#asked my mom who i look like
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Was tagged by @obscurelocalstranger to come up with characters that are me-coded. I also chose either looks or personality. Though mostly personality because my sense of self image is just kazoo noises, so I had to ask a family member who I look like.
Will Henry (People Places Things), Daria Morgendorffer (Daria), Marceline (Adventure Time), Tina Belcher (Bob's Burgers), Dean McCoppin (The Iron Giant), Dorothy Gale (The Wizard of Oz, Judy Garland version), Hilary (But I'm a Cheerleader).
Tagging @neon-slime, @turtles-on-turts, @problematick, @aladycalledkatie, @sinningsalsachip-blog
#asked my mom who i look like#she was like that girl from ever after#and i was like that doesn't really narrow it down#and she was like the horse girl#and then it clicked#anyway i used a character of melanie's who wore glasses instead lololol#character tag#tag game
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#mrs flood who are you: time lord edition
#dwedit#doctor who#mrs flood#fifteenth doctor#the master#jacobi!master#tenth doctor#jack harkness#martha jones#twelfth doctor#ninth doctor#*#okay here is my argument: mrs flood IS a time lord but her presence here has nothing to do with the doctor#instead she's here because of ruby. she's seemingly part of/related to the pantheon of discord & we know that ruby is connected to them too#so i think that she was deliberately placed as ruby's neighbor by the pantheon/oldest one/ruby's mom/? in order to watch over her#it also explains why she was there to check on ruby in 1.04. once she realizes she's on the phone w carla she says 'nothing to do with me'#and she leaves. which implies that it COULD have had something to do with her. if it had been something else going on#ANYWAY. to get to the time lordness of it all. rn i personally believe that she's a time lord that's been hiding on earth for 50+ years#bc i don't think she recognized the police box as a tardis initially. that first quote should be taken at face value.#instead picture this: she's watching over ruby as per usual. a police box is there - weird but nbd. then it dematerializes in front of her.#she drops her groceries. she's shocked. she kinda looks scared. if she already knew it was a tardis why would she react like that?#so imo she knows OF tardises. she DIDN'T know the police box was one. and she's worried the time lords have found her hence the fear.#but when nothing happens and nobody comes at her she realizes she's still safe#later when she sees the doctor she realizes the tardis is his/he must be a time lord. he doesn't identify her but that's happened before#so then when she asks him who he is i think what she's actually asking for is his title. WHICH time lord are you.#bc lbr if she knows abt tardises then she knows about time lords and if she knows abt time lords she knows what it means for ruby#to be joining him - and that's why she wishes ruby good luck. meanwhile this is clearly the outcome she WANTS (them to be together)#bc she gets visibly upset when the doctor seems to decide to leave without ruby.#and for once i'm not master clowning bc the list of names the doctor gives out is VERY interesting. some of them we've never heard before:#the bishop; the conquistador; later he adds the pedant and sagi-shi and reiterates the bishop AGAIN. so i wonder if she's the bishop.....
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i wanted a machine guts sweater/shirt so here are some color tests
#robot#technology#computers#artists on tumblr#digital art#computers are a type of animal i think#thinking of making the square in the middle say something cute... 'be still my beeping heart'? is this anything#2nd one looks like old chease... ill have to do some research but i'd like to make a few of these to sell#im very autistic about the texture and quality of my clothes so idk about uploading these to a PoD site tbh#i got a sweater from my mom's workplace that's really nice so i might email their communications team and ask who their supplier is#mal-art
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me: finally accepting theres a good chance im autistic and starting to work up the courage to ask my parents to see if i could get a diagnoses but being scared to
my mom: do you ever think you have adhd? if you want to do a screening for add next time your at the doctors you can
me:
#for context im terrified of being the person who sees stuff online and diagnosis themselves and then is wrong#which is why it took me so long to accept im —probably— autistic (bc now i have done research and stuff for it)#and id see adhd things that were relatable but i felt i related more to the autism + self diagnosing both felt weird (for me not in general#but now like. my mom is willing to accept i might have add??#(there was a long talk in between her asking if i ever thought i had it and her saying i could get a screening where we both agreed that#—if i did have it— i didnt have the hyperactive part. hence the add vs adhd thing)#and now that kinda through off my plans because like. what if i do also had adhd. or something#so yeah small crisis woo#i need to actually look i to symptoms and stuff for adhd though#because im not saying anything til i know more about it and if i actually do have a lot of the things#but this also gives me a chance go write about the autism things as well bc i told my mom i would look into the adhd#so now i can hopefully find a way to bring that up#ive mentioned that autism is a spectrum recently which i didnt think she knew before#so progress i guess#wow long rant in the tags whoops#jasper’s posts#moots have some jaz lore i guess
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hong kong miku,,,
#hopping on the trend jumpscare i’m from hong kong surprise#i haven’t seen that many hk mikus around#lowkey chat i think i kinda ate with this one#however i will say i am coloring in the dark so if any colors look off that’s why#and also i haven’t opened this program in literal months i jumped straight into this no warmup no nothing#miku is what pulls me out of art block apparently i was locked in for 5 hours STRAIGHT#someone needs to teach me how to paint properly holy#not sure how i feel about the bottom left one but that was a quick one anyways#i am from hk originally but i haven’t been back in years so i have no idea about the culture other than food and mirror#OKAY let me explain the context#street food is a big thing in hk and quick and easy things like fish balls egg waffles and like siu mai and wonton noodles are popular#back then people really would just squat down on the side of the road or right in front of the shop to eat it and go#but i don’t think anyone does that anymore city life and all that#ohh i should have done instant noodles breakfasts god i loved those#if anyones from hk if you go to the causeway bay mtr station exit that leads up to the big road near sogo. do they still sell siu mai there#that shit was BANGER i remember asking for them all the time#a good majority of parents in hk would get their daughters ears pierced as a baby something about them not feeling as much pain idk#that’s just what i was told#i used the neon for her friendly standard greeting cause i wanted to incorporate the neon signs somehow without actually drawing a whole bg#lots of neon signs in hk. i heard they had to take them down cause of light pollution which is sad but understandable#everyone got their shoes from dr kong. at least when i was younger they did#boy band is self explanatory. i heard they’re really popular my mom listens to them#oh i had her messing with her shoes cause hk people move FAST. you stop for one second and you get shoved#so like a fun little allusion#gave her black roots just for fun. she is violating every school uniform code possible#this is all based off of my memory by the way so like. anyone who knows this better than i do hit me up#hatsune miku#miku from my culture#jellos scribbles#i haven’t tag yapped in so long welcome back my love i missed you
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the thing abt the surgery is that yes I do get litle moments of being ecstatic it finally happened but also I just feel Normal now. like my base state for all my life up until last week was worry, horror, and panic when i'd occasionally remember the very unwanted thing my body was capable of, spiraling into what ifs on potential conflicts in my life and future... and now i just feel Not Stressed Out All the Time. Normal.
#talkys#and again that's still that i have not really ever been in active risk of anything happening LOL#god im so happy. im really considering the tattoo even though im not a tattoo person at all#ill see. it depends on how much my incisions/scars fade...but a small green line shouldn't be that bothersome to always be looking at...#ALSO tbf a tiny bit of the worry is still there... im gonna ask my doctor to detail everything about the photos he took of my insides#bc idk. what if they somehow grow back. what if he didn't remove all of em. ykwim. pair of noia#but that's also just due to regular health anxiety#actually you know what can i schedule a hysto. just to be super sure nothing can ever happen to me.#+ ALSO ALSO it didn't feel real every day leading up to it and it kind of still doesn't! like! who was that cheye! he wasn't scared at all!#no way i found a doctor to do it and my parents didnt fight me on it and my mom didnt scream and cry and cause a scene once there. YAY
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#guess who im thinking about.youll neverget it#(its flavio#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#im insane im insane im insane#imgoing to rip my arm off and chew on it like a dog toy#i hate being insane about fictional characters I look at a picture and i want to scream#I dread the day my mom or some other relative asks me about my plush and who it is (i have to act normal) (i wont#usually when i get merch my mom wants to know about the character. like she asked about my wario plush#i cant handle talking about flavio im going to explode right there Guys its bad#its so bad#i feel like that one pic of the creature in a corner of a room surrounded by blood
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the craziest part about being queer and closeted is that you don’t even know how exhausting it is until it hits in the most random situations
#i had to write an email to my counselor#asking her if she could just#not mention i’m president of the gender& sexuality alliance#nor my essay which includes struggle with my sexuality#to my mom during meetings#which is like#okay yeah makes sense#but mid writing the email i just burst into tears#and started crying so hard#like where did that come from#Man#I wish i didn’t have to live knowing she would never look at me the same if she knew who i really was#lgbt#wlw
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Wah-Rosalina (wosalina?)
she's from the sea but she keeps trying to convince people she's from space bc she thinks its cooler (she's not very convincing)
#mario#mario bros#princess rosalina#nintendo#nintendo fanart#I was in a call while making her n 90% of it was just talking abt how she'd fail to convince people she's from space#Like she'd only ever hang out w people by the sea n when it's time for her to leave she's like 'no you gotta turn around#'cause if you dont the UFO isn't gonna pick me up. they dont like being seen yk' n then she just sprints into the ocean#someone asks her how she moves on her home planet and she just makes a swimming motion (because low gravity!!! see!!!)#if anyone mentions anything abt space she'll follow it up with oh I knew that. yeah I just didnt tell anyone#whats that? there's a wedding chapel on the moon? well of course there is. I knew that. I got married there. Who's my wife? shut up.#She's banned from the observatory bc she keeps using the telescope to look for space boyfriends (and girlfriends)#She's jealous of rosalina bc how come SHE got to go to space?? huh???#if someone told her abt rosalina's dead mom she'd deadass go 'well where's MY dead mom huh???'#'why can't I have a dead mom n go to space?? huh??? huh!!!!!'#She's the worst. I love her sm
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Not me adding annotations to a book to make it more accessible for my mom when she will read it
#i am once again complaining about italian translators not adding enough context and explainations in queer non fiction books#90% of non queer people or people who do not speak english don't have enough fucking context to get certain things#i need tranlators to add the necessary context to make these books accessible for everyone#olay surely mainly queer people will read a book about going outside the binary but if we want more people to understand us#we need to add the necessary context to make these things comprehensible to everyone#both those who do not have a queer background and therefore have never see certain words and those who do not speak any english#why the fuck are we assuminng everyone reading this knows english and the linguistic and cultural context between certain words#most people i know do not know one word on english and since it's an italian translation you should make it completly accessible for anyone#i don't want people to read this with their phone in their hands to look for meaninga here and there#i have had this complaint before and i will keep complaining#it's frustrating because this book makes the concept of going outside the binary very easy and accessible and the translation is not as good#also the translation of this particular chapter did a terrible job language wise too so i can't expect much#the concept is there but oh boy do a few sentences look like they have been translated with google#so yep i resorted to making my own notes because i want my mom to read this and understand it without here needing to ask me for context#i mean i want conversations to start but not because of translation reasons if you know what i mean#and it would be very unmotivating to read a book that has too many words you don't know bc the translator took things for grated#cris speaks#i am done complaining for now#the og book is super good tho i am happy i am reading it again after so many years#the---hermit
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Do you think Hawthorne has some sort of connection to Morrigans's wundrous song? I'm not going off on a lot except that the song talks about a son of the morning and that Hawthorne feels like the definition of sunshine. And the fact that Morrigan is an eventide kid and she has something with darkness. (??)
Idk what the song could mean, but maybe it's like a foreshadowing to their dynamic, maybe they'll become enemies or opposites or like kids with a destiny because so far it feels like they're far too buddy buddy. Hawthorne is Morrigan's first friend. And he's her best friend. Like. Help.
Also the song talks about the son of the morning being liked, or well someone who has something good ahead of him, and that reminds me of Hawthorne's promising career in dragon riding. He has a lot ahead of him, and in that snippet of Holliday Wu with Hawthorne she said 'the kids are gonna love him', and I feel like Hawthorne is gonna be super popular and well-liked. (Like maybe that's what the song means with 'up with the sun where the winds are warming', he climbs the social ladder.) Meanwhile Morrigan seems to become more and more unpopular because she's a wundersmith. Like it doesn't matter who Morrigan is, it just matters that she's a wundersmith. And soon she'll go down to where the pale things bite or something. As in she'll be an outcast. Or worse.
But if that's the case, then what could it mean??? What will it lead to?
Can we then connect the two wundrous songs of Morrigan's and Squall's? If Morrigans's song is foreshadowing then what if Squall's song is a warning? Or another foreshadowing? A foreshadowing to what then? Is it a prophecy? Are both prophecies??
Help.
🫠
Oooh this is a great question. I don't think that Morrigan and Hawthorne will find themselves not being friends at any point, because I feel like they've already gone through a lot together and have had each other's backs, so I can't see that ending at any point.
I do love any opportunity to discuss the Nocturne songs though!!
I'm hiding my ramblings on this below the cut, because as a true "spaghetti theorist", I am truly just throwing everything and anything at the wall:
One thing I wonder is if the Morningtide nursery rhyme is derived from Little Crowling, or if both songs are derived from a third same source, or if perhaps they are two songs that existed at the same time. Why does Squall seem to recognize Morrigan's song, and Mog recognize Squall's song?! It haunts me. I wish Wundersmith was adapted so maybe we could hear both songs (because hopefully Little Crowling will be in the movie...?). Maybe as Mog trains with Squall we might learn more!
On Discord awhile ago, I said
they’re not like 1:1 but like “o daughter of night” and “with button black eyes” have the same # of syllables (and are possibly depicting the same thing/idea), and “swoops down into the meadow where the rabbits all hide” and “deep down below where the pale things bite” are similar ideas and maybe even an inversion a bit
and I really think there's something there. Maybe it's playing with who/what is "good" vs "evil"? IDK.
In one of the Garrett interviews (which are my favorite Nevermoor/Jessica Townsend interviews everrrr), there's this bit:
ASTRID: Jessica, back to Ezra Squall. When a Wundersmith calls Wunder they sing something. They sing a tune that means something to them, and we know that Ezra Squall's tune involves the words ‘little crowling, little crowling’. Look, Morrigan Crow. Crow Manor. My question here is obvious. What can you tell me? JESSICA: Actually, I can't tell you anything… but that should give you your answer. ASTRID: Look, I had to try. JESSICA: I can tell you that's a really good intelligent question and it's a good observation. Don't worry, there will be satisfaction there. All I can tell you is that there will be satisfaction.
I hope we learn more about Nocturne songs at some point, because I wonder if Little Crowling has been Squall’s song the whole time, or if it’s a new thing? He calls Mog “little crowling” a few times, so yes there’s definitely a connection there.
You sent this question at a great time because I had asked a question about Nocturne songs during the Q&A and she answered it after you sent this. I asked if there was any reason the Nocturne songs sound similar, or if I was reaching, and (in short) she said:
This is a really good question. I think they probably sound similar because they're both intended to be nursery rhymes. I wrote them as to be nursery rhymes in this world, in Nevermoor. I think you should think about the fact that they both chose nursery rhymes as their songs to call Wunder.
I have many thoughts, but at the same time, it’s so hard to theorize when there’s no info to go off of. I hope we learn more of the verses of Little Crowling at some point— I don’t care if the last verse is too grim to end up in a book!
Some ideas:
— Do Wundersmiths write their own songs? Is this perhaps how Nocturne is mastered?
— Maybe choosing nursery rhymes to summon Wunder could indicate something about their personal relationships with gathering and using Wunder?
—— Are they above Wunder, or below it? Not sure if that's the right wording, but just trying to think about what the dynamic between Wunder and Wundersmith for both Squall and Mog could be.
——— While writing this point I misremembered for a moment and wrote "Summoner and Smith", for which the full phrase is, "Summoned Wunder shows itself to summoner and smith." Are "summoner and smith" both the same person or entity (such as a Wundersmith), as "once it's summoned, any old Wundersmith can see it," or are there people out there that can be a summoner but not a smith, etc.? IDK.
— Maybe Little Crowling is a song encouraging Mog to be evil? We don’t know how long Squall has been keeping tabs on Mog.
— Lots of discussion lately about that one dream and if it could relate to Mog’s mom:
—— Maybe she was singing a song and then Squall sung Little Crowling afterwards
—— Maybe Mog’s mom was singing a happier version of Little Crowling, or it’s a song that Squall twisted.
——— Unrelated: everyone thinks that Mog’s mom must have been nice and caring… imagine if she wasn’t really that kind, LOL
—— I think it would be interesting if Mog’s mom was singing Little Crowling (or a variation of it) because of a reference to a rabbit… perhaps inspired by a certain toy rabbit passed down from mother to daughter? And again the obvious “crowling” and a baby (Morrigan) Crow… 🤔🧐🤨
— Perhaps Little Crowling is an older (anti-?) Wundersmith song. Squall was part of the last generation of Wundersmiths so maybe when he was young people were getting tired of them and the system they are a part of.
—— The “button black eyes” just makes me 🤔 because so far the only two Wundersmiths we know notably have black eyes…
— Also back to rabbits having to stay with their mother to be safe from the crowling… y’know who doesn’t have a mother?? Both Mog and Squall!!
Anyways. I really just took a sliver of your ask and ran with it, lol. We don’t know much about Nocturne songs, especially these particular ones, and I hope we learn more soon. Perhaps by training with Squall, Mog might be able to learn more? More verses and more history and information? I certainly hope so!!
I also have to take a moment to shoutout u/AlexWigg on Reddit, who made these renditions of Morningtide's Child and Little Crowling that I really enjoy.
#[muscle man voice] y’know who else doesn’t have a mother?#thank you for this ask I genuinely didn't know you could send asks this long#on my hands and knees I need a garrett interview for silverborn SO. BADLYYYY.#nevermoor#nevermoor theory#asks#whenever I go looking for my sources to cite I get distracted and then forget what I was going to write#so I hope I remembered all my thoughts from earlier lol#it’s been like a month since I started this post and finally picked it back up oops#I feel like there's one or two things I was going to mention that I forgot but whateverrr#giving a new crazy theory that’s out there and that is maud being the sister of mog’s mom
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hear anyone say "a thrip" and i hear one of my entomology professors in the back of my head shouting "THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A THRIP, IT IS A THRIPS. A THRIPS!! SINGULAR! ONE THRIPS!!!!!" until those words come barreling out of my mouth and I mildly unnerve whoever was just trying to ask me about this weird bug in a flower
#aka interaction i just had with my mom. who was asking me if the bug in her flower was 'a thrip.'#and of course immediately i was like Yeah looks like a THRIPS. A. THRIPS#because if i'm not obnoxious about it then what legacy am i upholding for that professor.#clamtalk#bugposting
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As heartbreaking and gut-wrenching the fact is that the pyramid of Marc's needs has a huge flow. Winning motor racing comes before old man dick for him. Thats why we have the divorce...
the thing about their beautiful toxic love is that them being so obsessed with motorcycle racing is part of why theyre soulmates AND why they got horrendously divorced on a scale rarely seen in sports media history. like okay this is gonna sound weird but im gonna talk about kayaking again here for a minute sorry. um so i think the thing about young hot people that are all OBSESSED with the same thing congregating in a specific area, for an extended period of time, to do said thing--is that they WILL fuck. and then get married. often. now bc of reasons we usually see this in womens and co-ed sports but like. my parents basically spent all of the nineties bouncing around every whitewater river in the world with the same 100 kayakers and literally all of those kayakers married each other. and then got divorced. and then married different people in those 100. it was greys anatomy general hospital level soap opera playing out in the campsites of rural chile.
ANYWAYS same basic principle for rosquez. like i dont think they would respect anyone in a romantic sense who wasnt ALSO the best at what they do. and also they find it stupid hot lol like we've seen the slutty podiums they are so into it lol. but that same thread that ties them together and gives them so much in common (endless shit to talk about bc they can always talk racing ! until they cant) is the same thing that makes them occasionally REALLY abrasive towards each other and generates a lot of the conflict between them. like they ARE at the top of their sport. which requires them to be in DIRECT competition with each other for yearssssssss, and bc they are so good at it they have insane amounts of ego which means that the clash at sepang was kind of inevitable in a fucked up way. all this to say: YES it is tragic that marc's base need in his personal hierarchy of needs triangle is motorcycle racing and not old man dick, but that is also what is sexy about rosquez. strangling each other with that red string of fate <3
#my mom and my brother have looked me in the eyes on seperate ocaisions and said they refuse to date people who arent kayakers#bc they wouldnt be able to talk about kayaking with them and its such a huge part of their lives. UNWELL.#and then my mom was like. and only REALLY GOOD kayakers otherwise i wouldnt respect them.#which would be FUCKED except shes also a really good kayaker so its just kinda funny.#callie speaks#motogp#asks#rosquez#does this make sense. who cares.
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lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall
idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...
to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"
but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics
"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"
and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."
But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-
And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"
and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really
Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)
And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.
and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)
And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*
but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)
and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far
"You should really use your words."
"I am!"
"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."
"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"
"Sasha isn't most Alphas."
"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"
"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."
"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.
"It would work better if you use—"
"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.
like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know
#ask#i dont think we nearly take enough advantage of maffhew going to a catholic prepatory school#my friend who went to catholic schooling his whole life until highschool (where we met) dropped the bombshell of the door thing on me#to which i went you have to be fucking with me that cant be real and then i was like well i guess its good we're both boys then-#and then he goes oh my mom knows im queer the rule applies to boys too#and i just nervously looked over to the door knob like well uh maybe we should open the door? i dont want your mom to be mad-#and he was like oh shes convinced we've been fucking since we met so this is allowed youre the only boy she lets do this (the door thing)#a couple of years later when he moved out i found out friends weren't allowed over if he was alone in the house but i was the only exceptio#and i felt like the equivalent of a roving tomcat who keeps wandering into the gardens and got the neighbours cat daisy pregnant#i dont think i could ever look that woman in the eye after all that#this is all to say catholic schooling does things to you man#anyways i do have to reiterate every kitty is fucking each other on a normal basis and in an abo au it gets even worse#making our whorehouse a whorehome#ive always said this but flirting with a virgo is like flirting with a brickwall#actually thatd be an insult to the brickwall because at least the brickwall would give you something to work with#the humble virgo looks you in the eyes before they crush your ego with a single word and youre like thank you mistress may i have another#i feel for maffhew i really do#theres just so many funny ways this just goes terribly wrong because both maffhew and sasha are inherently messy people#matthew and sasha on a team outing sat next to each other in a booth and matthew gets a little tipsy and starts rubbing his cheek#on sashas shoulder and sasha is just looking over to benny like please. help. and benny just snorts and blatantly ignores#him as he continues to sip on his beer and sasha just turns to ekky and silently pleads with his eyes. PLEASE. HELP.#ekky huffs and looks away very much not thrilled about being involved in any form whatsoever and hes not gonna change his mind about this#*5 minutes later* and ekky finds himself switching spots with sasha with a cuddly maffhew on his arm and he's a little disgruntled about it#but its very hard to stay upset when maffhew keeps mumbling about how nice he smells and keeps trying to scent him#all over like he has any right to lay a claim when hes been in the pack for such a short time#and yeah okay maybe he preens a little bit at the compliment like just a little#and maybe he does like being treated like a glorified scratching post but matthew doesnt need to know that (matthew knows that)#well anyways
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thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way
#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me#not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out#every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the#do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further#supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless#all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless#the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about#but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing#now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it#your whole life on it#and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet#don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it#told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life#he asked me if I'm even a person#which feels very true#i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it#I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of#i know it's really early in my life to say but#idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving#i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire#your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing#the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet#when i was younger#maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled#or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now#maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at#eggsistential speaks#tag rant
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you: nicholas alexander chavez, the actor from ryan murphy's recent work
me, a mama's girl and daytime tv viewer:
#text post#general hospital#nicholas alexander chavez#spencer cassadine#sorry i'm still not over my shock at this lol#i remember asking my mom MONTHS ago (she follows general hospital news online) 'hey wheres spencer i havent seen him in awhile?'#'oh his character died off. the actor is doing some netflix show where he plays a murderer'#and you have to understand. i dont consume anything to do w true crime. but to my 63-year-old mother. ryan murphy doesnt exist#so bc of just how self-contained the archaic institution of network soap operas are. i just. idk i didnt assume it was a big role#it didnt register to me that it was the sequel to the dahmer show. is what i am saying. and i never thought about it again#mommy made it sound like he might be coming back bc soap opera characters fake-die all the time#and so i put the thought out of my head until completely independently i was watching a video about monsters: menendez being flawed#and i was like. going absolutely insane w how familiar he looked i was like 'ok i know that man cant be too famous but i KNOW him'#'i know him from something and i know him WELL from something. like whatever hes from is iconic to me'#and then the video creator said his name and i was like THATS INSANE WHERE DO I KNOW THAT NAME??!?!??#it's a name i read in the credits but probably never thought in my head at all bc sorry he's just spencer to me#so i googled it and i was gobsmacked. i was like MOM DIDNT SAY he was gonna be in THIS SHIT!?!?!?#i also do lay my life down on the defense that the cinematography of a prestige netflix drama makes him less recognizable to me#who knew him best under cheap soap opera lighting in basic back and forth dialogue shots. like#i have to be honest i never cared for his looks on gh bc he just kinda looked like too perfect. like he looked like a mannequin#i see it now though i get it#i get why he's very fan editable to the true crime girlies i get it#not that it matters. im just in mourning bc it never occurred to me the spencer era was over. i actually liked his character#i cant tell u why bc he wasnt all that distinguishable from all the other basic dramatic character archetypes. idk it was a good performanc#i cant explain to u what makes a soap opera character distinct while still being completely generic (they all are)#i also liked his relationship w his girlfriend in the show it was cute. he was evil but they were sweet#nicky please come back. im begging u. as your only general hospital era fan who is your age#i dont wanna watch monsters menendez i reeeeeally dont
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