#at the end of the episode he's like “is this the right thing to do”

[bitstitchbitch]

my grandma’s doctor was negligent and kept upping her (needed) pain meds until she was taking something like twice the recommended maximum dose for her weight range. When she ended up at the hospital by a medical episode partially caused by the high dosage, the doctors started taking her off the meds and the withdrawal gave her some pretty serious psychosis for a few days - thankfully she was under medical supervision and also not very mobile due to her existing disabilities.

not psychosis, but my grandfather had a mental health break and just… walked himself to the hospital and none of us knew where he was for several days because psychiatric hospitals won’t release patients names. We were about to report him missing when he called us and let us know where he was (and I’d like to clarify that he did the right thing - he recognized that he wasn’t in control of himself and in crisis mode he did what he had to do)

these kind of things are more common in young people, but it can happen when you’re older, especially if you have other medical conditions or if you have extenuating circumstances (my grandfather was under a lot of stress for a lot of years)

Also my great grandmother was literally one of those “dementia patients wandering unattended down the street”, so I have great things to look forward to when I’m older. This might also be why I’m a little scared of developing psychosis at my current age (mid twenties), despite only have a great aunt with schizophrenia and no other family history

99% of "mysterious disappearances" esp of people in their 20s who start acting weird for 48 hours and then vanish are not mysterious, thats just when a lot of reality-obliterating mental illness tends to kick in and it's pretty easy to get a short circuit in your brain that makes you go family guy death pose in joshua tree national park. it's not any less tragic, it's just a documented phenomenon and not particularly predictable. its a big reason the medical advice is for people with a family history of schizophrenia to completely avoid weed and psychedelics. "people just go crazy sometimes" is a principle of human health that used to be a lot more accepted prior to the american midcentury and to a certain extent thats a healthier way to conceptualize and prepare for the risk, as opposed to the modern assertion that anyone acting weird is dangerous and broken forever.

[silencesscreams]

hiii, idk if ur still active but I love ur writing and I was wondering if u could maybe do a james smut with a Christmas theme! tyyy💓

Merry Christmas, I miss you

james potter x f!reader

summary: you and James have been broken up since Halloween. Until he calls you on Christmas Day after finding out that you both were spending the evening alone. (muggle+modern day au)

warnings: use of y/n, reader is shorter than James, swearing, smut (MDNI!), afab reader, nipple sucking, oral/fingering (f receiving), praise!!!, penetration, multiple orgasms(2), slight dom!james, reader has hair long enough to be stroked, kind of make-up sex tbh, unprotected + use of the pill, creampie, not proofread at all 😭

a/n: thank you so so much for requesting! I immediately thought of this song, hope you like it <3

You hated spending Christmas alone.

When your family was getting plane tickets two months ago, you said you’d spend Christmas with James, who also cancelled his plans with his family, just for him to break up with you two weeks later.

There was no one you could spend the end of year holidays with, all of your friends were with their families or together.

James absolutely hated the silence in his apartment.

Sirius and Remus were spending the holiday together at cabin they found online and Peter had gone home to his family.

James hated having brought this upon himself.

Were you with somebody else out there? Were you meeting their family? Were they in your apartment?

It was killing him.

What he hated most of all was breaking up with you during a stupid fight which he didn’t even remember the reason why it happened. He just remembers being drunk and stupid.

So he called Sirius, because that was what he usually did when things went to shit, and also because Sirius was close to you and he would probably know what James had been asking himself for the past hour.

The phone rang about six times until he finally picked up.

“What do you want?”

“What do you think y/n is doing right now?” He heard Sirius groan.

“Why do you care about what she’s doing?” James didn’t answer. “She’s alone at her place, don’t call her.”

“You think I should call her?” He decided to ignore any advice that went against whatever he wanted.

“God, he’s so fucking confusing.” he heard Remus say.

“Moony, do you think I should call her?”

“James, you’re going to do whatever you want, aren’t you?”

“Always, but that’s not the point.”

“Do what your heart says and leave us alone pleeeeaseee!” Sirius said and hung up.

James dialed your number on his phone, he memorized it so there was no real meaning to why he deleted it a while ago.

When you read the name on your phone’s screen once it started vibrating you thought you’d faint.

You wished that he had butt dialed you, or that maybe he called the wrong person. You knew you were wrong.

“James?” You said as you picked up and paused the TV in front of you.

“y/n. Hi, merry Christmas.” He sat up straight on the couch. “What are you doing?”

You couldn’t believe him.

“What?” You asked, even though you heard him clearly the first time.

“What are you doing tonight?”

So he was booty calling you on Christmas, was that it?

“I’m currently watching every single sitcom Christmas episode I can think of. You?”

“I’ve been staring at the ceiling for the past three hours. Are you by yourself?”

“Yes.” You replied, almost whispering. You couldn’t understand him.

“Me too. Can I come pick you up? We could maybe watch every single sitcom Christmas episode together. I have some food here.” He was already getting up and putting on his shoes outside of the apartment.

“Sure.”

You sighed after hanging up, what could go wrong? You’d go, you’d eat his food, you wouldn’t hook up with him and you’d be home by midnight. It was fine. Everything was under control.

Until you got into his car.

Until you felt his smell, the three in one shampoo that had the sweetest smell a three in one shampoo could ever have.

“Hey, you look great.” He said, looking at you as you put on the seatbelt.

“Thanks, you too.”

“Did you change your hair?” James asked, starting to drive.

“Kind of, yes.” You looked out the window and then back at him. “You look the same.”

He let out a small laugh. “I do.”

It was usually a 10 minute drive from your apartment to his, in which you awkwardly played with the hem of your skirt and made small talk.

“I have some frozen pizza at home, we could make popcorn too if you like, I bought one of those air popping machine things a few weeks ago. Actually, Sirius got that.” He said as he parked the car on the empty street in front of the apartment complex.

“I’d like that.”

Maybe you believed everything was still in control until you entered his apartment, the floor was cold and you left your shoes at the door. He locked it behind you.

“You remember the place don’t you?” You nodded. “There’s a few blankets and a sweater on the couch and you can turn on the TV if you want to. I’ll take the pizza out of the freezer and get the popcorn machine ready.”

You decided on starting with The Office’s season two Christmas episode, then you watch the other eight. Or you’d move to New Girl, then maybe Brooklyn 99, possibly Seinfeld.

“Bad news!” You heard James say from the kitchen. “Theres no corn to pop” he said, coming out and looking at you sitting on the couch.

“It’s alright, how about we watch this one and then I can help you out with the pizza?” You moved to the right side of the couch, inviting him to sit on your left.

You did realize you had no control over anything once he sat and instinctively wrapped his left arm around your shoulder. That might’ve also been when he realized he had no control.

“What are we watching?” He asked as you covered your legs with the blanket on the couch, he pulled some of it to himself and shared with you, your knees touching under it.

“I thought we could start by the office, we obviously won’t watch all of them, so we can move to New Girl afterwards, then maybe we could do Brooklyn 99 or Seinfeld because I know you like those two.” You looked at him and he hummed.

“That’s a good plan.” You smiled at him and started the episode.

When Micheal started talking about the Yankee Swap, James took his left arm from off your shoulder and put it under the covers to scratch his calf. You missed the feeling of him over your shoulders, until he rested his hand on your upper knee.

You felt your entire body go hot until the end of the episode, when he took the blanket from off you both and supported himself on your thigh to get up from the couch, ‘accidentally’ giving it a light squeeze. You thought you were about to go insane and paused the TV, maybe it really was a Christmas booty call.

“I only have pepperoni, if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t.”

“Can you put it in the oven? I’ll get us something to drink.”

“Sure.” He brushed his hand against your waist as he moved behind you to open the fridge.

“There’s Diet Coke, wine and orange juice.” He looked back at you.

“Wine.” You answered, watching him take the bottle out along with a can of Coke.

“Aren’t you going to drink with me?” You grabbed two glasses from the cupboard and moved next to him.

“I have to drive you home.” He smiled at you.

“Maybe you shouldn’t.” You smiled back at him.

“I can’t let you walk or uber home.” He put your hair behind your ear.

“I could crash here, if there’s space for me.” You almost whispered, looking at him doe eyed.

“There’s always space for you in my bed.” He stated, his voice low as he poured wine into both of the glasses.

He watched you take a sip and realized you were holding back a laugh.

“What is it?” He smiled.

“This sucks.” You giggled softly. He took a sip from his glass and made a face.

“Oh my god,” he laughed “you have to blame Remus though, I don’t think I bought wine more than once in my entire life.” You smiled, remembering the bottle he brought to your house on your third date. He moved closer to you, resting his hands on your waist.

“I’m sorry about the wine.” He whispered and you felt his breathing against your face, you hummed and looked up at him, moving your hands to the back of his neck, gently stroking his hair.

“Fuck.” He whispered, looking into your eyes. He slowly leaned in, you could feel your heartbeat as he got closer to you. You felt his lips brush against yours and then his phone’s alarm went off, scaring the both of you.

“The damn pizza” he muttered, turning off the oven but not taking the food out. You leaned against the counter and looked at James, who put his hands on your waist again, asking you “Where were we?”, making you laugh for the first time in a while.

You threw your hands over his neck as he hugged you so tightly that you thought maybe you both could merge into one.

“I missed you.” You whispered into his ear.

“Yeah?” He teased you and you hummed. “I missed you so much, love.” He started kissing your neck, holding you tightly by your lower waist.

“I’m so sorry. For everything.” He pulled away, looking into your eyes. “Let me make it up to you, please.” You nodded.

He brought his lips to yours and kissed you quickly.

“Use your words.” He muttered against your mouth and your breath hitched.

“Yes, please.” You replied and he brought his lips back against yours, this time you parted your mouth and he let his tongue slip into it. His lips moved hungrily against yours, the hands on your waist quickly moving to cup your ass firmly. Before you knew it, you were moving against him, glad you’d chosen to wear a skirt as breathy moans slipped from your lips against his.

All of a sudden James pulled his lips away from yours,

“Go to my room, I’ll be there in a second.” He said, pointing to the corridor.

You left the door open and sat on his bed, waiting for him. Everything was the same, except for the photograph of the both of you he had framed and left on his desk, which was now nowhere to be seen. He came into the room with something behind his back.

“I got this for you in November, in case we saw each other today. I know it’s not much but it reminded me of you.” He handed you a black corduroy box, which had a gold necklace with a small heart pendant.

“Oh James, this is so pretty.” You looked at him smiling and closing the box and putting it on his nightstand “I’ll put it on later, thank you so much.”

“Let me make everything up to you, I truly am sorry.” He said, taking off his glasses and sitting in front of you on the bed. You put your hands behind his neck and pulled him in, kissing him gently as he moved closer to you, his knee between your legs.

You laid down and his mouth started to make its way to your neck, giving it soft kisses then gently biting and sucking, making sure to leave a few marks. Meanwhile, his hands trailed their way to your breasts, going under your already loose bra and playing with your nipples. He quickly helped you take off your shirt, also removing his own.

James quickly kissed your mouth and started to trail small kisses from it to your right nipple, which he brought to his mouth and sucked on, nipping at it with his front teeth every once in a while, meanwhile his left hand stimulated your other nipple.

Your hands moved to his hair, stroking it and tugging on it every once in a while, leading to groans that would send vibrations to your breasts.

Suddenly, he pressed his knee against your damp underwear as you desperately tried to get more friction from it, until he held down your hips.

“Let me help you, baby.” he hummed against your chest. “I’m going to take care of you, don’t worry.”

He helped you take off your skirt as you raised your hips, tossing it next to the bed and kissing your tummy, making his way down to your underwear, lowering it and kissing the skin right above your slit, almost where you needed him the most. He started to kiss your inner thighs, going up to your clothed core, pressing another kiss right on top of your covered clit, making you moan as he took off your panties, carefully placing them on top of your skirt on the floor.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, his breath fanning against your pussy.

He started slowly at first, licking from your entrance to your clit, sucking it in the most careful way he could. Until you couldn’t hold back your moaning and you remembered how James Potter gave head like a starved man.

He held your thighs open as he sucked on your sensitive bud and fucked two fingers into you, making your back arch and causing you release the most incoherent sentences from your mouth, a mix of swearing, the word god and his name, but really, in that moment, the later two were probably the same to you.

Your hands tugged onto his hair as you reached your high, he looked up at you and kept stimulating your clit with his thumb, inserting a third finger into your hole.

“Cum for me, honey.” He said, sensing you were close to your high and going back to sucking your bud.

Your eyes rolled back in pleasure as you moaned out his name, squeezing his head in between your thighs as he carried you through your orgasm.

Once you were finished, James moved up to kiss you. His mouth moving hungrily against yours.

“I want you.” you said as you pulled away, looking into his eyes.

“You already have me, sweetheart.” He smiled, getting up to get something to clean you up with. You pulled him back by the wrist.

“No, I want you in me. Please. ‘Need more.” You said lowly, giving him a quick peck.

“You sure?” You knew he wanted it too, he just wanted to make you feel good and forget about himself for the rest of the night.

“Yes, please James.” You replied, pulling him by the wrist again once he went to reach for a condom in the nightstand drawer. “I want to feel you. I’m on the pill, please.”

He smiled, taking off his sweatpants and going on top of you, his knees pressed against the mattress next to your thighs as he kissed you, tilting your head to deepen it.

He started kissing your neck, giving soft pecks on the marks he had left behind earlier, while taking his length out of his underwear and lining himself up against your entrance, teasing you with his tip as you practically begged him to get inside of you.

“Patience, baby.” He muttered, slowly starting to thrust into your needy hole whilst pulling your right leg up and bending it, almost making your leg shin touch your thigh as he tried to go as deep as possible.

You couldn’t help but moan out his name once he started thrusting and kept hitting the most perfect spot he could whilst stimulating your bean with his thumb. You clenched around his cock as he started to thrust rapidly into you.

“That’s it baby, you’re doing so good.” He’d whisper in between grunts in your ear while you scratched his back in pleasure. “So- mhm so good for me, baby.” He said, his mouth clashing against yours, his tongue entering your mouth as you opened it. You clenched your pussy around him and you both can’t help but moan into each other’s mouths, his thrusts getting faster and his grunts and moans only louder, showing you how close he also is.

You felt your second orgasm building up as he pinched your clit and you squealed onto his tongue, your teeth clashing, causing him to pull away and smile against your mouth, his teeth against your lips.

“Are you close, princess?” He whispered and you replied with a nod, your nose against his cheek. He thrusted quickly and made circular motions on your clit at the same pace. “Hm, cum for me baby, cum on my cock.” He commanded as you reached your second high, pulling him in by the back of his neck to kiss you again. The kiss was sloppy as he shot his load into you and you clenched around him, his thrusts faltering.

He collapsed right next to you, grabbing his glasses on the bedside table to look at you properly.

“You’re so beautiful.” He praised you, smiling as he stroked your hair. “Thank you for picking up. Thank you for being here. For everything.” He whispered.

“Thank you for calling.” You smiled.

“The pizza’s probably cold.” He muttered, looking at his bedroom door.

“I don’t care.” You gave him a peck. “Merry Christmas, James.”

“Merry Christmas, love.”

[verboselocket38]

To be fair the only reason cheating is ok in recent episode is because it's supposed to parallel Stella & Stolas situation so he's feeling some type of way about it if they didn't have that going on I'm sure they'll be fine with killing them and also aren't they supposed to be a little emotionally grown right now according to Viv or something? 😗 maybe idk and super unpopular opinion don't come at me but cheating isn't a big deal like I heard one guy say once "Who hasn't cheated at least once" It doesn't take away hurt but it's very common and cheating isn't the worst thing someone can do imo genuinely not trying to start a fire but people act like cheating is a crime like how they treated that Berry dude or whatever with Sabrina Carpenter or the Try Guys dude (I don't know his name)

.....Dude what the hell?

Ok first off, just because the cheating is a parallel to Stella and Stolas doesnt mean that The cheating the husband did WAS OK!!!!

Second, if ANYONE says "cheating isnt a big deal 🙄" then they should not be in a relationship EVER. Because your breaking the trust of your partner and not only hurting your partner's feelings, but suprise suprise, YOUR HURTING THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU!!

JUST BECAUSE CHEATING ISNT "the worse thing a person can do" or "is common" DOES NOT MEAN ITS RIGHT! ITS STILL A BAD THING AND SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE A BAD THING.

Do you know the people who haven't cheated once or more when in a relationship? ALOT OF PEOPLE! The ones who do cheat are toxic who dont consider their partner's feelings or the people around them.

IF ANYONE CHEATS WITH YOU, DONT STAY WITH THEM! THEY JUST PROVEN THAT THEY DONT CARE ABOUT YOU FEELINGS WHILE SEEING SOMEONE BEHIND YOUR BACK! ANYONE WHO GETS CHEATED ON HAS THE RIGHT TO BE FURIOUS, SAD, EMBARESSED, HEARTBROKEN, OR ANY OTHER EMOTIONS THEY COULD FEEL WHEN THE PERSON THEY THOUGHT LOVED THEM DECIDED TO FIND SOMEONE ELSE IN THEIR PLACE!

Given how you worded this, you probably havent been cheated on in your life, and genually its a huge red flag to believe cheating is "No big deal."

If you still dont believe me, let me put it like this for the Stolas stans:

If Stolas cheated on Blitzø with Vassago or some other man whatever tf his name is, you'd probably be singing a different tune.

To end this, I just want to say don't come to my blog defending CHEATING and acting like its no big deal. Go somewhere else.

[galgali]

just gonna answer all of these bc i want to hope that's cool

like everyone else my favorite episode is 25 😔 (special shoutout to the last ten minutes of episode 37 though that is one of the best show endings i've ever seen in my life)

like rem. i'd be all over that

honestly for a while

i want to answer this but the opposite way-- i think kabru from dungeon meshi would thrive in death note skjfgdfjg (and light would make a great trigun villain)

sooo many (death note is a comedy) but probably the funniest sequence to me in the whole thing is when they're at school and light calls misa to get L's name and is incredibly smug and maniacal about it and then L picks up the phone

first one of course

light 😔

GOD.... WHY DID I ALMOST TEAR UP AT L'S DEATH EVEN WHEN I KNEW THAT WOULD HAPPEN FOR OVER A DECADE... THAT WAS CRAZY

my FAAAAVORITE light yagami song is bird song by florence + the machine. it's so so so so him it's crazy i can't believe there's not a billion amvs of it

matsuda OBVIOUSLY. also naomi and honestly L like that would be so funny

omg the end of the yotsuba arc where everyone on the task force starts touching the death note and everyone can see the shinigami was crazy i loved how that was done. but also as someone who somehow was not spoiled on what misa's actual role is and only knew her as "light's girlfriend or something" for 12 years, finding out that she also has a death note was surprising and so cool!

read the hinterland doctrine NOW. YES ALL 700K. CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULE AND DO IT RIGHT NOW.

i'm clinically insane over lawlight sorry. also a big remisa fan though

adult sayu....? i guess....? 😭

oh ABSOLUTELY matsuda obviously but also deeply ryuk. i'm also here to laugh at everything, go "oh you're crazy crazy" to light yagami, and pester people to feed me my favorite food

the entirety of light's warehouse speech because the voice acting for it is insanely good, and especially the "who else could have done it and come this far?" line

literally how shinigami use the death note. which is crazy because that's the whole premise but i feel like that's so weirdly unexplained?? like ryuk says that shinigami are doing fuckall in their realm and not even killing humans anymore but isn't being reaped by a shinigami how humans die? clearly people were still dying like normal before light got the note?? we never see any shinigami do "regularly scheduled" death note kills at all so HOW is ANY of this working

PERIWINKLEEEEEEE ☺️ (also they do in the jdrama! misa's is red it's so cute)

CUNTY! i'd need some strappy goth fit that could also double as charli xcx concert clothing

SALT AND VINEGARRRRR

other than some stupid posts here and there, the one i'm currently working on is a fic where L uses the death note and i'm very pleased with the idea... time will tell if i do anything with it

that mello and near are meant to represent L's two halves-- emotion and logic respectively

the rain/foot scene in the anime, but the entire blue scene in the jdrama. god. i'm not over that. there's soooo much you can read into for both of those scenes

misa of courseeee

episode 2 :') episode 1 was already fun but episode 2 was where it REALLY grabbed me. i LOVED seeing the set-up of light versus L and how the lind l. tailor thing + the resulting SCATHING call-out that followed played out. i was just having so, so, so much fun with it and continued to have a lot of fun with it

my favorite character is unfortunately light so everything bad that happened to him i was cheering for and he deserved it buuuuut if i had to pick a saddest thing to happen. i really adore everything about his death and there is something undeniably tragic about the scene where he runs past the vision of his younger self. i love that light, corrupted beyond belief, bleeding out and running away like a coward, has to face the memory of who he was before he ruined himself forever, and has to face just how much he's fallen and lost everything. it's incredibly cathartic for the audience to see light finally have to recognize that he's failed beyond redemption, even minutes before his death

💀🪽🥱->📕🌏->📕👦-> 💀💀💀💀💀💀->🇱🤔->🇱👦->🇱🔗👦->🏳️‍🌈❓->👦🫱📕->⌚🖊️->🇱💀->👦🥳->👦🪦💃->💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀���💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀->🇳➕Ⓜ️🟰💀🪽🖊️👦📕->👦💀->🥳

oh my godddd picking just one is so hard when death note honestly has some of my favorite official art of anything ever. i just love the style of it, the colors, and the imagery used. so i'll just use a recent favorite which is:

29. THE 2015 JDRAMA.... i jokingly call it death note stampede because it feels like a remix of the source material in a similar way as trigun stampede, but as with stampede, i also really love it. for the most part the differences it makes are pretty interesting and i think it stands really well on its own. while i love how unapologetically evil canon light is i also love how tortured light is in this one and how much desperation is in his relationship with L. it's a fascinating take on death note! (and in many ways, a much more cohesive one) also a huge fan of the musical though

30. REM.... i love her so much. i would say naomi but i've yet to read the bb case (SORRY I WILL I PROMISE). also kiyomi had such fascinating potential but o&o are too misogynist to do anything about it 🥲 the pattern here is just female characters.

Favorite chapter/episode?

If you had a Death Note, what would you want your Shinigami to look like?

How long do you think you could get away with hiding a Death Note?

If your favorite character weren’t in Death Note, what anime/manga do you think they would thrive in?

A scene that makes you laugh.

Which is your favorite opening?

Your favorite kira?

The death that affected you the most.

What song(s) fit the vibe of your favorite character?

A character you would hang out with irl.

What moment surprised you the most?

What is a fanwork (edit, fic, art, etc.) that you still think about to this day? (Pls link to the original!)

Favorite ships?

What character do you think you look the most like?

Which character’s personality do you relate to?

A line from the series that stuck with you.

A question that was never answered, but you wonder about all the time.

If Death Notes came in different colors, what color would yours to be?

What would be your staple kira catching outfit?

Favorite potato chip flavor?

A Death Note fanwork that you’ve made and are proud of.

A favorite Death Note theory.

Your favorite interaction.

Who do you think had the best style?

At what point did you fall in love with Death Note?

Saddest moment for your favorite character.

Lay out the plot of Death Note using only emojis.

Favorite official art.

Favorite Death Note Spin off media.

A character that needs to be mentioned more.  

[mwagneto]

i have a lot of things to say but to keep it short moffat's writing so often completely lacks emotional weight, either because he fails to insert it or because he removes it without realising

as an example of the former, both the women in this episode have scenes where the sad music swells and everyone's crying and you're meant to be sad along with them, her mum died, the doctor's leaving, they're sad conceptually but i couldn't help sitting there and thinking... i just don't care about this. you've failed to write characters or scenes i can get emotionally invested in and instead reached for the cheapest tricks available (universally relatable sad concepts such as dying parent or ending friendship) and figured that would be enough to elicit a reaction. this is something he comes back to countless times, which i don't want to dwell on here but once you notice he's doing it, it's everywhere.

as for the latter, take the death of trev. he's a likable guy and watching him slowly dying would be quite sad but my immediate thought wasn't "aw oh no :( " it was that i have seen an unfortunate amount of moffat media and all his doctor who episodes so i am 100% certain that this isn't trev's actual end, that somehow his consciousness is gonna get uploaded to a database and live on, so there's no point being sad for him. and what do you know, like 20 minutes later they confirm i was right, which the doctor and the audience learns at the same time (except the doctor learns he's alive before he even learns he died, so he never even has to mourn). moffat's completely removed any kind of weight regarding the character's lives since he never actually just up and kills anyone so his stakes are impossible to take seriously.

[chlix]

treatment resistant

bf! chan x fem! reader: he comforts you during a mental health episode

pairing: chan x reader

genre: ANGST like seriously, turns into comfort at the end tho 🙏🏾

word count: 4.7k

warnings: graphic depictions of depression, anxiety/anxiety attacks, and psychosis (paranoia); self worth issues; general self-loathing

a/n: i wrote this in one sitting about six months ago and deliberated posting it, but it's almost the end of the year so i feel like i should release it. i used to feel so validated by fics where reader is depressed and gets comforted, but she was never as depressed as i sometimes was, so i drew a bit from life for this one. everyone please be safe and read the warnings <3

It doesn't start with the dishes. In fact, you think your therapist might tell you that it's not about the dishes at all, but about your own poor self-image, or lack of emotional regulation, or about a thousand other things that are wrong with the way you perceive yourself and the world.

The truth is that lately you've been sleeping way too late and waking up too early, and you're so tired that you can't eat, which makes you so hungry that you can't take naps. You're between jobs and the outlook hasn't been great, your best friend keeps blowing you off in favor of her new boyfriend, and just this week you found out that your favorite bakery is no longer making the souffles that you've been using as a pick me up since you moved into this building.

You don't do well with change, or rejection, or honestly anything, lately. You wake up stressed and you go to sleep stressed. You keep your phone on Do Not Disturb because you can't bear receiving notifications. Just today you've talked yourself out of taking showers twice, only to have a meltdown when you tried to sit on your bed because you felt too dirty to touch your own sheets. You sit on the floor instead. You eat a singular banana for lunch, just to make your headache go away. Your headache does not go away. You feel both unreal and painfully solid, sinking into the ground and on the verge of floating away.

Your boyfriend, Chan, keeps texting you updates about his day, and answering them feels like an exercise in performance art. You scroll through your previous texts to make sure you're adding the right amount of exclamation points, that you're using the same recent emojis. It's like cosplaying a happier version of yourself. A better version, a version that he could love, as opposed to how you are now: greasy and gross and plastered to the floor in your hallway. The idea of him seeing you like this fills you terror, or at least it would if you hadn't burned out your capacity for feeling things already.

A new message pops up.

Chan: Hey baby ❤️ Was thinking of swinging by tonight after work? I can bring dinner with me

Just the thought of eating threatens to make you vomit. You suck in a breath and hold it as you type,

You: If you want something specific go for it! I already started cooking but we could have it another time

Chan: I don't want to waste all your hard work. We can have what you're making. I'm sure it'll be delicious :)

You: I can promise edible. Delicious is up in the air rn 😭

Chan: I have faith in you even if you don't ❤️. I'll be there around seven today

You: Okay! I love you sm, see you then! ❤️❤️❤️

You lock your phone and throw it across the room. Why do you do this to yourself? "Already started cooking?" You haven't showered today.  Normally you try to deter Chan from coming over when you're having a freakazoid episode, but now you've basically invited him in? You have to be normal for an entire evening?

You fall on your back on the ground and put your hands over your face, blocking out the sunshine that insists on steaming through the cracks in the drapes. Your heart is beating so hard you worry you're going into cardiac arrest.

Get off the fucking ground, y/n, you tell yourself. You have to go cook dinner for your boyfriend.

"There is something very wrong with me," you say out loud, very quietly. The silence of your apartment swallows the words. They vanish, as if never said.

You get up.

It takes you two tries to make something even passing as edible. Your head is all over the place, and you burn batches of oil and veggies before you manage to stay in your body long enough to finish making anything. It takes an embarrassing amount of pans and spoons and bowls to make something that should be simple, and as dishes pile up in the sink you feel stupider and stupider. Why are you acting like you don't know how to cook? It's not hard to make some vegetables in stew. You don't know why it's taking every appliance in your kitchen and all of your concentration to execute such a simple task.

By the time you're done cooking, you've stressed yourself out enough that you're getting a tension headache. You close your eyes and brace yourself against the sink, rallying yourself.

Just do these dishes and then you can sit down, you think. Just one more thing.

You pick up a sponge.

You put the sponge down.

There is no way you can do these dishes.

It doesn't so much hit you like a train as the realization slowly creeps up on you. It's not that many dishes, really. It looks like a lot, because the pots and bowls are so large, but numerically there's very few items in your sink. It wouldn't even take 30 minutes to clean everything and leave it in the rack for later.

But that's not happening. The idea fills you with a cold and genuine dread, just as strong and perverse as when you'd tried to shower earlier, or sit on your bed. You can't turn on the tap because then the water will touch you, and it will feel Wrong, and then your whole body will feel Wrong, and then you'll die of Sudden Onset Wrongness. And now that you think about it, a lot of your anxiety today has revolved around water, and isn't that a symptom of rabies? Hydrophobia? Did you get rabies somehow? Would you know if you had rabies? Maybe that's the thing that's wrong with you- you're not depressed or insane or just a terrible person living a terrible life. You're just rabid. There's something eating your brain, and that's what's making you into such a fucking failure of a person.

While you're debating the possibility of brain-eating viruses, Chan comes home from work. You automatically turn towards him, a bright smile on your face, and rush to greet him.

"Hey, Channie!" you say, bouncing over to him with a pep you do not feel. "I'm so happy you're here!"

And you are, mostly. You love your boyfriend, really you do. He's loving and attentive, and he's never made you feel like anything less than the number one priority in his life. You have similar values and work ethics, which keeps you on the same page through most difficult periods in either of your lives and careers. You haven't been together long, but your bond is solid, and you really believe you're going to make it far together.

You also really believe you won't if he ever finds out what a complete nutcase you are. So you hide it. You grin at him and you appear light and joyful and easygoing and you brush off his concerns with adages and placations, and you redirect the conversation back to him, because you're a good listener and you love the sound of his voice and you much prefer that activity to any activity that involves you explaining how you laid on the floor for five hours and had an emotional breakdown while slicing cabbage. He has other things to worry about, other problems to solve without adding yourself to the list. You're supposed to be his respite, not another draining task. He doesn't need to know how hard it's been lately. You shouldn't have to say it.

So he doesn't. And you don't.

"Hey baby," he says. He sets his stuff down and kisses you in greeting. "How was your day?"

"Okay," you say. The answer feels curt, but you don't want to ruminate any more on your absolutely fruitless afternoon.

Chan doesn't comment on your strange answer. He takes his shoes off and hangs up his coat, and as he's about to walk past you he spots the mountain of dishes in the kitchen.

"Oh, were you about to do the dishes? I can do them if you'd like."

"You just got home," you protest. "You should go sit down."

"But you've been standing just as long cooking dinner, right? I should do my part."

His insistence is making something terrible expand in your gut. Instead of being flattered at his offer to help, his words feel like a violent condemnation. You should've done the dishes before he got home. You should've finished cleaning the kitchen altogether, so that he can relax in a clean environment. What kind of stupid fucking girlfriend are you, where you can't even do basic chores around the house?

"No, it's okay. I already psyched myself up to do them, so I'll do them."

Chan hums in a tone that's either playful or mocking, you genuinely can't tell which. "Okay, if you say so. Don't be afraid to tap out if the dishes get the better of you."

Great. He thinks you're so stupid you couldn't do the dishes if you tried.

You subtly regulate your breathing as you turn towards the sink. Chan disappears into the apartment out of view, and you give yourself thirty seconds to push your freak-out as far down inside you as you can.

"You're not an idiot, y/n," you tell yourself. "You can do some fucking dishes."

You reach under the sink and pull out some disposable plastic gloves. They make your hands look weirdly swollen and unfamiliar, as if they aren't your hands anymore. For a bizarre moment, you're convinced that they're genuinely not, that someone else's hands have been put on your body. You close your eyes so hard sparks fly in front of you.

Stop being crazy. Do the fucking dishes.

You turn on the water and pick up a bowl.

Chan reappears. You flash him a smile, but say nothing. Chan grins back, all dimples and crescent eyes. He's so handsome it makes you want to rip your own skin off. You thank God every day that you were born beautiful, because you could never have caught his attention with your personality alone. He'd be completely out of your league, and honestly, maybe he still is.

That thought gets shut down and pushed away. One crisis at a time. You don't have hands and you might have rabies, but you definitely have a boyfriend who loves you. There's no point in kicking yourself while you're down.

You turn back to the sink.

You cannot do these fucking dishes.

"Work was funny today," Chan says as he moves over to the stove and opens the pot.

"Mm?"

"Just some technical issues in the studio. Nothing serious, but it gave us some good bloopers."

You pick up a glass cup. You can see your reflection mirrored back at you in the curve, and your eyes are so wide. Have they always been that wide? Are your eyes drier these days than they normally are? You can't tell, because every part of you feels both dehydrated and submerged under water.

"This is really good, babe," Chan says.

You blink. "What?"

Chan holds up his bowl. "The stew. It's great. I told you it would be delicious."

You let out a pleased sound. "Thank you baby. Your encouragement really motivated me."

It was the wrong thing to say. You have no idea how, but from the way Chan's expression changes slightly as he looks at you, you know he's caught on to you acting weird.

"Is everything alright?"

Shit.

"With me? Yeah, I guess so. I've just been really tired lately."

"On the job hunt?" he asks sympathetically. It's like a stake in your heart.

"As always."

He wraps an arm around you and presses a kiss to your hair. "Don't worry, baby. You're super qualified in your field. You'll find something soon."

You need him to stop touching you or you'll start throwing pans at the wall.

"I hope so," is all you say.

"I know so. Just keep faith."

You hum again, noncommittal. It's like you're slowly losing the ability to speak. And the gloves are too tight and the water is so loud and you're nauseous and your head still hurts and it's probably not even the stress, it's probably the rabies, it's turning your brain into swiss cheese as you speak.

After another tight squeeze, Chan lets you go and retrieves his bowl from where he'd set it down. You hope he might leave you to go eat in the living room, but instead he hovers on the opposite side of the island, and continues telling you about his day. Normally, you'd love to hear the play by play of every crazy thing that happened with his group members and managers. Today, it's like nails on a chalkboard. The story is endless, keeps weaving around other anecdotes and tangents and you wish he would just shut up for one second so you can pull yourself together but you can't say that, because he isn't doing anything wrong, you're just being crazy, you're a bad and lazy girlfriend and you can't even put your own issues on hold long enough to listen to your boyfriend talk about his day. Everything is wrong wrong wrong, and you're Wrong and something is Wrong With You and it just keeps going it never stopswhy can't it all just stop-

"Y/N?"

Your name sounds like it's coming from a thousand miles away.

"Y/N? Are you okay?"

You turn to look at Chan, see his eyebrows pinched together in concern. You have no idea how long he's been saying your name.

Very calmly, you strip your gloves off and lay them to the side. You turn off the water.

"Sorry," you say. "Give me one moment, please."

You walk past him and down the hall to your bedroom, where you very calmly and gently close the door behind yourself. You climb on to your bed, filthy clothes and all, and pull two of the pillows from the end to rest on top of each other. You tie your hair back with a hair tie, press your face into the stack of pillows below you so that your whole face is covered.

And you just start screaming.

Screaming is therapeutic, apparently. Or at least, it's on the approved list of emotional regulation activities your therapist had given you. As long as you aren't screaming at anyone, it can be an effective form of release. It helps you release the tension from your core and focus that nervous energy into sound and action.

You scream into the pillow as loud as you can. You aren't sure how much it's doing to muffle your sound, but the belief that it's helping allows you to let go. It's tearing at your throat, the intensity of it. Once you start it's hard to stop, you just keep going and going and going, as if you're expelling demons.

When you finally peter out, you pause for a moment, then push yourself onto your knees. You're dizzy. Blood is rushing in your ears. It's oddly hard to breathe, as if you can't get enough air in your lungs. Even the fact of your own body is too much for you. You wish you could abandon it, just for a moment. You wish you could observe this from the outside so that you would better know how to fix it.

Eventually, your breaths calm. The buzzing recedes, leaving room for rational thought. And your chest feels....lighter. No longer is there a bomb sitting in your sternum, waiting to explode. The pressure has equalized. You look down at your hands, fisted in your bedsheets, and they look like your hands.

Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool.

You think you can probably do the dishes now.

Gingerly, you climb out of bed and make your way to the door. You open it, prepared to put your smile back on and apologize for your rude exit.

Chan is outside your door.

His eyes are wide with alarm. He looks stiff, hesitant. One of his hands is outstretched towards the door, as if about to knock.

Your face goes blank, wiring short-circuiting as you try to figure out what to say.

"Hey, y/n," Chan says, slow, testing. "Are you okay?"

Your script restarts, and a big smile automatically draws itself on your face. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry about that. I just got a little overwhelmed."

"Overwhelmed?"

"Yeah. It's fine, though. Come on, you can finish telling me your story."

You grab his hand and try to pull him away from the bedroom. He doesn't budge.

"Will you tell me what's going on?"

You turn back to look at him. "Nothing's going on."

"Baby, I understand if you don't want to talk to me about it yet. But you don't need to pretend there's nothing wrong. You don't need to lie to me."

"I'm not lying."

"I heard you screaming in there."

Ice flushes through your body.

"Ah. Well, it's like I said. I got a little overwhelmed. I'm not hurt or anything. Sorry if I worried you."

"A little overwhelmed?" He's getting frustrated now, put off by your blase tone. "You look like you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown."

"No, I don't," you say, because you don't. You know what you look like when you get like this. You've trained your expressions so well that your face doesn't flush. Your eyes don't tear up. You have to look put together, because if you don't look put together then you can't convince yourself that you are put together.

"Y/n. I know you. I can tell when something's up." He sighs. "I've thought you were a bit distant for the past couple of weeks but I figured you would come to me eventually. But here we are, and you're having an anxiety attack right in front of me and you won't even admit it."

"I'm not having an anxiety attack."

"Love, I know what anxiety looks like. If you'd just let me help-"

"I'm not having an anxiety attack. I don't have anxiety. I would know if I did."

"Everyone has bad days and hard times, baby. You don't have to be defensive. I'm not accusing you of anything."

"You say you're not accusing me of anything after unilaterally diagnosing me with anxiety?"

Chan lets out a long breath. "That wasn't what I meant. I just mean-"

"You can't just assign me disorders when you decide I'm acting irrationally. You don't know my medical history. You don't even know me that well. You don't know if my behavior is normal or not."

"You can't be getting upset at me for 'not knowing you' when it's clear you're actively hiding things from me," Chan says, patience thinning. "I see you're in distress and you're picking apart my wording? I'm trying to help you."

"I didn't say I wanted your help."

"You're my partner! Of course I'm going to help you!"

"You can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because-" You choke on it and slam your lips shut.

Chan's face is drawn in irritation. He makes a go on gesture. But you can't go on. It's like the words are trapped in bubbling tar.

Your silence stretches. Chan sighs and drags a hand down his face in exhaustion. He'd gone out of his way to come visit you and now he regrets it. You've wasted his evening and ruined his mood. It's only a matter of time before he realizes you ruin everything. Hell realize he's drowning in all your mess and decide to save himself, and then you'll be alone again.

You draw in a breath of your own, but you're still lightheaded.

"Why did you invite me over if you didn't want me to see you like this?" he asks finally. "You don't have to see me every day if that's not what you want."

All the anger is gone from his voice. He's being so patient that your own stubbornness is acrid in comparison. You swallow, hard. Every muscle in your body is tense. You have the pull the words out of your throat with hooks, one syllable at a time.

"I wanted to see you," you explain, stilted and pathetic. "I thought I could pretend for long enough."

"Pretend what?"

That I'm not crazy. That I'm not falling apart. That I'm normal and easygoing and a joy to be around and definitely not rabid.

It's impossible to say. You don't know what's wrong with you, but you know that something is. You can't do the dishes. And you can't do this.

Your knees buckle and you sink to the floor of the hallway.

"Y/n?"

You don't respond. You're just staring straight ahead, all your thoughts whirring so fast that you're having trouble parsing any of them.

"Y/n? Hey, baby, sweetheart, can you look at me?"

You blink, and he's in front of you, on your level. He's trying to look calm but you can see the panic in his eyes. It only makes your chest tighter. You're dragging him down, you're cursing him. He needs to get out or you'll have his blood on your hands.

"We need to break up," you whisper.

Chan reels back like he's been slapped. "What?"

"We can't- we need to break up. I shouldn't have invited you over. I'm sorry."

"I..." Chan is at a loss for words. "You don't mean that."

But you do mean it. With everything in your body. "We can't be together."

"Baby, I don't know what you're thinking, but we don't have to break up if you don't want to. I don't want to break up."

You feel sick with his sureness. How can he claim to know you better than you know yourself?

"You don't get it," you say. Your tone is unnatural, words strange on your tongue. "We just can't be together."

"Can you tell me why you feel that way?"

"Just look at me."

"I am looking at you. And all I see is my beautiful, wonderful, perfect girlfriend who is having a very bad day and might be making some hasty decisions."

"Not a bad day. A bad life. I'm fucked up, Chan." The words come out with such a quiet malice that it shocks even yourself. "I can't even do the fucking dishes."

"I can do the dishes, love. I said it wasn't a big deal."

"No no no. It's not about the dishes." You're struggling to explain- the words are getting twisted, the thoughts all merge together- "I can't do anything. It's not about the fucking dishes. It's about- I can't-"

And you burst into tears

"I'm sorry," you say. "I'm really sorry. I just-"

"It's okay," he soothes. "It's okay. I understand now."

He doesn't. He can't, and you know that full well. You shake your head, vision blurring from your tears. You're so embarassed and it's making you cry worse. You think you must look so ugly right now. He must be repulsed by you. You're repulsed by yourself, your own misery making your skin crawl.

"Can I touch you, baby? I want to hold you."

You shouldn't. You'll infect him. You'll ruin him and take away everything that makes him good. Why is he even still talking to you? Why doesn't he leave?

"You don't have to-to feel obligated. I can just- if you give me a second-"

"I don't feel obligated," he says, patient but firm. "I love you. I want to hold you all the time."

Something in your chest cracks. You're so weak. It's pathetic. But you can't hold yourself back anymore.

"Please," you whisper, defeated.

Chan reaches out and pulls you into his arm. You're both still on the ground, but he rearranges you so you can hide your face in his shoulder, and you do, too humiliated by your tears to be able to look at his face. He presses a kiss to the top of your head and your traitorous body relaxes without your permission.

"You've been struggling for a long time haven't you?" he asks. "You didn't want me to pity you."

You don't say anything. You can't bear to.

"Well, I don't pity you. I think you're very strong, trying to deal with this on your own. You made me dinner today even though you didn't really want to, right? That was very kind of you to do. You take such good care of me, baby. You light up my life. Isn't it fair that I should get to take care of you too? Can't I return the favor by helping you now?"

"It's not the same," you mumble into his shirt, because the magnitude of the two asks isn't comparable. You chopped up some vegetables and threw them in a pot. He is witnessing you have a mental breakdown in your hallway. You're not equally yoked. It's too much to ask of anyone.

"Whether it's the same or not doesn't matter. Love isn't transactional. It doesn't have to be equal effort every single time. This isn't a favor I'm returning. I'm comforting you because you're upset, and I hate to see you cry. Do you believe me when I say I want to see you happy and smiling? That I would do anything to ensure it?"

You finally pull away from him, wiping away your tears on your sleeve. "You might have to go find a new girlfriend then," you say, voice cracking from the tears and the weight of your despair.

"I don't want a new girlfriend. I want you." He's hesitant, but he continues. "There are ways of getting help, you know. We can try some things, like therapy, or medication. I can help you. You don't have to feel this way all the time."

You shake your head. "I'm in therapy and on meds already. None of it really....works on me. I have fewer bad days than I used to but they still leave me like...like this. And they just drag on....it turns to weeks and months, and I can't....I can't do anything." You let out a shaky breath and make yourself stop talking. Even after all this, the urge to hold back is engrained in you. "You deserve better."

"I think I decide what I deserve," Chan says. "I know it's hard to open up about things like this, but what's worse than you being depressed is you hiding it from me. How can we work on this if you're pretending it's not real?"

"I wanted to be good for you. I wanted to be...to be easy."

Chan leans forward and cups your face in his hands. He looks you right in the eyes, and you see that they're glossy with their own unshed tears. "I don't need you to be easy. No one is. I just want you to be you. And I want you to let me be there for you. In everything. Including this. I want all of you. Do you think you can do that? Can you try?" He wipes away your tears with his thumb.

You swallow harshly. It goes against everything in you, everything you've taught yourself. Chan loves you. He wants to stay. Even though it may all crash and burn later, even though he might still turn on you or reject you or give up on you and declare this all a lost cause, right now he wants to stay. He believes in you. And you want to hold on to that belief as long as it lasts.

"Okay. I'll try."

A relieved smile stretches across his face.

"That's my girl," he says, and presses a kiss to your forehead. It makes something like pride settle in your chest, as if the part of you that cracked earlier might not stay jagged forever.

"Let's get off the floor, hmm? I feel like you might've spent enough time down here today."

You definitely hadn't mentioned that. Maybe he really does understand more than you'd thought possible. You don't know exactly how to feel about that, but you allow a bit of gratefulness to come through as he stands up on his own and reaches a hand down to pull you up. You wipe your eyes one last time, let out a breath, and take his hand.

[the-voldsoy]

Alrighty it is almost the end of the year so, in no particular order, here are podcasts I recommend of the ones I've listened to this year! (let me tell you picking favourites for this was So hard) (Unfortunately I can't just do all of them because there are almost 50)

Hello From The Hallowoods: The world ended, but we're still here, and shit's weird. (Has made me cry; even the trees are queer; my comfort show<3)

Camp Here And There: Good morning campers! The time is 7:63AM and Cabin Magpie Moth has spontaneously combusted! Whichever one of you little woodworms can put it out first can come get a puffy sticker from me in the Nurses Cabin! (Is it a horror? Is it a comedy? I don't know, you'd have to check to be sure)

Wooden Overcoats: Funn Funerals used to be the only funeral parlor on the island. It isn't anymore. (Sitcom, the main characters are the most miserable wet cats you ever did see)

Re: Dracula: Maybe this year, they'll be okay. Maybe this year they'll all live. Maybe this year he won't go, and she'll be alright.

Magnus Protocol: TMA's louder, bolder, less serious younger sibling.

The Silt Verses: Oh boy. Let me tell you, you will look at crabs differently after this. (WET horror, genuinely the best pod I've ever heard)

Archive 81: Dan, a newly hired archivist, has to listen to and catalogue a set of old audio tapes. The tapes contain interviews conducted by someone Dan has never heard of. Dan is in an isolated bunker in the middle of the woods. Surely nothing will happen to our dear friend Dan. (What is it with archivists and getting snatched by The Horrors? Ignore the tv show it doesn't exist)

Red Valley: Just a couple of guys with an interest in research station Red Valley, whose focus was cryonics. It's completely defunct now. I wonder what happened. (Ethics? What's that?)

Woe.Begone: Some say it's about time-travel, some say it's about keeping yourself and those close to you alive, some say it's about online safety. All can agree on one point: What the fuck why are there cowboys now

Midnight Burger: Midnight Burger is a time-travelling, dimension-spanning diner. Dunno how it works or where it's going next. We open at six! (The episodes are an hour long minimum but it's worth it. Comedy sci-fi, lighthearted fun :)

Old Gods of Appalachia: The Appalachians are spooky y'all. (The narrator's voice is so comforting in this, it feels like campfire stories)

Dreamboy: Went into this pod being told it was made by the people who made WTNV and absolutely no other information. Let me tell you I did not expect the main character to tell us that he got a hard-on in the first episode. (The most sexually explicit pod I've listened to)

The White Vault: Nice little trip to Svalbard to check on the remote research station, surely nothing will go wrong :) (Holy Fucking Shit What Is That) (Recommend 1st season especially to The Thing (1982) enjoyers)

Camlann: Ever wished that you were apart of Welsh folklore or Arthurian legends? Or perhaps some of the last people left on Earth? No? Ah well, you'll pick it up soon enough. (Three idiots and a dog in Wales, fighting for their lives)

Breaker Whiskey: Imagine. Being the only person on earth. Just you. Just you, and someone on the radio. Just you, the radio, and a woman you absolutely do NOT have sexual tension with. (This one looks really long because it has 260+ episodes, but they're like 4 minutes long each so it's not really)

Ethics Town: Don't worry about it. (Cannot recommend enough, it is a mindfuck)

Tell No Tales: What if ghosts were a thing that could infest a place, like rats or roaches or mold? What if it was your job to exterminate them? And the million-pound question, do ghosts deserve rights? (I am waiting so so patiently for the rest of s2)

Remnants: You wake up in a place you recognise. You have always been there. You have no idea where you are. You see a stranger's life. You recognise them. You knew them once, you think. Discard or reshelve? You don't know what that means. It does not matter. Discard or reshelve, that is the question. (I am going insane over this pod)

Not Quite Dead: Vampires! Alfie is an overworked A&E nurse who does not have time for this shit. Unfortunately, he does not have a choice in this matter. (A really interesting take on vampirism, going into the biology. It is fascinating, and an exciting story)

Travelling Light: Space Quaker! Listen to the Traveller tell you about every new planet and civilisation they visit. Whattttt noooo they don't have a crush on one of their crew members what are you taaaalking abouttttt (Very comforting pod, beauty in the mundane in a way? But not mundane because yk. Aliens)

Someone Just Like You: Brilliant horror, just really well written. I don't even have words for it. So far there are only 6 episodes and the concepts/plots of each seem cheesy, but my GOD the execution.

The Bright Sessions: People with powers get therapy! Thank God, they need it so bad. (I love one particular antagonist so much, I need to put him in a microwave)

Poe: Evermore: It wasn't until I started this that I realised that Edgar Allen Poe would have had a Boston-ish accent. Reallyyy interesting story of his life, and I keep getting jumpscared by VAs I recognise. Faulkner Silt Verses what are you doing here.

Witherburn After School News: Your school radio host getting WAY more involved in the news than they should. Really hope they're still breathing. Love the folklore section though!

Before The Tone: Voicemails from someone who just got a job they probably shouldn't have. (Brilliant idea for the format, and great execution)

I Am In Eskew: What if you were trapped? What if you had a home, a wife and a child? What if they aren't real? Are you sure? Go and check. What if your city tried to kill you? What if it loved you very much, more than anyone else? (Horror but the narrator is the saddest wettest man you've ever heard)

Sherlock & Co: Modern day Sherlock Holmes, and John Watson is a true crime podcaster. Dear God I did not think it would be as compelling as it is.

[tumblingxelian]

I wasn't aware I was notable, so I appreciate the excitement for the response on that front, as to the rest:

Well, you are right in something. I'm sorry, I always take bias as "saying things that aren't truth". But, even in @faunusrights post she denies some of the claims of the RWBY wiki.

You'd need to cite some claims they argued were not true and yet still canon, as it stands this is an accusation without evidence I feel.

He didn't have Ozpin dismissed from his position. At least, the council said "We are going to talk about your position" but that didn't end up happening. And Ironwood just gave a report of the situation to the council. It wasn't his intention to have Ozpin kicked of the council.

He had Ozpin ousted as head of security for the Vytal Festival, a job Ironwood was uniquely unqualified for given his myriad of poor decisions like not even understanding the premise if "Scouts". But also, Ironwood had been reporting tot he council behind Ozpin's back for weeks, even as he claimed to trust Ozpin and be loyal he was explicitly undercutting Ozpin to his superiors to steal his job based on the egotistical conviction he could do it better.

About allying with the SDC. I mean, it's not like Ironwood is doing something evil with that. Ironwood gave robots to the SDC, (in a world where the Grimm and the terrorist are a risk). Let's remember that Ironwood wants to retire the men from the dangers of the battlefield, so having robots would protect SDC workers and guards. Later both worked on the Paladins and the airships. What's wrong with that? He later didn't have problems annoying Jacques with the embargo, close of borders and putting a military operation over the abandoned Dust mine.

He very explicitly is doing something evil by allying wth the SDC, a canonically corrupt organization, that abuses, exploits and even causes the deaths of its workers, most of whom are also a discriminated against minority and underclass.

Being their ally is intensely immoral on Ironwood's part, and he only turned against Jac, because the man refused to be intimidated into obedience like most other people. Jac outright even highlighted that Ironwood was acting as a dictator and Ironwood didn't disagree, merely threatened him with the prospect that if he is a dictator then Jac should want to stay on his good side.

Pulling out his troops out of Vale... Well, he was put in charge of the security during the Vytal Festival. The Vytal festival ended, he needed his troops at home, protecting Atlas. The same goes about pulling his troops out of Mistral.

Vale was their ally and a place still being over run with Grimm, Atlas still had the rest of its army, specialists and Hunters and as far as we known was not in any particular danger.

He bailed on Vale the moment it suited him because, as Mistral further demonstrated, Ironwood is a Fairweather friend who won't stick with people when the going gets hard.

Also seriously, the army he "needed" at home literally did jack and shit beyond floating there. He didn't need them except for his own personal sense of security.

About neglecting Mantle, I agree. But oppression and exploitation... Well, not so much. At least, not during the first episode as you say: He is not responsible for the exploitation of Mantle, it is Jacques. He is not a businessman, he is a general and headmaster. And about oppression? You say for the police state? I mean, it is needed to give protection to the people of Mantle and prevent Salem from infiltrate in the kingdom. And about the close of borders and embargo. Were security measures ensured to prevent Salem from infiltrate the kingdom.

Ironwood has basic control over the Council of Atlas & Mantle, so yes he actually is responsible for policies and circumstances that impoverish and exploit Mantle, especially as he is an ally of the SDC and other wealthy elites. Provided they do what he wants when he wants and what he wanted never involved helping the underprivileged. Jac and his ilk could only operate with the impunity they did because Ironwood enabled them.

The people of Mantle were arrested for defending themselves from Grimm, that has no impact on Salem's agents. The walls was not repaired, that enabled Salem's schemes. Mantle's defences were hot garbage and their resources were constantly stolen for Ironwood's pet projects, which also enabled Salem. I would also add, that Ironwood's closed boarder policy did nothing to stop Watts, Tyrian, Cinder & Neo from slipping passed it.

So it was entirely unnecessary, and only served to make everything worse in Mantle, which was a recurring plot point across Volume 7.

I don't know. I mean, Ironwood was authoritarian but that doesn't make him a dictator. He have two seats in the council, but that was never presented as unconstitutional. And 3 seats of the council are democratically elected. I mean, there is even political dissidence, things that aren't allowed in a dictatorship.

Well, thanks for help understand her point. I didn't get that back then. But well, I don't know. Just because women, queer or trans (Isn't trans included inside queer?) think good of Robyn. That doesn't make her right. My point was that not all the queer were necessarily agreeing that Robyn was great. And hey, Hatedom is such a derogatory term. And I think you are oversimplifying things about the rewrites. I mean, you wouldn't like that I simplify things criticizing RWBY.

Glad I could be of help there.

(Some people prefer trans specifically others queer, its a personal preference thing.)

That part of the post was not about whether Robyn was right (Which she was) but about the fact that its unsurprising if unfair that she gets so maligned by the relative minority of deeply conservative people who are neither numerous nor fans, but have lodged themselves into positions where their voices get to be louder than everyone else's.

We have a problem like this on the RWBY Tv Tropes page too, where the people who edit it, hate queer representation and the show and try to maligned, edit out or remove any reference to such things as best they can.

I could copy paste the part of Clover, Robyn and Qrow. But I think that the whole context is important. The thing is: If it happens peacefully, how does the arrest count as violence? Is a deprivation of liberty, but, why violence? And well, Qrow was willing to go. So, why not? Of course, the orders given to Clover were immoral. But, they still had the chance to talk. About Robyn. Hey, even Qrow suggested go to Ironwood and talk to him. Ironwood is different than the normal dictators. Robyn Hill just discovered that he was being framed for the massacre and that he had nothing to do with the murders on Mantle. She just discovered that he had reasons as to why he declared the embargo and close of borders. I mean, Ironwood have just been convinced of helping Mantle that very night. Not even give him the benefit of the doubt? The thing is, that fighting in the Manta could have mean Robyn dying stupidly.

OK, so I want you to take your argument about how "Does it qualify as violence if one side doesn't resist" and apply to say, a firing squad and ask yourself a second time, whether something counts as violence or not, just because the victim is passive.

Why would she give him the benefit of the doubt when his polices impoverished Mantle, his allies had exploited Mantle, his Ace-Ops tried to black bag her, his authoritarian rule had gotten people killed, and he had just decided then and there to leave her city to die and arrest anyone who disagreed with him?

I mean, everyone in the world can do that, that doesn't make it less arrogant. If she have waited till after the elections, then it would makes sense. But being so sure about it, shows that she is so sure of her victory.

I want you to consider why you think its arrogant for a woman to do this, when its standard operating produce around the world. Also keep in mind, if the election hadn't literally been stolen she'd have been right. So it wasn't arrogant regardless, just an accurate assessment of reality.

I mean, why Ironwood would arrest Robyn? Qrow is part of Ruby's group. But, she is not part of it. When I'm saying that he didn't underestimate her, I'm saying for the fact that he didn't underestimate her threat. I always interpreted as Robyn saying "He underestimate the threat I represent to his plans".

That's your interpretation, that is not how I took it.

Eh, he is not robbing Mantle. He is buying those resources:

Robyn: Clover, I’m so glad you’re here. Maybe you can help me understand why this truck that's supposed to be taking construction materials to fix Mantle’s outer wall, is on its way to the middle of nowhere? Are you lost?

Using government funds to purchase something for one purpose then using it for another secretly is called embezzling, otherwise known as theft.

You creating headcanons to justify it is just another example of exactly what faunusrights is talking about when it comes to anti Robyn, pro Ironwood bias.

Ironwood put Atlesian knights, soldiers, Penny, Ren, Nora (With the usual help of other Huntsmen doing their bounty mission), a fleet of Mantas flying over Mantle. I think that is far better than having to simply repair the wall. And the Grimm aren't busting through the hole all hours of the day. If that was the case the alerts would be sounding every hour. And owning guns isn't even illegal. What is illegal is owning weapons without authorization. I come from a country where owning weapons also requires an authorization despite the fact of we being surrounded by crime. And Huntsmen are also allowed to carry weapons. Think about the Happy Huntresses.

Clover put them there, & Marrow suggested similar missions, while the rest of the cast volunteered for them. Ironwood never assigned anyone to missions to help Mantle until the evacuation, something he had to be pressed into and went back on the moment he had a fright.

The fleet did not act in Mantle's defence when Grimm were breaking through the walls until the massiv estampede in which they also proved completely ineffective, the same is true for the Atlesian Knights and minor guards both of which served as a police force to keep people in line more than as a deterrent against Grimm. We literally see the Atlesian Knights trying to break up people huddling for warmth as the kingdom freezes and Nora outright mocks the idea that Ironwood's meager security detail would be of any use upon their arrival in Mantle.

Think about RWBY, JNR and Qrow being arrested for defending themselves & others?

As I said, the guns are allowed, what is not allowed is having one without authorization. What is stomping over all democratic norms? An election was just being held. Stealing private property of who? Jacques? His mine was abandoned. The public goods, I already talked about Mantle construction materials. There is heating for the citizens. And it seems to be a public service considering how Jacques had access to the Atlas network due to being hired to provide the heating.

As I said, you're wrong.

Ironwood was making unilateral decisions without consulting his democratically elected peers consistently throughout volumes 7.

Mantle's resources and yes, the mine, just because it wasn't used doesn't mean Ironwood can just take it cos he feels like it.

The fact you think its fine for Ironwood to oppress, betray and rob people, but think its immoral and arrogant for Robyn Hill to resist such things is very much the embodiment of the kind of bias faunusirghts was talking about.

Yes, they really thought that the ship was stolen. Ironwood didn't have a reason to lie to them in that moment.

They had zero evidence RWBY & co were on it, or else they would have arrest Maria.

About why they didn't arrest Maria... Who knows. Maybe because she was accompanying Pietro in that moment thought that she had nothing to do with the stolen ship.

You making up a headcanon does not change that they had no evidence and were originally arresting them for having weapons.

I mean, she didn't know what the results were really going to been. She can't see the future and Jacques have just used the whole city hostage. Maybe and he wins because of that power play. Of course, Jacques stole the election. And you keep ignoring that even Weiss and Ren commented on how weird it is to hold a party before even winning.

As said, she was going to win, and this is normal, the fact you think its arrogant for a woman to do this entirely normal thing, even when she's right speaks for itself.

I don't ignore that, I didn't mention it because it doesn't matter, what Robyn did was entirely normal and she was right,. That Ren (Who was down in the dumps) & Weiss (paranoid about her father) thought it was odd made them the exceptions, not the norm.

They only have been biased against Robyn. I mean, faunusrights never mentioned other example of the wiki being biased against women. So yeah, say that the ones behind the wiki are against female characters or female authority figures is just gratuitous. You can't simply judge someone without knowing all the work behind them. How is Ironwood conservative? I mean, maybe capitalist and anyway he messed up Jacques SDC operations. And liking a character and disliking another doesn't mean anything. I met persons who dislike Robyn and like Ironwood and they aren't against female characters or female-authority-figure characters in general.

Past experience with the wiki stanning Adam says otherwise :/ Also Faunusrights was specifically talking about Robyn Hill because that is where its most egregious. In large part because Robyn was new & its easy to contrast her against Ironwood as they were direct foils to one another.

I actually can, I am very good at judging things XD

Ironwood is all about centralizing control of the government, funneling money into the military industrial complex relies on authority, rank and coercion and is allied primarily with hyper capitalists who exploit discriminated against minorities.

There's a reason a lot of his fans are Trump voters.

Just to give a conclusion. I'm sure you doesn't care but I prefer to clarify something before the people start jumping to conclusions. I tried to give everything I could to the fandom. I made a post saying about why the martial law wasn't the right call during Worst case scenario. I have been there criticizing Ironwood inside RWBYcritics. I have dedicated my time to defend Robyn Hill and other matters of the series. So the fact that now comes @faunusrights to believe that I'm against Robyn and I'm a pro Ironwood stan is just... frustrating. I'm the one who decided to go and discuss with the RWDE in their very subreddit going against them. Fuck, I even responded to Dextixer in some posts. There is a reason why I put RWDE and anti RWDE in my responses. I consider myself somewhat in the middle.

Saying "I'm sure you don't care" seems rather backhanded, I took the time to quote and response to your entire essay which is more than you did for @faunusrights with all that cherry picking and I did so again here.

I am more confused than anything by this claim on multiple fronts :/

I mean, that's nice I suppose, but no one asked you to do it and I confess I don't know you nor do I spend time there, so I can neither confirm or deny any of what you are saying,

I don't believe faunusrights said anything beyond a lack of intent to read your response given association with some rather vexing takes. Though my sympathies on having to talk to Dex, that is vexing.

(Shrugs) Ultimately, you found a several years old post highlighting a bias in how Robyn is framed VS how Ironwood is framed by the people holding the microphone so to speak and deciding to argue in favor of the people holding the microphone. I know noting else of you beyond that, so its what I responded to, and I hope this all made sense.

Take care now!

what is going on with all the bias on robyn hill’s wiki page, anyway? - an aside

As someone who uses the RWBY wiki with some degree of frequency - often because I’m looking for art references, or Semblance and weapon names - I’m used to… some amount of bias in the articles for different characters? Like, let’s be real, it’s not a perfect wiki! Community-maintained stuff isn’t easy to all keep on the same track! But, generally, it gives the facts well enough and doesn’t do too bad a job keeping all the balls in the air when it comes to new information from all four corners of this franchise.

Well, until you open the article for Robyn Hill, and realise it’s an absolute disaster. Like, really; the impartial voice just plain doesn’t exist for her, and almost all of her wiki is written in such a way that she reads as being an absolutely insufferable, hostile, hard-to-like character. Even if you aren’t a fan of Robyn personally, you have to admit that if you hadn’t seen the show yourself, you might very well come away from her article presuming she’s a major antagonist of Volumes 7 and 8.

Like, for instance, let’s take a look at the first paragraph of her Personality section:

Robyn has a direct and confident personality, having no trouble being confrontational with Atlas personnel, including the Ace Operatives. Robyn also seems to suffer from overconfidence and arrogance, shown in her encounters with Ruby and celebrating her election victory before it was verified. She is aggressive and hostile in nature, quickly jumping to conflict without thinking through consequences. However, she is also shown to be reasonable when the situation calls for it.

And, for good measure, here’s another paragraph from the same section:

In “With Friends Like These” Robyn displayed a rather impulsive side of her personality, when upon hearing that James Ironwood’s plan to abandon Mantle and arrest those against him, she started a fight between herself, Clover Ebi, and Qrow Branwen onboard a Manta with Tyrian Callows in custody. Despite the fact, there was no order or her arrest. Her brashness led to Tyrian breaking free and crashing the Manta as well as her becoming unconscious.

(Taken from Robyn’s RWBY Wiki page. Bolding is mine.)

Seguir leyendo

[thebiggerbear]

FANFICTION FRIDAYS

This week I moved the # from 40 to 56.

Here are my picks for Dec 27th 2024, please go give them a read:

The Exit Strategy by @waynes-multiverse - Russell is ready to hang it all up and retire, open up a brewery, and enjoy the rest of his civilian life. However, there’s one important thing missing before he can take the big plunge. Luckily, he knows just the right person to help him find it. (Russell Shaw x Reader, Tracker) Wake Up Call by @dixons-sunshine - Mornings had never been Steve’s thing. Unless he had somewhere he needed to be, he did not like being woken up. However, waking up to you first thing in the morning was definitely something that he wasn’t against. (Steve Harrington x Female!Reader, Stranger Things)

Winter in Volterra by @agirllovespancakes - Bella watches Renesmee doing a snowball fight with Volturi guards. (Twilight) the feel of your arms by @briseroyawritingsblog (Old Man!Logan x Female!Reader, MCU) No One by @justwhisperingfantasies (Soldier Boy x Female!Reader, The Boys) Rainy Reunion by @gloomwitchwrites (Aragorn x Female!Reader, LOTR)

Some Kind of Love by @blackleatherjacketz (Sonny Carisi x Reader, Law & Order: SVU) Dark Desire by @defenderrosetyler (Duby, Supernatural) Christmas Card by @bullet-prooflove - Bobby still keeps the very first Christmas card he got in LA. (Bobby Nash x Reader, 911) Restless Man by @luci-in-trenchcoats - A week after Beau’s kidnapping, the reader is grateful to find him in mostly one piece. But Beau’s more shook up than she could have imagined and when emotions are high, who knows what might get revealed… (Beau Arlen x Reader, Big Sky)

To be loved by you by @caplanbuckybarnes - He confesses a deep secret to her. (Draco x Luna, Harry Potter) Screwed Up and Brilliant by @writella - Negan is ready for you. Daryl isn’t; and maybe he’ll never be. Negan makes that clear to you tonight. (Negan Smith x Female!Reader, The Walking Dead) Day Nine - Frozen by @ohtobeleah - Jake is so intoxicated he forgets he played a life-threatening prank on you. Leaving you to freeze, for hours. (Jake Seresin x Reader, Bradley Bradshaw x Reader, Top Gun Franchise) [please read Warnings first!] Just Us by @arctickat2400 (Tom Felton x Reader, RPF)

New Year's Kiss by @romancingromanoff (Natasha Romanoff x Female!Reader, MCU) Lighthouse by @nescaveckwriter - Line: Tree, Clock, Rope (Dean Winchester x Reader, Supernatural) Careless Accidents by @mostly-imagines - aka you get hurt and jason’s pissed (Jason Todd x Female!Reader, DCU)

Unholy by @the-lone-writer94 - Reimagined story based on the motel scene in the Herogasm episode. Whilst Soldier Boy is adjusting to being back, he is currently holed up in a motel as he awaits for Butcher and Hugie. However, something comes up and Butcher needs someone to watch Soldier Boy. Which comes in Jessica, she’s a private investigator, she’s hot-tempered and tough, will she and Soldier Boy be able to be in the same room as each other? Because even she can’t deny that Soldier Boy is hot. (Soldier Boy x Female!OC, The Boys) Only you by @cheynovak (Cordell Walker x Reader, Walker) Run by @inez-winchester-cameron - After running into a dark room, you end up in the hands of the Winchesters, one soulless and one a demon (Soulless!Sam x Reader x Demon!Dean, Supernatural)

Our Little Secret by @bunnysbrainrot - Knowing your impatience between your intimate encounters, Joel gives you a sweet reminder of who belongs between those thighs of yours. (dbf!Joel Miller x Female!Reader, The Last of Us) Piece of jewelry by @percywinchester27 (Danneel Ackles x Reader, RPF) Midnight Espresso by @zepskies - You’ve never taken Dean’s flirting seriously…until he asks you for an impromptu Spanish lesson. (Dean Winchester x Plus Size Latina!Reader, Supernatural)

The Best Weekend of Your Life by @deanwanddamons - You are obsessed with Supernatural and go to a convention with your best friend. You are 100% a Dean girl while your friend is a Sam girl. Both Jensen and Jared are single in this. You both catch the guys attention and things go from there. (Jensen Ackles x Reader, RPF) A Peaceful Dream by @wayward-dreamer - Bucky and Y/N have a much needed date night, resulting in a little fun in the kitchen. Later, after experiencing a nightmare, Bucky comforts his daughter and helps her come to terms with it. (Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader, MCU) Elevator Encounter by @winchesterwild78 (Jensen Ackles x Reader, RPF)

Territorial Pissing by @thoughtslikeaminefield - My decades’ long crush on Soldier Boy was squashed when my career as a journalist taught me the real Soldier Boy story. Now, my career brings me full-circle. (Soldier Boy x Female!Reader x Billy Butcher, The Boys) It's All Coming Back To Me Now by @sams-sass - You are falling for Sam until Swan Song happens, but there is something you don't know. (Sam Winchester x Reader, Supernatural) Runnin' by @b3autyfuld1sast3r - Russell Shaw illicits the help of a spitfire civilian to help him track down his missing brother, Colter. Distractions are something he doesn't need…or so he thought. (Russell Shaw x Female!Reader, Tracker) Paschal Moon by @kickingitwithkirk - Jensen finds crossing the tracks isn’t always a bad thing (Jensen Ackles x Astronomer!Reader, RPF)

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone by @lamentationsofalonelypotato - Reader is a secretary at the Hawkin's Sheriff's Department and Jim Hopper drives her to and from work everyday. Hopper gets worried when reader does not come out of her home, and when he finds out she is sick, he decides to take care of her. Set before the events of Season One of Stranger Things (Jim Hopper x Female!Reader, Stranger Things) A Dragon's Glory by @syrma-sensei (Daemon Targaryen x Lannister!Reader, House of the Dragon) Fated by @nightxcreature - reader is struggling with a decision about her life and who is in control of it. (Dean Winchester x Reader, Supernatural) The Trouble With Co-Stars by @janicho88 - Filming has just wrapped on season 2 and you are leaving Vancouver for the summer. Summer is busy with a movie you are excited to be working on, even though it’s going to take you away from someone special to you. He has his own movie to film in California. That’s not a big deal right? Meeting new people can be a good thing for both of you, or not. (Jensen Ackles x Female!Reader, RPF) Ambitious by @chevroletdean (Dean Winchester x Female!OC, Supernatural)

Untitled Beau drabble by @beauswhore (Beau Arlen x GN!Reader, Big Sky) Special by @decaf-mother - You mean the world to him but he's not sure he deserves you. (Josh Washington x Female!Reader, Until Dawn) Unpunishable by @eepwtf - soldier boy boarding school au! x catholic boy (Soldier Boy x Male!Reader, The Boys) Untitled by @sp1dermann0 - Having sex in the back of Dean’s car (Dean Winchester x GN!Reader, Supernatural)

Prompt 6 by @sweetcocopowder - You finally bring yourself to summon a crossroads demon to strike a deal. But you quickly find out that this crossroads demon does things a lil differently to seal a deal. (Crossroads Demon!Dean x Male!Reader, Supernatural) admirer by @nesnejwritings - Mornings were easy and they always gave you a chance to admire your favorite green-eyed hunter (Dean Winchester x Reader, Supernatural) My heart skips a beat by @cevansbaby-dove - When Glen is at a red carpet event he just can't take his eyes off you… (Glen Powell x Reader, RPF) Be My Baby by @foxyjwls007 - Prompt Song: Be My Baby (Dean Winchester x Reader, Supernatural) Dance with me... by @flowery-mess - given song: under the tree - sam palladio (Bradley Bradshaw x Female!Reader, Top Gun Franchise) Don't tell me you love me by @justagirlinafandomworld - Castiel shares his feelings with you. What ensues, even you can’t predict. (Castiel x Reader, Supernatural)

Round and Round We Rendezvous by @talltalesandbedtimestories - You’re on a Girls Trip to Vegas and meet a certain hunter at the buffet. (Dean Winchester x Reader, Supernatural) Grace and Immortality by @alexsoenomel - Reminiscing on old childhood memories while on a case with Sam. (Sam Winchester x Reader, Supernatural) Earn It by @angelbabyyy99 - You hated Ben. His crappy personality, the whole nine yards, but you couldn’t help being attracted to it. (Soldier Boy x Curvy!Reader, The Boys) Recurrence by @jessjad - Sometimes the past comes back unexpectedly. But it's on you to decide if you let it get to you. (Jensen Ackles x Reader, RPF)

What he doesn't know by @pamwritessometimes - You’re hiding two dangerous secrets from Sam. Little did you know, he’s just uncovered one, but it’s not the one you think. (Sam Winchester x Witch!Reader, Supernatural) How To Train Your Demon by @thesilmarillionblog - Dean is consumed by darkness, and your body is consumed by his. He wants you to realize that his new self is superior and demands that you enjoy his demon form. (Demon!Dean x Female!Reader, Supernatural) Touch of Nature by @inknopewetrust - You connect with Benedict at one of Henry Granville's parties and the rest is history. (Benedict Bridgerton x Male!Reader, Bridgerton) Hello Nurse by @kittenofdoomage - Someone’s gotta go undercover as a nurse, and for once, it’s not the reader drawing the short straw (Dean Winchester x Female!Reader, Supernatural) You Scare Me, Professor by @joelswritingmistress - The reader is taking graduate classes at a local university in the wooded upstate New York. She is drawn to her professor, Dr. Joel Miller, though she is also inherently aware that he has something dark about him that she can't quite put her finger on. As the reader's attraction grows deeper, she has to decide whether to endure the danger or run away as fast as possible. (Joel Miller x Female!Reader, The Last of Us) Smarty Pants by @lanadelnegan - Negan shows his appreciation after you explain how to make a bullet. (Negan Smith x Female!Reader, The Walking Dead) Storm Warning by @writercole - Tyler returns to a town he hasn’t seen in three years. He didn’t expect much excitement. He could never have expected what he found. (Tyler Owens x Reader, Twisters)

Looking for more? Please check out my fic rec lists and writers rec lists (1, 2, 3). I do have some things to update like the Beau stories list, Alec, Russell, Jensen, Soldier Boy, Dean, etc (and I promise I will when I hopefully get more time in January) and I do have some more coming out like for Joe Velasco, Bobby Reyes, Law & Order: SVU, LOTR, etc.

In the meantime, if you’d like to peruse even more stories that are on my reading lists, please check out @biggerbearsreads and @tbbrebloglibrary (which will eventually take place of the 1st - tbbrl will be more organized by tags, etc) or you can check out @biggerbearficrecs.

Here it is, the last post for the holiday season. Starting next week, the #'s will most likely go back down to in between 10-20. I hope you all have a wonderful new year and rest of your holiday season/vacation!!! ❤️

And please don’t forget when you come across any and all creative content on here to reblog:

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[alkhemeya]

The Magnus Archives, Episode 1 - The Anglerfish.

Statement Begins,

First listen to this podcast, that pops up in my feed on youtube a lot, and tumblr, and gotta say...

Love it. Especially the first episode.

Anyway, I have so many thoughts and opinions, and I need to scream into the void.

1. Jonathan Sims is also spelt Johnathan Sims? I'm using the fucking... uh... script thing while listening and I've noticed the difference in spelling??? I did see some posts (all were ship stuff, something about a Tim and Jon?) And I'm so confused on why everyone uses Jon while the script has Johnathan. Wild.

2. Why does Jon/John(???) feel Albino to me?? Like, I'm pretty sure this guy has no description, he is a voice. So Albino??? Huh. Like, immediate thought while listening to him yap was 'this bitch is albino.' He also gives stoner vibes. I can't explain it, but I know I am right.

3. Love how he is skeptical, it's great. Tbh, the first episode statment guy sounds like the he was tripping. I'd also think the statement was fake if I was him.

4. John/Jon (I need to pick a spelling.) Sounds, specifically, British in a 'born and raised in cardiff' type. Do you understand??? Do I make sense??? He's the bitch who went to a posh private school and you just knew it. He also stands weirdly I bet.

4.5. Also, Jon/John has assistants, which seems like a Head Archivist needs. Tim, Sasha and Martin. Bet one of em is like, an alien. (It's Tim. Who the fuck names their kid TIM???)

5. The Anglerfish story. Again. Sounds very much like a bad trip, or like, a hallucination. The missing people thing though makes it less. Not fake. But it could be, like, those stories that pop up when people go missing. My primary school used to make rumours of aliens and shit when some kinds went missing.

5.5. Like, the rumours and horror stories that would pop up is wild. Jon/John is me and I am him. We are the same.

5.6. Oh my god what if its aliens. That'd be funny as shit.

6. John/Jon is such a hater. I love him. He definitely gets no bitches and I can fucking tell (we are the same)

7. Bet aliens happen here, I can't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop with how the guy described the Anglerfish thing. Definitely alien behaviour. There's no like, supernatural shit as in vampires, but its aliens. I think it'd be fucking funny. (I just know even from the singular mention Tim is an alien.)

8. Already, I love the format and setting. An archive??? In London? I can see it. London is too fucking posh and far, but you could tell me this place existed and I'd be like 'yeah that tracks'.

That's my thoughts for now, and yes, I was really hung up on aliens. Because I feel like it's aliens. Also, why is the podcast genre tradegy and horror? Horror is a given, but why tradgey?

Oh my god they all die. Like, from aliens. Funfact, I don't really believe in aliens, but I do love alien based fiction, I.e Xenomorphs and shit. I know my shit.

I'll probably encase multiple episodes into a post since I just realised there's 200 episodes. Like damn???

Statement ends.

[spotlightlowlife]

Personality over power hazbin a helluva lie

even in the real world, those who have power and influence don't need to be smart or charming to be heard around the world, yet someone from nothing is highly likely to go unheard always.

One thing I do appreciate about Hazbin and Helluva is the awful relationships serving as a reminder (with multiple examples) that there are a lack of good depictions of stable couples from rich and poor backgrounds in fiction.

You can't tell me that these relationships don't have a massive power imbalance.

'They just want positivity and therefore they are in the right'

is the message pushed when depicting the party holding all the cards, but being a jerk does not level the playing field.

Both Blitzø and Fizz have certianly been sassy dicks to others, but it just so happens that both become desparatre at realising that this could all be over or is entirely down to their sugar daddy ending it because they're bored of them.

They're not just getting sex and the chance to hang out in luxury, they're getting the opportunity to work, Blitzø is supporting others and Fizz has a supply of artificial limbs to replace his missing ones.

Both are highly performative in trying to prove themselves which suits their background of being used for money, yet they've been out there achieving and are grown adults, but still getting guided by a superior, another sort of daddy, there to subtle coercion or aggressively throw put downs.

Oops and the Mammon mid season don't make a lot of sense if you're trying to understand Fizz's actions and mindset stripped back of Ozzie's influence, everything was fine in Oops, for some reason Ozzie didn't want Fizz going out into this dangerous area alone, but Fizz wanted space from a smothering partner (who interestingly enough attends the pageant rehersals) and is happy to set out while Ozzie is exceptionally busy. Makes sense. Fizz uses a driver but then does a runway walk down the street. Doesn't make sense. Blitzø, Crimson and Striker all happen to be a few meters away. Convenient but this sped up his reconciliation with Blitzø, so progress. By the end of the episode, shaken up and damaged Fizz who is entirely dependent on Ozzie for a repair doesn want to go out again, so Ozzie was right, isn't this trauma bond is cute.

Next episode Ozzie wants Fizz to quit his other job, by the end, that happens. Nevermind that the previous episode had Fizz stand out intentionally and get into trouble for his love of fame when he could have used a crystal to teleport to the rehearsal, nevermind him undermining Ozzie's fear of this area which had been the only issue that episode which could have sparked a grown convensation about mortality and powerlessness, let's just nuke the job that brings him that fame, blame that and takes him away from his other life, freeing up time for we know what...

Next time we see Fizz, he's at home, promoting Ozzie's work.

Why did we see this scene? Because Blitzø would approach Fizz (who already undermined his experience with 'dating' royalty) in a desperate attempt to impress Stolas, who's recent behaviour reads boredom and regret at their transactionship. So important is what Blitzø has with Stolas that all of the other people he screwed over and whatever the beef, it's all trivial, he's even willing to face them in order to prove to Stolas his decency, like decency was ever a thing in this.

Stolas not only didn't let Blitzø have a say when he cornered him with an ultimatum, but masked himself of wrong doing by giving Blitzø a replacement for the grimore that was easily attained through ptivalge. He went on to gaslight him by denying tue stuff he was just into and negging by attending the anti Blitzø party that is supposedly for ex's yet what reason do we have to believe these all past relationships and not a bunch of flings thrown in? Why is Stolas viewed as an ex when he and Blitzø were supposed to be sneaking around? When they were out in public it was Stolas who looked ashamed, so anyone who crosses paths with Blitzø is the innocent party who is in the right?

Stolas being at the party was no big deal to anyone, how does he not stand out as royalty being the latest addition to the club? Blitzø's ability to piss people off has him ranking up there with the same royalty people secretly hate.

Fast forward and just as we have seen Stolas think about the family he never really had, we know have Blitzø aligning with him and seeing all that they could have.

Moving on from the invested into..

Nobody can tell me Vortex doesn't get the shitty end of the stick in working as a lackey in a world where his kind have few options and can be reduced to pets

before getting the chance to let his hair down and hang out with his girlfriend, a leader of hell who poses as a normie

and benefits from others 'letting their hair down' by binging at superficial parties that may allow them to forget how trash things are for the night.

One thing about Bee's character's that works is ironically the lack of effort spent on the female characters. There is zero forced toxic romance between her and Vortex, combined with her being immortal, very shallow and her description claiming she empathise and caters her parties to impress, he easily could be a fad for the moment. Fair enough.

Lastly Vaggie who was thought to be a banged up sinner.

Revealed to be an angel in a twist (which didn't matter in the slightest, is this less of or more of a big deal than dating the lowest class of demon?), what followed was Charlie disappointed that she had bee lied to all these years, so what conversations were they actually having? Seems a lot like Blitzø and Stolas's breakfast together where they realise that they don't really know one another, only difference being Charlie x Vaggie have years together. Did Charlie ever learn a backstory because there's nothing to make us believe Vaggie gave a false one? This makes Charlie reading the storybook of her parents and hell's creation even more placey because why now?

Not only was Vaggie cast out and homeless when she was maimed and abandoned, but as far as angel's go, her type seem to be bottom of the pack? The imps or hellhounds of heaven.

Vaggie goes on to be a loyal sidekick, bruiser, chemistry deficient girlfriend and keeper of Charlie's who keeps her mouth shut of any opinion on Charlie's endeavours, it's not even clear that she agrees.

But again, the lack of time that went into the ladies has Charlie as a childish bimbo who is bad at this job she invented, isn't really a people's person and seen running the hotel at the very least, but even sulked to her daddy for help, which helped what should be a bigger deal slide.

It would make sense to work more on the powerful to powerless devide. Those sitting right at the top being so oblivious to how their behaviour affects others because they don't realise that they do see those lower than them as subservient regardless of how 'nice' they are. Those at the top having little idea what being beaten down on in life feels like and not developing a gloomy outlook. There are ways these characters can too be empathetic dispite being a fantasist troublemaker by not realizing their privilege. On the opposite end a number of characters have been the guilty and wrong party for being desperate and going into deals.

[acediscowlng]

okay i'm approaching the last three episodes of season 5 so let's talk about dean and john winchester being dubbed as righteous men for a second.

because i think it has less to do with them being righteous (they're not, really, by any definition of the word, unless you count being self righteous, but i dont so.) and more to do with them being men. the idealized straight white american men to be exact. the men who like and do what straight white american men should like and do. drinking. guns. sex. but are you know. classy and repressed about it. and the perfect white american men cannot be anything but righteous.

and you add the idea that this was preordained by heaven. the powers of heaven came together to make sure dean, and by extension, john would exist as they do. and how heaven is a predominantly male force. that what is considered angelic and holy are also all men. and people who rebelled are either women (anna) or at the very least does not fit the standards of straight manhood (i hesitate to call gabriel queercoded in this day and age, but i mean. he is)

but also not quite. because zachariah and uriel are not what men should be. they are power hungry and petty and vain and they do not actually believe in righteousness. they don't believe in god (who is a distant father and a man). which in the language of the show actually means that they do not have the individualized straight white hypermasculinity to save the day so they need someone else to do it. they need someone else to do it. which at the end of the day is not very manly.

and we come to the fall of castiel. castiel who is abrasive and a soldier and a true and unwavering belief in god (who is also a man) and who falls because he wants to do things his way, the right way, a man's way, and whose fall from a flawed and corrupted heaven is an emasculation and loss of power but also because heaven should be the source of masculinity (god) but it is flawed and corrupted and not righteous so castiel's fall is also characterized by things traditionally masculine things like women and sex and drinking because righteousness is just another word for manhood and those things are part of that.

and we circle back to dean (and john, and to an extent god, i guess) who resented sam for leaving their space of hypermasculinity, and sam whose leaving those spaces always involved women (jessica, meg, ruby) and how sam's fall from grace came at the hand of a woman and how it's specifically because sam chose a woman who is evil instead of dean who is a righteous man by virtue of being a man and men are inherently righteous and how his penance is proving that he is able and willing to fit into these spaces of hypermasculinity despite how he, at a fundamental level, just does not fit there sidenote: god this show was just way too comfortable calling women bitches before beating them to a pulp like those were Choices that were definitely made

and okay. i don't really know where i'm going with this. i have three episodes to go in season five and too little sleep lbr. but supernatural is a story that you can't really separate from the idea of hypermasculinity. it is a story about hypermasculinity. one that seeks to deconstruct it but is also so deeply entrenched in it that, to an extent, it cannot help but uphold it as well.

on my supernatural rewatch, and i am afraid to say that the wincest girlies were definitely onto something. i am sorry for ever doubting your game.

[calsvoid]

ten (sorta) thoughts on squid game season 2 (SPOILERS):

1. holy fuck this season was so beautiful and the creative genius behind it was so wonderful

2. the rock paper scissors minus one scene has got to be the most intense game scene out of every single one (not game, but game SCENE, as in watching these two friends who i didn’t even care about half a second before be forced to bet their lives against each other only for one of them to be placed with a guaranteed win and not take it was probably the craziest thing to ever happen and fuck having that be the first episode truly through me for a spin)

3. speaking of, the guy that lived (who is known as guy with the wife because me and my brother kept saying that he has a wife as a reason why we want him to live) is one of my favs for no reason, i hope he gets out alright DONT YOU DARE DO ANYTHING TO HIM CAP’N I TRUSTED YOU

4. i knew as soon as they started having two girls bond i was done for and i spent every moment of theirs begging for both of them to live because i think i’ve seen this film before and i didn’t like the ending

5. soooooo many characters and character dynamics were just absolute chef’s kiss and it helps so much with that buildup of hope and tension; last season obviously had some wonderful people and relationships (i’m still not and never will be over the marble game) but something about this new cast was just absolutely wonderful. there were almost no characters i didn’t like or wasn’t invested in, and i am very excited to see how they turn out next season. hyun-ju’s group, gi-hun’s group, hell even thanos’s group i enjoyed all of them. min-su’s betrayal fucked me up so bad though and him failing to save her and having to see her die FUCK. also young-mi’s death was so painful, especially since she was the first main group member death. the mom and son were hilarious im going to fight god if they don’t end up together in either life or death

6. all about women’s rights and women’s wrongs this season, number 11 i love you and i hope you find your child i will kill your almost rapists for you. i don’t care that i hate the military hyun-ju is hot with a gun and she can fuck me with one of she wants. i pray for that fetus please let them get out alive. the mom was fantastic and such a nostalgic character, very accurate portrayal of an auntie and i love her for that. shaman queen is batshit crazy and good for her

7. the set design yall fucking BEAUTIFUL. i can’t describe it, but it just adds so much to that deceitful hope with all the rainbows and clean lines. and also the use of the stairs during the gun fights, ugh so amazing what a great way to repurpose that set

8. ALSO THE ADDED KNOWLEDGE OF THE SOLDIERS SIDE, god i love the extra lore behind their recruitment, their system, all that. loved the twist and as i’ve said i love number 11 shes my queen

9. god seong gi-hun had me ROOTING for him. his sheer determination was felt by me too and i really hoped that he would finally get to get justice, that finale just hurt all that much more

10. i wanted so badly for inho to end up having a semi-redemption arc even though it was unlikely, i unfortunately fell for his manipulation and wanted to believe in him god it hurt watching him use the sounds of someone else’s death to trick gi-hun

[manicpixiedreamedwins]

GINGERWREN'S PAYNELAND RECS 2024!

I can't believe we have had Charles and Edwin for less than a year. Even still, we've had a lot of fun! I wanted to share some fics, art, and gifs that made this year worth it for me personally. I was talking to a friend recently, and we noticed recent rec lists seem to be short, tag based lists with no real input from the list writer. Many of them also seem to rec the same few fics. Sometimes I feel left out as a smaller writer, and I know my favorite fics also don't always make it onto these lists either.

So, gentle reader, I will not be making a list of tags and summaries. You can read the tags on the fics and the art work, should you choose to view. I will be telling you why I love the works themselves. This is the best way I can think to recommend work to you.

Without further ado: the list is below.

WRITING

sweeter than honey from the rock - @dearheartdont

This lives rent free in my head. Literally in my mind this is like a lost episode or something. I do not want to spoil it or anything, but some of my favorite things in it are the world building (there are delightfully sympathetic clients, and witty antagonists), Charles does... exactly what one would expect Charles to do in order to help the client and protect everyone, and he makes things temporarily worse for himself. Rest assured though, there is a very, very satisfying resolution. Really, this is such a wonderful fic.

Winter Bloom - @skinnybritishdudes

PINK!!! EDWIN!!!! NOW!!!! This was my request for our server's Christmas exchange and it blew me out of the water. Genuinely, the magical mischief PLUS the subtle horror PLUS the absolute tenderness at the end?? Was everything I wanted, and more than I expected. Friendship ended with my own pink Edwin origin story. THIS is Pink Edwin now. Run don't walk for this one (as you can see, I still have not calmed down I am so excited about this one).

Nothing Left to Hide - @roseganymede95

I know I need to say more than "spider jar" but there's a point where I just start crying softly and going "spider jar" while I am reading. Honestly I'm sure if I said that to you, you would probably know which fic I'm referring to. It's this one. It's brilliant. It rewired my brain early on and I haven't been the same since. I found a spider jar pin because it may as well be canon in my mind. They call each other mine in the fic what more do I need to tell you to get you to read this? Join the spider jar cult with me.

right. never finished it.- taableclofh

A classic. Charles tries to save Edwin from Hell. He figures some things out in the process. (This is canon divergent in the best possible way and was a real balm on the soul, somehow).

molliculi (soft little things)- @williamvapespeare

This was made in a lab to make me cry specifically. The first time I finished reading it, it was two in the morning. I stared at my bedroom wall for like twenty minutes, bleary eyed, and then finally managed to type something to @williamvapespeare (who was really gracious about whatever mess I sent, lol). God fuck. It's a character study on Edwin. It's a history of living and dying in 1916. It's wondering what it means to continue on existing, but never have lived on with your peers. It's an outsider's perspective on Charles' trying to figure things out. Go. Go now. Suffer with me.

All Rights Reserved- @phoenix-soar

Do you like possessive Charles? (There's one right answer and it's yes). This fic is the fic. This also lives rent free in my brain. I wish I could say something more coherent but honestly I do not know how much I can say- well there is this lovely description where Charles compares Edwin's eyes to the sea on a stormy day (ao3 is sadly down, I cannot pull the full quote, but it was gorgeous). The rest... 🌶️🌶️🌶️

The Case of the Omegaverse Portal - miraworos

Omegaverse, as specified in the title. Also a very well written casefic, and some really satisfying feelings revelations. Once again: 🌶️🌶️🌶️

ART

Kiss (Blue) - @ent-is-indecisive

Genuinely A I am just amazed by how lovely all the kisses you draw are. Like they come out stunningly, over and over. I have no idea how you pull off this wizardry but it is amazing. Anyway I picked the first picture we ever talked about but I am also genuinely blown away whenever you drop something in LOMA

Collab Gifset For Payneland Week- @mellxncollie

I know you have all seen Olly's gifs. If you haven't, what are you even doing? (Maybe you're new here. That's okay). It's something special when Olly makes a gifset for your fic. Genuinely, sometimes I just go back and stare at this one because WOW THOSE ARE MY WORDS. BUT ON A GIF. Genuinely thanks for making my first year in the fandom special Olly.

Pink Slip- @arisprite

Ari was super great during the flash sketch commissions and we had a blast. Now this reminds me of ongoing convos that @majorlb @deadboyslullaby and I have (and perhaps one day we will do something more with those) but the point here is Ari is great. You all should go and appreciate the wide range of payneland she has made. Her fem!payneland is dazzling, and so is her sad boy Charles (which I think is the first piece I ever fell in love with).

RITUALS - @deadboyslullaby

THE RITUALS ARE INTRICATE. This was a collaboration with @likemmmcookies . @deadboyslullaby worked really hard on the inscription around the edges for this one and I am forever in awe of all the little details here. I want more of them doing strange, arcane stuff together always.

ORBWIN IN CHARLES’ RIBS- @jube-art

This is absolutely what I think is going on when one of them is orbing and the other isn't. No I am not taking feedback. Once more, this was a piece of art that re-wired my brain early on. Ribs are for lovers.

BONUS:

Feathers and Fur - merle_p

Super secret rare pair that rewired how my brain works forever. I love you catcrow. I love you Monty that's a little bit depressed a little bit of a masochist. I love you Thomas who can't help but take in strays but still has teeth and hasn't been declawed in this fic. This fic is just... so... gorgeous*chef's kiss*. I won't spoil it for you, but I implore you to read it so I have more people to talk about this pairing with.

These were all my recs for now. Thank you Dead Boy Detective fandom 2024! We may have had some bumps in the road, but here's to a strong and healthy 2025!

[hermanoga]

It's Kinda Nice to Help People Find Their Precious Thing : The timeless journey of love, regret, trust, death and hope through Shiguang's life in Link Click Yingdu Episode 1

part -1

It's a very personal rambling actually, not a very critically sound one, if you still wanna read, just letting you know, you are not alone, I went through a lifetime of emotions while watching this.

What’s wrong with the timeline? : Before discussing this, I want to talk about Lu Guang’s age. I have this formula,

Lg’s age : X + 3n, X= his original age, n= the number of times he has dived back in the past to reach the situation of our timeline where Cheng Xiaoshi survived season 1 and made it to the end of the season 2. I am presuming that ‘n times Cheng Xiaoshi dies’ stopped in our timeline, so let us denote our timeline as ‘n*’, which has successfully changed Cheng Xiaoshi’s fate. (For people thinking, where did I get that ‘3’ in my formula, the episode of the lost child in season 1 says that the kidnapping of that little boy happened three years ago, when Shiguang were supposed to be in Yingdu. Basically Shiguang first met and went to Yingdu in 2018.)

The first four minutes of the episode 1 (Successfully made me cry like a wounded hyena left in the middle of a cold desert): What timeline is it? It is one of those timelines of ‘n’ where Cheng Xiaoshi died. Cheng Xiaoshi dies in every nth timeline, except n*. The first time he dies, let us call that timeline ‘n0’. And the first four minutes, let’s suppose it is nEp-1. Is n0 = nEp-1? If yes, then why Vein is punishing Lu Guang for changing the past? It implies that Lu Guang attempted (and succeeded kind of? since he is accused of changing the past) to change the past before? Why would he? For what reason? I have an answer to this convoluted question – Vein is punishing a past Lu Guang (‘innocent’ Lu Guang who didn’t dive and do shit) for the deeds a future Lu Guang committed. Eh? Every theory I suggest contradict with the thing I say next.

Still what I feel is that the narrator Lu Guang who gives the ‘butterfly effect’ speech is not the one who dives in the given visual. The hesitation in the visual suggests that Lu Guang is diving for the first time. I don’t have galaxy brains to understand the timeline theory anyways. And it is probably too early to start guessing.

Basketball symbolism: Life, death, trust, partnership.

I think now we all understand that the basketball motif really stands for a deeper philosophy of life and companionship. And Haoling actually puts that theme in big fat words in case someone missed, “It is so precious to have a trustworthy partner in life”. It is not about basketball. The exposition of first 1 minute 25 seconds deals with it.

1:26 – I howled. That’s not the point. The point is that Vein is actually interested in shooting Lu Guang, he wants his life, not Cheng Xiaoshi’s, he just physically defeats him. (My poor kitty, what the fuck did you do to deserve this, if my theory is right then…). Cheng Xiaoshi fucking dives to take the bullet.

Now, um. Why am I re-watching this? Cheng Xiaoshi dies and transfers his diving power to Lu Guang, the basketball symbolism recurs. Qiao Ling is dead and captain Xiao is dead too. Good. Cheng Xiaoshi says sorry for some reason and asks Lu Guang to save ‘them’, it’s his death wish. So, I am presuming that Lu Guang started diving because it was Cheng Xiaoshi’s last wish to Lu Guang (I need ibuprofen). From my perspective, Lu Guang when he dives, he is not sure what he is able to achieve. He probably goes back to the past just to relive those moments, those three years again. If everything goes well (LMAO my audacity) and Cheng Xiaoshi survives in this Yingdu arc, I am presuming that is our story then will be directly continuing in the two seasons.

Now let us heal a bit. First of all, congratulations to all, Lu Guang is gay. I don’t care what anyone opines, he is gay. He is the owner of that freaking Shakespearean sonnet book and he is the literal tsundere, come on, guys, it should be canon now.

Lu Guang holds his hand as if trying to say, “Please, don’t go”.

You are in acute denial if you say the visuals are not romantic. The white butterfly sits on the basketball he is holding.

That visual is so pretty! The butterflies remind me of tgcf ngl.

Bro, what kind of house does he live in. He is damn rich.

Cheng Xiaoshi : Partner, lets play basketball together again tomorrow. And the content smile Cheng Xiaoshi gives.

Still, somehow, The Eye is the most moving piece of animation I have ever seen, it feels like life with all heartaches and smiles present. I will carry this song with me till the end of time.

Oh, also. How are Vein fans doing? Just checking :D

This song is causing me physical angst.

I wish I can cosplay in my uni’s anime club’s event one day.

Okay so, a friend of mine pointed out that Lu Guang cosplayed as the hero of that RanXi chronicles when there was an attempt to dress Xiaoshi as the heroine. Ok.

Lu Guang checking that damn watch once in a while breaks my heart.

Parallel narrative, foil characters again – metanarrative, two-folded narrative embedded within the narrative (that girl’s story about perseverance, hope, regret, passion, taking the damn risk and further hope, story of RanXi chronicles and Lu Guang explicitly saying how he relates to the story of RanXi’s heroine)

Now I am saying again, I am Sapphic and Qiao Ling, that is Sapphic behaviour, my love, me and my Sapphic friends approve. “That girl is so lovely” the way she says it. AND YES QUEEN! Link Click never forgets to address social issues. Btw, I personally related to that girl when she was rebuked vehemently for voicing her career choice. My acceptance of what I really wanted to do in my life and pursuing it changed the trajectory of my life too. Life is not a flower path but “there are no regrets in dedicating your life to something you care about” – again it echoes the central theme of link click.

Also, (with a shiver) I am realising how the interpretation of the first and second season is rapidly changing (and I like it).

Cheng Xiaoshi, are you jealous?

The chibi shifts are so cute!

Lu Guang has this deep sense of lack of agency, understandable because it arises from the agony of the death of a loved one and this depressive existentialist mood makes him conform to the ‘power’, even though he can be rebellious but that threshold is only initiated with Cheng Xiaoshi’s active intervention.

Again saying, idk what kind of concept of queerness people (most of them who are not queer at all, how do they know what queerness is? How are you dictating?) have, but your friend’s image reflecting in your eyes when he brings a moral and ideological change to your mind and shatters your conformity, that surely is. This continuously happens in season 1 and 2, but we don’t get to know, you know why? Lu Guang’s pov was silenced deliberately. Without him soliloquizing, it’s impossible to know what his real emotional undercurrent is. The way Haoling crafted Lu Guang as a complex and delicate character, man. Man, I would die for him.

Btw, I too agree that putting a hand over his mouth is the second best option to silence him.

Ik it's bittersweet, but princess Guang-guang, don't run away from your fated prince! ( HOW THE FUCK AM I CRYING AGAIN)

this roughly wraps up to 34:30. I can't do more pain today, maybe tomorrow.

[lethaldefect]

Welcome back, everyone who’s been waiting! The fun is back on!

Sorry for the long break—we had a “family flu party,” and let me tell you, babies are insanely demanding when they’re sick (yes, I have a family and a life outside of Tumblr—I know, shocking XDD).

But here I am, ready to dive back in!

Yes! I totally agree! I love worldbuilding! Only 9 episodes per season was a crime for me from the beginning, even with 7 seasons (I'm generally not a fan of a lot of seasons with a small number of episodes - 12 episodes per season is the minimum for me). BUT - it's 63 episodes total. And it's quite a lot. And if you're a good writer, that's completely enough to show the world in a way that's satisfying for both the creators and the viewers. 63 episodes is more than some great anime series or other animated series have (for comparison Avatar: The Last Airbender has 61 episodes and The Legend of Korra has 52 and both felt complete to me). It seems that 7 seasons of 9 episodes is not enough, precisely because it's fragmented like that. And let’s not even talk about that nonsensical time skip between Arc 1 and Arc 2. A 2-year timeskip was way too much and it seriously disrupted the plot line. Arc 1 had much better pacing, narration, and information delivery overall (Arc 1 >>>> Arc 2 in every possible way. I’m the biggest Arc 2 hater out there).

For such small series, time is key. This is actually one of the biggest opponents for creators (right after the lack of interaction with the fandom - the silent on official Twitter since season 3 was a shot in the foot, and I don't mean sharing promotional materials, but interacting with the fandom, you know, replying to comments, birthday posts, memes...). The 3-year hiatus was a killer. I don’t care if it was due to the pandemic, Ehasz drama, or changes at Wonderstorm—3 years of vague “it’ll come soon, so stfu and stop asking” was just unacceptable. Especially since the first three seasons came out within a year. (I started this series when I was finishing high school, and now I’m 25 with a baby. Like… WTF.)

NOW, MOVING ON TO THE JUICY STUFF:

That whole „we all loved him, but suddenly it turned out that for thousands of years he was making some revolutions, so we locked him up." was a sarcastic paraphrase of what she says in S4. Anyway, Zubeia ends the story by saying that "every great crisis the world faced" was actually Aaravos' doing. She probably meant civil wars, but honestly, you could totally call them revolutions. The changes in Xadia that came about as a result of those wars were certainly revolutionary, especially for this continent and the laws it operates under. And we're told that he was imprisoned specifically for that. Zubeia presented it as conspiracies... but I’ve been around long enough and seen too much politics to to just believe that XD. Aaravos says he’s innocent, and while I take his words with a grain of salt, I’d still like to hear his side of the story. Aaravos seems to be very politically ambivalent. What the dragons and other rulers of Xadia considered conspiracies and crises, may not have been so for him and others.

At the same time - saying that he was punished for Aditi's disappearance is a mistake, because the series shows that for thousands of years no one knew what happened to her. Khessa was the first. So going by that, probably no one even suspected that he could have had anything to do with it.

I know that imprisoning him was the only option to control him, but it's still cruel. That’s not a critique of the story—just my empathy for him. 😭

The Orphan Queen plotline pisses me off every time. Seriously, the last thing I’d do is trust a teenage human girl with no evidence, and then let a human mage help imprison the most powerful being in the world. If they hate humans and especially human mages so much, then be consistent. Maybe try thinking things through? Because that could’ve easily been a human conspiracy against the elves and dragons.

This is interesting because according to the timeline presented at Comic Con in 2019, Sol Regem was the first Dragon King of Xadia. Wiki also mentions he became an Archdragon after mastering the Sun, which qualified him to be King. So either the timeline ignores earlier rulers, or the royal hierarchy of dragons does not only concern the line of eventual rulers of Xadia.

Why do I assume Aaravos had significant political influence? Let me explain. Obviously, this is just my theory. Startouch elves were the first elves of Xadia. Plus, there’s this constant narrative that, while they’re elves, they’re also something more - Some higher being. Like gods. Aaravos is one of the Great Ones, one of the first elves in Xadia. And they say he’s one of the last (whether that means the last Great One or the last Startouch elf in Xadia is unclear). Still, if he was beloved by humans, elves, and dragons, it seems clear he must’ve had some political role. If Startouch elves are seen as higher beings, their political opinions would carry immense weight. I’m not saying Startouch elves were the original rulers of Xadia, but I like to compare their role to that of the clergy in medieval European politics. They didn’t rule directly but were the most important advisors. Their opinions mattered most, right after the king’s. And even the rulers tried to please them first. So, assuming Aaravos had substantial influence over Xadia’s politics seems fair to me. His voice must’ve—or should’ve—mattered. Whether he stayed politically active while he had Leola is another question. Still, I think he would’ve had enough influence over Xadia’s ruling bodies to threaten Sol Regem.

Sure, I get your perspective. I’ll stick with my interpretation because it just makes a bit more sense to me. Personally, I think his tone toward her was different from the way he spoke to the other dragons. For me, the energy and dynamic felt different. Especially since he really wanted her to suffer. But again, that’s just my theory, and I like to imagine it adds depth to the story. I think Aaravos feeling particularly betrayed by Zubeia could stem from the idea that, as a woman, she should’ve been more empathetic to his perspective as a parent who lost a child tragically. It’s just a tasty little detail that adds perspective.

Aaron Ehasz confirmed that the Startouch elf in the S1E1 sequence is young Aaravos, before he became the Fallen.

I hope we get an Elarion arc in arc 3 (and that we don't have to wait 3 years for it...). I want it to expand on the story we already have. That’s basically all I’m expecting and waiting for right now.

When the creators talked about continuing the series, they always framed it as prequels and side stories (e.g., The Orphan Queen was pitched as a standalone series, book, or movie at Comic-Con 2019). Also, what we now call Arc 3 wasn’t supposed to exist until S6. Initial versions (during S4 promotion) assumed that the "Mystery of Aaravos" arc would end with S6, and S7 would be the final season (earlier there was also a narrative that S4 and S5 would be one arc, and S6 and S7 would be arc 3 - again Comic Con 2019, the period of S3 promotion). And sure, concepts change, but for me S7 will be the official end of the series until arc 3 is officially confirmed and promotion begins.

And sentimentally, the series ended for me with S3 anyway.

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Honestly, I hoped that if they were going to kill him, they’d do it in some way tied to Leola. Like… this man has depression… there’s nothing left in the world he cares about (okay, except Claudia now, but Claudia will manage without him). At least let him die with dignity, for something he loves.

And seriously, Leola is such an important piece here. Even if she doesn’t come back to life, I think her story would deeply affect the decisions and choices of most of the characters… if they actually took the time to tell it properly.

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BTW I'M IN LOVE, HE LOOKS SO PRETTY HERE 😭

wait a fucking minute...

We still don't know why and how Aaravos was imprisoned.

And what exactly his beef with Sol Reg and the other archdragons was about.

And what his relationship was with the Orphan Queen.

Oh yeah! And also his relationship with Ziard... and city of Elarion...

DID THEY JUST KILL HIM WITH ABSOLUTELY NO EXPLANATION?

I'M SO PISSED OFF