#ashton greymoore appreciation | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

utilitycaster · 4 months ago

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actually taking the last bit out of the tags of that post because here is the thing. and I'm going to use specific examples, because I think it's illustrative.

the two groups of people in this fandom who have specifically harassed me have been, as I've said before, imo/dna fans mad I don't find the ship very good, and (to be fair, only on one occasion) shadowido/mauk fans who got mad that I said that tagging ao3 fic about throuples with individual pairs sucks. [hilariously the latter was not even about them at all, it was about me looking for imogen and fearne ship fic that wasn't witchy trio fic and finding it almost impossible to filter].

I do not like these people because they have engaged with harassment. It is not about identity; it is about actions. My closest friend, and the first non-family member I talked to on Wednesday morning, is a bi woman in an open marriage to a woman, with a longterm male partner. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. The last time I visited her, in September, I was joined by other mutual friends, who are similarly in an open marriage with longterm partners and at least one relationship between two women.

I am entirely secure, in my personal life, that I am kind and accepting to queer women (of which I am one) and to poly people (of which I am not), and so I hope you can appreciate that if someone attempts to attack me on the internet on these grounds because I do not have the same exact opinions on pretend people kissing, my response isn't "oh my god I should go off and die because I'm a terrible person," it's "get a load of this moron making wild assumptions about my personal life based on a single data point in my preferences in fiction; I'm going to make them regret doing this to me, and hopefully anyone else, because this is genuinely a detrimental behavior in the fandom space." And also, you know what. If they were a homeless person on the street and asked for a dollar I would still give it to them if their attacks were merely verbal (yes, I know the idea of someone screaming "YOU'RE A LESBOPHOBE FOR HATING IMO/DNA can i have a dollar" outside the grocery store is rather comical, and I think that is how you need to consider statements like "um actually I won't help pro-shippers." Imagine that conversation happening in an irl activist group. Everyone would be like "uh...anyway, how do we fight back against this hostile bench architecture.")

I think right now it is vitally important to remember what actual bigotry looks like and what needs to be fought, and the reason I tapped the sign of this post last night is literally that I think you are wasting time and energy engaging with people who think bigotry is "criticizing the pretend guy Ashton Greymoore for concrete but pretend choices they made" when I also think most people criticizing Ashton would, if Ashton were real, still toss them change if they needed it, or are people who currently donate to or otherwise work with local programs that assist nb people, disabled people, or unhoused children.

I like to argue and I like to engage in fandom and I will continue doing that because it is a source of enjoyment and comfort for me, but I really urge everyone to ask yourself "am I arguing about genuinely different readings, or do I think that everyone who doesn't like my blorbo ship is a bad person" because if it's the latter, I think you need to nip that in the bud of online fandom before it grows into something darker and worse. A lot of irl hate and bigotry starts from a place of "everyone who doesn't agree with me and give me what I want all the time is wrong and evil" and perhaps I am too optimistic, but I think many people who say things like that in fandom just are caught up in the drama of it all and are capable of exercising empathy when they stop treating shipping or interpretation like a popularity contest that, if they lose, indicates that everyone around them is irredeemable. But I also think it can be the start of a really bad path.

#long post

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critter-roles · 1 year ago

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Hold Ashton dice gently, just like how Ashton deserves to be held

#ashton greymoore #ashton greymoore appreciation #critical role #bells hells #campaign 3 #critical role c3 #critical role campaign 3 #c3 #taliesin jaffe #dnd #dnd dice #critical role shop #critical role dice

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luddlestons · 2 months ago

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2024: Fic in Review

Borrowed from @ziskandra because it seemed like a very nice format to review in!

Total Number of Fics: 33 (the count on AO3 lies because I have two works posted this year that are art, not fics)

Total Wordcount: 201,240 (why am I like this)

Fandoms: 2 (Critical Role - 31/33, BG3 - 2/33)

Smut scenes: 32 - I am counting the orgy fic as all one long sex scene.

Most Popular Fic (by bookmarks): Buttoned Up and Undressed, which tracks, as it was a gift fic for the one and only zmeess, was written relatively near the beginning of the year and is for the largest ship I wrote about this year.

Most Popular Fic (by kudos): Same ^

New things I tried: Incorporating more of my art into the text of my fics and deliberately illustrating fics in general.

Fic I spent the most time on: As for which I spent the most time actually writing, I have no clue, bc I don't track that, but the one that took the longest to complete was Sleep, and Lack Thereof, which I started in February and finished in August. I spent a lot of time dithering because I was writing some new kink stuff, and because I continually got distracted by Ashton Greymoore.

Fic I spent the least time on: Twenty-Five Words or Less, which is entirely dialogue and under 1k besides.

Favourite thing I wrote: you're the universe i'm helpless in, which has so much fun prose and fanciful descriptions of plants! while being horny! and sad!

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected? oh WAY more. I spent SO much time being busy being gay, and I still wrote TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND WORDS??? insanity. What am I doing.

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion: I don't know if anything's UNDER appreciated, but if people want a deep cut rec from me, A Completely Normal Vacation is my favorite I've done that doesn't seem to have a lot of eyes on it compared to my other stuff. probably because it's about Kingsley!

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: uhhhh well Home for Winter's Crest literally has a paragraph about me falling for my boyfriend in there. It's not outright like "A/N: this is about my love life," but have fun guessing what it is, I suppose!

Biggest Disappointment: Just that I didn't have the motivation to finish Certain as the Moon Rises, but hey, there's always next year!

Biggest Surprise: The amount of folks who were all-in ready to go with my Ashton/Essek series! The ship literally didn't exist when I got there (there was ONE Ash/Essek/Caleb fic but I started off the Ash/Essek tag) and still has hardly anything in there but so many people told me they loved it. I'm constantly desperate for more of this ship too!

My Favourite Part Of Fandom This Year: I got to work on some pretty awesome collaborations this year, specifically working on Unlaced, Undone with zmeess and doing art for a few of the latest chapters of Mistakes Aren't Regrets, which I've been following since near the start!

Writing goals for next year: keep doing whatever the hell I want! I would also like to do more original fiction, but this is a fanfic review lol

Did you meet last years goal?: last year's goal was also 'do whatever the hell I want', so yes!

(Not doing any specific tags, but if you do this after seeing it from me, please tag me bc I'd love to read!)

#my fic #critical role #god i cannot believe they're almost all critrole #i really had a one track mind this year #the hyperfixation is hyperfixating

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randoimago · 1 year ago

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Hi there! Could you please do headcanons on Ashton and Imogen with an s/o who’s an artificer/Wizard multi class? One who’s a bit of a workaholic? Thank you! :D

S/O Is an Artificer/Wizard

Fandom: Critical Role

Character(s): Ashton Greymoore, Imogen Temult

Type of Request: Headcanons

Note(s): And I thought Wizards were broke college students, but an Artificer/Wizard? I'd lose my mind trying to play that.

Ashton

He's dealt with Milo being busy on some project so he knows how to be somewhat patient. It sucks sitting still when he wants to cuddle or go hit something. You've probably had to ask him to leave the room a few times because he was just constant sighing and fidgeting while waiting on you.

Ashton can't believe when he watches you just spending so much gold on bits and pieces for machinery but then you spend more gold on paper and ink. He understands why you spend so much for your tinkering. But ink and paper? What the fuck is wrong with you? (he doesn't actually think something is wrong, he just thinks it'd be best to just cut your own tree at this point).

Don't get him wrong, when you do end up in combat or tense situations, Ashton very much appreciates the cool magic tricks you can do as well as the upgrades you've given everyone with your Artificer-ing. Will still make fun of you for being a nerd with your spending, but some of the things you do are pretty badass.

Imogen

A bit pouty when you're busy with your tinkering or scribing spells into your book. She would like to cuddle and spend some quality time together, but your nose in is a book or some machine parts.

She appreciates how much you do for all of them and she loves that you have hobbies and such that you love to do. But you need to rest. There have been many times where plates of food or water will appear on your desk, which was from Imogen setting them there but you were too focused to notice. She'll absolutely scold you if she ever finds it untouched.

Imogen has definitely sat in between you and Laudna as you both debated upgrades or creations of "girlfriends" for Pate. She's watched you help build her a scary cute dollhouse for him. It was a very interesting thing to witness, but she's glad that her two soulmates are getting along.

Taglist:

@unhelpfulnpc

#Anonymous #critical role x reader #imogen x reader #imogen temult x reader #ashton greymoore x reader #ashton x reader

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unicyclehippo · 1 year ago

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Ameliorate?

her third meeting with imogen took place on the third, which launda appreciated very much. she admired the day calendar propped up on her desk—the big 3 stamped in black, and coffee - doctor temult looped excitedly across most of the page. beneath it, much smaller, was delivery GE74-226 in her assistant’s cramped and slanted lettering.

‘right, we’ve got a shit tonne of work to do today so whether the fuck is going on between you two, you can’t be an hour late again,’ ashton said, shouldering in through the closed door.

‘mister greymoore! what have i said about knocking?’

ashton dragged a curious eye over her office. ‘there’s no one here.’

‘it’s about etiquette! i could have been - oh, i don’t know - on the phone. or taking a private meeting.’

‘you weren’t.’

‘but i could have been,’ she insisted.

ashton sighed. ‘you want me to go back and knock, don’t you?’

laudna smiled brightly at the suggestion and nodded. ‘please. practice makes perfect!’

ashton sighed again, louder. he stomped out of the office and closed the door. laudna waited. and waited. she waited long enough that it occurred to her ashton had decided it wasn’t worth it and had simply left, which is when they knocked.

‘come in!’ she trilled. ‘good morning, mister greymoore!’

ashton rolled his eye mightily. ‘morning, doctor bradbury. can i run through your schedule now, or do i have to curtesy too?’

‘i’m not a monarch, mister greymoore, the knocking was perfectly adequate. and very well done. go ahead!’

he shook his head. ‘right. so, spanner in my perfect schedule for you, treshi called this morning. set up a compulsory wank session for all of staff, two to three.’

‘um.’

‘by wank,’ they elaborated, ‘i mean it’s gonna be bullshit. he’ll say how good he is and everyone’s gonna agree even if they don’t think it’s true.’

‘ah.’ laudna relaxed. ‘yes, of course, you mean it as a manner of self-gratification on his behalf. non-literal wank. how funny! though you must never,’ she said gravely, ‘say it again. it’s terribly inappropriate for work.’

laughter lit up ashton’s eye, green shining prettily. a big grin split his face in two. ‘sure, doc. i’ll remember that.’

‘like you remember to knock, i’m sure.’ ashton laughed at that, too, and laudna beamed down at her papers.

she wasn’t—had never been—particularly good with people. when ashton had been assigned to her, her first ever student, she had been sure that it would go terribly. and it had, for the first week. she had been controlling and stern and brittle. they had been brash and argumentative and, one might say, extremely anti-authoritarian. the second week had been not much better; after her poor behaviour, she had withdrawn, going to such agonising lengths to be direct and complete and courteous that it was better for them both if she simply never spoke at all. it was ashton, braver and better than she by far, who made the effort to try again, and so they had reached a tentative understanding and remained there for several weeks. right up until the hishari mask was delivered into her hands. that was when everything changed. not just between them but for the museum, for laudna. in the upheaval that followed—the recreation, the reveal, her lecture and curated exhibit of the hishari culture, her denouncement of hytroga’s timeline, her rising “stardom” and increasing public appearances—ashton had made themself indispensable. during the preparations, he had been knowledgeable and careful and, in those private moments when he thought no one present enough to notice, downright reverent. he loved their work, and if that had been the only thing laudna liked about him, that would have been more than enough. as it turned out, ashton was wonderful and she had the honour of front row seats, as they say, to witnessing ashton grow into a fine young man. as everything changed, ashton remained steady as a rock. grew with each challenge thrown their way into a veritable pillar. figuratively and literally—laudna had overheard teatime gossip amongst her colleagues that insisted ashton had become a “handsome guy”, “a hunk”, and “a juicy, prime slab of beef”, which was one of ashton’s favourite.

now, the proof of that was the pop of stitches in the shoulders of their coat as ashton dropped carelessly into the chair in front of laudna’s desk. the sound made her wince and she began to rifle through her drawer.

‘okay, so, schedule.’ he pulled it up on his tablet, squinting at it. ‘while you were off with seshadri—‘

‘she has a title, mister greymoore.’

‘—like i said, treshi called about the meeting thing. everyone important’s gonna be there—never been so fucking thankful to be a nobody in my life. right. first you’ve got a call with that, uh, religious nut over in tal’dorei, that’s at nine-thirty.’

‘mhm,’ laudna said, reprovingly, instead of repeating herself. mostly because although she knew miss pike trickfoot had a title, she couldn’t quite recall what it was. her eminence, perhaps? laudna scowled thoughtfully down at the contents of the drawer. where on earth was her sewing kit?

‘then quarter past ten you’ve got the delivery. the movers are taking it straight to storage, it’s gotta go through stasis before you can look at it but i blocked it out because i figure you’ll wanna oversee it anyway. twelve, you’ve got your coffee date,’ he said with an odd inflection, ‘two to three is treshi’s stupid meeting. don’t be late. lab time four to eight, and at five vudol requested your “expert insight” on that duskmaven statue—‘

‘why the air quotes?’

‘because,’ he said, patiently amused, ‘vudol doesn’t care what you say about the statue.’

laudna frowned at him. ‘i am the foremost expert on pre-reiloran marquet.’

‘yeah, sure. that’s not why they want to see you.’

‘then…why?’

‘because vudol thinks you’re hot.’

‘oh. really? hm.’ she pushed the drawer shut, drummed her fingers against it. her nails clacked against the glossy wood, the iron handle. ‘is that why they need so much help with their eighth century marquesian translations?’ ashton nodded, smirking. ‘i’m actually rather relieved to hear that, i thought somehow mistress seshadri had hired an idiot. um. would you send them one of your impolite emails telling them i can’t make it?’

‘honestly it’d be a fucking joy. how impolite?’ she see-sawed her hand. ‘got it. guess that means you’re not into vudol, then,’ ashton said, more statement than question. ‘makes sense. not really your type.’

‘i don’t—you always manage to turn work conversations into something else, mister greymoore—‘

‘it’s a gift,’ they shrugged.

‘it really is. you’re a very gifted conversationalist—‘

‘i’m really not, you’re just worse.’

‘—and a good friend.’ he looked away at that, scratched at the dry skin over his eyepatch. he did not, she noted happily, deny that he was her friend. ‘which is why i shall indulge—just this once!—in your inappropriate tangents and say that i don’t really have a type.’

discomfort forgotten, ashton turned back to face her so quickly she heard their neck crack.

‘you’re joking,’ he said, tone flat.

‘no?’

his mouth worked for a moment but he didn’t say anything, only stared at her wide-eyed. then he turned that stare on the little marquesian horse statue that sat pride of place on her desk. looking abruptly exhausted, he ran a big hand over his face, rubbed his right eye.

‘you’re not joking. oh my god.’ he huffed a laugh. ‘yknow, for someone so observant, you’re not very smart.’

an odd tangent, and slightly hurtful, but laudna couldn’t say he wasn’t right. she said as much, fiddling with the frilled cuff of her sleeves, and added, ‘i enjoyed book learning very much but my school life was interrupted often and troubled. in the end, my grades weren’t quite what i hoped they would be.’ a fond smile touched her lips and she said, lifting her chin proudly, ‘i did find my way here, in the end.’

ashton smiled. there was a strange expression on their face that she couldn’t place. ‘yeah. you did. some things take a little time, i guess.’

‘all the best things in life. now that’s a very good piece of advice, and a good quote. i wonder who said it first? regardless, tell that advisor of yours that i’m doing a good job, won’t you?’ ashton grumbled an agreement and stood. ‘ah - before you leave - your coat, mister greymoore.’

‘it’s fine.’

‘nonsense. i won’t have my post-grad wandering the halls looking like some dickensian urchin. coat, please.’ she stood, walked around the desk, and held out her hand for it, waiting patiently as he wrestled with his pride.

finally, he gave in, as he had every time she did this for him. hemming the ankles of his too-long slacks, taking in the neat button-ups. she had even mended the elbows of this same coat when he first came in wearing it, taking the tattered threads and returning it with fun elbow patches. it was about that time that he realised laudna enjoyed it and stopped fighting her so much; looking back, it likely helped that she had told him she enjoyed it. costuming had been her entry into history, after all, and she so rarely had time to indulge now.

ashton yanked his coat off and passed it over.

‘i think you’ll need a little more space in the shoulders,’ she mused, touching her thumb to the strained fabric.

‘don’t waste your time.’

‘now ashton, what did i just say? all the best things take a little time.’

did he understand what she was saying? that she regarded them, ashton, as someone quite wonderful and deserving of her time? he didn’t acknowledge it, storming out of her office with a rough grunt and a wave. it was fine. if he didn’t understand, she would simply write it effusively into his letter of recommendation when the time came.

#prompt fill #tagging my stories #I didn’t use the word but i meant to i just only wrote a quarter of the scene in my mind & ran out of time #this is for my modern au museum au i love it!!!!#laudna my beloved #imodna #only hinted at here but eventually it is #n I love laudna n ashton friendship it’s so good

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scoundrels-in-love · 3 months ago

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Hello, I'd like you to break some asses down. No obvious characters for you, gimme: Kafka, Ginko, Ashton and Re-l. Thank.

Hi sibby bibby! Definitely not going easy on me with these, but let's see!

Kafka of Kaiju no. 8

He's so everything one can want in a main lead of a story. He's the beaten up dreamer version of a typical hero that grew up, accepted defeat, but remained kind and supportive. He throws himself whole into a second chance, never looks down on or hates younger people who have their successes come much easier. He's goofy, sweet, relentless, powerful in kindness. 10/10 would kiss on cheek.

Mina and Hoshina, preferable in world's most ride or die battle powerthrouple.

Reno and Kikoru, the kids he randomly found on a street and said 'is anyone gonna love and take care of these?' and then ran off with them without waiting for an answer.

Not involved in fandom enough to know what's popular fanon, but I think he's a needy switch and quite inexperienced because he was pining away for Mina. He takes to learning with gusto as with anything else, though.

That he wholly accepted it is him as person that made all of his efforts worth it, saved lives, not his monster-self. And also Kafkohismina downtime or battlethrouple scenes.

Ginko of Mushishi

He is so. *clenches fist* He says I don't care while he cares, so deeply. There is air of forever haunting melancholy and longing about him. A forever wandering half-myth that yearns to belong, that bears so many stories. He's so everything.

Adashino and Tanyuu. The letter writing ot3 AU we've created has changed me as a person, for the better.

Honestly? Same two. Their relationship is based on friendship, respect, unique bonds that are never on-screen romantic, so you can see them as you wish. Also I think he and Tama Minai have interesting dynamic that would be great to expand further. And of course Nui. Oh Nui.

Hits him with demisexual beam, just like every other character I love.

More on-screen maintaining of friendships with Adashino and Tanyuu via letters and the like. Also I know the point is that he can't settle down, that he is forever wanderer, but my heart can yearn for him to have a place called home.

Ashton Greymoore of Critical Role, Bell's Hells.

I admit I've fallen off the bandwagon and I wrestle with feeling like I misunderstood some things of his character since I can't quite understand some of their latest choices, but, in my heart of hearts, Ashton will always be LOML. I imprinted on them from getgo, instantly saw the undercurrents of care and golden, cracked heart they try to conceal. I just want to take care of them, so so badly, and to let them know they deserve it, no matter what. That they don't have to earn it or buy it. That they just have to be. Embarassingly, closest I've come to making OC to ship with someone, at height of my BH time.

Frankly? No one.

FCG, absolutely. I also think them and Orym make for an interesting 'our safety last, as long as our friends aren't hurt' kind of tank duo.

I don't like him and Fe*rne as a ship. Might be because her character as a whole doesn't appeal much to me, maybe because I don't see them embracing their growth and heart of hearts with her, whatever it is, it just doesn't tickle my fancy, but I fully respect character choices made by players. As long as Taliesin is having fun! He knows Ashton the best. Also I wish they'd been liked and appreciated by fandom for more than just being part of a ship. Before those took off, you could hardly find Ashton content. Even still, the focus on them is often quite shippy.

I am forever haunted by the time their worst fears were shown to be them losing control of themselves and the alternate lives shown as them being a king, a leader. I really wish they could embrace that more, be heard and seen, instead of sometimes their ideas even being attributed to other members of the party. There was a time when I'd have killed for a fic where they become part of Keyleth's entourage/just hang out with Ashari and get a chance to be comfortable.

Re-L from Ergo Proxy.

13 year old me thought she was the PEAK cool. One of aesthetic-bi awakenings. Did I want to be her or just stare at her? Yes. During rewatches as an adult, I have come to appreciate the complexity of her character and most of all, her growth from sheltered, straining-against-it young woman to a driven person with spiky shell, but that shell will also shelter others, if you earn her trust and her care. Considering how much was hidden from her, how much lies and betrayal she uncovered, it's hard to blame her for not being open with it immediately.

Vincent and particularly, Ergo Proxy. She and Mina would be gun-toting, monsterfucking besties for sure.

Pino and Re-l are such an underrated dynamic. There is something to be said about Iggy as well, especially since it's hard to tell if his pre-demise behavior was "truth" or not.

Too arrogant, uptight and demisexual to have had proper previous relationships. Also probably had some truly loser phases of makeup that Iggy has photos of.

I wish she had more time to unpack everything about Daedalus, her grandfather, who she is. The last act of anime didn't give many of these things any breathing room. I am fascinated to explore how she changed and grew in wake of it all.

Give me a character?<3

#sent on a cloud #lovely people #sibby bibby #ask games answered

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lunarrolls · 2 years ago

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polymorph, chetney, and ashton. i know the prompt list was hurt/comfort but honestly go as silly as u want with this one

this is literally the best prompt ever i think. i had far too much fun with it. ashton and chetney are already two of my favs, especially when put together, and then you throw in the ULTIMATE SHENANIGANS KNOWN AS POLYMORPH? absolutely FLAWLESS. they’re so stupid. i love it. banana you’re the best

•

Polymorph is a fourth level transmutation spell on the bard, druid, sorcerer, and wizard spell lists.

This spell transforms a creature that you can see within range into a new form. An unwilling creature must make a Wisdom saving throw to avoid the effect. A shapechanger automatically succeeds on this saving throw.

The creature is limited in the actions it can perform by the nature of its new form, and it can’t speak, cast spells, or take any other action that requires hands or speech.

The target’s gear melds into the new form. The creature can’t activate, use, wield, or otherwise benefit from any of its equipment. This spell can’t affect a target that has 0 hit points.

•

Ashton stood with the handle of their hammer between the doorknob and the jamb, trying their damndest to keep their pursuers from breaking the thing down completely. Their muscles strained as they leaned all of their not insignificant rocky weight on the door.

“Any fucking day now, Chetney,” he gritted out, scowling in the gnome’s general direction.

“Shut up! This shit takes time,” the old man snapped back, flipping him off as he picked the lock on the desk. “No goddamn patience.”

“Oh, by all fucking means, take your time!” Ashton said, pointedly staring at him as one of the crew (probably the damn goliath, the way the door nearly buckled under the strike) slammed against the door and nearly sent him flying across the room. “I don’t know what I was thinking!”

“Finally getting some appreciation from you,” Chetney sniffed as the lock clicked open. “See what happens when you shut your mouth?”

“Just grab the fucking necklace so we can get the fuck out, Chet,” Ashton snapped without any real heat. They were actually sort of worried this crew was gonna start using weapons to break open the door, and they preferred their body un-skewered.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m working—oh,” Chetney said, going very still.

“What?” Ashton demanded, his gaze whipping over to where Chetney stood. “Hells, Chet, what could be so—“

His sentence was interrupted by a loud popping noise, followed by a strange green arcane blast. Ashton’s first thought was fuck, a trap that bastard forgot to disarm, as they ducked and covered their head, trying to avoid whatever magic was just released by Chetney’s incompetence. When they opened their eyes again a fraction of a second later, they were not greeted with the familiar sight of a crotchety old gnome. In the gnome’s place, a small, furry mammal wrapped in leathery wings and sporting massive brown ears sat, blinking confusedly. A fruit bat, Ashton thought.

The good news was that nobody could take the necklace from Chetney now. Ashton didn’t see it anywhere in his little hand-talon-wing appendages. So that was good.

The bad news was that, in his surprise, Ashton had stopped leaning against the door as much, and now those fuckheads were seriously about to slam him across the entire damn room if he didn’t move in the next two seconds.

Quickly, they stumbled to their feet, snatching their hammer from where it was wedged—protecting the room was a lost cause at this point, they’d already gotten what they came for, even if it turned the old man into a fucking fruit bat, apparently, what the fuck—and the small, furry form of what was probably Chetney Pock O’Pea from the carpeted office floor just as the goliath smashed the door in half with her polished battle axe.

“Greymoore!” she bellowed, leveling her axe with Ashton’s face. “Nowhere to run, fuckhead. It’s just us now.”

“You underestimate the shit I’m willing to do to not have to deal with your bad breath,” Ashton said, immediately feeling like a twelve year old for the stupid taunt. The feeling was pushed to the back of his mind as he assessed his options.

“I don’t think I’m underestimating shit,” the goliath snarled, her friends (the fucking sneaky little katari who ratted him out and the elf with the bow who’d tracked him, dammit) fanning out behind her, “considering the shit you pulled to avoid paying me back.”

“Listen, I forgot about that. Genuine mistake. I can get the gold to you soon, promise,” Ashton said. He did kind of mean it, too, but mostly he was just trying to figure out how the fuck he was supposed to get out of this second story room. The original plan was to have Imogen fly up and get them if anything went wrong, but she hadn’t arrived yet, probably because Ashton had held the door instead of signaling for her. He hadn’t accounted for several random people who he’d apparently cheated out of a small fortune in a gambling house a couple years ago showing their stupid faces again, sue him. Honestly, he hardly remembered even playing a game with them. He’d cheated a lot of people out of money in that gambling house.

Besides the point. The bat in his arms seemed displeased. Ashton was very displeased, also, so Chetney wasn’t fucking unique in that regard.

They clutched the small animal tighter, realizing the only possible escape.

There were rooftops close to the study they were standing in. Ashton was gonna have to jump out of a goddamn window again, because that had gone so well for him last fucking time. Couldn’t get enough of window jumping.

Chetney seemingly realized what he was about to do before he did it, squeaking loudly in surprise, or maybe warning, but Ashton never listened to Chetney even when he could speak and he certainly wasn’t about to start listening to him now that he could squeak.

He hastily stuffed the small bat into the pouch around his leg, slung his hammer over his shoulder, and sprinted for the window.

“Hey!” the goliath shouted behind him, taken aback by his decisiveness, but Ashton was already on the windowsill, catapulting themself out into the air.

For a horrifying moment, they were suspended there, mid-leap, left to briefly wonder if this was how they’d fallen off that stupid balcony. Then, gravity took hold, and they started on the gradual arc of descent.

Randomly, they found themself annoyed that Orym hadn’t been sent on this mission as Chetney’s bodyguard. He was certainly more likable and far less likely to have a group of people out for his blood for doing literally nothing (in the past two years) to piss them off, and he had those magic boots that let him leap jumps like this no problem. Ashton had fucking nothing.

They didn’t bother to pray, just brace themself as they fell and hope that either their feet hit a solid rooftop or that they didn’t hit anything too horrible on the way down.

They immediately proceeded to drop like a stone (ha ha, they sarcastically thought to themself) and slam their head on the edge of the rooftop they’d tried to jump to. Their hands scrambled against the shingles, trying to find purchase, but of course, they were too heavy to get any traction, so down they went, straight onto the pavement.

Ashton yelped as they landed hard on their tailbone, probably fracturing it, and smacked the back of their head on the wall of the alley. Bat-Chetney protested in his pocket, squeaking as if to say, the fuck was that, Greymoore?

“Shut up, Chetney, hells,” Ashton growled, shakily standing up. They had to get the fuck out of here before that stupid gang caught up with them.

“Come on,” Ashton hissed, sprinting deeper into the alley. “We gotta blend in. We’ll find the others in a bit.”

He blended into the crowd as best he could when looking like he did, keeping his hood up and his head down and sticking to alleys until he was sure they’d lost their tail. Sighing and wincing, he roughly grabbed Chetney from his pouch and held him up, studying his new form.

“Gods,” they said, poking Bat-Chetney’s snout, “you’ve never looked better.”

The bat squeaked. Ashton snorted. “Don’t suppose you even understand me right now? Fuck, I’m trying to remember how this shit works. Fearne would know.”

Speaking of Fearne, Ashton had no idea where she was. Looking up, they realized they also had no idea where they were. They’d lost the tail, but in the process, it seemed like they’d also lost their allies.

Well. They’d be getting a strongly-worded message from Imogen, then. Hopefully she didn’t try to message Chetney. That probably wouldn’t go well right now.

Ashton did spend a little too long giggling at the idea of Imogen sending out her usual psychic brainwaves or whatever and just getting a bunch of confused bat noises back. That was probably what happened whenever she tried to message Chetney anyway, though, they reasoned.

•

Imogen was about done with their missing party members. She loved them to death, but gods, they were stupid sometimes.

They should have sent Orym with Chetney. Lord knows what possessed everyone to agree that Chetney and Ashton were the right people to discreetly grab that necklace. They’d managed to fool everyone into believing they were competent thieves, and now she was having her second infuriating psychic conversation from halfway across a city with Ashton.

The good news was that they weren’t dead or captured, and they’d gotten the necklace, but true to Ashton fashion, they’d managed to piss someone off and also turn Chetney into a bat, somehow. That did sound pretty funny, though, she had to admit. She hoped Chetney was still a bat when the duo was found.

Her hopes were dashed somewhat when F.C.G.’s locate creature spell led them to their friends, both in their respective humanoid forms, hiding out in the back of an ally.

“What in the hell were you two thinking,” Imogen demanded, waving her hands with the words. “That was supposed to be a quick smash and grab!”

“Well, it was!” Ashton smirked. “We’re here, aren’t we? And we have the necklace. We smashed, we grabbed. Good times were had by all. Now we can go get drunk off our asses to celebrate!”

Imogen massaged her temples. They had no goddamn business being that smug, considering the amount of magic she and Letters had burned trying to find them, but if she told them that, both Ashton and Chetney would get even more unbearably smug.

These two would fucking kill her one day if she didn’t kill them first.

“Fine, whatever,” she said, crossing her arms and turning to peer out of the alley, making sure nobody was paying attention to them. “Let’s just get out of here.”

“Where’s the necklace?” Fearne piped up, putting on her best innocent smile. It worked on exactly none of them, but it was funny to see her try. “I can hold onto it. For safekeeping, of course.”

“Of course,” Ashton agreed, smiling in that enabling way they often did when Fearne stole shit and leaning to fish the pendant from Chetney’s grasp.

“Ash, wait—“ Orym started, but he didn’t finish the sentence.

A green flash of light and a loud popping noise later, a very confused adolescent deer was standing with the Hells in the alley.

Chetney laughed so hard that he bashed his head on the wall.

Imogen was actually going to murder both of them as soon as Ashton turned back. Even though part of her was very happy at seeing her earlier wish fulfilled.

#cr #cr3 #ashton greymoore #chetney pock o'pea #imogen temult #roll performance #charisma save #spelling disasters #i rolled three times for this prompt hehe #chetney rolled a seven on his polymorph save #ashton rolled a nineteen on a dex save to avoid the door slamming open #and then subsequently rolled a fucking seven athletics to jump to the next rooftop #i probably could have rolled stealth and another saving throw for ash’s polymorph #but i wanted the funniest possible option #i am a huge fan of polymorph shenanigans i’ll eat them up every time #i’d write this forever if i could

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