#at the round table

[notmuchtoconceal]

holy fuck was that first kingsman sequel nasty.

accurate af, just fuckin nasty.

that whole thing about rounding up all the drug addicts and putting them in amazon state prison quarantine camps and the president's secretary rightfully points out that the norms of american culture have shifted as such that most modern people need some kind of chemical assistance to keep up the pace, like... oh my god.

there are actually horny dumbasses reading this right now that think steroids give you balls instead of shrink em. amazing. you need the needle to counteract all the estrogens in the plastic and the water supply. sap your manhood out and sell it back. think about how hard you were cucked every time you pin, bitch boys. natty supremacy is psychic supremacy. get discipline, learn values. figure out what it means to be a fuckin man.

yeah so, hey -- president's secretary rightfully reminds us -- if you round up all the drug addicts and put them in a Cabin-in-the-Woods-type massive Amazon Storage Locker so they can all die alone, what's gonna happen to your free exploitable labor reserve, huh?

Even secretary was a pill popper. It's like white women love getting hall passes to their drug dealer and that's what a prescription is. Gosh, don't you just love it when you can be naughty and it's state-sanctioned?

then there's the rest of the movie.

the fact that channing tatum is featured prominently in advertisements as an american cowboy agent, but then he's in the movie five seconds before he's quaranteened, and like... elton john is a cameo but he has an extended fight sequence in the climax, and then like....

cowboy pedro pascal is fed into a meat grinder in the retro 50's diner owned by the world's most baked julianne moore, holy fuck.

this sounds like something i'd get high and write as a joke, but it was real and in theaters and i didn't imagine it in some collective psychosis.

fucking amazing.

somehow i feel like this is my fault, but how can that be?

I NEED TO ROUND UP MORE CHAV AND SCALLY LADS AND BRAINWASH THEM INTO PROPER GENTLEMANLY KNIGHTS.

[adageyer]

boy do i love te

again, ethically sourced from tumblr

[sickfreaksirkay]

if i had my way the round table would look like this. and charlie brown would be knighted

[cyborgnachte]

A table bereft of Grace.

[kissme-withyour-cherrylipstick]

Sir Elyan

This took me 21.5 hours I hope you like it 🥲 I'm never drawing chain mail again

[thefaeriefeatherdark]

You can just make up Knights of the Round Table by the way. People used to do it all the time.

[ispaintingcalmly]

Camelot sketches (I’ll probably add more in the future)

[justaz]

The knights love and hate Merlin coming to training. They love it because Merlin is their little cheerleader and they seem to perform better when Merlin is there to cheer them on. They hate it because he never cheers Arthur on and Arthur gets jealous and shows off to catch Merlin’s attention which means that Arthur performs better when Merlin is there which makes him a demon on the field. Which means the knights have to visit Gaius after training to get new bruise salves and that one time when Percival had to get his broken nose set because he ducked too late when Arthur was swinging the hilt of his sword down because he was exhausted from how hard Arthur was pushing them

[akelafang]

Merlin and the knights playing never have I ever

At first, it's innocent stuff and Gwaine complains that it's all dull trivia and they need to start getting into the more interesting questions. Leon looks him dead in the eyes and says "Fine. Never have I ever been arrested" Literally everyone but Leon drinks.

From that point it becomes a challenge to see who's done the most outrageously criminal shit "Never have I ever been in a bar fight" "Never have I ever committed identity fraud" "Never have I ever broken someone out of the dungeons" "Never have I ever stolen from the royal vaults" "Never have I ever committed treason with the King still in the room" And Merlin. Just. Keeps. Drinking. Now it's about trying to find something Merlin hasn't done but one of the others has. The answer turns out to be "Never have I ever been banished from a kingdom"

Merlin passes out before he runs out of criminal things he's done. Magic is the only reason he's still alive the next morning after how high his blood alcohol level was.

After Merlin passes out the knight just look at each other wondering how Merlin hasn't been executed yet with all the shit he's done. Gwaine chuckles and shakes his head "Perks of being the king's mistress"

[escespace]

To whoever first wrote that Merlin is only clumsy because he has to make a conscious effort and always invest a lot of energy to not allowing his magic to be instinctive : Thank you! That concept always lives in my mind for free

[magiccourageandstrength]

This might be the only time I’ve seen Leon without armour on

He’s always ready for a war

And I love him for that

[theroundbartable]

Leon can't watch this anymore. His majesties weird obsession with Merlin aside, the boy can't keep coming along on each patrol and mission, completely unprotected! No armor, no weapons, nothing!

It's time.

Leon wordlessly drags Merlin aside and teaches him fighting the proper way. He's the one who taught Arthur the way around the sword and even if Merlin isn't royal, Leon's gonna keep this boy alive and if it's the most taxing task he's ever done!

When Leon finds out about Merlin's magic, he's not mad. Quite the opposite. There is a gleam in his eyes.

Leon: well, this I can work with

Merlin: huh?

Leon: you help me practice how to inspect magical spells and I'll dig out some ancient battle magic books that you're gonna study

Merlin: but... Aren't you mad?

Leon Immortal ass: what?

[adageyer]

ethically sourced from tumblr

[artist-extraordinaire28]

My current sonic hyperfixation 🤝 my obsession with aruthurian legends

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No joke tho i always found it so funny that everyone's treating my guy like some total rookie when it comes to knightly stuff when he has saved the world more times than they can count

Also

SATBK DID SUCH A GOOD JOB AT INTEGRATING ARTHURIAN LEGENDS INTO THE STORY

Like OMG

Since im obsessed with the myths, I was like screaming at every moment when they referenced smthn

[tora-the-cat]

post magic reveal the knights all waiting for Merlin to pretending and 'acting a fool' now that they know his secret, only....he's not. Pretending or acting a fool, that is. They keep expecting him to be a different person then they knew, and he keeps....not doing that. He's still a shit liar, he can not tell an untruth successfully; that's never been in his skill set. He's still a clumsy oaf. Yes, yes, he's God, also can not hold his alchohol. He's objectively inhuman and he'll never stop crying over dead animals. He can do literally whatever he wants, and what he wants is to remain a servant with seven shirts three scarfs and two jackets to his name. This insistance will not stop him from bitching about being hungry or tired or cold, even though technically he doesn't need to eat or sleep or feel tempatures if he doesn't want to.

the knights coming to terms with the dicotomy of 'basically god' and also. 'their little guy'. Like he's their little guy, AND he's basically god.