#as well as wanting to interact with other ppl MYSELF
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lesbiansanemi · 1 year ago
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Okay last night I finally managed to finish the third chapter of Kyo’s backstory for the role swap AU so I can stop being haunted by it. Tonight is for doing laundry, dishes, and reading other ppl’s fics now that my own fics have stopped eating me from the inside out for a bit. Also replying to the 50 ao3 comments that have built up 😭
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puppppppppy · 7 months ago
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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pickled-flowers · 4 months ago
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Every time I go to a party I'm reminded that it's not that I can't interact with people, it's just not a desire I have :(
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itsalwaysdark · 6 months ago
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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is
#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And#make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not#saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was#going to say#like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so#bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the#winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000#other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but#i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its#been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody#responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple#muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it#but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like#im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good#solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start#all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the#punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4#im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but#even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think#avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is#like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they#hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be#the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO#difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15#minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case#it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel#stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and#tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i#tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction#like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint
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skunkes · 1 year ago
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was abt to make a silly post about how at this point i barter with the universe for a bf like "please id take care of him and walk him and dress him up", like a child begging for a pet, and then i think abt how as much as i want an actual pet I don't think im fit to ever have one of those either
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lesbianlenas · 5 months ago
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i have been very sociable since starting the new school yr vs last yr where i was like not lmfao & i was wondering why that was bc i was a lot more sociable in college and then after starting law school i was like avoiding ppl again for no reason and having a lot of trouble being like idk normal talking to ppl bc it’s like i get really 😐 and i will not give anything to ppl i’m talking to which is truly not me at all personality wise but it is smth i struggle w…..but anyway i was thinking to myself why am i doing so much better like i am quite honestly being more sociable than i have ever been in my life now when not much has changed & i had just majorly regressed but i think i was just really emotionally drained last yr for several reasons and i know the reason i was like that in high school was bc i was stuck living w my dad & that was so mentally/emotionally draining that doing everything including talking to other ppl was so difficult and i was very closed off to ppl bc of that & i think i was going thru a similar experience of emotional/mental exhaustion last yr that just made me really drained & not able to be normal around other ppl 😭 bc the only thing that is different abt me now from a few months ago is that i have really been able to let go of certain things that have been causing me a lot of mental distress for a while & even tho i have been dealing w depression issues as always i have been in a way better place emotionally even if not so much mentally & i have been able to be so much more comfortable interacting w ppl & being myself & not being so closed off it’s very nice 😌 i actually feel normal now & it is helping w my depression a lot too bc having that issue again was making my depression a lot worse too. but basically i feel like a normal person again after spending the past yr feeling extremely uncomfortable & not in control of myself bc of how i couldn’t make myself act normal & being all closed off even tho i didn’t want to be. so i love that for me 😊
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phagodyke · 6 months ago
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I love to talk but I rly do feel like we have to be talking for a minimum of 8 hours straight before I feel like I can even begin to rly broach things on my mind or that have been bothering me a lot that I actually want to talk abt without being vague or deflecting or omitting or lying and if the conversation takes a break at any point it resets back to 0 and its still nice regardless but.
#we're all just desperately chasing each other around for a semblance of connection in this cold bleak world#but unfortunately due to the relentless crushing pressures of capitalism we also have to work so no time for that#man. sorry just frustrated n miserable now. wish i was capable of feeling close to other ppl wish i could give other ppl that connection#but instead we're just ships in the night passing by or whatever#and i have to settle with not rly being known or wanted or important in other ppls lives and its forever. btw#bc even if ppl do think they know me or do want me around or i am important to them in some way.. the specific torture labyrinth i call#home is constructed in the most elegant and precise way that im incapable of believing them to be sincere anyway#so thats all on me! if I tried harder and made more of an effort to communicate with or trust ppl i wouldnt feel this way!#but i dont so better luck in the next life i guess! this is why i dont think abt this shit bc it makes me want to kms#whats even the point man#dont even worry abt me im fine just need to fucking vent bc i dont have time to allow myself to feel anything bc i have plans tmr#so i need to go to bed early. and ill just try my best to keep distracted forever so ill never need to face how pathetically desperate#i am for any kind of emotional intimacy whatsoever and also physical contact but im not normal enough to fulfil any of my own needs#yeah well. its my life that i have to live and im the one making it this way. digging my grave and lying in it innit#its fine tho bc they make repressed fictional characters that i can project onto instead of confronting any of my issues#so ill just be here in my labyrinth doing that. while everyone else gets to see sunlight and grass and whatever#im just so tired i dont want to do this i want to pretend i dont care and dont need it and maybe itll become true. its too much for me#let me know when they need me to pilot the jaeger and drift with someone and thru our mindmelding i can finally achieve intimacy and trust#well anyway. that was embarrassing. hope it works out for everyone else#hope my flatmate gets her ideal life w our other old flatmates and finds a convenient way of discarding me from that like they want#except im going to make it as difficult as possible for as long as i can for them to get rid of me bc im selfish and want what i want so.#my obligate parasite ass. or whatever. im going to throw up if i keep thinking so thats a good place to stop and go to sleep probably#.vent#dont interact im being stupid as fuck and dont care just leave me alone thanks
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the-acid-pear · 2 years ago
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Okay I'm home now and i can fully and freely type. Anyway mild spoilers for into the spiderverse i guess?
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Anyway uh. Yeah it... It was a tiny bit of a disappointment. It didn't do it for me at all. I feel like this movie is more of an art exhibit and i mean that as a fucking insult. Like sure the animation fucks my ears are ringing and my head aches horribly (that's on me for thinking i can be autistic and watch this on theaters) but like, the story man? It just so much (DEROGATORY).
It commits the sin a lot of spiderman movies make and that is that it bit more than it could chew. Not because they're bad at handling a complex story, but because they tried to juggle like 5 at once. And that never fucking works (my ear is still ringing and it hurts I'm in pain rn -_+ just wanted y'all to know)
Like it introduced SO FUCKING MUCH and it all was cool yeah! Just like electro was cool, and Harry, and Gwen, and captain Stacy. You know what in trying to fucking say? There's only so much you can do in 2 hours and you can just throw all you have all at once at the viewer because all you'll do is leave them disappointed wanting for more of that.
I feel like a baby. They show me this cool thing but nuh uh! Enough of that! Here's this new cool thing! But nuh uh! Enough of that- and so on. Like there were so many cool characters and ideas and concepts and shit but it could barely balance it all. YOU KNOW HOW BAD I WANTED TO SEE MORE OF THE SPOT?! HE BARELY WAS HERE!
It's like, you cannot fucking make a whole movie as the introduction to your next movie. That just sucks. You're setting yourself up for failure.
Like I'm just so upset bc it was full of amaizing things but it didn't fucking deliver in any of them!!!! And God don't get me started on the references. I think this was one of the worst ways to fill your movie with references. Like at least let me fucking process what I'm seeing if you are gonna waste so much time here, but also just... Don't make it so fucking blatant.
Like man i... This was a very experimental spiderman movie which i appreciate in a way but... It's not what I was expecting. To me, personally, it was disappointing. And also not designed at ALL to watch on cinemas. I think that last bit is just a fact.
I'm just kinda sad man. Like i loved Miles and Gwen's drama and i loved Miguel but I also wanted to see more of, you know, THE WHOLE FUCKING NEW CAST AND THE NEW FUCKING VILLAIN THEY INTRODUCED BUT SHOWED ONLY FOR LIKE 2-3 SEGMENTS MAX???????
LIKE HANDS ON HEAD EMOJI WHAT WERE THEY DOINGGGGG 😭😭😭😭
#luly talks#im sorry to the people who loved this movie i am so upset#on funnier news i found the spot is called la mancha in spanish which is funny bc mancha is what we call a common kids game#in fact i remember that the english name for that is tag we call that mancha#LA mancha#btw i did love Miles' mom having more of the spotlight it was like a little treat for us latinos fr#also. the amount of cop stuff was a bit too much. i wouldn't call it pro cop like some idiot i saw the other day but it. like. hm. y'know?#like this movie feels like an art project something you'd see the fans do and if they did you'd allow the imperfections#but it was made by an studio and there were expectatives in the table like it. it just doesn't stand on its own at all#I WANTED MORE OF PAV AND HOBBIE MAN. I FUCKING DID. HOBBIE ESP I HAVE A CRUSH ON EM#they/them too right? didnt really hear it well but I'm sure i heard em be called they#i will say tho i loved the pear shaped spiderwoman that was super cool#i did literally joke about being too fat to make a spidersona b4 watching the movie and sure she was a woman i aint but it was nice anyway#but yeah it just. it tried to chew more than it could bite. the spot was so cool tho#the spot and hobbie are my guys i love them#man I'm just sad i really am im repeating myself bc im too overwhelmed to retain thoughts so idk if im being clear but like#this movie had a LOT of good things but it delivered on nearly NONE of them#like just commit! you want this to be a story about Miles sure do that but just focus on him and that's it#dont throw in so much and leave us yearning for more bc now we have the old cast AND the new cast both and we barely saw any of these new#ppl interacting we barely fucking know them#anyway just SAD man
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unproduciblesmackdown · 11 days ago
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maybe i already expressed specifically this amidst a thicket of tags but speaking of the Unexpected & Dynamic all throughout bsol's finale of a [hey all the characters are in the same place] beautiful stretch of vivacity, it's great that like. i mean one figures you're not gonna get [villain immediately kills hero] & you're right b/c that would be a surprise & slightly humorously so but too unrewarding in all other ways to be worth it as the end of a whole entire story & arcs here....but then the ways that banana has this like totally Self Imposed arc about wanting to be able to do whatever it takes to help the musician in return / in general, self imposed b/c the musician himself is like no you're good you're perfect my special little guy i will die without, & we're not exactly subject to any other characters' input like um btw banana you & your Failure to be as heroically bold & brave as to do whatever it takes, as the musician does, except when he feels he can't at some points including if he doesn't have banana with him on this journey, but not b/c he asks anything more of him but to be there with him on this journey....
that is to say, i say as i go "wait what was the specific thing i was gonna talk about in this specific post," that like it's a surprise banana might die of his own self imposed doing whatever it takes, but one of the Least surprising surprises perhaps, like ah yes the funny little guy devoted sidekick? what else would such a guy be For, even if the musician doesn't feel that way, see also: me taking 990 words to say it's fun how at the beginning we could think banana is misguided about the musician encouraging him with his heart words not his mouth words to dance, but then we would be proven wrong when the musician is like cough argh augh i Need banana & i will be encouraging him to dance with my heart And mouth words....but so that yeah even as it may be like Nooo & have stakes & suspense it could still be like ah well yeah that'd be what banana is for, alas, & That is the surprising & not "this was a total success for our heroes" downside to this finale. but it isn't, & banana getting miraculously saved himself as he nonmiraculously protects the musician b/c he wanted to do that himself too
just bringing all that back up to say i was thinking again about like "you wouldn't expect a private little moment following banana but you get one" and "and it's so earnest all throughout & with the more wrenching shift amidst the still perfectly [funny little guy] material & it Does make me cry" and then i was like :( and if he Had died i would have to cry about that too like nooo not banana for would-be dispensibility of the funny little devoted sidekick guy after it was like nooo banana :( (also held hostage in the evil marriage normativity larping but again also all the more "successfully" so b/c his guntoting spouse doesn't actually care about the mutual genuine affection you're also Supposed to have with this) & nooo banana :( (singing his beautiful sweet earnest prayer in this relatively brief song bookended with relative levity (relalelalevity) but still earnest b/c it's all earnest b/c where do you think we are) like yeah basically like i weep at that little moment with him Expressing the depth of his feeling about wanting to do this for the musician despite the musician being like huh wha of course i don't ask that it's nbd, if it paired with "& he does Resolve this by dying about it later" like noooooooooo. tambourine miracles (again thinking of a real tambourine with a disclaimer waiving liability for acts of god associated with? channeled through? that tambourine. sure)
wrapping up a post even less sure if i said anything novel or clearly enough what i wanted to say b/c i went on a journey like maybe it's about something else now, but i don't think so, i think it was just me like wah if banana died i'd be all the more like Oof Augh about his little solo packing its punch of perfect earnest real depth of feeling b/c Everyone's presumed to have that, and they do, and it shows, funny little nonprotagonists or no(s)
#and the lesson i take is to care even Less if i particularly feel some wandering text post in which i repeat myself Has A Point(tm)#bsol#also. now hang on lol#was gonna be like ''also banana saying Mouth Words reminds me of nato in black suits talking about that thing you do with your mouth to#brandon (i.e. beatboxing) it's like the coolest thing you do'' recalling plausibly coincidentally both lance rubin roles#who around here has a proclivity to phrase things like. mentally handbrake u-turned like wait when did that movie come out....#okay speaking of probably overly elaborate joke theories going on; now: elaborate theory jokes#well it's not elaborate but in joe's interesting (not uh. like a bad ''interesting'') commentary on mitb in that one video being impetus#to be like let me also listen to the unexpected solo moment with the funny little second Banana singing his heart out about the lead ;m; Wa#i made myself laugh like imagine bsol having enough fans like the ah the bananusician angle#but not as much as i laughed at the immediate thought that my going ''would coconana go off?'' then forever Hell Yeah would be niche#like Relatively niche in an au where 5k Outlaws Online knew what i was talking about right now. the rarepair as it were#don't think it would be That difficult to land on just by virtue of the small cast but#meanwhile scales hand like violetta/giraffe also kind of canon like to the extent the musician/banana kind of is but also not quite thusly#wild card of all the Doubled Roles. would ppl see The Narrator as a character who Could interact w/the other roles even#(such as also: a potential interpretation being that the narrator is also the maker upper of the whole story)#anyway now This is an unnecessary tangent when it doesn't humor me That much. just laughed hard enough for a moment#imagining like being thrown into the Happens To Be Oh So Niche dynamic life in a Context where the whole experience isn't So Niche#which i'm all for ppl having a high time w w/e incl certainly what i have a high time w/but i'm meant to be soliloquizing incoherently here#if anyone happens to be like my god what visions of engaging genius then that's fun i suppose but huh wha? / scroll past#it's the fine art of just saying some shit for the sake of getting a kick out of it & that if ppl want to read it they Can. if not then not#a removal of that buffer like lord i have to try to explain xyz Successfully? i have to try to make it When it's engaging not If?? rip
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snekdood · 3 months ago
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i worry a lot about some transfems and its not me trying to be like "im better than you" or some shit its bc some of them remind me of me when i was a kid and new into being considered a girl/woman and being really naive thinking people would treat me better than they would- like i knew people were gonna be shitty but i wasnt prepared for the sheer amount of dehumanization and being reduced to just a sex object... idk... I just want some of you out there to be careful...
#ik its hard to convey tone and emotion through text but i do really worry.#im sure people have felt the same way about me being new into being considered a guy too. Ik i wasnt prepared for how emotionally distant#guys can be. and how like. atomized we all are and how a lot of guys only know how to interact with the world through violence and#being a dick and .-. basically how a lot of guys are just bullies. idk.#i think if we have experiences that we think we can help others by sharing them and maybe preventing them from making the same mistakes#as us then we should share them yknow. idk.#for me at least it does in some ways feel like im a little kid again learning what its like to navigate a new social setting.#like i didnt realize how much playing pvp games with cis guys suck and ppl who grew up with that are just like. 'yeah. thats just how it is#im literally playing wow rn and playing on a pvp server and i literally never attack anyone sdhjdshjvvfd and ppl are just like.#dicks for NO REASON. im LITERALLY RUNNING AWAY. ugh#i get it dude! this is the only way you can feel like you have a big dick but cmon. you gotta accept the truth some day#^and having to learn to talk like that has been something ive had to adopt from dealing with cis dudes. fun#some transfems i want to grab by the shoulders and shake and be like 'DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF'#with a desperate plea in my gaze#'I WANT TO PROTECT YOU BUT I ALSO KNOW PPL HAVE TO LEARN SOME SOCIAL SHIT ON THEIR OWN BUT BY GOD ARE THERE#SOME THINGS I REALLY DO NOT WANT YOU TO HAVE TO FUCKING LEARN ABOUT THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND#IS UNFORTUNATELY LIKELY TO HAPPEN TO ANY WOMAN'#why am i becoming a parent. i need to stop. problem is i care too much about people in spite of what ppl might think .-.#i worry so much thats why i yell at ppl online bc i dont want them to get hurt or do something to fuck themselves over idk.#i just... dont express it the best way. like a gym coach or something 🤦#i really am Dad Vibes now huh. how do i stop myself from becoming a dad. i dont even have kids.#well. i have a cat. the eternal rebellious teen. but still#i need to stop expressing my care and fear through anger. its not great. ppl misinterpret me too much w it. but im not mommy enough to#sugarcoat things and coddle people if i feel like thats whats happening. so idk.#i realize this might sound patronizing and im not trying to be at all. to transfems with more experience this is like 'duh' to them probabl#but I'm more talking to the young transfems I see online who seem like they dont go out much and i dont blame them at all for it#its fucking scary out here. especially as a woman. esp as someone alt righters fetishize. and im sorry.
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scarletcomet · 2 years ago
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lil rant in tags. trigger warning for suicidal thoughts and that kind of stuff. if you feel like reading it please be aware of pretty detailed descriptions so please be careful. (also don’t worry i’m fine and not actually going to do anything. just needed to get my thoughts out)
#tw: suicide#the spot im in right now is really shitty because i want to kill myself but im not actually going to kill myself#so im stuck feeling [insert emotion idk how to describe here] and thinking about how much i want to kill myself#and thinking about all these different potential methods meanwhile i have to also function and take care of myself and do hw and shit#(which im not really doing but i need to)#i wish that i could just kill myself but i can't because of my family#and i don't really have the means to do it. ive been thinking about all these different ways but none of them are practical#i would need a rock solid plan that couldn't fail#the other thing is that it would probably take several days for anyone to notice because i don't really interact with my roommate that much#and everyone else would think i was just ignoring their texts (it sometimes takes me days to respond) and it's not super uncommon for me#to just not go to class. honestly my boss would probably be the first to notice when i don't show up to work but i could also just text her#and make up some lame excuse or quit or something (but if my attempt fails im screwed)#maybe if i took every single medication i have and downed it with a bottle of vodka i could get close but i ran out of alcohol and im not 21#i suppose i could ask someone to buy it for me but i won't want to get anyone else involved and have them feel guilty#and even that is probably likely to fail#no high roofs anywhere near me and that would be really bad if i survived#i could try to sl*t my wrists but none of the blades i currently own would be able to do the trick#what do ppl even use to do that? no blade ive ever had as been able to go deep enough to even need stitches (well maybe a few probably did)#and that is again a method that would likely fail and could leave me with nerve damage#i could walk into traffic but that would be really public and again involving others and what happens to the driver?#all the other methods i can think of involve ~materials~ i don't have access to are just aren't practical#maybe if i take enough benedryl to knock me out and take a bath but i wouldnt want to do that to my roommate#and the lock on our bathroom door doesnt work#this is a really fucked up thing to say but i wish i knew how my friend who passed away last year did it#ppl often succeed so maybe i just need to care less about it potentially failing?#this is all hypothetical of course. i can't do that to my family. i tried 5 years ago and they were really upset
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puppppppppy · 1 year ago
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people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime
#i say all of this positively bc i just! i cant help admiring it!! even if its mundane or not a big deal to you i seriously cant wrap my head#around it.. this is in no way at all meant to be condescending or anything. whenever i look at someones bio and theyre like oh im working#as a lab assistant biologist pharmacist realtor etc im like woag.... thats insane.. and then i peep your art tag and it knocks my socks of#how?? what lives do you lead??? im so curious. i seriously want a peek inside your brains someday. or at least shadow you at work lol#i cant help but feel sad when someone says smth like well i have to support myself and art cant do that for me. or maybe you were#pushed into pursuing a 'safe' career bc i hear it a lot. all of my relatives have the same story working as nurses and OFWs for the family#i think for me its not about missed potential but rather its being sad about making a decision to put your happiness aside to get by#ive tried so hard to do it but it didnt work out. i guess watching you guys do it is fascinating to me#or maybe youve made peace with your decision or actually like what you pursued but im still amazed!! it makes me wonder what made#you pick one over the other in that case.. is it like putting time for two different things the way you would for a schedule?? hmmm#im doing graphic design so i dont really interact with ppl in other faculties even humanities like sociology or childcare... so i cant help#wondering what it must be like as someone whos pursuing visual communication both as an interest and career#i seriously wish i could do smth like a desk job or even admin and maybe ill try that if this doesnt work. or i could look into trades#but dyscalculia already makes it hard to do things like cash and mental math so i get overwhelmed if i think about this too hard#yapping
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choccy-milky · 2 months ago
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I dont know why I had this vision of clora riding a scooter, like a cute light blue one with italy vibes, like a vespa, and sebastian panicking behind her LMAO
I SEE THE VISION AS WELL...idk how shes on a vespa tho since they werent invented yet so lets just assume theres time-turner shenanigans going on LMAO
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but also anon this request was so funny to me because the SAME day you sent me it, i also got this one on twitter:
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TRULY THE DUALITY OF MAN IS AT PLAY HERE!!! LMAOO debauchery vs wholesomeness...and it made me laugh so much
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(and for anyone curious yes i WILL also be honouring the other request......eventually👀)
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@jstfndmthngs splitting your ask into 2 again bc its a CHONKER but I LOVED READING IT🥹🥹 "how much they love each other to the abnormal level that i envy" LMAOO THATS FANFICTION FOR YOU, BABY!!😍 also YESS interacting with my readers in the comments was my fav parts of writing a lot of the time, and im SOOO grateful to the ppl who commented bc without them the story would have turned out DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT. like, i know there are some people who write the entirety of their fanfic and then upload it in chunks, but if i had done that/written my story in a vacuum and hadnt incorporated any of my readers ideas/suggestions it would have been SOOOO much worse honestly LMAO. like, not even necessarily putting their requests or ideas in my fic, but even sometimes just reading a comment that would say something like "i cant wait to see how clora/seb reacts to..." would make me think...oh. i was never planning on even showing their reaction to that. but now that they say that, good point, i definitely need to include that LOL. so yeah even just little stuff like that was SUPER important to my writing process and my story and helped me keep in mind what people wanted to see/things i may have missed or glossed over if i'd been writing by myself, but i also just loved getting comments in general bc i loved reading them and they were so motivating🥹 BUT THANK U SO MUCH IM GLAD U LIKED MY STORY/SEB & CLORA SO MUCH, AND TY FOR SHARING ALL YOUR THOUGHTS WITH ME!!🥹💖💖 im lowkey the same way... i cant read any other fics rn bc im still too attached to seb/clora BAHAHA so i still need to give it some time before i delve into other HL fics (i even downloaded a program that will let me replace names so that i can replace the mc's name with clora's LMFAOOOO THATS HOW MENTALLY ILL I AM ABOUT THEM!!😭😭DONT COME FOR ME🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🚓)
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omg...i already love unlocking kinks in people but for it to be specifically seb x clora is even more of an honour BAHAHA omg i love that....but i get it too. clora is submissive and breedable af😍LMAOO (im sorry💀that wasnt me just now that was seb blame him)
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@acrenna MERRY LATE CHRISTMAS AND ALSO LATE HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! this is so sweet THANK YOU SO MUCH😭😭im happy my story was able to get you out of your reading slump!! (and hopefully will continue to, with my oneshot im slowly but surely working on😩) BUT THANK YOU AGAIN I APPRECIATE YOU SM🥹🥹💖
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@misskkfritz you actually arent the first to say this and i also saw a pinterest comment on my art say this........FELLAS DO I NEED TO WATCH GILMORE GIRLS NOW🤔🤔🤔
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voidzphere · 10 months ago
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☆ MASTERPOST // INTRO !!!
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[ ALL THE BLOGZ I RUN: @killersanz (sideblog) @dailykillerr (daily killer sans that i have not posted on yet erm) ]
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦
╭───────────── * ˚ ✦
hii !! im killer, but my friendz + mootz call me killz !! welcome to my blog ^_^ i love u too brutiee @mewobrute <33 (more stuff under the cut!!)
╰───────────── ✧.* ⋆
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✩ ABOUT ME !!! >_<
FIRST OFF, HERE ARE SOME OF MY FLAGZ !!! :3 ↓↓↓
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my main prnz are he/it/bite, but i alzo use vamp/fang/bone/skull/blood/gore/knife ! (plz dont refer 2 me w they/them)
my special interest is undertale + utmv ! (if that waznt obv enough..)
i love love LOVE horror gamez .. some of my favz rn are kinitopet, imscared, house, ddlc, rental, and bonnie's bakery :]
I HAVE A PERSONA ! u can find itz ref sheet here :] i uzually draw myself as either him or juzt killer sans !!
I LOOOVE MY MOOTZ, FRIENDZ, AND PARTNER <333
some of my current hyperfixationz are fionna & cake, smg4, regretevator, atsv, invader zim, adventure time & dialtown !
i have a guestbook !! leave a little note for me to read if u want :3
some of my fav bandz/artistz are talking heads, misfits, bad brains, rio romeo, lemon demon, will wood, pixies, melanie martinez, alex g, 6arelyhuman, goreshit, sex pistols, potsu, the living tombstone, etc. !
some of my fav songz are alien blues, vampire culture, laplace's angel, dr sunshine is dead, seriously?, genius of love, at the movies, charlie's inferno, etc. !
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✩ my tagz !
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#killz art - my art !! :3
#killz rb - reblogz
#killz yapz - my yap sessionz
#killz answerz - answerz to my askz
#vent kinda - my (kinda) ventz
#tag/ask game - self-explanatory
#killersanz - stuff related to my killer sans ask blog !
#killz fingie doodlez - stuff i drew w my finger :3
#killz srb - self reblogz
#killz sans - my sonaaa ^_^
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✩ dni
basic dni criteria
istz + phobez
epiciller, /r + /sx errorink, etc.
pro/dark/comship (or whatever you call your weirdo selvez..)
irl doublez (unless i knew u beforehand!!) (im irlz of killer, reaper, & epic.)
minorz who post nsfw cuz ion wanna see that shit man go do ur homework
slander of my interestz/special interestz + hyperfixationz like stfu
mockery of me and/or my traitz (i.e my typing quirkz)
unwanted criticism, especially if i didnt ask for it. stfu part 2
anyone i've had drama with + my exez (fuck you)
HOMESTUCK. and hazbin hotel + helluva boss (tbh i dont rlly care if you like these mediaz and interact with me, just dont talk abt it in front of me yknow)
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✩ byi + boundariez
i have autism + adhd, BPD, & typing quirkz !! tone indicatorz are optional when talking to me, but i appreciate them.
i'm an irl + fictkin ! i have a few c-linkz as well.
im not a roleplay account btw /srs
my art requestz are alwayz open ! can't promise i'll alwayz do them, but they help me out with inspiration though :3
DO NOT REPOST MY ART. i will find you
if you use my art, credit me. you dont alwayz gotta ask me before usin my art, but i appreciate it if you do !!
my askbox + dmz are alwayz open !! i love meetin new people n gettin to know em :] im fine w tagz, commentz, & spam-likez/reblogz too !
i might accidentally spam-like (i get too excited).
just because i make suggestive jokez and im hypersexual doez not mean i'm not sex-replused from time to time.
im a DID system and use i/me pronounz. i don't talk about my DID often becauze i see it as unimportant to other ppl.
i'm nonhuman !! plz do not refer to me as human. i prefer skeleton termz over everything else. im ur favorite homozexual cryptid-skeleton :3
i tend to ramble, say thingz that are out-of-pocket, have trouble with volume control/typing in all capz, make inappropriate jokez, flirt with & tease my close friendz, etc. if u ever find any of this bothering, plz inform me and i will stop.
i love drama + gossip, i will argue with strangerz on the internet just to spite them bc i find it funny ^_^ (only if theyre in the wrong and deserve it.)
i have strong opinionz and will shit-talk you if you're a weirdo who deservez it.
my blog, my rulez <3
★ last updated: 12/5/24
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olderthannetfic · 5 months ago
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I hate to take this stance bcs ofc there's NUANCE involved, but i hate when ppl are like " minors are not supposed to interact with the concepts of sex! If you ( an adult) talk about sex with a minor, you're a pedo! Why would you want to be friends with kids?!"
Well, for the last one, bcs we might have hobbies in common?!
For the other two,
1. Kids HAVE HORMONES! AND LIBIDO! Like, kids will interact with the concept of sex and masturbation. Hell, i remember reading the most innacurate explicit fics on wattpad, mostly rape, bcs the torture and angst was the way i justified it to myself
2. How else are they supporting to learn about safe sex? Like, it wasn't kids ny age who warned me about proper consent and pressure, it was adults w more experience who were NOT my parents
Like, dgmw, creeps are a thing teens need to be careful of, but i feel there's a world of difference between someone being a creep and an adult answering sex related questions
--
For real.
I am leery about private chats with very young randos because I think it would be easy for people to misunderstand and for the whole thing to cause a lot of trouble. But asks? Some less private context where they can request information or help? That's just part of the whole It Takes a Village thing.
People are so obsessed with the possibility of creeps that they aren't thinking about who's going to teach teens to detect those creeps.
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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