#at least i know im getting out of here and i know what it's like to love being alive where im going

[grvait]

more old art!! featuring theo and my human harley fan design!! RUN THEODORE RUN (he's cooked)

im gonna talk about chapter 4 under here so only click if ur ok with spoilers! also its a huge yapfest. like HUUGE. i just want to voice my opinions about prototype because i've seen ppl sort of miss the point of what happened at the end of the chapter

I LOVED CHAPTER 4! IT WAS SO COOL!! i was sooo worried but im glad it turned out good. rip pianosaurus tho..

tldr (for the bunch of paragraphs where I talk abt prototype)

prototype being ollie is deranged because it means he was terrorizing the toys of safe haven on purpose for the fun of it when he could have killed them at any time. he also created an extremely close emotional bond with poppy for OVER A DECADE just to tear it all away from her at the end and tell her it was meaningless (he then proceeds to taunt her over the phone abt it). bro is LITERALLY TROLLING

you cant tell me that final scene w the "ive got something special in mind. i prepared it just for you, and this time you'll never want to leave." isnt some tom and jerry shit

ABT PROTOTYPE REVEALING HIMSELF AS OLLIE... (the long explanation)

we ALL knew he was ollie, but i don't think people are seeing the point of this reveal. it wasn't about revealing himself to us the player, it's about the implications that arise from it. he had been playing both sides for 10+ YEARS. that's deranged enough but not even CLOSE to the end of it

as ollie he had emotionally supported poppy in her lowest moments (as heard in the ollie and poppy tape). this tape also insinuates that (at least around the time it was recorded) the two of them called frequently, possibly every night. he wasn't just pretending to be everyone's ally, he was PRETENDING TO BE THEIR CLOSEST FRIEND THAT THEY COULD VENT TO 😭 he heard this poor girl sob into the phone and tell him about how she felt her humanity being taken from her, AND HE KEPT UP THE CHARADE AND COMFORTED HER, KNOWING THIS PATH HAD BAD INTENTIONS

what's worse than all of that, though, is that him being ollie means that at any time in the last 10 years he could have used the persona to force his way into safe haven. AT ANY TIME HE COULD HAVE KILLED THEM ALL. HE COULD SIMPLY USE THE OLLIE VOICE AND ASK THEM TO OPEN THE DOOR. why is this worse, you ask? because HE WAS LITERALLY TERRORIZING THEM ON PURPOSE.

think about the note in the cart/cave area. a toy from safe haven writes that prototype was right outside the door the night before, he'd gotten past the traps and was just tapping on the wall and staring. they said after he was gone they still felt they could hear it. HE IS LITERALLY BEING SCARY ON PURPOSE???? LEGIT TRAUMATIZING THEM AND FOR NO REASON. HE COULD GET IN THERE, HE'S SIMPLY CHOOSING TO MAKE THEIR LIVES HELL

so thats crazy.. BUT ALSO THE ENDING? in the poppy and ollie tape he says "im right here, poppy. for you. i'll always be here." AND AT THE END OF THE GAME, WHEN POPPY ASKS WHAT HE DID WITH OLLIE, HE SAYS THAT. you know what that means? that means he said that shit to her ALL THE TIME. clearly only the two of them would be familiar with the phrase which is why after he said it, she immediately knew he was ollie the whole time

i feel bad for poppy. she ran off but she was valid for that. all her friends from safe haven are dead, the only ones left are the player, kissy and ollie, but she soon realizes that ollie is WORSE than dead. he is LITERALLY HER ENEMY. the thousands of conversations they had, probably hundreds of times she vented and told him her plans and discussed her life with him? ALL FOR NOTHING. any time she thought she was winning the past 10 years was a lie, she was ALWAYS LOSING because he was GETTING ALL THE INFO FROM THEM. she genuinely never had a chance and i think she realized that

in her dialogue you can tell she's grieving ollie (obviously he IS prototype, but i think she's grieving the thought of him). saying "you lied to me" to the prototype of all people is absurd (considering he's done far worse than lie) but when you think about how she feels, it makes sense.

also the part where she said "this isn't right". again, a weird thing to say to him of all people, but if you put yourself in her shoes she's grieving the friend she thought she had, and she's struggling to grapple with the fact that it all meant nothing. somewhere in her mind she believes "ollie" as a personality is there somewhere, because how could someone be that close with you and mean none of it? she thinks that voicing this pain he's inflicted will change his mind, but it won't. and that's why it's genuinely really sad. that's why she asks if there was ever an ollie. i don't think she meant it literally, and i don't think his answer was literal either. she didn't mean "were you a mf named ollie once" she meant it like "was our friendship ever genuine?" which makes his response both heartbreaking and interesting.

so not only is her world shattered now, most of her friends are dead and the one who wasn't turned out to be her opp, but now he's TAUNTING HER OVER THE PHONE AND THREATENING HER. nice one... (loved the quip after she ran off btw. that shit was hilarious. like bro u made her crash out and went "some friend, huh?" YOU CANT SAY THAT BRO)

anyway think of it from her perspective: everyone you knew is gone, and soon the only 2 people that remain will be too. you can't run, or hide, or do anything. he WILL find you, and when he does he'll lock you away FOREVER where NOBODY WILL BE LEFT TO SAVE YOU. I WOULD RUN TOO.............. plus her running off probably led him away so.. she saved us sorta.

ALL THAT TO SAY THAT I REALLY LIKE THE OLLIE REVEAL FOR REASONS FAR BEYOND A SIMPLE TWIST. him being ollie for over a decade raises many many questions, and suggests very dark things.

hes crazy and the fact he did a monologue means he knows he won. he wouldn't have spilled the beans otherwise...

[quarterlifekitty]

wifey here again with stepdad!Nik, so I think SD would insist on finishing college since she only has like a year left anyway and because she feels like she'll be able to get a job easier with a degree, she doesn't wanna be a burden. Nikolai ofc lets her finish college, it keeps her busy while at home, settling in nicely to their house. He takes care of her every need, and slowly starts to convince her that she doesn't owe him anything, she's his wife now, or soon to be at the very least. All she needs to do is stay home and worry about their little one. Anytime she has doubts about how much he wants her and wants to provide for her she gets reminded thoroughly. It's when SD's bump is getting noticeable that Nik really steps it up. "What if we both miss the important moments?" and SD eventually is like "yeah, okay, but if it ever becomes a burden I'll get a job" and Nik is real proud of himself. SD also becomes very needy, in just the way Nik loves, she wants to be with him as much as possible and needs help a lot because hormones are fucking with her. And she definitely thanks him plenty for his help whenever she can. Bonus NikPrice x SD reader John decides to visit Nik and his new bird since on their last mission Nikolai wouldn't shut up about her and he immediately gets why when he sees SD, she's so sweet and nurturing and she looks gorgeous all round with Nik's kid, stays a few nights and gets drunk one night and jokingly (sorta) tells Nik he'd love to put the next one in her and Nikolai just hums with a smile "why not?" and reader is suddenly being flirted with by her fiance/husband's friend. Is real worried about it cause she likes it and guility goes to Nik who is 1. Very pleased by her honesty and 2. reassures her and tells her that he's okay with it if she is. (Totally wasn't his plan to get his two favorite people together so he could have them both, nope, that's totally not why he raved about her to John and not one other soul. Mmhm)

Also im really sorry if once again this doesn't make sense, stress has got me by a chokehold lately and its making my brain bad lol

Ooooooh wifey you are killing me. Isn’t that the perfect solution, though? You’re so worried about being a burden, let’s bring in another source of income!!

You know. Maybe it’s kinda degrading. But I totally imagine Nik comes up with little tasks for her. Let’s be real, it’s so easy— he saw what her mother was like, he can see how starved she is for approval, it practically blinds her. Things like “I want us to get a new car with some more space before the baby comes— can you research what models are best for family? You have a better mind for things like that than me,” he says with an almost sheepish smile. You’re practically wagging your tail with excitement— and you just look so happy when you present all of your work and he seems so pleased with you.

Also, in a bit of darker move, I can imagine if you’re not as into John as all that— they come up with a story. They say that John wants to have a baby of his own, but he’s not married, and he wants to have a kid before he’s too old and his career gets in the way of romance. So he would love for you to be like a surrogate for him. You’ve done so well with this first pregnancy, and you’re still so young— plus! John would be willing to pay, so it’d be like you’ve got your own income to help out!

The only thing is that John believes in natural conception. And he wants to live with you both during the pregnancy to help out. And he doesn’t actually plan on leaving once you have his kid. And Nik knows how sensitive and caring you are— when you confess to him your doubts about giving the baby up for good once it’s born, he comforts you. Of course he’ll talk to John about it, milaya, he’s sure they can come to an agreement.

[xwinterwidowx]

still pretty sick but i took a tylenol and some meds so i got the energy to write this. i cant write emotions to save my life i apologize if this is dogshit

tw-ptsd, nightmares, panic attack (kinda)

"No. Not again. Please." Sonic stared at his friends. Different versions. Again. They were always different.

"What do you want? Are you here to steal our rations?" A version of Rouge grunts.

"I bet hes here to take our base!" A version of Knuckles states. "Get him!" Amy charges forward, starting to chase him.

"Sonic," he hears a familiar voice say. "Sonic," it says again.

"Please. Help me," Sonic cries out to seemingly nobody. Suddenly the voice gets louder.

"Sonic! Wake up!" He gasps and opens his eyes. He sees a familiar face hovering over him.

Shadow. His boyfriend and partner.

"Shadow? Sh-Shadow, is it you?" Sonic pants and gasps for air.

"Its me. Just breathe, okay? Look at me and just breathe." Sonic copied Shadow's breathing, desperately trying to keep the tears from falling out his eyes.

"You had the dream again, didnt you?" It didnt take a genius to figure out why Sonic had nightmares. Being in the Shatterspaces had left a scar on him. Multiple scars. Shadow had never seen what happened in the different worlds. At least not all of it. But he was starting to learn. He knew he wasnt known by anyone in the different worlds. He knew he helped everyone but nobody helped him. Sonic didnt even have to nod for Shadow to know the answer to the question.

"Its okay. Im here. I know who you are," Shadow murmurs. "Theres only one of me. Remember?"

"Only one of you," Sonic repeats and nods.

"Thats right. Feel like telling me what happened in your nightmare?"

"Mhm." Shadow coaxes Sonic into his arms and he buries his head into his patch of white fur. "I was in another world. And... they were different. They didn't know me. They were chasing me. And-" Sonic chokes back a sob. "I felt alone. Again."

"Shh... youre okay... youre not alone."

"I know. I just dont want them to forget. I dont want you to forget."

"I wont. I wont ever forget you. Youre too pretty," he murmurs, pressing a kiss against his forehead. His paws reach out and take Sonic's gloves off gently. He shivers slightly but lets it happen.

"Shads?"

"Yeah, Soni?"

"Im scared," he lets out a soft whimper and his body curls up slightly, the way it does when he feels threatened or scared.

"Hey. Hey, look at me."

"M'scared..." a sob escapes Sonic, and Shadow holds him tighter.

"I know. Its okay. I promise, you're safe. You're not in the Shatterspaces anymore." Shadow murmurs, his paws rubbing Sonic's back.

"You told me not to trust Nine, and I didn't listen," he chokes on a sob. Shadow knows he wouldn't be able to convince Sonic it wasn't his fault, so he does something he knows calms him down. Something Maria would do to help him sleep. He gently rocked him back and forth, humming a random tune. Miraculously, this worked and Sonic fell asleep, purring softly. That was something he only did when he felt safe.

"Good night, Soni," Shadow murmurs, gently laying him down on the pillow. He knew he would have to do this again another time. He knew he would have to get Sonic help. But they would cross that bridge another day. For now, Shadow was just happy he was asleep.

[bellamoooon]

Riff never really thought he would last this long with you, but here you were, he had been with you since the year before Tony had gone upstate, which summed up to two years— which for riff was a lifetime considering his “relationships” never lasted more than a day.

“Come on girly girl, I promise they’ll behave this time…” there he was, puppy eyes and a pout standing in the door of your apartment, trying to convince you to let the jets have dinner at your place.

“Riff, you said that the last time, diesel threw a plate at action—“ you spoke reminding him about the catastrophic dinner that had happened weeks ago.

Because yes, you loved riff, and the rest of the boys, to be fair you had been like a mother to most of them, which was comic, seeing as they were all of your age, or a year younger, but despite that, the care you had given to your boys— as you call them — was more nurturing and motherly than what their actual mother ever provided.

But— often when you made dinner for all of them, it turned into a goddamn mess.

Chewing with open mouths, spilling juice, broken plates, sauce accidentally spilled on your pretty pink table cloth, and stolen spoons— don’t ask, you do not know what they take your spoons for.

“I just don’t want to have to clean up after, you boys are like a stampede of elephants, you tear my apartment to shreds in minutes” riff laughed, of course he did, he pulled you closer wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Come on angel, I’ll make the boys clean up, you just cook up one of those delicious warm meals of yours and we do the rest.”

It was tempting, getting to see the boys— and them endlessly complementing your food, and you weren’t an egomaniac, but man it was nice to hear— and spending time with riff, which was often a complicated task with all the trouble they find themselves in.

“Fine, but this apartment better shine after” he hummed as he left a kiss on your head, good thing he had convinced you, the jets were all getting set up for the dinner riff had promised them, he knew you’d give in eventually.

***

As you turn the stove off, right on cue there’s a knock at the door, you sigh, it’s just dinner, they’ll help clean up, no one’s gonna kill anyone, you try telling yourself, but who were you kidding, whenever more than three jets were in a small space— or big to be fair— an earthquake was bound to happen.

“Heya doll, got the boys, need any help setting up?” Riff said with his usual charming smirk as you opened the door, you made way as him and maybe five or six jets walked in behind all freshened up and smiling as they greeted you.

“Yeah, could ya set the plates and silverware, I’ll be there to serve in a sec” he nodded as he started to hand out plates to the boys as the placed them carefully on the table.

As you close the door a foot is shoved in the way letting out a yelp of pain, “ow!”

immediately you swing the door open to find baby John with his brows knit together in pain.

“Jesus, baby John! Why the hell would you do that?” He shakes his head as you place a hand on his back as you both walk in.

“The guys started to run— and…and I kinda lost ‘em so im just slightly late, sorry ma” you giggled as he spoke, always so well spoken and polite. He was a good kid from a broken home, and you were the kind of mother he always wanted his to be, so to say the least, you were fond of him.

“Alright, go sit down, I bet the boys already set the table for dinner” and they had done that exactly, and were even seated already, looking all pretty and innocent as if they weren’t in fights everyday.

As you had predicted, they all gushed over the food and how “no five star could do it like you did”— says riff, it’s just a simple meal, but he was used to eating whatever he could find cheap enough for himself, or starve, which was almost never, since you’d always have a little something for him.

“Okay, now clean up, I want no complaining or whining, Diesel— you’re on dishes tonight” obviously, he let out a soft “aw man” as he started picking the plates and taking them to the sink, “and the rest of you wiping up the table and the kitchen counter” they all groaned, but complied.

Riff found it incredibly amusing and mesmerizing how, ever since you two were together, they all obeyed to most of your orders and looked after you whenever you were out late.

“Y’know pretty, you’d make a great mom someday” he said as he wrapped his arms around your waist, making you smile as his warmth stuck onto you.

“Already am, dickwad, you made me responsible for all your jets, but I don’t see ya paying child support” you say as you turn your head to look up at him, lets out a loud chuckle as he presses a kiss on your shoulder.

“I’ll pay you once these monkeys are out here girly girl, they don’t need to know how good I fuck you” he whispered in your ear, your face lit up with a bright blush as you stuck your elbow in his ribs.

“Riff! You gotta stop doing that, I mean it.”

“Unless you’d want ‘em to hear your pathetic whining, pretty, remind ‘em you’re mine and no one else’s” he left a quick kiss on your cheek as he pulled away, going towards the boys to walk them out of the apartment, turning to wink at you.

You just know it’ll be best if you sleep in and not leave the house tomorrow.

[cottoncandythunderhead]

aiura mikoto analysis!!

i feel that theres a big lack of miko analyses in this world and its bc ppl usually ignore or justify all her character flaws bc they js wanna see her as “the better teruhashi”, so here i am to right the world and attempt 2 do an in-depth analysis on miko!! pls forgive if im missing things, i will edit this as i get a better understanding of her character. and yes i mostly focus on her relationship with saiki soz abt that :p (this is NOT a saiura post tho and ull be disappointed if u go in thinking that)

aiura mikoto is a kindhearted and mostly selfless character who goes out of her way to help ppl, usually for no reason other than she cares, and shes willing to put herself in danger for the sake of others. shes blunt and knows the value of herself and her powers- though this can go a bit too far at times…

she plays the role of kokomis love rival which makes sense since her genuine desire to help others and expect no personal gain and her upfront and honest attitude sharply contrasts kokomis ingenuity and tendency to be kind to others for personal gain (at least as far as she believes)

miko is honest to a fault, blurting out whatever she thinks, while kokomi speaks carefully to curate her image. miko has a tendency to act first and think later, while kokomi thinks first and acts in a crafted way that aligns with her goals.

and they also have things in common like both being very self-sacrificial and being kind to others at their own expense, but again kokomi does this more out of desperation for validation while miko does it out of genuine kindness

their crushes on saiki r also a bit similar, ill talk abt this more but aiura goes into her crush not bc she genuinely has feelings for saiki but bc she believes hes her soulmate and so she makes up a personality for him that matches her desires while kokomi goes into her crush not bc she was actually attracted to him but bc she was confused abt her resentment towards him and wanted him to be infatuated with her. tho, we get to see teruhashi develop past and acknowledge this while aiuras misunderstandings r consistent until the end

then theres the chapter where they switch styles and we see how their typical selfish vs selfless bit can also be reversed in ways bc the main reason for their differences is that miko is so blunt and open while kokomi hides her feelings, bc although we do see kokomi thinking badly abt miko, shes never anything but kind to her aloud while miko despite thinking so highly of kokomi, ends up being the 1 who does something to directly affect kokomi negatively

its a little hard to tell whats going in this scene but by my pov it seems like the 1st part is what saiki wanted miko to tell kokomi, with how serious it is and how thats the main focus b4 we go into kokomis own thoughts and saikis reactions, and so the 2nd thing is NOT a part of saikis objective and is miko trying to take advantage of the situation bc its her going on and on in the background while the focus has already changed. by this point kokomi has already begun to move on from her jealousy and the little freakout she had, while miko is stuck in her jealousy and seeing kokomi as "the final boss" and trying to change kokomis feelings. tho her feelings r much milder than kokomis ever were, her approach is blunt and an attempt to effect kokomi while kokomis was quiet and would only affect herself. this is why their rivalry is so important, they represent the "good" and the "bad" that the other doesnt have

as for mikos relationship with kusuo, they have a good bond thats highlighted pretty immediately when they meet and they work so well together to keep chiyo safe. bc of this, hes able to trust her (and toritsuka) to help him out with things involving his powers that at this time he cant trust any1 else for

the chapter with meras dad has them clashing a lot, but it does end up working out. the chapter highlights mikos stubborn and reckless nature clashing with saikis pessimism and tendency to refuse to look past the badness of a situation

mikos intentions r entirely selfless, but her reaction here is stubborn and unreasonable :p saiki was also not entirely reasonable, and this shows their opposite values that clash so much yet come together in the end to get the best outcome for mera. in this moment tho, it feels hurtful that saiki genuinely confides in her his hesitations and concerns for others and specifically meras health after something miko did ended up hurting her and miko responds like this and only rethinks when saiki leaves. in the end she does show that shes thought abt what saiki says, so its not a “half-hearted attempt” anymore and she goes into it knowing itll be okay bc she saw that it will

but despite this, miko doesnt learn her lesson abt recklessly using her powers nor does she think past her misunderstandings and realize saiki does care abt ppl, she still moves past this believing she was right the whole time and saiki is unreasonable and selfish. imo these chapters were a chance for them to have a way better understanding of each other especially since saiki opening up to her abt his hesitations was such a rare moment but unfortunately she didnt understand and never rlly ended up doing so beyond having a doki doki moment abt saiki caring abt her after she was the one he had to save from the consequences of her actions

tho these chapters highlight how off her perception of him is their relationship is still furthered by them bc of how wonderfully they worked together even when they werent getting along, saiki clearly trusts her a lot since this ends with him asking her to help him stop the volcanic eruption

however when it comes to romance... for all my love for miko, im never ever gonna ship saiki with someone who tried to sexually assault him :p n yes, ik its a gag manga, thats not relevant :p if ppl can like and understand toritsukas character without shipping him with ppl he sexually harassed, i can do the same with miko!!

she was genuinely surprised when he caught her here which tells me despite knowing abt his powers she didnt think he would catch her, so if he were powerless or otherwise hadnt caught her she wouldve simply sa him here. ive seen some ppl say "she realized he wasnt into it after this so shes very respectful of his boundaries" and im kinda baffled at that interpretation :p its not a flex that she realized he didnt wanna be sexually assaulted. idk guys maybe sexually assault is js generally bad??? besides, even beyond the fact this shouldnt have to be an established boundary in the 1st place, it seems way less likely that she understood a boundary here and more likely that she js realized that strategy wouldnt work on him bc of his powers :p

the one where she undresses in his bed is more of a genuine misunderstanding but it still shows how badly she misunderstands him. she ignored most of his message and only read the part she wanted and expected and had clearly been waiting for, and immediately jumped into his bed and took her clothes off, ending up in him almost kicking her out

despite these situations where he clearly expresses disdain at the idea of sexuality, this misunderstanding of hers is consistent throughout her character :p the overwhelming evidence to the contrary never makes her stop assuming that he secretly wants it or smth

i think despite being into other men, she put a lot of stake in her idea of soulmates :p she scryed it and transferred schools to find him after all, and she has a lot of trust in her own self and power, so i think she made a lot of untrue assumptions abt soulmates and how perfect they are and thought she and saiki would immediately click and get along and thered be 0 incompatibilities at all- as if finding her soulmate will fulfill all her romantic n sexual desires. this is why she makes 0 effort to build a romantic connection between them b4 declaring them soulmates and lovers, several times claiming theyre already dating, she assumed itd already exist. therefore she thinks that since SHE is very sexual, her soulmate must be as well. they seem to have nothing in common besides powers and the drive to help others which she isnt aware of, especially in what they want in life and from a partner, which i think is another reason she decided early on based on no evidence that hes a very sexual sadist and latched onto the idea, unable to believe anything else despite all evidence otherwise, for the entire show. 

shes obviously wrong. shes js too fixated on her own desires and expectations to realize that.

she originally claimed to have “fallen in love” with saiki only after seeing his powers and deciding that his mild sassiness was somehow indicative of sadism or sexuality. in the same breath she expresses disappointment in who her soulmate is and doesnt like his personality, so its pretty clear she cooked that up so she could have something to latch onto. from that point forward, i dont remember her showing attraction to anything abt saiki beyond his powers and the sadism/sexuality she misunderstood.

miko deserves some1 she doesnt feel the need to project onto js to feel like her desires r being fulfilled, and saiki deserves some1 who doesnt continuously expect from him what he doesnt want to give and has expressed that.

the thing is they have WAY better chemistry when she ISNT trying to force romance or sexuality into their relationship and she tends to misunderstand every platonic situation with him as that so it makes it a bit hard to see past her misunderstandings and see their friendship through it

at the very end of volcano arc she ALMOST ruins the moment by misunderstanding the situation as romantic and asking to kiss him but the hug she ends up giving him after is much sweeter and more emotionally impactful. its ofc not wrong for her to ask honest questions, im not saying she was wrong for it and its also not wrong 4 her to want to kiss him in that moment, but it does show her inability to read him and the situation and how this limits the chemistry between them. her stubborn nature still came out here when instead of simply accepting the “no” she said “AT LEAST let me give u a hug then” as if he owes at least something to her, but i dont fault her for this bc they both def needed and deserved a hug in that moment. saiki himself has also generally never been averse to platonic physical touch, often letting nendo or toritsuka etc to touch him without protest so this isnt any kind of boundary being broken. funnily, miko is the only person i remember him refusing to let touch him like him making her sit on the other side of the table and teleporting away from a hug but that seems to have changed by the end, or at the very least hell allow it from her in certain situations

miko is overall a good and genuine person, most notably how despite her jealousies of kokomi she still admires her so much, her defenses of kumi who was being bullied in a clothing shop, her expressing she doesnt mind helping kusuo for nothing in return (despite saying this immediately after implying she still wanted a favor after he didnt want to have sex with her, honestly not sure abt this part), and her mostly genuine intentions with her clients

this post will serve as my miko reference from now on and is subject to change!*

[carlarosenakilah]

I'm taking a break from The Osix Family and Wilted Ivory

Hi, you've read that right. I'll proceed to go into detail undercut

Warning that the following will be containing very sensitive topics such as su***idal thoughts, mental health issues, and whatever the fuck I went through to get me here and I don't know how to describe nor name them but overall its not pretty.

Getting straight to the point- im drained. I'm in a horrible place right now and I need to take a step back before it might escalate into something worse.

The Osix Family is always something that I will forever dedicate to. It has comforted me, carried me, and saved me from killing myself three years ago.

I asked myself, "If I'm not here, who will tell the story of The Osix Family?"

That made me stay alive, and im greatful for that because if not, I wouldn't have been where I am today standing with the coolest people I have ever met and my amazing partner in crime @alexusespido-dod.

I love Wilted Ivory too, and that's where it gets tricky.

My only plan for Wilted Ivory is to simply tell a story about growth expressed as a musical au. Hence why the art is so simple– not just to match the original Casino Cups style, but just to tell a story that I hope would inspire and comfort others. Of course, I'm happy it gained lota of love.

The Osix Family though is a different story.

Like I said, it means a lot to me, so I put so much time and energy into this series. I sacrifice time that could've been used to study for the next exam, but instead im working on the next few panels or planning the music and etc. Blood sweat and tears (literally) into making sure the art looks good, story is properly conveyed, scenes carefully picked. Even if it gained me bad scores in my exams that made me stress over about, in the end it was worth it to me. I didn't care if I'd be sick an unable to move, as long as I could at least think about it, then I would be happy.

Episode 3 was my worst.

I overworked myself for that episode. I was always in front of my tablet, I never moved out of my seat, I was just there, working on it even if it was 1 in the morning and that I should be sleeping. I told myself: "Everything will pay off! Sure you're in so much pain right now, but eventually it will all pay off! Episode 3 is looking good and interesting! This will FINALLY gain the audience and love the story deserves!"

I was proud.

Until I wasn't.

Reality hit me like a saw. The moment the episode was released I was hopeful. But nothing happened. It was all the same.

And it just hurt how something as simple as Wilted Ivory can easily gain attention and love because it was Cuphead related something well known. Meanwhile, The Osix Family–despite everything–is just barely seen.

I started to doubt myself. To question myself. Was I not doing enough. What more can I do. What should I do. Am I not good enough?

Is the story just not good enough?

That broke me. I began to have thoughts I shouldn't have. I wanted to end it all. I wanted to quit and disappear from the world. Because what was the point in pouring so much love into something only for it to dismissed.

Its not like I simply began having these thoughts.

I've had them over and over again.

As much as I hated involving him, my partner, Alex, had to deal with the many times I nearly ended it. To the point where even if he was in school, he'd go out of his way to stop me, I still feel guilty, even if he said it was fine.

I don't understand myself anymore.

Why do I even have such an attachment to this series? Its just a stupid silly series for funsies isn't it? Why does my life to depend on it?

Unfortunately, it just does.

It sucks. Pushing away my needs for the sake of this passion, only for it to just not go as I hoped it would go. Did I mention I'm also losing followers on the osix family blog? Thats so silly and coquette.

I'm so sorry if im coming off as guilt-trippy, please I don't want it to sound that way, I just want to express how deeply troubled I am because to me it actually DOES HURT.

I envy people who couldn't give a flying fuck about whether or not their stuff goes famous or gets love, I don't even understand why I am so dependent or hungry on whatever attention it gets. I hate that im like this. I want to be free from it but I just crave it.

So, for the sake of my mental health and whatever is left of my sanity, im taking a break, for good.

I will not be updating The Osix Family or Wilted Ivory at this very moment. For how long? It depends on how fucked up I have actually turned out to be today.

I might still post, keyword: MIGHT, its not any update but to just simply draw for myself, but the chances of me posting anything is horribly low.

I'm going to focus on myself, my needs, and whatever makes me happy or have fun with.

To those who supported The Osix Family or even bothered to check it out: Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

It means a lot to me, you have NO idea. Every single like, reblog, comment, hype or even the silliest amounts of theories or thoughts, they make me so happy, it actually heals me.

I can't remember names im sorry, but there was a time someone expressed how they were invested in the lore and loved the world building, it really made my day. Or when someone pointed out some small details on my waiting in a miracle animatic, it warmed my heart.

I have troubles expressing it, but im so, SO greatful.

Especially when some of my mutuals started making OCS FOR THE SERIES?? Like– it felt like a HUGE compliment.

I cant believe im tearing up as im typing this haha im so stupid lmao, but

Thank you. A lot.

And to those who weren't really into The Osix Family, its okay, don't feel bad, sometimes things are just not our cup of tea, I just needed to express my grief, cause honestly bottling it up isn't going to end well for me (and it really didn't multiple times).

I apologize for any false hope or let down your hype as Wilted Ivory was just starting and The Osix Family was finally coming back– but this treatment is overwhelming me that I need to take a step back.

That's all for now.

Thank you for... actually reading, you listening means a lot to me too.

Goodbye.

[whimsicalpolitical]

wait im going crazy i need a ross smut when he's drunk after some big party like a wedding or smth like that, and he's all cute and cuddly but also horny for you and wants to marry you but also fuck you thank you that's all

okay okayy, combining this with the first ever subby!ross of me

you’re seated outside at a long wooden table with matty, george, and ross. the three of them are in the middle of one of their usual arguments, but ross is far drunker than usual, his deep, rumbling laugh getting louder and louder with every word matty says. it’s the kind of laugh that makes everyone else laugh, too, infectious and warm, even if you don’t know what’s so funny.

“you’re talking shit, mate,” ross laughs, “that’s not how it went at all. i was there. i saw you knock him out.”

“bollocks!” matty shoots back, “you’re just trying to make me look bad. fucking dickhead started bitching about something.”

ross smirks at him but doesn’t bother replying, instead leaning into you even further until his forehead brushes against your shoulder. it’s sweet, the way he seems to gravitate toward you instinctively, his hand never once leaving your thigh. you glance at him out of the corner of your eye, your lips curling into a fond smile at the sight of his flushed cheeks and slightly unfocused gaze.

“you’re the worst drunk,” you murmur, glancing at him with an amused smile as matty throws his hands up in frustration, clearly losing the argument to an unbothered ross.

ross grins at you, his eyes heavy-lidded and glassy. “nah. best drunk. you love it.”

you roll your eyes, but you don’t deny it. you do love it, the way he gets clingy and affectionate, his inhibitions melting away until all that’s left is his unfiltered adoration for you.

after a while, you stand, leaning into ross’s ear to whisper, “i’m gonna use the bathroom real quick.”

ross’s head snaps up immediately, his arm tightening around you like he’s afraid to let you go. “alright then, let’s go.”

“ross,” you say, exasperated but laughing. “i’ll be back in two minutes.”

“definitely not,” he insists, already standing unsteadily. “i’m coming with you.”

before you can argue, he’s taking your hand, his fingers warm and slightly clammy as he laces them with yours. matty and george exchange knowing looks but say nothing, clearly enjoying the show.

“this place is fucking posh,” he mumbles as you approach the bathrooms, his eyes narrowing as he takes in the sleek, modern design. he stops dead in his tracks, peering at one of the doors like it’s offended him personally. “is that… is that only for one person?”

you bite back a laugh, nodding. “yeah, ross,“

he lets out an incredulous huff, shaking his head. “ridiculous. and it’s this big?”

“you’re drunk,” you say, grinning as you gently tug him toward the door. “wait here, alright? i’ll be two minutes.”

he grumbles something under his breath but doesn’t let go of your hand until you give him a pointed look. when you finally emerge, he’s leaning against the wall, his long frame looking entirely out of place in the too-fancy hallway. the moment he sees you, his face lights up, and he’s on you in an instant, his hands finding your waist as he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“missed you,” he mumbles, his lips trailing down to your temple.

“did you?” you laugh.

“mhm,” he hums, “loads.”

ross hastily pulls back and raises his eyebrows, pushing the bathroom door back open and trying to tug you inside.

“ross,” you laugh, your voice coming out in a breathless huff as he pinches your side gently, making you stumble backward into the bathroom. “what are you doing?”

“c’mere,” he murmurs, closing the door behind him as he steps closer, his hands firm on your hips.

you shake your head, smiling despite yourself. “ross, the program’s starting in fifteen minutes. we need to—”

“plenty of time,” he interrupts, his voice low and a little gravelly. “don’t you think?”

you narrow your eyes at him, suspicious. “plenty of time for what?”

he doesn’t answer, at least not with words. instead, he leans down, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that’s soft at first, almost tentative, before it deepens. his hands slide up your sides, pulling you closer until there’s no space left between you.

“ross,” you mumble against his lips, trying to sound stern but failing miserably. “we really—”

“shh,” he murmurs, one hand moving to cradle your face as he presses his forehead against yours. “just one more minute, yeah? let me have this.”

your resolve crumbles instantly, and you sigh, your hands sliding up to rest on his chest as you kiss him again. his lips are warm and a little rough, tasting faintly of whiskey and champagne, and it’s dizzying, the way he kisses you like he’s trying to memorize every detail.

when you finally pull back, his eyes are heavy-lidded, his lips curled into a lazy, satisfied smile.

“program,” you try reminding him again.

“darling,” he starts, “d’you want me to behave during the program?”

“obviously,” you roll your eyes playfully.

ross nods and slips out of his jacket to neatly hang it up one of the hooks on the wall.

you frown and watch as he rolls up his sleeves and tugs at his tie to losen it up.

“what are you doing- stop,” you try to stop his hand but he already removes it from his neck, “ross.”

“what?” he gives you his best puppy dog eyes and his stupid grin with his more stupid dimples, “don’t wanna make a mess, m’being very considerate.”

“of what?”

ross steps toward you, his expression soft but playful. he stops in front of you, tilting his head down slightly to meet your gaze. “f’ you,” he murmurs, sliding his hands to your waist.

before you can respond—or escape—he hooks his hands under your thighs with an ease that has you squeaking in protest, effortlessly lifting you off the ground.

“ross!” you whisper-shout, your hands clutching his shoulders instinctively as he carries you a few steps and sets you down on the edge of the sink.

“m’ gonna behave during, i promise. need you now though.”

ross begins to kiss your cheek as sweet as possible, then your jaw and then he’s already nipping at your neck and whispering pleas into your skin.

“can i eat you out, love?”

you would lie if you’d say you weren’t absolutely turned on by your boyfriend. you’re not used to him being so impatient and desperate. it’s always you. and he’s always being a tease about it, so why won’t you be?

“say please again, sounded so pretty.”

ross groans softly and pulls back to look at you.

“just want to make you feel good, darling. can i? please,” he whispers the last word and his hands are already sliding up your thighs to hitch up the fabric of your dress.

you stop his hands and raise your eyebrows to try to get more out of him.

ross knows you enjoy this, he’s just gonna go along and it’s not like he doesn’t want you to have the upper hand at some point. to just take what you want, what you need.

“pretty please, darling. i really need to have a taste, you look absolutely gorgeous in that dress and i’ll go mental if i can’t make you feel good in it.”

you feel hot listening to him and at this point you physically can’t deny him of anything.

“jesus- yes, alright.”

“thank you, darling,” he smiles and gives you a gentle and soft kiss to your lips.

his hand slides up your thigh further and reveals your new, black lace panties.

“fuck, these are new ones, aren’t they?” he observes and slides a finger under the waistband to feel the fabric.

you inhale sharply at the closeness to your wet cunt.

“yeah, wanted to surprise you tonight actually,” you smile, “early surprise then.”

“i love them,” he says, “they’re gorgeous.”

ross licks his lips and goes through his beard with his hands while thinking and then he already speaks again.

“lift your hips for me, please?”

you do so and he slides the fabric down your legs and over your heals.

“if they’re a present i’m gladly gonna take them.”

you giggle but then you feel a voracious shiver, not only because of the cold on your legs, but because you are so close and he is touching you so masterfully, letting his fingertips slide along the inside of your thigh, he can already feel the heat radiating off your skin as he trails lower, touching every part of your skin that he can reach.

“fuckin’ hell, so ready for me,” ross lifts his left arm to take a glance at the watch, “i’ll try to hurry, even though it breaks my heart.”

before you know it, he is already between your legs, hooking his hands under your thighs to spread your legs apart gently, nuzzling his nose along your inner thigh, inhaling your scent.

“can i ask you to do something?” he asks.

you nod and smile, “of course.”

“hold your dress,” he says while he takes your hand and puts it on top of the fabric, “don’t want to ruin it.”

your hand automatically grips the fabric and it’s a not so good replacement to his hair actually. you really can’t ruin his hair. it would take too long to fix it and you can’t waste time.

“can’t wait any longer,” he mumbles more to himself and then he looks up at you, the desire in his eyes mirroring yours as he presses a soft kiss right on your clit, making it throb in response.

his tongue dances slowly and deliberately along your folds, licking all the way up, savoring your taste as soft whimpers escaped your lips, his hands now on your inner thighs, keeping them spread wide for him to feast on you.

“fuck,” ross groans, “need you all the time. love you so much, s’my absolute favorite taste.”

he’s not lying. ross loves to spend his time on his knees. getting you off on his mouth or his fingers is as much pleasure for him as being inside of you.

“oh, fuck,” you whine.

ross’ tongue is warm and velvety as he pushes it through your slick folds. it’s killing you to not grip him and hold him there. you gasp as he continues to lap into you with a hunger and passion that leaves you trembling with need.

"mhm, love this, darling," he murmurs, his words sending a delicious thrill down your spine as he swirls his tongue around your swollen clit, his hands gripping your hips tightly.

you can't help but let out a cascade of moans and whimpers as he begins to move your hips in rhythm with his ministrations, making you gently grind against his face as he continues to worship you with his mouth.

“ross, y-you’re so good.”

“deserve it,” he mumbles while he continues to rock you against his face.

the sound of your moans echoing through the room only drives him further, his movements becoming more urgent as he brings you closer and closer to the edge. you cunt pulses with desire.

your head is spinning, the sensations overwhelming you.

“ross,” you whisper-moan again, needing more. anything.

ross hums into your cunt.

"feels so good..." you manage to say between the whimpers and moans. he swirls his tongue around your clit in slow circles, occasionally dipping it lower to tease your entrance with the tip of his tongue.

"more?" he asks with a muffled voice.

"y-yes," you answer.

his answer is his tongue delving inside you, stopping only when he moves his lips so he can suck your clit hard. your breathy and desperate moans only turn him on, his fingers almost penetrating your flesh to keep your legs spread wide as he eats you out relentlessly.

“thats it, feel good, love,” he moans against your flesh, his nose pressing on your clit as he devours you ravenously, lapping at your core and drinking you greedily. "s’ fucking perfect," he hisses, feeling his own desire throbbing between his legs as he works you higher and higher

“baby, fuck”, you moan, “m’ so close, so-“

ross moves more eager now, his only mission to make you feel good. to cloud your mind the rest of the evening so you’ll be even more pent up later.

“need you, love. need it,” he groans.

the coil in your stomach tightens, and you can already feel the familiar sweet, honeyed sensation fill you up. warmth moving through your nerves and seeping deep into your bones. your eyes are already closed, eyes sightlessly moving around beneath your lids.

ross can't resist anymore, reaching a hand down to his pants, rubbing himself through the material. you see his movements, but can't bring yourself to stop him when his eyes flutter shut in pleasure.

“good?” you ask, smiling at him.

ross slowly opens his eyes to you looking down at him with a small smile. he returns it and leads his hand to your cunt in front of him.

“sorry,” he says, “all yours again.”

he slowly enters two of his fingers and draws a loud moan out of you which you have to stop by biting your lip.

“close,” you whine again.

his fingers move deeper, motions precise. the pads of his fingers nudge that soft spot deep in your cervix, and your legs are clamping closed, only held open by his bobbing head.

"ross,” you moan, "oh god, fuck- ross, honey, please," soft words bubble from your lips, your brain too pleasure-frazzled to form any other, more coherent requests.

ross’ fingers continue their movements, his tongue moves up and down your cunt.

the coil snaps. his tongue plunges deep inside you, tasting along the spongy walls of your cunt.

all it takes is one simple movement from ross.

his thumb circles your clit once, twice, his nose nudges your clit closer to his thumb - and you're suppressing all your moans.

"ross," you cry out as your back arches off the marble ground completely. your hips still held down by ross’ strong arms intertwined around them, holding you hostage to his pleasure.

“thank you,” he mumbles, “fuck.”

as every alarm in your fried brain goes off, telling you to stop the stimulation before you go insane, your hips yet continue to move, jerky circles following ross’ still ongoing torment.

and ross doesn't deprive you of any pleasure - his tongue still rapidly laps at your juices. the movements of his thumb on your clit are gentle, however. slow, deliberate and soft circles.

“stop,” you push his shoulder away, “too much, ross. no time,” you manage to breathe out.

with a quiet groan ross moves away, his beard glistening in the expensive light.

he licks his tongue over his lips and smiles up at your dreamy state.

“thank you, love. think i’m sober now actually.”

your breath is heavily moving up and down while you try to collect yourself.

“okay- jesus,” you begin to ramble, “we need to fix ourselves up.”

you shift, smoothing your dress back into place, but his hands tighten for just a second before he loosens them. “taste yourself,” he says quietly, his voice low and rough, and then he’s leaning forward before you can respond, kissing you.

it’s slow at first, his lips soft and coaxing, but then he slips his tongue past yours, and you let out the smallest whine against him. ross hums into the kiss, his hand sliding up to the curve of your hip, and you feel him shift—his hips pressing forward, his belt buckle clicking faintly against the sink.

you pull back with a breathless laugh, your forehead brushing his. “next hour’s gonna be torture for you.”

ross exhales sharply, shaking his head like he’s trying to collect himself, but his lips twitch in a faint, boyish grin. “yeah, no shit.”

you hop off the counter, smoothing your dress as you glance at him over your shoulder. “come on,” you say, grabbing his tie, “let’s make you look presentable again.”

his hands fall to his sides, and he lets you tug him closer, his eyes locked on yours the whole time. as you tie the knot, he smirks faintly, his voice low. “i think i’m perfectly fine the way i am.”

you shoot him a look, one brow raised. “not exactly appropriate for company,” you mutter, tightening the tie and brushing it flat against his chest.

“appropriate’s boring.”

you sigh dramatically but can’t hold back the small smile tugging at your lips. “you’re impossible,” you mutter, reaching for his jacket.

he slips into it, his movements slow, and you can feel his gaze on you as you fix his lapels. his voice softens as he says, “you’re gorgeous, you know that?”

“you’ve been telling me quite often today, yes.”

ross just shrugs, his grin turning a bit more smug as he leans against the counter, watching you grab a few paper towels. when you step closer, tilting his chin up to wipe at his beard, his hands find your waist again, a lazy, possessive touch.

“you really do need to behave now,” you say firmly, tossing the paper towels into the bin, giving him a pointed look.

“will i get a reward if i do, then?”

you smirk, stepping closer, your hands brushing over his jacket. “depends how well you behave,” you murmur, your lips ghosting over the shell of his ear, “but let’s just say… anything you want.”

his pupils dilate, his hands tightening on your waist for a split second, but then he inhales sharply, blinking like he’s trying to snap himself out of it. he lets out a low chuckle, pushing off the counter and straightening his jacket.

“right,” he mutters, giving you one last, lingering look before he strides toward the door, his steps steady despite the tension still written in his shoulders. “hurry, love. programs starting, i think.”

-

the program's underway, and ross hasn’t let up. his hand finds a home on your thigh under the tablecloth, thumb absentmindedly stroking over your skin in slow circles. every few minutes, you feel his fingers squeeze, firm and needy, like he can’t quite help himself.

he's drinking more, too. each time his glass gets refilled, ross tips it back a little quicker, his already-flushed cheeks deepening in color, the booze only amplifying his shamelessness. it’s subtle at first—the way he shifts in his chair, one leg bouncing restlessly. but soon, he’s adjusting himself blatantly, pulling at the fabric of his trousers like it’s unbearable, like it’s all too much.

“you alright there, ross?” you whisper with a smirk, though you already know the answer.

he lets out a strained laugh, leaning in close enough that you feel the heat of his breath against your ear. “can’t anymore, love,” he murmurs, voice low and wrecked. “hurts.”

you snort, biting back a laugh as you shake your head at him. “it’s your own fault,” you shoot back.

ross groans softly, resting his forehead against your shoulder for a moment. “well, you’re hot, love,” he mumbles like it’s the most obvious excuse in the world, his lips brushing against the bare skin of your collarbone as he speaks.

your stomach flips, but you play it cool, nudging him gently with your elbow. “behave,” you warn, though there’s no real heat behind it.

he doesn’t answer, just sits back in his chair, head tipped slightly to the side as he watches you. it’s almost enough to distract you from the speeches happening at the front of the room.

a sudden burst of laughter from the crowd makes you jump slightly, snapping you out of it. ross uses the distraction to lean in again, his fingers pressing harder into your thigh this time.

“d’you want me to beg again? s’that gonna help me in any way?” he asks.

“i’m afraid not. i’ll remember this though, you being this nice and desperate for me.” he still looks at you like a lost puppy, “later, ross.”

he sighs heavily, slumping back in his seat in defeat. but his hand stays on your thigh, his grip tightening just enough to remind you exactly how badly he’s struggling.

for now, you let him suffer.

he was good during the rest of the program, struggling but good enough to not try to get anything from you.

when the bride and groom finally step onto the dance floor for their first dance, the lights dim, and the room falls into a hush. the soft glow from the chandeliers casts a golden halo around them as the music starts—a slow, romantic song that seems to wrap itself around them. ross leans in toward you, his lips brushing against your ear.

“they look good together, don’t they?”

you smile, tilting your head toward him slightly. “they do. they look so happy.”

he hums in agreement, his fingers tapping lightly against your knee now. “makes you wonder how long they’ve been planning this. every little detail, you know? that archway earlier? ridiculous. in a good way, though.”

“it’s worth it,” you say softly, watching as the bride laughs while the groom spins her gently. “for a moment like that? it’s all worth it.”

he doesn’t say anything for a while, just leans back in his chair and watches, his expression unreadable. you glance at him, wondering what’s going through his head, but before you can ask, the music shifts slightly, signaling the end of the first dance.

the DJ’s voice comes through the speakers. “alright, everyone, let’s get this party started! grab a partner, grab a friend, and get out on the dance floor!”

people start moving, laughter and chatter filling the room again. you think nothing of it until ross stands suddenly, holding a hand out to you.

“would you like to dance with me?”

you blink up at him, caught off guard. “you want to dance?”

his lips twitch into a small smile, and he tilts his head. “yeah, why not? come on.”

his hand is still there, steady and waiting, and there’s something about the way he looks at you—so sure, so certain—that makes it impossible to say no.

you slide your hand into his, and he helps you to your feet, his grip warm and firm. your heart does a funny little flip when he doesn’t let go, even as he starts leading you toward the dance floor, weaving through the crowd until he finds a spot that seems good enough for him.

his hand settles on your waist as he pulls you close, his other hand still holding yours. the two of you start to sway, his movements slow and easy, matching the rhythm of the song perfectly.

“you’re not terrible at this,” you tease, a small smile playing on your lips as you look up at him.

he raises an eyebrow, his mouth twitching like he’s fighting a grin. “not terrible? darling, i’m bloody brilliant at this.”

“oh, brilliant now?”

“absolutely.” his tone is mock serious as he spins you lightly, just enough to make you laugh, and when he pulls you back into his arms, his hand on your waist slides just a little higher. “better than most, i’d say.”

you roll your eyes, but the warmth in your chest makes it impossible to argue.

his lips brush your cheek then, so soft you almost don’t feel it. you glance up at him, but he’s already pulling back, his expression casual, like it’s nothing.

but then he does it again.

and again.

“ross,” you whisper, laughing softly. “what are you doing?”

“nothing,” he murmurs, though the way his lips curl at the corners gives him away.

you shake your head, leaning it against his shoulder as the two of you continue to sway. “god, i love weddings,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

his hand tightens on your waist, pulling you even closer. “is that a dream of yours?” he asks, his voice soft, almost hesitant.

“what, weddings?”

he hums. “yeah. getting married. is that something you want?”

you look up at him, your brows furrowing slightly. “of course it is.”

he stares at you for a moment, his eyes flicking between yours. then, so softly you almost don’t hear him, he says, “marry me then.”

you blink, caught completely off guard. “ross—”

“i mean it.” his voice is low, almost pleading, and his hand on your waist grips just a little tighter. “marry me. i’d do it right now if i could.”

you laugh, shaking your head. “you’ve had too much to drink.”

he frowns, his eyes narrowing slightly. “you don’t believe me?”

“ross—”

“i’m serious.” his hand moves to cradle your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek as he stares at you, his gaze so intense it makes your breath hitch. “darling, i want to marry you. i’d marry you right here, right now, if you’d let me.”

your heart stutters, and for a moment, you’re not sure what to say. “i love you.”

“i love you,” he whispers back, “i love you.”

you giggle when he places a soft kiss onto the top of your nose.

“so?” he asks.

you smile, your hands sliding up to rest on his shoulders. “ask me again when you’re sober, yeah?”

“i will,�� he promises, his voice soft but sure. “and you better say yes.”

“we’ll see.”

you continue slow dancing for a few songs, keep on looking at each other and with every minute that goes by you’re getting more desperate as well.

you need way more than what happened in the bathroom. you want to give ross what he wants.

he buries his face in your neck, his beard grazing your skin as he presses open-mouthed kisses to your throat. “what are you thinking about?” he mumbles, “can’t stop thinking about what happened earlier, hm?”

“you wish,” you murmur, smoothing your fingers over his hair.

“mm, yeah,” he admits, nosing along your jaw. “i do. that would mean you’d give in.”

you shudder when his lips find the shell of your ear, his voice turning softer, more insistent.

“noticed you too, y’know,” he whispers, dragging his hands down your back, settling them low on your hips. “the way you looked at me in the bathroom. you liked it, didn’t you? having my mouth on you, my tongue fucking you open—”

“ross,” you warn, heat pooling low in your stomach.

“s’alright,” he soothes, kissing your cheek, slow and lingering. “just sayin’. got you all flustered now, haven’t i? you’re breathing so hard, love.”

you are. embarrassingly so.

he pulls back just enough to look at you properly, eyes dark, lips twitching up at the corners. “fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he breathes.

you try to school your expression, pretend like he doesn’t affect you as much as he does, but he sees right through it. always does.

“c’mon, love,” he coaxes, leaning in again, his teeth grazing your jaw this time, his voice all honeyed and coaxing. “don’t fight me on this. you want me just as bad, don’t you?”

you don’t answer, but you don’t need to.

ross groans, like the mere thought of you wanting him back is enough to ruin him. his grip tightens, his body pressing even closer to yours.

“need you,” he whispers, barely audible, but you hear it like it’s the only thing in the world that matters. “please, love. i mean it.”

your resolve cracks, splinters into nothing.

you fist a hand in his shirt, pulling him down into a kiss that’s all tongue and teeth, messy and desperate. he moans into it, hands slipping lower.

“fuck,” he breathes, stumbling backward, nearly losing his balance before catching himself. he laughs, breathless, dizzy with alcohol and arousal. “think i might need you to lead the way, love.”

you shake your head, laughing too, but it’s just as breathless. just as needy.

“c’mon then, macdonald,” you say, tugging him by the collar.

he grins, following without hesitation.

ross stumbles as you tug him along, his feet barely keeping up with yours, but he doesn’t care. he’s grinning, all dimpled and flushed, looking at you like you’ve hung the stars just for him.

“where we going, love?” he slurs, but he follows anyway, unwavering, his grip on your hand firm like he never wants to let go.

“there’s, like, a barn upstairs,” you say, giggling as you glance back at him. “beautiful though. i’ve helped to make it more comfortable—there are blankets and everything.”

“a barn?”

“a barn,” you confirm, dragging him up the stairs, your legs wobbly with alcohol and anticipation.

“god, i love you,” he breathes, the words slipping out so easily, so effortlessly, it makes your chest ache.

you push open the door, revealing the space you’ve set up—soft blankets piled in the center, the dim glow of fairy lights casting everything in warm gold. it smells like wood and old hay, but in a comforting way, something earthy and safe.

ross exhales sharply, his fingers flexing around yours. “fuck,” he mutters. “this is—fuck.”

you giggle again, giddy, stepping backward toward the blankets, pulling him with you. “you like it?”

ross shakes his head, like he can’t believe you, like he’s utterly ruined by you. “love it,” he says, but he’s not talking about the barn. he’s looking at you, the way your hair catches the light, the way your lips part slightly as you watch him.you reach for him, fingers hooking into the collar of his shirt, pulling him close. he goes willingly, crashing into you, hands finding your waist, your hips, your thighs. he groans against your mouth, drinking in your laughter, your warmth.

“been thinking about you all night,” he whispers, lips brushing against yours. “all fucking night.”

“yeah?” you murmur, hands slipping under his shirt, feeling the heat of his skin.

“yeah,” he breathes, his forehead pressing against yours. “gonna make you feel so fucking good, love. right here. in this little barn.”

you laugh again, but it’s cut off by ross kissing you, deep and slow, stealing the breath right from your lungs.

“is this safe? no one’s gonna come in the next hour?” he asks while throwing his tie next to you and his shirt next.

“no, don’t think so,” you smile.

you take a second to admire him, his breathless smile, his chest heaving up and down. the desperate look in his face.

you swing your leg over his and settle into his lap.

you gasp and bury your hand in his hair as quickly as possible. he gives your neck a kiss and presses closer to you.

he feels so close considering that he still has your panties in his pocket.

"i need you, love," you only hum in response, arching your back so you can grind down on him, an opportunity he graciously accepts. he groans low and rough into your neck as he starts to thrust up as well, “i- christ, this feels too good.”

his arm sneaks behind your back to pull the zipper of your dress down and letting it fall down your stomach. he continues to take off your bra and immediately squeeze one of your tits in his hands as you grind down harder,"oh fuckin’ hell.”

you tug his hair tie off and run your hand through his now messy hair.

"good?” is all you mumble before finally devouring his lips in a kiss that he whines into. whines

his frantic humping turns into purposeful grinding as you pull away. his breathing is more erratic than you've ever heard it. his eyes are shut as tightly as his hand is gripping your hip, surely leaving dents in your skin.

“ross,” you breathe out, “need me so bad?”

you try to sound teasing, dominant but instead the question comes out high and breathy, sounds as desperate as he's acting.

all you get in response is a growl from ross before his hand leaves your boob to flip your both around so he’s laying on top of you again.

his hair is mussed - definitely your doing, but his lips are red and bitten, presumably from holding in his sounds. his eyes are blown wide, glinting with a crazed look as he grinds into you gently.

he has his hand on your thigh, your leg pulled over his hip do he can grind right into your core, sending convulsions throughout your body.

after taking him in you meet his eyes again and he crumbles. whimpering a loose form of your name before burying his face in your neck and inhaling your scent as his hand coming to your lower back to press your body into his.

“you’re everything, darling,” he breathes out, “so gorgeous and i swear i’m gonna marry you one day. i’ll propose and then we’re going to have mini you’s that have your sweet smile.”

he continues, “and also i’m really fucking bothered right now and i’m losing my mind.”

his desperation is leaking into your veins now, the same way you've started to seep into your underwear, growing tired and teased with ross’ incessant movements against you.

“i think you deserve that reward now.”

you reach for his belt buckle, undoing it and reaching into his underwear. the moment your hands touch his already hard cock, ross shuts his eyes tightly, a soft moan escaping from his lips.

you can also already guide your hand down so smoothly because his pre cum made him so wet.

when you start to move your hand, softly stroking him and teasing his tip, you see how he reacts. he’s biting his lip, looking so lost and hazy.

“don’t, ross,” you say, brushing your thumb over his bottom lip, “be loud. i wanna hear you, please.”

you pick up the pace, but still keeping slow and you succeed. ross groans and throws his head back.

'bit faster, please- oh' he begs, his eyes still focussed on you. you smirk at him.

“anything for you,” you speed up your pace, and you're met with more sounds. deeper groans and muffled moans.

“christ, i can’t- i’m-“ he pants, desperation coating his words. when he's about to cum, he shuts his eyes but your hand stills.

ross looks even more fucked out now.

“fuck, this is embarrassing,” he says, “i don’t think-“

“it’s alright,” you give him one of your warm smiles, “you already made me feel so good. this is about you now. lift your hips.”

he lifts himself off the blanket slightly as you pull his cock out of the confines of his underwear. you lower your head towards him, slowly, keeping eye contact the entire time. with you on your knees in front of him, ross feels more confident, but there's no confusion about who is in control of this situation.

you take him into your mouth, and a hiss escapes from his mouth. “oh fuck, love... “ he groans. you move down, taking him deeper into your mouth until your nose touches the skin at his base. you gag, and ross moves his hand to tangle in your hair. not to hold you there, but to appreciate.

you lift away from him, and back down, settling into a steady pace as his precum coats your tongue.

“oh christ, you feel so good, love having your mouth on me,” ross moans in between pants.

he moves his hand to the back of your head and thrusts into your mouth, and you take it.

his head falls further and further back as his breathing quickens, his groans turning into louder moans as he comes closer to his breaking point. when he's almost there, just seconds away from his release, he pulls your head back.

“fuck, need to be inside of you,” he says, “please.”

you nod and stand up to let your dress fall onto the floor. ross shoves his pants from the bottom of his legs as well and then you’re there. both naked. both so vulnerable.

“you’re a dream.”

you lay down underneath him and he rolls on top of you kissing you and sliding his tongue into your mouth.

he’s back to weakly grinding against your thighs and you need him to finally feel good.

he moans your name when you wrap your hand around him but his breath is stolen as you line him up and practically shove him in.

he's surrounded in your wet warmth before he can take another breath. the same heat he's been craving.

his head drops into your neck again and you feel every breathe of his on your skin.

he just pants against you, incapable of taking even breaths as his hips twitch softly and against his will into you.

you lift his head and hold his cheeks, “you can take what you want ross.”

you hold his eye contact as your hands come to the base of his spine, pressing down and curving his hips into you, guiding his slow and gentle thrusts.

his face crumples in pleasure, all his features scrunching in as he tries not to moan into your face. his hand twitches on your throat before tightening again as he leans down to press you against his forehead before resting his cheek on yours as he finally releases all the sounds he's been holding in.

first you get a guttural groan, something that sounds like it came from the depths of his chest; low and rumbling. as his hips begin to move on their own accord, his moans change. they become more urgent, short and cut off as he tries to catch his breath. every now and then it sounds like the first syllable of your name but he's never able to get the full thing out.

“so good, darling,” he moans out, “just like that, fuck.”

you try and stay composed as you guide him but he's ramming into your g-spot. your brain is turning to mush, melting out of your ears. when ross pulls his face away from yours, wanting to examine your state, he can tell. he can tell that you're not all there, that you're holding on by a thread for him.

you watch a lazy smirk slide over his face as his hooded eyes meet yours. "it's okay, love.. m'here.

ross lifts one of your legs, gripping your thigh and pushing it to meet your chest. "you dont have to act all tough," it feels as though he's opened up a new channel inside you, like he's reaching places that weren't accessible before. like he's reached heaven, inside you. "you can let go, darling."

you explode.

you have no choice but to fall apart. you hadn't even been aware of how badly you'd been craving him as well.

it feels like your body falls completely apart. you don't feel attached your limbs anymore. all you can feel is the warmth blossoming violently in your abdomen. your thighs shake, and ross tightens his grip, wanting to feel the rippling muscles under his palm.

he watches your brows furrow as your eyes roll back. you go limp in his arms, your entire body relaxing as you soak him.

ross fucks into you at a leisurely pace, forgetting his desperation in favor of watching you melt into the ground. but as he thrusts he watches you slowly coat him.

he gasps once and sees your eyes snap open to his, waiting and watching as his body folds in on itself to fill you with him.

“oh fucking-“

ross almost falls on top of you, his arm catching him before he lowers himself into your lips. he's too busy moaning your name and praises to kiss you properly. he rests his lips against yours as his mind clears, blank and thoughtless, finally satiated after hours of driving him crazy.

his body weight slowly increases as he blankets you, his cock pulsing inside you gently, gently pumping pent up ropes of cum into you despite the small amount already leaking onto your thighs.

"love you so much," ross mumbles groggily into your ear. his hand comes up to stroke your head, soothing you as he notices your rapid heartbeat. “you’re perfect, love. want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“me too," your hand slides out of his hair and down his back, scratching gently and relishing in the way you feel his chest rumble with a contented hum.

"you feel better now?" he chuckles softly before biting you semi-gently. "menace. don’t ever want to sit with my dick hard for hours again," he sighs against your skin. "glad you had your fun though," he licks over his teeth marks before kissing them.

you giggle and scratch his back gently.

ross hums and closes his eyes, “think we have to join the party again?”

“probably.”

he hums in understanding and detaches himself from you. you react quickly and pull him back down, “five more minutes though,” you plead.

“five more minutes it is.”

[dragonroar64]

im finally back with another pvpciv headcanon. I live my brain is finally having more thoughts than just a single sentence. good luck there's more angst ahead

okay so! in the most recent episode, y'know how Evbo goes and gets the other diamond swords to pay for things? that seems perfectly normal, right? wrong. Evbo can respawn. he could've just passed his sword off to whoever had the least amount of durability left and then came back down to buy things himself. but he didn't. he asked others for help(side note:I love the silly little found family going on here it brings me joy. look at them!!!).

my personal theory for why he'd ask the other diamond swords to buy these things for him is because he doesn't want to have to respawn ever again, or more accurately: he doesn't want to die ever again. I imagine if you'd died dozens if not hundreds of times you'd never want to do so again. not even on your own terms, not even when you're going to come back to people who care about you, not even if you wouldn't have to do it again any time soon. Evbo probably doesn't want to experience dying again, probably doesn't want to wake up in his room on the wooden sword level holding a weapon made of the weakest material around, much more vulnerable than he is anyways. do you think being there bothers him? do you think traveling down through the layers makes old memories and old pains flair up?

do you think that the other diamond swords know about this and try to help Evbo avoid going through it again? do you think that's why they help him pay for things without suggesting a respawn? do you think they're reluctant to send him out to the other civilizations? do you think they feel like he's a sort of annoying little brother to them, but still a brother and therefore someone they care about?

anyways I just think this found family thing going on w/the diamond swords should be explored more. like what if they saw how much he devolved on every trip to the golden sword level and just assumed his deterioration was caused just by the golden level itself and only learned later about what exactly happened on the iron sword level? they probably weren't watching all of his video journal updates. he probably didn't make one after every death. what if they didn't find out until just a little while before Evbo made it to the diamond swords level. or what if they didn't find out until after he made it back after Tabi killed him. what if he'd managed to stay strong up until he realized his closest friend didn't actually care about him and after the fact he just spilled his guts out about it to the diamond swords. what if they help him buy stuff because they don't want him to ever have to go through a respawn again

tldr what if the diamond swords help Evbo buy things in the newest episode because they know respawning is a horrible experience for him

[ganondoodle]

i keep feeling the need to apologize for being so negative all the time, the truth is i am not satisfyed at all with anything i draw or write anymore, it feels bland and uninteresting like its lost anything that used to make it not so, i dont know how to change that, and the few people telling me otherwise are likely tired of it (i do not blame anyone even for a second)

'draw for yourself' really doesnt work for me, i cant not draw, despite trying that too, bc then theres nothing left to do, but i mainly draw bc i need to connect with people, show people stuff and see if they like it, see if i can bring something new to the table, it makes me feel less alone and like theres actual merit to what i do, like all these brainworms arent worthless, i havent actually lost my mind, .. not healthy but its how i have been hanging on for the last few years of my life

and i see im slowly losing everything on all ends, the stuff i post used to be what kept me afloat mentally while life is shit, but its all going downhill, and it has been for a while, im not blaming others for it, i know the problem is on my end, i just dont know how to solve it, its on me to make something interesting that compells people, not that they own anything to me, obviously, but i feel i lost everything that used to make things interesting, my brainworms have gotten old and boring, the slow speed and amateurish way i present stuff likely contributing to it to no small part

i hate disappointing or letting others down, i constantly feel like i am not delivering anything worthwhile, making promises i cant uphold to compensate, setting higher standards and expectations to myself to compensate, i need to be better, somehow, at some point i have to get better at it- theres also the guilt i feel for not being able to do anything for the people that keep being nice regardless, i need to do extra good for them! i have to make it up to them! make it worthwhile for them at least bc if anyone deserves it it is them!

its a self perpetuating downwards spiral, ironically enough, i know talking negatively all the time is annoying and is only making it all even worse, its alienating even more people, understandibly so, but my eternal problem is not being able to shut up, i cant pretend to be happy, sure, but i cant even shut up about it, so here i am being annoying about it once again

im running out of time on all ends of my life happy 28 birthday to me, how did i even make it this far

[terrinle]

im not gonna pretend that terfs dont hate men or that they dont hate trans men. and by terfs i actually do mean self-styled radical feminists and not your garden variety "gender critical" people who really have no rhetorical and political cohesion outside of hating "transgenderism" or "gender ideology" which does put them in league with terfs as well as christofascists and other assorted transphobes, to be clear, but they are technically different subsets of transphobes lmao. just a disclaimer to get that out of the way, lol. i don't want anyone to accuse me of not knowing what im talking about

terfs do hate men, but that misandry is not remotely actionable because of the patriarchy, at least not in a way that has a systemic impact. instead, they focus their energy on a target the do have power over (whether they consciously realize it or not-- they probably should based on the fact that they can actually get results doing what theyre doing lol, but i digress) by scapegoating trans women as the ultimate agents of patriarchal oppression against [quark.png] FEEEEEMALES [quark.png] and the primary benefactors of patriarchal misogyny as opposed to yet another one of its primary victims, as they are in fact women lol. through this, they take out their anger and hate against cis men and the patriarchy out on trans women. are you following me?

this is all preamble for me to explain that when trans men and mascs compare being told that we dont belong in womens spaces because we're actual men to the exclusion of trans women by terfs, the implication there is that trans women are, on some level, men like us, which is a shitty thing to say actually. id like to believe this isnt an intentional choice and instead just dudes being clumsy and stupid, but its shitty to say either way lol. intent is not magical! the difference between you as a man being told you shouldnt call yourself a lesbian because its a label for women is not the same as a trans WOMAN being told she cant call herself a lesbian because its a label for women is that the trans WOMAN is a WOMAN, lol, and you, by your own self-description, are a man

this is not even me saying that trans men and mascs cant identify as lesbians or anything like that, im not god and im not your dad either, just that the trans man lesbians that do exist should not probably be justifying their inclusion in lesbianism (and womens spaces more generally) by saying its terf rhetoric for them to be excluded because that implies that they think that terfs are correct on some level in identifying trans women as men because they see it as the same as their exclusion for being a man. which is. transmisogyny actually

please stop comparing them, they arent the same. even in cases where a person is like bigender with one gender being man and the other being woman, being excluded for the part of you that is a man is still not the same as the exclusion of monogendered trans women who are not men at all.

i get that "you shouldnt be here because this is a space for women and you are a man" is something that could be said to both trans women and trans men, but in the case of trans women it is transmisogynistic misgendering and an incredibly shitty, hurtful and unfair thing to say based entirely on their agab, whereas with trans men its an accurate description of our gender that sound not offend you as a self-identified man

and im not saying all this shit because i love gender segregation or anything, but we do live in a society where gender segregation exists. the patriarchy is a part of our lives as much as capitalism or white supremacy, even if it isnt technically "real" like the laws of physics are real or the matterhorn is real lmao. we still have to deal with this shit, and within the system that does exist, trans women should be in the category of women and spaces/identities for women because they are women. so just gesturing at vague notions of gender abolition as if they were a tenable option in our society while constantly implying you think that trans women are enough like men that your exclusion is the same as theirs is, at best, gross and out of touch

"omg but what about nonpassing nontransitioning and closeted trans women who look indistinguishable from cis men?" well, they are still women, hope that fucking helps! the argument that you shouldnt judge people on the basis of their appearance, especially as far as judging them to be a man when they arent and mistreating them as a result, is one that you can actually make without making a false equivalency between that and correctly identifying a man as a man and treating him like a man lmfao, even if you do think its unfair that you are mistreated for being a man! these should be two very separate discussions, because right now, all that comes across as is trans men and mascs constantly taking every opportunity to be like "yeah well trans women are basically a kind of oppressed 'failed man' and they can come in so why cant i, a kind of oppressed 'failed man' (btw: lol), also come in?" its kind of ridiculous if im being honest and i do think you should feel bad lol sorry. and most of the time trans women are not actually being excluded from womanhood because they "look like men" but because of transmisogyny, which cannot be adequately explained merely as an example of people treating a person badly because they think they "look like men" actually, lmao.

i make this post because i get the sense that a lot of the transandrophobia people, especially the ones who promote the idea of "transunity," feel that they bear absolutely no responsibility for the state of the discourse as it is today and that the onus to fix all these intracommunal problems rests squarely on trans womens shoulders, that peace can only come with their surrender, and that, outside of a few bad apples (interestingly, understood to be entirely separate from the rest of the barrel! i wonder if they extend the grace they have for themselves to trans women and fems when bad apples of their own crop up hmmm), trans men and mascs have done nothing wrong. like yeah, people will call out the people they can easily identify as terfs or transmisogynists within the community, but unless youre actively promoting hateful rhetoric that is obvious even to trans men and mascs, you can absolutely imply that you think trans women are basically the same as men in some way shape or form and see absolutely no problem with it all the livelong day lmao.

idk. maybe think about the things youre saying and what they imply please. "but my statement about my gender doesnt mean anything about anyone elses gender!" okay well if thats true: stop saying shit about other peoples genders then, lmao. if your statements about your gender have nothing to do with how you view trans women and fems, then like. dont use their experiences with transmisogyny to very poorly and offensively contextualize your own experiences? lol

[thebiggestfuckgiven]

hey wait i just got an idea for a dpxdc fic

sam, tucker and danny never went to high school together and they never met let alone become friends

bear with me here

im a firm believer in everlasting connections that are not limited by time, space or dimensions. Meaning that these three, no matter what, will always find one another somehow. (I also just really like their friendship)

anyways, tucker is in college. He’s in his second to last year, looking for an internships. Surprise, surprise he gets accepted for an IT internship at Cadmus! It goes pretty normal but he starts realizing that something’s… kinda off. And it has to do with the building’s power source. What’s powering our servers? The one we’re in charge of making security programs for. What do you mean that’s classified????

Fast forward, Tucker doesn’t question it too much. He doesn’t want to get in trouble. But whenever he accidentally falls asleep at work (he still has classes okay?) he has these… weird dreams. His supervisors tell him it’s normal when you’re stressed. Don’t worry about it. Don’t talk about them again. Don’t even think about them.

Oh, okay…. but the dreams get aggressively persistent. It’s always a voice, floating in a void… tucker eventually starts seeing a blurry figure, broken and crawling. It talks about Cadmus and, Tucker can’t not investigate.

On a different line, we have Sam. She is an avid activist, as we know. Cadmus’ new base of operations (the same where Tucker is working) is rumored to be dumping toxic waste in the lake. It isn’t radioactive but it has a weird effect on the wildlife. Like, really weird. Everyone is very hush hush about it and Cadmus allegedly gets rid of the evidence before anyone can get to it. (Sam caught them do it once, but couldn’t get it on camera)

So, she decides to do some heavy investigating. Think Nancy Drew meets the Doctor kind of thing. Eventually it leads to her working as a custodial and stealing key cards. She’s overheard enough and gotten glimpses at exposed info on computers to suspect where the waste is coming from, and that it’s definitely NOT normal.

Tucker and Sam go investigate on the same night. Same hour. They scare the everliving shit out of each other because who the hell are you and what are you doing here???? But they find a middle ground (their suspicions), compare notes, and decide to work together.

With Tucker’s skills, their trip to the basement (they had no idea there was a hidden panel in one of the elevators with ten additional basement floors..) went smoothly, for the most part. And after a lot, a lot, of searching they find a heavily vaulted room.

They open the room.

In it, there’s impressively tall machines, what look like servers and some kind of filtration system? There’s cables and tubes everywhere, all connected to the giant glass tube in the center back of the room.

Floating in that tube, in a vat of bright green liquid that Sam recognizes as the toxic waste in the lake, is the same blurry figure that Tucker would see in his dreams. It’s surreal to see him there, for both of them. Phantom, in his hazmat suit, has large IVs on each side of his neck and other strategic parts of his body. Even the sides of his head. There’s a weird metal collar around him, too.

After a moment of confused and worried discussion, they decide to free him. Tucker manages to do it without activating any kind of alarm (or he hopes at least), narrowly keeping Sam from breaking the glass with a heavy duty police baton that she apparently just had on her.

They take off the IVs carefully (still ripping some of the skin regardless), they’re panicking slightly, figuring out how they’re going to leave without getting caught on cameras or by security when an alarm goes off. A really loud one with red lights.

All of a sudden they hear voices, Sam and Tucker’s panic blows up but they freeze because the voices are right there and—

and then there’s a bunch of teenagers (?) dressed in bright suits and masks in front of the heavily vaulted door. They’re half dragging another kid, who’s weirdly wet. Kind of like Phantom. The two groups freeze momentarily and just… stare at each other.

“Are they with us? Rob?” The teenager in the yellow suit asked the one wearing an R on his chest.

“No, they’re not. Are you guys stealing a person, too?”

Dazed, Sam and Tucker just nod.

Then the large machinery behind them makes a repeated beeping noise, like it’s failing, and the lights go out. As does the power in the whole building.

[dearweirdme]

https://www.tumblr.com/dearweirdme/774381954334326784/what-haunts-me-is-tae-waiting-for-someone-to-open

“Not a bad thing to be haunted by”

But if this was a Jikook edit you would have gone on and on about how you hate the way Jikookers sexualize everything Jikook does. Funny how you don’t see to share the same sentiment here💀

Hi anon!

Im getting extremely tired of all the ‘but if this was a jkk’ asks i’ve been getting (probably all you), so let me put some things straight here (and if you come back like this again you will get blocked).

This ask actually says way more about where your mind goes than about mine. Because I never said anything about them having sex, neither did my anon (though perhaps their mind did go there, I don’t know). For me, this would be a moment of intimacy.. a moment for them to be together without having a camera pointed at their faces. I don’t actually tend to think they are sexually intimate when there’s cameras around because that would be an actual huge risk (something Jkkrs don’t seem to understand). You seem to follow my blog very intensely, so you know I hardly ever mention their sexlives and I certainly do not sexualize them.

But also this, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to believe in both Jkk and Tkk? In neither? Do you want me to stop blogging? None of that’s going to happen, so you might as well just block me if it’s so annoying to you.

Moreover, Jikook is fake. It was clear before , but during AYS it is proven to be fake by Jm and Jk themselves. I am not going to be considarate towards Jkkrs, because they are delusional. The moment Jk and Jm said this…

… it was all over. This is strong evidence of Jkk being fake. I know Jkkrs either ignore this (searching for a clip of this is actually hilarious) of twist it into a romanticized temporary breakup thingy), but what they are telling us is that they didn’t meet or hang out or even call for months! Not even just two months… but at least spanning the time Jm was busy with Face until AYS. And they are talking about it in a joking lighthearted way. We could tell that during the time they didn’t meet it was also not an issue, because they mentioned each other just fine during their weverse lives. We actually did see them together (didn’t make an impact apparently) during Hobi’s enlistment and they were just fine. Jm told Jk to visit him more during that dance practice, so Jkkrs idea of Jm being too busy is an idiotic one (especially since he did make time for Hobi and Yoongi, and facetimed Tae several times a month. There was nothing wrong between Jm and Jk.. they just did not make time for each other and that goes against them being in a relationship. This is not even something you can point at as being my point of view or my opinion… this is just facts.

Above all that, please let Jkkrs do research on how queer artists who are out get treated and let them think about if they truly believe Jm and Jk would be able to be out. BH having/letting them do this show is also proof that they are not together. Them enlisting together is also proof that they are not together. Music companies do not take risks.

So.. please go away with your ‘but if it was a Jkkr saying this’ nonsense as if I’m somehow supposed to treat their ideas the same as ours.

[jealousmartini]

"Such'a fuckin kluts.." ݁₊ ⊹

Rating Katsuki Bakugo's stupid nicknames for me in my mha dr

Kluts - 9/10

— It sounds so cunty and its pretty catchy too 😍

— He calls me this often because I fall over my own feet so easily "such'a fuckin' kluts. Can't even stand on your two feet without trippin like an idiot"

Brat - 8/10

— I know he doesn't mean it in a cunty way but that's the way I take it

Brit - 🇬🇧/10

— He says it like a slur

Bug eyes - 5/10

— I get it because of my freakish looking goggles I wear with my hero costume

— It's observant but it's not all that creative because he already calls Mina and Iida nicknames based on their eyes too

Smartass - 5.7/10

— I hardly get questions wrong and mostly get straight As in tests

— It doesn't help that I am canonically a genius too and he likes to role his eyes whenever I win games against him saying shit like "I let you win" or "don't get too cocky smartass"

Antennas - 3/10

— This one's alr I guess...

— He gave this one to me when he noticed how the top two small chunks of my hair would raise and react to the environment around me and said I looked stupid

Twilight - 10/10

— A real fan favourite.

— It's probably the most creative nickname his given me so far. Most of my close friends call me Twilight more than my actual name now, and it's frequently used when making ship names.

— Almost became my hero name.

— A time when he used the name in a sentence. He was referring to me and Mina when he complained to someone, "... because Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie pie over here though it was a good idea to ditch the plan and freestyle it..."

Tech nerd - meh/10

— Basic.

— I'm sharing that infamous nickname with Deku now

— At least it shows he knows I'm good at what I do

Dimples - 8.8/10

— I love how he's so observant, "Dimples" is by far the cutest one he's given me next to Twilight.

— I find it kind of endearingg 🥹🙏🏾

Loopsie - 4.7/10

— One of my drawbacks from using my magnet quirk too much, is that my weight almost completely drops. I go dizzy, get hiccups and build static shocks and I start to get a little floaty.

— It literally looks like if Uraraka used her zero gravity on me for a short while or if lightning is about to strike because my hair and the hair on the arms start to raise from the static.

— I can't even stand straight without wobbling, swaying side to side thus where "loopsie" comes from because it looks like there should be swirls in my eyes like a cartoon character😭😭

— I said it kinda sounds like a drug and he said that's the point cus I look like I'm on something or im drunk

Tenticle hair - 2/10

— Would've prefered "shitty hair" to that ☹️☹️

— Aside from my hair colour being the reason he calls me Twilight, he really doesn't like the fact I can control my hair in anyway I want (hair awareness quirk)

— Hair awareness is my sibling quirk, and it freaks him out how I can manoeuvre around the place and pick things up with my hair lmao

— I told him I like to use my hair quirk as an extra pair of limbs, like an octopus' tentacles, and he said "he can tell" with the worlds most disgusted frown 🙄

[calamarispiderart]

hello hello!!! random question before i get started on work haha

how do you come up with dialogue for ur hms comics? the back n forth of them feels so heavy and realistic. especially the casualness paired with the bleeding-brooding (alliteration for fun) violence makes everything just. hit. in a tragic and hopeless way imo. it’s so neat :0

i’ve been trying that kind of writing out a bit lately too. this is what i’ve managed with my iambic pentameter gang (hms but rain world iterator). MiND is being threatened by the rage pent up inside himself. and, strangely enough, it has the voice of HeART.

constructive feedback is welcome ^_^!

once again, hello hello! sending good wishes and all :]. i love ur work ^_^ 💛

oooo hmm... this isnt something ive ever really thought about trying to explain, thank you for the question! big fan of the posing in the piece youve added here btw, i like the alliteration in 'heliocentric heathen' B:•∆

honestly the way i go about writing them isnt something i feel i can put into words with a clear structure of process... often with my comics it starts with me simply having a vague idea of 'i want to make a comic today', and drawing what feels right to lead into it. the words typically link in with the actions as well - i usually draw something, draw the next thing, write a bit of dialogue, draw the next thing, write more dialogue.... not in that exact order but the words always feel to be a reaction to the actions and the actions are a reaction to the words (and/or, words and actions work in tandem). people rarely talk in a vacuum, especially when theyre having the conversation in person, so i find it helpful to see the actions as part of the dialogue and vice versa.

occasionally ive scripted out dialogue beforehand (always with actions included within the script.) but even with a script what actually is said needs to adjust with whats been drawn. when i dont write with a script (which is the norm), its often while im drawing the next frame that im thinking over whats being said. typically i just go over and over a sentence mentally, adjusting bits until it feels right, looking at it once its written on the page and adjusting it more if necessary.

perhaps a bit vague? apologies! i do have certain mental rules i try keep in mind for each of the threes characters while writing. 'how would heart respond, how would he word this? mind? i cant word it this way because i know he doesnt do this...' <subconscious questions and thoughts but they are important to keep in mind. i find it the most helpful to keep the core traits i personally see in them in mind, and let those traits kind of... guide what is said. if i think of how that collection of traits and facets would respond to something, the vague concept that creates can then go through the filters of dialogue traits i have in mind for them. ...ehhh, put more simply... 'what is the general response this character would have to this situation' and then 'how would they structure that response through words and/or actions?'.

i, being who i am, cccc being what it is, am somewhat naturally inclined to writing grim and bleeding-brooding (nice word) things. i also consider myself to be quite a grounded person, which i hope comes through in my work! however, natural inclinations aside, cccc itself is quite a bleeding-brooding album (at least it is to me). its one about depression and self hatred and it really doesnt pull many punches in that respect. or at least, thats my read on it! as a result, that becomes reflected in my interpretation of hms. however, id also note that cccc is silly at times, theres humor in it. all good grim things need a bit of levity to really make it feel Real... people joke in the worst of times, not just the best, and it really helps in writing serious things to have just a little bit of joke to it, even if its not immediately noticable... this is hard to really give examples of honestly but it is relevant i promise. im unsure if youve read much of my writing aside from my comics, but theres just a bit of absurdity and humor in both my cccc pieces that would make the writing feel sorely lacking without in my opinion. notable with how violent and tense both those pieces are.

lots of words now! hopefully helpful ones B:•] or at least interesting! ill try write out some of the core traits and details i keep in mind when writing hms so as to give better reference points to all my prior words:

heart: reactive, not instigative. he doesnt start fights, he finishes them. he also doesnt need an insane amount of prompting to get going... but he does need prompting. apathetic, a bit fanciful. hes depressed, and not in a cute way. he talks casually but he uses serious words. no point in simplifying his language - he wants to be taken seriously, and while he makes himself look small and weak at times he is Not weak and he is Not small. hes just as much of a wordsmith as the other two. he covers his mouth when he speaks sometimes, and he puts his hand over his chest... a bit defensive? muffling his own input, but notably he still speaks. lies by omission or by twisting facts - if full honesty helps his case, thats what he uses. if a white lie works better... i personally see him as a bit of a planner too. sometimes his reaction to things is built up to; it never comes out of nowhere, even if it may seem like it.

mind: instigative, less reactive. he still reacts to things but hes generally the one starting shit and hes honestly very bad at Not talking shit. uses contractions. <this is a small one but mind says 'dont' and 'cant' and i dont think ive ever heard him Not use contractions to any notable degree. kind of weak! hes proud of himself, very proud of himself, and even in the moments of the album where theyre getting along he cant drop his superiority complex. hes bad at making compromises that put him as the lesser one. hes also quick to point blame and to lie (even if hes a bit roundabout abt it). hes also not That smart - or at least, hes not any smarter than the other two. he Thinks hes smart and hes quite confident about that but that doesnt actually mean hes right lol. aggressive verbally, passive physically. hypocritical.

both of them tend to see soul as an afterthought, or as something to benefit from. note the 'something', not 'someone'. imo, they dont really see him as a valid living entity in the same way they see themselves. speaking of soul...

soul: hes difficult. hes a difficult and complicated guy. vague, fanciful, depressed, suicidal, tired... i personally see him as quite passive. both passive and active... hes violent, towards himself and towards the others. just as they dont see him as an individual, i believe hes too apathetic and burnt out to see them as individuals either. when he threatens to hang himself, thats a direct threat to the two if them as well - and it functions as one, seeing as they are all linked in that way! his suicidality isnt purely self destructive in the way it would be in other story contexts which i find important to remember. i see him as someone who sleeps a lot... and as someone who is treated more like a tool than anything else. but he is, simultaneously, idealistic. he hopes for the best and would do anything (Anything.) to try and achieve it. he wants things to Get Better or to Stop. most of the time when i write or draw him its within the 'Stopping is the only option to Get Better' stage of things. hes tired and he doesnt want to deal with things but he has to and he doesnt want to and hes at the end of his rope. honestly within the album he feels a bit like a ghost. hes granted a similar level of personhood as the shadow of what could be, which is both more and less than mind and heart get.... hes confusing! hea a difficult guy. honestly you can take a lot of my notes and thoughts on his character with a grain of salt because hes always been such a puzzle to me haha. i find him easiest to convey in art... OH yes one last thought/trait is hes a bit... arrogant? hes tired and hes careless. listen to me or fuck off and die. arrogant. what a guy.

ahaaha this kinda became me just rambling about my reads on the three but.. hopefully helpful!! this is all stuff i try keep in mind when im writing and drawing them. theres certainly nuances ive missed and things i havent worded as well as i could, but you get the idea i hope! all of that informs how i write them and... in a way they almost lead me through the piece.

also! this isnt something i often think about because its just a natural part of the process, but sometimes i end up scrapping stuff! entire paragraphs, panels and poses, because it hits a stasis where i cant find any way for one or the other to continue the interaction - theres a distinct difference between this and the interaction hitting its ending point. if ive written one person saying or doing something and none of the parties involved are able to respond in any way at all, thats a sign that ive conveyed their characters wrong and i need to go back. people *always* have a response to something, whether thats continuing the conversation or leaving or anything. if none of them can come up with a response that feels like them, ive messed up somewhere. dont be afraid to go back and rewrite things.

ummm yeah thats all i can think of to say now! thank you for the question, and thank you for the nice words!! B:•∆ im very happy my comics come off the way youve described, and very happy youve enjoyed my work enough to want to ask me about it!! means a lot to me B:•] your rainworld iterator hms concept sounds swag as hell, id just say to keep at it!! from what youve shown here youve already got a great start B:•∆ thank you again! hope you and anyone else reading this has a good week!

[muhlsworld]

WE’RE MEANT TO BE

synopsis: maybe you weren’t so done with nika as you thought

WARNINGS: part 4, cussing, arguing, bad writing

it had now been 4 months since the jet night at ted’s. and you meant it when you said you didn’t want to know nika anymore. you did everything in your power to avoid her and to not think of her. and you were successful.. for the most part.

your season was over. finally. so now it was enjoying the rest of the school year, with ocasional practices of course but nothing you couldn’t handle. you were content with how your life was going now. one thing you did change over the course of these months was that you no longer went out every weekend like you used to. you stopped spontaneously hooking up with people. you were just enjoying the college life. and you were doing good.

so today you had a free day for the most part besides catching up on some homework. you were in your dorm enjoying your alone time when your phone buzzed. thinking nothing of it you check to see what the notification was. as you check your phone your stomach drops.

it was an unknown number. the messages stated ‘i need to talk to. please. it’s important. -nika’. how did she even get your number? you had no idea why she barely reached out now after 4 months of no contact. you were confused to say the least. you didn’t know what to do. your brain was telling you to ignore the message. you’re don’t with her. you don’t need her. but your heart was ted something else.

before overthinking it you sent a text back reading ‘okay.’ a simple response. your heart was practically beating out of your chest. why did you just do that?

what you didn’t know what that nika was freaking out that you had even replied in the first place. she was so sure that you weren’t going to. and to not keep you waiting so long she replied instantly ‘come to my dorm?’.

on your end you opened the message as fast as you could. ‘yeah, send the address.” simple. nika replied yet again ‘were in the same building. room 204.’ and with that message you were on your way. your mind was racing. you had no idea why you even accepted to this. you were done with her.. right? what could she possibly say you thought. and before you knew it you were at her door. but you hadn’t knocked for some reason. you couldn’t. you were nervous. eventually you knocked.

nika opened the door, shock written all over her face that you had actually agreed to talk to her. she stepped aside letting you in to her apartment. when you walked in you noticed every little thing about her dorm. she hadn’t changed. everything about her dorm reminded you of her old house and when you would go over. it made you feel uneasy.

“thank you for coming. i know you didn’t want to hear from me and you didn’t owe me anything but im glad you came.” nika stated. “uh would you like something to drink?” she asked after a few moments of silence. “i’m okay thank you” you replied. “okay well you can take a seat on the couch if you’d like” nika said as she sat down herself. you nodded and sat with a bit of distance between you two.

“why’d you ask me here nika?” you asked look at her. she sighed before she answered. “i just wanted to tell you the truth. i needed you to hear it even if we weren’t talking anymore.” she said. “okay.” you replied indicating her to keep going.

“when we hooked up, i didn’t cheat on my boyfriend. we we were on a break. we had this huge fight and decided to take a break. and when you saw us at the gym we had barely gotten back together. you weren’t just a quick fuck to me okay? you mean more than that to me.” nika said in a slight whisper. you stared at her in complete disbelief. what did she mean by you mean more to me? do you still mean something to her? before you could ask she started talking again. “i know im nothing to you now but i just wanted you to know that me leaving that day without saying goodbye was the worst thing i could have ever done. if i could go back i would.” she said. you looked at her and saw tears in her eyes. that sight made you want to drop everything and hug her.

but you didnt.

you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. after all these years you finally heard what you wanted. you wanted to be with nika since the day you guys had become best friends. you waited for the day but it never came. was this the day it all turned around.

“nika i don’t know what to say.” you said honestly. she sighed looking down. as if that wasn’t the answer she was hoping for. “that’s okay. i just wanted you to know. i know you wanted nothing to do with me anymore so don’t worry i wont reach out to you again.” she said, her tone laced with sadness. but that’s not what you wanted.

“nika look, i love you. i always have and always will. but you hurt me so bad.” you said. “i know and i don’t know what else to say other than im sorry. but i can’t go on without you.” nika said tears finally slipping from her eyes. and in that moment you broke.

“come here.” you said with your arms open for her. she fell into you and it was like your bodies were meant for each other. perfectly molding together. and in that moment you knew you couldn’t never hate her. but working to where you were before was going to take time. and maybe even becoming more.

“nika i want to be with you i do. but it’s going to take time. we haven’t had a meaningful conversation in years.” you said. and she nodded while her head was on your chest. “we can start over.” you said. “no bad blood, nothing. we start from scratch and we build our way up back to being friends.” you said. nikas heart shattered with the word friends. but before she could speak you said “and maybe more than friends.”

and with that nika was happy. it didn’t have to be right now but as long as you didn’t hate her she was happy.

“i can work with that.” nika said with a cheesy smile.

A/N: this got kind of sloppy but happy ending kinda?? anyway this is the last part of this little series but i hope you guys enjoyed it!!

please leave me some requests 🙏

[danicaliwali]

Leo valdez who helps you dye your hair because im thinking about him too much :,>

Also, not proof read

ʚ he gives great input on colors (he wants to see you in firetruck red)

ʚ he'd definitely begs asks you to dye a streak of his hair to match yours

"But amoooorrrrr!!! I need to show everyone how great you are!"

"Your hair is too dark! Id have to bleach it first!"

"You bleach yours too!"

ʚ you gotta tell him how bad itd be for his hair :(

ʚ he cares a bit about his hair, but you definitely care more. (Please please please dont let him kill those beautiful curls)

ʚ anyway- he'll put Vaseline on your hairling and neck to keep the dye off ya :> and mix dishsoap and baking soda to take it off

ʚ Mamá Valdez used to cover up her greys, so thats where he learned to tricks from

ʚ He vaguely remembers watching his mamá do her roots, carefully and neatly. So he tries to do that too

ʚ if you kinda just... dump the dye on???

Leo stood in silence. Gaping at you through the mirror. "O-ok then..." he muttered, starting to spread the dye

ʚ its honestly fucking hilarious. He was so willing to dye each individual strand, and then you're just like "lol nah that takes to long! *plop!*"

ʚ uh- yall get dye everywhere... the bathroom floor, counter, wall and maybe door of the bunker nine bathroom has strange (color) splotches 0.0

ʚ i feel like he'd take goofy ass pics of you while you're waiting for the dye to take???

ʚ and some of THEE stupidest convos ever

(I cant decide who's who here)

"Y'think birds get sad they dont have arms???"

"Do YOU get sad you dont have wings?"

"...yeah..."

ʚ when the timer goes off, he has you lay in the tub so he can rinse your hair

"I always saw mi tia Rosa in the salons doing this... she liked bragging to mi mamá about it..."

"Oh... she sounds like a bitch"

ʚ no one ever fuckin knows what to say to him when he brings up his family, but that was probably one of the times he laughed about it

ʚ then you gotta sit back and realize that he noticed something his mother always wanted to do, somthing considered to be a bit of a luxury, and he was trying to make an at home version for you

ʚ after the dye is rinsed out, he'd try to help you dry your hair, to see the results faster :>

ʚ bro ends up pouting and sitting on the floor lmaoo

ʚ overall, great bunker-nine-salon experience

ʚ and he's very much so going to get at least ONE matching streak with you next time. There is NO fight about it.