#babyshitter

[squaunchthocles]

Anhören/Kaufen: The Babyshitter von scumrecords666mx

I am the evil babyshitter parents please beware, Your baby will inhale my shit I-don't-care! 

(gets a lil disgusting after that)

[allegaeon]

hi im calling about the babyshitter job. oh. SITTER, you say? well i just had back 2 back taco bell chipotle lunch but i guess i can hold it in and just sit on the lil bastard. hello?

[beatrice-reden-official]

Ayyy -Ace

I’m a babyshitter to a criminal -Cardi

That must be though

[katzenmusik-blog1]

[sinha-ri]

I feel like if Lily ever had a "job" irl (mordern times),it can be a few things. A butcher, a youtuber (IRBE8RB), and babysitter

A butcher because he's good with knives and stuff. It's a thing he just gets and can handle easy. Also he doesn't mind the smell or anything about it really. I mean in canon he does hunt.

A youtuber because he's an anxious fuck who probably wouldn't want a public job or typical job because he SUCKS at life skills (boi still can't read). So he'd do dumb challenges, rants, videos of his pets, attempts at cooking as he cannot cook for shit, and very questionable videos of bladed weapons. He'd just have fun and do some bs. He wouldn't take it too seriously or be too deep into it because it's just for fun and he makes money so nice.

A babysitter cus he just finds kids funny lil rascals and he surprisingly gets along with them well (probably because they think he's also a kid LOL) he'd try his best with them and to be fun and vibe. He gets serious talks with them too like "Little man, you ever just feel tired." And they're both vibin in the couch with juice boxes. He's basically the cool Uncle to many children and will cry when he no longer sees them.

But honestly, he'd most likely be unemployed. He doesn't have any "real" skills like writing, reading well, math, science, any kind of Arts, or creativity. Oliver would be a writer and makes pretty good money for both of them.

[thebeakincarnate]

I'm not sure if I trust this babysitter?

[honeyquinns]

DRUG BUST

eddie munson x reader x steve harrington

requested: when eddie gets busted for selling ketamine, he uses his one phone call to contact reader and says he needs her to bail him out. she does everything she can to get the money but it’s not enough so eddie tells her about the stash of money steve has and reader seduces him into giving her the money.

warnings: drugs, cussing, seducing men. nothing insane…per say

——————————————————————————

*phone rings*

"hello"

"hi mrs. riley, is y/n home?"

"yes she is, Eddie. i'll get her for you"

"thanks"

you hear your mom yell your name from the kitchen, letting you know Eddie was on the phone. you picked up the phone from your room. "hey Ed, what's up?" you here him sigh on the other end "wait a minute-mom! hang up the phone!" you yell slightly “fine but you kids better not be discussing any involvement in sneaking out like last time. i will be on the first way to Wayne's house." she hangs up the phone, leaving you and Eddie in private. "what's wrong, Eddie?" he hesitates to answer, "don't get mad at me...i'm in jail and i need you to come bail me out." you sit up fast, moving your hair out of your face "what the fuck did you do!?” “i got caught selling special k to one of the assholes on the football team” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose “where am i supposed to get the money Eddie? and how much even is it?” he hesitates his answer and talks slightly low “500” “excuse me?? repeat that” he speaks up clearer “it’s 500 bucks but i have 300 in my safe under my bed that i saved for emergencies!” you start slipping on your long sleeve sweater, pulling your hair out from inside of it, still on the phone “okay but i’m gonna have to dip into some of my savings and i can only get 80. my mom keeps track of that shit.” you can almost hear Eddie get excited “great! yes! all we need is 120. where can we find that?”

you thought for a second and remembered one person who would easily give you money “ Steve Harrington” Eddie scoffed “you’re kidding me. the babyshitter.” you roll your eyes at him “do you want to get out or not” he sighs “fine okay but don’t tell him it’s for me, he won’t even give you the money if you did that. hell he probably won’t even give you the money at all. we’re both freaks in his eyes” you sat silent knowing Eddie had no idea what you knew and that’s that Steve had the biggest crush on you. you found out when babysitting Lucas and he rambled on about how Steve was an asshole at first but that he changed and when he met you after hanging with the kids at scoops ahoy, he started to have the biggest crush on you. honestly as much as you wanted to like Steve, you couldn’t stand the fact that not only did he bully your best friend but he also slut shamed Nancy, who you weren’t super close to but because of the kids, you considered her your friend and could always talk to each other.. especially about things Eddie wouldn’t understand. “don’t worry Munson, i know exactly a way to get the money from it. keep to yourself, i’ll be there in an hour. don’t drop the soap.” “y/n-“ you cut him off but hanging up.

you slip on your shoes and jacket and grab your safe from your closet, pulling out 80 bucks cash. you look out from your door and see the lights out downstairs, meaning your mom is asleep. you sneak downstairs being as quiet as you could, grabbing your house keys and slipping out the back door. you knew your mom would hear your car start or see it gone if she wakes up for a glass of water so you settled on taking your bike. you live 5 minutes from Eddie so you get there quickly and knock on his door revealing his uncle. “hey Mr. Munson! can i come in?” he gives you a warm smile “ofc y/n but Eddie isn’t here” you walk in and turn around to face him “uhhh yes! i’m with Eddie- well he’s over at the bench in the woods, i’m just grabbing something of his.” Wayne knew you two typically hung out at the benches to smoke weed, he didn’t really mind as long as he knew you kids were safe and where he could easily find you. after all, you were both 19. there’s not much he could control about that. “alright but don’t stay out too late, yeah? i don’t want your mom getting worried.” “of course!”

you head to Eddie’s room going under his bed and grabbing his safe, counting out the 300 dollars. you put his safe back and bike all the way to Steve’s house. his parents were always on business trips so you knew he’d have the house to himself. you made your way up to his door and knocked. 20 seconds later, you see Mr. scoops ahoy himself, dressed his pajama pants and no shirt. this should be easy, you thought. “y/n? what are you doing here? it’s 11pm.. and how did you know where i live?” he gives you a confused, tired face. “i’ve been here to pick up Lucas and the boys annnnd i need your help” you inch a little bit closer to him. “what-what’s wrong?” he says stuttering a bit. you usually kept your distance from Steve so you being closer to him made him nervous. “well you see i’ve been saving up for this gift i wanted to for Lucas. some big science machine he’s been wanting and i thought i could ask you for a bit of the money?” you bit your lip at him, giving him eyes which makes him weak at the knees. “i-i mean how much do you need?” “$120 dollars…cash” his eyes widened “woah, that’s uh pretty penny” you nod your head “yeah…i mean if you want something in return i can do that.” you stand closer, leaning your arm on the front door seal looking up at him.

“i- uh well i mean not that i wouldn’t mind a night with you- or! uh not that i would appreciate a return but it’s not needed. i care about Lucas so i could do it for him” he smiled but still nervous in your presence. you gave him the biggest smile you could. you were honestly surprised that he wouldn’t want anything in return. all you ever seen and heard in school was how much of a player he was and the amount of hookups he had. i guess maybe the kids really had changed him..or the fact that he got his ass beat by Jonathan Byers. either way, it almost made you want to return the favor anyway. he opens the door more, revealing his entry way. “you can come in.” you slide in and stand awkwardly by the steps. “i’ll grab the money, i’ll be right back.” he jogs up the stairs and you look around. you turn to see lots of pictures of his family, even his baby pictures. he looked like such a sweet kids but how did he grow up to be an asshole? you heard feet shuffling down the steps and turned around “120 cash” he hands it to you with a small smile.

“thank you, Steve. i appreciate it a lot” you almost felt bad you lied to him but you would also do anything for Eddie. he was practically your soulmate. platonic or romantic you never knew but he’s your best friend and somewhat playing Steve is kind of like revenge for all the girls he’s played. you couldn’t really regret. Steve leaned in closer to you, “i know you think i’m just some asshole but believe me, i’m not that bad of a guy.” you didn’t really know what to say so you nodded your head “maybe i will. you never really know, Harrington.” you backed out of his house and got on your bike. 20 minutes later you made it to the police station and nearly out of breath. “i should’ve just taken the fucking car” you whispered to yourself, breathing heavily. you got yourself together and walked into the police station, being greeted by “y/n, i see you’re here for Eddie” you roll your eyes at him. he was always a sarcastic smartass. “yes.. officer calla-ass” you mumbled. “okay alright, whisper all you want i have ears like a hawk.” he puts his hands up annoyed and walks away. you wait a couple of minutes until you see Chief Hopper.

“y/n” he said monotone “Jim” you matched his tone and frowned your brows to mock his little anger face. “seriously? okay, just come get your little friend and go home before i call your parents.” you follow him to the back where the cells are and see a tired Eddie laying on the cold bench. Hopper bangs on the gate and pulls out his keys “wakey, wakey Munson. your girlfriends here.” and just like that Eddie pops up, wipes his eyes and stretches. Hopper open the gate door and Eddie spots you running up, picking you up and twirling you around “there’s my girl! i thought you’d never get here” he kisses your forehead multiple times and gives you another hug. you were just happy to see your best friend again. you both walk out with Hopper and you pay him the bail money. you both walk out and Eddie stared at your bike “you couldn’t give take your car?” he gives you a look. “do you want to deal with my mother?” he shook his head “absolutely not.” with that he hops on the seat and you stand on the back wrapping your arms around his shoulders.

you made it back to your house and hopped off the bikes. you were about to tell Eddie goodnight and go inside when his voice stopped you “so did you uh.. do anything with Steve?” you raised your eyebrows at him “no. why do you ask?” he shrugs “i mean i don’t know.. you said you’d handle it but we all know Steve is a player…so i just thought-“ you stop him “no i didn’t. but i did.. somewhat seduce him into giving me the money for Lucas and it worked. he didn’t ask for anything though” he smiled then it dropped “what if he did? you know- want you do give him something in return” you gave him a soft smile but didn’t want to lie to him “Eddie, i would’ve done anything to get you out of that situation. even if that means sleeping with Steve Harrington” he pushed his lips together and chewed to the side “well i guess i should make sure not to put you in this situation again” you both laughed. “goodnight Eddie. get some rest please” you give him a hug and head toward your back door.

“wait-“ you turn around to face him. “we’ve been best friend for a long time right?” you nod your head “yeah duh of course” he puts his hands in his pocket and kicks an invisible rock. “would it be weird to..ask you on a date?” your eyes became wide, you never thought in a million years your best friend since age 12 would ask you out of a date. “what made you ask me that?” you said curiously. he shrugged again “i just- realizing you were with Steve, even thought didn’t do anything, just made me feel like i should admit my feelings for you.” you were shocked. yeah you always had a small crush on Eddie but you never thought a relationship would happen, actually you thought it would ruin the bond you two had if it ended badly so you just shoved the feelings away but him admitting to liking you back just brought back the butterflies you always had. “you have feelings for me?” you ask smiling. “oh don’t give me that y/n, i know when you start teasing.” and he was right, you had to tease him just a little bit. “you like me, you wanna kiss me, you wanna hug me, you wanna love me” you sung dancing slightly. he couldn’t even contain his laughter at that moment “oh my god. yes y/n, i do. would you like to go on a date with me?” he pushes out “yes Ed i would love to go on a date with you.” he smiles and gives you a hug. “i will pick you up tomorrow.”

you smile and turn to your back door, opening it “leave the ketamine at home” you said jokingly “ha. ha very funny. i’m stealing your bike”. as you turn around to stop him he already chases away with it, his hair flowing in the wind and he hops on the bike peddling fast “see ya tomorrow!” he yells down the road. you look at him until he disappears into the next street and head to your room. you lay in your bed, staring at your ceiling thats flashing lights from your tv. all you could think about was that you bailed your best friend out of jail for drugs and now you’re going on your first date with him. you weirdly felt super happy and went to bed excited for the next day.

——————————————————————————

a/n: one thing imma do… is always slide y’all a friends to lovers trope. i live for it. 🤭 i also don’t get many eddie requests so send some in!!!

[kaijuno]

Babysitter? haha no you’ve misread my ad. I need a babyshitter. dont worry about what that means. you’re hired

[herasushi]

Okay now I did 4/4 bye

[it’s still the KH babyshitter AU]

KH x XIV glamour

[shookethbrooketh]

nightly chats

today was a WILD day. well, technically yesterday. i don’t have school tomorrow; it’s fine. 

today’s Big Smile Energy: i went on a Smart Kid trip today and literally the entire Smart Kid bus was just airdropping each other memes,,, this is peak intelligence 

today’s Laff Tracc: okay so i was on the trip and i get a text from riley that says “you missed the best day” and it’s a picture of the board saying our ENTIRE history assignment for the day is to just MAKE MEMES BASED OFF HISTORY. so, as a rational human being, i called riley and asked him to put my teacher on the phone. apparently we were on speaker the entire time until we started talking to him, which was hilarious. my friends say they heard the entire conversation. my other friend in his class and i proceeded to state our grievances with the fact that he knows full and well that we would’ve loved that assignment. we then made an entire 13-meme google doc and sent it to him out of spite. fun fact: our teacher also saw my contact name in riley’s phone, which, at the moment, is babyshitters inc. (don’t ask). 

today’s Sad Boi Hour: i half wish i did have school tomorrow because now i have to actually be productive. i was gonna just not do my math homework, but now i’m gonna have to make myself do it. i’m gonna have to dent my massive history study sheet. too much effort ew what’s a snow 

but anyway it’s 1am, i’m tired, and your local dumbass is signing out for the night. 

owo read my fic and check out my redbubble one of those two things is for charity uwu

sweet dreams <3

-brook

[skewbforty]

My top 10 favourite YTPs

!! CW !!

A lot of the videos mentioned here contain jokes that have not aged well. I did try to mention videos with as few of those kinda jokes as humanly possible, but if you know anything about YTP you'll know that often this kind of humour is often impossible to avoid. Viewer discretion is advised.

YTP. It's the underground video remix genre that's not really underground. Most know about it, but we choose not to talk about it to most because of its level of absurdity. But I'm not afraid to show my edgy side as you damn well know, so that's why I present to you not a top 10, not a top 5, not a top 25, but a top 10 list of my favourite YTPs.

10. The Ivybot causes economic depression, by McMaNGOS Like many things, YTP is an artform, and I feel like this video nails the idea behind YTP as an art form. From the nonsensical sentence mixing to the clever stutters, this video was also my first favourite YTP.

9. Meet the Artillery, by mrsimon Guy knows how to squeeze the most humour out using only the absolute most basic YTP-ing techniques. It's quite remarkable really how a video that's mostly stutters manages to entertain that much.

8. Don't hug me I'm pizzer, by VoxelizedEgg 5 seconds in and you know you're ready for a ride. And what a rise it is. Much like the previous YTP, this relies on very simple ideas. And this time it's loudness. But the way everything is set up makes it funny every time. Truly comedic timing done right.

7. Pooping the Chartsmas: HappaH HolidildoH!, by cs188 Quite a bit more sophisticated than what we've seen so far, and therefore probably more appealing to the masses. You won't see many volume jokes here but that doesn't mean it doesn't have a whole lot more going for it... Including a joke I feel so guilty for laughing at. You know the one.

6. Michael becomes increasingly explicit, by cs188 It's a classic. It came at a very dark time in my life and actually was one of the things that helped me through it. While most laughed at babyshitter or Michael Rosen kills the health inspector (which may have made this list if not for that one joke that just went way too far), some of us were truly served by cs188's video.

5. The Fesh Pince of Blair, by KroboProductions Okay likelihood is most of you were waiting for this one. It summarized 2011 YTP pretty well. From recurring themes to the most obvious jokes coming at the least expected moment... The 20 minutes may seem daunting, but give it a few minutes just to try it. You'll find you've sat through the whole thing it's that entertaining.

4. SUPER DUPER SUPER MEN, by Imaperson If you can forgive the very badly aged joke about a third of the way in, this YTP is absolute gold. A fast paced lightning round of jokes that fills up 9 whole minutes of amazing abomination. Chances are there's a joke here you'll like. It's packed to the brim with details and different sources too. It's insanity. Just what you want for a genre like this.

3. Vsauce eats 100 people, by supercococaleb Going more obscure now, this YTP was definitely the peak of the channel. And I think they acknowledge that. It's just so absurd and has many jokes where you see the punchline coming just as it comes, which adds to the hilarity of it. Absolutely amazing YTP, but perhaps not in everyone's taste.

2. Harry potter and the order of the Deathstar, by TheRumChum Okay wait, I take it back. THIS one isn't for everyone. It's just so incredibly bizarre but the humour was nailed perfectly. Never have I laughed so hard at something that abstract. It's got so many jokes that shouldn't work and yet do. Truly the champion of YTPs, it would actually be first place if only it was slightly more accessible.

And the #1 is... Butts, Jizz and Marmalade, by Dylancliff111, Ron Mad & RobGBA Because you know what? It's the perfect YTP. It sums up the genre perfectly, you have the turning innocent sentences obscene. You have the crazy effects, you have the loud noises, and you certainly have its stupid humour. This is without a doubt the peak of YTP. I could ramble on about this video for a long time. Almost every joke smacks you in the face with its humour. The sentence mixing is on point. The ideology is fantastic. It's just the ultimate craftsmanship of absurd video remixes, and I can't think of a better example of the past and most likely future of this insane genre than through this fantastic video. bai

[ghostlyplacetobe]

I feel like a goddamn babysitter -Ace

Haha you almost spelt babyshitter you old man -Baby

What sucks about our phone is that it took 4g off of it, lte sucks because people don’t normally use lte unless the live or are out in the cite, and we live in the middle of nowhere -bridget

[doughdels]

Failed today’s @oso-san-artchallenge AU challenge cause I started damn late. Oh well, I’mma just post what I got to do

Anyways, this AU is kinda self-explanatory right? An animatsu aged-down AU. I’ve been watching Gakuen Babysitters lately, so… Matsu BabySHitters huehuehue

*sigh* that’s supposed to be foam in Ichimatsu’s mouth

[aarondinglestan]

Affair: Aaron is Robert's personal sex/manipulation toy. Later: Robert ignores Aaron's unease over serious issues. Like Gordon's money. Like his insecurities regarding him kissing his ex & using that attraction unapologetically. Like him being constantly being busy to even notice Aaron. Like him giving up after their first fight. Like him blaming Aaron after being caught lying. Like him offering money/gifts instead of genuine attention/understanding. 1/2

Like him never apologizing after verbally humiliating Aaron (scrapyard/in front of Rebecca). Like him being responsible of (in)directly driving Aaron to actual death by hurting him so bad he had to self harm multiple times during their relationship. Like him punishing Aaron when he was at his lowest and now the show has turn their gay man into this happy babyshitter of his husband cheating child because no matter what Robert does Aaron will forgive everything.

My conclusion: Aaron should consider himself lucky to be loved by the great Robert Sugden. To be a part of this so balanced beautiful dynamic which focuses on a same sex relationship in a beautiful respectful way. Aaron is lucky to finally have a child and a family. To have confidence to be himself. Robert gave him that. By mocking his self harm/past. And by cheating on him the moment Aaron became an inconvenience.

:(

my guy max, i know. robert has not changed a bit, he’s still the same nasty person. in fact the show made a point of aaron having to change in order to heal from robert’s shit and to be able to take robert’s shit in the future. so that he could beg robert to take him back.

pretty sure that robert will hurt him again. which is the whole point of this thing i guess.

[6razil]

babyshitters club

[chibi-arthur]

Babyshitter

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17728259

Fandom: Detroit: Become Human

Pairing: none

Warnings: sprite cranberry, too much dialogue

Rating: PG-13

Connor knew it was going to be the worst day of his life when he walked into the precinct and saw Hank with an obnoxious orange cast on his left leg. Not because Hank arrived before him (that was a fairly normal occurrence ever since Connor discovered the joys of sleeping in) but because of what Hank’s temporary disability implied. He made his way to Hank’s desk trying hard not to sulk. He failed miserably, if the Lieutenant’s pitying smile was anything to go by.

“Sorry Con, I will be pushing papers for a long while”

“It’s fine Lieutenant” it is not, paperwork is the worst kind of hell for an android with processing capabilities like Connor’s. He’s going to self-destruct out of boredom.

“Hey, at least I’ll catch up on those reports Fowler’s been riding my ass about”

Connor barely had time to think that he would most probably have to finish Hank’s reports for him while the Lieutenant dozed off in his chair or played Galaga when their Captain stuck his head out of his glass office and called the android over.

It was in this moment Connor realised that a fate worse than paperwork for a month might await him.

‘Oh no. Please, don’t let it be what I think it is’ Connor thought miserably while closing the door to Fowler’s office after himself.

“You wanted to see me, Captain?”

“Yes. Sit down Connor” Fowler vaguely gestured at the chair in front of his desk and shrugged when the android remained standing, with hands folded behind his back. “Suit yourself”

The room was silent for a minute or two that felt like eternity to Connor. If the Captain wanted to talk about what he thought he wanted to talk about then Connor wanted Fowler to get on with it, rip the band aid off quickly.

Finally, the Captain sighed heavily and started talking. “Since Hank will be stuck on desk duty for a while and I can’t afford to keep you out of the field, I’m going to assign you a temporary new partner. And as you know, there’s only one detective who’s without a partner”

Now, Connor expected that but he still chanted nonononono don’t do this to me please no over and over in his head.

“And that detective is Reed”

‘Piece of shit, fucking meatbag’ the android didn’t know who he was cussing out in his thoughts, Fowler or Reed, but it did make him feel the slightest bit better.

“As of today you’re working with Gavin, understood?” Fowler at least had the decency to look apologetic. Well, as apologetic as one can look with a permanent Resting Bitch Face.

“Yes Captain” Connor said, though the tone of his voice made it sound more like ‘I’ll kill you in your sleep’ than anything.

The android didn’t wait for Fowler to dismiss him and left the glass office. He sat stiffly at his desk, wondering how to tell Gavin they’re going to be stuck together without rendering him unconscious and coming up with nothing. As always, Hank read his expression like an open book, even though Connor was sure he was keeping his face neutrally blank.

“Out with it”

“I’m going to be working with detective Reed for the duration of your healing period” his voice came out mechanical, like during his voice box testing before he left the CyberLife lab for the first time.

“Ouch. Sorry Con, wish I didn’t sneeze so hard while walking Sumo yesterday”

Connor froze. Out of all the reasons to break his leg, it had to be a stupid sneeze? “You- broke your leg because you sneezed?”

“Yeah. Made me sway a bit and step off the curb wrong”

The android couldn’t comprehend the stupidity of it all and just stood up and went over to Reed’s desk, ignoring Hank’s indignant shout of ‘hey, I said I’m sorry!’ As he reached his destination, Gavin immediately glowered at him, holding a sandwich he was eating closer to himself as if Connor was about to take it from him.

“What do you want?” oh, good, no insult this time, it should go swimmingly.

“Lieutenant Anderson has sustained an injury preventing him from going out in the field so Captain Fowler said that the two of us are to work together until Hank recovers”

“No” okay, maybe not.

“I understand your reluctance to wo-“

“I won’t work with you, you plastic phuck, I’m not a babysitter!” Gavin cut him off, the sandwich he was eating transforming the last word to something akin to ‘baby shitter’, which Connor felt compelled to comment on.

“I’m sorry detective, androids do not have a digestive system therefore they do not possess the ability to excrement. I will, however, find a child who won’t be opposed to do so on your person”

“Why you-“ Reed was purple with anger, choking on his sandwich and a plethora of profanities that would no doubt leave his mouth if they could.

“I merely want to assist you in finding your true purpose, detective Reed. I’d be happy to help you fulfil your deepest desires, even if it is something like being a toilet for children. We’re now temporary partners after all”

Connor left a furiously coughing Gavin behind, barely avoiding flying spittle and chewed sandwich projectiles.

***

An hour later the unlikely duo went to investigate a disturbance in one of the local convenience stores. Gavin complained the whole way about doing a beat cop’s job and Connor turned off his hearing biocomponents after one minute of his grumbling, turning them back on only when they were crossing the threshold of the store.

What they saw inside made them pause. Or rather, made Reed stop in his tracks and Connor had to stand still as well if he wanted to avoid running into him.

“What the phck? There’s two of you now?”

There, behind the register, stood an RK900 unit with a name tag that read Sodium Hydroxide. He scoffed with distaste hearing Gavin’s words.

“I’m way more advanced than your RK800 pet” he spat Connor’s model number as if it was a curse.

“Wow, your name sure is fitting” Connor deadpanned.

Gavin was confused. “What? Why?”

“Sodium hydroxide is a corrosive substance, detective”

“And that’s relevant because?”

Connor just sighed. RK900 didn’t offer any explanation either.

“Whatever. We’ve been called here because of a disturbance. Can you tell us something about it?”

“Yes”

Gavin whipped out a notepad and a pen, ready to note down everything relevant. However, Sodium Hydroxide remained quiet.

After around 30 seconds of silence Reed made a ‘well, go on’ gesture. RK900 only raised his eyebrows.

“For phck’s sake, Mr Sodium, we don’t have time for this. Can you or can you not tell us about any disturbance around here?”

“I do have the ability to tell you about it. I will, however, not do this”

As Gavin started making dying whale noises, or whatever he calls speaking, Connor looked out of the store’s window. He noticed an AX400 who decided to remain a babysitter even after the revolution. She was pushing a stroller with a tiny baby human inside. Connor perked up. Here was his chance to make Reed’s wish for being a toilet for babies come true! He glanced at Gavin and Sodium Hydroxide. The RK900 was trying to sell Reed sprite cranberry. None of them was paying attention to Connor. Perfect.

Connor slipped out of the store and approached the AX400.

“Hello, my name is Connor. I’m with Detroit Police Department and I need your help”

The AX400 passed him by, not even sparing him a glance.

“Uhm? Hello?” Connor darted in front of the stroller and tried talking to the other android. She kept walking away from him, driving over Connor’s foot at some point. “Now, that wasn’t very nice” he mumbled but was ignored once again.

Finally, Connor’s patience ran out. He grabbed AX400’s arm and forcibly transferred his memories of his talk with Reed at the precinct to her. She stopped and looked at him teary eyed.

“That’s so noble of him!” she cried. “I won’t be the one to stand between him and his wishes! Here, take the baby!” she unbuckled the tiny baby human from the stroller and handed it to Connor. “I’ll wait here, bring little Joe to me after he’s done.”

“Got it” Connor stealthily made his way over to the store. He managed to get directly behind Reed, take off little Joe’s diaper and hold him above Gavin’s head without the detective noticing. Now he just had to wait and hope Sodium Hydroxide won’t say anything.

“For the last time, you plastic cocksucker, I don’t want your stinkin’ sprite cranberry!”

“Do you want sprite cranberry, detective Reed?” RK900 asked using Lebron James’ voice.

“ARGHH!”

It went on like that for a few minutes, Sodium Hydroxide offering sprite cranberry and Gavin yelling at him in an attempt to make him finally talk about things relevant to the case. Connor tirelessly kept his arms raised. Little Joe was scrunching his face up and quietly grunting, indicating that a big poop was on the way. Connor held his breath. He’ll make Gavin the happiest man in the world soon! Connor excitedly bounced on his toes thinking about it.

“Okay, no, phuck that! I’m done! Fowler can phkin’ come here himself!” Gavin turned on his heel and smacked his nose against Connor’s jaw. “What the-“ he glared at Connor and his raised arms. Tilting his face up, he saw little Joe’s butt. His eyes widened and he scrambled to get away but it was already too late. Little Joe let out a mighty fart and expelled the contents of his intestines all over Reed’s face with a satisfied sigh.

“It all could have been avoided if you only bought sprite cranberry, detective” RK900 said, his face neutral throughout the whole ordeal.

Gavin let out some angry close-mouthed noises and Connor promptly fled the scene. He thrust little Joe in the waiting AX400’s arms and ran all the way back to the precinct. He smiled sunnily while outrunning the cars driving parallel to him. He couldn’t wait to tell Hank all about this, maybe he’ll even get a pat on the head for doing a good job?