#at least in the way we know them today

[inkpotsprite]

Just thinking about that trial in Paris. Louis and Claudia vs Lestat. They really never had a chance. Not just because the whole thing was rigged and everyone made sure their punishment was inevitable; but because it was two black people against a white man in the 1940s. They never would have won. Which just adds another layer of tragedy to the whole thing.

[cisthoughtcrime]

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[funpuddle]

i say this as someone whos friends w a handful of plural/DID buds.. it's okay to come to terms with ur plurality. it's okay to say you have DID. its a frustrating thing to have and the world is very unkind to those with DID/who are plural. you kind of seem to brush off the really horrible trauma that seemed to happen to you really young, at least what i can glean from ur public posts and art. no, it's not normal for the bulk of everyone to have seperate identities or "guys" in their heads to cope with the world, but thats okay! no two people will experience mental illness in the same way. but sorry yeah, was going thru ur blog bcos ive been off tumblr for a min and saw the post conflating "alters/headmates" with "ocs/kinning". i mean this in the nicest way, they are not even close. me having a guy i project things i like/parts of me is not the same as having ur forming identity shattered into pieces by trauma and then ur brain coping to try and "fix" it by making a guy or guys to try and manuver the world

We all have parts maybe trauma just makes them more distinguishable. I was calling what were basically alters Ocs for the entire duration of middle and highschool and blurring the lines between straight up compartmentalized bits of self to serve a function, maladaptive daydreaming, and actual character writing. I think it's mostly fine with some awareness. For me it's just different words to describe things that perform the exact same function to various degrees. It's like a spectrum. But it's personal to everyone. I don't say that to negate my own trauma I say that but I think we can all be considered plural if we really looked hard enough.

Human brains don't follow DSM rules. Words and labels were made to serve us, not the other way around. I appreciate the sentiment it seems in good faith but in my opinion It's not helpful to fit brains in boxes

I am taking note of how it is safer to call an alter an oc than to accidentally call an oc an alter and perhaps I will have to think about that further and what it implies regarding internalized fears, but there is some genuine comfort in "not committing" to the idea and just letting feelings and thoughts come as they are, as they present themselves

[wormchaser]

you are complaining about complaining too much while complaining about the fact that maybe people dont like you because you complain too much while complaining about being alone. just stop complaining and do something about it. talk to people. reach out. dont just wait for someone to come to you first.

i have tried reaching out to different people in the past year or so but it never works. i understand its my own fault for letting relationships decay because of my own insecurities and issues but that doesn't mean i can just will myself to think or believe different things about myself. it's a self fulfilling prophecy ; i think people don't like me so i don't reach out so people don't like me etc . i am sure you do not want to hear me list all the things i want to say in response so i will put them in the tags.

[scarlettfevor]

How it feels to watch minecraft diaries as a 21 year old woman

[roychewtoy]

impaled

[kyouka-supremacy]

Mmmhh...

[evature]

The real question is...why is this girl occupying my thoughts...

Why does tumblr have a 30 tag limit

[clowningcrows]

i fear i cannot mentally or emotionally handle being conscious much longer so im gonna take a melatonin and hope to god it works enough to make me pass out by 8:30 tbh

[wildevenusian]

i just don’t understand. why say ur ready to talk if you aren’t?

can u believe this post is what got me to reach tag limit

[tittyinfinity]

My mother confuses the fuck out of me

[elegyofthemoon]

some work stuff thats been on loop in my head all week

so i think most of this week minus today, i've sorta accepted that i'm just riding a dying dream. that's mostly why everything feels very unreal these days just bc i wanted to distance myself from it i think. that at the end of this, i'll just fail again and then i'll fail out and that'll be it for me and i'll somehow magically pick up the pieces and sort my life out in some different way with the numerous backup plans i have saved for myself

but i'm still on top of stuff. i'm doing what i'm supposed to, even if it's kinda painful to do thinking that all this effort will amount to nothing in the end.

i get asked to review a new patient who came in the night prior to present to the other doctors, and i go and do that. i get to know the patient and try to figure out whats going on. i go and do my physical exam and all that, and at the end, when im trying to wrap things up, she stops me just to say "you're such a sweet and kind doctor. the other ones are so abrupt and dont listen to me"

i had to just kinda smile bittersweetly at that bc thats really all i want to be. i just want to take care of my patients and make sure they get the best help they can. i want to, but im no good medical student.

i thanked her again and left to go present the patient accordingly. the whole moment still sits with me a lot though and i just sorta play it on loop.

by character, i'm very much a caretaker. i love taking care of people and its always at the risk of overdoing myself - something i'm working on. if i could i'd do anything to keep up with this dream so that i can better help everyone. but i still find myself at a loss. i'm by no means smart. i just want to help however way i can, and if that means being in this position to do so, then i'm happy for it.

it just makes me sad because i'll meet the worst medical students - my peers - and i question and wonder and worry about the people who would fall into their care. i'm not saying i deserve their position. i understand i'm not smart enough to be where i am. heck, im even surprised i even got where i am tbh albeit i am also failing severely now lmao but it's just... it makes me sad that the smart people i meet are always so awful

at the very least, that moment with the patient was nice even if its bittersweet. it at least means that i was already where i kinda wanted to be as a person. i want to be there. and i want to take care of others because i care.

[seilon]

pro: ran into a coworker at a bar last night who I don’t really talk to usually (he works upstairs, I work downstairs) and we talked and im pretty sure we were highkey flirting and he bought me a drink and the bar merch shirt i was interested in and thanks to the power of alcohol i guess i asked for his number and he gladly gave it to me and. yeah

con: i have the second worst hangover i have ever had and have been fighting for my fucking life just to eat saltines

[ourceliumnetwork]

you know, this morning my agenda for the day was cleared. I thought up some errands to take care of tomorrow in one fell swoop, and then it turned out I was gonna get a buddy and the opportunity to take care of about half of it today which, baller, am i right? Plan is to get back out tomorrow at some point and take care of the rest of it and once my brain catches up that the hardest of the trips is out of the way, we'll be set lol

[exopelagic]

this election feels so hollow even though it’s likely ostensibly gonna be a good outcome. labour really just sucks fucking ass rn huh

[welcometogrouchland]

See, it's less about whether or not Willow is the braincell, and more about the fact that Willow likes taking care of her friends and looking out for them. It's both a source of self esteem and worth for her (she feels useful and competent if she's helping others) AND it's her main way of expressing her gratitude and affection for her friends presence in her life. They make her happy so she's gonna keep them safe and out of harms way. Plus most of her friends (sans hunter) have a history of looking out for her that, as much as she appreciates, she'd rather not return to. She likes her independence and she likes her new role in the friend group, she doesn't want to take steps back.

Sometimes this Need To Help manifests as magical outbursts that may not be great strategic moves (when she thinks Hunters been kidnapped in coth). Sometimes it manifests as scolding and steering in the right direction (her with Gus in something ventured) but ultimately letting them make their own choices. Ultimately Willows the sort of person to do whatever she thinks is right in the given situation for the people around her. When she can summon it, she has a lot of wisdom for her age (seen in the scene w/ her getting everyone to share food on the airship in king's tide). And if she can't summon it, she'll still try and do whatever seems right in the moment (gives hunter the pic of flapjack) and just problem solve as the day goes on until someone feels better, goddamit! <- this is the kinda moment that leads to rash decisions, bottling her feelings and burning out bc she really doesn't wanna fail due to her history and self esteem issues. It's why Hunter comforting her works so well in ftf and completely shifts their dynamic. She finally has confirmation that someone who loves her won't love her any less when she fucks up, but I digress.

Willows always looking out for others, and sometimes she's dumb about it, sometimes she's smart about it! It depends on who she's helping, why they need help and what kind of day she's had/where she is. Thanks to Them showed Willow in a pretty stable situation, hence there's extra room for silliness. For the future was following extremely distressing events and put even more stresses on Willow herself. Hence she bottles things up and struggles to make the good decisions she was once able to. It's not like she became a worse leader or friend since asias or king's tide (episodes that take time to include small moments of her playing to people's strengths, doing good strategy, making sure no one's left behind, etc). She's just having a really garbage fucking day.

She's probably only gonna get 1 Moment™ or so in the finale bc she had her day in ftf and I'm content with that, but I was rewatching asias where she DOES take on a responsible leadership role (while still maintaining her whole "blossoming wallflower/crouching underdog hidden badass" thing) and it reminded me of the small contained debate that happened around thanks to thems airing. Because yes, Willow and Gus were Goofy™ that ep, but a) they were literally comic relief in season 1 + 2A, it kinda has precedent and b) Willow is only as sensible as the situation calls for her and as her environment allows. She's nuanced like that!