#aside from being an obvious shitpost of course

[tvflabs]

fuck consumerism and all that, but also shoutout to corporations that put way too much effort into their april fools jokes

the main one that comes to mind is google but mojang is better because they're not shitty on every other day of the year afaik

[dreamcatcherrs]

can u do streamers with a plus size reader? ty i love ur fics ♡

+ reminder! every body type is beautiful in its own way, and I’m sure that all of the mcyts would want to date a person of any size! hope you enjoy<3

++ I also added a couple of insecurities that are common for a lot of people cause I felt like it ^-^

dating a plus size reader; mcyt x reader

dream:

dream is an absolute softie for you

he will literally carry you anywhere you go

even if you insist for him not to

he just lifts you up into his arms and runs off with you

as I’ve mentioned before, he loves squishy places of the body

especially the booty ;)

so expect a lot of grabbing whenever he’s near you (with your consent, of course)

always tells you how amazing you look

even if you’re only wearing sweatpants and a basic tee and feel like absolute shit

and he would definitely have you pose for pictures of his merch

georgenotfound:

he loves resting his head on you

uses your chest as his personal pillow

he thinks it’s absolutely crazy how you’re able to make every outfit look good

like, you could wear a plastic bag and still look like a model to him

you two go out to eat fast food at the most random times

some days midnight, some days at 5am

admires your confidence

sapnap:

THIGHS THIGHS THIGHS

he loves your thighs sooo much and always has his hands (or eyes) on them

he almost holds your thigh more than your hand

and he just thinks you’re so gorgeous and can’t believe he can call you his

but when he finds out you don’t think so, his mind is blown

like... what?

are you blind????

he tells you how “you’re so fucking hot” every day until you start thinking so yourself

badboyhalo:

loves baking cakes with you

and makes sure you’re always well fed

he absolutely adores your stretch marks!

he loves just tracing his fingers over the lines

following them around with his fingertips

and gets very focused about it to a point where he stops listening to you talk

he makes sure you never feel down about something as natural as stretch marks

and makes sure to kiss every place you're insecure about

technoblade:

techno literally doesn't care what you look like

he only cares if you're happy, cause he really hates seeing you sad

especially when he can't do anything about it

so when he catches you one day looking at yourself in the mirror with a look of disgust 

his heart crumbles in his chest

sits you down to talk about it

and gets more touchy afterwards along with spurring out compliments more often

wilbur soot:

wilby is also a big sucker for thighs

he’s not super grabby, but he gets his point across;

that he absolutely loves every part of your body

to be honest, like techno, I see wilbur as someone who literally does not care what you look like

if he likes you, he’ll love the way you look either way

he is very appreciative of soft, fleshy parts of your body

that he can just cling onto when he wants

jschlatt:

fuck, does schlatt love to have you on his lap

like he might not come across as someone who’s cuddly

but I’m telling you

he is super cuddly

he just wants someone to hold and to be held by

he needs that physical touch and he just can't seem to keep his hands off of you

he’ll tell you “you look so stupid right now”, laugh, and then give you a big ol’ bear hug

jokes aside, he makes sure you know just how dizzyingly beautiful you look 24/7

corpse husband:

fishnets, legs, fishnets, legs

even if you don't like wearing fishnets, he’s just all; legs, grab, thighs, squish

no but seriously he loves your legs so much

they just catch his attention and immediately make him go soft

without you doing anything you’ll just hear him giggle at you

and then realise he’d been looking at you for a hot minute, just taking in how absolutely stunning you look

and he doesn't fail to let you know that :)

karl jacobs:

like wilbur, I think he just genuinely doesn't care and loves you regardless of what you look like

we all know that karl’s way of showing affection is through touch

so he loves cuddling up to you

using your chest as a pillow and engulfing you in his arms

and he’ll be whining within a second if you even a much as try to move away from him

something he doesn't realise he does, but you do, is that he will just randomly hold on tight to a certain part of your body

even if you're just talking

his hands will be on you without him even noticing

and it’s really cute

skeppy:

I’ve mentioned this before, but I think that skeppy really likes the way skirts look on you

or tight-fitting jeans

anything that compliments your body, really

though he does like the way you look without any clothes on

anyways, he fucking loves your body so much

and any person who thinks differently is not his friend

he’s always hugging you

or brushing his knuckles over your arms lovingly

small touches are his forté

fundy:

he can never seem to keep his eyes off of you

no matter how hard he tries, you’re just too gorgeous

isn’t the touchiest of the boys, but when he’s in the need for some physical touch, he’s very obvious about it

will start off by holding your hand

and then maybe move onto hugging you from behind

comes off pretty clingy once he needs that love and affection

he just loves touching you; maybe cause your skin is soft? he’ll never tell you (it’s his little secret)

quackity:

MMMME GUSTAAA

he looooooves loves loves  how, and I quote, “thicc you are”

and he gets so clingy, too

makes grabby hands at you if he needs to to catch your attention

and definitely, without a doubt, uses your chest as his personal pillow

he’s also a squisher

your thigh’s kinda become his little stress toy

alex will fully commit to being a complete simp for you - he does not care at this point

can get blushy sometimes when he catches himself looking at you for too long

punz:

if you thought that sapnap would be wild when it comes to thighs, let me introduce you to this man

luke is a massive sucker for some thick thighs

and don't even get me started on the flesh on your hips

he lowkey has an addiction to constantly keeping his hands on there, but it’s not like you mind

it’s like his hands are glued onto you sometimes

holding on tightly or gently, doesn't matter

and sometimes he’ll even get lost in the way his fingers dig into your skin

can't fathom the fact that you're all his

awesamdude:

sam is literally the cutest🥺

gives you compliments all the time

and literally always has a hand on you to gently caress your skin

and he is always gentle with his touches

and I mean always

drawing circles onto your back or arm using his thumb

placing small kisses on your temple

he always posts pictures of you on his instagram and twitter

has like one or two pictures of himself, and the rest are of you :]

slimecicle:

literally smothers you with love and affection

he loves the little dents in your thighs from cellulite

finds it sooo attractive

loves to trace his fingers over the dents

notices immediately if there are changes in your eating habits

and will confront you the second he notices cause he can't bare the thought of you eating less than usual

makes sure it never happens again

eret:

they have a special seat for you right on his lap

if you were comfortable with it she’d love for you to sit with them in his streams

SHOWERS you with compliments

constantly

and leaves trails of kisses everywhere

even if you whine about it being too much or distracting you

he ignores it and continues

can't believe she’s ended up with such a god/dess as you

jack manifold:

jack was completely shocked when he found out you were insecure about your body

what was there to be insecure about?

to his eyes you were completely perfect, and he just couldn’t understand how… you couldn’t see that?

makes sure you now how absolutely stunning you are

can't help but to show you off to everyone (he is a leo after all)

and also let’s his hands roam all over you - with your consent, of course!

adores you so much

tommy:

tommy had seriously never thought of it before you’d said that you didn’t want a piece of cake after he asked

and he goes; why?????

and you’re like; I shouldn't eat it

and he’s even more ???

doesn't know what why or when you decided you “shouldn't” do something as normal as eating

it’s so very obvious how soft he is for you when it’s just the two of you

and even succumbs to his soft side in front of others if he gets too caught up in your beauty

tubbo:

tubbo just… doesn't care

like, at all

but of course he notices the absolute beauty of you, and will simp for you

doesn't shower you with compliments, but gives subtle signs

a common one is squeezing your hand

or calling you cute or adorable

brushing a strand of hair out of your face

simplicity is his thing

ranboo:

lots of hugsss

unintentionally squeezes too hard so you have to tap his shoulder 

and he just giggles

he likes resting his head on practically any part of your body

cause you're so comfy

wants to constantly fondle you in his arms

he’s become so used to clinging to you, it’s just by instinct at this point

____________________________________

tag list✰

@zayenz @terribletoothbat @0t0n1n @0125cm @yukiuheh @shinee-is-5-forever @regularnoceur @b01nk-b0w@christhebish@nutritious-emo-crackkk@bookishreid@giavanna-707 @reddiesmcdonalds@cosmins@vixxzial@autumnpleaves@paradigmax@meaganjm@shiningsunrises@moralofwalls@username1212131@gxldentaestuff@innitdream @televisionpresent38 @bubblyanis@zurami @highoffhockey @popinjaytaylor@196os@livsbaby@doubts-of-gold@bunlina@retrav @mcyt-is-my-life@aleaisntcreative @my-shitpost-of-writing @my-shitpost-of-writing @clownsdrowning @pissbabywastaken@shiningsunrises @tie-dyed-dumbass @death-by-rats@simpfordraco @bippity-boppity-boopa@neongreendaydreams  @vibin-by-myself@littlepotatos0w0@christhebish @pipp-poppz@btsiguess-kpop@prettysmallfries@hiyoko-kos@kenmxskitten@fudrudy@weepingartanimespy@rhino-zucchini@goldenstarofthunderclan@melonmarz@ubeicecreamisthebest@polaroidinurroom @ady-yoo@isimpforeveryone@edenhollandd@ineedtogetoutofhere@glitter-night @hamilsandersfam@mothheart-witch @wrong-exit@trashcanfullofdork  @hellfirepheonixx @marshmallow-babe@isimpforeveryone @ky50621 @randomcloud@wormie4k@dinonuggies50  @p4rty-t4ttoos@aspenthegremlin@book-of-anarchy @jeyacore @thetattooink@gogywasfound@millavalntyne@junob1ade@ubeicecreamisthebest@karida @i-have-paws-love@drvgonraja@eatasslikegrass@creamofweep@venusomega@lunarfedora@rowe-n @wreny24 @vincent-stargogh @floatingplanets​ @vernon-dursley​ @childhoodgrunge​ @fivxss @hexagonclash​ @crazyjuls12​ @littlebabysandboxburritos @shifted-dreams@lenamarie666 @reinyrei @sozvuchiy @weaslvy-mxlfoy​ @aiofheavenandhell​ @honeyglaazed @carisle-mikealson​ @ineedtogetoutofhere​ @twist3dtinkerbell@cracraforfandoms@angel-dazey @leia-starly @smiithys​ @squiddyyyy​ @c0wc0ww​ @animeweeb019284​ @m00-bl00m-k0le @stqrs-thoughts @jenlouvre @uhhhguiltypleasures​ @trappedchest​ @punzrights​ @trashgremlin36​ @cyberrsoot​ @elebeleb​ @k3nn3dis-crap​ @karlshoodies​ @rascal-in-banishment​ @heartbroken-writer​ @bartok-the-magnificent​ @ihavenoideashelp​ @goldiefox1​ @bethybop​ @helluhru​ @venuzblr​ @pha5ed5tar50 @cscooop​  @bethybop @lunareclipse-13 @http-strawberryy 

[theliterarywolf]

What happened exactly with Centaurworld? YouTube tried to recommend me some video about it but the preview just kept me from even thinking of watching the show but I'm curious as how your shitpost actually happened.

*deep breath* Okay, let's see... I actually went back and watched through the HOUR-LONG SEASON FINALE as well as episode 5 of S2 to make sure I wasn't misrepresenting anything for humor's sake.

So! Oh, also, spoilers I guess? Though, aside from six people who follow me, I doubt anyone cares that much about Centaurworld..?

S1! We're introduced to the main antagonist of the story during the final two episodes: The Nowhere King

Jumping forward to S2, we find out that our main character Horse has the ability to jump into other people's backstories in the ultimate invasion of privacy. Leading us to such wonderful character-reveals as:

Glendale (the freaky-looking bug-eyed gazelle... thing) has such crippling kleptomania (that may also be a little bit schizophrenia-induced, if we dig into any potential symbolism her personification of her stomach-portal can have) that it's ruined every relationship she's ever had

Ched (the flying one) -- Actually, quick aside, can I just say I HATE the birdtaur designs in this show? They aren't centaurs! They aren't even quadrupedal! They're basically just shitty birdsonas! -- is racist (speciesist I guess) against Horse and anything horse-like because, when he was a child he was publicly shamed and humiliated by the aristocratic horsetaurs.

Which. I mean, cool motive; but you're still an asshole, buddy.

And Derpleton, that fucking dipshit giraffe centaur, has crippling daddy-issues and the constant desire to want to be a father to someone because his own father kicked him out of the house into a stormy night because Derpleton was being too emotionally clingy and not living up to his expectations.

Which. I mean, cool motive; but, God, you're still so annoying I want you to die..!

Anyway, all this leads to the finale where its the big war between The Nowhere King's unholy army of minotaurs and abominations versus the unified army of Centaurworld. Horse gets the idea of going into the Nowhere King's backstory.

This is where... Whew, boy.

So, first, Horse wanders into a pitch-black abyss which is completely empty, prompting her to think she died until she meets an Elk who leads her to find out that the Nowhere King used to be an elk centaur who maintained the portal between the human world and Centaurworld. He fell in love with a human princess/queen (who could NOT have been anymore obvious with her Fuck Me eyes and 'I'm ready to jump into monsterfucker territory' innuendo -- for fuck's sake, she called his horns cute and lamented when they fell off!) but he's full of self-hatred and gets the idea that 'oh, she's a human and I'm not; she would never want to be with me! ... Unless~!'

So he proceeds to perform some crime against nature experiments on separating centaurs into their animal and human halves. After several cycles, he performs the experiment on himself, resulting in two entities: the Elk... and the man who would go on to become the General of the human army.

As many stories have told us, you can't separate a mentally/emotionally unstable person into two entities without creating two entities who are even more unstable. The General goes to woo the princess/queen and is living it up, but the Elk is fucking miserable and pleads with the general to put them back together again. The General responds to this by trying to drown the elk, only stopping when he himself starts drowning: realizing that if one of them dies, they both die. The General's response? So, uh... Remember how Horse wandered into a pitch-black abyss when she first entered The Nowhere King's backstory? Yeah...

The General goes full sociopath and locks the Elk away in a cold, dark cell for Ten. Years. The Elk only being freed when the princess/queen finds him and sets him free. Of course, by that point, the Elk's mental state is even MORE unstable and he gets it in his head to use the same experiments that he did as an Elktaur to try and create a family for himself, resulting in the minotaurs who would go on to cause havoc for both the human world and Centaurworld. All the while, the constant experiments are rotting the Elk's body to the point where he would become the corrupted being known as The Nowhere King.

However, there's a brief moment of respite! The princess/queen corners both TNK and the General in the rift between worlds and says she knows what they've done and she's going to fix it: making an attempt to use the magic to force the two back together and seal the portals between their two realms. However, the magic is also unstable and it ends up reacting negatively: sending the princess/queen into Centaurworld with several components of the magic McGuffin, sending the General back to the human world with one piece, sealing the portals to both worlds, and trapping TNK in the empty space between both realms. Alone. Further fracturing an already shattered mind.

So the original shitpost I made was under the assumption that TNK was originally human but the princess/queen wanted more power and that power corrupted him into TNK and she wasn't able to change him back.

When, in reality, it should have been: 'When you're a teratophile and you're so thirsty and DTF but your monster boyfriend is so self-conscious that he turns himself human and makes everything bad for everyone and everytime you try to turn him back, shit keeps fucking up'.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

“You need a new superhero name.” 

Damian brought it up unexpectedly, eyes still trained on the security camera he was dismantling. 

“What?” Jon was sifting through the footage, using superspeed to catch every little detail of last night, but at Damian’s voice, he paused the recording and looked up.

Damian was still digging inside the camera, having removed the back panel and a good chunk of wires, and was now sifting through the piece of tech with a pair of tweezers. Nonetheless, he continued the conversation. “A name. You’re not going to be Superboy forever, are you?”

“Um,” Jon could honestly say he’d never thought about it. He’d always been Superboy, ever since he could remember. He wasn’t one to place much thought into birthrights or heritage, not like Damian, but he also wasn’t overlooking the fact that his father was Superman. What exactly did that make him? Superboy was the obvious answer. “I don’t think I can be anything else, Damian.”

“You have an older brother who also goes by Superboy.”

Jon shrugged. “We share.”

“Still. You’re graduating high school in just a few months, Jon. Though it’s surprising to say, you’ve outgrown the title.”

Jon’s lips instantly turned upward in a smirk. “I’ve outgrown the title, huh?”

At that, Damian turned to glare at him. Pointing a finger, he said, “I will taze you. Shut up.”

“Whatever you say, short stack.” Jon chuckled at Damian’s little growl. “But honestly, what else am I supposed to be? Everyone knows me as ‘Superman’s Son.’ I mean, Dad’s name is so big in the League, I don’t think I’ll ever separate myself from it.” And if he was honest, Jon didn’t know if he wanted to separate himself from it.

Damian hummed. “Not true. Look at Richard.”

“Dick? What about him?”

“Well,” Damian paused to move the tweezers to his other hand, “Richard started out as the first child hero, working under Batman. And unlike the other early proteges, he didn’t simply work as his mentor’s sidekick. He created his own legacy. And then he became Nightwing.”

“But Nightwing was already a thing,” Jon pointed out. “It’s a Kryptonian legend.”

“Yes, but there hasn’t actually been a Nightwing, has there? Even if there was one on Krypton, Richard was the first Nightwing on Earth. You wouldn’t call him a sidekick, would you?”

“What, no!” Jon’s reaction was immediate. “Nightwing’s, like, one of the most well-known guys out there. Literally everyone knows him, and literally everyone trusts him. He’s not a sidekick.”

Damian turned to smile at him. “Some would say he was. Do you understand my point?”

Jon pouted, took a deep breath and let it out. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I don’t know, I’m not even sure how to go about doing that.”

“Well, to start off, find a new name.” Damian hunched over the camera even more, suddenly focusing in on something.

“I guess so. You got any ideas?” At Damian’s lack of response, Jon asked again, “Damian?”

Damian straightened, holding up the tweezers. Clasped tightly between the tongs was a miniscule data chip. “Here’s the footage we’re looking for.”

Jon stared at him, eyes wide. “How did you even know that was there?”

Damian shrugged. “Simple matter of deductive reasoning.”

“Tim told you, didn’t he.”

A pause. Then, “Drake may have mentioned a while back that a certain trafficking ring was hiding the data chips inside the cameras, and that others were catching on to the trick. I simply tested out his theory.” Damian looked physically pained, and Jon laughed.

“Cool. Put it in, I’ll look through the footage.”

Damian handed the chip over, then laced his his fingers together, put his arms above his head to stretch. Jon, still holding the chip, stared at the line of Damian’s muscles. When Damian quirked an eyebrow, Jon quickly cleared his throat and took the old data chip out of the computer, replacing it with the new one. “So, any ideas?”

“For your name? A couple,” Damian said. “Of course, you need to have an idea for what you’re thinking of.”

Jon nodded absently, pressing rewind on the footage. “I’m not sure if I want to separate from the Super name entirely, though.”

“You don’t want to, or are you scared to?”

Jon snorted. “You probably know the answer to that better than I do. I think I got a name, it’s on the side of the truck.” He zoomed into the footage. “Yeah, it looks we were right. The pharmaceutical company’s related somehow. There’s that stupid gremlin looking thing again.’

“The griffin?” Damian asked, peering over his shoulder. He made a contemplative noise, brows furrowed

“Is that what that thing’s called? Looks like a half drowned bird.”

Damian laughed, and batted Jon’s hands aside. “That’s not what an actual griffin looks like. Here.” He pulled up a couple pictures on his phone.

Jon swiped through a couple pictures, eyebrows raised. “Yeah, those are a lot more impressive. What are they though?”

“Mythological creatures from a variety of different places. They have the body of a lion and the wings and head of an eagle. They’re quite majestic.”

Jon squinted his eyes at him. “You’re implying something. I know you’re implying something.”

In response, Damian nodded his head towards the phone.

“What?” Jon asked.

“Griffin! It’s a perfect name.”

Jon raised his eyebrows skeptically. “Oh yeah. Because I’m part cat and part bird. Perfect analogy.”

Damian slapped his hand lightly. “No, you moron. It doesn’t have anything to do with the eagle or the lion.”

“Then?”

“Your dual heritage.” At Jon’s uncomprehensive look, Damian sighed. “You’re half-Kryptonian, half-human. And it shows. When you fight, you’re fierce and unafraid, much like your father. At the same time, though, you’re endlessly curious and inquisitive, like your mother. God knows I’ve been on the end of that far too often.”

“Oh. That, huh. That actually makes sense.”

Damian shrugged. “I’m just saying. It would be a good homage to your roots, and you’re honoring your parents, without being too overt.”

Jon looked down at the phone again. The lion part was strong, muscled, steady. The bird’s head was curved and fierce, wings spread majestically.

 “Griffin. You know what? I kinda like it.”

OKAY SO THIS WASN’T ACTUALLY MY IDEA i read a damijon fic a while back on ao3 where the author had jon’s name as griffin and i thought that was so so cool so i wrote a thing and i tried to find it again to give them credit but i couldn’t find it!!! so if anyone knows the fic i’m talking about, or if you yourself wrote the fic, please let me know so i can link you in the thing. it really was an incredible idea.

tag list: @comicsandhoney @birdy-bat-writes @elles-shitposts-personified @subtleappreciation @yesboopityboop @dangerduckjpeg @astroherogirl

and i know you’re not actually on my tag list so sorry for bothering you with this but @iamwhelmed i thought you would appreciate this

[talkinbouttinygames]

Blaseball

(The Commissioner is doing a great job.)

I’ve never really ‘gotten’ sports. At the very least, I’ve never gotten watching sports. But having played Blaseball, I think I kind of understand. After an hour I was ride or die for my favourite team, Yellowstone Magic (which I had chosen from the list of teams at the start), changed my social media status to their slogan, had a resentment for King Weatherman, loved Francisco Preston and Washer Barajas, was chanting ‘eat the rich’ at my desk as I got up money for votes, occasionally checked the Forbidden Book to see if any new information had been divulged, and was always secretly praying that none of the umpires would incinerate any of the Magic’s players.

And if you have no idea what any of that means, I don’t blame you! Blaseball is definitely a cult-type kind of game (like a certain webcomic), where you go with the flow and the chaos is part of the charm. However, for a more penetrable explanation, Blaseball is a lo-fi simulator of baseball with a cosmic horror-esque theme and twist. 20 teams (with names such as the Canada Moist Talkers and the Hellmouth Sunbeams) face off in 99 games over the course of season (5 real-world days) on the incorporeal plane.

But while the players on the teams work to score, you, the player sitting behind a screen, don’t take part in such affairs. Instead, you try to accumulate (entirely fictional) money. The primary form is by betting on the games, which play on the hour, though you also gain some whenever your favourite team wins. The money can then be spent on votes, which are then forwarded for various games changes next season. Some of them affect the entire league, such as making stolen bases being worth .1 Runs, while others are meant to buff your team or debuff the opponents, such as Soul Swap, which a. is exactly what you think it sounds like, and b. randomizes the stats of your team’s 5 worst players. While the game-wide changes, or Decrees are determined by which one(s) have the most votes, the team effects (Blessings) are chosen by lottery, so having more votes for a particular blessing increases but does not guarantee the chances of your team snagging it. However, though the game itself is mostly a straight text and numbers-simulator (you can watch a log of the games if you know enough about regular baseball; I do not), the experience of the cultural event of Blaseball is much more than that. A trip over to your team’s page on the wiki will allow you to put (often lowkey absurd) faces to the silly names of your team’s players. For example, the Yellowstone Magic’s hitter Washer Barajas is literally a blaseball hat and bat caught in a geyser (and they’re amazing and I love them). And all of the information of created by the community as one collaborative storytelling event. It’s like one of those high-concept ‘what-if’ Tumblr or Twitter shitposts come to life.

And the barebones yet playfully absurd cosmic horror structure of Blaseball is perfect to encourage it. For all the current three seasons, at least one of the decrees passed has had no obvious mechanical effect. The first one was to open the Forbidden Book of Blaseball, which had the effect of collapsing the Moab desert into Hellmouth, turning the Sunbeams into the Hellmouth Sunbeams, letting people look at the (mostly redacted but slowly unwraveled) book, and allowing the umpires to incinerate players. The absurdity and the openess just allow for an absolutely forkwild story where everyone just rolls with it and is along for the ride.

And isn’t that what sports fandom is kind of about? Creating stories out of events, mythologizing the players, and engaing with a sort of play-tribalism with your favourite team? Right now it’s just been revealed that the effects of the new ‘Feedback’ weather causes players to swap teams with eachother, and people in the Magic Discord are speculating on how other teams would justify having Washer Barajas switch to their team, or the drama that would come from having King Weatherman (player of the Boston Flowers and rival to the entire Yellowstone Magic) switch over to ours. It’s excitement for the uncertainty and the potential stories in the world that everyone’s created. Additionally, the dedication of Blaseball fans stretches beyond just the game. Sunday has been named ‘Blaseball Cares’ day, where team communities highlight various causes and organizations for fans to donate to, such as the Transformative Justice Law project or North American Association for Environmental Education. So aside from being a Fun Absurdist Baseball Simulator, Blaseball has done some serious good.

If you take anything from this issue, it’s that if you decide to join the cultural event of Blaseball, you should join the Yellowstone Magic. We’re super friggin’ cool. ✨ As above, so below! ✨

Specifications

Browser

Free

~5-7 minutes to bet on games and buy votes

Jocky Post-Game Analyses (and Other Things)

Things of Beauty: Super Smash Bros. as Spectator Sport (Sportsfanning via Video Games)

Blaseball F.A.Q. (very helpful for beginners!)

[a-deadly-serenade]

The Shield and the Sword: Chapter 9: Fickle Feelings [Alucard/Reader]

You’re a witch that is skilled in herbology, one that has been persecuted by the church for practically your entire life. In spite of this, moving throughout different towns has allowed you to pick up some chatter about a woman in a village called Lupu. She is supposed to be a wonder when it comes to medicine, and this immediately perks up your interest. So after plucking up some courage, you’ve made it to her door… hoping that she takes you as her apprentice.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16724856?view_full_work=true

~ Click here for the masterlist.

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Although you could confidently say that you preferred spring and summer to the long, dreary days of impending cold brought by winter, there was a serene beauty to be found during the months of autumn. Trees shed their leaves in a beautiful array of colors, from dark browns, to bright reds and oranges, becoming a living breathing painting in the way they danced in the wind.

The ground became blanketed in plush and crunchy leaves that rustled quietly as tiny creatures made their way through the foliage in search of food and safety. Birds had begun their annual migrations to warmer territories, with only the few hardened species sticking around to conquer another harsh winter, as they had been doing for millennia.

The air was crisp, fresh, as though you were taking a bite of one of the juicy apples that had started dropping from the trees, glistening like forbidden gems in the morning dew.

Even though it made you a little sad to see the trees so barren, and the flowers slowly starting to retreat, there was an obvious relief to be felt amongst the plants. Winter was a time for them to sleep, to relax, to prepare themselves for the upcoming spring and summer. The next time you saw all of them, they would be bouncy and refreshed, full of renewed life as they greeted the warm weather with open arms.

You had also recently noticed how much extra free time you had, now that so many of the plants you tended to were beginning to retreat back to the earth. It was great to have more opportunities to fill with extra studying, or extra practice. Recently, you had taken to adapting some of the skills you learned these first few weeks working in Lupu to your magic. Some of the fairies even offered to help, with Aria and Livy being the most enthusiastic.

It was actually nice to have them collaborating with you on this endeavor. They had recently started scouting the gardens for any injured animals for you to practice on, and would take you to them once they had spotted someone in need of a little assistance. Oftentimes it would be a bird with a broken wing, but occasionally you would come across a fox with a busted leg, or a deer that had been injured fleeing from a predator.

From these sessions, you learned how to focus your energy into stopping any serious bleeding that may be occurring, both internally and externally. From there, you moved to repairing whatever it is that had been damaged. Bones took a bit more time to mend than a cut or scratch, but you were slowly building up your stamina on how long you could use your magic in order to tend to an injury.

You had yet to practice this on a human though, and considering how different and how complicated the human body was, you were more than a little skeptical of your abilities. Perhaps… it would be possible to try it on someone you trusted?

Your teeth tug into your bottom lip as you thought this over. Was it time to reveal that you were a witch to the villagers? Your patients? Your friends? It felt so…dishonest not being able to be your complete self when you were around them. It was exhausting having to put up these fronts in order to hide this part of yourself. Castlevania had been the first place outside of your coven where you felt completely authentic, and you never compromised yourself whenever you were around the Tepes family.

But, how would they react? Would they be horrified? Would they be terrified? Would they rat you out to the church and have you executed? Or… would they be understanding? Maybe even a little curious?

You let out a frustrated sigh, and looked down at the scrawl of notes you had taken about these new healing abilities of yours. This was so irritating! If only you could just use your magic while you treated people in Lupu! But of course not! Magic was somehow seen as ‘evil’ and ‘dark’, definitely not something that could benefit humanity as a whole!

Shaking your head to clear your thoughts, you got up and stretched out your arms and legs, only then realizing just how sore your back was getting; seems as though you had reverted to slouching again in your seat as you sat there pensively.

Maybe you could ask Lisa what she thought of the idea… yeah, that sounds like a fair compromise.

You raced out of your room, practically running down hallways as you sped to the laboratory on the opposite side of the castle. This is where Lisa spent most of her time, and enormous, ancient part of the castle that had once been used by Vlad, back in the day when alchemy was the talk of the town.

When you arrive at the entrance, an intimidating, iron door that had been coated in a pitch black color, you pushed it open and peeked inside.

“Lisa?” you called out, and walked in.

The floor was made of smooth marble tiles, and your footsteps hardly made a sound as you trekked across them in search of Lisa. It was with some amusement, that you noted how Vlad must be a huge fan of statues, since nearly every room you had visited was decorated with at least a handful of them. This time, they were large bronze statues of warriors with long swords and detailed shields, another nod to the Greek motif he seemed very fond of as well.

Rows and rows of tables were scattered throughout the room, each serving their own purpose as concoctions brewed or were left to sit and cure. You weren’t completely sure of everything that was going on, a lot of these instruments still being quite foreign to you. This room also held a fair amount of items Lisa claimed Vlad invented. Although, as you looked upon two large glass tankards that supposedly could create batches and batches of tonics within a mere hour, that claim slowly started to earn a bit more merit.

“Lisa?” you called out again, but still, you earned no response.

This place wasn’t that big… there was no way she wouldn’t be able to hear you. But the further in you walked, the more apparent it became that Lisa was most definitely not here.

That’s odd… you think to yourself, hands on your hips as you tried to picture where it is she could have gone.

The kitchen? But, there was still some time before lunch, it wouldn’t make sense for her to be up there right now. The garden? That might be a possibility. Or what about the medical library?

You sighed, headed out of the laboratory, and closed the door behind you. Where should you try first? You supposed that the medical library would probably be your best bet, and so you began to make your way there.

This had turned out to be a much bigger ordeal than you wanted it to be. You just needed some advice, that was all! But now it’s just turned into a wild goose chase, and you’re hoping that Lisa will be in the library so that you could actually make some progress with this!

As you dart down the last hallway, the sudden appearance of Adrian made you all but crash into a wall. Your feet awkwardly stumbled over themselves a few times as you slowed yourself down to a stop, your breath leaving you in short, shallow gasps.

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

Your eyes widened slightly as you looked at him, and you had to use all of the self-restraint within you to stop your jaw from hanging open in shock.

The entire time that you had been living in Castlevania, Adrian had kept his hair down, not like you could ever complain. His hair was beautiful, a light blond that shimmered golden in the sunlight, and silver in the moonlight. It complimented his elegant face beautifully, and you’d be damned if you hadn’t thought of running your fingers through his loose curls.

But today… he had tied it all back with a silk black ribbon, and stacked it in a messy bun that left a few strands to frame his face. You knew that you were staring, but you couldn’t help it. He looked so… he looked so--

“What, is there something on my face?”

His voice jolted you back to reality, and his question caused you to burst into a quiet fit of laughter.

“No… no, you just, surprised me is all.” you replied, and you felt yourself become at ease. Your gaze darted from his face to his garb, and your eyebrows furrowed in mild confusion when you realized that he was wearing a black cloak and leather riding gloves.

“Are you going somewhere?”

He appeared slightly taken aback by your question, but he quickly composed himself. “As a matter of fact, I am.”

You gave him a sly grin, as you teased, “You? Going out? Forgive me if I find that hard to believe.”

It did not appear as though he were in the same playful mood, his lips twitching for a moment before he said in a heated tone, “There are quite a few things I find hard to believe,” his voice trails off for a bit, and for a moment, you thought you could see the faintest tinge of hurt in his expression. This is quickly masked over as he looks back up at you, his gaze sending a cold chill down your spine. “But I doubt me wanting some time away from here is one of them.”

You’re frozen to the spot, absolutely baffled at what just happened. It wasn’t… you weren’t serious! It had just been a joke!  

Your own eyes narrowed at him, and you scoffed. “Fine, go!” you stepped aside and waved your arms down the hallway. “I certainly won’t stop you.”

He flinched, your scathing tone obviously doing its job as he glides past you without another word.

You felt like you could scream, like you could blast a hole into one of the walls, but… you just took a deep breath, and decided to continue on your quest to find Lisa.

Finally arriving at the medical library, you walked inside and to your surprise, you find Vlad sitting in one of the large armchairs. He had several books stacked on the small desk that stood beside him, a few of them open, even though he was currently flipping through one at the moment!

He did not seem to notice you at first, but as he looked up to attend to a steaming cup of tea, his eyes widened and he made a deep hum acknowledging your presence as he swallowed down his drink.

“Well, well, what a nice surprise,” he mused, a smile on his face. “I hardly expected any visitors today.”

You give him a shy grin in response, and slowly walked over to where he sat. “Actually, I was looking for your wife.”

“Lisa?”

You nodded. “I was hoping to get some advice on something… but I haven’t been able to find her!”

Vlad’s eyebrow raised up in confusion, and he put down his book. “Did she not tell you she left earlier this morning?”

Your mouth gaped open like a fish out of water, but then you frowned, your jaw tight and arms folded across your chest. “No, she did not…”

Vlad easily picked up how this news had absolutely soured your day, and he stood up from his seat to take a firm, yet comforting grip of your shoulder. “Do not take it too personally, little one. Lisa is infamous for leaving suddenly like this, especially during the colder months. She starts to think about one of the older women catching a cold, and then before you even know it, she’s racing out of here on Cinder with a bundle of supplies tied to his back.”

You chuckled at the image, and quickly found the tension in your body slowly seeping away. It was nearly impossible to be upset with Lisa, she was so selfless, and it warmed your heart learning how much she truly cared about the people of Lupu.

“I’d appreciate if she let me know next time, but, she obviously had her reasons.” you said, and let out a deep sigh. “It’s just… I would have really appreciate her intake on this…”

Vlad lead you over to a chair, and gestured for you to sit as he took his spot back in his armchair. “I hope that you understand that you can always come to me if you’re ever in need of someone else’s wisdom.”

You chuckled, and thank Vlad as he offers you a cup of tea. “Hmm… you may be onto something there,” you add some sugar and then take a sip, the warm brew setting your mind and body at ease.

A comfortable silence hangs in the air between the two of you, and you relished in the tranquility, utterly baffled that you had been so stressed out earlier.

You thought of what had transpired earlier between Adrian, and you inwardly cringe when you recall just how vindictive you had sounded. Although, it’s not as if you had been the only one with an attitude. Just what had gotten into him? What exactly did he mean when he said that he wanted to get away from ‘here’? Did he mean here as in, Castlevania? Why would he ever want to do that?

“Is something on your mind, little one?”

Your cheeks are tinged a light red, embarrassed that you had been so obvious. But, you tuck those specific thoughts back into some recess of your mind, instead focusing on the questions that had started this whole search in the first place.

“Do you…” you stopped, and your lips upturned into a grimace. “No, this is so stupid, I don’t know why I would ever think of such a thing--”

“I sincerely doubt that. Please, tell me,” he gave you a genuine smile and leaned forward a bit. “I have been alive for a very long time, young one. Nothing surprises me anymore.”

It was certainly a strange way to try and boost your confidence, but it definitely worked. Perhaps Vlad had been the one you were supposed to talk to after all, especially considering the fact that he was allegedly very skilled in the magical arts.

You ease yourself into the comfy armchair, fingers absentmindedly tracing around the golden rim of the teacup clasped tightly in your hands. “Well… let’s see… have you… have you ever been very public in showing off your magical abilities?”

Vlad’s eyes widened slightly, your question clearly catching even him off guard. “Are you asking me if I’ve ever performed my magic around humans?”

The tips of your ears turn a bright red, and your eyes shy away from his gaze. “It’s probably so silly,” you replied. “But… I was wanting to become more transparent with the villagers, to try and use my magic to do some real good. It’s probably just a pipe dream…”

“Now, there’s no need to say such things,” he said, and gave you a kind smile. “It’s honorable that you would think to put yourself at risk in order to help people. However,” his voice trails off, the frown on his face only cementing your previous claim at the ridiculousness of this idea.

“These are dangerous times for people like us, those skilled in the magical arts. Over the years, I’ve limited myself in how often I use magic to prevent any unwanted attention, especially now that I have a family.”

That you could definitely understand, and you suddenly felt so selfish at the idea of causing any of them harm by revealing your identity as a witch. But…

“I just… I just hate this nagging feeling,” you begin, voice a little hoarse. “I hate this idea that I can never be my true self around them because of what I am.” you sip on your tea to calm your jittering nerves, and took a deep breath. “It’s stifling.”

Vlad nodded his head in agreement. “Yes… it can be very frustrating having to deny so much in order to keep yourself out of harm’s way. You’ve heard of the nomadic tribe known as Speakers, yes?”

“Adrian mentioned them a few times during some of our lessons, but I must admit that I am quite unfamiliar with their teachings.”

Vlad waved his hand in the air, and a large red book flew off one of the shelves. Propelled by his magic, it spun around a few times before it gracefully landed on your lap, throwing itself open and flipping through hundreds of pages before stopping on a section with beautifully detailed drawings of people in long blue robes.

“I’ll be the first to admit that the Speakers were not too fond of me when they first found out who I was,” he chuckled, and stroked the end of his beard thoughtfully. “Especially when my skills in the dark arts started to make a name for themselves. So, when they found out that there was some murderous, dark, brooding vampire causing trouble up in the Wallachian mountains, they decided to find out for themselves if all the rumors were true.”

“‘Dark, brooding, murderous vampire’?” you echoed, amusement laced in your voice.

“You poke fun of me now, but…” he was silent for a moment, his grin faltering slightly. “I am not proud of the man I was before I met Lisa. The Speakers, in fact, were the first to suggest that I share my knowledge with the world. They were progressive, and the fact that they had been able to travel throughout Europe on tales of their good deeds alone was very impressive. But I was no fool. Even if I hardly left the confines of my castle, I knew that the world was changing and that sooner or later, their reputation was going to be what did them in.”

Your heart begins to race as you look down at the peaceful images of men and women using magic on the sick and injured, a foreboding feeling beginning to take hold of you as Vlad said this.

“Did…” you sense your throat starting to close up and you take another sip of tea. “Were they all… did--”

“Oh no,” Vlad reassures. “The Speakers still exist even today, but… I would be lying if I said that they had been spared the church’s wrath of persecution. Lisa tells me that nearby towns, notably Gresit, has been especially hostile towards the Speakers, claiming that they bring ill luck and evil alongside them.”

“I’d say that’s preposterous, but that seems to be the state of the country towards anyone that harbors magical abilities,” you hissed.

“Which is why I must warn you… to be cautious about who it is you reveal your secrets to. So long as the church remains in power, there is little that we can do to change public opinion.” Vlad placed his empty cup on the table in front of you, and folded his hands comfortably into his lap. “I’m sorry if this was not the answer you were looking for, little one.”

You nodded, having understood everything that he said, but you were still a little disappointed. “It’s so unfair… keeping all of this locked away. If only the church wasn’t so damn paranoid.”

Vlad laughed, a deep hearty sound that made goosebumps erupt on your arms. “That would certainly help put my mind more at ease. It worries me sometimes… that a passing stranger might one day mistake my Lisa as something far more sinister than a doctor.”

“I wouldn’t worry,” you said. “Everyone in the village loves her, I’m sure if there was ever any ill rumors floating around, that they would put a stop to it right quick.”

He let out a sigh, and nodded his head in agreement. “I suppose you are right. It’s been difficult to regain my trust in humanity, having seen so much tragedy and unnecessary bloodshed,” his gaze softens as he looks at you. “But, Lisa has changed me. She’s even suggested that I walk the Earth as a man, and nothing more.”

You blinked, and then said with a smirk on your face, “Vlad… you are a man though.”

He chuckled, and playfully ruffled your hair. “She meant that I should travel the country as men do, slowly, peacefully, making sure to take everything in.”

This concept was completely lost on you. What did he mean that he had never traveled before? How did he get here then? Had he never been on horseback? Never trekked across a steep mountain range?

“Well, how did you travel before?”

“When I was a young man, horses were the most common form of transportation. Although it’s been quite awhile since I’ve journeyed far on one. Let’s see,” he tapped his chin with his finger thoughtfully. “Oh, when I was getting the hang of my magic, I’d disguise myself as a bat and fly to nearby villages during the night.”

“A bat?” you blurted out in surprise. “That’s a bit cliche, don’t you think?”

“Where do you think the rumor of vampires turning into bats came from?” he retorted, which left you in stunned silence.

“You’re not serious… are you?”

“To be fair,” he began. “I’m not the only one in my family that can turn into an animal. My sister Stefana, can turn into a fox, which her partners find very impressive. She likes to put on a show, my sister, but she’s remained genuine for as long as we’ve both been alive so it seems fitting that’s the animal she chose.”

A sudden thought popped into your head, and before Vlad could continue going down his extensive family list, you asked, “Can Adrian turn into anything?”

Vlad paused, and then smiled as he nodded his head. “Of course, being my son, it makes sense that the magical arts come naturally to him, including transfiguration.”

“Do you have any examples?”

“Certainly. When he was around… oh, I’d say maybe ten years old, he turned into a bat. Gave his poor mother quite the shock when she couldn’t find him in his room, and she came to me, utterly hysterical, saying that he must’ve wandered off into some forbidden part of the castle. We were about to go searching for him, when a tiny white bat flew down from the ceiling and crash landed onto his bed.” he chuckled at the memory. “I was very proud, not having even the slightest inclination that he was remotely ready to perform such strong magic, but Lisa was far from relieved and Adrian received quite the scolding.”

“How cute,” you said, lips upturned into a delightful grin. “Can he still turn into a bat?”

“Oh yes, but I have not seen him do it in awhile. Recently, he’s been able to turn himself into mist.”

“Mist?” you asked skeptically. “How would that help?”

“It’s very useful, actually, being able to sneak around the castle or even outside with no one noticing. Although, that spell is more physically demanding than the others, so I’ve warned him to not abuse it too much.”

“Interesting…”

“And I understand that he’s managed to grasp turning himself into a wolf.”

Your heart stopped, the grip on your teacup going so slack that it almost slipped out of your fingers and smashed onto the hardwood floor. Did Vlad just say… that Adrian could turn into a wolf?

“Is something the matter?”

You felt a hand on your shoulder, and you shrunk  under his gaze, shakily placing your cup on its saucer. It was difficult to hide how frazzled this news had made you, but you just had to know, just needed some confirmation of the question that burned at the tip of your tongue.

“What kind of wolf can Adrian turn into?”

Vlad’s eyes lingered with unspoken concern, worried about this sudden shift in your demeanor, but still he replied, “A white one, but it has yet to be perfected. His eyes still remain bright gold, even in the form of a beast.”

“I see…” your heart felt as though it had leapt into your throat, and your mind flashed with images from your dream. This… this was impossible, right? Your grandmother had warned you time and time again that dreams were absolute bollocks, right? There was no way your subconscious was actually trying to get you to admit something you’d been stubbornly avoiding, right?

Your teeth dug into the flesh of your bottom lip, and you stood up from your seat, placing the book on Speakers onto one of the many books in Vlad’s pile. When had it become so suffocating in here? You needed to get out, you needed to take your mind off of this… development.

“Little one, did something I say upset you?” Vlad’s tall form towered over you, his face crinkled from anxiety. “If I did, I sincerely apologize--”

You cut him off with a firm no, and gently place a hand on his arm. “You did nothing to upset me, I promise. I just… I believe I need some time to… think things over. I think I should head to Lupu, perhaps seeing Lisa and the townsfolk will help put me at ease.”

Vlad nodded, visible relief washing over him as you said this. “I understand. I’m sure Lisa will be happy to see you as well,” he placed his large hand on the top of your head and delicately stroked your hair. “Have a safe journey, little one. I will be expecting your return later tonight.”

You gave him a genuine smile, and thanked him for his time and guidance, before you walked out of the library and closed the door with a quiet click.

                                        _________________

The feeling of the sun on your chilled skin and the cool autumn breeze dancing around you and Clara is exactly what you needed. You languidly stretch your arms behind your head and let out a soft sight, trying to get rid of all the tension that had seeped its way back into your muscles.

Bits and pieces of the conversation that you had with Vlad replayed in your mind, with the particular discovery of Adrian being able to transform himself into a wolf sticking out like a sore thumb. You had no time for such things… for such… foolish, almost childish notions.

Although, was it truly childish to feel certain things towards someone? Was it foolish to believe that maybe he even returned these feelings?

You shake your head, and absentmindedly begin to stroke Clara’s mane. Why would he ever return your feelings? What even were your feelings? It had all seemed so clear that night in the garden with the fairies, but the more you thought about it, the more convoluted it all became.

But there were things that you could not just chalk up to chance. The way that he looked at you during your lessons, the smile that erupted on his face whenever you got the hang of a new combat maneuver, the pink you had seen in his aura that night…

That night you were certain that he would have kissed you.

Ridiculous, you thought. Why would anyone fall in love with you? You had no money to your name, no property, and you were a danger to everyone around you should the wrong people find out about your true identity.

No… it simply made more sense to be alone, to instead focus on what you could do in the here and now, than in silly little fantasies that lived inside your dreams.

There was a bitterness in this resolution, but you did not care. It just made the most sense. After all, what sort of fool would fall in love with a witch?

The rest of the ride to Lupu went by in silence, with you admiring the wildlife and the trees to distract from the nagging feeling left behind by your earlier conclusions. Much to your surprise, it appeared as though the clinic was fairly busy, with a couple patients waiting patiently around the large apple tree that stood nearby.

After you dismounted Clara, you untied the provisions off of her back and removed her saddle and bit so that she could join Cinder in his current foraging of fallen apples and berries.

People waved and said their hello’s when they noticed you, and you happily exchanged greetings with all of them as you walked inside.

There were quite a few old folks sitting around the table, steaming cups of tea in their hands as they talked amongst one another, having a rather heated discussion on whether or not to make a batch of mucenici or papanaşi for the feast that was happening tonight.

You gave them a shy wave, the group acknowledging you with swift nods before they got back to their important conversation. You noticed that several mothers were waiting with their newborns, some of the babies sleeping soundly in their arms, while others giggled and cooed as they played with some toys or sloppily chewed on the ends of a blanket.

Although you were lacking in experience taking care of babies, you still stopped by to see what it is they each came in for, and thankfully, they all explained that they were here for their monthly checkup. The women happily toted that they had yet to suffer through a night of endless crying, from anything from an ear infection to a nasty cold.

Everyone seemed to be in such good spirits, and it made you smile, knowing that the hard work Lisa and you both did was not going under appreciated.

Speaking of Lisa, your eyes scanned the room but found no trace of her. Could she perhaps be in the back? Or maybe she had traveled to the village for a one-on-one consultation--?

“Ow! Watch it with that stuff!”

Everyone in the room simultaneously turned their attention to the door that held the laboratory, a couple of the older folks chuckling softly at the sudden outburst.

You frowned, and walked over to the door, pulling it open to reveal a very irritated Lorena and her younger sister Marian.

Marian was currently talking her sisters ear off, scolding her for what you supposed is what brought her here in the first place.

“Why don’t you ever listen to mother? She tells you all the time that you have to stop picking fights with people!”

Lorena glared at her sister, her brown eyes narrowed as her face scrunched up into a grimace. “What was I supposed to do? Just let those men behave like absolute animals?” she spat at her sister’s feet. “You’re such a coward, Marian. I couldn’t just sit back and let them treat her like that!”

Marian huffed, and threw her arms up into the air in exasperation. “Here we go again! Why do you always have to be the hero, Lorena? What if you had gotten seriously hurt?”

“It’s all worth it when I think about what could have happened had I not been there.” her voice comes out in a low hiss, but then she yelps when Lisa applies more alcohol to her wounds, deep gashes that had been slashed into her right arm.

“What happened?”

Your question seemed to finally alert the three of them of your presence, and they all simultaneously flipped their heads around to stare at you.

Lisa’s gaze softened, and her lips curled into a smile. “It’s so nice to see you, my dear. I’m terribly sorry that I left without saying anything, I just--”

“It’s okay,” you said, and sat down beside her. “When Vlad told me where you had gone off to, I knew you were only wanting to make sure everyone was doing alright.”

“And it’s a good thing I did,” she replied. “Lorena here got herself involved in quite a nasty fight.”

“Yes, I can see that,” you frowned, and gently take a hold of Lorena’s arm to more closely inspect her injuries. You shove your hand into the pocket of your cloak and procured the magnifying glass Marius had gifted you, using it to get a closer look. The cuts were clean, deep, and serrated, and as you handed her arm back to Lisa, you could surmise that they had been made from a sharp blade.

“Who did this to you?”

Lorena sighed, and cringed slightly as Lisa began to coat her arm in an ointment before wrapping it up. “I was walking through the woods in search of mushrooms and common game, hoping to help my mother a bit in finding everything we needed to make dinner. I had gone pretty deep, but I know these woods like the back of my hand, and I had been pretty excited after coming across a good stash of chanterelles and morels. I was just minding my business, when I started to hear a scuffle nearby. It sounded pretty rowdy, so naturally, I was a little curious. When I headed over to investigate, I found these two men surrounding this poor girl!”

Her nostrils flared in anger as she sat there, recalling the memory. “I dunno what they wanted with her, but they seemed pretty angry. I heard something about her people bringing “ill luck to their lands”, or something like that. It all sounded like hogwash, and she knew it too. She was feisty, I’ll give her that, she didn’t seem intimidated in the slightest. It wasn’t until I noticed the glimmer of a knife that I decided to step in. She was pretty good at fighting too, I don’t think I would have been able to take the two of them out without her help. But,” she chuckled, and looked over at her arm. “One of those bastards got me pretty good. He basically held me hostage after we knocked out his other buddy, and slit my arm a few times to try and convey how serious he was. I wasn’t scared though. I head-butted his face as hard as I could, which gave me a pretty nasty headache, but I’m pretty sure I broke his nose.”

“Was the girl alright?” you asked.

Lorena nodded her head, and flexed her arm a couple times to get a feel of the bandages. “Yeah, she was fine. Actually, she was very grateful for what I had done, saying that not many people would have risked their lives to help someone like her. Which I thought was strange.”

“Why was she surprised that you helped her?” Lisa wondered, and gathered up the dirty rags, tossing them into a boiling pot of water while she let her medical instruments soak in alcohol to be sterilized.

Lorena shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not sure… after that, she said that she needed to get back to her grandfather and vanished into the woods. Although, she was wearing a pretty strange set of robes.”

“Robes?” you repeated.

“Yeah, they were long and blue. With the hood up, I’m sure she could have easily been mistaken for a man.”

You looked over at Lisa, who’s eyes were now locked onto Lorena, and you guessed that she had the same idea you did.

“Lorena,” Lisa began, and walked back over to where she sat. “Are you telling me that you saved a Speaker?”

She blinked, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What’s a Speaker?”

“Seriously?” Marian gasped, her hands on her hips. “I knew you weren’t paying attention! We read all about them in that book we borrowed from Crina. They’re that tribe of magicians! The ones that come and help people!”

You were impressed that Marian knew who the Speakers were, and you were even more impressed that Lisa’s mother appeared to know about them as well.

“Well, if she lives in a group, why was she by herself?” Lorena wondered. “That doesn’t seem like a smart thing to do, letting a girl with magical powers walk around all by herself. It’s no wonder she got herself into some trouble!”

“It’s a good thing you were there to help her,” Lisa said, eyes crinkled as she smiled down at Lorena. “Us girls need to look out for each other.”

“Exactly!” Lorena exclaimed, and jumped up onto her feet. “That’s what I’ve been trying to say to you!” she pointed an accusatory finger at her younger sister. “Why can’t you get it?”

Marian bristled, and she looked ready to pounce on her sister and give her her own set of bruises, but Lisa placed a firm hand on her shoulder.

“But you should also be more careful next time, Lorena. Those men were dangerous, and you know you only managed to get out of there from sheer luck.”

Lorena’s face softened, her gaze shifting to the side as she bit her bottom her lip. “I guess you’re right, Lisa… Maybe I should have tried using my bow instead of my fists, huh?” she gave a crooked smile, one that made Lisa chuckle, and ruffle the top of her head.

“I suppose that’s a… fair compromise. Now, run along now, I’m sure your mother must be worried sick for the both of you,” she said, and lead the two of them out of her laboratory.

Lisa sighed, and closed the door behind her, her lips pressed into a thin line. “That was an awfully frightful thing to hear,” she said, and folded her arms to her chest. “I cannot believe that the Speakers are still treated so cruelly by people.”

“Have you ever met them before?”

She nodded her head. “Oh yes. When I first met my husband, they frequented the castle almost every month. A majority of the time, they came to speak to Vlad about magic or nearby towns. It was actually with their help that I managed to persuade him to visit these places on foot alongside the Speakers, since he had never gone on a journey like that before.”

“Yes,” you said, as you recalled what Vlad had said earlier. “He said it had been quite awhile since he had walked the Earth like “men do”. I hadn’t really understood what he meant, if I’m perfectly honest.”

Lisa chuckled, and opened a cabinet that contained stacks of parchment, placing it on a counter and flipping through the pile. “My husband isn’t too fond of traveling, but we all thought it might do him some good to see who it is I’d be helping with his knowledge. I think it was a nice change of perspective, and I’d love for him to take another trip like that soon.”

“You should tell him this!” you insisted. “If you reminded him how much good his first trip did, I doubt that he’d say no to you suggesting that he go on another one. Especially now that Adrian isn’t a child anymore, and you have me to help with the clinic.”

Lisa was silent for a moment, and she hummed thoughtfully to herself as she picked out three separate pages of parchment, setting them aside for now. “You make an awfully compelling argument, little one. Perhaps I will bring up the idea to him? The worst he can say is no.”

She opened another cabinet and took out a jar from the top shelf, before she walked over and handed it to you. “I’m about to be pretty swamped with a couple baby checkups, would you mind heading over to Marius’s place and delivering this? It’s a modified version of the usual burn ointment I make him. I’ve added green tea leaves to help keep his skin from drying out from the cold weather.”

“Very nice,” you commented, and tucked it inside of your pocket. “Is there anything else that you’d like me to do while I’m in town?”

She shook her head no. “Nothing comes to mind. But feel free to look around for anything that you might need.”

You nodded, and with a wave, you exited the clinic and trekked down the dusty path that lead into the village. It was as bustling as ever, stands filled with fruits and vegetables from the last big harvest, large bonfires crackling in the wind, their heavy smokey scent mingling with that of fresh stews and roasted meats.

Leaves crunched underneath your feet as you neared Marius and Diana’s home, the distinct sound of metal being pounded into shape ringing in your ears. As you approached the entryway that leads into their workshop, a cloud of steam billowed out from the slightly ajar door and you rubbed your eyes with the back of your hands.

“Hello?” you called out. “Diana? Marius? Anyone home?”

The rhythmic clanging suddenly stopped and the sound of heavy footsteps approaching made you stop. You ruffled your cloak a bit, which caused the steam to dissipate as you met them halfway and found Marius, face beaded with sweat and apron covered in an assortment of stains.

“What a lovely surprise,” his voice is gruff, but the smile he gives you warms you down to the tips of your toes. “I did not expect a visit from you, lass.”

“Sorry to come here unannounced, I just needed to give you this,” you took the jar out of your pocket and handed it to Marius. “It’s the new and improved version of the aloe we’ve been giving to treat your burns. Lisa said that she added some green tea leaves to help alleviate any patches of dry skin.”

He happily takes it from your hands, his expression shining with gratitude. “That was awfully thoughtful of her, I appreciate the extra lengths she goes to for us. It can be very refreshing.”

“Refreshing?”

Marius grunts, and drags himself over to a chair. “It’s not often that you come across someone as selfless as her in your lifetime. I’m forever grateful that she decided to dedicate her life to helping others. It’s what she was meant to do,” he popped open the jar and began to generously apply some of the ointment onto his arms and hands. “As were you,” he adds. “I think it was fate that you two were destined to meet.”

A flush coats your cheeks, and you give Marius a small smile. “You’ve all been so kind and welcoming to me… I don’t think I could ever thank you enough. Lupu almost feels like a second home to me now.”

“I’m glad,” he said, just as his eyes suddenly went wide as the front door burst open.

In came Diana, her curly red hair tucked away from her face with a cute little headscarf, her attention currently preoccupied on the baskets of produce that she was hauling inside.

Marius got up from where he sat and greeted his wife, kissing her gingerly on the forehead as he helped put the produce safely onto the kitchen table.

“Love, look who came for a visit,” Marius said, and nudged his head in your direction.

Diana turned around and gasped, before she let out an elated sound as she ran over and gave you a tight hug. “Oh it’s so good to see you!”

You grinned, and hugged her back. “It’s good to see you too, Diana. It appears as though you had an eventful day at the market,” you look over at the wide array of food that she had brought home, and make a mental note to look for where they were selling pumpkins.

“Everything was so cheap! You know I can’t say no to a good bargain,” she gave you a cheeky smile and a wink, before she pulled out a chair and sat down beside her husband. “So, to what do we owe this pleasure?”

“Oh, I was just dropping off some new burn medicine for Marius, but… I suppose I could stay here for a bit. There was no one else in the clinic besides some new mothers, and I have a feeling that they’re going to keep Lisa preoccupied for a bit.”

Diana laughed, and fervently nodded her head in agreement. “Aye, I got a glimpse of who it was heading up there today, and if I’m right on who I think it is, they’re all first-time mother’s. They’ll probably want a full examination and then some. But anyways, what have you been up to?”

You noticed that Marius had begun sorting away all of the food Diana bought, while he let a kettle come to a boil over the fire. The fresh scent of apples lingered in the air as he chopped them up, your curiosity piqued as to what it is he might be making.

Your attention flits back to Diana, and you sighed. “Besides studying and working at the clinic? Nothing too exciting.”

“Really?” she frowns, and almost appears as though she is pouting in her seat. “Surely I thought something must be going on, what with Adrian showing up here this afternoon.”

“Huh?” you blurt out. “Adrian was here? In Lupu?”

Diana nodded her head. “I saw him while I was heading to the market. At least, I’m pretty sure it was him. I doubt there’s an abundance of tall, handsome blond men running around Wallachia.” she teased, her tongue poking out between her teeth. “Especially one that owns such a stunning steed.”

You were silent, eyes downcast and eyebrows furrowed together in disbelief. Adrian had come here? But why?

You thought back to when you last saw him, wearing his big black cloak and leather riding gloves. Is this where he had been heading before the two of you had gotten in your little argument?

Diana makes a strange sound in the back of her throat, one that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up when you finally meet her gaze. “You didn’t know that he was coming here?” there’s a tone to her voice that you cannot decipher, and you nervously swallow a dry lump in your throat.

“No… I… well, it’s true that I may have run into him earlier today and noticed that he was wearing his riding gear but…” your own voice trails off, a heavy weight pressing down on your chest as you thought back to the… conversation the two of you had shared that morning.

Diana’s face softens, and she placed a comforting hand on top of your own. “You seem troubled, sweetheart. Did something happen?”

You let out a long, irritated sigh. “You could say that…”

“Well, you can tell me about it,” Diana said gently. “It can sometimes help--talking about things that are bothering you.”

You feel yourself clam up again, as you pondered whether or not to reveal what had transpired between the two of you. Maybe… maybe she was right, maybe getting someone else’s perspective on the matter would help you make sense of it… especially on his feelings of needing to escape the castle.

Before you could say anything, Marius reappears with some honeyed apples and a batch of fresh lavender tea. The sweet treat smelled heavenly, and it tasted just as good. The honey was sticky and delicious, and mingled wonderfully with the rich lavender tea; it was just the sort of thing you needed to help set your mind and body at ease.

You cleared your throat and dabbed your mouth with a napkin, your own subtle way of letting Diana know that you were ready to speak.

“Adrian and I had a… well, I’m not even sure I could call it a conversation. It started off harmless enough, I had made a joke saying I was surprised to see he was leaving the castle when I noticed what he was wearing. But, then he got so hostile…”

“Hostile?” Diana asked. “That doesn’t sound like him.”

“I know,” you replied. “I did not think that he would take my words so seriously… he told me that I shouldn’t be surprised that he would want some time away from home. But,” you scoffed, and swirled the tea in your cup. “I don’t know why he got so upset.”

“Hmm…” Diana leaned back in her chair, head craned up slightly in pensive thought. “Did something happen between the two of you recently?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” she folded her hands together and rested them on the table. “Seems to me that you were the one he was trying to avoid.”

“Me?” you gave a wry chuckle. “That’s reassuring.”

“Now, listen here,” Diana said, a stern look on her face. “Something must have happened between the two of you, something that made him feel hurt and upset. Otherwise, there’d be no need for him to be so hostile towards you. Think. There’s got to be something.”

“I’m telling you,” you snapped. “Nothing has happened between us! We’re just friends!”

“Are you sure?” Diana countered.

“What?”

“Are you sure? That you’re just friends, I mean.”

You rolled your eyes. “Of course I’m sure. We’re not secret lovers, if that’s what you’re implying.”

Diana rubbed her face, and then let out a loud cry, “You’re absolutely hopeless! How can I help you if you aren’t going to be truthful with me?”

Your face heated up a bit when she said this, and you stuttered over your words, “I… I am telling the truth!” you tried to say your words with conviction, but there was no bite to your voice, your emotions betraying you when Diana picked up on the very slight waver in your response.

“Oh really?” she sneered at you, like a cat that had just stumbled upon its prey. “What are you hiding, hmm?”

You fidgeted in your seat, and you tried your absolute best to avoid making any sort of eye contact with her. Should… should you tell her about what happened at the colosseum? You weren’t reading too much into things, right?

Diana all of a sudden let out a gasp, and her green eyes sparkled with excitement in the low light of the fire. “Don’t tell me…” she said, and lowered her voice slightly, as if trying to conceal a secret amongst the three of you--even though you were the only three in the house.

“You have a crush on Lisa’s boy.”

Your mouth hung open in shock, and you were absolutely mortified. How on Earth…? How was she able to deduce such a thing?

She let out a high pitched squeal, and wiggled excitedly in her seat. “Oh, I’m right aren’t I? You have a crush on the little Tepes boy.”

“I…” your voice was strained, the bright red blush on your face making it hard to conceal that she had practically hit the nail on the head. “I…” you tried again, but you struggled to form the right words so you just let out a frustrated sigh.

“Hey,” Diana said, all of the teasing out of her voice. “It’s alright love, there’s nothing to be ashamed of!”

You let out another hollow sigh, your fingers beginning to pick at the fraying strands of fabric from your napkin. “But then why do I feel so ashamed?”

Her expression softened, a hint of sadness finding its way into her gentle gaze. “Why would you feel ashamed, sweetheart?”

“I… I don’t know. I’ve just never thought that love was in the cards for me, that I’d rather focus on my career as a healer instead of worrying about such a thing.” you gave her a sad smile, and rested your elbows on the table as you leaned forward. “Plus… it would just be too… dangerous for me to have a romantic partner.”

“Dangerous? What do you mean?” Marius asked.

“Well…” your voice tapered off as you thought this over. You knew why it was a bad idea for someone to be involved with you romantically, but you hardly thought it prudent to tell either one of them that you were a witch. After the story Lorena had told, it suddenly made more sense as to why Vlad had refrained from using magic too often.

It’s not like they could relate to your personal fears either, it’s not everyday that someone can say that they’ve been hunted down by the church.

So, as much as it pained you to do, you decided to keep quiet. It was the smart thing to do.

“It’s… complicated.” you finally replied. “I just… this isn’t something I want to have to worry about!”

“Why are you spending your time worrying about having a crush? It’s normal! It happens to everyone!” Diana exclaimed. “To me, the more time you spend trying to convince yourself that you don’t like him, just proves that you actually do!”

“That’s absolutely ridiculous!” you countered, ears tinged red from embarrassment. “I’m… I’m trying to be logical about this.”

“That’s the problem! You can’t be logical towards your feelings, that’s not how it works!” Diana took a big gulp of tea, and then pointed a finger at you. “Something big must have happened to make you feel so… confused . What was it? Are you gonna come out with it then?”

“I…” you grit your teeth, and let out a loud groan. “I think…” you sighed, and slowly lowered your head so that it could rest on your forearms. “I think Adrian tried to kiss me the other night.”

Diana leapt out of her chair, the seat falling onto the floor with a loud thud .

“What?” she nearly hollered.

Your hands card through your hair, and you throw your head back to avoid looking at either of them. “I’m not sure, but!” you slowly eased back forward, eyes peeking out from behind your fingers. “I think he meant to kiss me that night and I… and I just… I couldn’t do it.”

Diana’s demeanor seemed to calm instantly, and she moved to sit beside you, a hand going to rest on your shoulder. “It seems to me as though you’re having quite the struggle at opening up your heart.”

You chuckled, and leaned in closer to her embrace. “You’re not the first person to tell me that. It’s just… difficult, for me to make sense of my feelings at the moment. I do care about Adrian, I care about him very deeply, but… I still need some time.”

“And that’s perfectly fine, lass.” Marius said. “Love isn’t a simple matter. It’s not something that can be left to the whimsical definitions of poets and romantics; it’s heavy, it’s messy.” he took a hold of your hand in his, which seemed so small compared to his much larger stature.

“Take all of the time you need to come to terms with your feelings. Rushing into things is what often leads to horrible mistakes, both on the battlefield and in relationships.” he gave his wife a coy smile, and then relinquished the grip he had on your hand to give you an endearing pat on the head.

“My husband is right,” Diana agreed. “You shouldn’t feel pressured, love. Although, it does sound to me that he was quite hurt at this rejection. Perhaps he’s unaware of your feelings?”

“That makes sense,” you said. “But… as I’ve said, I’m not even one-hundred percent sure about my own feelings. It… it just seems unfair for me to promise something to him and then not be able to deliver. But…” you went quiet, a frown on your face. “The least I could do is apologize for what I said today. I had been incredibly rude…”

“I’m sure that he would greatly appreciate that,” Diana replied. “I’m sure that he must be home by now, he didn’t stay long in the village after-all.”

At this, your interest is once again peaked. He hadn’t been long? Surely, you thought that he would have at least visited his mother. Why make the unnecessary trip of coming all the way here?

“Did you see where it is he went?”

Diana cocked her head to the side, and hummed quietly to herself. “I think I saw him head to the eastern part of the village,” she turned to face her husband. “What’s over there again darling?”

Marius scratched the stubble of his beard in deep thought. “Well, I ken that’s where Valeria and Tomas live, and Cordelia and her children as well. Oh… and the jeweler is over there as well.”

“The jeweler?” Diana cooed. “Now what could he be doing over there? You don’t think it has anything to do with their upcoming celebration?”

“What upcoming celebration?”

Diana gaped at you as though you had grown a second head. “You don’t know about the big party?”

You shake your head.

“The one that’s being hosted in honor of Lisa and Vlad’s twentieth anniversary?”

“Their anniversary is coming up?” you yelled out in surprise. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

“It isn’t happening for another two months,” Marius said, and lightly shoved Diana to snap her out of her shocked stupor. “So they probably saw it fit to tell you a little closer to the date.”

“But it’s their twentieth anniversary,” you said, still shocked at the idea of attending a party in celebration of Lisa and Vlad. “That’s a pretty big milestone.”

“Yes, and Lisa’s been telling me that family from all over are going to attend! Oh, I’m sure that night is going to be absolutely magical.” Diana sighed wistfully, and rested her head on Marius’s chest.

“Their family, huh?” you thought of the enormous, intimidating portraits that lined the hallways of Castlevania, and swallowed nervously. If there was one thing that could set your nerves on edge, it was a castle full of vampires.

“Oh, there’s something I almost forgot,” Marius said, and he hobbled over to a box that lay hidden underneath a couple of embroidery patches. He placed it gently on the table before you and pulled it open, revealing a set of matching locket’s. The craftsmanship was exquisite, the pieces decorated with tiny flowers forged of the most delicate silver, accented by the light of a beautiful gemstone that rested in the center.

You let out a quiet gasp, and gently stroked one of them with the pad of your finger. “They’re beautiful… did you… did you make them, Marius?”

He smiled sheepishly, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Aye. I thought it would be a nice gesture, a way to try and repay Lisa and her family for all that they’ve done for us. I know it’s not nearly even close to what it is they deserve, but--”

“Nonsense,” you quipped, and gave him a bright grin. “They’re going to love them.”

Your eyes lingered on the lockets once more, but then you raised an eyebrow in curiosity. “Why are you handing these to me now? Why not give it to Vlad and Lisa personally?”

“Ah, well,” Marius chuckled. “Lisa and her family travel during the holidays, not that I really blame them getting out of here before such dreadfully cold days. I believe they usually head south, to stay with some relatives.”

“So… that means I would probably go with them too then, huh?”

“‘Suppose so,” Diana replied. “But don’t you worry your head off about us darling. Consider it a vacation, they’re only really gone a few weeks.”

At this, you let out a small sigh of relief. You thought it almost reckless to leave the village up to the whims of a harsh winter whilst you relaxed in some luxurious castle in the south-side. Still… you wondered where it is they headed off to, and you hoped that these relatives of theirs would be alright with you tagging along.

But that was something to worry about for another time.

You tentatively reached to put the box containing the lockets into your pocket, halting yourself for a brief moment just to double-check that Marius really wanted you to take them.

He let out a hearty laugh, and with a fervent nod, you carefully placed the little treasures into the confines of your cloak.

“I promise to keep them hidden until Lisa and Vlad’s special day,” you said, and got up from you seat. “I believe it’s about time that I head back to the clinic, I’m sure that Lisa could use some help by now.”

The couple smiled at you, and Diana got up from her seat to give you another tight hug.

“It was so wonderful to see you again, sweetheart. I hope that our little talk didn’t end up making things more confusing for you.”

You shake your head, and gave her a genuine smile. “No, I think it actually helped me out a lot. You were right, Diana, when you said that talking about all of this would make me feel better.”

She grinned, and bopped the tip of your nose with her finger. “Never underestimate the power of a good conversation, lassy.”

You gave both her and Marius one last hug before you departed from their home and made your way back to the clinic, mind feeling a lot less clouded and heart feeling a lot less heavy.

                                            _________________

The remainder of your day spent at the clinic went by without much fuss, with Lisa actually leaving you to handle the rest of the patients that came in while she cleaned up in the back. You had been a little nervous, but she knew that you could handle it.

As you said farewell to the last patient of the day, a farmer named Mihal who had nicked himself pretty badly after shearing his sheep, you let your thoughts wander back to the time you spent with Marius and Diana.

You hoped that Adrian would be willing to see you, much less speak with you. It was difficult to dwell on just how… callous you had been that morning. It was so unlike you.

But, you thought. It’s not like he handled the situation any better.

However, you had to cut him some slack. If Diana’s presumptions held true, it only made sense that he lashed out at you, who seemed completely apathetic to the fact that there may be something more than just friendship between the two of you.

You let out a long, exhausted sigh and turned your attention over to putting away the books and notes that you’d brought along with you. You could focus on all of your confusing… feelings when you got back to Castlevania.

Making your way outside, you called out for Clara, and after a few seconds, she emerged from behind some trees on the outskirts of the large forest that stood on either side of the small village. She whinnied and trotted over to you, as she nuzzled her snout against your cheek. You gave her an affectionate pat on the head and started to get her ready for the journey back home, a little surprised when you spotted Cinder coming out of the woods only a minute or so after.

As you tugged on the straps of Clara’s saddle to make sure that everything was secure, Lisa made her way out of the clinic and locked the door behind her. Her delightful laughter rang out through the crisp twilight air as Cinder playfully nibbled on some of her hair, and she gave him a few affectionate kisses on his head before she too began getting him ready for the ride back.

The two of you silently worked on preparing your horses, and when everything was neatly packed away, you gave a quiet click of the tongue and were on your way.

Although you both had decided to make quicker haste to avoid the cold night air, that did not mean you could not have some pleasant conversations.

“Did you enjoy your time with Marius and Diana?” Lisa asked.

You suppressed the urge to look away from her when she asked this, especially considering what you three had talked about. But, you supposed this would be a fine opportunity to learn more about this anniversary party Diana had mentioned.

“Yes, Marius was very grateful for the ointment, and while I was there, I found out an interesting little tidbit of information,” you cocked your head towards Lisa and give her a devious smile.

“Oh?”

“Diana might have let slip about a certain… party, that’s coming up.”

Lisa’s eyes widened a bit, and she gave a sheepish smile as a blush decorated her cheeks. “Oh, yes… that party. I’ve been meaning to tell you about it, but I thought it more prudent to let you know when it grew closer to the actual event.”

You nodded you head. “Yeah, that’s what Marius said. I’ll admit, the thought of being in a castle full of vampires does make me a little nervous.”

She laughed. “Trust me, my dear, if you can handle living with my husband and Adrian for as long as you have, this party will be a cakewalk.”

You laughed as well, and then hummed quietly to yourself. “I mean, on the bright side, even if I turn into a nervous wreck, it’ll be a good chance to meet some of the relatives you’ve told me about.”

“Yes, that’s true,” Lisa replied. “But we’re not just inviting relatives, close family friends are coming as well. We sent out the invitations several months ago, and almost everyone has gotten back to us,” she noticed your nervous glances and waved off your concern. “Don’t fret so much, love. It’ll be fun! I’m sure everyone will want to know more about my mysterious apprentice.”

You rolled your eyes. “There’s nothing ‘mysterious’ about me. Your family will take one look--no one sniff of me, and instantly know my entire life story. As much as I hate to say it, we witches have left rather cliched stories of tragedy in our wake.”

Lisa looked over at you solemnly, and pulled Cinder over so that she could rest a hand on your shoulder. “You must stop seeing yourself in such a negative light, little one. Just look at much good you’ve accomplished within your small time of living with me,” she gave you a kind smile. “Don’t worry about what they think, the only thing that matters to me, is that you know how much we care about you.”

Shock lingered on your visage for a split second before you nodded your head, eyes shining with unspoken gratitude. “Thank you, Lisa. It’s…” your voice trails off. “It’s been… difficult, learning to accept that my life doesn’t have to be marred with tragedy. You and your family have helped make that possible. So… again, thank you.”

She gave you a smile so radiant that it could rival the sun, and even though the night slowly grew colder, it did little to put a damper on the warmth that had found a home amongst the conversations you both shared the rest of the ride home.

It wasn’t until the towering pillars of Castlevania appeared on the horizon, did the anxiety you felt towards this upcoming conversation with Adrian resurface. There was a small part of you that wanted him to be waiting outside of the stables as you and Lisa rounded the last hill, but these hopes were dashed just as quickly as they appeared.

Instead, Vlad was there to greet the two of you, and after he gave you an affectionate pat on the head, he plucked Lisa off the back of Cinder as though she weighed practically nothing, and cradled her in his arms as they kissed.

You smiled at the cute display, but there was a sadness hidden behind your eyes as you walked Clara over to her stall. It seemed so unfair that you were denying yourself the same happiness but… it was for the best. You would never be able to forgive yourself if something happened to the family that had been so kind to you all because of a small crush.

You were so lost in thought that you did not hear Vlad and Lisa enter the stables to put Cinder into his stall, and only seemed to snap out of it when they called you over.

“So,” Vlad said, a light blush decorating his pale cheeks. “Lisa tells me that you found out about our anniversary party?”

“Yes, Diana let it slip while I visited her and Marius,” you said, as you followed alongside them into the castle. “And although I am a little nervous to be around so many of your… relatives, I am excited to be apart of such a momentous occasion!”

Lisa blushed, and wrapped her arms around one of her husbands. “I can’t believe it’s already been twenty years.”

Vlad hummed in agreement. “It’s quite extraordinary. I remember the first time we ever met, as though it had happened only yesterday.”

Lisa laughed and gazed up at him adoringly. “Yes, you had been so rude, having not offered me a drink or even to take my coat. I suppose you’ve learned some more manners since we’ve been together.”

Vlad gave a hearty laugh, and gently kissed the top of her head. “For you, my dear, I would move Heaven and Earth.” his ruby eyes glanced over at you, who had been wearing a sly grin this entire time. “Something amusing, little one?”

You fold your hands behind your back and shake your head, “Noo,” you replied, in a sing-songy voice.

Lisa chuckled, and then asked, “Dear, is Adrian not home? I would have expected him to be waiting with you.”

You feel your heartbeat quicken a bit, and you silently kick yourself for how eagerly you await Vlad’s answer with baited breath.

“He is. Last time I saw him, he was heading down to the colosseum to get some practice.”

Lisa made an irritated sound in the back of her throat. “I wish he would find some place else to train… that place is still crawling with monsters.”

“Monsters?” you echoed, and stopped in your tracks.

They both turned to look at you, and the stare that Lisa was giving Vlad, made it very apparent that he was going to be the one having to answer this one.

“Well, you see,” he began, and nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “As I mentioned during our previous conversation, I used to be… quite a household name, but not because of my generosity in the academics. The number of creatures that live within these halls has substantially decreased since those days, but I still keep a few around for protection.”

“Protection from what?” you asked, skeptical that anybody would willingly try and break into Castlevania.

“I ask myself the same question,” Lisa said, a frown on her face.

Vlad fidgeted nervously where he stood, not used to such scrutiny from his own wife. “Well… you never know. It would be foolish for me to simply rely on myself to protect my home if that time ever came. I find it reassuring to know that there are other means in which I can defend my home.”

You were silent for a moment, but then slowly nodded your head. “I mean… that makes sense.”

Lisa gaped at you, clearly unprepared for that response.

“What?” you replied. “I doubt that they would ever harm you or Adrian. They work for Dracula. I’m sure if you so much lost a single hair from your head, they’d be done for.”

Vlad nodded his head in agreement. “Precisely. I also think it’s good practice for Adrian. If he knows how to take down a supernatural beast, he’d hardly work up a sweat against a human opponent.”

Lisa still looked far some pleased, obviously annoyed that you had taken Vlad’s side on this. “It still makes me nervous. What if something were to happen to him while he was down there?”

“Nonsense,” Vlad said. “This is Adrian that we’re talking about, our son. He’s perfectly capable of defending himself.”

She looked as though she had more to say on the matter, but, Lisa decided to table it with a resounding sigh. “Alright, as long as you have confidence in him!” she snapped. “Now, what do you say I fix you two up something to eat?”

As much as you wanted to join them, this nagging feeling in the back of your mind told that you should just head down to the colosseum and get this conversation over with. So you declined Lisa’s kind offer, and told them that you were going to join Adrian, who warned you to stay as far away from whatever monster he was facing.

The thought of seeing a monster caused a chill to seep into the very marrow of your bones, and you wondered just what exactly lurked within the dark, ancient halls of this castle.

When you were little, you had read the tales of infamous Greek monsters, of minotaurs hiding amongst the twisting turns of a giant labyrinth and of vicious chimeras incinerating anything in their path with their fiery breath. Closer to home, there were stories of hellhounds stalking nearby cemeteries, waiting to pounce on anyone unlucky enough to come across them, and of wailing banshees and vindictive spirits haunting homes for generations.

Your nerves were on edge as you walked down the long hallway of the marble gallery, your magic tingling through your veins in preparation to defend yourself from anything that decided to make itself known. You had to keep reminding yourself that these creatures would never harm anyone Vlad believed to be a part of his family, so, you marched forward, and tried to keep a clear mind.

When you finally made it to the old, withering door that lead to the narrow winding staircase, you pushed it open, startled when you come face-to-face with…

“Aria?”

The tiny fairy looked absolutely frazzled, and her big blue eyes widened in surprise when she realized who she had run into. “Thank goodness!” she cried out, and grabbed a hold of your hand. “You must come at once! Adrian he… he…” tears welled in her eyes and she tugged you forward.

Your throat goes dry, and you bring her closer to you. “What’s happened?”

She sniffled, and pulled on your hand again. “He needs your help! Please… please hurry!”

You waste no time in heeding her pleas and take down the stairs at once, going down them as fast as your legs would allow. Your heart is hammering in your chest, and by the time you reach the entrance to the colosseum, you’re panting and your forehead is covered in a sheen of sweat.

The eerie blue glow of the flames cast an ominous shadow onto the colosseum grounds, the putrid stench of evil lingering within the atmosphere. When you finally see what Aria was talking about, your legs are frozen to the spot

Adrian. On the ground. Covered in blood.

You run to him and all but collapse beside him, hands shaking as you quickly scan him over to assess the damage. He lets out a low grunt when your fingers prod at his chest, ripping apart the fabric of his shirt so that you could get a better look at the entry wound.

It was clean, but it looked deep. Your hands move to rest on his chest, and immediately notice how shallow his breathing is, coming to the conclusion that the stab had gone clean through the ribs and punctured his lung.

You feel tears prick at the corner of your eyes when you glance up and see that he’s looking at you, a small smile on his lips.

“Aren’t I lucky that you came down here so quickly?”

“What happened?” you snapped, irritated at the tears that managed to slip past your defenses. You stubbornly wiped them away with your free hand, and it was then that you saw his sword, tossed aside, tip covered in blood.

“I had,” he winced as you apply pressure. “I had been practicing against some of the monsters… seems as though one of them got the better of me.”

“You absolute fool,” you whispered, and pointed at his sword. “Why did you take it out? Didn’t your mother ever teach you to never pull out the foreign object involved in a stab wound?” your voice is hoarse, and panic starts to set in as more and more of his blood coats your hands.

He chuckled weakly. “I thought I might try seeing how much my healing magic has improved…” he glanced down at his wound, and flinched. “Seems as if I still have a way to go.”

How could he be acting so nonchalant about this? This wound was serious. If he didn’t get proper medical treatment immediately he could… he could--

“Aria,” you said, and she flew over to you. “Go and get Lisa. Tell her what happened. I’ll try and stop the bleeding, but I’m going to need her help in order to--”

“No!” Adrian hissed, and took a firm hold of your wrist. “If I wanted my mother’s help, I would have sent for her.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you quipped. “I’m not equipped to deal with this.”

“Yes, you are.”

His grip slackens, and his hand goes to rest on top of yours. “I believe in you.”

You choke back more tears, and your hollow laughter rings out into the still air of the colosseum. “You believe in me? ” you bite down hard on your lower lip to keep it from trembling. “Even…” you let out a stuttering gasp. “Even after what happened today?”

His golden eyes soften, and he nods his head. “Of course. I… I was actually down here trying to get myself into a clearer state of mind before coming to talk to you.” he’s silent for a moment, a shallow breath slipping past his lips. “I wanted… I wanted to apologize,” the grip on your hand tightens for just a moment. “What I said earlier… it was--”

You silence him with a shake of your head, not needing to hear what you already knew. “It’s alright… it’s alright,” you said, and gently removed your hand from his hold on you so that you could place both of them over his wound. “Everything is going to be okay.”

Closing your eyes and taking a deep breath, you focus on stopping the bleeding and closing the wound, as you had done to so many animals. You had to let go of your anxieties to truly let your magic do its work, and believe in the intent that you carried within you to heal Adrian… to save him. A warm feeling bubbled within your chest, your magic flowing through your fingers like a stream of liquid gold.

You thought of all the anatomy lessons Lisa had painstakingly gone through with you, and you pictured the lungs, the right one specifically. In your mind you could see every individual cell, every vein, and every nerve. It needed to be stitched back together, the cell walls, the tissue, the skin… and the blood needed to clot, needed to stop.

There’s a tingling at the very ends of your fingertips, a sensation that travels up your entire body and eventually expels from you in a long, arduous sigh. You feel light headed, and sweat drips down your back, but when you open your eyes, his wound is gone, and the only indication that he had ever been injured is a small scar located at the entry-point.

Your arms are shaking, and you’re struggling to keep yourself up right, but you could not hide the utter elation that fills you up at such a momentous success.

“I can’t believe I did it…” you whispered.

Adrian smiled weakly and placed one of your hands over his heart, its rhythmic beating setting your mind at ease. “I never doubted you for a second.”

There’s a small tug at your hair, and you turn to find Aria, tears flowing down her face that she wipes away with said strand.

“You’re…” she sniffled. “You’re so amazing. I can’t believe you did that!”

You delicately cup her in one of your hands and set her on your shoulder. “It’s all because of your quick haste to find help that I was even able to save him, small lady. So, thank you.”

Aria let out a dramatic wail, and wiped more tears from her eyes. “Whatever did we do to deserve you!”

The moment is unfortunately cut short when a foreboding feeling settles at the base of your spine, and you sense dozens, if not hundreds of eyes on the three of you. Your head shoots up to look into the stands, and your skin crawls at the sight.

Monsters, of all shapes and sizes, stood watch in the seats.

Skeletons wielding swords and lances clatter noisily to one another, while giant, leathery, bipedal birds wielding long spears glare down at you with their beady yellow eyes. Strange gargoyle like creatures, their mouths filled with rows of razor sharp teeth, cackled from up above, while giant wolf-like beasts howled and stomped their giant paws onto the marbled flooring.

“Begone!” Adrian shouted, and grit his teeth as he struggled to get up on his feet. “As your master, I command you to leave this place at once!”

“You are no master of mine.”

The hair on the back of your neck stands up as an otherworldly voice echoes throughout the stadium. The monsters in the stands recoil at the sound, silencing almost instantly, and from one of the nearby entrances, emerged a group of powerful, intimidating monsters.

Knights adorned in thick, steel armor galloped in on horses… horses that appeared to be missing the lower half of their body. Their steeds were unlike any that you had ever seen, decaying and rotten, with their intestines hanging out from where they’d been chopped in half. In their hands they each held a long, deadly lance, raised at the ready to attack.

Beside them stood another group of knights, but they were much too tall for it to be a human residing within the sturdy, blue colored steel. They stood nearly shoulder-to-shoulder with the monstrous horses, and grasped tightly in their massive hands, were a large steel shield and an enormous ax.

You quickly stood up and put yourself between them and Adrian, staring them down with all of the courage that you could muster.

“What is it you want?” you demanded.

“Ah, so you’re the one that emitted such… deliciously powerful magic,” one of the horse-back knights cooed.

“We can’t tell you how surprised we were when we found out that our Lord and Master allowed a witch to walk these sacred halls,” another one spat. “We thought it had been an utter disgrace… that is, until now.”

Their horses let out deep, guttural cries that turned your stomach to knots, as their masters commanded them slowly forward.

“Stay back!” Adrian yelled, his legs wobbling as he stood up off the ground. He grunted from the effort, and almost collapsed back onto the floor, had you not caught him and let him lean against you for support. “I am the Prince of Darkness, son of Vlad Dracula Tepes, and as such, I command you to let us be on our way!”

The knights chuckled, and simultaneously raised their lances.

“You are nothing more than a pathetic child,” one of them hissed. “A petulant brat that assumes he can command us as though he were his own father. Imagine.”

They all laughed, an empty sound that made goosebumps erupt on your skin.

“Please,” you pleaded. “Just let us be on our way, and I promise not to tell Vlad what happened here.”

“Silence witch!” one snarled. “How dare you speak our Master’s name. You were foolish to come down here alone.”

“We never saw what he saw in you, but now…” one cackled beneath their helmet. “We understand everything completely.”

“What do you mean?” you try with everything in your power to not let your voice waver and reveal how terrified you truly are, but there was only so much you could do.

“Your power… it calls out to us.” One said.

“So delicious… so tempting.” Said another.

“We have waited so long… so long for something like this… we won’t let you take this opportunity away from us.”

All at once, the group of monsters began to close in on the three of you, their weapons raised and poised ready to attack.

“Stay back!” Adrian shouted again, and with a wave of his arm, his sword came flying into his hand. “I won’t allow you to continue so much as looking at her, you vile beasts!”

“Pathetic,” one of them said, and before you could even react, one of the larger ax knights had knocked Adrian out of the way with a swing of their shield.

“Adrian!” you cried out, and made to go after him, but you were stopped by a lance being pointed at your throat.

“It would be wise for you to follow our orders, lest a more serious fate befell your so-called Prince of Darkness.”

You could hear Aria crying out for Adrian to wake up, begging him to get up and save you, and in that moment, where you could cry, where you could scream, where you could plead for your life… you remained silent.

This… you had seen all of this before, you had felt all of this before… this feeling of hopelessness… this feeling of tragedy…

A loud ringing fills your ears, and everything appears as though its moving in slow motion.

Yes… it’s just as you predicted… You’ve failed to protect to protect the ones you care about from harm. Again. You’re going to lose everything. Again. All because you’re a witch.

The cacophony of laughter from the knights swirls around you like a tempest, and even though you’ve conceded yourself to this fate… there’s that tug.

No… a voice rings out in your head. No more… no more… No. More.

You glare up at the monsters before you, a renewed vigor in your gaze and confidence in your gait. “My life… my life is one that has been filled with one calamity after another. I thought I was doomed, cursed , to never again find even some semblance of happiness,” you chuckled, something that stops the knights in their tracks.

“But then… I met Lisa. I met Adrian. I met Vlad. They’ve helped give my life purpose, they’ve helped me understand that even someone like me deserves a chance at a happy life… at a good life…” your hands balled up into fists and you took a step forward, staring down the knight before you with the coldest look you could invoke.

“I won’t let you take that away from me.”

What happened next… you weren’t exactly sure. The last thing you remember seeing is the silver glint of their weapons being raised, before a bright blue light consumed everything in the room. Your vision had gone white, and by the time your bleary eyes managed to refocus on your surroundings, the only thing left of those monsters, were piles and piles of ash.

“Wh… what?” you gasped, suddenly keeling over as your head pounded from a terrible headache. You groaned out in pain, and tears caused your vision to go blurry again as you looked upon the ashes scattered around the colosseum.

Where did the knights go?

You heard your name being called out, but it sounded so distant, so… fuzzy.

Did I kill all those monsters…?

“What… happened…?” you muttered weakly, as you collapsed onto the floor; Adrian’s bright gold eyes being the last thing you saw before the darkness consumed you.

[deathsprecepts]

Finally living up to my blog name.

You’ve all seen them in the manga, during the internship arc. Overhaul and his too-powerful quirk, his assistant perched on top of places where he shouldn’t be and his manager who’s encased in a cotton cocoon and still can appear intimidating. And of course, his expendables, who follow his will like dead set disciples. (I love every single one of them.) 

But hey, looking past the obvious Buddhist precepts’ references and the bird jokes that are constantly cracked on the guise of their poor souls, not many people in the MHA fandom actually know about them and want to create content for them on a daily basis. We’re left to fend for ourselves in the midst of an unforgiving (not) world. 

So, I’m here to show you the way the world! Shining, shimmering, splendid! 

Introducing a classic Precepts of Death Discord! We all have fun and games here, talking about our beloved bird men and possible moral complications that they may have with their actions. What’s more, you can marvel in awe at the kind and welcoming people that will grace your presence once you enter, the messages that will leave you wondering about your own sanity, and the shitposts that make you want to print out a hard-copy version, roll it up into a ball and shove it down your throat. 

What’s more, we have a responsible admin that will treat you well, two moderators that know how to use their authority wisely and answers requests as soon as possible, and members of a family that welcomes you with open arms and steaming soup to fill your stomach. 

(I swear I’m not being held at gunpoint. Such eccentricities will not go unnoticed by my watchful eyes.) 

And of course, here comes the age-old question. Why the heck should you join us then? Frankly, I don’t know how to answer that, since I don’t know why I joined either. It was a split-second decision that went along the lines of ‘why the hell not?’ and so I clicked on the invite link from @ask--overhaul, not knowing that I would be sucked into a world of closely-knit server members who support each other no matter what and of course, with it came delicious Precepts content. 

Figure 1.1. Precepts Avatar AU by yours truly. 

So leave those stinky anti shoes aside and step into the sandpit of The Precepts of Death server, cherished immensely by yours truly and would die for any member in that server, even the gremlins who lurk by one corner and watch the chaos unfold. 

(Disclaimer: Chaos in this context refers to any given mention of vore, toes, eggs and any other related cursed objects mentioned by regular members of the server. Please participate at your own discretion.) 

Here are some members that I have appointed for the appraisal of the server. Just listen to their first-hand accounts of the immense level of satisfaction they have been experiencing! 

@dabihaul666: no 

@meow-minx: eggs, vore and furry porn  

@siintaru: ponk 

They just sound so delighted, don’t they? 

Sigh.

To summarize, you’re welcome to join by all means! We definitely don’t bite and if you’re wondering about any other questions that you might have, feel free to hit @gummy-gay, @kai--chisaki or @preceptsion up, since they’re the ones managing the server after all. Or if you want another source of contact to find out more about the server, you can always message me/send an ask in! 

Note: I ain’t that reliable though, so it’s better to ask any one of them. 

Edit: Here’s the link because my ass forgot to put a link.

https://discord.gg/47zBU6N

[kae-karo]

Hi, I hope you don't mind me asking, but I was wondering, do you think there's a line that can be crossed over when writing phanfics? I'm not here to judge, it's just that there's obviously respectful & disrespectful shipping of real people, & I know you write phanfics, so I was just interested if you feel there's a topic people may be better to not write about or better to not do in some way when it comes to fics. Like, is it too far to make honest assumptions about their families for example?

oof heavy heavy question but a fair one, i hope my answer does it justice

let me start off by saying that, as a phanfic writer, i inherently exist in a grey zone. i won’t sit here and say that writing phanfic is morally fine and there’s no problem with it. i’ve also wrestled a lot with this concept as a writer and like. it’s not an easy one to tackle? pardon me bc i’m gonna go on a smidge of a tangent before i get to your specific question

now, that being said: it’s important to remember (both as writers and readers) that phanfiction is just that - fiction. i never ever go into writing a fic, even a hc, with the intent of ‘oh i wish dnp acted like this’ or ‘i actually genuinely believe dnp act like this’ and while it certainly doesn’t absolve anyone of anything in writing/reading phanfic, i do believe that intent does matter (in a similar vein to how intent matters with posts - is the author saying they genuinely believe or are trying to prove something we have no way of knowing or no right discussing? or are they making a joke or a shitpost that is not meant to be taken at face value?)

now, with phanfic i think it’s of course much more significant and impactful than most posts, but it’s simultaneously also,,,,,not? if that makes sense? bc the inherent nature of phanfic is that it’s fictional, we’re (supposed to be) acknowledging right off the bat that nothing in the fic is actually trying to depict actual real events

but by the same token, we aren’t completely absolved of writing whatever just bc it’s fiction

first of all, ofc, dnp are real people with real lives. now, they have - fortunately for us writers - come to terms with ignoring phanfic for the most part and seem to be fine with the fact that it exists. but they are still real people and it’s probably not in the best taste that we write phanfic at all but things to avoid? imo the only thing we should absolutely avoid doing with phanfic (aside from the obvious, like sex with minors) is try to shove it in dnp’s faces. there’s nothing beneficial that can come out of that for anyone involved, end of story, and imo that’s outright disrespectful

now, within the realm of fiction and what’s actually being written, i think that as long as everyone has an ounce of common sense and doesn’t take a writer at their word (ie i’ve seen people actually think dan’s family is homophobic or abusive just bc it’s written in a fic, which we know nothing about and shouldn’t rely on fanfic to be a source of facts for us) then nothing (again, aside from the obvious) is really off limits?

when you say ‘make honest assumptions about their families’ i think we’re running into a sort of wiggly territory, bc the way this is phrased makes me think you might be referring to either a writer taking their fic seriously and based in facts (where we may have none, or very limited ones) or a reader taking a writer at their word and treating fic as reality, or as ‘based on reality’. so i refer to my earlier point: nothing’s off limits as long as we use common sense. a reader should go into a work understanding it’s a work of fiction and may, for example, be based on a real event, but it is ultimately fictional. a writer shouldn’t make claims that they genuinely believe their writing reflects reality/facts (and as an added note, although i could rant on this for ages, should tag their works appropriately, even if they think it’ll ‘ruin a plot twist’)

a final thing, i personally have things i don’t feel comfortable writing about and i draw a line on - among them, major homophobia (bc i personally have been lucky enough to not experience that), coming out stories (bc i never really had any major struggle with that, nor did i have any Big coming out story myself, so i don’t feel i’d represent it well), underage explicit content (bc,,,,,underage), physical abuse either externally or within the relationship (1. i’ve never experienced it and wouldn’t do it justice and 2. i have no interest in portraying it), major character death (i read one (1) fic with mcd and never recovered, would never impart that on anyone else)

so like. for me, my thoughts are 1. write what you want as long as it’s clear both for you and the reader that it’s fictional (and ofc doesn’t break any laws) and 2. don’t ever try to like. show it to dnp or bring their attention to it? fanfiction is just that - fiction for the fans

[elizabethrobertajones]

13x05 watching notes

I’m not used to getting what I want.

-

Expectations: holy crap am I excited to see Billie again. Yeah yeah Cas or whatever, we know he's back and would be coming back from the moment he died, and all the rest is just flavour text... BILLIE is an utter treat and given A: how she died (not just dead reaper killed off for man pain as a minor thematic antagonist, but also woman of colour on the show which was a bummer and at least she alters their post-death appearances dismal stats even if she isn't back-back as her full and healthy self a la Cas as a worst case scenario >.>) and B: the themes she embodied, and C: that Cas just got punted back OUT of the Empty, well, I am ridiculously pumped to have her (or the image of her >.>) around again, because of the utterly fascinating thematic conundrum she'll represent and because Billie was the most freakin awesome character ever, and Lisa Berry just exudes this raw calm power, and I went and watched Shadowhunters over hiatus 90% because she was on it in like 3 episodes and lo and behold she was a powerhouse in her scenes there too :P

Of course I have a personal stake too and as a meta writer it's not quite so obvious, as a shitposter you might have caught me endlessly referring to it, and as me personally inside my head, I know that I introduced Billie to Terrible Coffee AU to be a side character to the drama, meaning to embroil her in it as a voice of amused-warning-to-later-friend for Cas, and began constructing an entire narrative to explore cosmic consequences in as if post-death the show's Billie had wandered over to my silly AU and was using her extreme disappointment in them all to add another level of irony to the characterisation (listen: imagining what face the canon character would make at their role in your AU is a great way to characterise and people think I'm good at it, so free writing tip :P) and I had to make Billie proud about what I wrought. 

I failed to actually write that section in time for this episode, had no idea there WAS an expiry date and that Billie would come back, but here we are and I've accidentally over-thought Billie to an absolutely astronomically disproportionate degree to probably most people around these parts for the sake of having her tease Cas about Dean from the deck of a boat while they were sipping cocktails together. :P

I can and will mentally insert a cocktail into Billie's hand in her scene(s).

-

OH AND THEN THROW IN THAT THIS IS A YOCKEY EPISODE. Of all the current writers, he's the one who makes me lose my chill completely. He's got an incredible way with character and emotion which I absolutely adore, so I find it pretty hard to worry about all the nervous little things I worry about aside from how much the grand scheme of things will let Billie back. And season 13 seems to be going pretty in my favour as a viewer and meta writer so. Super sublime chill.

-

Oh boy the recap people are trying to put us out of a job.

Superimposing Dean's speech to Patience over Sam crying over Dean nearly dying in 2x01 and ghost!Dean lurking behind him, which of all the reminders that they die a lot is a... lot of a thing. Because John etc. Season 2 theeemes everywhere. And then of course them getting shot as ghosts in 4x15 aka time to save Tessa. And Dean wasn't having an easier time in that episode, hell-damaged and talking to Tessa about how he wished he'd gone with her. Could just be subtle reaper reminders because the next shot is Sam detoxing demon blood in 4x21, nudging us into new territory for Jack theeemes. But that's part of the "pain" in his speech, "horror" is Dean hilariously dying in 3x11 when hit by a car, which, well, wasn't hilarious at all for Sam or the rest of that episode for us once the dying montage was over, and just reminds us how much they're dicked around with by the universe... And then "Death." Over. Death's hand.

Look, I am a simple person with simple wants. I would have been satisfied to just have this about Billie but now you're making me want to see DEATH again and see what the heck happened with him. I mean I've always sort of wanted to see him back again because if Billie would be pissed at them... :P But I could accept she was his stand in from now on. That she WAS the new Death all along, even, for our wild spec. Now I am MADLY excited about how they're going to utilise all this stuff because oh hi have you met me the reapers and death stuff is my absolute favourite stuff on the show. I was always hoping this wasn't going to be a cop out with the tasty sounding title, and it seems like they want us to really be on the ball about the themes here, to whatever end.

(Just having paused it to squeal here, it could be a fake out about Death because the first shot of him in his killer intro montage was his hand with his ring because in season 5 that was the cue we needed to know that was the ring we needed and that Death was who he was supposed to be... Logic dictates the ring crumbled in 10x23 but if they wanted to invoke Death without bringing Julian back...)

Weeeeeeeehheeheheheheeee Death's "affront to the balance of the universe" speech in 6x11 where he was resentfully giving Sam's soul back on one condition... The same thing Billie was pissed about in 11x02 onwards. Is he here to cover for her reappearance and make this seem like it's all just a big cosmic theme? Because something tells me this episode is about their deaths somehow or another, either temporary, threatened, or big picture :P

Or it's confirming that Billie is Death, there's always that because the next transition is Dean killing Death to Billie LITERALLY CONTINUING DEATH'S SENTENCE FROM 6x11 - "you cause disruption on a global scale -- so next time you die and your brother bite it, we're going to toss you out into the Empty."

"And *nothing* comes back from that" *stab*

Leaving it there with Cas - no cutting to him back alive in the bramble patch. Instead the last note, the only one ABOUT the Winchesters in season 13 aside from Dean's 13x03 speech being used - is Dean saying Sam needs to keep the faith for him, which was the comment only answered in dramatic irony by Cas's return. No comment on the dominoes of Cas stabbing Billie, getting stabbed himself, going to the Empty, and coming back from that. No comment on the deal. This is all stuff we're either meant to know already or isn't strictly relevant right now... But we'll see :P

-

Sort of scared to play the cold open because eye horror in the promo pics and I don't wanna see the doctor drill some random person of the week through the eyeball :P

-

Oh no, it's kids. I think they're still alive because of the promo where they refer to talking to some kids. Or one of them with the implication both made it out the house although I assume their time is numbered regardless.

They're visiting a house which used to be a mental health clinic, which has weird overlap to last episode and the fact the guys went to a fully functioning house with a modern day therapist in it. Mel pointed out the Asylum direct visual reference in one of the props we see in the fast promo so I suppose that's a good season 1 reference to keep in the back of your head.

The floppy haired kid with the backpack (aka the Jack mirror?) is more uncertain about doing this but encouraged by his friend to go along with it. His friend is a dick.

I hope someone's had a good look at the stained glass window because I can't tell if we've seen it before or not. This may or may not be set re-use >.>

You can tell the boys apart because one is half battery (the dick) and one has full battery still (our sympathetic guy)

Don't touch the plague masks!!!!

Literally that was your entire fault and at least the one we were rooting for legged it with a minor wound. I think even some other ghosts were yelling at them for waking up the doctor (I HOPE that's not a parallel to The Empty and Cas waking him up)

But yet... sam and dean seem to have visited both? Was it only "minor" brain drilling and the other kid comes back home slightly altered? Mel also made promo shot comparisons to Naomi and her drilling... Brrrr.

-

Anyway Dean is making himself PB&J so I don't have time for you all. Ouch.

Did Sam literally just compliment Dean for making himself a sandwich?

is it a recovery sandwich?

I get the feeling if we're seeing this and the promo was a lil later on and some investigating further into the episode then maybe we're basically seeing Dean's breaking point for being babied through his grief by Sam's attempts to cheer him up.

Makes you wonder why they picked that instead of this, but this could be a relatively dull opener and Sam trying to talk Dean into going to a strip club was too funny to resist, because it kind of was :P

-

Sam has been on screen 6 seconds and he's annoyingly peppy

I love Sam btw, like, you are not allowed to judge me for how I may talk about Sam in the coming stretch of episode because I get the sense he's in full on cheer up mode, which turns anyone into the most irritating person on the planet and then you throw in Sam's eyebrows and basically I can't with him :P It's not a judgement on his character, I know he's trying to help Dean because of what Dean told him, but Dean just wants to operate a shell of himself for a while and Sam's trying to dig him out of it because it's painful to see him like that and he doesn't know that Cas is reconnecting with them soon, and if not today then next week and also probably by the second half of the season Mary will be back with them.

-

Anyway Dean just carries on stoically making his sandwich and we all talk a lot about the symbolism... I think in this context perhaps it's loosely linked to Kevin operating as a ghost out of this kitchen after dying halfway through his PB&J and coming back for the crusts as unfinished business. He was mourning his mom while he was alive but then it turned out she was alive but too late he was dead.

The PB&J is also symbolic of humanity so idk. He could just be making it because it's sweet and he has a sweet tooth, it's vaguely reminiscent of pie filling but not enough to be traumatic and it's Dean's "I'm doing 1 good thing for myself today" personal quiet method of getting better in the long slow aftermath that Sam wants to rush.

-

"GET THIS" Sam is on full on Sam-ing

-

Awww Jack's watching DVDs. I assume Sam HAVING a stash of DVDs is stuff he's collected as an adult with a Bunker to go on a nostalgia kick. I assume they have a PO Box pretty much for Sam's Amazon deliveries. Like, he hasn't been lugging DVDs around with him since the start of the show and before that they had a bunch of VHS tapes in the back of the car or something :P They grew up dependant on what was on motel TVs and picked what they liked to come back to as adults with a settled address.

Also: the clouds part and bestow on us: a thing Sam likes!!!! That's like at least 4 songs, a couple of movies including Star Wars stuff, HP Lovecraft, and now liking old bad fantasy movies that even Dean judges him for.

Or, I assume, Dean has watched and may or may not reference if the opportunity came up but he needs to box something off as Sam's weird nerd shit that makes him unappealing to the ladies, while Dean, obviously, has never liked anything nerdy, and has had lots of straight edge manly sex with women and all comments about Zorro masks are stricken from the record.

Sam, being in a magnanimous, my brother is grieving, mood, just literally takes the hit and keeps going. Jesus Christ Sammy.  

I would swear he's worn his worst plaid today just to give Dean something else to judge him for :P

-

Oh uh anyway point is Jack is being stashed in the Bunker just like Sam once stashed Cas with his netflix. Sam's being responsible for the pop culture education of 2 generations. At least Netflix lets you pick whatever you want once Sam's not trying to be helpful, and in 11x06 Dean related to Cas to switching to bad TV, rather than watching Sam's picks of the good stuff you're meant to watch.

Less chance of Jack going on a complete rampage through trash TV, but still if nothing else Dean's hands-off approach to the kid means that Sam is being allowed to mould him however he likes :P

-

I just went back and watched again just because I realised the credits were ALREADY over after 5 names. It was like, J2, Misha (yay!) and 2 people I hadn't heard of who I assume are too important named characters in this episode to skip but also not reoccurring characters. I wonder what the slippery slope is when you don't put Lisa Berry's name in the credits of an episode you've advertised she's in. Even people who've checked on TV guides will know... But I guess you treat the episode as internally self-spoiling and ignore what everyone knows for the sake of the person who buys the DVDs and watches through without even reading the descriptions in the sleeve or whatever. Anyway glad she wasn't spoiled but it does make me like *itchy teeth* about Death being in the recap, because naaah. Naaaaaaah. NAAAAAAAH. they wouldn't. they're not. it isn't. She's making like, a hallucinatory cameo for theeeemes and I got to stick with that until the episode proves me wrong, never mind bringing Death back :P

-

As a fan of Death and the reapers (probably already a band name) I'm like... so on edge right now :P

-

Oh wait also Dean said "what about Jack" - he's using his name even to Sam now. Not teasing him about the anti-christ

-

Ya know, based on how beer for breakfast (name of my band) went over and letting Dean be Agent Page (oh the promo is so the breaking point - Dean already is calling him out on all this IN THE TEXT, using his words to point out the weirdness) I am actually thinking that Dean would have actually quite liked to go on another job with Jack. That he was starting to see the use of him and to warm up to him ever so slightly as a person since he showed effort and did a good job and saved Sam and dug the graves for them. I don't think Dean would ASK out loud but if Sam had said, "Jack comes and that's final" Dean would have done that face shrug expression and let it happen without much complaint.

Sam is bending to Dean's apparent desires and being like, well Dean doesn't like Jack, this could be a chance to get Dean out of the bunker without Jack and let him forget all his troubles for a bit...

-

Like, I don't wanna worry you Sam, but last time you decided you needed to cheer Dean up from his extra super special worries about Cas, you took him out into the woods for a fun werewolf hunt, got shot and strangled and had to kill literally every single werewolf in the episode with your bare hands while bleeding profusely from your stomach, while Dean had a random encounter with Billie in the depths of utter despair that he'd lost everyone he ever loved and the world was now going to end without you all.

Dean's a drama queen about a lot of stuff but when he tells Jack your plans don't usually work out, this is the sort of shit he's referring to :P

-

*Sam looks so freakin smug with himself walking off after the badge exchange and Dean's like... what. What?*

-

Poor kid with his great big bandage on his forehead.

He "can't even talk" because the trauma was so bad and we cut to him apparently drawing in his room, which makes me think right back to 1x03.

Omg lol of course Dean walks in the door alone to chat to him. And sees him drawing repeatedly the MotW. We bonding over trauma so bad we can't even talk about it again?

-

OH there's 3 boys. Shaun/Sean (I'm gonna pick Shaun because this is America and I assume you all don't spell stuff proper - FYI to Americans reading this, please remember to read this all in a shrill British accent, what what) and Evan who was presumably the one who died in the cold open, and Mike is the third, who they're inseparable from but was NOT there in the house with them that night, and by nightfall at the promo scene they had not spoke to him yet.

What a frikkin rug pull though, to have 2 boys in the open, so you think they're a duo of best friends, and it's like NO WAIT THEY COME IN THREES... Bahahahaha

-

Dean back upstairs with Shaun, and he's sat down to talk to him with a "you know" and at this point I am pausing and getting a stuffed toy because he's either gonna open up to a kid who won't squeal about it because he can’t talk, or say something completely awful because he's in an awful place and either way I don't need Emotional Honesty Hour from Dean Winchester at 9:30 in the morning without a friend :P

-

On no, Dean talking about knowing what it's like to be scared of monsters, but then trying to reassure the kid that he can at least make it go away PHYSICALLY even if the horrific psychological trauma can't be erased. Comforting!!

-

Promo sceeene!

Which we already picked over but aw yeah so Shaun didn't tell Dean anything after all, except for the plague doctor drawings (and he didn't show he had the mask with him? Really?? Did he drop it earlier?) so Dean really did just open up to the kid about understanding his pain but being the thing monsters are scared of... A better Dean pep talk than Patience got at least, since Shaun was a regular victim and Patience might have been angling to join the life... and it mostly just served to make him say that :P

-

Since I've been barrelling through all the Wayward Sisters old episodes this month, I am reminded that I spent a good long while wallowing in Yockey vs Sam knowing Dean's porn habits and outing them to Jody in 12x06... 

I think Sam trying to make the sacrifice to go to a strip club with Dean (and I can't believe this is the third time I'm putting myself through watching this exchange because omg second hand awfulness and yet I went back and watched it twice it was so good) probably fits under this characterisation umbrella. 

Of Sam vs performing Dean, as much as the callbacks to season 1 and Dean vs Sam's Jess grief that I was talking about last night thanks to an anon nudge. And parallels to 12x16 and their chat about the swimming pool outside a similar hotel set (although this one is infinitely lower rate :P) - the writers playing with the knowledge that Sam and Dean have grown up completely latched onto each other like this and Sam's been dragged to strip clubs by Dean almost certainly and they just kinda know more than they want to about the other's personal habits, and they have low, bad boundaries. 12x16 was asserting some back, letting them have separate rooms, and showing Sam grossed out by the thought of Dean skinny dipping which, I mean, fair (if you're Sam anyway :P) but they don't really GET those boundaries. 

So there's some re-poking season 12 specific themes here as well, just in that Sam, who has historically had his own walls up about Dean's porn and interest in strip clubs (because they're extremely not his thing) is willing to cross a line for Dean and just go with Dean to a strip club and buy him a lap dance from a place with a decent online review. Which also shows low bad boundaries that he would try and manipulate Dean back to happiness this way, just like in 1x19 especially, Sam had to angrily re-assert his boundaries about Dean constantly trying to set him up with Sarah, and Dean had to point out he has a stake in Sam's sex life too, even if it's just having to put up with Sam being cranky and miserable. Historically, Sam having to put up with Dean's sex life is considerably more on the "ugh, TMI" range for him :P

-

... sorry, yelling "promo scene!!" usually means I stop analysing for a moment and just watch, because I already went over this ground last night, but I guess there's more untapped depths :P

-

Holy shit, though in the reaction shots for Dean after talking about the Clam Diver, he's standing with his back to some stuff that on my screen makes a beautiful bi flag. What the hell. I was thinking how colourful the backdrop was last night but...

I mean that's the blurry background to his close ups on this.

I THINK it's just the road lit up behind him but oh gosh getting it in the background of the shot for THIS conversation about the Clam Diver? GUYS what are you DOING. 

Who directed this??

I overshot and landed on "how you ever got laid" "heh, tell me about it" I can't BELIEVE, STILL that Sam just gave him that win. For some reason it reminds me of Swap Meat where he judges Gary for being a virgin based on the Star Wars stuff, even though Sam is an established Star Wars nerd of more than the general audience variety, and mostly likely read the old tie in novels :P Sam owning that his nerdy interests as a teen didn't exactly make him very sexy is probably the most frank thing he's ever admitted to Dean and he's just trying to help Dean. 

(Tbh, again, it may have helped Dean more if Sam just reacted all prickly and got wound up, which is generally what someone teasing wants - a reaction, not rolling over and showing your tummy. Anyway more on the pile of Yockey probing their sex lives in relation to how they see each other, with Sam letting Dean be the one with the more manly sexy interests and letting the performing Dean layer that all comes from win, and then trying to pander to it some more by looking up places to make Dean feel even more manly and in control)

And holy crap I'm glad I have no yoga today because Yockey's got me talking in loops and I've been back to this conversation in the kitchen 3 times and it's nearly 10am and I've made such bad progress. Mental contortions instead :P

Ooooh directed by John Showalter. I'm pretty sure he's been around for aaaages and contributed more than his fair share of nonsense... :P

I just looked him up on the superwiki, saw he directed the episode with HP Lovecraft (and that ridiculous "I was busy having sex with women" or whatever line about Dean not reading the novels) and basically I am gonna hit the brakes on this thought and just watch the episode or I'm going down a rabbit hole I don't come back from until 11am :P

-

Oh but the thing I was trying to confirm was... Not that I knew I was looking for it except in the most abstract sense that I was thinking of it in one hand and thinking maybe there was something by this director in the other without realising it was the same hand... the blue & red light falling on Dean in 10x16 which looks an awful lot like the bi flag and shortly preceded Dean confessing all that delicious confessional stuff?

Yeah guess which director according to Superwiki.

Now i'm done.

-

I want to know what metric The Clam Diver got "four and a half" of on whatever site Sam was reading about it.

That's in Sam's browser history.

-

"Is it my birthday? Did I win a bet that I don't know about??"

"I'm just trying to be nice."

"W h y."

"Because..... you know why."

"I'm f i n e."

Sam, back off, he's gonna stab you :P

-

I got to ask... is the automatic door not working an improv because the door broke, or thematically relevant, because that's the sort of random thematically relevant detail I could have a nerdgasm about for absolutely hours of typing while Sam is harassing Dean into the building talking about him not believing in anything. The higher powers aren't doing shit for Dean even when he waves at where he thinks the sensor should be, so he gives up and just opens the damn door himself.

The door has a sticker that says, quite clearly, "warning automatic door" and at the very least for the shortsighted is a great big yellow warning sticker on it, so I'm gonna have to go that they're signposting that it's supposed to open, so this is something either scripted or added with full intent to metaphor and my brain hurts.

-

Sam is trying to understand this massive great big VOID of misunderstanding and it's... frankly awful. He's babbling about his understanding about Dean and his confusion

"You're not, Dean. you said you don't believe in anything, and that's not true! you-you-you do believe in things, you believe in people, that's who you *are*, that's what you DO. I know you're in a dark place and I just want to *help*"

This is telling us a lot more about how Sam sees Dean than Dean's faith arc. Of course Dean believes in people and saving people and that the planet is worth saving. That's a baseline assumption around here. Dean and *faith* though, in believing in things, in how the universe treats them... it doesn't even open automatic doors for them. Cas is DEAD. Cas is where Dean's belief arc centred in the last minute of 4x01 and Cas is where it has freakin' remained for the next 9 years. Cas lost faith in God and Dean chucked away the amulet because he lost faith in everything - Cas and Sam and himself and their ability to save the world that didn’t want to be saved. Cas became God and Dean lost all hope he may have had left. Cas came BACK to Dean and his faith was restored but in THEM. GOD came back and Dean and Cas had similar and unchanging positions on it right down to Chuck basically telling Dean not to confuse him with his own father, but the ridiculous superimposing over John over Chuck and Chuck as Cas's failed father who Cas now just ignores outright and Dean lashes out on his behalf because he knows Cas doesn't believe. That Chuck broke Cas back in 5x16 and... Yeah. Cas is gone now and what does Dean even have left in his personal faith? Chuck didn't answer, the automatic door won't open even when he waves at it...

Sam sees Dean as having no faith in God (while Sam has had the much more complicated journey there with his personal faith, and feeling it in a religious way) but instead he tries to get a read on Dean's personal compass, and god dammit Yockey *takes a shot* in Wendigo of course Dean sits down with Sam and tells him HIS personal philosophy on why he does what he does: saving people, hunting things, the family business. The thing is, Dean has already in this episode reached out to Shaun and described himself and Sam as the people who know about the monsters, the ones who can't erase the trauma but they can erase the monster, and help what little they can there... Save *other people* from it - yeah it's a message full of regret and defeat that Shaun already got hurt and that's probably why Dean couldn't get him to open up because he didn't come in bubbling with wide-eyed optimism about saving the day, but heavy eyes that had seen this too much. But oh does he still care about the people, and saving them. He just doesn’t trust what HE can do, what they can do against the tide of awful. It's not in his speech to Patience, because it's not the motivation to be a superhero any more - he is just a guy doing a job. And he's lost his heart in many ways. But he will still fight to protect and help people because baseline, Sam is right, that IS Dean and even damaged like this he'll go on hunts and protect people. Take Jack into the Bunker with them in 13x01 expecting it to be a self-destruct thing where base case scenario they can take Jack out with them or something and contain the blast...

But yeah. 13x04 expressly ended linking Dean's lack of faith, via dramatic cast-iron irony, to Cas coming back as Dean voices what losing Cas has done to him.

And then Dean gets to say his bit -

"We've been down this road before, and I've fought my way back and I'll fight my way back again" which HONESTLY echoes Cas in the Empty telling his depression to stuff it and that he'll fight and fight for eternity if he has to.

Dean is trying to get better, he made himself a PB&J, he's just taking this all at his own pace, and Sam's starting to smother him.

-

"How?"

"Same way I always do: bullets, bacon and booze." Dean regrets his no bumper sticker policy because that and the "whole bottle of Jack" comment from last episode are both iconic Dean talking about his coping methods out loud way.

Also throws back to 10x11 and how Dean did that list of 3 things which he was getting back to when he lost the Mark and left a blank space which should have been "babes" or something and just put more booze into it. The swap of sex for food happens a LOT with Dean. For some reason the Dean vs cake explanation I wrote recently was floating around tumblr again last night, in which the middle of season 10 conveyed clearly that cake was stuff Dean hadn't tried yet (and 10x16's confession tied it all together - we're really delving deep into the stuff that was explored back then and I've thankfully been in fandom for so have the language down really well but I hope I don't have to explain this entire complicated web over and over later :P) and pie was coping methods heterosexual sex with women - tying what Dean wanted in 10x07 in the hook up he didn't get, to pie in 10x13 via that gross dating app... All this with the cake, croissookies, and that comment in 10x11 where Dean was trying to detox and eating egg white omlettes (hi 12x18) and cutting out booze.

And, of course, there's the whole bacon = bisexual experimentation thing from 8x13, 9x13, 11x21, and I guess now :P Cass had a much more thorough bacon masterpost somewhere out there which I may have to dig out and reblog with a knowing look...

-

And Dean slams his hand down on the bell to punctuate this statement and hopefully bring an end to the conversation by summoning a hotel receptionist.

-

Cue screaming kid having nightmares about what he's seen.

His mom kisses him on his forehead where the doctor drilled him, and leaves the door open so she can be concerned about him.

Oh no, his backpack DOES have the mask in it. Dr Monsterface used it to get to him :<

(Oh wait hi yes that thing Jody said about the Dr Sexy leviathan in 7x02 is still fresh in my mind. Leviathans as a depression metaphor in a way The Empty rapidly escalated.)

-

I saw/maybe reblogged a post about how Jack might have Kelly used against him and 13x04 was the nice version, but he's going around carrying his grief about her in a backpack. We have to hope like hell Mia gave him catharsis enough or he might carry that grief with him and things can use her image to get into his head.

(That and the 2x "shoot him!" order about Dean from Miriam and Buddy to the sheriff and Mia, 2 people who wanted to help, are causing foreshadowing concerns)

-

I love the cuts between the doctor coming for Shaun, though - the bell ending one conversation to Shaun waking up screaming, and then he gets up and pretty much goes to confront the doctor head on rather than cower - but cut to an empty bed.

-

Dean's empty bed, but he seems to have left the keys?

-

Ah, he went and had some, uh, catharsis somewhere. I swear to god those are probably the sunglasses from 1x19 dug up again and stuck on his head just to haunt Sam.

-

The fact his tie is tied around his head makes me feel like he was probably blindfolded at some point in all that... Hehehe. I doubt his tie is tied so nicely around his head with a pretty bow because he did it to look cool :P It would just be the same knot but on his head in that way.

-

Sam's like "oh great" but doesn't kick Dean awake? Like on a normal day when dumping a glass of water on his face and telling him to suck it up would be the correct thing, Sam's like, "Sam's got this!" goes and gets dressed, takes the keys, and leaves Dean passed out on the floor. In 1x19 he hit the horn to wake Dean up because serves you right.

-

(if he only went to a strip club he may have just made off with someone's underwear thrown on him for being a good tipper rather than actually having sex with anyone... I kinda doubt if he was THAT drunk he'd be more than a very generous customer they don't mind kicking him out at closing with a bra still on his head :P)

(I'm gonna assume Dean did not actually have sex but just went out and had some very drunk miserable fun and made a friend last night and now he's gonna be dependant on Sam for cash for a while until he can scrounge some back up :P)

Also, um, what is he holding when he rolls over? Is that a fun kinky times toy whip? Exactly what sort of place did he find last night, and please, for the love of god, tell me it was not the place Sam was diligently reading the reviews for between his fingers yesterday, apparently.

-

Listen say whatever you want about the fact he walked home holding it, if that boy had his tie tied around his eyes he was not the one holding it while he was having fun :P

-

I like Mike. He's a burly farm worker hefting hay outdoors in the sun, which makes him like 3 different directions of Cas parallel (the strong one in the dynamic, sun, hay), and also he was sensible enough not to be running around in a haunted house for youtube hits.

...

Look, at some point Cas hefted a bunch of hay out of the back of his truck and onto the side of the road and that happened in canon and no one ever mentioned it

thank you Yockey for acknowledging off-screen hay hefting.

-

Aw no he's lying because he's scared and Sam makes him tell the truth and it's that he WAS scared and he thinks not going to the house was cowardly, but now his friends are missing and hurt (so far as they know because Shaun getting killed overnight might not have made it to them yet)... He does tell the truth in the end. He's also in DEEP denial about their deaths.

-

Is that enough bacon, Dean.

-

No, no it is not.

-

Sam, you're gonna kill him if you give him more beer right now. Is he smuggling local ales to Dean?

I don't think I can actually watch Dean eat this entire pile of bacon with Dean's bad mood eating habits. This pause is just to procrastinate dealing with that.

-

Wait also the friend is called "Mike" which, uh... Michael? is a thing we should be more worried about? What happened to that guy anyway?

-

Man, we're 16 minutes in and where's Billie?

-

I feel like Dean being hung over for the rest of this case is probably not going to help with him getting caught and threatened with a drill by a regular old ghostie.

-

I'm snooping Sam's tablet before he delivers the cliff notes exposition, and aside from the creepy images at the top, including an old school newspaper article in the top image results that is illegibly small, but seems to have photos of the doc alive, the first and only legible article mentions a woman with depression who goes to the doc because she had depression because her son drowned... Which makes 2 son drowning deaths in 2 episodes, with the kid in 13x04 who killed his mom in the car. Also reminds me of 7x14 where when Dean confronts the guy behind all the nightmares, it's because his little brother drowned in the sea and he could never let go of that guilt. 

I think drowning is the metaphor for depression here - people losing a part of themselves metaphoric to small son, who is overwhelmed in the water... Dean related to that loss and used it against the Plucky's guy, and that was in the slight turn around section of season 7 - the part where he began confronting the loss of Cas through mirrors because of course Cas was coming back. In season 13 the plan has been set in stone and can be done briefly and with HEAVY dramatic irony that we're all aware of because we only actually have 1 episode without Cas so far, even if 1 was his death and one was his waking up, he's surrounding Dean's grief in a layer of dramatic irony. Dean may be overwhelmed and drowning. We may have SEEN the memory of Cas drowning in the Empty, but it's all done with dramatic irony, that Cas is not lost to Dean but presumably finding his way back.

-

Dean had better not puke at the grieving mother's house after all that bacon and beer for breakfast after a hard night out.

-

I love the cut between Sam asking what happened in one scene and the woman saying "I don't know" in the next - there's some good thematic transitions I've noticed already, especially this way of skipping exposition here, but I liked Dean ringing the bell for the hotel and Shaun waking up screaming, because Dean was about to go out on his grief metaphor night out and for all I know get the sexy kind of drilled while Shaun was getting the unsexy kind... and then the cut to Dean's empty bed, because this is how bad his grief was hurting him.

(Also after Sam tried to control and placate Dean's grief, he resisted Sam's attempts to smother him but he still has been accepting the offers, and did eventually go out and get wasted and Sam had encouraged it - just Dean did it on his terms and without Sam, just his tacit approval that Sam wouldn't bitch about it.)

-

ALSO WOW AFTER 13 YEARS YOCKEY FINDS A WAY TO SUBTLY WORK IN THE COLD SPOTS FOR GHOSTS.

-

LOOK HOW INTELLIGENT THAT MAKES OUR BOYS LOOK WHEN THEY READ THE SUBTEXT OF A SCENE FROM A SURFACE READ OF SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT GHOSTS BUT IDENTIFIED THE SIGNS AND THE PEOPLE WHO KNEW WHAT TO LOOK FOR COULD UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS HAPPENING WITHOUT HER SAYING IT AND NOW THEY KNOW EVERYTHING JUST FROM INFERRING IT

WOW

-

Night time and they go to the house and we're at 18 minutes in. I mean we have time for a jump scare, some bad shit to happen, and then the ad break before pt.2 of the episode.

-

Buzz buzz

-

"What's up, doc?"

-

*ad break*

*back to Dean getting drilled*

-

Sam saves him and on with pt.2 of the episode.

-

All the masks are back in place.

-

Oops, don't touch the masks. *horrible screaming from elsewhere in the house*

-

Well, except to burn them. Sensible to stay in the room, defend their turf, and get to the burning asap instead of poking around or investigating the screaming any more. 13 years and they have learned a fair amount about ghosts and I am admiring how competent they are. Sam especially has the lead here, probs because Dean is off his game by an enormous degree to him.

-

Ahahah and Sam did a round circle at the door so we see the doc get partway through the door, realise there's salt, and have to awkwardly back out of it to have a second go and honestly that is the funniest shit a ghost has ever done on this show even though it's also terrifying :P

-

*burn burn burn*

-

So rescue Shaun?

-

What can possibly happen next with nearly 20 minutes left

-

LIGHTS BLOWING DOWN A HALLL

-

Now they dealt with the advertised ghost I'm just waiting for Billie to show up, because they're about to be mobbed by a ton of ghosts and she can save their asses, or else... well idk I have to watch, but I'm just laughing because of lights blowing down a hall - 3 times already this season, for Jack, for Patience at least with them flickering rather than exploding like this...

-

These are all the whispers about the doctor which we heard in the cold open

-

I love the Winchesters running around shouting sensible ideas about what the ghosts are doing though.

-

Is this going to be Dean's torch everything solution?

-

YIKES, no, it's 4x15/11x17. BAD IDEA, DEAN. i can't believe he even carries a pre-prepared take me to the veil kit. Like, that's the reckless nothing to live for might as well die trying to do something dramatic toolkit. We also get shades of 11x16 with him doing that in a super haunted house.

You can NOT pass into the veil in a super haunted house with just your brother to watch over you and stop these 1000s of ghosts killing you.

Jesus Christ Dean.

-

Wait is he literally doing this

-

Sam is like FFUCKING HELL RIGHT HERE WITHOUT EVEN A SALT RING? ON THE FUCKING STAIRS UNDER THIS SYMBOLIC STAINED GLASS WINDOW THAT LIZZY DIDN'T ANALYSE EARLIER?

DEAAAAN

-

And yeah this is 2x01 all over again with Dean walking down the stairs trying to get the attention of a ghost.

-

Wait back up new reaper with a customer service calm grief counsellor voice, but what did she say her name was? :P

"Hello, my name is JESSICA and I'm here to lead you to your next life"

... well I hope she survives the episode just because I always root for the reapers and she's clearly just a random obstacle to Dean who is doing her job, a regular old part of the natural order, but that is not a name you use at random :P

-

I'm just sitting here running my hands through my hair trying to deal with this right now. Gonna play a few rounds of Pokemon shuffle because I sort of knew this was coming since they showed 5x15 and 2x01 in the opening recap, but the way Dean did it and then walking immediately into a Jessica? Yeah I need a mo.

-

Dean maybe never told Sam what he did in 11x17 because he didn't at the end of the episode and idk if that's one of those things you don't just bring up at the breakfast table.

-

JESSICA.

-

"Hi, I'm the spectre of the loss of the most important romantically loved loved one in your life, do you feel like moving on from them to the next thing"

"sorry I can't come to the phone"

-

YOCKEY I AM DISTRESSED.

-

Accidents don't happen accidentally.

-

"Oh god."

She knows what she's got herself into.

-

Sam takes 20 seconds to set his waych and sdakdfjgkl hang on who cares about Sam

WE'RE IN REAPER HQ

-

"Dean Winchester is the the veil!"

Please say this whole thing goes to red alert.

-

Where's his file. It it like 5000 times the size of all these little ones?

-

Sam put down enough salt for Dean but not himself.

-

I don't think that's ghosts blowing lights any more, I think that's emergency lightning from the cosmos.

-

SHAUN! Oh no, you're dead :(

-

At least he's talking again.

-

Generally the freshest ghosts are the more talkative ones, and as Bobby showed us back in 7x19 which I generally try not to remember or rely on for ghost lore, because the older ones are fading and falling into patterns and the fresher ones still have a stronger sense of self and their old life.

-

OH NO Shaun got possessed because of course that's how he got back here with the mask. I think we saw a smaller ghost in a t-shirt in some of the promo stuff, but I thought it was a kid, not a teenager.

-

"I miss my mom" he's on the other side of the grief from Jack, who misses his mom because he's alive and she's dead. The doc said he'd feel better and he froze and let him kill him. Also Kevin parallels just of a kid whose most important relationship is his mom and now he's dead.

-

Dean's thinking clearly for the first time in a while because he's not in his body. All soaked in alcohol and grief. He realises he let Shaun down by not being there to protect him. Which may have all happened this way in another episode, but that PB&J, man. It was a Kevin thing all along. (I SAID it was a Kevin thing and you all were like blah blah Cas blah blah Jack, look, don't doubt me on my Kevin knowledge, guys, I am still RAW about his death and it was 4 years ago :P) Dean's remembering in the middle of grief that it's "saving people hunting things" after he let Patience down with that speech. Or so I hope. They used Dean's speech over the open of the episode like in a season 1 episode they'd usually layer the more optimistic and simplistic "saving people hunting things" from Dean's like, second day on the job, not where he's all messed up and old.

Anyway Shaun is an emergency Kevin patched into his life to make him feel bad about failing people, and I guess that puts Dean at similar crossroads to the middle of season 9. Hopefully to a different end, just like this should be subverting 11x17 for why he just abruptly decided to cross into the veil, because Jessica is not having a good day :P

-

DEAN GOING INTO THE VEIL TO HELP LOST PEOPLE is doubling up the job of a reaper. Reapers CAN'T COMMUNICATE across the veil to the living, and don't wanna solve the cases. They come to move on the one person with a ticket upstairs in a house full of hundreds of ghosts and just ignore them... Dean actively dives into their turf to solve the case and find out how to move the souls on. He SAYS he wants to help move the souls on.

I have such a huge love of Dean blurring the lines with being Death, and being a reaper. It's just such a symbolic thing. Their job is moving people on, basically handing souls to the reapers to carry on the job, when it's ghost cases. They're the human agents of the reapers breaking the ties that hold ghosts to the earth so that the whole process can carry on and the world doesn't fill up with ghosts - like it did when the veil was broken. (or is it still? Again, the whole Kevin thing not quiiiite answered, although maybe/maybe not that was a sign Chuck was fixing the thing... But then there were a whole bunch of souls Billie for for them out of the veil like 2 episodes later...)

-

Reaper lore is fucked up on this show :P But Reaper HQ just in the first glimpse looked aaaawfuully empty adjacent...

-

I'm guessing even though Dean's got back with the info he needs, and Sam's about to wake him up because the clock ran out, the reapers are going to intervene...

-

WAKEY WAKEY DEAN

-

Oh look Billie's back.

"Hey Dean"

-

I haven't been this happy in about 1000 years. Like seriously Cas getting back was great and all but HOLY SHIT have you seen Billie? I would set this as my desktop immediately but my mum and Cat are both gonna have to watch this episode with me and probably see my desktop in the process, so... Saving a screencap for later ;)

-

This is literally the best thing.

LOOK AT HER.

LOOK AT THAT SCYTHE. HOLY SHIIIT THAT SCYTHE.

-

Billie's understated attitude is just *clenches fist*

She just shows up!! LOoking LIKE THIS!!!!

I don't even wanna hit play, I don't wanna move past this point, I just want to bask in this one image forever.

-

THE COAT. NO one has shown up in a floor length leather coat in the entire show so far, because no one has been good enough for it.

-

"We need to talk" Yeah no shit babe.

-

LOL getting right to it - Dean like, Cas killed you. Billie like, "how's that working out for him?" - does she know? Either way, she's rubbing it in. Because of course she has eeeevery right to be pissed. :P

-

UTTER GLEE.

-

I have a sudden feeling... Billie says, "certain rules - after you kill one "incarnation" of Death" (Hey 1000 points to trisscar) "another one takes its place" and dude.

Death died and within 10 seconds Billie was singing "o Death" and following the Winchesters around, annoying them, making deals with them, making ultimatums with them... Like, the reapers aren't exactly itching to kill EACH OTHER and promote someone, and I guess just one biting the bullet and taking one for the team doesn't work... But this suddenly explains EVERYTHING about Billie getting all up in the business of the people who basically fuck up every deal and ally they make and hanging out with them... doesn't give you much of a life span.

Back in 12x06, Billie taunted Dean, made fun of him for not getting what he wants, and said she wanted something from him. Came to Mary and said she was there to reap her when she was ready. She LET Dean make another deal, a deal where one of his family would have to die, or he himself do it. In a car full of Winchesters, one of them is gonna take one for the team, or ruin everything and kill the reaper who's been bothering them, holds so much over them...

-

I'm thinking very hard about changes of state right now - that Billie and Cas had mirrored deaths, and Billie came back improved, and Cas... Well, we don't know how he came back except he's been put on a better path, for his character narrative, in confronting and overcoming the symbolic depression, and he has a better coat. Not much to go on yet, and I haven't been participating in the wild flailing about all the ways he MAY have come back different, but this makes a veeery interesting mirror about returns and changes of state, upgrades after death. Now I'm interested in what may have happened to Cas.

-

But, like, to a magnitude of difference to how utterly delighted I am that Billie won the game :P

-

But yeah this is a bit of a lore fudge but who caaaares because it brings Billie back and powers her up and makes her into THE BEST CHARACTER ON THE SHOW IN A TOTALLY INARGUABLE WAY.

-

I love her new ring :P

-

"This universe can be so many things, and sometimes it is poetic."

Hell yeah it is Billie. I've been saying so for ages, but this really puts it in such a beautiful way. This is Dabb's entire job. He makes this universe *rhyme* with itself. This is what his mirrors and parallels and character repeats have been doing. I even compared scene transitions in 13x03 to the way poetry ends each line in a verse. It's something all the writers have been doing - making the story rhyme.

Gaaaaah. THIS is Dabb's writer meta commentary, perhaps. I think I can trust Yockey to spell it out this way :D

-

She took him to Reaper HQ!!! Like Cas he's passing through states - I assume he'll be back in time to finish the hunt, but in the mean time... He's got to work through some shit, just like Cas did last episode. Rhyming with each other.

-

Dean is wearing a black and grey plaid with thin red lines, and a black jacket. He's bringing like the only colour here to all the blackness.

-

yeah, Billie, keep the scythe away from him.

-

I love she set her desk up in the W section because even though it's not the middle of the alphabet, she's keeping a CLOSE FREAKING EYE on the Winchesters.

-

Ooh she knows Dean went to the AU... She's interested in Jack. Dean's chance to protect him!!!???

-

Billie looks INCREDIBLE how did I ever let myself talk myself into doubting she was here to run the game?

wait shit Dean's doing epic character stuff. Not bargaining with his life, or asking for Mary or Cas back. He just wants to complete the job and free the ghosts because freakin sshdfkjsjlks PB&J brought him back to his senses and he needs to save Kevin-stand-in rather than let him wallow in the veil for 3 seasons again

THAT is one heck of a thing, Dean. I love you so much

not as much as billie but it was a beautiful character moment

-

Billie is STUNNED.

-

Jessica gets to take all the ghosts back. She thought this was going to be a terrible day and it actually worked out.

Again, with like 10 minutes left of the episode so this isn't how it ends.

-

Now Dean's talking about trust, and Billie brings up how they keep breaking cosmic bargains. I think he may be stalling - even planning to NOT give up Jack even though Billie went first... Or he's gonna tell her but... Natural order? She can't just go... kill him...

If Dean's still uncertain about Jack he could always make a query about IF she could kill him, but not give away enough, or have her as the weapon in his back pocket should Jack be a problem... something for him to regret later, maybe?

-

This is stressful

-

Dean spills. "Lucifer's son. Jack. When he was born it created a little rip."

-

What does Billie know about the AU?

Well she knows how the multiverse works, and she knows a "big dumb Winchester" is fairly statistically likely to be the one to knock it all down.

The warning not to try and get Mary back? Now Cas is back? The consequences may still be on Mary, however she's returned to them, intentionally or not, she could topple it?

Ugh I hate spec but all these lines are so leading :P The comment that Sam's plans don't work out, in this light, for example, is realllly nerve-wracking. And we know from spoilers the AU is going to become a more immediate problem at some point...

-

"That does sound like us."

-

"You've changed." Billie reading Dean deeply and now we get to the character part of this where she's just... analysing him.

"The Dean I know and love" look I'm die hard Destiel to the bone but Dean x Death is something I've always thought the dynamic for was absolutely stunning since their first meeting, and I hate to say it but making Death into Billie is making it aaawfully tempting to ship :P

Please show him his massive folders.

-

She's currently just calling him out on how bad he feels. Pure awful character exposition.

-

"I don't matter." OH DEAN NO.

He and Cas totally rhyming with each other about their passing through these dark other worlds...

Dean couldn't save mom, he couldn't save Cas, he can't even save this kid... But he already saved the kid with that bargain with Billie, and Cas is... out there somewhere. And Mary is a whole other problem and the one he can't solve right now. If she's alive, she's on the other side of a wobbling house of cards he can't touch. But the difference in the way he gets finality on Mary vs the finality on Cas? 13x01 vs this episode as Dean slides from dealing with Cas to dealing with Mary? Getting this blunt exposition from Billie about it...

I think Billie would have thought it was funny to show Dean his file, but then realised because he's changed she needs a different approach to intimidate and interrogate him. She sees that he doesn't feel like a hero any more, not the guy who saves the world. All his crushing losses have made him feel like he's still utterly helpless to make anything good happen in his own life.

And Dean can't work through it, won't work through it, and he knows it - this is the thing that has broken him hardest... That at this point there will be NO recovery except the story handing back Cas to him, and even then that's one hell of a shake to what he believes he can accomplish... If they wanted to scare him back down from "i kill gods" Dean who then went and killed Death too, to show him the universe his huge, and keeps on ticking and his actions have put Billie in charge and the natural order keeps on ticking... But he still can't get mom and Cas back...

-

I am literally sitting in that room in Alice in Wonderland where she's floating around on her tears.

I mean in my head, anyway :P

-

My heart is broken.

Billie's "don't you?" though when Dean says he doesn't matter... I wonder what she knows that Dean doesn't :P

But Dean starts ranting to her about how Sam's been trying to help and he's useless... :(

"You really believe that. You want to die." Well, yeah the universe has become a crushing hard place where no one makes sense and Dean doesn't even believe in the blaze of glory death, doing something HEROIC now, let alone not believing in it because he thinks he deserves better and a happy ending at the end of this all...

Lowest point, unlocked! \o/

-

Oh, ALL those notebooks are his individual deaths... How he dies. "heart attack. burned by a red-haired witch" HEY ROWENA

Are they potential deaths or ones still looming over him, disappearing as he passes those marks? Or are they his entire history of deaths not died?

-

"Unfortunately, none of these books say you die today"

....

So are they potential future deaths or what?

-

I mean, Billie just introduced hope to his life.

-

"I stand witness to a much larger picture" they could not have picked a better character to be Death. She has such DEPTH and WEIGHT to the way she speaks, and such an amazing calm, powerful aura of energy. I just love her so so much.

-

OH GOSH this camera angle with the scythe in the background behind Dean's face... Gotta save and remember to add that to this, because after telling him all the ways he dies, Billie moves onto his big picture cosmic weight. That he's important. And Dean has the scythe symbolically pointing at him as she talks, telling him he's at those crossroads of life and death but not today... Is this going to be a burden like the one Chuck laid on him, or Billie reminding him that a heroic life is not such a bad thing?

I really think this is one of the best episodes of the show and I got a few minutes left of it and don't know how this resolves :P

-

SHE IS LITERALLY giving him the 4x01 Cas speech - "you have work to do" and telling him he's important, telling him he deserves to live... Kinda still like I hate you but you're important, and setting aside past grudges. There's more for him to do.

-

"And trust me, having my eyes opened to the importance of any humans, especially Winchesters, is not a thrill." HA. yeah, she's an anti-Cas but she and Cas are literally bouncing off each other in the story anyway since he stabbed her and then got stabbed himself in turn.

Rhymes. Rules. Reason. Billie is the best character on the show and I love her.

-

"So, you wanna die, but I say, keep living." "Hmm."

This is NOT the same as what happened with Cas - but he may not remember it - but it works in sort of mirrored ways. Cas utterly defeats the Empty with his will to live, may not remember it, and may have to piece his newfound will to live together himself in this new hopeful return to life. I hope. Dean has no will to live, and orders of work and purpose are just the way his life goes, the orders endlessly being placed on his head by every cosmically powerful figure... God, Death that time in 6x11, Billie now, JOHN every day of his life from aged 4 to 27 and then one final order to haunt Dean to his first grave...

-

"I need to know. My mom" *wakey wakey*

Oh, and there's the so far missing hope. She can't lie to him and say Mary's dead, so she cuts him off in indecision and uncertainty, and THAT, unfortunately, is a massive step  up from where he was in total despair that there is no one he can save...

And Cas may very well be back in his life to give him the hope that it can be done again by the end of this episode... Aaaaaaaaaaaah.

-

Anyway Dean goes wakey wakey at last and the house seems to be wrapped up, yay.

-

there's exactly 5 minutes left, which is always the omen. :P

-

Sam comforts Shaun's mom, and wanders through the scene, looking small in the chaos, to rejoin Dean at the car.

-

And like in 11x17 Dean lies again.

Sam is too smart for that, chases it up when Dean tries to brush it off as luck, and says that when Dean says they talk about it later, it means they won't talk about it and it's Dean's way of shutting off a conversation from ever happening...

Sam calling out their communication issues? I am LIVING

-

Dean glances at the mom, and is reminded that they do this job for a reason, that he bargained to save the souls of the children... Sold out the info about Jack for it...

"I saw Death. The Death."

*Sam does the eyebrows*

"He's dead"

"No she's not"

*EYEBROWS*

"it's billie"

And Dean goes on to even say that she wanted intel, and does Sam pick up on it?

... no he doesn't. He doens't ask or guess what it was...

Dean repeats the line about work to do, which is also, especially in the context of Sam and Dean talking, what they say in instances like for example 2x22 when Dean had just sold his soul for Sam, when they're about to go back to work with their regular job. The open the trunk of the car and look at their gear and announce they're going to go kick ass phrase. (Which, of course, in 4x01, Cas was subverting the context by saying it to Dean away from Sam, putting the burden on him - Billie at least made it about Sam and Dean both but that she was talking to Dean)

But they're sitting on the back of the car, keeping the trunk closed... Not moving on

And Dean starts talking about how he's not okay.

And how he always believed in what they did - saving people hunting things - that losing John or Bobby or people they cared about was a hit he could take for the higher purpose. Billie has just REMINDED him that he is bound to a higher purpose. But he's so lost, and he's lost people who he CAN'T lose. Mary and Cas at once is just TOO MUCH. It makes the universe cruel not poetic...

(I say, having it paused here but knowing Misha's in the credits again as an awful TEASE :P)

He just needs a WIN.

And he may just get one because he told 90% of the truth to Sam, conveyed exactly what was going on behind that line about not believing in anything from last episode, the power of which narratively brought back Cas because that was a huge step in his grief arc, to admit it. Now he's explaining it, telling Sam how badly it's all got to him...

Oh god where is Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas.

They're driving off and there's music, which... agh.

-

drive drive drive sexy car

-

Omg we're going back to the house... More grief on the mom for her son... Just really WALLOWING in how much loss hurts everyone, and even when the soul has moved on, that Dean got a win for their knowledge of the afterlife, that they know ghosts can go to a better place, the mom doesn't, she has lost Shaun and that's it for her. No closure, just pain.

-

drive drive drive

Billie reading Dean's book

-

I think Billie really has a huge interest in Dean... :P

-

drive drive drive... Okay so Yockey is the new Robbie montage guy.

-

Also Sam is asleep while Dean drives - this seems to parallel 12x20 where he was asleep and Dean checked his messages from Mary...

-

Bring bring?

-

BRING BRING.

Called that like a boss :3

-

WHAT, NO "HELLO DEAN" ON THE PHONE?

FUCK YOU YOCKEY I TAKE IT ALL BACK I HATE THIS ENTIRE EPISODE

-

I mean there probably was one under the music if that was Cas...

-

Well this alley has that cross from 11x06, aka the start of Cas's depression arc, the one where Metatron was teasing him about a real life angel on camera...

-

drive drive drive

-

Cross reflected in the car

-

Hey, bison sign

-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-

Has he just been waiting at that phonebox for hours.

-

I'll just wait here then... I'll wait for you...

Well that got fucking tied up with a fucking bow, from all the left over crap Robbie left lying around.

-

God I don't even have anything to say... Cas waited. For Dean. Like the love ballad warned he would. Because he's Dean's real life angel, and Dean's win. It was FOR Dean. Dean's arc narratively brought Cas back into his life, but on Cas's side of the story they fully fleshed out the end of his depression arc and made Cas bring himself back on his own terms so it doesn't shove Cas into a subheading for Dean even when the bigger story is handing Cas on a plate back to Dean...

And that, my friends, was one hell of a fun game :P

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

The Boss Baby review

Dreamworks is a great studio, but by God do they make some boneheaded decisions. Their marketing department really needs a good restructuring, because they really fuck things up every time they market one of their films. Case in point: The Boss Baby. Judging by the trailers, this looked like it was set to be a Bee Movie-level shitpost of a film, just a dumb, wacky comedy with no depth and probably an abundance of toilet jokes. But… and I cannot actually believe I’m saying this… The Boss Baby was actually EXCELLENT. This film follows in the tradition of the film The Croods by being a Dreamworks film with an ending that pretty much changes everything and recontextualizes the entire film in a different light (though the ‘twist’ is pretty obvious if you pay attention). I’m sure you’re wondering if I’m shitting you right now, but… just wait and see. All will be revealed.

Be warned, though; to help you better ease in to accepting this film, I will have to spoil a small part of the ending. So, SPOILER WARNING! Now, onto the summary…

Tim Templeton is, as an adult, narrating the story of his life, specifically the time he was 7 years old. Tim was a wildly imaginative child, turning all sorts of simple, everyday things into fantastical adventures in his head (This is important; keep this in mind at all times). His life is going great, and he’s doted on by his two parents… until the day they bring home a baby. The BOSS BABY, to be precise. He arrives in a taxi, suit and all, and begins taking over the house. Soon enough, Tim finds out that not only can the baby talk (with the voice of Alec Baldwin, no less), but that he was sent here from the heavens to prevent a genetically engineered dog breed that is the cutest thing alive from destabilizing the balance of love in the world. Tim agrees to help the Boss Baby, if only to get rid of him quicker… can these two put aside their differences to save the world?

This is pretty surprising, but the humor here is actually… pretty darn good. Yes, there are a lot of jokes where they are making babies treat typical baby things in a business-like manner, but they’re actually pretty amusing and – and this is pretty much a miracle, I’m just absolutely amazed – there are not really any poopy diaper jokes or large amounts of toilet humor! There IS a fake puking scene (using fake puke so ridiculously brightly colored it is amazing anyone could be fooled by it), but that’s mostly the extent of the grossout. If there were any doody jokes or whatever, they sure slipped under my radar. This is an amazing level of restraint, not just for Dreamworks, but for a movie centered around babies.

The voice cast is pretty damn good, which is par for the course for any Dreamworks movie. Alec Baldwin as the titular baby is a hoot, making the baby into a likable jerk who eventually starts showing that heart of gold (he’s a baby after all, did you really think he’d stay an asshole?). Steve Buscemi as the main antagonist, Francis E. Francis, is great, but when is Steve Buscemi NOT great in an animated film? Tobey Maguire is great as the narrator, and his younger self is done quite well by Miles Bakshi, who is notable for being the grandson of famous animator Ralph Bakshi… a man who absolutely HATES Dreamworks. I wonder how he felt about his grandson being in this…

Now the most important thing to note is that at the very beginning of the film, it is established that Tim was a very imaginative child, and he even states the events were how he remembers them happening, not necessarily the exact way they happened. Adding on to this, throughout the movie we get brief glimpses of what Tim is experiencing through the eyes of outsiders, showing things far less spectacular than what Tim is experiencing. The answer lies in the twist at the end, which reveals Tim was narrating this story to his own daughter while at the hospital waiting to take home her new baby sister. The ending recontextualizes the movie from being a wacky Dreamworks comedy adventure to an imaginative boy coping with the birth of his new baby brother and his journey to loving him and accepting him as such. This ending ‘twist’ - and I put twist in quotations because this is something you could guess far ahead of time by paying attention – is very similar to the one from The Croods, as it frames the movie in a different light than if you just accept it as a straight story. In this way, the film is actually even more brilliant, and as heartwarming as anything else. The twist really drives home how, despite all the wacky imagined comedic misadventures, it is truly a story of a brother learning to love his new baby brother. Think of it like a modern and better version of the first Rugrats movie.

The Boss Baby is truly a treat, a real surprise with how good it is. I really did not expect to love this movie or be as warmed in the heart as I was, but here we are. I definitely recommend this film; it seems to finally get Dreamworks out of that rut where one film they release per year is great while the other is rushed-out trash to make a quick buck. Both Dreamworks films released this year were fantastic, and while this is the lesser film, it really isn’t by much. But hey, speaking of that other movie… I guess it’s about time I finally gave THAT a review. Tune in next time for the OTHER Dreamworks film that came out this year.

[jjeehoon]

wanna one as your fanboys

requested by my fav woojin stan anon lol

have a gif of your man btw lol

a reverse au where instead of them being your idols, you’re being their idols. 

a/n: i did some editing on minhyun’s bc this man ain’t quiet,,, he’s literally the loudest out of nu’est smh  

jisung:

MEMES. Jisung would be the one fan who’d be turning you into a living meme. Even if you already were a living meme, he’d make you into an even funnier one. Plenty of screenshots of your cute derp faces would be sent to his friends often as reactions, due to the fact that he couldn’t react to their messages in real life. Sometimes, if he were ever feeling especially hilarious, he’d message you on Instagram with a meme he made of you captioned, “notice me unnie/oppa, please!” You’d view his profile when you were looking through your incredibly filled DMs, and you’d laugh loudly at the sight of his clearly male feed. If he met you in real life, he’d spend his time making you laugh with puns and funny faces the entire time, since it was short lived and he wanted to do anything to make it last. 

sungwoon:

Sungwoon admired you so, s o much, and no one could blame him, because he believed you were perfect. You were the juniors of his buddies, Kai and Taemin, and at one point, he was jealous that they were under the same company as you were. “So, like, when is your CEO gonna let me into the building to let me see (y/n) - I mean, your group members?” He’d ask them every once in a while. Sungwoon would also be singing along to your parts in your latest hit single while he was with his group of friends as if it weren’t obvious enough that he liked you. Once they finally obliged to him meeting you, his ears would heat up once he saw you, like they typically did when he was embarrassed. You would probably also hear some small voice cracks every now and then while talking to him, but probably because he was tired and flustered, which didn’t exactly click in his agenda. Oh well - you called him adorably handsome, and that’s all that matters.

minhyun:

There were two sides to his fanboy, the fanboy where he’d be smiling to himself when he hears your name on the streets or something, and the fanboy where he’s jumping around the house and happily screaming your new song. Neighbours of his wouldn’t be surprised when they hear his loud voice on the other side of the wall. Minhyun also seems like someone who enjoys making covers of your songs. He was pleased to think that your songs, your angelic voice matched with his light and thin tone extremely well. People who followed him were also your fans and they enjoyed his covers when he occasionally posted them, but the most important thing here is that they literally begged Minhyun to do a (y/n) selca day thing because they thought the two of you looked great together. After crying to himself, ranting to Dongho about it (”they’re like me to you, bro, they aren’t gonna let me live”), and disagreeing with his followers for the longest time, he would post it. And, not gonna be lying here, they were right - the amount of visual in that relationship would be incredible.

seongwoo:

Similarly to Jisung, he’d express his love through memes and other funny things. He’d probably be the type who has a spam account on Instagram where he posts crack videos that he made of you and photos of you making hearts captioned, “have I ever mentioned how much I f u c k i n g love (y/n) because I LOVE (Y/N) SO MUCH”. Probably also in the comments section of your music videos with the most original comments, including jokes and gags without forgetting to mention how great you looked and how wonderful you sounded. Seongwoo would never hesitate to start jamming out to your songs if they ever came on in public, hitting some of the dance moves smoothly while shopping for clothes. He’d draw some attention to the other shoppers, and he’d be hoping the slightest bit that you were there watching him dance as well.

jaehwan:

I don’t know why (lol), but Jaehwan seems like a proud member of stan twitter. Sometimes, he’d be really soft and post acoustic covers of your songs which would cause an uproar in the fandom. He’d smirk once he saw the amount of reposts there were on Twitter itself, as well as seeing his covers on Instagram and Tumblr. Other times, he’d be shitposting just as much as Seongwoo would be. Heck, Jaehwan and Seongwoo would probably be partners in crime, making the dankest memes possible and making other users vote for which meme is better. Jaehwan’s probably also the type to ship himself with you, saying things like, “look at that. Just look at it, Ong, (y/n) and I would be the ultimate visual couple. Ultimate visual, vocal, flute playing couple. No, shut up, I don’t care if (y/n) plays the clarinet. Our children would inherit our talent and beauty and they’d be fucking legends just like (y/n) was.” 

daniel:

As we all know, Daniel loves dancing to Signal, so he loves dancing to your songs as well. Like his husband #ongnielisscience Seongwoo, hearing any of your big hits in public means a celebratory dancing spree, no matter what he was doing at the time. At the vet for his cats? He’d be doing the hand movements in the waiting room. Just woke up from a coma? Playing your music gets him back into daily routine immediately. Preparing dinner with his family? He’d be shuffling down the counter to the upbeat melody. Asides from that, he would seems like the type of person to think about your ideal type every once in a while - he thought about how he would make a good boyfriend to you. Of course, he was smart enough to keep his daydreaming to himself; that is, until he meets you in person and just falls for you even harder.

jihoon:

I can honestly imagine Jihoon being your classmate while you’re an idol. He’d admire you from afar while you were with your close friends, he would feel jealous once someone else came over to talk to you about your popularity. He looked up to you greatly and quietly listened to your music both in his free time and, often times, during class. If he was feeling rather ambitious that day, he’d casually start talking to you about your music and your group members if the solo game wasn’t the the thing for you. “Ah, yeah, you know your friend, (group member name i literally can’t think of a name on the spot)?” He’d ask while trying his hardest not to freak out over the fact that he was talking to a celebrity, his idol, to be much more specific. “Yeah. What, do you like them? Wanna meet them someday?” You replied jokingly. He chortled at your statement, mainly because they weren’t the one he liked, but you were.

woojin:

Super big throwback to his cover of BoA’s Only One, there would be low quality footage of Woojin dancing to your song jokingly. Once that circulated around, he’d be an embarrassed mess thinking about how you could’ve been watching the video at that moment. Spoiler alert: you were, and you thought it was absolutely adorable. You even reposted it with the caption “thank you, my fans, for such great content” or some shit and Woojin would be bawling his eyes out like, “I’ve won, but at what cost?” (uh jokes aside,,,) He would upload a proper dance cover and blow literally everyone away, including you. His smooth dancing and his ability to hit every move with precision made you question yourself on your dancing skills. (ok but i’m sure you’d be a great dancer <33) When you reposted that cover of his, he would bawl again, but this time, he shed some happy tears instead. 

jinyoung:

From the looks of his Kyulkyung fanboy days, Jinyoung seems like someone who’d defend their idols to a certain extent. If he encounters a troll among your Instagram feed, he’d definitely call them out with a bit of insult, and it’d be brought to your attention. He probably also runs a fan account where he posts photos of you and captions them with cheesy love quotes; not to the point where it’s Seongwoo or Jaehwan-level shit posting, but a regular fanpage that posts fan taken photos as well as performances on music shows and, sometimes, fancams. He’d be thrilled to hear that you and/or your group were coming to his town, but once someone brought it up, he’d act all shy and deny any notions of wanting to meet you. However, on his breaks, he’d go and see you in person, his heart beating quickly when he saw you - all while being the shy boy he was. 

also, you’d probably be like, “aw, your head is so smoL I’M CRYIN” and he’d fall over tbh

daehwi:

Daehwi would be the type of fan who would have a fanpage for you, much like his best friend Jinyoung. He’d be the main source of all the girlfriend/boyfriend!(y/n) aus because he honestly thinks that those are the absolute cutest, and he’d make them just as fluffy as possible while trying his best to be accurate at the same time. If you were in a group, he would make compilations of basically anything you were known for, whether it be your evil maknae schemes or your lovely singing parts. If he ever went to a fan sign, he’d be a smiling the mess the whole time once it was his turn to meet you. “Ah, I was so excited to meet you,” he would tell you, his natural overflowing aegyo making you feel all bubbly inside as you have a nice casual conversation with him. You probably ended your meeting with a hug from him as you told him, “come to our next fanmeet,” and he probably melted into a pile of gush inside. 

guanlin:

Guanlin would be the quiet yet ambitious fan of yours. Much like Minhyun, he wouldn’t shove his love for you in everyone’s faces, but he’d be much more obvious with those close to him. “(y/n)’s really soft in this performance? Jihoon hyung, look at how wonderful (y/n)’s rapping is. Seonho, look, (y/n)’s just as cute as you are.” Every once in a while, he’d go and binge watch your funny videos, giving himself a huge laugh (which may or may not scare his hyungs). Just like any other of his idols, Guanlin looks up to you greatly. You inspired him to do better at his own talents, and if you were to ever find out about this, you’d be amazed on how fast his improvement rate was. Needless to say, he had a little celebrity crush on you for a lot of reasons, from your lovely personality to your fans to your charismatic presence on stage. 

peep euiwoong - i mean

hit my inbox up y’all!! and here is my masterlist!! + sorry if this was a bit shitty lol

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

'Oh no.'

'Oh no.' Tucker hadn't meant for this to happen. Honestly his tight ass would have paid any amount of money in the world to PREVENT this from happening. But it had happened. He had looked over at his life long best friend sleeping against his shoulder and had been struck by the very INTIMATE urge to kiss him on his adorable little freckled nose. This wasn't a good thing, because said best friend's GIRLFRIEND was sleeping against his OTHER shoulder, and every time her hair fell across her face he had to nearly bite his own fingers to stop himself from brushing her fringe aside out of her long lashed eyes. The three of them had sat down for a movie at Sam's place, it was one of those few calm nights where the ghosts were chilling in the Zone and NOT causing any trouble for once. Danny was absolutely delighted to spend the night with his friends doing something that DIDN'T involve ghosts. The two lovebirds had sat beside one another on the lounge, holding hands and being, quite frankly, UNBEARABLY adorable. Tucker warned them that he'd sit on them if they didn't stop being so mushy and things predictably escalated until they were all but a tangle of goofy limbs hanging precariously off the two seater lounge. By the time Tucker awoke it was late morning and he was seated firmly between Sam and Danny, both having cuddled right up to him in the night, his left arm was warm under Sam's weight, but his entire right side was borderline numb beneath Danny's clinging arms. Boy was a leach, he had always been clingy when they shared beds as kids but back then he didn't have a big ol' chunk of freezing cold ectoplasm sitting pretty in his chest. But cold be damned Tucker was squished up with BOTH his crushes practically sleeping on top of him, no force on Earth or in the Zone could possibly make him move right now. He was staying right here where he could stew in his delight and guilt for the rest of eternity. Until Danny stirred and an arm pressed against his bladder. Heck. He needed to pee, like, really REALLY needed to pee. Tucker stayed nestled up in the cuddle pile for as long as he could stand it before heaving a sigh so heavy even Thor couldn't lift it. Somehow he managed to wrangle himself out without waking either of his friends and he waddled to the bathroom to relieve himself. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears as he stood in the cold tiled room. Why. No seriously, WHY. How in the fresh hell did he manage to fall head over heels not only for ONE of his best friends, but BOTH of them, and to top it off they were both DATING each other. He literally could not have picked a worse scenario. He could wake up one morning with 'Bad Luck Tuck' tattooed to his forehead and he still couldn't possibly feel more unlucky than he did in this instant. It took all of his willpower not to always end his and Sam's constant meat vs vegan fights by smooching her on those enticingly smooth cheekbones, and Danny was even WORSE. Every time that asshole so much as SMILED Tucker's heart would start thumping like it was trying to put him into cardiac arrest, it was just all those freckles and that little chip in his tooth and- Oh God stooooop. He needed to stop, he needed to stop right the heck now before he became the first human being to pass out from overexposure to adorkableness. Honestly? Fuck his friends for being so cute. This was all their fault, they could at least have considered his feelings before growing up to be so adorably kissable. He'd tried so hard to deny it to himself, he tried SO hard to fall back out of love with them but after waking up that morning nestled between those two precious asshats he realised that he had lost this battle, and he had lost it HARD. But, at the very least, living with a superhero as your best friend taught you some pretty useful life skills. One of those skills being how to Lie Like a Motherfucker to Everyone You Care About. So without further ado Tucker washed his hands, took a moment to stare his lovestruck gaze away in the mirror, and went back out to throw a shoe at his best friend's head for making his arm numb through the night. He loved his friends, he loved them with everything he had and that was why he could never tell them how he felt. ------------ 'Oh no.' Sam was honestly pissed, no scratch that, she was more than pissed. She was FURIOUS. Her rage burned with the intensity of her mother's artificially whitened teeth, and she couldn't even take it out on anyone, because the focus of her ire was her own stupid stupid brain. She had always been equally close to both of her friends, in fact she had only very rarely hung out with one or the other alone, and every time she did it felt just... so uncomfortable. It took a long time to really sort out what that feeling was, but even when she did it made no sense. It was GUILT, she felt GUILTY. Why did she feel guilty? Danny and Tucker sometimes hung out together without her, and that was fine, she was fine with it, they'd been friends since before she came along, but why couldn't she do the same? Every time one of them was over her house without the other it almost felt like she was cheating on someone, and that only got MORE disturbing after she and Danny started dating. Because suddenly? It very well COULD have been cheating. But it wasn't. And she kept telling herself it wasn't. She had never kissed Tucker while she and Danny were dating. They had never even held hands. But God damn, the realisation that had just struck her was enough to make her want to slap herself for ever becoming such a cliché piece of romance movie tripe. She had just been sitting there, sipping on her smoothie when Tucker did that Thing. She hated that Thing. That Thing where he'd say something that he knew full well was the vocal equivalent of a tumblr shitpost but he ALSO knew she'd found it fucking hilarious and while she tried her damnedest not to let a smile loose he'd send her a big shit eating grin that made her stomach roll and her tongue feel dry. Yeah, THAT Thing. She was crushing on Tucker, she was crushing on Tucker so hard. She was head over heels for her best friend, her BOYFRIEND'S best friend. Literally EVERYTHING about this situation was the reason she hated 90% of the movies she ever saw. Love triangles were the worst plague fiction had ever suffered and suddenly she realised it had spread it's nasty little friendship killing tendrils into her life. She was determined, however, not to fall into the awful trap that so many would think was inevitable, and she did so by keeping her mouth firmly shut about it. She had the willpower to go face to face against ghosts twice her size, and had been through more than one bout of emotional and mental manipulation by others of the ghostly kind. She was not about to lose this battle with herself and destroy not only her relationship, but also the much more valuable friendship she held with both boys. Sam got up and gathered everyone's Nasty Burger food scraps to throw into the bin, taking the brief moment to let her face twist in grief over what she'd have to do. With the rubbish gone and her resolve hardened, she slathered her face in smiles and ease, walking back to the table and acting with the skill and grace of someone who had been lying to protect her best-friend-turned-boyfriend for years. Her true feelings shoved somewhere deep between a pit of self-loathing and the core of her love for the boys she cared more about than anyone on this earth, including herself. ---------- 'Oh no.' Danny was in trouble. Danny was in so so so so SO much trouble. Honestly? At first he hadn't even realised he was doing it, Tucker had been his friend for such a long time, it had only seemed natural to invite him out everywhere when he and Sam made plans. But Danny was starting to realise the tension it was causing. Neither of them said anything but sometimes Danny could pick up on... something. Of course he knew what it was, since he'd started officially dating Sam, Tucker had become somewhat of a third wheel. Danny had never considered his friend to be out of place or unwanted, but he wasn't sure Sam felt the same way. Maybe she wanted it just to be the two of them, maybe she just wanted some alone time with her boyfriend. She wouldn't say anything, Danny figured she didn't want to seem clingy or harsh but, why else would things suddenly start feeling so... weird? He tried to make the effort to go on at least a couple dates with Sam without inviting Tucker, but honestly he just couldn't help but think something was missing, and it really didn't seem to be helping with Sam's tension. She tried to hide it, she really did, and it wasn't as though she was bad at it, Danny just knew her too well. Her and Tucker, he was hiding something too. And Danny was starting to think he knew what it was. They had NOTICED. He thought he was doing such a good job keeping his feelings from being too obvious, he was used to acting differently around certain people by now (having an alter ego did that to a guy), but obviously his friends knew him too well. It might have been the touching, yep, yep it definitely could have been the touching. Danny was an extremely touchy person and his gentle caresses and nuzzles weren't particularly picky about which friend received them. He definitely remembered a time when he straight up snuggled his face right into Tucker's neck during what was probably an EXTREMELY un-platonic hug. Other events on the 'Danny is a two timing doofus' calendar included: 'Holding hands with both Sam AND Tucker while walking down the street.' 'Very delicately running his fingers over Tucker's leg one time when he'd thrown them on Danny's lap and honestly there was absolutely nothing heterosexual about that moment.' 'Every time Tucker laughed so hard he snorted Danny thought his heart would straight up melt into a puddle of goo, and then SAM would start doing that super adorable giggle that she was really self conscious of and her trying not to laugh made her pull this fACE and Tucker would lose his mind and start snorting all over again and-' Danny had to stop himself right there before his heart completely dissolved because for the love of the Ancients his friends were both way too hecking precious for their own good and he loved them, he loved them sooo much. He loved them both. And they probably knew it. And boy that meant he was in deep trouble. Would Sam break up with him? Would this ruin their friendship? Nobody was SAYING anything but Danny knew that stewing over something like this was just going to lead to an explosion of awkward raging teen angst worthy of a place on an MCR album. If they weren't gonna bring it up then Danny would just have to... get it out of the way. Oh boy, he did not want to do this, nuh uh, no sir, he did not want to be standing in his bedroom shifting uncomfortably before his two beautiful, patient, wonderful friends. He would have loved to be sitting BETWEEN them however he deemed such a position to be quite, how the professionals would say, INA-FUCKING-PROPRIATE considering the subject at hand. No, standing in front of them was slightly better, only slightly because Danny felt like an absolute nervous piece of half human trash. Maybe he could just jump out the window and throw himself into a dumpster, that would speed things along. He would probably end up there by the end of this conversation anyway. He decided to just do it, stop beating around the blood blossom bush and just get it DONE. Unfortunately Danny hadn't practiced what he was going to say beforehand, so when he finally resolved to just blurt it all out he literally did... just that. "I'VE GOTTA HUGE CRUSH ON TUCKER AND I DUNNO WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT." By the time his brain caught up to his words his dumpster diving plan was sounding significantly more appealing. There was probably some kind of banana skin pun he could have used there but he was far too stressed to figure it out. Tucker didn't respond, he appeared to be trying to bury his face into his hat. A kind of wheezing noise was coming out of him, Danny couldn't tell if it was a good sound or a bad sound. Sam let out a long breath that whistled between her lip piercings. "Holy shit me too." The Tucker sound continued, raising to a nearly imperceptible level. Danny was just beginning to think it might have been a Bad sound when Tucker pulled his face back into the world, his glasses were all fogged up but he stopped making the noise. Sam and Danny both waited for him to say actual words but Tucker.exe seemed to have stopped working. Once he'd gained his breath he was back to wheezing into his hat. Sam hesitantly put a hand on his back. "Are you actually okay or are you like, dying?" Muffled words were said into the hat, none of which could be repeated around children. Danny was juuuust about to start attempting to will himself into spontaneous combustion when he recognised a very distinct sound emanating from the hat. Snorting, Tucker was snorting like a god damn pig. Danny's shaky legs gave out below him and he sat on the floor, shoving his face into the carpet as he laughed along with his best friend. He didn't know what was happening right now, but he was Having Emotions and the floor just seemed like the right place for that. Also he needed to look somewhere that wasn't Sam. She was trying not to laugh and she was pulling That Face and Danny just couldn't handle it right now and really the floor was great why didn't he spend more time here. Tucker felt as though he was finally ready to leave the comforting world of Hat Land and face the unbeLIEVABLE realisation that all of his dreams had just come true in a ten second span of time, he felt like he had just been blessed by the gods, his skin was clear, his crops were flourishing and world peace had been established. Today was a good day to start ugly sobbing in front of the two most important people in his life. "I love both you guys too!!" Tucker half laughed, half cried, and then just straight up cried, "I've wa-wanted to smooch you both sooo bad for like, MONTHS!" The moment his snorting turned to sobbing he was immediately accosted by a pair of equally snotty emotional wrecks. Danny, still on the floor, had plopped his head on Tucker's lap and just started balling his eyes out, like he was really going for gold in 'Most Tears Shed on One Lap'. Sam, on the other hand, had commandeered Tucker's upper half for a simple bone breaking, teary hug. The next few hours were just chock full of used tissues, an inappropriate amount of snacks and some deep, heartfelt discussions about what the fuck their relationship was gonna be. Honestly they were just happy to be so open and at ease with one another again, the sun poured into Danny's bedroom window as the three of them dozed in the warm pool of light. Laying across one another, their imagined boundaries finally broken, they could finally talk shit about each other for making them feel so mushy. ------ "Oh NO." Paulina said out loud at the scene before her. Those three dorks were sitting together at their usual lunch table, all bunched up ridiculously close together and if she wasn't mistaken she had just seen Danny turn around and KISS TUCKER ON THE MOUTH while Sam, his GIRLFRIEND, just watched?! "Oh yes." Star deadpanned, not seeming too fazed by the weirdness happening before her. "I didn't think those three could get any more confusing, but I have no idea what's happening over there right now." Paulina sat back in her chair, arms crossed. "Really?" Star raised an eyebrow. "You seriously didn't see this coming? Those three," she pointed with a delicately painted pink nail, "have been perfect polygamy material for like, three years." "Perfect what material?" Paulina's face was all scrunched up in confusion, her little nose wrinkled up and her lips pursed in just the cutest little pout- Star's stomach fluttered alarmingly. 'Oh no.'

[riffmusicpony]

I just saw YouTube rewind 2018

And I gotta say it’s exactly how I pictured the climate of the site wants to be portrayed. Kinda over the top production as usual. Alot of these YouTubers I don’t even know. But, as I’m pretty sure the younger generation knows all about em more than I do. YouTube rewind is just not for me. And maybe I’m taking it at face value here but it just shows what can really make an ordinary youtuber or a celebrity youtuber famous. On a lighter note glad to see more animators getting spotlighted (Odd1sout, JaidenAnimations, Tabbes and more) yet some were left out. I guess that’s my problem with rewind as a whole; the inclination that some youtubers will be left out. Because you cannot produce a less than 10 minute video with all youtubers, yet despite the title clearly saying “Everyone controls Rewind”. Quite a farce I’m sorry but it’s obvious that major YouTube influencers, big companies and advertising sponsors have more control than the users and average content creators do.  So they picked the best of the best, I guess. But like, also Will Smith isn’t even a YouTube content creator in the sense that youtube being a platform where up and comers can have a chance to break even among the biggest stars of the site. It’s pretty clear to me that just hiring an A-list Hollywood star is easier to digest than say PewDiePie or anyone else idc. Truth is that nobody is really the face of YouTube. So in saying that everyone controls YouTube feels to me like you can do anything you want but you can’t really do anything you want because incentive to do so could have serious repercussions.  Okay so coming in from the start, did I hear that correctly? Did Will Smith actually say he wants Fortnite? Idk that just sounded kinda forced like he was paid to say that. Like, little to no genuine feelings of him actually wanting Fortnite. Which again, paid actor and “let’s paint YouTube in the best light possible”. I literally have no idea who any of the people in the Fortnite bus are aside from Ninja. So I’m going to assume they’re all big Twitch streamers. (Twitch streamers gaining fame on another website YT?) Bongo cat meme. How exactly is melting lipstick science or an experiment? I think that scene was mostly for the gratuitous slo motion sequence. I dunno I feel like they weren’t even in Korea for the mukbang shot, could have been green screened idk. Who are these people, wait. Are these, the Buzzfeed try guys? (a long moment of silence) They aren’t even youtubers blah blah blah. Of course. It wouldn’t be complete without Marshmello. Like any other DJ would just be a disgrace to rewind just toss Marshemello in for a brief moment. WHO IS MARSHMELLO. (Are we done yet) I like how the yodeling kids just standing there after one second of singing. 

this about sums up my thoughts thus far. It’s like 1/8 it just music video production and the rest is like a movie/skit.

You know who really needs to be in this rewind video?

I can name a few... Right because of promoting Better Help, alot of people ended up scammed and stuck with depression. Good job everyone.

is this Asian representation? All jokes aside I do actually like the multi-lingual parts of the video. For once I felt like there was a sense of global community in that everyone can participate in this journey called being a content creator. 

“I wanna thank everyone who supported me while I was sick” I’m not at all sure what illness you had but I’m glad you were able to overcome it. (Serious)  But it still felt out of place with the cheerful music in the background like I thought she was going to get deeper into her story but short limit of time budgets and moving on...

We’re forgetting something

LAMP

We should read the comments Dear God did they probably have to swift past all the hate speech, slurs, insults, bad reviews, shitposting and etc to just get all 12 actually positive comments. 

notice how none of the comments have actual avatars and are all somehow just default brand new account avatars, maybe and just a big maybe this was done in CGI to make it seem like these comments were actually requested.

at this point it took alot of effort to watch this video up until this scene. In the back of my mind I’m wondering do kids actually watch the original music video uncensored? 

what even is asmr anymore

and yet they failed because there’s more than just fortnite. 

I’m not even going to deny that baby shark is low key a bop. You’re lying to yourself if that damn song wasn’t stuck in your head for weeks.

I loved how Marshmello’s head is the only shot they filmed of him. And at the end he get’s one more frame of screen time.

And that’s the end of it. Ooga booga caveman makes a rewind button out of stone for an entire minute and fades to white.  I probably don’t understand any of this because I’m an aging geezer on the brink of dementia any day now but this is just such a bundle of overwhelming positivity. It does it’s job of distracting portraying YouTube as this happy family friendly website where celebrities and big names have a stronger role in how this website gets ad revenue. Because anyone else is just there. Just, there. Content creators? Pffft no no no. Memes, Fortnite and more Fortnite? YES MORE. I get it, it’s a baby shark eat baby shark business and controversial figures (who despite redeeming themselves or otherwise) don’t get a say in any of this. Basically an influencer who has ad revenue potential and isn’t controversial controls rewind. All ya’ll else is just there. Just, there. 

[akiras-sanctuary]

Welcome!

This is a new blog I’m making, aside from my main art blog, and my shitpost blog, this blog will be for positive uplifting vibes, motivation, and help/advice for problems like depression, low self esteem, confidence, self worth, self love, recovering from abusive relationships and so on and so forth. But, please understand and head my warning:

I am not a professional, I am not a psychologist (Though i am an aspiring one).

I am just one person, i can try, but i cannot help everyone, unfortunately.

I have my own problems too, so i may take quite frequent breaks, to take care of myself and also tend to my life outside this blog, i need my own time too. 

Understand that my advice may not be the best, of course i try to give my A game when giving advice, but unfortunately for some people it’s not enough, or it just doesn’t reach them on that emotional level intended, That being said, please understand that i shouldn’t be your only source of advice, as there are probably people who could explain things better or give better advice or say it in a way that makes sense to you where as i could not.

I am imperfect, as is every human being, i cannot help you with everything, as much as i’d love to be the crane to lift the heavy weight of your problems off your shoulders, it sadly doesn’t always work out that way, some things i may be able to help with, some i may not, either due to lack of understanding of the situation, or lack of experience, or simply not knowing the answers to your problems or the right things to say.

I may not always have the answers, that’s quite obvious, as i don’t know everything, all i can rely on is my personal experiences, my encounters already with helping others, my life experience, knowledge, wisdom, and logic i’ve learned, so some questions i may not have an answer to or know how to respond, and some questions i need to find my own answer to before i can give you an answer. ((A example would be, one time a friend asked me “what is the meaning/purpose of life?”, i never really considered it much before, but when asked i didn’t have an answer, i had some ideas, but not that big, so i went out to find my own answer to that question, and i found that answer, then i was able to present an answer to that question, as i had found my own purpose to life.)) the point is i didn’t know an answer at the time. 

I am not a Suicide Hotline, don’t get me wrong, i love to help, and i will discuss topics and help with topics like suicidal thoughts and overcoming them, however, i do not handle that well in timed sessions where if i don’t give the right advice at the right time (x) person may put an end to their chapter, again, understand i wish i could help, but in situations like that i don’t handle well, because that pressure will make it hard for me to give the advice, because i take time and try and put thorough thought into the advice i give, but if i have a time limit like that where the fate of that person’s life rests on my shoulders i don’t know if i could handle that, So please don’t spring me into these situations, if you want to discuss something like suicidal problems, come to me sooner before you reach that kind of breaking point, if you are at that breaking point where if someone doesn’t give the right advice you’ll probably end your chapter in the coming moments, do not use my blog as a hotline, get professional help, i’m no professional and there are others who could probably handle it a lot better than i could. I hope you understand this isn’t meant to be mean or abrasive it’s just i don’t handle well in timed and mean the end of someone’s life, which i’d probably hold myself guilty for a long while if that happened beating myself up thinking “I could have done better, i could have given better advice... if only...”, i hope you understand. 

Also one more thing about me I also am a believer of spirituality, and use some of my spiritual knowledge and wisdom I learn along my journey combined with psychology, and logic as well as non spiritual experiences. So please don't get annoyed with me if I mention something spiritual related! I won't mention it often, though, more so if asked something where such things would be relevant.

So please, be patient with me and understanding, I may not be able to help with everything, but i’ll damn well try, all i can hope for is that the help i give is sufficient. And I hope that the help, advice, and motivation i give here helps someone, and at least brightens up someone’s day, that’s all i can ask for.