow,” you muttered, and you were quick to leave his office and rush back to your room, tears spilling down your cheeks.

______________

When it came time for your fellow scouts to leave for the expedition in the morning, you were a bit reluctant to watch them, knowing that you’d end up automatically spotting Levi in the crowd, and the petty side of you wanted to ignore him at all costs. However, the rational side of you remembered that it wasn’t just Levi going out there, it was other soldiers as well, most of them you knew personally, and you’d be damned if you didn’t give them a proper send-off, knowing the likelihood of some of them not making it back. So, you dragged yourself out of bed and made yourself presentable, slipping on your jacket as you stepped out of your room.

“Y/n!”

You turned at the shout of your name, seeing Hange waving excitedly at you as they jogged down the hall, slowing down to walk with you.

“So? How did it go with Captain Shorty?”

You groaned and rolled your eyes, bringing your fingers up to rub at your temples to try and cease the headache you already felt coming. “I don’t even wanna talk about it.”

“Dang, that bad, huh?” Hange grimaced.

“You have no idea. I just wanna forget about it”

Hange didn’t say anything more on the topic after that, simply talking about random things with you as you walked outside to the stables. You had a bad feeling settled in your stomach ever since you woke up, but as more time passed it just got worse.

“Hange,” you muttered, the squad leader turning towards you with raised eyebrows as they held the reins to their horse.

“Uh… Please be careful out there, okay?”

Hange looked shocked for a moment before their mouth split into a wide grin, and they quickly pulled you into a tight hug, which you immediately reciprocated.

“Aw, y/n! Don’t worry about me, I’m always careful!”

“That is such a lie, but I’ll believe you anyway,” you chuckled.

Pulling away from each other, Hange mounted their horse and joined the rest of the scouts at the gate, and you went to stand at the sidelines with the rest of your peers to watch them. Your eyes immediately caught sight of a head of familiar black hair, and you felt your heart grow heavy and your chest tighten, almost wishing he would feel your gaze and look over at you. But he didn’t and with Erwin’s war-cry, they charged through the open gate, the horses kicking up dirt and dust, and you only got a glance at their retreating figures before the gate was closed again.

______________

Every minute that ticked by felt like hours. You didn’t know how long they would be gone, the time usually spent outside the walls ranging from a few hours to a few days. You hoped it was the former, knowing that the longer they were out there, the more likely they were to get killed. You knew your comrades were skilled, having been outside the walls with them and seen their skills up close, but that didn’t stop you from worrying. Now with the Eren being a titan shifter and a traitor in your midst, anything could happen.

You almost didn’t acknowledge the shouting of your fellow soldiers that afternoon, too focused on taking care of some of the horses in the stables. But when you finally heard it, you quickly stopped what you were doing and ran to the gate. They were back. Adrenaline coursed through you as your heart pounded like a drum against your chest, and when you finally caught sight of the returning scouts, you immediately stopped in your tracks. The look on their faces was one of defeat, and you could already tell just by looking at them that not all of them made it back. When you spotted Hange, you felt some relief wash over you and you quickly made your way over to them, walking beside their horse.

“Hange, what happened? Was the mission successful?”

Hange didn’t answer, a blank look on their face, which was identical to the expressions on all of the other soldier’s faces. It was a bad day, that much you could tell, and you made brief eye-contact with Levi before looking for your friends. Only… you couldn’t see them. Turning around frantically, you spotted Eren laying in a cart and ran over, jumping in beside him as you glanced at his hand clutching Mikasa’s. He looked even worse than everyone else did. No, loss was never easy, but Eren was just a kid, and experiencing so much of it at his age must have been devastating for him, especially when he was so passionate about saving humanity.

“Eren, tell me what happened. Who… Who did we lose?” you asked.

You didn’t even know if you wanted to know the answer, seeing Eren so broken and torn up already told you that what happened out there wasn’t good, but when was it ever? The boy had tears falling down his cheeks, trying to keep his sobs quiet, and Mikasa just looked at you with narrowed eyes.

“Y/n, I don’t think right now’s a good time-”

“Please!” You gripped the cape that was laid over top of Eren, eyes focussed on the blue and white wings embroidered on the back and you sniffled as you tried to hold back the tears that were desperately trying to come out. “I… I need to know. Please, Eren…”

He stared at you with wide eyes, Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed before letting out a shuddered breath. “They… We were after the female titan and she… I couldn’t save them, y/n. They died protecting me!”

Your face seemed void of any emotion as Eren’s words sunk in, piercing your heart like a million knives, and all you did was nod silently before jumping out of the cart, your mind going on autopilot as you walked. You didn’t need him to explain who he was talking about for you to already put the pieces together. Levi had told you that Eren was going to be a part of his squad so that he could keep an eye on him, and his squad was in charge of protecting him. He had become humanity’s number one asset after all. Civilians were shouting at all of you, cursing at you and hurling insults at your face. You weren’t even one of the scouts on the expedition, but that didn’t matter. As long as you wore the wings of freedom on your back, you were a bastard like the rest of them. No more, no less.

You had stumbled too close to the crowd, too preoccupied with your thoughts to even notice, until a large man gripped your shoulders and pushed you in front of the horses, your body landing harshly in the dirt as some of the people laughed at you. You heard someone shout your name, but it sounded distant to you, everyone’s drowned out underneath the roaring of your thoughts. You shifted yourself onto your hands and knees, only to look up and see Hange crouched down in front of you, a concerned expression on their face.

“Y/n, are you okay? Can you hear me?”

There was a ringing in your ears as you looked at them, trying desperately to just get a grip.

The dirt under my hands, the dryness in my mouth, the shouts of the citizens, the musty smell of the horses… Hange right in front of me.

“I’m fine. I… I’m fine.”

The single tear slipping down your cheek went unnoticed by you, but it was one of the things that let Hange know that you were lying. That you weren’t fine. Reaching out to wipe the tear away Hange shook their head.

“Y/n-”

“I’ll see you later, okay?”

Giving Hange a tight-lipped smile, you picked yourself up off the ground and made your way back to the Scout’s headquarters, feeling everyone’s eyes on your back, and you couldn’t help but wonder if Levi was watching you too.

______________

You didn’t keep track of how long you cried that day, keeping yourself locked in your room and sobbing until your body physically couldn’t produce any more tears. The last time you cried this much was when your family died, same thing could be said when you thought about the last time you felt this way. Like all hope was lost. You found yourself questioning what the point of all of this was for a moment before you quickly slapped yourself out of that thought. You knew why you had to do this, why the Survey Corps was important. But shit, all this loss? You didn’t know how much more you could take. Especially if days like today became more frequent.

Then you got to thinking about Levi and the stupid argument you had yesterday. At the time, you felt like your feelings were justified, and maybe they were, but now you felt like a complete idiot for arguing with him, especially the day before an expedition where it was one hundred percent possible that he could’ve died out there. The thought of your last interaction being some petty argument made more tears fall, and you gripped the sheets of your bed so tightly that you thought they might rip. Did he even want to speak to you now? Maybe he realized that you were just some immature little soldier and wanted nothing to do with you.

No, you couldn’t accept that. You wouldn’t. Standing from your bed, you harshly wiped at your eyes and sniffled, trying to look like you weren’t crying for hours on end - even though it was pointless, you knew Levi would be able to tell immediately - and exited your room to start making your way to Levi’s office. Your nerves were kicked into high gear, but you refused to let this man intimidate you. You were going to let him know how you felt and he was going to listen. Of course, your confidence immediately deflated when you found yourself standing in front of his door, but you swallowed down your nerves and knocked, taking a deep breath.

Levi’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door, telling you to come in, and you let out a small huff as you gripped the doorknob and let yourself in. He didn’t even look up from the paperwork in front of him when you walked in, and as the door closed behind you and you moved to stand in front of his desk with your hands held behind your back, you lightly cleared your throat to get his attention. His eyes flickered up to meet yours, and you could feel yourself shrink under his gaze. There was no doubt he saw what happened earlier today when they came back, and from the way he was examining you, you knew he could easily tell that you had been crying.

“Did you need me?” he asked, and you sharply inhaled at the sound of his voice. It felt like forever since he talked to you last, and hearing him speak made your stomach do flips.

“Uh… I don’t know, honestly. I didn’t really practice what I was going to say before I came in here.”

He raised a brow at you. “‘Practice?’”

“I mean, it’s kinda hard to talk to you. Not that that’s a bad thing, it’s just… Ah shit, I don’t know. It might just be me. I’m not the best at articulating, you know?”

He hummed and grabbed his cup as you let out a sigh, taking a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk and leaning your elbows on your knees, bouncing your leg. Taking your bottom lip between your teeth, you wordlessly gazed at him for a moment, a made-up image of his death flashing in your mind before you shook your head and ran your hand down your face.

“Look, um… I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for yesterday. For questioning your judgment when I should’ve just dealt with it. You’re my superior and I disrespected you so… Again, I’m sorry.”

Silence fell between you for a moment before he let out a sigh, setting down his cup before leaning his chin against his propped up hand. “Don’t apologize. You were right.”

Your eyes widened. Did you hear that correctly? “Uh, I’m sorry?”

Getting up from his seat, he rounded his desk to stand in front of you, and you were even more confused. You swore he would’ve been done with you by now.

“You said you and your squad were more than capable of handling the mission. You were right. Or at least, you were right at the time. The female titan would’ve wiped us all out if she wanted to, just like she did my squad. I don’t doubt that if you went after her, you’d be dead right now too.”

You stiffened slightly at his words, fingers gripping your knees as you let out the breath you didn’t realize you had been holding in. “Oh.”

“As captain, I’m supposed to remain unbiased. My decisions should be based on the greater good of humanity and my comrades. If my judgment is wrong, then that’s something I have to live with. Making my squad protect Eren was my decision, and they died.” He let out a long breath. “When Erwin decided to not bring you on the expedition, I was opposed to it at first. I knew that you and your squad would be able to aid us greatly, but I couldn’t sway him. However, now that I think about it, I’m glad you weren’t there.”

You were at a loss for words. When Hange had joked the other day about Levi caring about you, you didn’t take it seriously. But now that you were hearing all of this… Did he care for you? Or was it just your wishful thinking that was causing you to interpret things wrong? Slowly standing up, you briefly met his gaze before walking over to the window and looking out at the night sky, the sun having gone down a while ago, and you wrapped your arms around yourself as you tried to piece together what you wanted to say to him.

“Even if you think I was right, I’m still sorry. I don’t like arguing, especially with you. And the fact that you had to go on an expedition the next day…” You swallowed thickly. “I was scared. I know you say that there’s no use regretting the decisions we’ve made, but if you died out there today and a stupid argument was the last interaction we ever had, I would’ve regretted it every day of my life.” You turned to face him, eyes glossing over. “I would’ve beat myself up when I know you’d want me to continue to be strong. But I feel like I can’t do that without you, and I feel so weak and stupid for saying that. For feeling like the only thing that gives me hope in this godforsaken world is you.”

Levi remained silent, not that you expected him to say anything, and you sniffled as you reached up to wipe at your teary eyes before sighing and giving him a sad smile.

“I’m sorry. I know you don’t wanna hear some silly confession. I’ll let you get back to your business,” you said, walking past Levi to get to the door, but you didn’t make it that far when his hand suddenly shot out and gripped your arm, causing you to turn back and look at him.

“Why do you always do that?”

Your brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“You never take yourself seriously and act like the people around you don’t either. You’re self-deprecating. You did the same thing when I found you in the mess hall years ago. Why?”

“I… I don’t know, I guess I just get nervous around you.”

“Why?”

Your mouth felt dry suddenly, and your heart was racing as Levi’s grip on your arm tightened and he pulled you closer. “Because… I want to be strong in front of you. I don’t want you to see me as someone immature and incapable, and I’m scared of embarrassing myself in front of you.”

“Did you find your confession embarrassing? Do you want me to forget about it?”

“If you want to.”

“Mm. And what if I don’t?”

You let out a shuddered breath, eyes flitting down to his lips for a moment. “Then what will you do about it?”

Neither of you moved at first, your gaze not leaving one another, and you felt like your heart was about to beat out of your chest, it was going so fast. You wondered if Levi was experiencing the same feeling. Wondered if underneath that stoic, calm expression, his blood was pumping in his ears and his pulse was going crazy. You were waiting for him to do something, anything, as he stared at you with an almost challenging look. It made anger flare up in you for some reason, and you clenched your jaw as you narrowed your eyes.

No, I won’t let this get away from me.

Reaching up, your hand grabbed at his cravat, yanking him forward into an almost desperate kiss that had your mind reeling. His brows were scrunched up, body tense, before finally relaxing, and you could feel him almost melt into you as he brought both of his hands up to hold your face, eagerly responding. Your frustration had been building up ever since your fight, and you felt like you were both letting it all out now, each kiss hungry and rushed, barely able to pull your faces away before one of you was pulling the other one in again.

“Fuck, I can’t stand you sometimes,” you breathed out between kisses, fingers weaving into Levi’s dark locks and lightly tugging, causing him to let out a soft groan against your lips.

“Stop talking.”

You don’t know when the anxiety started bubbling in your stomach or why your heart felt like it was about to jump out of your throat, all you knew was that every sensation was suddenly overwhelming. Levi’s hands, his lips, his breath against your face, it was all too much. You were suddenly pushing him away, tears quickly building up behind your eyes as you panted for breath. Whether it be from the desperateness of your kisses, or the constricting of your chest, you didn’t know. You just knew that everything was suddenly hitting you at once, and you couldn't get a grasp on how to deal with it.

“Y/n…”

Right, Levi was still here, and he looked at you with a hand slightly reached out, waiting for you to meet him halfway. You hesitated, staring at his hand like you were trying to see through it, before eventually grabbing it, and he slowly pulled you into his chest. Your arms were limp at your sides, silent tears streaming down your face as Levi held you.

“They’d be proud of you, y/n. You know that.”

You felt like you had been falling all of your life, nothing to stop you, nothing to hold onto as you plummeted through an endless abyss. But now, as you brought your hands up to grip the back of Levi’s jacket and sobbed into his shoulder, for once, you felt like your feet had finally found the ground.

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi imagine #aot x reader #snk x reader #aot fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi x gn!reader

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i8jisoo · 4 years

Text

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader

bangchan x reader | first part of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff & a tinge of angst

↬ warnings; pregnancy, birth, talk of vomiting, and lots of cursin

↬ notes; fuck i love bangchan sm and im excited dis the first part of daddy!skz o whateva

from the moment he knew, he honestly was scared at first and just wanted to pretend like he wasn’t going to be a father

he needed time to evaluate it all, he was honestly confused and scared, he was nervous and doubtful of his parenting skills and providing eighteen years + many years after for his child

u were nervousssss as helllllllllllllll to tell him what was up

“well, i’m- y’know- baby?” you tried to get out, ur words were hella scrambled and he was confused before he came to the realization of what you meant

silence which is vv concerning

u knew this was a shot in the dark sorta, u two weren’t even public on the relationship let alone public about a pregnancy?

u guys ended up taking a break for about a month, really not knowing what to say to each-other

u two were afraid, which was normal, u just rly didn’t expect it from chan of all people to walk away from u

anybody else u could expect,, but this?? this was unlike him & u were more scared by that

he wound up at your place, box in hands

(u were kinda at ur breaking point bc u thought he was returning ur things)

(newsflash it was his stuff)

“i’m sorry, i just— being a father? being a parent, i don’t.. i don’t know anything about it, but nobody does when they become one. so, i’m gonna figure it out with you.”

going through the first sonograms w him & crying a lot while u two talked about the future

ur hormones r going to be the death of chan

u are 0-100 holy mooolyy

hes very careful with his choice of words and how he delivers them, not wanting to upset you

chans first present for the baby is a kangaroo, with a matching little joey 🥺

he also is surprisingly a very big fan of kanga from winnie the pooh, which he buys winnie the pooh stuff for the baby JSJSJSJSJJS just bc kanga & roo remind him of u n the baby 🥺🥺🥺🥺 (i rly need to stop)

u were a lil big, having a cute big bump to pair with ur pregnancy, the inevitable announcement was needed to happen if u were ever going to step outside again

chan rly didnt want to announce it bc he didnt know what peoples reactions would be :(

he knew he was only twenty-seven so some people might think it was a bit too early to have kids, but he thought it was perfect the way it was

u guys hid it until u couldn’t, sparking little rumors of ur pregnancy but u both decided not to confirm them

chan obsessing and literally worshipping you in your third trimester

u in his shirts? he was fuckin over

kisses and cuddling all the time, no matter how tired u were or he was, u two would either fall asleep while doing so or lay there for awhile before u were like

“ok i gotta pee, help me up!!”

no but frfr this baby was torturing u the last stretch of ur pregnancy

it seemed that anything u ate either made u throw up or gave u heartburn

ur stretchmarks were getting worse & it seemed like u were getting bigger everyday

u were very insecure the last months, just cause a lot of comments were talking about a bit of weight gain in ur face, which fuck,, u would never be hurt by some comments but with ur hormones and KNOWING u have put on weight, u rly didn’t feel the same

ofc chan knows whats up and hes there to tell u some r e a l s h i t

“okay, yes. you have put on weight, but you’re pregnant. that’s the good thing about it, you’re healthy okay? whether you had a small bump and no extra weight put on or a big bump and extra weight put on, you are carrying a baby. you can lose the weight when it’s over, right? you don’t need to feel this way, okay? i’m the only one who you should listen to about your appearance, i’m here to tell you the truth. you are beautiful. you are the morher of my child, that’s what you are. you’re not ugly, or fat, you’re not anything bullshit that people say to you.”

when u started crying, chan panicked

“nononononoono, don’t cry baby!”

his arms were wrapped around you so tightly, feeling your face pressed against his shoulder and your arms around his neck

“i love you.” u would be rly quiet and his heart would break at the sound but ur i love you, he just— it was so real and he’d never felt like this before

“love u too.” he’d say that shit so proudly and kiss the TOP OF UR HEAD SO SOFTLY 🥺🥺🥺

when u finally went into labor, u were like wow this hurts a F U CK TOO NNN

u woke up to the bedsheets soaked underneath u, pins n needles were all u could feel

u kinda sat there for ten minutes, scaring urself n making urself nervous when u started doubting yourself and feeling the pain become stronger

ur hands were s hh aa kkyy

u would tap chan so softly and feel a little frustrated he didnt wake up but like how tf was he supposed to feel that 😳

u kinda started crying now because u were STRESSED and him not waking up (no shit ur little tap wasnt gonna work but) it felt like he was gonna sleep forever

so ur hands pressed on chan’s shoulders, shaking them a little bit and letting out a,

“chris?” which ur voice was quiet as hell, shaky as hell, and wavering as you whispered to him

him opening his eyes to see your teary ones n hes just so sad that his heart drops 🥺

he never wakes up quicker though and hes sitting up fast as fuck

“what? what’s wrong?”

ur literally sobbing and hes freaked out by this because u have never cried like this

he kinda just wants to go back to bed since ur just crying but he knows smth is probably wrong because ur SOBBING so

“my water broke.”

now its his turn to be nervous cause fuck he is feeling so unprepared

he said fuck shoes on u, slipping u into his own clothes and helping u into the car so u two could go

did i forget to mention the hospital was an hour away 😳

he wants to pull over hearing u whine n grip his hand, noticing ur quietness and ur little mumbles everytime u rest ur head back after a contraction

he doesn’t give a fuck, he will carry u into the hospital and then put u in a wheelchair from the entrance so u don’t have to walk

u have a feeling maybe hes more nervous than u but atm ur fuckin close to losing it over the pain

u two are settled into a room, epidural done and just trying to make u comfortable now

u were seven centimeters which u still had to wait but u both knew u were close to meeting ur baby

when u are at ten centimeters though, chan is just a ball of tears and he’s just so proud of you

your hand was in his the whole time, chan’s lips near ur ear and he’s just whispering for u to concentrate on him and how much u wanna meet the baby

“i—i can’t do it!” 🥺🥺

you were honestly so drained and ur forehead was laced with sweat, ur hands sweaty and shaking in his own from being nervous and slowly becoming weaker as u put ur strength into pushing

“baby, you are probably what? three pushes, maybe you can cut it to one and a half. alright? you can do this baby, we’re so close to meeting our baby.”

that’s all u needed n chan knew it

surprise surprise,, chan was right about one and a half

“it’s a boy!!” which chan would press his lips to yours so quickly, u two crying and letting out watery laughs as your baby boy cried 🥺

he hasn’t felt this much pride and love since debut or releasing an album or tour, he couldn’t express how gifted he was to have deserved the gift of being a father

ofc they introduce you both to kangaroo care, chan so ready to take off his shirt and feel his baby boy’s skin against his own warm skin and he did so

then it was ur turn to hold him the same way, chan asking u if he could pull down ur gown so u could hold him like he did

that was the picture he needed, snapping it and getting you holding the baby against your naked (ofc ur gown was covering ur breasts) chest, your son sleeping soundly with his hands pressed against you

u two were parents now, u both had learned about pregnancy together and now u two were going to explore parenthood together

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kpop---scenarios · 4 years

Text

Sweet Dreams

Pairing: Baekhyun x Succubus! Reader

Genre: Demon/Succubus AU

Warning: Smut,

Word Count: 3.2k

Summary: Baekhyun and Elle were highschool sweethearts, always in love. Until they move into their new house where a demon apparently resides. Baekhyun starts changing when his dreams begin getting taken over. How will things turn out for the happy couple?

All Baekhyun had ever wanted was to be with Elle. He had met her in their senior year of high school. She was the quiet girl who sat in the back of the class, wrote her notes and kept to herself. Where Baekhyun was the class clown who was majorly popular and had girls pining over him and that’s the thing that attracted him to her the most, the fact that she wasn’t falling at his feet. She was a quiet girl with a beautiful smile and Baekhyun wanted to see it more and more.

He had asked her out for coffee on the second last day of school. She looked shocked as the words came from his mouth but with a small voice she said yes and he felt his heart soar. It took him a few dates to get her to really open up, but when she finally did, he thought her voice sounded like an angel. He had never thought he would ever find a sound that he could become obsessed with, until she spoke up.

Baekhyun and Elle were happy for years. They went to College together, and were known around campus as the favorite couple, the ones everyone wanted to be and they both loved that. People fell in love with their love, the highschool sweethearts who would be together forever. And that’s exactly what it felt like.

Last year, they both graduated College, Elle got a job as a secretary to a big time, hot shot lawyer, while Baekhyun got one of those dreaded nine to five corporate jobs where he would end up dragging his feet and hating his life more than he already did. They didn’t have sex anymore, Baekhyun couldn’t remember the last time he hadn’t had to jerk himself off because Elle was working late, or was already asleep when he got home. Despite his job being done at five, he was never home at a decent time, he was always late.

A few months ago Baekhyun and Elle sat down to have a conversation about their relationship. They both agreed that they were in a rut and things needed to change. So, they came up with a plan to move out of their apartment and buy a house. Elle was going to take some time off and so was Baekhyun. They would spend some much needed time together while they shopped for a house and moved, strengthening their relationship, they didn’t want to lose each other.

It didn’t take them long to find a house that they both loved. A few days later they put in an offer, and it was theirs. The people who were selling it couldn’t wait to get it off their hands and wouldn’t tell Baekhyun why they were selling but he didn’t care. It was theirs and they loved it.

The first night they finished moving all their stuff in, they had their friends Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, Lisa and Hwasa over to help, celebrating with some bottles of wine and pasta from Elle’s moving day box, something she came up with a few days ago.

“So.” Chanyeol begins, taking a sip of his wine. “When I was outside grabbing some boxes earlier, I met one of your neighbors. She had mentioned that there’s a demon that lingers in the house. Apparently she enters your dreams.” He says, making some dramatic voices.

“You are not telling me that my new house is haunted.” Elle pouts, cleaning up some of the mess.

“Hey, I’m just relaying the message that I was told.” Chanyeol chuckles, getting up before helping up Lisa.

“Don’t believe them. It’s all bullshit.” Kyungsoo smiles, helping up Hwasa.

“Hey, thanks for all your help today.” Baekhyun says, giving his guests each a quick hug before they took off. They wouldn’t have been able to finish moving everything had it not been for them.

“Any time.” They say before saying goodbye to Elle and taking off.

Laying in bed that night, Baekhyun has his arm wrapped around Elle as she cuddles into him, her finger tracing the outline of his abs.

“You don’t believe it, right?” She asks, trying to hide her shaky voice.

“What? The ghost?” He asks.

“Demon.” Elle interrupts.

“Regardless, babe, it’s not true.” He laughs. “Even if anything happened, you know I’d protect you.” He says, pulling her in close before they both drift off to sleep.

Baekhyun opens his eyes, he’s on the couch across from his bed. He can see Elle laying there, sleeping peacefully and from the corner of his eye, he sees a figure standing in the corner. He can see the outline of your curves as you slowly walk towards him, your short nightgown swaying as you walk. His legs are spread, boxers are gone, his cock stands straight up.

“Baby.” You moan, climbing on the couch to straddle him. Baekhyun’s head falls back onto the couch as you slowly sink yourself down on him. Your warm, wet pussy swallowing his cock.

“Fuck.” He breathes, as you lift yourself up, and slowly sink down on him again. His hands find their way to your hips, helping lift you up before slamming you back down on his cock. His breath is erratic, he’s never felt a pussy like this before. He can feel his orgam building quickly. His eyes fall on Elle’s sleeping body. You quickly grab his head, bringing it forward, placing his face in between your breasts.

“Cum.” You sing, grinding on his cock.

Just as Baekhyun begins to cum inside you, he wakes up, shooting up in bed, his alarm clock beeping loudly.

Everything is fuzzy, he forgets where he is for a second before he stumbles out of bed, feeling weak as he walks to the bathroom. His head is pounding, as well as his cock.

He looks in the mirror, a little startled by his appearance. Dark bags circle his eyes, his lips are chapped, skin is dry.

“Good morning.” Elle smiles as she grabs her deodorant from the bathroom, placing a kiss on Baekhyun’s cheek.

“Morning.” He says, his voice is hoarse. “Did we have sex last night? Or early this morning?” He asks, his cock throbbing and sore.

“No, why?” She asks.

“No reason.” Baekhyun says. “I’m gonna take a quick shower."

After his shower he gets dressed for the day, shuffling downstairs where he sees Elle has already left, but puts out his to go mug of coffee as well as his water bottle. She was the best, always making things a little easier for him. But he couldn’t help but to think about his dream, why was his cock sore? It was just a dream, wasn’t it?

Baekhyun couldn’t concentrate today. On his drive to work, his mind would flashback to his dream. He tried to focus on his work but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was yhr best sex he had ever had, he had never cum so hard. Sure he and Elle had good sex, but this was a whole other level.

"Hi babe.” He sighed as he walked inside, sitting at the island while Elle finished cooking dinner.

“What’s wrong?” She asks, looking concerned.

“Rough day.” He begins. “I had a very vivid.. dream last night and it took a lot out of me.” He tells her. “I could barely concentrate at work today."

"Im sorry, love. A good dinner and back rub should help, yeah?” She smiles.

She was the best.

After the two of them finished eating, Elle asked Baekhyun to run a few boxes out into the back alleys recycling bin. After a kiss on the cheek he grabbed the pile and headed out the back door. The second he stepped out that door he felt something wasn’t right. As he walked to the alley, fog crept into the yard out of nowhere. Baekhyun found himself breathing a little heavier, feeling something behind him.

“Elle?” He asks, weakly.

“Try again.” You whisper, your hands running down his arms, your mouth gently tracing along his neck. “You by far are my favorite.” You whisper, placing small kisses on his neck. “You feed me so well. It’s been so long since I’ve felt so strong."

You slip your hand inside his sweatpants, grabbing onto his cock, stroking him from base to tip. "So delicious.” You purr, moving in front of him, pulling his pants down yo allow his cock yo spring free. You kneel down, engulfing his cock in your mouth, his tip hitting the back of your throat as you hum, the vibration sending chills down his spine. Your hand pumps his base as your mouth takes on the rest of him, your tongue swirling around, the continued humming, Baekhyun can’t control his orgasm. Within seconds he shoots his load into your mouth, moaning loudly, gasping for air.

Baekhyun wakes up, he’s leaning against the fence, boxes still in his hand. How is he so tired? Fuck is he ever thirsty. He throws the boxes down, making his way back to the house. His cock is sore again, his body is drained and shaky. He just needs a really good sleep.

Walking back inside he tells Elle he’s just going to take a showet and go to bed. “I’m just off.” He smiles, grabbing a couple bottles of water before heading up to the bathroom. He looks in the mirror, the bags under his eyes bigger than earlier.

He slips off his clothes, getting into the shower, the hot water feels nice. Relaxing his muscles, he chugs the two bottles of water but still feels like he needs more. He finishes his shower, walking into his room with his towel wrapped around his waist, he puts on a pair of boxers before just climbing into bed. He was desperate for a good sleep, but also found himself craving another dream.

Baekhyun slept peacefully that night. When he woke up in the morning, he was slightly disappointed that his night was dreamers. His cock was hard, and ready to be ridden but was left alone.

“Morning.” Elle yawns, stretching out before wrapping her hand around his covered cock, stroking it a little.

“Morning.” He says, rolling over to get out of bed. “I’m going to be late.” He says, walking to the bathroom. He could hear Elle’s sigh of disappointment, and he felt bad but that wasn’t what he wanted.

When he went downstairs, he found Elle was gone already but had still left out his mug of coffee, along with some water like she did before he went to work.

He couldn’t concentrate at work again. His mind wandered to the best sex he had had the last couple days and wondered why it didn’t happen last night. His body felt like it was craving it, he yearned for the feeling of that wet pussy sliding onto his cock.

As his coworkers left the office for lunch, he remained in his small office, leaning his head back on the chair, resting his eyes.

Knock

Baekhyun opens his eyes, looking at the door, he sees a figure he recognizes. “Did you miss me?” You ask, your voice soft and seductive.

“Mhmm.” Baekhyun groans, sitting up in his chair. You walk around his desk before moving in between his legs, settling yourself on his desk.

“Come.” You whisper, motioning hkm yo come to you with one finger. Baekhyun instantly stands up, taking a few steps forward until he’s in between your legs. “Good boy."

You grab his tie, pulling him forward, his face close to yours. You move forward just an inch, gently pressing your lips to his, before letting go on hks tie, moving your hands down his stomach to his belt, unbluckling it.

You pull his pants down just slightly before scooting yourself to the edge of his desk. Your hand is wrapped around his already hard cock, lining him up with your entrance, he moves closer, pushing himself inside of you.

"That’s right baby.” You moan, wrapping your arms around his neck as he slides in and out of you. Baekhyun can feel you tighten yourself around his cock, making him moan loudly.

He didn’t know how but you made him cum so much faster and better than anyone. It was an orgasm he craved.

“So tight.” He moans, burying his face in your neck as you wrap your legs around his waist. He picks you up, pressing you against the wall, his hips thrusting inside you. “Fuck.” He cries, as you tighten yourself one more time, making him cum, fueling your energy with every load he gives you.

Baekhyun wakes up on the floor of his office, his body shaking and weak. His skin is dry again, he looks in the mirror, his eyes are bloodshot.

Looking at the clock, he sees it’s only been 15 minutes into his hour-long lunch, only half the day is done but he can’t be here any longer. He heads home, telling his boss he just wasn’t feeling well.

The minute he arrives home he heads upstairs, falling down onto his bed, sleep coming easily. What felt like ten minutes later, he was woken up by a concerned looking Elle.

“Are you okay?” She asks, feeling his forehead.

“Im fine.” He snaps, slapping her hand away and standing up to walk away.

“Hey, why are you snapping at me?” Elle yells, only to be ignored by Baekhyun. He slams the door to the bathroom, resting his hands on the counter.

This wasn’t like him. He never snapped at her, or walked away from her but why would she wake him up? He just wanted to sleep. Baekhyun took a few deep breaths before opening the door, and walked towards a sad looking Elle.

“I’m sorry.” He says, pulling her ij for a hug. “I’m just tired.” He finishes.

“Go back to sleep. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” She whispers, letting him go and heading downstairs.

Baekhyun happily crawls back into bed, falling asleep quickly as you enter the room. You crawl onto his bed, pulling the covers off of him, his cock already standing tall. Baekhyun doesn’t even hesitate to pull it out, waiting for you to crawl over him, sinking down on his cock.

“So needy for me.” You moan, rocking back and forth.

“It feels so good.” He groans, placing his hands on your hips. You lift yourself up slowly before slamming back down on him, making him cry out in pleasure. “Oh god yes.” He yells.

“You like my pussy better don’t you baby?” You ask.

“Yes, fuck yes, so much better.” He moans, his toes curling as you squeeze yourself on him again and again, making him cum. You continue rocking yourself on him, milking Jim for everything he has, not wanting to waste one last drop.

“Good boy.” He hears faintly before his eyes open, he feels the bed dip on Elle’s side. He quickly closes them, not wanting her to know he’s awake but it doesn’t take him long to fall asleep again

Over the next few weeks Baekhyun found hjms craving sleep more and more, desperately seeking your touch, your pussy, your scent, your everything and he could tell his attitude was taking a toll on Elle.

But he found it hard to care.

“Baek?” Elle yells a few weeks later. “Can we talk?"

Baekhyun comes downstairs into the kitchen, sitting at the island while Elle looks a little uncomfortable, fidgeting with her fingers.

"Whats up?” He asks, intertwining his fingers.

“Are you okay?” She asks.

“Im great. Why?” He answers, confused.

“Well.. you don’t want to spend time with me. I try to initiate sex and you refuse me. I just don’t understand.” She whispers.

Baekhyun scoffs. “I work hard everyday, I’m exhausted from work. I have a hard job.” He snaps.

“I get that but we used to have sex all the time.” She says, her voice getting a little more frustrated.

“Shit happens, things change. Look, I’m tired. I’m going to go to bed.” Baekhyun says, waving her off.

“It’s 7pm!” She yells. “All you ever do is sleep!” She spits.

“I’m too tired for this.” He scoffs, walking up the stairs.

“Christ, you’re too tired for everything.” She yells.

“Maybe I’m just fucking tired of you.” He snaps, walking up the stairs and slamming the door to his room.

He can hear her crying on the phone to whoever, asking if she can go over there. He hears the front door slam shut before her car starts.

Baekhyun can’t help but laugh at how much he doesn’t care about her anymore. It was always you.

He falls asleep as soon as his eyes close. He rolls over and sees you laying there, naked.

“I wish you were real.” He whispers, rolling his body on top of you, he’s ready naked.

“I am real.” You whisper, stroking his face.

Baekhyun buries his face in your neck as he inserts his cock into you, letting out a moan.

“I mean not in my dreams.” He says, thrusting his hips.

“I can be real outside of dreams. You can be like me, I can make you like me.” You whisper. Baekhyun groans, his thrusts becoming faster.

“Do it. Make me like you.” He grunts.

You smile as you bite your wrist, the cut leaking black blood.

“Drink.” You whisper.

Baekhyun latches his lips to your wrist without a question. He sucks for a few seconds, and then he hears you moan. He lets go of your wrist as he cums, spilling inside you, breathlessly.

“I’ll see you soon.” You whisper, making him wake up. He’s alone in a dark room, his bed feeling empty.

Second later, he’s asleep again, but this time you don’t come back. His body feels like it’s burning as he tosses and turns through the night, his throat is dry, his eyes burn but still he cannot wake up.

Until his eyes shoot open. Birds are chirping, the sun is up and you are laying in his bed next to him.

“Good morning.” He croaks, taking a minute to realize it’s really you.

“Morning.” You whisper.

“Wait. Am I dreaming?” He asks.

“No.” You smile.

“So it worked? I’m like you?” He asks, his voice is different. It’s deeper, calmer, more terrifying.

“You are now an Incubus, Baekhyun.” You whisper. “And I am the Succubus, Ayn."

"Now we can be together.” He growls, rolling over on top of you again, leaning in for a kiss. You pull his face in closer to deepen the kiss. You were now all he wanted and he had you, forever.

“Baek..” you both hear after the door opens. “What the fuck.” You hear Elle yell.

Baekhyun looks up with a smile on his face, as you sit up in bed behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“So you’ve been cheating on me?” Elle scoffs.

“I guess.” Baekhyun laughs.

“How could you do this to me?” She cries, tears falling from her eyes.

You can’t contain your laughter from behind Baekhyun, making him laugh as well.

“Do this to you? I didn’t do anything to you, love. Not lately, anyways.” Baekhyun laughs.

“Maybe had your pussy been better, he wouldn’t have needed to find better.” You suggest with a smile. You slide around the front of Baekhyun, straddling him right in front of Elle, who gives a look of disgust before she drops to the floor.

“Sweet dreams.” You sing, as you and Baekhyun disappear into her dreams, the first of many bad dreams to come.

#exowritersnet #baekhyun smut #byun baekhyun #exo baekhyun #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun writing #baekhyun #exo scenarios #exo fanfiction #exo smut #exo writing #exo #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop icons #kpop fanfic #kpop writing #kpop imagines

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willowistic22 · 4 years

Text

Red (Redfinch)

Despite their breakup, Albert still wanted to go see Finch perform in one of his concerts when Race asked him if he wanted to come. This is the perfect chance for them to talk things out again but words aren’t cooperating for either of them. With that, Finch decides to triy a different form of communication.

Words : 5233

Part : -

Warnings : Alcohol, cursing, cigarettes, angst in general

A/N : Woah that’s a crazy word count uhh,,,, hi i’m back with another fic. Another redfinch and for that we stan lol (well idk maybe yall are annoyed by all these redfinch fics but yknow what? i’m thriving off of it) But fr I’ll eventually get into writing other ships but for now have one more redfinch combined with another tswift songs (as you do) this time with Red. Wow we are so surprised who would have thought of redfinch being associated with the song red no we aren’t surprise :D This one specifically exists in my bandsies au. you don’t need to read that first to understand this (i think?) but it wouldn’t hurt if you checked that out as well:) Tbh i can’t decide whether i love it or hate it but at least i like it enough to post it. N ee wayysss enjoy!!

His brain is screaming about how much Albert shouldn’t be doing this. Comprising a list of cons that goes on forever. And although he thinks all of the cons his brain had written is logical, that one pro his heart wrote beside the long list was all it took for Al to say yes. All the cons will be worth suffering through if he finally gets to see Finch again. And maybe it’s for the better since he’s not doing well by distancing himself from the boy.

Unfortunately, the world isn’t black and white. Meaning that even if he did choose to follow what his heart wants, all the horrible feelings will still be there. And with every step he takes, inching closer to the entrance of the building, he’s getting even more terrified by the second. Thankfully, the line for the entrance is going pretty slow which gives time for Albert to calm down.

But it’s not helping. The line is crowded and full of fans, talking excitedly about the band’s awaiting concert inside. For some odd reason, he can only hear the conversations between fans that contain one specific name. He doesn’t hear anyone mentioning Romeo, Elmer, or Jojo’s name. Not even Crutchie, who he’s been told to be the fans’ favorite. Just the name Finch, being repeated all around him. With adoration and excitement lacing the name. The line is delaying the inevitable and the people around him makes him a bit overwhelmed.

“We can still turn around if you want. I’m sure they’ll find a way to give us a refund”

If he’s actually being honest, it was his best friend that got him to come. Race returned to their shared apartment a few weeks ago and rushed to ask Albert if he wanted to go see their friends performing tonight. Race knows about Al and Finch’s break up but it’s worth asking him first. And to his surprise, he said yes.

“No, it’s fine” Albert replied, “I’m fine”

“You’re picking your pimples right now”

“So?”

“It’s one of your nervous habits”

That piece of information really caught Al off guard. He didn’t think a tiny random fact about himself would actually corner him the way Race is doing now. Eyeing Albert through his glasses and raising his eyebrows despite his forehead being mostly covered by his beanie.

“Well… I-” Albert tried to come up with bullshit as fast as he could, “I like to do it on purpose too, alright?! My fingers just... get a little itchy!”

He slowly puts his hands down from previously reaching up to pick his face. And the line is still going slow, one step at a time. It’s not doing any favors for Al.

“Dude, it’s alright if you’re not ready to see him” Race continued, “It takes time, I get it”

“Race, I’ll be fine! How many more times do I have to tell you?” Albert argued, which finally made Race back down. And to make sure it’s no longer gonna be brought up, Al changes the subject, “By the way, where’s Specs and Mike? You said they’re watching too”

“They’re already backstage with the others for... obvious reasons” Race answered casually, catching on to Albert's intentions to change the subject. “So is Kath, by the way. We’ll meet her in there though”

To that, Albert simply nods. His jittery movements turn into rocking his body on the ball of his feet while digging his lips with his teeth. Race tries to pretend he doesn’t notice, but he does. Albert knows he does. Although he’s glad he’s not bringing it up because it might make it worse.

He’d be lucky to know that he’s not the only one panicking over this. In the dressing room, an aggravated Finch throws his phone to the cushion of the couch after sending the last text to his friend Race. It sounds unlawful for Race to be ‘secretly updating’ Finch on how Albert is actually doing because it’s obviously something Albert doesn’t want to directly tell his ex.

Finch groans, placing his elbow on his armchair to support his head. The room is spinning in his view and he wishes it all to stop. Taking deep and long breaths to stabilize his shaky limbs. A little prayer starts playing in his heart, it follows the tempo of his fast heartbeat.

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

Finch opens his eyes and looks up to meet his bandmate sitting on the couch across from him. He hadn’t even been talking for a good hour because he’s too fixated with the first text Race sent him when he and Al first started making their way to the concert.

“Yeah, he’s in line” Finch replied, looking up to the blond boy who’s holding his bass.

“How are they not being mobbed?” Another voice rang. This time it’s not coming from one of Finch’s bandmates. It’s coming from Race and Albert’s bandmate, sitting next to the shortest member of Finch’s band on the couch.

Specs only ask that because their two bands have a long connecting history and their fanbase tends to be sort of the same in a way. With Specs dating Romeo and Mike dating Jojo, Race and Albert are bound to be recognized and mobbed by at least a few fans. Especially seeing that Albert is Finch’s former lover, although the fans know that as a rumor since the two never publicly addressed it.

“I’m assuming they’re wearing a lot of shit to cover their faces” Another answered, the other VIP of the show alongside Specs, Mike. He’s twirling his drink in his hand while the other keeps Jojo cuddled close to him, “I mean, Al’s head is really fucking bright!”

With the mention of that specific name, Finch sulks back in his armchair with a groan. He covers his face with his hands, hoping it’d make the world just stop for one second. He could hear a loud clean slap echoing the room, followed by overlaps of whispered scolding. If he had to guess, it was Mike who was the one getting slapped and scolded.

“This is a disaster…” Finch exclaimed to himself, still not lifting his face up.

“It doesn’t have to be unless you make it like that” this time a feminine voice spoke up. A voice he recognized to belong to Kath.

Finch hears footsteps approaching him. He feels the motion of someone softly kneeling down in front of him. His hands were gently pried open and he was met with Kath’s friendly smile.

“It takes time, but you gotta trust the process”

It’s not necessarily the words he needed to hear right now, but it still warms his heart to hear his friend still being there for him despite the sticky situation he has gotten them into.

Everything would’ve been just fine if Finch hadn’t been so pushy and upset over Albert’s decision. He was the one that decided to put his music career on hold to go get that engineering degree, which frankly seems pretty useless. Finch was so dirty for pulling the ‘you’re being selfish’ card at him when it’s not even his band at all. Race, Specs, Mike, Ike, and even their manager Denton were very supportive about his decision to get that degree. Heck, all their friends were! But not Finch. His boyfriend at the time. He argued like he secretly knew how the others felt about Al leaving when really there aren’t any secret feelings for him to know. All his arguments came from his own feelings.

However, he knows Albert’s ‘own decision’ was secretly coated by his father’s persuasive words. The whole ‘just in case the music career doesn’t work out’ argument was basically the copy and pasted words from his father. They both know it. Despite the arguments, it still seemed that Al was determined to fully focus on college anyways. Instead of following his fellow musician friends’ college path by getting a degree in the non-lecture-hall way, he followed his father’s words and actually attended his college classes in a proper campus.

In the moment, Finch was just too focused on Albert leaving. Maybe he was the one being selfish. He had only realize now that most of his arguments were because he didn’t want Albert to go. It’s too late now, since the last time they saw each other was when Al slammed the door of their apartment one last time with all his stuff and a plane ticket to Seattle. At that point, Finch was finally tired of all the arguing and told him that if this was his plan then he’s on his own.

The tears that came after were filled with sorrow and regret. Sorrowful because he missed him. Regretful because he only realized then that there was no valid reason for Finch to lash out in the first place other than for his own needs. The feeling is still present to this moment. And it’s currently the strongest right before a show because he knows he’s gonna be in the crowd.

“Look, we’ll let ya drown out your feelings with some booze later” Crutchie finally said, “But right now we got a show”

The band was all getting up from where they were seated, bringing whatever they needed to the stage. Crutchie gets some help from Jojo to bring his Bass till he properly sits on the stool on stage. But Finch stays perfectly still, holding Kath’s hand as if his life depends on it.

“I know I should talk to ‘im, Kath” Finch finally said, slowly joining the others in standing up. Kathrine follows along, eyes still fixed to her friend, “But… I can’t. I wouldn’t know what to say to him”

“Then don’t talk” Mike suddenly inserts himself in their little conversation. He gets up and approaches the two, “Sing him the new single”

“You’re fucking insane, Mike!” Katherine instantly snapped.

“Alright, your mouth will be legally sealed shut till the end of the concert” Specs joins them only to drag Mike away. There were some protests from the boy, but it was totally shut down by everyone else in the room.

“No, wait. He’s got a point” Finch suddenly exclaimed, which quickly got the whole room to freeze in time.

He looks at his bandmates, all standing by the doorway ready to kill the concert. A half confident smile appears on his face and he says, “Let’s sing that single”

The concert is held in a bar like-venue with multiple floors, slowly being filled to the brim by excited fans. Their excitement bounces off the walls of the venue, creating an ecstatic kind of environment despite the tight space. The concert is going to start any minute now and while the fans surrounding him are shaking in excitement, Albert is shaking in a nervous fit.

“Still okay there, Al?”

Albert looked to his side, seeing his good friend Kathrine looking up to meet his eyes with concern. She had just joined the boys in the midst of the crowd after hanging out behind the stage with the band.

“What? Yeah, I’m okay” He replied, “What makes you think I’m not?”

“You’re squeezing my hand a little too tight”

Al had only realized he’s been holding Kath’s hand just now. His brain was too focused on his fears about meeting Finch again to the point that he hasn’t been paying attention to his surroundings. He gets bashful all of a sudden, cheeks going a bit warm, harshly pulling away from her grasp.

“It’s okay, you can hold my hand if you want,” Katherine said gently.

“Kath, I’m fine!” Albert said, “Why won’t you and Race believe me?”

“Because we know it’s utter bullshit”

The pair looked back towards the crowd behind them where the familiar voice originated from. There, Race struggles through a sea of people with two drinks in hand. Oddly enough, he still seems to stand the heat despite still wearing his face disguise. A white cotton mask, black-framed glasses, and a grey beanie mostly providing cover for his blond curls. While Al, seeing that the venue is pretty dark and speculations has led him to believe that the fans would be focused on the concert rather than the people attending it, had already put away his mask. However, his fears still made him wear his snapback and grey-framed glasses just in case.

Albert takes his rightful drink, and with a free hand, Race takes off his own mask and stuffs it in his pockets. He complains about the stuffiness from wearing the mask all while doing so, which made Kath laugh. It appears the Albert-scolding has been forgotten for the time being, as Kath and Race starts engaging in their own conversation, which Al doesn’t mind because he’d much like to down his beer quickly.

And then the concert finally starts.

An exciting intro starts playing as the band enters the stage. The wild crowd welcoming the band is deafening to Albert’s ear. Time freezes and everything in between fades away. All he sees is Finch, up on stage wearing a smile brighter than the lighting of the venue itself. He’s using his old dark green guitar. The same one he uses when he’s writing songs in bed or when he just feels like strumming the strings. Albert remembers the memoirs of all the guitar string scars he had earned throughout the years of knowing him. Some of them were even caused by Albert himself.

Lucky that Finch hasn’t noticed Albert has been staring at him the whole time. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of the boy since the start of the first song, shimmering under the spotlight with amazing vocals. Laughing about at his fellow bandmates’ antics on stage. Oh, that laugh. It gives him butterflies in his stomach like it was the first time hearing it.

He can feel two pairs of familiar eyes on him. But he’s too far gone to care. Albert really did make a big mistake for letting Finch go that easy. Because at the end of his previous college days, he still loves him and misses him dearly. His little Finchy. It doesn’t matter to Al anymore if Race and Katherine are eyeing him with sorrow or the whole world were to look at him weirdly for fixating his own eyes towards the beautiful boy on stage. He was his beautiful boy. Good lord, does he long to see the days when he got to call Finch his.

“Holy shit, I fucked up” Albert muttered under his breath, only Kath and Race could hear it, “I should’ve never had left”

His friends were definitely not expecting Albert to verbally exclaim his regret. They already knew from the start despite the redhead’s previous denials. But hearing him say it just makes it all more real. Even Albert himself was hit by a truck of reality just by loudly announcing it.

“Well, now you know” Katherine started, gentle voice on the same volume as his own despite the volume of their current surroundings being incredibly loud, “Go tell him that after the show”

“I can’t. I shouldn’t” Albert replied, fully turning away from the stage to properly look at his friends. A glint of sorrow and desperation flashes before his face, “I might make things worse!”

“Well, you’ll never know till you try” Race said, sounding a little hesitant at the start. He offered a warm smile at his friend and a hand on his shoulder, since there isn’t much he could do in the moment.

With a heavy sigh, Albert turns back towards the stage only to witness the biggest surprise of his life. Finch looked back. Straight into Albert’s eyes, it pierced right through to get his heart thumping loudly in his ears. He just realized the song the band was previously playing had ended and they were waiting for the fans to quiet down. While Romeo playfully over-dramatize his thank you’s to the crowd and gets scolded by Elmer and Crutchie, Finch was continuously staring at Albert. The hands that were previously used to play with his guitar hang idly because his center of attention wasn’t at his instrument right now.

It might just be some form of hallucination Al retained from the high, but Finch seemed to be smiling at him a little. Just a little curve at the end of his lips while he’s still staring back.

Albert doesn’t know how to interpret this other than to just stare back. Deep down, his heart is flipping in all kinds of ways and his thought process is no longer comprehensible. He’s trying to read the other boy’s emotions but it’s too neutral to tell. Other than the fact that he’s smiling a little at him but that still doesn’t give him a proper answer.

Eventually Finch becomes the first one to look away, seeing that the audience had settled down for the band. Albert’s eyes were still glued to Finch, retaining his focus back to the concert. He opens his mouth for a moment to say something into his microphone, although he unexpectedly stopped. The flow of words seemed to cut short. He saved himself by pulling himself away from the microphone up front and towards the rest of his bandmates. Judging from the body language, they seem to be whispering.

“What’s happening?” Albert whispered, more to himself rather than to his friends.

“I’m not sure…” Race replied, taking a step closer to where Al is standing.

The band kept the discussion short and quickly got back to their places. Finch seems to hesitate the second time he opens his mouth to speak. But this time, he gets the words out.

“Uhh… sorry ‘bout that. I uhh… I just got the urge to go a bit out of our fixed setlist and uhh… hope you guys don’t mind” Finch explained with a little giggle at the end. The crowd couldn’t care less and cheered on. Finch smile widens at the agreement, “We thought we’d give ya an early access to our newest single that hasn’t been released yet”

A euphoric feeling passed through the crowd as the cheering got louder. It baffled Finch so much that he laughed into his mic.

“Oh my god, they’re actually doing it” Katherine commented under her breath.

But Al’s ears were sharp enough to catch it. He snaps his head around to face the girl behind him, “Do what?”

Katherine was rendered speechless to that question, despite obviously knowing what’s going on. Albert turns to Race but he has no idea. He finally turns back to the stage where Finch’s gaze was already waiting to be returned by Al himself.

Without breaking the gaze, Finch speaks into the mic with a little smile, “It’s called ‘Red’”

It was Albert’s turn to be speechless. He had no knowledge of a new single since he’s mostly been staying away from his ex’s social media for the sole purpose of moving on, which he had failed miserably. And none of his friends had told him anything about a single that’s title was a secret language only Finch and Albert share, littered with all sorts of vintage romance.

“Holy shit…” Race exclaimed, “...I had no idea they were gonna play this song”

The opening of the song starts with Jojo lightly plucking a few strings of his acoustic guitar. The crowd goes wild once again, energy bouncing off one wall to the other.

“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street

Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly”

Crutchie sang the first line smoothly. At this point the other’s had joined in with their instrument. Finch fully ignoring the crowd and focused on looking at Al. Those blue eyes are trying to send a message to Albert and it’s being coded with the song they’re currently playing.

The song had carried on till it reached the chorus. All the instruments peaked at that moment and collaborated with each other to create a very euphoric sound. The crowd jumps along to the beat of the song along with a loud cheering, obviously enjoying the tune they have yet to listen to. Some were holding up cameras to capture this moment, most likely to later share it with the fans that didn’t get the chance to witness it live.

At this point, Finch had turned his face away from Al. There was a troubling look in his expression but it was quickly covered by closing his eyes as if he’s trying to concentrate on singing the chorus with the others. But Al is no fool. He knows that look on Finch’s face is when he’s trying to avoid something, and that something is him.

“Losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

But loving him was red”

The words moved something in Al. It was written in a way Albert recognized it to be Finch’s writing style. Every single part of the song. From the melody, the chord progression, even the lyrics. Especially the lyrics.

“Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword

And realizing there's no right answer

Regretting him was like wishing you never found out

That love could be that strong”

As Finch harmonized that line with Jojo, he stole a little sad side glance at Albert. The song returns to the chorus once again, Finch gets dragged with the beat and lightly moves his body along.

Albert gets captivated along with the music. He can feel the corner of his lips slightly rising up, which is pretty ironic seeing that Finch is singing a breakup song about them. Maybe because he’s relieved to hear Finch sing about how he’s not fully over him. Or maybe it’s because he gets to see Finch embracing the break up, which could potentially mean that he’s okay with it. But whatever it is, he’s happy seeing Finch like this. Or just seeing him in general.

“Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it's time now gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head”

The chord progression’s pattern slightly changed. Finch sings his line into the microphone, closing his eyes as if to soak up all the intoxicating energy he gets from the crowd. Of people flailing their hands into the sky and a loud chorus of undecipherable shouting. But at the last line, he steals a proper glance back at Albert.

“In burning red”

The lyrics really says it all. There’s no more hidden message that Albert needs to decipher, as it's being presented right in front of him.

Finch takes over the next part of the song, shredding his guitar which makes the crowd go wild. At the moment, it looks like he’s feeling himself. Moving along with the motion of his fingers that creates each note.

“Oh, losing him was blue, like I'd never known

Missing him was dark gray, all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know

Somebody you never met

'Cause loving him was red”

The song is supposed to be a punch to Albert’s guts, and yet he finds himself laughing at it. He catches a glimpse of Finch’s eyes, sneaking its way to look back at Albert every so often. And this time, he wears a smile while jumping along to the song. And it made Al smile back.

“His love was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street”

As the song ended, the fans went wild. The look on Finch’s face seems satisfied at the success of the single they have yet been released to the world, shining at the sight of a hype crowd. He steals one last glance at Albert with a little smile on his face. Albert would dare to say he’s being a bit shy. To that, Albert smiles back with a disbelief laugh escaping his lips before Finch pulls his gaze away from the other boy.

After playing a few more songs, the concert ended. There was only one thing in Albert’s mind, which was talking to Finch. Race and Albert quickly put their disguise back on before the crowd had realized who they were as they exited the venue. The three stay behind as the venue gets emptied, Race and Katherine making quick work with their fingers on their phones to contact their friends backstage.

Jojo was the first to respond to either of them. He said that Finch is smoking behind the venue alone. One could only assume that he’s not in his best state after spontaneously choosing to sing that single. But Jojo assured them that he’s still good to talk to. Crutchie then responded, saying that Specs and Mike can pick them up to get them into the backstage.

It didn’t take them long, but Albert wasn’t keen on seeing the others right now. After being pointed towards the back door, Albert was already off. Adrenaline coursing through his veins as he makes quick steps towards it.

He gently opens the door, to avoid surprising the boy in case he was nearby. Albert steps out to a parking lot, open-spaced with another parking lot above it as its roof. At a first glance it was completely empty, only a few lights turned on to keep the area lit. His eyes gandered even further and spotted the boy he was looking for, back facing Al and his body leaning on metal bars as he enjoyed the nightlife of the city.

Albert took a deep breath to calm his adrenaline, slowing down his walking pace. The area is eerily quiet. Only a few things that can be heard: his footsteps, his thumping heart, and the sounds coming from the streets three stories below them. With every step closer, he slowly unraveled his makeshift disguise. Shoving his mask and glasses in the pockets of his jeans but left the snapback on.

“‘Loving him was red’” Albert said to catch Finch’s attention, “Did you mean it to be that obvious?”

Finch didn’t fully turn his head around, only halfway so Al can see the little grin of amusement forming on his face. A little chuckle escaped his lips, causing his chest to pulse along before he continued, “Not really. But it has a nice ring to it”

Albert takes a few steps closer towards the metal bars, leaning his body on it like what Finch is doing. Now he can clearly see the half burnt cigarette on Finch’s hand. Al tries to make eye contact with him, but Finch is purposely turning his head the other way and giving Albert his head full of blond curls.

“You came back” Finch suddenly said, voice hushed and low.

“Of course I came back” Albert replied, “You didn’t think I’d fully leave like that, did’ja?”

“Well, no. It’s just that you seemed so hellbent on going to college”

Albert slowly nods at that, moving his gaze towards the streets below like the other boy. They sit in the silence for a few minutes. Hearing different vehicles pass by the street below them and honking from the distance.

“Finch, I’m so sorry I left ya like that” Albert suddenly started, fully turning his face towards him. He couldn’t find a way to word it and so he resorted to just telling him the truth. Finch stays quiet to let him continue, “I was an idiot to let ya go that easily and all because I was selfish”

“You weren’t actually being selfish” Finch said, smiling a little at his words, “You did it because you wanted to. And it wasn’t hurting anyone anyways”

“It did. It hurt you”

Finch turns his head towards Albert. Now their eyes are looking into each other closer than before. The closest they’ve ever been since their breakup. A mixture of unsaid emotions made the gaze feel so intimate and it terrifies Al a bit.

“I hurt myself trying to get you to stay” Finch said softly. His next words got stuck in his throat. He gives his brain a few seconds to focus with a sigh out of his mouth and dragging his gaze away from Al, “I knew you never wanted to get that engineering degree in the first place which is another reason I didn’t want you to go. But at the end of the day, it was your decision to make and not mine. I lashed out on you and said you were selfish but… I was the one that was being selfish”

Finch turns his eyes back towards Al, his face looks more sorrowful than before, “I’m sorry”

A small smile formed on Al’s face, tilting his head to the side by a few inches, “It ain’t your fault for knowing me more than I know myself”

They leave the conversation at that for the time being. Letting the streets below fill the void of their silence. Both boys focusing their gaze towards the view they got from this height they’re on again. Finch and Albert left speechless at each other’s words.

Albert’s hands unconsciously reach up to his forehead, itching to pick a pimple like earlier. His next words almost got stuck in his throat but he was able to pull through just enough to get to his point, “Well, at the end of the day we uhh… we both fucked up. Fucked our relationship, that’s for sure-”

“Stop picking on your pimples, Al” Finch casually said. The surprise look on Al’s face got Finch to side eye him with a giggle.

Al pulled his fingers away, stuttering in his movements but still continued on his words with more confidence, “What I’m trying to say is… I want to try again as long as you’re willing to”

There was a good few seconds of silence that Finch used to just stare at him. Albert could only wonder what he’s thinking about inside that head, “So we just… what? Forget the breakup ever happened? Move back in together? You know I can’t just do that, right?”

“That’s not what I mean. We don’t need to rush things. I know you can’t do that” Albert said, “Just… let me start by making it up to you? Whatever you want. Just name it”

Finch didn’t respond instantly, letting the silence between them linger for a few more minutes. But it’s deeply agonizing to Albert’s ears. A blank space of two eyes locked in a gaze, and one is obviously dying to get out of it.

“Please, say something” Albert begged. Hands suddenly reaching back up to his face to pick on his pimples again.

With a free hand, Finch reaches towards Al’s hand on his face. He pulls it down to the bars, holding it in place to make sure it doesn’t repeat its mistakes again. The grip was firm, but warm and calming to Albert’s soul. It made him go blank for a good few seconds from being so touch deprived of Finch’s soft hands. He retains his sense of reality when their eyes finally meet again.

With a little smile forming on Finch’s face, he finally answers, “I’d like that very much”

#random writing #newsies #redfinch #redfinch newsies #albert dasilva #albert newsies #finch cortez #finch newsies #tw cursing #tw alcohol #tw cigarettes #tw angst #validate me pls and thanku:)#unless you don't ship redfinch #which is understandable

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diddlesanddoodles · 4 years

Text

DEAD WALLS RISE - CH 5

ATTENTION: This chapter occurs during the events of ch 47 of Dumpling and therefore contains spoilers. If you have not not read that chapter or have not caught up to that point, this will not make much sense and I strongly urge you to wait until you are caught up before continuing with this chapter.

The fear was always the first thing to hit. Like a gust of wind, it swept him away until all he could perceive of the world was a small pinprick of light and the only sound was his own breathing and the only physical sensation was the frantic beating of his own heart. He never heard Nenani call his name or felt her hand on his shoulder. He did not notice when Keral pulled him bodily from his seat and carried him from the great hall. Perhaps that was better. He may have died from embarrassment right then and there if he had possessed enough presence of mind to understand.

“Remember what Yaesha told ye,” Keral’s voice said, penetrating the thick fog of his mind. “Just breathe. Slower now, lad. In and out.” He could feel more than hear Keral’s own breathing and he slowed his to match the ranger’s. “That’s it. Come on back now, lad.”

He felt Keral’s large fingers lightly tapping the side of his head, just enough to jerk him back to attention and ever so slowly the world came back into focus and he was no longer in the great hall, but a side garden and sitting on a stone bench. The night air bit at his face and he felt the cold stone under him, the chill seeping into the fabric of his pants and onto his skin. Keral was kneeling down in front of him and peering into his face, green eyes studying his own blue ones. “Back with me yet?”

He nodded mutely and Keral stood to take a seat on the bench beside him. “Scared the lass pretty good. Don’t think she’s ever seen one of yer fits before.”

Jae didn’t respond, feeling shamed and mortified.

“Go on and tell me what set ye off.”

His hands were clenched hard enough to hurt and he could feel the muscles in his neck and shoulders pull tight. “…you know what.”

Keral did not reply right away. Instead, he reached behind his back to pull out his pipe and a small pouch of tobacco. He stuffed the bowl and just as he struck a match, he said, “Tell me anyway.”

“I can’t…I’m not…why would he…?” He could almost feel the fit trying to begin afresh and he steadied his breathing again, trying to keep it at bay. When he was sure it had passed, he ran his fingers through his hair, gripping fistfuls of it and staring at the pitted stone under him. “I can’t do this Keral.”

The larger man beside him took a moment to puffed idly at his pipe, plumes of grey smoke drifting upwards to obscure the stars peeking down at them from the open courtyard.

“And why not?” he asked.

“I’m not a prince,” Jae replied exasperated. “I can’t…do all that stuff.”

With a short huff of a laugh, the ranger shook his head. “Yer a fuckin’ idiot, you know that boy?”

With a growl, Jae punched Keral’s thigh hard, and shot back, “Dammit, I’m being serious!”

“So am I,” Keral grunted. He leaned over just enough to pin Jae with one eye. “Just what do ye think yev been this whole time? Hm?”

“…an idiot, like you said. A spoiled idiot. A brat,” Jae replied lowly. “I don’t want to be a prince. I only…” A long pause. “I just wanted…so badly for…for Warren…to see me like I saw him.”

Keral shook his head. “Thought you two figured that mess out weeks ago.”

“…I thought so, but…” Jae sighed. “Nothing’s changed.”

“Not followin’ ye.”

Jae felt like his chest was gonna rupture and his eyes burned with frustrated tears. In a low voice, he choked out, “…I’m not his son, Keral.”

“Bullshit ye ain’t!” Keral snapped, glowering down at him. The degree of vehemence from him was enough to startle Jae and he shook his head.

“…I can’t be.”

Keral leaned down further, enough to cast Jae in shadow. “And who th’fuck says?”

He couldn’t meet the ranger’s critical gaze. “…you heard them in there.”

“Since when did ye give a right shit about what Eldherst and Tendle thought of ye?”

How Jae wished he had some snarky quip to throw back, anything to offer distraction, but all he had was what he knew was true but was too scared to admit to himself. Let alone aloud. The lords were right. He wasn’t Warren’s son and never could be. He’d been fooling himself all this time, playing at make believe. A fallacy they could continue within the castle where Warren’s power could shield him, but beyond the walls of the keep…

…the world would never let him be Warren’s son.

“Because even if all that load ‘a tripe were true,” Keral continued, poking Jae’s shoulder with the butt of his pipe. “Why would Warren wanna adopt ye if didn’t mean nothin’ to him?”

Jae was silent. He didn’t want to start crying in front of Keral.

“It ain’t about makin’ ye a prince fer the hell of it. It’s about makin’ ye his son. In the eyes of the law. All that other nonsense is just a consequence of yer Dad being a King. Ain’t like he’s puttin’ ye in the line of succession.”

“But still…”

Keral shifted again and rose to his feet to stand in front of the bench. He planted both hands on either side of Jae to loom above him, his pipe clenched in his teeth. In a quiet voice, he said, “Warren loves ye lad. Been takin’ care of ye all these years hasn’t he?”

“…yes.”

“And ye think of ‘im like yer Dad, don’t ye?”

“…y-yes,” Jae said, his words shuttering.

“Then why question it?”

“…I don’t want to cause him any problems,” Jae admitted and Keral laughed, the sound of it loud in his ears. He removed his pipe and sat it down onto the bench.

“Far too late fer that, Pup. Yer ‘a walkin’ disaster.”

Jae almost smiled. It had been years since Keral had called him that. Like so many of those employed at the castle, he had taken to calling him brat; a nickname Jae had rightly earned not long after hitting puberty. Somehow, with Keral using his first nickname for him made Jae feel a little better. It was almost a term of endearment.

“Me being an embarrassment as his ward is one thing,” Jae said. “But as his son…it’s a little harder to ignore. Or forgive.”

“If Rosanna of fuckin’ Ibronia could manage to accept ye,” Keral said flatly. “Why the fuck can’t ye accept yerself? Of course yer gonna make mistakes. Yer still a damn kid. Ye still have a few years left of ye bumblin’ around in the dark before ye figure out how to light a damn match.”

Jae raised his head to meet Keral’s gaze and squinted at him in confusion. “…what?”

“Ye still have a lot to learn,” Keral translated. “They call ‘em growin’ pains fer a reason. Fer some, it’s more painful than fer others.” A pause. “Ever stop and think there was a reason fer Warren makin’ ye Assistant Steward?”

“To keep me out of trouble,” Jae replied with a shrug. “What else?”

“Well, yeah. That’s what happens when ye have a kid too smart fer his own good and with too much liberty as his disposal. But it ain’t only that. He gave ye responsibilities because he knew ye’d be able to handle it. And ye have. We both know Donal wasn’t always yer biggest fan, but somehow ye managed to wiggle yerself into his good graces. That’s gotta be worth something. Been tryin’ to do that fer almost twenty years, still haven’t managed it myself.”

“I just sit around and take notes or deliver messages for him and…I don’t really do anything. I just…watch.”

“And listen. Ever stop to think that maybe that was the point? Ye learn from watchin’. Hell, Pup, yer a damn sponge when it comes to all that shit. Ye’v got a decent head fer politics after watchin’ Warren all these years. And he knows it. Yer more ready fer this than yer willin’ to give yerself credit fer.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” said the human, running a hand through his hair. “How the hell does it make sense to make me a prince? I’m not even Vhasshalan. And did you see some of their faces? Some of them were and still are Baynor supporters.” He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin down onto them. “Probably wishing the fucker did eat me…”

“Well he didn’t. And Warren’s makin’ ye a prince. So the only thing ye should be asking yerself is what do ye do now. Sittin’ and mopin’ about it ain’t doin ye any favors. Never has. All the time yer spend on the roof, what has it ever done fer ye? Eh? Not a damn thing. Warren wants to make ye his son officially. Not just some vague understandin’ between yerselves. That should tell ye all ye need to know, Pup.”

“…what if I can’t do it, though?”

“Ye ain’t scared of not being able to do it. Yer scared of disappointing yer Dad.”

Jae hung his head. “…because I’m a coward.”

“Now I’ve known plenty of cowards in my time. And there’s plenty ‘a things I could call ye,” Keral said. He laid his hand against Jae’s back, fingers curling around his shoulders. “But a coward ain’t one of ‘em.”

“I’m scared…all the time. And there doesn’t even need to be anything wrong. How does that not make me a coward? I freeze up and have these fits and I have to drink that disgusting tea just to have a chance to function and I…I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“I know exactly what’s wrong with ye,” Keral told him seriously, green eyes seeming to bore holes through him. “It’s called surviving a war. Survivor’s guilt.”

“What?” Jae asked.

“What yer feelin’. S’called survivor’s guilt. Saw it plenty during my own deployment. Men comin’ back from battle without half their company. Wonderin’ why the fella next to him was dead and he wasn’t. Same as you. Ye’ve had it fer years. Since we found ye out in the moor.” He paused. “All yer family and friends never left that pond. But ye did. And ye’ve let that guilt fester inside ye and it comes out in yer nightmares and in these fits ‘a yers.”

Every muscle in his body felt tense and unyielding. He hated what Keral was saying and wished he would stop. He was too tired to do this now. He didn’t want to…

“Ye never talk about ‘em. Yer folks,” Keral said quietly. Gently. “Don’t know a thing about ‘em. ‘Cept yer Dad’s name and trade. Never hear ya speak about yer Mum.”

“It hurts too much. Even now,” Jae said, already feeling the tears dripping down his chin. “If I try to remember her face…”

“Ye never dealt with all that pain of losin’ ‘em. As young as ye were when ye did. Now yer panickin’ that yet might be losing Warren. In a different way. But losin’ ‘im all the same. ‘Cept this time no one’s takin’ anythin’ from ye, Pup. Yer takin’ it from yerself.”

Finally, Jae broke. His shoulders began to shake as a racking sob bubbled up from his throat. For several minutes, he just cried and let all the hurt and fear and regret and guilt pour out of himself. When finally, he had no more to give, he quieted. Sniffling and in a thick voice, he mumbled, “I’m such an idiot…”

Keral laughed. “Oh, ye don’t need to tell me that, lad. Known it fer years.”

Jae raised his head to glare at the ranger. “…Anyone ever tell you that your pep talks suck?”

“All the time,” he said with a satisfied grin. He patted Jae on the back and motioned for him to stand. “Come on now. Enough sulkin’. On yer feet.”

His legs and arms felt twice as heavy and his temples throbbed. Gods did he need a drink. He wobbled on his feet, but once he’d steadied himself, Jae looked back at Keral expectantly. The ranger crouched back down so he and Jae were on the same level and was regarding him with a serious expression.

“Yer a smart boy, Jae,” he said, laying his arms onto bench and leaning forward. “And Warren adores ye. It’s true that it’s no small thing fer ye to be adopted by the King of Vhasshal. Ain’t sayin’ yer gonna have an easy time of it. But fer what’s it’s worth, I think yer gonna be pretty damn good at it.”

For a moment, Jae simply stared at the ranger, emotions swirling inside of him, before he dropped his gaze to stare at his feet for several moments. He took a step and then another and pressed his head against Keral’s shoulder. He sniffed, trying to keep himself from falling into tears again. A large hand came to rest against his back, rubbing lightly.

“Oi,” Keral said gently, a smile in his tone. “Don’t be gettin’ yer snot all over my good jerkin now. S’the only one I got.”

Despite the roiling emotions inside him, Jae laughed. “I’ll get you a new one. Princes get allowances don’t they?”

Keral chuckled. “That’d be a question fer yer Dad.”

Before Jae could speak, from within the great hall, they heard a horrible shriek and he jumped in” surprise. “What the –?”

Keral was on his feet, looking towards the large stained glass windows and listening. There was another shriek from inside and then many voices all at once calling out in shock or surprise. The lone lantern near the other end of the garden began to glow.

“Well, fuck...” Keral growled. He turned towards one corner of the garden where two guards were standing post, both staring dumbly at the lantern, and he called out to them, “Guards to the hall!”

The two guards started, looking at Keral and then seeming to recall themselves, took up their swords and called out behind them, ostensibly to more guards, “All guards to the hall!”

There were several calling answers and in a matter of mere moments, guards from all over seemed to be spilling from corridors and breezeways and into the small garden and then into the hall. From the red of their leather armor, Jae could see a spot of black fighting against the tide of so many bodies.

“Donal!” Keral called out to the man as he struggled to get through. “What in the seven hells is goin’ on in there?”

“Keral!” Donal said, waving at him and struggling to catch his breath as he broke free of the throng. “Get Master Jae to safety! The Smoke Mage, he’s in the hall.”

“What?” Keral asked.

Donal scowled at the ranger. “Didn’t you hear me, dammit? Your King’s orders are to get Master Jae to safety! Now man, damn you!”

Before Jae had a moment to say anything, Keral grabbed him up and was running.

“Wait! What about everyone else?” Jae asked, gripping the fabric of Keral’s jerkin. “Warren is still inside. And Nenani!”

“Warren said to get ye to safety and that’s what I’m gonna do,” Keral told him.

“But –!”

“No arguing with me now,” Keral barked. “My big ol’ speech is gonna be nothin’ but a waste of time if that fucker gets his hands on ye again.”

He took a side corridor and slipped down a flight of stone steps. Near the bottom was an old and unassuming wooden door and Keral went inside. He sat Jae down onto his feet before ruffling inside his back pouch for his matches. He struck one and lit a candle sitting on a broken stool off to the side.

“You’ll stay here till it’s safe,” Keral said as he grabbed a folded blanket from the shelf and setting it on the floor near the back wall. “Just keep quiet till I get back, here me?”

“But what about –?”

“No arguing with me I said,” Keral snapped. “Trust me to do my job, Pup. Stay here and stay quiet.”

Jae nodded. “O-okay.”

Keral rose to his feet and pulled the door closed as he slipped out. There in the dark, Jae listened to beating of his own heart before making his way over to the folded blanket and sitting down. Rubbing his still splinted arm, Jae could not help but worry for everyone inside the hall. He thought of Warren and tried to convince himself that the guards would never allow anything to happen to the King.

He thought of Nenani.

Pushing himself back against the wall, he drew his knees up to his chest and watched for a moment as the candle’s warm glow sent the shadows around the room dancing. He felt another panicked wave begin to take hold deep inside and he pressed his forehead to his knees and began to breath. Deep even breathes. Like he had been taught.

One…

Two…

Three...

#DEAD WALLS RISE #g/t #Giant/tiny #G/t story #g/t writing #Jae #Keral #hurt/comfort #Keral is best uncle

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orange-waterfalls · 5 years

Text

It's Not A Joke

Captain Magnum x gender neutral!reader

@sierracolorstheworldofwords ty for the request!

A/N: The ending was a bit rushed because I wanted to get it done before I went to sleep and it is almost midnight,,, so,,, uh Rated T for swearing. Magnum being an oblivious FUCK and reader getting tired of his bullshit. Fluff. Slight angst at some points. This one's a bit short, sorry. Enjoy!

Word Count: 1.9k

You stare at Captain Magnum and sigh. He was so wonderful… he was fun, handsome, not to mention tall…

It's really no surprise you have a crush on him.

Every single person on the crew knows of your little crush, and you know that they know. It was obvious! You'd always stutter around him, you blushed whenever he complimented you, and you did everything he asked of you immediately and without question. Everyone knows.

Except, of course, the captain himself.

Everyone was surprised he didn't know, including you. You thought you were being pretty open about it. Granted, you hadn't actually told him yet, but he probably should've figured it out by now. For a pirate captain, he was pretty dumb.

"Really? Again?" Magnum's previous first mate asks. You'd started talking to him after you were made first mate, and you two got along. You both could complain about the captain to each other. You also learned his name was First Mate John. Well… just John now. You'd have to help him come up with a pirate name soon. You were a pretty shy person, but you were less so around John. You felt like you could be comfortable around him.

"Yes, again. What else am I supposed to do?" You scoff.

"I dunno... tell 'im?"

"If he hasn't figured it out by now, I'm not sure I want to," you both laugh.

"Fair enough," he smirks, 'but are ye at least gonna drop some hints or somethin'?" You slowly turn your head towards him.

"What do you think I've been doing the last 3 months?" You joke. He snorts and pats your shoulder.

"Best o' luck t' ye, kid," he chuckles. You give him a small wave goodbye and go back to looking at Magnum. He stands up from his spot on the stair leading to the wheel and starts walking over to you. You go into a mini panic as your heart speeds up and you go back to mopping the floor.

"First Mate Y/N!" He booms. You flinch at the volume.

"H-Hi captain," you stutter, avoiding his gaze, "W-What can I do for you?" He sets a strong hand on your shoulder and you buckle under the strength, your face heating up.

"I was wonderin' if ye would like t' be in charge o' th' next lootin'," he explains, "Ye've been here a while 'n I reckon ye could do it." Your eyes widen and you look up at him. That was apparently a bad idea because you were unable to form actual words after that.

"We, uh… I do.. I mean I'd… um…" you sputter out. He looks at you worriedly.

"Ye alright? Ye look unwell…" he reaches out and feels your forehead. You almost instantly pull away from him. He frowns.

"Ye're burnin' up, mate! Are ye sick?" He gently sets a hand on your head. You duck away, dropping your mop.

"I'm fine!" Your voice cracks, "I'm perfectly okay I just uh… I need to rest a bit is all! Yeah…" you speedwalk to the cabin you share with John and shut the door.

Magnum stands in the middle of the deck, feeling very confused.

"That was strange," he said to himself, "I wonder wha' th' problem be…"

About half an hour passed and you were sitting in your bed, your face in your hands. You went over the interaction several times in your head, feeling the same amount of embarrassment and shame each and every time. John walks into your shared room, looking smug.

"I reckon that went well, don't ye?" He teases.

"Shut up…" you groan.

"If he didn' know ye liked 'im afore, he oughta know now."

"And if he doesn't, I'm throwing myself overboard." John laughs and sits on your bed. You peek at him through your fingers.

"Kid, I mean no offense towards th' cap'n, but he's a moron. At least when it comes t' feelin's," you snort in agreement. "Ye needs t' tell 'im directly if ye wants 'im t' know." You remove your hands from your face and sigh.

"Ok… I'll tell him…" you pause. "Later…" John smiles at you.

"There we go," he consoles. He thinks for a moment, wondering what could take your mind off things, before speaking again. "So, the other day, what were you saying about a heist?"

That night, you walk out of your cabin, your knees shaking. John had given you another pep talk, along with a couple other crewmates. You felt a little better, but it didn't really help with your anxiety. Your heart is beating so fast you were afraid it would stop. Your palms are oh so very sweaty, and your legs have gone numb at this point. You barely feel them carrying you over to the captain, who was at the wheel. You stand next to him for five minutes, waiting for him to notice you're there. Eventually, he does.

"Ah! First Mate!" He bellowd. You flinch. "Wha' can I do fer ye?" You take a deep breath in.

"I have something to tell you, captain," you say shakily. Neither of you say anything for a while, and you wonder if he heard you.

"Well? Go on then!" He instructs.

"R-Right… ok… um…" you stammer. You keep playing with a button on your shirt, trying to think of what to say. You can feel his eyes on you and it made you even more nervous. Why did you let them talk you into this? You weren't ready! You couldn't do this. You… you…

You look to the side and see John watching you from behind the mast. He gives you a thumbs up. You respond with a smile and he leaves, decided to let you do this on your own. You take a deep breath and…

"I like you, captain," you blurt out. Magnum doesn't respond and you get scared.

"Be that all?" He laughed, "well, I like ye too!" You blink and look up at him. His face didn't seem to change very much. You're about to smile, but pause.

"Captain… I don't think you understand me…"

"O' course I do! I be yer cap'n, ye're part o' me crew, o' course we like each other!" You stare at him.

"That's not what I meant,"

"Oh? 'n wha' did ye mean?"

"I meant…" you pause, wondering if you should just give up. No. You made it this far. Finish it. you command yourself.

"I meant I love you." You say. He looks at you, eyebrows furrowed. "Like… I'm in love with you." You continue, hoping he gets it. He's quiet for a moment before laughing.

"That's real funny, Y/N!" He chortles. You stare at him before letting out a laugh.

"Yeah. Ok. Sure. Yeah, of course. That's fine. I don't even care! That's fucking fantastic!" You grumble. He stops laughing and looks at you.

"That's some language… are ye ok?" He asks. You start walking back to your cabin.

"Yeah, I'm ok! Of course I'm ok! Why wouldn't I be ok?!" You yell and slam your door. Magnum stands there, wondering what just happened.

John opens the door a couple minutes later and walks in.

"Ahoy bud… Ye alright?" He asks gently.

"I don't want to talk about it," you growl.

"Aw, bud…"

"It's not even the fact that he doesn't like me! It's the fact that he laughed! Why would he do that?" You lamented. John set a hand on your shoulder. He's about to say something to try and make you feel better, but he stops.

"Wait… he laughed?" John asks.

"Yeah… why?"

"Would you mind telling him again tomorrow?"

"What? Why the hell would I do that?"

"I want to test something. Please?" He begs. You look at him and sigh.

"Fine… this better be good…"

You and the rest of the crew sit and tell stories. Most of the stories are coming from Magnum, but you're not really listening. He notices this and tries to tell more interesting stories, or stories that he thinks you'll find interesting. You still refuse to even look at him, so he lets other people talk.

"Tell him. Right now," John whispers. You sigh and turn to look at Magnum. He leans forward a bit, wanting to hear what you have to say.

"I love you, captain," you say confidently. The whole crew looks at you, and then at Magnum.

"You made that joke last night, Y/N," he laughs.

"It wasn't a joke," you say. His smile falls. The crew decides that it would be a good time to leave, and that's exactly what they do.

"Wha'?"

"It wasn't a joke."

"Wha' do ye mean?"

"I mean I do love you, captain. I'm in love with you. I would like to be in a relationship with you…" your face heats up and you start sweating. God, why were you saying this? Maybe this was the only way he'd understand…

You look up at him and see a confused look on his face. Oh, fuck it… you think.

"I want a relationship with you. I want to hug you and kiss you and hold you close. I want to make you smile and I want to be your shoulder to cry on if you need me to. I want to whisper sweet nothings to you as we fall asleep. I want you to let me love you." You explain, heart racing. Both of you are silent for a minute. You squeeze your eyes shut, waiting for rejection.

"Oh…" he says, uncharacteristically soft. "I… love ye too…" you look at him. He's looking at you, a slight blush on his face.

"You… you do?" He nods a bit. "Then why in the name of Davy Jones did you think it was a joke?!" You shout.

"I didn' know ye'd like me back! I thought ye liked John!"

"What do you mean you thought I liked John?"

"I mean I thought ye liked John!"

"WHY WOULD YOU THINK I LIKED JOHN?!"

"I DUNNO, YE SEEM COMFORTABLE AROUND 'IM, I THOUGHT THAT MEANT YE LIKED 'IM!"

"Oh my God…" you rub the bridge of your nose. "Why did you think I'm always so nervous around you?"

"I thought... y'know... ye found me intimidatin'..."

"Of course I find you intimidating that doesn't mean I don't like you."

"Oh…" He rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment. "Uh... Sorry I was so ignorant t' yer... Affection…" you chuckle at the apology.

"Sorry I didn't tell you sooner," you both sat there, just looking at each other.

"So uh… should we… should we kiss?" He asks nervously.

"Only if you want to. We don't ha-" you're cut off by his lips settling onto yours. You put your hands on his shoulders to keep you upright. He puts his hands on your neck, tilting your head to where he's comfortable.

"Awww!" Multiple voices say from behind you.

"Get a room!" John calls out. You pull away and bury your head in Magnum's shoulder, your face burning.

"Oi! If ye all aren't swabbin' th' deck in th' next five seconds, ye're walkin' th' plank!" He commands. The crew all scramble to get to work. You sigh and pull back to look at him.

"I'm… gonna go help them…" you murmur with a blush. He sighs.

"Ah, okay... We'll... Continue later," he states. You smile and walk away, grabbing your mop. As you mop, you glance at Magnum, seeing him watch you with a lovesick grin on his face. John, also holding a mop, slides up next to you.

"So, when's th' weddin'?"

"Shut up, you fuck!"

the ending is so obviously rushed I'm sorry lol

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totheendofthelinepal · 4 years

Text

TRY ME (PART ONE)

Summary: You couldn’t stand Bucky Barnes, but as a part of the Avengers - You had no choice but to tolerate him. Until one day, mission gone ary - you realize that something else sparks between the two of you, in the most unexpected way.

Warnings: NSFW (18+), Swearing, Violence

Pairing: Reader (Y/N) x Bucky Barnes

For exactly eight months, you had been living a life what seemed outside yourself. You whole world had flipped on its head, and it’s all because of Steve Rogers. He approached you after two months of careful assessment, which you knew nothing about. You were said to be ranked highest in combat, known as a true soldier of Shield. After the highly strategic empire had fallen, leaving most Shield agents who weren’t Hydra in the dark. This is when Steve approached you. It had been after the whole mess of the accords, when he finally made his move. He explained that someone like you could do the Avengers some good. You didn’t have any superpowers, most people categorized you as normal, but you had a fire in you that lacked in today’s society.

It had been eight long, grueling, tough months. But it was worth it. You were making a difference, you were helping those in need fight off the evils of this world. It gave you a sense of purpose, to be fighting alongside these incredibly gifted people.

There was one problem.

Bucky Barnes.

It all started when the two of you had a disagreement about some battle attic over a mission, and God did it escalate quickly. First it was disagreeing, then he began to get under your skin. Every word he spoke acted as if he knew everything there was about combat, which wasn’t true. He was skilled, clearly, but it drove you crazy. He definitely picked up on it, his harsh, sarcastic comments only driving you over the edge. The team could hardly stand it, each mission, each briefing, even fights over how the damn coffee is made. It was now the little things that would set you off, leaving the toilet seat up, not putting away food, anything you could find to start an argument, you threw it in his face. Causing the both of you to yell across the room, with biter words.

It wasn’t until one day, throwing a glass to Bucky’s head, until Steve did something about it. The only way he felt like he could solve it, was bringing it to everyone’s attention in the training room.

“Alright, so for the week we’re going to pair up and do some heavy combat training. We’ve just got some more intel, some of us will be going in deep, deeper than we’ve had before. I’m talking undercover, sting operation. It’ll only be a one day mission, but we need that hard drive of secrets, intel, this could take them out. So…I took the liberty of picking out who you’re going to pair up with for this. Nat, you’re with Clint. For obvious reasons. Wanda, you’ll pair up with Sam, All of you will be on backup duty. I’ve talked to Mr. Lang earlier today, he’ll be in on it as well if he’s needed…and last but not least….Y/N. You’re with Buck. You two need to learn to work together. Trust each other. I can’t deal with your attitudes.” He sighed at the words, almost as if he was regretting his decision.

“You’re joking, right?” You huffed.

“Can you two just try and be professional for once?” Sam quipped to you, slightly annoyed.

“Steve you can’t be serious. Don’t pair me up with her.” Bucky crossed his arms, already pushing your buttons.

“Bucky. Dont start.” Nat warned.

“Yeah you heard her.” You sarcastically chuckled.

“Oh lucky you, you’ve got yourself a little cheering squad.” Bucky sneered to you.

You began to protest loudly, but Steve stopped you.

As the others began to fan out across training facility, you stood parallel to Bucky. The blood in your veins began to heat, you couldn’t believe that Steve would do such a thing. This had to be the final straw, last effort, for you and Bucky to put aside your differences and work together.

You raised your fists, putting yourself in combat position. Bucky smirked towards you, the low hum of his mechanical arm began as you saw pieces of metal tighten.

“What…that supposed to scare me?” You looked to him, a grin forming on his face.

“Come and get it, sweetheart.” His hands motioned for you.

With hard force, you lunged forward, a hard hit to his flesh arm. He pulled back, his mechanical structure flying towards you, thankfully you were able to dodge his punch, but it only caused leverage on his part, his hand flew to your wrist holding you still. With blunt force, he knocked you to the mat, causing a winded grunt to fly from your lungs. Before you could bring yourself to your feet, Bucky’s thighs encased around your neck, his hold on you preventing you to move your upper half. With the force of your legs, you wrapped around his chest, pushing him backwards. His legs were snaked around your body, his muscular thighs clenching your neck. The both of you must’ve looked like a pretzel by how he was holding you down. Steve just had to put the two of you together for training sessions. Like he was saying to “Help ease the attitude” the both of you had towards each other. But he was wrong, and it only fueled the fire. He drove you mad, your skin almost on fire with hate. As you struggled to break free from his almost deathly hold, a breathless laugh escaped his lips.

“Oh I’m sorry princess, am I puttin’ a dent in that crown of yours?” His finger tips danced behind you poking softly to your stomach, causing you to thrash against him in anger.

“Shut the hell up, Bucky” you hissed.

Your harsh remark only egged him on more, tightening his hold on you. You began to soften, finally giving him, but a bright idea crossed your mind. You knew you would get in trouble, but it was the only way out of this mess. You used what strength you had left, your arm snaking around his rather large thigh, pressing a hit against his crotch. It was just enough for him to release you, but not enough to cause damage. A loud grunt escaped his lips as his body freed you. A sly grin plastered on your face.

“What the hell was that?” He heaved, holding his core.

“Oops, my hand slipped.” You laughed, bringing yourself to you feet.

“You’re gonna pay for that, doll.” He groaned out.

You laughed lightly, assuming fight position,

“Bring it on, Barnes.” You were now smirking to him, knowing you had the control.

As he recovered, the two of you went at it again, hard punches and kicks were all that filled your ears. There was no way you were going to let him win.

Two hours had passed, you realized the two of you were alone now. Beads of sweat collected on your body, and your lungs felt like they had been taken out of you. Bucky was in the same state as you, his long hair lightly drenched from the workout of keeping up with you. You knew at this moment, tomorrow you would be covered in bruises. Neither of you held back. Catching his breath, Bucky took his stance, for now the fourth time.

“Getting tired, old man?” You smiled breathlessly to him.

“Oh I could go on for hours.” He wiped his forehead.

For some reason your mind went to a place you didn’t expect, especially with how the words rolled off his tongue. It was as if he was making an sexual joke. Quickly shaking it off, you threw you body to his again, this time he caught your arm. His face was so close you could feel his hot breath over you.

“You just can’t get enough can you, so goddamn stubborn. Are you always like this?” His eyes looked over your face.

“I could go on for hours” You mimicked his earlier comment.

He let out a laugh, now blocking each hit you gave him. His soft grunts filled the room, causing you to be slightly flustered. Throwing a kick to the air, his metal arm wrapped around you ankle, trying your best to keep balance, he let out another laugh.

“You know, you gotta lotta fire in there, Doll. Surprised some man hasn’t softened you up yet.” He quipped, smacking you lightly to your backside.

You yelped, as it came to you in surprise. You ripped your leg down, yanking his head to a headlock.

“Touch me like that again, and i’ll make you pay for it.” You breathed

Bucky grunted, wrapping his hands around your arm. Pushing his side into you.

“That a promise, Doll?” He struggled to speak.

You pushed him backwards, the two of you ready to go at it again. You almost had him, but you heard footsteps walking across the room.

“Guys. Come on. Give it up.” Steve sighed.

The both of you looked to him, exhausted and disheveled.

“It’s not my fault she can’t let it go.” Bucky breathed out, putting his hands to his hips.

“Yeah..right. Like Im gonna let you win that easy.” You crossed your arms, God he got on your nerves.

“Well I’m sorry but the two of you are going to have to figure it out. You’re the best two I can send in there. I need you to do this.” Steve now looked to the both of you with pleading eyes, completely serious.

“So..what are we talking, some kinda undercover bullshit. How is that going to work? Hydra knows about the Winter soldier.” You rolled your eyes.

“Yes, but they dont know about you, Y/N. Bucky will be your eyes and ears behind the scenes. No one knows Hydra like he does, unfortunately. Y/N I need you on this. Please.” He stepped closer to you.

You said nothing, giving him a obligatory nod. You knew there was no way out of this.

“Good. At the end of this week, you’ll both be inside of Hydra. I’m going to give you a briefing tomorrow of your names, where you’ll be staying, and all the above. Just…dont kill each other before then.” He warned.

You looked to Bucky, clenching your jaw. You knew you had to trust him, but you just couldn’t like him.

“Looks like we’re going to be partners, Doll.” He looked the ground a soft smile on his lips.

You said nothing once again, picking up your things, as well as his. As you walked past, his things in hand shoving them to his gut. He grunted, tightening his lips.

“You’re a pain in my ass.” You sighed.

He chuckled, “Bit forward, Doll.”

“Oh dear God.” You walked out, leaving Bucky behind.

It had been a couple days since training with Bucky, each day the two of you would end in sweat and exhaustion. Steve briefed the both of you, giving you new names, new identities. Bucky, who luckily had to change nothing about his appearance, was going to be behind the scenes. You, however…. Hated the new physical set up. You were assigned to be a double agent for Hydra. This was your story, you were a highly skilled assassin, who was recruited after the Winter Soldier. You were given nothing but tight, body forming uniforms.

“Are you serious?” You looked to Steve when he handed them to you.

“Hey, Bucky said that seemed the most accurate physical description of a female Hydra agent.” He sighed.

It pissed you off, Bucky got quite the rise out of it. Feeling accomplished he got under your skin.

When you showcased the uniform, you had very different reactions from each person of the team. You earned a grin from Nat, who commented how great you looked. As soon as the others left the room, You were left alone with Bucky.

“You really think this would’ve been funny? These tight skimpy clothes?” You sneered to him.

“Doll, if I’m going to have to be stuck with you, I gotta distract myself somehow. That big mouth of yours drives me nuts.” He laughed lightly.

You glared to him, about to explode.

“Calm down.” He laughed, clearly taking notice your expression.

He moved over behind you, getting close to your ear.

“You know having a big mouth isn’t always a bad thing…” He almost whispered.

“Seriously.” You breathed out, your voice irritated.

“Yeah…who knows what you could fit in that smart mouth of yours.” He laughed, leaving your back.

Your mind went to that inappropriate place again. Cursing yourself mentally, this was one of the things that got you fired up. He was cocky, and he knew it affected you.

It was now time. In just a few minutes you would be walking through the doors of Hydra. Part of you cringed at the thought. You knew agents from the falling of shield that turned on you, who actually worked for Hydra. It tugged at your heart slightly, knowing that people could break trust so easily in a business like this. It was a thought you tried not to let it surface, but it somehow slipped sometimes. This made it hard for you to trust completely. The only person at this point in time was Steve, he knew what was best for you as an agent. You walked through, various people walking in suits, and here you were in a tight black getup. You felt like you could explode again, damnit Bucky.

“Your ass looks great.”

His voice spoke softly in your device in your ear, you wanted to rip it out right there, a loud sigh leaving your lips.

“Got you all riled up already, wow. Looks like you’re getting pissed off quicker these days.” He laughed again through the com.

You didn’t respond to him, pretending like you couldn’t hear. You knew you could make the work if you just didn’t listen to his smart ass remarks.

“You’re going to take a left up here, thats where you can find the hard drive. Try not to get noticed.” He finally said something professional.

You looked around you before slipping through the door. The room lit up with flashing lights of technology. You looked around to see if anything was out of ordinary.

“Over to the right, should be hooked up to the computer.” Bucky sighed.

“I dont see any computers.” You flickered your eyes across the room.

“Are you looking?” His voice spoke as if you were an idiot.

“Are you kidding me? Of course Im Looking You-“ You stopped yourself, breathing in.

“Y/N. Get out of there.” Bucky’s voice suddenly turned frantic.

“Guys we have a problem.” Natasha’s voice spoke now in your ear.

Before you could ask what the deal was, you heard loud gunshots ring through the air.

“Guys Im taken out, they found us on the roof. Wanda’s down. We’ve been compromised.” Sam’s voice spoke quickly.

“Y/N. wait there until we can get to.” Steve boomed out over the com.

“She can’t just wait there, Steve, Its too out in the open.” Bucky frantically responded to his order.

You looked around you to see any weaponry to defend yourself.

“Guys I have no cover, I dont have a gun, nothing.” You pressed in the com.

“Y/N. Wait!” Steve commanded, you could hear the struggle of fighting in his voice.

“I’m going in.” Bucky finally retorted.

“Buck, No.” Steve yelled now.

Suddenly you heard a loud hum, which clearly meant Bucky had ripped his com out.

You stood quietly in the room, as you heard countless men yelling outside the doors. You’d be damned if you stood by like a damsel.

You opened the door, to see Bucky already in fight mode. Before thinking, You joined him. The two of you fought hard against the men before you, Bucky tossing you a knife quickly, the both of you working your combat magic. In this moment you could feel the smoothness of teamwork between the two of you. The lights began to explode across the hall as gunshots shot quickly.

“Do you have a gun?” Bucky shouted as he fought off the men before him, throwing punches effortlessly.

“No. Did you not listen to me over the com?” You hissed, throwing kicks left and right.

“I dont always listen to you, to be honest.” He breathlessly replied, kneeing a man to the ground.

Before you could reply, a man rushed behind you. You tried to fight off the man before you in time to reach behind you, But Bucky stepped in, using his metal arm to propel the man into the wall, causing it to crumble. Picking up a gun at his feet, he threw it to you. You shot the man quickly in his thigh, causing him to drop in pain. One last kick to knock him out, you realized that it was the last man that had attacked the both of you.

“You should really work on your aim.” Bucky was now on your side, breathing heavily.

You shoved the gun to his chest, causing to knock the wind out of him.

“My aim is fine. Let’s go.” You walked ahead of you, pressing the com “Steve our floor is clear.”

oddly there was no response.

“Cap, do you copy?” You spoke again.

You looked to Bucky in confusion.

Suddenly an unknown voice spoke over the device.

“If you want to see your friends alive again, I suggest you bring me that hard drive.”

Your eyes grew wide, theres no way they could’ve been captured.

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ryncorrect · 5 years

Text

university!au: day6 sungjin

i’ve abandoned this au for so long istg my life is a mess yall please forgive but anyway im back with my bullshit and ready to spread my cringe-worthy stuff to the world again

name: park sungjin

major: practical music and arts

other activities: leader, guitarist, and vocalist of university band, president of music club, member of cooking club

park sungjin is the embodiment of leadership

i mean he’s the band leader, the club president, also the president of his class since year one, like he’s so trustworthy and responsible, literally nothing can go wrong under his sight

and even when things do go wrong (life is a bitch) he’ll still make sure everyone is fine and having the time of their lives pun intended

anyone who meets sungjin for the first time will probs say he has this tough man aura, cold,,, tsundere-ish idk

but as someone who have known each other for so long, you never understand when anyone says sungjin looks cold

you know damn well the moment sungjin opens his mouth he gonna throw dad jokes with his satoori dialect

dad jokes are fucking funny fight me

you once said sungjin should start his own comedy club

......he’s currently considering it

oh right he also talks about food all. the. time.

he joined cooking club for a reason okay

no, he can’t and doesn’t really cook he’s only there to taste food and people let him there because he’s nice and he knows how to appreciate the cooks

uh we love a man with manners

so, who is sungjin for you exactly?

he lives next door, one year older than you, was a leader even when you were little ayeee childhood friend cliche

can you imagine little sungjin leading his friends in game its so pure brb crying

you told him everything you couldn’t tell ur parents because they were busy, you asked for his advises, he made sure you were safe and happy

you still depend on him even after you two have grown up

you enrolled to the same university, took the same major with him, and even joined the clubs he’s a member of

this isn’t because you’re indecisive, it’s just that you spent so much of your childhood with sungjin that you two became similar to each other, up to your hobbies and interests and even palate lmao

that’s why he loves to eat with you because you two never argue about the menu

the only club you can’t join is the band, and that’s because jae rejected your application

reason: extremely close personal relationship with sungjin, therefore sungjin will take your side if we ever had an argument

you denied that; no, sungjin wont take anyone’s side based on feelings bc he’s a logical person and he always listens carefully to every side of the parties before he makes a decision..... but jae wont listen

brat

"you only rejected me because im a better guitarist”

“lalalalala cant hear you over my authority as the important band member”

“fuck you”

“i don’t accept offers”

anywayssss you did fail to join the band, but you’re friends with them, theyre literally so used to your company that sometimes they forgot youre not actually in the band

you and the guys teamed up for sungjin’s surprise birthday party

the surprise failed because dowoon accidentally added sungjin to the group chat

sungjin being nice and playing along anyway because he didnt want to disappoint you

and then its sungjin’s turn to ask the guys for help for your birthday party

failed again because dowoon AGAIN accidentally invited you, in person, to your own birthday party

dowoon what the heck?????

yeah its all cute and sweet but thats all of your relationship with sungjin, you treat him like a dependable brother and he treats you like his own little sister

thats what you tell to your friends too when they ask if you two are dating

they’re glad thats the case

because they have a crush on sungjin LMAOOOOO PLOT TWIST

they’re hoping they can get to sungjin through you yanno like asking you to send him snacks and letters or to tell him they say hi

you dont mind i mean you know sungjin is one admirable person ofc everyone likes him

sungjin never rejects nor accepts it hes just like “yay snacks!”

“god damn it sungjin just date any of them im tired of being a matchmaker”

“then dont?? literally no one asked you to”

little did you know that sungjin had the same problem

some of his classmates are interested in you but whenever they come to him he just says, “dont ask me i dont know anything and if i do i wont tell you”

this one sandeul guy has started asking you out and stuff

“ehhh youre so nice i’ll think about it!!”

you, immediately texting sungjin: ur friend sandeul ask me out what should i do

sungjin: do you like him tho

you: not really idk him yet

sungjin: just tell him your mom said no

you: damn nice

but this guy is so persistent and you gotta admit hes kinda cute and after a few tries you finally said yes to him

so you two went together and it was pretty fun

sungjin isnt too happy when he hears about it from sandeul

he asked you, “why didnt you tell me first?”

“well i dont think its a big deal. it was just a date anyway”

but you always told him everything

sungjin never speaks about it again

you go on another date with sandeul the week after

you tell sungjin later and he doesnt ask how it went

hes just “oh”

idk he’s kinda distant now, he rarely talks nor replies to your texts

he doesn't visit music club nor cooking club either so you don't see him often

have i told you im uncreative and all my aus are lame???

you think its probably because hes focusing for the finals, but even after it’s over sungjin doesnt really hang out with you or the band anymore like he only comes for practices and leaves right after

weirdly no one says anything about sungjin’s absence

but you cant stay quiet any longer and decide to ask dowoon whats wrong with sungjin

you shouldve known dowoon cant help much

“honestly i dont know either, maybe you should ask wonpil he’s sungjin’s roommate”

“but what if wonpil told sungjin”

“told sungjin what?”

“that i asked about him”

“asked him what?”

“...nevermind”

you asked younghyun

younghyun doesnt help either

“i dont know, just ask him yourself. i thought you were the closest to him??” why you so salty man

okay fine lets ask jae

“i’ll tell you for fifty bucks”

“dude im broke”

“then deal with it yourself”

you had no choice but to ask wonpil

“he’s just tired”

you know wonpil lied but this little shit refuses to tell anything

“please dont force me to answer i will cry really loudly and it’ll be embarrassing for the both of us”

why do you befriend them in the first place smh

oh youre right about wonpil telling sungjin that youre worried, and he does tell him to talk to you if he got something in mind

sungjins hesitant but in the end he only says, “no... its just that i didnt realize until recently that my little sister has grown up a lot”

“dear god wtf you sound like her grandma”

skip the boring part so uh a few more days passed awkwardly between you two and after your failed attempt at asking around you decide to confront sungjin in person

youre in the band practice room, the others are present, sungjin’s about to leave early as usual, and you find yourself jumping up your seat, “whats your problem with me?”

you know sungjin hates confrontation but you cant stand it anymore. you tried giving him time but if theres anything you seem to be more of a stranger to him

“i dont know what i did wrong and i wont know if you dont tell me, so let me know. i’ll listen and i’ll apologize if its my fault, but dont give me silent treatment like this. its so unlikely of you"

you can see sungjin clences his jaw as he replies calmly, "people change"

"you don't change, youre being childish. if you're mad you should talk about it. if you don't want me here you should tell me to go. if you don't like ME dating your friend you should tell me not to!!!"

drama much ryn

"youre your own person and you make your own choice, its your life and i cant keep telling you what to do or what not," and the end part kinda slips, "i don't hate you dating my friend or anyone, okay? im just not used yet to be a second person for you and im afraid youll get hurt"

"youre never?? a second person sungjin where does this idea even come from youre the only one for me i dont want anyone else???"

and suddenly there's a train of awkward coughs and you come back to your senses and you realize you're being watched

jae pretends to make a phone call, "mom pick me up im scared"

lame jae lame

dowoon mumbles, "can we,,, make an exit first before you two declare your undying love bc its privacy yanno"

you feel the heat spreading across your face as you open your mouth the same time as sungjin, both want to deny dowoon, but younghyun beats yall to it, "yeah you two are in love with each other we been know"

you and sungjin stares at each other, confused, "we don't???"

"oh honey,,, my dear,,, ive read enough sappy shit in writing club to see where this is going"

the conversation was cut there and neither of you bring it up again,

because the idea of you loving sungjin or sungjin loving you is so weird that you refuse to think about it, and so is for sungjin

but ever since that, sungjin has drastically come back to normal its almost hilarious, he spends a lot of time hanging out in the music club, practicing with the band, visiting the cooking club, making a joke here and there

sungjin is himself again with you, a caring dependable brother whom you come to whenever you need to talk or just hang out with and he always makes sure he has time for you

sap

you know hes always been like that but why does it feel different now??? the way he smiles or pulls your hand so youre walking on the inner side of the road,,, how he neatly places your spoon and chopsticks on a napkin when you two go out to eat together,,,, why

tender love baby chICKEN TENDER

mydayexol follow me

andddd so one day, someone asked you out. again.

wow ur so popular i cant Relate

you, texting sungjin: sandeuls friend jinyoung something invited me to a party next saturday should i come

sungjin, replying to you: hmm

you: ???

sungjin: i think its up to you

for some reason youre disappointed by his reply,,, but he’s right tho its your call if you wanna go then you go its not about what sungjin says

right?

right???

but suddenly you got another text: but if you ask for my opinion i would say don't go

you: actually i dont want to either lol so what should i say

sungjin: tell him you already have a date

you: nice

sungjin: with me

you: ayyeee

you: wait what

sungjin: i mean its just a suggestion

sungjin: which you can accept

sungin: or reject

for some reason you can imagine sungjin’s cheeky smile through his texts and it makes your inside tingles and you wanna giggle

so yea you thought it was a joke but he actually did take you out for a movie and dinner

it was really nice

so yanno the weird thing is that neither of you ask the other to be “official” but you just. are dating.

ur friends are mad like “bUT YOU SAID YOU TWO WERENT A THING”

“lol sry i changed my mind”

“fuck you”

“no thanks sungjin can do that... bUT DONT TELL SUNGJIN I SAID THAT hes gonna kill me”

“is he ur mom”

“basically yeah”

this sucks real bad but who cares

not me obviously

ill be back soon (or not) with dowoon’s one lets hope i can do better than this dnsjfsndfj lnjajnfdjs lmAO I LOVE YALL AND HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE

#day6 #sungjin #park sungjin #day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 fanfic #day6 reactions #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #im sorry sungjin #ive put this on hold for too long i already forgot what i wanted to write in the first place #bye

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jawnjendes · 5 years

Text

little fighter | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

an: this is apart of @fourtristattoos spring fest. i didn’t go with the weekly theme but i did use a few of the prompts from the list provided, and i will continue to do so for this series until the fest is over. honestly, im really proud of this chapter in particular, and it would be cool if ppl read it or whatever. if you like whats going on here, blease check out my masterlist for this series :)

masterlist | series playlist

For someone who acts composed with no fucks to give, I harbor quite a bit of guilt. I've always felt bad about things I did or did not have control over. I came from a good family. My parents never divorced, and they supported me through and through. I was always a good student in school, I even got into not one, but three amazing psychology departments at different universities. I had good friends throughout my life. I loved and lost. I experienced things the typical human goes through, and that was before I moved to Canada.

I was quite lucky. Nothing tragic happened in my childhood or teen years to make me the way I am now.

No, I don't count my abnormal digestive issues as something tragic. It's not tragic. Besides, that started in my early adulthood and yes, I harbored guilt about that too because I was able to manage it without much hassle.

So tell me why my self esteem was so shot that I went after shitty people so they could love me the way younger me imagined. Tell me why I got so depressed before university that I stopped going to work and school. Tell me what I did that made me a nervous stick in the mud. When and why did my brain become my biggest enemy?

This isn't about my not-tragic backstory. This is about where I'm at now. I've done my crying and wallowing. I go to therapy and swallow my pills.

I'm worried this will be perceived as a “she got a boyfriend and now she's healed” trope. It's not that. Like I said, I've done my healing. The fact that I have Shawn now is a very, very fortunate bonus. I know my worth now, even though sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him. I know what I don't deserve, and that's every relationship I had before Shawn came along.

He wasn't ashamed of his own feelings. There was never a moment where he didn’t tell me how he felt about me. He wasn't afraid to tell people that I was his girlfriend. He was all but bursting whenever he talked about our families meeting. I know that's the barest of minimums, but you would be surprised at the amount of relationships I had that were 50% shame and 50% hiding.

Shawn was always going the extra mile for me. If my digestive system was messing itself up, he kept me bed bound at his apartment, and he nursed me back to health. If I was bored to death at work, he would come and visit me after my manager's shift ended. He would drive thirty minutes into town to bring me lunch as well.

Work. That's where this is going. I was sat in my tiny office with Manager Stacy and Coworker Jason, counting down the minutes to my break. It had been a long day, what with customers complaining about $30 oil changes, or telling me their life stories in a rude manner over the phone. I had to smile at gross older men staring down my shirt as they paid for their car service. Stacy was short tempered and tired, so she gave us hell for little things like the printer being out of paper. She yelled at Luca for slouching in his chair, and that prompted him to leave the room. At least he had the liberty to to do that. I had to stay at my tiny window and feel Stacy's third eye burn a hole in the back of my head.

I would have texted Shawn telling him to just take me somewhere for lunch as opposed to bringing me something, but I didn't want to get yelled at for being on my phone. I just pretended to add up gas receipts while periodically looking at the time on the computer.

Somehow, Shawn read my mind. I saw him enter the dealership from my post, and he was empty handed. Typically, he had a to-go bag from my favorite restaurant. He made eye contact with me and smiled, coming up to my tiny window. Before he could say anything, a male voice called his name.

A deep pit formed in my stomach as Luca excitedly came into view. He greeted Shawn with a handshake/bro hug and a “What's up, man?”

Not going to lie, I forgot they knew each other. I forgot that Luca gave Shawn the concept for his song Mercy, even though I skipped that song when it came on these days.

I grabbed my purse from under my desk as I let the two catch up. I told Stacy I was taking my lunch break and then stepped out of the office. I stepped up to Shawn, still feeling uneasy.

“What brings you here, man?” Luca asked him. “Need service on your car? Or are you finally trading that thing in?”

“Nah, I'm just here to see my girl,” he replied as he took my hand.

Luca tilted his head and pursed his lips the way he always did when he was confused. His eyes trailed towards me like he barely noticed I was there.

“You two?” he asked in disbelief.

“Four and a half months,” Shawn replied with a smile.

I couldn't help but triumph in the shocked expression Luca had on his face. I smiled a little bit.

“I thought you were lying about that,” he said to me.

“Why would I?” I asked in return. Then, I walked towards the building exit, dragging Shawn with me.

I'm not one for flexing what I got, but I was particularly happy about Shawn walking me back into the dealership when we got back from lunch. We went for sushi down the street and spent most of my lunch hour in the car. We were still in our own little world, I was genuinely smiling. Other salesmen who worked here had to do a double take because I wasn't doing the typical customer service smile.

We stopped at the door to my office. Shawn planted a quick kiss on me and promised to see me later. I couldn't help but watch him as he walked past the office window towards the exit. I was okay to think about our little world until the end of my shift tonight. However, I was snapped back into reality at the sound of all too familiar words coming out of the all too familiar devil's mouth.

“Fucking whore…”

My smile dropped, but I was ready to roll my eyes and move on. Shawn, on the other hand, stopped in his tracks and turned on his heel. He went up to the window and looked directly at Luca.

“What did you just say?” he asked, leaning on the little ledge. He was smiling, but it wasn't hard to tell that he was annoyed.

“I'm just calling it as I see it,” Luca replied with an all too casual shrug. “She tell you what she got up to before you came along?”

I know I said I was about to let it go… but I ended up barging into the office and going right up to Luca. I grabbed the arm of the chair he was sitting in and forcibly turned him towards me.

“You don't get to do that,” I said loudly, not caring about my professional reputation at the moment.

Luca had an amused look on his stupid face. His dimples showed, and he was trying not to laugh.

“No - you don't get to act like I don't exist and then get salty because I found someone who's way better than you will ever be!” I pointed a finger at him. “You're the last person who gets to call me a whore! You broke the pieces of me that I gave you! You toyed with me for two and a half years, you manipulated and used me and you do not get to call me a whore because I decided I deserve better! You don't get to make any criticisms about my life. Get fucked!”

Silence rang through the tiny office. Jason and Stacy were standing at the back, mouths open. The smirk on Luca's face had vanished, and his face flushed with embarrassment. I was ready to throw hands if he dared to speak.

Then, Shawn spoke. “Let's step out for a second.”

My eyes darted to him. He nodded his head to the side, towards some customers who had lined up behind him. One was a girl about my age who was smiling at the tea being spilled. Behind her was an older couple who looked annoyed at my lack of professionalism.

“Go,” Stacy piped up in her stern manager voice. “I'll help these guys.”

I sighed angrily and went out the door again. I muttered an “excuse me” as I went past the small line of customers and I walked past Shawn. He quickly followed me, telling me to slow down.

“Hey!” He jogged up to me as I stepped outside into the oncoming night. He grabbed my hand to stop me. “Honey…”

I wanted to childishly pull away from his grasp and fold my arms. I wanted to run back inside and drop kick my coworker. Steam was still blowing out of my ears, and I wanted to fucking fight.

“Does he always say things like that?” Shawn asked.

“Yes,” I grumbled, looking out at the shiny new vehicles that were displayed in the parking lot. “That's all I am to him, that's all I've been to him since I broke up with him.”

“And you just let him get away with it?”

My seething eyes now pointed at my boyfriend. I yanked my hand away from his and flailed both my arms as I unleashed another bout of rage. “You think this is the first time I've yelled at him? You think I always just lay back and take it all the time? I'm always sticking up for myself in this god awful place because I'm the bitch who doesn't smile! Nobody here has my back! My own boss didn't even say anything to him! If you think I'm the type to take-”

Shawn quickly held his hands up, trying to calm my hysterical movements. “Okay, okay! I'm sorry. I know you don't take anyone's bullshit. He deserved to get yelled at. I would have done it myself, but you're my little fighter.” He offered a smile.

If there was any special nickname he had for me that wasn't the typical “honey” or anything involving my all black attire, it was that. “Little fighter.” Hearing it helped diffuse some of my anger.

I finally felt rational enough to take a deep breath, calming me down even more. Shawn offered his hand, but I wasn't ready for that just yet.

He thought otherwise. “Please, just take my hand.”

“I am a fighter,” I said, folding my arms. “I did not go through various amounts of bullshit to let some fuckboy tear me down.”

Shawn just looked at me for a moment, then he agreed. “That's right.” He was still holding his hand out. “And you're very cute when you're angry.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, I wanted to kick the shit out of my coworker, but since you're here…”

He chuckled. “Okay, okay. What I meant is, I'm just glad you know your worth. And seeing you stand up for yourself is probably the hottest thing I've ever seen you do.”

Now I took his hand. “Shut up.”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #fourtristattoosspring #shawn x goth gf #ya this was loosley inspired by greys anatomy #and my own personal experience lol

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things-we-used-tc-share · 5 years

Note

If you take prompts how about ace Roman dealing with internalised aphobia?

Kiddo, you KNOW, I take prompts!Warnings: Acephobia, internalised acephobia, swearing

Ship: Platonic!LAMP

Plot: Roman is really trying his best to come to terms with the situation, really he is, but he can’t help but feel a little wrong, a little...broken. Luckily he has some overprotective friends to help him through his journey. (Ace!Roman, Trans!Virgil)

“He hasn’t moved in an hour,” Distantly, Roman can hear Patton talking in a hushed, worried voice but it floats through his head like air, barely registering in his claustrophobic mind. “I tried to talk to him but he gave me such a blank look and then looked away,” Roman blinks back to reality in time to hear a sigh that can only be Logan, those mildly frustrated yet worried sighs of his.

“Is it...that again?”

“I don’t know,”

A pause, a beat, silence except for breathing and the ticking of the clock, the sound of cars passing outside the window n the hum of city life. But within those walls, no one knew what to say “Call Virgil,” Logan finally speaks. “I’ll try and talk to him in the meantime,” Roman hears Patton leave and watches mutely as his oldest friend sits at the end of the couch and stares at him.

Logan isn’t very good at comforting people. But for Roman, he’ll try.

“Can you talk?” The elder asks softly and Roman shakes his head slowly, his throat feels too tight, too tired. “Is this about...the same as last time?” Roman nods this time, his eyes averting. Logan bites down on his lip, he knows he can’t really change Roman’s mind on the situation, how he feels, they’ve all tried so many times, it’s a long process that Roman himself doesn’t even seem ready to embark on. “Roman, it’s okay,” He starts gently, trying to wrack his brain for anything to say “You’re not unnatural, or broken, and you...you can’t keep living like this,”

Patton returns then, tossing his phone onto the table and running a hand through his curly brown hair. “Is it about...?” He asks both Logan and Roman nod. The eldest sighs and sits cross-legged on the carpet, offering his hand for Roman to take. He does, and Patton squeezes it gently “Roman you’re not broken,” He says it with such sincerity that even Logan swallows dryly, looking away with a sigh resting in his chest. “You’re not, there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s okay not to want to have sex,” The youngest stiffens slightly at even the word, his eyes screwing closed as tears well in them.

“Patton is correct, statistically you’re not even remotely an anomaly, reportedly 1% of the population is asexual, that’s the same amount as intersex people or redheads, and roughly 75 million people,” Roman blinks at Logan, tears trickling slowly down his cheeks. That is a lot of people, his heart jumps in his chest.

“I...I feel wrong,” He whispers. His voice cracked and hoarse and tired. “I feel like I’m just faking it or it’s not valid and there’s always so many arguments over it, there’s no such thing as a safe space for asexuals because there’s always just constant arguing over it,” He sniffles and rubs his eyes with his hand. “I just want to live, and be happy, and I can’t,”

He sounds so frustrated, so exhausted and it makes the other two occupants of the room glance at each other. “I will never be able to be okay with what I am because there is no room for me to learn to be okay with it, there’s nowhere for me to go to get help, I don’t have access to any form of community because I don’t even feel welcome in the LGBT community and I don’t think I deserve to be in it, so for the rest of my life I’m probably just going to have to shut up and deal with it,”

“No, you don’t,” A black hoodie drapes itself over Roman’s shoulders. None of them had quite heard the door opening and closing, but Virgil simple slides onto the couch, wrapping his earphone buds around his phone. Roman grasps the hoodie like a blanket. “Roman, you need to grow a spine,”

“Virgil!” Patton hissed.

“Shush I’m talking,” Roman’s attention goes to Virgil and Logan leans back to listen “You do, you’ve spent years wallowing in this, and it isn’t getting you anywhere, Logan can give you all the statistics in the world, and Patton can bake you all the sympathy cookies he can but it is you and only you who can make a difference,” Roman swallows and nods “You are you, there is no one else in the world that can be you, so you can hide here forever or you can start unlearning your own acephobia because we can’t do that for you,” Logan hums slightly behind him.

“Virgil does have a point,” he adds “Whilst we can console Roman, in the long run, it isn’t beneficial to him,” Patton gives an exasperated sigh and throws his hands in the air in an ‘I give up’ sign. He’s not a fan of tough love.

“There is never going to be another you in the billions of years the Earth will rotate, so it’s time you start learning to make your mark, newsflash no matter who you are or what you do someone is always going to have a problem with you and that’s their problem, not yours, acephobes will always exist and this ‘community’ will always be bickering and infighting unless they’re getting pissed at pride,” Logan snorts slightly, and Patton bites back a small smile, but Virgil hasn’t finished yet. “Unless you’re a gold star gay, someones always going to be picking at your identity, it’s always going to happen and there is nothing you can do about that, and right now that probably makes you feel really fucking hopeless, and I get that, really I do, back in the day when I was coming out as Trans there was a lot of bullshit going on in the community,”

Roman smiles at him and nods “But you need to weaponize your hopelessness, you can’t drown yourself in it, you have a right to be yourself, and fuck anyone who tries to change that...metaphorically of course,” Roman laughs, it’s tearful and full of sniffles, but he laughs nonetheless. “You are your own person, Roman, you’re not just a guy that’s ace or a guy that likes other guys, you are you, you cannot let this define you and you cannot let assholes fill you up with self-hatred, you don’t deserve that,”

“In essence, what I think Virgil is trying to say is, we can love you to the ends of the Earth-”

“And we do!” Patton interjects

“Yes, we do, but we cannot really take away how you feel, only distract you, it’s something you have to learn to do yourself,” Logan finishes quietly “There will always be discourses, society is built on it, Humans need a reason to be angry at something all the time, and at some point you will be on the other end of that anger, but it’s statistically unlikely that it will be a constant, do you really want to live your entire life running away from yourself for the one or two offhand comments you will experience?”

Virgil nods “Thanks, that’s pretty much exactly what I was saying,”

There’s a long silence before Roman shakes his head “No...I don’t,” He sits up a little straighter and rubs the tears out of his eyes “I want to be me, I want to be happy, but how can I do that when...I hate who I am?”

“Well, first of all, you need to stop putting yourself in uncomfortable situations,” Logan offers “And then second of all you need to meet more people like yourself, we can only help objectively but people who will understand what you’re going through will be able to help more,”

“Then you need to train yourself to fight of self-depreciation,” Virgil adds, earning various snorts “Yeah, I know, pot calling the kettle and whatnot, but seriously, when you catch yourself being self-depreciating, try rewording your thoughts, train your brain to slowly stop seeing things as a burden with positive affirmation,”

“And also ask us for help,” Patton interjects “You keep hiding away and not talking to us, but we can always provide temporary distractions until you don’t feel so bad,” The other two hum in agreement at this. “We will always be there for you Roman, and I will bake you as many sympathy cookies as you need,” He squints at Virgil, who only chuckles in response.

“We will always be here for you,” Logan repeats, giving the tight half-smile he’s used to providing if it were anyone else they would think him to be insincere, but luckily they’d all learned how to read Logan a long time ago.

“Yeah, princey, unfortunately, you’re stuck with us,” Virgil snorts and holds out his arms, Roman sinks into them with a smile on his lips.

“Thanks guys,”

@analogical-mess // @unikornavenger // @mycatshuman // @creativity-killed-thekitten// @theresneverenoughfandoms // @charmingprincey // @aclickonapostwillchangeyourlife // @heck-im-lost//@k9cat//@stilljittery//@romansleftshoulderpad // @sanderssideslibrary // @max-is-tired//@therealmoshar//@punsterterry// @trashypansexual// //@demigodnamedathena//@sevencrashing//@misunderstood-shadow//@aphriteblack//@jemthebookworm//@sandersandthesides//@penguinkool//@georganabanana//@importantrunawaystudentstuff // @ao-koshka // @dangerous-doodle // @river-waterfall // @hell-or-high-waters // @no-sleep-gang-posts//@wxlcomxtothxjunglx // @marshmallow-the-panda // @flix-net

#sanders sides #prompt #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #platonic fic #creativity-killed-thekitten

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bodyofvvater · 5 years

Text

like kids

im back on my bullshit and this time it’s featuring #1 babey alva vilar and her brother mathias (belonging to @arlessaofamaranthine). a thing was written and now it hath been posted

The world looks bigger from here, Alva thinks.

It’s perhaps not the most clever of observations--standing on Skyhold’s battlements, looking out on the endless mountain range below, flanked on both sides by Ferelden and Orlais, the world certainly looks larger than a small town in Antiva. It still takes her by surprise, somehow. She feels wonderfully small.

Her palms still itch from this morning. It’s her palms, this time, but sometimes it’s not--last week, it was her throat. The week before that, it was her diaphragm. She remembers one time at home she could have sworn it was her feet, but Mathias laughed at her when she told him.

“Magic comes from a little bit of everywhere,” Luca told her the first time she asked. “Really, it comes from the fade. Theoretically, we just borrow it. I still like to think we make it our own, though.”

Alva isn’t particularly fond of what she has turned her magic into. A poor choice of vessel, is what she is.

It goes like this: for days, weeks, sometimes months, she doesn’t even feel it at all. She might has well have no magic to speak of; it stays under her skin, or around it, or following her like her shadow, however it works. Then, suddenly, it’s there for a heartbeat, flowing through her like blood, and then gone as quickly as it came. Just a reminder that it’s there, whether she wants it to be or not. A warning. And then, next thing she knows, it’s leaking.

Sometimes she’s angry, and it spills out like boiling water. Sometimes she’s sad, and it just kind of flows out with the tears. And other times, the worst times, she really isn’t in any mood to speak of, and it just goes off.

That’s how it went this morning. Luca, bless him, was trying is very best to teach her how to wield it, like normal mages do. Tried to explain the theory of it, how to draw upon it like warriors draw a blade, how to project it into the physical world. And Alva just wasn’t getting it, because no matter how much she looked inward, she just couldn’t find it.

And then, just as Luca was explaining how he found it within himself, the stack of papers on the table between them went up in flames.

He was good about it, telling her it wasn’t any trouble, but Alva still feels bad. A little like a burden, and that makes her feel a bit sick. She’s had enough of that feeling.

So she stands here, looking out on the rocky cliffs below, feeling small. Feeling insignificant, finally, like maybe for a moment her incompetence isn’t a liability to everyone around her. Finally.

She stands, small, unimportant, until the sun paints the sky red and pink and she feels cold to the bone, the farthest from fire she can get.

She’s still standing when familiar hands find her arms.

“You’re freezing,” Mathias sighs, and Alva turns her head to face him just in time to see him unfasten his cloak before throwing it over her shoulders. He looks concerned, and a little frustrated. It’s nothing new.

“Just enjoying the view,” Alva says, and she knows her smile would look genuine to anyone else, but she’s not stupid enough to think this particular trick is gonna work on her brother.

“I ran into Luca,” he says, and Alva sighs long and tired. Luca is good at many things, but secrets isn’t one of them--not that he knew this was a secret.

“Just a small set-back,” Alva parrots, “I’m getting closer.” Luca told her that earlier. She’s not sure she believes him, but maybe Mathias will.

Maybe he does. She doesn’t know; he doesn’t answer. Just looks at her, a little sad, a lot sympathetic. She feels like a child.

“It’s fine,” she lies, and they both know it.

There’s quiet once more, just the two of them sharing looks in the orange light of the setting sun. He gives her a look that says I need to help you, and she responds with one that says I’m tired of owing you. Although it might mostly come off as fuck off.

“Are you okay?” he asks anyway, because it’s his job to.

“Why do you ask?” she replies. “Nothing has changed.”

“That’s why.”

Alva sighs; “Look, am I a little disappointed that I’m not getting the hang of this? Yes, I am. But I never had the hang of it in the first place. Nothing to grieve.”

Mathias puts an arm around her, pulls her into his chest. She won’t tell him, but it helps a little.

“You can be upset,” he mumbles, like she needs his permission. But maybe she does, because suddenly it’s like all the emotions are right at the surface, pushing, demanding she lets them loose.

“I’m not,” she insists, but her voice cracks, and she’s not fooling either of them.

“You’ll get it eventually,” he just says.

Then they’re quiet again. And the sun sets, and darkness starts to fall on the stronghold. Alva can hear the Herald’s Rest below, where soldiers and diplomats and pilgrims gather to forget that the world might be ending. She kind of wishes she were in there with everyone.

She’s never really been to taverns. Too dangerous, her parents said, what if you get found out? What if they take you?

She tried to argue with them about it, once. It didn’t go well; she ended up crying and Dad ended up tense and quiet, Mom sighing over and over like she was continuously disappointed all over again. Mathias just stood in a corner and looked upset. It’s never been a good look on him. Alva tries not to dwell on how often she causes it.

Apparently that wasn’t enough to dissuade her, though, because it was only another two nights before she snuck out to meet her friends at a tavern nearby. It was fun, until it wasn’t; one drink in and she felt that little chill, the dizzying beat of magic pulsing through her. Two drinks in and along came two more, in rapid succession, each more persistent than the last.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the drinking was making it worse, but Alva never claimed to be a smart woman, and somehow she convinced herself that maybe getting drunk would just kind of… dull it out.

It didn’t, of course; she came home crying with lightly singed hair, and Mathias looked terribly upset the whole time he calmed her down, because they both knew their parents wouldn’t be nearly as forgiving. She did end up setting fire to a pile of wood he was planning to turn into a new batch of arrows. She never apologized for that.

“I’m sorry,” she says suddenly, because she never apologized for that.

“For?” Mathias asks. He’s still holding her, and she feels small--like when they were kids, and she’d have nightmares about burning down the house with all of them inside. She still does, sometimes.

“When I set fire to your arrows,” she mumbles, “after the whole tavern thing. That night must have sucked for you.”

There’s a second of confused silence, and then a confused laugh from Mathias; “What in the world got you thinking about that?”

Alva laughs a little too, because she supposes that did come out of the blue. “I don’t know,” she shrugs. She doesn’t feel like explaining the train of thought. The moment is too peaceful for that.

“You don’t need to apologize for that,” he says quietly, smile still in his voice. She does, though--she thinks he knows that, too--but she doesn’t feel like arguing about it.

There’s a brief pause, and then, “I’m not very good at magic, huh?”

It’s a small thing. Vulnerable and quiet--she almost hopes it drowns on the wind. Alva can talk up a storm, and lying is a survival skill she has cultivated for years, but with Mathias sometimes things just come out honest. She thinks he does it on purpose. Or maybe she just doesn’t want the blame for it.

“You didn’t have the opportunity to be,” he amends, and Alva is surprised to find that it helps. “You do now. It’ll just take some time. That’s okay, we have plenty.”

“Okay,” she says, a little misty-eyed. “I’m sorry,” she says again, and she is. She’s sorry that he has to take on this role again; the protector, the caregiver, the grown-up. She’s sorry that she can’t be that for herself.

“Don’t be,” he says, like it’s that easy. But that’s an argument for another day; for now she’s cold, and tired, and she lets him guide her back to her room like a delirious toddler.

He waits while she gets ready for bed. When she’s under the covers he kisses her forehead, just like when they were kids, like before she got magic. When having a little sister was new and exciting and fun, when caring for one wasn’t a burden. When she still got to play outside for hours and go to her friends’s houses for supper.

“Goodnight,” he says. He looks tired.

“Goodnight,” she sighs, feeling guilty.

He gets up and starts to leave, and Alva feels endlessly tired of being awake, but suddenly one statement cannot be left unsaid.

“Hey,” she says, and he turns back to look at her. “Love you, Mathias.”

He smiles. He still looks tired. “Love you, too.”

#the children ..... i lov them #alva vilar #mathias vilar #oc tag

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holycalum · 6 years

Text

vice (c.h.) part 4!

summary- (y/n) returns home and things get kinda bad before they get good.

word count- 4.5k+

a/n- ok WOW so vice is over this is the last part wowwowow. i’m so glad so many people enjoyed reading this because i loved writing it and im so happy with how it turned out. thanks so much for reading ALSO im so very sorry i have idea how college works im a high school student i dont know anything ok bye

part 1 part 2 part 3

the days leading up to my return to school were blurred together. but they day i did return was crystal clear.

i swung the door to my dorm open, greeted by only samantha, but no sign of britt.

“hey,” i sighed, plopping down on my bed, i toyed with the ring on my finger nervously.

“what is that?” samantha asked, noticing the diamond first, not bothering to greet me. she strided towards me, grabbing my hand, eyes blown wide at the sight of the diamond. “(y/n)...”

“i don’t wanna talk about it,” i mumbled, wiggling my hand out of her grip. it didn’t look right on my hand, it was too much.

“you’re engaged.” she deadpanned, dropping her hands from mine. i bit my lip hard, trying not to scream, i wanted to keep it to myself so it didn’t have to be real. “have you told your toy?”

“what?” i cautioned, whipping my head towards her. my eyes turned to slits. “calum.” she stated, “can’t go around fucking around-well fucking him-with him anymore-you’re engaged.” i tensed up at the weight of the situation.

“i don’t wanna-“

she cut me off, “hurt him?” she jabbed, eyebrows raised in a condescending manner. “you did that when you got involved with him, when you knew this could happen.” i clenched my jaw, eyes staring straight into her forehead. it felt like everyone was against me.

i got up slowly, raking my fingers through my hairs. tears brimmed in my eyes at my swarming thoughts, it was all too much.

“i need a minute...” i murmured, already halfway out of the door. the air was bitter and it nipped at my skin harshly. i pulled out my phone, dialing calum’s number.

“hey, sunshine.” he beamed, and i could hear the smile in his voice, it almost made me forget about the weight on my ring finger.

“when do you get home?” i asked, biting my thumb nail.

“i’m home now,” he answered, relaxing my body further. “why, what’s up?”

“you promised you’d see me when i got back,” i reminded him, and i could hear him chuckle on the other line.

“should i stop by your place to pick you up?” he asked,

i smiled, “yeah, i’d like that.” i made my way back to my room, and i watched as my ring glinted in the sunlight and bounced off the snow on the ground. it was pretty, but it made me feel so ugly. i stepped into the bathroom, avoiding samantha, so i could freshen up before calum picked me up.

i took longer than usual, and it wasn’t a problem until i heard the door open, and i floated towards the entry way, eager to see calum. i stopped dead in my track when i heard samantha begin to speak.

“what are you doing here?” she spat, the words rolling off her tongue like they’d kill her if she held it in any longer.

calum paused, “i’m here to pick up, (y/n)...” he answers hesitantly, and i felt frozen in my spot.

“calum, honestly,” she snorted, “do you not get it?” every word she spoke sent nails into my feet, keeping me in one place.

“i’m confused,” i pressed my ear up against the wall separating us. “i thought you were her friend.”

“i am, that’s why i think i should do this,” she began, “she’s not in this for the right reasons. none of us think it’s fair she has to marry david, but none of us can change that, and she’s using you.”

“what do you mean, using me?” he sneers,

“you’re a distraction, obviously.” she retorted, “look at her, look at yourself. you’re everything her parents would absolutely hate. this is her way of getting back at her parents without them ever knowing.”

“you don’t know the half of what we even do,” calum said, “how would you even know.”

“all i’m saying is,” she lowered her voice, “engaged girls don’t start real relationships because she cares about the other person, it’s because they’re unhappy, and they need a distraction.” i ripped the nails in my feet out to stand where the two were discussing, eyes watering.

“samantha...” i croaked, my voice pleading her to stop. i looked at calum, his face dropping.

“you’re engaged?” he muttered, and my arms felt heavy. his eyes trailed down to my hand, his face went pale. “you really are.”

“calum it’s-“

“it’s over then? right?” his voice was shaking, chest heaving, while mine tightened in fear.

“no calum- wait.” i sputtered, trying to reach out to him. he pulled his shoulder back, as if touching me would set off a ticking time bomb.

“there’s no ‘wait’, (y/n). this is the way it has to be. right?” he waited for my answer, but i had none. “right?” he repeated, louder that time, making me shrink into myself a bit.

samantha stood there, arms crossed against her chest, green eyes piercing into mine. it felt like she was communicating finish him, with only a look.

“this isn’t how i wanted this to go,” i said weakly, all feeling leaving my body.

“yeah...” calum said bleakly, “too late.” with those words he left, slamming the door behind him. my stomach dropped as soon as the slam traveled through the room. my knees almost gave out, and my mouth hung open.

“calum!” i squeaked, taking one long step towards the door, but samantha stopped me by my shoulders.

“you’re gonna make things worse.” i stared straight through her.

i made a b-line to my bed, falling into it, my body completely hollow. burying myself under my covers and surrounding myself with soft pillows i tried to dull the sharp edges of my thoughts. i laid staring at the wall, gripping a small pillow close to my chest, only movement being blinking, and the occasional sniffle. samantha left, and i didn’t notice until i let my tears fall freely, dripping onto the pillow, creating a growing wet spot, and that no one was there to ask if i was ok or not.

“oh no...” britts voice followed the door opening, a while later, “(y/n).”

“it hurts to breath,” i mumbled, not looking at her, i felt the bed dip.

“what happened,” her voice lulled quietly, a hand now splayed across my shoulder.

“samantha spewed bullshit to calum and we fought and he left and i’m engaged and i’m never gonna be fucking happy.” i repeated, not once breaking my starting contest with the wall. i felt her hand stroke my hair, the feeling hardly penetrated through my numbness. “he won’t even listen to me, but why should he? what’s the point? there’s no point.”

“don’t say that, babe.” britt whispered, her soft voice hushed.

“it’s ok, britt.” i assured her, “i got it now, i’m just meant to be with david. i hurt anyone else too much.”

i spent the next few days in bed, feeling too heavy to even get up. i couldn’t muster the strength to roll out of bed to even shower, or eat. i looked a mess, but i couldn’t care. the days and nights melded together, throwing me for a loop every time i woke up from another nap. my classes had been avoided, but it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t matter in the end.

wednesday rolled around, the time i’d usually take to walk with calum to our morning lecture, was instead filled with the same thing i’d been doing, laying i bed. the thought made my body sink into my bed further. the whole time i was awake i was uncomfortable, too hot, too cold, not in the right position, so i slept as much as possible, trying to minimize the time in between. while i dreamt i didn’t have anything to do, just whatever my brain made up.

i watched the time tick by during my scheduled lecture, imagining what calum could be doing, how we was, how he felt.

i decided i wanted to go home, to just drop out and give in. there was nothing left for me here, my fate was sealed with the diamond on my finger. staying there was hurting far too much. it seemed like my mom was right all along. i simply wanted to forget about everything.

my phone found itself in my hand, as soon as my wednesday lecture should’ve ended. i got ready to call my mom, to tell her i’d come home. as if it was on cue, calum’s contact popped up, accompanied by the once endearing, but now nearly anxiety inducing ringtone he’d chosen for himself.

“hello?” i rasped, scrunching my eyebrows. holding the phone up to my ear was the most i’d done in days.

“you weren’t in class today.” he stated,

“i thought you didn’t care,” i mumbled,

“you weren’t in class today,” he repeated and i wanted to bang my head against a wall.

i sighed, “yes, i’m aware.”

“are you ok?”

“no.” i stated, “i thought you didn’t care.”

“obviously i still care, (y/n).” he spat coldly, and i could picture him standing outside our lecture hall, a frown on his face with his toned arms across his chest, he could be such a child sometimes.

“ok so you called me, now what? if you’re just gonna be a dick about it-“

“shut up for a second,” he snapped, and i was too tired to argue back, “i’m not out to get you.”

“why’d you call?” i asked finally, flopping my opposite hand on my lap, examining my ring.

“i was worried.” he answered, “can we talk?”

“i thought you didn’t want to talk,” i grit my teeth, a headache forming between my puffy eyes.

“i don’t want to,” he breathed, “but i feel like maybe we should.”

“why?”

“it’s fucking hard to stay away from you, sunshine.” it was an out of body experience, being called sunshine after being deprived of the nickname for so long. i was almost giddy.

i was convinced the only reason i dragged myself out of bed and to the shower was because of calum, and my incredible ability to not say no to him. it did feel good, to shower and feel things other than my bed sheets.

i looked like hell as i trekked from my dorm to calum’s apartment. the freezing winter air nipped at my already raw nose. when i was finally buzzed into cal’s apartment, beads of sweat formed on my face from the sudden change in temperature and nerves coursing through my body.

calum’s face appeared in front of me, daunting stature looming over mine. my breath hitched in my throat.

“come in,” he murmured, stepping to the side awkwardly, the air surrounding us was unlike what it usually was when we were at calum’s apartment. “ash isn’t home.”

“since when have you lived with ashton?” my heart sped up, this was too much.

“since forever,” he rolled his eyes, making his way to the kitchen, he was draped in a green sweatshirt, hood pulled over his curls. “why, do you secretly have a serious relationship with him too?”

“don’t start with me, calum.” i warned, already feeling my neck heat up in anger. “david was never a secret, you knew as well as i did.”

“whatever,” he grumbled, snatching a water bottle from his fridge, clutching it tightly.

“calum,” i breathed, “don’t shut me out. you asked me to come over.” he gripped the bottle tighter.

“give me one single fucking reason i shouldn’t.” he said through gritted teeth, finally making eye contact with me.

my mouth fell open, “i-i don’t,” i stammered, not being able to find the words to tell him to just talk to me. “you asked me to come over.” he scoffed,

“this isn’t just my fault,” i started, “you got into this just as much as i did, you wanted to talk-here i am.”

“did i? because i feel like i’m a whole lot more involved than you are.” he laughed bitterly, ignoring my answer.

“what? do you think i was faking it?” i raised my voice, my skin crawling underneath my jacket, i shrugged it off.

“well i for one-“ he slammed his hands on the counter, the water bottle never leaving, “didn’t get engaged over winter break, so there’s that.” he was only adding fuel to the fire.

“and you know it’s not real,” i whined, “not like this cal, you know that. you know i was scared it’d happen.”

he pulled his lips into a tight line, “so why am i to believe that this,” he gestured between the two of us, “isn’t as real as what you have with him.”

“so, you do think i lied to you,” i scoffed, sucking in my bottom lip, biting down harshly.

“i don’t know what i think!” he yelled, fingers tugging at his hair. “i think i’m fucking mad at you! i’m fucking mad at myself.” the bottle in hand was dangerously squeezed between his fingers, it would burst at any moment. angry tears burned in my eyes.

“i trusted you,” he tensed, fingers white around the bottle. “i thought-“

“i’m not lying, i never was, i didn’t have anything to lie about.” i rambled.

he chuckled, “you have no idea what you could’ve lied about.”

“and i wasn’t,” i protested,

“why shouldn’t i believe i was just a time filler, someone to distract you while you have a whole life set up?”

“because you weren’t,-“

“i get it, sunshine,” the name didn’t sound sweet like honey anymore, it stung, “you wanna piss of your parents right? scare them a little bit, get out of this marriage and then move on? that’s what you wanted, that’s what you’ve always wanted,”

“you sound fucking insane right now,” i spat, not believing the words i was hearing. i could barely find any words to respond.

“i can’t do this anymore, not with you.” he said, he wasn’t looking at me anymore, his eyes were focused on the wall behind me, “i can’t sit by and do nothing when you’re suffering so much. there’s nothing i can do...” his voice was wavering, but i could tell he tried to pretend it wasn’t. his eyes were glassed over, clearly overwhelmed.

“was that the point of this? to yell at me?” i screamed in his face, a finger jabbing at my own chest. “you wanted to make me feel shittier than i already do?” the crushing sound of plastic filled my ears as calum’s eyes burned with fire.

“are you even listening to me right now?” i shouted, “why are you doing this? you’re just rambling about nothing-“

“because i can’t do this,” he snapped, “are you listening to me? you’re hurting me, and every minute you stand here broken in front of me, it kills me. you hurt me, (y/n). i let you in, and it hurt me.”

i let out a frustrated shout, “why are we talking right now then?” he swallowed hard, “if i’m just hurting you? why am i here? to yell at me? is that it?” my words were slow. i waited for a response and got none. “tell me calum! you’re not the only one hurting.”

“you’re yelling at me too, why’d you agree? to yell at me?” he mocked, and it made my skin crawl.

“you make me so angry,” i cried, rubbing my face harshly. “i’m trying to fucking move on. then you come back, every fucking time i don’t want to see you at all, and you make me rethink every damn thing. i wanna go home, calum. and i was ready to and now i’m standing here instead of packing my shit.” my thoughts were moving a million miles a minute, and i couldn’t slow down.

“so you’re just gonna leave?” he growled, slamming the water bottle down onto the table hard, sending the cap flying across the room, and water down the sides of the counter. “i’m in fucking love with you, (y/n) and there’s nothing i can do about it, maybe that’s why i called you, to get some fucking closure, i couldn’t really tell you.”

next thing i knew, i was hurdling a plate at the wall behind calum, watching it shatter into a million pieces.

“fuck,” i gasped, feeling my legs give out underneath me. my face landed in my palms, and tears ran down the sides of my hands as i collapsed into a chair. “fuck you,” i cried,

“what the hell, (y/n)?” calum gritted, looking between me and the shattered ceramic on the floor behind him.

“you didn’t have to say that,” i sobbed, my heart absolutely full in the worst way. i ran my hands through my hair, looking at calum with glassy eyes.

he clenched his jaw, “say what? that i’m in love with you. i love you. i’m sorry, it’s what it fucking is, it doesn’t matter anyway. you always said that it doesn’t matter, this is how it is. you wanna fucking leave anyways,”

“what else am i supposed to do? one minute you’re telling me to leave you alone, and then you’re telling me to come over and now we’re fighting because we’re hurt.” i tried to piece everything together in my head, and i couldn’t find a single answer, “you keep saying we can’t do anything about this, but you keep talking and you keep dragging me along, calum. what do you want,”

“i want you to say it back,” his hands gripped the sides of his wet counter, “you say it back and i’m yours.” his voice was desperate and broken.

“what?” i spit, “you were yelling at me ten seconds ago.”

“say you love me too, and i’m yours.”

“calum what are you on?” a lump growing in my throat, “you know i can’t do that,” a tear rolled down my cheek.

“you can leave if you really want to,” he bit down on his bottom lip, “but i know you don’t want to, what do you want, (y/n)? that’s what matters, you can control that.”

“calum,” i pleaded, “you’re making this so much harder.”

he kept his eyes glued to the table top, “you always say you wish it were different,” the silence between his words were filled with the sound of a steady drip of water onto the floor. “you don’t have to wish you can make it different-“

“it’s just how it is-“

“but it’s not,” he explodes, finally looking at me, “it’s not how it is, not right now, and we can figure something out, we can do whatever you want, this is your fucking life.”

“i’m scared,” i admitted, and then was in front of me, standing over me as i sat on one of his chairs. it was a complete no-brainer, but my head was on high alert, using all of its willpower to get me to walk away.

“yeah, i’m scared too,” calum breathed, “(y/n) i don’t think you get it, i don’t do this for people. i do this for you, and that’s not nothing. i want you, i want all of you.”

“are you sure,” i carefully stepped around my words, trying not to set him off again.

“please just say it back,” he pleaded, making my stomach twist. i fiddled with the ring on my finger, swirling it around my finger nervously. “i’ve literally never been so sure about anything in my life, you almost took my head off with a plate and i’m standing here, begging you to say you love me back, sunshine.”

“i love you,” i gave up, letting the waves of calum consume me completely, my ring fell to the floor with a quiet thump. “i love you. i love you.”

his lips were on mine, pushing the dark cloud above my head far away from us. our bodies curved together, leaving as little space as possible in our position. he pulled away,

“i love you,” he whispered against my lips, breath fanning over my face. i let my hands splay across his flushed cheeks, rubbing my thumb against his skin. i pulled him back into me by his jaw, wanting nothing more than to feel him love me. “i’m so sorry, i love you.” he gripped my arms tightly as if i’d slip like sand through his fingers. our exchange was a silent agreement to make it work, to find something in the darkness.

calum’s presence enveloped me as we sat against his headboard, bodies intertwined. the ring was long forgotten about, not moving from its place on the floor of calum’s kitchen with the broken plate and dripping water.

“i think we should talk,” he began slowly, “not scream at each other, talk.”

“yeah,” i sighed, fingers intertwining his, the warmth sending feeling throughout my whole body. “it wasn’t fake, cal. it never was, please know it was all real, realist i’ve ever had.”

his fingers were gentle as he ran a hand through my hair, “i know,” his movement stilled, “i was just scared, i don’t know. i don’t let people in like that, i just-“

“jump to conclusions,” i joked, and he grinned a bit.

“yeah,” he chuckled, wiping the corner of his eye, “i did.”

“it wasn’t just you- i was, i didn’t think it through. i should’ve told you,” i twirled a finger around his, tracing the dark words on his hands. “i didn’t know what to do, i mean shit- i still don’t. i’m still engaged.”

“i know,” he acknowledged, “it’s shitty, but if you don’t want it, i’ll help you. i’ll do whatever i can,” i smiled to myself, letting my eyes shut.

“you make me feel like a person,” i whispered, glancing up at him. “it’s so much different, being with you. i feel like i’m growing, yanno?” being with calum made me realize i was more than a girl bound to a boy from a small town. i was me, and i could be whoever i wanted.

i laughed, shaking my head, “that sounds kinda stupid.” he pulled me closer to his chest,

“it doesn’t,” he mumbled against my head, leaving a lingering kiss there. “you could sell the ring, you know?”

“what?” i scrunched my eyebrows, pulling away to look at him.

“the ring,” he nodded, “it was a gift, technically. he proposed on christmas eve. legally, that ring is yours to do whatever you want.”

i giggled, “what, you wanna buy a pig with the money?”

“i’m just saying,” he smiled, suddenly lighting up, “after we graduate, we can get a place and stuff and our own couch-“

“our own place?” i repeated,

he brushed a piece of hair out of my face and smiled widely, “why not?”

“well,” i chewed my bottom lip, a smile playing on them, “i have an engagement to call off.” nothing in my life had felt more right than that, the weight lifting off my chest at those words were worth everything.

“this is real,” calum bumped our foreheads together.

“i’m ok with it though,” calum connected our lips briefly, “i’m happy with it.” “i’m not happy with you,” my mother growled over the phone, later that night. i was stood in the middle of calum’s kitchen, it was late. calum had fallen asleep not long before i decided i couldn’t wait any longer. i held the ring between my fingers.

“mom,” i shut my eyes, setting the ring down. “i can’t- i can’t pretend for the rest of my life.”

“(y/n)...you don’t even know! you wouldn’t even know you’re pretending.” she tried to reason with me,

“are you hearing yourself? that’s so manipulative.” i fought, trying to keep my voice low. “come on mom,”

“are you really that unhappy?”

“no,” i smiled, “i’m not, because i-“

“you what?” she sounded worried, “don’t tell me you met someone.”

“i met someone, mom.” i finished, my heart full at the thought of calum sleeping peacefully only a room over. “and i’m so happy, and i can’t bear the thought of not feeling like that. even if it’s not with him forever,”

“you can’t feel that with david?”

“no,” i answered, “i love someone, and i love that this person wants me to be me and grow and live. i have more to offer than whatever i could give david.” “i just-“ she was speechless,

“have you told david?” i breathed a sigh of relief at her words,

“not yet,” i whispered, playing with the ring. “i wanted to talk to my mom first.”

“i think you should call him,” she paused, “i want you to call him.”

“ok,” i smiled, and hung up. allowing myself a moment to breath before i called david.

“sounded heavy.” i almost screamed when i turned around and saw ashton leaning against the wall.

“ashton,” i tried to recover smoothly, stretching my arms behind me, “hey.”

“you’re (y/n),” he held a hand out, “calum talks about you.” i shook his hand cautiously,

i smirked, “good things i hope?”

“most of the time,” he chuckled,

“yeah...” i glanced to his bedroom door, “i don’t blame him, i can be a handful.” a friendly smile spread across ashton’s face.

“nothing he can’t handle,” he shrugged, “seems to be smitten with you, i’m sure he’ll survive. happily, if i may add.”

“i hope so,” a blush creeping onto my cheeks, at the thought of calum instead of ashton, surprisingly. “kinda breaking off an engagement for him, it’d be nice if he did his part.”

ashton raised his eyebrows, “shit,” he mumbled, “wasn’t filled in on that part, wondered why cal was so quiet.” i clicked my phone on and off,

“i messed up,” i huffed, “i’m gonna try and fix it thought, for calum.”

“i’ll leave you to it then,” ashton waved and made his way to the opposite end of the apartment.

i called david, and set the phone on the counter leaving it on speaker. i got to work picking up the broken piece of the plate on the floor as i waited for him to answer the phone

“(y/n)?” david questioned, “you never call me, what’s up?”

“we need to talk,” i spoke, gathering the bigger pieces in my hand first, careful not to cut myself.

“about?”

“we’re not getting married.” i spoke, throwing the largest pieces away. david was silent on the other end.

“why?” he spat, voice raising. i rolled my eyes at his volume, and held the phone to my ear, sandwiched between my shoulder and ear.

“i don’t love you david, not like that.” i swept up the smaller shards, making sure the floor was clean. “i need to be my own person, and we just aren’t meant to work.”

“so what are you saying?”

“i’m saying,” i dropped the piece in the trash, “it’s over. we’re not engaged, we’re not getting married.”

“well,” he said, “ok.” and he hung up, leaving me with a ring and a clean floor. i quickly wiped up the water on the counter and floor, before creeping back into calum’s room. i slid back into bed as quietly as possible.

calum rolled over to face me, “where’d you go?” he muttered sleepily, a yawn escaping his lips.

“i had to clean up,” i whispered, brushing a curl back. he wrapped warm arms around me,

“didn’t have to do that,” he said into my neck, leaving a sweet kiss.

“don’t worry about it, sleepy boy.” i scratched his head lightly, “let’s go to bed.”

i laid next to calum that night, and many after that as well.

a/n- well now its really over wow that makes me emo thanks so much for reading means a lot i hope you liked it and i hope you don’t hate the ending (((: IF UR NOT DONE W ME !!! feel free to send requests or follow me to see other stuff i defo plan on writing (; ok love u bye thank you bye

TAGS: @blxndeprincess @pancahke @tittymuncher69 @rexorangecouny

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im-tops-bottom · 6 years

Text

Just an idea

Tony meets Bucky and Steve during WWII.

Tony worked alongside many teams such as the electrical repair crew, engineering, etc....while Steve and Bucky worked in the front lines alongside the howling commandos.

Tony always got into fights with Steve ever since training. Steve was always Howard Starks favorite. Howard never had time or paid attention to Tony. Tony was nothing but a regret, a mistake, nothing but a distant memory. Then again Howard was in love with the super soldier. So that made sense to him. At least he didn't have to worry about his father nagging him for being a complete failier.

To make matters worse, Tony didn't have any friends in the army. Everyone only used him to fix things up or work in a battlefield strategy. They were nice to him but not nice enough to sit with him during lunch, or just have an idle chat with him during breaks. He felt so lonely there. He used the loneliness to his advantage. Build up walls so they don't break. So they don't shatter.

What really helped was when James Buchanan Barnes aka Bucky aka Steve Rogers best friend/bodyguard told him to stay away from them. Bucky was very protective over Steve and things tend to get rough when people talk bad about either of them. Bucky just like his father told him that he was a good for nothing spoiled brat and the only use the army has for him is his brain. He said a whole lot of bad things after that.

After that Tony had told himself that he will never fall in love with anyone ever again. Push all his emotions aside. Since then he has never spoke to anyone that wasn't work related. He stopped trying to make friends. He pretty much stopped looking after himself. That was when the late nights planning fueled only by coffee kicked in. He kept on working until he passed out. As soon as he woke up he will get straight back into it.

A couple of days later, he almost faints but strong arms hold him up. He becomes dizzy as he tries to balance and almost drops again. He feels himself being lifted up and he starts complaining. He gets taken to his tent and is gently placed on the bed. He looks up and is too tired at the moment to be shocked at who had helped him.

"Bucky? The fuck you doing here?"

He watches as Bucky grabs a tray of food, sits beside Tony and starts trying to feed him.

"Eat!"

"Im not hungry"

"I don't have time for your bullshit Stark. Eat!"

"great me neither. Im not hungry"

"you haven't eaten in days. Now eat!"

"I don't fucken care. Just go back to Captain America and let me get back to work"

Out of anger, Tony finds the energy to throw the tray of food to the floor and get off the bed and walk out. He doesn't make it far as those strong arms he still has a thing for are wrapped around his waist and he is pulled back to Buckys chest. It was a good thing too as Tony began to feel dizzy again.

"don't act like a brat Tony"

"how else should an army brat act?"

Dizziness subsides and Tony breaks out of the hold. He doesn't look back as he walks away.

"leave me alone Bucky. Just leave."

"you're acting like a child"

"great!" Tony finally turns around to look Bucky in the eye "then I can do this"

Bucky crosses his arms "do what?"

Tony smirks "I quit" he turns around and walks away not even paying attention to Bucky's growlings for Tony to get his back there. Tony sighs contently at the feeling of freedom.

-2 hours later-

Tony's freedom is shattered. His dad refuses to accept his absence from the army. They have heated words. Well at least his mother managed to get food into him.

After that Tony sneaks back to his tent. He starts packing up his stuff.

"what are you doing Tony?"

Of course he shouldn't be surprised who it is. He just had his other half in his tent hours ago.

"what do you want Steve?"

He tenses as he hears Steve get up from the chair by the door.

"what, you can't handle a little heat so you run away?"

Tony finishes packing and grabs his stuff. He gets ready to leave but stops as Bucky walks through the door.

"oh great as if seeing today wasn't bad enough. Look! I don't care what you heard but just so you know, it's none of your business. Either of you. so if you boys don't mind"

Steps around Bucky and makes his way to the door.

"I'm leaving. This is me leaving. Have fun without me. Everyone else will."

Tony walks out and sneaks through the area right up to the entrance. He smiles as he sees that Bruce Banner is the one working security tonight. Out of all the people Tony has ever known, he never minded Bruce. Bruce kept to himself. He was just as friendless and lonely. People liked Bruce though. He just never wanted to make friends so he didn't have to worry about losing someone to the war. Tony had mad respect for that.

"hey Brucie bear."

"hey Tony. What's up?"

"I'm running. I told my father to get fucked, packed my shit and now this is me leaving."

"is that the same for those guys too?"

"what guy's?"

Out of confusion Tony turns to look behind him and finds two very angry super soldiers standing there with eyebrows raised and arms crossed. He can't help but roll his eyes as he turns back around.

"yeah fucken right they are. Nope I am doing this solo."

"good luck"

Tony and Bruce nod as Tony walks through the gate and sets off under the nights sky.

After what felt like hours of walking Tony huffs as he stops to turn around.

"how long do you guys plan on following me?"

"however long it takes for you to realize you are just being stupid and childish and that you should come back to base, apologize to your father and let things return back to how they used to be."

"oh fuck you Rogers. Go suck Howard's dick asshole. I'm done with him. I'm So fucken done with you two asshats."

"Bucky say something. He's being a brat"

Tony turns around so his back is towards them.

"no! How bout Bucky stays silent and you two to return back to base and fuck my dad's brains out in front of my mother. How bout you two just leave me the hell alone."

Tony takes a sip of water before he carries on walking. he hears shoes scrape against rocks and he prays to god that they are returning to base.

About a couple of hours later he finds an abandoned cabin. He slowly inspects the outside and sees everything is alright. He checks to see if the door is open and as he does he feels hands on his hips and let's out a yelp as he is dragged away from the house. Him and whoever has gotten a hold of him are thrown back as the house goes up in flames.

His body is shaking and he turns and presses against the body. He hears Buckys voice calming him and now he can put a name to the body holding him.

"it's okay Tony. It's okay. I got you."

"don't leave me"

Tony tenses as he feels another body against him.

"it's okay Tony. We ain't going anywhere. We won't leave you"

Tony calms as he hears Steve. Still shaken up, he let's his anger towards them subside and let's them hold him. He continues his chant of "please don't leave me" afraid that if he stops they will be gone.

After Tony falls asleep Steve looks up at Bucky on the other side of Tony with tears threatening to leave.

"we can't leave him Bucky. Promise me we won't leave him"

Steve is slightly shaking at what happened. He almost lost Tony if it weren't for his best friend noticing the trap right away.

"we won't. I don't wanna leave him."

Bucky is still trying to calm down and breathe. He clings on to Tony like their lives depend on it. He almost lost Tony and he won't ever let that happen again. Now with a more determined mindset, he gets up and picks up the sleeping Tony.

"we won't let him leave us. We'll stay by his side forever. Nothing is gonna to ever come between us no matter what. We lost him once, won't let that happen again."

Steve stood up also looking more determined after hearing Bucky.

"even if he hates us, we'll continue to protect him. I love him Bucky. Im not willing to give him up."

"same here Stevie. Same here."

They return to the road side and continue their trek.

A while later they find a cabin that has lights on. They walk up to the door and knock on it.

A lady opens up the door with a bright smile.

"hi there. How can I help you gentleman?"

Bucky being the more stronger one, places Tony into Steve's arms and steps up. He places a smile onto his face.

"hey I'm James. We are a little bit lost. We were looking for the base camp. We went for a jog but our friend got hurt along the way. Are we able to stay the night?"

The ladies eyes open wide and she drags the boys in.

"oh yes of course of course. Have you eaten anything yet? I'll make up some drinks. Oh dear boys. You need to be more careful around this parts of the woods. It's dangerous. You don't know what you will run into during the war. You guys do look familiar though. I'm not sure where I have seen you"

Steve smiles "probably not. We just joined the army awhile ago." Steve looks at Bucky who nods back. They can't trust anyone out here. Best keep to some white lies and half truths.

After they had a little something to eat, the lady takes them to her room where there is a big bed.

"this is mine and m husband's room. My husband is away at the moment. I will take the spare room. Theres a shower and I can provide spare clothes."

After they have a shower and going as far as washing a sleeping Tony, they get changed and head to bed. After saying good night and making sure Tony is tucked safely between them, they start to relax.

"we have to tell him how we really feel, don't we?"

"if it means that we don't completely lose him then yes we do. We also need to explain to him everything."

"even the reason for the fights and arguments?"

"yes. Right back to the training days"

"do i really have to tell him why I liked sending him down to the mat?"

"yes Stevie you do. It's bad enough he got his ass kicked by a scrawny asthmatic punk. Let alone being reminded of it and finding out the real reason why you started the future arguments."

"he's gonna be pissed"

"yes but at least he'll know. He'll probably be okay with it"

"yeah I can hear it now "oh yeah I'm totally fine with you getting a hard on Everytime you send me to the ground because after the first time, you had fantasies about dominating me in bed. It's gonna be better now that my dad who is totally in love with you had pumped you up with that god juice making everything twice as big. Hey did I mention the part about my dad" real smooth"

"I hope you do realize that that was a really bad impression"

"oh shut it"

After the laughter dies down. They get comfortable and fall asleep.

-the next morning-

Bucky and Steve wake up to no Tony. They call out to him and search around hoping that he's there. Unfortunately Tony is not around.

Things start to get wierd as the owner of the place is no longer there either. It's not until their super soldier senses pick up far away screaming.

Bucky and Steve look wide eyed at each other. "Tony". They run outside and see Tony being dragged onto a boat kicking and screaming. They run after him but the boat has already taken off.

"they took him!" "Calm down Steve!" "WE PROMISED. THEY TOOK HIM BUT WE PROMISED!" "I know. Come on. We'll head to camp and stock up." "We bringing him home?" Bucky watches the boat that says Hydra speed off "yeah Stevie. We're bringing him home"

#just an idea #not a full fic #future stuckony #winteriron #stony #it starts off angsty #shit happens

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joeckfick · 6 years

Text

What do you mean you all knew?!

I said I’d post this ages ago and then I didn’t because I had been working on it for a week straight and I started to hate it so I took a break and decided I’d go back and read it a few weeks later with a clearer mind. and then weeks literally turned into months and today I finally decided to revisit it. Its not perfect but I’m happy with it enough to post it. feedback would be greatly appreciated. and if Mikey ever finds this im sorry... 😂 (I fully hope none of them ever find this)

Jack and Mikey were in Joe's apartment. He had invited them over yesterday as he hadn't seen them in a few days, but now that he was face to face with them he realized he had forgotten the arrangement completely. Jack recognized the look on Joes face right away.

"You forgot, didn't you?!" Jack gasped pretending to be surprised, his fake surprise quickly turned to laughter "I knew it, Mikey owes me a tenner," he said as he walked past, brushing shoulders with Joe and into the living room, Mikey following shortly behind. Joe keeps forgetting his plans with Jack, he hasn't been able to think straight lately and by "think straight" he means "think STRAIGHT." he has had small crushes on boys before but never as big as the crush he has on Jack. He's felt this way for a while but he just puts it down to it being what he calls a "man crush" he knows its complete bullshit but he'd rather bullshit than face it at this point. When he's around Jack he can't stop smiling and when Jack looks into his eyes he gets butterflies, but yeah it's just a "man crush".

Joe closed his apartment door and stepped into the living room to see both Jack and Mikey already sat on the couch going through Movies to watch on the tv. Joe sent an apologetic look Jack's way.

"wha... oh no" Jack stutters "I don't mind it's easy to forget" He pauses for a second "I won't hold it against you if I get to choose the movie," Jack said with a wink, Joe blushed and chuckled. "And I get to choose the takeaway" Mikey added prompting Jack to throw a pillow his way.

A couple hours later they had finished their food and were now watching another movie; Joe's choice this time. Not that any of them were paying attention Jack was on a quest to empty the contents of the fridge into his stomach and Joe was in deep thought, staring daggers at a sleeping Mikey. It wouldn't make much of a bloody difference if Mikey was awake or asleep Joe thought, the only difference was when Mikey is sleeping he lets out an involuntary snort every five minutes. Actually now Joe thinks about it he does that when he's awake too. His internal rant about Mikey is interrupted when Jack slumps down next to Joe with a pack of four yoghurts and two spoons, obviously intent on sharing them with him.

"Joe?" he says and Joe looks up at Jack startled realizing he was staring at Mikey. Jack giggles "you're on another planet today."

Joe laughs "Sorry I was thinking about how Mikey is as entertaining asleep as he is awake." They both look over at Mikey to see if he had moved at all in the last thirty seconds; "probably more so." Jack says with a smile, placing the yoghurts and spoons on the coffee table to be forgotten. He gets up and heads into the next room without explanation and misses Joe blushing for the hundredth time today.

Joe daren't question why he blushes every time Jack smiles at him or pretty much looks towards Joe's direction. To be quite frank he sometimes wished that it was just him and Jack hanging out so they had things to talk about other than what Mikey wants to eat or how boring he is when he falls asleep before the movie even starts. Jack catches Joe thinking again, but this time he has a plan to break the boredom.

"I have an idea!" he grins, revealing he's holding a bag of wooden clothes pegs behind his back; the same ones Joe uses for his pranks.

The prank escalated pretty quickly, Mikey was such a deep sleeper that he managed to sleep through the clothes pegs and even their outrageous laughter. They had used up all of the clothes pegs and were now piling anything they could find on top of him.

"Jack pass me some more pillows," Joe laughed, "and have you seen my vlogging camera I need to catch this!" Jack's hands him his vlogging camera and while Joe is busy capturing the moment Jack gets another idea and wanders off to go and find something. He returns shortly after with an airhorn and doesn't even warn Joe before setting it off.

"AAHHHH" Mikey and Joe both squeal in unison, Mikey jumping up and hitting his head on a chair that was conveniently placed over his head. Jack and Joe fall on the couch tangled together and laughing, Joe with tears streaming down his face, but making no sound and Jack making a sound that can only be described as scream-laughing. Joe starts to wander off into thought again. He loves laughing with Jack like this he loves him, to be honest, loves him a little too much and it's constantly getting in the way but he loves moments like these despite that. Suddenly the reality of his feelings set in. He sits up abruptly, he... is he in love with Jack? But surely not? It's not like he wants to grab him and snog him senseless, is it? As a matter of fact, he wouldn't mind that at all, his thoughts are interrupted by the man who currently occupied them.

"Joe?" Jack questions.

Suddenly Joe realizes he's been staring at a blank wall for a bit longer than is considered normal.

"Joe, are you okay?" Jack says with a laugh "did the airhorn make you deaf?" Joe realizes he has to answer soon, but he looks into Jack's eyes and he can't get the words to leave his lips "or have you got the flu again? you're always spaced out when you're ill." Jack goes to put a hand up to Joe's forehead to test for a temperature seeing as he still hadn't answered and Joe was known for getting the flu. But as soon as his hand makes contact Joe snaps out of it flinching back.

realizing Jack was still waiting for an answer he blurted "Yeah, sorry I'm just tired."

"Okay," Jack let out an awkward laugh "well so is Mikey," he says "we'll leave in five so you can get some sleep.," he adds with a smile. Joe doesn't really want him to leave. He wants Mikey to piss off so he can spend some more alone time with Jack but he knows it's for the best, he needs to start being careful around him.

He didn't get much sleep at all that night because he couldn't get his mind off of Jack.

Unbeknownst to him, Jack didn't get much sleep for the exact same reason. He was thinking about Joe.

The next morning Jack woke up from the five minutes of sleep he had to find a phone full of texts and three slept-through alarms. He raced to get ready and out the door as he was already fifteen minutes late. When he got in the uber he checked his phone to see who the texts were from, he'd never admit it but he was hoping some were from Joe. He scrolled through all of his notifications but to Jacks dismay, there were no texts from Joe, only the spam from Mikey asking if he's still coming and a text from Josh saying he would meet Jack there. He doesn't remember Josh being invited but he assumes Joe must have invited him. It's not rare for people to be added to plans last minute. He sends Mikey a quick message letting him know he's on his way.

When Jack arrived he recognized the table with Joe, Mikey, Josh, and Caspar seated at it and headed towards the table right away. They spotted him before he reached the table and cheered at him mockingly.

"There he is" Mikey shouted Causing people to turn around to see what was making the horrendous noise "shhh! bloody hell." Joe whisper-yelled as Jack was taking a seat across from him. "People are staring." Mikey falls silent pouting like a toddler and the other boys laugh at the exchange.

"I know I'm always late but at least I don't make a scene" Jack chuckles. "you most certainly do" laughs Caspar. Josh pipes up "You Maynards are always late and.." Caspar then interrupts "ALWAYS late" earning a glare from both Josh and Jack. "And you always show up at the worst moment and make a huge scene" Josh continues.

Their banter continues for a while until suddenly Joe gets a text and shortly after explains to the boys that he has to leave because of an "emergency." Joe hurries away but not before catching Jack's eye and giving him the same apologetic look he always does when plans fall through or he forgets. This time though, Jack thinks, there's something different He looks upset. After Joe leaves the boys continue to talk about Joe's weird exit for a bit before moving on to other subjects but Jack is too busy worrying about Joe. He hopes he hasn't upset Joe, he doesn't know what he'd do with himself if he hurt him.

He can't think of a reason Joe would be particularly upset with him unless he found out that Jack secretly had feelings for him and he hoped more than anything that, that wasn't the case. Suddenly Jack was dragged out of his thoughts by Josh asking him something.

"right Jack?"

Jack didn't hear the question but decided to chance a reply anyway.

"uh... oh yeah sure!" he blurts out before reverting to deep thought but not before catching Caspar giving him a strange look. He decides to brush it off because he was acting strangely after all.

When Jack got back from lunch he tried to call Joe. "no answer" he uttered to himself when it went through to voicemail for the second time. He thought about calling again but he didn't want to come off as creepy or annoying. Jack just assumed he was too busy to pick up, Or rather he hoped.

A week and three days since the lunch (yes Jack has creepily been counting, he knows he's weird) and Joe still hasn't picked up any of his calls or replied to any of his texts. He has even avoided any group get-togethers that Jack was a part of. Jack had even asked all the other boys if he was acting strangely towards them too but they all said the same thing "He's not acting strange, perhaps he's just a bit busy" or something along those lines. But Jack liked to think he knew him better than that. Yes maybe Joe was busy, but even when he was busy he'd find time to hang with Jack. They live in the same apartment block it's not that hard. But never the less Jack pushed it to the back of his mind. Conor was visiting today and he was staying at Joe's so Jack didn't want to make it awkward for him.

But of course, as soon as he answered the door Conor noticed something was wrong.

"What the fucks happened now?" Conor said with a fake sigh

"What? nothing! what?" Jack blurted attempting to hide it. Conor just laughed and pushed past Jack and into his apartment. Jack then closed the door. He startled when he turned around to see Conor standing right behind him, still waiting to hear what has happened. Conor let out a little snort at the horrified look on his face "Jack I know somethings up so you might as well just tell me." says Conor. "its nothing!" Jack lies and all he gets back from Conor is a blank stare. He turns away trying to avoid the subject and goes to sit on the couch, Conor follows sitting across from him. Jack tries to start a new conversation but getting no response he finally gives in.

"FINE!" Jack sighs, "It's just" he pauses "I haven't seen or spoken to Joe in ten days and he hasn't replied to my texts or calls and..."

"You're scared he's found out you're in love with him?" Conor interrupts. "SHIT, WHAT? NO!" Jack blurts, he's never actually told Conor about how he feels for Joe. He was just too bloody obvious and Conor had probably guessed before Jack even knew, but that's not the point and now he's looking at Conor with the same horrified look in his eyes again and it gives everything away. Jack quickly looks down suddenly very intrigued by the back of his hand. The last thing he wants right now is to confront his feelings towards Joe while he's being ignored by him and the last place he'd want to do that is in front of his brother.

"look, Jack" Conor tries to look him in the eyes but he won't look up.

"look I think he feels the same about you," Conor utters suddenly and Jack finally looks up looking both sad and hopeful. "That's not funny," he says looking back down at his hands. "I'm serious," says Conor "I've been talking to Caspar and he thinks so too" Jack stands suddenly, "YOU TOLD CASPAR?!"

He starts pacing. "for fuck sake Jack, Joe feels the same about you! Caspar thinks so too," Conor all but yelled, getting up and grasping Jack by the shoulders to stop him from pacing. Jack looks up at him teary-eyed "Are you sure" he sobs. Conor nods and pulls him into a hug.

When Conor breaks the hug apart he tries to lighten the mood "seriously though for someone who's avoiding you he sure does talk about you a lot" Conor laughs

They hang out for a while, they talk about Conor's trip and what Jack has been up to while he was away, but then Conor has to get going as he promised to be in a video with Joe.

"Come back with me and talk to Joe," Conor says and Jack laughs.

"He'd probably freak out at me if I did" Jack lied, Both of them knew Joe wasn't the type to "freak out" at most, it'd be a bit awkward.

Conor recognized Jack wasn't ready, "don't worry, me and Caspar will sort something out," the older brother said with a little wave goodbye as he left.

The next morning Jack gets a text from Conor telling him to meet him at Mikey's in an hour. He knows better than to question it and starts getting ready. When he turns up at Mikey's, the man himself and Conor are waiting outside. He is confused for a second but then he spots that familiar glint in Conor's eye and realizes what he's up to.

"Are we seeing Joe today?" Jack asks, already knowing the answer. "You could have at least told me," he said in a pained voice "I look like shit." He says and Conor laughs, "No you don't," he says "and if I'd have told you, you wouldn't have shown up." Jack wants to argue but he knows Conor is probably right so he stays quiet, Mikey doesn't question a thing because as usual, he is not paying attention at all. Conor explains that all the other boys are together right now at Caspar, Josh, and Grant's place and then they get going.

When they walked into the apartment Jack spotted Joe straight away. He was laughing with Josh and Caspar, Jack couldn't help the smile on his face at the sight of him laughing. He looked up to say hello to them and Jack's heart fluttered. He was convinced if he looked into Joe's eyes any longer he'd just break down and confess his love for him right here, in front of everyone. That was until Joe panicked and then quickly looked away. Jack then realized that Joe had no idea he was going to be here at all, his heart sunk. He looked over at Conor trying to communicate how pissed off he really was but Conor just gave him an apologetic smile in return, which didn't exactly help. Jack gave in and took a seat across from Joe.

Joe quickly became more detached and Jack could tell that all the other boys were trying their hardest to include him but he was looking more and more uncomfortable.

Jack has a leap of courage "Hey uh..." Joe looks up at Jack and Jack continues "Joe can we talk out in the uh... hallway?" He asks. Joe just gets up and walks into the hallway and he takes that as a yes. All the boys look up when Joe walks out but they all seem to calm down when Jack follows. Jack would question this but he doesn't want to keep Joe waiting so he doesn't bother.

When Jack gets into the hallway and sees Joe he's sure he's going to tell him how he feels but when he hears a loud roar of laughter from the next room courtesy of Mikey and Conor, he realizes how terrifying the situation is and now he's face-to-face with him he just starts rambling and flailing his arms.

"Joe, are you doing okay because you've been acting strange lately? are you upset about something? you can tell me if you are. I hope it's not me that has upset you." He takes a deep breath. "Because the last person I'd want to upset is YOU. if you need to talk about anything I'm here fo-..." He gets cut off by Joe grabbing one of his arms.

"Jack I'm okay," he says and lets out a little giggle. Jack smiles at his laugh and pulls him a few inches closer by his wrist, the one that Joe is still clasping onto. Their smiles fade and they stand in silence looking into one another's eyes and Jack swears their faces get a little bit closer and he thinks about kissing him but their silence is broken by a loud cheer in the other room causing Joe to jerk back loosening his hand but before he lets go completely Jack grabs his hand and guides him back into the room where the others are.

When Jack walks back in pulling Joe behind him, Conor catches his eye and Jack shakes his head to let him know he didn't confess, Conor rolls his eyes at Jacks cowardliness but then his eyes lock onto Jack's hand. The same hand that is still intertwined with Joe's hand. The same Joe who just saw the weird telepathic exchange between the two brothers and is now looking between Conor and Jack (But mostly at Jack) with a confused look on his face. Jack smiles at Joe and lets go of his hand turning Joes confused stare into a grin. They return to their seats and Joe isn't as quiet anymore, not with Jack smiling at him from across the room. Caspar sends strange looks Jacks way a few times but he's too busy admiring Joe to notice.

As the evening is coming to an end, Joe spots Conor, Mikey, and Jack

"Jack!" He waves as he's walking towards them and Jack looks up at him with a smile. Joe continues, "Come over tomorrow night to chill with me and Conor?" he asks beaming back at him. Jack nods in agreement, "Yeah sure!" he says enthusiastically and then Mikey starts to pay attention. "What about me?" He insists. Both Jack and Conor give him a death glare and Jack doesn't see it but Joe does too, but Joe being the good-natured person he is, says,

"Sure, but only if you promise not to fall asleep this time."

Jack can't stop thinking about the approaching evening all day, the next day.

He arrived in good time which is rare for a Maynard. Joe actually flinched when he opened the door "Bloody hell Conor come here!" he shouted back into the apartment "a Maynard has shown up on time" he said. Jack chuckled and nudged Joe's shoulder causing Joe to giggle and push Jack back palm-to-chest. Both of them laughed even louder when Conor interrupted clearing his throat "ahem".

Joe guided Jack into the living room by the front of his jacket, not noticing the blush that took place on Jacks' face by him doing so, to choose the movie they were going to watch, as they did every week.

Jack usually got his way with the choice of movie but this time he had made up his mind. Joe was raving about a documentary he'd love to show Jack, looking all cute and enthusiastic it made Jacks' heart swell. "We should watch that then," he said, giggling at the utter shock on the other man's face "are you sure?" Joe squeaked, "I thought you hated documentaries". Jack gestured towards the tv that displayed the list of movies he was just now looking through.

"Well I can't find a movie I'd like to watch and you sound so excited about it so I'll probably like it too," he said.

As Joe is looking for the DVD Conor catches Jack's eye and smirks at him knowing full well there was a movie he wanted to watch on that list.

As soon as Mikey walks through the door he's talking about food, more specifically about what he wants to eat tonight.

"I swear to god I've been thinking about pizza all day!" he declared, but Joe was having none of it this time, "I thought we were getting Nandos?" he said, "I ask for Nandos every week but we always get what you guys want instead" Jack butts in "I think we should go with what Joe wants its only fair" he says, and he doesn't see it but both Conor and Joe are smiling at him. Both for completely different reasons. "AWWW WHAT!" Mikey wailed and the other boys laughed.

"Conor come on! you don't want Nandos, do you?!" he pleaded, "Don't drag me into this I've already said I'm not fussed," Conor said holding his hands in the air and Jack laughed "its two against one Pearce you may as well give up now"

After they have eaten Mikey, of course, falls asleep again even though he promised not to but nobody bothers waking him up

and Conor is left to third wheel Joe and Jack. Not that they mind or even notice, they're too busy laughing and showing each other funny videos on their phones. completely ignoring the documentary that was supposedly one of Joe's favourites.

Conor, who is watching them from the other side of the room, gets an idea. Joe and Jack are sitting far too close for comfort and he decides to have a little fun with it. he walks over to stand in front of where they are sitting on the couch and Joe looks up. Conor gestures for joe to move over so he can sit in between them and Joe awkwardly complies. But Conor doesn't stop there, he starts rambling on about the documentary and what he thinks of it so far while the other boys sit there in silence. Jack looking incredibly pissed off and Joe looking increasingly awkward. Joe mutters something about snacks and wanders off into the kitchen. Conor looks so pleased with himself and it gets on Jacks last nerve so he socks him in the arm with a pointed knuckle and Conor gasps clasping his arm and putting on a mock-hurt tone he says "What was that for?!" and Jack punches him again. "Okay stop!" Conor squeaks, Jack whisper-yells "What the fuck was that?!" and Conor laughs. "I'm third-wheeling big time over here so I thought I'd make the most out of it." Jack gestures as if he's going to punch him again and Conor flinches putting his hand up to protect himself. "maybe if you told him how you feel it wouldn't be as fun to take the piss out of you" He jokes and Jack rolls his eyes "you know its not that easy" he says "and he probably thinks I'm so awkward now!" Jack insists and Conor laughs pissing Jack off even more "why are you laughing this isn't funny?!" suddenly Joe pipes up from where he's standing with the bowl of chips "Not awkward just annoying," he says facing Jack and sending him a wink before he turns to face Conor and gestures for him to move over so he can sit between Conor and Jack acting as if he was stopping them from arguing but really was just wanting to sit closer to Jack.

As Joe sits forward to put the crisps on the coffee table behind his back Jack mouths and gestures to Conor "how long was he there?" Conor just smirks and shakes his head and as Joe is leaning back again he catches a red-faced Jack gesturing towards Conor, who is pretending not to notice, "Can you two not argue for five minutes?" he jokes inching closer to Jack to show him another funny clip on his phone. Conor smiles to himself and picks up his phone to text Caspar "it's working."

as the night comes to an end and Mikey finally wakes up, their goodbyes are rushed, as Mikey was in a hurry and needed to get something from Jacks apartment.

an hour after Jack gets back to his apartment and is getting ready to sleep he gets a text from Joe "Your jacket and phone charger are still here so I'm coming over to drop them off now." was all it read, but Jacks' heart was racing as he re-read the text a couple times and then he heard a knock at the door.

He answered the door in his pyjamas to find a nervous looking Joe looking down at his feet and shuffling them "Hi" he said not being able to stop the smile on his face from the sight in front of him. Joe looked up with a startled look on his face but it quickly changed to mimic Jacks warm smile "Hi" he said back "Heres your stuff" he said handing Jack the jacket and charger and as Jack took them their fingers brushed causing Jack to flinch slightly. Joe didn't look as if he had noticed but Jack was ninety-nine per cent sure he had. They stand there with nothing to say for about three seconds. They normally always had something to talk about so Jack said the first thing that he could think of "i-is Conor as annoying now as he was when he was my roommate" he stuttered causing him to blush he inwardly cursed himself for stuttering, he never stutters. Joe laughed "I don't think we argue as much as you two do," he said and Jack chuckled. If only he knew what they were arguing about. As if Joe read his mind he changes the subject "you know Caspar said something yesterday that made me think" he says and Jacks heart drops and he knows Joe sees it this time because he takes a step forward and coils Jacks shirt around his fist as if he was afraid he was going to float away. Jack looked down at Joe's hand and then into his eyes his heart beating a mile a minute. Joe looked like he was contemplating something his brows knitted together and his bottom lip between his teeth. Jack looked into his eyes and then at his lips, he couldn't help but stare. Joe took this as an answer to his unasked question and wrenched Jack forward by his pyjama shirt out into the hallway as their lips pressed together harder than intended. Any other time Jack would have been very conscious of the fact he was wearing pyjamas in a semi-public hallway, but not now, with Joe's mouth on his and arms around Joe's neck, surrounded by the scent of the man he loved. The moment was too perfect, too good to be true and Joe panicked. He pushed Jack away uttered an apology and raced down the hallway, Jack tried to call him back suddenly aware he was in the hallway in his pyjamas "Joe wait!" he shouted prompting the neighbour that lived across from him to open the door and shush him. He desperately wanted to go after Joe but decided Joe would be better off if he didn't. he probably hates me now, Jack thought.

Jack spends the whole morning the next day debating whether to go to Joe's that evening.

All of the boys were planning to go over to Joes tonight. It had been set in stone for a couple days now so Jack knew it'd look weird if he didn't show up and Conor wouldn't stop texting him asking him to get things for tonight. So Jack decided he would go even if he didn't stay for the whole night. He was still unsure of how Joe would react though and if the kiss even meant anything to him.

That evening Jack was only a little later than he should've been. Conor was the one to answer the door and the other boys were already sat outside by then. He followed Conor to the terrace and watched as he took a seat in between Caspar and Joe. Jack took the only seat that was still available and sat on the end next to Mikey.

The boys were having an animated conversation about their travelling plans and Joe was joining in but not a lot. so Jack tries to make eye contact with Joe, and he either doesn't notice or is purposely trying to avoid him. However, Conor notices and looks between Jack and Joe with a furrowed brow finally settling on Jack and mouthing "what did you do?" Jack laughs and shakes his head dismissing Conors question and goes back to listening to the other boys travelling conversation.

Halfway through the night, not much has changed other than it getting darker and colder. Joe is still avoiding him, Conor is still sending strange looks and now Caspar has apparently decided to join in too, staring at Jack as if he has two extra heads. In fact, he's staring that much that Jack checks himself in his phone reflection a few times to check if he's miraculously grown another head. Jack spots both Caspar and Conor whispering multiple times and he decides to confront them about it.

"Oi, what're you two whispering about over there?!" He jokes, loud enough that all of the boys turn to look at Caspar and Conor. All but one, Joe, who finally makes eye contact with Jack. Jack smiles at him, trying to think of something to say to make him laugh but Joe quickly looks away again and Jacks' heart sinks. He wishes Joe would just talk to him, he feels like shit when Joe's avoiding him.

A few minutes later the boys start complaining about the cold and Joe heads inside to get blankets for everyone. He takes a little while and Jack sees this as the perfect opportunity to try and talk to Joe. He manages to slip away unnoticed. He bumps into Joe on his way back outside, arms full of blankets, and Joe drops them in shock and stands to stare at Jack with a horrified look on his face. Jack laughs "I'm not that scary!" He says. Joe visibly relaxes at this and Jack smiles warmly at him causing Joe's face to flush bright pink and Joe's hands shoot up to his face in an attempt to hide it but Jack has already noticed and it only makes his heart swell even more. Jack steps forward gently removing Joe's hands from his face and holding them in his own and decides its now or never. "Look, Joe, I know you know I have feelings for you and I know, you know, I know you do too" He starts rambling again "and if what happened last night..." He is cut off by Joe laughing at him. "What?" he says looking both frightened and amused. Joe laughs again and says "you're just cute." Jack smiles "Oh yeah?" he says in a mock-challenging tone and Joe just nods as Jack pulls him closer. This time Jack is the one to kiss Joe, wrapping his arms around Joe's waist and Joe's hands holding either side of Jack's face. But they're abruptly interrupted by a choir of wolf whistles and howling, and Josh shouting "I bloody knew it!".

Jack's head spins around startled by the intrusion and Joe buries his head in Jacks' shoulder. The two awkwardly stand there as the others gather up the blankets and Caspar says "we will meet you two back outside when you're ready" and Joe looks up just as Caspar winks at them. Causing Joe to blush and hide his face in Jacks' shoulder again. Jack chuckles at Joe as the boy's exit the room and in the distance, they both hear Mikey, "What do you mean you all knew?! I never knew!" and both Jack and Joe burst into laughter this time.

#joeck #let me know if theres any mistakes #joe sugg jack maynard

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