#back at it again with my observations
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A little theory relating to the secrets
So I was rereading the recent QnA the DRDTDev did, as one does, when I noticed something interesting.
Arturo and Hu both list the same color with the same reasoning when asked for their favorite/least favorite color. Arturo’s is his favorite while Hu’s is her least favorite.
Now, I’m kind of an idiot and I didn’t know what sterile meant, so I looked up the definition and
I don’t think the first definition is being used in this case, as anything relating to reproduction was never hinted at or mentioned by Arturo or Hu. So we’re going to be looking at the second definition.
“Free from bacteria or other living microorganisms; totally clean”.
This makes sense with Arturo. He is a plastic surgeon and has been shown to care a lot about cleanliness
It can be assumed that sterile is being used in the context of medical vicinities. Now, why would Hu dislike that? Well, I bring you this secret:
Many people believe that this is Hu’s secret. The phrase “Dying once wasn’t enough” seems weird. How does one die while being alive presently? By being resuscitated in a hospital, of course!
Dying and then being revived has got to be a traumatic experience, so it would make sense why Hu would associate colors in a hospital with bad feelings. The secret also says that the person has attempted suicide three times, so maybe Hu either voluntarily or was involuntarily admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I’m not a medical professional nor have I ever been to a psychiatric hospital, but I would assume that at least some rooms in a psychiatric hospital would consist of blueish whites and similar colors.
To conclude, I think that a silly QnA about characters’ favorite colors might actually be evidence that the “Hopeless Child” secret is Hu Jing’s.
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Anyway, the card itself was about MC and Barbatos going to the past and Barbatos reflecting on his history, and how ultimately the place he ended up the happiest is the present day Demon Lord's Castle because Diavolo and MC are in his life.
And this didn't happen outright in the card, but can we appreciate that the non-bloomed version of the UR implies the one thing that can make Barbatos cry is how important Diavolo (and now MC) is to him?
#he canonically has a diavolo scrapbook#he loves his son so much 😖#obey me barbatos#obey me#barbatos#back to my regular horrible posts#can they just give me their wretched little makeship plushies already#I need them to sit and observe me posting about the same 5 things over and over again
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Now that I started thinking about Evbo's monologuing...
Does Evbo talk ALL THE TIME? Is it only when he is stressed? Or when he's afraid? Perhaps when he's happy? Or sad?
Does Evbo mutter when he's trying to be stealthy? Does the kid shout wildly and loudly when he's fighting, speaking his opponent's every move? Does Evbo's voice shake when he gets hurt?
When he was used as the ultimate revival tool- fighters killing him without so much as a doubt- did his voice shake as he spoke how they approached him in that bloodied and dark room? How they swung and hit with their iron swords?
Did he try to stop himself from speaking, but it's become such a habit.. An instinct. For him that he couldn't stop even as he tried over and over again to clench his jaw and stop his mouth from moving as pain erupted once more?
Did his lips become bruised and bloodied as people got more and more annoyed at the fact that this stupid tool they use daily keeps talking? Did they plunge their swords right through his tongue, gouging and slashing at it every once in a while to stop him from muttering their every movement?
Did Evbo ever stop talking in that cell?
#pvp evbo#pvp civilization#angst#lots of it#i hate the idea of Evbo monologuing everything#I dislike the fact i even thought of this#Evbo as the chosen one#my observation and thinking skills somehow came back again
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Colin Bridgerton...
Writes with his left hand
He drinks with his left hand
He toasts with his left hand
He drinks his English Breakfast tea with his left hand (moodily)
He twirl his gal with his left hand
He-... ah.
Well, he's ambidextrous? 😉
#bridgerton#bridgerton season 3#bridgerton spoilers#bridgerton s3#polin#colin bridgerton#gotta hand it to the man#this is my only observation#annnnd I'm going back under my tumblr rock again
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fiction vs reality is one thing. the way huge chunks of a fandom will rise up to very clearly enforce that a certain line of criticism is unacceptable or overdramatic or somehow unfair, or to shut down concerns that are centered in racial justice, is another — and witnessing those ranks swiftly closing up and that social enforcement mobilizing is very, very real, especially when you're a person of color. it sets a tone that is real. it replicates systems of social power and control that are real, and presents very real indications of whose discomfort and whose pain is prioritized.
#have literally sat on this opening and closing my drafts over and over again bc i'm Scared to post this.#bc of the ways i am unfortunately already anticipating being misinterpreted or having my words/the central issue be twisted.#but literally that fear is EXACTLY the kind of tone being set that i'm talking about! so fuck it!!#and that's all i'm gonna say about it.#you all take it easy though.#WELL I ENDED UP SAYING MORE ON IT (same as it ever was) so i'm going ahead and turning rbs back on too.#it's stupid for me to feel too cowed to speak my mind on the patterns i'm observing rn. not gonna do it.m
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ive been thinking about this but. i think shuro understands laios' character pretty well, but he doesn't value his strengths or interests (monster knowledge). in the DVD extra where laios imagines what would have happened if they'd been on better terms, shuro STILL leaves because he thinks his chances are better with a trained crew (which....... is likely to be true but. look at how he ended up anyway lmao). meanwhile kabru recognises that while the party isnt particularly strong, the reason they get so far in the first place is BECAUSE of what laios knows about monsters. shuro seems aware that laios knows about monsters or has an interest in them, but views this as frivolous and a waste of time and doesn't seem to realise how much this knowledge carried them in the first place
#his prevailing impression of laios appears to be that hes too carefree 💀#i think thats more the case of whatever he observes laios' priorities to be#he thinks its unimportant....#anyway thats just my onion. ive seen people say that shuro doesnt Get laios#and i dont think thats true. i just think he dismisses some of it 💀#its his understanding of his character that. spoiler alert i just realised.#makes him back laios up to the point of defying the elves#this is just what i think is possible. because i realise also#that kabru makes this theory once hes actually talked to laios abt monsters iirc#and like. i dont think laios was as openly fanatical about monsters until after falin got killed LMAO#its entirely possible that actually shuro DIDNT observe this (knowledgeable) about laios#or at least didnt recognise the extent of the knowledge pulling them thru..#but again also. i realise shuro wasnt actually wrong for thinking his chances were better#with his retainers LMAO... senshi made a huge difference in their party and theres no way#shuro could have known hed appear. without senshi they very may have well#not made it that far......#this is all to say that i want a scenario where shuro thinks about this and realises#how integral to their survival laios' knowledge has been so far#and how his knowledge has come about as a result of study and hard work and dedication#<- secret laishuro agenda LMAO
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I noticed you weren't posting much for a while, you seem more active now adays and I hope you're doing okay! Say hi to Hugo!
omg... I appreciate the concern!! I'm not great but I am feeling better rn than I have been, and do not currently have a gun in my hand. also Hugo says hi back.
#that picture is from just today btw this is how he Gazes at me#I love this man. more than any man or dog I have ever met in my life#but yeah no it's been really bad for a really long time#I actually went off my meds like. not tapering just cold turkey quit them#a couple weeks ago or so and have been feeling better since then. so.#don't know what that means. but I'm not on suicide watch atm so it's whatever#sergle answers#that's more info than you probably needed but I'm just very impressed w the observation about me being sort of Back At It Again
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hhhhidea...,,,, CUTE idea (kinda?) dust reading to phantom papyrus during night to lull him to sleep,,,, but really its just a way for him to pretend that everythings not really that shit (as if phantom paps isn't just dust's denial incarnate) and to help him NOT wake up because of a nightmare again or something
(and just because i can't resist now im imagining this with mtt. not that dust stopped reading to paps in place of killer and horror (because he wouldnt he simply wouldn't) but now the two join them for storytime. horror knocks out pretty damn fast and eventually dust falls asleep too after he makes sure that paps is satisfied with the amount he read and then killer's just left to sit there. maybe he tries to fall asleep maybe he doesn't,,,, maybe he picks up the book and continues reading but EITHERWAY,,,,,, this scene in my head so 💥💥💥😇😇😇)
#sweet soft mtt taking OVER triglycercule's brain has been invaded with them.........#horror probably sleeps like a rock man. dust is a very very very light sleeper. killer doesn't sleep at all and when he does#its just like that half asleep state. better than nothing tho....... those weeks of not sleeping probably leads to the most delicious naps#now in an ideal world killer learns to get a proper sleep schedule even if he can't feel his exhaustion#however in MY mtt dominated world killer doesn't fix his sleep habits and instead just takes a shitton of naps everywhere#they killerfied the house (made everything softer to sleep on) and killer always has 2 walking pillows to sleep on#sure he might not get 8 hours of sleep like during night. but he got that over the day so its ok TRUSY#this surely wont have any bad side effects but whatever its the mtt since when do they care about PROPER habits. if it works it works#ik i aaaaalways say hrkl wouldn't like phantom paps and find it weird but also now im considering#like. them being jealous of dust for always having kinda papyrus with him#like damn..... horror fucked up his brother permanently. he will never get the old paps back#and killer doesnt want to see his papyrus again because then he thinks hell just ruin everything again#but dust gets to talk and laugh and joke with his paps all the time!!! he got it better than them and thats just cus he hallucinates!!!! wt#i mean phantom paps isnt a 1:1 version of papyrus but hes close enough in my eyes#another idea....... horror (and maybe killer if he warms up to it) hanging out with dust JUST to talk to phantom paps#dust could easily just lie about what phantom paps says (although unless he had a reason he wouldnt risk upsetting paps like that methinks)#but theres something there. something something toxic mttpoly dynamic or whatever idc man. im in the mood for FLUFF!!!!!!!!!!#i think it would be funny if phantom paps says dusts deepest thoughts about hrkl. and then if he wants to say it dust has to filter it a LO#they could be sitting near killer and phantom paps would provide a detailed description of why killer has the mannerisms of a cat#and then dust would (hesitantly) agree to everything paps said (he was thinking it too) but when killer looks back at him#(he's been staring at killer for the past 10 minutes to see if what paps said was right) dust just says like. you remind me of a cat#OR BETTER YET he doesn't wanna admit that he thought of that so he just says paps says you remind him of a cat#insert horror version of this moment here. and killer quickly realizes that dust's just using papyrus as an excuse for why he says stuff#like that sometimes. horror just thinks dust's a weirdo freak (but unlike killer he takes the little observations to heart. loser)#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule hc
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It's kind of annoying to see some depict Annabeth as not having/being able to have relationships, especially friendships, outside of Percy or them having a connection to him as well in some way. I'm not saying that she can't be paired with people who are also friends with Percy, I'm mainly talking about it from this perspective---if Percy and Rachel can be friends with one another without connecting back to Annabeth, the she can have the same. Like, sometimes whenever I read fics that mention Annabeth having a relationship with Connor, there always seems to be a mention of Percy in some way (either Connor being dropped for him or being used as a way to make him jealous), but that's long since stopped when it comes to Rachel being added (which is good because my girl was fighting for her life in this fandom). Not even just Connor, but I would like to see more of Annabeth's life highlighted outside of Percy and sometimes even outside of the big hero quest that she goes on. I want to see more of her interactions with Grover, Silena, the Stolls, Clarisse, etc. And this isn't any hate or shade to Percy, because I love him, but he's given more depth at times (when done right because fanon!Percy can be...) than Annabeth, even though they both are complex characters.
#percy jackson#pjo#annabeth chase#i love my girl annabeth & need more people to give her more depth than being “a stoic genius”#she's emotional! she's a crier! she shuts down and shuts people out! she's physically affectionate! give her more!#and also maybe contrary but whatever i do think that her and rachel could be friends without it retaining back to percy#but a lot in fandom from what ive seen can't do that for them and it makes me sad#like annaneth with her architecture meeting rachel's artistic creativity-- the possibilities are endless#connor was annabeth's first kiss and i stand by that (after she drop kicked him for the spider thing)#again this isn't any hate to percy (any percy hate will not be tolerated here!) just an observation#also with more added to annabeth's character means a deeper analysis of her relationship with her father 🫢#im just rambling lol
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it's important to keep in mind that RGGS is making games for 1) to make money and 2) the ENTIRE fanbase which is way more broad than just the fandom. Majima is and historically has been the most popular character. the gaiden-style game only just proved itself to have potential. of course RGGS is gonna have Majima headline the second gaiden game. Plus the story jumps off IW so people who boarded the franchise with that entry can pick this up without having to worry too much about previous installments. RGGS wants the game to be successful so these choices shouldn't be surprising (one would think...)
^^^
#snap chats#couldnt have said it better myself friend#unrelated whose car is outside my house i almost thought it was my friends vJEALVKEAJKLJ#ok Related Now but yeah !!#rgg doesnt make fanservice per say but they acknowledge what the community is into and make games with that in mind#i cant for the life of me think anyone was ACTUALLY surprised that yk3 wasnt announced or whatnot#My Personal Theory Again just follows after majima disdain and richardson coming back thats my theory based on observation#its just that the sentiment has blown up THIS much is the real appalling part liiiike oh wow .... mates are Mad mad#i still cant comprehend stopping enjoying a thing or drawing a thing just cause of something like this#but i aint gonna tell people how they oughta feel their feelings are their feelings. i will however say it just a wee funny vELKVEAJ#anyway im outta grapes this is a NIGHTMARE
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Reflection Chamber _ ! 🪞
#corru.observer#corru observer#corru.observer oc#DullDreamMachine#KD'sCrumbs#mild horror#mild eyestrain#probably yea#does this need a tw? i dont know lmao#back at it again with the backlog#sorry embassy folk you get to see my art twice lmao
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Hall of famers love starting shit with beefed up , slightly damp, heel factions.
#crazy that I watched this a few months ago out of curiosity and now I live here#kind of into the fact that Dean looks like the odd one out of the shield and is the most insecure about being the ‘weak link’#this is also peak shield in my hesrt. dean’s agitated and reactive. Roman’s sitting back observing only engaging when he needs to.#Seth’s mediating or cackling or running his mouth#also shout out to heel Roman. can’t believe it takes years for him to turn heel again.#there’s a lot I love about this whole segment. Seth and Dean getting pumped for Roman to intimidate Roddy is pretty hot-what who said that#Wwe#Seth Rollins#dean ambrose#roman reigns#roddy piper#raw January 6 2014
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Endouma is a terrible ship, and here is why.
‼️WARNING‼️: Post not only contains semi spoilers for KNY, but it also contains mentions of things like suicide, depression and noncon/sexual assault. If you are uncomfortable with those topics, please refrain from reading.
TLDR: Enmu and Douma are not compatible with each other because that ship is mostly built up on fetished MLM tropes, overly sexualized versions of the characters and the romanticization of SA.
(God, I feel like I have been posting nothing but hot takes on this account as of late. I promise I will go back to posting art, cosplays, and more just chill stuff after this.)
Enmu and Douma are not characters that should not be shipped together, for multiple reasons. Starting off, THEY ARE NOTHING ALIKE!!!! I don’t know where or how it was decided that they were alike, or that Enmu is “Douma 2.0”, but it makes no sense. While both are meant to be irredeemable monsters, Enmu was an irredeemable monster from the get go. From what we know about his backstory, he knew he was scamming people and targeting the weak and vulnerable for it. Douma’s backstory goes a bit more in depth and explains that he was put into the role of “all mighty god” as a child, which lead to the power of it going to his head as he grew up. Douma was still an impressionable child who was failed by the adults around him, and as he grew up he took on some of those same traits as the adults he was surrounded by. The bottom line is this: Douma, while a shitty person, still has some way to sympathize with him, Enmu does not, and thats just on the story side of things.
Enmu and Douma also share nothing in common personality wise. On face value, they may kinda act similar (i.e how they talk (sorta)) but it really just stops there. Enmu ultimately had a goal to kill Tanjiro and gain more blood from Muzan so he could climb the ranks of the demon hierarchy. He wanted to gain more power and to overthrow one of the upper moons for the sake of power. He doesn’t care how many people he has to torment, hurt or kill, as long as he has spot in power, he is happy, hell, he literally has vulnerable and even sick children do his dirty work! Enmu is a sick and twisted individual and he prides himself on that. Douma on the other hand put on the happy and up beat facade to hide that he knows he was failed. Douma is aware he was failed as a human, and so he decided to fail his followers by being the embodiment of false hope. He plays into the false icon lifestyle by pretending to be hopeful and happy around his followers and even the other demons to an extent. He doesn’t care so much about power, rather he cares more about control. Douma keeps up his false religion persona to keep control over his followers. He knows he’s failing them, but he doesn’t want to lose the control he has over them.
Now onto the elephant in the room: the mischaracterization I’ve seen of both of them in the Endouma ship. In both fanart and fanfics I’ve seen and read (well more so forced down my throat since thats all I’ve seen with Enmu in recent times) both Enmu and Douma are mischaracterized to high hell just so we as the reader/viewer will feel pity for them. I’ve seen more of this with Enmu, in that all the stuff that made him unique from the other KNY demons is stripped away so his “savior boyfriend” Douma can comfort him and coddle him. Now, writing an AU is one thing, but if you’re just going to make content of the ship with the characters as they are in the series, then their actual personalities should be honored or at the very least acknowledged.
Going more in depth about the mischaracterizing I’ve been seeing with Enmu, almost all (ALMOST all, not all in general) Endouma content I’ve seen have made him either a depressed and anxious baby that Douma is meant to coddle, or an overly fetishized hyper feminine man thats there simply for sexual reasons. It just goes against their roles in the story of KNY.
Going off of the hyper feminine man mischaracterization of Enmu I’ve seen in regards to the Endouma ship, having him be pretty much a “femboy” not only contradicts him as a character, but it also is pushing toxic heteronormativity on a queer relationship. Making Enmu essentially the “woman”, while putting toxic heteronormativity in a very much MLM ship, it also just boils him down to a sex object and nothing else. Now, I will not say that portraying Enmu as a very sexual and even gross character is wrong, because there were plenty of scenes in KNY of him that had very sexual and perverted undertones, but that is what they were, undertones. There is more to his character than just the sexual undertones he has (as I stated earlier when describing him), and by boiling him down to a “sex doll” for Douma just kind of shows that there wasn’t much of an understanding of his character while making the ship art or a fic. He is much more than a sex object.
Moving onto the mischaracterization I’ve seen of Douma, while not nearly as bad as Enmu, it still feels very off from his character. Making Douma someone who GENUINELY cares for another person is also very contradictory to how he acts in the series. He is someone who cares very little for anyone he comes to meet, whether it be his followers or other demons. Now you may be asking “but, Ink! Douma saw Daki and Gyutaro when they were on the verge of death and decided to save them!” Which is exactly what I am talking about. The only reason he “saved” them was to keep up his facade of a savior and to get himself “brownie points” (for lac of a better term) so his public appearance would look good. Because he cared very little for Daki and Gyutaro, it shows that he only cares about looking like a good person and nothing else. Portraying him as essentially “Enmu’s therapist” that coddles him and such just feels weird. Douma has no emotional connections to anyone, so why would he have an enmotional connection to a demon that is considered lower than him?
Now similar to what I said about Enmu earlier, Douma is also much more than a sex obsessed pervert. Douma being portrayed as basically a male nymphomaniac in the Endouma ship is a very strange way to portray his character. Yes, he may have been fine with letting women seek refuge in his temple, but again, it was to make him seem and look like a good person. We should all know, or at least have the understanding that Douma is literally a woman eater. The women he houses in his temple ultimately have the fate of being nothing more than food. Viewing his reason for taking in women as something sexually driven is a complete misunderstanding of his actions. This misunderstanding of Douma paired with the sexual misunderstanding of Enmu not only creates a toxic relationship, but it also fetishizes and sexualizes MLM pairings. This is something I’ve noticed more in Endouma art, but a lot of it that I have seen feels very fetish-y. I can’t go too in-depth about this aspect, as I am a queer woman, but the way the ship is portrayed in a lot of the art I have seen of it feels as though it is pandering to the appeal of yaoi obsessed straight girls. While yaoi has been a term used for decades to refer to MLM based pairings in media like anime and manga, over the past couple of years, its meaning has become more based around fetishizing MLM pairings rather than just being about MLM pairings.
I now want to bring up something that I’ve seen associated with Endouma (and also the Enmuzan ship, but that is a topic for another time) that really makes me uncomfortable, and that is noncon and the romanization sexual assault. I don’t want to talk too much about this topic, as it is not only triggering for me, but it should also be common sense that fetishizing sexual assault is wrong. Again, this is more so something I have seen in artwork, but it seems almost normalized for Douma to be portrayed forcing himself onto Enmu. Now, I know you are all probably saying “Ink, if you don’t like it/are triggered by it, then don’t interact with it”, but when its all that has been made in regards to newer Enmu content as of late, and how people are hyping it up, its kind of hard to avoid. It makes me truly question just how many people really missed the point of their characters, and only focused on things like Enmu being more androgynous, and Douma being tall and muscular. In a general sense, if a ship is built on, or is popular from fetishized and romanticized sexual assault, it shouldn’t be a ship.
Finally, I just want to mention that these characters have NEVER once interacted in canon. I know that hasn’t stopped people from shipping characters before, but it’s just something I want bring up. (As well as the fact that the Upper Moon’s hate the Lower Moons)
I want to end off this post by saying that all of this is by no means targeted at a specific person, nor am I trying to say that my opinion is correct. I am just stating my own opinions and just stating observations I have made after being in the KNY/Enmu fanbase for nearly 4 years now. People are allowed to ship characters together (within reason) however they like, but just be aware of how it will look on your own part, and what views it may look like you have.
#squidposting#inkposts#ink talks#enmu#demon slayer#Endouma#lotus dreams#Enmu X Douma#kny hot take#I will reiterate from my last paragraph that I am by no means trying to target any specific person#I am just sharing something I have noticed about the Endouma ship#and how it makes me a bit uncomfortable#if you like that ship it is completely fine#like I said I’m just sharing my own opinions and thoughts#as well as my own experience with content of that ship#I also wanted to provide my interpretations of both characters to also just kind of back up my opinions#so it wouldn’t look like I’m making baseless claims and such#again I am not targeting a specific person I am just stating opinions and observations I’ve made
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I haven’t said much about the Vini situation because honestly just thinking about it makes me pissed but it is interesting to me how a bunch of neanderthals on twitter who are the type of men who I’d literally be afraid to be alone in a room with seem to grasp the systemic racism issues within UEFA (and the football community at large) better than football fans in this website who seem to have way more progressive views
I don’t know what that’s about but….ew? Do better?
#I don’t like throwing big words around but if vini bothers you deeply and truly…maybe take a look at yourself and ur biases idk#anyway again I haven’t said much but I’m sitting back and observing#and categorizing so many people into areas of my brain usually reserved for right wing weirdos#vinicius junior#vinicius jr#vini jr#real madrid#football
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I hate the idea that because people can change, that means that survivors of abuse must lower their guard or forgive the person/people as though their old self has died and thus is incapable of bringing others pain, or that somebody is foolish for being traumatized by abuse because "people can change!".
Yes, statistically-speaking, anybody can change. Yes, maybe even an abuser can change. More often, that's not reality. Oftentimes, their abuse might be rewarded in some way, further solidifying that behaviour and the thoughts that led up to them deciding that they had the right to treat another that way.
Maybe you're a survivor, and your abuser seems to have changed. You might feel guilty that you're "holding on too long" to a person who isn't there. That doesn't mean that you have to let your guard down around them or permit them to be in your life.
#recovery#abuse#abuse tw#and not going to lie i have been told one of my abusers has 'changed' but i do not buy it...#...and i don't think it's bad for me to recognize that and to affirm that i can not be around them under *any* circumstances#at a certain point i do think it's reasonable to observe that somebody is most likely never going to change...#...and that isn't being 'overly negative.' that's called self-preservation#i felt like an asshole when i observed that 1.) my abuser had no remorse 2.) goes BACK to the behaviours that were abusive...#...because it felt like i was being overly negative and didn't believe that 'people change!!'...#...but looking back i think i just wanted to avoid putting the responsibility on my abuser for the abuse they put me through...#...and i was defending them in my head and twisting it to be my fault once again...#...and that's not fair to me. like. again i was a child. like... what responsibilities did i have in that relationship beyond that?#yes people will change. but that doesn't happen without WORK#that doesn't happen magically
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it’s so scary and so freeing to just be a person.
#the discovery and fulfillment of my curiosity as I go#trying to scientific observational field researcher my way through discovering#What Existence Includes#while I’m in this state to experience it#it’s like being back to my very youngest days before I started learning the major rules#when I was just sensation and experience and curiosity#making sense / making an ongoing story of the world and time itself as it flies past#personal#cult escapee#katie.txt#past me: thank you thank you thank you for holding on through the nightmare. thank you for riding out the huge world-ending pain. thank you#it was worth it it was worth it#of course it isn’t perfect but I SAID it’d be better within a few years didn’t I?#you signed up for this you made the commitment when you knew.#you tried allowing yourself to trust yourself again for the first time since age 7 or so.#you knew you couldn’t hold it all up front for that long if you were gonna survive transplanting yourself like an organ.#you knew you’d be giving up a lot. and you did it anyway because you were brave and you cared that much about how very very little you#deserved better for her world#and here you are. and here we are.#you told the therapist ‘of course not!!!’ so instantaneously and so full of belief. so dead sure on deep reflex that you could NEVER#trust yourself in a million years because even if the supernatural surveillance state wasn’t real and you didn’t have innate evilness#just from the Doctrine Is Saying So#where was I going with this. I’m typing tags on mobile and it’s religious for me but it’s also impossible as a ui#anyway my POINT WAS: it is so hard and so scary but it’s like walking into the world of Sesame Street for real.#you were right. it IS good to be alive. the whole thing all the way through is a bewildering baffling marvel. you’re ok to be delighted#about it and marvel at how wild it is that there’s so much about it all and so many things to see and think and meet and feel and do during#our spans of time#no matter what came before or what might come next#what a goddam marvel of it all. ain’t it just the strangest thing of all that we’re alive. what a marvel. what an absolutely magnificent hit#existence is an absolute absurdity
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