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suffarustuffaru · 9 months ago
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hi i made a tier list of how homophobic rezero characters are
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hello in the spirit of valentine's day and the very welcoming community here on rezero tumblr i decided to make this with the help of my lovely mutuals.
#anyway heres some fun little explanations if youd like to read:#otto has. so much internalized shit going on i dont even know where to begin. not as severe as like subaru fr and def not in the same way a#whatevers happening with ferris but like by the time u get to arc 8 hes a total shitshow LJSLDKF#like ottos. transphobic. canonically. with natsumi schwartz. and then hes def got More going on bc his attachment style is soo....#wilhelm and heinkel i think would def be homophobic outside of reinhard/reinhard related things but its funnier to describe it like that ok#and either way the main target of their homophobia is gonna be reinhard LMAO#oni elders suck ok. theyd all be homophobic#rams got a strong case of comphet rn but when she doesnt have comphet shes chillin with subarus gf and having wlw mlm hostility with subaru#and otto. the entire judges your taste tier is all insane teen girls or frufoo and patrasche (who DEFINITELY judge otto and subarus taste)#frufoo patrasche are like that one reddit post about that one guys dog being homophobic after seeing their owner get topped in gay sex#also als in that tier bc al.#alcor is technically subaru but he gets to be a tier lower than subaru bc. hes also not technically subaru its very complicated but#at least he doesnt have the entire boy drama subaru has LSJDF#reids iconic line is the ones where he calls julisuba boyfriends u know. its extremely iconic.#a dear mutual of mine has informed me tivey is in lol ok while his triplet siblings wouldnt know what being gay is which LKJDSLFSD thats#fucking funny i had to do it#id argue satella is in lol ok bc she lets subaru do almost anything ok. this includes being terribly into men. she knows shes got his heart#either way. and also elsa dont care unless it affects how ur guts taste#rems reaction is gonna be lol ok unless its subaru coming out to her. then shes gonna have some Mixed Feelings#rezero#re:zero#i forgot to add but u could def argue garf knows what being gay is bc his two older brothers are just Like That#but also neither of his brothers would be caught dead explaining what being gay is to him
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chasingfictions · 3 months ago
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i know we all already did trying to cut down ttpd to a listenable playlist but . alternate universe where ttpd was called prophecy
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#additional benefit that this is somehow exactly 55 minutes and 5 seconds . track 5 ass album .#realistically the prophecy Would be track 5 on this but i am attached to it being the end track#bonus tracks would be guilty as sin and the manuscript btw#florida in this universe is a one-off single she puts out with florence with no warning or explanation it also comes with#three awful unlistenable remixes on the same release#also in this universe so long london + loml included in the original midnights .#dkfaljdfjl thinking abt a world where she dropped those two with youre losing me as like a b-sides midnights EP event#this ends with swifties swarming joe alwyn's door with flamethrowers#anyway closets like cedar implications of peter track 5 means i like it actually#also in a universe that cuts tortured poets the song this creates a world where the only namedrops on the album are fake names#(aimee. peter. the mythical chloe et al). and also semi mythical celebrities. and also taylor swift#ts#anyway this track listing is about trying to break the cycle of doom and u end still unsure if u can. time loop album#so high school a bright spot but more begging against the dark.#and so high school about going back in time to redo it . only you cant. can it be high school again. can we redo the prophecy.#midnights original run ends with no one wanted to play with me as a little kid . and then we are here.#also like there are weaker songs in this run but critically i think thank you aimee is Fun to listen to and she always has to have at least#One song that is embarrassing . also the k*rlie implications of your kid comes home singing a song only we know is about us#also i think it's like. this rare hopeful moment in the whole album track#but also it's hope built on pain . and also the liner notes style brings in early discog#+ subject matter brings in like rep and folkmore. and anyway high school metaphor critical for timeloop#lead singles in this universe are down bad. my boy . fortnight. so high school
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a-suspicious-number-of-ducks · 6 months ago
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Hermit-a-Day May, day 18: JoeHills. Today's style/medium is puppet-making! Or mostly sewing with a few other things thrown in. I had a ton of fun with this one, even though it took...so much time to make. I usually explain why I chose a certain medium but this one is...pretty self-explanatory, I think. If you have any Joe clips you want to see a puppet show of, send them my way! Details, materials, and a couple more pictures under the read more.
Materials: this pattern by Abby Glassenberg and all of its required components (minus the eyes), googly safety eyes from Amazon, baby clothes from a local thrift store, and white fabric paint.
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I was originally going to try to get doll clothes to dress the Juppet in, since I didn't want to sew the outfit from scratch, but couldn't find any that were quite right. After a couple unfruitful trips into stores, I stopped by a local children's thrift store and poked around their newborn and preemie section until I found an orange onesie and gray jacket/cardigan that were close enough to the right colors. I know the jacket on Joe's skin is probably a hoodie, given the pocket placement, but surprisingly, few people seem to be manufacturing hoodies for newborn babies. Once I got home, I hacked off the bottom of the orange onesie, hemmed it, and painted the at symbol on the back with fabric paint. The front (now back) still says "daddy's mighty guy" with a picture of two dinosaurs on it and that amuses me greatly.
The puppet pattern itself was a little tricky, and there were a couple spots that I think could have used some more explanation, but I made it through. In hindsight, I wish I'd used bigger eyes, but I couldn't find safety eyes (the kind that pokes through the fabric and gets secured with a washer) in a larger size and the style I wanted, and I didn't want to just glue regular googly eyes on because I was worried it wouldn't be sturdy enough (and the edges might look messy). I ended up having to hot glue the felt pieces to the inside of the mouth, even though the pattern recommended normal craft glue for that part, because it would not stick no matter what I did. If I were to make the pattern again, I'd probably try to sew the roof of the mouth and tongue pieces onto the pink felt before attaching it to the head, rather than gluing them on after.
Honestly, there are a lot of things I would do differently if I were to make another puppet, but I'm pretty proud of how this one turned out, especially for my first time doing something like this! I just. have a Juppet in my house now. I don't know how to feel about this. I know this is a pretty complicated piece, so if you have any additional questions, feel free to message me (or send an ask, or reply to this post, or send the message by carrier pigeon--whatever floats your boat).
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kazumist · 1 year ago
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STUPID CUPID .ᐟ
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✩ — in which you thought cupid was stupid for making you fall for a guy like wriothesley.
✩ — wriothesley x gn!reader. fluff. no cws. wc: 753 (woah). reader is down bad for wrio LOL theyre so me fr. reblogs are very much appreciated !!
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you never found wriothesley attractive.
well, that was before, at least. now, you’re currently undergoing a love crisis because how and when did he even become so attractive in your eyes?
since when did wriothesley look so good in rolled up sleeves? (one of the rare times where you’re thankful that the uniform has long sleeves, really.) since when did wriothesley look good in fitted clothes? since when did his chuckle start replaying in your head at random times during the day? and archons, since when did you even start liking the way he says your name?
just when did wriothesley start to become your type?
a few months ago, you didn’t even spare him a glance when it wasn’t needed. yet now, here you are, most probably on the brink of losing your sanity just because of a guy who you’re 100% sure doesn’t even think of you the same way.
you don’t share that many conversations with him, but when you do, it feels like you are floating. maybe it was simply because of how good his voice sounds, or maybe it was because you’re actually talking to him—who knows?
the words that your friends had said before started to echo in your head, “you know, when you’re in love, you’ll feel like your dreaming every day.” you didn’t believe them at first, of course; it just sounded impossible for you. but the tables just had to turn on you, didn’t they?
“as i was saying, i think it’s best if we take another approach to doing this project—are you okay?”
oh shit. this just proves their point even more, you completely forgot you were in the middle of talking and planning about your project with wriothesley because you were thinking about him! 
“huh? oh yeah, don’t worry about it.”
he nods in acknowledgement and continued to voice out his thoughts and archons, you were so close to melting. no way in celestia that even you even find him attractive as he is explaining his ideas, right?
right?
-
who knew that a project could bring two people together?
you managed to find out all sorts of things about wriothesley. a few of those would be: he has a little sister named sigewinne and he lets her style his hair whenever he’s at home, he usually does morning walks during the weekends to watch the sunrise, he really likes drinking tea and doesn’t like talking too much because his throat becomes too dry for his liking, there’s also—
yep, you’re falling deeper than you initially thought.
-
stupid, stupid cupid!
cupid must’ve been stupid. there’s no other explanation for it. because why did you just have to fall for a guy like wriothesley? wriothesley, who’s way out of your league. who you’re positively sure doesn’t like you back (and has no plans on doing so). wriothesley, who wasn’t even your type yet, here you are, going crazy over him!
just why did you have to fall for wriothesley who's
 currently walking towards you right now with a bouquet of tulips in hand?
“what’s with the tulips?” you asked him.
you didn’t have to be a genius to know what tulips symbolized—love and happiness is what they mostly meant.
“are you going to give them to sigewinne?” you followed up on your last question. “ah, they’re actually for you," he replies, keeping his eyes on the bouquet in his hands and refusing to look you in the eyes instead.
wait.
did he just say they were for you?
“huh? for me?”
he silently handed you the said bouquet and proceeded to put his hands in his pockets. there, you noticed a little note attached.
i love watching the sun rise, but i’ll love it more if i get to watch it with you.
“if you don’t feel the same, it’s completely fine with me. i just wanted to let you know that i hold romantic feelings for you and—" he started to ramble, which is very out of character of him since you’re well aware that he doesn’t like to talk too much.
you didn’t believe everything at first. wriothesley suddenly giving you a bouquet of tulips was already unbelievable enough for you, but to read this note that was obviously written by him? you’re probably just dreaming, right? yeah, that must be it. maybe you just fell asleep, and now you’re dreaming of this whole thing—
ïżœïżœi’d like to watch the sun rise with you as well.”
maybe cupid wasn’t stupid after all.
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tagging: @ryuryuryuyurboat, @oveloof, and @yinyinggie <3
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azeterna · 4 months ago
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tutorial: making slider-compatible earrings
this uses quite a new feature, the BlendID vertex colour layer, and as far as i know there's no complete tutorial or explanation of how it works out there, so this could probably still be improved. i still use old Blender, but feel free to translate this to other versions.
in simple terms it's a new vertex colour layer that gives each vertex of the head a unique colour, and you can use it on your CC mesh to attach it to a specific head vertex. for small detailed meshes like earrings it does this better than uv_1, which makes them go spiky.
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to start, the earrings should be placed on the s4s rig's ear, even though it's way smaller than the smallest preset in-game. if you have several piercings close together, separate them (P) into different meshes because it makes transferring the colours so much easier.
there are some limits to this, each CC vertex can only be attached to one head vertex, so you can't do chains or anything that would need you to blend between two verts. the industrial does work because it's just two clusters of verts with nothing in the middle, and for this tutorial i'll treat it as two separate earrings. finally, don't expect it to perfectly preserve the placement - evenly spaced piercings will end up uneven, and on extreme occult ear presets the earrings will probably still come away from the ear.
selecting the source polys
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check that the head mesh (head for mframe, head_2 for fframe) has a BlendID vertex colour layer. if it doesn't, re-export the CC from S4S or import it into a freshly exported blend file.
enable editing the head.
for each piercing, select a poly that contains the vertex you want to attach it to. for me it works best using the outside of the ear. it takes a lot of trial and error to find the best one, so don't expect it to be perfect first time. (you need to do this for both ears, you can't just mirror the mesh after you're done because the colours are different)
duplicate (Shift+D, Esc) and separate (P) the polys into a new mesh.
switch to editing the new separated mesh.
move the source vertex for each earring as close to the middle of it as possible. the whole of each earring should be closer to that vertex than any other, this is why we separated the ones that were close together at the beginning.
move the other vertices well out of the way.
transferring data from the head
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if your CC mesh doesn't have a uv_1 map and a BlendID layer, create them and name them.
transfer the BlendID layer from the separated head polys to the CC mesh. use Nearest Corner Of Nearest Face, not Nearest Face Interpolated like you normally would for uv_1 maps.
do the same for the uv_1 map. (this might not be necessary, but it won't hurt.)
in edit mode, select and assign the whole mesh to the head group and delete any other groups. (side note: if you do this for face piercings you'll still need to transfer weights from the face as normal. i'd transfer them from the separated head polys using nearest vertex, so each piercing has uniform weights. you might need to do separate versions for both frames too.)
in vertex paint mode and wireframe view, check that each earring has a uniform red colour. in classic EA style some of them are impossible to tell apart, so use the colour picker (S) to check.
switch to the Col layer and paint the whole mesh (Shift+K) with #007F00.
bet you wish this was over
if you separated the CC into multiple meshes, do the whole thing again on the other mesh.
select all your CC meshes on object mode and join them together again (Ctrl+J).
hide the polys you separated from the head.
the mesh should be ready to import into S4S now! sometimes in my testing it was being weird though, and i had to import it several times or delete the BlendID layer then undo and reimport it. i'll try to update the tutorial if i figure out why.
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trying it in game, you can see which parts still need tweaking, the higher stud is especially bad because it isn't that close to any of the head vertices. you can either try a different source vertex for them, or try moving them around. if you're designing an earring set from scratch, it might be easier to choose placements that are close to a vertex on the ears.
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slowd1ving · 4 months ago
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FANTASMAS ă‚œăƒ»BLADE NSFW
"solo miro fantasmas estĂĄn dentro de ti." - fantasmas (twin tribes) continuation of roommate au kind of part 2 to both ain't shit see here for some basic designs for them male reader warnings: male reader, amab reader, porn with plot, bottom reader, band au, blade's kinda obsessive, he's also in denial for like half the fic wc: 6.9k (unintentional)
HONKAI STAR RAIL MASTERLIST
MASTERLIST ăƒ»ă‚œăƒ»NAVIGATION
With the piercing light of day shining upon this nondescript building, it resembles every other office in the vicinity: cold grey facade, nauseatingly plain decor, and workers that look like they’d rather be anywhere but here. But as the sun kisses the horizon and the stars scatter across the fabric blanketing the world, the infamous ‘underground’ opens—a venue beloved by local bands and those looking to drink until dawn.
It’s no surprise that Kafka’s there tonight; she’s lounging at the back with her magenta irises fixed right on the stage while her maraschino pout sips at her cocktail. The dim hall hosts dozens of people, if not about a hundred—all eagerly waiting for the arrival of the Trailblazers, bodies pressed against bodies and barely anyone sitting at the pushed-back tables near the walls. That’s why it’s perfect that she’s here and not at the front—otherwise, she’s sure the pretty flame-haired Trailblazer’s manager will notice her and give her that glare. She doesn’t want to get on her bad side, not today. 
She’s mildly astonished that Blade tagged along to scout them out of his own volition; the only member he knows for sure is Dan Heng, and anyone and everyone with a brain knows how tense things are between them. Well, it’s not entirely accurate to say he knows only one of the members behind their varied masks—there’s still you, but she doubts he’s figured it out for himself that you’re the guitarist in particular. 
The man next to her might appear relaxed—body pressed against the back of the cherry-red seating, legs spread with fingers tapping languidly on his thighs—but Kafka likes to think she can read people a lot better than that. He’s as
 naive, she’d like to put it, as ever—thinking he can hide his feelings as though he doesn’t wear his pulsating, visceral heart on his sleeve for everyone to look at. 
There’s a simmering anger lying beneath his milky dermis; like his eyes, it is red-hot and coils his body inwards with a thick tension. She doesn’t know what happened these past few days, but she knows for sure he’s gotten worse—pupils honed in right on the platform in the front and not a swill taken from the liquor on the table. 
(Wine flows—the man who does not partake will sorely regret what he sees sober, she later comments in her journal.)
It’s not like you’re any better; a good mood stretched your lips into a smile as bright and messy as yolk when you saw her a few days ago. Still, any explanation for Blade’s bad mood was encapsulated in one neat, cruel word: payback. 
Several meanings can be attached to this—and these have been duly noted in the journal she keeps on the side. 
The clearest red thread she can find in this investigation is that this has something to do with you, and maybe the bassist currently setting up on stage with a delicate, draconic mask perched across his features—judging by the way Blade’s fingers dig right into the plush of his thighs. 
Oh, her mouth suppresses a bloodied smile—this is interesting. 
She doesn’t watch you in your Venetian mask—a fragile one that spans three-quarters of your face, a Phantom of the Opera style she does appreciate. 
No, actually, she glances at the revealing top you’re wearing and makes out several bite marks and bruises in the strobe lighting—putting two and two together quite quickly. Ah. No wonder he’s pissed. 
She then, very efficiently, decides it will be far more amusing to watch Blade’s expression surreptitiously as he slowly figures it out. 
Just who exactly is that guitarist?
It weighs on his mind—heavy, uncomfortable. He loathes Dan Heng, and the rest of the Trailblazers by proxy; even without the ongoing feud, he’d hate them regardless. While he did come to the performance to clear his head and remind him of exactly who he’s up against, he can’t help but gaze at the person currently plugging in his guitar. 
Stop. 
Pungent copper warmth spills into his mouth as he bites hard into his cheek; bleeding sanguine replaces the lingering caress of whiskey on his taste buds. 
Yet still—as the strobe dies down and a haunting, ghostly incandescence shimmers over the band—his eyes continue to trace his figure. 
His flimsy shirt rides up his stomach as he loops the guitar around his neck, and Blade can feel his mouth go dry. Damn you—he can’t stop thinking about that scene he almost walked in a few days ago, and now that small patch of skin is making him imagine what it would be like with a guy. 
This venue is for the amateurish bands—ones that won’t ever make it big but still have a loyal base of dedicated followers. Very technically speaking, the Trailblazers are popular and rightfully so: skill macerates itself into their songs. Yet, he can’t help the dislike that taints his perception of their music. 
The vocalist’s voice is well suited to this genre—long grey hair framing a golden mask while she sings, but he’s more focused on the melody accompanying it. There’s several embellishments on the guitar chords accompanying it that his ears pick up: too used to your irritating playing to ignore them. Nothing too wild, just some flair he begrudgingly appreciates. 
He can only focus on the guitarist, not even sparing a glare at the bassist close to them. 
It’s in the second song you finally have a solo: a long riff that appears to be a crowd favourite, stirring a hitched breath from him. 
Familiar, it somehow seems—something along your style but he’d be damned if he ever heard this from you. 
He loses track of the minutes that turn into well over an hour. 
The atmosphere in the club has shifted significantly—expectant. It appears to be one of the last songs; and Blade’s ashamed that the time passed quickly for him. 
Too busy staring at the guitarist, he can hear future Kafka tease, and he clenches his fists in his lap.
“Kiss me with amaranthine on your lips,” 
You’ve done nothing but play the electric guitar, which is why he widens his eyes in surprise as your mouth opens and you lean into the vocalist’s mic. A melancholy synth accompanies the bittersweet song—with a deeper voice that makes your face flash in his mind. 
Can’t be. 
“Arsenic on your tongue.”
Involuntarily, that scene of you with Dan Heng’s lips against yours takes up the space in his mind—all-consuming, fury-inducing. 
“Frankly, dear, you could send me to the tomb,”
He downs the hard liquor that’s been sitting on the table for the past hour. God, he sounds perfect: making his dick twitch in his pants as he imagines this voice in his headphones. 
“Pressing your hands to my frigid cadaver,”
His breathing becomes slightly more shallow as he notices how the flimsy shirt finally sticks in a way that half-exposes the guitarist’s chest—a prominent bite-mark just peeking out from the side.
“One live pulse and the other lifeless,”
The lighting shifts to illuminate you more, and he can suddenly see the slight discolouration against his slicked collarbone and sweat-soaked neck—bruises which feel slightly off, in the sense that Blade’s stomach grows tight and his heart pounds fast and hard against his lungs. 
“And still I’d wait, Styx cradling me in its miasma—”
His eyes sweep across the room and land directly on Blade’s, and there’s something so familiar in that gaze that he can’t look away. 
“Is my apostasy enough for you?”
It’s past one in the morning when he leaves the venue—cold air nipping at his arms as Kafka waves him goodbye and he drives home with the icy street lamps lighting his way. In the privacy of his car, he finds the specific song online—letting the guitarist’s honey-rich voice sweep over him, before his heart begins thrumming uncontrollably.
He’s onto something—a specific line of thinking that feels so ludicrous he can’t help but scoff at himself as he parks. 
Ridiculous, he thinks. Perhaps it’s simply human nature to deny that which brings discomfort. 
Cognitive dissonance. 
But there’s no one at the apartment. Not a dim slit of light on the wall opposite your door—where it’s almost a daily occurrence at the young hours of the night. In fact, your slightly open door (and here his heart pangs at the thought of that day) indicates not a soul currently inhabits the empty room. He stands there for a long time, staring. 
You can’t

Tongue leaden, he makes his way to the living room: sinking into the couch while his rubine eyes fix themselves on the door. He loosens the buttons of his shirt, running his tired hands through his inky spills of hair. He’s good at the waiting game; the minutes may drag out infinitely, but he wills himself to sit in silence. 
It’s far past two when you finally stumble in—a long coat bundled over casual clothes that make the tension in his shoulders dissipate slightly. There’s a bag clutched in your hands but no signs of a guitar case. 
Why does he feel so relieved?
You finally notice him: locking eyes, yet not saying anything. His lips press together, then part suddenly.
“Where were you?” It sounds accusatory, and he supposes it is. Don’t tell me what I’m thinking is true. 
“Out,” you reply shortly. His fingers clench around one of the pillows next to him. 
You won’t answer. There’s no point in asking anymore; with gritted teeth, he knows the taste of futility. It seeps bitter in his mouth as he lights the small amber lamp on the coffee table—attempting to numb his mind through the tried-and-true method of reading upon the principles of cement and composites. 
As he hears the steady stream of the shower, his plans go awry. Those same words he’s memorised blur in his vision when his mind conjures you. 
Don’t. 
Where were you?
He’s sliding his book back onto the shelf as your soft footsteps pad out of the bathroom. When his head turns, you’re wearing only a towel: steam still rising from your warm body as you don’t spare him a glance. 
Perhaps it’s fate. 
Perhaps it’s his own fault for getting his hopes up. 
You pass by him—too close, he thinks, you’re much too close—and your bare torso is right there. 
As is the bite-mark that caught his eye earlier. 
When those chromatic eyes trace the expanse of your trapezius muscles, each and every bruise matches the practical constellation he saw littering the guitarist’s body. The dips in your arms, the specific shade of tinted lips you’d sported, each valley and plane of the guitarist’s body—all pointed to the two being one and the same. 
His chest is impossibly taut; only when you clear your throat does he realise he’s standing in the doorway. A fitting Cerebus to this household—if he could, he’d keep you here forever and not let anyone else in. 
“Do you have a problem?” you ask, and it’s the perfect, tired pitch that just about stirs his inky spills of hair and makes his eyes heavy with lust. 
“Maybe,” he accedes in his own low voice, too busy wondering how your songs would taste to notice you getting slightly closer. 
No, that’s a lie. He notices—feeling and seeing the small wisps of vapour still cling to you from your shower  (and now him). He inhales, slowly savouring the unique flavour of you: burnt sugar curling honey-sweet from your lips, the shower gel he knows you just randomly grabbed—it’s the one he uses too, the faint tendrils of sweat and steam and lotion that each have their own distinct tang. 
His nose is level with yours: he can feel the faint fan of particles that brush across him. It’s not that which causes his nails to dig into his palms, but rather the quirk of your brow as you ever-so-slightly raise it. 
“What—no girls to warm up your bed and cure your boredom?” 
It’s a question that could insinuate two meanings. First, that you’re simply mocking him and his previous activities. The second implies that he’s desperate enough to seek you out. 
“No fellow Trailblazer to warm yours?” he bites out. Question for a question—and perhaps he’s slightly sick for enjoying how your eyes widen in abrupt shock. 
“Does that matter?” It’s almost like a game at this point—defences and hackles raised, inching to total annihilation by inquiry. Maybe you’ve realised it’s futile to deny it; a frown settles on your face with a matching glare. After all, for the average student, coming across a member of the bands—Knights of Beauty, Galaxy Rangers, the Family (to name a few)—isn’t a big deal. 
But he’s not the average student. 
“Yeah,” he breathes. “It really does.”
Oh. Oh.
He watches as you piece it together—noting his connection to Kafka, the drumkit in his room, and his clear hostility towards Dan Heng. He watches as you accidentally take a step back into the large shelf, watches as you furrow your brows in the way he spots when you’re solving a particularly difficult problem. 
“You’re a damn headache, you know that.”
There’s no malice in your eyes, but he can feel you slipping from his fingers; he can hear the cogs in your brain turn with certainty as you look away with resolve. He’s going to move out—Blade realises, and it’s perhaps the second time in his life that he regrets letting his heart seep through his lips with that sort of confession. Suddenly, he’s stepping forward: hand wrapping tightly around your wrist, with less-than-bruising strength. 
Fuck. The back-and-forth from earlier reminds him exactly of the position he’s in: practically caging you against the wooden frame while you’re still warm and damp from the shower. He’s lucky he wore loose trousers out—and you’re too busy glancing at him in surprise to notice him straining against them. 
“Blade—”
“Yingxing.” He’s not quite sure why he interrupts. Like a gaping wound, he’s ripped past the scab and hit tender flesh. 
He can’t define where the firm line between you and him is. 
And maybe he’s your roommate and there’s a messy boundary constructed by both parties, but there’s something pressing his lungs tight against bone.
“—Yingxing,” you taste carefully: sampling the two characters in your poisonous mouth. “The hell do you think you’re doing?”
The normally-collected engineering student has abandoned his wits—gazing at you like a man half-starved. 
“Making you stay,” he murmurs. “You don’t need to move out—don’t we work well together?”
I can treat you so right. His thigh cants against your legs, and he hears you inhale sharply. Fuck. 
Bringing your wrist to his face, he presses his lips to the skin—burning, as some would say, so utterly contrasting with his colder image that it brings about an effect of cognitive dissonance. What’s so good about Dan Heng?
“You’re such a prick,” you hiss, and he feels the words pierce right through him. He is. Objectively, he knows he’s a bastard—unapologetically, wholeheartedly—but you don’t make an effort to pull away. 
“I am,” he admits in a tired, low voice. He doesn’t know if it’s the steely look in your eyes, or the firm set of your mouth—yet he thinks you’ve rooted him in place instead of the opposite. 
Why? If he gets involved with his roommate of all people, it would turn blurry boundaries into cacophonous messes—and it’s not like he wants you to leave. It would be far simpler to let you move out; slice away the relationship cleanly before his heart tightens any further. 
“Do you find it fun fucking with people like this?” 
He looks at you. Really, he does. 
Guitarist. Physics student. Capable scholar. Then there’s that—Trailblazer. 
But there’s also that. 
My roommate. 
So many concepts to consider, when that’s only surface level. He’s never had to think so hard about someone before: preferring to not know them at all. 
“Hah.” You sound incredulous. “Are you this fucking indecisive with everyone?”
“No,” he finally replies. “Just you.”
It’s then that he releases your wrist. You’ll walk away. In line with his own predictions, he already knows you’ll barge past him—perhaps knocking a book or two off his shelf. 
But, no—
“Do you ever shut up?”
—you seem to defy his expectations each time. 
His eyes flicker to your mouth, and this time you take notice. 
Kiss me with amaranthine on your lips. How fitting. 
His eyes widen as you roughly grasp the front of his shirt: creasing the smooth fabric in your fist as you yank his face forward. It’s as if you’re about to punch him square in the jaw, yet for some reason his heart pounds faster and his cheeks flush ever so slightly. Delicately, yet he is anything but that. 
“Seriously, you’re so—”
The heat consuming him is sweltering and omnipotent. One that controls his limbs like a marionette; he’s already reaching to grasp your chin with his rough hand. You’re warm: exhaling in surprise as his mouth meets yours. 
“Mmh–” Hands worn from playing chords tonight slip from the front of his shirt and slide around his nape. He can feel your fingers entangle themselves in his inky hair, and for once he closes his eyes. You taste like the sweetest poison: traces of cherry syrup and the faint spice of liqueur. 
He should’ve done this sooner. 
Canting his head to the side, he deepens the kiss—tongue spilling into your mouth, twining with your gasps. He presses you against the shelf; his shirt’s becoming damp from the drops of water still clinging to you, but surprisingly, he’s not irritated. If it were anyone else—if it were anyone but you—he would be disgusted. But maybe because it’s you, he just wants to meld his body against yours. 
Perhaps that’s the first sign. 
Arsenic on your tongue. 
Something colourless, without taste. He certainly feels poisoned: heart racing uncontrollably, skin rosy with flush, pupils dilated until the sanguine in his eyes is just a sliver. He pulls back with breaths heavy against the still air. You’re wrapped around his neck, unmoving, and he can’t help but taste victory on his taste buds instead. 
“You’re still not forgiven,” you mutter callously.
“That’s fine.” A thin, sharp smile appears on his face as he leans his face into the crook between your neck and shoulder—practically branding you with the sear of his words against the expanse of your dermis. He’s smiling—grinning—ecstasy racing through his veins as he hears your groans when he presses his open mouth against the flesh. Bruises upon bruises will blossom later on your body; his pants strain at the very thought. 
You’re staying, and his mind goes hazy and numb when he thinks of how you’ll look in his arms come morning—all pretty and fucked-out just for him. 
It’s not like he likes you in that way—it’s simply the most opportune moment to steal you away from Dan Heng’s filthy hands. He saw how the bassist stared at you throughout your parts: heard how that bastard’s hands fumbled on the strings with the lines streaming from your lips. 
No, he doesn’t like his roommate like that. 
Frankly, dear, you could send me to the tomb. 
Why is his heart beating so fast then? When his hand trails to land on your scalding waist, pressing your almost-naked body against his—why does his own body burn?
(Why did he give you his name?)
“Fuck—” you groan as his mouth latches onto your chest: rebranding it on his own terms. He laps up the salt and sweat on your skin—too hazed out to fully take into consideration the effort he’s putting into this. Rather than a rough fuck with his peers, he wants you to enjoy yourself—wants to be acknowledged as better than his nemesis.
His fingers dig into the plush and muscle corded between the planes of hip and rib cage, wrapping until the tips of his hands reach the cobbled path of your spine. You’re so warm: so much so that he can’t stop clutching your body like a lifeline. 
“Wanna go further?” he murmurs against the fat of your chest, feeling the heavy thump–thump of your heart against his lips. 
He pulls back with the sheen of saliva on his lips, gazing up at you with a spoken and unspoken question. Aeons—when you stare back at him with those lowered eyelids and that grin on your lips; when you slither your hands so they entwine against his scalp in his murky locks; when you bring his mouth back to yours in a scorching, open-mouthed kiss—he can feel his body and soul crumble around him into an ashen heap. 
“Thought you didn’t like me.” You catch his lip with your canines, and the sour tang of blood fills his mouth and pools on his tongue. 
Pressing your hands against my frigid cadaver.
“I don’t,” he answers as he pushes you up against his bed—shucking the shirt worn over his tight top onto his floor—and letting your steaming flesh warm up his frigid muscles. 
“Yeah, I don’t like you either,” you reply exasperatedly, raking your nails against the contours of his back while he looks up at you: mouth still latched over where that man left those impressions as if to erase them. 
“So what the fuck are we doing?” you comment in wonder. He doesn’t reply—too busy stripping himself of his top so he can finally feel your bare skin on his like this, flesh squishing against flesh as he kisses you over and over. 
It’s like he’s laving your lips clean with his own, and there’s a trickling understanding somewhere in his subconscious. 
Why is he doing this? Why have you agreed to this?
The two questions ingrain themselves deeply in his troubled mind. 
But when he looks down on the sweat on your face, lips bitten to muffle the noises slipping from your lips, he doesn’t ever want to stop this. 
“Wouldn’t you have hurried up by now?” He doesn’t know what you’re referring to until he recalls how you heard him—and it bothers him how relaxed you sound, how nonplussed you seem, when he’s filled with a seething anger everytime he recalls what he saw when he stumbled on you with Dan Heng splayed bare over you. 
“Why? Want me to recreate the experience?” He won’t ever admit that those sorts of rough fucks aren’t suited for you—he wants to take it slow for once, wants to make you feel good until you completely lose yourself and forget all about that bastard. 
“No—ah,” you grip his hair as his tongue trails down the dips of your stomach, stopping only above the towel still tied above your waist. The hasty tug on his hair elicits a groan out of him; slowly, he can feel his face grow flushed once more at the knowledge that he’s making you lose control. There’s that strain against the fabric of the towel, one that definitely mirrors his own. 
Aeons. 
“Fuck— fuck—” you whine as he slips his hand under the towel, wrapping around your dick with a deftness that doesn’t belie his inexperience with men. He’s a quick study—watching every minute twitch in your expression as he strokes you to full hardness. 
Soft—you’re so pliable as you moan under him, eyes squeezed shut as he observes your face with his smile stretched taut on his face. 
He’s never felt this affectionate towards anyone, and perhaps that’s what he should focus his attention on. He wants to rob you of your breath with his lips, he wants to listen to you forever as he draws out pleasure upon pleasure from you. 
“Ngh–” you whimper as his thumb brushes over your leaking slit, crudely pressing it and letting the precum drip onto his fingers. The rough motions cause the towel to finally drop past your hips, and his breath hitches at the sight of you beneath him—finally, finally. This is the first time that he’s taken his mind off his own pleasure: practically entranced by how you squirm and bite down on your sounds. 
Aeons. Aeons. Aeons. His mind goes numb as you cant your hips into his hand, and his head dips down to capture your noisy mouth with his own. 
Fuck. He doesn’t think he can let you go like this. 
Your nails claw at his back—it only makes him more determined to wrack you with pleasure, to leave you glassy-eyed and mindless to anything but him. 
Forget about the Trailblazers, he wants to say as you arch your back to press yourself more fully against him. Think only about me, he conveys as he twists his hand—and you keen against him. 
He’s in far too deep. 
As you cry out, as thick rivulets of cum paint his skin and yours, as he continues pumping his hand so he can see those pretty tears leak from the sides of your eyes—he’s drunk on the scent of you, drunk on the taste of your moans and the salt of your skin. He laps up each cry you give him eagerly: tasting the complex emotions of blood, tears and that lingering taste of cherry liquor weakly underpinning it all. 
One live pulse and the other lifeless. 
“Ah— mmh—” you choke out, and his face blossoms into such a profound shade of crimson that he buries his face in your neck. He kisses the rhythmic echo of your heartbeat, right where the pulsepoint is situated and thrumming with desperation. 
He’s never felt this urge with any of his other hookups—this stupid willingness to hold your body close to his like this. 
His lips surge to yours once more as his finger slips in you, drinking in the gasp you let out: how your body freezes beneath his, how your body nestles into his closer as your spine reacts to the sudden intrusion. 
“Fuck, fuck,” he breathes as you practically suck him in. “You’re so tight.”
“Don’t do this—ah—often,” you answer through your wavering mouth. Good, he wants to say—but there’s something about commenting on what you just said that prickles him with ominous foreboding. Was it Dan Heng too? Like this, between your legs—drinking in each small mewl that leaves those swollen, bitten lips. 
 Your abdomen tenses and relaxes in short bursts, and he can feel himself stiffen even more against his bed. 
Fuck. 
Impulsively, he dips his head lower so he can suckle right on your mushroom tip. And immediately, your hands move from where they were still scratching up his back to his head—tugging on his hair in a futile attempt to keep yourself grounded. 
He groans around you, and it’s clear you won’t last much longer—not when he’s added another finger, not when he’s carefully taking you deeper down his throat. 
He’s never done this before—never considered doing this—but there’s something about you that makes him want to never think of anyone else but him. 
You’re salty on his tongue—slightly bitter from the residue of cum still dripping from the slit. He licks a long strip from base to tip: trying to accustom himself before he fully commits. It’s clear he’s doing something right; there’s a panting, needy quality to your moans. With his free hand, he strokes your balls to add more hellish stimulation—and suddenly you’re locking your legs around his head. 
His eyelids flutter slightly: busy suppressing the long whine that’s about to emerge from his larynx. Aeons, he should’ve done this sooner. If he could taste you, if he could feel the slick smell of sweat and cum still plastered on your inner thighs earlier like this, if he could be like this sooner—it would’ve been worth asking Kafka for a favour. 
“Ah—” your voice shakes as he slips yet another finger inside while finally taking you fully down his throat: even with you losing control, it’s clear you don’t want to hurt him as you don’t push his head down to deepthroat you. It’s strangely sweet—something caring that just makes him want you to be rougher instead. 
He moans lowly as you pull on his hair desperately again; this is the vibration that finally pushes you over the brink. You spill into his mouth, warm and salty and slightly metallic—and stupid wanting wracks his body. 
Blade swallows it all, continuing to suck you off until he can feel your body tremble beneath him—feel the crushing pressure of your thighs around his head. 
“Want you, fuck,” he murmurs after he pulls away; thin strings of cum still connect him from your tip, and he doesn’t think he’s ever unbuckled his belt so fast. He kisses you as though he’s a man starving: teeth clashing slightly against teeth as he tugs his trousers off. 
“Care— careful,” you breathe unsteadily as he lines himself up, sinking his sharp teeth into your shoulder lightly. “You wouldn’t want to give off the wrong impression that you actually like me now.”
And there’s something vulnerable in your tone: a small self-deprecation. He tries ignoring it. 
“Yeah,” he mutters, grasping your warm hand in his own calloused, frigid one. “Wouldn’t want that.”
But his tone is insincere, and he thinks you can tell. 
Somehow. 
Somehow. 
Maybe it’s futile to believe you understand him, yet your piercing eyes and annoyed glare as you look at him are always surface-level: angry but still not resolving to actually move out. You were the one who figured out his intentions from the beginning—irritating you until you simply left—while the other roommates just shivered and slammed the door behind them. 
You stayed. 
He’s been kissing you over and over and over—and he kisses you again now as he slowly sinks into the tight heat of your hole. Fuck. Perhaps if his head was clearer, he’d think about the implications of kissing you in particular when he hasn’t touched lips with anyone else for years. 
He whines lowly as he pushes in deeper. You’re so damn warm—so gorgeous like this: palms splayed against his shoulders, expression all hazy and fucked-out, lips so inviting he has to put his mouth on yours yet again. 
“Fuck,” you hiss into his lips as he bottoms out. It takes all his self-restraint to not cum immediately, adjusting to just how good you feel. 
You cant your hips so you’re rocking back onto him with a satisfied hum. The motion wrangles a moan out of him, but he desperately grips your waist with his strong fingers so you quit moving. 
“Hold on,” he slurs, rubbing small circles on the flesh with his thumbs. He’s throbbing, teeth caught on his lips to keep his mind clear. Shit. To be so close already makes him feel like a virgin again: sensitive at the slightest touch. You seem to be so damn full of surprises. 
“What, surprised it feels like this?” You sound amused, and he looks at you irritably. 
“Yeah,” he leans down and practically moans into your ear, rolling his hips against your plush ass. You shiver slightly, and his lips split wide in a mocking grin at the effect the sound had. 
“You feel so good,” he whines, deliberately dragging out the noise. “Taste so good too.”
“Mmh–” you cover your mouth as he begins moving properly now—yet still so teasingly slow. 
He catches your wrist with a firm hand, gripping it tightly against the bed so he can hear you properly.
“What’s wrong? Surprised—hah—it feels like this?” He throws your words back at you, but it’s not like he’s doing much better. It’s taking everything within him to not just fill you up: letting his cum drip out of you while he stuffs it back in. The thought darkens his red face even further. 
You don’t answer. It’s only natural that he moves agonisingly slow—probing for an answer while his fingers busy themselves by wrapping around your weeping cock, achingly rubbing from shaft to base with a sticky shick-shick noise. 
“I gave you an answer,” he mocks, ignoring the tightness in his stomach when gazing at your teary eyes. So pretty. 
Wordlessly, your free hand that isn’t pinned by Blade trails from his scalp to his nape—and you pull him into you so your lips meet his, scorchingly so. 
“Ngh–” he groans into the kiss, practically feeling his climax build up. He forces it down—too preoccupied in filling you up at the right time, not now. 
“Aeons,” he mutters as he pulls away, and there’s a grin on your lips he wants to wipe off. 
“Does that count?”
He lost this time, but the sight is worth it. 
With a greedy pang of his heart, he pulls his pelvis back until just his shaft remains hooked in your walls—your eyes widen, and this time it’s his turn to smile. 
He slams back in, and the long moan you let out is almost angelic. 
“Fuck, fuck,” you sob out as he drills into you over and over; tacky skin meets tacky skin with a perverted plap-plap, and he doesn’t think he’s ever felt so euphoric. 
He can feel it on his face: an adoring, almost fanatic look hazing his once-clear red eyes. 
And still I’d wait, Styx cradling me in its miasma.
He wants you.
The man twines his fingers with yours tightly. Possessively. 
“Blade—” you gasp out brokenly as he hits your prostate, kissing the tip right into the nerves with each thrust. His grip on your hand tightens, and you wince at the sudden pressure. 
“Yingxing,” he corrects, speeding up the jerking motions of his other hand. 
Why? Why does he so readily reveal to you what he hides for everyone else?
Fuck. He needs you, so so so badly. 
Your abdomen is taut and quivering, and he knows you’re not far off from climaxing again. Like this, with teary eyes and the impression of petrichor on your rainy lips, he thinks you’ve never looked more captivating. 
Perhaps it’s a fleeting attraction, but in his very bones he can feel his entire existence enrapture himself by you and only you. 
And just like that, your expression changes minutely and he already knows just how close you are to that haunting precipice. 
He twists his hand just so. As expected, you pliantly move your body against his with broken moans: arching into his touch while you tighten around him. You’re shaking—and he’s so close too, just like you. You’ve brought him to the brink so easily, but it’s not the sopping heat of your walls that finally catalyses his sweet downfall. 
“Yingxing,” you breathe. He almost doesn’t catch it, but then you say it again.
“Yingxing.” And this time the sound is so light, so affectionate as you spill all over his abdomen and your own—so airy. It’s enough to push him to that brink; hot ropes of cum spurt deep inside you, and you gasp almost immediately at the intense feeling. 
“Ah—fuck,” you moan out as he rocks into you to ride out his orgasm, something so intense he bites down into your trapezius muscle to keep himself sane. 
It’s indescribable—mind finally going blank as he litters his bites everywhere, prolonging the movement of his hips against yours for as long as he can. And you milk him for all he’s worth; he’s already feeling that relief and exhaustion wash over him even though it’s only been one round. 
He finally lets himself go: practically smothering you with his body as he lies on top of you, still nestled deep within you. 
“I should go,” you say awkwardly, but there’s that tiniest trace of hesitation he can read in your voice that makes him wrap his arms tight around you instead. 
“No.” His own voice is muffled from where his mouth is connected to the bitten flesh of the juncture between shoulder and neck. 
“Fuck do you mean no?” you grumble, but the way you thread a lazy finger through his hair and work through the tangles in his locks makes his heart beat in a way it hadn’t just now. 
What the hell? 
That damn flush on his face is still there—and still, that lovelorn look in his eyes hasn’t faded either. 
“Just stay with me tonight,” he presses kiss after kiss to your shoulder as if to convince you. 
“Hah,” you sigh. There’s a glare trained on the crown of his head—he can feel it without even looking at you. Is that not proof he knows you this well? Can’t you see that? He furrows his brow. 
Is my apostasy enough for you?
“Yingxing—” His heart beats wildly at his name leaving your lips, and he knows he’s screwed. “—you don’t need to keep it up after we’ve already fucked.”
There’s a distraught hesitation in his pulse—it takes him far too long to clock just how he feels about you. 
“Keep what up?” His tone is neutral. Perfectly polite. Ironic, considering his naked form covering yours currently—bathed in a mess of sweat, scratch marks, and cum.
Who is he not to indulge in you?
“This act of affection.” Jet hair flutters back to fan out on his back when you let the strands go. Much like sand in an hourglass, he can feel you slipping away as though you were time itself. “I don’t need it, and I’d prefer you save it for someone you actually like.”
His heart skips a beat, and he sits up, startled. 
“Hit a nerve there, didn’t I,” you mutter, but he barely hears you. Those senseless thoughts—the constant stream of panic and anger and despair—are beginning to emerge from their lairs. In your presence, they always seem to recede: as though you were the salvation he’s been trying to reach in his own myth of Sisyphus. 
You’re leaving after all.
All because of him and his incompetence.
His fingers clasp your own in a softer mirror of before. Whatever you might’ve said lies forever discarded—words resting just within your mouth, not a single syllable crossing the threshold of your lips. You don’t leave, simply gazing at him from where you lie: bare skin of your side pressing against his own naked thigh. 
Don’t you know he sees you and only you?
“Look at me.” For once, the arrogant cadence he wears like a second skin fades as he pleads. “Look at me.”
In the dim amber lighting that sweeps over his cluttered room, it seeps into all four corners and lands on his drum kit sequestered in the corner: the very thing that got him into this mess in the first place. There’s stacks upon stacks of engineering manuals and textbooks organised neatly on his shelves—a passion that you understand, one that you live and breathe with in the same way he does. 
Do you see him?
Do you see him as he sees you?
And finally, the incandescence traces the outlines of him and you. You, peering up at him—eyes lucid and clear despite it being the young hours of the night. Him, gazing down at you—eyes so desperate that he’s reverted back to Yingxing. No longer Blade, but the man beneath the frigid exoshell. 
He raises your joined hands, pressing fragile kiss upon kiss to your fingers and the slight raise of veins on the back of yours. All the while, his eyes don’t waver from yours. 
Your brows twitch; judging by the press of your lips, you’re holding back something along the lines of wow, Yingxing, never took you for a romantic. 
He’s not. 
“Oh,” you breathe. You’re smart; connecting the dots isn’t particularly difficult with a mind as sharply analytical as yours. Constantly questioning, constantly evaluating everything (not limited to the domain of your physics major only) including the human psyche. 
He raises your hand even further, and presses it against his cheek. Scalding skin against boreal dermis. 
You sit up. Expectantly, he waits for you to twist out of his grasp and leave. You’re still naked after all, and he’s talking about feelings right after a hookup. If it was anyone he’d bought home, he’d have kicked them out right there and then. 
But before he can process it, your lips are gently touching his own: about as tender as a flesh wound, raw and throbbing. He makes a surprised sound into your mouth—something between a gasp and a hum, two very conflicting actions that make you smile against his lips. And then you’re kissing him properly, nothing like the lust-driven actions of earlier. 
“Yingxing,” you murmur into his mouth. 
“Yes,” he answers instantaneously.
“You’re still a prick for those stunts you pulled with those drums.”
It’s nighttime, but he’s never felt so at ease as he does tonight. He’s got his head planted firmly on your chest listening to the steady beat of your heart, as you finally slumber in his arms.  
And when the day finally dawns, you will have stayed.
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herejusttosufferalong · 3 months ago
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I think L gave us a lot of hints/messages about what might be going on post-premiere in that Jimmy F appearance. Let’s note that this was after Papgate, after his and N’s social media posts in the fallout period, and after Milan if I am remember correctly? The more I think about it the more I think his team crafted the content we saw to reset his public image, explain some things, and encourage the audience to give him some grace. It was damage control/positive PR/but also some explanations for what we are seeing.
First off, he came off relaxed and confident, a big contrast from how stressed he looked when he had been papped. I think they were also trying to portray him as a friendly and relatable regular guy who had suddenly been thrust into fame as a heartthrob and romantic lead.
Him running from the carriage scene music/talking about how he is not used to the level of fame and exposure and recognition that has come with the success of the show (barber story, needing security in Brazil).
The reference to JB passing down the guide that was called “How to fall in love in front of 82 million people” - more messaging that it is difficult to have that level of scrutiny and specifically when playing a romantic lead when you have insane chemistry with your costar.
The romantic lines, read B-ton style (these are so L/N coded and reference things L or N have brought up in interviews, with the exception of “East Peasy Lemon Squeezy.) We’ve got:
Espresso lyrics - song with significance to the ship, also what L was listening to getting ready for the London premiere, Honeybee, come get that pollen lyrics
“Penelope, we were on a break!” -this is the biggest hint right here of why L was papped/appears in a relationship with another woman after we have seen his and N’s chemistry jump off the screen for 6 months and also in the show itself. THEY (N/L) WERE ON A BREAK. I don’t think he wanted to be on a break, but they were, and I think they’re now on another one while he tries to get his affairs in order. And note that he says “Penelope,” not Rachel, which would be the accurate pop culture quote. Which doesn’t really make sense because he and P are never on a break during the show unless you count the time she stops writing to him and he goes off the rails. Penelope is code for N. Also he is referencing the R/R relationship/timing issues again.
Then the Barbie quote. I think this somewhat addresses him being attached to a strong beautiful powerful woman (LWD or N, take your pick) and that dynamic of potentially being overshadowed and having to find your own self worth in order to handle it . I don’t think that last part about being her Ken was scripted (JF even gives him a wtf look and then it gets cut when it airs), but he made it clear he is happy being her Ken. He basically claims his ass as hers on National TV without meaning to.
I think the interview didn’t have purposeful mention of N for a reason, he was trying to emphasize his role as a B-bro and an actor and romantic lead in his own right, and connect him to the other male leads, and the clip they chose showed that.
He then follows up with a social media post confirming a late night/non-work/non PR beach walk with N and said security guards. I mean
 that was a date, and for him to post that in the face of everyone saying he had hard-launched A and he and N were “all PR” is crazy. They also have to be aware of all of the Brazil reports and speculation.
I think the messaging was: This is level of fame and exposure is new, he’s figuring it out, give him a break. Also, everything is okay between N&L so don’t worry, there may be reasons for why what we are seeing doesn’t make sense but they are figuring it out between them.
Would the general audience pick up on all of that? No, but the hardcore fans would so they layered it all in there. Maybe his PR team isn’t that dumb afterall?
I know there’s speculation N was there- I don’t know if she was but her immediate like definitely showed support and that they are still a team. Wouldn’t surprise me if she had a hand in some of that strategy.
I think this is the first in depth analysis I have ever seen on the JF appearance that I mostly agree with.
Thanks for sharing đŸ’œđŸ„ƒ
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katyahina · 5 months ago
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The 'haired' helmets are strange..
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It IS odd how we get to wear the characters' hairstyles, as it is just really unlikely they're scalps! I suppose the explanation is the same as why we are able to completely change upon looking into a mirror at Roundtable's Hold; as long as the Tarnished is guided by Greater Will, they'll have its aid and be transformed into whatever they see fit to keep carrying on! So I think the implication here is that we do, physically, grow the hair of the demigods (or champions) upon trying to tap on their power! I think if GW abandons a Tarnished, or if they abandon it, they lose this 'ability', which our playable character never does, so..
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I am not sure whether it is Maliketh's own long mane or also a decoration! I'd like to think the former, in which case, same logic as with hair of Malenia, Godfrey and Radahn applies! Vargram's "hair" definitely is a decoration, and specifically for the purpose of imitating shadowbeasts:
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Ensha's armour goes even further and not only gives us a hairdo, but makes us a skeleton:
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We even get his power of slight regeneration, similar to Erdtree's normal powers:
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All implications considered, I really doubt that this is just how armour looks, especially considering no change in size. We are not 'wearing' the skull, we ARE the skull now fhhsfd And this time the NPC data inside simply exists because Ensha does use NPC code and mechanics. So, we turn into a corpse! Again, should not matter much since as long as we're carried by GW we don't need to eat or sleep or... anything, really. (I'll also die on the hill of the theory that Ensha was one of the deceased Marika's offspring whose Mausoleum crashed and what was left from him crawled out but that's another story fdhfhds)
Here are other instances of hair simply decorating a helm:
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Niall is that one guy we fight in Castle Sol, so similarity in this case ALSO checks out! Also cute idea: what if decoration for the helmets of Godrick's Knights IS his own hair? ;-;
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That could also be speculated about Redmane Knights, but I feel like it'd be more appropriate for Godrick's. Radahn would be stingy about his amazing lion mane whereas Godrick can not only take body parts but also give them XDDDD yeah yeah terrible whatever
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The black hair on Night Cavalry's helmet can be removed, also confirming that in this case it is a decoration. This hair does have interesting flowing animation though! Maybe it IS the hair of Night Cavalry themselves, still having their shadowy energy, but cut and attached again to their own helmets (kind of like Ciaran from DS1 decorated her helmet with her own braid!)
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Another case of hair not being actual hair but part of the mask; the way hair is placed, it'd had to grow from like, eyebrows level and face itself or something fdhfdsdfh Maybe this style with braids and grey hair was intended to refer at Godfrey's? Alternatively, what IF their faces are actually furry/animalistic despite otherwise human build, so the hair doubles as fur? We don't see them behind the mask, after all? A food for a thought lol
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^ More of 100% 'mask' types of these
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The water dancer in blue gave the sword to Malenia's teacher, the blind guy that once sealed the God of Rot himself, and these warriors in blue appear to be following the same philosophy of "ever running water preventing stagnation, so, rot itself" as him! Although this head piece imitates just a follower and not the man himself (as far as we are aware....), perhaps the sentiment is strong enough to give us the hairdo too x) Again, funny enough, it seems to resemble the Lady of the Lake fairy herself!
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I suspected the case of 'sharing hair' with Cleanrot Knights too, but upon closer look I can tell it is supposed to be some fabric/rags, rather than hair or hairlike accessory! Probably more efficient to imitate the look with rags rather than something hairlike tbh, considering the lenght of the thing! So I think the design is more meant to represent Malenia's own unhappy fate, with short tuft being the "hair" and the longer tails being the "wings" :
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_______________
In conclusion, it is kind of easy to deduce which hair become our actual hair for the time being because of golden grace 'reshaping' us and which hair is just decor! But it is really interesting stuff to think about all the way!
205 notes · View notes
alonetimelover · 1 year ago
Text
pairing: Harry Styles x scientist(physicist)!reader
summary: There is this one professor at Oxford that can explain physics theorems with help of POP culture. What happens when she uses Harry's music to explain one of the themes?
a/n: It took me definitely much more time than I anticipated... I hope I didn't butchered the theorem explanation in this fic (if so, make me aware, please).
masterlist
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Messages between Jeff and Harry
reyJeff sent an attachment somehow you're useful for science...
my responsibility what is it? last time you sent me a link I got an hour long scolding from my mum and she's somewhere in the house
reyJeff nothing bad this time just some professor is explaining a theorem while using your music she's good, i now know what is the Higgs mechanism
my responsibility there's no way you understand physics, they must be a miracle worker... I'll check the video out see you tomorrow at the office? reyJeff reacted to the message
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TikTok
“But, Dr YSN, the Higgs mechanism does not make sense?” said or rather asked the voice behind the recording phone. 
“Syrup allegory did not help at all?” Dr YSN turned from the blackboard, looking directly at the asking student. 
“I mean, I understand that when the Universe’s temperature cooled down the Higgs field condensed in all volume and scattered across it like a fog. But what and how and - ugh - why?” The student grew impatient and angry in her incomprehension. 
“It’s okay, Lauren. I understand that this subject wasn’t the one you expected while choosing to study biology. And unfortunately it is important, it will help you connect quite a few dots while learning about cell division and bioprocesses. But going back to the Higgs problem.” Doctor cleared her throat and stood near her desk. One hand holding onto the oak surface, drumming her fingers in thought of how to help those young people. 
“Dr YSN," interrupted her thought process some other student. "If the particles are getting stuck why not photons?” They connotated the allegory that Dr YSN wanted to primarily help them with understanding.
“It all comes to the mass of the particle, and just like you all know now - photons do not have mass. They are, according to quantum mechanics, a portion of energy. Yes?”
The whole room nodded their heads, suddenly remembering the lecture from just two days ago. 
“Okay, now back to the Higgs problem. Do you guys have a favourite artist?”
The lecture room erupted with not so hushed whispers about who should tell the name of their idol. Doctor patiently waited for one of the young men to grow courage and speak up. 
“Harry Styles?”
“Perfect!” Exclaimed lecturer. “Now, do we have people here that do not like Mr Styles’ music?”
On the screen overlooking more than enough of the lecture room could be seen a few of raised hands (a definite minority).
“Okay, listen carefully. We’re imagining it now."
Doctor strolled from behind her desk and moved forward as to be closer to her students.
"Let’s say that Mr Harry Styles’ music is our Higgs field. Can you do that? Amazing. Now, when he got his latest album out it spread around the world. Everyone liked it, right?"
Seeing some of the student nodding their heads, she exclaimed, "not right. You," she pointed at the student that previously raised their hands. "You all didn’t know. And that's why you are photons in our experiment. Photons, like we already relearned today, are without mass and in our example they are without love or interest in Mr Styles’ music. Everything is clear for now?”
After getting an approval of nodding heads, YN anyway moved to the blackboard and wrote:
mass = love for Mr Styles' music
photons = not-fans of Mr Styles' music
“Fantastic. Any particle that has some mass, so love for that music, will find itself stuck. You’re stuck because you love that music -” she pointed to the student that had said Harry’s name, “- so you listen to it, analyse and appreciate. The appreciation grows with love so the resistance grows with mass."
appreciation = resistance
"All in all, the current love is the measure of appreciation. So?”
“The current mass of the particle is the measure of resistance that the Higgs field can withstand,” said almost everyone present in the room, making the doctor smile from ear to ear. She had already written it down on the board.
“Excuse me? If Harry’s music is the Higgs field then Harry alone is the Higgs particle - the God Particle, right?” Asked someone from the first row.
“That is correct. Excellent, Madeline! Now, you all understand the basics of the Higgs mechanism and field?” 
view all comments
wtf, how did i just understand physics???? im a sociology major
can we talk about how she took her time to explain instead of yelling for not understanding? it's sad that we need to point that out
harry + physics ??? never thought i would experience it
as a physics student - WHY CAN'T I HAVE THIS LECTURER?? - she's soooo good
im 15 and understood this shit, holy moly
it's going viral so HELLO HARRY i know that someone sent it to him and he's sitting under his little blanket, watching it
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Instagram
scienceandharstyles
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liked by harrysmoustache, harrystyles and 23 381 others
scienceandharstyles I don't know how many of you know but my physics lecturer is literally the 'viral Higgs professor'. Today, after the lecture, she was kind enough to explain to me this awful mathematics (I hate maths) even though it was late (8:30 PM) and she had plans. I just thought I would post about it here (I have her consent for uploading this photo) to show how amazing she is.
view all 3 032 comments
sciencestudent we need more professors like her!
harryupdates I'd love to have this type of lecturers at my Uni...
‷ scienceandharstyles she really is amazing! after a few examples she wanted me to do to see if i understood the topic, she just flawlessly moved the convo towards my interests, like??? she's so attentive and warm and sweet? i obviously started talking about harry...
hArrysbtch does she know how tiktok is simping over her???
‷ scienceandharstyles she said that as long as people could take something from those videos, she didn't mind
‷ hArrysbtch tbh i don't blame those people... she's gorgeous
harrysmylife HARRY LIKED
helloitsharry guys, remember that tiktok account we thought was harrys? maybe it is and he started it just to watch her videos??
‷ hArrysbtch no way... it makes sense. i checked and that account liked almost all videos that are about dr ysn
‷ harrysmoustache plus it was created around the time the first video of her started going viral. coincidence? i think not!
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harryupdates
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liked by hArrysbtch, scienceandharstyles and 43 492 others
harryupdates HARRY was seen arriving at the Oppenheimer's after party in London!!!
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hArrysbtch him and Nolan are besties. CONFIRMED
harrysmoustache wearing all black??? he knows it's serious
‷ harrysfan82 did you want him to wear pink?
‷ harrysmylife harry would be able to pull that off
scienceandharstyles guys, my professor was the consultant on that movie!!!!
‷ harrysmoustache you mean THE professor? the higgs professor???
‷ scienceandharstyles yes! she and one of our older professors were providing knowledge for the director and actors on set. Dr YSN was working with Nolan since he started writing the script!
‷ hArrysbtch i need them together. i need to know everything about them interacting
‷ harrysmoustache can you imagine harry trying to justify him literally stalking all those videos of her explaining her lectures??
‷ hArrysbtch ohhhh, id die to be next to them while they were talking!!!!
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harryupdates
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liked by scienceandharstyles, hArrysbtch and 58 303 others
harryupdates HARRY AND DR YN YSN at the after party!
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hArrysbtch NO WAY
hArrysbtch look at his face!!!! he was blushing!!!!
hArrysbtch she's so beautiful 😍
scienceandharstyles the god particle and his creator!
harrysmoustache i need videos to see if he was shy đŸ€­ if so, i know for sure he has a BIG crush on her
harrysmylife guys there was a video going all over twitter! after he was introduced to dr yn and the other professor, she was like, "i've never thought i would see the god particle in person"
‷ hArrysbtch oh she was flirting too
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scienceandharstyles
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liked by harryupdates, hArrysbtch and 34 201 others
scienceandharstyles guys, i met harry today....
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scienceandharstyles ok, story time! 1) it was at this very cute cat cafe in Oxford, very close to my campus. they serve those beautiful coffee with drawn cats on the foam!! super cute! but back to the story, i was just petting one of the cats - Murphy - when i heard the bells. and I am super noisy and needed to know who entered the cafe
scienceandharstyles 2) i looked up and it was dr YSN (tiktoks higgs professor but i really don't like calling her that). when she saw me she just immediately walked up to me and asked if she could seat with me while she waited for her friend to arrive. i, of course, agreed (i literally love her).
scienceandharstyles 3) she then helped me with some of my work for uni (maths again...) and while explaining she was so attentive and asked about my day. she asked if i got the tickets for the concert i wanted (i didn't say it was for harry) and when I said I did, she was so happy for me!
scienceandharstyles 4) after about 30 minutes of talking someone else entered the cafe and, you guessed it, it was harry. what's more, he walked up to us because HE WAS THE FRIEND MY RPOFESSOR WAS WAITING FOR. he greeted her with a hug and introduced himself to me. i was so shocked i couldn't form a sentence. dr ysn helped me calm down and said a few words for me.
scienceandharstyles 5) they both then moved to the other table to actually enjoy their time together. but before that harry offered to take the photo with me but only if he could wear my hat!!!! yeah, it was a wild day
hArrysbtch oh, that's first date harry, I'm telling you
harryupdates madeline im so happy for you!
harrysmoustache if he dressed like that for our first date, i wouldn't be able to form a sentence... he looks so handsome
harrysmoustache AND HE HAS THE MOUSTACHE AGAIN, LET'S RAISE MOUSTACHE STANS
harrysmylife the tattoos, the chains, the nail polish, the hat, the bicep????? im dead
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physics_oxford
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liked by scienceandharstyles, harrystyles and 10 301 others
physics_oxford Dr YN YSN would like to invite 'anybody that craves knowledge' to the open lecture about Robbert J Oppenheimer's work described in the film Oppenheimer. As the science consultant during the filming, Dr YSN invited the writer and director of the movie - Christopher Nolan, as well as the lead actor - Cillian Murphy. We cannot wait to see you next Friday at the main hall!
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scienceandharstyles Can't wait to attend this!
‷ yourinstagram Can't wait to see you, Madeline! ❀
student21 Dr YSN to the rescue to everyone that didn't understand the movie!!!
studen45 it's amazing that more people can experience the brilliance of Dr YSN teaching! Great move from the Dean.
harrysmoustache i think im going there... fingers crossed
student23 CILLIAN???
harrysfan21 i bet that harry's attending it!
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harryupdates
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liked by hArrysbtch, harrysmoustache and 46 502 others
harryupdates HARRY arriving at Dr YN YSN lecture at Oxford University!
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hArrysbtch who predicted that???
harrysmoustache HARRY AND CILLIAN REUNION
harrysmylife we stay winning, my soldiers
stylesbabie he looks good đŸ« 
harrysfan82 he's so supportive of dr ysn
hArrysbtch scienceandharstyles were you there???
‷ scienceandharstyles i was!!! and he literally greeted me by my name?? like, he remembered... After the lecture ended he waited for dr ysn and others from the panel and left with them! even gave me a wave then!
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harryupdates
liked by scienceandharstyles, harrysmylife and 56 492 others
harryupdates HARRY VIA DELETED IG STORIES !!!
view all 5 011 comments
hArrysbtch can you guys imagine what he's posting to his close friends ig stories? I WANT TO BE THERE
harrysmoustache the hugging sticker???
harrysmylife i love how he appreciates dr ysn way of showing that she cares... i love then
scienceandharstyles that was my latest lecture with dr ysn! it was a tough one, im wondering how Harry understood it
‷ stylesbabie what was it about?
‷ scienceandharstyles literally, bunch of maths equations that we need to understand and then use in practice!
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yourinstagram
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liked by harrystyles, annetwist and 310 others
yourinstagram this is what i'm dealing with instead of checking the papers and giving grades...
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annetwist He's going to break his neck one day!
‷ yourinstagram please, tell him, Anne. he's not listening to me...
‷ harrystyles I am well coordinated, thank you.
gemmastyles he has some connections with your students. be careful, ynn
‷ yourinstagram they all love him! im already loosing!
yourbestfriend glad to see those plants alive
‷ yourinstagram thank you, im a very good plant mommy
harrystyles who is this dancer? he seems exeptional.
‷ yourinstagram remember the book about ego i wanted to lend to you?
‷ jeffazoff ohhhh, burnt to ashes!
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harryupdates
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liked by scienceandharstyles, hArrysbtch and 23 301 others
harryupdates HARRY was seen at the Oxfords library!!
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hArrysbtch oh wattpad girlies open the documents and write about professorry!!!!
harrysmoustache it's giving dark academia
scienceandharstyles guys, he's literally hanging out at our campus. it's so cute!
‷ harrysmylife is he there often?
‷ scienceandharstyles yes! a few times a week. he's bringing lunch or coffee to dr ysn office. sometimes they have lunch together somewhere on the campus. he's now treated here just like any other student. most people don't even pay attention to him!
‷ harryupdates im so glad people don't bother them
‷ user46 is it even allowed?
‷ scienceandharstyles if he's doing it, there must be the dean's consent!
stylesbabie he even dresses like those old-school professors!
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yourbestfriend
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liked by yourinstagram, harrystyles, scienceandharstyles and 32 492 others
yourbestfriend Dr YN YSN reading her graduate's research paper and finding out that they, indeed, included her boyfriend as one of the examples.
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yourinstagram I am a PROUD supervisor!!!
harrystyles I am, indeed, helping science. Will I also get a Nobel prize?
‷ yourinstagram No, baby. You won't.
‷ harrystyles :(((
scienceandharstyles ohhhh god!!! my thesis!!!
‷ yourinstagram I sent you an email with all comments about the paper, Madeline. You are on the right track! ❀
hArrysbtch she is SOOO BREATHTAKING
‷ harrystyles agreed.
‷ hArrysbtch Harry?!
user492 Isn’t it confidential?
‷ scienceandharstyles Well, they didn't say whose paper was it. I commented that, and I don't mind people knowing. Besides, it will be published soon.
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wired
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liked by yourinstagram, harrystyles and 381 492 others
wired It's been only 12 hours and our newest video of Dr YN YSN answering your questions has over 2,5M views! Should I (the intern) ask THE boss for PART 2? Link in bio.
view all 10 391 comments
yourinstagram It was an absolute pleasure to film this video! I wouldn't be opposite to doing a part 2 👀
harrystyles Boycotting! There was no God particle!
‷ yourinstagram So, part 2?
‷ harrystyles Part 2.
harrystyles The best Doctor out there! đŸ‘žđŸ»
‷ yourinstagram ❀❀
scienceandharstyles our dr is getting famous!!!!
harryupdates Woah, this video singlehandedly is convincing me to change majors!
user49 one of the best videos in the series!
user78 Can't remember seeing someone being this enthusiastic about physics theorems.
yourbestfriend bestie getting famous... i love it
‷ yourinstagram thanks to you and encouraging me!
‷ harrystyles *clearing throat*
‷ yourinstagram and thanks to my wonderful, one and only, best in the whole world boyfriend
‷ hArrysbtch oh he loves attention!
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a/n: would you like to see more of physicist!reader?
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vivisviolets · 19 days ago
Text
The intentions of this person💗✹🌚🌝 Positive v. Negative energy (ANY PERSON/SITUATION)
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↳1, 2, 3, ↳4, 5, 6
♡★helloo, guess whattt- this was supposed to be 9 ponies but i chickened out 🐓, bc its better to let the egg crack then to just sit on it forever (explanation: its better to post instead of trying to be perfect✹💖)- also this was released early on my Patreon for a whole week! so if you wanna get messages like these sooner then come join all my other little peppermint-patty-patreon members<3 kk enjoy~*
♡ - Pile 1
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♡ - Cards: Ace of Swords, The Devil (reversed), The Hanged Man
♡ - Oooh ok, Hi Pile 1s! Energy check first- this person is very sweet, or appears that way outwardly- I'm getting this taste of some sweet hard candy flavor (grape/fruit punch), honestly I think this person's sweetness or how they appear in your own energy is hitting some "hard" spot in you, I'm hearing "hard shell", but this could also be this person, as I'm picking up that while they are just as sweet if not sweeter on the inside as they are on the outside (I'm hearing ooey gooey nooo why is it always that phrase 😭), there is some possible facade that they have, that I think you are suspish of- but I feel that this type of facade they have is similar to that of a nurse/care-worker
? In fact they be in one of those roles, maybe even customer service? Either way, this goes back to that "hard spot" that was being hit/triggered, possibly in you. Hm

Their intention: Positive ♡ - This person's energy can be a little saccharine- in terms of their sweetness, and while I think that is triggering something personal that is within you- you aren't wrong. I get the sense that this person relies too heavily on their femininity- and I say "relies" because this isn't really a healthy connection to femininity, they use the energy they can gain so as to put up a sweet/peppy front. But it's not a false front, nor is it a bad thing- it's more so they need some more grounding within themselves so they can return being more authentically them. And I definitely think if you two become closer, you could help them feel comfortable enough to do that! And they could be very beneficial to you too, so good luck pile 1! I see this as being a blossoming friendship.
-
âšĄïž - Pile 2
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âšĄïž - Cards: Page of Pentacles (reversed), The Sun (reversed), The World
âšĄïž - Ok this is interesting- Hello Pile 2 nearly said pile 3 so that might be for you as well! This is a masculine energy, and I was expecting to get a knight when drawing cards, this person is so masculine I'm tempted to use he/him- but of course this is gender neutral, only energetically this person is masculine,- I'm getting that someone here might even have a son
 This person is also quite impulsive, and their ego has a strong outward presence, they may be a Leo or have a lot of 5th house placements. It's giving "fast", they may be the type to rush through life, maybe out of an avoidant attachment,-they could be more anxious-avoidant when vulnerable/more emotional. They have a very cool style though I'm not gonna lieee (even if they dress basic, they carry themselves like a model and everyone has a camera-😳😭 bruh)- if this is romantic/sexual I don't blame you for being attracted to them because they know how to make themselves the center of the room, center of the stage if you will.
Their intention: Negative âšĄïž - Deep in a- deep in a- deep in a dark clubđŸŽ¶- I don't know WHY that was the song that bass-boosted into my head- but yea, while my energy reading of them was neutral, their intention towards you (and everything else in their life) is not, it's not ok- it's kinda shady ngl- it's giving f-boy I'm afraid to say. Because I'm picking for the collective you guys are very sweet, soft people- IM HEARING THEY SEE YOU AS COTTON CANDY AND THEY WANNA MUNCH- AND "RUIN" YOUđŸ˜­đŸ˜±â‰ïž oh no-no-no-nooo get out
 Um- get out. Sorry anyways- for real tho, the energy you have is pure. And Jesus Christ- next to this individual, their energy level is bottom of the well- not even bottom of the barrel- it's slimy. Even though they make themselves out to be so bright and eye catching, it's all fake- it's like they're a fluorescent light, while you are sunlight
 Yea just don't, ok? Literally best remedy is to ignore them, it may feel like they're taking away your spotlight, but it's actually the other way around. Out of sight out of mind. Something better is coming. Fucking trust me
- 🐌 - Pile 3
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🐌 - Cards: Queen of Cups, 10 of Pentacles, 10 of Cups (Reversed)
🐌 - Awe ok they're cute, Hi Pile 3~ welcome-welcome, it's giving demure, it's giving mindful- it's giving shy- awww, this person is quiet. They are tapped into their emotions- and everything makes them anxious BHAHA that is what I am picking up, for some of you this is a new person on your radar- that came in after you let go of someone, good for you! Because this situation is actually going to offer a bit of healing, I'm seeing butterflies- very soft, simple, distracting- but good distracting! Honestly I keep hearing "delicate", even if this person is perceived as masc, they have a sensitivity to them- but what's unique about them is that sensitivity extends outward, outside of themselves. They may work with animals, pet shop, pet care- and they may have more (perceived as) "delicate" hobbies- I'm hearing book reading/bookworm, crochet, journaling, and being in nature! Their intention: Positive 🐌 - While I write positive- for most of you here I don't see this working out -working out as in long term, I mean. (This could even represent a job position- and it'll be a temporary one)-- because the point of gaining this connection was to offer you a breath of fresh air as you stepped into this new phase in your life. If this is a relationship/friendship, they were there to show you- you have options, that you have good options- if this is only a crush or admirer, it's to show you that you are attractive, and to give you a healthy ego boost. And finally if this is a job position, it's to teach you positive lessons and for you to gain information- before you are sent off to somewhere better- or someone, who's a better match (even if that's just yourself 💗). - 🩅 - Pile 4
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🩅 - Cards: 8 of Pentacles, Page of Pentacles (reversed), Ace of Swords 🩅 - Sup' Pile 4! Welcome-welcome, I sense this maybe a shorter pile as most of you here are asking about a recent acquaintance- and or your energy is just that peaceful currently- idk. The person on your mind you may have met online or in a group setting of some kind, and even though you have not interacted much, this person is quite cheerful when they talk to you, maybe you have talked enough within the group that they have sought you out one-on-one (if that has not happened it will, they are eager to speak to you further)- and you guys have either connected with each other based on art/creative projects, or a shared tv series/fandom!
Their intention: Positive 🩅 - I see this being a very light hearted connection, the kind where you know of each other and are able to-- finish a potato sack race together, you know? Your personalities go together well like pb&j,- it's just not a relationship that can get much deeper then that, just FYI and there is nothing wrong with that! You two share some cute inside jokes and may remember certain details about each other and that's enough!- and a reminder to always share kindness, but especially to focus on giving your energy to those closest to you~! - ⚝ - Pile 5
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⚝ - Cards: 2 of cups, nine of Pentacles, Queen of cups, 3 of Pentacles (bonus) ⚝ - Someone here is very nurturing- maybe it's them, or you could be reading through this reading because you are nurturing- but maybe it's both of you! Maybe it's this relationship, the pair of you together that creates nurturance💛. How lovely- you may have just found your match! You might not realize it at first, sometimes we get so used to searching that we don't realized we already got what we've been looking for just under our nose~ awe pile 5, this is truly so wonderful
 But this is the energy check in so let me continue picking up this person's aura/energy- honestly this could even be a mother figure in your life, and them and your inner child are healing together💛🌟- but this also could be someone you have met and have become friends with!- however they identify, they have a very divine feminine/divine mother energy to them, and honestly this may show up in their appearance (I'm seeing a heavier/plumper body type, rounded hips, round face, round lips, rounded/soft/fluffy hair- again regardless of gender!!), they may have prominent/strong cancer placements (maybe Leo as well), they're the type that artists would have used back then to model for paintings/sculptures, they're majestic even if they dress/appear super ordinary, and you may have met them via work as there's something about this connection that still feels a little reserved. They know how to get along well with people, as they appear very kind and non-threatening!
Their intention: Positive ⚝ - Please get to know them more!!! This is your sign that they are safe to get to know/get closer to. Just be gentle and don't be nervous, this is a connection to enjoy, remember that peacefulness kindness is something that relationships should have, even if that feels unfimilar to you❀❀. They can give to you like how you give to others, balance is key and they are more then capable of being a part of said balance!! Now go out to brunch with them goddamn it!!!! - Pile 6
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★ - Cards: The Star (reversed), Justice (reversed), Two of Pentacles ★ - Okkk, cards I pulled were interesting- chille- Hi Pile 6. some of yall are thinking about multiple people (a friend group?), and some are thinking of just one person. They have some sense of style that caught your eye, this could be their aesthetic, appearance, behavior, charisma, etc. They may be someone who stands out in a group, and they may have “player” energy but it’s turned attractive by their personality. I’m seeing a lot of smiling and laughing, their jokes can make people feel cared for, they may have an accent, or they may be loud- their voice is recognizable in some way. I’m hearing “they know how to be funny, and then walk out the door đŸšȘ), oh nooo- for some of you this person may come across passive aggressive at very random times, and for other’s this person tends to randomly ”shut down”/disengage, they always have something to say, until they don’t, and they’re always “locked in” until they’re not. They’re touch and go, willing to put in the effort to have a good time. I’m seeing this is something they learned to do out of a place of insecurity, and they tend to see people for what they can do for them, and if the person is not doing that, then they refocus on something else/another person.
Their intention: Negative ★ - I don’t know if this person’s energy is positive, or negative to be honest,- because I’m seeing they have desires for you, just like how you have desires for them and there’s chemistry. I think the only thing that made me define it as negative is that this person is aiming for a “friends w/ benefits” situation, and I don’t believe you truly want that pile 6. because I’m seeing that this person won’t even be a “friend” to you, very hot and cold, talkative and complimentary one moment then fully apathtic the next- because they do not like you- so much as they enjoy the chemistry when it’s good. I’m seeing moments where you are trying to talk about your day, and they remain on their phone, and you almost feel like you’re annoying them, even tho they were fine with talking 3 minutes ago and laughing. spirit’s harsh advice is that this is a waste of your energy and the benefits aren’t worth it/aren’t for you, and even though you act chill/fine with it, you know you want something more and you’re deserving of having that, and to not take it safe anymore with these nowhere relationships.. but to be fair to you, if you want those types of casual relationships with only “fun” then go off then- but still, weed out the ones who are less worth your time, because you have several. and this won’t be an energy you can stay in forever.
. . . why do i feel like playing roblox i don't even have roblox
love, vi~♡
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miraculouslbcnreactions · 3 months ago
Note
This thoughts still cooking, so it might not make sense, but I think Thomas (Tomas?) Astruc is a very good case study on how being too attached to your own ideas can hinder your story telling.
I don't mean this in a "Thomas's original idea for the series was bad", but rather that he seems so attached to this concept that he can't stand other people having a differing view from him.
Chloe's the titular example here. Some people thought she deserved a redemption arc, and instead of just saying "nah, I don't think so" and continuing to write her the same way he had been, he had to prove them wrong, prove that his idea was the only correct one, and so turned her into the spawn of Satan and let her rule over Paris for some reason.
Instead of making Marinette less stalker-y, he wrote an entire episode poorly justifying it. And, imao, somewhat diminishing what PTSD actually is and does to people.
I'm not saying he has to make any change (though I think making Marinette less stalker-y would be a good change), but instead of 1.) sticking to his resolve or 2.) taking the criticism, he clung dearly onto this perception of his characters and his writing suffered because of how much he had to twist things to "prove" that his original assertions were right. And also that everyone who disagreed with him was wrong and didn't understand
idk if that makes sense, but the concepts been lingering in my head recently
It makes perfect sense! I've had similar thoughts. It's hard to say for sure, but Miraculous may be a case study in "kill your darlings". I'm not deep into the behind-the-scenes lore and I was not here in the early fandom, but I do know that, at some point, a much darker version of the show was pitched. That's why these exist (image source):
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[Image description: two sketches styled like comic book covers. Both have the title "The Mini Menace Ladybug". The left cover shows Marinette's silhouette in a doorway. The door's glass and the glass of a nearby window are broken. In the foreground lies a hand holding a ladybug charm. The hand is limp and surrounded by blood, implying that someone is injured or dead. The right cover is Ladybug doing a spinning kick while looking angry.]
We also have this evidence of the darker original concept:
Jeremy Zag then proposed another project... which he was unable to sell to broadcasters... the project was called "Ladybug". No one was interested, as the project was aimed more at an adult audience... SĂ©bastien had to make sure that the project could be broadcast on Disney and TF1.... Thomas wanted to make a series for adults, but at the time, it was very complicated to make a cartoon for adults. What's more, they didn't have enough money to take on such a project. SĂ©bastien finally agreed, but there were some changes to be made, which Thomas accepted... In the end, Thomas Astruc's entire project was discarded, leaving only the love story between the two heroes and the city of Paris, where the story was to take place.
I've been aware of this darker origin story for a while due to Tumblr and, because of this knowledge, I have often had the thought, "are the writers trying to sneak elements from this darker version into canon?" Because that's the most likely explanation for what's going on here.
If I'm right, then I think that was a terrible move on their parts. They needed to let go of the story that they couldn't sell and embrace the story that they're being allowed to tell. It's why "kill you darlings" is such good advice. Many good stories have been ruined by writers clinging to an idea that ultimately doesn't work for some reason.
It's why the sitcom How I Met Your Mother has such a universally hated ending. The show was originally supposed to go for two seasons and so they wrote an ending that would fit the second season. The show ended up running for nine seasons and, by then, the ending didn't fit, but the writers kept it and left everyone with a bad taste in their mouths, which is not what any writer wants. That's why you have to do what's best for the story even if it means abandoning something that you really love.
This early version of canon may also be why the writers are so obsessed with Marinette. My understanding is that this concept had her mainly acting as a solo hero and, oh look! What is one of canon's biggest problems? Marinette being treated like a solo hero even though she has a partner and, later on, a team!
Not saying that this theory has to be true, just saying that it would explain some things. And if they're poisoning canon by trying to include elements from their darker original? Then it makes sense to assume that they're also doing it for smaller stuff. Like I'm pretty sure I've read that the head writer wanted Chat Blanc to be a lot darker originally, but no one would green light it, so we got an incredibly lackluster episode that spat in the face of the genres Miraculous' is trying to be part of while also falling to have the sort of impact we'd expect from an episode like that. It's a good example of a darling that really should have been killed. It just doesn't fit.
(Totally unrelated sidenote, but is your blog name from Tangled? Because that's what I immediately thought of and it made me smile!)
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crookedteethed · 8 months ago
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NSFW abcs | r.c.
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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
It depends on what kind of fuck it's been. 
If you were some slut on the beach he found, that's exactly what Rafe would treat you like: a slut on the beach. There is no sentimental value; it's purely for his pleasure; he's in and out. 
If you were someone he actually cared for, Rafe would be so clingy with you after sex, molding your bodies together and kissing your temples; his hand often swipes over your folds to check if you're still wet (for round two).
I feel like Rafe may have an insecure attachment style, so that man would be holding to you so tight after sex, ensuring that you would never leave him. 
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
On him, Rafe's favorite body part would be his hands. We all know Rafe's belligerent and loves a good fight, so why wouldn't he like the two things that could kick anyone's ass? (or the things that could lightly take out your pulse during sex). 
On you, his favorite body part would be your tits. Rafe's a tits man. He loves randomly groping them and sucking them (during and outside of sex. Bonus points if you're expecting, and they're all plump with milk and all swell.) It's also just something about your hardened nipple that resembles your clit. to him.
He'd also love your little clit. No explanation is needed.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
God, he loves making you cum. At some point during sex with you, it would stop being about his pleasure and purely about yours; simply just to hear your elongated whimpers and moans and watch your pretty face scrunch into a look of pain and watch you cream all over his cock. 
He'd like how after you'd both cum and he still fucks himself into you (he may or may not be trying to fuck a baby into you), he loved seeing a ring of both your cum mixed at the base of his shaft. 
And though squirting isn't technically cumming, he'd love trying to make you squirt, simply because that's what he saw "Virgin slut squirts for the first time" do on PH. 
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
To elaborate on the squirting thing, I feel like a dirty secret of Rafe's is that he would like watching you piss. 
This fascination was fueled by him making you squirt one day and seeing that pretty stream spurt from your pretty little hole. 
He wouldn't count it as a piss kink, though, because he wouldn't want to pee on you (or vice versa). It's just like he likes following you to the bathroom whenever you go and watching you pee (he even sometimes offers to help you wipe.). 
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
Uniquely, the Kook King wouldn't know his way around some pussy. 
His body count is standard, maybe 4-6.
Before he indulged in committed relationships, Rafe wouldn't care for his partner's pleasure, so he wouldn't care anything about reaching her g-spot or massaging her clit, that was until he met you. 
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Rafe has a staring problem when it comes to having sex with you. 
His favorite position is any position where he can see your face; he just can't get enough of the faces he causes you to make during sex. ( or any position where he can easily wrap his fingers around your neck. ). 
Face-to-face standing, missionary (god, he loves this one), face-forward cowgirl. 
But I feel like if Rafe's mad at you, or just angry in general, and wants to take his anger out on you; he would def force you face down ass up. 
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
It depends on how Rafe feels at the moment. 
If he's completely sober, in the right mind, he's not undoubtedly serious, but he's not goofy either; he wouldn't be like Rafe, who's high out of his mind on cannabis, though.
If Rafe's weed high, he's going to be giggly ass hell, and referring to his balls as the "boys" or his cock as "Rafe jr." 
Again, if he's mad, he's in and out. No smiles, no nothing. 
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Honestly, Rafe isn't too big on bushes. 
On him, he keeps his hair down to a minimum, lightly tamed and trimmed. 
On you, preferably, he would want you to be entirely bare down there, but he understands that getting waxed twice a week is too time-consuming, so you both compromise that you have your hair tamed and trimmed. 
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
As I mentioned before, I feel like Rafe has an anxious attachment style, so during sex, that part of him kicks in, which is intimate to show that part of him to you. 
He's putting you both in a position where he can sink himself deeper inside of you slowly--bringing you closer to each other.
He whimpers in your ear, telling you that he "never wants this to end" or asking you, "Is this real?"
Saying, "He doesn't deserve you, and he doesn't know what he'll do without you."
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
When he's horny, and you're away at work or school or on a family vacation, Rafe's right hand is the way to go. 
Before you, he used to watch PH, but now he keeps a hidden album called "spank bank" in his gallery, all videos or pictures of you and him fucking, or you playing with yourself with your new toys he'd bought you. 
Or when you both don't want to drive to one another house, you do a mutual masturbation on Facetime. 
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
He has a choking kink (duh).
He likes the idea of anal, but you guys have never tried it yet.
And he also has an exhibition kink. 
Praise kink.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
To embellish Rafe's exhibition kink: He would do it anywhere with you, as long as some wall or bush is covering you both.
The balcony at Tannyhill, the supply closet at the golf course, the secluded area on the beach, once even during midsummer's in the men's handicap stall. 
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
He likes it when you wear your short skirts, and he can see just the curve of your ass, when you're innocently sitting on his lap, watching you pee, when he makes you laugh, or when he has to mansplain something to you, etc etc 
Anything you do turns him on. 
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
One thing Rafe won't do is have sex with you while he's coked out simply because his dick wouldn't let him. 
You'll try teasing him by flashing him your tits or your fanny, but he'll end up with erectile dysfunction.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Of course, he liked receiving oral. 
But at first, Rafe wouldn't care too much about giving, until he saw how needy you had gotten from him just sucking your clit and lapping at your folds with his tongue.
What he would love the most is you pushing his head down while he's sucking on you because it's rather selfish. You, cutting all his air supply just for you to feel pleasure? How cute.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Depends on his mood.
He's mad= fast and rough.
He's happy= slow and sensual.
If he's in between, he's normally neutral going between the lines of fast and slow.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
As mentioned, you and Rafe fucked in public quite a few times, and each of those times has been quickies. But if Rafe could, he would love to have full-on passionate sex on the golf field at the country club with you. 
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
I would say Rafe is pretty risky; he thrives on getting caught in public with you one day. 
He thrives on the thought of another man one day seeing you naked and stuffed with him inside of you. This turns him on because he knows he's the only one that can take you like this. 
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Rafe can go four to five rounds on average, with occasional breaks. 
When he's in a playful mood (semi-rare), he loves overstimulating and teasing you, and those four to five rounds can quickly turn into six to seven.
He usually tries not cum until the last three rounds. He thinks about gross shit that turns him off until then.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Before meeting Rafe, you only had one cheeky bullet vibrator that often broke down on you. 
While dating Rafe, he would buy you so many sex toys: dildos, wands, clitoris vibrators. 
Your toys were Rafe's toys. 
You both wouldn't use them much while you were together. The primary purpose of your sex toys was for the times you were having sex on FaceTime or sending videos of you playing with yourself to him. 
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Rafe loves overstimulating you; it's funny, in a way. How suddenly you were begging him to stop because it's "too much." but three rounds ago, you were whining at him, "to go faster, Rafe." or "fuck me harder." 
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
He wouldn't care too much about the baritone "fucks" or "shit, baby's" he made. 
You, on the other hand. 
Rafe wants to hear all your little moans and whimpers or praises.
He wants to listen to you say how good he's making you feel or how no one's ever made you feel this way.
It let's him know he's doing something good (for once.). 
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
It'll be overlooked in the relationship, but Rafe would be extremely possessive over you. 
He'll ensure he's the only one taking you to and from work or school. 
He tracks your location on the days you're both apart (making sure you're not with some shit pogues.). 
He makes you wear a necklace with the letter R so everyone knows you're his. 
Constantly groping you at parties, telling you never to leave his side. 
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
Hard, Rafe is about 7.1 inches. 
He has one of those dicks that you would call "pretty" with its slight curve and thick veins and its pretty pink mushroom tip. 
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
Most of the time, Rafe is the one to initiate sex, seeing that everything you do get's his cock going.
On the days you're the one to initiate sex, he's going to wind up the one with the highest sex drive because it's you!! You want to have sex with him, like right now?! 
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
 Rafe's a night owl, so even after sex, he stays up for hours afterward, unless while you two are cuddling and you both are lazy and Rafe's cock is still snugged inside of you. 
The only way Rafe can go to bed after sex is if you're cockwarming him. 
His body is warm and tingly, and he feels safe, with everything you surrounding him. Nothing could go wrong with having you in this moment, so you both drift off to sleep. 
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karvviie · 2 months ago
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omg tell us more about your grif+locus thoughts
OKAY PREPARE YOURSELF. i wrote this all down and did not expect it to be so long. so other than it being a fun yapper/listener dynamic, i think that them being friends could actually be very good for each other.
tldr: Grif and Locus have great potential to have a close friendship that is beneficial to both of their senses of self-worth. They have seen each other at their worst/most vulnerable, and despite this, they show kindness and compassion towards one another. As a result, this can allow them to be emotionally open when communicating, thus forming a healthy friendship that proves to them that they are worthy of being treated with care and forgiveness.
my full explanation under the cut:
sorry guys i really could have worded all this better but i can’t be fucked rn and i wrote it stream of consciousness style. i am too tired to go back and proofread it.
btw i am also ignoring the fact that season 15 was retconned.
ok so. It has been established that grif has low self-esteem. he considers himself as the “hateglue,” and feels extremely guilty for quitting the team. he probably has some attachment issues and problems with feeling unwanted and not being worthy of being cared for (implied by o’malley about his family life)
and locus. he’s got so many problems. mentally and just in general. everyone knew him as the absolute worst version of himself and now he’s trying to seek redemption and atone for all the horrible things he’s done. but locus is doing this all by himself, he has no allies or anyone left that he can call a friend. He probably hasn’t had a healthy relationship with anybody in a long time.
IN COMES GRIF! grif interacts with locus when he’s at a very low point. he has no inhibitions, nothing to repress his thoughts and emotions in the presence of another person. he very quickly accepts locus’s change of heart and opens up to him. They do not insult each other or have any ulterior motives. which is already a big change of pace.
Grif initially knew locus as a horrible person, and experienced first hand his many crimes. despite this, he shows enthusiasm and support when told that locus wants to redeem himself.
Locus, on the other hand, despite how inexperienced he is in making friends and being kind and caring, shows compassion and concern towards grif, listening to his inane rambling and accomodating to his needs (allowing grif to bring his volleyballs on the ship).
Grif is exactly what Locus needs in a companion at this point in time, someone who is honest with him, doesn’t have any ulterior motives and accepts his past mistakes while also encouraging him to be a better person.
Locus has found a real friend, after years of an extremely toxic partnership. grif is somebody that he can also demonstrate care and compassion towards, further aiding him in his journey to being redeemed.
In addition, Grif finally has someone that he can be completely honest around. Someone who has accepted him at his lowest and validated his needs, regardless of how absurd they were.
to sort of quote my recent post, locus is showing grif that he is worth the mess. he is not a burden, he is not there just for people to hate. he is just as worthy as anyone else of care and compassion, even at his lowest.
On the other hand, grif is also showing locus that he is worthy of forgiveness, and that there is someone who is able to look past his wrongdoings and treat him as someone to be trusted and appreciated, no matter how unforgivable locus thinks himself to be.
their first interaction being the way that it was really makes their dynamic work, because they begin their partnership without anything to hide from each other. this opens up so many avenues for them to continue having a very emotionally open and honest friendship, since grif has already shown his vulnerable side to locus, and grif already knows how locus used to be and trusts him despite of it.
now i want to compare grif and simmons to grif and locus.
grif and simmons have a long history together. they are attached at the hip and have watched each other grow as people over the years. they know each other better than anyone else.
HOWEVER, they are both very emotionally repressed people. they avoid showing emotional vulnerability, and struggle to even admit that they enjoy each other’s company.
While it is obvious that they are much closer than grif and locus, they are held back by their inability to be vulnerable and deeply communicate their feelings to each other.
grif and locus don’t have this barrier, as a result of the circumstances of how they met. unlike grif’s relationship with simmons, they don’t have a whole history together of being emotionally repressed that determines how they’re used to interacting with one another.
I really think that grif and locus are the exact type of person that the other needed at the time that they meet. They could be each other’s confidant, the one person that they can trust to be fully accepting, in which they don’t need to feel unashamed about being vulnerable around.
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a-dinosaur-a-day · 1 year ago
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Is there a known reason or possible explanation/s for why the Carnotaurs and other abelisaurs evolved even shorter arms than T-Rex's?
So, the muscles in the neck area, as a rule, get really buff when theropods become large predators - it happened in Abelisaurs, it happened in Allosauroids, it happened in Megalosaurs, it happened in Tyrannosaurs. This is because, as the animal gets bigger, it tends to interact with prey and the environment more with its mouth and jaws than with its arms, because the mouth and jaws are more powerful and efficient. The musculature in the neck region directly conflicts with musculature in the upper arm for space, as they are next to each other. As such, as the muscles in the neck grow, the muscles in the arm shrink. This leads to a corresponding shrink of the arms in these large predators. In each line, if they had continued to evolve, they may have lost their arms a la Moas.
Abelisaurs, however, kept their tiny arms, and what's weird, is that the arm is attached to a completely 360 degree rotational socket, unlike the sockets the rest of us have at the arm. As such, they were able to wiggle and move them a LOT. This leads researchers to think that they were used, specifically, for display.
Remember everyone: every single dinosaur, every single one, is a variation of the peafowl.
They live in *style*.
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kohakhearts · 4 months ago
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goh parentified child syndrome. go(h)
my time is here at last. thank you for enabling me <3 apologies for taking months to finish writing this giant post!
welcome to my dissertation on this fucking Dynamic <3
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ok! first thing, let's establish our criteria for Parentified Child Syndrome. this is obviously not like, an actual diagnostic Thing, but there are a million and one articles out there for us to look through. so i did the tough work of scouring those to find some Symptoms we can use as anchor points here. a lot of this is split into "emotional" (parents seeking comfort from their children, rather than comforting them) vs. "material" (parents assigning their children responsibilities that are not age-appropriate (e.g. grocery shopping, paying bills, etc.)) needs, but for simplicity i'll just merge them together - because realistically, they often go hand-in-hand. so the primary symptoms we'll work with here will be:
disruptive childhood behaviours (particularly at school)
stress and anxiety
reluctance to participate in play/age-appropriate activities with their peers
difficulty acknowledging and accepting one's feelings
insecure attachment styles
need to feel "in control"
distrustful of others/self-reliant to a fault
absenteeism and poor performance in school
passive communication style
the other obvious prerequesite here is the family dynamic. so let's dissect that one a bit!
goh's family situation isn't actually like...100% clear. but i have analyzed every episode where his family is even mentioned like it's my full-time job and i have no reason to believe his grandmother actually lives with him. so in the scope of this essay, i am assuming that she lives nearby, and most likely has a key to the apartment, but does not live with them.
otherwise, we are given enough context to assume that camille and walker have been busy with work goh's entire life (though i'd choose to believe for my own sanity that in his infancy his mother at least wasn't working...though given the type of job she has, that's actually...kinda hard to say for sure). we can also assume that they've at least been self-employed for the majority of his life. it's clear that they are fairly well-established in the city/in their field by jn, and since goh is supposed to be 10 at this point, it makes sense to me that they've been building that company up pretty much his whole life.
in terms of the work they do, goh tells ash, my dad is a system engineer and my mom is a programmer. they run a company together. granted, we don't see very much of their actual workplace, but what we do see is completely void of other people. as in, camille and walker do all this work BY THEMSELVES.
nothing in the anime otherwise disputes this! if anything, goh's explanations of his parents' lifestyle just reinforces it. he also suggests that during periods of harsh weather and heavy system use, his parents are busier than usual. this implies that they are most busy during holidays. this is actually further implied by the flashback in jn015 where they explicitly say to him that they're sorry for having to work through the holiday. his reaction, being completely unengaged, not even really even acknowledging it, tells us that this is the norm.
however!! he also shows off a special device to horace in jn032 that he says his parents made specifically for him, to help him learn more about mew. this suggests that they must have some amount of free time to dedicate to him...but they show their love for him through material gifts related to their line of work (his computer set-up, too; he tells scorbunny that his parents set it all up for him).
otherwise, we see camille and walker privately share their concerns about goh (a clear awareness that he doesn't have many friends, concern about him being lonely because of them, etc.) but never actually confront goh with their concerns or appear to go out of their ways to do anything about it. i wrote a bit about this and the symbolism of having him catch a cubone of all pokemon in the episode we're introduced to his family here but the tl;dr is that camille and walker demonstrate care for goh to each other but not to him - presumably to compensate for their physical absence, we get the impression he's given a lot of freedom and little to no discipline.
which brings me to the first criterion:
disruptive childhood behaviours (with a side of absenteeism, which presumably contributes to poor performance in school)
goh's school life is obviously inconvienent to the plot progression, so for narrative purposes the writers have him just not go to school. in jn049 we get the explanation that goh had made a promise to their teacher to show up to school for tests...but the weird thing about this scene is that chloe's surprised by it:
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since in jn001 and jn002 we see that chloe is goh's only point of contact amongst his schoolmates and that she hand delivers schoolwork to him at her dad's lab, the only way this exchange really makes sense to me is if it's a new arrangement. even the fact that goh makes a point of saying "hey, i followed through, go me" to their teacher here gives that vibe.
so, we can extrapolate from that that...prior to whenever this agreement was made, goh just didn't go to school because he didn't want to. but given how schools operate, we can pretty safely assume his parents are aware of this. and i have strong reason to believe that they have at least been on the receiving end of phone calls from teachers or administrators, because of these lines from jn015:
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all things considered, this is a weird assumption to make, especially about your hyper-independent introverted child...unless there's a history of disruptive or unfriendly behaviour to inform that assumption. and based on goh's behaviour in jn001 at professor oak's pokemon camp, i don't think it's so out there to say the pattern probably was there.
goh is actually a super sweet kid towards his parents and has a clear admiration for them both. even in flashbacks, his whole thing is kind of like...he doesn't want to bother them. they fall asleep on family vacation and don't spend time with him? well, that's fine! he'll just find something else to do! in that same episode in the flashback sequence, they pick him up on the side of the road alone in the pouring rain and he doesn't say a word to them. even though he was angry and upset before.
so, yeah. i think it would make a lot of sense if he were well-behaved at home and not so much so at school. but camille and walker, even when they learn about things that happen, don't seem to probe or discipline him. whether because of any combination of giving him leeway out of guilt or of not wanting to encourage him to act out at home, we don't know. but the disconnect obviously exists.
which then contributes to
stress and anxiety, difficulty acknowleding and accepting one's feelings, and passive communication style
goh is socially awkward, yes, and clearly very anxious socially especially early on in jn, but a lot of that seems to come from an inability to express his wants and needs. i think jn003 has some of the most succinct examples of this - ash having to realize he's struggling and to reach down to him when they're climbing the tower in order for him to even accept that he can get (and needs) help getting up, and then later one when he stumbles over his words trying to ask ash to be his friend.
i think another good example is in jn007, after he gets knocked out at the flute cup. passive communication relies a lot on shifts in body language and in, well, passive statements. when ash approaches him to tell him to cheer up, goh doesn't actually really...respond to that. he does this
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and then runs off. which he does fairly often, actually, even as late as jn135. it's emotional avoidance 101. literally just run away from the thing that's bothering you. something else we see in jn135 is him backing out of admitting he wants to go on a journey - because he is concerned about ash's reaction (though i think it's a little more complex than that, but i'll circle back to that).
and of course there's jn062, which i wrote a lot about in this post. but the whole thesis of the episode is that goh has learned through his relationships up to this point that it's okay to not understand your feelings but you still have to feel them. and it's actually a really beautiful character development moment for him, but also reinforces the fact that he still doesn't know how to grapple with his own emotions. after finally finding drizzile and explaining how he knew he would find it there, he starts to cry and doesn't know why. but even aside from feeling vulnerable, it's kind of a culmination of this stress he's been carrying with him throughout the whole episode...and the sense of responsibility he feels for driving drizzile away. which is a great segue into
insecure attachment styles and need to feel "in control"
if there's one thing i feel like people sleep on regarding goh's character, it's how much of a mother hen he is. he's obviously very thorough and thoughtful when it comes to looking after his pokemon - as in jn062 where he spends all that time chasing down drizzile after it runs away, even to the point of telling ash and chloe that they should stay behind because it's getting late but that he's going to keep looking - but he's the same way with ash.
off the top of my head, things like buying extra scones because he knew ash would want them, making ash wash his hands after eating ice cream, chastising him about punctuality, you know...very parental kind of things. he actually does it with horace too, when they first meet, by bringing a lunch for them both when he goes back to the forest to meet him again.
anyway, being a Mom Friend is cute and all, but it also REEKS of parentified child. taking on responsibilities that aren't yours to fulfill? yeah. that's a need to feel in control. it's what he's used to! it offers him security!
the other side of this is...chloe. goh's first friend, who he refuses to consider a friend, or let consider him a friend. but, like, she obviously IS his friend. and yet our introduction to them gives us this exchange
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goh and chloe have a pretty tense relationship at the beginning of jn, wherein she is clearly trying to help him (by you know. getting his homework for him and shit) and he blows her off in a text message, which she complains is a repeating behaviour. chloe is obviously very loyal to him, even though he doesn't seem to repay the favour. again, there's a big disconnect here.
insecure attachments generally stem from anxiety over potential rejection and/or poor self-esteem cultivated in childhood based on parents’ emotional availability (or lack thereof) to their children. by keeping chloe an arm's distance away, goh keeps himself safe from the dangers of vulnerability, taught to him through childhood encounters with emotionally unavailable parents.
i'm not here to armchair diagnose (ok, who am i kidding, yeah i am), but i think goh's attachment style is anxious-avoidant. his clear avoidance of making friends, the multiple times we see him break off his friendship with ash only to minutes later be like "me and the bestie"...yeah, that's avoidance. but he does crave intimacy, arguably even more than he fears it.
hence why even though he knows ash would want him to journey on his own...he still convinces himself that actually telling ash that would be, as he calls it, a "betrayal of [their] friendship." my theory is that he's not concerned that ash will be upset - he's concerned that ash won't be upset enough. which is why when then ash turns it around on him and says he's going on a journey, goh gets upset and pushes him away. he does the exact same thing with horace when they're younger. just a complete 180 - he wronged me once, so he's the worst and i can't forgive him, ever.
the difference with chloe is that she actually takes care of him more than he takes care of her - which changes the dynamic from "i have to do everything to keep this person in my life, including suppressing my emotions for their sake" to "i cannot express to this person that i have needs and desires because they'll think i'm too much and they won't stick around if i do." which is primarily avoidant, but insecure attachment nonetheless.
this is extrapolation, but i think his relationship with chloe is so different because we are supposed to get the sense that they have a more familial dynamic. so, she's the one person he can't push away from him - but as he learned in his actual family dynamic, he also can't be too close to her. he doesn't want to be smothered; he doesn't want her to feel smothered by him. so they maintain a degree of separation that only begins to go away after her father begins literally housing and feeding him, thus integrating him and ash into their family in some honorary way.
which brings me to the last point, i guess, which is
reluctance to participate in age-appropriate activities with peers and self-reliant to a fault
these are, i think, the traits that jn is most blatantly attempting to better in goh throughout his arc. so i won't spend too long hashing it out, because i think these are things we all know he struggled with!
in flashbacks, we see him alone at school; during the first episode, at professor oak's camp, he is always physically distanced from the other kids and chloe even points out that he's basically doing professor oak's job at one point! he's not on the same level as the other kids and it's clear he doesn't want to be. when he meets horace, we see that it takes him some time to get comfortable enough with him to go explore the forest together and become friends.
he doesn't go to school, but that doesn't mean he isn't learning things - he becomes a very self-directed learner early on, from what he see. he's not just like...rotting in his room playing video games. he's studying and researching. the only times aside from with horace that we see him in a flashback doing something that isn't solitary is with pokemon - and even then, he's like...reciting their pokedex entries. his abra story at the end of jn is precipitated by him saying he was going through his dad's old pokedex (which is a whole other thing - this implies walker used to be a trainer, but neither of goh's parents seem to have pokemon...perhaps they're too busy with work to look after them? a theory for another time, i suppose, but it has undeniably being gnawing at my brain since that episode aired lol).
and of course, there's the fact that in jn062 he tells drizzile he was never comfortable with confiding in his parents or his grandmother...suggesting that he never confided in anyone, because we don't really get the sense from the whole "i don't NEED friends" exchange in jn001 that he considers chloe a reliable confidant, either.
the other place we see his flawed sense of self-reliance, aside from like...everywhere in the first 10 or so episodes, lol (something that is reflected pretty beautifully and symbolically in scorbunny's story, too!), is in project mew. he has to learn how to work in a team - and he clearly hates it. at this point he's found one person to rely on, but that already feels like too much. the raid battle with articuno is the most obvious example of this. he isn't good at being a leader, but he also isn't good at being a follower. because he's only ever been responsible for himself, and he doesn't trust anyone else to know how to direct him, but he also has no clue how to work within the parameters of a team.
i also want to say, as a final note, that i actually think this is all extremely intentional writing. obviously in the west we have a strong capitalism culture too, but the work culture in japan is very toxic (just google "japan work culture" and you can see right away how intense it is lol) and i'm not actually surprised at all that pokemon would make such a direct commentary on that - a lot of japanese kids could probably relate to goh and his emotionally absent, work-obsessed parents! they are clearly pretty well-off, but their dedication to work supercedes matters of home and family, because that's how it's supposed to be. as a result, goh admires them a lot for this dedication - but his arc is primarily about letting go of the "work" part of interacting with pokemon and learning how to have fun and make the most of his experiences. and i think that's a really lovely message for modern pokemon to be sending to kids :')
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thatneoncrisis · 3 months ago
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It’s coming of less like “lol you poked the bear” and more like “people are questioning if you’re transphobic or not” especially since a lot of the fics you were trying to satire are by openly trans people who are active in the community.
I saw your explanation in the notes of the fic but there’s quite a few people who hit the back button asap right when they read that scene of harrow expressing horror after undoing Gideon’s pants. I can see why for some it felt like, “lol how dare trans butches write escapist fantasies about their experiences with desire I can’t believe you thought this was for you!” combined with your admitted inability to understand how anyone can enjoy porn that’s ooc, execution fell rather flat for some. And I’m sorry, while I read the note and understand your intent, pulling a move like that and going “it’s satire it’s satire!” Really comes off a certain way
i see. like i assumed this is, in part a major misunderstanding
i dont know if any of them are ever going to see this but if they do on the record- the problem was not gideon having a penis. the problem will never be gideon having a penis. it was about the specific way it looked, an organ that was over a foot long with a circumference bigger than her wrist. I under trans women have written fics with gideon having a huge crazy style dick. i also have spoken to many trans women in the fandom, and they arent a monolith. a lot of them hate it and it makes them dysphoric and cannot read any fics tagged wit trans women as the majority of them skew thag way. a lot of trans women in fandom are written as cis women with big cocks. theres no talk about how estrogen would affect them physically or sexually, ad it alienates a large portion of fans. THAT is the point i was trying to make
in the fic itself, harrow and gideon are both trans women. its just more obvious with gideon because it reflects a wider trend of people defaulting her, the butch brown jock girl, to not only being trans, but having a massive cock about it. its rarely like, an actual element of her character, its just kind of a dildo thats attached to her
and its not that i dont understand HOW those things can be appealing to people who arent me. the issue arises when this is about 80% of the tag. i have to dig and dig for something that doesn't feel like a caricature. i dont know most of the authors on ao3, and i particularly don't feel like googling each one of them to see if theyre transfem or not to see if that makes content any less off putting
as a final note, i have admitted that the fic does function more as a vent than satire. i hope this is clear
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