#at least ten times today
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(...) every time [he] looks at me with those big innocent eyes, all I can think about is every shitty thing I've ever done and I think, "I don't deserve that kind of love".
#this is not the last of b/ojack references you'll see from me btw lmao#lotus speaks#irondad#homecoming#spider-man: homecoming#also i rewatched this scene at least ten times today#i never rlly noticed how tony somewhat panics here#before he puts on his glasses again#he's like 'oh shit. oh shit this kid is too precious and i don't deserve him'
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The age difference between tommen and myrcella bothers me way more than it should like sometimes it's 2 whole years sometimes they're the exact same age like grrm wanted to make them twins but he forgot. Girl what is the truth
#.txt#grrm has a loose grasp on numbers unfortunately#in agot myrcella is 'not quite eight' and in affc she's 'not quite one-and-ten' ok so she went from 7 to 10 in 2 years?#and in 2 years tommen went from 7 to 8 uhhh if she's almost 11 he should be 9 at least right#maybe he is 9 but everyone just forgot his birthday lmao#BUT in the agot appendix it say's she's 8. which makes more sense. if she's 8 turning 9 instead of 7 turning 8#but BUT the wiki (my best friend and worst enemy) says she was born in 290. bc they take the 'not quite 8' thing as fact#which. ok after pacing around the house talking to myself like a madman that's not possible. it has to be 289 ☝ I think. um#I don't fucking know man I also don't have a very firm grasp on numbers. but something's not right here#idk grrm definitely fucked up some ages in affc bc it says joffrey died at 12. damn he died so hard he aged backwards 😔#btw this is the second time I've gone insane thinking about grrm's bad math today. and that was only considering time#imagine if I also thought about space too hard...thank god my understanding of distances sucks ass
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Guys, I don’t wanna get ahead of myself, but there was a guy at the wedding today that my best friend said couldn’t keep his eyes off of me, and he’s one of the guys the bride and groom were talking about setting me up with and they were so happy to hear about the making of eyes back and forth and they said that he’s a really sweet guy but he’s also painfully shy like me when it comes to that stuff so I’m trying to be brave and go for it
#I’m so afraid of rejection tbh#but he’s so cute#like an irl Bob without the glasses#he made a dad joke and was just so sweet I wanted to cry#I cried at least ten times today during the wedding though#ugh it feels good to be alive
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hi it's me. bulletpoints
job has concluded! barring sudden expansion on the project I think that's gonna be it for my work here. six character cards in total! this leads to
wrists are bit fucked. I'll be putting that thang (creen tablet) in da closet again for at least a month while trying to hold as few heavy objects as possible for the time being
why one month deadline? well it's bc I made an artfight account. I'm fucking doing it this year on god I'll kick anyone's ass I'll kick my own ass. I'll post a link to my acc a week or so before the event starts, meanwhile I'll keep updating my roster and cleaning up this cardboard box I arrived at their door in. do u guys have a spare pair of suspenders I have a really funny joke to make
will be doing it on the creen tablet, unless I make enough to get a new graphic tablet that works with SAI2 inbetween. on that note
ink comms should come back sometimes next week babeyy I need to get back into da groove! miss my G pen it feels like I was close to something last time. I wanna get back to it. but also
I'm writing a fic now. tis the season it seems this happened last year too. but I'll try my best to not disappear off the face of the earth for 3 months running again lol I'll do my best to pace myself, since this is gonna be one of the heftier writing things.
sk8 people and another very specific subset of people will be pleased to know it's a sk8 Real Steel AU. if this means nothing to u carry on. have a good day. to the five people still here I'll probably be brainposting abt writing this so don't be surprised if that comes up here and there
circling back a bit I'm currently 120 USD away from the graphic tablet I wanna get, so that'll be what the ink comms are going toward. otherwise if u enjoy my art and have a spare doller to buy the baku a coffee I'd absolutely appreciate ur support! not mandatory but I'll definitely be very thankful! especially bc
I'll probably phase out the redbubble store some time in the future. at the very least I'll probably stop uploading new things on there while looking for alternative. ohh baby they are doing some wild shit and I want off the ride please. please
but yeah. that's the current plan for things. I've accepted that comics happen when they want to, and I have faith they still want to see the sunlight some time this year. meanwhile we keep busy keep training keep recovering! thank u for ur patience. have a good night take this sharp object
#bakuspeech#boy oh boy. its been a Month#hi. I received a sticker sheet and a clay pin of frogs today. its been good#art wise Ive been on day three of drawing break. and day. something. of writing this fic#I! kind of! know how itll end! but if nothing I know I am so willing to improv this shit to the bitter confusing end#you guys dont get to see the proof of that sorry. but my friend yumi specifically u know. u know#at least nobody died graphically ten thousand years ago in space this time#this year has been real fuckin topsy turvy so far art wise. but I have learned a lot! including to fuckign pace myself. and I am practicing#straight up had at least three unrelated art and art-adjacent breakdown in the last three months lmao. its so. this is so#well. Im better now. I am so smart and I kick my own ass so well. we good! we are good. dw abt me!#hope ur having a good day. games official ship date now lands in october. my art will be out there in peoples hands soon......#ah. well right now I need to sleep. or finish ryan chongoshows hifi rush stream series. whichever applies first#have a good night lads! do a twirl to skip this level
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Miss Harris please stop sending me advertisements even if I wanted to donate to politicians I don’t have fucking money
#‘today. not tomorrow not next week but today-‘ leave me alone please#it’s like when I kept getting us navy ads on every video for like a month straight. I was like. babe. even if I wanted to I couldn’t.#at least vary the shit ur showing me ten thousand times lol
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Okay I'm not saying that this semester's students suck ass bc I'm not there to teach them, but isn't it just such a coincidence that the vast majority are failing so miserably and they don't have someone who will tutor them outside of class and go over notes and skills with them, while the previous semesters did have that and the majority passed? Super interesting stuff. Too bad we'll never know if things could've been different if they had just fucking paid me :)
#can you tell I'm peeved lmao#i went to one of the classes today just so i can keep it on my resume#and holy fuck#weeks into the semester and they should have the basics down#they do not#absolutely floundering#granted I'm sure I'm not actually the reason lmao#like yeah i helped a shit ton of students outside class too#but they probably could've passed without me#these new ones tho are awful#no drive no nothing just looking for others to blame for their own failures#i didn't even stay the whole time like i was planning#bc i found out that they hired four other fucking people for the program#who all have less experience than me#and have been with the program for a way shorter time than i have#who don't do half the extra shit i do#and don't get me wrong this isn't a slight at them they're all fully qualified#but why the fuck not hire me#like i genuinely am so pissed#have to email my supervisor but I'm too upset to make it sound civil#like fucking fine if you don't wanna pay me you never get to see me again#I'm not working ten hour days plus extra outside of class for nothing anymore that's insane#I'll keeping being a private tutor for the students but I'm not doing a single thing for the program without pay#i mean holy shit hiring at least four other people and not saying shit to me??#like fine that's fine fuck you you're getting an email ultimatum good luck finding someone else willing to do all that for free#i cried about it for like an hour and now I'm just mad lmao having a super normal one rn#anyway#not snz
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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btw i'd like to give a big gay shoutout to @wolfsbarbaren/@highpricst who has spent the last three and a half years becoming increasingly unhinged about oc development with me and is generally just one of my absolute favourite people in the world, if you aren't following his blogs you should fix that
#not least because sigrid would quite literally not be the same oc she is today without his input#she's been around for about ten years and has had more development in the last three than for all the rest of that time#breina and tore are at this point completely inextricable from her development and story arcs#and it's wonderful i could not ask for a better partner <3#both creatively and romantically#𝖨'𝖬 𝖩𝖴𝖲𝖳 𝖠 𝖶𝖱𝖨𝖳𝖤𝖱. 𝖨 𝖶𝖱𝖨𝖳𝖤 𝖳𝖧𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖲 𝖣𝖮𝖶𝖭. ❖ ooc.#𝖠 𝖫𝖨𝖳𝖠𝖭𝖸 𝖮𝖥 𝖣𝖱𝖤𝖠𝖬𝖲 ❖ promos.
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if no one else in new zealand was listening to good luck babe it would still chart this week thanks to my actions today
#there was not any half hour stretch today where i was awake and didn’t play it at least once#three times i tried listening to a podcast instead and went back after ten minutes
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did you ever post your thoughts on shishido on here ??
if i did i dont think i said anything major beyond 'hes neat :)'
#snap chats#so funny though i was thinking of drawing shishido over the weekend#obviously i. didnt. but i still very much like his design#i have an outfit based off his white pants one and its one of my faves so needless to say i do think hes drippy at least#it was also really goofy doing set pieces where he was a partner cause he was just as much of a threat as enemies were 💀💀#it was funny tho i was a fan i couldnt even be mad#shishido as a chara tho ..... yeah i still think he was neat#the twist at the end was probably the goofiest thing i ever seen but the series has done goofier#plus if there was any way to reveal a character was going to betray the cast im glad it was cause he was making a tiktok 💀💀#him getting Monster House'd and then coming out the cement pit was also goofy but i respect it#shishido and tsuruno's actors are adorable if anything im a huge fan of those two and seeing posts second hand from twitter lejalkaej#i forgot tsuruno's name for a minute though so idk what that says about how much i like tsuruno#WHICH IS WACK CAUSE I REALLY DO LOVE TSURUNO THO LMAO def my fave alongside akame from gaiden#im sorry king idk how i forgot you my memory's bad though we've established this#funny enough im wearing my outfit inspod by tsuruno's outfit today ... goofy timing all this is ...#oh god i got terribly off topic. point is Shishido Neat idk what the daidoji gon do with him but. fingers crossed#fingers crossed its nothing terrible bros been through enough vlekrjla#him proceeding to give his tragic backstory to kiryu Who Could Not Give One is still top ten funniest moments ever
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just tried to refill my antipsychotic over the phone but they changed the system now you have to talk to this shitty robot and wasn't able to. so i said fuck it and tried to use the app and despite the fact that my pill bottles very clearly say walgreens the app is saying that the barcodes aren't valid and that i have no history of refilling my meds with them and im kinda pissed
#séb.txt#i just took my last pill so after today i have no more#and after tomorrow i will be out of my beta blocker that i need to have a normal heart rhythm#and on top of that i have called my cardiologist's office at least ten times and have left three voicemails and they still havent called me#like i just want my meds and to make a fucking appointment. is that too much to ask?
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everyone in the first age is so young and absolutely no one’s prepared for it. i think if i think about this too long i’m going to cry.
#tolkien#i consulted a second age timeline today and it got me right in the feelings#to be clear i'm assuming a reasonable valian-to-solar year conversion rate (i.e. 10 rather than the ~144 that tolkien later goes with)#partially because. you know. probably the flight of the noldor does not take 700 solar years.#i sure hope it doesn't at least#but like. say we use ~10 as our conversion rate.#anyone born circa Y.T. 1300 is just about 2600 by the end of the first age (if they get there)#and then the second age is 800 years longer than all of that#and like. they're by and large not hitting the first age with '2000 years dealing with the shadow'#they're hitting it with '2000 years during which the biggest dispute was feanor threatening fingolfin'#*one person* has died (prior to finwe)#*no one* knows what they're doing#and now the lights are out and everyone you know and love is suffering and dying#hardly anyone makes it out#by the time we hit the 2000th year of the sun we're still about ten years out from the rings of power being forged#it'll be nearly 2000 more years before the end of the second age#i don't know man this just *got* to me#correct me if my timelines are way off by the way; this is back-of-the-envelope
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similar to the greentext stuff - i was visiting with my neighbors and their grandkids were around, and I said to this eight year old, "Hey, you wanna know something cool? I was playing the game when the Endermen came out." and his eyes went wide, like this kid looked like i told him i landed on the moon. His grandma thought it was really funny, and she said she has no idea what i'm talking about, but her grandbabies do, and that's incredible to her.
oh that's fun lmao, when minecraft & that update's existed for more than your whole life, and yknow being that young and like Next Year fr is this huge time scale away, a couple of years is a quarter of your life thus far and like maybe nigh half of the part of your life you actually have longterm memories for....i was checking out this dev's blog's archives about a:tdd's release in 2010 & in one entry they compared the implicitly Roughly concurrent release of Minecraft and i was like hey whoah. forever primarily being a game i've Heard Of more than any more direct exposure so i had no precise sense of [before minecraft release] [after minecraft release] Year 0 there but it's like for sure back in thee day when minecraft was a new thing, huh
#add in that [i also basically Heard Of mass effect but that's a game series w/a 2010 median which i had Any knowledge abt already]#so i have that reference point for a still like [niche video for When You've Played These Games For Sure] there but then like#if you were ten or even 5 yrs younger at the time you May Well Be much more at sea as your starting point there#(but i mean not that much; i didn't know a ton. reread those wikipedia plot summaries myself)#enderman came out? happy pride#shoutout to this one time i crossed paths w/this kid who was at the time probably like late middle school early high school age#who started talking abt pokemon like Clearly A Big Interest and i'm like my only Direct experience is playing pokemon go but i know Some#stuff b/c i was 5 in '99 when it was first making that huge splash lol. can make Some remarks....but also just Listening Attentively To You#Monologue like uh huh go off....i sure remember like the Sense of a couple yr's sagacity like being 9 i think reading a book abt 6th or 7th#graders (i.e. two or three yrs older) like My God They Must Be So Mature....#and like ofc when skimming passages as an adult it's like omg l'enfants. Both Perspectives Being Accurate respectively lol#my vintage experiences like i've def saved things on the floppy discs of [save icons imagery]. have heard the dialup tones organically....#but also; say; Home Computers That You Didn't Really Need To Know Much Abt Computers To Use were forever an everyday thing for me#having been born mid '90s....vs like in the '80s being nicher but also like. the programs to amateur code not being As Complex either#like [working on cars] of yore vs more modernly lmao....plus ofc in their designs; opening up a desktop Tower vs what? a tablet??#ppl my age who had more substantial Online Access earlier than i did maybe having at least picked up some html; which i did not lol#also didn't have too much Gamer Experience ever; what i did largely desktop then laptop pc wasd+mouse style....#didn't have a smartphone till maybe 5 yrs after they were starting to become more commonplace#vs that again to an 8 yr old of today [commonplacer smartphones] is your whole life basically too. i remember when we flipped those phones.#(i do fr lol. did have one of those first for a good while.)#granpa granpa....mh being fourteen yrs old meaning like the Teen Fans of Today were probably not watching it as it aired lol#whereas i Was that teen fan of those yesteryears. and all my stories for it like fuckin uhhhhhh [crickets chirping] [studio audience laugh]#though You Don't Need The Fans like mh is a long movie ppl can newly discover Whenever that holds up; plus it has bonus lore#mostly what i could even Possibly bring is just the particularly nicher older bonus lore. but like grandpa simpson (the simpsons) for sure#which is to say: humorously irrelevant & perhaps somewhat cantankerous#whilest i'm vaguely aware there may have also been that minecraft resurgence (esp through streaming?) from 2020 on....#but evidently Like Mh something that continually revives / takes on New Fans / Participants#for sure i might well be playing some tf2 myself if i had the technical capability (i would have the poor personal ability i always did lol#real games of yore but it never gets old also. though i know Of Late there was a bot problem / just neglected maintenance? that get fixed?#These Have Been The Tag Tangents. maxed out thirty tags i know that's right
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hm.
#nothing like zoning out for between ten and twenty minutes and suddenly realizing that you mustve switched#trying to scramble together what the hell happened today besides ''vesper promised we'd do the dishes'' because she just fuckin#left and didnt leave a note#at least i have time to orient myself before pathfinder?#ari.txt
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why r u so mad about ppl preferring ten x madame de pompadour to ten x martha like ten/martha will never be a thing. ten don’t want anything to do with martha. he literally said to her face she wouldn’t replace rose… and she never did… isnt canon enough for you
hm.
im glad im only a scorpio on this alone. if martha deserved better than ten then so do all of em but anyway:
this ask is giving 2006/07 i dont want to see tenth doctor in a romantic relationship with a person of color because i can't project myself or relate to them if they arent the very thing being catered to me ever since the silent pictures vibes. u know the same vibe when rtd was told to not regenerate 14 in 13's clothes. just. Ick.
but im not mad. its just interesting for a ship so big as tenrose, it is usually correlated with hating madame de pompadour and/or joan and/or river [though in joan's case they hate her not because shes racist but because shes not rose]
though comics tend to release to combat that in multi doctor stories where they jump through various alternate universes of themselves where the doctor sees themselves settled down with dr. grace holloway (for 8th dr multi doctor stories) and professor melody williams/river song (for 11th dr multi doctor stories) where in those cases, they are frightful of the concept settling down at all. [take note that both times, he settles down in the same house that he owns bc of that unit paycheck on the dl] so i am curious that with this new drs, the equivalent of this would be 13 14 15 being terrified of settling down with rose because they had grown past her as this point.
i prefer the doctor in a polyromantic ace relationship than their umpteenth 🌟tragic heteronormative romance with yt human woman number 23445788764443356743🌟 i want 14 to sweep martha off her feet in pure joy and kiss her passionately while badmouthing tf out of 10 like 9 11 12 13 do with no filter before cradling her like a baby because hes about to crumble under his brand new identity complex and then take her kid to an amusement park and then 14 trips over a brick and dies. hell i rather have nina sosanya play a whole different lady in nod to doctor who recycles their actors trope as a way to introduce a love interest to 14
that amusment park one weirdly sounds like a 8th doctor audio. pls ����🏾 dont make it into one i couldnt handle schezro let alone the rest of his content. Empire of the Wolf made me so fucking worried for rose marion tyler like im just she back home 🫣. as for rose tyler from the sea devil universe still out about. whoop his ass. if billie come back as HER? MISS COVER MODEL MISS DICTATOR MISS EMPRESS ROSE?
NOT
i would love for ten to be strictly friends with the new miss empress rose. get that martha karma real quick ehehehehe after all rtd did say they need freema for somethin and im sure seeing 10 get treated the same way he treated martha by no other than empress rose herself -AND THEN EMPRESS ROSE FLIRTS WITH MARTHA??? FINGERS CROSSED??? im just saying that i personally will ride on that for 8 black history months and christmases straight like woo
also real glad it is collectively decided by every one that tentoo is just john smith not corin so yay thanks big finish and titan comics
#{lets see if i can scare this anon away listen i even made a graphic for this damn it. u better appreciate it i went all out for you}#{porn blogs and micro antiblack anons: this is why i dont share my shipping opinions much bc they stick to tv and i stick to everything}#{usually all this i gave to my aunt and we would have phone discussions and she would watch and call be like hey yeah! i see it}#{and she would say: but really it wasnt that for martha. it was the writing choices that was disapproved because not wanting another 💞}#{it went from classism for rose to racism for martha and she points that it wasnt catered to black fans in the rtd era}#{so yeah ten x martha wouldn't be a thing but only because test audiences and fans refused it due to the studios racial bias}#{10 wanted everything to do w martha. he just used rose as excuse and because of that 12 and 13 vocally to his face hates him for it}#{and we all fell for it: everybody did because like 12 said: its the bambi eyes. hook line and sucker}#{he wanted martha the whole time but he kept playing that hot n cold game to the wrong girl just bc it worked on 2 later 3 yt blonde women}#{4 yt women because of miss kylie minogue! all of a sudden he dont know how to counterflirt when a blk woman flirts back?}#{yes thats right im throwing miss claire pope AND IN THE GABBY GONZALES COMIC OF THE PPL OUTSIDE HER FAMILY LAUNDROMAT??}#{but yeah after losing donna suddenly supiciously hes not racist but extremely genocidal to death and death alone like hm.}#{his actions speak extremely louder than his words and in turn so does the fandom and its writers}#{4 yt blondes and hes willing to believe in them despite him having to permanently lose them but completely have lil faith in the blk one?}#{ ten never actually go back to martha. be fair if i forgave the person that enslave her family for a missing year? yeah i wouldnt either}#{we could never be together because of a yt woman i chose to leave behind three times with her mum for 'safety' boy bye}#{and i go around and almost in one whole episode almost left her behind AGAIN for madame de pompadour another blonde yt woman?}#{like i ship them i ship all of em but if they were all hanging off a cliff side? 🤧 😔 we gather here today in the loss of 🌹 and depomp}#{dont worry at least 9 would leap after rose.}#bw: out of ethos#answered#anonymous#bw: long post#{i made a long post just so i surprise you with a cute billie graphic thats all. that the main topic}
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I hope my brother can arrange something so he can bear me part of the journey home after this week is all over and done because I am starting to suspect I will not be a safe driver and it could pose an unacceptably high risk that I'll semi-accidentally drive off the road.
#when will this pain end#i hope to discuss it and hopefully minimise the fallout and at least we won't see each other for a week or two. hopefully by then he might#at least be not avoiding me :/#ridiculous and foolish to care so much about any single thing or any single person#i was already nearing the end of my tether socially for this week in any case#and is that a surprise? ive barely eaten and barely slept during this time#i want to talk to his mother who suffered almost identically the same thing at the same age but i dont know if i can bear it or not#i just want to clear this up with him somehow#and now - finally - ten hours after i was first told this - the tears are coming but they cannot#if they do i dont think they will stop#i just need to get through today and then i can break down#maybe i wont help with packing up tomorrow i might not be up for it i dont know#this week has been such a mix of so so good and so terrible#the talks have been really good and all#and i do not regret spending time with him#altho one problem was one time he apparently would have liked me to go away and didn't say but oh! i would have preferred if he had#i feel terrible for not realising that i should've gone away at that point bc it should have been obvious#except it's not to an idiot like me :/
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