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curiosity-killed · 2 years ago

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I feel like, if you’re a dentist/dental hygienist and you’re looking at a patient who has 5 root canals and fillings in almost every upper tooth…maybe you can skip the lecture about juice

#also bc I have juice like #at most a few times a month #in part bc my teeth are so sensitive to cold I don’t rlly like drinking refrigerated things #anyway today certainly could have been worse #but like #could’ve been better!!#also I find it kind of funny how excited dentists are #about how pretty my teeth are #when they’re so so so tired then #terrible tissue paper teeth but they are straight and white 🙃#personal #*so rotten lmao

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giantkillerjack · 2 years ago

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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trulyfuly · 3 months ago

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#webweave #web weaving #poetry #no theme to this one tbh just a vibe #nostalgia #okay sadness time #ive had the most few months of my life #i feel like i miss something but i dont know what it is #i feel like im supposed to be doing something but im just. sitting.

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saessenach · 3 months ago

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dear fellow traveller

I know they're in their divorce era rn, but I'm still on S1 and they will not let me rest

Galadriel & SauronHalbrand in Númenor, in a moment of peace between arrests

#my art #trop #galadriel #sauron #halbrand #haladriel #saurondriel #artists on tumblr #fanart #digital art #procreate #hey this is the first time i managed to draw more than a few minutes at a time in MONThs #and it's this silly soft selfindulgent thing #what can i say i'm a basic bitch i think about her letting him touch her hair #i melt #this silly show occupies most of my waking moments and some of my sleeping ones too ngl #i can't look at this drawing for too long or i might start hating it and never post it so here it is out into the wild #i love them more than words can say #otp: bind yourself to me

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 7 months ago

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Good morning, Sleepyhead.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.

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vynnyal · 5 months ago

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I've been having a delightful time stumbling over my emojis being used in random servers, so here's more

#It's seriously so funny to see an emote of mine in random conversation from a private server #emojis #art #rain world #Some people went even farther and apparently started using other art of mine as emotes #Which is fine but absolutely buck wild to stumble over #Since some of the art they chose is literally wip versions of my current pfp #??? Sure I guess 😂#rw survivor #rw monk #rw saint #spearmaster #Most of these were requests. The rest were just the emojis I use the most turned into scugs lol #You get to decide which was which lmfaoooo #Also here's some lore: a while back I made 'hunterwheeze'#and the bit was everyone liked it so much they wanted it in the server #So I said bet and threw a bunch of emotes to the staff to hear their thoughts #And way more than I thought got added!#Except for hunterwheeze 🤣🤣🤣#Instead they chose a super edited screenshot of some animation frame I made a few months ago I added last minute for giggles #Which I was DELIGHTED by. It's perfect #Also the only instance of the emote since it's technically not on this blog 😉 not transparent anyway #Oh and here's my favorite 'wild' emotes I've found:#1) that person that dmed me to reveal there was an animated emote for every variation of rivulets face I made that one time #(I was not allowed to join the server)#2) discovering an emote has been in use for months in a server swathed in drama and in the throes of being orchestized from the community #3) that one nightcat-saint emote appearing on a random server announcement (it's so niche I was astounded anyone used it lmfao)#Most sightings are totally benign but these were just hilarious

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chalkrub · 5 months ago

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thank you for a great art fight! here's some of my final attacks. had a blast, already missing it - see you next year!

#my art #art fight #artfight #artfight2024 #anthro #monster #furry #genuinely already missing it i always feel a bit empty for the first few days after art fight ends #it takes up SO much of my free time in july nowadays like july is just the art fight month. to me #hoping to fill the void by doing something that's been eating away at me for years at this point #which is to start taking some of my oc projects more seriously.....and start developing them into something...#i know i can (probably) never make money off my ocs but i think i will start eating my hands off if i don't try to tell their stories #all fun and games but also it's like an obsession 2 me i love my characters....i love them...#and unfortunately i most love my least marketable characters #but whatever i'm sure there will be a couple people who care #feel like i'm at a crossroads and i'm picking the least desirable path but also there's some release in that....#i need to follow that advice that's like make art for yourself and five other likeminded freaks #anyway i'm rambling.....again....it's what i do in the tags

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s1lly-gh02tz · 3 months ago

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Guys what if they felt joy for once. whimsy even. is that allowed,,

#this was on a page with a bunch of other doodles #but i liked this once the most #so i colored it real quick #went back to my roots with the coloring (aka an old brush and coloring style from like a few months ago)#actually now that I think of it the last time i colored like this was a spamvil drawing in this same pose #interesting....yes #gravity falls #fiddauthor #doodles #fiddleford mcgucket #stanford pines #fanart

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daily-odile · 9 months ago

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time loops going on for years scare the hell out of me to the point i cant get into ISAT, but i am very attracted to odile, so thank you for running this blog so i get to stare at her without playing/watching the game <3

luckily for us odile's too good to get stuck in a timeloop

funnier a6se version:

#uh who's those guys on the left under the cut? Ignore them.#isat spoilers #isat #in stars and time #isat odile #isat siffrin #and you're welcome anon!! although I should specify that the time loops go on for a few months at most; not years #in tales of time #odile loops au #idk if putting brackets in the lol makes it weird but my brain says its correct #day 68 #13 left #kind of an early post today huh?

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oceanwithouthermoon · 5 months ago

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yk when i think about it, especially when im watching the anime with people who havent read the manga, the reason a lot of people who only watch the anime and didnt read the manga misinterpreted saikis character so badly is definitely in part because of how damn fast paced the anime is 😭

like that little smile and eye shine frame is there for not even half a second in the anime, so its easier to miss it and assume that he really did only finish those workbooks to get coffee jelly ☠️ its much more clear if you get a good look at how he reacts here that hes just a silly little tsundere and a fucking liar

#this might be really obvious but im silly #LET ME YAP !!#dont read this as me making fun of anime only fans #i was literally one until like a few months ago #i just think its unfortunate how different the vibe is #obviously i love the anime though #there are still some things i straight up don't understand how people miss though #like people who watch the whole anime and still think saiki hates teruhashi or nendo specifically #like ? he has some of his most affectionate scenes with them #but i think maybe its because they missed so many of the more subtle details #that by the time they see saikis offu or him saying he and teruhashi make a great team.. it appears more sudden to them than it really is #so they either completely ignore those scenes or dismiss them as fanservice #ugh #its. literally not fan service at all and makes perfect sense if you pay attention #idk how u can watch the sweetest line ever 'we're invincible together' and deny that saiki cares about teruhashi #in general its actually just impossible to end the show thinking he hates any of his friends unless u just ignored things on purpose #even if u ended at the first season like a lot of people #but im just saying i guess i get why its a little less obvious in the show #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo #meows post

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surreal-duck · 7 months ago

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master artist and his number one fan

guy who is being so normal about the new additions to their profiles. i think abt midoris initial infatuation with his art slowly developing into appreciating yuzuru himself as a person and idol to the point he worries about how he sees him (ex: a bit of home party and in workplace survival rules) sometimes thats a lie i think about it a lot. and yuzuru learning to enjoy art just for the sake of drawing!! seeing the lets try diy story where he doesnt even refute drawing on midoris desk and was only worried that his doodles might cover up the mascot design compared to how discouraged he usually would be in earlier ! stories. everything to me i adore their dynamic if that wasnt obvious by *gestures to basically everything*

and happy pride month 🏳‍🌈