#at least for me but based on what i've read it's not just me

[funnier-as-a-system]

hello there. i am going to remain off of anon for the sake of getting the notification that this was answered.

i am questioning whether or not i am a system. i don’t experience many of the things that my one plural friend(friends?) has asked me if i experience, but i’m not sure if that can actually help me since it’s just one system’s experiences.

i am asking for help in figuring this out. i don’t think i have DID, but i’ve heard that there are other kinds of systems. i have also heard that endogenic systems are harmful to the plural community…? i’m not 100% sure why that would be though.

some of my experiences include: scratches, cuts, bruises, etc that i cannot explain; feeling like i wasn’t at a place that i was supposedly at for a majority of the day (e.g school or work); feeling like i have no memories of my own life, so bad that i can’t remember basic things such as if i took my daily meds or not (even if it was only a few minutes ago); hearing random voices in my head that don’t sound like my own; and so much more that i won’t name here.

i feel like it’s not me being a system, but i honestly have no idea. if you could help me out, that’d be much appreciated. thanks for reading this, and i hope you have a wonderful day/night :)

I'll address your primary concern in a moment, but first I want to clear something up: endogenic systems are not harmful to the plural community. "Endogenic" just means that a system was not formed due to trauma, nothing more. Exclusionists claim that endogenic systems are "harmful", "fake", or "impossible", but there is nothing substantial behind these claims; not only do endogenic systems have a basis in many cultural, spiritual, and religious practices, but many scientists who study plurality, dissociation, and/or dissociative disorders affirm or are open to the existence of endogenic systems. The majority of endogenic systems are kind, well-meaning people like anyone else, and are not out to trick others or spread misinformation (which is another common accusation against endogenic systems). They're just systems whose plurality does not originate from trauma, living their lives and sharing their stories. You're right to be suspicious of that claim you heard, because it's just needless exclusionism that most often arises from hurt people lashing out at a perceived "enemy" to feel some semblance of control, power, or justice in their life. It's a shame, really. I've met so many kind and friendly endogenic systems here on Tumblr and other places, and the plural community has always been an inclusive community!

Onto the rest of your ask.

I'm not sure what questions your friend asked, but based on your experiences, DID doesn't sound too unlikely – especially with how you describe your memory issues. However, I may have to refer you to seeing a psychiatrist or other professional about this. Even if it's not DID, these things sound like they're causing you problems that would be best handled by a professional that knows you personally. DID can be difficult to identify from the individual's perspective, which may explain why you don't feel you have DID, but I am not able to diagnose you – it's just that the things you say remind me of what I and other people with DID experience. I'd recommend seeing someone who specializes in dissociative (and possibly psychotic) disorders to see what can be done to help with the everyday issues and memory problems you're experiencing, or to at least get some answers. Bring a list of these things with you and let them know you're here to get some answers; you can tell them, "Someone I talked to said this sounded like DID, but told me I should see someone to check." ("this" being the list of events/experiences you share with them). Professionals can be hit-or-miss when it comes to these things, but in this case I think that might be the best course of action.

In the meantime, there are plenty of different kinds of systems you can learn about by looking around the community, or specific subcommunities. There's created systems, adaptive systems, spontaneous systems; multiple systems, median systems; polyconscious systems, monoconscious systems; dæmonism or tulpamancy practitioners; there are lots of different terms that people have coined to make sense of their plurality and find people like them. There's essays, articles, blog posts, zines, books, visual artworks, videos, and more. There's forums, Discord servers, Tumblr communities, Reddit subreddits, YouTube channels, Twitch channels, and more. Really, if I went on listing examples, we'd be here forever! The variety of the plural community is one of the things I love about it. Look around for what you like or what interests you, don't feel pressured to relate to or perfectly understand everything, and feel free to lurk if you don't feel like putting yourself out there.

You're right, it can be difficult to figure things out based on one system's experiences. I, too, am just one system, so I encourage you to explore at your own pace and seek a professional opinion when you're ready (and if you think it's necessary). I hope you have a wonderful day/night, too!

[phoenixblaze1412]

I've been reading your works now and then, and i gotta say its all really enjoyable. This is my first time making a req, but i've always imagined dottore not wanting to let his wife go even in death, so he when she dies bcuz of a fatui mission or smth dottore goes 'no☠️' and just revives she and makes her some kind of zombie?? Its the type that has stiches around their body. So dottore can go like 'hey bbg r u hurt let me fix u up!!🥰❤️'

This is based on my oc x canon so don't mind me if im weird. Thank you so much for everything you do!

The Fatui headquarters was eerily silent, save for the faint hum of machines in Dottore’s lab. He stood hunched over a surgical table, his gloved hands trembling slightly as he worked with meticulous precision.

You lay there, lifeless yet beautiful, even in death. The wounds from the failed mission that claimed your life were gruesome, but to him, they were merely challenges to overcome.

"No," he muttered to himself, voice laced with desperation. "I won't let you go. Not now. Not ever."

His segments watched from the shadows, each with varying expressions. Theta tilted his head, curious and unbothered. Omega, the eldest and most stoic, crossed his arms but said nothing. Zeta adjusted his glasses, clearly uneasy but unwilling to interrupt.

“Is this wise?” Zeta finally dared to ask.

Dottore didn’t even glance up. “Wise or not, it’s necessary. She belongs with me.”

The process took days. Dottore refused to rest, his focus singular. He replaced damaged organs, stitched torn muscles, and mended broken bones with care that bordered on obsessive.

Finally, the moment came. With a surge of electro energy coursing through your body, your chest rose as if taking in a breath for the first time. Your eyes fluttered open, hazy but alive. Dottore leaned over you, his mask discarded for once, his crimson eyes burning with intensity.

“Welcome back, my love.”

At first, waking up was disorienting. Your body felt different, your movements were stiffer and the faint pull of stitches reminded you of your altered state.

“I… I’m alive?” you asked, voice hoarse.

“Yes,” Dottore said, a rare softness in his tone as he cupped your cheek. “You’re alive, and you’re mine once more, forever.”

You looked down at your hands, noticing the faint lines of stitches trailing across your wrists. “What… what did you do, Dottore?”

“I saved you,” he said simply, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. “You didn’t think I’d let you leave me, did you?”

Despite the situation, you couldn’t help but stare at him, still processing your current situation. “But I'm.. different.”

“So? You’re still perfect as ever,” he countered, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

The segments, of course, had varying opinions about your resurrection.

Theta held your hand and placed it along his cheek, grinning as he stared at you in awe. “Does this mean she’s indestructible now? Can I test it?”

He earned a sharp glare from Dottore and a flick on the forehead from you.

Omega tilted his head and hummed. “It’s unnatural, but.. I suppose it was inevitable, given his obsession. Either way, as long as I am able to see them again. I am fine with it."

Zeta smiled as he handed you a glass of water to drink, looking over the stitches the doctor has done and nodded in satisfaction at how methodically well it was stitched. “At least she seems to be adjusting well. And.. she does make the lab feel more cheerful.”

You smiled and laughed at their bickering, grateful for their unique personalities and happy to have them with you. Dottore deciding to ignore his segments as he focused his gaze on you, caressing your cheek adoringly.

----------

Living as a stitched-together version of yourself was an adjustment but Dottore’s unwavering love made it easier.

One evening as you sat in his lab patching up a tear in your arm, he walked over with a smirk.

“Hello, my love,” he teased, crouching in front of you as he held up a needle and thread up in his hand and grinned. “Are you hurt? Let me fix you up.”

You rolled your eyes but handed him the needle. “You’re so dramatic.”

“And yet, you adore me for it,” he replied, his hands deftly repairing the stitches with the same care he’d shown during your resurrection.

----------

Though your body was different, your love for each other remained unchanged. If anything, it deepened. You had always known Dottore’s devotion ran deep, but seeing the lengths he’d go to keep you by his side was overwhelming.

One night, as you lay together in his quarters, his arms wrapped around you protectively, you traced a finger over the stitches on your stomach.

“Does this bother you?” you asked softly.

He frowned, pulling you closer. “No. It reminds me that you’re here. With me. That’s all that matters.”

You smiled, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “You’re crazy.. going this far as resurrecting me is ridiculously mad.”

“And what of it? You’re mine. Even in death, we shall never part,” he whispered, his voice filled with uncharacteristic tenderness as he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

In Dottore’s eyes, you were perfection, stitched together, alive, and irrevocably his and only his.

[dyed-red]

every now and then i think about how, back when i was a teenager and the show was first airing and i was watching in real time, i didn’t really enjoy reading fic where sam was cursed to need to fuck dean, or stories where sam had feelings for dean first.

my reasoning at the time being that it was a foregone conclusion -- of course if sam was cursed and needed to fuck dean, needed anything from dean in order to not die, that dean would immediately and unquestioningly provide. of course if sam fell for dean, it didn’t even matter if dean reciprocated or not, he would stay by sam’s side and this wouldn’t break them apart, just get absorbed into their dynamic one way or another, because there was simply no universe in which dean rejected his brother. even if for some reason they didn’t start a sexual relationship, it would be fine.

and look, i was a teenager and a little uninterested in the layers of complexity there were to unpeel there, and how “will this break them apart” is not necessarily the only element of that conflict worth exploring, and in the 15+ years since then i’ve definitely come to enjoy every potential trope and examination of their dynamic and write them this way too.

but my point isn’t actually about the tropes that writers choose to explore, it’s that -- if you watch in real time without knowing where it’s all going, even to a younger viewer with some critical thinking skills but not a lot of media literacy, the first 3-4 seasons make very obvious that sam has more agency in his dynamic with dean than dean does, and that dean’s decisions are foregone conclusions in a way that sam’s aren’t.

(this is beautifully, necessarily challenged and complicated by the very back end of season 4 and the start and then progression of season 5, most especially their breakup at the start of s5, but that is such an extreme tipping point for them that it’s delectable in its horror and what if offers, and part of why those episodes are painful as hell but riveting)

and anyway i just find that fascinating, because i think it’s something many fans sort of forget in retrospect or something that gets washed out by more recent canon. knowing where the story goes and how the relationships develop can undermine our ability to keep crystal in our memories how they were at that point in time. we get retroactive memory interference.

and i think it accounts for at least some differences in fics written during that 2005-2010 era vs those written later, and for some of the discussions in fandom with different points of view. consuming the narrative slowly over years vs. binging it, watching while knowing where it’s going vs. not, re-watching vs. initial watching, etc -- all of it influences our experience of the story (let alone all of the other stuff like which characters we do or don’t identify with, etc).

which i think is kind of neat, and i like to try and sit back and reflect on my initial experiences of the narrative, because young and naive and media-savvy or not, those first impressions and interpretations in their raw, unfiltered form have a lot of value for me now, still, in understanding the characters and the story.

[hanzajesthanza]

also i realize i'm saying all these noble and beautiful things about the channel from the purest depths of my heart. but actually i'm also just doing this because i fucking love the witcher books and it pisses me off that people don't know about them that much in english and i can only go for so long (seven years) with people not knowing that there are books. or that the witcher is from the 90s. or polish.

[mechazushi]

Fortitude Privilege {Staring Yu/Na and Base Inspector} (A short story)

After everything had settled down, they let Kafka do what-the-fuck-ever. That also includes snuggling on his boyfriend at anytime during work hours.

Vice Captain Hoshina was the first to leave the training room when Iharu passed by with a new recruit. He was showing her around the expansive base when he was presented with an opportunity to have a down to earth meet-and-greet with the base's second in command.

"Hey! Vice Cap! Good timing. Yunna, this is our Vice Captain Hoshina. Vice-Cap, this is Yunna. She's a transfer from Division Seven." Iharu took the lead on the introductions while the two of them were exchanging salutes. They all began trading questions with each other, busy distracting themselves with platitudes to not notice another person turning a corner and coming up behind Hoshina. A tall, burly, and clearly tired individual shambled up behind the vice captain and slumped over his shoulder unceremoniously, almost knocking him over.

"Oof, Kafka! Is everything okay?" Hoshina said calmly at the intruder. The man he called Kafka just wrapped his arms lopsidedly around Hoshina's left shoulder as he dug his face into the crook of his neck on the right.

" 'M fine. Drained" He mumbled incoherently, sacrificing vowels in his state of exhaustion. He nuzzled his nose affectionately in the curve of Hoshina's neck and took a noticeable whiff. "New cologne's nice."

Yunna, the new recruit, became visibly flushed as she continued to stare on. Iharu was already completely desensitized to this and just continued his conversation with the Vice Captain. Noticing the state of shock on the newcomer, Iharu took a second to explain what was happening.

"This is Kafka Hibino. He's the Captain's and Vice Captain's boyfriend. Everyone has learned to just let him get away with this bullshit." Iharu smiled cheekily at Yunna after he had finished.

"What am I supposed to do when he's like this? Tell him 'No'?" Hoshina said as he crossed his arms. He felt the rumbling of deep throated laughter coming from the man on his shoulder.

"Conveniently leaving out the fact that I'm also a kaiju." Kafka said as he lifted his head a little just to speak clearly. Yunna made a small squeak of surprise as the revelation made all the pieces click into place.

Down the hallway behind Iharu, everyone could hear another person aggressively shouting as they came down their direction.

"Aw, shit." Hoshina whispered under his breath.

"Who's that?" Iharu questioned as he turned around to look.

"Base Inspector. Probably looking for me to bitch about something inane." Hoshina continued. Iharu took that as a sign to whisk the new person off to a different location, sensing a need to disappear before he got themselves caught in possible corporate crossfire. Hoshina prepped his best Resting Bitch Face as the lanky inspector approached viciously.

"Afternoon, Inspector." Hoshina said in a deadpan manner. He took a longer look at the man coming toward him and noticed he recognized none of the man's features.

'Hmm. I wonder if he's new?' Hoshina thought. His hopes were raised a little, thinking that this possibly new base inspector wouldn't have the same stick up his ass like the last two did.

"Vice Captain Hoshina. Just the person I was looking for." The inspector called out. He opened his mouth to begin what was most certainly about to be a mindless rant concerning some slighted offence over some breach in paperwork or protocol, but quickly shut it when he noticed Kafka making no move to acknowledge his presence.

"Well, I was going to bring up your continued disregard to execute less leniency toward how officers structure their reports, but now it seems I should take over instilling basic officer conduct as well." The Base Inspector straightened his square framed glasses and leveled the most demeaning glare at the tired, hairy, lump that had made its place on Hoshina's shoulder.

"Oh, lay off. He said he's tired." Hoshina countered. He was beginning to wonder if a mightier-than-thou attitude was a requirement to being an inspector.

"Lethargy is no excuse for blatant indifference to higher authority." The stringy looking man sniffed haughtily. A threatening, rolling, and loud inhuman growl emanated from Kafka, still not looking up from his place at Hoshina's side. Hoshina chuckled as he ruffled his hair while he talked to him.

"Mind being a dear and head up to Mina's office for a bit? The only adult in the room needs to discipline this child, apparently." Hoshina spoke in hushed tones, sounding incredibly loving into Kafka's ear. Only a more disappointed growling whimper was heard in response.

"You could beg for more cuddles if she's in there." Hoshina sang quietly as he nosed Kafka's hair. The slacked-spined man lifted his head to stare disapprovingly at the unwanted interloper before planting a smooch to his Vice Captain's cheek and walked away, radiating an irritated aura all the way down the hall. The two that were left followed his path and waited for him to turn around a corner before continuing the discussion.

"You do know that having a relationship between a higher authority figure and an officer is prohibited, correct?" The inspector said as he turned back to face Hoshina.

"You know that man has a fortitude rating, correct?" Hoshina snarked.

"Don't you mean an aptitude rating?" The inspector returned wearily.

"No, fortitude." Hoshina reiterated firmly as he stepped closer into the inspector's personal space, " Ya'know, because he's a kaiju and all." The inspector tried not to express it, but he seemed taken aback. first from the clear hostility, then from realizing what Hoshina meant.

The inspector's lips flapped open and closed for a moment before letting slip a small, simple "oh."

"Were you not made aware that we had such a person within our ranks?" Hoshina asked poignantly.

"I was made very aware of such personnel." The inspector said as he adjusted his glasses again, "What I wasn't made aware of was how much leniency he seems to be permitted to have because of such an obscenely paltry standing." The inspector spoke with baseless higher authority, attempting to recover from finding himself on the back step. Hoshina could feel his lips being stretched thin over his teeth as he felt the need to use them to rip the throat out of this obstinate and unwarranted trespasser.

"Then you should have also been made aware of how that man had not only saved the lives of millions, but also saved the planet six times over consecutively." While being shorter than the inspector, Hoshina did a fine job of making it seem like he was towering over the other man.

" As... notable... as those achievements are, it shouldn't take away the fact that a relationship between an officer and a Vice Captain is unconducive to to the workplace since it could be used to unjustly gather sway in one's ranking." The base inspector held his position in the conversation, but was forced to slink down in height as he cowered under Hoshina's invasive presence.

"Ohh, trust me. The higher ups have made it very clear that he's already achieved the highest ranking they'll allow him, and that's being an exploitable weapon." Wrath tinged the edges of his words as he managed to climb higher over the base inspector.

"There is nothing in this world that he hasn't earned by not working his ass off for. So excuse me for thinking that the least he's owed is the right to express some fuckin' PDA." Hoshina could feel the tips of his lips curl into an unfriendly smile with an uncanny amount of teeth showing.

"If you really want to drag rank over this and piss off a man who's capable of leveling all of Western Japan for no decent reason, be my guest. If you have nothing drastically important to talk about, like something that's impeding the health and wellness of my officers, then I bid you farewell and hope your day is as wonderful as you are." Hoshina reclined back onto his heels and crisply marched away from the inspector, who still wasn't recovered from the invasion of personal space and was stuck being slant backwards, even as Hoshina moved out of eyesight.

Minutes later, Hoshina had found himself in Mina's office. Hoping to join in on Kafka's sudden bout of needed physical closure, he slipped past the threshold and quietly dumped his gym bag next to the door. Taking up most of the center of the room in front of the desk, was Mina, sandwiched between Bakko and Kafka. Reclined against the tiger formed monster, Mina looked silently overjoyed to have an asleep Kafka nestled between her legs as he rested his head on her stomach. Laying tilted on his side, the left portion of his face was buried in Mina's clothes while his arms had dug a hold around her midsection, framing his head. A low vibration hung in the air, getting louder as Hoshina snuck over.

"Need me to pry him off?" Hoshina lovingly muttered into Mina's forehead as he planted a small smooch as well.

"Later. Now, I need you to grab my phone!" Mina tried to contain her excitement as quietly as she could while gently brushing her free hand through Kafka's hair, the other being trapped under his heavy shoulder.

"Yes, he looks adorable, doesn't he?" Hoshina playfully rolled his eyes as he made moves to stand up.

"Well, yes, but you can't tell me you can't hear this?" Mina's smile was wide as she looked up at Hoshina. He took a second to listen as he processed the low rumble in the room.

"Is... is that not Bakko purring?" Hoshina questioned.

"No, he's awake!" Mina harshly whispered in joy as she jabbed her finger behind her, "This is all him!" She pointed her finger again at Kafka, emphasizing her revelation.

Hoshina made a quiet, deep throated cackle as he comically tiptoed around her desk to grab the phone and pull up the camera. He managed to settle onto the floor and shimmy his way under Mina's free arm as he held the camera close to Kafka's face. They got at least a good minute of audio, starring his purrs before Hoshina decided to end it there, not wanting to push their luck.

"It's a shame he can't purr all the time. Instead of the sleep talking, I mean." Mina commented as Hoshina made himself more comfortable in their embrace on the floor.

"We wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the morning if he did." Hoshina muttered sleepily as he finally stopped shifting when he found a good spot to settle into. Mina brushed his hair for a second while she returned the forehead kiss from earlier before relaxing into the warm and heavy pile she had unintentionally made for herself.

@iceclew

I hate to ask this from ya, but... Have you seen this yet? If you didn't have an opinion one way or another, that's fine. Just wanted to ask.

[winchestersheaven]

me: i’m gonna read Rodney McKay fics

fandom: we have lots of McShep

me: McShep is good, i like that ship

me: so, McShep fics with Rodney feels, please

fandom: sure thing, lots of Rodney feels here 😇

fandom: *bombards me with unexpected John feels*

me: hey, uh. why is my heart all fucked up?

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

Ignore all logistical considerations of "would they ever meet each other under these circumstances". If you don't think Jules Bashir would have chosen to join Starfleet, imagine he is on the station for some other reason, or they meet in some other location.

I wanted to make this poll because I've seen various fics where Garak reassures Julian that far from being upset over him being augmented, Garak is grateful for it, either explicitly because (he thinks) they wouldn't be able to have their usual conversations if it weren't for the augmentations, or simply because he likes Julian "just the way he is" and wouldn't want him to be "different". I disagree that Garak would think like this (or at the very least, I think Julian would react negatively if he did, rather than be reassured), so I wanted to hear everyone else's thoughts.

[the-busy-ghost]

Me normally: Let people love what they love

Me, after a Test Match Special commentator expresses their belief that the new All Creatures Great and Small is somehow "better" than the 1978 version: This is pure insanity and TMS can no longer be trusted on anything, how can they even be trusted to know about cricket, do they have no TASTE

[thatswhatsushesaid]

the fool 🤝 jin guangyao being easily the most dynamic and compelling characters in their respective canons, likely for reasons that were substantially if not entirely unintentional on the part of their respective authors

[grahamcarmen]

Hi, I hope you're doing great, and I hope this isn't weird but you seem to really hate season 3's ending, and I was wondering why cause personally I've always liked it.

i'm doing well enough !!! XD thanks and i hope you are too!!

I'm sorry to report that it is almost entirely irrational.

when it comes to theming its a conclusion that underlines the necessity of VILE being uncovered for the villains they are to the world when they've been so successfully in the shadows so far and the imminent undeniability of Carmen's own goodness in the coming season going along with the mask themes of that seasons: RIP THE MASK OFF TO REVEAL WHATS INSIDE! [darkest part music plays]

timeline wise its the second proof needed for Chase to completely confirm what Carmen let him know, that she is on the side fighting against people like roundabout and thus someone he needs to help not chase*(ha) around and make her life harder

fun tidbits wise: one of the all time shadowsan moments where he just dwarves whatever ego roundabout has in his abilities with his own experience " i was yakuza", zack and ivy in mustaches, carmen going sorry mate when she steals from le chevre, and gray being the ending note <3333 [my squishy fave i love him made me so happy to get that crumb in the gray desert that was s3] AND CARMEN IN GREEN AND BLUE AND SUNGLASSES AND LOCKPICKING!

hero win wise it actually is a big deal that its not just hurting their wallets and neutralizing their malicious deeds that she accomplishes this time, its taking out their tool for allowing them to bounce right back into the real world like weeds

looks wise i think it might be in the upper half of the series for me

but...

very funny to note that you sent this when my queue had spit out my trap gifset! /because lowkey thats probably the cause of my irritation

there is a constant enough through-line in the show about traps and being captured that happens often enough in the series that it caught my attention.

usually the mention of a trap is more to emphasize carmen's own daring and altruism as it doesn't matter if its a trap because there's something more important at stake so i don't pay it more mind than that-> Carmen will go because its worth fighting against any odds to do whats right

and it isn't like carmen is infallible shown by how many times she has been in genuine danger by getting trapped by VILE because she's outnumbered, outmatched, or her own caring is her undoing, this actually just happens in normal missions more often [with the brunt trap being the bigger outlier in the moment with roudabout SUPPOSEDLY THE NEXT...the actual next time is during julia's rescue for a little]

so. Odds CAN be stacked against her and sometimes it might be too much for her [see even within this season where lupe helps her with brunt and sonia helps her escape spintrap]

so then roundabout's case come up with the mwahaha we shall bait her ! and its another trap that carmen puts herself into for the greater good of keeping VILE from getting more money while roudabout thinks of the pomp of what is being stolen but makes it out because of her team and...thats...hmmm idk how to explain it

the episode tees a little bit into "wow what IF this trap was too much for Carmen" in the beginning for me before revealing there isn't actually any stakes , its a run of the mill carmen always had control of the situation so roundabout wasn't even competent enough to give her little trouble.

the worst thing was just probably the shock from the cop for speaking out of turn and like that's more the cop than roundabout

it does a good season finale job of THE POLICE FORCE GETS INVOLVED! THE IMPOSSIBLE MISSION! THE HELICOPTERS SURROUND AND THE FIREWORKS HAIL ITS END!!!! aaaaaaand...i know. i know that man isn't just ineffective but nuclear ineffective.

...GAH the episode where she got electrocuted and nearly flown over to VILE by spintrap because a one shot villain got to her was in this very season...Brunt marching herself down to show how helpless carmen COULD be if she hadn't had help was in this season...

i didn't even really care about the trap thing never super bearing any fruit during the series usually [again its more to highlight her heroic nature than be a threat and im ok with our main character of course surviving to steal another day instead] BUT it is a finale so - and then

in the end i just find myself bored and irritated by roundabout being played for the cheap kazoo he is for a season finale to appreciate all the good the episode does for the overall narrative

like shadowsan may have rescued her in s1 but Brunt WAS too much for Carmen alone and the shock of the near death hug was effective for me as a finale for bringing a new challenge and then a new ally for Carmen while teein up the next season

gah...he's also the last candidate for the faculty promotion before they just vote in a brainwashed carmen...hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

it has a lot of fun flash moments and carries the plot as admirably as the writing team has revealed themselves to be capable of doing, the animation remains beautiful and the theming is really fun to pick at and if i remember to start s4 before i quit for the day so i can keep following the unmasking true intentions theme i swallow it down better...

but 😫😫😫😫😫 sorry no matter how many times i give myself the "you're being unreasonable about this" speech i get angry during it BECAUSE its a finale and its the first time i'd felt asked to consider the word trap more seriously only to go nvm treat it like you always did ...and i was likeBOOOO I WOULDVE DONE THAT IF YOU JUST BOTHERED TO PUT THE CARMEN EXPLANATION WHERE IT WAS INSTEAD OF SMUGLY PULLING IT OUT LATER TO PUT ROUNDABOUT DOWN LIKE IDGAF ABOUT SHAKING HIS EGO DOWN I BARELY KNOW HIM

....

and the situation WAS going to be maybe too much for carmen if she hadn't worked with her team as effectively as she did

like a bait and switch [carmen overwhelmed alone recklessly trying to protect something from VILE bait switching to the solid power of having a cool team red who knew what they were doing]

i really wish i could appreciate more that zack, ivy, and shadowsan were all in on the plan vs s1 where he unceremoniously revealed himself and salvaged carmen's rescue plan [and save her] and s2 where carmen went recklessly to VILE isle while only letting zack and ivy in enough to know they needed to drive her to VILE isle

[and mind you i TRIED to appreciate that the dialogue isn't actually clunky and super playing to the audience to hide the reveal that "her being captured isn't a big deal" OK LIKE IT TECHNICALLY SHOULD GIVE ME ROOM TO PAY ATTENTION INSTEAD TO THE EVERYTHING ELSE, they didn't make a whole circus of deceiving the audience and yet even the mild song and dance they must do to deceive rounadbout!!! grr!!]

I REALLY WISH I DID APPRECIATE ALL THAT!!! but 😖😖😖😫im so mad i don't actually like that trope at all the structuring frustrates the hell out of me. watching carmen walk into the room and auto fail to be arrested has no bite for me since its just a little farce to keep him quiet and keeps me from eating the rest of the deliciousness the episode has to offer, i'm zoning out as shadowsan explains what they actually did this caper...

and as a finale the other half to the reoccuring pattern in cs structure is not there

....yet

but if i make sure to start s4 asap i can recognize it as as the trap ineffective but carmen isn't invulnerable theme halved because the s4 final batch of 3 episodes is the follow up where carmen just straight up gets kidnapped while she was chilling by the cleaners

->not untouchable

...im doing my best to clear the feeling , i just need like 7 more watches T.T and more chalking up the positives in my heart

like if i watch the gray selfie scene more there will only be love and peace on earth, if i take out my little cardboard sign to cheer for shadowsan to rarara home team maybe...

TLDR:

ITS SIMPLY IRRATIONAL DISTASTE IN MY HEART! SHADOWSAN UNVEILING THE REAAAAAL PLAN AT ROUNDABOUT BORES ME!!! THE ACTUAL CAPER PART OF THE CAPER IS NOT INTERESTING TO ME SO WELP!

i wish i had a better reason but i just do not have a good time with it <3

:D i'm glad you like it tho, whats most fun for you about it?

[stillfruit]

i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!

[mikimotopearl]

I don't think people realize how limited AI is, at least for now. It's a bit cringy. They keep tagging that explanation bot on twitter as if it's actually going to help😭. Unless you have actual reading comprehension issues and need a fucking 280 characters long tweet rephrased, it won't

[shame-kink]

replaying elden ring, completely stuck trying to figure out what my character would do wrt the sellen v jerren conflict (+ my out-of-character desire to get sellen's ending because its obviously the more advantageous loot-wise. like, jfc, its not even close to equal what you get from each)

[heartshattering]

One song and two Wikipedia articles later and now I'm getting catastrophic thoughts again 🙃

[aromanticasterisms]

cannot believe i'm excited to go to natlan. who let this happen

[medicinemane]

I'm very tired, I have to do everything around the house myself (as in, I keep having to turn the water off and on to the kitchen sink until I teach myself to install a new faucet, and negative cleaning gets done if I don't do it), and the money is in the hands of the third worst person in the whole family when it comes to money (the worst being my grandpa who is dead, and my grandma who blows all her money on overpriced jackets and other junk)

I'm very tired, I have to teach myself how to do everything, and I have almost literally no support in any way shape or form ever

I can't remember the last time anyone said they were proud of me... I don't actually know if anyone's ever used that word with me before. When I do something like get the trailer cleaned out or buy a house, frankly no one gives a fuck, except my grandma who gets mad

I haven't actually had a chance to see anyone that counts as a friend in like 15 years, and I mean even in high school everyone liked me but no one could be bothered to actually ever even talk outside school... so even back then it's not like I had anyone I was close with

I'm providing this version where I totally remove how I feel or how I view myself from the description and instead try to provide something close to an objective description of things

So if you wonder why I say what I say about myself, honestly I think it's pretty much all summed up here