#at least ill be working this weekend
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btw here's my ebay. I have some plushies, game stuff, and some anime stuff
https://www.ebay.com/usr/sherphea4
and while I'm sharing that, here's my mercari as well
nothing is cross posted, i sell different stuff on each website (mainly because I am just now trying out selling on ebay and the auction system)
so, yeah, if you're into pokemon, binding of isaac (four souls shirts in particular), plus size clothing, and some plushies, give my mercari a look. if you're more into games, anime, and (more) pokemon plushies, ebay might be right for you.
I'm taking offers on everything, and if you message that you found me on tumblr, I can see about giving you a good deal (:
thanks for reading 💙
#i just fucking need money im drowning uhg#at least ill be working this weekend#three cheers for heavy liftinf with spinal stenosis lol#ebaystore#mercari#davekitties rambles
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obligatory beach divorce doodling
bonus rough cover redraw of x-men #41 (1995) But Beach Divorce below cut
#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#xmen#xmen movies#xmen first class#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#'snap i thought you were drawing old cherik this weekend' so did i but i was inflicted with visions sorry </3#i have my lil 92 comic sketched so ill do that tomorrow. not finish it but ill work on it 💀#i wsa just gonna draw the first thing but then i figureed i might as well draw Most of the beach-divorce-related things i want to#just so i could put it all on one post. however this is a lie and i know ill wanna doodle more beach stuff#the first drawing Unsurprisingly was motivated BY the xmen 41 legion quest cover- at the very least the total blackout of erik's face#i wanna draw more of erik using his powers .. i wanna figure out how i wanna draw the effect etc etc#i was just gonna redraw the cover but i already liked the sketch i did of the first thing so. here we are#plus i figure someones already done a redraw of the cover but if anyone cares ill finish my version ig LOL#as for the comic ermmm it was just an excuse to draw erik with glowing eyes </3 and fading-glowing eyes </3#thats why i didnt draw the whole. Choking Moira bit. but i wouldve if i was redrawing the whole scene#kinda wish i did now that i think of it cause it coulda looked cooler prob but oh well maybe in like. three months when i redraw this#for exactly five cents ill redraw the whole beach divorce erlkjealkaje i can see it so clearly in my mind#what if first class was a comic drawn by a freak thatd be wild#but yeah thats why everything look rough as christ these were just supposed to be silly lil thangs#'silly things' and its beach divorce OK.#ok bye im gonna do my homework
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they should get to kill each other at least twice .i think
#gravity falls#stanford pines#stanley pines#lg doodles#i drew this a few days ago but im so tired after work ngl . sittingnin bed like =__= ..#and im visiting family this weekend so idek if ill get to it until next weekend#but ya i love them i loge them so much#i love the tension in atots right after stanford comes back#and hes like writing sll this shit ab stan in the journal#while learning that he stole his identity and so on and stans like hey so i did this rly selfless thing for u can you at least#acknowledge it and they r just stewing in their own anger 😭#actually i love their dynamic so much . the arguing as they mimic each other 1:1 and rhe animosity and#ykw im gna make another post but the grammar stanley scene is my favorite#magbe its not post worthy nvm idc but thats probably one of my fav interactions in the whole series#its so stupid that u know its real HELPPlike yeah that rly isnjust how it is . in fact ive done more over less 🫶#HAHAHAHAH#ugh.love . lovee i wish#i dont think gf needs a continuation im totally in the 2 season boat here#but if they ever did a post series stan and ford exploration ohhh believe . trust tht i would not shut up ab it ever#i want to see them talk so bad . im so greedy bc i feel like they didnt talk enough in the series bc im partial 2 them i just want them in#everything .#i think their personalities are so fun esp bc ford isnt the annoying nerd archetype i like that hes a cocky bitch#and i like that stan is an equally cocky bitch and they both have too much pride that they butt heads over literally everythjng#but they also recognize how ridiculous it all is like 😭. even when theyre fighting over the journal they both r like ok pause r u ok#hmm.. so many ppl here capture their dynamic well too.😭at least the people who dont generalize either into a single personality trait yk#imso tired im tired#but guys i love talking ab ford and stan theybr so everything to me in ways i dnt think incould ever articulate like u see them and u just g#get it . ugh. turning my head and passing out . ford is so funny hes so stupid i love him i cant bekieve i was a ford hater im sorry ive#atoned im changed im a changed oerson i didnt realize the magnitude of his serve .but stanley as my day 1 will never change . just know .(k#idk if anyonf ever reads this fsr down but if u r here say cheesee📸📸
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okay i do have to do a mini (i call it mini now.. this is just letting my feelings about it out, so its spelled agressively bc im just so .. frustrated ... also not hate to the studio or the people working on it .. obviously >_>) rant about arcane-
SPOILERS AHEAD FOR ARCANE SEASON 2
its the most beautiful show ever produced, i mean it, its style, fortiche's (the studio) style, is just .... impossibly pretty, 3d and 2d, the animation is just so GOOD, the designs largely (like 95%) are too, the acting and sound design, the voice acting (at least the english one) is so emotional and good, the show in general is just good ... until the last episode
i have my own problems with riot declaring arcane the new canon out of nowhere and for no good reason since it was, im very sure, never conceived to be that, its a reinterpreation and works best as such, now literally everything is once again completely messed up, no one knows whats real and what isnt, no champion or story is safe, especially with the weird hexcore bullshit potentially erasing the VOID (whish is like ... half on which the canon was built on tbh) AND hextech- multiple champions being impossible to exist now .... but thats not what i wanted to talk about
i was pretty on board with everything the show did, though i wasnt a big fan of the whole hexcore stuff, but it all spiraled so far out of control, it just kept making everything worse, also with bringing in the black rose and leblanc, it kept piling stuff onto the plate despite them already compressing everything so drastically; espeically regarding viktor, but i kept my hope up even after season 2s act 2 bc it still seemed 'fixable', though not easily so
what i liked about it (in its writing) despite its pacing issues was that it was rather .. self contained for the longest time, focused on the characters and the class struggle of piltover and zaun, and doing so rather well imo, like it did and said things i did not expect riot to let through
i was worried with the alternate universe stuff that came with the escalating hexcore bullshit but held onto hope even until episode 8 and then ...man .. the last episode ... the fuck was that- like i hate timetravel and multiverses and whatever but the thing with ekko was done rather neatly ... they made all those chaarcter models and sets just for that short stuff and really .. was of little use other than getting heimerdinger out of the picture as well lmao maybe he will get his own series to advertise for 200 dollar skins in league hahaaaa but i guess the main point was to give ekko the z-drive ... which feels alot like what i feared about them forcing it to comply with the characters in game ,,,, even though that wasnt for everyone like warwick was done SO dirty after giving me hope in act two
everythings focused on the hexcore/arcane shit, theres the black rose shit (honestly i think it was a mistake bringing them in too bc .. noxus is its entire own region with so many champs and story itself that got connected via ambessa .. which was a new character the show made up until they made her a champ now .. its just too much to put into this one show already going at a breakneck pace), mel doing her bit with them then bam she mage now which felt like a champion teaser more than an organic part of the story, especialyl with how hard it got pushed later (poor little riots gotta sell more game cosmetics uwu), jayce just taking over control again and everyone going with it, singed reviving stupid version victor via using vander/warwick WHO WAS STILL ALIVE AFTER ISHA BLEW HERSELF UP TO STOP HIM FROM KILLING EVERYONE (which was ALREADY pretty cheap, but i guess jinx had to be even more suicidal than she already was heehoo), dont even ask me HOW, viktor was just whoops from corpse to im a cocoon now, ambessa being so obsessed with it, the entire class struggle being """"solved"""" by piltover and zaun fighting stupid viktors weird ass robot shitheads together and then acting like giving sevika a seat at the council is the solution to it, half the cast just dying horribly for honestly no reason?? ORIANNA being now i guess some weird viktor robot but without the mindcontrol part and singed just kinda ... winning i guess by giving her cocoon some goo of stupid viktors cocoon
it just all ... turning from this so drama, character and class struggle thing into weird ass dimension hopping magical world war that all gets solved bc we fought together once uwu AND it being a fucking timeloop WITHIN what ONE episode? and that being the ENDING (i know i know the hexcore bs was building up throughout the show but it still felt so .. unearned and sudden ... )
also i got personal gripes with the 'ending' bc .. was it REALLY an ending like they kept saying?? was it?? viktor, jayce, heimerdinger, jinx are just disappeared i guess, mel going back to noxus- the fucking 'our story isnt over' tease???? the last minute appearance of swains fucking raven???? pecking at something blue and shining like idk a hex crystal??? SHUT UP i dont want more to come, this story should have had its self containing ending, not this open ended bullshit that just reeks of corporate meddling bc they want their game to connect to their popular show as much as possible now so we gotta bring in as many teases and connections to other champions YIPPIEEEEE (yelling)
also if jinx is dead, wow, what a way to end her story, the traumatized suicidal character being tortured and tortured especially after seemingly having something good for once (i liked act 2 except for its ending the most bc ... man jinx was so enjoyable there, i loved her dynamic with vi and isha and half wolf vander warwick with the beast and man struggle i love alot, that part was genuinely beautiful, i wasnt a fan of the idea of idk ekko doing time stuff and them having a happy ending bc i just dont like going back in time to fix everything kinda stuff, but i would have much much prefered that, not changing the existing story into the perfect world where everythings happy (though i liked that part ... vander silco being gay husbands like that is just so goood) but to fix what is fixable in the present- them still having gone through alot but being able to live with it, so act 2 setup was honestly my favorite way to not invalidate everything and still have something happy .... but no we gotta kill the kid to make jinx even worse and vander/warwick too while we are at it
if shes not dead (given you see a blimp(?) flying away and her scribbles showing up and caitlyn looking at the blueprints of the hexgates) then ... ??? oh yeah lets make her leave zaun and just idk go be the main character in noxus or soemthing for the next show they are gonna do bc jinx is popular so putting her everywhere is a good idea!!!1!!11
ALSO since vander/warwick is my favorite .. i thought maybe after isha doing that, if they dont reverse it, hed get taken by singed again or ran away and turned fully werewolf like he is in the game (though i would have liked if they were able to be a weird family like in act2)- but no he just gets used as fuel for stupid viktor cocoon and then mind erased and made into the ugliest weird robot thing that looks more like galio than him JUST and i feel like it really is JUST to have Vi at the end do the scene that gets jinx 'killed' .. to lead into the 'more to come' teaser.. idk about you but that scene felt so .. forced, the typical oh no platform is slowly falling down but Vi suddendly gets emotional about weird ugly robot warwick (who conveniently comes back to life as ugly robot beast since his human mind got erased but not the beast??? i guess???) and completely ignores jinx yelling at her to get to safety, it felt so WEIRD to me (if you gotta do him like that at least let Vi listen to jinx, them embracing and then watchign emotionally as robo vanderwick falls into the hexgate thing .. that was still active somehow i guess??)
(poor viktor got done so dirty too .. i liked him .. until it all went weird wit hthe hexcore stuff ....... ..... also jayce weird speech to him .. why the FUCK did you not do that back in the cult camp instead of blasting him to bits, i get it he was fucked up from seeing the future, but then later hes just ... okay???? pretty fine all things considered??? and pretty aware of everything?? also his weird speech being all like vitkor actually you were perfect in your imperfection BITCH HE WAS SLOWLY DYING AN AGONIZING DEATH???? idk ??? it all feels so weird to me, like there episodes literally missing- ambessa dying also felt so unnecessary .. just so mel can take her place and go to noxus and have more shows maybe- )
i just .... and just like how i cant enjoy botw anymore after them fucking it all up with totk ... i dont know if i will rewatch arcane knowing it ends like that, what was that for, the most beautiful show ever made just to do a game of thrones ending in a single episode?
im so tired of it all ..... im so tired of being disappointed and feeling let down over and over no matter with how little expectations i go in with
this willl be the only arcane rant unless theres some .. big stupid reveal that gets me more frustrated than i am now, which i hope there isnt .. im tired of being and feeling like this .. i just want to enjoy things, everythings going to shit IRL and i cant even find something enjoyable to watch
#ganondoodles talks#personal#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers#im 'fine' ... i just needed to get this out#i feel like i keep letting my time and thought and emotional investement into things be wasted#by allowing myself to care about it#and that maybe im just stupid and wrong and maybe i just cant enjoy things#i just have idk too high expectations or other generic argument xyz#ill have to mostly log off for at least the rest of the day#maybe the weekend .. and then im back into work stress hahaa yay#whatever ......#i hate being such a bummer ...... as i said before .. i do not enjoy being a “hater”#i dont enjoy not enjoying things nor making others dislike them#long post#bc of course its never not a long post
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I would never delete my fics
I got linked to a reddit thread today where people were being advised to download my mortifying ordeals/Buddie fics, since apparently "now that I'm a BuckTommy shipper", I might be "petty" and delete all my Buddie fics.
So. I'll move past the complicated feelings it gives me to have people hoarding my fics while actively shitting on me as a person (and seemingly not even telling me that they enjoyed my work, although in fairness that could just be a difference in usernames.) That's the nature of fanfic, fandom, and putting things out there on the internet and I accept that.
But I do want to reassure people that I would never delete my fics. I still have the cringy-as-fuck Harry Potter fics I wrote in high school up; believe me those would be first on the chopping block if I was inclined to delete my work. And all of my 9-1-1 fics hold a special place in my heart, but none more than the mortifying ordeals series, which consumed basically a full year of my life and reminded me why I love writing. Hell, I got engaged while writing the final chapters of I once was lost. That fic is indelibly tied to my life now.
And look... I don't think it really matters, nor should I have to explain and justify what I do and don't enjoy about a show or fandom, but this whole experience has upset me more than it probably should have and I can't help but want to get it off my chest anyway.
My favourite thing about this show is the found family feels. I either love or am at least intrigued by every single character that has appeared. You'll notice that family is the central theme of every story I write, whether the story is Gen, Buddie, or BuckTommy.
Because yes, the idea of BuckTommy and how that plays into the family themes of the show has intrigued me and captured my muse.
I've also said before that I didn't think Season 7 left Buddie in a great place in terms of romantic relationship potential - in my opinion, the ghost of Shannon would be an absolutely massive barrier to them getting together right now. The post season 7 Buddie fics have also heavily featured character bashing, which isn't something I generally enjoy seeing, and infidelity, which I really don't like seeing romanticised especially since I've had a partner cheat on me.
So yes, I've distanced myself from the post-S7 Buddie fandom because I just don't enjoy the pervasive negativity I've seen and the way that cheating and violence is suddenly celebrated by a significant subset of the fandom.
That does not mean I've given up on Buddie altogether. I still have a whole list of pre-S7 buddie fics in my to-be-read list that I've been making my way through and 2 out of my 5 WIPs are Buddie fics (both in the mortifying ordeals 'verse, just to make it even clearer that I'm not at all interested in deleting that series.)
But two of those 5 are BuckTommy, because as I said above, their relationship was intriguing to me and it captured my muse.
I don't think those opinions make me some kind of betrayer, or that they inherently make me a "petty" person but I guess I just didn't realise that not-exclusively-shipping-Buddie was such a High Crime in this fandom.
#9-1-1#fandom discourse#writing#buddie#bucktommy#this is my first experience being this heavily embroiled in fandom drama#i cant say i like it#that thread legitimately made me so sad to read#i was so excited to work on the Daniel ghost fic and maybe start posting this weekend#and now i just feel so fucking flat#maybe ill delete this#or at least part of it because i do want people that they dont need to worry about losing my fics#im so immensely grateful to my readers I would never want to take away something that brought them joy#even if they apparently think im a terrible person#this got rambly#sorry
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tged webtoon ep 170 spoilers and thoughts that i am again late on because im literally in finals week and i'm actually supposed to be studying/working right now but i can't stop thinking about tged so here we are, and more below the cut
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okay okay i thiiink i liked this episode better than last weeks episode,,, concise but sweet and i liked the panels this week!!
ESPECIALLY THIS PANEL THE HOPE HE GETS WHEN HE REALIZES ARTANIS CAN HELP CIRCUMVENT THINGS UNTIL HE FIGURES IT OUT
his wide eyes and the light all over the panel im gonna sob WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH i love hope i love when characters regain hope its so AFLKJSDLKFJSLDKJFLSDF EEEE HEHEHEHE
also more snippets of credos!!! since we know for certain that the demon king of back then was also an isekai'd person, maybe they were a meteorologist, and that combined with the demon king's existing abilities? or possibly an environmental engineer?
there's a good range of jobs/career paths that involve weather forecast and farming specifically,,, there is such thing as an agricultural meteorologist? i wonder what degree that would need? i think that would definitely involve some kind of environmental science,,, we've probably got another stem kid on our hands!!!
i'll probably talk more in depth about that in a future post where i compile all the stuff we know about the prequel (the one i mentioned i'd make last week lol) (it's delayed bc i have finals aahh) but until then, back to episode yapping :3
ARTANIS IS SO SO CUTE WAAAHHHH
i'm actually very glad she's so willing to help,,, though i do wish we got to see more of her thought process/her history, i'm glad we got lyra's later in the ep as lyra's story worldbuilds + fleshes out their reasoning more which is good! but i wanna see artanis specifically,,, im curious abt the extent of her abilities!!!
also lloyd i think you just need to cut ur losses man HAHA
"you're so mean" javier says to the most selfless fucking bastard on this earth rn /lh theyre so silly
ALSO JAVIER BEING THE PROTAGONIST THAT HE IS AND LLOYDS REACTION LMFAOOO
we are getting silly expressions besides the gruesome ones which i am very happy about ~ lloyd looks so fucking serious here HAHAHA
ALSO LYRA'S . PAST EXPERIENCE WITH HUMANS IS SO SAD IM. GHGHGHHH AAAGHHH SHE JUST WANTED TO HELP THEM i think the timing and pacing of this was just right ohhh,,, her expressions im gonna bawl
i can't even begin to put into words how tragic and yet how unfortunately real this is. there are a lot of people in the world who let fears and rumors take control of their actions and it results in innocent people getting hurt simply for being who they are,,, lyra didn't even say a word! she offered food and they reacted with threats to kill her,,, ghghghghgh. i hope she enjoy her time on the frontera estate i hope that helps,,,,,
and lloyd reacting to this story by fucking BAWLING is LAKDJFLSKJDFSDF ITS EVERYTHING TO ME
"yeah i've heard this before" is sobbing his fucking eyes out yeah i know what you are you fucking EMPATH
and then him additionally saying that he wants to make sure these kinds of stories don't happen again WAAAGHHH WAAAHHHHH lloyd u know whats up i love you
ALSO ARTANIS LOOKS SO FUCKING DONE WITH HIS SOPPING WET ASS HAHA
lastly this final bit was fucking hilarious HAHAHAHAHA "oh so ur a demon king too,,, that explains a lot,,," "what." LMFAOOOOO
I LIKE LLOYDS FACE A LOT IN THIS PANEL HAHAHAHAHA
i like that this episode chose for more deadpan/lowkey angry expressions instead of the usual exaggerated ones its a good change of pace,,, YAY
anyway that's all from me this week!!! see y'all next time heehoo
#tged#the greatest estate developer#tged spoilers#lloyd frontera#the greatest estate designer#tged lloyd#lynn misc#lyra#artanis#credos#please wish me luck on my finals i'm so cooked#i have to submit a game project thing that i really REALLY should've worked on sooner but didn't because. uh. i don't know#at the same time i have an algorithm design final#literally on the last day the school sets for finals and at the last possible hour SOBBING CRYING#WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO MEEEE UGHHHH#but at least once it's over ill be free. i'll have a long ass winter break and ill do all the project ideas i had in mind. im VERY EXCITED!#and yes i'll finally post something other than episode reactions and reblogs lol#anyway ill see yall tmrw if ur on the discord... and probably this weekend or early next week if u only see me on here
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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i hate having executive dysfunction and decision paralysis cus i have shit i need to get done today but im staring at the list of things to do and going "idk where to start :( guess ill just Sit Here until i magically decide" and internally in like "NO YOU HAVE TO PICK SOMETHING. YOU WILL WASTE THE WHOLE DAY" but externally im just chilling.
#send help#im trying to do things Efficiently but that's gonna result in me not doing things#so really i just need to suck it up and START somewhere#one of the problems being that i need to go to my sisters house for one of them and ik ill probably get Stuck there#which would make me want to go LAST but then it's also line i can't go TOO late bc i need to come home at a reasonable time#since i have work in the morning#but THEN it's like ok but i need to message them and ask#and i have to go to my OTHER sisters house too but im gonna want a SHOWER after that which means coming straight home and i just. hhhhhhhhh#and i also gave to come straight home after the store bc im getting cold shit so it has to go straight to the fridge/freezer#and just AAAAA in general.#i think..... i may message sister 2 and say 'ik i said i would this weekend but im gonna do it tomorrow after wprl instead'#cus that will at least get rid pf One Task#PLUS i can just go straight there after work and then simply do my work shower and my after shower at the same time#yeah... okay that helps.........#then i can start by going to the cafe to get coffee/see if they have wifi back yet.......... do those tasks if they do#and if not then come back up here to use the Parking Lot Wifi for a bit............#store and then home......#and THEN i can go to sister 1s house to get my Thing#and maybe play games idk ill ask before i leave#OKAY. OKAY WE'VE GOT A PLAN NOW.#SOMETIMES TUMBLR DOES HELP.#shh ac
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me rn
#slept for almost 2 hrs straight in school n still eepy#not even bubble tea made me more awake#just finished another rin fic to cope i might be going crazy A little#hhhhh nothing is gg right w my life lowkey#results so bad my teacher checked in w me and encouraged me#so unfair…. i worked so hard to receive tbe bare minimum but i guess thats just me.#always so medicore… never good at anything… hhhhh lowkey feel like giving up#wbats the plint… back to my hopeless era again but at least ill be here i guess#rlly i need a rin in my life to get me going again i wld tewrite all my essays consult n evegyhing for him#rin pls be real soon.#gonna do smth impulsive mahbes who knows#hhhh zzzzzzzz dreading everything just wanna cry n yhrow a hissy fit abt everything but j cant ever do that#never having any personal time … ill always be surrounded… wanna be alone but im too afraid of that too…#Anywahs back to rinmaxxing!#probably resting this weekend n posting again next week … :p
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#in the bones#wanted to get to writing sampo wakin up but im tired as fuck . BUT i at least did get to writin some gep yearning#i love yearning they yearn so much so much fucking. yearning#nat was left here standing n watching gepard have a Moment n shes jus too tired for this shit#AIGH i wanna write the sampo awake part. hopefully this weekend ill properly get round to it#i mean i Could but i gotta work. and fuck dude i am so tired lsghlshgh#butbut its gonna be like. s.ampard banter and sampo being fucked up on drugs slkghslkghs
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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if my posting gets concerning over the next two weeks just know that its because my two jobs somehow had to coordinate their shifts in a way that ill be working 10 days in a row with no break
#some of the hotel shifts are only 5hrs which. thats at least something i guess#and ill probably call in sick on the 7th bc ill be concerningly overworked at that point and also my fucking boss is doing an actual shift#that day and its a challenge for me to even work alongside her for just an hour or two when she drops in occasionally#but 8 hours?????? genuinely concerned ill get violent.#so maybe ill just work 8 days + half crash one day + work one more day and then fully crash until the 14th#also the saturday + sunday shifts are 9hrs which means i dont just get the weekend bonus but also 1hr overtime bonus hahaha <3#<- guy trying to convince himself it will be fine and he totally wont consider five different methods of khs every hour#soph txts#pic
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Darling! So glad to see you here! For the doodles, what about trick or treat with IwaDai?
jadeeee ❤️❤️ ALWAYS YES TO IWADAI
#jadehqknb#spooky doodles#iwadai#haikyuu#slowly working on the doodle requests!#i got a couple on twt too so ill be going back and forth#ill try to post at least one a day but if i cant ill post on the weekend for sure!
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That prev anon was right about calling you mine people always talk about how Mine is so horny for daigo when in reality he probably shuts down at the thought of holding daigos hand it’s too much for him!
Hes so real for that tbh like i get it ……. I really do …….
#snap chats#its about respect and not wanting to overstep but still feel like youre going to explode on the inside thinking of him#i get it king …. stay pining …..#its why thinking of daigo being the one to pursue mine makes me yell fiPWZNJ#main man mine tryna just be at a respectful difference and then daigo just makes full strides to him like Hi :)#it makes me kick my feet and wanna open google doc … cause i cant DRAW THIS WEEKEND 😭😭😭😭#stupid computer …. at least it’ll be fixed by monday hopefully but still ….. i wanna be a fanatic NEOW#ig since i cant work i can just. type on my phone. even if it makes me wanna throw up but we ball#bitch omg the shinsengumi showed up in the movie im watchin for class … hey nerds ….#ok im gonna day dream for the next hour maybe ill write something down later
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Tw illness
// eugh okay so as much as I really want to focus on all my drafts and stuff, I think my body hates me and got sick again. I'll still try to at least chip away at parts of drafts, but otherwise I'm probably going to be resting with games and books (got books 3 & 4 of mo dao zu shi for my birthday so I'm gonna start from book 1 again-) so you're welcome to reach out and ask for my discord because I probably will be signed in on @fragmented-tales for the most part and basically live on discord.
Tldr: I got sick again so I won't be too active on tumblr so reach out if you want to talk somewhere else (discord is my main)
#tw illness#The Author's Importance [ PSA ]#The Author's Notes [ OOC ] ;;#istg my body hates me because it's always when I actually WANT to work on stuff that it pulls this#my head is pounding me and with my oldest sister here for the weekend I know it's not going to get better quickly#i'm so sorry everyone!! I promise I haven't forgotten anyone or picked favorites or anything!!!#i'll still try to at least get a few sentences drafted when I can! 🙇����♀
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Do you want somebody to care about you (a frriend)?
LMAO i guess?? i have online friends who i love and who care abt me so that isn't really the problem. i havent had any irl friends in a very very long time and ive never had an irl friend who i could actually trust/confide in. Maybe having irl friends would fix me but i think mt mental illness would not actually be fixed by being around people...... i dont know i think you don't really "recover" from what ive been through mentally but maybe friends would be nice <- Im not making friends. the time and opportunity for making friends irl has gone and past. AND im autistic and give off negative and uncomfortable vibes when people see me irl so its not happening unfortunately
#assuming that this was not sent by somebody who lives in my town and is outside my house right now#but i guess if it was. Hmu??#i like talking to people and making internet friends but right now im operating at like 0.5 mental speed and im awful w/ conversations#and keeping up with people which ANYBODY who has been in contact with me lately would agree with#so i cant in good faith say that talking to me would be a good idea. i dont even really know why someone would ever WANT to#as oppossed to the millions of other people they could talk to and know#its like 3am right now and im very tired so i dont know if this even makes sense#i feel like any amount of making friends or having a social life would just be a banage covering up my real problems#which are unfixable. mental illness doesnt not work like that. you cant extrovert ur way out of it#but at least if i had somebody to watch movies with on weekends that would be SOMETHING. maybe not much but something#anyway.... sleeping now 😴😴💤#ask
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