#at least that's my read of the situation
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Hank is of course correct to say to the executives at Danaher and Cepheid "we are not enemies here, we're allies, and the enemy is Tuberculosis" even though that is not true, and maybe he even knows it's not true. The executives at these companies, as at all medtech companies, are in a very real sense enemies of all mankind. But it's good to appeal to them on your large public platform; it's good to make an implicit threat.
A few months ago, John made a video addressing Johnson & Johnson, saying that it would be a good business decision for them on PR grounds (implicit: I, John Green, with my large platform, am going to make this a good business decision for you on PR grounds) to make generic variants of bedaquiline available sooner in more countries. Evidently he had enough leverage to make this true, and so generic variants of bedaquiline will now become available in certain countries with high TB rates and a very large number of lives will probably be saved.
Hank is attempting to do the same thing here. I do not know if he has the leverage to make it work, but I assume that he and John have talked about it and they think that they do. Let's hope they do.
Saying "we are not enemies, we have a common enemy, etc. etc" appeals to the humanity of the decision makers at these companies, which presumably they do have and which against the selective pressures of the market might possibly still factor into their decision somewhere, it appeals to the humanity of e.g. the engineers at these companies, who might be able to put some kind of pressure up the chain towards the right decision getting made (and they have much less of a vested interest against it), and it is a wonderfully cordial way to make an implicit PR threat, that puts you on great rhetorical ground.
This is good propaganda, targeted and thought-through propaganda, that stands a reasonable chance of making the world a better place in a measurable way. Sometimes it's good to say things you don't mean, or that aren't true, or both. Sometimes even when all intelligent observers kinda know they aren't true.
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i never know how to phrase it but something about the way beatles biographers and people in general view paul's reflexive placating persona and determination to smooth things over as manipulative or duplicitous and john's reflexive barbed persona and habit of lashing out as brave and subversive despite both being equally defensive mechanisms to shield themselves from the world that resulted in them saying things that weren't true says more about how we culturally view kindness or friendliness as inherently untrustworthy or flimsy and anger and carelessness as more believable as someone's true nature than it says about either of them in actuality
#the beatles#john lennon#paul mccartney#mclennon#idk if im explaining this well but it always gives me whiplash to read how 'beatles historians' elsewhere view them#bc it seems like for all that theyre able to make the simple connection between johns past and trauma to his behavior#as a protective mechanism to shield him from vulnerability#far fewer people make the equally reasonable connection between pauls past#with parents that never said i love you to each other or told their children about a serious illness#and an adult paul who doesnt examine his own feelings much less speak candidly about them#or stories like mike mccartney talking about being beaten by jim while paul yelled at him to just say that he 'didnt do it' so it would sto#and an adult paul who has clearly internalized the basic cause and effect of the things you say and the consequences that come from them#and how the truth is less relevant in those situations than the obvious path of least resistance that will spare you needless pain#idk i have a lot of thoughts and feelings on how people see paul mccartney#i want to shake some of these biographers and be like this mid-20s kid experiencing a level of scrutiny and pressure#the world had never seen before#was not puppeteering everything to meet his vision#he was trying to protect himself and his friends from the very real danger of public perception!!#my posts
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Hi! Just curious. What exactly is that you didn't like about Viktor's arc? I've seen a few people saying the same thing and idk if I'm missing something or I'm just too over the moon about him that my brain has gone smooth haha.
oh no oh no i'm probably going to write like a whole dissertation about this I am so sorry I'm literally cracking my knuckles I have so many thoughts and not all of them I'll even get to articulate here.
Saying this upfront: you aren't smooth-brained for disagreeing with me or liking it. I want to say that outright as I'm a very opinionated person and I am going to state my very strong opinions very plainly.
That being said : I genuinely feel like season 2 needed like... character writing 101 for a lot of these characters, especially the two characters whose names start with a 'V'. I'm so serious if one of my students brought in a story like this, I would (gently) take it apart.
If you don't want to read the whole thing I'm about to unleash, the crux of it is this for me:
Throughout the course of the season, it's very hard to discern how many of Viktor's decisions are his own. He lacks the baseline autonomy that's necessary for satisfying development. The magic of the hexcore becomes a shiny distraction that makes meaningful development impossible. Additionally, season 2 forgets so many of the themes and threads they explored with Viktor in season one explicitly in terms of class and his position on war and weapons manufacturing.
And, like almost everything in season 2, these issues are compounded because his story is done at a pace that's completely lightning-fast and prioritizes the wrong things.
Here's my thesis:
How Does a Man Like Viktor Become the Machine Herald? Arcane's Answer: Magic orb or vague sadness or something idk.
Harry Lloyd said in a season 1 commentary somewhere that one of the main appeals for Viktor is knowing who he is in the game and wondering how you take a man like him, who is so kind and has people's best interests at heart, and see him slowly become the machine herald.
I agree 100% that this is part of the story's appeal for players. And it would be a delight and surprise for non-players.
We... get that very juicy premise ripped from us. We don't see him making decisions grounded in the character they set up in season 1 at all, really. And its very unsatisfying seeing him be rendered a mere victim of circumstance with vague attachments to his past self.
This is not necessarily a complaint about arcane herald vs machine herald (I did not play league and am not attached to the lore) but a complaint that a lot of what happens with Viktor in season 2 seems very unattached to his psychology.
Christian Linke himself said (and I forget where, so I am sorry if I'm paraphrasing terribly) that part of the question he wanted the audience to ask with Viktor is how much of this is really him? Bluntly. That is incredibly silly. It's such an important question that it makes all other interesting questions one might have about him really hard to parse.
That's not compelling. That's a mistake. That's not rooted in character anymore but a vague magical orb.
Here are some questions that would have been more interesting for us to ask, Christian.
How does his desire to tamper out human emotion prompt him to do the unspeakable? What leads him there?
How far is he willing to go to take away human pain and suffering?
Is his version of pacifism really, in actuality, a form of violence?
Will his connection with others be enough to bring him back to his humanity? (this is a question we were not prompted to ask, and if we were, it would have made the final scene (which I love regardless) a lot more satisfying.
What is the root of his hunger for power? How much of his quest is a hunger for power and control over others (rooted in a fractured and tragic sense of self)? and how much is it rooted in his desire to help? Where is that line?
Any of these questions or any other questions we could enjoy exploring with Viktor become tampered with and weakened by the fact that a vague magical entity is controlling him in a vague and unrelatable way.
In short, 'How much of Viktor is still Viktor?' is a far less interesting question than. 'how is Viktor going to act, change, and learn? ' We are forced to ask the first at the cost of the second. He clearly is not fully himself this season.
The Dropping of Themes and Traits
Season 1's exploration of Viktor was multi-layered and fascinating. I feel like we got to see the establishment of a kind-hearted, sometimes awkward yet quite funny, passionate scientist.
I don't feel we see much of any of this in season 2. The stupid fucking orb overrides a lot of the traits we've come to know and love. This would have been cool if done with an ounce of care, understanding, or autonomy.
In season 1, we see Viktor in a position of powerlessness over and over. We see Viktor ignored and looked down upon by those in power both for his disability and, crucially, for his status as a Zaunite.
We're introduced to him as someone who is desperate to prove himself and carve a place for himself. He knows he's brilliant. And he knows he can help people with that big brain of his. That's all he wants. And he wants to make his mark (something I theorize is rooted in his loneliness as well as his ambition)
(Side note: I find a lot of the debate on whether or not Viktor is insecure a little silly because you can be both confident and insecure. He's incredibly secure in his abilities as a scientist, but I fully do believe he places all his worth on his work because he's not as confident in other places - represented visually by him trying to point out his boat when Sky is looking at him in the flashback. A 'don't look at me look at what I've made' type thing.)
Anyways. Viktor is willing to risk his position as an assistant and, honestly, his position at the academy and in Piltover as a whole to help Jayce. This is not just because he's 'lol so chaotic' or whatever. This is actually quite calculated. He knows he will get nowhere in Piltovian society without bending rules, because Piltover was not built for people like him.
"Do you think it was my life's ambition to be an assistant?"
But even in taking that huge step for himself, his new role is complicated.
We see him sit through meetings where his people are talked about like burdens. We see his closest (and honestly only) ally and partner speak over him in meetings and overrule his desires and wants when it comes to the future of hextech in massive ways. We see Jayce call all Zaunites 'dangerous' (I love jayce... don't shoot me please. But we do often forget that this does canonically happen and what makes Jayce so incredible is that he grows from this point)
The moment on the bridge directly causes him not to tell Jayce about what he's doing to himself. Jayce apologizing right after doesn't matter so much as it reinforces one of Viktor's fears: he is alone.
We see his illness, !!!!caused by Piltover's oppression!!!!, take over. We see him and Jayce grow apart. We see the way his loneliness impacts his desperation and the way his desperation impacts his loneliness and we see the way he's so damn afraid and just wants to live. We see how much he wants to help people, and how even though he's tried so hard he never got to achieve that because the limits of this society just don't allow for it.
Season 1 Act one is Viktor taking action for himself. season 1 Acts 2 and 3 are a brutal reminder that no matter how hard he works. No matter how hard he claws. He will always be who he is. And that makes him Powerless in this society. I honestly find it a really compelling storyline in terms of the 'bootstrap theory' and debunking that - but a different topic for a different time!
At the end of the season, he's able to gain a huge amount of power - speaking at the council about freeing his city - through Jayce's platforming and allyship. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter, because what the council is doing is too little too late - people in Zaun are too tired and too hurt - and he gets caught in the crossfire.
Despite all this, Season 2 does not engage with Viktor's being a Zaunite outside of the fact that he returns to Zaun first. But the themes explored related to class and power are gone - as they are with everyone else really.
It makes sense to me that one of the first things Viktor would do when granted a new body and new power would be to go and try to help people in Zaun, but the ambiguous mechanisms of the magic inside him, the immediate divorce with Jayce, and the bizarre way he goes about it don't make this land.
And even the return is rendered sort of meaningless. Where is the personal connection to this place? Why are we given no details related to his past here? Why doesn't he return to somewhere more personal for him?
He speaks in this cold, unaffected monotone. This healing ability seems to be the 'recursive impulse' - so him finally getting to help people just like he wanted feels rooted so much in the arcane influence it becomes murky and strange.
This is more nitpicky, and I'd be okay with it being ignored in the right context - but another aspect of his character that gets dropped is his work as a scientist. His desire to help people not through magic, but through invention. This would have been fascinating. (They try to keep this alive through vague allusions to 'look at what I've created' blah blah but again, so much of it is all ORB)
What inventions would a fully autonomous Viktor who decided to leave Jayce and return to Zaun of his own fruition create? Would they toe the line between inventions of progress and inventions of destruction?
Guess we'll never know!
Speaking of weapons. Let's talk about weapons. Let's talk about Viktor's vehement opposition to weapons not being explored within the context of his relationship with Jayce or outside of the rule that there are none allowed in the commune - which becomes quite meaningless when he agrees to work with Ambessa. Yes - he saw those blueprints on the table. But that's all we get.
Also, the fact that Jayce just unquestionably builds hextech weapons in the finale, and they're used as a good thing and a way to fight off Noxus, makes me want to claw my own hair out. Like - my themes ! Not my precious themes !
Let's also talk about him working with Ambessa. There's no build-up to that decision, not near enough character work to make that believable and considering the way the plot is written elsewhere, I fully believe this is a huge part of the problem of the writer's room dropping the issue of class. The idea that Viktor, the character that they set up, would ever willingly work with Ambessa is laughable. There are so many other ways he could have gotten to the hexcore in his fully evolved form, easily bested Jayce, and evolved. And they did absolutely nothing in the writing of season 2 to make that an interesting or satisfying choice.
An arc is only an arc if there is substance between point a and b. There's no substance here. There's vague orb. There are little glimpses of the pain he's in because of his separation from Jayce. Teeny tiny allusions to him trying to shut down his emotions. That's simply not enough.
You cannot bring a character who values choice and autonomy, whose been made to feel so powerless and is empathetic, to "choice is meaningless" without a deep study of his psychology and pain. Viktor taking away the autonomy of others, inhabiting their bodies. Being super chill with it. Okay. Coo.
Where does his desire for evolution even come from? For real? Because they seem to mistake Viktor's ambition with his desire for perfection, which is something that was never really... brought up? It could be believable that he felt this way. But where were the signs of this? Not just in season 1 but in season 2. He always wanted to help, not make humanity perfect. Because this is grounded in so little emotional logic I assume we're supposed to be satisfied with the idea that magic orb + machine herald form = ??? this ??? like ??? why???
If he wants to create a world where nobody can feel pain or complex emotions of any sort anymore, which is not psychologically where he was at the end of season 1 at all despite all he went through, you have to give us an event (ideally multiple) in season 2 that could break his mind this badly. Jayce killing him could have been this, but it happened so fast and was executed so impersonally that it doesn't work. He doesn't really acknowledge it happened the next time they see each other. Which... would probably be important to do... again emotional logic where?
His entire speech about humanity at the end of episode 6 feels like it's trying to be a catalyst. But it also feels... incredibly generic and impersonal. It felt written to play over a flashy montage of all the other characters fighting. Not for Viktor. If this was Viktor's moment where he finally snaps, we should probably focus on Viktor. And, of course, it doesn't help that he has this odd monotone this whole time, as if he's not fully in control of himself (this is not a rip on Harry Lloyd at all. He did what he was told and did it very, very well.)
Because remember. They wanted us to ask this. They wanted us to ask how much of this was orb. I think because they knew on some level they could not create a compelling enough story to get viktor where they wanted him to be for some reason without orb. That none of this would make sense without the vague spice of the arcane. And guess what it still doesn't.
Becuase people will not relate to a vague arcane influence. Connect to it. We would want to see what actually in his life made him become this. What in his psychology outside of magic orb made him do this? They provide vague tastes of this in the same way La Croix flavors its drinks.
Brought Back Wrong Can Work: Here's Why This One Didn't
I also really hate the trope of killing off characters only to bring them back. And back again. And... again. Because guess what. It takes one of the core elements of the human experience - death- and cheapens it. This for sure happens with Viktor the second time he dies.
But what i do like about bringing someone back from the dead is when you consider how doing so can bring someone back wrong. Or changed.
But because the orb is so impersonal. So bland. Such a vague sinister force that has very little to do with character, it doesn't... work. It doesn't hit. Viktor doesn't really grapple with being brought back from the dead against his will in a meaningful way.
Timing
You can see concepts of a plan, if you will, within this story. I can see how Viktor would naturally go to the undercity after waking up changed with new healing powers. But it happens way to fast. So bizarrely. I can see how he would build a society like this (of course, the power of that is dulled because orb and by the fact that we don't see it happen). I can see how the pain of being rejected and left behind by the only person who made him feel like he wasn't alone (Jayce) could have lead to a category 5 'make me evil' sort of meltdown.
Becoming the Herald, asking Singed to begin the transformation, is the only true time in this show in act 2 (before his final moments) where it feels like he's making a choice for himself. But again, we get so little time with him. To see his emotions. To elegantly point from that moment with Jayce to Viktor's need to transform and in doing so rid himself of emotion (something that they did not expand on enough ) Like oh my god, how much more satisfying would it have been to see Viktor torn apart by his own emotions - in his own viktor way - and to have singed offer him a way out of his pain - and then have viktor take it. There are certain things that should be obvious.
But It's both the timing of and the structure of the story - how quickly we cut between plotlines - that makes this really hard to follow. That makes moments that could be something feel rushed and sloppy.
Let's Talk about Sky
Viktor's guilt over sky was absolutely reasonable to explore, but it was not.... all that haunted him. To make Sky the sole guide/companion to him in the astral/arcane headspace I found to be a bizarre and honestly kind of offensive choice.
Amanda overton said she was used as a "Jayce substitute" essentially. And... why? Literally why. Why would you write a character whose sole deal is having an unrequited crush on a man only to bring her back to be 'the embodiment of his guilt and loneliness' as well as a 'substitute' - it feels... icky to me? Just in a writing women and especially women of color point of view? And it didn't feel true to Viktor's character either.
I think if we actually got to know sky better in season 1, this would have worked because it would have been obvious how different she was, how she was a product of his mind or the hexcore or whatever (the lore being vague here doesn't help...)
Plot Twist because I keep hating on Orb: They Could Have Made The Orb Really Cool
Here's the thing. Magic influence on its own can be used to write extremely compelling plots. Walk with me.
Imagine Viktor wakes up. Immediately knows something's wrong with him. That something inside him is toying with him. Making him see things (visions of not only sky, but maybe his parents, Jayce, Heimer). He wakes up earlier in act 1. Despite his anger, he stays with jayce in order to better understand himself and his powers. All the while, he is haunted by whispers and visions of the hexcore. What if it whispers to him of his own insecurities and failures?
What if Things with Jayce are tense. Jayce has to admit to making weapons again, in an argument leading to more haunting visions from the hexcore offering him an out: emotional numbness. You would never have to feel again Viktor. If you let me in fully, you would never have to be alone again. You'd be more powerful, Viktor.
Imagine Viktor is there during that attack ambessa orchestrated. That he has the horror of witnessing Jayce wield his hammer in a genuine attempt to defend himself and the people he loves. He sees first hand how hextech is being used for destruction in a way that horrifies him.
Imagine him being accused of being a part of it because he's a Zaunite - humiliated in some way. Publicly. Imagine the emotional trauma of this resulting in a falling out so devastating he embraces his visions of the hexcore - gives into the numbness. And only then leaves. With the hexcore... he feels better than he has in years. He hopes he can give the gift of this to others. Now he is under orb influence, but now the way he's gotten there is more satisfying to me at least.
Now imagine him fighting the orb influence in key moments. Imagine the color in his eyes coming back. Imagine Viktor's relationship with the arcane being more of a dance than a vague entanglement. Imagine its influence haunting him in the same way Jinx's visions haunt her. Imagine it being personal rooted in his character.
Old Man Viktor
Listen. I am the old man Viktor connoisseur. I love him. I love the idea of him. I wrote a whole fic about him, during which I had to spend a lot of time with the story. It's sort of... very much impossible to make much sense of?
I'm not mad at the fact that it's an obvious retcon. Honestly, because I think from a storytelling perspective, it worked a lot better than most of the decisions they made this season.
But I'm not a fan of (shocking) how little time we spend with him. How little chance we get to understand his motivatons. And also. What the fuck he said to Jayce to make Jayce's first line of action killing him? In my fic, I made it that Jayce needed to shoot Viktor to get the hexcore out, so he could communicate to viktor without influence. But that felt like heavy lifting I shouldn't necessarily have to do for something so important. It also doesn't feel like a compelling or satisfying question to make your audience have to wrestle with.
The Final Scene
Want to say upfront I am not one of the people who did not like Jayce's speech.
I was quite moved by it. And aside from the perhaps out of place mention of the illness brought on by Piltover which I can understand the criticism for, I felt it was beautiful. (I am disabled btw)
That being said. I think i'd be a sobbing mess on the floor if the themes Jayce is presenting in his speech were more present throughout season 2. Because we really don't see this enough - the desire for perfection.
I'm also not one of those people who thinks Viktor's insecurities weren't present in season 1. To me, they were and were obvious, but not enough in his motivations and actions in season 2 to make Jayce's speech land like it could.
I really loved Jayce's arc in season 2. Him immediately embracing Viktor after he woke from the goo was surprising but felt right. But I wish they had more genuine conflict rooted in their conflict in season 1 that would allow their final moment to land even harder.
I really liked the final scene, and it made me an emotional mess. But weirdly, I'd almost like it as a short film removed from the context of the season two, which says just how little Viktor's arc this season contributed to the moment.
Final Thoughts
I'm so sorry I went so in-depth. I just love him as a character and feel he was very much not done justice.
We can attribute some of this to the lack of time. But when you know you have a lack of time, you need to write with that in mind instead of trying to do it all. And ultimately, I found a lot of scenes this season a waste of precious time. They had so many characters alone contemplating something intangible or alone and trapped for episodes. They didn't plan this with the care and precision needed to pull it off.
I also want to note that I know I say here a lot that there's a lot they needed to make "more obvious". This is not because I'm stupid. But when you're a writer, you need to know what to highlight and what you can leave vague so you leave your audience exploring the right nuances and asking the satisfying questions.
Anyways umm. The end. Holy shit, I'm so sorry I wrote so much.
#i literally typed this in a caffine induced frenzy#oh my god its so long kldfjashdlkfjsd#im sure there are things i missed or did not explain well#ask bee#how many times can i hate on orb#SDKLFJD#its not even an orb#i know this#if someone reads this whole thing they deserve a cookie or something#see this is why tumblr might be a problem for me actually#no character limit DKJFHSDLKF#if you keep reading this could very much be like a do you like the color of the sky situation#where you have to just keep scrolling and scrolling#god i need work to start back up again KLDFJSHDFLK#side note one of my twitter moots got a strawpage anon that was like#you hate his arc you must hate viktor#which is so funny because#i literally love him so much#that's why i hate his arc KLDFJHSD#one thing i do like about viktors storyline and i still dont think it fully works#is how many of his principles he clung to even under magical influence#at least at the start#bee talks arcane
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Listen...
Rarely ever have I found a ship where there are at least three different main dynamics between the characters and I love all of them. Like, depending on the order of events that people put Danny and Dash through there are many ways they interact.
Situation 1: Dash apologizes and Danny being a good person accepts it and they become friends and then whoopsies, a crush. Love it.
Situation 2: Dash doesn't apologize but tries to be friends anyway and Danny has a lot of anger about that that ends up in a huge angst chapter where they talk it out. Adore it.
Situation 3: Dash gets close to Danny as Phantom first and in turn starts being kinder to Danny and then whoopsies now there are complicated crushes. Give me more of it.
I have read so many fics that follow one of these three patterns (And a few others that don't but I've read so many I can't remember the others rn) and I eat that shit up every time. They're all so good for so many reasons and I think people are really sleeping on these dynamics.
#as a miraculous fan at least two of these situations tend to be my favorites#like seriously usually I'll read fics about my favorite ships and if its not the dynamic i'm looking for i'll just go to something else#but with these two having so little content anyway it's nice to be able to like all the different dynamics#danny phantom#teddy ghost#danny/dash#swagger bishie#whatever other ship names they have#danny fenton#ao3
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The Charles Xavier im not pregnant panel is even more funny with context 😭 like if a girl says to you "you cant have coffee if your pregnant" WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU ASSUME SHE MEANT YOU???? CHARLES YOUR A MAN why would you assume she was talking about you 😭
cmon anon we've established he got reasons to be concerned 😔
#snap chats#genuinely the funniest shit tho like boy what are you TALKING ABOUT#graduated harvard at 16 with an interest in genetics And Presumably Biology like ok well clearly he graduated too soon 😭😭#why the HELL you assumim coffee gon hurt a baby ..... silly man ...#on that note tho anyone else like. curious about the timeline of charles meeting sarah#im just curious that if hes at oxford and this is before he meets moira where does she come into all of this ....#i just want a clear timeline of my guy ok ignore me ....#i should prob read the rest of this uncanny xmen run. or at least whats available#i havent seen anyone post anythin interestin bout charles tho since findin out hes probably in A Situation Again so im in no rush ..#i swear i read the comis for more than just him ... i prommy .... ive just been chillin with the 60s stuff as of late again (╯▽╰ )#i have rambled LONG ENOUGH. and i have tasks that need to be completed.#farewell friends ...
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whether it was intentional or not, I will always think about bart allen being coded as a neurodivergent foster kid. he’s “different” and “weird” and can’t focus on school, he doesn’t get people or their rules, very clearly ADHD, is constantly shuttled from home to home because nobody in his family really wants him or knows how to deal with him, he’s too much -
#and yes I know he lived with max#and that - as far as I know - the garricks were happy to have him#but being a super living with supers doesn’t really equate to a stable home situation#especially everything with his mom - thinking he was gonna go and live with her and then coming back#the way I READ it at least is that he’s meant to be a neurodivergent foster kid#and you can disagree#But you can pry this interpretation from my cold dead hands#Someone write a fanfic of a no - powers AU where Bart is a foster kid#bart allen#dc impulse
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yeah make the disabled girl do unpaid manual labour for you outside in the cold when shes been awake for 20 hours whats the worst that could happen haha
#i dont talk about my living situation much because why would i#but out of guilt for existing in a place without paying money im forced to accept whatever is asked of me#for someone whos supposed to love me unconditionally that fucker sure does force me to act against my best interests#just at a fucking whim because “the garden doesnt look nice like this”#bitch knows i had to quit my job due to physical burnout and the fact that i havent recovered in the last 8 months is very concerning#AND YET that doesnt stop anything. im still assumed to be physically capable of fucking digging dirt to fill a hole#at ten in the fucking morning#3 degrees (about 38 fahrenheit) outside the ground was fkn solid#like i bought a fucking cane because i struggle with mobility#and you already know ive probably done myself in pretty bad because i feel too fucking guilty living here 'without paying rent'#i cover my own food bills and always end up giving money im trying to save because bills need paying#my self worth is through the fucking floor as it is#im just so so scared of being a burden to those around me that i actively harm myself bending over backwards for people who wont love me#god some of you followed me for my hornyposting im so sorry u have to read this shit#for those of u that care about me im literally crying rn even just thinking abt the knowledge that there r people out there who care#especially yall who care enough to support me#i promise your money isnt being handed out needlessly to my pseudo-abusive parent. i am trying my best to save the money im given#at least that which isnt spent on feeding myself#thank you all for supporting me#and sorry for being such a fucking trainwreck im just so overwhelmed and hurting and ugh#:(
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i think a lot of the soulless clover revival fics that make them start to kill in the very first reset does not give clover (or flowey) nearly enough credit
#there's one fic I read that had a good justification for it but the rest..... hm#clover is not going to start killing people just because they can't feel emotions as strongly as they used to now#especially if this is post true pacifist clover we are talking about#it took flowey exhausting literally every other option just for him to even start to consider the thought of killing#and even then he didn't like the idea of it. the entire buildup to it he was saying I don't like this and trying to justify it to himself#for someone like clover who so strongly believes in the good of monsterkind I think it would take them at least as long as flowey to break#if not longer#and who's to say that they would even start killing in the first place#flowey started killing because everyone around him was predictable and did the exact same things every time to the point of boredom#but clover has flowey. friendly or not friendly flowey still remembers resets and wouldn't do the exact same thing every reset#flowey's very existence would prevent clover from reaching the same level of boredom that flowey did because there's always something new#at the end of the day clover and flowey are different people that will react to the same situation differently#to make it work you can't just retread flowey's experience. you have to consider how clover would react and change the situation accordingl#that's what I think anyways. cool concept but execution falls short more often than not imo.#my ramblings
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If I had a penny for every book about a boy of noble birth who watched his whole family be killed in front of him and narrowly avoided death himself, ran away and hid in an orphanage before someone unaware of his true identity recruits him into the regime that murdered his family (said regime presents the idea of everyone being equal while in reality being deeply flawed) and now has to work alongside people who would likely kill him if they knew who he really was, I’d have two pennies, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice
#my job here on tumblr is to draw parallels between book series only i have read both of#the will of the many#hierarchy#fireborne#the aurelian cycle#vis telimus#lee sur pallor#of course the difference is that vis/diago’s family was killed by imperialism while lee’s family was killed by the revolution#so vis (in his head at least) gets to be justifiably angry meanwhile lee has turmoil#and their situations are very different but they go through similar angst#which is worse: the most traumatic goddamn day of your life being celebrated annually with a parade#or it being treated like a footnote. a minor victory hardly worth mentioning
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As the cabin came into view again, Goldie couldn’t stop thinking about how this had to be the coldest night they’d had in weeks and her feathers were turning into little icicles. With the small amount of sunlight left, she could see her breath on every exhale. It was so cold she was getting exhausted much faster than she should’ve and Goldie knew she’d be sick in the morning...if she made it there at all.
May I present...the Ice Queen of Dawson. ❄️
This has been a long time coming, but I finally finished this set of three drawings last week that I've been wanting to draw for the longest time for @lettheladylead's running in circles (the above drawing specifically comes from chapter 4 - it's the exact moment that Goldie sees the cabin again on the way back from trying to get back to Dawson). (Will also say that these are a very happy belated birthday gift to you! :D)
There were a few moments from the Klondike chapters that weren't necessarily major story moments, but the descriptions of them (and especially of the environments/lighting) caught my eye and my heart, and made me want to highlight the beauty of the Klondike, and so here we are.
For this scene in particular, her walk back to the cabin, I got a very vivid image of it while reading it, a sort of tragic twist on a "winter wonderland" and on Goldie looking all icy-pretty, and the angst of the Ice Queen naturally came in to play.
Will post the other two drawings over the next two days - up next: a king in the morning light.
#DuckTales#Goldie O'Gilt#scroldie#my art#Goldie my love go get some warmth#for real this has been one of the most intense catch-22s of my life#bc I've been wanting to draw these since before we met in nyc carro#but it was a busy time and then last year was also very busy#but it also became a catch-22 of 'do I catch up on tumblr first or reading running in circles first or on drawing for it first' 😅🙃#and that just made me procrastinate all the more and I am very sorry for that#but yeah it finally sorted itself out and so now I can *finally* finish reading it! 😄🥳🤩😍#there's at least one more quick drawing I wanna do during my reread to that point but it should be quick#also shoutout to yourself carro and your in-fic descriptions and your own fic art ✨#they helped me a lot with these drawings ❤️😌#tagging scroldie bc Scrooge put her in this situation and I mean it's them#and shoutout to the Rosa comics for environment references#running in circles
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my friendship with canon ended now fanon is my new best friend
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but first a cute bird
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basically my mind decided that it's now free to draw whatever AUs and stuff that I want including random stuff like this
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and this!
I think my way of coping with 423 is just... ignoring it ever existed so now it's just this and an occasional canon stuff
but good for him he deserves to have all the fun fanon can offer
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fun fact: this was the first sketch out of all of them in this post!
#fanart#sketch#my art#bnha#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#league of villains#it's basically all of them but not really since Tomura just got their outfits#toga himiko#bnha manga spoilers#bnha spoilers#it was a funny thing to go from crying from 423 to laughing from a streamer Tomura ideas#I never allowed myself to really enjoy them#but canon proved itself to be useless for the time being and I don't believe that Tomura will come back#some believe that Tenko will and we'll see but it's a break week next time#so for now I'm just coping the way I want#also I'm interested in drawing some ships that have been fun for the last 5 years#mostly Tomura related but at least 2 not related to him#I'm not exactly a person you'll go to to ship stuff but like... I have some ships I enjoy to read#(and even write if you remember the natshig week stuff!)#basically now bnha is in my “undertale” zone of drawing actually#like I can draw whatever I want if I'm inspired and canon now matters only sometimes otherwise it's fun#I already said what I think about the situation itself so I just want to enjoy drawing Tomura for a while#i want to hug him#also this one Spinner outfit was drawn because I hated how Stain-like the other one was it was disturbingly funny#so I spared him and gave the one that looks comfortable and warm instead but manga panels were now a thing for those sketches
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I thought you kin kdj?
anon i hope this is a joke cause if this is a genuine question it is the singlemost scathing read i have ever recieved in my life 👏 bravo
#I WANT YOU TO KNOW IM LAUGHING THIS IS FUNNY REGARDLESS OF WHATEHR UR SERIOUS#not laughing At You tbc just the situation generally. genuinely not mad fhdkfdk#to answer ur question: no i dont bc i stopped kinning a bit before reading orv so the stars did not align#i think the me from when i used to kin definitely wouldve tho if thats any consolation#but yeah everyone i AM being truthful whenever i say i dont kin kdj#its just REALLY funny how much overlap there happens to be thats all#THIS HAS SURPASSED THE PERSON WHO TAGGED MY POST THINKING I WAS A KDJ ROLEPLAYER BTW. WHICH IS A HIGH BAR#inbox#EDIT: FRIEND HAS JUST NOTIFIED ME THERES A POST ON HERE WHERE I SAID I DID IN FACT KIN KDJ??? I DO NOT REMEMBER THIS. GENUINELY.#ANON YOU ARE JUSTIFIED SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION I HAVE DISSOCIATION AND MEMORY ISSUES LMAO??? whoever made that post was wilding#me the one typing this has no memories of kinning kdj so uh. SHRUG??? i wasnt lying on purpose at least#.....DO YOU SEE WHY THERES OVERLAP. THERES A REASON THE NUMBER 49 HAUNTS ME#edit2/update: they apparently distinctly remember me saying it in the tags of a post but nEITHER OF US CAN FIND IT#what is happening...hello....is anyone out there....#*knocks on my own skull* hello?? anyone home?! WHO DID THIS 🤣😭#EDIT/UPDATE 3: I FUCKING FOUND IT its from nearly 4 years ago holy shit#still dont remember posting that at all
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im kinda bad at talking to people on the internet but i always want to comment on art and music i like by small creators 1) because its nice to know and 2) depending on the website (like youtube) maybe it might help a little with spreading it around. but im still kind of bad at it. so a lot of people get an "awesome!!" from me and lemme tell you - i mean everyone of those "awesome!!"'s. i mean it with all my heart. sometimes a thing is just awesome, so awesome it needs more than one exclamation mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#i used to be good at internetting! when i was like 14. then i turned 15 and it became really hard for no reason LOL#sorry to every discord server i joined and didnt talk on. people always joke about that but with an understanding that they still#talk to people on like individual small friend group discords at least. like its just the size that overwhelms them#for me its not the size. im just bad at discords. i have 1 (one) tiny TINY group chat of two irl friends#that im slightly better at talking in. slightly better#im pretty decent with dms 1-on-1 kind of. sorta. i do my best but i dont know if im being a normal human or not#tbh the easiest way to talk to me online is to jump in on one of my random rambling tumblr posts#also lowkey this is how my irl group chat is. we do have conversations too but we also do a lot of monologuing#like just in eachothers general directions. its awesome and i love doing it and reading it <3#its like the parallel play of internet communication. like im just talking loud as fuck out my window and if anyone wants to join im down#and i shall do the same to others if they seem receptive of it. actually wait fuck. okay. thats how i talk to people irl too. wait.#i know a lot of people and people know me as being like friendly and easy to talk to. this is partially because i am very receptive to#small talk with strangers BUT ALSO its because i like chatting so at events and shit i'll like. scope out and join random conversations#HFJKDSHJKFDSD like dont worry i try not to intrude i keep a close eye on peoples reactions to see their comfort levels with the situation#but i do just like. terminator zoom in on a person or a small group of people who talking to themselves and i. join them. jfdshjkfdsd#leave room for bmpmp3. i want to be involved. i will be involved.
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WIP FRIDAY
I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.
BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!
I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.
The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.
Enjoy!!
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“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”
“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.
“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”
Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.
Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”
Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.
“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”
“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.
“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.
Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.
“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.
It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.
“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”
The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.
“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.
#ref for fic#BE AWARE THIS IS DISCUSSING INTENTIONAL BUT UNWILLING STARVATION#tw starvation#just in case#cause I know not everyone vibes with this story#and I’ll say it’s been weird myself returning to these segments I wrote months ago and re-reading them#AND TO BE MORE CAREFUL I talk about a personal situation sort of dealing with this below#a lot has happened in the timeframe of originally writing this and coming back to this#at the end of fall I got very very sick and it lasted well into February#I unwillingly shed thirty-five pounds because I could not eat#and I didn’t notice at all until I stopped and realized just how tight I had to make my work belt#even when family members pointed it out during the holidays when they’d hug me#it wasn’t until someone got very concerned and did something about it that I realized just how bad it was#I’m sure people remember when I mentioned I had gastritis#that’s what all this was I just never really went into detail about how bad it truely was here#so coming back and reading this segment specifically#having written it months before I went through any of this#felt really really weird and a little uncomfortable#I edited Akari’s accusations a little to fit my situation more about a month back#because I did not realize just how much more stuff like this would make you want to sleep#at least in my experience#but it’s been very very just#strange I guess coming back to this#it doesn’t make me want to not work on HFBE anymore it just feels very weird
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What If…? Galactus Transformed Moon Knight (Vol. 1/2025), #1.
Writer: Alex Segura; Pencilers: Scot Eaton and Chris Campana; Inkers: Cam Smith and Roberto Poggi; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Clayton Cowles
#Marvel#Marvel comics#What If…? Galactus Transformed Moon Knight#Moon Knight comics#let’s get this bread#latest release#Moon Knight#Marc Spector#Galactus#It makes me so overwhelming happy that my favorite character#who I used to joke around was a C-lister at best (which perhaps made me feel a little too smug in that comic book fan way#and is something I need to repent of hahaha)#is now in the same boat as the Hulk + Gambit + Rogue + Spider-Gwen#when it comes to editorial thinking the character has enough recognizability and reliable (purchasing) fanbase#that they can say «yeah we can just start putting that guy in situations and people will pay to read it»#I’m always interested in seeing more Moon Knight hahaha#this issue in particular also felt VERY classic Moon Knight to me#or at least#like#Marc Spector: Moon Knight which I’m interested to see how people feel about that
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Ya know with the pneumonia post makes me wonder how sick Yuma would get if he had pneumonia. Especially since it would be a much different situation from him having the flu given the NDA can't go to the doctor and get medicine easily.
I admit I’m honestly not a huge expert with pneumonia, but I know he’d be UTTERLY MISERABLE. And I’d love to see it 👀
Maybe in this art I made, he has pneumonia… 🤔 (edited it a bit)
The NDA would surely panic over this.
Their poor little trainee being so sick and in so much pain...
and as the outsides of kanai ward...what could they possibly do?
#pixel answers#rain code#whumpcode#yuma kokohead#pixeldoodles#my art#reading the symptoms of it I think this art is the closest#I edited the art a bit so it looked likes he's in the nda now#unlike the prompt with was originally from#at least he isn't alone anymore c:#still though what a drastic situation that would be#I love it though 👀#illness whump#fever whump#pneumonia whump#inb4 Fubuki somehow tries to pay for it all#she would tbh but idk if her family’s income is ever hers atm#but she's so selfless and unlike Halara she's probably the type that would gladly pay money in order to save a friend
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