#at least it's not the kind that disconnects me from my body just makes me get existential

[the-acid-pear]

Btw if you're a fan of the movie and you saw any of my criticism OR NOT I deeply encourage you to tell me why you love this movie and maybe counterpoint my takes. I'm so into getting a new perspective thru the eyes of a lover.

That said the fact that around 8 people saw me asking if I'd watch this movie and Fargo and everyone voted Fargo (of that group, like 2 went for nope) gives me such hope about the fans in the crowd. True lulyheads knew I was gonna hate it before I knew that. Wild.

[aro-aizawa]

oh! fun!!! a dissociative episode!!!!!!

[starsinthesky5]

why do you like me so much then? || joe burrow x reader

description: why do you like him so much? everything you said made him sound like a lackluster boyfriend, so why did you like him so much?

a/n: this is either really bad, chaotic, all over the place, or just yapping. sorry. the fact that this was supposed to be a blurb?? yeah. i cannot write blurbs LOL.

thanks to @joeyb1989 and my anons for giving me inspo for this! and to joe with that sexy, bratty eyebrow raise that I can never move on from

word count: 9.2 k

warnings: angstttt, smutttt, fluff

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3 hours. That's how long it took you to get ready tonight.

You spent an uncharacteristic amount of time carefully positioning each strand of your hair, ensuring that each piece was perfectly curled and set. You made sure every piece of jewelry from your delicate necklaces to your sparkling earrings and bracelets, all of which were gifted by your boyfriend, shimmered in the warm light and reflected a soft glow. Each stroke of makeup had to look flawless to complete the look, your eye shadow blending in seamlessly as you perfected your small winged eyeliner. The silk sage green slip-on dress you wore–with a delicate lace trim–fit your body like a glove; highlighting every aspect of your beautiful figure perfectly. 

You looked amazing and you felt amazing for the first time in a long time. The past few weeks had been filled with strangeness and ambiguity and you were in desperate need of a change of pace. The strangeness came from how you and Joe had been a bit distant from each other lately, which was uncommon for you two. You were constantly attached at the hip, utterly fixated on each other to the point where the mere thought of being apart would lead to a state of misery and endless complaining. But this past month, you couldn’t be more disconnected from each other. Joe had been so wrapped up with football training this past month to the point where it felt like you two barely saw each other, and that didn't sit well with either of you. You always used to make so much time for each other no matter what, but recently it felt like you two stopped trying.

Every time you thought of planning something to do together such as a little lunch date at your favorite cafe, or a relaxed hike around the park, even just ordering takeout and eating together on the couch while watching a movie, it would always get moved or put off till the next week because Joe had something come up. Either it was more training (which was understandable), more brand shoots (somewhat understandable), or even because he wanted to hang out with the guys--completely not understandable. 

You were never the kind of girlfriend who would keep her boyfriend away from his friends, especially because you actually really liked Joe's friends and greatly appreciated the support they gave him, but when he started using them as an excuse to pass on spending time with you, that's when you became a bit bitter. You were the most understanding person when it came to the things Joe had going on in his life. You knew that he had a lot on his plate and couldn't always be fully present for you, but he always tried his best to be. Or at least he used to. 

Passing on training and brand-related work was hard, but passing on hanging out with his friends once or twice so he could go through with the plans he made with his girlfriend was fairly easy. 

It should be easy, right?

But Joe didn’t do that. He instead moved your plans to hang out with them, and that hurt. He said that you could do the lunch date, hike, or takeout food & movie evening later on, but that 'later' rarely came around. He would just get swamped with more things and you'd be so focused on your work that you couldn't bother to bring up the subject again. 

Joe noticed your increased irritation as well, but he just never said anything because he didn’t feel like it was anything serious, just you in a mood. He wasn't sure what made you so resentful all of a sudden, but he knew better than to argue with you about your sudden mood swings, especially because he knew there could be over 100 reasons for them and didn't really want to set you off even more by pointing it out. 

What Joe did notice was that you two hadn't had much one-on-one time like that recently–completely oblivious to the fact that's exactly why you were so bitter–so he decided to take the first step and offer to take you to dinner at the end of the week. You were so excited when he proposed the idea of going to dinner on Friday, looking forward to spending some much-needed quality time with the person you loved the most. He told you that he'd take you to this new steakhouse in Downtown Cincinnati and then he'd take you down to the banks so you two could lay against the grassy field and look up at the stars together, something you used to do every weekend during the off-season but something had slowly fizzled out as time went by and your weekends became a bit more intense. 

"Every star in the universe reminds me of how much I love you. You’re not just a part of my world; you are the center of my galaxy, and everything else revolves around the love we share," is what he told you the first time you went stargazing. Those special words have stuck with you ever since, especially the part about how you’re the center of his galaxy, but lately, it started to feel like the center of his galaxy had shifted to something other than you. You couldn't figure out when things shifted; those genuine, pacifying moments you two shared became scarily rare. In the back of your mind, you felt like you were losing him. Even though you weren't, it just felt like it, and that was the worst feeling out of them all. Nothing you did or he did made that thought go away. What you didn't or he didn't do is what made it worse. 

You were determined to use this date as a way to move things back on track in your relationship, hopefully even talking about how off things had been lately, so that’s why you dedicated an unusual three hours to primping and preparing. Despite your efforts to achieve perfection, Joe’s love for you was unwavering, regardless of your appearance. He adored your natural beauty, free of makeup, and cherished your tousled, messy hair. He found you just as enchanting in your old gray sweats and one of his worn-out college t-shirts that made you look oh-so tiny. You knew how indifferent he was to perfection, but you wanted everything to be excellent tonight, even if he didn't need it to be. You needed this. 

You were filled with anticipation as you imagined walking into the restaurant with him, the warmth of his hand in yours. You could almost taste the first sip of wine, feel the soft buzz it would bring, and sense the rush of emotions as you immerse yourself in the familiar and comforting bubble of your love for each other. You needed to feel that again so badly.

You took one final look in the mirror, "Damn, I look good. He’s going to love this," you whispered to yourself as your eyes navigated up and down your figure before giving yourself a small nod of approval and exiting the bathroom. You grabbed your white chanel handbag which was one of the many birthday gifts he had gotten you last month and made your way out of the shared bedroom and down the stairs, a big smile on your face as you were expecting an adorable, dressed, and ready Joe awaiting your arrival. But as you reached the last few steps, your smile dropped as you were met with the exact opposite. 

You were met with a Joe dressed in gray sweatpants and an old LSU tee whose back was facing you while he was sitting on the couch, had his headset on, and was playing video games on the TV. 

"Today is Friday, right?" you whispered to yourself as you pulled your phone to read the date, which showed that it was in fact Friday and you weren't crazy.

"Joe?" you called out as you slipped your phone back into your bag, slowly walking down the couple of steps you had left with a look of sheer confusion on your face. He didn't hear you, but you heard him.

"Aye, man. What the fuck?" he said loudly as he started aggressively pushing the buttons on his game controller. "How the hell did you get to level 10 when it's only been a week since the last time we played?".

His friends. He was playing with his friends. 

"Of course," you scoffed as you walked over to the living room where he was, throwing your handbag onto the dining table before calling out for him again. "Joe?.... Joeeeee?" you said louder from behind him, but he still didn't look back at you. 

"He has to be fucking ignoring me. There is no way his headset is this soundproof," you thought to yourself as you shook your head and walked around the couch to come into his view. 

Joe looked over and saw you walking towards him, his eyes giving you a quick once-over before settling on your soft eyes which had a slow burning fire behind them. "You look nice," he mumbled to you before looking back at the TV. While he may not have looked directly at you, his words were genuine–he couldn't help but admire your alluring beauty.

“....Thanks...,” you replied with a dubious tone. “Did you forget that it’s Friday?” you asked him as you looked over at the screen and then back down to him, no response yet again. 

“No, don’t go that way,” he warned his friends through the headset, completely ignoring what you just asked him.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you thought to yourself again.

“Joe? Hellooo?” you called out again but waved your hands for him to see you from the corner of his eye, which he did but didn’t say anything. You were becoming increasingly annoyed with his lack of attention towards you, especially since you knew he could see you and see that you were trying to get his attention. 

"Do you need something?" he finally asked as he moved one side of his headset off his ear, still too focused on the game and his friends to focus in on your conversation. 

"Do I need something? Yes, I fucking need something. I need my boyfriend to go on our date with me which he promised to take me on," you thought to yourself, wanting nothing more than to scream into a pillow.

"Baby, it's Friday," you took a deep breath and said, crossing your arms as you tried to prevent yourself from flipping out on him.

"Yeah, I know," he softly laughed, putting the headset back on again and going back to the game, not even bothering to wait and listen if you had anything else to say, which you did.

You were absolutely dumbfounded by his actions; it was clear that he was intentionally overlooking you. Joe knew you wouldn't bother him like this without a good reason, especially during his video game time with his high school buddies, so his behavior was completely unjustified. 

"Did he forget?" you thought to yourself, feeling your heart break a little at the thought. There was no way he forgot, right? He was the one who planned this date, how could he forget?

Your expression softened as you asked him, "Did you forget?". You didn't really want to hear his response because deep down, you already knew the answer. Admitting it meant that he actually forgot about you.

But you didn't need to hear his response because there was no response. 

You looked back and forth between him and the TV, seeing how he was practically looking right through you and pretending as if you weren’t standing there in the most date-night outfit ever. Joe was oblivious sometimes, but he wasn’t that oblivious.  

“Fuck this,” you mumbled, deciding to take matters into your own hands since he wasn't listening and didn't look like he was planning on listening. You walked over to the TV, grabbed the plug from the outlet behind it, and yanked it so hard that you could've pulled out the entire electrical system in the wall. 

"Y/N, what the hell?" you heard from behind you, as well as the sound of Joe taking his headset off and throwing it down onto the couch. 

"Oh, so now you acknowledge my presence?" you rolled your eyes and sighed heavily. 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asked you, his eyebrows furrowed as if he was genuinely confused. 

"What do you think? I called out your name like 4 times and got no response. Then when I actually got your attention, or I thought I did, you didn't even answer my question fully and brushed me off like I was just some girl," you said as you walked closer to him, the built-up bitterness inside of you begging to be released. 

"You're not just some girl," he shook his head. "You're my girlfri-," he began to say before you interrupted him. 

"Oh yeah? Then act like I am. I asked you a question and you completely ignored it and ignored me," you grumbled as you gave him a look that he instantly knew meant you were genuinely pissed off. 

"What do you mean? I did answer your question," he shrugged. 

"Fucking barely? I told you it was Friday and was hoping that would ring a bell but it didn't, and then I asked you if you forgot but you had already put your dumb fucking headset on and either didn't hear me or didn't want to hear me," you snarled, rolling your shoulders back as the tension in your body increased and put a strain on your upper body. 

"Ohhh, it's Friday? So what?" he sarcastically laughed while shaking his hands, then stood up and practically towered over you. You hated when he did this whenever you two got into a little disagreement, it felt like he was showing the power he had over you and made you feel 10 times smaller. 

"Are you serious?" you asked, feeling the heat rising in your cheeks and your eyes beginning to well up with tears. It wasn't sadness that caused the tears, but a deep sense of anger. 

"What did I forget hmm? Because I'm pretty sure that I already did the laundry, cleaned up the kitchen from lunch, ordered the groceries, and watered your plants outside," he asked, the bratty tone in his voice making you want to scream into a pillow and then proceed to hit him with said pillow. 

You felt your bottom lip tremble as your entire body felt a wave of sadness overpower the anger you were feeling. 

He really forgot. 

He didn't forget to do all the other things that weren’t that big of a deal, but what he did forget was the most important thing.

"Our...our date, Joe?" you choked out, feeling a tear fall from your eye it felt like the world went silent. "Our fucking date," you said again, this time with more anger in your voice, wiping the tear trail from your cheek. So much for your flawless makeup. 

Joe's heart immediately sank at the mention of the word 'date.' He had completely forgotten about the plans you had made, the plans he had made. How could he have forgotten something like this? He knew how important this date was; it was the first time in a long time that you two got to spend alone time together away from everything. Even though he never said it, he felt awful that each time you tried to plan something together, it was pushed back for some reason and never thought about again. 

His eyes softened as he realized why you were mad, "Y/N, I'm so sorry...I forgot," he said. 

You remained quiet for a few seconds, trying to calm yourself by taking a few deep breaths but that wasn't really working. "I shouldn't be surprised you forgot, you know? I've been practically invisible to you this past month," you scoffed, a few more tears falling from your eyes unknowingly. 

"Invisible?" Joe questioned, a bit taken aback by your harsh response. Yeah, he had been spending less time with you lately, but in no way were you invisible to him. 

"Yeah, invisible. It's like I'm just not here. You've been basically avoiding spending time with me and the one time you offer to plan something, you conveniently forget. Spare me, Joe," you shook your head and said. 

"Woah, I wouldn't say I'm avoiding spending time with you?" he said as he took a step closer to you. "I've been busy, you know I've been busy,".

"I get that, but what about those times when you ditched doing something with me so you could do something with the guys? I understand if it’s because of training and stuff but getting ditched for your friends? That hurts. Especially when we already had plans but you moved them and little old me always went along with it because I didn't want to rock the boat," you cried, your tears breaking through and free-falling down your cheeks now. 

"Rock the boat? What are you...what are you even talking about?" he threw his hands in the air and asked. "What the hell is she talking about? I know we've been spending less time together, but in no way is the boat being rocked. We're fine?" he thought to himself. 

"Here you go with the oblivious act," you laughed through the tears in amusement. "Un. fucking. believable. You always do this whenever you’re in the wrong, and frankly, I’m sick of it. You're acting as if I haven't been visibly miserable the past few weeks. Oh, wait. That's just it, how would you know? I'm invisible to you," you said, your voice a little louder as the anger was once again taking over. 

"Look, I don't know what the fuck I did but I don't understand why you're blowing up over this," Joe said, his hand moving to scratch the back of his neck. 

"That's just it. It's mostly what you didn't do. You didn't bother to reschedule our plans, you didn't bother to check in on me to see if I was really okay with you moving our plans, and you didn't fucking remember we were supposed to go out tonight," you yelled, your breaths becoming shorter as you felt yourself turning red from slight distress. You felt awful for yelling at him, but all of the emotions you had built up this past month were coming out at once and it was not going to be pretty. 

Joe stood in silence, his eyes fixed on you as you continued to express your disappointment with his recent behavior as your boyfriend. He felt a sense of unease as he realized the impact of his actions on your emotions. He knew he was in the wrong, but he was hoping you understood how hectic his schedule was and how that prevented him from giving his all to you recently. 

You always understood. And if you didn't, you talked to him about it. But this time you didn't do either of those things, and that made him a little upset. Communication was a big part of your relationship and although it had been pretty off this past month, he thought you would’ve said something to him if you felt this bad about everything. 

"You know, instead of yelling at me about all of this, why didn't you just talk to me about it in the first place?" he asked, now feeling a bit irritated himself. "If you felt so 'invisible' why didn't you tell me right then and there?". 

"Are you really blaming me for this?" you said, looking at him in disbelief. It was unbelievable that he was trying to ignore your feelings, especially when you rarely blew up on him like this so that should tell him that you were really hurt by all of this.

"I never…I never said that," he said while sucking his bottom lip in. "All I'm saying is that we didn't need to have this big argument about it if you just talked to me about how you were feeling before,".

"That still wouldn't change the fact that you forgot about tonight," you snapped, placing your hands on your hips. When your hands touched the smooth, silky fabric of your dress, it seemed to emphasize every curve of your body, catching Joe's gaze for a moment. He felt a flutter of excitement in his stomach as he admired your figure once more, taking in every detail of your stunning appearance a bit closer than he did before. "You still haven't given me a reason," you added.

Joe's frustration was growing as he felt increasingly annoyed by your words, despite his understanding that he had made a mistake. Instead of fixing the issue, your yelling was only aggravating the situation. "You know what? Fine. I forgot. Whoops. My bad," he retorted in a tone that was both monotonous and bratty. He went quiet for a moment, thinking of a devious plan to make you even more annoyed. 

But why did he enjoy making you feel irritated? Because he liked seeing you get all hot and bothered because of him. "I forgot because I was having a great time with my friends and lost track of time. I guess they were more interesting than you," he said smugly.

He knew he was being an absolute dick right now, but part of him was having fun watching you get heated over this and wanted to see you get more flustered. “Is it bad that I think she looks hot as fuck right now?” he thought to himself. 

"God, your fucking attitude pisses me off sometimes," you yelled. As you shook your head, you couldn't help but feel another wave of anger towards him, even though looking around, you realized that the issue at hand was frankly trivial. It wasn't the specific problem–forgetting about the date–that got to you, but rather the underlying feeling of frustration and disappointment that had built inside of you for the past month. Tonight was just the final blow that tipped you over the edge.  

Despite your irritating behavior and petty bickering, Joe was really turned on right now. Something about seeing that fire in your eyes, hearing that fire in your voice just got him going. You were taking charge, and he loved that even if he was pissed that you were arguing with him about something that didn’t need to be this big of a deal. You were putting him in his place and he liked that about you. He liked that you weren’t afraid to call him out on his bullshit. 

His eyes traced a slow, calculated path from your legs, to the graceful curves of your body, to the gentle contours of your breasts, then up to the curve of your neck, before finally meeting your captivatingly beautiful face. He couldn't resist the temptation to admire your compelling appearance, making it even more challenging for him to focus on the petty argument you were having. He felt bad that you got all dressed up for a date that wasn’t happening, but he did enjoy seeing your precious cheeks turn red out of anger, seeing your body tense up in a way that was practically begging for him to relieve it. 

He licked his plump lips as his eyes flashed to a darker shade of blue before saying, "Then why do you like me so much?". 

Your breath caught in your throat as you were trapped by the intense gaze in his eyes. Those dangerous, smoldering, bedroom eyes always seemed to have an irresistible effect on you. The words that followed, said in a tone that ignited a wildfire within you, made you feel an almost overwhelming urge to drop to your knees in front of him. “No, No, No. I’m mad at him. It doesn’t matter how much I would love for him to take away my ability to walk right now. Keep it together,” you thought to yourself, feeling butterflies flutter through your stomach. 

You remained quiet and continued to stare at him, watching him raise his eyebrows in the brattiest way possible as a result of how he easily silenced your bitching and moaning and because of how you had absolutely no response for him. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked as he leaned over and whispered in your ear, his husky voice sending shivers down your spine. “Cat got your tongue?”. 

“I’m not playing this game with you right now,” you rolled your eyes and snapped, starting to back up and walk away before you felt his warm hand wrap around your wrist and pull you right back to him.

A playful smirk danced across his lips as he pulled you into his embrace, immediately planting a trail of soft, teasing kisses along your neck, successfully redirecting your attention.

“Joe,” you whispered, trying to get out of his hold but struggling because of how he was holding you so tightly and pressing kisses all along your neck—your favorite spot to be kissed. “Oh fuck,” you lightly whimpered, feeling him nip and bite at your skin as he wrapped his hand around your neck and gently squeezed it. 

“Hm? Why do you like me so much then?” he mumbled as he dropped wet kisses up to your ear. “If I’m such a horrible boyfriend, why don’t you just leave?”.

“Fuck, Joe,” you accidentally moaned, feeling him start to suck on your favorite spot which made a pang of arousal shoot up your spine.  “So much for trying to keep it together,” you thought to yourself. “This has to be a massive ego boost for him,”. 

It definitely was. He took pride in knowing that he could so easily make you forget about your anger towards him by simply doing what he did best, skillfully and attentively worshiping every inch of your body.

“Hm,” he laughed against you. “I guess that’s why you don’t leave,” 

“You’re being a brat,” you said a few seconds later as you threaded your fingers through his frosted tips, pushing his head closer to your neck. Your actions are a complete juxtaposition to the words that came from your mouth. You were mad at him, but you weren’t acting like it. The sounds leaving your lips, your needy touch, it was all the complete opposite of what you were saying.

“No, you’re being a brat,” he said as he moved out of your neck and looked into your firey eyes. 

He had some nerve to be calling you a brat right now. You weren’t the one that had been ignoring him tonight or the one that had been brushing him off all month. “Go fuck yourself, Joe,” you spat out, the bitterness evident in your words, but it seemed to have little effect on him.

“How about you fuck me instead?” he boldly said while giving you the same tempting, inviting eyebrow raise again. 

“If he looks at me like that again, I swear to god I’m going to end up pregnant. Fuck. Why does he have to look at me like that when I’m trying to be mad at him,” you thought to yourself. Gradually, the intense anger, sadness, and constant irritation towards him turned into strong feelings of fierce desire, urgent need, and passionate emotion.

As you stood face to face, a noticeable tension filled the air, the heat rising as if a fire had been torched between you. His passionate gaze reached into you, sending jolts of electricity through the space. It felt as though he was silently expressing that he had the power to make you forget everything, if only you would allow him to.

And god you wanted him to. 

You quickly reduced the space between you both and smashed your lips against his, his hands dropping down to your waist and holding you tightly as a smirk rose on his lips. “Told you. This is why you don’t leave,” he whispered in between the messy kiss as you wrapped your arms around his neck and brought him in closer, completely melting under his fervent touch. 

“Shut up,” you smirked as you trailed kisses along his jaw before he pulled your lips back to his, both of your bodies calling each other’s names as you got lost in each other. 

He moves his big hands down to your ass, giving each cheek a gentle squeeze before whispering, “Jump,” in between the kiss. You do as he says, jumping and wrapping your legs around his middle as he holds you tightly, walking towards the stairs and taking you straight to the bedroom, all without breaking the restless kiss.

A few minutes later, you’re both naked and lying on the bed as Joe spends a bit more time peppering kisses along your neck, your neediness getting more and more vocal as he refuses to do the thing you actually need him to do. 

“Joe, please,” you whimpered as you felt his nose brush against your jaw while he sucked on a spot on your neck, your body squirming under his large frame.

“You can’t be mad at me like that and expect me to give you what you want so easily,” he smirks after he moves from your neck and looks into your eyes with mischievous intent. 

“Fuck you,” you scoffed while tilting your head to the side and refusing to look at him.

“Oh you will, all in due time, baby,” he whispered in your ear, then gently lifted you up in a tender embrace and sat down on the edge of the bed.

Straight across from the mirror. 

“What’re you doing?” you ask him as he sets you in his lap, both of you facing the mirror.

“You see that, Y/N?” he asks as he points to you in the mirror. “That’s you,” he adds as he continues to look up and starts to press wet kisses around your shoulder. His hand snakes around your waist, rubbing your belly with his long fingers as they start to navigate down to your thigh. 

“I know,” you sigh, tilting your head to the side as his kisses get closer to your neck.

“You’re not invisible, baby,” he says as he plants kisses in a path up to your ear as his fingers move down to your core aching core. “You’re right here,” he whispers, a moan escaping your lips as you feel his fingers slide against your wet heat. 

“Joe,” you whimper tipping your head back and closing your eyes, the feeling of his hot body underneath you combined with the feeling of his long fingers at the place where you need him the most becoming too much for you.

“I see you, Y/N,” he whispers in your ear, the tip of his cold nose pressed against it. “I always see you, I always hear you. You’re not invisible,” he says before pressing a kiss to the corner of your ear, then pressing his fingers against your sensitive clit. 

“Ah, Joe,” you moaned, feeling a jolt of pleasure rip through your body. Before you can move your head back forward to say something, you feel his fingers dip inside your core with no warning, earning another sound of pleasure from your lips. “Fuck,” you moaned as you practically melted into his embrace even more. 

His fingers begin to pump in and out of your core, more soft groans and whimpers falling from your lips as he drops slow, hot kisses around your face. “Fuck, you’re so tight,” he rasps as he drops his head down to your shoulder again, spending more time cherishing that part of your body. 

The sensation of his skillful fingers stretching you out and filling you makes you want to forget about everything that happened. Joe always had the ability to make you forget your worries and tensions in an instant, but this might have been a new record. 

“Joe, please…I..,” you whimper, grinding your hips against his as your body begs for more.

"Hmm, it's not that easy, baby," he says with a smirk, his voice oozing with cockiness. You can sense the power he holds over you, and it's clear that he finds it entertaining. He is fully aware of the effect he has on you and revels in it. You hated that he could easily get you like this, but you loved it so fucking much. 

His fingers continue to thrust in and out of your core, his touch becoming hotter by the second as you feel yourself inch closer to your release. “You don’t sound like you’re mad at me,” he said as he used his other hand to push your head forward so that you were looking in the mirror again. 

“Fuck,” you moaned when you saw his captivating dark blue eyes at the same time as you felt his fingers hit the spot inside of you. “I…I’m so…mad at you,” you struggled to get out, a whimper squeezing in between your words. 

“Sure,” he chuckled as he rested his chin on your shoulder, increasing the pace of his fingers.

You watched as his fingers disappeared in and out of your dripping heat, faint sounds of your wetness filling the room as you slowly moved your eyes back up to meet his. The look he had told you a number of things; he was horny as hell (just like you), he was enjoying seeing you struggle like this, and he was genuinely sorry about everything. 

The apologetic twinkle in his eyes produced a profound and intense emotion within you, igniting a powerful and overwhelming feeling. He was fully aware of his mistake and this was his way of expressing it to you. “Joe,” you screamed as you felt the band in your stomach tighten, your body gently trembling above him as you felt overwhelming pleasure coursing through your veins. 

“Look at you, you’re right there, Y/N. Not hidden, not transparent, and certainly not fucking invisible. Especially not to me,” he whispered in your ear, his husky, raspy voice being the final thing you needed to tip right over the edge.

You feel an intense, deep, and warm feeling pool in your belly, you were so so so painfully close. But just to your surprise, Joe suddenly pulls his fingers out of your core, earning a dissatisfied shriek from your lips. “What the fuck, Joe,” you panted, your core pulsing at the tension that was still there, the tension you thought he’d release for you.  

“Told you,” he smirked as he looked into your eyes through the mirror. “Not easy,”, a soft kiss landing on your shoulder before you feel yourself being lifted up again, turned around, and pushed down to the bed a little roughly. 

“Go. Fuck. Yourself.” you groaned at him a few seconds later, your eyes having that fire in them that he so desperately loved. 

“That’s your job, baby,” he winked as he kneeled down on the bed, hovering over you. “But, I’ll be nice for a little bit and help you out,”. 

You’re about to open your mouth to say something, but before you can, he smashes his lips against yours and rests the head of his hard cock at the entrance of your core. “You want me to give you attention? Here you go,” he mumbles a few seconds later with a cocky grin, and then you feel him push into you with a roughness that drove you wild.

“Ah, Joe,” a guttural moan escaping your lips as you scrunch your nose, your legs instinctively wrapping around him. He was wasting no time with you, and you loved that. 

A jolt of pleasure rips through your body again as he starts to move inside of you, his movements so thorough and intense but rough at the same time. His hand firmly grasps your waist, communicating a sense of possession and intimacy, making it clear to you that you belong entirely to him. 

His body was telling you that you weren’t losing him, that you could never lose him. You could never lose him because he would never let you, he’d never let go of you. 

“Fuck, Y/N,” he moaned as he felt your hands travel to his hair, gently tugging on the strands as you rested your lips on his neck. He begins to snap his hips against yours hard, every thrust sending you further back into the bed and making you forget about everything that ever bothered you in your entire life. 

“Joe…fuck, I’m…,” you panted. “Fuck,” you trailed off.

“I know, baby. I know,” he smiled.

He continues to thrust into you and sets a pace that makes you feel like you’re practically flying through the clouds. It feels euphoric the way he knows exactly how to send your body to its pleasure, almost other-worldly. He was just so good at it. 

The way he was worshipping your body, basically fucking the anger out of you was something your brain couldn’t comprehend. He was the only person who was capable of doing this to you, getting you so frustrated, hot, and bothered, and then having you completely and utterly raw the next second–emotionally and physically. 

Joe was aware that your anger towards him and his recent behavior stemmed from genuine pain. He deeply regretted causing you this pain and slapped himself mentally, repeatedly, for making you feel invisible, even for a second. You were the center of his galaxy, and he needed you to know that you still were and nothing had changed. 

He moves his lips back to yours, capturing them in an intimate kiss that stifles your moans. The delicious feeling of his cock filling you up and his lips against yours is all you could have ever wanted. The way he was moving against you was creating a haze in your brain, almost like a lavender haze. 

The haze surrounded you, signaling that you were immersed in a love that consumed every part of you. 

Joe consumed every part of you. He was the lavender haze, and you wanted to stay in that haze for as long as humanly possible. 

Even though you were mad at him, you couldn’t stay mad at him. He loved you and you knew that, and now he was showing you that he did. This was his way of reassuring you that he was right here with you. 

“Baby,” he moaned, feeling himself get lost in the pleasure you were bringing him. “You feel so fucking good,” he groaned. 

“Joe, my god,” you whimpered, feeling your already built-up release getting stronger again. “I’m so close,” you whined, feeling him somehow quicken his pace. You looked down at him, watching how he roughly pounded into your wet heat and how his muscular body was glowing in the soft light of your bedroom. 

“Cum for me, baby. I know you’re there,” he moaned in your ear before dropping his head to your neck. 

“Ah,” you whimper, feeling your body start to tremble again, you were just seconds away from letting go. 

One particular hard, well-placed thrust later, you were screaming his name as you pushed your head back into the pillow to brace yourself for your orgasm. You felt like a dam had just burst, and the pressure built against it was finally free. Wave after wave of pleasure rips through your body as Joe keeps hammering into you and each time you feel your high come down, it shoots right back up because of his movements. The feeling of your walls wrapping around him, squeezing and hugging his cock made him smile, almost as much as the sound of his name leaving your lips like a sacred chant. 

“Joe,” you whispered, feeling yourself finally come down from your peak. You looked down and saw that he was still moving inside of you, trying to reach his own peak. “Joe,” you said again as you threaded your hands into his hair and lifted his head, “Flip us,”. 

He looked at your glossed-over eyes with his tired ones, a dirty smirk forming on his lips at the idea of what you were asking him to do. “Okay,” he winked, wrapping his big hands around your torso and easily flipping you over all in one go. Despite how tired he was physically, he could never be too tired for you.

“He’s so fucking strong. Fucking hell,” you thought to yourself as you straddled his waist, taking in his tousled golden curls, his thick muscular chest which was coated with a thin layer of sweat, and then his large cock–which was practically calling for you. 

You grabbed his erection, guiding the tip between your drenched folds as you saw his face contort in pleasure and a hiss leaving his lips–he was close. You lifted your hips from his and sat up on your knees before lining up his cock with your core and sinking straight down onto it.  “Oh, fuck,” he moaned as he closed his eyes, his hands landing right on your ass with a light ‘slap’. 

You leaned forward and placed your hands on his pecs, sliding up and down his cock at the same pace he was pounding into you. “Yeah,” you whispered as you felt yourself feel a shock of pleasure coarse through your vein, just as Joe felt coursing inside of him. 

“Y/N, baby,” he groaned, “You feel so good, fuck,” he said while digging his head back into the pillow, having the time of his life watching you take over and ride him into oblivion. 

“I know,” you said to him with a cocky grin which made him raise his eyebrows again, the same way he did earlier. 

It was that same bratty, sexy, that made you think ‘get me pregnant right the fuck now’ eyebrow raise. 

“Fuck,” you moaned after you saw him raise his eyebrows and his cock hit that spot inside of you. 

“That’s my girl,” he grinned, feeling his ego shoot up because even though you were in ‘control’, he was still, actually in control. Especially over you, and it was so obvious. 

You continued to slide up and down his length, occasionally moving back and forth as his moans got louder and his grip on you got tighter. His eyes were fixated on your breasts that were bouncing up and down right in his view, his hands were stuck to your ass and were kneading your plush skin, and his hips were starting to thrust up into you. 

“I’m close, fuck,” he moaned as he felt your walls tighten around him–you were close too, again. 

“O- oh, fuck,” you whimpered while falling forward, your chest pressed against his. “Joe, you’re so fucking…,” you trailed off as a moan interrupted your sentence. “I’m gonna cum,” you whispered against his swollen, plump lips.

“Y- yeah, me too,” he panted, snapping his hips into yours harder. A few seconds later, your bodies moved against each other in perfect harmony for the final time as both of your releases hit at the same time, both of you feeling like your breaths had just been taken away by the intensity of your orgasms. 

“Joe,” you screamed, feeling your high hit you again like a ton of bricks, stars filling your eyes as your second release soaked your lower halves as you felt Joe’s cock twitch inside of you.  

“Fuck, Y/N…oh my god,” he rasped as he shot hot spurts of cum inside your wet, hot cunt, slowly thrusting whatever came out back into your core. His hands were gripping your hips now, so incredibly tightly that you were sure they would leave a small bruise. You looked down and saw how his nose was scrunched up, how his bottom lip was stuck between his teeth, and how his eyes were filled with love, regret, and admiration towards you. 

A couple of minutes later, you were both lying next to each other, trying to catch your breath and make sense of everything that happened in the past hour or so. Joe turned his head to the side to look at you, taking note of how you were biting away at your bottom lip–something you did when you were anxious.

You were in fact anxious. Your argument was bad, and whatever happened on this bed was amazing, but where did it actually get you? Yeah, you were much calmer and in your senses (kind of?) for the most part, but you had hardly talked about the reason you two even got to this point. 

Joe, with a mix of feelings, let out a deep, heartfelt sigh. He gently put his arm around your bare shoulder, pulling you close to his warm chest. Amid your overwhelming confusion, he became your safe haven even though he was the reason you were confused in the first place.

You felt the gentle touch of his lips as he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. He then rested his mouth and nose against it, inhaling your natural fragrance. This simple act brought him a unique sense of comfort that no one else, not even his friends, could provide. It was this deep connection that made him realize the need to apologize to you. You were right, you were always right.

“Baby?” he asked you, causing you to look up at him with your tired eyes.

“Y- yeah?” you rasped, your voice scratchy from the activities you were partaking in just a few minutes ago. 

“I’m so, and I mean so fucking sorry for what I did,” he sighed. “I really didn’t mean to make you feel invisible or ignored this past month, you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry that I haven’t been giving you the attention you deserve lately, especially because you do so much for me, more than anyone ever has or ever will,” he sniffled, his eyes welling with tears. 

“Joe,” you pouted, moving your hand to cup his soft cheek and rubbing your thumb under his eye, seeing how glossy his eyes got all of a sudden. “It’s okay, I promise,”.

“It’s not, Y/N,” he said with another gentle kiss to your forehead. “I told you that you were the center of my galaxy, and you are. I hate that I made you feel like you weren’t anymore, that’s so fucked up. I should’ve talked to you about all of this and shouldn’t have expected you to say something first. I was the one that needed to get myself straight and I’m so sorry that I let things get to this point,”.

You felt his hand moving in gentle, soothing circles on your back, providing a comforting and secure touch. In his arms, your worries and tensions seemed to melt away in two distinct ways: the intimacy you shared in the bedroom, and the reassuring feeling of his current actions.

“I just felt like I was losing you,” you admitted. “I was scared that we were drifting apart and I just-,”.

“No,” he interrupted. “You’re not losing me, baby. You’re never going to lose me,” he softly said as he moved his hands into your hair. “I’m not gonna let that happen, not now and not in 15 years when we’re middle-aged and have two kids running around and are arguing about who has to drive the kids to school the next morning,” he smiled.

A soft chuckle left your lips as you imagined what he was saying, an image of your promising future with Joe filled your mind–and it was oh-so sweet. “Obviously you. I need beauty sleep,” you chuckled. 

“Noted,” he smiled as he pulled you closer to him as if you weren’t already stuck to him like glue. He opened his mouth to say something again, and the tone of his voice knew that what he was about to say could easily make you cry,  “I don't think I could find the right words to describe the depth of my love for you. What I feel for you overpowers any other emotion I've ever experienced. It's as if my soul has finally found its missing piece in you. I will choose you, again and again, without hesitation. No one else can make me feel the way you do. You mean everything to me. When I look at you, I see my life partner, my best friend, my everything. You have the unique ability to improve every aspect of my life–every laugh becomes brighter, and every tough day feels more manageable because you're there for me. You have given me a type of love that I never thought possible, and I'll forever treasure the way you've positively impacted my life. My love for you is something I'll wholeheartedly protect because no one else will ever have my heart the way you do. From the moment we met, I felt something unique about you. I've never loved anyone the way I love you, and I know I never will. You're my heart, my soul, and the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. No one else will ever come close to producing the feelings I have for you, and I'll always do everything in my power to ensure you feel as cherished and adored as you deserve.” he said while playing with your messy hair. 

You felt tears falling from your eyes after he finished talking, you didn’t even realize when you started crying, but you were. “Wait, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” he softly said as he leaned down and cleaned up your tears by placing kisses on each droplet. “I’m sorry, baby,” he said, his softness so adorable and genuine. 

“It’s okay, Joey,” you grinned, a few sniffles coming from your nose. “I’m crying because of how much I love you. What you said…that means a lot,”. 

“I mean it, Y/N. I’m genuinely so sorry for tonight, for this past month, for all of it. You are always number 1 for me and I need to show you that more from now on. I don’t deserve you at all, but I have you, and I won’t overlook something as valuable as you or not take advantage of the fact that you, this amazingly sweet, sexy, empathetic, down-to-earth, incredibly genuine, kindhearted, funny & sometimes slightly boring…” he started to say before you interrupted him.

“Ouch,” you giggled as you patted his chest, earning a soft chuckle from him.  

“...boring but unpredictable, loving, insanely beautiful, and charismatic girl has my heart in her hands,” he finished saying. “I love you, Y/N. I need to do better for you, and from this moment on I will. You deserve to be loved with 150% effort and I’m going to make sure you do. The guys can wait. I’ve spent enough time with them for them to go a couple of weeks, even months without seeing me. It’s you and me now and forever,” he said to you, his soft, loving eyes acting as a mirror to his soul–which showed his genuine and raw intentions and were exactly as he was describing to you. 

“I love you, Joe,” you smiled as you felt him brush his lips against your lips before planting a deep, passionate kiss to them. 

“Time to get things back on track,” he said a few seconds later, sitting up on the bed and bringing you with him. “It’s too late for our dinner reservation but I’m going to get it shifted to tomorrow. Tonight we’re going to the banks for some stargazing and a late-night picnic. We can pick up some pizza and ice cream from that place by the stadium on our way,” he nodded, talking you through the plan as if he had thought about this deeply, but he didn’t. He was coming up with all this on the fly. “Then tomorrow morning after we wake up, we can go on a little hike in that part by my parent’s house in Athens. It’ll be a drive but we can hike around there since it’s so pretty this time of the year and see my parents, maybe even get lunch with them at our favorite cafe over there before heading back home for dinner tomorrow night. On Sunday, it’s a full lazy day inside. We’re going to stay in our pajamas all day, do a Twilight movie marathon because I remember you saying you want me to watch them with you, order food to the house for lunch and dinner, maybe even bake some cookies or something, and then spend the rest of the day in bed. Preferably with no clothes,” he grinned. 

You were left speechless as you looked at him, impressed by how effortlessly he had drafted these plans without considering his own weekend schedule. The sight of him thinking on the spot filled you with affection, and your heart swelled with a mix of emotions. 

You leap forward and wrap your arms around his neck as you smother his face with gentle kisses, “I loveeeeee youuuuuuuuu,” you giggle, feeling him wrap his arms around your waist and hearing his soft chuckles in your ear. 

“I love you too, baby. You’re the shining force at the center of my galaxy, the light that everything else revolves around. Like the planets drawn to their sun, my life is pulled by your existence, and I know that for us to thrive, our orbit needs to be steady. Every moment with you is a delicate balance of love, trust, and effort–each one keeping us aligned, making sure our world doesn’t drift apart. I’ll protect that balance, making sure that no matter what forces try to interfere, we stay on track, always revolving around the core of what we’ve built together," he says to you, his heartfelt words, his embrace, the genuine look in his eyes all making you fall deeper in love with him.

"This is why I like you so much," you grin as you meet his baby blues, answering his question from earlier.

"What do you mean?" he asks you, licking his lips as he uses his hand to move his hair back.

"I like you because you're the most thoughtful, raw, incredibly well-spoken, smartest, nerdiest, most adorable and manly, genuine person I've ever met in my entire existence. You make me mad sometimes, but you also know exactly how to fix what you did and make everything even better than it was before. You're always making an effort to fix things. Yeah, you can be a dick, asshole, and oblivious idiot sometimes...,".

"Hey!" he gasps, acting like he was offended over what you said.

"But you're my obvious idiot and I love you for everything you are. You love me, like really love me and I know that and you never fail to make me know that. Also because you're like super sexy and I can't get enough of you and that damn eyebrow raise," you giggled.

"Oh, you like that?" he asked, giving you that eyebrow raise again.

"Do that again and we're staying in this bed the rest of the night," you smiled at him and said. "I might even end up pregnant by the end of it,".

Joe was stunned at your words, "Damn, so you really like that," he slowly nodded with a smirk.

"Really may be an understatement. Just know that you don't want to be inside my brain whenever you do that eyebrow raise," you winked. "I don't think we have enough anti-horny spray to get rid of the thoughts in my head,".

"Being perpetually horny is good for the soul, babe. Embrace it," Joe smiled as he leaned in and slowly kissed you in a way that made your toes curl and your body light on fire.

He fell back down against the pillows and brought you down with him. "Joe," you said in between the kiss, "We have to go," you smiled.

"Another round won't hurt," he said while giving you the eyebrow raise again, now knowing what it did to you.

You rolled your eyes, "Fuck, you're going to use that every damn time from now on, aren't you?".

"Maaaybe," he grinned as he brought you back down to his soft lips.

–The End–

[itostea]

hot things bllk boys do as your boyfriend (rin, shidou, nagi & chigiri)

warnings: suggestive in shidou’s part, reader is called pretty girl in shidou’s part

credits to whoever did this idea first! and repost bc i forgot tags oops

rin:

poking the side of his mouth with his tongue whenever you’re showing him a new outfit 🤭🤭

“So what do you think?” You beam with a grin, doing a twirl for him to get a 360 of your clothes. A half-empty bag is disregarded on the side of your shared bed. You can see your reflection on the side mirror and how the fabric fits around your waist. The dress isn’t anything special in design but its intended use is to be frame flattering–the kind of dress that you can wear on any occasion. It’s one of the few things you came to really like from your online purchase and insisted Rin see. In the end, you ended up forcing him to sit through your haul (not that he really minds).

Teal eyes flit from side-to-side and subconsciously, his tongue pokes the side of his cheek. The scrutiny, though it shouldn’t, makes you nervous. You don’t think he’s yet to understand the effect he has on you. Comically, you straighten up when he’s about to speak, making him raise a brow in question. “The dress’s a bit short.”

“But it’s cute right?!” You whine, doing another twirl for emphasis and stepping closer to him.

“It’s not bad.”

“Huh? Are you sure? I thought this was one of the better picks…” You frown, your spirits dying as you were excited to show him the dress.

“It only looks good because you’re wearing it,” he speaks frankly, leaning back to observe you again. Like before, his tongue probes at the inside of his cheek whilst studying you.

You try your best not to react and try not to squirm underneath his gaze and how effortlessly good he looks. “H-Huh? Yeah thanks…”

“Why are you acting shy now?”

“I’m not!”

shidou:

hand placement. that’s it.

“Ryu! Get off of me!” You sigh for nth time, helplessly writhing underneath him. “At least take a shower first before you hug me…”

“You complain too much baby,” he taps the side of your cheek with a boyish smile. “Can’t believe my girl can be so mean. After a day of tiring practice too.”

“Uh huh, I’m pretty sure it was only tiring since you’re always butting heads with Rin.”

He ignores your insult and instead leans up. “When were you on first name basis with that bastard?”. Little strands of hair fall over his forehead and his pink eyes glow above you. From below, you can really see the product of his hard work. His sweat still clings to him but that only draws more attention to his biceps and muscles. You see a smug smile on his face, realizing that you were caught gawking at him.

You avert your eyes with embarrassment written all over your face. “Shut up, I wasn't looking. And besides you literally call him Rinrin.”

He only bursts in laughter. “I didn’t say anything yet! Awh I didn’t think you’d get jealous!”

“Huh?! Aren’t you the jeal–!”

He interrupts you with another pat on the cheek. “Well don’t worry I won’t call him any nicknames reserved for you. Alright sweetheart? Or did you like baby more? Or was it pretty girl?” He teases leaning closely to you, pressing kisses over the crevice of your neck with a coy grin. His grin only widens when you gasp and whisper-yell his name when he bites down softly on your neck. “You wanna join me in the shower?” He breathes against your neck.

You’re not a fool to miss the hidden meaning behind that offer, well aware that the two of you weren’t just going to shower. “I gotta run some errands,” you say half-heartedly, not really convinced that you want that.

“Yeah?” He chuckles close up to your neck before he props himself with his arm bent while the other pushes your lips closer to his. Your body jolts as his hand creeps down to rest on your neck–with his thumb rubbing little circles over the fresh mark he just left. When he disconnects from your lips, a familiar gleam in his eyes draws your attention. “Still don’t wanna join me?”

“My errands–” Another kiss. A gentle squeeze to your neck as he deepens the kiss. You can’t find yourself to be mad when you feel his grin against your lips. In vain, you try to muster up a glare as you purse your lips. “Ryu–!”

Again. Only this time that hand slides down to rest at your hip. The sound of his lips against yours is enough to make you hide your face in embarrassment. And he doesn’t seem like he’d be backing down either.

“Okay fine! I’ll join you in the shower, you demon!”

“Knew you’d come around.” He pulls you up and only returns your glares with a cheeky smile.

You pout as he gathers you in his arms, not finding much in your heart to push him away. “You did all of that on purpose didn’t you.”

“So what if I did babe? It always works doesn’t it?”

nagi:

literally lifts you like it’s nothing 😭😭😭

“We gotta go pretty…C’mon, get out of bed.”

“Don’t wanna…”

Nagi finds the situation to be amusing, seeing as the roles are reversed with you being the lazy one and him trying to pry you awake. He’s not usually one to wake up early but after the release of a new game he’s been wanting to try, he wanted to get his hands on it before it sold out. Again, he tries to gently shake you awake, suddenly gaining a newfound respect for you–seeing as you dealt with similar situations involving him.

“Why can’t you just go alone?” You whine, covering your face with the blanket.

“You said you wanted to try that bakery’s pastries, didn't you?”

“Can’t you just get them for me after you finish buying the game…” You mumble.

Nagi sighs. He could. But he doesn’t want to. Call it selfish but he doesn’t want to go alone. It’d be such a hassle if the line was long and he’d be waiting by himself–without you to talk to. “Nope. Can’t do that.”

“Why not?” You complain for another time, your voice muffled by the blankets. You hear the ruffling of the blanket and how the bed flattens with his knee. Your hands come to cover your eyes from the early sun streaks peeking into the room, scowling once you see your boyfriend holding the blanket in between his hands.

He looks at you blankly. “Don’t make me carry you…”

“Huh? As if. You’re too lazy to do all that work–! Sei?!” Suddenly, you’re a few feet up, face-to-face with a fluff of white hair. Your look of shock brings a small smile to Nagi’s features and he can’t help but pinch your cheek in between his fingers, positioning you so you could fit in his arm.

“I wouldn’t really call this work. This wouldn’t even count as a workout either…” he glances at you, proceeding to carry you to the restroom so you could get ready. “Let’s get you more awake ‘kay?”

You blink. You’re awake now. Completely. Sometimes or maybe too often, you forget the extent of your boyfriend’s strength and that’s always given him an advantage in the element of surprise. Even now, you gape as he continues to handle your body in his arms as if this was just a stroll in the park.

“Hey…I can walk there myself…” You protest weakly, opting to cross your hands rather than resist.

“Nah, don’t want you running away from me. Of course if that happens, I’ll just have to carry you again.”

chigiri:

maintains eye contact with you all the time 😩😩

A hand brushes over your shoulder as you’re doing your skincare, applying the moisturizer carefully over your face with your eyes fixed on the mirror. Glancing at your boyfriend, you tilt your head. “Yes?”

“Don’t apply your moisturizer like that. Do it like this,” he motions with his fingers, only smiling when you only blink. “Here let me do it.”

With a nod, you face him, allowing him to massage the product onto your face. “Feels nice, Hyoma.”

“I bet,” he mumbles quietly, lightly chuckling as you make a noise of displeasure when he rubs a spot too hard. Rosy eyes watch you carefully as his nimble fingers continue to massage in the residue of any leftover product. You feel yourself getting a bit bashful underneath his gaze, preferring to just avert your eyes to the side while he continues to apply the cream on you. “Not gonna look at me?” He teases, collectively deciding to just finish your skincare routine for you.

His fingers reach over to grab onto your lip balm, unclasping the container and gathering a reasonable amount on his finger. With his thumb and pointer finger, he holds onto your chin and smooths the substance over your lips. You try not to tense from his hold, still stubborn in ignoring his gaze. “I am looking at you.”

“Right,” he laughs. “Anddddd there. Done.”

“Thank you,” you mumble, finally peeping a look to gaze at your boyfriend. He’s still smiling, only this time his eyes crinkle at the sight of you looking so meek.

“You’re pretty cute, you know that?”

Your hands cover your face as a sound escapes your throat. “Please stop, you're gonna kill me here.”

[autball]

Part 4 of a 5 part series about the ways harmful practices can be made to sound appealing and how to spot the differences between helpful and harmful approaches.

Sensory sensitivities are a huge part of being autistic (and sometimes ADHD, too). They can range from kind of annoying but manageable to debilitating and meltdown-inducing. They can fluctuate from day to day and situation to situation. They can seem to pop up one day out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly.

Sensory differences are dynamic, which can make them unpredictable and disruptive. Not many people want to live that way, so working on sensory desensitization with someone who has a lot of sensitivities sounds like a thing that could help. Fewer meltdowns and able to do more things? Yes please!

But as you might have guessed, there’s a giant problem with that: reducing sensitivity isn’t really a thing you can do TO someone. At least, not without inducing a trauma response or two. You can certainly get someone to learn to ignore their own body signals or pretend to be fine when they’re not, but that’s not a sensory thing. That’s a dissociation thing.

“Sensory desensitization” is usually code for exposure therapy. Exposure therapy has its uses, but addressing legitimate sensory issues isn’t one of them. And it should only be done WITH someone who can fully consent and actively participate. Coercing and/or forcing someone to interact with distressing sensory input until they stop reacting is not that.

“Sensory desensitization” also operates under the assumption that people just get used to, or habituate to, the noises and sensations around them, even ones that bother them. But studies have shown that autistic people actually don’t habituate to sensory stimuli the way non-autistic people do. It may take way longer to happen, or it may never happen at all.

You know what can and does happen? Sensory sensitivities can just kinda…change. All on their own. We grow up, our hormones change, our stress levels change, our environments change, and our sensory profiles are affected by all of those things (and more!). Sensitivities can just disappear, naturally, without any intervention. And that’s about the only thing I’d ever refer to as real sensory desensitization.

But sensory sensitivities can go any which way. Maybe new ones rear their ugly heads. Or maybe something bothers us at a level 7 one day and 2 the next, then goes all the way up to 11 next week. And then there are the ones that just stay pretty much the same, all the time, forever.

I could not handle pants for a long time as a kid, but then somewhere along the way, I could. I really couldn’t tell you when it happened. There are some foods that used to make me gag that no longer do, and there are some that I still just cannot handle. I have never been okay with things that stick to my hands, and that really hasn't changed since as far back as I can remember. 

You know what all these sensory sensitivities have in common? Someone made me “tolerate” them at some point, often repeatedly. And none of them changed (or didn’t) because of repeated exposure, but because of my natural development. All I got from forced exposure was this lousy tendency to disconnect from myself.

Sensory desensitization is just not a thing we should be trying to do to people. Sensory *integration* is a real thing that can help people, but that is a whole different animal that requires more than just exposing people to stuff that bothers them. You’ll need an OT (Occupational Therapist) with the specialized training for that. Just make sure they’re not sneaking behaviorism tactics or exposure therapy in there either (yep, the words “sensory integration” can be used to misrepresent what they’re doing, too).

It is a far better thing to help someone learn about their own sensory profile and how to manage their sensory needs than to make them ignore their own body signals. Alexithymia is not #goals.

[jackiepackiee]

Oh hey there! This my first time requesting you!

I have a request for chuuya nakahara and dazai osamu. I wanna ask that how would he be a as a boyfriend to a s/o who could control electrons in the atmosphere.

For dazai its how would he confess to girl who he admires for a long time but is scared to lose her, but she confesses to him before he could?

Thank you very much and I love the rule about angst without a happy ending i mean cmon life is tough enough already we all are carrying emotional baggage in some way or the other 😭😭

Love you admin, take care! 💞💞

Trying this again because I finished and tumblr deleted it ALLLL

I love science!

𝒟𝒶𝓏𝒶𝒾 & 𝒞𝒽𝓊𝓊𝓎𝒶 𝓍 𝐸𝓁𝑒𝒸𝓉𝓇𝑜𝓃 𝒜𝒷𝒾𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹𝑒𝓇

𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈- 𝓃𝑜𝓅𝑒

𝒯𝓎𝓅𝑒 - 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒸𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓃𝓈 / 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝓁𝑜𝑔𝓊𝑒

𝒟𝒶𝓏𝒶𝒾

Will ask the most annoying questions

“Can you make your body a metallic bond so when you’re hit by an enemy, you’re malleable. Oh! Can you make the hatrack an ionic bond so I can make his charges line up and he’ll explode!”

“Dazai… No!

Yall meet a work

He teases you, goes on missions with you, pranks Kunikida with you

But it’s not until your ability goes haywire and you’re hurt one day that he realizes he likes you

From then on, he hugs you when your ability acts up

Nullifying you and getting a hug

A win win in his book

Little things change

He does his paperwork, doesn’t drink as much, teases you more, and makes less suicide attempts

Though, he can’t confess

You’re too good, he can’t ruin you with his depression and violent past

But, what if you say no?

He thinks it’s a lose lose

What a dumb thing for such a smart guy to think?

He finally decided to confess when Ranpo tells him that it’s a good idea

(Ranpo, the world's greatest detective, can obviously tell you like Dazai and he likes you. Why not be the wingman for the new it couple?)

“Dazai… the entire agency knows. And I’ll tell them for you… unless you get me a snack. Yknow, I’m no romance detective, but love is in the air.”

So… he brings you to the Port

Wins you a cute little teddy at a game slot

He’s about to confess

But… before he can speak

“Dazai, I like you!”

You like him. You. So incredibly intelligent, strong, kind? He’s smart, but would’ve never seen this coming

He noticed how the ocean twists

You ability acts up and is causing the hydrogen and oxygen to disconnect

You’re practically shaking with nerves

So… he hugs you

Not a kiss… he would never rush such a perfect moment

The ocean calms, you ability nullifies

Now that you’re dating, the question are WORSE

“Did you change the atoms in my brain so I love you?” “One, no. Two, that’s not how love works!”

Brags to everyone, even if it’s annoying

Just adores you

Thinks he could die happy

Although, he’d much rather live to love you

Makes sure that all your missions are local so he can get to you incase electrons start buzzing around

Calls you dumb things, stupid science jokes, it’s a headache

Overall, so smart but sooo stupid

𝒞𝒽𝓊𝓊𝓎𝒶

Thinks you’re the coolest!

Likes to think your abilities are similar and you two have a connection

Also… a bit dumb

So he asks so many questions

What, he’s fascinated with you and he wants to know as much as he can

“Valence electrons? What?” “What do ya mean I can’t see em? Too small?”

Even if he’s technically the strongest in the entire Port Mafia, thinks you’re better

I mean, he can control gravity but you can manipulate matter!

Thinks that you’re a gift for all his years of hell and unluckiness

Even if you’re just a friend… for now

Never EVER lets you go on missions alone

Makes sure at least one of his trusted subordinates is with you

And if that can’t happen, he’ll make sure Mori gives Chuuya you’re a dangerous work

He’ll miss sleep to take your work, just so you’re safe

If you’re ever overwhelmed, he’ll float you off the ground

Makes sure that you can calm down

Maybe it’s the air higher up, maybe the scenery?

Or… maybe it’s his arms wrapped tight around you

He realizes during one of these moments how much he loves you

“Shh, it’s okay. You ability is stable and you’re safe.”

After asking Kouyou for advice, he’s ready to confess

Buys roses, wine, a jazz record, and a little stuffed animal

Knocks on your apartment when…

You open the door… looking stunning.

“Chuuya? What’re you doing here?”

A gorgeous red outfit, styled hair and makeup. He used his ability to float the gifts to the ceiling so you wouldn’t see.

“Oh… you look pret- I mean! You’re so dressed up.”

“Yeah… was about to leave.”

His heart sunk, although his cheeks warmed at the sight of you in such a beautiful outfit.

“Do you have a date?”

“Date? No, I don’t.”

What a relief!

“Well, what’s the occasion?”

“… I really like you Chuuya! I was gonna try and find you at work now!”

Oh woah… did he just die and go to heaven?

Gives you the sweetest kiss (It’s definitely his first)

Now that you’re dating, he spoils you

Remember how no one is allowed to put you in danger?

Before, he’d let other watch you

But now he’ll clear his day just for your safety

Tries to learn as much as he can about science so he can talk with you even more

“Damn it… electron sea? I thought we had seven seas already?”

Overall? Perfect 11/10

[justlemmeadoreyou]

Hii ur writings is soo gooodd!! I was wondering if u could wite about how reader nd h has sex for the first time nd she was virgin nd a!! But u know when next time they did she was insecure bcoz h is like so experienced nd then she asked if she is good or not!!! Sorrryyyy if u didn't like the idea:(

disconnected*

Words: ~1k

Warnings: Mentions of sex, kissing, cursing, angst. 18+.

♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡

It had been incredible.

At least for you, you thought.

Maybe it hadn't been the same for him.

Harry had been distant after the night you had had sex for the first time. Maybe he didn't like it. Maybe he had been too focused on making it the best for you–because it was your first time.

He had prepared well. He brought lube, condoms, and took his sweet time with you. Kissing down your body till you were completely drenched, and then ate you out a couple times so you loosened up a little, and relaxed for him. And then he had fucked you nice and slow, stretching you out properly so you didn’t feel the pain, and made you cum thrice. And then, he had  cleaned you up too, telling you to leave him if he ever says no to aftercare. 

You had kissed in the bathtub too, while you cleaned each other up, washing the cum, sweat off. He seemed happy, and satisfied. He had cum too, but then why was he distant today?

The next day, your thighs, pussy, muscles were sore from how good it had been. You had joked about it, saying, “I’m really sore today, couldn’t even get up” and smiled right after, so he would understand that it was a harmless joke.

But he didn’t take it that way.

“Yeah, I’m sorry for that.”

The smile on your face had faded, and you immediately apologized, “No–no, why would you say sorry?I was–I was just kidding. Last night was–great.”

“Yeah, uh–okay, I–I think I’ll head out soon”

You had stayed silent after that, while he finished drinking his coffee. He didn’t even read the newspaper fully, and closed it. He went back to his room, to take a shower and go to work.

And you stood there itself, thinking about how it went so wrong so soon.

He didn’t even kiss you goodbye.

When he came home at night, you decided to confront him.

He had the keys, so he had let himself in. Locked the door behind him and threw his stuff on the couch, sitting down, exhausted.

“Harry–we need–we need to talk”

You were fumbling with the hem of your shirt, and as soon as his gaze landed on you, you didn’t know what to say.

“What–what happened?” he asked. He was in a better mood right now, than he had been in the morning.

“Did I do something wrong last night? Or–or did you not like, you know, did you–not–like the way I felt, or was I not good enough for you?”

You said all of it in one breath, and his eyes widened.

“No–oh god, why would you think that? No–Jesus Christ, come here”

He gestured you to come towards him, patting the couch, signaling you to sit down beside him.

Once you were sat, you still kept some distance from him, not wanting to invade his personal space.

He went and wrapped his hand around your waist, and pulled you by his side.

“Now–tell me. Why would you think all those awful things? Huh? You were perfect., lovie”

“But–but, you were so distant today, in the morning, I–I was joking about being sore, and you thought that I was blaming you, and you said sorry, and that–that really hurt, H”

His gaze softened, looking down at you and swiping his finger on your cheeks.

“No, I–I’m sorry I, I–I felt kind of weird, because it was your first time, and I thought I messed it up, or didn’t handle it well. And when you said you were sore, I thought I took it too far.”

“NO–No! Why would you think that? It was so much better than how I imagined my first time to be. You made me feel so good, Harry. And so special. And it was me–I thought that I was so inexperienced, and new , and I didn’t know what you liked, and I didn’t know how to moan properly, if–if it is a thing? And–”

He stopped you, putting a finger on your lips, and then kissing you. His lips brushed softly over yours, and it felt good.

He pulled back, touching your forehead with his, and meeting your gaze. You wanted to shy away–he was so close, but you also wanted to look him straight in the eyes.

“It’s none of that, okay? You were perfect yesterday. More than anything I could have ever asked for”

“But–but you’ve been with so many girls before, and I’m sure–they–they were better than me and–”

“Hey, none of that. They were in my life. They aren't now. And that’s what matters, okay? I want to be with you. Not with them. And never compare yourself to my exes, please?”

He held your hand in his, bringing your hand to his lips, and kissing the back of your hand.

“I love you. Only you. And no one else.”

You felt tears welling up in your eyes, and you blinked them rapidly, kissing his cheek.

“I–I love you too, Harry. The most.”

And he kissed you again, and again, and again. Till your lips were swollen, and he carried you to the bed to take it further.

(requests are always open! Please like and reblog if you read! xoxo)

♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡

love you all 💌

feedback

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[kazutora-kurokawa]

Cheater!Bonten!Mikey x Fem Reader

♡ NSFW obviously, Reader is Mikey's assistant and sidepiece, Reader is kind of a homewrecker, Mikey is married to a random woman, long ass fic because this idea was driving me crazy last night, also thinking about making a taglist but I'm not entirely sure ♡

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

~I wonder if she knows it ain't your sister that she's sharing all her time with. She may do the cooking and the cleaning, but that's my dick~

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀

It was a marriage of convenience. She didn't really love him, all she cared about was the power he held in the palm of his hand. At least that's what he told himself. Repeating it in his head like a mantra, as if saying it enough would make it true. But in reality, she did love him. That didn't really matter to him though, not right now. Not with you underneath him, looking so beautiful. Every inch of your body on display for him and only him. You were all his and despite his marriage he was yours.

He didn't plan to cheat on his wife, but there was something about you he just couldn't resist. He hired you as his assistant 5 months ago, but your relationship quickly escalated from professional to romantic. He always seemed distracted when you were around, and you took notice. You weren't the only one though, the Bonten executives could see it too. They felt the tension in the air when you two were in the same room, the sweet tone in his voice when he talked to you, the way his eyes undressed you. They all know about your relationship. They also know to keep quiet about it if they want to stay on his good side.

They couldn't help but feel sorry for his wife though, imagine how heartbroken she'd be if she found out about you. The way he talks to you, the way he looks at you, the way he fucks you. If only she knew how he flaunted you around town. Taking you to the most expensive restaurants, sitting in the VIP sections of Bonten's clubs. And she'd just die of a broken heart if she knew that he's brought you back home and fucked you in the same bed she sleeps in. Filling your pussy with his cum and your head with promises of leaving her and becoming your husband.

He just can't help himself. He's just so... obsessed with you. He doesn't just want you, he needs you. He'd rather die than not be able to feel you gripping his dick with your tight cunt. He loves you more than he'll ever love her, so it's not hard to grasp how truly relieved he is when his wife gets home early from a shopping trip. The clunking of her designer heels stops at the bedroom door. Mikey knows it's over, so he doesn't bother stopping. Why would he when he knows how close you are? Your breath hitches as the doorknob slowly turns and Mikey deepens his thrusts, hitting every spot you like. There she is, his poor, heartbroken wife. She drops the bags she was holding in shock and covers her mouth with her hands. The tears start flowing as he looks over at her. Your hands disconnect from his shoulders, yet his hands still gripped your waist. He seemed annoyed at her presence.

"Manjiro... how could you do this to me?"

He thought for a second before he responded.

"We might be married, but I'm not obligated to stay faithful to you. Especially when I'm not even in love with you."

She looked at him in disbelief, then at you. You looked away, not because you felt ashamed for sleeping with her husband, but because of the secondhand embarrassment you got from her crying. She turned around, stumbling out of the room and out of the house. Mikey looked away from the doorway and down at you. He leaned down and kissed your forehead before whispering in your ear.

"Now I'm all yours."

[natalchartnurtures]

PAC How is the Lion's Gate Portal affecting you?

Happy Lion's Gate portal!

General themes of the messages that came out today:

Addressing the sense of disconnection from being swept up a little too much by the 3D right now, with a focus on the root chakra and resolving stagnation.

--------

Pile 1:

Your energy right now feels like the color yellow to me—so fresh, energetic, and exciting. This shows that the Lion's Gate portal will help you feel more expansive, like you "own the goddamn world today." It's giving me healthy solar plexus energy, so for those of you who have been healing it for some time now, take this reading as a sign that not only is your solar plexus healing, but it's also expanding, and it's happening quickly 😉✨.

I'm getting a sense of lightness from you during the Lion's Gate period. Anything you were burdened by before August—such as exam stress, financial blockages, or something similar—will be dealt with FAST by the universe during this period, and you'll feel like you can breathe again. At the very least, you'll have a reason to be grateful and feel oh so special about seeing the universe work its magic in your life FOR you ✨.

I love it! I see you receiving a lot of help and support in overcoming any feelings of disempowerment, stuckness, and disappointment. It seems to me that you were trying to manifest something specific, but it just did not seem to get off the ground. That's exactly what this portal will give you a boost towards! Isn't that lovely? You'll feel a rejuvenation in your hope for this "failed" manifestation, and you might even feel the motivation to go at it again in a more planned and helpful way this time :)

Ooh! I also see a major boost in your ability to connect with your intuition, grace, and compassion. If you felt like your emotions went numb lately or you've been doing too much shadow work/emotional healing work and have been exhausted from it, you'll particularly feel an enlivening in your emotional body during this period. You might attract just the right things that will help you FEEL again, but be sure to allow it in 🤓.

Your psychic gifts (if you have any) will definitely grow substantially over this period too, so get ready to be surprised by just how much you can pick up. And it goes without saying that when your gifts are expanding, you need to make sure to ground and clear your energy from time to time to avoid floating away haha.

Side note: Try not to fight your new abilities or try to fit them into a particular box if you sense them coming up. Be open-minded when it comes to your own psychic gifts because everyone has their unique ways of connecting with the non-physical 💜.

Overall, it feels like you're having a spiritual upgrade of some kind this Lion's Gate portal! Congratulations, Pile 1 🎊.

And Happy Lion's Gate Portal!

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Pile 2:

There's always a pile in my readings that I call the "brain pile," and this one is it. You all have a brain/mind that is incredibly active and in some cases a little too active (I'm guilty of that myself 🙃💋).

Lately, maybe your mental body has been wreaking havoc in your world and disrupting your well-being? Maybe you got stuck in unhealthy patterns of overthinking, irrational fears, and intrusive thoughts? THAT'S EXACTLY what this portal is helping you with. It's bringing you divine intervention in whatever form YOU are open to receiving right now—maybe through books, tarot readings (such as this one 🙃), people, quotes, messages in songs, dreams, etc. You get the idea, right? This is to help you snap out of this almost trance-like state that your automatic thoughts have trapped you in. You're being looked after, don't you worry, sweet pea 🥰—that's a huge message I'm getting for you specifically.

Not only that, but I get that this divine intervention will eventually become a 'mental glow-up of sorts,' and it seems to me that you're ready for it now more than ever. You're balancing your mind right now, and you're getting all the help you need with it because, boy, this is a long-standing cycle you're fighting, so Spirit is like, "we need all hands on deck!"

Haha, that's good!

I see so many detours on your path going forward now, which is all part of this divine intervention. You might initially not understand the ways the universe is trying to help you, and you might fall into more chaos (mostly because your mind is resisting the sudden changes), but in due time, you'll not only find your balance but you'll also find a way to integrate your inner child AND all the wisdom you've gathered so far in this life effortlessly. Your mind was busy fighting these other parts of you up until this point, so I guess that's why? I'm so happy for you, though! Such a lovely thing to experience :)

I get a sense that you'll be living a much richer life because of this internal shift.

Wow. Love that 😁.

That was your message and Happy Lion's Gate Portal!

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Pile 3:

Your message is making me tear up, Pile 3. Aw. You're being guided gently to learn how to trust the universe again.

I can see that you've been doing a lot of healing all by yourself, and this work, merging with the energies of the Lion's Gate, is bringing you opportunities to trust in the magic of the universe again. You'll feel supported, less alone, and overall more connected to a greater fabric of existence. You may have slipped into isolation of some kind, and this problem is what's being dealt with on your behalf during this magical period :)

You're going to feel confident in your intuition, and you'll be able to not only listen to your emotions but also trust them deeply. This will build an inner security that you probably didn't know before. If you NEEDED external validation before the beginning of this Lion's Gate period, this time will bring you the necessary ingredients to build that unshakable sense of inner security, fueled from Source itself. Of course, you'll like any external validation that comes your way, but it won't dominate the rest of your inner world :)

Beautiful. This is a beautiful expansion for you, Pile 3.

If you find yourself feeling alone out in the world or feel like you have no friends, that's because of this great big spiritual flush of the old energy you're in the middle of right now. Any energy that wouldn't reciprocate your energy with you, or anything that isn't ideal for you or anybody that's toxic for you, WILL be snatched away like 💨, and you'll be like 😶 but whyyyyyyy.

Spirit sees the bigger picture—things that we literally can't—and is doing everything to keep you on your highest path :) Remember, "rejection is divine protection." It might seem a little frustrating to hear that right now, but it's all for your greatest good. Trust. That's your lesson anyway 🙃😉.

On a more positive note, I see this portal infusing you with so much energy and momentum that you'll be itching to put it all towards something. If you've been stagnant in your 3D life up until, say, July or felt like nothing was changing and it's all the same old same old, then this will change BIG TIME, and you'll be the reason why 😉.

Spirit will be inspiring you directly to make any changes that will bring you a sense of well-being in this important phase of your life✨

That was your message and Happy Lion's Gate Portal!

--------

[nynyhaha]

Thinking about the way Chrollo represents apathy and passion.

When I first saw him,he gave the impression of someone who is both very serious about his occupation and on some kind of mission,and someone who just lets things happen.

The reason he seemed so enigmatic compared to other troupe members is because we couldn’t grasp what he actually values, besides obviously the spider.This whole line of his about not caring for money,glory or fame.The fact that he sells the loot soon after stealing it.

It doesn’t make sense for a thief to be this indifferent towards the treasures he steals.And while the troupe risked their lives trying to steal from the auction,when things went wrong the loot was the last thing they considered.I always wondered what happened to all the boxes at their hideout.I hope they didn’t just leave it there??But it was never the main focus,

I think he occasionally finds something that fascinates him,just to discard it afterwards.It’s almost like he tries very hard to,excuse me, “fill the emptiness inside him”,with material possessions but is painfully aware that it’s not possible.The troupe are primarily known as thieves but it seems obtaining stuff can’t be that satisfying,at least not to Chrollo. Even if he tells everyone to “just steal” in his character song.

The scarlet eyes might’ve caught his attention at some point but again,he’s very dismissive of the whole kurta theme even when Kurapika demands some response.

So I don’t believe it’s greed that drives him.In fact,he doesn’t know what drives him.

And the reason he’s able to commit all those horrible deeds is because of his disconnection with PEOPLE. Being the leader,he’s somewhat set apart from the rest of the spiders.And there are rules that put the good of the organisation before the well-being of the members.That’s supposed to prevent members from caring as much for one another.Which is tragic.

It all only started because they all cared.

How are characters humanised in hunter x hunter? Trough forming bonds with other characters.

Killua and meruem are excellent examples.Both of them grew to care more about humans in general trough meeting a particular person.

Chrollo lost someone important and that very personal grief lead him to stop caring about human lives.Not just his own,but the ones of his fellow troupe members.

Obviously it didn’t work and they still feel very strongly for each other.The whole yorknew arc focuses on those repressed feelings of camaraderie that aren’t allowed to be experienced fully as that would interfere with the Spider.Pakunoda has to break the rules if she wants to save the life of her friend.

Chrollo can’t do that because the Spider with its rules is all he has.He’s very good at “severing ties” with things like living a save life,the authorities,possibly religion,connections with other people,seeing dead bodies as something to be respected and not as objects.He’s willing to give up everything that made him who he was,but what does he have in turn? Nothing.

The Spider needs to have a purpose but it seems that purpose is lost.Chrollo is lost,all his sacrifices lead to nothing.

He doesn’t even feel hate or anger at the world.He rarely takes things personally.

I think there was some revenge based reason for murdering the kurta clan.The troupe seem like they’d have some reason,even tho it could never be good enough.

But my thesis is that Chrollo’s biggest sin isn’t greed,pride,anger or whatever.It’s apathy.

Nothing prevents him from hurting people who have nothing to do with him,therefore he does.

He’s afraid that things will start mattering again,but at the same time we see him constantly searching for that something.He is scared of it,but he really strives to strive for something so that he can break out of this indifference he feels for everything.

So maybe Hisoka will awake some of this rage buried inside and with it make Chrollo once again seem like a very distressed human.

[rottenteeth]

Science time with Rottenteeth!

To preface, DID is a trauma disorder just as PTSD is a trauma disorder, there is just heavier compartmentalization. Also there is nothing wrong morally with not wanting to, not having the resources to, or not being stable enough to recover. That isn't what this is about, its about the harm some people are causing to themselves unknowingly. My goal is education and harm reduction.

(Long post but many resources at the bottom)

Every system is different because everyone's trauma is different. This however, does not and will never apply to the treatment of dissociative identity disorder. There are 2 options if you want to recover and process trauma to the fullest extent. Being a functional integrated system and final fusion. These require the same treatment; stabilization, processing trauma, and the breaking down of dissociative barriers.

This means alter separation and the encouragement of treating them like genuine people, is counterintuitive to said path. Using people based language is not wrong, but genuinely believing you are multiple people will make your life much less functional. If you treat alters like separate people even with this knowledge, that is your decision and may be the safest option for your current situation. But it can and will make the future much harder.

Telling people with DID- a disorder that makes you disconnected from reality and fantasy prone- that a fully functional life and stable mental state is possible while "being multiple people" is not okay. Me and these other misinfo blogs aim to show people the true reality of this disorder and its treatment.

You wouldn't tell someone with PTSD that if processing trauma makes them feel bad then they don't have to process it to have a healthy life. You wouldn't tell someone with schizophrenia that they should embrace their hallucinations and treat them like they're real just because they feel real. Nor would you tell someone with depression that doing nothing and withdrawing from social interaction is helpful and a healthy path just because it feels the least taxing.

So why is it okay to endorse alter separation when we know that more alter separation=more dissociative barriers=less trauma processing? Why do we want people to not properly process their trauma?

Just because someone is more comfortable with the idea of being separate people (which occurs so that one can disown their trauma and emotions) does not mean it is a healthy recovery path. This disorder makes it so that "being multiple" is the most comfortable because that's what made life somewhat livable. That doesn't mean it's good, recovery will never be a happy comfortable process, it is a challenging and grueling process, it always has been.

It is okay to not be ready to accept alters as part of a whole, it is okay to feel scared when acknowledging that those things happened to all of you. Sometimes treating parts like people is a stage in the stabilization and trauma processing parts of treatment.

What isn't okay is making people think that treating yourself like you are multiple people in one body is a healthy thing long term. You are allowed to do so and my aim is to only educate these people about the long term harm they are doing so that they are informed in their decisions.

I think the confusion comes in because when we say alters are not separate people, it gets taken as us saying they shouldn't be treated with kindness and respect like a human. This is not and never has been what any of these accounts mean. Alters have individuality and may feel like different people and it is okay to acknowledge that, and they still deserve respect and compassion. But this does not mean they are people. No matter how severe your barriers are.

This disorder is not alter disorder but they are a manifestation of trauma and unmet needs. This doesn't diminish the fact that accepting this idea of being a fractured whole is incredibly hard and should be done with the help of a therapist during stabilization.

Here are some good resources:

[prince-liest]

I just wanna gush bc omg I love the 666 series so much. I think it made me realize I might be... furry-ish? adjacent? I just find it so satisfying how you go into detail about the unique body features of both of them, the way it feels to have deer ears or kiss a TV and just generally how much thought is put into the way their bodies work, and I've realized that my interest in that kind of idea is a pretty good reason to partake in more explicitly furry media lmao. Anyways

I'm also really in love with how you maintain the balance of each of their personality traits. Vox is simultaneously so pathetic and cringefail (also your dialogue for him is perfect, I can hear it crystal clear in my head) but also he has vastly more emotional intelligence than Alastor, no doubt at least in part because he has to deal with Val, and he's able to marginally calm down with his obsession to deal with sticky situations, but even then he still retains his personality and bumbles things sometimes because of the flaws in said personality! It's great. I also really appreciate the balance you've struck with Alastor, I feel like often Alastor is either written to either soften up so immediately that it feels disconnected from his character or is written overly mean and heartless for my liking and the way you've written him is such a delicious balance between softer aspects such as the prey instincts or moments of vulnerability and his untouchable and manipulative self, and also the way this side of him is neither written as wholly a front or wholly his real nature and the complex ways this makes him struggle with his increasing vulnerability. TL;DR arghgr your characterization is so good it makes me go a little feral

Also while I'm here, I'm curious whether you can give an answer to the degree to which Alastor is touch-averse. There's obviously a lot of ways in which he fundamentally dislikes touch but it also seems like there's at least some kinds of touch where he doesn't dislike the touch itself so much as he's afraid of the way it brings about feelings of caring and/or enjoyment being cared for. I'm curious how much, in general, you would say his touch aversion comes from either cause and possibly what kinds of touch do/don't provoke those flavors of aversion

Omg, what a lovely ask to receive. Honestly, everything you said that you enjoy about how I characterize these two is very much what I've been actively gunning for, so it's an absolute delight to see it outlined back to me. Success!!! Thank you so much!

And ahaha - I'm not a furry but I fucking love inhuman characters. Being raised in the pits of Homestuck fantroll RP made me enjoy the whole "they're bug/fish aliens" thing and it definitely rears its head again any time I encounter characters with inhuman qualities. I love writing Vox's TV/computer-ness and Alastor's deer and radio bits, and integrating them into who they now are as people.

As for Alastor's touch-aversion: It's funny that you ask about this, because the next chapter of 666 is going to dive into it a bit. Specifically into the fact that it's not, like, a set of boundaries that is consistently defined, and I write him that way on purpose. The very first time he and Vox sleep together, Alastor bottoms. He becomes significantly less amenable to touch after he goes through an uncomfortable rut cycle that gets sexual. By the time Vox convinces Alastor to fuck him, Alastor would never let Vox do that again and frankly only agrees to topping because Vox gave him an option that didn't involve getting his dick out. Then in the next episode, they're having clothes-off sexual contact. So, what gives?

Things that play into Alastor's willingness to touch and be touched as far as Vox is concerned:

How does he see Vox at that point in time? Disgustingly entitled (ew)? Hilariously beneath him (haha who cares)?

Does he care about what Vox thinks of him? Does Vox touching him draw his attention to positive or negative assumptions he has about Vox's perspective on doing so?

What value has he attached to this particular touch in the power balance of their relationship? Is he humoring Vox? Does he assume Vox thinks he's owed this? Does he perceive it as something Vox is genuinely doing for him?

Has he tried this particular kind of touch before? He's pretty willing to experiment, but that doesn't mean he'll do something twice without a compelling reason if he didn't like it the first time.

Is he getting off on this situation sexually? If so, is it fully willing (read: not a byproduct of uncomfortable hormones) on his part? That only really happens when he's in a submissive role and Vox is hitting a few very specific kinks, a major one of which is basically CNC tilted 30 degrees to the left.

Is he enjoying the touch in platonic ways? How does he feel about that? Is it a vulnerability to want something? Is it feeding his ego to be catered to? Is he worried that what he enjoys platonically is being read into in ways he doesn't like?

Is he fucking drunk? Things that bother you when sober often seem like a non-issue when you're not, both on a physical and emotional level.

How much touching has been happening recently? Has he hit his limit? Did he deliberately put himself into a situation earlier to have his limit be hit and surpassed, and now he's in the aftermath?

He does have a certain fundamental purely physical dislike of touch, but it's something that is really affected by how he perceives each individual situation as well as his relationship with Vox at that time, and his previous experiences!

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Grey 67

First / Previous / Next

This time was different.

When Fen awoke in the forest this time, she felt... faint, etherial. It was as if she wasn't all there. At least Ma-ren was nearby, she would know what was going on. "Ma!" Fen shouted. Ma turned her head and her ears flattened at the sight. "Fen? What's happened to you? Why do you look like that?"

"Look like what?" Fen looked down at herself. She was... translucent, nearly see-through. Huh. She remembered hearing how AIs didn't experience this... transition while linking from place to place, and now she was - it still was uncomfortable to think about - mostly operating on AI equipment. It unfortunately made sense that she wasn't all... here. "Um, it's complicated." That was probably the best answer for now. "We don't have a lot of time. You said you didn't talk to Han'iel, did you talk to anyone else?"

Ma shook her head, her earrings jangling. "No, it doesn't work that way here. You really only see people you were close to. I'm able to talk to other people... over on my side of things. All I did was mention to a few people I knew that they should... inspire family and friends they see to work with the Empress of humanity. We can't really direct people, only inspire, recommend, motivate. That kind of thing."

"Han'iel never spoke to you, never planned with you. He - or someone on his team - heard from a relative, or friend, or partner while they linking and that person inspired them to sign on with the scientists who were working with me." Fen stopped and looked at Ma. Now that she was less here, things felt different. Less real, more abstract. She could see Ma, she could see the ground they were on, but things in the distance faded to a blurry mess. She wondered quickly if she disconnected her human body from the system she was running on would she never see Ma again. She pushed that thought down, it was too terrible to think about right now. "If you couldn't plan with people who were... alive, what were you going to do about me and the Nanites?"

Ma's grin was sheepish and surprisingly human. "I... was counting on people to sign on who wanted to overthrow you. If they got close, they would learn about the Nanites and they might come up with a way to defeat them." Her tail flicked and her fur rippled. "I had no real idea on how to do it, but I figured that - properly motivated - someone else might."

Fen made a sour face. "On the one hand Ma, that's a wild assumption to make. That kind of leap is just-" Fen shook her head in disbelief. "On the other hand though, you succeeded. Han'iel has deposed me by building his own nanomachines which are currently battling in my body. I'm in hibernation right now, and partially running on AI servers to keep me alive."

Ma-ren's face looked... odd. She wasn't horrified, she wasn't sad, she was... thoughtful? She peered hard at Fen and reached out to touch her. Fen winced as Ma's hand passed through her. "If you want to see me again," Ma said "You need to get back into your body."

Gord was watching Fen as she came back. "Well? What did you learn?"

"I need to give you some background first." Fen explained what her plan with Ma-ren about defeating the Nanites was and her part of it. Afterwards, a chair appeared, and Fen sat sank down into it. "Ma can't speak to other people when they link. Someone can only interact with family, friends spouses, people they knew really well when they were alive. So, she didn't talk with Han'iel. They can really only inspire folks to do stuff anyway. She basically told people she knew to influence their people to sign on with me."

Gord narrowed his eyes. "How was that going to help you defeat the Nanites?"

Fen threw her head back and stared at the ceiling. "I don't know... I wasn't supposed to know. The Nanites weren't present when I saw Ma when I linked - it was the only time I was free of them - so she said she was going to work on a way to defeat them. She had decided that getting someone to influence some K'laxi to ingratiate themselves to me and work to overthrow me behind the scenes would cause them to come up with a way for them to defeat me and my extension, the Nanites."

While Fen had been explaining things, Chloe had entered and was standing off to the side, listening in. "So, her plan to save you from the Nanites was to... convince a K'laxi to overthrow you?"

"When you say it like that, it doesn't sound great, yes," Fen crossed her arms. Ma is usually a better planner than that, but she did always have a tendency to think everything was just going to work out. "I think Ma assumed that whoever overthrew me would have to defeat my nanites."

"You gotta admit, they're doing that." Gord said.

"You, don't 'gotta admit' anything." Chloe said, "Fen's body is in hibernation and she's running on our equipment. They're not defeated and the whole thing is a mess."

"If I stay on your equipment, and lose my body, I lose the chance of ever seeing Ma - I don't even know what'll happen if I die permanently. If I got back into my body, then I might die as a result of the nanomachine battle and/or the bomb in my body." Fen rubbed her temples with her hands while she spoke. "Speaking of, what are we going to do about that?"

"Honestly Fen, we have no idea." Chloe said. "That thing makes my hair itch. Given what we know about antimatter and it's containment, it's enough to completely destroy Home with a good amount left over. Since your K'laxi scientists made it with some kind of new techniques that make antimatter more viable, it's probably even more powerful."

Fen opened one eye. "Why would that be installed in me? That seems like overkill. If Han'iel wanted to blow me up, there are much smaller and easier ways to do it than to implant a planet cracker into me."

Gord nodded. "Yeah, now you see why we have no idea what we're going to do next." He looked down at his pad. "When you asked us to link somewhere, we linked back to Home - we're in Sol now - and we've started getting messages from all around. Han'iel's nanites don't seem to be infecting people, but there are lots of reports of 'odd' things happening. They seem to be directing their efforts onto the old Builder nanites... and they seem to be winning. In areas of the highest concentration - like High Mars Hyacinth and Regantown - there are reports of "black clouds fighting." Chloe raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"I don't suppose that if - when - Han'iel's nanites win, they disassemble themselves?" Fen said, hopefully.

"It's possible" Chloe said, "but as of right now, we have no guarantee that's going to happen. You said that Han'iel said he was trying to liberate all K'laxi, so I have to assume he meant 'liberate all K'laxi under my rule' and that means after the Builder nanites are gone, his will take over."

"So we traded one for another." Fen said. "Gord, you learned about the original Builder nanites and developed your anti-nanite gas when you were fighting Melody, right?"

"Yeah, we did." Gord, knowing that he was speaking to a (former) Empress of the empire he and the AIs tried to destroy had the decency to look a little sheepish. "It didn't work as well as we had hoped, and since they were still around we didn't actually destroy them, but I think the theory was sound. It was a gas that was filled with like-" he waved his hand "-code blocks. Like a virus, but for nanotech. It was supposed to command the Builder nanites to disassemble themselves. Being something truly alien though, I guess the Builder nanites were just too different for it to work."

"Han'iel and his team made the new Nanites, would the gas work on them?"

"Almost certainly not." Chloe said. "His nanites will be different - have already shown themselves to be different and so the mechanism to infect them isn't the same."

"But... that's not to say we couldn't rework the gas for Han'iels nanites. Let them take care of the Builder nanites and then we can disseminate the anti-nanite gas to take care of Han'iel's. Hmm" Gord stared off into the middle distance. "It's by no means guaranteed to work, but at least it's not nothing, which is better than we were an hour ago. Nice work Fen!"

"I didn't do anything?"

"Not true! You reminded us about the anti-nanite gas, which lead us down this road. I'm going to sync up to Home and see what I can find. I'm not going to dock for obvious reasons, but there's no reason we can't use their network." Gord disappeared from the visualization.

Chloe had a small smile. "He's always at his best when he has a plan. Thanks Fen. We still don't know what we're going to do about your body, but at least we can probably save the galaxy. It's not nothing." She winked.

Fen chuckled, but the thought lingered at the back of her head. Either die and be with Ma, or stay running in emulation and never get to see her again. It was a hell of a choice. "Chloe?" she said, before Chloe could leave. "Do you think you can save my body? Gord isn't here, so I don't want it sugarcoated. Your real opinion."

"My real opinion? Are you sure?" When Fen nodded she said, "we should have spaced your body the moment we found the bomb and linked across the galaxy. Your body is entirely too dangerous to leave anywhere in-system let alone onboard a ship that I am on. I'm glad you helped Gord come up with direction on how to defeat Han'iel's nanites, but we would have come up with a solution on our own eventually. Once Gord is done with this, he and I are going to have a talk about what to do with you." When she saw Fen's face she said "Remember, you asked." and disappeared from the visualization.

Fen rendered a bed, sat on top, and stayed there, hugging her knees a long time.

[weapon-xox]

YOU HAVE TO MAKE A PART 2 OF LOHAN MEETING THE X-MEN (maybe Logan and Wade end up joining so that Mary puppins can love in a mansion like she deserves or they don't whatever you want 😍)

so this turned into a lot of magneto and i didnt mean for it to but it just happened 💀 ill apologize again for the pacing, its not my strong suit, but please enjoy! 💕

Part 2 of Logan meets the X-Men!

It's been months now since Logan and Wade first showed up to the X-Mansion.

Logan wasn't sure why they kept going. In all honesty, Magneto really had Logan stressed out, and he was finding himself angry at Charles for keeping him around. He'd have to remind himself that, maybe this timelines Logan knew about this "partnership", and maybe he was okay with the arrangement, but the worst Wolverine was not.

...Unless he could be convinced otherwise, and Wade was trying his absolute hardest to get Logan on board. Dragging him along on trips to the school that Wade never used to make before, unless dragged there by Colossus, and if Logan didn't know any better he'd think Wade was trying to get Magnetos approval.

Doesn't he know how he can hurt me? Logan would think to himself, and Wade would just look at him and smile excitedly, unknowingly, excited to even be near one of his... Heros? Is that what Erik was to him? It left a sour taste in Logans mouth.

At some point during their visits, Logan couldn't exactly remember when it happened, they'd started joining the X-Men on missions. Just small ones, no giant robots or evil masterminds, just regular superhero joe things like stopping a robbery, or helping little old ladies across the street.

Not actually, it's just what it felt like to Wade.

The Wolverine had to admit, aside from the missions he defenitely didn't want to be apart of, but went along for Wades sake and to keep an eye on him, it's been nice. Seeing the faces of his old friends, who he'd once considered family and still mostly, but it was hard for him to not feel disconnected from the whole thing. The pair would only see the X-Men at least once a week for these missions, or if there wasn't one then just for a visit, on Wades behalf.

It was disorienting. Logan had told the merc that, one night in bed, Wades nose tucked into the crevice of a perfectly hairy and smelly armpit while a leg was tangeled between two muscular and equally as furry ones.

"What is?" Wade muttered sheepishly, unwilling to pull his face away from the comforting heat and smell of Logans body.

"This whole X-Men thing, bub. I don't like it. Goin' to the school, goin' on childrens missions. Comin' back home and havin' to dread goin' back every goddamn week. Doin' a quick mission, then coming back home to... This," meaning domestication. Without missing a beat, lifting his head enough to look Logan in the eye, he said,

"Why don't we just move in?"

And so they did. It was hard on everyone. Charles was kind, offered them a room, or seperate rooms, but Wade insisted on sharing. Logan was thankful. Wade had also talked a lot about Althea to Charles and Magneto, one of two acting as if he hadn't been listening to Wades ramblings all along but actually, it had been Erik who suggested moving Al into the school. Even Charles looked shocked, and Wade actually broke down crying because "he DOES care!"

And although the initial idea of moving into the school was Wades idea, the move had been the hardest on him. Wade and change did not mix well, uprooting all of his things and his way of living because, lets be honest, moving into the school meant Wade would have to be on his best behavior. Change certain aspects of himself, and that had Wade in a spiral of angry outbursts, which turned into a full on mental breakdown. Then he'd be manic, happy to "move out of this shithole" and "give our sweet, darling daughter (Mary Puppins) the life she deserves. That mansion is hers and no one can tell her otherwise."

After all was said and done, Logan and his new found family moved into the mansion, it... Actually did feel a little better.

Everyone loved Mary Puppins. She was disgusting, and putrid, but the students adored her. Snuck her treats or parts of their meals under the table, took her outside to the nice big yard for her to play. Wade always had an hawks eye on her but otherwise, she was loved and taken care of.

The teachers and some of the older students liked to gather around Althea to listen to her talk. She had a lot of stories, most ending in cocaine, but she managed to change the narrative to be a little more school friendly. Even Magneto would hang around, arms crossed and leaned against a wall, silent but always listening. He took a liking to Al, and sometimes Logan would see him guiding her through the large, winding halls, Al on his arm in a sly attempt to cop a feel, but their conversations sounded pleasant enough.

Logan didn't sense any ill intention, so he never kicked up a fuss. It also helped that Logan had walked in on Magneto one time before one of his classes, standing in front of the danger room. His cape was scooped up and tangled inside of the silky warmth had been miss Mary herself. She looked blissed out, gnarly tongue hung over the side of her maw and drooling all over him, eyes closed, Magneto whispering to her sweetly. As soon as he'd seen Logan he cleared his throat, stopped his sweet nothings, but never put Mary down until class had begun.

Logan ended up joining him for the class. They fought a good battle, their team (the students) had all worked well together, and afterwards Logan had met up with Wade and shoved him into their bedroom with a low growl, pumped full of adrenaline, and that's when Logan decided he really needed to be an X-Man again.

More months went on. Logan and Magneto, as it turns out, work really fucking well together. Logan had always let his old team use his body as a weapon, free to throw him where they needed to be, to claw and destroy, because he knew they still respected him as a person. But when Erik had suggested it the first time, Logan had been angry.

I knew there was an ulterior motive. He'll take control and destroy me, hurt me, and that will be it.

But Wade, bloodied and panting from battle, urged Logan to just let him do it. That Erik had given them no reason to not trust him, and Logan trusted Wade most, so he reluctantly agreed.

And it became a thing. A really useful thing, actually, and after every battle Magneto and Logan would look at each other, chests heaving and something powerful glimmering in their eyes with understanding. Wade would have been jealous if he wasn't always on the receiving end of Logans "affections", his way of relaxing after a good fight, to come down from the high of a victory.

For genuinely probably the first time since Wade and Logan had come around, Wade leaned over the counter in the kitchen in a pair of Wolverine boxers and an oversized flannel (courtesy of his honey badger) while munching groggily on a piece of toast, Magneto spoke to him.

"Mister Wilson, I- Oh. Please, put some clothes on." Wade looked down at himself with a bare, arched brow, then back at Magneto who just shook his head.

"Anyway," he drawled slowly, eyes averted from Wades body. "I want to... Thank you, for bringing Logan back to us. For being here with him. Having not only one, but two, nearly immortal-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there, tall, dark and intense. Don't you dare thank us for being your weapons, especially not Logan." Magneto shut his mouth, and Wade stood up straight, discarding his toast to the napkin he'd been using as a plate.

"He isn't your weapon. You better not even dare think of him that way, because no matter how much I want to climb inside of you," Erik made a disgusted face. "I won't hesistate to kill you for using him. We're here for him, not for me, not for you, or any of these losers.

"I know he needed this. To be an X-Man again, because it's what he knows. He's good at helping people, at killing, being a fucking animal. He deserves to have this, to let loose, and a team that loves him, but that's what this is- a team. Not 'let's throw Logan like a six point dart at our target and be done with him.' He feels a lot of guilt from his world that he just can't let go of. If you want to thank anyone, thank him, because it really was hell to get him here and I know it's taking a toll on that gorgeous head of his more and more everyday that he has to be around the people he feels he abandonded and got killed."

Wade left it at that with a sickingly sweet kiss to Eriks cheek, toast long forgotten on the counter as he left to find Logan, suddenly needing to hold his princess in his arms and tell him that everything would be alright.

Magneto stood in silence, stunned, took in every word Wade had said and flipped it over again and again in his brain, trying to make sense of it all, and when he finally did he nodded to himself with a new type of vigor.

He'd thank Logan, later. And Wade too, for real this time. Maybe he had been a tad insensitive, and if Logan noticed he hadn't said anything. Maybe Wade was just observant. But the Wolverine was just as much a team member as the rest of them, a part of their family, and Wade too. Not just weapons to use at their disposal just because they couldn't really die. If Erik wanted to gain their trust- Logans trust, to have him fully accept him as one of their own and understand his intentions were nothing but good, that he was trying so hard to be good, he'd just have to try harder.

And for Charles, Magneto was willing to do whatever it takes.

[vibinginthedreamlands]

Another craft shirt painting! This one isn't an older one, admittedly. It's actually my newest. I spent a while working on the concept and hands and I'm rather proud of it, as well as just a really big fan of the source material.

Malevolent episode 43 chewed me up and then spat me back out so it's only fitting that I would have a collection of art ideas for it.

This one is based off of John's line when he's scared Arthur will truly and finally die: "Not like this."

Excuse the photo quality, I had to take it at a weird angle because of my light source.

Below the cut is just going to be a detail breakdown of it because I love symbolism and other such silliness.

So obviously we've got Arthur' heart, the thing that, if I'm being honest in my perception at least, John absolutely covets and in this image is attempting to protect. He's a little to late though.

Mostly! The Witches Rapier is going through the heart of the man he loves but if you see there are the other two items.

The one on the left is the speared tale of the creature in the Mines in the middle of season 3. John will not be in time to block this attack either but his hand still reaches out and is ready to provide aid and save his friend. (Some what representating the distance and disconnect between them in this season, after John's absence, Arthur's darkening morals, and John's greater lean toward personal morality.)

The one on the right is Kayne's dagger, the weapon Arthur used to try and kill himself with as to evade the King in Yellow. For this, John's hands are already around Arthur's heart (this being the same interaction where Arthur first admitted to loving John and therefore he has no need to yearn, for the man's heart is already his). In spite of this the dagger will either slip past his fingers or pierce through his flesh and still harm his friend, the same way John's sacrifice to the King did not negate the harm already done or that Arthur himself would inflict. But it matters. It matters that John defends him and in the end it will do him enough good that he survives long enough to broker a deal with the owner of that near fatal weapon.

The Rapier itself struck high and struck true, already having completed its gruesome deed long before John's hands even had a chance to move. And yet he reaches, hopes, strives to defend a dead man from harm even still.

Speaking of John's hands. There are two of them. This is obviously for piece symmatry but also I decided to personalize them as well.

I lean more toward the headcanon that John, if granted a physical body, would be POC.

For outlining the hands I used gold, *his* color as well as something that both compliments his skin tone and, imagery wise, contrasts against the slew of silver weapons leveled against them.

You, if anyone makes it down here, may have noticed that his pinky is an entirely different skin tone. That is correct and intentional! I've got a fun Lil headcanon that if John ever gets a body, specifically in some kind of ritual, he and Arthur would split ownership of their scars. So Arthur would have the cut on his throat as that was self inflicted, but John might have the gouge in his stomach because he was the one who sewed it up. With the pinky, Arthur wouldn't lose his wooden one, but because it happened *to* John, by Arthur, and as a shared decision, John's own pinky would be lighter, closer to scar tissue or Arthur's own skin color. This way they both have an off pinky in a way that matches, differs, and compliments.

Finally, I just picked the color yellow for his lettering. I thought about gold, because again, his color, but I didn't think it would stand out against the red enough (though the yellow might be a bit much itself lol). Additionally, because in 43 he tries to protect Arthur by calling up his KiY roots and the episode culminates in him accepting himself for who he is and wants to be, and allowing himself grace and full range of identity.

Anyways that's a lot for a 2" by 2" painting on a t-shirt but I enjoyed it and wanted to get the work and thoughts out there. If anyone made it this far, thanks! I hope you enjoyed my over analysis of my own work and thoughts on Harlan Guthrie's fabulous podcast lol.

I'll be painting more for sure and posting older pieces intermittently so there are going to be more of these in the world eventually.

[sheeparuu]

I’ll call it Severed link au for now.

So I was always a sucker for a bad ending and I wanted to put out a few ideas cuz I thought it would be fun. Yes it started from Linked Universe since I’ve seen people make their own versions and I thought it would be cool to do it too. Also, English is not my first language.

Games I’ve finished:

1.  Sky: Inheriting a god’s power after defeating them is not something Link would have expected to happen after stopping Demise. Still, if the corruption of his mind and body is not enough proof of that, his old home falling out of the sky might be.

2. Twilight: Having a pointy chunk forcefully jammed in one’s brain is bad, using it to keep switching between hylian and beast form is worse, loosing their mind the more they shift is the worst. At least he might be able to get a position as Ganon’s lap dog.

3. Wind: One would be surprised how hard it is to kill a parasitic entity, especially when it takes over your body as a host. Still, after such a gruelling fight, it might remain inactive for a long time, licking its wounds at the bottom of the sea.

4. Spirit: When the hero fails saving his best friend and end up having to swear allegiance to the demon lord inhabiting her body, everything seems to be going to hell. But having that fight with the said demon awaken something from the sea might be just as bad.

5.Wild: Sometime even if a friendly goat amputates your arm, it might not completely remove the malice from your blood stream, or stop it going to your brain. It might just slow it down enough for you to realize that something is taking over you from inside out.

Games I haven’t played/ finished but I tried to research:

6. Losing your uncle, the girl of your dream and having the path to Lorule closed might give someone things to grieve about. Hoarding magical items and knowledge for the purpose of “keeping the people you love safe” is also bad. Being swayed by the dark magic to the point where turning people into stone to “protect them” is, you guessed it, bad.

7. Time: Once a certain evil entity realizes that the kid carrying godness power is a better target than a mere Skullkid it might just have to switch hosts. Maybe if the other masks the “hero” carried weren’t splitting his mind like hair ends he could have stood a chance.

8. Four: Sometime allaying with the wrong side, even if you plan to change sides once you get the upper hand, might lead to actions that you can never forgive yourself for. And sometimes the shame grows to the point you can’t even face the three other versions of yourself, even when they are fighting the big bad of your world. And sometimes when they lose, you might feel the most vulnerable you’ve ever been.

9.Warriors: Maybe if the portals Cia chose to open lead to worlds were the heroes won their adventures, the story would have been different. Maybe if she never realized that Link wouldn’t be hers, even by force, she wouldn’t have turned him into a puppet king. Maybe if his mind wasn’t completely aware of everything around him, while being completely disconnected from his body he wouldn’t have had to agonize like this.

10. Hyrule: Sometimes when a the kindness and heroism of a child is rejected by the entire world and the cult that’s following him takes a much more manipulative approach instead of trying to kill him, it might just end much worse for the common man.

Notes: I always liked the idea that heroes are not purely good and always getting the good ending, and that if their life had just enough differences they would have failed/turned to the dark side. I mostly thought it would be cool for the characters to have a “failed” version and in my head they could serve as a “self discovery journey” for the og heroes. Like having to compare yourself with your worst version would cause some major introspection.

P.S: Yes I added Spirit since I think he and Wind could have some really cool dynamics. Also if someone already did the idea before me I'd like to know.