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[mostlysignssomeportents]

“That Makes Me Smart”

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/12/04/its-not-a-lie/#its-a-premature-truth

The Biden administration disappointed, frustrated and enraged in so many ways, including abetting a genocide – but one consistent bright spot over the past four years was the unseen-for-generations frontal assault on corporate power and corporate corruption.

The three words that define this battle above all others are "unfair and deceptive" – words that appear in Section 5 of the Federal Trade Commission Act and other legislation modeled on it, like USC40 Section 41712(a), which gives the Department of Transportation the power to ban "unfair and deceptive" practices as well:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge

When Congress created an agency to punish "unfair and deceptive" conduct, they were saying to the American people, "You have a right not to be cheated." While this may sound obvious, it's hardly how the world works.

To get a sense of how many ripoffs are part of our daily lives, let's take a little tour of the ways that the FTC and other agencies have used the "unfair and deceptive" standard to defend you over the past four years. Take Amazon Prime: Amazon executives emailed one another, openly admitting that in their user tests, the public was consistently fooled by Amazon's "get free shipping with Prime" dialog boxes, thinking they were signing up for free shipping and not understanding that they were actually signing up to send the company $140/year. They had tested other versions of the signup workflow that users were able to correctly interpret, but they decided to go with the confusing version because it made them more money:

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2024/05/amazon-execs-may-be-personally-liable-for-tricking-users-into-prime-sign-ups/

Getting you signed up for Prime isn't just a matter of taking $140 out of your pocket once – because while Amazon has produced a greased slide that whisks you into a recurring Prime subscription, the process for canceling that recurring payment is more like a greased pole you must climb to escape the Prime pit. This is typical of many services, where signing up happens in a couple clicks, but canceling is a Kafkaesque nightmare. The FTC decided that this was an "unfair and deceptive" business practice and used its authority to create a "Click to Cancel" rule that says businesses have to make it as easy to cancel a recurring payment as it was to sign up for it:

https://www.theregister.com/2023/07/12/ftc_cancel_subscriptions/

Once businesses have you locked in, they also spy on you, ingesting masses of commercial surveillance data that you "consented" to by buying a car, or clicking to a website, or installing an app, or just physically existing in space. They use this to implement "surveillance pricing," raising prices based on their estimation of your desperation. Uber got caught doing this a decade ago, raising the price of taxi rides for users whose batteries were about to die, but these days, everyone's in on the game. For example, McDonald's has invested in a company that spies on your finances to determine when your payday is, and then raises the price of your usual breakfast sandwich by a dollar the day you get paid:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/05/your-price-named/#privacy-first-again

Everything about this is "unfair and deceptive" – from switching prices the second you click into the store to the sham of consent that consists of, say, picking up your tickets to a show and being ordered to download an app that comes with 20,000 words of terms and conditions that allows the company that sends you a QR code to spy on you for the rest of your life in any way they can and sell the data to anyone who'll buy it.

As bad as it is to be trapped in an abusive relationship as a shopper, it's a million times worse to be trapped as a worker. One in 18 American workers is under a noncompete "agreement" that makes it illegal for you to change jobs and work for someone else in the same industry. The vast majority of these workers are in low-waged food-service jobs. The primary use of the American noncompete is to stop the cashier at Wendy's from getting an extra $0.25/hour by taking a job at McDonald's.

Noncompetes are shrouded in a fog of easily dispelled bossly bullshit: claims that noncompetes raise wages (empirically, this is untrue), or that they enable "IP"-intensive industries to grow by protecting their trade secrets. This claim is such bullshit: you can tell by the fact that noncompetes are banned under California's state constitution and yet the most IP-intensive industries have attracted hundreds of billions – if not trillions – in investment capital even though none of their workforce can be bound under a noncompete. The FTC's order banning noncompetes for every worker in America simply brings the labor regime that created Silicon Valley and Hollywood to the rest of the country:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/26/hit-with-a-brick/#graceful-failure

Noncompetes aren't the only "unfair and deceptive" practice used against American workers. The past decade has seen the rise of private equity consolidation in several low-waged industries, like pet grooming. The new owners of every pet grooming salon within 20 miles of your house haven't just slashed workers' wages, they've also cooked up a scheme that lets them charge workers thousands of dollars if they quit these shitty jobs. This scheme is called a "training repayment agreement provision" (TRAP!): workers who are TRAPped at Petsmart are made to work doing menial jobs like sweeping up the floor for three to four weeks. Petsmart calls this "training," and values it at $5,500. If you quit your pet grooming job in the next two years, you legally owe PetSmart $5,500 to "repay" them for the training:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/08/04/its-a-trap/#a-little-on-the-nose

Workers are also subjected to "unfair and deceptive" bossware: "AI" tools sold to bosses that claim they can sort good workers from bad, but actually serve as random-number generators that penalize workers in arbitrary, life-destroying ways:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/11/26/hawtch-hawtch/#you-treasure-what-you-measure

Some of the most "unfair and deceptive" conduct we endure happens in shadowy corners of industry, where obscure middlemen help consolidated industries raise prices and pick your pocket. All the meat you buy in the grocery store comes from a cartel of processing and packing companies that all subscribe to the same "price consulting" services that tells them how to coordinate across-the-board price rises (tell me again how greedflation isn't a thing?):

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/04/dont-let-your-meat-loaf/#meaty-beaty-big-and-bouncy

It's not just food, it's all of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Take shelter: the highly consolidated landlord industry uses apps like Realpage to coordinate rental price hikes, turning the housing crisis into a housing emergency:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/07/24/gouging-the-all-seeing-eye/#i-spy

And of course, health is the most "unfair and deceptive" industry of all. Useless middlemen like "Pharmacy Benefit Managers" ("a spreadsheet with political power" -Matt Stoller) coordinate massive price-hikes in the drugs you need to stay alive, which is why Americans pay substantially more for medicine than anyone else in the world, even as the US government spends more than any other to fund pharma research, using public money:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/09/23/shield-of-boringness/#some-men-rob-you-with-a-fountain-pen

It's not just drugs: every piece of equipment – think hospital beds and nuclear medicine machines – as well as all the consumables – from bandages to saline – at your local hospital runs through a cartel of "Group Purchasing Organizations" that do for hospital equipment what PBMs do for medicine:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/09/27/lethal-dysfunction/#luxury-bones

For the past four years, we've lived in an America where a substantial portion of the administrative state went to war every day to stamp out unfair and deceptive practices. It's still happening: yesterday, the CFPB (which Musk has vowed to shut down) proposed a new rule that would ban the entire data brokerage industry, who nonconsensually harvest information about every American, and package it up into categories like "teenagers from red states seeking abortions" and "military service personnel with gambling habits" and "seniors with dementia" and sell this to marketers, stalkers, foreign governments and anyone else with a credit-card:

https://www.consumerfinance.gov/about-us/newsroom/cfpb-proposes-rule-to-stop-data-brokers-from-selling-sensitive-personal-data-to-scammers-stalkers-and-spies/

And on the same day, the FTC banned the location brokers who spy on your every movement and sell your past and present location, again, to marketers, stalkers, foreign governments and anyone with a credit card:

https://www.404media.co/ftc-bans-location-data-company-that-powers-the-surveillance-ecosystem/

These are tantalizing previews of a better life for every American, one in which the rule is, "play fair." That's not the world that Trump and his allies want to build. Their motto isn't "cheaters never prosper" – it's "caveat emptor," let the buyer beware.

Remember the 2016 debate where Clinton accused Trump of cheating on his taxes and he admitted to it, saying "That makes me smart?" Trumpism is the movement of "that makes me smart" life, where if you get scammed, that's your own damned fault. Sorry, loser, you lost.

Nowhere do you see this more than in cryptocurrencyland, so it's not a coincidence that tens – perhaps hundreds – in dark crypto money was flushed into the election, first to overpower Democratic primaries and kick out Dem legislators who'd used their power to fight the "unfair and deceptive" crowd:

https://www.politico.com/newsletters/california-playbook-pm/2024/02/13/crypto-comes-for-katie-porter-00141261

And then to fight Dems across the board (even the Dems whose primary victories were funded by dark crypto money) and elect the GOP as the party of "caveat emptor"/"that makes me smart":

https://www.coindesk.com/news-analysis/2024/12/02/crypto-cash-fueled-53-members-of-the-next-u-s-congress

Crypto epitomizes the caveat emptor economy. By design, fraudulent crypto transactions can't be reversed. If you get suckered, that's canonically a you problem. And boy oh boy, do crypto users get suckered (including and especially those who buy Trump's shitcoins):

https://www.web3isgoinggreat.com/

And for crypto users who get ripped off because they've parked their "money" in an online wallet, there's no sympathy, just "not your keys, not your coins":

https://www.ledger.com/academy/not-your-keys-not-your-coins-why-it-matters

A cornerstone of the "unfair and deceptive" world is that only suckers – that is, outsiders, marks and little people – have to endure consequences when they get rooked. When insiders get ripped off, all principle is jettisoned. So it's not surprising that when crypto insiders got taken for millions the first time they created a DAO, they tore up all the rules of the crypto world and gave themselves the mulligan that none of the rest of us are entitled to in cryptoland:

https://blog.ethereum.org/2016/07/20/hard-fork-completed

Where you find crypto, you find Elon Musk, the guy who epitomizes caveat emptor thinking. This is a guy who has lied to drivers to get them to buy Teslas by promising "full self driving in one year," every year, since 2015:

https://www.consumerreports.org/cars/autonomous-driving/timeline-of-tesla-self-driving-aspirations-a9686689375/

Musk told investors that he had a "prototype" autonomous robot that could replace their workers, then demoed a guy in a robot suit, pretending to be a robot:

https://gizmodo.com/elon-musk-unveils-his-funniest-vaporware-yet-1847523016

Then Musk did it again, two years later, demoing a remote-control robot while lying and claiming that it was autonomous:

https://techcrunch.com/2024/10/14/tesla-optimus-bots-were-controlled-by-humans-during-the-we-robot-event

This is entirely typical of the AI sector, in which "AIs" are revealed, over and over, to be low-waged workers pretending to be robots, so much so that Indian tech industry insiders joke that "AI" stands for "Absent Indians":

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/29/pay-no-attention/#to-the-little-man-behind-the-curtain

Musk's view is that he's not a liar, merely a teller of premature truths. Autonomous cars and robots are just around the corner (just like the chatbots that can do your job, and not merely convince your boss to fire you while failing to do your job). He's not tricking you, he's just faking it until he makes it. It's not a scam, it's inspirational. Of course, if he's wrong and you are scammed, well, that's a you problem. Caveat emptor. That makes him smart.

Musk does this all the time. Take the Twitter blue tick, originally conceived of as a way to keep Twitter users from being scammed ("unfair and deceptive") by con artists pretending to be famous people. Musk's inaugural act at Twitter was to take away blue ticks from verified users and sell them to anyone who'd pay $8/month. Almost no one coughed up for this – the main exception being scammers, who used their purchased, unverified blue ticks to steal from Twitter users ("that makes me smart").

As Twitter hemorrhaged advertising revenue and Musk became increasingly desperate to materialize an army of $8/month paid subscribers, he pulled another scam: he nonconsensually applied blue ticks to prominent accounts, in a bid to trick normies into thinking that widely read people valued blue ticks so much they were paying for them out of their own pockets:

https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-65365366

If you were tricked into buying a blue tick on this pretense, well, caveat emptor. Besides, it's not a lie, it's a premature truth. Someday all those widely read users with nonconsensual blue ticks will surely value them so highly that they do start to pay for them. And if they don't? Well, Musk got your $8: "that makes me smart."

Scammers will always tell you that they're not lying to you, merely telling premature truths. Sam Bankman-Fried's defenders will tell you that he didn't actually steal all those billions. He gambled them on a bet that (sorta-kinda) paid off. Eventually, he was able to make all his victims (sorta-kinda) whole, so it's not even a theft:

https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/08/business/ftx-bankruptcy-plan-repay-creditors/index.html

Likewise, Tether, a "stablecoin" that was unable to pass an audit for many years as it issued unbacked, unregulated securities while lying and saying that for every dollar they minted, they had a dollar in reserves. Tether now (maybe) has reserves to equal its outstanding coins, so obviously all those years where they made false claims, they weren't lying, merely telling a premature truth:

https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/cryptocriticscorner/episodes/Tether-wins–Skeptics-lose-the-end-of-an-era-e2rhf5e

If Tether had failed a margin call during those years and you'd lost everything, well, caveat emptor. The Tether insiders were always insulated from that risk, and that's all that matters: "that makes me smart."

When I think about the next four years, this is how I frame it: the victory of "that makes me smart" over "fairness and truth."

For years, progressives have pointed out the right's hypocrisy, despite that fact that Americans have been conditioned to be so cynical that even the rankest hypocrisy doesn't register. But "caveat emptor?" That isn't just someone else's bad belief or low ethics: it's the way that your life is materially, significantly worsened. The Biden administration – divided between corporate Dems and the Warren/Sanders wing that went to war on "unfair and deceptive" – was ashamed and nearly silent on its groundbreaking work fighting for fairness and honesty. That was a titanic mistake.

Americans may not care about hypocrisy, but they really care about being stolen from. No one wants to be a sucker.

[ladysisyphus]

Happy Pride from Shousetsu Bang*Bang!

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[sitkowski]

sweet surrender (nick folio x oc)

pairing: nick folio x harper (oc)

cw: 18+ MDNI ⚠️ fake dating, kinda crappy parents, vaginal fingering. doing things on a motorcycle that probably aren't realistically possible.

word count: 3.8k

author's note: this one wasn't originally started with the intention of being posted around the birthday boy's day, but here we are. i've seen enough rom-coms and hallmark movies to know anything is possible. title comes from the song by sarah mclachlan 🫶🏻 dividers by @saradika-graphics

⇉ masterpost || taglist signups

Harper’s flip flops smack noisily against the asphalt as she hurries across the parking lot. She’s already seventeen minutes late, and her mother doesn’t like to be kept waiting. The second her hand is on the handle to the restaurant door, her phone pings loudly in her purse for the fourth time since she left work. She didn’t even think of trying to go home and change, knowing that it would only delay the inevitable more.

Inside the quaint little bar and grill, Harper’s mother sits in the back at a small table, disappointment evident on her face as she approaches the table. There were many things that she considered hell, and lunch with her mother was one of them. But she knew if she didn’t go, she’d just keep bugging her until her sister’s wedding. And somewhere between work and arriving at the restaurant, Harper came up with a possibly insane plan.

“Hi mom,” she sinks down in the chair across from her and grabs a menu. “Sorry I’m late. I had to wait for someone to relieve me at the bar—”

“I already ordered you a sweet tea. I know it’s your favorite.”

Harper tries her very best not to seem shocked at that, because she knows there’s probably an ulterior motive behind it. “Um, thanks.”

“Look, I know I’m a broken record here,” her mother begins, and there it is. “But I wish you weren’t coming to this wedding alone. You’re the last of my children without a partner, don’t you feel like the odd person out?”

It takes everything Harper has not to get up and leave right then and there. She tells herself that her mom is only looking out for her, that she just wants her to be happy. But somehow, she’s always equated happiness with finding someone, having a boyfriend. Being the youngest of four, and right now the only single child, she’s heard it all so much over the years, and it’s one of the reasons why she’s kept any relationships she’s had to herself until they got serious. Which, of course, hadn’t happened in a long time.

“I have a date for the wedding.” she blurts out instead. Harper is a liar. She has nothing remotely close to a date, but she sees the way her mother’s eyes light up, and she raises her hand before she can immediately start drilling her with questions about this nonexistent date. “It’s still very new, but he’s nice. And I’ll let you meet him before the wedding, at the final rehearsal. But for now, can we just keep this between us?”

“Oh absolutely, of course!” her mom says. But Harper knows, her mom is a liar too, and the entire family will know before the end of the day. “I’m just happy you found someone, I know you’ve got to be lonely in that house all by yourself.”

Harper opens her mouth to say something else, but the waitress arrives with their drinks and to take their orders. She’s never been so grateful for the distraction. Her mother even changes the subject before their food arrives. But now all Harper can think about is the fact that she has to convince her neighbor to be her plus one to a wedding.

It’s either a coincidence or a twisted act of fate that Harper’s neighbor is outside working on his bike when she pulls into her driveway. She and Nick aren’t exactly close friends; they’re friendly with one another, she grabs any mail that comes while he’s on tour for him and makes sure his three plants don’t die. He asks her about her day if they catch each other outside at the same time, and once they shared a few beers on his porch after she accidentally locked herself out. She baked him cookies.

And now she’s got to ask him this huge favor.

She knows she could get out of this with her mom, admit she lied or say this mystery guy broke up with her. But as she gets out of her car and looks over at Nick in his driveway, wearing a fitted black tank top and his hands stained with grease, she realizes she wants to prove a point. Her shutting the car door seems to grab his attention, and he turns to wave at her. She lifts her hand in return before taking a deep breath and walking across the section of grass that separates their houses.

“Is something wrong with your bike?” she asks by way of greeting.

Nick shakes his head, wiping his hands off on a rag from his back pocket. “Nah, I just like doing everything on it myself. I’ve got the free time right now.”

“No big tours coming up?”

“Not for a few weeks,” he shoves the rag back into his pocket and pushes his hair back out of his face. “It’s hot out, you want a drink?”

“As long as it’s alcoholic, please.”

She follows him up to his porch and he disappears inside. Harper sits in on the porch swing, picking nervously at her chipped nail polish. The worst that can happen is he can say no, that’s what she tells herself. She waits for Nick to come back, holding out a glass to her. Her eyebrows raise because instead of beer, he brings her whiskey.

“You look like you could use it,” he admits, before sitting beside her. The last time they did this, it was just two beers sitting on the porch steps so she could keep an eye out for the locksmith. It’s not lost on her that this is the closest she’s been to him before. “Everything okay?”

“Just…lunch with my mom. My sister’s wedding is coming up and she’s being extra…extra.”

“She’s stressing you out?”

“More like she won’t stop asking me who I’m bringing to the wedding as a plus one,” Harper takes a sip of the whiskey and rubs her forehead. “I kind of…told her I had a date, when I didn't.”

Nick winces sympathetically, “Ouch.”

She nods in agreement before taking a deep breath and looking over at him. “So I have this stupidly huge favor to ask, and I know you’re probably busy with your band even though you said you have a break, or maybe you just wanna be left alone in which case I will finish this drink and go, but do you maybe wanna pretend to be my date to this wedding?”

She knows that she’s babbling, and she sees the way his eyes widen a little at her question. He’s quiet though, for a lot longer than she thought he’d be, and she fully expects him to let her down gently when he speaks.

“Yeah, sure.”

“I totally get it, we don’t even know each other all that well so if you don’t want to I’ll find someone who—”

“Harper, stop!” he laughs a little, reaching over to put a hand on her knee to cut off her second round of anxious speaking. She blinks and looks down at his hand and then back at his face. “I said I would. I’ll be your fake boyfriend.”

She doesn’t mean to let out a little squeak and throw her arms around his neck, but she can’t help it. She lets go quickly, her face on fire. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, but thank you—”

“Hey it’s no problem, she’s obviously driving you a little insane and I don’t mind helping. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’ve got a few weeks off.”

“It’s seriously just two days, the final rehearsal dinner and then the wedding and reception,” she explains and he nods along. “Do you…do you own a suit?”

She doesn’t mean it in an insulting way, but she’s only ever seen him in t-shirts and jeans, and his riding leathers. That was a distracting enough image, and she quickly banishes it from her mind.

Nick doesn’t seem offended. “I can clean up when I need to. Unless you want to traumatize your mother in which case I am fully prepared to take you to this thing on my bike and make myself her worst nightmare. I’m flexible.”

Harper downs the rest of her whiskey, letting it burn all the way down her throat so that the flush that comes across her cheeks can be blamed on something else.

“Just a nice dress shirt will work,” she pauses and thinks about it. “And yeah, maybe your bike.”

She imagines her mother’s face when she shows up to the rehearsal on the back of Nick’s bike. It wouldn’t be so much the motorcycle itself, but Harper on the back of it in a dress. If this is going to be the way that she’s going to get her off of her back about dating, so be it.

“So, if we’re pretending to date, should I have a cover story?” Nick asks.

Harper hadn’t thought about that. Her mom was nosy, she was going to want every little detail of how she and Nick met, how long they’d been together, what their plans for the future would be. Even if it was just two days, she has to have some kind of details besides him having a motorcycle and being in a band. 

I mean,” he seems to be able to tell that she’s struggling with what to say. “We kind of already have our story, don’t we?”

“We do?” she doesn’t let herself get stuck on how that sounds. Our story.

“We’re neighbors who became friends, you came over and had a few beers when you got locked out of your place and it just…took off from there?”

It sounds so easy, and it’s not even a lie. She nods. “Yeah, that works.”

“So when is this thing? That way I’ve got time to get my bike nice and shiny.”

The day of the final rehearsal approaches quickly. Harper spends most of the morning out with her sisters, getting pampered for the day. They ask her questions about her mystery guy, and she gives them vague but believable answers. When Nick agreed to do this for her, he also gave her a little bit of a rundown on himself in case of situations just like this. She almost wondered if he’d had to be a fake boyfriend before.

When she goes home, she puts on the green floral dress she bought for the day, and even though she knows it’s not exactly practical for the back of a motorcycle, she likes how it looks. She’s doing the finishing touches on her makeup when there’s a knock on the front door. Feeling oddly nervous, Harper goes to answer it. 

Nick wasn’t lying when he said he could clean up when he needed to and he took her words to heart; the black dress shirt he’s wearing beneath his leather jacket looks really good on him. They’re kind of just standing there, staring at each other for a few minutes.

“You look gorgeous,” Nick says, and Harper blushes. His eyes drift down, and the corner of his mouth tilts up. “And while those shoes are very pretty, they’re not safe for the bike. Do you have any flats you can wear?”

Harper slips back into the house and grabs a pair from her hall closet, switching them out and putting her heels into a bag to bring with her. When she comes back out, she follows Nick down to his bike. He hands her a helmet, one that isn’t a full face like his.

“Figured you didn’t wanna sweat off your makeup on the ride.” he says, and she thinks he’s teasing her. “Have you ever been on a motorcycle before?”

She’d been on the back of a friend’s bike in high school, but it had been another style and she knew there was a difference between the two. “Nope.”

“Don’t worry, it’s the safest thing you’ll ever have between your legs.”

Harper’s mouth opens and closes again in surprise, before her eyes narrow. “Did you…did you just quote Girls Just Wanna Have Fun to me?”

Smiling proudly, Nick takes the helmet out of her hands, putting it on her. She holds her breath as he buckles it for her, before pulling on a pair of black leather gloves. He grabs his own helmet and puts it on. With his help, she gets on the bike behind him. She’s able to tuck the skirt of her dress enough so it won’t blow when they’re on the open road. This part she knows enough about, and she puts her hands on his sides. Nick reaches down, wrapping his hand around her wrist and pulling until she gets the message, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso. Harper presses her cheek between his shoulder, clenching her fingers in his jacket.

There was nothing more exhilarating than being on the back of Nick’s bike. It’s not that far from their houses to the venue where the final rehearsal and wedding is being held, but she enjoys every minute of the ride. The parking lot is littered with familiar cars, and Nick parks his bike, cutting the engine. It takes Harper a minute to be able to loosen her grip on his jacket, and she can still feel the rumble from beneath her in her thighs. She lets out a shaky breath, undoing the strap of the helmet and taking it off. In front of her, Nick holds out his hand so she can lift herself off of the seat. When her feet touch the ground, her legs are still shaking.

She can see her mom and her sister Reece watching her from the alcove by the entrance, and it’s hard to miss the smirk on Reece’s face and the look of concern on her mother’s. Harper takes off her flats and slips her heels back on before fluffing out her hair. She watches Nick get off the bike, and he takes off his helmet, gloves and jacket. He’s got the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled to his elbows, and it shouldn’t be nearly as distracting as it is.

“Ready to do this?” he asks, holding out his hand to her. 

Harper nods, lacing her fingers through his. He pulls her closer and she swallows hard, unable to avoid the smile that comes to her face. “Yeah.”

Making the introductions almost seems like the easy part. Within minutes of meeting, all of her sisters are enamored with Nick, including the bride to be. Her mother is a different story, but Harper already knew that it would happen like this. She hears the words drummer and motorcycle club and puts on the most believable fake smile she can. But Harper genuinely wants them to like Nick, even if it is pretend. And for the most part, they do.

“And your band…it does well?” her mother asks sometime between the final rehearsal and dinner, and Harper feels the evening going downhill. 

“They’re viral on Tik Tok,” her grandmother says. Nick smiles that wide smile again and her grandmother winks at him. “Leave them alone, dear. They seem very happy together.”

It eases the tension for Harper, just a little. Beside her, Nick puts his hand on her thigh in a comforting gesture, and she relaxes back in the seat.

The rest of the dinner goes okay, until her mother asks to speak to her privately. She leads her off to the hallway of the floor they’re on away from everyone else. Most of the day has been a blur but Nick’s been there with her the whole time, and she’s thought that they were pretty convincing.

“I know what you’re doing,” her mom says, and Harper frowns. “How could you hide something like this from us?”

“Mom, what—”

“The way that boy looks at you, there is no way that this is new. How long have the two of you been together that you couldn’t tell me, or any of us?”

She almost lets out a sigh of relief, but her mom’s words register with her. She thinks that they’ve been together for longer than she’s said, because of the way that Nick looks at her? From what she’s been able to tell, he’s looking at her the same way he has since they met. Sure, he’s touching her a little bit more, but that was all part of the plan. Wasn’t it?

“You just met him today, and you think he looks at me like, what?”

Her mom’s look turns wistful. “Like your dad used to look at me.”

The words are a punch to the gut, and not in an entirely bad way. Her parents were deeply in love once upon a time. But she doesn’t think that she and Nick know each other well enough for that to be true. Still, her mom wouldn’t have dragged her out here and said something like this unless she saw something that Harper apparently didn’t.

“Mom, there’s something—”

“Babe,” Nick appears in the hallway, and it’s obvious that he might have overheard something that was said, because he comes over, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Jolly wants me to stop by before we head home, would it be okay if we headed out now? I know things are wrapping up for the night.”

“You two go on, we’ll see you in the morning.” Harper’s mom says, answering for her.

She hugs Harper and gives Nick a polite smile before walking back into the banquet hall. It’s not until they’re in the elevator that Harper finally asks. “Who’s Jolly?”

Nick doesn’t take her home right away, turning the bike the opposite direction that they came. Harper doesn’t question it, she just burrows against him comfortably and lets him take her wherever he wants. She’d been grateful for the rescue while dealing with her mom, but she wonders what’s going to happen after the wedding tomorrow. She assumes that things will just go back to how they were before, the two of them being neighbors. It’s something, at least.

It’s dusk by the time Nick stops the bike, in a secluded little spot overlooking mountains and trees. Harper’s pretty sure she came to this spot with a boy when she was in high school. Nick drops the kickstand and takes off his helmet, and Harper takes hers off too. But he doesn’t get off the bike, and she stays leaning into him, enjoying the quiet and the view.

“I know you heard what my mom said,” she whispers into his jacket, and she feels him tense a little before he relaxes. “I thought it was all pretend.”

“And if I said that I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to ask you out for months and thought this was going to be the best way to do it?”

Harper sits up and pulls herself off the bike, and it’s just like he knows what she’s planning to do because he slides back on the seat, making room for her. He hauls her into his lap, her thighs spread over his as she sits facing him.

“I like you, Nick Folio,” she murmurs, draping her arms over his shoulders.  “I mean, you’re viral on Tik Tok after all.”

He throws his head back and laughs. “I like your grandma.”

“And what about me?”

“Oh, I really like you,” he says, before wrapping one gloved hand around the side of her neck and kissing her. 

Harper kisses him back, fisting her hands in the sides of his jacket, trying to get him closer. But she’s worried that too much motion is going to overturn the bike. It’s probably a miracle that it’s staying upright anyway. She slides her hands beneath his jacket, pulling at the buttons on his shirt. Her eyes widen at the sight of the tattoo on his chest, and she files that away for another time when she can drag this out and trace it with her tongue.

Nick pulls back, long enough to tug off his gloves and shove them in his jacket pocket before shrugging out of the leather and letting it fall behind him. Keeping his eyes on Harper’s face, his hands slide up beneath the skirt of her dress. Her breath hitches in her chest at the feeling of his hot hands on her inner thighs, skimming upwards until they touch the edge of her panties.

It’s not lost on her that they’re out here in the open where anyone could come by and see them. That doesn’t really matter to her though, not when Nick’s scraping his teeth over the column of her throat and pulling her underwear to the side.

“Is this okay?” he asks, voice low.

Harper nods quickly, reaching down to wrap her hand around his wrist and guide his hand where she wants it. His fingers slide between her folds, thumb teasing over her clit. She moans, head falling back and his free hand tugs at the top of her dress, pulling it and the cup of her bra down so he can get one of her nipples between his teeth.

A sharp cry escapes her when he eases first one, then a second finger inside of her, and when his fingers curl upward, she finds herself trying to lean back into the handlebars behind her. Nick’s fingers tangle in her hair and he pulls her mouth back to his. Harper nibbles on his bottom lip, tongue sliding over his as she grinds down against his hand.

Whimpering, she buries her hands in his hair, yanking at the longer strands. She’s already on edge, and she’d be surprised that Nick’s able to work her up so quickly, but she can’t think about anything else but this. His forehead presses into hers, eyes locked on the space between them, watching his fingers rock in and out of her. He moves them faster, adding in a third, and Harper’s lost beneath the orgasm crashing into her. The cry she lets out echoes in the air around them, bouncing off of the trees.

Nick pulls his fingers out slowly, bringing them up to his mouth to lick them clean. The sight and the aftershocks of her orgasm leave her dizzy. She starts to reach for his belt, but Nick catches her wrist, pulling her hand up and kissing her palm.

“Later, I promise. I kinda wanna get you home and into my bed.”

Harper can’t argue with that. They fix their clothes and she moves back behind him. As she’s putting her helmet back on, a thought occurs to her. “What happened to this being the safest thing I’ll ever have between my legs?”

“Honey, you haven’t seen anything yet.” he murmurs before putting on his helmet and starting the bike.

She grabs onto him, unable to keep the smile off of her face as he points the bike in the direction of home.

⇉ taglist:

@circle-with-me @deathblacksmoke @malice-ov-mercy @baddestomens

@ladyveronikawrites @dominuslunae @collapsedglasshouses @collidewiththesavannah

@thatchickwiththecamera

[hanleiacelebration]

🎆 Han x Leia Holiday Exchange 2024 🎆

Hope, creativity, and love are more important than ever in these times, and we hope this event can do a little something to help brighten up the coming months. Welcome to the 2024 edition of our classic Han x Leia Holiday Exchange!

This is an anonymous exchange where each participant will write and receive a Han/Leia fanfic (min.: 500 words, max.: ~5k words).

Who can participate? Anyone and everyone who loves Han and Leia! Whether you prefer Legends, Disney canon, or AUs; whether you've written 100 fics, 5 or zero; whether you’re a new fan or an older fan; whether you even celebrate any holidays or not... if you enjoy writing, presents, and Han and Leia, this event is for you!

Schedule:

Signups open: November 8, 2024

Signups close: November 22, 2024

Assignments go out: November 23-24, 2024

Half-point check in: Week of December 16, 2024

Deadline to request a beta: January 9, 2025

Submission deadline: January 18, 2025

Works revealed: January 19, 2025

Authors revealed: January 31, 2025

How does it work?

This exchange will take place both on Tumblr and on Archive of Our Own (Ao3), which means having an account on both sites is required to participate. (If you don’t have an Ao3 account, please contact the mods — they can send you an invite and help with any questions!)

You will need to sign up via the link to Ao3 below and will upload your work to the collection there whenever you’re finished. We will post it for you on January 19, and it will remain anonymous until January 31.

You’ll use Tumblr to receive communications from the mods and to send/receive anonymous messages to/from your recipients/writers, so make sure your Tumblr has anonymous messaging turned on. We do ask you to please reach out to your recipient at least once: not only is it a great way to find out more about what kind of gift they would enjoy, but it’s also a really fun part of the exchange!

🎆SIGN UP HERE!

🎆READ THE FULL RULES HERE (mobile version here) AND THE FAQ HERE (mobile version here)

🎆ASK US A QUESTION HERE

Please make sure to read the rules and the instructions on the sign-up page carefully, and please feel free to reach out to blog or one of us individually if you have any questions (or if you could use a little encouragement).

Your mods: @otterandterrier @lajulie24 @hanorganaas

[ghoulangerlee]

Ghost Big Bang Interest Check

I'm finally saying fuck it and tossing out the Google Form to see if there'd be any interest in me hosting a big bang for the Ghost fandom.

Here's the form!

If you're unfamiliar, a big bang is where an author is paired together with an artist and together, that author writes a fic while the artist creates art that goes with the fic itself (can be traditional, manips, videos, playlist, etc)

(The author submits their fic idea + a few bullet points about it and then the artist chooses which author they'd like to create for. More details on the hows and whys when/if this comes to fruition!)

Signing up for a beta reader is optional!

There is a lot of history behind these and for the purpose of not wanting to create something too crazy, if there'd be enough interest in a big bang, then we'd do a minimum of 30,000 words for the fic itself.

A mini bang would be around 10,000 words. Same concept as the big bang but, smaller word counts.

There's an option for a reverse bang on the form as well, and that's exactly like the big bang, except an artist will submit a piece of art and writers will choose the art they want to write for.

But, this is just an interest check for it. If I had to guess on a vague timeline for it, I'd say I'd start signups probably just after the holidays, make it a nice spring challenge to get us through the cold winter.

Once you fill the form out, if you could, please reblog! I don't know if I have to specify but this would be for the entire Ghost fandom. Self insert writers, OC writers, ghoulxghoul writers. Everyone.

We're a community, yeah? Let's do some community things! :)

[olderthannetfic]

A question. With FTH signups happening (probably over by the time this is through the queue) and auctions coming at some point soonish. One of the things offered in the fan bazar is often fanbinding of fics. And usually the fanbinders want proof of author's permission before agreeing to bind a fic. There's a fic I'm seriously looking at for this this year. But what would be the wording to ask for that permission? It wouldn't just be "may I fanbind this for myself" because you're getting someone else, a third party, to do it. But it's also not a commission, FTH is very clear on that wording thing. And it also might be weird to ask before bidding and winning a fan binding, but by the same token I might want to know if I have permission for that specific fic before deciding how much to bid?

And there were fanbinding listings on Etsy, poking around. But I don't know what the etiquette or attitude towards that is at all. I could see it being veiwed much less positively since it's actually for profit, unlike a charity thing like FTH.

So yes. What's the etiquette and wording here, and how would other writers most want to be approached for something like this?

The author in question (that I'm most looking at anyway) has blanket permission for podfic, fanart and fanfic inspired by their works. But I don't think that exactly covers something like getting a bound version of their fic from someone else. I don't think that blanket permission covers this scenario.

--

Honestly, I do think the blanket permission covers not-for-profit fanbinding, but if you want to double check, I would just say "Hey, would it be okay if someone fanbound your work for Fandom Trumps Hate?"

It's pretty well known. Just lead with the actual event.

[hermitcraftguesstheauthorevent]

Welcome to the Inaugural Hermitcraft Guess The Author Event! This post should get you up to speed on the rules and how this is going to work. We will NOT be creating a discord for this event, sorry.

Guess the Author is exactly as it sounds: you, the author, write a new Hermitcraft fic (Or dust off an old unposted WIP, we won’t judge) and add it to our collection! The collection is both unrevealed and anonymous. You will have until THE DEADLINE to add your fic to the collection!

THE DEADLINE is July 9th, 2023 at midnight EDT.

On THE DEADLINE, we will close submissions and reveal the collection- but not the authors! We will make a list of every author in the collection, and post it in the collection description, so the readers aren’t just throwing darts in the dark.

From there, the Readers will have ONE WEEK to try and guess who wrote what! Your prize is nothing but new fic and fun!

ONE WEEK will last from July 9th to July 16th, 2023, terminating at midnight EDT. 

After ONE WEEK has elapsed, we will reveal who wrote what. Great Success!

Do you want to join? There’s a few additional notes under the cut!

The deadline will not be moved for any reason, at all.  If you make the deadline, awesome! Add your work to the collection.

If you don't make the deadline, that's okay! You still wrote a fic, and you should totally post it. The deadline will not be moveable to avoid throwing everything out of whack. This is about getting everyone writing, not some silly deadline!

That said, THERE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY NO EXTENSIONS TO THE DEADLINE.

The collection itself IS NOW LIVE! I had an unexpected injection of free time, so you guys get the collection early! You can add your fics to it right now!

Here's some instructions to help you with that!

And remember: You can add your fic to the collection at any point between now and THE DEADLINE!

Writers are strongly encouraged to write hermits they don't usually write for, to write less-popular hermits, to obfuscate their tracks, or to just play around in sandboxes they wouldn't normally touch. Go outside your comfort zone! Usually a horror writer? Maybe try a coffee shop AU! Or, alternatively, stick exactly to your comfort zone and try and get everyone with the ol' reverse psychology. Works every time.

The point of this is secrecy, though! It’s a game! Let’s have some fun!

Lie while liveblogging the writing process. Compose an ode to Vintagebeef on tumblr and then drop the hottest Wels fic of 2023. The possibilities are (almost) endless!

Once you've submitted a work, you'll send us an ask with your AO3 username, and we'll add you to the list. Once the collection goes live on the deadline, the list will be part of the collection description!

There will be no giftees. There will be no pinch hitters. There will be no signups. If you wanna show up, drop a fic in the collection! If you don't, that's cool too. Write whatever you want! Drop in, or don’t! It’s all for fun!

Now, that said, we do have a few rules:

-Your work MUST be Hermit-centric. This is a Hermitcraft challenge, we’re Hermitcraft fans. Nothing personal. Feel free to have cameos and background characters from any other series you like!

-No smut. Sorry guys. Imply it, cut to black around it, whatever you wanna do. Just no full-on smut.

-No causing us to break TOS. Or like, the law.

-Wordcount should be more than 50.

-The mods reserve the right to remove fics from the collection if you break these rules. (It almost certainly won’t come to that, though!)

And that’s it! That’s all the rules. Throw whatever you want in the collection- but remember, it’s a game and your job is to make it hard on the readers. Or make it easy! It’s entirely up to you.

As a reminder: the deadline for submissions will be July 9th, 2023, at midnight Eastern Daylight Time.

WE WILL NOT ALLOW ANY EXTENSIONS.

With that…Ready, set, WRITE!

Have fun everyone!

Once again: the collection is LIVE, and you can add your work to it anytime!

Sincerely,

The Mods

[swbigbang]

Star Wars Big Bang 2024

It's that time of year again! The Star Wars Big Bang is back for another year and we're excited to see everyone's work over the coming months. There are some changes from last year, namely in the shortened schedule, which we'll be posting now to give people time to look over it and decide if that's something they want to commit to! Sign ups will begin the 1st of December, which is a month away, and we hope to see you there!

01-DEC - Author + beta signups open 10-DEC - rolling early beta matching begins (by author opt-in) 05-JAN - artist sign-ups open 10-JAN - 1st author check-in; author sign-ups close 20-JAN - early beta-matching closes; all matched pairs required to submit "keep or new" requests 25-JAN - artist + beta sign-ups close 30-JAN - final story details due 05-FEB - story details go out for claims 15-FEB - beta/artist claims due 20-FEB - author check-in 2; last day for author drop-outs 25-FEB - pairings sent out 30-MAR - author check-in 3 ("finished writing") 05-APR - last day for artist + beta drop-outs; pinch hitting begins 20-APR - collection opens, posting begins 25-APR - last day to send work to event for posting 27-APR - collection revealed 10-MAY - all works 5-10k cat. and their art complete 20-MAY - all works 10-20k cat. and their art complete 10-JUN - all works 20k+ cat. and their art complete

[aroyallybigbangrwrb]

A Call to Join the Royal Court 📯

A decree to everyone in the kingdom of the Red, White and Royal Blue fandom to join us for A Royally Big Bang -  an event where we welcome all of you, but first:

What is a Big Bang?

A Big Bang is a fandom wide event in which authors and artists are paired up. Authors will write a work within the parameters of the timeline proposed and the Artists will transform said work into a pairing piece of some kind within the timeline as well. The works are then posted together in harmonious union. 

Who can participate?

We invite all authors and artists and betas over 18 to be a part of the festivities. We welcome all forms of transformative work here. As an artist, paired pieces are only limited by your imagination, let it be a podfic, a gifset, a playlist, a moodboard, visual art, etc!

When is this happening?

👑A ROYALLY BIG BANG STARTS RIGHT NOW!!! 👑

AUTHORS: Sign ups for Authors start (today!) February 1st and will close on February 22nd. 

You can sign up in three tiers according to minimum word counts and posting dates. This “Big Bang” has three different tiers (see below) for all authors' creative needs. The bigger the size, the longer the timeframe you have to write.

ARTISTS: Sign up will start on February 23rd and run until March 8th. You will be able to rank your top choices based on summary and tier.  

BETAS: Sign up dates will start on February 23rd and run until March 8th. You will be able to share what you are and aren’t comfortable to beta based on tag restrictions and tier. 

What do tiers mean?

🎂Tier 1 - Mini Bang: 10k+ words. Posts May- June

🎂Tier 2 - Medium Bang: 30k+ words. Posts July - September 

🎂Tier 3 - Big Bang: 50k+ words. Posts October - December 

Works within Tier 1 are expected to be a minimum of 10K words leading up to 30K words. If your work is over 30K words it is within Tier 2, and so on and so forth. 

SO… ARE YOU READY? 

✍️AUTHOR SIGN UP FORM IS HERE

ARTIST SIGN UP FORM (coming Feb 23rd) 

BETA SIGN UP FORM (coming Feb 23rd)

But what if I have more questions? 

You can check out our original FAQ here and our new Live FAQ here and if that doesn’t answer your questions you can send us an ask here on Tumblr, A DM on Twitter, or an email at royallybigbangrwrb@gmail.com and we will get back to you as quickly as we can! 

P.S. Once signups are completed and pairings created all authors and artists and betas will be invited to the RBB Discord server for easier direct communication with the mods, support from other participants and to make this a royally good time!

[egg-plosion]

Writer Sign-Ups are Now Open!!

Here's the sign-up sheets for writers!! You can also sign up for beta reader if you want to still join in and see the works being worked on and help out writers create a masterpiece!

Author Sign ups here

Beta Reader sign ups

This is if you still want to participate but don't wanna write a story on your own and just help out!! You can have more than one role if you wish!!

PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU JOIN THE DISCORD SERVER SO MODS CAN GET A HOLD OF YOU AND FOR CLAIMS!!

[lodessa]

Jorleesi Seasonal Exchange - Fall 2024

By request, the Jorleesi Seasonal Fanwork Gift Exchange is back after a two year hiatus.

This exchange is open to all types of fanwork creators (fanfic, fanart, graphics, fanvids, playlists, gifsets, etc). Request formatting has been changed to hopefully make it more friendly to non-writers, so please pay attention to the details of your signup so that everyone can feel included.

If you love Daenerys Targaryen and Jorah Mormont's relationship and you want to give and receive creations highlighting it with other people who feel the same way, you've come to the right place.

Timeline

Signups are live as of Saturday, September 14th and end on Saturday, September 21st

Assignments will go out by the end of Monday, September 23rd.

Submissions are due by the end of Monday, November 4th

Works will be revealed anonymously starting on Monday, November 11th

Authors will be revealed on Monday, November 18th

For more information click here!

To go directly to the sign up form, click here!

[spectre-week]

One Week Until Spectre Week!

We are just one week away from the start of Spectre Week ( May 25th-31st).

Info on the event can be found here

Day 1 (May 25) Spectre One: Caleb Dume/ Kanan Jarrus - intro post

Day 2 (May 26) Spectre Two: Hera Syndulla- intro post

Day 3 (May 27) Spectre Three: C1-10P/Chopper- intro post

Day 4 (May 28) Spectre Four: Garazeb Orrelios/Zeb- intro post

Day 5 (May 29) Spectre Five: Sabine Wren- intro post

Day 6 (May 30) Spectre Six: Ezra Bridger/Jabba the Hutt/the Emperor's nephew/Lando Calrissian/Commander Brom Titus/Dev Morgan- intro post

Day 7 (May 31) FREE DAY

We are very excited to see what everyone has come up with!

Also, don't forget the other Star Wars Events going on!

@swprequels-big-bang [Signups are closed] will pair authors and artists together to create awesome works based in high republic, the prequel trilogy, clone wars/bad batch, rebels, and or/rogue one, and jedi fallen order!

@jedijune has an event running through the month of June, with a couple different prompts every week to celebrate our force sensitive heroes!

@sabineweek (June 23-29) is all about honoring our girl spectre 5! With a different prompt each day, there's something for Sabine fans everywhere!

Please reblog to spread the news!

@swfandomevents

[inceptiversary]

Inceptiversary 2024 Masterlist

July is almost here, and we are so excited!

The Inception fandom currently has two chat room servers:

Inception Chat (Slack)

You’re Waiting for a Train (Discord)

Jump in and say hello! If links are expired, don’t hesitate to reach out to the Inceptiversary mods for assistance.

Below the cut is a list of all the events that will be taking place this year! Most events run from July 1 to 31, but some are starting earlier and some are running a little longer. Make sure to read the descriptions for each event and don’t hesitate to reach out to us with any questions!

Inception 30 Day Challenge (@inception30daychallenge)

The Inception 30 Day Challenge is a set of 30+ questions and prompts about Inception, its characters, and you! They’re meant to inspire some reflection and creativity about Inception, whether it be through a simple text post, art, music, recs – anything goes! And there will be prizes! Visit the @inception30daychallenge​ blog for the full list of questions!

InceptionArt (@inceptionart)

A blog to celebrate all the wonderful art created by the Inception fandom! Feel free to share inception art with us, either your own or others’, by reblogging (not reposting!) the artwork and tagging the inceptionart blog!

Arthur/Eames Last Drabble Writer Standing (@aeldws)

Signups open June 21 through June 28 or all 10 slots are filled. A weekly elimination drabble challenge where all works must fit a given prompt and feature Arthur/Eames as the main pairing. This year’s AELDWS will run for seven weeks, from June 30 to August 11, with a maximum of 10 participants. Prompts are posted on the @aeldws blog Friday at 1AM EDT, and drabbles are due Tuesday at 1PM EDT. Voting will take place Tuesday night through Thursday night.

Inception Auction (@inceptionauction)

Donate fic, art, services, crafts etc. to raise money for a charity - then let the bidding begin! Accepting offers: June 6 - July 6 Auction open to bids: July 8 - 23 Winners notified July 25 Proof of donations due July 31

Inception Big Bang (@inception-bigbang)

Posting date July 31 An author and artist collaborative event. Authors anonymously submit fic summaries, and artists claim their favorites and create art. Claims ended in early June. First check-in for participants is July 1. Second check-in for participants will be on July 15.

Inception Kitties (@inceptionkitties)

30 days of InceptionKitties means 30 questions for the 30 days of Inceptiversary before we draw a random winner on the 31st! A fun question will be posed to the InceptionKitties community each day, and all our cat parents have to do is reblog the post and share their response! There’s no signups or obligation to do all 30 questions. Pick and choose at your convenience! But anyone who tackles 15 days of questions gets entered into the draw for a small prize!

Inception Positivity (@inceptionpositivity)

Submissions open June 24 until July 28. Inception Positivity is a place to send love and kind thoughts to Inception fandom friends anonymously and receive some love in turn. People submit kind messages via Google form and these are turned into colourful posts that are posted on the blog.

Inception Quiz (hosted on the @inceptiversary blog)

July 16 - July 30 Test out your Inception knowledge for a chance at winning some prizes!

Inception Watch Parties (@inceptionwatchparty)

Watch parties will be hosted starting July 1 on the You’re Waiting for a Train Discord server. See above for invite link to the server or contact the watch party mods. For the full schedule and list of films that will be viewed, visit the @inceptionwatchparty​ blog!

Inception Watch Party Bingo (hosted on the @inceptiversary blog)

Come join our annual Inception Day watch parties and play bingo for prizes! Grab a bingo card ahead of time by emailing inceptiversarymods @ gmail . com and enjoy!

[sitkowski]

get me low (like a basement) - nicholas ruffilo x cam (oc)

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x cam (oc) cw: 18+ MDNI ⚠️ kink negotiations, mentions of recreational drug use, bondage, temperature play (ice), overstimulation, oral sex (f and m receiving), vaginal sex, praise kink, gentle femdom, subby nicky, mentions of later use of a chastity device, and orgasm denial. word count: 3.4k author's note: originally, this was meant to be for kinktober 24, but plans changed. this is also part one of two, a second story will be coming soon. title comes from "liMOusIne" by bring me the horizon. divider by @saradika-graphics 🩷

⇉ masterpost || taglist signups || read on ao3 (coming soon)

Cam stands in front of her mirror, fumbling with the zip on the side of her dress. Her nails catch on the tab but it seems to be stuck. As it is, they’re already running late for the “not Halloween and not Noah’s birthday” party that they’re supposed to be going to. She’s just about to call out to Nicholas, but he’s got the best timing in the world as he comes into the bedroom.

“Nicky, can you help me with this?”

He sits down the box he’d had in his hands and comes over, gently tugging up the zipper for her. He, of course, has been ready to go but apparently he’s got the patience of a saint as she took longer trying to decide what to wear. Her eyes catch his in the mirror and she smiles and his hands smooth her skirt down over her hips.

“Before we go, I have a…suggestion? For my birthday. I know it’s still a little bit away but I wanted to plan ahead.”

Cam turns and her eyes go to the box on the bed. “Hm, the last time you had a suggestion it was very fun.”

Nicholas laughs a little, sitting down on the edge of the bed and picking up the box. She sees the way he’s blushing as he holds it in his hands, and wonders what’s inside it. If she didn’t know any better, he was nervous. Which was saying a lot given some of the things they’ve done together. She thinks of the strap on in the trunk in their closet, and the few other things they’ve added over time. His grip on the box tightens a little, as if he’s afraid to open it. Stepping closer to him, she puts her hand beneath his chin and gets him to look at her.

“Baby, you know you can have anything you want, right?”

Nicholas blows out a breath and nods. “Tell me that again after you see what’s inside.”

“Alright Brad Pitt, you got me to ask. What’s in the box?”

She moves to sit down beside him. They can be late to the party. Nicholas hesitates for a moment before passing it over to her. It’s not heavy at all, and she sits it on her knees before pulling the lid up. Cam isn’t sure what she was expecting when she opened it, but the contents do surprise her. It’s obvious that Nicholas opened the box before her and took what was inside out to examine it himself. When she lifts it out and turns it over in her hands, she can feel his gaze on her, trying to see how she’s going to react to it.

There’s no denying what she’s holding. She’s never seen a cock cage first hand, but the one in her hand is surprisingly light. It’s made of clear silicone instead of the hard steel she’d always thought they were made of. It’s glittery, she realizes, the flecks shining in the light. At the top of it, there’s a tiny gold padlock. She sees the two keys on a little ring laying with the packaging inside the box.

“I was thinking,” Nicholas says finally, his voice coming out rough. “That I’d wear it while I was out on the road, since we’ll be gone for two weeks, up until my birthday. And then you’d let me out when I came home.”

Cam’s breath catches in her throat. “You think you could wear this for two weeks?”

Nicholas blushes, more than before. “I could, for you.”

Just the way he says that makes Cam feel hot all over. She has no doubt that he could do something like this, and she’s more than willing to let him try. When she nods, it’s almost as if he takes a relieved breath. 

“Did you think I’d say no to this?” she asks, and he shrugs his shoulders. Cam puts the cage back into the box and sets it off to the side. “I believe you can do it, and I’ll be happy to reward you when those two weeks are up and you come home. But I do have one question?”

“Hm?”

Cam picks up the keys and dangles them in front of his eyes. “Who’s going to have your second key?”

It would be okay for him to have it, but if he really wanted to test himself, he’d leave one key with Cam obviously, but he’d give the second key to another person for safekeeping. She knows the answer before he even says it.

“I think Noah? I’ll give him the key and a safeword, so if I need out, that’s the only way I’ll be able to do it.”

She nods in agreement, knowing that Noah wouldn’t ask any questions. “Okay, talk to him about it and we’ll plan more before you leave.”

Leaning into him, she nudges her nose against his before pressing a kiss to his forehead. They still have the party to go to so she doesn’t let herself get distracted. As she gets up to go get a jacket, she sees the way he eyes the box before moving it to the dresser. It was tempting to give the cage a test run but she decided against it. In fact, she’d already thought of something else for when they got home. But she kept it to herself for now.

The party was fun, as it always was with their friends. Nicholas might have been a little twitchy at first, and at one point she saw him and Noah talking seriously to one another in a corner. Noah had looked her way and winked, and she tried not to laugh. It was obvious that he was on board with this plan even though he didn’t need to know the intimate details of it. Eventually they started up the firepit in the back yard, and Cam and Nicholas cozied up in front of the fire as everyone talked around them, sometimes dragging them into the conversation. 

“Would it be incredibly rude to bow out now?” Nicholas asks, propping his chin up on her shoulder. “I don’t even think they’d notice.”

Cam laughs and leans back into him. “Patience, baby.”

“Don’t wanna be patient, wanna take you home.”

She’s pretty sure he’s a little stoned, given the joint that he and Nick were passing around when they first came outside, but she can work with that. It’s one of those softer lines that they’re both okay with. And Nicholas is cute when he’s baked, and a little handsy with the way that he keeps sliding his fingers back and forth beneath the hem of her skirt against her thigh.

“Am I gonna have to tie you up to get you to behave tonight?”

Nicholas hums against her shoulder. “Do you promise?”

She grabs onto his wrist before his hand can fully disappear beneath her skirt, even though she’s pretty sure that no one else is paying any attention to them at all. “Behave. For at least another thirty minutes, and then we can go.”

Instead of letting go of his hand, she pulls it around to pin between her knees, which only seems to make him laugh. But his other hand doesn’t go wandering at all. His fingers do keep teasing over the skin of her inner thigh, and she realizes her mistake too late. By the time they’re ready to go, she’s overheated in her jacket and she’s pretty sure Nicholas can’t stop smiling because he knows he still did what she told him to do, to an extent. He knows he’s going to get what he wants. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to work for it.

They’re barely through the apartment door before Nicholas is pressing her up against the wall. His hands push at her jacket as he presses feather light kisses to her neck and his fingers grasp the skirt of her dress, tugging a little impatiently.

“Can I, please?” he asks, voice muffled in her shoulder.

She doesn’t know exactly what he’s asking for, and she still has a plan, but she can’t deny him anything and she nods. The second he’s got her permission he’s dropping to his knees so fast it sounds painful. Cam lets out a gasp of surprise as he rucks up her skirt and tugs her panties down hastily. They don’t tear but they do get caught around one of her boots as she tries to get out of them without falling, and then he’s bringing one of her legs up over his shoulder to bury his face between her thighs. All she can do is gasp and thump her head against the wall as he licks into her.

One of her hands comes down to fist in his jacket that he hasn’t even bothered to take off yet, and the other slides into his hair, tugging just a little. He moans into her, trying to get his shoulders further between her legs. She doesn't think she'll fall, but honestly she doesn't care if she does, as long as he doesn’t stop. Cam slides down, just a little, and clenches her eyes shut when she feels his teeth nipping at her. She doesn’t need to look down at him to know that he’s making a mess of her, she can hear it.

She comes quickly, the sudden sharpness of it making her nearly fall forward in surprise. After a few minutes, Nicholas’ head reemerges from beneath her skirt, and she can see the smug look on his face that is wet with her arousal. Cam finally releases the death grip she has on his shoulder and cards her fingers through his hair.

“Sorry,” he murmurs, not sounding the least bit apologetic. “I couldn’t help myself.”

Cam lets out a disbelieving laugh. “You’re a menace, Nicky.”

He shrugs, unrepentant, and gets back to his feet. She still feels shaky and she watches as he shrugs out of his jacket, dropping it right on the floor where hers is. Eventually, she finds the brain capacity to get her underwear unstuck from her boot, and she leaves them there too as she manages to pull herself back upright.

“I’m pretty sure I heard something earlier about tying me up to get me to behave,” he says.

When he leans in to kiss her, she can taste herself on his lips. His hands slide down over her hips, beneath her skirt again as he tugs her against him. She can’t help but squirm a little as his fingers dig into her ass, and she can feel how hard he is. Narrowing her eyes a little, she reaches up to give a lock of his hair a warning yank. He only giggles at her as if he finds it amusing.

“This isn’t behaving, Nicholas.”

She pulls herself out of his hold, backing away and turning for their bedroom. It won’t take him long to follow her, she knows. And she can hear him talking to the cats while she goes into their room and opens the closet to get out what they’ll need. He appears in the doorway, but she holds up a hand before he can come in any further, and he freezes in confusion.

“Wait. Go back and get a bowl of ice.”

Nicholas turns back without question, and Cam puts the silk bindings on the bed before grabbing a towel or two to toss down across the blankets. She goes back to what she was doing, taking off her dress next. Somehow it was easier to get out of it than into it. She drapes it over her vanity bench and gets out of her boots. Her eyes catch on movement in the reflection of her mirror and she sees Nicholas is back in the doorway holding a bowl of ice.

“Well?” she turns around to look at him. “Get out of your clothes and lay down on the bed.”

Sitting the bowl down, he moves obediently, tossing his clothes aside and moving onto the bed, pushing pillows aside as he stretches out on the mattress. Her eyes roam from his face down to his hard cock and she thinks about what he’s going to look like with that cage. It distracts her, just for a moment, before she picks up the silk ties and walks up to the head of the bed. He’s put his wrists up without her needing to ask and she hums thoughtfully as she ties him.

It wouldn’t take much for him to get free if he wanted to, it’s not so much about keeping him still as it is about him wanting to be. He relaxes back once she’s done, and Cam brings the bowl up and sits it on the nightstand where it’s in easy reach.

“I think you need to cool off a little, Nicky,” she says as she straddles his stomach. His hips twitch up, just once, and she raises her eyebrows until he settles again. “Be still for me.”

Nicholas does as he’s told, and she feels him go lax beneath her. His eyes stay on her face, and she sees the trust and the love there, and it makes her stomach twist pleasantly. Reaching over into the bowl, she picks up a piece of ice and brings it to her own mouth. It melts quickly, and she can feel the chill of it as she moves it around over her tongue. Leaning down, she kisses Nicholas and feels the heat of his mouth on hers, knowing that he’s getting the cold from her. She can feel the moan beneath her hands before it bursts out of his mouth.

“Are you hot, Nicky?” she asks, and he lets out another moan. “I bet you are, your skin is on fire. Do you need me to cool you down, baby?”

“If you think I need it, then I need it.” he says.

Cam leans back and picks up another piece of ice. This one she traces over his lips, lets droplets of water melt into his mouth before she drags it down his neck and to his chest. Her mouth follows the path, licking the water away as she goes. His hips buck up off the bed when she drags the ice cube over one of his nipples, and she raises his eyes to his as the movement jostles her.

“Sorry, couldn’t help it,” he manages with a shaky laugh. Cam bites down on his chest in warning, and Nicholas yelps. “I’ll be good, I promise.”

“I’ve never doubted you’d be good for me, but you’re pressing your luck.”

He settles again, and Cam keeps teasing him with the ice until the piece is fully gone and rivulets of water run down onto the towels below him. When she looks up at his face again, she sees that his eyes are closed, and his teeth are sunk into his bottom lip. His hands are clenched so tight on the headboard that his knuckles are almost white. 

Reaching up into the bowl, she catches another piece between her fingers, and then she moves down the bed. Nicholas looks down at her, knows where she’s headed. Cam slips the piece of ice into her mouth and drags her wet fingers down his stomach as she shuffles back. Bracing her hands on his upper thighs, she ducks down and circles her tongue around the head of his cock. The headboard rattles and she backs off to see Nicholas thumps his head back onto the mattress.

“More?” she asks, as if she doesn’t already know. She already knows what his answer will be, but she wants him to say it. Wants him to ask her for it.

“Camille,” her name escapes him on a desperate sound and she smiles. “Please.”

She drags her tongue up the underside of his cock, before leaning down further and taking in as much as she can. Under her hands, his thighs shake and he goes tense as if trying to keep himself from thrusting into her mouth. Cam knows that she could let him, but she also knows that he gets off on denial, being held back. It’s the whole point of the cage. So she digs her fingernails into the skin of his thighs and presses down to remind him to stay still.

Nicholas flat out whimpers, and Cam glances up to see that he’s got his eyes clenched shut tight. She knows he longs to bury his hands in her hair, guide her movements. It’s one of her favorite things, but she denies herself that too. Instead, she wraps her fist around what won’t fit in her mouth and bobs her head a few times before pulling off with a slick pop.

“Nicholas,” she smiles again as he lifts his head. “Do you want to come like this?”

He seems to struggle to think about it, before he’s shaking his head rapidly. “Not yet.”

Sitting up, Cam crawls up his body. She leans down to press kisses along the bridge of his nose, trailing down to his mouth where he meets her eagerly. After a few moments, she pulls back and cups his chin in her hand.

“Okay, but that means you’ve got to hold out until I say you can.”

He nods just as fast, arching up and trying to get another kiss. Cam indulges him before she straddles him again. She moves so she can drag his cock between her folds, and she hisses whenever her clit hits his skin just right. Any other time he'd be grabbing onto her hips, pulling her down impatiently. But all he can do is cling to the headboard and let her tease him.

"What do you need to come?" she asks, voice breathy.

"Permission."

Cam finally reaches down to grip him firmly and sink down on him until he's buried to the hilt. Nicholas moans as she gasps and braces one of her hands on his chest. The other she brings up to the headboard, lacing her fingers through his. Her hair hangs in her face as she slumps forward, rolling her hips so that he hits the place inside of her that she likes best. Looking down at his face, she can see the way he's already holding back and she can't help but laugh and lean down to nuzzle into him.

"Good boy," she murmurs, "Look how good you're being for me."

"Good enough to let me come soon, right?"

Cam laughs again, breath coming out in ragged pants as she moves faster, clenching around him on the downstroke. The sound of their skin slapping together makes her entire body thrum, and she can feel her second orgasm of the night approaching. Nicholas grits his teeth and she knows that he's close to his own edge. She can't help reaching between their bodies and circling her fingers around her clit, each pass teasing the base of his cock.

"Camille, fuck, that's not fair," he manages.

She ignores him, pressing her forehead into his, working herself and him faster. Dimly, she's aware of the sound of the fabric slipping as Nicholas yanks his wrists free. His name escapes her in a cry as he wraps his hands around her ribs, snapping his hips up into hers. She comes in a rush, slumping down against him and moaning into his neck when he doesn't stop.

"Now, Nicky," she concedes, fisting her hands in his hair and holding on. "Come for me now."

Nicholas empties himself into her almost at command and Cam presses her hands into his chest to try and get herself upright. His hands wrap around her back and he presses kisses against her sternum.

“Oh, I think you’re gonna handle this whole being in a cage thing for two weeks just fine.” she mumbles, and Nicholas laughs.

“We’re gonna need to shower and change the sheets, I don’t think the towels did their job.” He gently lifts her off of him and she sighs in contentment. “Hey, do we have any ice cream?”

“Okay stoner, get up and let’s shower, we’ll think about food afterwards.”

She manages to crawl out of the bed eventually with Nicholas following behind her. He gives her a playful swat on the ass as he moves past her to go start the water. Cam narrows her eyes at him as he goes, she’s going to make him miserable during those two weeks, and she can’t wait.

⇉ taglist

@ladyveronikawrites @circle-with-me @deathblacksmoke @dominuslunae

@rumoured-whispers @cookiesupplier @kinseysucks @collapsedglasshouses

@thatchickwiththecamera @th4t-em0-k1d @blackveilomens @illmakeyousaywow

@malice-ov-mercy @itsjustforce @darksigns-exe @baddestomens

@collidewiththesavannah @sorrowsofsilence @fadingangelwisp

@wonh0z @kait16xo

if you ’d like to be added to the taglist, you can find the form at the top of this fic! thanks for reading/reblogging 🩷

[cssns]

It’s TIME!!!!

Time for signups for the FINAL YEAR of the CSSNS!!!!

Come one, come all!!! We need beta readers, authors, and artists -we REALLY need artists-!!!

Sorry, no AI generated fics or art will be accepted in the event.

Signups will be open until 11:59 pm Central time, February 29.

If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to send us an ask, or you can reach out to one of our FABULOUS mods- @kmomof4 @winterbaby89 @stahlop @jrob64 and @ultraluckycatnd !!!

Please click on the link below to sign up. If you are interested in participating in more than one area, then please fill out each individual sign up form as there will be info requested specific to each role on the forms.

Artist signup

Author signup

Beta signup

Keep spreading the word, y’all!!! Let’s finish this event with a BANG!!!

[ghoulangerlee]

Ghost Mini Bang!

Hey everybody, thank you so much for humoring me this last week with all the polls and the Google Form!

It looks like there's an overwhelming positive response to a Mini Bang!

Based on the word count poll, it looks like the minimum word count will be 5k!

This doesn't mean that you can't write more, it just means you need to write at least 5k for your fic.

Based on the other polls: the event will be 18+ only. To sign up you must have an age range in your bio, this is at best, all I can do to ensure that no one under 18 takes part.

I did receive two questions on the form, as answered below:

Can I sign up as an artist and a writer?

Personally, I won't stop you from doing that! Do keep in mind that if you choose to sign up as both and you have a fic in play and you sign up to create art for another fic then you will have to make sure you're able to complete both projects in the duration of the bang.

How long will the event run?

You'll have 12 weeks to complete your work, as of right now I have author sign ups slated to start December 30th while artist signups will start January 6th.

Artists will get to choose who they want to pair with starting January 13th. Writing will officially begin on January 20th and you'll have from then until posting date April 14th.

I figure, to stagger the fic and art that will be coming out of this, we'll start posting on the week of April 14th and towards the end, you'll be able to sign up for what date you want to post on (this will give you time, if you're adding final touches on things on April 14th then you can choose a later date that week to post). There'll be a collection on AO3 to post on and you'll be able to cross post wherever your heart desires.

I'll keep this post a little short, and I'll spin up a FAQ post to reference later, thanks for humoring me, y'all. I do hope to create the best Ghost mini bang I can. If you have any questions please feel free to reach out and let me know!