#at the end of the second verse that I showed for them
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pinegreenapples · 3 days ago
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Radiostatic Fic Recs Part 3!
Hello everyone! I'm back again with a third installment in fics that I believe are great reads! A quick reminder as always, read the tags and if you don't like something, just tab out! The previous parts can be found here. Part 1 | Part 2
Finished
Sound Effect!
This is a silly little crackfic by the beloved ohdeercoffee! It features proto Vox who has been cursed to be a silent film where all his speech is shown as title cards. This leads to a misunderstanding between him and Alastor, but everyone walks away pleased with the aftermath.
Wallow
This series is heartbreaking. It had me shedding real tears as I read it. Alastor and Vox reckoning with the aftermath of their falling out and the mistakes they made that have cost each other everything.
Oh, I'm gonna be wounded/Oh, you're gonna be my wound
Alastor spends an evening devouring Vox as he watches through his cameras. They end up talking about some things afterwards.
Questionable Attachment
Alastor goes to Vee Tower to mess with Vox because he's bored. They end up kissing and Alastor finds himself consumed with the thought of kissing Vox again.
a glass full of love
Alastor accidentally gets dosed with love potion and falls madly in love with Vox. Vox is milking it for everything he can get.
Playing the Victim
As always, I am a sucker for lykomancer's stories and this one is no different. Vox captures Alastor and implants various hypnotic codes in his psyche before fucking him.
Unsurpassable skills in espionage
Vox manages to collect dirt on the hotel that could ruin them, Alastor is tasked with retrieving said dirt because he's so well versed in subterfuge, and not, as Angel claims, because Vox wants to fuck him.
Two for the Show
This fic was so good! There's something about ohdeercoffee's smut that is just absolutely delectable. Alastor has a little game he plays each time he goes into rut. He goes to bars and flirts with sinners only to blue ball them the second they leave the bar. This time Alastor spots a peculiar looking sinner with a box for a head and decides he will be his next victim.
(Temporary) Truce
Alastor is going through heat after seven years away from Hell. Vox notices the signs and steps in to help.
The Trials and Tribulations of Alastor's Cursed Pussy
As you can imagine from the title, this series deals with Alastor going through estrus and the various points in their relationship that Vox has helped Alastor through it. This series is in turn sexy, funny, and heart wrenching.
Haven
This fic is so sad but so wonderful. Alastor is so desperately worried for his friend and it provides a wonderful characterization of his inner monologue. Vox pisses off another overlord and is kidnapped. Alastor searches the whole of Pentagram City to find him and bring him home.
Two Halves of a Whole Idiot
Alastor goes into heat and chases Vox down as part of a mating ritual. Vox is super into it. They end up fucking about it.
Man or Machine
Vox has just finished another surgical upgrade and Alastor becomes curious as to how much of Vox remains organic and how much has turned mechanical. He conducts his own investigation.
Thought Contagion
Vox works until he drops and Alastor finds it funny to keep a tally of all the silly places Vox has ended up passed out in. During this latest instance, Vox starts to dream and Alastor finds himself drawn to the fantasy displayed on his screen.
Epitaph
This fic is very sad, much hurt and no comfort. Alastor finally commits the inevitable and deals with the fall out of his own needs.
Shadow of Yourself
Another delectable smut piece by the beloved princeliest! Alastor lets slip that he and his shadow share sensation and Vox decides to bring that to the bedroom.
Coup de foudre
The hotel hosts a party to celebrate their win against the exorcists. Alastor meets Vox again and finds himself weak to the man's charms even after decades apart.
Meet Me at My Frequency
Starting after episode 2, Vox's actions push him and Alastor to actually reconcile with each other. The rest of the series follows the rest of canon with some small twists prompted by their rekindled relationship.
Even Exchange
So sad but it has a happy ending! A very nice fic for some good catharsis and exploring Vox's complicated feelings for Alastor. Heaven plans a larger attack and Alastor and Charlie meet with other overlords to secure their support. The Vees agree and join the fight. Vox sustains a major injury.
Video Fucked The Radio Star
Alastor comes to pick up Angel from the studio and Valentino bites him. Unfortunately for Alastor, Val's venom is a potent aphrodisiac. Vox offers to help him through it.
Floating, Where You Belong
This is a delightfully dark fic where Vox hypnotizes and mind breaks Alastor into his own personal sex kitten.
The New and Novel
Alastor grows curious about Vox's hypnotism and he asks Vox to use it on him while they have sex. The end results are very worth it.
Boredom Ruins Everything
Alastor feels particularly vulnerable after his fight with Adam and he worries that he might be overpowered and taken advantage of. This leads him to make a deal with Vox to ensure his own peace of mind. Mostly a smut series, but a very good smut series! Binturong Rose has an excellent grasp of the push-pull between these two and masterfully incorporates that in their sex life.
You'll Know
Alastor's first sexual encounter was deeply disappointing. So much so, that he's never attempted something like that again. After meeting and falling in love with Vox, he decides to give it another try and finds that perhaps sex isn't all bad after all.
Shadows and Light
This fic has been rewritten and this is its newest iteration! Vox brings home his latest film to watch with Alastor. Watching it together brings out some unexpected revelations.
So An Author & A Serial Killer Go On A Date
This one's super cute! Based on a well known tumblr prompt, Alastor and Vox meet because Alastor is a serial killer and Vox is a murder novelist and they have been searching similar things on the internet.
In Your Dreams, Old Pal
Vox has been dreaming of Alastor and himself together for a while. Alastor decides to take a peek and is disgusted to find the simpering dream version of him Vox has made. In a fit of rage, he eats his dream counterpart and accidentally seals his own fate. Now he has to play the part of himself every night in Vox's dreams.
Background Noise
A fluffy fic about Alastor's hooves and how cute Vox finds them!
Nothing Above the Knee
A smutty fic of Vox deeply appreciating Alastor's hooves!
Red Bow Tie
Alastor reminisces on the past and his current relationship with Vox. A bittersweet piece about what could have been and what still is.
golden rule, it's just for show!
An unfortunate incident at an overlord meeting turns all the overlords back to their human forms. Alastor finds himself mesmerized by the slight figure Vox cuts and resolves to make him his.
Brand me (so I'll have a reason to be mad)
This fic is super sexy. I really enjoyed the erotica and characterization of the two. Vox presents Alastor with a piece of jewelry with his brand on it. Alastor ridicules him for it, but does he really consider the piece as tacky as he claims?
Sinking Funds
Alastor discovers that Vox has given him the most exclusive credit card one can get in Hell and decides to take it for a spin to see how much Vox cares about Alastor spending his money.
You Want It Rough, You're Out Of Bounds
I will forever and always be a huge Mothball Milkshake fan. Any time they write radiostatic, I am running to read it. Here, Moth took a break from Signals to give us a lovely smutty fic. Alastor and Vox have finally started up a relationship of sorts. They've had sex several times but vox has never been able to make Alastor come. He's determined to change that tonight!
Wind Me Up and Break Me Down
Another fic by the wonderful Mothball Milkshake! (As I said, I am their number one fan lol) This is loosely connected to the above fic but can be read separately. Vox ties Alastor up and worships his body.
scatterbrain
This fic is sweet and hilarious. Alastor discovers that sleeping is technically optional in Hell and stops sleeping for several decades. Lilith steps in and forces him to sleep until he is fully rested.
The Merman
For my Vox merman lovers, come eat! Alastor has heard tale of these merfolk and has been working to capture one for study. He stumbles across Vox and he attempts to capture him. Vox is amused and decides to keep the pretty human that tried to capture him.
In Season
This fic is cute and funny! A little cracky but a good read! Vox and Alastor used to spend their autumn rut/heat together since both their sinner forms went into heat/rut at the same time. Even as enemies, they kept this arrangement. As Alastor goes into his first rut after his sabbatical, he fully expects Vox to join him like normal. However, Vox is not happy that he got left in the lurch for seven years and refuses to cave to his desires.
Research and Development
Velvette and Valentino are sick of Vox constantly obsessing over Alastor and order him to do something about it. He ends up creating a virtual reality so that he can finally fuck Alastor and maybe get it out of his system. However, the program seems to have other ideas.
when the flies fell
A modern day human AU wherein Alastor convinces Vox to help him summon a demon. This has worse consequences than either of them foresaw as they race to fix their mistake.
Unfinished
Harlem Sunset
Set after the events of episode 2. Alastor approaches Vox to propose scheduled brawls outside of the city. Vox decides to take him up on it and it sets in motion a chain of events that can't be stopped. Just a small note, none of the fight scenes are on camera, so to speak, in the fic. However, the developing relationship is sweet and I am enjoying it a lot!
My Body, Your Temple
This is a masterfully done human AU set in the 1930s. Vox comes down to New Orleans in an effort to poach New Orleans' very own Alastor Deveaux, Alastor finds him absolutely insufferable. They find themselves drawn into each other's orbit and find themselves tangled in an all consuming desire for one another.
Believe Me, (The Sun Always Shines on TV)
In a fit of rage, Valentino damages Vox's head so badly that he can't fix it himself, so he goes to the one person he knows can piece him back together. Doing so forces both Alastor and Vox to confront the ugly history between them.
Summer Wine
Charlie strikes a deal with Heaven to trial run redemption with a sinner of her choosing. By pure accident, Vox and Alastor are selected instead and must work together as they find themselves back on Earth in the modern day.
Perhaps it's Pedestrian
Okay so I normally have a rule that a fic has to have at least three chapters before I toss it up on the list because I always hate clicking on rec lists that are full of one chapter WIPS. However, this fic is so long and wonderfully written for the two chapters it does have that it deserves a spot so more people can go encourage the author with kudos and comments!
Vox and Val break up again and Vox goes to a bar to drink and find a one night stand. Alastor makes that much harder than it should be to do so.
Animal Natures
Another favorite by the dear lykomancer! This time it's a series. As the title suggests, Alastor goes into rut and Vox helps him through it. Unfortunately, Alastor likes it a little too much and now that's Vox's fault, somehow.
For the sake of research and understanding
Alastor is curious about why others seem so obsessed with sex, so he goes to his good pal Vox to ask him to explain to him. One thing leads to another, and Vox finds himself giving a practical demonstration.
An Unforgettable Debut | 1961
After several years of hard work, Vox is finally ready to launch his own studio and has thrown a huge party to celebrate. Unfortunately for him, someone has ordered a hit out on one of the Radio Demon's companions and he's been caught in the crossfire. Will he be able to make it to his party on time?
Modulation Missteps
I'm really enjoying this fic and the worldbuilding the author has put in to make a comprehensive narrative. This is a Human AU where Vox and Alastor were childhood best friends who separated. Years later, Vox forces a reconnect and they have to work through all the ugly emotions they've both been harboring for over a decade.
Now only dogs follow me (Is He Following?)
Several years ago, Vox was an incredible detective solving serial killer cases until he suffered a mental break and was fired. After finally getting his life back on track, all his progress is threatened as a new killer comes to town and the department needs him again. Luckily, he finds support in his old childhood friend, Alastor.
it's not murder, it's research and waste disposal
Okay so. This guy is dark and very gory. And I do mean that a lot. Please read the tags before diving into this fic, it is absolutely not for the faint of heart and it has even grossed me out a few times. That said, it is beautifully written and the relationship between Alastor and Vox is simply divine.
Vox moves to New Orleans and meets Alastor and immediately falls in love. Alastor wishes Vox would choke and die until he finds Vox attempting to dump a body in the bayou and suddenly Vox is so much more interesting.
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scourgeofmyownbrain · 2 days ago
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The Man, the Myth, the Legend, it's Every Version of Soundwave Across the Multiverse! Fucking look at all of them, all 14 of them. It's a Soundwave Height Chart! Yay!
Edit: I didn't like the old scaling I had so I changed it. The old chart is at the end of this post.
Quick Disclaimer, if any of the images look weird, it's because I had to stitch a few separate images together to create a full body shot of the character.
Here are links to my Bumblebee Chart, my Optimus Chart, my Megatron Chart, and my Shockwave Chart. Please go gawk at how many Optimus designs there are, sweet fuck, there are so many. For future reference, all these charts will be filed under my "Transformers Height Charts" tag and my "aka the adventures of a..." tag.
Explanations and Sources below the cut, because I have always have words to say.
TFA V1 - 6 feet 5 inches (Animated has no actual numbers, but the lovely @phoenix-inanis has provided a frankly astounding resource with their own calculations for the heights of all the TFA characters. Go look at it, it's wonderful -> https://phoenix-inanis.notion.site/TFA-Height-Chart-f6ad2960ca8c4c5b859ee4958723aaa4?pvs=4.)
Unicron Trilogy Cybertron - ~13 feet (TFWiki, for the uneducated, the Unicron Trilogy has given each of its 3 seasons separate names and 3 separate art styles. This is the design used in Cybertron (S3) though he only shows up in Cybertron. This bitch was so hard to get a full body shot of, he was always standing off to the side or standing behind someone)
Earthspark - ~15 feet (No actual source for ES, but using a barn door to get Bumblebee's height, then Optimus's, then Megatron's height, I was able to make a guess at Soundwave's. Soundwave comes up to about Megatron's chin; the screenshot I found has the two fighting, so it might be a little off, but I'm confident this is pretty close. Also, this might be the shortest of universe to date; I am consistantly finding these iterations to be some of the shortest out of all of them. It may look like the UT has it beat but in S1 everyone is much taller than they are later. No, I don't know why.)
TFA V2 - 17 feet 7 inches (Once again, phoenix-inanis did a fuck ton of work, go look at it, it's wonderful -> https://phoenix-inanis.notion.site/TFA-Height-Chart-f6ad2960ca8c4c5b859ee4958723aaa4?pvs=4)
Gen 1 - ~18 feet (TFWiki. I do not have anything else to say)
Netflix Cybertron Trilogy - ~18 feet (I have no source for this, other than assuming that because this design is identical to Gen 1, they are the same height. It's all I got so it's what I'm using)
Knight/Capel-Verse - ~18 feet (No source, and he never stands next to anyone I can measure him against, but because the TFOne director has said that this movie is both canon to the LA movies and its own separate canon, I am assuming the height I figured out for TFOne applies to this universe as well. Capel directed the ROTB movie if you're wondering why his name is there)
One - ~18 feet (No source, I got this number by comparing him to Shockwave who I compared to Optimus. Now, I am aware of the TFO heights listed on the wiki, but I reject those numbers on principle. A: Those numbers are sourced from the Walmart Promotional AR Experience that came out before the movie. B: There are three decimal points, and that number does not convert into a whole number in meters (which is originally what I thought was weird about it). C: The director has said that this movie is both canon to the LA movies and its own separate canon, so I have elected to use the few given heights we have from KCV and worked from there. My Optimus post has slightly more context if you want it)
Cyberverse - 19 feet 3 inches (This comes from a screenshot of this video which has the Cyberverse height chart everyone uses, though the quality of the screenshot is iffy.)
Bayverse - ~22 feet (Okay, so this is from the wiki, but it comes from a concept design for the second movie that never got used, so I went to find my own number. And in the third movie, I was able to compare Soundwave to Megatron and I got a the same number as the first unused number... Kinda backwards but okay)
Aligned Cont. WF/FOC/TFP/RID15 V1&2 - 26 feet 2 inches (I originally got this number from Fandom, but I can't for the life of me find the page with the info. Fandom has like 6 different pages for the same character, it's so frustrating. Also- Freakishly tall universe there is no reason for them to be this tall)
Not Pictured: Bayverse Satellite Soundwave - I do not know how big he is and I can not compare him to anyone who I do know. I am sorry satellite Soundwave fans, he evades me with his stupid floating in space all alone bullshit.
Edit: Here are the different layers separated
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vvv Old scale vvv
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riverssongs13 · 3 days ago
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Finally being able to watch ep09 Maiden Mother Crone without uncontrollably sobbing, I can now see and compare the differences between The Ballad as performed in ep09 vs in ep02 Circle Sewn With Fate Unlock Thy Hidden Gate.
Here's a side by side image of the waveforms from both versions, last verse just after "blood and tears and bones, maiden mother crone":
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As I suspected (and hoped), the Basement part was re-recorded (or at least a different version was used). Around the 45 second mark is Patti belting "down, down, down":
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In episode 9, it's noticeable how in the last line of "follow me my friend" instead of fading out, it started building a crescendo of strings, right up until "the end" when the instruments finally halted to rest.
Compared to episode 2 where we get a decrescendo by "follow me my friend" and there are only vocals in "to glory at the end":
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I absolutely love how these subtle differences give so much details in the storytelling. We set out gathering this ragtag of witches as a temp coven just so The Road can be accessed, and because we know not of The Road's true nature, we're given this silent, almost solemn hymn of prayer, hoping The Road would show itself to us, to the coven. We were fed the information that its quite difficult to reach The Road, and of course we didn't immediately believe Agatha when she said it does not exist. Thus we have this silent prayer, this plea to the Maiden to show us the way so we can help Lilia and the gang get what they want. The instruments fading out giving the feels of slow acceptance that maybe, The Road just wouldn't show itself this time, maybe it needed an actual coven, maybe this maybe that, things go wrong, let's pack it up, nice singing, thank you for belting the best parts Lilia.
Compared to the utter instrumentality of ep09. Even before the Ballad started, as the first victim approached Agatha we can already hear a disjointed string note, giving an underlying looming threat, like something is amiss, something bad is about to happen. The song started with a chorus, granted, but it started with instruments. The verses accompanied by heavy strings while Agatha goads the witches so she can leech out their powers is extremely powerful imagery. There is no subtle con here, we are being given the bulk of the story now, no more subtle foreshadowing, this is our rude awakening.
We're presented this song born out of an innocent soul who'd hum to his mother, twisted by grief and the desire to obtain more powers for Agatha's gain. We're given the montage of the countless witches Agatha has slain throughout the centuries, lured by the promises of The Road, unbeknownst to them that it in fact does not exist.
And so how fitting would it be that towards the end of the song, as it showed us Agatha's latest victims, instead of the original solemn prayer we get an orchestra building up a crescendo that explodes with the exposition of HEY, it has indeed been Agatha All Along, because that song is not true and y'all are stupid for falling for it. The bellowing of strings (I'm talking of strings over and over again aren't I? sorry I'm a guitarist by training haha), the booming winds, the loud percussions, the immaculate choir who are presumably Agatha's witch victims, the visuals of Agatha absorbing all the powers she can eat... It almost feels like the music is Agatha eating all the magic around her.
The basement scene then shows up, with a subtle but quite discernible difference in the audio mix. This time only the second "down down down" of Lilia is amplified; Alice's voice is more rounded; Mrs Hart Sharon's confusion is more prominent; Jen's demeanour and voice is calmer; and Agatha, our dear, murderous Agatha, looks and sounds more sure of herself and the whole ritual. Kind of like this time, SHE KNOWS that everything was nothing but a scam, no need to be so over the top about it, The Road isn't real and these witches are wrapped in her fingers like the idiots they are. Let the instruments do the talking, because each and every one of them are merely instruments to her plans wink wink.
Absolute perfection of the marriage between visuals, audio, and storytelling. The way everything was sewn together seamlessly, like a tapestry unfolding right before our very eyes, IN SONG FORM. This TV show is far from perfect, it may have its issues, but one cannot deny that it really did excellently on the things it did well.
To sum up the beauty of this immaculate storytelling, here's a side by side of The Ballad's last verse, as shown in episodes 2 and 9:
Here's to hoping there'd be more of this exquisite storytelling in the MCU. To Jac Schaeffer, and everyone involved in the creation of this piece of art, thank you.
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thatbanjobusiness · 2 years ago
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Just found a fantastic variation of one old song I love, The Storms Are On The Oceans. I’m used to the 1927 Carter Family recording, where in part they sing:
VERSE: Oh, who will dress your pretty little feet? Oh, who will glove your hand? Oh, who will kiss your rosy red cheeks When I'm in the far-off land?
VERSE:  Oh, Papa will dress my pretty little feet And Mama will glove my hand You can kiss my rosy red cheeks When you return again
CHORUS: The storms are on the ocean The heavens may cease to be This world may lose its motion, love If I prove false to thee
But I’ve been familiarizing myself with Rutherford and Foster material. And in their recording, I hear:
VERSE: Who will shoe your pretty little feet? Who will glove your hand? Who will kiss your sweet ruby lips When I’m in some foreign land?
VERSE: Papa will shoe my pretty little feet Mama will glove my hand And you may kiss my sweet ruby lips When you return again
CHORUS: Storms may the rule the ocean, love The wind may rule the sea Storms may the rule the ocean, love If you prove false to me
The song includes dialogue between two lovers, and depending on the verse, either individual could be speaking. But I think it’s fantastically fun that the perspective sort of changed in the chorus between these two variants - “If I prove false to thee” versus “If you prove false to me.” It’s a subtle distinction to be sure, but a fun one to come across.
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jaskefer · 1 year ago
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Obsessed with the idea of Extraordinary Things being a back and forth between Jaskier and Radovid, with Jaskier trying to draw him out in the first verse, and Radovid finally answering him in the second.
Cause like, with Radovid, Jaskier meets someone who he can't fully read properly. He knows there's something under the front of a drunken, bumbling prince, but he doesn't know him well enough yet to be certain as to what.
So, he tests the waters a bit. throws out a line to see if Radovid will take it—and he does. A little bit. But it's so interesting to me, because it doesn't just feel like Jaskier is trying to nail down Radovid's truth in this verse; it feels like he's injecting elements of his own mask into it, as well.
"Keep your words on ice, your gaze lights the fire. They say 'keep on playing nice,' but I have no desire. Why waste our words when lips were made for extraordinary things? It's not a want, it's a need, it is paying no heed to what others say to sing."
This is Jaskier's read of Radovid as he knows him so far: a man hiding more complex wants beneath the veneer of a drunken party boy. But it's also Jaskier admitting that he knows this about Radovid because he wears the exact same mask himself.
Much like how Jaskier and Ciri speak through Geralt and Yennefer in order to process their own feelings about them later in the season, Jaskier sings through himself in order to comprehend who Radovid is. Jaskier is using the performative persona he's crafted for himself in an attempt to coax Radovid out of his.
All of it leads into the main intention of this song: "The greatest songs are made up of unspoken words of love. Of them, I've had enough. with you, I am enough." I am tired of having to put up a front. I want to be understood. I think you understand me. Prove me right.
And Radovid sees what Jaskier is doing. He comments on Jaskier's ability to see people for who they are and not who they pretend to be. But there's still more he wants to understand. This still feels like a game, in a way.
It's only after Radovid sees the brutality of Dijkstra and Philippa up close, watches them orchestrate the assassination of the queen and threaten to incriminate him if he doesn't fall in line, that he then grasps the vulnerability in Jaskier's lyrics. Jaskier is also caught between multiple conflicting desires, that of his loyalty to Geralt/Yen/Ciri, and that of his work as the Sandpiper & how said work is backed by his continued commitment to Redanian Intelligence. That internal conflict and the desire to escape it is also highlighted in the song's first verse ("they say keep on playing nice, but i have no desire"). Only after all of this, when true fear begins to take over and the game stops being fun, does Radovid truly begin to truly understand Jaskier.
And so, he seeks him out. And he responds.
“Drop the sweet disguise, your heart’s beating too loud. The fairytales and little lies can’t drown out all the sound.” You were right. I do understand you. I know what you really want, because we're the same. You can’t hide it behind a façade of a song and a story and a persona.
“Take this heart and break this heart for extraordinary things.” I don't know what will become of this, or us. I still don't fully know if we can trust each other. But no one has ever seen me in the way that you have.
It's not a want, it's a need. With you, I am enough.
#angel.txt#the witcher#jaskier#radovid#radskier#meta & theories#angel.doc#twn spoilers#i never wrote my wpb meta so have some extraordinary things meta instead shdfdfddfd#i truly think that first verse is so complex and multi-layered and can be read in multiple ways (both in-universe and externally)#like this is what i meant by 4d chess like how the FUCK can i explain what jaskier's doing in that first verse#its also little things. the background vocals that pick up in the second verse.#the way the second verse is omitted from the diegetic performance of the song which could imply jaskier hadn’t written it at the time#the way that we hear this song over the credits only after they get together in ep 4 and it's an extended version BUT#the extended version is entirely instrumental after the first half ends which also imply that the second half hasn't yet been written#as a whole i think that a lot of twn songs can be read through both internal and external lenses to enhance their existence in the narrativ#the fact that some of them have different names in-universe as opposed to on the ost. the choices they make in diegetic song placement.#im not very inclined in musical terminology but my brain is going insane over what this show does with its songs and how joey himself write#(and tbh i like to think of the sountrack/ost versions of songs as smth separate or alternate from the ones seen directly In the episodes)#idk. just very much intrigued with the idea of this song as a conversation#the entire song being an illustration of the masks they both wear#the truth that lies beneath them‚ and the way they both try to chip at each other until one of them drops it first.#obsessed with certain choices and going a little too insane about them <3
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artheresy · 8 months ago
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Bad news for everyone, I’m getting an animatic idea for the HCQ again and it’s devastating me inside bc I can literally picture everything IT HURTS 😭
Lets see if I can follow through with this one
Gonna rant about it in the tags if anyone wants to feel my insane o7
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lanternlightss · 2 months ago
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loop
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milfdarthrevan · 10 months ago
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#reblogging my own posts#free to use#everyone should check out the notes on this post yall have great ideas#silmarillion#elves#valinor#bonus points: no one ever officially cancelled the decree making Formenos and its surroundings the lands of Feanor and his kin#Caranthir ir Amrod or whoever is now the liege lord of several thousand people he never met#they mostly think it's cool - a real Ancient Kinslayer in the ruined city! how Authentic (tm)!#they don't really listen to his orders but will help clean out a house for him and pay some taxes/admittance fees to the theme park#and sure he can represent them in council in Tirion if he wants; they've all been ignoring the city and will continue to do so
Elves born in the Second and Third Ages are used to having the ruins of earlier eras scattered around the landscape being Aesthetic, and are disappointed that there aren’t any in Valinor.
So they deliberately build cities, attack them with siege weaponry, and abandon them. It only takes around two hundred years to get that Haunted Vibe!
#ok but LISTEN i have an idea#the idea is: it's amrod who's in charge#specifically toasty amrod#in my view of a toasty amrod verse he's definitely reborn first by a LOT#and after spending some time with his mom decides to go do his own thing#he finds out early on (so maybe a thousand years or so into the Second Age) that while Formenos has been a Destination for a while#it's only now actually starting to get known#he heads out there and finds that the people who've been sorta managing the thing a) weren't ever at Formenos before it was destroyed#b) are in over their heads now that more than a handful of people are showing up and c) have always had an irrational fear#in the back of their heads that some day an angry son of feanor would show up and something between yell at and kinslay them for this#instead amrod shows up and he's DELIGHTED#immediately joins the team of managers#gives them a 'private archaeological tour' (aka he walks around saying things like WAIT THIS PILE OF SLAG USED TO BE THE KITCHEN???#and they follow him with a notebook writing it down)#then someone mentions 'hey imagine how much hype we'd get with a genuine son of feanor as liege lord'#and amrod's face lights up#thousands of years later his next brother gets released#realistically this would not be maedhros but i imagined this interaction with maedhros so now it's him#as in the post above he hikes up to formenos to discover it's become 'The Formenos Archaeological Site and End-YT Noldor Museum'#everyone thinks he's a reenactor from the wrong era for about a minute#but i hc he was released with one hand and all his scars but minus his chronic pain#and like. i doubt anyone there at the time knew him personally but this guy in bewildered shock is Clearly Maedhros#he manages to recover his composure enough to ask one of the tourists who's in charge#the tourist goes 'uhhh the brochure says that the liege lord is a son of feanor i think?' 'WHAT'#a more knowledgeable tourist points him to the manager's building#tourists think he's a reenactor for about 10 seconds this time before they recognize him as Someone To Run Away From Really Fast#then amrod walks out and goes 'what's all this then?'#for a split second maedhros thinks it's amras since he never saw amrod grown up before#and then he chokes out 'tevlo?'#'what are you doing here?' 'what are YOU doing here?'
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cheswirls · 3 months ago
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magi rambling
idk it jus hit me out of nowhere how much i love magi fic and how sinja is portrayed in such. imo THEEEE best magi fic of all time is works cowritten by galiko and daphnerunning, those two were genuinely on galaxy brain mega dimension level thinking full time, but like less abt magi meta as a whole and more on how the characters are so true to themselves and their flaws
it's been so long that in not gonna be able to remember who all did it but i def remember all of galiko's sinja fic that also portrayed sinbad/judal to some extent, that it was made very clear in the text how differently and on different footing both relationships stood. judal especially in their hands was written so well in a way that changed how i viewed the character in canon to some extent and in every other piece of fictional media. like how can you write someone so pathetic and deceptive and a bastard and it's all perfectly in character
I've never been into sin/ju and i don't think i ever read anything w them in fic seriously or w/o skimming but i did sit thru enough to know how the galiko/daphne pair brought them forth and made it very wanton-ly obvious that sin is always just manipulating judal and leading him on to get what he wants at the end of it all, but in contrast, it's clear that he so deeply loves ja'far in ways mere words cannot express
to see the relationship dynamics compared and contrasted in fic was always such a treat because sin treats almost everyone like they're a stepping stone used to further his own objectives, but then he treats his advisor like a genuine person. shows real care and concern, becomes inconsolable when ja'far is hurt, refuses to quell his rage for any reason when someone has wronged ja'far. his advisor truly is his precious person that he can strip down out of his title as king and just be sinbad around.
and this is even further glorified when ja'f knows but insists he doesn't!!! playa it off bc sin is king and this is uncouth!!! only to have such moments of weakness when anything goes terribly wrong and he's suddenly on the brink of death, terrified of leaving sin behind all alone, letting himself have just as long as it takes to recover the bare minimum amount to bask in sin's unending devotion. they truly do treat each other differently in canon and otherwise and it's so gratifying to see and realize each time as someone who loves sinja so dearly
#there's was one specific fic scene i had in my head for this all#but i think i am thinking also of another scene from a completely different fic#and am trying to make them the same fic somehow??? maybe one is a sequel and they're the same au verse#anyway the first is undoubtedly when ja'f takes on al thamen and comes back in a coma#and it's actually a pov judal scene where he witnesses sinbad again at his mere advisor's bedside#and even if he knew before it finally clicks in his heart that oh this is the one person sin truly cares for#and he storms off in a huff to aladdin to sulk over it#the second is i think either an entirely different fic or the prequel to the other one!#where near the end ja'f sacrifices his rukh in a hail mary to end kouen's siege on sindria#loses i think either one or both legs in the process of absorbing baal's magic to use sinbad's vessel#doesn't even work and kouen ends up inflicting /another/ mortal wound that's not y'know the missing legsssss#and right before he can die for real sinbad shows up and immediately takes stock of the situation#doesn't even hesitate to kill kouen in THE most gruesome act of violence i have ever seen in a piece of fiction EVER#and then with the threat neutralized he just picks ja'f up and cradles him in his arms#and ja'f truly breaks down at this point bc he's gone thru SOOOO MUCH to fight on his own#bc he never once doubted sin was still alive but everyone else around him slowly but surely gave up hope#and he can't help full on sobbing mind break bc sin is here now and it's all over now#and AGAIN it's the judal pov where he clocks it as#'oh these two are so completely devoted to each other and each other alone and no one else even compares'#anyway hiiii i am unwell once again thinking abt superbly written sinja in fanfic#edit; oh guess what it WAS the same fic for both#it's just that that fic is 230K LONG so yea ofc there's room for both to happen
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spittingstar · 1 year ago
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eowax
#i guess i am sad that the person i removed from my life just accepted that they won't be in my life without a word#but then again ofc i would be sad the person i am in love with doesn't like me so much that he is okay with just walking fully away#also#i stand correct in calling him a coward emotionally since he said nothing since it shows he can not even write a measly response#like a normal person in order to communicate respect#but if he does not respect himself enough to admit how he feels abt anything then how could he ever show that for anyone else#also i deserve friends who don't make me feel like i'm crazy for being normal#and don't make me feel like i'm too much for doing normal girl things#it's all just on my mind bc my dream was abt me finding his old tik tok (made up) and then watching all of them#you know i think the reason why he can't handle me now verses when i first knew him is that now i have more confidence#then i was so scared that if i did anything he would fly away#so i got really sick in the head and was constantly stressed bc all i was thinking abt was him and how to keep him#but i was so afraid to say anything#but now i am capable for actualizing bc i know what i derserve#but that's too scary for him so he has to go find any even younger girl who is just as insecure as him#emotionally under cooked#and i would second guess myself if i didn't know how all his other relationships have ended#it's all been him ghosting ppl or having terrible communication issues#so much so at one point an ex of his stalked me bc she blamed me for his relationship ending#i often wonder if he just doesn't respect women but i really believe he just doesn't respect himself#uhhhhhhhh whatever time to have chloe peace time and then ask out the kind man who owns that clothing store and likes good music
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erwinsvow · 6 months ago
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knocked up too young and wearing a glittery diamond ring on your left hand, you had settled nicely into the role of mrs. cameron. it wasn’t tough, not a hard position to play in the slightest—rafe, or rather your husband—made everything nice and easy for you.
it seemed like it was his biggest desire come true, making sure you and his little girl were taken care of. he liked it actually, more than he admitted, knowing the two of you were fast asleep in bed when he left for work in the morning, doing nothing but relaxing throughout the day.
in fact, he had decided the second you had tearfully confessed that you were pregnant that this was the sort of life you were meant for, the kind of life he was going to give you. you were so scared, he can remember it like it was yesterday—your watery eyes and wet cheeks, the way your hands shook when you pulled out the test to show him.
“i-i-i’m so sorry, i, i thought the pills were enough, everyone says it’s enough-” you were stammering and crying your way into exhausation, something he definitely didn’t like. 
“s’okay, kid. nothin’ to cry about.” he was formulating his plan already, being proactive in all matters, thinking ahead to marriage licenses and car seats while you stared down at the positive stick in your palm.
“you’re.. you’re not mad, rafe?” the way you look at him, the world stops spinning. why would he be mad?
“hey, s’done,” he says, hands on your shoulders to steady you, bringing you to the edge of the bed to take a seat. he takes the pregnancy test from your hands, looking down at it himself. “it already happened. can’t take it back. no point in cryin’ over it.” 
when you look up with even more tears in your eyes, he’s half convinced he’s said the wrong thing—but it doesn’t faze him, he keeps going.
“hey, hey. what, you thought i wouldn’t take care of you? this is my kid too.”
“i know, i just, i thought you wouldn’t be okay.. with it. having it.” that’s the first and only time he got stern with you through this whole pregnancy.
“hey, don’t talk like that. this is our baby. there’s no question ‘bout havin’ it.” you nod up at him, tears drying as you steady yourself, regain a little composure knowing rafe’s not mad about this little accident. “y’okay now?” you nod again. “good, call your parents. tell ‘em we’re getting married soon.” 
“wh-rafe!” 
but, like how most things were with rafe, he called the shots and you listened. the two of you got married shortly after, before you were even showing. anyone who even attempted to comment on the hastiness of everything shut up the second rafe stared at them.
you’d be a liar to say you didn’t like it, a fool if you didn’t appreciate how rafe was to you.
he stepped up in every way, better than you could have even tried to put together in your imagination. a place was purchased and had slowly started to become home, with a crib that rafe assembled by himself—though it had taken hours and ended up with the instruction papers all crumbled up in a corner—and baby proofed cabinets and sockets. you laugh watching rafe try to install the baby gate on the staircase.
“you know that’s for when they start crawling, right?” you giggle, a hand on your very pregnant belly.
“shut up. m’being proactive. gonna have no time once she actually gets here and we’re runnin’ around changing diapers and makin’ formula and shit.” 
you’re only a touch surprised with how well-versed he is with all the baby stuff, though you appreciate it more and more since you’re still a little confused and overwhelmed. he makes it all easy, from the pregnancy cravings he runs around to find for you to the pretty pink walls in the nursery. he even satisfies all your other cravings, like around month six when there was nothing you wanted more than rafe's dick in every position you could think of.
when his daughter actually comes into the world, the two of you are a mess of emotions and thoughts, but there’s only one rafe really cares about. when can he give you another one?
it doesn’t take long for him to start trying again—trying to convince you that the two of you can handle two, that little kids need siblings their age. the baby’s only six months old but he’s convinced it’ll be better to have them all young at the same time rather than waiting—at least that’s the line he feeds you.
“no, rafe, they’re gonna be like irish twins. it’s so embarassing,” you say next to him in bed, staring up at your husband. 
“what’s that?”
“when you have two babies that aren’t even a year apart.”
“oh. that’s a thing? good, at least there’s a name for it. i’ll get you a book on it, since that’s what we’re doin’.”
and try as you might, even you can’t resist rafe for long, not when he’s taking such good care of you and just wants to give you another baby with his blue eyes and your pretty hair. you end up in the same position that got you into this whole situation—your knees folded to your chest and eyes rolling back while rafe slams into you. 
“don’t worry, baby,” he breathes into your ear, low and quiet since the baby’s sleeping in the other room. “i’ll get y’knocked up again. won’t have to think about a thing in this world except my kids.”
it’s a shame you get pregnant so quickly—rafe was so fun when his only thought revolved around fucking you full of his cum. 
“well, s’not gonna be irish twins. too far apart,” rafe says, looking at the photos from the doctor’s appointment.
“no, it’s just regular twins.” you don’t think you’ve ever seen rafe so happy.
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marauroon · 3 months ago
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Hellooo! Marauders are taking over my heart my body and my life as well so could I maybe request a fic with James (or poly!marauders whatever you like) with a reader who is avoidant of relationships so once they realize they are loved they try to run away but James wont let her go and patiently convinces her to give them a chance? Thank you so much!
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S E L F - S A B O T A G E — POLY MARAUDERS!
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poly!marauders x fem!reader | h/c | 4.0k | masterlist!!
the marauders had thrown their hearts at you like it was effortless. and you just couldn’t return the gesture.
cw— relationship avoidant reader, mild miscommunication, mini argument, reader gets anxious and overwhelmed
a/n— thanks for the request ml, this one may require a part two <3
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When exactly did it start? All four of you could give a different answer.
Sirius wagers it was the first potions class of fifth year, where you’d been unceremoniously wedged in between him and James as a part of a stupid boy-girl seating plan to stop ‘distractions’.
It didn’t work evidently, and James had managed to talk your ear off almost every lesson since, a familiar glint in his eye that Sirius knew all too well.
Remus would say it was closer to the end of that same year, when they’d somehow managed to invade your table in the library to study for their OWLs and Sirius had managed to get distracted—and distract you—within ten minutes of sitting down, spending almost a whole hour talking at you before Remus had to step in to make sure you both got an ample amount of revision done.
James would probably argue it was the first time the three actually spoke to you, finalised in the way that Remus looked at you as you slid a healing balm across the desk for his increasingly scarred hands with only a mutter that they “looked like they hurt,”.
And you? Well…
You’re not exactly sure.
It was so gradual yet so sudden and now you’re walking down the hallways with three borderline guard dogs at your tail like they’ve collectively decided you were a part of their pack.
And you weren’t sure how you felt about it.
It was endearing to a point, a genuine, unconditional affection shared between the three boys and spread onto you with no request for yours in return, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t feel almost suffocating.
You were almost constantly in the presence of at least one of the boys, languidly smothering you in unbridled affection like it was second nature to them.
Whether it was Remus slipping you notes for classes you weren’t paying attention in, Sirius insisting on carrying your bag down the hallways, or James sneaking compliments into every sentence he spoke to you, the casual fondness they showed you was never-ending.
And if you were being honest, it was beginning to be a bit too much.
“Here, love,” James passes you a pitcher over Sirius’ breakfast. “You’ll dry out your throat, we need that pretty voice in tact ready for the match later,”
You take the pitcher from him with a raised eyebrow, hoping your fluster isn’t too apparent in your tone. “the… match?”
“The Quidditch match doll,” Sirius takes it upon himself to pour your drink for you, taking the pitcher from your hands like you’ll shatter if he’s not careful enough. “We’re versing Slytherin, it’ll be a sight for sure,”
Oh.
Right.
“Damn right, I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when we take the cup for the fifth year in a row,” James hits Sirius’ arm lightly in his enthusiasm, stealing a slice of toast from his plate. “You are coming right?” James blinks at you slowly, honey-brown eyes big and round, like he’s silently trying to hypnotise you into agreeing with him.
“I- yeah,” You give him a half-stunted nod, letting your words speak before you can make up your mind and ultimately pull out of it. “yeah…”
“Excellent,” James clasps his hands together with a satisfied nod. “I’ll dig out a spare jersey for you,”
“Who said she was wearing your name?” Sirius turns to him with a raised eyebrow, and it starts a lighthearted debate that you quickly tune out in favour of the dull ringing in your ears.
The way they were talking made everything sound so final, so… concrete. Like you’d just completely melded into their routine through no input of your own.
“You don’t have to,” There’s a soft nudge against your left side, joined by what’s almost a whisper from Remus. “I don’t go to all of them,”
He’s giving you an out. Or at least trying to. You know that if you suddenly pull out of wanting to go that James and Sirius’d be disappointed, even if they pretend that they’re not.
“It’s alright..” You shake your head with a small smile, attempting to reassure both Remus—and yourself—that you really do want to watch the boys play.
James wins his and Sirius’ debate apparently, and a few hours before the match is due to start he hands you a folded up Quidditch jersey with a smile etched onto his face.
“Here you are m’love, look forward to seeing you in it later,” He presses a kiss to the top of your head, winking as he pulls away. “Gotta run for some last minute practice, wish me luck,”
“Good luck…” your hands curl in around the jumper almost instinctually as you stand stationary watching James run out of the common room waving in your direction, and once he’s out of sight your eyes drop to the clothing in your arms.
You hold it up to let it unfold, signature red and gold stripes adorning the fabric and a large embroidered ‘POTTER’ covering the back where it’d meet your shoulder blades.
Well, James’ shoulder blades. It would probably cover most of your upper back.
You spend the next hour staring at it in your dorm room, left draped over the end of your bed as you internally fought with yourself over whether you should actually put it on.
It was taunting you the way the gold embroidery thread caught the overheard lighting, forcing your focus towards the surname like an ultimatum.
If you put on that jumper, you were committing yourself to whatever you’d been thrust into.
And the thought made you almost physically nauseous.
It was like the boys had handed you their hearts on a silver platter, expecting you to shield them inside your ribcage, nestled against your own until they stop beating.
Like they were giving themselves to you wholely, nothing left behind until it was piled up so high that you couldn’t dig yourself out of the iron hold they’d captured you in no matter how much you tried, slowly asphyxiating yourself under the ever constricting grasp of the cage they’d trapped you in until you turned blue.
It terrified you.
You didn’t go to the Quidditch game.
God knows if you did it would end in nothing less than tears, if not you literally collapsing from hyperventilating at the first sight of any of the three of them.
Instead, you burrowed yourself underneath your satin sheets to seek a dull solace, no comfort found in the way you curled in on yourself, but no growing anxiety either.
You knew you’d have to leave it eventually, face the three boys and force out an excuse whilst desperately hoping they didn’t see just how horrifically anxious they made you.
It was horrible really, they’d done nothing but extend their kindest hands to you, treat you like you painted the stars in the sky and gifted them the oxygen they breathed.
And here you were, dreading the thought of so much as glancing at their blissfully oblivious faces.
“Sweetheart,” Marlene enters the dorm almost cautiously as she edges the door open, still clad in her full quidditch gear, sweat glistening against her forehead. “The boys are outside for you,”
“I’m not here,” You muffle your words into your duvet as you pull it up and over your head, and you can’t faintly hear Marlene sigh as she treads over and pulls you from your cocoon of self pity through dragging the quilt out of your hands.
She raises her eyebrow down at you questioning it, but you can see the concern swirling in her irises.
“Just tell them I’m asleep?” You furrow your eyebrows in silent pleading, echoed through your words as you exhale heavily. “Please?”
Shes clearly not very happy with your request, but she bites her tongue and gives you a small nod anyway, brushing stray hairs from your forehead with a sigh. “Whatever this is about, you should talk to them,”
“Yes mum,” You roll your eyes with a feigned sigh of indignation, pulling the duvet back up underneath your chin.
As she turns to leave, expression a mix of exasperation and amusement, you catch the jersey draped against your bed-post in the corner of your eye.
“Marls,” You point to it almost pathetically. “I really don’t want to face them right now,”
She practically snatches the jumper from the end of your bed with an almost scolding expression, and you flash her a guilty but grateful smile.
“I love you,”
“My love for you is dwindling,” She throws the jumper over her arm with an over-dramatised exhale, but she shoots you a flying kiss across the room nonetheless, and it leaves you with a small smile as the door clicks shut.
Although it doesn’t last very long.
You’d given her the jumper to return for you because you didn’t even want to consider what James’ face would look like when he got it back.
But of course your mind pictured it anyway.
The way his hazel eyes would pool first in disappointment before slowly turning to worry, a small, almost imperceptible frown pulling at the corners of his lips and his eyebrows furrowed just enough that it caused a line to form above the bridge of his nose.
You honestly didn’t know if you seeing it in real life or the picture your brain had unceremoniously forced onto you was worse, but what you did know was that you could not face him now.
The minute that boy saw you—any of them really—you knew that the impending conversation that followed was going to be one you didn’t want to have.
You jinxed yourself pretty hard with that prediction.
You’d managed to avoid the three at breakfast the next morning to no credit of your own, slept in so late after running your mind into the ground the night before you’d basically missed the whole thing, but you didn’t even make it down the hallway towards your first lesson before a pair of running feet crescendo’d in your direction.
“Hey—”
Shit.
“Sirius, morning,” You stop dead in the middle of the hallway, most definitely to the begrudgement of the rest of the students trying to get to class; And whilst you regret it almost immediately, Sirius doesn’t have a care in the world for diverting the foot traffic, concern written in the way his eyebrows knit together as his attention stays devoted to you.
“Are you okay? You didn’t make it to the match yesterday, we were worried about you,” His tone conveys less disappointment that you didn’t go and more genuine concern that something might’ve happened or gone wrong.
“Yeah, sorry,” You reply half awkwardly, fiddling absentmindedly with the cuffs of your sleeves. “I’m alright though,” You echo the end of your sentence with a nod, lips pressed together in a line, a mimicry of a smile.
“You’re sure?” He reaches out his hand to press the back of it against your forehead. “Because if you’re ill Moony’s got a bunch of stuff from Madame Pomfrey, I’m sure something’ll—”
“I’m fine, Sirius,” You don’t let him finish his sentence before you’re gently pulling his hand away from your face and back down to his side. “You really don’t have to worry, I just fell asleep,”
“Alright,” He most definitely picks up on the traces of defensiveness in your tone as he takes a step backwards to give you a little more personal space, and you’d have half the mind to feel guilty if you weren’t so constantly overwhelmed by him and the others.
“I’ll uh,” He presses his lips together half-awkwardly. “Let you get to class then,”
“Don’t you have potions?” It’s genuine curiosity, edged with a small amount of concern that Sirius’ll be late for his own class now that he’s followed you half way to yours. On the opposite side of the castle.
“Yeah, but I wanted to make sure you were okay first,” Sirius gives you a small smile, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes. “Let me walk you?”
You shake your head slowly, gently pushing on his shoulder. “Go to your own class, Sirius,”
He lingers for a moment before turning to head back in the direction he came from, leaving you with a mix of relief and lingering guilt.
__
Your day is largely uneventful until lunch, the smell of parchment still lingering in your nose as you wander out towards the courtyard instead of joining your friends in the great hall.
You knew they’d be there. Of course they’d be there.
And after this morning with Sirius, which he’d definitely told the other two about, you were finding yourself wanting to be in their presence even less.
So you take your lunch to the courtyard instead, settling on a bench farthest from the entrance to avoid any potential encounter. The peace is short-lived, however, as you hear the unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching.
“Thought you might be out here,” James' voice is gentle, his expression a mix of concern and relief as he takes a seat next to you.
You tense up, trying to muster a smile but failing. “Hey, James.”
“Hey,” he echoes, and you can feel the weight of his gaze on you. “You missed breakfast this morning.”
“Yeah, I—“ You search for an excuse, but nothing comes to mind. “I wasn't really hungry.”
James nods slowly, as if he's trying to decode the underlying meaning behind your words. “Is everything alright? You seemed a bit off yesterday.”
You take a deep breath, feeling the anxiety bubble up in your chest. “I'm fine, really. Just needed some time to myself.”
“Time to yourself?” James repeats, his tone soft but probing. “Did something happen? Are you okay?”
You wanted to curse James Potter sometimes.
How could he be so confident in himself that he could throw his heart at you with no fear of it shattering in your palms?
How could he be so sweet yet so painfully ignorant?
“If this is about you missing the quidditch match yesterday, Sirius and I aren’t—”
“It’s not about the quidditch match James,” You cut him off with a sigh. “Or— It is, but it’s not just about that—”
You stand to release yourself from James’ proximity.
“James, it's everything.” you finally admit, unable to hold back any longer. “I cant so much as breathe without one of you attached to my hip and I can’t do it anymore—”
James' face falls, the concern in his eyes deepening. “We're just trying to show you we care, but if it's too much, we can give you space.”
“It's not just space,” you say, your voice trembling. “It's... even thinking about you three is suffocating me...”
James's face contorts in confusion and a touch of hurt, but he quickly masks it with a forced understanding. "I... didn't realize it was that bad," he says quietly, his usual confident demeanor faltering for the first time in your memory.
You swallow hard, guilt gnawing at your insides, but you can’t take back what you’ve said. You don’t want to. It’s been building inside you for too long—the overwhelming presence of James, Sirius, and Remus in your life. They were everywhere, all the time, and while their company had almost become a comfort, it quickly spiralled into a cage.
“I’m sorry, James. I know you all mean well, but it’s just… too much,” you confess, your voice barely above a whisper.
He nods, though the motion seems more for his benefit than yours, as if he’s trying to force himself to understand. “I get it,” he says, though you can tell he really doesn’t. “I guess I never thought about how it might feel from your side. We just… we wanted to make sure you really felt like one of us,”
The way he says "one of us" stings, a reminder of how you were a part of their tight-knit group—no, how they had made you a part of it, pulling you in whether you liked it or not.
But that was the problem, wasn’t it? You hadn’t really been given a choice. You had been absorbed into their world, expected to fit perfectly into the space they had carved out for you, without ever considering whether you wanted to be there in the first place.
“I know you didn’t mean any harm,” you say, trying to soften the blow. “But I need to figure out how I feel without… without you all hovering over me all the time.”
James winces at that, and you can see the pain in his eyes. “We never meant to make you feel like that,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. “I thought… We— thought, you… We were trying to prove how much we care…”
The tears you’ve been holding back threaten to spill over, but you blink them away. “I don’t need you to prove anything, James. I need to breathe.”
He looks down at his hands, clasped tightly together in his lap. “If that’s what you need, then we’ll give it to you,” he says finally, though his voice is tinged with reluctance. “We can give you space, we can— leave you alone if that’s what you need. We can wait until you’re ready.”
“What if I’m never ready?”
James doesn’t really know how to respond to that.
“I— Why wouldn’t you ever be ready..?”
“I don’t know if I can do this, James,” It hurts, coming out of your mouth, echoing back into your ears. But it’s true.
“I— I know being with three people at once can be overwhelming but—”
“It’s not that James,” You shake your head with an almost imperceptible sigh. “I don’t think I’d even be able to date one of you without being overwhelmed,”
James’s eyes widen in surprise, his expression shifting from hurt to confusion. “Are you saying... you don’t want to be with any of us?”
The question hangs in the air, heavy with the weight of unspoken fears and regrets. You glance away, struggling to find the right words to convey the complexity of your feelings.
“It’s not that I don’t want to be with you,” you say slowly, trying to articulate the intricate emotions swirling inside you. “But I can’t… give myself to you, I can’t— hand you three my heart on a silver platter like you did to me. I just can’t.”
James's expression shifts from confusion to a mixture of frustration and sadness. He clearly hadn’t expected this level of honesty.
“I get that you’re overwhelmed,” he says, his voice quiet but determined. “But can you give us a chance to show you that we can handle it? That we can adjust and give you what you need without pushing too hard?”
You meet his gaze, seeing the earnestness and vulnerability in his eyes. It’s clear he’s invested in making this work, not just for himself but for all three of them. You can see him struggling to reconcile his own desires with your need for space and clarity.
“It’s not just about trying, James,” you reply, feeling the weight of your words. “It’s about whether or not I’m ready to be a part of this—whatever this is. And right now, I don’t even know what I want, let alone if I can handle being part of something with all three of you.”
James nods, absorbing your words. “I understand that you need time. But maybe instead of pushing you away entirely, we could find a middle ground. We could— take things slower, give you room to breathe while still being here for you in a less overwhelming way. If you don’t want us all together then… maybe it’s just one of us you’d be open to starting with? Even if it’s just as friends—”
Your heart softens a bit at his suggestion. The idea of easing into something less intense seems more manageable, though it still doesn’t completely resolve your concerns.
“You can get to know us properly— as people, and let us show you why we care about you.” There’s a hint of desperation in his tone, one that’s mirrored in his irises, swirling in his gaze amidst the sunlight reflecting off of his pupils. “Just… give us a chance,”
You take in James’s earnest plea, feeling the weight of his words and the sincerity in his eyes. The desperation and hope in his gaze pull at something within you, a flicker of longing for a connection that feels genuine and real, even amidst the confusion and overwhelming anxiety.
“I... I can try,” you say slowly, the words feeling both heavy and hopeful as they leave your lips. “I can try to get to know you better, as individuals, and see where it goes. But I need you to understand that this isn’t going to be easy, and it might take longer than any of us expect.”
James’s face lights up with a mixture of relief and gratitude. “That’s all I’m asking for,” he says, a small but genuine smile forming on his lips. “We’ll take it slow, no pressure. Just... let us show you that we can be what you need, one step at a time.”
You nod, feeling a tentative sense of hope as you look at him. “Alright. We’ll start with that. But if at any point it becomes too much, I need you to promise me that you’ll respect that.”
James’s smile widens, his eyes reflecting a mix of joy and determination. “I promise. We’ll be patient and understanding. And if you need space, we’ll give it to you. Just... let us try and convince you...”
There’s a moment of silence between you, the tension easing slightly as you both come to a mutual understanding. The path forward is still uncertain, but the willingness to try and the promise of patience create a small but significant shift in the dynamic between you.
You give him a soft nod. “Thank you, James,” you breathe out shortly, feeling a weight lifted off your shoulders.
James gives you a warm, encouraging nod. “Anytime. We care about you, and we want you to be happy. Just remember, we’re here for you.”
And so, the next chapter of your ‘relationship’ began. Starting in a place that preceded even the beginning.
572 notes · View notes
jade-jini · 18 days ago
Note
you remember perv!sakura with yn dancing to perfect night? i imagine since they always record their practices to monitor, she keeps replaying it over and over and gets caught by reader hehehe
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Gonna be straightforward about this. Perv!kkura touches herself while watching those recordings. They get recorded with her phone so she’s the one who keeps them most of the time. She even has a playlist of your fancams and even some edits of you. She jerks off to that, to pictures of you two together, she even jerks off to voice messages you’ve sent.
Perv!kkura even sprays some of your perfume in her room and/or “borrows” some of your clothes to smell them when she’s having her private time, laying down on her bed and closing her eyes for a few seconds to picture what she has in mind with you as one hand holds the piece close to her nose and the other is going up and down her shaft.
Sakura thought she was gonna be home alone for a little extra time, but she didn’t know you were getting off early from your solo photoshoot. She was in her room during a hot summer day, only an oversized t-shirt that was up to half her torso and a pair of boxers on (glasses on too like on that video where she looks sleepy af). As she laid down on her bed chilling, she received a message from you. It was a video in front of a mirror with one of the outfits from the photoshoot; shorts with a top and an oversized open flannel shirt for a pool day concept. You. looked so. Hot. And what made it better was that you were completely wet, as if you just got out of the pool. Your hair was still dripping wet and the shirt was sticking to your body. You looked so fine that Sakura moaned just by looking at you, already having to fix her dick inside her boxers.
“My God…” she groaned, the contact of her hand as she looked at you feeling too good to stop. “Why would she send me this? Is she trying to tease me or something?”
Since your guys’ encounter in the practice room, you and Sakura haven’t had any private time at all. With a few group schedules and multiple solo ones with no days off together, the last time Sakura actually saw you in person was during your last dance practice. You and your pretty mouth were in her mind 24/7, making her hard over and over again. Sakura missed you so much. You guys are close friends so of course you text each other all day, but it wasn’t helping her that you’d constantly send her pics or videos of everything you were doing during your schedules. Those outfits that were specifically designed to highlight your perfect figure would make her fantasize about tearing them off you. Whenever you’d send a video showing her your outfits, you tended to softly talk about your day as one of your hands was traveling over your body, feeling yourself up unconsciously. But Sakura noticed it very well, ‘cause you look just so sexy doing this. She’d catch herself almost drooling at the view of you and the sound of your soft, sometimes raspy voice.
“I can’t wait to get home, unnie. I’m so wet I’m shaking” you said at the end of the video you sent her, followed by a little giggle. A groan came out of Sakura’s mouth, while a little wet spot was starting to appear on her black underwear.
“Fuck… I wanna feel how wet you are, baby…” she’d say while replaying the video, continuing to squeeze her dick over her boxers, already able to feel how warm and hard her member was “I miss you… fuck, where’s that video, I need to watch her moving like that again”
Sakura quickly went to the album she had of you, finding the last dance practice you guys had in which you guys practiced Smart. She particularly loved the chorus and how your hips moved. She’d imagine you moving like that on top of her, riding her cock and moving in circles, kissing her neck.
“Ugh shit…” she moaned, letting her hand slide inside her boxers, slowly rubbing her dick.
Then there was also this part of the dance, a part that you shared with Yunjin. The second verse; in which you both would get on your knees on the floor, hands touching it too.
“Lucky ass floor…” she said, making herself giggle (loser I love her). Sakura replayed that video and a couple others she had in that album, while her hand was busy inside her boxers. Her lip between her teeth, as she left soft sounds escape her. She also put her headphones on, wanting to enjoy the whole experience of your voice seducing her ears.
Bad idea, though.
If only she didn’t have her headphones on she would’ve heard when you got home.
“I’m homeee! Unnie, where are you?” You said out loud from the entrance of the dorm, hoping your friend heard you announcing yourself. But there was no response. You knew the rest of the girls wouldn’t come back soon, since they were either busy or spending time with friends; you knew Chaewon took Kazuha and was hanging out with Yena and Yujin, Eunchae was at Kyujin’s (you spent the day getting cute pictures from Haewon of the two kids doing little activities together), and Yunjin? Well, the only thing you knew was that she was gonna spend the day with one of the Aespa girlies.
“Probably involved in some gay activity with Minjeong…” you murmured and laughed to yourself as you made your way upstairs to find the older girl. “Unnieee, I’m home. Get out of your room c’mon, Fortnite can wait. Lets get ice cream and watch a movie pleaseee”
“Hmmm… fuck, like that…” you heard the familiar voice coming from behind a door. You couldn’t see her, but Sakura was getting so into the filthy scenarios she was creating in her head, so into it actually, that she decided to help herself with a toy she had bought some time ago; a fleshlight. The fresh sensation of the material was giving her a delightful feeling against the heat of the day and her own body temperature, making her mind fly.
“I miss you, y/n… please…” you heard her say from inside her room, a smile spreading on your face. You missed your Sakura unnie too, wanting to relax with her after an exhausting hot day.
“Awww unnie you miss me so much you’re talking to the voices in your head about it-“ you said, suddenly entering the bedroom unannounced while laughing at how cute Sakura sounded. This made the older girl squeak, dropping her phone and covering herself with her sheets as she secretly removed the toy off her dick. Your smile also dropped at the clearly agitated woman laying on her bed.
“Shit! y/n- what are y-you doing home so early?!” She stuttered, nervous that you caught her in such embarrassing situation.
“Unnie… what were you doing?” You asked, a mischievous grin on your face as you already suspected the answer to your question. I mean, kkura’s face was red, some sweat was already on her forehead, and her breathing was irregular. Plus the way her hands were hiding under the sheets, and sheets on during such a hot day?! She looked exactly like the last time you two were alone. And just as hot… (literally)
“I was just.. Um.. you know! Just checking the videos of our late dance practice. Yeah that! Mhm!” She tried explaining, doing her best to sound as casual as possible. And failing, of course. As you started walking towards her, she continued “I think there’s some stuff we can improve, like for example the synchronization and the- wait don’t!” but she got interrupted by you getting the covers off her.
“Mind explaining this?” You asked her, with an eyebrow raised as you crossed your arms in front of your chest.
“It’s.. not what it looks like?”
“Your dick is literally in your hand.”
“Ok but it’s not what it looks like Tf? Don’t judge.” She said, raising an eyebrow and trying to sound offended like you didn’t just catch her jerking off.
“Oh not judging, but you literally have a sex toy right next to your pervy ass.” You pointed at her fleshlight and then at her, doing your best not to laugh at the situation.
“It’s.. it’s for moral support!” Sakura argued back.
“You’re so stupid” you laughed at her silliness as you made your way to her bed “If you needed some attention, you could’ve told me, don’t you think?” You told her in a more gentle tone now, slowly caressing her thigh. Sakura whimpered at the contact of your cold hand.
“I didn’t know how long you were going to take in today’s schedule…” she said, a cute pout adorning her pretty lips “plus I wouldn’t have known how to ask you”
“I’m sure you would’ve figured out a way of letting me know of this” you pointed at her hard and pulsating member, who was begging for attention at this point “plus don’t you think I could help you better than that little toy you got?”
“I know you would…”
“Then?” You whispered, getting closer to her ear “ask for it.”
“Please, y/n” she moaned when your finger slightly touched her cock “please, I missed you. Please help me”
“There we go” you said with a smile “wasn’t so hard, right?” Your hand grabbed her member firmly but not too tight that it could hurt. “Talking about hard…”
“Agh.. y/n..” Sakura left out some loud, high-pitched moans, sounding as cute and hot as ever. You looked at her and let out a soft giggle, enjoying the reactions she had to your touch.
“I know, baby. I know” you cooed her, using now both hands to take care of the older girl. Her cock felt so hot against your palms, rock hard and her tip was red, some precum already emanating from it. “If you’d told me you were this needy, I would’ve hurry up and finished earlier you know”
“I-I’m sorry… didn’t wanna bother you, aghh~” she said in between moans. You looked at her, and the way she looked just turned you on even more if that was possible; Sakura had her eyes closed and her mouth slightly open as her hands gripped on the bedsheets tightly. Soft “like that~ just like that~” captivating your heard and motivating you to do everything she’d ask you for. “Faster please…” she begged, almost sobbing at her need for relief. You increased your speed, as fast as you could until you heard her sobbing again.
“Like that?” You asked her, knowing she wouldn’t even be able to pronounce a word. Sakura nodded repeatedly “yeah? You like that?”. The answer to your question came rather sooner, as Sakura let out a serious of loud groans, moans, and sobs while she came all over your hands, some of it falling on her own stomach. Her hips moved erratically, helping her finish reaching as much of climax as she could. Sakura came hard, and a lot. You could tell she really needed that. She really needed you.
“You really came that fast?” You asked her, amazed. The older girl’s face was also surprised, her body didn’t even warn her that she was that close.
“I.. i think so” but there was no doubt lmao. You moved a bit to look at her and saw Sakura’s flustered face turn even more red. You giggled at this, finding her cute even during this situation “aw man don’t laugh at me this is embarrassing…” she said awkwardly laughing as she tried to catch her breath.
“No it’s not!” You argued, still laughing though “I could tell you were all needy and desperate anyways” you teased her, and she just shrugged with a pout as she cleaned her tummy with some tissues. She seemed satisfied but for you it was not enough yet. It finished- she finished* too soon, you wanted more. “Hmm.. how about I help you clean yourself up hm?” You flirted, as you started licking the cum off her dick. Sakura quickly left out a whimper.
“Ahh! y/n, please.. I just came, I’m sensitive…” she begged, touching your hair.
“Yeah, that’s exactly why I’m doing this” you said, before putting as much of her dick in your mouth as you could. The loud moan that escaped Sakura made you moan on her cock. She sounded so good, of course you needed to overstimulate her. The vibrations of your throat when you moan as you sucked were driving her crazy, rolling her eyes and letting one hand rest on your head gripping on your hair tight, while the other was scratching her abs and your arm from time to time. Moans and whimpers coming out of Kkura, only the wet sounds you were making accompanying them.
“It tastes even better after you cum. I love the taste of it, unnie” you said, your tongue against her tip savoring what was left of her cum there. You made circles on the tip, making Sakura lose her mind.
“Holy shit… so good..” she whispered against her knuckles, which she was biting to try and not lose her mind. Her voice was rather raspy now, but still high, and her mind so gone she didn’t know how she was able to pronounce those words. Suddenly, the tease on her tip was unbearable, so she grabbed your hair with both hands and pulled, catching her attention “put it in your mouth, baby. The whole thing. Let me fuck your throat.” She asked, her eyes were watery and you could hear the tone being a perfect mix between ordering and begging. So you did as she said so, again putting every inch that you could fit in your mouth, looking up so she could see those puppy eyes that drive her crazy. As she looked into them, a deep groan emanated from her throat, with a frown and a lip in between her teeth.
Sakura caressed your hair softly before she gripped on it and started to move her hips not too fast so you could get used to her size first. Your throat felt so good. You were right, no toy could ever compare to the real thing; to you. She slowly started increasing her speed, getting more and more aroused with the noises your throat was making as she got in and out of you, alongside with your moans. You were grabbing her thighs, letting her do as she pleased with your mouth, her taste driving you insane. You loved it, maybe a little too much. “God.. it’s so good, your mouth feels so good…” she said, moans coming out of her every time her tip hit deep down your throat. “You take it so well… makes me wanna go faster. Can I? ” she asked, and you almost needed it as much as she did. Your lips closed around her dick, her moves stopping from a moment before your head went up and down as an answer. God. You looked so sexy, so dirty just for her in that moment “good girl, you’re such a good girl…” she said, as she picked up a faster pace, grabbing your hair on a ponytail in her hands as she fucked your mouth. Deep. Rough.
You were now on your knees on the floor, looking up to Sakura as her knees became a trembling mess. However, she managed to stay very well on her feet, motivated by the heavenly sensation you were causing her. She’d give you a few seconds to breathe before putting her whole length back into your mouth, this time lasting longer than before.
“Hmm wanna come~ really wanna come in your pretty mouth, baby” she moaned, her fast thrust telling you she desperately needed to reach her climax yet again. So you decided to add your hands again, masturbating her shaft and doing circles on her tip whenever you could, knowing just how much she liked that. Sakura slowed down a bit so you could do this more comfortably, giving you more control now “Oh fuuuck… just like that, please…” she said in a long moan, letting you take care of her.
“Let’s make you come real good again, ok?” You said in between kisses you were leaving all over her member before you went back to sucking and licking her tip as good as possible. Sakura’s knees finally gave in and made her fall sat on the edge of the bed. You were doing such a good job, drool going down her length. The room was being filled with such dirty noises, noises that just turned both of you on more and more.
“Y/n…” the older girl started “gonna come.. I’m gonna come…” she warned you, just in time for her orgasm to hit her, almost harder than the first one. Her cum going down your throat, making you moan as you enjoyed swallowing every drop of it. You could see tears going down Sakura’s face ‘cause of how good and overwhelming everything felt. “Good.. so good.. so good…” she’d say in between sobs, and you were enjoying making her cry a bit too much maybe.
Once you finished really cleaning her cum off her member, you got on your feet to look at her. Sakura was lying down on her bed, trying her best to catch her breath. “You ok there?” You asked, she was so tired she could barely open her eyes.
“… I feel lightheaded.” She said before slowly passing out. You just giggled and rolled your eyes, making sure to put her boxers back on and fix her legs properly on the bed “thank you, y/n. You’re always so good to me” she told you in between a big yawn, a soft voice barely able to get out. You smiled, looking at the sleepy girl dearly.
“Goodnight, unnie.”
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eloriis · 15 days ago
Text
TRAITOR - carlos sainz
- inspired by traitor | olivia rodrigo
in which . . y/n struggle with the pain of betrayal after a breakup when carlos quickly moves on with someone else, leaving her questioning their entire relationship and the promises he broke.
warnings : a lowkey toxic relationship if u squint ur eyes at a few sentences, ntg else i think?
notes : second fully written work! ‘heather’ didn’t really do as well as i hoped it would tbh :( but i hope this one does better 🤞🏼 and lexi, i’m sorry if i made you cry but ily my hype girl 🫶🏼
and for a person who usually hates angst, i seem to write them the best 😓
plsplspls don’t ask for a part 2 for fics that do not have any info about them being a series.
type : written ⋆ word count : 1.2k
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brown guilty eyes and little white lies, yeah i played dumb, but i always knew
that you talked to her, maybe did even worse
i kept quiet so i could keep you
carlos’ big brown eyes were one of the prettiest ones i had ever seen in her entire life. no matter how common brown eyes were, his eyes would always be the ones i would look for in the crowd. i didn’t know the exact day when the eyes she knew she could always find comfort in suddenly became the ones i started avoiding. it all started with little white lies like “i can’t make it to the date tonight, i have to stay late for practice” or “i’m meeting with the boys tonight! don’t stay up late waiting for me”.
those texts never sat right in my heart; they sounded too fake, too scripted. i could never manage to go too deep into her own thoughts about what he actually might be doing with her while i was waiting for him to come back home.
and ain’t it funny
how you ran to her
the second we called it quits?
i could almost laugh through the pain while reading the new article about you and her being spotted by the paparazzi the day after we called finally ended all those years of being each other’s one and only.
and ain’t it funny
how you said you were friends?
now it sure as hell don’t look like it
he always said that they were just friends, that they were close due to a mutual friend. that’s what he told everyone who asked him about her. but all these recent pictures online don’t really make a good argument against them being a couple.
you betrayed me
and i know that you'll never feel sorry
for the way i hurt, yeah
you’d talk to her
when we were together
loved you at your worst
but that didn't matter
feeling betrayed wasn’t an emotion i was well versed in or had been anticipating to be in this life, clearly fate had other plans.
i kept hoping that i would maybe get a text from you, an apology for all those years of my life wasted on making sure you were okay when you were at your lowest and worst point of your life.
all those years wasted. all because you decided halfway that you wanted her and not me.
it took you two weeks
to go off and date her
guess you didn't cheat
but you're still a traitor
two weeks. that was all it took for you to move on from a relationship that lasted for years. everyone says that you guys look so cute together, maybe if you heard that enough before, you would have ended up with her earlier and not have been labelled a traitor in my heart.
now you bring her around
just to shut me down
show her off like she's a new trophy
we finally ran into each other at a bar almost three months after the breakup. the second you saw me, you pulled her by her waist and kissed her right in front of me, showing her off like she was a new trophy.
and i know if you were true
there’s no damn way that you
could fall in love with somebody that quickly
if you were as true to us as you claimed you were, i’m damn sure that there’s no way you could have actually been able to move on so quickly and fall in love with someone else.
ain’t it funny
all the twisted games
all the questions you used to avoid?
was whatever we had just some sick twisted game to you? one that you oh so badly had to play? all those questions that you always seemed to be too busy to answer suddenly came back to me, they seemed harmless at that time, if only i knew.
ain’t it funny?
remember i brought her up
and you told me i was paranoid
remember that one time i brought her name up during a conversation? how you called me paranoid and sick because of how i was villainising her, i had just asked you if she had to stay with us when she came to visit even though she has friends who live here.
you betrayed me
and i know that you'll never feel sorry
for the way i hurt, yeah
you’d talk to her
when we were together
loved you at your worst
but that didn't matter
you left my life without a second thought, and i know that you will never understand the pain of being the one to be left alone while the other moved on like none of it ever existed. you always wanted her in your life, even when i was right there. i stood by you through everything, through your lowest points, but it didn’t change anything in the end.
it took you two weeks
to go off and date her
guess you didn't cheat
but you're still a traitor
you really wasted no time jumping into her arms, as if what we had didn’t mean anything. maybe you weren’t unfaithful, but seeing the way you moved on so fast hurts the same.
god, I wish that you had thought this through
before i went and fell in love with you
when she's sleeping in the bed we made
don’t you dare forget about the way
i just wish that you had thought about what i would do after you decided that you were bored of me, atleast before i fell in love with you.
i want you to remember how we cuddled, cried, laughed, loved and cared in the same bed that she is now sleeping in.
you betrayed me
'cause i know that you'll never feel sorry
for the way i hurt, yeah
you’d talk to her
when we were together
you gave me your word
but that didn't matter
i realize now that you’ll never take responsibility for breaking my heart. you left me behind without a hint of remorse, as if my feelings were never real to you. even when you promised me forever, she was always there, lurking in the background. your words meant nothing in the end, just empty promises that you broke without a second glance.
it took you two weeks
to go off and date her
guess you didn't cheat
but you're still
you’re still a traitor
yeah, you're still a traitor
two weeks was all it took for you to forget us, to move on like i was nothing. you didn’t break the rules, but you broke my trust, and that’s just as cruel. no matter how much time passes, the sting of betrayal lingers. you might think you’re innocent, but deep down, we both know what you did.
god, i wish that you had thought this through
before i went and fell in love with you
if only you had thought this stupid thing throughout, maybe i wouldn’t be in my bed crying over how much loving you and your beautiful brown eyes had taken from me.
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peachesofteal · 1 year ago
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Maybe Johnny ends up in the hospital.
Maybe he ends up with a spine fracture, broken arm, shattered pelvis, deep tissue burns all over his stomach and chest. Maybe he hemorrhaged, has internal organ damage. It’s bad, bad enough that he needs multiple, complicated surgeries. Bad enough that it’s a struggle to stabilize him, and keep him conscious. Simon is there the entire time, doesn’t leave his side, sleeps sitting straight up in the uncomfortable chair that he’s dragged next to Johnny’s bed. He’s Johnny’s next of kin, and advocates for Johnny when he’s not able to do it himself. It’s grueling, every second feels like a lifetime. Johnny’s in so much pain every time he comes to, and Simon can’t do anything to help him, to take away his pain or make him feel better. All he can do is sit by his bedside and hold his hand. Anytime he’s handled by doctors or aides, nurses or respiratory therapists, Simon watches their every move, ready to shove them away the second he see’s Johnny face crumple in agony. Ready to swoop down and remove them the moment he feels like something’s not right. Hospitals make his skin crawl, make him feel like a big bug under a microscope and he hates it. He doesn’t trust this place, doesn’t trust anyone in here to take care of Johnny.
But then there’s you. You, the ICU nurse that works the floor four nights a week on graves. You, who he notices, checks on Johnny (and Simon) more than the other nurses do. Who takes the time to make sure the lights in the room aren’t too bright, or that Johnny’s blankets are not tucked in too tight across his stomach. You always knock on the sliding glass before coming in, and you’re always smiling at him, and Johnny, even though he’s hardly ever awake to see it. It’s not a forced smile either, it’s something soft. Something precious, something kind. You don’t look away from Simon, even when he scowls at you from above the mask when you wake Johnny in the middle of the night, for some reason or another.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know.” You soothe him, gentle hand on his good forearm before you swab his arm for a blood draw. Simon’s muscles inadvertently tense, because he can’t help, because he hates sitting here, completely helpless, watching Johnny grimace in pain.
“‘s alright, bonnie. Not yer fault.” He assures, eyebrows knitted together, jaw gnashed tight.
“Just need to get some blood, okay?” You intentionally look at Simon, like you’re waiting for his go ahead before you start, and he nods his approval before you push the needle through his partner’s skin. “And then maybe we’ll get you some more pain meds, I’ll make a note for the next shift to let you sleep unless it’s dire.” Simon nods again, gratefully. Maybe Johnny will be able to get some uninterrupted rest this morning. You give Johnny one of your sweet smiles, and then directs it to Simon too. It makes his mouth go dry a little bit, and he’s too entranced by the eye contact, the curve of your lips, to notice Johnny’s eyes flicking back and forth between him, and you.
So maybe he doesn’t mind when its you, in particular. Maybe it’s not so bad, when you slip inside the room with an extra smoothie for Johnny, or when you flick the lights off when you think they’re both sleeping. Maybe he doesn’t mind that when he comes back from the cafeteria, you’re sitting in a different chair, reading from your kindle because Johnny had asked you stay a while between versed doses. He’s enchanted by the way you care for Johnny, the tenderness you show him, the way you’re gentle and sweet with him, to him, the way you take the time explain everything that’s happening with Johnny’s medical care to both of them, patiently answering the questions, even the ones Simon worries are dimwitted. Simon tells himself that it’s your job, you’re just doing your job, but he can’t help but perk up a little bit whenever you linger, or try to engage him in small talk. You ask him about their lives (busy) their job (classified) and how they fell in love (“it’s a long story-“ “it’s really not, LT.”)
He also notices little things about you too. Some nights when you come in, you seem happy, bubbly. Refreshed. And others, you’re dragging a bit, posture slumped, circles under your eyes. He sees the way your scrubs are usually a little wrinkled, the day you wore two mismatching socks, the small little bruise, impacted skin, on the inside of your arm… and it makes him wonder. You take such good care of Johnny, of himself… but is anyone taking care of you?
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sirfrogsworth · 1 year ago
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These folks watched a whole ass movie not realizing the main character was transgender and it was a 2 second kiss between men that made them lose their ever-loving minds.
It's amazing to me that if it weren't for those 2 seconds, many of these folks would have given this movie a 4 or 5 star review. But two seconds of the most vanilla, non-sexy, yet genuine and loving kiss somehow ruined every moment of enjoyment the previous 90 minutes brought them.
Imagine if they realized the trans allegory. I wish I had a way to tell them. I wish I had a way to make them realize they related to a trans character. That they rooted for them. That they accidentally empathized with a trans story.
This was a beautiful movie. In every sense. I really hope between this and Spider-Verse, we can have a moratorium on every 3D animated movie using this style of character design.
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It's time to let go of the rubber toy look.
I love Toy Story, but its success kind of doomed 3D animation to never take any risks. I thought maybe it was just a limitation of the medium, and perhaps it was for a time... but after seeing Love Death + Robots and Arcane...
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I realized they can make 3D animation look however the hell they want now.
The rubber people were just risk avoidance.
"That's what people are used to and so we're sticking with it."
But the real beauty of Nimona was the story. I won't spoil it but the plot is pretty much, "If you get to know a trans person, you probably won't hate them anymore."
Not knowing any trans people is one of the biggest factors in anti-trans bigotry. And so this movie uses allegory to let an audience get to know a trans person. And you get to experience someone slowly start to understand what it is to be trans from an outside perspective.
It's sad that will probably be lost on those folks above because all they will remember is the kiss. Seriously, it was such a harmless, mundane, blink-and-you-miss-it kiss. But I'm hoping that others will take the lesson of this movie to heart. That you should get to know people before you judge them.
Part of me does wish we could tell trans stories without allegory. That we could just have overt trans characters. But I think this is the best representation possible right now.
It's crazy that Supergirl was one of the bravest shows as far as modern trans representation. It wasn't an edgy HBO drama trying to push boundaries. It was a family-friendly superhero show and they were just like, "Here is a transgender woman with superpowers and it's fine." And I loved that it was part of the character but it wasn't all the character was. Though I think they just missed the manufactured "moral panic" window where that choice would have been extremely controversial causing boycotts of Warner Bros. and whatnot.
My only complaint about Nimona was a small penis joke. It went by very quickly and many may even miss it. But I was surprised to see it in this movie in particular. Especially since those jokes can have collateral damage toward trans folks. With all of the positive messages, wasting a joke on body shaming was a tad disappointing. I mean, it was a fairly lighthearted "Is it cold in here?" joke. I don't want to make it sound worse than it was. But it still registered on my Richter scale of things that bother me.
Anyway, I wholeheartedly give Nimona a 5 out of 5. It helped me understand my friends on a deeper level and it was warm and funny and entertaining. There was a scene at the end that was so beautiful and heart-wrenching and I was crying my eyes out. The animation and the symbolism and the acting were just so perfect.
It's a shame Disney tried to kill this movie. But I am so glad it was allowed to exist despite that.
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