#at least the night is over am I right? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

neoyorzapoteca · 9 days ago

Text

playlist or no playlist I am losing my fucking mind, by the time I get my shit together and start feeling a tiny bit alright the sun starts going down and I am plunged into despair (and this is despite living in MEXICO)

#flashbacks to the utter irrational despair of a providence winter #this is nothing in comparison but #at least I had my housemates and campus and an art building or a library to go to and work even in the snowy dead of night #now it is me just me in my apartment with my post-pandemic agoraphobia and ghost of a social life and heartache #vacillating over whether or not to get my ass out of the house and go to a café to sit alone and work as if this were an actual problem #the actual problem is that I have been on the verge of an anxiety attack at all times and that is still not an actual problem #but I am struggling to focus and struggling to get anything done at all and there are so goddamn many things to get done #and I spent yesterday reading a pop neuroscience self-help book and taking notes like a maniac instead of working & now the sunday scaries #absolute dysfunction #nightmares every time I go to sleep #I am back to meditating and exercising and doing fucking affirmations and going to therapy and it helps it does but it's not enough #all of this awful shit from the past 10 years just flooding my subconscious day and night #and even just getting back into this thesis means facing the reasons I put it on hold in the first place and those were fucking dark days #just want to have a properly good day #just want to get this thing done and be able to focus on getting more paid work and get myself out of this hole #just need to get my entire fucking life together it's no big deal #just having a minor meltdown in the tags it's fine #it's just since the breakup & since the girls visited & for two brief moments I didn't feel alone – everything is hitting me inside and out #and it feels like I have no right to be this much of a mess when things could be so much worse on so many levels #when it comes down to it even with everything that's happened I still know I'm lucky – I'm alive I'm here I'm technically okay #and nevertheless

29 notes · View notes

pfhwrittes · 6 months ago

Note

I'm not trying to be rude but why do you care if minors interact with your blog? From what I can see you don't write smut exclusively, and I thought creators want more people to read their posts?

you may not be trying to be rude anon, but you're certainly skirting the line with this ask. i'm going to try to address this as clearly and as calmly as possible.

firstly, i don't want minors interacting with me in online spaces because i'm an adult. i have been a teenager in online spaces, i grew up with being warned about internet safety and the likelihood of interacting with adults that may not have my best interests at heart online. i am friends with people irl who were groomed online.

i am also friends with someone irl who thought they were talking to another adult in an adult only space only to find out that the person they were talking to (and engaging in flirtatious conversation with) lied about their age. i witnessed first hand as this person contemplated ending their life because the child threatened to "leak" their conversations and called them a paedophile. i witnessed first hand the shame and fear this person lived with even as they went to the police of their own free will to clear their name.

secondly, i shouldn't have to write smut exclusively to want minors to avoid interacting with my blog. i don't want to interact with minors therefore i shouldn't have to interact with minors. that's it. no further discussion should be necessary.

however, for whatever godawful fucking reason, these children continue to launch themselves into my ask box or my friends ask boxes throwing temper tantrums or being passive aggressive cunts all because an adult said no. it reeks of piss poor parenting, of entitlement and of a blatant disregard for their own safety. i am not your guardian or parental figure. i am a stranger on the internet that is saying no for your safety and for mine. practice what you fucking preach when you reblog endless posts supporting the message of "no means no".

and finally, i don't want just anyone interacting with my blog and my posts. i want adults to interact with my blog because i am an adult. i cannot stop minors from reading my blog but i can stop them from interacting with my blog and by extension me.

have a good day.

#pfh answers #tw grooming mention #tw suicide mention #i am really pissed off right now anon because this whole situation is a complete shower of shit #the fact that i am spending my precious time and energy responding to this instead of working on the wedding guest!gaz fic is -#- frustrating to say the least and actively sucking the joy out of writing for this fandom for me #since last night i have been contemplating cross posting everything over to ao3 and orphaning it because i am sick and tired of this

30 notes · View notes

iguessitsjustme · 11 months ago

Text

3 Will Be Free - Circus

Last July I said I would let people choose the next video edit I made and here it is! Thank you for your patience as the polls said I had to make this drunk and I do not drink that often. But I hope everyone enjoys this drunken mess of a video.

#3 will be free #3 will be free the series #rae makes video edits #but rae i can hear you say you didn't include THE kiss #i know i know but here's the thing is i couldn't break up the kiss scene #and i only had like 3 minutes to work with so in order to include literally any other show that kiss did not make it into this video #anyway i made this based solely on vibes #i feel like you can really see where my drunk brain took over #though i don't feel very drunk right now #but based on how much alcohol i've had tonight i am actually wasted #do not trust me when i say i feel completely sober #i am most definitely not #anyway this was an interesting project that i will probably not do again #at least not drunk because hoooooo boy this was hard to make #i'm gonna stop rambling in the tags now and go to bed i think #good night everyone i love you *kisses your forehead*

21 notes · View notes

girlfox · 6 months ago

Text

haha between how stressful and busy work is & how overwhelmed by school i am, i got a zero on an assignment because we were so overloaded with work and i missed one of the assignments due for the module yesterday. brb going to go cry and drag my butt back into indesign. consider me afk for a lil' while longer.

#𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 ⠀⠀(⠀ⅰ.⠀)⠀⠀𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑:⠀⠀ಇ⠀⠀oh-kae!#i just finished packing up the rest of our old office at work #that we're leasing back out #and that i had to move out. by myself. <3 #i am so beyond physically tired.#and i already spent hours upon hours at the start of the week and last night working on assignments.#bc i'm just trying to manage it after working all day every day too.#i took a half day today at least to get on top of it but getting that pop up notif for my 0 grade really just.#is pushing me over the edge LOL.#my mind is so beyond fried right now i wanna cry.#it brought me down from a 98.7% to a 95% which i know is still good but.#i'm an academic over achiever and this makes me want to die. <3

8 notes · View notes

nectarinebat · 25 days ago

Text

So. My ex came to visit me at work and bring me food. He got too drunk to drive so he's coming home with me. I'm at his place waiting in my car as he's getting his stuff together to spend the night. That situationship that dumped me just called me to tell me he really wants to hold me right now. I'm feeling sick to my stomach

#my ex had me over for dinner earlier this week and spent the night telling me how bad he wants us to get back together.#he told me he wants to marry me #i dont know what i want but now that the other guy just called i want to leave and be with him #even tho he was a piece of shit to me #and he played me #and he told me things he never followed through with...#i dont know what i want but here i am #still waiting for my ex to get back in my car #i dont want a relationship with him. not right now at least #im feeling....Something at the core of my being right now #s talks

3 notes · View notes

gotta-bail-my-quails · 1 month ago

Text

in a terrible dilemma where i both want to leave home and also go back so so badly

#man these bitches LOUD #also they refuse to take out the trash #and wear shoes inside the house #girl. stop it #theyre so...screamy #full shade to allos but you dont need to scream over a boy texting you/not #i was very clearly trying to take a nap in the room right next to yours #you saw me. i was right there when you walked past #so instead i kinda just mildly hallucinated for 4 hours cuz i couldnt fully fall asleep #BECAUSE YOU KEPT SCREAMING #ik im not the quietest at night but im not fucking screaming and its not for frivolous things #oh boy! i hate it here already!#as a californian we kinda suck #these RAs are NOT reinforcing quiet hours #it was like. 1 am last night and i could still hear some drunkards talking across the building #the previous night i think the same ones were talking about a fucking orgy????#also why are you bringing friends over right now. it is literally the middle of the night. dont at least 1 of you have shit to do tomorrow?

2 notes · View notes

steviescrystals · 6 months ago

Text

i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane

(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)

#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school #so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away #i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute #and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with #someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over #so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job #not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people #and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie #or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired #i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family #but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying #and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home #logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do #i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out #and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years #i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year #i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out #even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times #and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable #i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something #plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later #vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space #and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year #and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends #so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything #i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything #but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know #i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to #vent

5 notes · View notes

nomairuins · 2 months ago

Text

bedtime nowww probably ummm today qas not what i wanted it 2 be but its fine. i dont feel negative just a very very very numb day which is almost worse. but only almost 🙏

#i did get thr laundry done didnt fold it didnt take a shower #so thatll hopefuly be tmrw #i hope im able to do an activity with somebody tmrw.... the kids will be back at school so umm. no risk of weeman asking for my laptop in #the morning. or maybe me n lamp could play aa... idk #i feel like such a loser i go 1 day without bothering my family and im like wahhh im lonely. Can you shut up ..... we r better than this.#but wtvr. thats also a mean thought and i shouldnt be idolizing the way i lived last year. We were taking spongebaths and eating #1 bowl of soup a day crying ourselves to sleep every night and literally going weeks on end wo talking to our loved ones. so why am i like #We need to go back ! well i know why its bc i cant just let myself heal and move on bc of my stupid complex #and tbf i was very efficient back then. i ws able to do my spongebaths at least every 3 days and i did my laundry every week right on #schedule and i had a job....all it took was literally not being a person in any meaningful way FJFNGJGN. idk #it was very simple. its still very simple perhaps simpler (#no job) but instead i just feel guilty i guess. sbt everything #which i ws doing last year but again i was too out of it to rly dwell. i just cried at work a lot abt it #but now its like. i dont have a job to go to to focus on. my interests/hobbies can only distract me for a few days maximum b4 they become #nothing 2 me. and then im just back in limbo again and it feels pointless #and even when its a 'good' phase of something actually keeping me distracted from everything its like. not. all it does is ruin my sleep #schedule again yk. ik im literally the timeloop guy so u think id loveee Everyday being exactly the same over and over and over but well i #dont. bc they arent actually the same day theyre just reminders that everything does keep fucking going but im stuck. which is the opposite #of what i want. and what id have if the beautiful timeloop would simply rescue me. wtvr tho.... she doesnt even know i exist 😥#little joke. IDK. like i said its better ig than having a truly miserable day but. man. i wish everything was better #i ws gonna say like it used to be but. yk. ive been depressed since i was like 7 its not like. idk. i wish i was born different and i wish #my head worked and i wish none of it had evrr happened. but itis ok. i cant think of a funny cutesy alternative to put here so we will just #say nothing. yay

2 notes · View notes

seilon · 3 months ago

Text

pro: ran into a coworker at a bar last night who I don’t really talk to usually (he works upstairs, I work downstairs) and we talked and im pretty sure we were highkey flirting and he bought me a drink and the bar merch shirt i was interested in and thanks to the power of alcohol i guess i asked for his number and he gladly gave it to me and. yeah

con: i have the second worst hangover i have ever had and have been fighting for my fucking life just to eat saltines

#it’s getting better but only now that it’s like. 6pm #as weird as it sounds part of why this sucks is that I volunteered to come into work today cause there’s a concert going on nearby which #usually means we’re at least somewhat busy -> make better tips #and I couldn’t go in because well. you know #I’ve been sick and dying in bed all day unable to move or eat or anything #let alone take the bus and go to work #but. as much as I wish I didn’t go this overboard I don’t totally regret last night cause.#yeah. potential thing going on with cute coworker guy. OH and potential job opportunity at my favorite bar in town #apparently said coworker Also has a job at the bar in addition to where we both work and the bar is hiring barbacks at entry-level #so I have someone to vouch for me and the bartender we were talking to seemed to really want me to apply too #one thing that’s kinda funny to me about all this is that the first two places (a bar then a club) we were at felt really mid because they #were packed with way too many straight people (at a gay bar and a gay club)#but the bar we ended up at (where we ALWAYS end up at. it is the oasis. it is the only thing I can rely on) felt. like. not overwhelmingly #straight? at all? I mean part of it’s just luck in a way with just who happened to be there and all that but it’s also that the staff seem #pretty significantly populated with queer ppl #I complained to the bartender about how the club we were at (one of the biggest gay clubs in the city- if not The biggest) just felt kinda #meh because yeah maybe there were some guys dancing in jockstraps and whatever but the crowd itself like. did not feel largely queer #or at least didn’t have the spirit I’d hope for in a queer space if that makes sense. felt very conventional. not enough wild outfits and #makeup and gender fuckery and so on #and the bartender was like dude I KNOW right? I went off outside there once about the invasion of cishets when this space isn’t FOR them #and so on and so forth. and god that was So real.#so the experience at my beloved bar last night was like. 1) guy comes up behind me just to order a drink but i was saving a seat for my #friend who was in the bathroom and mentioned that in case he was looking to take the seat. chatted a little. ended with him pointing out #that a guy nearby was trying to holla at me.#2) I look over and yes. the dj is. in fact. looking directly at me and mouthing the lyrics to whatever song was playing pointed my way.#it was pretty sweet honestly I think it was partly cause I looked like I was shy and alone #3) whatever gay shit was going on with my coworker and i. amusingly he seems to get more flamboyant when he drinks just like i do.#im not 100% sure what his sexuality is but i Am 100% sure it is Not straight. but yeah. if it hadn’t been so close to closing time ive been #hardcore wondering where that would’ve gone. maybe its for the best that i had to go when i did cause i was pretty drunk and who knows when #I could’ve hit the amount of drunk it takes to like outright say hey just so you know i’d suck your dick right now if you wanted

2 notes · View notes

gobbluthbutagirl · 3 months ago

Text

crazy how if you google “how many job applications per week” (which you probably shouldn’t google anyway) you get one result saying doing 2-3 a day is good, one result saying doing 5-10 a day is good, and one result saying doing 11-20 a day is good. So basically, do whatever the hell you want forever

#my thing is. HOW many of these jobs are real. HOW many of these places are actually hiring #one of the 2 i did today made you answer like 15 different questions about whether you’ve ever been late for work. ummmm.no #my plan is to apply at least 20 jobs over the next ummm week or two or so #and keep in mind these are all like nothingburger minimum wage retail jobs designed for stupid individuals such as myself #and if NONE of these places want me then i will know that the job market right now is probably bad for realsies #and so between like september 14-21 i will know if i should be looking for a place to stay for october #or looking for a plane ticket back so i don’t waste money chasing something that won’t happen #and IF it’s option B then i will make my brother hire me at dunkin for a few months until a) the job market improves #or b) i have enough money saved up that i could convince some landlord to rent to me while unemployed #because my thing about the money is like. i still have everything i saved when i worked at target #and i still remember what i endured in order to save all that money. so i absolutely am not dipping into that money #until i KNOW my life is headed in the right direction #and also when i got the job at target that was literally the 4th job i applied to in like 3 months #so if i apply to like 2 dozen jobs and none of them pan out then i’ll Know the timing is wrong. the market is bad #anyway pay me no mind i’ve only been back on the west coast 24 hours #i just had to go ahead and think through every possibility before my head asploded. Her ass did not fucking sleep last night your honor

6 notes · View notes

potatobugz · 2 years ago

Text

OH MY GODDD THAT "we saw your mom and she's a real dog" LINE IN SOUTH PARK S1 EP 10 IS BECAUSE IN 'THE OMEN' DAMIENS MOTHER IS A JACKAL AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

#south park #rambles #damien thorn #GOING INSANE.#i smimmed over the wiki for the omen last night #*skimmed #interesting. i guessm i am not very religious tho so the ending didnt interest me as much #also good god could you imagine if damien wasnt the antichrist he was just really umlicky #like imagine having ur family try to kill you like 3 times #i know hes like. the embodiment of evil or whatever but.#at least i think thays the line. i have bad memory so o dont trust myself to remember anything right ever #*unlucky

32 notes · View notes

tbpbsides · 4 months ago

Text

i feel so fucking adriftttt man when does it end like seriously when

#chirps #college was college. i didnt need to be actually fulfilled because at least i was always working towards something #but most days lately i feel like i am just getting through the day. there are things i enjoy and things i dont and whatever #but mostly im just going through the motions #im in a show right now and its really fun and im so happy im doing it but at the end of the day rehearsal is just this thing i do #for 3 hours a night most nights but then its over #im scared i'll never feel as close to anyone again as i did to my ex. my best friend is out of town for another month #even this week which should be pleasurable bc its my first week off in six months #i just dont feel like im doing what i want to be doing. but i dont know what that would even be #roller derby lowkey is the only thing that makes me feel good that i want to do. lol

3 notes · View notes

reflectionsofgalaxies · 5 months ago

Text

having a normal one over here

#i think the meds overcorrected #i cannot sleep and i am bubbling with Emotions #can i tell what most of them are? No #but there’s a lot of them #and they’re not actually super shitty??#they’d be nice if they could just dial it down a notch #also this isn’t vague posting to be clear i’m not having Emotions because anything happened #this is run-of-the-mill confusion posting #kinda nervous for the comedown after these like. several consecutive pretty great days in a row???#other than the late night panic attacks i was giving myself by reading the news #my doctor literally made me go into my settings and turn off notifs for my news apps #while telling me ‘at least you’re self aware’#(bc i knew it was the news fucking me up i just wasn’t Allowed to turn off notifs)#anyway i’ve gone on a tangent #tumblr is back to being my journal #which means i’m gonna get like. at least 3x more annoying with my posting.#anyway i’m also thinking about Women but like. what’s new right?#also it’s Pride Month if there was ever a time to be gay over women it is NOW #someone’s gonna have to talk me out of dating apps again soon #(i hate dating apps and i don’t even want to date)#(but like maybe there are other cool queer people who wanna have queer movie nights and be casually gay together)#(you never know unless you try!)#anyway i’m not gonna be embarrassed for those tags bc if you’ve read this far that’s on you #personal

2 notes · View notes

milkweedman · 1 year ago

Text

eating my dinner of one squashed heirloom tomato which i dropped shortly after picking it, sliced with salt and pepper on it, with chopsticks and while standing in the middle of my room

#was very good to be fair #i love tomatoes......#i am hoping my stomach doesnt reject it but anytime i eat anything it dedicates the next several days #to trying to kill me for fun #and now to get crossfaded perhaps. i got discount edibles but they dont have cbd which is perhaps what lets me sleep thru the night #rather then sleep for approximately 1 hour n then wake up in extreme pain and lay there until its time to go to work. still in extreme pain #least favorite part of my life right now for sure #was not worth the heavy discount #man that was a good tomato.....#im so fucking hungry rn bc i have not been able to eat for a While but also very aware that Eating Hurts #sighhhh. its fine. i am over it.#my sole pair of jeans is currently too loose to stay up. luckily my shorts have a drawstring #i should honestly just put drawstring closures on all my pants... so much more comfy

18 notes · View notes

therosevest · 9 months ago

Text

like not to be crazy but life yesterday for me was just wake up 9am class sit edit (see film friends briefly so yippee yay) oh my god thank god the little bit of time i sat outside in the sun but then class till 5pm walk to store w sam for their shit to be way too pricey to be worth it lmao um not even get on bus till 5:45 call parents around 6:45 dont get off phone with dad till after 8:30. um. watch tv with lydia for a little bit smoke make a shitty little dinner bed. idk typing it out it's like oh thats not So bad i had at least a few chill moments. kind of. it still feels bleak though anyone else

#and well yes i had to sit for a while and wait for lydia for the bus #bc i happened to see sam's roommate and two others of that friend group sitting right out front of yk #the building i work at and near the bus stop. and i was just like. oh jesus Christ. i cant do seeing people today esp not 3v1 #and sunday i had the most painfully entangled physically awkward run in with this girl who is also friends w them. whom i met that one #rlly weird night but we didnt even really meet we were just in each others vicinity enough to make eye contact and be like um hi ig yk #anyway tiny br and my bookbag is like a foot and a half deep rn so i went to hang it up and wash my hands and the straps get all messed #up w hers and i walk over to be like omg im so sorry but she has headphones on as do i but i thought she at least saw me grab my bag #and put it on and then i opened the door for her bc i literally did not have room i would have run into her and she still managed to #like squished cause its cramped and almost smack the door/me again and i was just so fucking tired and gross after work like girl i am not #a person rn... yk.... anyways. none of that really mattered but it's stuff that happened in the periphery of like life idk #abby talks #i need enrichment so bad. but preceded and followed by so much rest

5 notes · View notes

forcedhesitation · 1 year ago

Text

oh the teaser. it has to be chucky, right?

#dbd #thoughts about media #people on twitter are ALREADY complaining #shut the fuck up. the last two chapters were AMAZING.#idc if you “don't like sci-fi horror.” hux and the xenomorph are GREAT killers. with at least one strong perk each.#hypocritical to complain about sci-fi horror and then rejoice over stranger things' return. bro st IS sci-fi horror.#and bhvr got it back! all thanks to the insane pressure fans put on netflix to bring it back. clearly the issue is NOT sci-fi horror.#what do you honestly have to complain about right now in terms of DLC?#after the catastrophes that were the forged in fog and tools of torment chapter releases... end transmission.... alien....#...and the return of stranger things...is HUGE.#if it IS chucky I am very excited. idc if people think he's “too silly” for dbd. by that logic- so is ghostface.#he's one of horror's most iconic faces too. and I'm happy whenever the game brings in one of the genre's legends.#would you seriously rather a work week's worth of night shifts at fredward's? because I sure as hell would rather ANYTHING but that.

5 notes · View notes