#ask touta matsuda

[asktoutamatsuda]

Our two big fatties lol

(Clarabelle on the left, Mimi on the right)

[askcrystaltsoi]

POV: You called Link Zelda.

[asktoutamatsuda]

Okay, that’s really wild but most importantly, is Light safe? I heard bomb threats against him from somewhere!

*pulls in with his red Lamborghini and steps out* SASAKI, WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON?? CRYSTAL TEXTED ME ABOUT LIGHT BEING GAY OR SOMETHING-

-Matsuda (@asktoutamatsuda)

“ nice car and yes , she found lights little “private book” and it seems he is very very gay”

[zimt-deathnote]

WIAUDHWKDJEJ I really love your art style so much omg. How would you draw the Kira task force members?

OOF that was more challenging than I thought... not entirely happy with them but here they are! :'D

----- My other socials Commission Info Let's have some Ko-Fi! 🍵

[maskrosfe]

Do you think Matsuda would taste like fruit roll-ups?

only one way to find out...

[rxvera]

Do you have any headcanons about soichiro and Matsuda? I love how you write their relationship in sheets of linen

Omg yes!! Thank you!!!

Parental, parental, parental things...

I think Soichiro definitely set himself up to be the dad Matsuda needed, while Matsuda was a little oblivious to it. I definitely think he met Matsu and was like "this is a guy that needs a parent" and took him under his wing. Meanwhile, Matsuda didn't even fully realize this because his idea of parents was pretty distorted.

I think I mention in Sheets of Linen that Soichiro took Matsuda to the hospital after breaking his arm while on duty. I definitely think that's when he realized "oh, he really doesn't have anyone," and stepped in as a father figure as best he could. He wrote himself in as Matsuda's emergency contact.

There's also a reference to a time Matsuda called Soichiro late at night after having a nightmare. I think that might have happened a few times in some form or another. I think Soichiro was always very willing to be there for him. Matsuda was definitely nervous and hesitant, but I think The Chief took more care of him than he realized.

And in the upcoming chapter, there's a reference to Sachiko taking care of Matsuda/Matsuda being at Soichiro's house a few times when he was sick (and after his appendix surgery, fic pending!), which I'm pretty sure Matsuda just brushed off as him being overly kind, but I think it was Soichiro trying to give him the home he didn't have.

I tried to hint at Matsuda's guilt over not being accepting enough of Soichiro's attention to him, but I also tried to imply that he was taking care of Matsuda even when he didn't realize (like bringing him Ibuprofen with a homemade snack when he had a headache or even when he tells him to keep going in Matsuda's dream).

I generally imagine Soichiro being very caring for his subordinates in the NPA and always wanted to make sure they had what they needed, which is shown in canon when he's urging them to step down form the Kira case or when he told Aizawa to go step down for his family, but he took even extra care toward Matsuda.

I also was thinking about him being the only one who sees through Matsuda's happy-go-lucky exterior and notices that there's damage inside. And I think Matsuda only lets his guard down around him for the most part. I think we see that in canon a bit near the beginning when Matsuda nervously asks him if he did the right thing when no one else is around, and he only looks upset after the handstand scene when he's alone with Soichiro afterwards.

I just love Soichiro being a father figure to Matsuda. It makes me glad that Matsuda had someone watching his back, but also that Soichiro got to have a son that actually cherished him. Like, even if Light cared, he still used him as a pawn, so Matsuda being the son he deserved really hits me in the feels.

But, I could talk about Matsuda and The Chief all day. Their relationship was so subtle in canon but it seemed so important, at least to me.

[asktoutamatsuda]

YAYYYYY

SAYU MATSUDA (@asktoutamatsuda) WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS!!

RATE THE LIL GUY’S SINGING OUT OF 10!

https://youtu.be/0FZk_j0gRG0?si=_WpkM7h4ntkGH5HK

😨….”10/10”

[asktoutamatsuda]

Honey looks so scared HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHA

[dicenote]

touta matsuda

discuss

omg YES ty! This is gonna be a long, disorganized ramble, so bear with me!

Touta Matsuda. My blorbo, skrunky scrimblo, love of my life, etc.

There are so many things about Matsuda's character that I could talk about. His impulsivity, his loyalty, his uncertainty... All of it makes a very real and very interesting character. And I think that a lot of his traits shine in one of the most horrifying scenes from his perspective: the Yellow Box Warehouse.

Like, let's take a step back and look at the numbers here. On one side of the warehouse, we've got a guy claiming to be L, and the three members of the old Kira Task Force that he brought with him. On the other side, we've got a different guy claiming to be L and three members of the SPK that he brought with him (oh. and the guy from the Task Force that got kidnapped in the mix). Outside, Kira's accomplice is lying in wait. So we've got ten people in all who are ready for the final showdown. The reveal. The evidence that will finally end this years-long nightmare and point to the true identity of Kira.

And of those 10 people, only one of them doesn't have a clue who Kira really is.

Light is Kira. Mikami is X-Kira and finds out who Kira is as soon as he looks in the room. Near and the SPK are all on the same page. Mogi and Aizawa know. Ide's a bit more on the fence but he wasn't completely in the dark. So Matsuda is the only one who goes in totally blind.

If anyone were to re-write Death Note purely from Matsuda's perspective, the Warehouse scene would go from tense to horrifying. To (nearly) everyone else there, this confrontation isn’t meant to reveal an unexpected truth, it’s to confirm something that they already know. But for Matsuda? Near's request to meet at the warehouse is, at worst, a tactic to once again frame Light. Because Light obviously can't be Kira, right? Light will show Near that he's wrong, and the investigation will continue as normal until the real Kira is caught.

But then Near presents that irrefutable evidence, and everything that Matsuda knew for over five years comes crumbling down. Light starts monologuing about how the world had to be fixed and how no one could ever make it as far as he did. Kira and Light are one and the same. Matsuda always thought that Kira was a well-intentioned person who was helping change the world. Ide and Aizawa and Mogi believed that Kira was evil, they were much stronger in their resolve than Matsuda ever could be. But Light had confessed to him once that he too questioned if what they were doing was right. If Kira was doing right.

Light has always been Kira.

And then comes the absolutely tasty part where Matsuda shoots Light. I love how chapter 106 is called "Intent to Kill", because it reminds me of how Matsuda and Light are foils to each other. Better yet, they can be compared against a man they both held such deep respect for, Soichiro Yagami.

See, Soichiro threatens to kill people a good couple times, and even holds a gun to his son's face, but he never has any intent to kill. In fact, he's never killed anyone, as (I think) Mello points out. It's almost kind of silly. Like, Soichiro draws the line at firing bullets or writing full names in the Death Note, and that's it? Everything else is fair game? Weird line to draw, but go off I guess.

Light, meanwhile, justifies killing thousands. But only with the Death Note. With the Death Note, his intent to kill becomes a righteous one, another step on the path to becoming God of a New World. The criminals deserved to die. Those who get in Kira's way deserve to die. Because Light isn't a serial killer. He's doing the right thing! Crime is going down, war has stopped, and Light is the only one who could have possibly gone this far and done this much good.

And then we're back to Matsuda. I believe the mafia raid is the first time we see Matsuda using a gun, and we see that he's damn good at it. So good, in fact, that he's able to fire only non-lethal shots to get the Death Note back. (Also, fun tidbit: I'm pretty sure he's the only one who doesn't go into the raid with a rifle, he's just got like, a standard-issue cop pistol with a light on it.) The same thing happens in the warehouse, at least initially. He fires at Light's hand to get him to stop writing. Then he and Light yell at each other for a little bit about (who else?) Soichiro. Light demands that Matsuda shoot the others, because he's the only one who understands Kira. When Matsuda hesitates, Light resumes writing Near's name. Then Matsuda fires again and again and again. Anything to make Light stop. Anything to make it all stop. But it becomes obvious that he's not just shooting Light as a deterrent. What does Matsuda say as he's doing it?

"He needs to die!"

The others literally have to drag Matsuda away before he can execute Light on the spot.

Matsuda is a character full of contradictions. He dedicates over half a decade to fighting Kira, but he doubts the whole time. He tries to follow in Soichiro's footsteps but in the end makes the same justification that Light did when he first started writing in the Death Note. This man is a criminal. He deserves to die. The Yellow Box Warehouse not only exposed Light's true colors, but Matsuda's as well.

[sashaisnotokay]

Lawtsuda and/or matsulight for the brutally honest askgame

About Lawtsuda.

I’ve read a fanfic, Death Note and Flowers for Algernon crossover, called “Make me smart” («Сделайте меня умным» in original). In that story, Matsuda is being realistic about himself and knows that he is not the brightest. He is on the investigation team, but knows he cannot offer much. He deeply dislikes L, who is, in his opinion, heartless and rude, and who makes him feel even more worthless.

Then Matsuda notices an announcement in newspapers about a doctor needing experimental patients for a surgery that makes people smart.

He goes through that surgery, but instead of becoming as smart as L, which Matsuda expected, he becomes extremely emotionally intelligent. He starts to understand people, their feelings, their relationships, and it makes him see L in a different light.

I won’t spoil any further, but THIS is my favourite version of Lawtsuda. Cold analytical mind and warm emotional mind. Two different perspectives that are capable of communicating and understanding each other. It warms my heart to even write about it.

Usual fanon Lawtsuda is a bit too sweet for me, but I still prefer it to most of other ships.

Now Matsulight.

Kind of cute in fanon, the Dragon and the Hobbit in canon.

It may seem that these two got along in canon, but I don’t believe that was real. It was real for Matsuda (that’s why he was so disappointed and furious in the end), but not for Light.

During the events of Death Note we don’t see Light communicating with other people (except his family) without some kind of reason or ulterior motive (if I remember correctly). Light doesn’t seem to feel the need in another people, let alone in Matsuda, who doesn’t represent any of Light’s core values or interests.

Matsuda values human connections, honesty, selflessness; Light values power, intelligence, being superior.

Honestly, the Dragon and the Hobbit.

[asktoutamatsuda]

She did tell me she saw some masked person escaping through the window, though.. But that’s up to you to suspect her. She’s been visiting the two of you and giving you gifts, being the sweetest soul- she even flew from Japan to Winchester to see you when you got an injury.

Just saying, I’m mad disappointed.

Mello, why did you say you would kill my wife?? She literally did nothing. Now she’s asking me strange questions like “What would you do if I died” and planning her funeral at 26..

- Matsuda (@asktoutamatsuda)

Good. She’s smart enough to know what’s coming for her.

Your “wife” is under suspicion for kidnapping and torturing my boyfriend. No one just happens upon a man being kidnapped. She was the only one there.

Where the fuck did the real kidnappers go if she didn’t do it? Did they disappear into thin air? Nothing about her story lines up.

I suggest you get the fuck out of my sight before you join the list she’s made too.

[official-mello]

How do you feel about the task force members?

Dilf

Daddy with an uptight attitude

Bodybuilder with social anxiety

Dumb twink with an inferiority complex

Dead and short

I'll let you figure out who's who.

[purplink8]

If light really cares about his father he should have tried to persuade Matsuda.

In the earlier scene where they're trying to decide how to handle Sayu's kidnapping Soichiro wants to go public to the broader NPA with it because he thinks its the correct and ethical thing to do (much like his choice to step up here) but in that case Light had no hesitation to butt in and tell him he's wrong and there's a better way to do it if they just think it through.

So why doesn't he do the same here? Matsuda -already- volunteered, so with all his persuasion and improv skills Light could easily be like "please dad I don't want you to shorten your life, our family has already been through so much, we can't do this to mom and Sayu. I'm sorry to say it but Matsuda is a better choice. He said he WANTS to do it, and he's so much younger so even if it costs half his life he can still live a very long time and doesn't have dependents, unlike you who has a family and already has fewer years"…blah blah blah.

He could have also tried to come up with a new plan altogether, Light is amazingly skilled at adapting to changing situations and coming up with new tactics on the fly. I'm sure if he pressed the case to his father, the other members of the Task Force would also agree and Soichiro would relent and agree not to take the eyes.

Even if it didn't ultimately work to convince him, it would still be worth a shot. If it were my family member you'd better believe I would relentlessly argue until I'm blue in the face to stop them, whether or not I thought it would work.

Btw it’s also a strategic miscalculation on Light's end to have his father be the eye-haver, since he KNOWS despite Soichiro's assurances otherwise deep down his Dad is unlikely to be able to kill another person. And Mello is just a kid in Soichiro's eyes, he's not even as old as Sayu. Was anyone actually shocked that he couldn't finish writing the name? Matsuda on the other hand would have done it without hesitation.

Hm, I can sort of see your point! However I'm very much in the 'Light cares for his father & his approval immensely' camp so allow me to write my reasoning for the same.

The two situations you outlined seem a little different to me when we consider the bigger picture.

In the earlier scene where they're trying to decide how to handle Sayu's kidnapping Soichiro wants to go public to the broader NPA with it because he thinks its the correct and ethical thing to do (much like his choice to step up here) but in that case Light had no hesitation to butt in and tell him he's wrong and there's a better way to do it if they just think it through.

Yes, that is very correct. But here's the thing: Soichiro was pressured into that decision by Ide. He looks really troubled and in pain since he's doing this only because of his obligation as the deputy director as reminded by Ide.

Aizawa & Matsuda were concerned for Sayu along with Soichiro (who I admit often puts work before his family, still that doesn't make him entirely unbiased when it comes to his loved ones) and that's part of the reason why Light was able to convince the task force, mainly his dad, by debunking the whole (assumed) premise of the kidnappers killing the director, instead blaming Kira for it in order to save Sayu.

This is beneficial to Soichiro since that means they don't have to alert the other personnel of the NPA (according to Light's logic) and Soichiro is saved from his terrible decision to throw his daughter under the bus with his sense of integrity/responsibility as the deputy director intact.

Notice that Light offers this way out by using logic. What I mean to say is: Light rarely appeals to his father's emotions when attempting to change the latter's mind (the only instance where he does so that I can recall is when Soichiro is literally shooting him in the face (which is traumatic as hell but I digress)).

Light, in that situation, did not go "Dad that's unfair to Sayu, you need to rethink this decision as her father". Like he knows it would be a weak argument to Soichiro 'duty comes before family' Yagami.

That is why he solves the dilemma by completely turning around the situation not in emotional terms but rationally- in the manner that he knows his dad will concede as the question isn't to choose between work or family anymore because Light has argued to not notify the other NPA departments otherwise Kira would know about the kidnapping and kill Sayu (and they wouldn't get a chance to investigate the kidnappers if Kira kills Sayu before they can negotiate with them). So their best bet is to keep quiet about it so that Kira doesn't know; meanwhile they can, as Ide says, try and catch the culprit while negotiating the exchange.

Light adds an obligatory "But in the end, it's your decision, Dad" to mollify his father and it works! We're not shown Soichiro trying to persuade the task force by repeating what Light said but they're all able to come to a mutual agreement with Ide (the one who was most insistent on notifying the other NPA heads) conceding the ground first.

So why doesn't he do the same here? Matsuda -already- volunteered, so with all his persuasion and improv skills Light could easily be like "please dad I don't want you to shorten your life, our family has already been through so much, we can't do this to mom and Sayu. I'm sorry to say it but Matsuda is a better choice. He said he WANTS to do it, and he's so much younger so even if it costs half his life he can still live a very long time and doesn't have dependents, unlike you who has a family and already has fewer years"…blah blah blah.

As I said before, Light doesn't try persuading in emotional terms when it comes to his Dad. Also the two situations are quite different, I'll highlight this by first explaining the wider context going on in the 2nd situation.

So Sayu has been rescued at the cost of the Note being handed over to Mello who still hasn't stopped blackmailing Soichiro (Mello contacts Soichiro again (the latter's phone is to be kept on in exchange for the former not killing him). And asks him about the new L's identity and threatens to kill Sayu if Soichiro doesn't answer. Matsuda saves the day this time.) which is an unpleasant reminder of his "failure as a police officer".

Soichiro is pained by guilt at the risk he poses both to his family (esp Sayu) & the task force. He fears Sachiko would divorce him. He's painfully aware of the fact that if he dies now, Sayu's life will no longer be in danger and he may no longer be a burden to the task force.

Meanwhile, Light has his own plans as Kira- which involve killing Mello with the help of Shinigami Eyes. To achieve this, he needs a member of the Task Force to attain ownership of the Note and subsequently make the deal for the Eyes. He intends Matsuda to take the fall. (Choosing/Having Soichiro volunteer instead doesn't even come across as an option in Light's head.)

And just as he predicted, Matsuda volunteers to do the job with no hesitation. The guy is disposable in Light's eyes so it does not matter in the least that he may have to kill Matsuda in 13 days. Like he does not spare a thought regarding it; that's how Light is with people he doesn't care about.

Ide agrees; everything is going according to Light's keikaku until...

Soichiro comes up with this bombshell. Light's face here says it all. He's beyond shocked. After all, he hadn't accounted for this possibility at all. He was so focused on Matsuda volunteering (which, to be fair, he did) that he hadn't thought of this from Soichiro's perspective.

How he feels after practically handing over the Note to the kidnappers to save his daughter's life. How he feels guilty & ashamed of himself for being a failure as a police officer. A danger to his family. A burden to the task force. He even contemplates killing himself as he feels that there would no longer be a threat to Sayu's life (since Mello can't blackmail him if he's dead now, can he?)

He's resolute in his decision. More importantly, he's not pressured into it by anyone else, he's the only one advocating for it- anyone who knows Soichiro well enough would be sure that he can't be shaken away from this decision. Soichiro has made up his mind.

Light, after hearing this, can of course make sense of his father's behavior. The reason why he hadn't thought of it before now was because Soichiro was not in the list of potential candidates for taking the eye deal, Light didn't take the circumstances of his dad into account because he was never meant to take the eye deal in the first place.

Light does think that it's meaningless to try stopping Soichiro but before he can think any further, Matsuda butts in, offering himself for this role instead. Soichiro is not deterred as the guilt (of letting the Note in the kidnappers' hands) is weighing in on him.

Despite Light's misgivings that he may not persuade his father (from sacrificing half of his lifespan for the Eyes), he does try to dissuade him by mentioning that Soichiro may have to kill criminals himself and asking if he can do it. This, I believe, is not so much of a question rather a discouraging tactic:

Light knows on an intimate level that Soichiro despises killing people, even if they're criminals. ("The real evil is the power to kill people." anyone? Also this scene: that comes later:

Although Mello is partly taunting Soichiro here, watching the latter's face in reaction to that comment is very telling: Mello has hit a little too close to home.)

But like I said before, it's near impossible to change Soichiro's mind now. He will say anything, even the things he's not so sure about (re: killing others), to convince the task force that he's the one accountable for the mess they're in and he will sacrifice himself in the line for his duty.

"I'll kill them... And then I'll die too, 13 days later."

Light is unfortunately well-aware of his father's self-sacrificial nature when it comes to his duty as a police officer & towards justice (Soichiro is his role model & Light has deeply internalized these teachings himself but I digress.). There's no stopping him as Soichiro is rigid in this mindset of his.

Soichiro thinks that him dying would be a favor both to his family and the task force so why not die while being of use/service through possessing the Shinigami Eyes? His will to live has diminished enormously; I feel that a pep talk by Light won't fix anything at this point.

Not only would Light not be able to persuade Soichiro otherwise that it's not Soichiro's fault the Note got handed over to Mello's gang (I'm adding the mangacap below again to emphasize this when Light tries to argue the same, he gets shut down by guilt-ridden Soichiro)

But also that Matsuda would be a better choice. Matsuda has made it clear enough, and it's apparent that the task force is not so happy with the way things are turning out but nobody dares to speak against their deputy director whom they respect.

Light also never finishes his thought: "If the need arises for my father to write a name in the notebook... Then I..." leaving it open to our interpretation as to whether he's kill his own father for enforcing the 13-day rule. I, personally, believe that he wouldn't murder his Dad (he cares for him too much for that)

Light, in the end, yields for his father's wishes. Still, you can see the emotional turmoil in his face before his eyes are hidden.

I would also like to address Ryuk's comment "Hyuk. So even using your Father...?"

I think Ryuk's wrong here, he's implying that Light would resort to even using his father as a pawn for his plan. This is so. Not. true.

Light fully intended it to be Matsuda (which is shitty of him, I know) NOT his father. He knows, from his experience, how stubborn his Dad can be about these things. Yet he did try to stop him (not in an obvious way or a way most people would) in his own subtle way, i.e., reminding him that he may need to kill people for their plan to work. It was his big shot in discouraging Soichiro from sacrificing himself as he KNOWS Soichiro isn't one for killing others.

And we all know, how it turned out, with Soichiro not budging in his decision until all the task force members had to contend with that fact.

Back to how Light feels about this situation folding out: his eyes are hidden as they usually are when he's experiencing emotional conflict:

Also look at how stressed Light seems to be before ordering Soichiro to take the eye deal. He's sweating, the pain written all over his face. He does not like this one bit Matsuda had already volunteered for Kira's sake why does Dad always make things so complicated

He could have also tried to come up with a new plan altogether, Light is amazingly skilled at adapting to changing situations and coming up with new tactics on the fly. I'm sure if he pressed the case to his father, the other members of the Task Force would also agree and Soichiro would relent and agree not to take the eyes.

Light is a genius but he has his limits too, I think. His plan requires someone in the task force to trade for the Eyes since it'd be difficult (& suspicious as hell) to have Misa (who has the Eyes) take a look at Mello's face (they only have his drawing by Linda). The task force has the means to meet Mello face-to-face as they've discovered their hideout. Yet, a face by itself is not enough for killing him through the Death Note, obviously. They need his name too, for which the Shinigami Eyes are essential.

Light says it himself in his mind: 'Unless someone makes the deal for the Eyes...This plan can't go forward.'

It's an overall difficult situation to be in. If Light was capable of coming up with a new plan, he would definitely have stopped his father. As it stands though, Light is at a loss of alternatives which is why he has to (with a heavy heart) agree to Soichiro's arrangement.

Even if it didn't ultimately work to convince him, it would still be worth a shot. If it were my family member you'd better believe I would relentlessly argue until I'm blue in the face to stop them, whether or not I thought it would work.

That is the natural response, yes. But when your father is Soichiro Yagami who is unwavering in his view of his moral duty, arguing relentlessly won't work. Besides, Light is not one to directly challenge his father when it comes to taking responsibility and/or when it comes to making up for guilt over past actions. He makes a subtle attempt despite knowing it might not work (re: him bringing up that Soichiro might have to kill, as a deterrent) and is shot down by his father.

Soichiro won't take no for an answer when his integrity as a police officer is at stake.

Btw it’s also a strategic miscalculation on Light's end to have his father be the eye-haver, since he KNOWS despite Soichiro's assurances otherwise deep down his Dad is unlikely to be able to kill another person. And Mello is just a kid in Soichiro's eyes, he's not even as old as Sayu. Was anyone actually shocked that he couldn't finish writing the name? Matsuda on the other hand would have done it without hesitation.

It is not a miscalculation on Light's part because he never intended Soichiro to be in the possession of the Shinigami Eyes in the first place. He (in his mind) meant it to be Matsuda doing his bidding from the very start. But due to unforeseen circumstances he had to relent and have Soichiro make the Eye trade. This is, as you say, disadvantageous to Light both at a strategic level AND on an emotional level.

Soichiro is reluctant to use the Death Note- Light knows it all too well ("The real evil is the power to kill people." again). Matsuda, on the other hand, is somewhat sympathetic to Kira's cause, he'd have no problems to use the Note as long as it's for the right reasons so yeah he'd have written down Mello's name with zero hesitation.

Plus, Matsuda is easily disposable from Light's perspective; killing him after 13 days would be a piece of cake to Light. While Soichiro is very dear to Light, so much so that he can't even finish thinking about killing him after 13 days.

These disadvantages and the fact that Light was shocked with his father's announcement to take up the Eye deal show that letting Soichiro have the Eyes was not considered at all.

And why would Light further persuade Matsuda? Matsuda had already tried & failed at convincing Soichiro. It takes two to tango: both Matsuda & Soichiro needed to be in agreement about who would have the Eyes. Matsuda wasn't the problem, Soichiro was from Light's POV.

Light is smart enough to see a lost cause when it appears before him, Soichiro wasn't gonna budge and they were in a stalement as killing Mello was near impossible without the Eyes. It wasn't ideal thus Light had to make do with the current situation- to ease his Dad's guilt and kill Mello with one stone with the price being half of Soichiro's lifespan (no I don't think Light would kill him after 13 days).

Light cares for his father very much, it was just an unfortunate stroke of luck to have it turn out like this. With Light indirectly & unintentionally putting his father at danger- that's the tragedy of using the Death Note, I guess.

[vamphorica]

uhm I saw ur posts ab being able to send writing requests in the asks sooo mabye sum matsulight? If ur cool w/ it obvi no pressure!!

i have never written matsulight – i don't think i had even really considered it as a ship until now – but i wrote this on the bus back from work, and it was really fun!

i hope you enjoy ♡

mist

Touta Matsuda/Light Yagami | 1.3k words | ⚣

Rating: General Audiences

Fandoms: Death Note (Anime & Manga)

Tags: One Shot, Death Note Second Arc, Romance, Secret Relationship, Minor Conflict, Canon Compliant, Pining, SFW, Unresolved Ending

"Sayu will never marry a cop." Soichiro declared, his arms folded tightly against his chest as his wife hummed in approval behind him. Matsuda's gaze hurriedly met Light's, who sat on the sofa with Misa clinging onto his arm. His composure was relaxed, no visible sense of agitation to this rather tired charade the family would enact under the assumption that Matsuda's interests lay in courting their daughter.

"I haven't even asked her out yet..." Matsuda replied with a breezy laugh that accented his anxiety. Sayu stood close, smiling in a sympathetic reassurance that further contributed to his embarrassment as his fingers clawed at his knees. He wanted to rip himself apart, release something internal as a means to escape this interrogation.

"Well, I think Matsuda is cute!" Sayu chirped. Matsuda felt the heat rise to his cheeks in pure embarrassment, squirming under the weight of an unexpected compliment.

"Really? I think you are too, Sayu!" He wasn't lying – the youngest Yagami was incredibly pretty, the certain elegance to her features reminding Matsuda of her brother's graceful charms. They had both been blessed with a beauty that felt almost alien in comparison to a man like himself, painfully average and self-aware of the fact. Even had he been handsome enough for Sayu, she was far too young for him, and his priority lay elsewhere.

The priority in question spoke up suddenly, "I think it is time I escort Matsuda to the station, he will be late getting home, otherwise." Light disengaged from Misa, his gaze still trained on Matsuda as he stood up. His expression betrayed no emotion that Matsuda could discern, and he too arose from the chair he sat upon, bowing towards Mr and Mrs Yagami. With a prompting nod from Light, the two left the room, shuffling into their shoes before opening the front door to walk out onto the quiet residential street.

It was raining and Light opened up the umbrella he had grabbed on the way out, prepared as always. Matsuda shivered, huddling close to Light as he tilted the umbrella so as to cover their heads. Matsuda hadn't anticipated how dark it had now become, and the streetlights emanated golden haloes leading down the winding road towards the station. Everything had a softness to it, from the houses to the pavement kerb, the rain dampening the sharper edges. It felt like a dream.

"I'm sorry." Matsuda sighed as the two of them began to walk, his shoulders falling as he acknowledged the tension in his back. Light turned his head, raising an eyebrow in curiosity - what for? "I didn't mean to talk to your sister in that way, I guess I just panicked."

"It's best my father assumes it is Sayu that you are pursuing, just as he believes Misa and I are committed to one another. My sister would not genuinely consider you as a potential partner, rest assured." While Light had probably intended the last comment to be reassuring, it still bruised Matsuda's ego. He grabbed his chest, mouthing 'ouch' as he pretended to stumble forward. Light rolled his eyes and continued walking, prompting Matsuda to follow beside him closely. He wished he could link his arm through Light's as he had seen Misa do so many times.

"What about you, Light? Do you see me as a potential partner?" Matsuda admitted he was being a little forward, but their affair had been a rather discreet and tightly maintained thing for some months now. Light had a tendency to schedule his life strictly, with no spontaneity afforded to his daily activities, whether they be for work or pleasure. Matsuda had begged Light to come out drinking with him in the small gay bar that he frequented regularly, but Light seemed almost baffled by the prospect of a date in such a place. He was straight-edge to a fault, and no amount of light teasing from Matsuda convinced Light to break his sobriety in the promise of a good time.

Sighing, Light replied, "Matsuda, you know we can't be public about this. The circumstances we find ourselves in are not forgiving to our situation, and we must be careful to ensure that we don't risk exposing ourselves."

"But you do love me, right?"

Light stopped. The street was approaching a dead end, and the station was to the immediate left. They had little time together before Soichiro would begin growing concerned as to the amount of time Light had spent away from the family home. It had been years since L's interrogation of his son and Misa, but he still maintained some semblance of paranoia that Light was well aware of. It could turn ugly if Light allowed it to fester, and his public display of apathy towards Matsuda would hardly serve to excuse the fact that the two spent more time together than they were expected to.

"Do you need to hear me say it? You know how I feel, I shouldn't have to spell it out for you."

"I want to hear you say it." Matsuda replied, gently, "I need some validation, is that too much to ask for?" Matsuda did wonder if at times he was being ridiculous, if he should simply be grateful for Light's affections, no matter how brief and distant they seemed, and stop expecting so much from him.

The two stood beneath the umbrella, raindrops sliding down the surface. Light placed a hand beneath Matsuda's face, tilting it upwards so he could look into the other's soft brown eyes. He was one of the only men who still believed in Light's innocence, who defended him as others grew suspicious. Perhaps like many others who admired Light, it was this which attracted him, the devotion, but in Matsuda he also found a normality he had been craving. A sense of stability that, however temporary, Light desired to such an extent that he was willing to be honest for once.

"I do love you, Matsuda." Light replied before he leaned in, his lips finding Matsuda's, and he held him in the warmth of the kiss, the rain quiet and the streetlights growing dimmer, as if to afford them privacy in this intimate moment. Matsuda let out a deep exhale through his nose, his eyes closed as he allowed his hands to take hold of Light's hips. There was a humidity to the back of his neck where his collar sat, flustered by this unusual public declaration of love from Light. Matsuda already knew this would be an opportunity he might never have again with Light, and moaned softly against the other's lips in appreciation.

Indeed, Light pulled away, the chill of the evening returning as the two shifted apart, the magic of the night broken as the rain returned to its heavy fall and the streetlights once again became brighter against the blackness of the night. Matsuda trembled as he looked towards the station nearby.

"You best be going now, Matsuda." Light's hand still gripped the umbrella handle without showing any intention of walking alongside Matsuda any further to see him off. Stepping out from beneath the umbrella and into the rain, Matsuda pulled his jacket tight across his chest as he jogged to the building, making his way to the entrance before turning around to see Light had already walked away.

Matsuda knew this was the way it had to be, for Light to return to his perfectly curated world. He would return to Misa, but he and Matsuda would steal glances at one another every few moments when in the office together, careful that Soichiro didn't catch them doing so. Maybe Matsuda could anticipate a hurried embrace in the bathroom stalls if Light felt as though such an effort was possible to execute, but it would realistically be a matter of weeks before Matsuda could expect Light to pay him any meaningful attention.

Drenched, Matsuda tried not to focus on the discomfort of his wet shirt clinging to his back, frozen needles inserted across his skin. Maybe comfort was something to be earned, and he was lucky to even have Light's attention, much less his time. When the Kira case was over, he thought as he stared up at the train timetable, he and Light could be together properly. He had to hold onto that hope at the very least.

[infinitelycynical]

we need aizamatsu for the ship chart (shocking, i know /j) (also this is dumb but ive had the worst day today but seeing your headcanons and stuff cheered me up, keep being a w 🤌)

GASP

SO SHOCKED

nah jk. i reblogged the ship chart with them in mind! and it's not dumb, i'm glad that i could provide even a little bit of happiness to your day (and thank you for telling me! now you've made my day!)

@nebulamist and @machinegunnerdave also asked for aizamatsu, but I'll only answer the one ask for convenience. I feel like aizamatsu's spokesperson atm ngl

here's our ship chart!

allow me to explain a few of these!:

matsuda is the little spoon 60% of the time, aizawa is around 40% of the time. matsuda is a cuddler and sometimes this means he's the one doing the clinging. but if anyone asks, aizawa says he's the big spoon because he would die of embarrassment if anyone learns that he sometimes enjoys being the little spoon.

both would have the ugliest fucking pyjamas, fight me

the "yeah ok" category is something i interpret as 'i don't know why you would want to touch there but it's fine if you do it' or 'it's neutral but you can if you want'.

I tried my best! anyway, enjoy! thank you so much for the asks <3

(NOTE: this post isn't showing up in the tags, i don't know why, i hope it reaches you all though)

[maskrosfe]

Thanks for fat Matsuda and chubby L art. Makes my day

You're welcome!! THANK YOU FOR LOVING HIM!! My tablet is broken rn so I can't draw you a chubby matsuda as thanks for writing the way I wish I could :'( but here's an old little thing at least!

yay chubby matsuda <33