#back into the ether for me lol

[mydogatemymotivation]

hi. I never post lol I don't think I've posted here for literal years but I do lurk and I just need to get something off my chest.

Kallus isn't Space-Russian. Controversial I know, but he's not.

He's Estonian.

Kallas is already a Slavic name you don't have to strip his character of the cultural identity he already has to insert a different culture. It's weird to me how this whole fandom, usually one that's very respectful, just kind of dismissed his name as something stupid or cartoonishly evil without even a cursory search before hand waving it away.

Estonia is a Slavic-Nordic country bordering Russia, Latvia, and Finnish waters. He has a cultural identity and people just... ignore it?? He wouldn't speak Russian, he'd speak Estonian (which doesn't use the Cyrillic alphabet).

Slavic =/= Russian. Russians are Slavs, but not all Slavs are Russian. Estonians don't use Russian patronymics ( i.e. Dmitryevich), his family wouldn't have Russian names (Nickolai, Anastasia, Yvgenia, etc.), they'd have Estonian names (Aarne, Jakob, Indrek, Tatijana, Kaja, etc).

I just. I don't feel comfy when people change his name from Kallus to something like Kalinov because Kallus is already Slavic you don't have to do that.

Stop changing a cultural name from a post-Soviet country to something more Russian. Maybe I'm just a killjoy and a bitch but it actually pisses me off.

"omg!1! he's space-Russian11!!" I'm scrolling already. Estonians are real. Kallas is a real name. Please stop.

[paunchsalazar]

Dean and Cas should have had their own nephilim… I think it could kill Chuck instantly and change the world for the better….

[damian-lil-babybat]

There's this kind of hybrid artstyle in comics lately that I wanna learn how to do (i just wanna stare at them coz its too pretty). Would it be an insult to call it hybrid? Hybrid in a way that its more anime-ish/cartoon-ish...but still very much in comic artstyle. It's very stylized too, and it's more softer and expressive on the face, and I love it.

I don't know if its a real thing, or I'm just seeing things in my fave artists in comics

Jorge Jimenez (Super Son Vol. 1)

Simone di Meo (Robin 2021 #16)

Belen Ortega (Batman 2016)

Yasmine Putri (Robin 80th Anniversary)

For chibi, theres

Dustin Nguyen (Lil Gotham 2021)

Juni Ba (Boy Wonder 2024)

Other notable artists that I like: (1) Patrick Gleason for giving us RSOB & for drawing kids who look like kids; (2) Joelle Jones for lineart; (3) Christopher Mittens for inking and panelling; (4) Otto Schmidt for character dynamic & fight scenes; (5) Gabriel Picolo for nostalgic DCAM feels

[yoosung-ah]

1. why is it even an option to not try lol. like, yeah, I didn't feel like being awake any longer anyway and would prefer to stress out my already-stressed-out bf. goodnight, Saeran

2. bro.. you can't just get on top of me like that, looking like an actual angel, when I was just gassed and have no idea where I am... gonna make me lose consciousness again looking all pretty like that

3. actual jumpscare. I usually love horror, but V you gotta give us a content warning for that kind of thing. Jesus

4. undoubtedly highly important information that V and his dark web hacker-for-hire can weaponize against us

I bet Rika saw him practicing his villain repertoire and rolled her eyes into the back of her skull. V also said Rika smelled like manure, and she said she's bored by having only him as company. love how these two actually want nothing to do with each other but insist on ruining each other's lives anyway

I might really have to attack this man. not even for the reasons most players would, either, but because if he wants crazy, I am more than happy to oblige given the current circumstances. maybe then he'll realize what's good for him. but since he's a pacifist: it's because you need therapy. there. now go put that secretly-loaded bank account to good use, love yourself, and get out of here before something truly awful happens. like, idk, going to prison

Chairman Han route when. everyone's like "where's the Vanderwood route at" but by the time we get more content, like a reboot, we'll be looking at Jumin's dad a different kinda way. we can fix him if we try hard enough

not a misunderstanding. I am unfortunately in love with you, just as I am with Saeran, which is why this AE pains me more than most. I even - like the unfaithful player that I am - told you that I liked you back in a previous call and didn't tell you off for being weird. let's not play coy now.

there's probably an uncomfortable and confusing tension in the house due to our shamelessness, and we should all - Rika included - just accept it before things get actually uncomfortable and confusing on day 3

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also it's something (better) like, the exercise of deliberately [art imitates life imitates art] holding up Billions to My IRL Things Perspective and going like whaaat would i want for winston. first answer is you want any character to not have been within the scope of the show in the first place, and to exit it since they are. and you kind of get that in the accidental reward in banishing winston, since like in the end it's just that the show doesn't care about him existing at that point But like it's winston sitting there quietly as everyone leaves & turns out the lights & Then he can leave too; others have peaced out & nobody remembers he exists so Now he can go off & do whatever.

but like in true form i think they definitely accidentally baked in another divine reward for winston in that, like, the way he's kept around as fodder for these fun little [pov: enjoy abusing this guy] asides with him, where it Just So Happens that he's autistic as something they're unaware of but is completely relevant to the expectation we understand him to be inferior(tm), it Just So Happens that he's also ""bad"" at not ""causing"" abuse to be turned on him. he's ""bad"" at staying in line. like well yes Yes that's what i want for him. just like In Real Life it's like yeah Ideally i'd want people to be able to extricate themselves from where they're trapped in power structures & i'd want them to have the perspective about it of understanding they're not Inferior / i.e. they are as much a person as anyone else and they're not corrupting everything good / i.e. it wasn't them Bringing It Upon Themselves and it's not them being Destructive by toppling a jenga tower of a hierarchy that happened to be pressing down on them. and winston is the kind of [the ruinerrrrrr] who is Turned On exactly because he keeps acting like someone who's on the verge of breaking out of the [being in line] someone demands of him as autist, employee, whatever other supposed manifestations of [inferior]

like in the 5 second stretches in which winston's allowed to speak before retaliation, it's because he's like "matter of factly" delivering whatever Information that's useful for another plotline. then he Brings It Upon Himself by making people aware that he's Also existing in his own right as a person rather than what they think serves their own deal / what they want from him at all times, perhaps by expressing his personality (didn't appeal to them! so it was Wrong) or not b/c of anything in particular said or done at present, just b/c people have a constant / accumulating contempt for him so their being in the same room as him & able to see & hear him is already dangerous. the [we're just seeing Any Abusive Dynamic in action] continuing apace.

and it's like, well, right there. he's written as acting like someone who doesn't blame himself for how he's treated, which billions frames as being Rude & Mean, and so too does everyone's abusers lmfao like and that these are his moments that are written to be Bringing It Upon Himself. and it's like hell yeah he doesn't blame himself. hell yeah that his self-esteem can manifest as anger at all. hell yeah that he keeps expressing himself with personality & confidence & doesn't even disguise his having been hurt, & it's this [his ass is Not grey rocking] that billions frames as both him "causing" his abuse & making that abuse "successful" lol, wrow just like real life!! and when like speaking of real life yeah it's not "bad" that people Do engage in strategies to mitigate & survive, including things like blaming themselves or being too "boring" to be anything but a non dialogued background character b/c that's all that goes unpunished, it's bad b/c it's done to them at all, not [ohh they're doing it to themselvesss] and like i'm asking myself like Ideally. what do i want Ideally. and i'd want winston to know that it's being Done To Him & i'd want him to find as much room for his personhood & autonomy as possible. and that's basically how he's written anyways, and billions hates that like You See this is why he deserves it this is why he's doing it to himself. and i'm like my god if that's not Inspiration for like "so what if people don't find you Personally Likable" and not preemptively holding back all personality or anything that'd draw attention as if you exist as a person in your own right & not something that only either gets in the way of or serves their wants of a Real person (someone with more power) like hell yeah you have him out here doing it =']

another fun addendum is like, billions isn't getting into it much b/c it doesn't seem to care much about "what if some people were peers & seem to have a genuine, recipcrocal relationship?" but that it just so happened to be like "oh tuk as the next closest loser who deserves it might be nice to winston" while it's framing winston as the "worse" Loser as being....unconditionally supportive of tuk. while the one downside of billions Also giving bentuk as much as it is is that it also inevitably has that shadow of "but ben is Superior to tuk" and like that it's correct that everyone encourages tuk to Stop Bringing It Upon Himself and start being less of a loser; it's wrong for winston to be like hey let's go have a foursome. like yeah probably don't make a list of the women you work with you'd be dtf but it's not like i'm convinced "ah billions and it's strong anti misogyny stance like" roflmao and billions is Not reflecting on "the downsides of unconditional support?" there when winston was beaten up for criticising taylor earlier like we WILL take his ideas while looting his [beaten unconscious] body there but he WAS wrong to express them as though he's BETTER than taylor!!! mafee's beautiful show of loyalty in kicking his ass even when he might agree with the argument and then benefit when it's adopted by taylor anyways! so it's as usual actually purely based on hierarchy & who gets to be in charge of people. it's correct for ben to be in charge of tuk, unless he has to step aside for that bizarre dead-end subplot about how it's tuk's fault if he's treated badly, b/c it's really his own Failure to have Confidence to know he has good ideas [raising our voice to deliver this message over the sound of breaking desks and chairs and computer monitors over winston because he had the confidence to act like he deserved to talk to someone and because he knows his ideas efforts & results are good & valuable around there] like. and isn't it sooo fucked up to talk about who you're dtf in the episode that has it be neutral if your boss is dtf & lets you know but is nice about it (and you're already Correctly tending to their ego, which you're responsible for!) like hey no possible problem! it's not even so much of a problem for a boss man to have the sex they're entitled to & be rude about their leveraging their power in that acquisition that it Stays a problem into the next season. ew, winston is Known (Inferred) Dtf??? we'll use it to exploit His vulnerability, exacerbate it, & punish him further for good measure in another episode that just revels in abuse & violation with a sexual aspect once again, but like, hey tuk don't do that, winston's such a Bad Influence for being like, shrug, kneejerk intervening with the Good Friendship where the One In Charge leaps in & Tells tuk the Correct thing to do. obviously there's also the tragedy that billions will Never let winston push back against Real Winners like rian or taylor in A Way That Matters (actually gets in their way at all) lol like. one thing that would have really been fun, winston should've literal kneejerk started physically fighting wags in either pertinent scene in 7x03 for real 110%. i wouldn't be like Gasp Violence Is Never The Answer if he just hit someone to hit them b/c fuck you. or broke anything on his way out etc etc. billions would Never let him. which is the other side of the same coin of [why he should get to]

tl;dr how great that winston's being "out of line" means he's basically always noticeably flouting & rebelling against the [He Deserves Abuse] agenda lol. that IS what i want. his being "beyond hope" like ohhh he's sooo stupid he doesn't realize how much he has the bad tastes & wrong interests & annoying personality He Will Always Be This Way like hell yeah!!! billions like oh no winston's personhood will never stay tamped down & locked away such that some godawful person tolerates keeping him in their inventory :( ohhh the ABA will never work :( that's right!!!!!!!!!! although they're not sad about it because it's about relishing the promise there will always be True Inferiors you can enjoy abusing with your righteous power over, but like well you wrote him escaping anyways even while dragging other "better" characters into standing around to serve axe's need for more than 1.8 employees and [crickets, reverberating cough, sneaker scuff] like. another ""wrong"" thing for winston to do, another thing for him to not "deserve," which is itself godawful actually lol like lord what it "rewards" its Good, Deserving characters with, no thanks. meanwhile winston's punishment is that he's autistic and """bad""" at being abused like lmfao good for him, fantastic for him, just what i want

[lilidawnonthemoon]

[take-ya-to-the-ghey-bar]

tonight in other thoughts while i'm off reading-- ya girl do be having blog making temptation again...

[thingscanalwaysgetworse]

So uh this blog is a mess. Basically just making this post to say that I’m going to make a new blog, and I will post the new blog name here are as soon as I get it set up.

After I set it up, I probably will not be active on this blog anymore. I say “probably” because I’m not planning on deleting this blog (at least not right now), and i will still check back once in a while, but I’m not going to be making new posts from this blog. Except for the next (and final) post on this blog which is just so I can post the new blog url

[shidoukanae]

how do people find people they can bounce their OC stuff off of for Encouragement TM purposes,,, and who might also be willing to help you construct plots and such and basically listen to you talking about the intricacies + nuances of your story you don't wanna reveal to the public quite yet,,,

i wanna chat about my OCs but i also don't wanna bother people either ahhhhhh

[theetherealbloom]

sooo… my immune system decided to nuke itself.

apparently, when you’re extremely stressed, you’re immune system can just… decide to stop working(????) and make you susceptible to bacterial infections.

which is exactly what happened to me. my entire face was swollen for a week and a half so… literally i was in so much pain that i would wake up in the middle of the night crying. that’s why i wasn’t able to write much for the past two weeks.

this is ur friendly reminder to manage ur stress levels and drink your multivitamins!!!

^ joel fr disappointed at me for not drinking my meds 😞

[agentark]

I think I will be mourning my lost ACWW cartridge for the rest of my life

[valakiir]

Aaaaand I ran out of tags to gush in 😔

endless possibility 🔮

[astrow1zar6]

Astro Observations~ 43

Taurus placements usually have a big sweet tooth. They love carbs as well I notice.

On the other hand I notice Aries placements really love spicy foods (especially Aries suns). They are the types to always get the hottest sauce they have on their food. My Aries friend told me she “enjoys the pain of spice” (very Martian lol)

Scorpio moons get mad when you ask them too many questions 😭 if they aren’t ready to tell you you won’t get nothing out of them, they will dodge your questions every chance they get.

Venus in Cancer & Libra are the most committed out of all the Venus signs I notice. Once they like you they are already planning the wedding in their heads 😂 these women were made to be wives fr!

Aquarius moons are so ethereal, they have this unique glow to them that’s super captivating (ex; Marilyn Monroe). They are all just so beautiful.

Capricorn risings are super hot! Their nonchalance makes them more attractive and magnetic. A lot of people with a Capricorn rising have a Neptune in the 1st house which adds to their appeal a lot!

Mars in the 8th house people usually have had a bad experience with sex early in life. Many could be hyper sexual because of trauma 🙁

Leo risings/ moons have the best hair out of all the Leo placements. It’s usually so thick and shiny!

Moon in Aries have a hard time controlling their emotions. I’ve heard a lot say it feels like they’re burning up inside if they repress how they feel for too long (especially in the 3rd house). If they don’t let it out they can make themselves really sick. They just need to work on their delivery cuz they can be quite intense.

Uranus in the 5th house individuals get turned on by the oddest cringiest people😭 they’re into odd balls. (7th house too but I think the 5th house finds weirder people lol).

Scorpio suns can be big buzz kills when they’re depressed. They either trauma dump for hours or become really antisocial.

Uranus in the 2nd house people really don’t give a shit about money. They aren’t as attached to it as most people are. They also can either make an extreme amount of money and then be broke the next minute. Their financial situation is very unstable.

Mercury in retrograde people are always late😂. Also people with a mercury retrograde can have an easier time during a mercury retrograde transit than others that don’t have their mercury in retrograde. I notice as well they are either extremely quiet or say too much no in between.

Your mars is way better in a fire/air sign than in a water/earth sign. Aries imo is the best sign you can have in your mars. Even though people talk about Scorpio & Capricorn being one of the “best” I have to disagree 😭 Scorpio mars have great drive but I feel like their emotions 9 times outta 10 get in the way of them accomplishing a lot, their feelings are usually super hard to control. Also Capricorn I just feels like moves way to slow for mars quick paced nature. They go through more obstacles than I feel like most to accomplish their goals even small goals are hard for these people.

Cancer risings tend to have big 🍒 while Capricorn risings tend to be pretty flat chested.

Taurus moon & mars are THICCCC

I never met a Venus in Gemini or Aquarius that was straight. They’re all mad fruity😂.

Venus in Virgo is the most boring to date. (When I say this I mean mostly the men) they’re just so bland imo.

Scorpio rising/mars ruin a lot of relationships with how intensely they express their emotions. They can be super psycho when you’ve crossed them.

Virgo suns talk a lot of shit but are rarely able to back it up when confronted.

Capricorn suns don’t mind walking on others to get to the top. They have an ability to disconnect from empathy which is why a lot of people see them as cold and only caring about money.

Gemini moons are the funnest to bring to parties they are such social butterflies and are usually super funny!

Aqua Venus’s aren’t romantic to people that are openly affectionate but they are romantic to people who are super nonchalant and barely give them attention 😭 they don’t like when people act too into them too early it scares them. If u want to hook someone with this Venus act careless they’ll go crazy for you lol.

Cancer moons are really nice but super phony.

Capricorn moons are the opposite they are usually seen as harsh and mean but very real people.

The weakest mars sign in my opinion is Pisces mars. The ones I meet have like no energy for anything & they complain about doing the bare minimum. The men with this are soooo passive they always look super scared and never make the first move. They’re super submissive usually. They also need to sleep more than most people.

Venus in the first house women are lowkey haters. They do not like when other girls get more attention than them or have anything they don’t have (especially when it comes to looks or love). But they’ll never tell you directly they’re way to passive for that but you’ll definitely catch the shade👀

Mars conjunct venus are either really charismatic and sexy or very aggressive & irritating, if badly aspected they can come off way too strong which scares people away. But if positive they can attract people like bees to honey.

[viridescentelf]

Yandere elf x reader - Love Making

Character and Art belongs to @meo-eiru! Go follow her and love her 🫶(pushes all of you to her blog)

I am out of ideas, y‘all. I am so happy you guys love my dumb smut lol 🩷 really thank you! Idk if I‘ll do any more, unless specifically asked. Also, if meru is ok with it ✨

Warning: 18+ content, drugging, general nsfw, oral !

—————

He smothered you with his length.

You got brief respite when he exited, gasping in short bursts.

Silas was caressing your face with both of his hands, holding you in place. His soft thumb pressed lightly into your cheek.

„Good, good~“, he cooed breathily.

In his mind, he was just giving you your nourishment. He didn‘t fully understand why the milking made him feel so lightheaded, why he longed to do it over and over again. But mothers wrote in the baby books that it is a precious bonding ritual, one they never experienced before.

And surely, this was a feeling he hadn‘t experienced before.

Silas let his darling suck his teats every day, but because he was an elf, his milk was stored elsewhere. Of course!

He had a collection of instructional manuals he had consulted (Romance Novels) and they referred to this act as „love making“. What a beautiful term! Silas felt giddy whenever he thought about it. That‘s definitely what the situation in the spring was, too - it all makes sense now!

Letting out a few breathy moans, he felt you lick his tip, as he thrust gently forward. He had prepared you again, giving you long and deep kisses to fully drench you with his aphrodisiac tongue. It was impossible to stop yourself. The way his kisses made you forget yourself, wanting him. You knew now how hard you could come with him just in you. It was annoying to admit, but you wanted more.

You looked up at him and a flush of purple filled his ethereal face.

„K-keep drinking, my precious…“, he huffed. He was holding himself, pointing it at your open lips.

You let your tongue fall out. You could see him gasp inaudibly from arousal at the sight of you. It was kind of fun to tease him. He looked beside himself, whenever he was close.

Your tongue brushed his tip again and he shivered. He was gently holding the back of your head, his fingers laced within your messed up hair. You could feel him push you forward softly.

Without warning you swallowed him as much as you could. Silas yelped at the feeling of you jerking your head forward vigorously. The sounds he made were so pitiful. You couldn’t get that much of him in your throat, but the mere velocity and sudden depth made the elf convulse and shake uncontrollably. He was trying to hold back, but it was futile.

He exploded with a guttural squeal. You felt his seed plummet into your throat and you quickly released your mouth to avoid choking. More overflowed onto your face, the most of it was dripping out of the sides of your mouth though. You swallowed harshly at the load.

Silas was immobile, his arms twitching by his massive side. He didn‘t speak for a while either, so you just sat there in silence with faint sounds of dripping.

Finally, Silas sat up with a flushed face. Dried tears stained his cheeks as his lip quivered.

���Darling… y-you were hungry, weren‘t you?“ he was trying to talk in his melodic voice, but you had taken his ability to be graceful.

You brushed some semen off your chin and stared at him.

„Oh, let me!“, he grabbed a beautiful doily he had been embroidering with donkeys and cows on it. He read babies like barn animals.

He wiped your face clean.

„There! All clean,“ he beamed down at you. Still feeling a bit sticky, you asked if you could go wash your face. He clapped his hands frantically, proud of you, for whatever reason.

Silas‘s semen didn‘t smell like normal cum. It had a strange, soothing scent to it. You stood over the basin and sniffed your hand a few times. What was in his damn bloodstream that made everything about him smell so fucking divine?

In the background, you heard Silas practice some lullaby, poorly.

Evidently, it was time for bed.

[rafesangelita]

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ kook!sweetheart!reader walks her first runway for her own lingerie brand, and of course rafe has to have a front row seat.

warnings: rafe being a supportive bf, suggestive ending

a/n: trying a new fic layout, i hope you all like it as much as i do <3 lol i had the hardest time trying to decide on the song i wanted to use for this fic

you couldn’t believe the day was finally here. ever since you started your lingerie line, you wanted to have a runway show to showcase the beautiful pieces, and all thanks to rafe, he was able to make that possible. while your boyfriend insisted on being backstage with you, you told him to wait until you walked out for the finale, wanting to surprise him in full glam and a set you have yet to release. to say you were excited would be an understatement— you were literally having your very own victoria secret show.

with fashion bloggers, magazine editors, and most importantly; rafe, the man who believed in you more than yourself, being in attendance, you just wanted everything to take place smoothly. “oh my god, you look amazing!” you glanced up from the small vanity mirror, meeting kelce’s girlfriend’s gaze. “me?!” your eyes widened as you shot up from your seat. “look at you! kelce is going to lose his mind.” you laughed, admiring the way her makeup sparkled under the studio lights.

“you think so?” she smiled, both of you swallowing nervously when you heard a ‘okay, we’re on in five!’ over one of the staff’s walkie talkie’s. “oh, god, just what i needed to hear.” you joked. she hugged you before joining the rest of the girls in line. outside in the crowd, rafe was already taking pictures like a proud facebook mom, shushing kelce and topper once the lights dimmed and the music started. the intro to britney spear’s ‘gimme more’ began playing, the crowd letting out a series of ‘oooh’s’ and ‘ahhh’s’ when the first model walked out.

rafe was only recording for your sake, his eyes strictly set on his hands as he patiently waited for your entrance. everything that the models were wearing was something he had already seen on you behind closed doors. rafe couldn’t help but feel his chest bloom with pride as he looked around the beautiful venue. despite him paying for everything, you were the one who worked with the planner and coordinator to bring your vision to life.

and what a vision it was.

you had spotlights lining the runway, glitter littering the glossy flooring. various props were also placed on the sidelines. “look, here comes y/n!” rafe arched a brow at his friend, kelce clearing his throat awkwardly. “don’t get too excited, now..” rafe grumbled, eyes locked on your silhouette. the music reached it’s final bridge, your lingerie clad body illuminating the stage. rafe had no words. you were wearing wings like the angel you truly were, the rhinestones and embellishments on your set reflecting under the now multicolored lighting.

“you’re beautiful, babygirl!” rafe shouted, his eyes widening as you got closer. you looked ethereal. not one hair was out of place, your makeup done flawlessly to enhance your natural features. you caught sight of him, sending a wink his way before blowing him a kiss. “she’s getting it tonight.” he held a hand over his heart, watching the way your hips swayed as cameras flashed from every direction. rafe stayed standing up until you disappeared behind the stage, his smile reaching from ear to ear.

“now that’s a show..” he adjusted himself in his pants, posting you on his instagram with the caption; ‘she’s perfect.’

eventually, the event came to a star strucking end, your boyfriend meeting you soon after with a huge bouquet of pink roses. you couldn’t help the sudden wave of emotions from washing over you at the sight of him. “oh, rafe!” you threw yourself into his arms, being careful not to ruin your makeup. “you were so amazing out there, baby.” he rubbed your back. “yeah?” you pulled away, pecking his lips. “fuck yeah.” his voice dropped a few octaves, his hand finding the curve of your ass. “can you take those angel wings home?” he whispered.

“yes.. why?” you smiled mischievously. “cause i need you to walk for me again. naked this time.”

[beeseverywhen]

Feeling weird about it being Easter and yet me having no plans to do anything

My family aren't religious at all but they did always have a very working class English approach to Christian holidays as in 'this is the only day we're all getting off work so you bet we're going to celebrate it'

It took me a long time to even realise things like Christmas and Good Friday/ Easter even were religious cause they already were a whole thing in my head 'it's a day you make food and see all your family' I never even made the link between that and the whole Jesus thing for many many years. For a long time all the big (by big, I mean you get them off work. This is my only frame of reference. If its a bank holiday, it's a holiday. If you aren't it isn't.) holidays were spent with my family, cooking, if not visiting them and eating their cooking.

Since my great grandparents died, there's no one place for our family to gather in. My great grandma was the matriarch of our family, if you made a decision about your life, it was understood that you'd go tell her about it. Everything went through her, she'd give her opinion and you probably wouldn't follow it but you had to get it all the same. My great grandfather was her backbone, her voice of reason. The two of them together made this unit, around which the rest of our family rested on. I never had to worry about keeping in touch with my cousins or aunties or uncles or anyone as by regularly visiting my great grandparents I was in touch.

Usually I'd spend at least some of good Friday, sat in their lounge catching up with everyone else that dropped in while I was there. It was the only bank holiday I didn't work, apart from Xmas and boxing day. It feels so wrong not to be doing anything but what could I be doing? Of course I could have arranged to see the rest of my family, those that are still in England anyway but is there any reason to. Its harder to arrange those sorts of things now because before we were all doing it for the same reason, for them and now they're gone that common reason isn't there. Not to mention there's no one place to gather. It's not that they had a big house, it's that their house was a place of safety and everyone was welcome. Other family members have an open door policy but its not the same when you don't feel safe there. Their lounge was barely big enough to fit five people at once but we crowded in because it was home, to four and a half generations of us. What's sitting on the floor when you've spent twenty years sitting on the same floor.