#as if we'll never turn this all around again

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Hey, you.

If you're American, and you've been having a hard week egg for.. reasons -

I have something to say to the Americans.

Just remember.

They aren't immortal.

Nobility has lied for centuries. They told us they were placed on the throne by God - the rule of the king being the will of the Creator.

The French proved them wrong.

You are young. They are human. They will one day die.

And on the day they die - regardless of if hell is real or not - there will be a movement when they are laying on that death bed. They will feel their live slipping from their grasp.

And they will feel the fear.

The possiblity of eternal consequence.

They will fear what waiting for them on the other side. The one journey they cannot buy their way out of. The moment the bell tolls for thee.

And honestly, the thought brings me peace.

Trumo and Elon AREN'T demons - though it's so easy to think of them as so.

They are evil humans. And all humans die. Trump? He's 80. He's over three times my age. He's older than my grandmother. He eats McDonald's and Diet Coke like no one's business. Knock on wood I'm betting he's got ten years TOPS.

('I'll be the last president' - my ass. If you take a bad fall it's game over dude. You won't release your health records cause you're most likely due for a heart attack soon mfer. Your minions don't like your candy ass Junior enough to have him as a successor and Baron doesn't fucking care so realistically speaking whats your game plan here? 🤨 Elon's kids have too many daddy issues to take your place. You can't even use a sword. Napoleon would slay you where you fucking stand you pansy)

So if you've been struggling this week, I just wanted to remind you.

Black people won our civil rights without the support from the media, without online social networks, without the support from 90% of white people.

70 years ago, around when my grandma was born - I could not sit next a white person in school. If a white man was walking towards me on the street, I'd have to step into the gutter and let him pass. At risk of being actually killed by the whole town if not.

Nowadays in my city I could tell a white guy my age 'Fuck you!!' to your face. Middle finger and all. And they're not gonna put me in jail for it. No stranger is gonna jump in. The whole town isn't gonna care. If anything, people will just record.

That all happened in ONE generation.

So no matter what Trump does.

Remember. He's not immortal. He will die like we all do.

You're young. You'll have the rest of your life to reverse everything he's done.

That's the thing about personality cults. Once the personality is removed, the whole thing falls apart. And the personality in question is once again - an 80 year old who eats Big Macs and wears suits two sizes too large. A man who would probably get genuinely upset if you asked him to recite his 8 times tables.

If Trump dies in the next 10-20 years, before he turns 100, I'll be 35-45. a.k.a - my generation will be entering the older majority. Our generation will be the eldest and the most influencial. What then?

The Trumpettes won't have their leader for their personality cult so they'll have no one - not even their republican parents - to tell them who to think.

We'll be older, wiser. We'll teach our kids the signs. We'll tell them stories what to do, and invest pubic funds to conserve the history of our fight - to never be erased.

If you're scared this week, I understand.

But remember. We've fought harder with less - and we still won.

So keep your head up. Doom is the tool of the enemy. You keep going, you keep living, and you survive to tear down their legacy while the bastard spins in his grave.

Keep going. Keep your angry hearts and clenched fists. Hold on tight to your love and rage. And keep going.

That's what Hobie would want. That's what a Hobie is there to teach us.

Hope this helped someone, anyone, even if it was a little bit. If this helps you get through the day, or the next hour, with the smallest bit of hope - that's all I want.

Thanks for reading this far! Here's Hobie :)

--------------------------------------------------

And bonus:

Ayo I just gotta add this in here -

Word to god, and when I say this I say this with my whole chest -

I'd be DAMNED before I ever say I'm scared of Donald Trump.

First of all, I'm black and poor. There's been a white man wanting me dead since the moment I left my Mama's hoohaa and guess what, I'm still here. That mfer ain't special. Call me when the klansmen come not when done mfers with tiki torches cosplay call of duty.

Cause none of them coming to the hood..tf.. Try that shit in neighborhood with Bloods and Crips.. Y'all not the only ones with automatics and lots of money. It's just the black people with money and automatics keep shit quiet. If these racist mfers had ppl breaking in they house the way Kendrick had mfers breaking in Drake's with choppers they'd be terrified as fuuuckkk

And secondly there's 4chan fellas out there that probably legit jack off to the idea of a black queer trans person crying in fear. And those mfers can kiss my black ass and kick rocks cause I wake up every day smiling. So -

Anyway I'm done lol

I just had to get this out of my system lol. OKAY BYE FOR REAL

[marshmallowprotection]

Remember that hope is the strongest weapon you can wield in the face of destruction. Find beauty in the little things, because life is all about the little things. Sure, it's about the big things, too, but if you're not able to indulge in those little moments before you reach the next big thing, it might make your world feel arduous and hopeless.

It's difficult to have any kind of hope when it feels lost, but remember the little things when it feels the darkest around you, because... the little things are the candlelight we need to make it through it all. The members of the RFA had those little things and they were able to get through the storm because they could turn to one another in their hour of need to find a reason to smile when everything else said they would never be able to smile again.

We'll be okay because we have each other, and I hope you take that to heart this evening. Find your community, stick together, and know it may be difficult going forward but it won't be the end of our hope for a brighter day. Because our hope is what guides us, and kindness will be the most important thing you can spread right now if you have the strength to do so.

[floweringlino]

Vodka Redbull | H.J

𝙎𝙮𝙣𝙤𝙥𝙨𝙞𝙨 ; she really doesn’t know how to relax does she? Maybe he can help her let loose a little bit in all the chaos of work.

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 ; Chef de Partie!Jisung x Maitre!reader

𝙉𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨 ; mention of alcohol and drinking, very light angst, mention of one night stand, suggestive and fluffy

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 ; 2,5k

The Gods Menu

Back to my masterlist

✎ ❀

Almost.

Almost done, she thought as she polished the last of the wine glasses. The bigger glasses were for the main corses, the red wines. The champagne glasses needed to go to a pedestal in the restaurant. Placing the high places on a tray she handed it to a waitress after she was done with them.

"Jessica, can you come here?" She asked one of her staff. The younger sommelier made her was over to her boss nervously.

"Yes ma'am?" She mumbled with her head down.

"Next time, you need to try and sell the special wines. Selected courses are fine of course but we have a couple of bottles that I want gone. Try to use them in the al a carte menu's. Like with the Veal you can suggest the Bernardus Chardonnay Monterey County Jeroboam. No critique, just telling you." She winked at her colleagues, always trying to remain kind.

Her eyes wondered to the loud yelling in the kitchen. They needed to quiet down. What if there were still guest in the restaurant. With a quick pace  on her heels, she walked over to the counter. One of the guys was slapping the other guys with a wet towel resulting in a loud slapping sound.

Jisung noticed her approach from the corner of his eye, quickly nodding to The intern Jeongin to stop what they were doing.

"Can all of you shut up? What if we had guests sitting." She whisper yelled at them. As they quickly put the towels away and continued cleaning, the cook made his was over to the sommelier.

"Who pissed in your drink, beautiful?"

"Fuck off, Jisung. I just wanna be done for today. I need this weekend." She rolled his eyes at him, noticing the grin on his face ridiculously beautiful face.

"Im sorry, we'll hurry up okay?" She mumbled a thanks and paced away again.

"Y/n, wait!" She turned around again in a 180° motion.

"You wanna come drinking with the guys and me?"

"And feel left out the entire time? No thanks."

"Come on, Y/nnie! It'll be fun!" The pastry chef, Felix, yelled from somewhere behind him.

"I'll make it fully worth your while, i promise."

"Let me think about it." She told them and walked away for real this time.

-

It was around 1 in the night when all of them were finally all done. Some of the cooks had left already but 5 of them were waiting for the sommelier to be done so when she finally made her was to the dressing rooms they cheered for her.

"Are you actually gonna come with us?" Felix asked her with hope in his voice. She nodded and they all cheered even louder. She wondered how loud all of them could all be, thinking she had already heard the full extent of it in the kitchen.

It was Jisung, Chan, Felix, Changbin and Minho waiting for her. They had sent Jeongin and the other intern home, they wanted to come but they needed to go to school early. Their weekend was Monday and Tuesdays as those were the days the restaurant was closed but those were also the two days the intern needed to go to school.

"Wait are you really coming? Kinda didn't think you would." Jisung teased her, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"Why wouldn’t i?” She questioned them.

“Well you’re kinda always fully business. We’ve never really seen you have fun so we didn’t think you did fun.” Chan confessed to her trying not to sound mean but it didn’t really help. She did have fun sometimes. Not her entire live revolved around work.

Well I do have fun sometimes so if yall can leave and let me get dressed, ill be out is a couple of seconds.” 4 out of 5 boys left the room and apologised at the same time, Jisung stayed behind.

"Can't i watch?" He asked with a desperate undertone, after which Chan dragged him out of the room.

She couldn't help but sniffle a laugh.

-

A little later the 6 of them made their way into the street where all the bars were. She hadn't been there in at least a year because of her job, the guys were very familiar with the placed they walked passed, making comments as to why they didn't walk inside

"Too many chicks."

"Firstly don't call them chicks. Jisung. It doesn't make you look cool. Secondly, since when is too many girls a problem?" She questioned him. He smugly smiled at her.

"Don't need any. Got my number one girl right here." He winked and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She left it like that, not disliking the feeling of an arm around her. His arm specifically.

They follwed Chan into a bar they seemingly were all familiar with.

"143" she mumbled the name and as they walked in she felt Jisungs stare on her. Pushing past the crowd of people, she felt his arm slipping of her shoulders. He walked in front of her and just as he was about to lose her, he reached for her hand and pulled her closer. She mumbled soft sorry's around her and the group made their way to the dance floor. Finding her place she started to move a little to the loud music.

"Let me get you a drink, what do you like?" Jisung yelled over the music. She didn't hear him so she pulled him closer to her to make him ask her again.

"What can i get you?"

"Vodka Red Bull please?" She had to look up at him a little through her eyelashes.

"Really? Miss ‘i sell thousand dollar wines every night like its nothing’ drink a basic red bull vodka?" He laughed at her but not in any way that would hurt her. She laughed with him and nodded with a smile. He left her there to get her her drink. Without him she felt a little lost and didn’t know what to do. They really weren’t lying. So didn’t do fun things. Her idea of fun things was staying longer and work and mapping all of the wines. When he returned with the glasses he handed her hers and she took a big swig of it.

“Wow take it easy, beautiful.”

"Lets get shitfaced tonight." She grinned and cheered at what he said with the rest of their colleagues.

“Why do you wanna get shitfaced?”

“Because I don’t know what Im doing Jisung. I can’t even dance.” He grinned and her and placed his hand on her waist. Pulling her against himself.

“Just follow me, okay? I got you.” He laughed, kissing her cheek and taking another chug of his drink.

And shitfaced they got. The rest of the night was filled with drinking and dancing. Lots of dancing. After the what felt like 100th shot the bodies got closer together. Jisungs breath heated up her neck and her cheeks. His hand was still on her waist as they moved simultaneously. Her ass pressing into his crotch and his pressing his lips in her neck every once in a while. As long as she didn't stop him, he saw no point in them stopping.

From the back, she looked up at him. Her eyes drunk and her hair sweaty and sticky. Their bodies where wet from fallen beer and sweat. They probably looked beyond drunk but it all didn't matter. Right here, right now, she was the most beautiful girl he had ever laid his eyes upon.

"Lets all go home." Chan said around the group, to which most agreed.

He questioned himself. Did he even dare to ask? He eyes looked into her searching for a sign. Something for him to gain the confidence. And there it was, just a simple shimmering in her drunk gaze.

"Wanna come back to mine?" It was only a whisper but his words sounded like sirens in her head. Don't do it. You work together, this is a bad plan. Think of your carreer.

But it all didn't matter at this moment.

She pressed her lips to his and in the hasty kiss mumbled a yes. He grinned at her and wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her closer.

The walk to his house were filled with gentle touches as they slowly got there. They had lost the others way back at the bar but they didn’t care and they didn’t try to stop them. He pressed her against the front door the second she closed it behind her. His arm rested above her and the other one slid from her waist to her jawline. Pulling away he smiled down at her.

Maybe there was a way she wouldn't regret this in the morning.

-

The sun burned in her eyes when she slightly opened them. The bedsheets perfectly wrapped around her and the pillow was softer than she was used to.

This wasn't her pillow. Her breath stoked in anxiety. Where was she? Then she noticed the arm wrapped around her waist. Turning her head she looked back at the sleeping guy behind her. She muttered out a couple fucks and peeled the arm away from her. Slipping away from his body as silently as possible not wanting to wake him.

Sitting on the edge of his bed she grabbed her phone. 9.30. Quickly putting on her clothes and without a sound she left the appartement, not caring about the messy hookup look she was rocking. Luckily she didn't have to see him next Monday and Tuesday.

The next to days where spend question her decision. She thought about quitting her job, not wanting to face the guy out of embarrassment. But maybe that was taking it way too far. It was just a hook up. Sure she thought he was funny, handsome , kind and very hot but it all didn't matter. They worked together and you simply don't date colleagues.

When she walked into work the next day she could already hear the guys busy in the kitchen. They would see her when she made her way over to the bar and when they did she heard them whispering. It was about her, of course it was. All of them had seen the two of them leave together.

She tried to ignore them but her eyes kept wondering over in admiration. Sure, they all joked around when it was quiet but nothing stopped these guys. The hours they make are nothing compared to hers. It was passion and art.

Her eyes crossed Jisungs and it made her jump a little. She quickly looked away and tried to ignore his burning gaze. And as quickly as the day started it was over again. A part of her hated the silence. It was killing. They weren’t talking to each other and that didn’t only mean Jisung and Y/n. All of them ignored each other. The kitchen didn’t talk to the waitresses and quickly picking up the vibes, the waitresses didn’t talk to the kitchen. It was Wednesday so they were lucky it wasn’t busy but if this had happened on a Saturday they would have been in total shit.

Her phone dinged and she quickly looked at it, her heart skipping a beat.

Suddenly the room felt a lot smaller. Did the walls have eyes? She felt so watched so when she looked back at the kitchen she expected him to be looking at her and she was right. Not only him, also his friends. They patted his back and walked away from the kitchen towards the changing rooms.

The girls from her staff made her way towards her.

“Y/nnie, we’re done with everything you asked us. Can we leave? Some of us have school in the morning and today like, really sucked.”

“Of course girls, text me in the group chat when you all get home safely and goodnight.” They all said goodbye and got ready to leave.

“We hope that you and Jisung figure out whatever is happening!” And with the they left her completely speechless. It was only them. And finally it was time to talk. Her eyes wondered back to the kitchen where the light was now turned off except for the orange heating lamp of the pass. Underneath layed sugered cherry tomatoes to dry. She walked to the kitchen to see if Jisung was still there but she didn’t see him.

The hand on her shoulder made her jump.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine Jisung. You wanted to talk?” It’s like she dismissed it. Like it didn’t matter. He looked at her a bit shocked.

“No no this is not how we’re gonna do this. Were gonna sit down and talk. And with that i mean that you’re gonna explain why you ran out on me.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to sick down on one of the sofas the restaurant had.

“I don’t think I can do this Jisung.”

“You’re gonna have to because right now its hurting me.”

“How is it hurting you?” Sh asked him, looking him deep in his eyes. She saw hurt and pain in them.

“Because right now I cant help but think that I was so awful to you that it made you run away.”

“Its not that Jisung.”

“Then what is it. What made you run out on me after the best night of my life?” He grabbed both of her hands in his, forcing them to stare at each other. Tears pooled in her eyes as she sought the words the wanted to speak.

“Because im scared. Jisung.”

“You? You’re not scared of anything. You’re Y/N, you’re the person everyone looks up to. The person everyone goes to when they need anything. You’re the backbone of the restaurant.”

Me? Jisung, im scared of everything. Im scared of my future, im scared of what to do, of taking charge, of who i am. But most of all im scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life that way that I felt that night that i was with you.” Her lips fell in a smile with the tears on her cheeks. The confession was a heavy burden on her shoulders but it was finally lifted. Jisung reached for her cheeks wipping the tears away. She leaned into the touch of his hand she smiled.

“I know that this, us scares you but please give me a chance to prove to you that im worth it. That im worth the risk.”

“I know you are Jisung.” He finally dared to smile back at her. He leaned in slowly, his hand still on her cheek.

“Can I kiss you again, Beautiful?” She nodded and excepted his loving kiss. She still remembered all the kisses they shared two nights ago but this one was different. It held promises, and finally work wasn’t the only thing on her mind.

It was him, all him.

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙣𝙙

𝑨/𝑵: oh em ghee this one took such a long time im so sorry ive been working sooo much. I hope you like it🫶🏼

Taglist: @nightmarenyxx 🫶🏼💓

[the-s1lly-corner]

Twisted glisten x reader who decides to stay with him?

Reader staying behind w/ Twisted!Glisten

The timing on this is impeccable because me and my friend are playing DW and there's glisten on this floor (I'm spectating as I write this opening) (scraps and goob were also in this floor. And toodles. As I write this bestie is COOKING) (they're the last one standing) (THEY LIVED)

Notes: reader is gn, toon reader, ambiguous ending but it looks grim for reader, short post, twisting is treated as an infection in glistens case, maybe ill make a part 2 that takes place after this we'll see

CWs: none

God... this one hurts.

It was already hard enough to deal with the fact that the twisteds were still your friends- they still had their faces, just not their minds

But not... glisten.. he was still there, even if shaken. He could still talk, and reach out to you

Maybe asking to keep him company while the others extracted and scavenged was a bad idea. Maybe you should have considered how this would make you feel before you jumped at the chance

Was it hope that maybe you'd be able to bring him back down before the machines finished? A yearning to come back to your pal? Or maybe a sense of normalcy as you tried to mutter to him that he was still beautiful

...not that he had asked for your praises, no. Those demands were long gone and replaces by pleas for you to stay and proclamations of fear

He hardly responds to anything you say as he wanders around. And each time you have to run off to lose the floors other twisted you scramble to find glisten again... he did not wait for you

If his hands weren't tied together you'd hold his hand- either to give him comfort or to keep him close

The others would NEVER take him onto the elevator- he's already way too close to turning for them to comfortably allow it. Valid, but it doesn't make it hurt any less when you hear glisten start panicking when he hears the elevator open

But...

..

He's pacified when you stay rooted at his side. You don't respond to the calls of your friends as the timer winds down. You don't step into sight so they at least know you're alive. You couldn't bring yourself to move from the corner you and glisten have tucked yourselves away in

The hold glisten has on you is tight, bordering on painful... but..

The elevator shuts and continues it's descent

...this was the.. right choice right? Maybe not THE right one... but it wasn't a wrong one surely?

Regardless it was all the same; Glisten continued to keep you in his hold long after the elevator slammed shut as his fear of being alone overpowered him in that moment

And you were going to do your best to soothe him

[neutron-stars-collision]

Things this fandom needs to come to terms with:

We're getting so little from L&N themselves rn because of the shipping. "They told us it was alright to ship them" no they fucking didn't. N said it was sweet, but what do you expect them to say, "no, we actually hate it, but we have a romance show to promote and we don't want your crazy asses to turn on us"? That's never gonna happen, they have to remain professional. Don't abuse your position of power over their livelihoods.

It was the shippers who were invasive and crossed boundaries and now we're all paying the price. None of us regular, non-shipper fans were following and filming N and JD on the street, none of us were harassing A or L's friends or family, because we don't have anything we want to prove, we just enjoy their work and their dynamic. The fandom is on life support because of deranged individuals and their blind followers, I hope they're all happy now. They didn't get what they wanted so they decided to burn it all to the ground and ruin it for everyone.

The shippers have exposed themselves repeatedly as not real fans of either one of them. They only had affection towards them as long as they played out a romantic fantasy for them. They bash them both individually, especially in GCs. Which raises the question - why tf are y'all even here still? There are soooo many actors on shows and movies who are together irl - go latch onto them. Or do you need a mysterious, fictional element in order to enjoy something like this? Then go to AO3 and stay there ffs.

I'm just so angry, we used to have so much fucking fun around here. L doesn't even do press anymore, barely posts on SM, can't even exist at a family gathering without being picked apart. Things could be so different if a small selection of individuals either weren't here or learned how to be a fucking person for once.

💯 to all this.

There's a difference between saying the shipping is "sweet" when on a press tour promoting a show, in which you play a romantic couple, and the reality, where both parties are with other people. Clearly. The pap pics and unfortunate private info leaks the last few days had shown that explicitly.

So of course they said they were fine with it. But I doubt they are now. And we'll be lucky if we ever get an interaction between them in public again. Because I doubt we will. Except for maybe the SAGs because otherwise things would look weird and I doubt Netflix/Shondaland would want that.

But you're right, the shippers have ruined everything, and it's a goddamn shame for the rest of us, actual fans of Luke and Nic separately or both. It's awful and I hate it with passion. I do wonder how today's DM pics will be "interpreted" to mean everything else but the truth.

[antique-forvalaka]

I just want the real world to stop for a moment

[lith-myathar]

.

[thedrotter]

I have a gift for y'all today !!! 😊 Ever wanted to find a line in Re:Kinder in a single place for the sake of reference?? How about multiple chunks of lines. how about all the little variations that arise in the text with it's many endings, item descriptions, text that comes from interacting with the enviroment, and character info from the menu without having to boot up the game and go through it at long minutes!!???

well i sure did😊 Since I do a lot of fanart and think up my own silly theories and thoughts that need me to reference the game lines a lot, i have made a transcript for it for convenience's sake. A weirdly thorough transcript handwritten and proofread by me including all character lines available in-game. And I'm sharing it with you all today for anyone that wants it !!! :3 To use as a reference for creative fanworks or a quick search for a line in-game, whatever you wish to use it for!!

It uses the english translation of the game by vgperson. So naturally all credit for the game lines available in here is to her and Parun who made the game.

I did my best to organize it in a way easy to digest. Do note that I'm still human, and there's still the chance for mistake in it no matter how much I've proofread it, since I'm not even an english native speaker ^^. But I hope it serves you well nonetheless if you wish to use it.

That's my gift for today!!! Not the usual art, but still a project I'm proud of. Enjoy!!! 😊

[doux-amer]

And look, I know I'm focusing on fun fun fun fun fun, but it helped because uh, the things that have come out about Yoon Suk-yeol's coup attempt are frightening and frankly more insane than you can even imagine.

(Just to keep the record straight, the bit about the DPRK uniforms is complicated because it hasn't been confirmed but hasn't been debunked yet either: x. We'll know for sure once the investigation starts.)

[memento-morri-writes]

I've been thinking a lot about how Rook's reunion with his former mentor, Zara, is going to go, and since I can't predict what the DM is going to have her do or say, I can only dwell on what I know is going to happen. Which happens to include taking off the illusion ring that's been hiding his injuries from her. So have a snippet of the description I have planned for that moment:

tw for description of (mostly healed) injuries

He hesitates, twisting a ring on his finger. Looking at it more closely, she can tell it’s very finely crafted, and must have been very expensive. A large emerald is set into the band. Rook sighs, and pulls the ring off his finger in one quick motion.  Immediately she’s struck by the difference in his appearance as the illusion melts away. He looks awful. His warm, healthy skin fades to a dull and sickly grey. There’s huge bags under his deeply sunken eyes, and his cheeks are hollowed, as though they have been carved out by an overeager sculptor. He looks like he’s recently risen from the grave.  While he was thin before, now she can see his ribs under the skin, and his collarbones are exaggeratedly pronounce. Thin white lines left by dozens upon dozens of recently healed cuts are scattered across his body. On top of that, faded bruises cover most of his visible skin, a mottled mosaic of purple and yellow. They’re clearly days, maybe weeks old, and she can only begin to imagine what they must have looked like when fresh. Bandages are barely visible under his shirt, wrapping around his back, hinting at even more injuries.

[astralprisms]

Was wondering why this particular gith face always feels like it suits baldness best and then I realized it IS in fact Orpheus' face model, Orph just has different unique ears.

Anyway welcome back, dreadwolf.

[dapg-otmebytheballs]

coming back the next day to my blog terrified of reactions and yea I worry this will get swept under the rug and be made into a non issue

[vampmilf]

hold on im still too mad at this one fucking guest to take a nap i need to be a hater for a minute

[orcelito]

Little Tally has been plodding around and she was trying to get into a box earlier and she later came up to me and stared at me expectantly then later tried to eat my plants again and just now she came up to sit next to me purring again and leaning into my pets

The medicine really is making her feel better I think. And it's really highlighting how bad she Has been feeling. Bc these are all very basic things, but she hasn't been doing it. Even up to her little walk, the plodding sounds of her footsteps... before today, she was moving so stiffly, an awkward little shamble, so I couldn't even really hear her when she got up (which was nowhere near as much as normal). Something as simple as hearing her drinking water is making me emotional. If she starts yowling tonight when I go to bed I really might just cry.

I really hope this keeps up... she's got just one more day of meds, but maybe it'll be enough... I hope so...

[ourladyoftheflytrap]

Crazy to be 20 years old and my mom casually mentioning that she was so glad i decided of my own volition that I didn't want to see my bio father anymore bc she knew that he and his mom were smoking meth when I came to visit but didn't want to tell me unless I brought it up cuz she didn't want me to have a bad impression of them 😭 that woman is a saint if I found out my baby daddy was tweaking in front of my toddler I would've poisoned his supply and sent them both to the graves from "overdose"

[muntitled]

Better Than Drugs

Pairings: Namgyu x Fem!Reader | Brief!Thanos x Fem!Reader

Summary: Reconnecting with your shitty ex boyfriend in the games.

Warnings: Language, Substance Abuse, Toxic Relationship, Male Manipulation, Coercion, Smut (+18) mdni, High sex, Dub/con, Choking, Exchange of Bodily Fluids, Unprotected Sex, Unedited (we die like soldiers)

A/n: literally no one will read this but I need him and I wrote this for me!

Being treated like a lamb being led to the proverbial slaughter in a death game sucked ass but seeing your ex boyfriend there sucked even more, somehow. From your vantage point perched on your bed tucked away from all the central conflict, you notice them talking about you again.

Call it past bully traum but you knew when people were talking about you and although you couldn't make out what they were saying, a part of you just knew...

Another vote had ended and Namgyu was still staring at you, his head bowed, chewing his fingernails. He was watching you, while you were forced to watch as democracy crumbled around you.

Your brain made you think Namgyu was perhaps berating you in front of his new friend. Bad-mouthing you to absolutely no end, perhaps saying what a lousy, uptight girlfriend you had been in the outside world. How you kept him from his habit. How you tried to force him into rehab countless times.

And so you shrink into yourself, squeezing yourself further into your bed, hugging your knees.

How were you supposed to know the conversation went nothing like how you thought it was going?

"We need to get her on our team," Thanos had said when the voting concluded and they were watching you pick at your roll of tin-foiled kimbap.

"She's already on our team," Namgyu muttered, more quiet than usual as he watched you through the corner of his eye. He didn't feel like eating. He felt like doing drugs. And fucking, maybe, but eating? It never occurred to him.

Without you to remind him to eat, and to actually take care of his bodily health outside of his substance abuse, he really was a mess.

"Oh yeah," Thanos muttered dumbly before turning back to his own food, "Kay, well, I need to sleep with her."

Namgyu didn't even look up from his food, still leaning against the metal beds as he murmured a quiet, "Nope." Popping his lip, extenuating the 'p'

Thanos himself was rallied into silence as Namgyu casually clicked his tongue before adding, "I called dibs on that bro," he steals another glance. You're searching your chest for a piece of cucumber that's fallen out of the kimbap

This unfortunately, zeroes his gaze in on your ample chest, miraculously squeezed into that tracksuit jacket. Now Namgyu was thinking about your tits while Thanos' head whips to the side, his brow lifted.

Namgyu couldn't take his eyes off you since the games began. Watching you during voting time had stirred up all kinds of lost emotions. The easy and almost thoughtless way you had pressed the blue button before tucking your hands in your pockets, never sparing anyone a second glance. He had to adjust the bulge forming in his sweatpant. If it weren't for him you might have continued to go amongst the games as an anonymous spectre, with that cash prize as your only goal.

"I didn't know we were calling dibs!?" Thanos stomped his feet petulantly, "That's not fair, man. Not. Cool."

"That's the point of dibs," Namgyu said, pushing his hair behind his ears as he continued to stare you down. "Who knows how long we'll be here?" As he watched you, he tilted his head downwards, causing a thick shadow to fall over his eyes as he watched you. He leaned against the railings of the metal beds piled up to the ceiling, watching you tuck your hands deeper into the sleeves of your sweater. Really fucking cute.

"B-But Homies don't call dibs on girls!" Thanos whines.

"Yeah," Namgyu nods, "but, I'm gonna need more than magic pills and a homie to get me through the night," He made a ring with his index and thumb finger, pinching his one eye shut as he spied at you through it, "She can help,”

Thanos was quiet, eerily so. Good things never happened when Thanos was quiet,

"Let's go over to her right now then. Since she's stealing my homie-"

That immediately snapped Namgyu out of his lust-filled gaze, promoting his shoulders to straighten as he tried to stop Thanos from taking another step towards you.

"Senorita-" he said in a singsong voice and you rolled your eyes as you saw them approaching. Namgyu walked behind like the shadow he always tried to be, with his hands tucked in his pocket. Your bed is relatively low to the ground and your heart stammered when both their shadows fell over you.

"Don't have any change," your eyes whipped to your ex-boyfriend before narrowing, "Or drugs. Sorry." you mustered a painfully sarcastic smile as you attempted to turn in another direction, hoping they might take the hint.

Thanos' teeth stretched as Namgyu swallowed thickly, watching you in that distinctly predatory way of his as he propped his forearm against the railing of the bed. You hate how both of them make you feel and your eye scans in vain around the premises, hoping someone might save you from the duo.

"Lemme make this quick," Thanos said with his drug addicted hand gestures. "My bro wants you and whatever bro wants-" he taps Namgyu's chest behind you- "Bro gets."

Silence passed with you staring deep into Namgyu's dark, almost sinister black eyes. You admitted that you were still painfully attracted to him. Knowing that he knows your body. He's already seen what hid under your blue tracksuit, it was dizzyingly sobering.

He still seemed so devastatingly sleezy it bordered on attractive, like he didn't care about what anyone really thought of him. It still brought an uncomfortable amount of attraction that you didn't really know what to do with. "No thanks," you said, bending your head to take a bite of the kimbap.

"Cunt." you heard him mumble under his breath. That caused your head whip up to glare at him.

"I'm a cunt because I'd rather not fuck a drug addict?"

"No," Namgyu shrugged, "You're just a cunt."

Your nostrils flared as something diabolical ignited inside you. Up until this point, fear had been the only emotion you allowed yourself to feel. The fear of dying to keep you alive. But right now, you're being plagued with another emotion and it's setting you alight with interest.

Your dating preferences were never orthodox. You knew you could never truly be satisfied with any other timid nice guy, and that's what drew you to him. You hated admitting to it but Namgyu calling you a cunt did more than irritate you, it ignited you.

"I'm not here to make friends,” You marvel now, in the tense darkness, how confident you had been then.

“How about a boyfriend then?” Namgyu asked and Thanos whistled lowly as he mutters a ‘nice bro,’

“How about choking?” You shot back, “I tried the boyfriend thing and he stole all my savings to buy drugs.” Namgyu’s jaw ticked and you can see his fist fold and unfold. Thanos’ commentary continues. ‘Shit boyfriend-’ he says under his breath.

“Don't be a bitch so early in the morning…” Namgyu says finally before turning his head, somewhat distracted, “Or at least I think it's morning. Hyung do you think it's morning-”

Thanos raised his hands, “Morning is what we make it in here, bro.”

“Leave me alone of I'll fucking scream.” you cut through all their useless chatter, letting a tense silence settle between the three of you. Eventually, Thanos reluctantly pulls Namgyu away. Murmuring a quiet ‘just take a hint bro.'

Soon, you were left in your bed but not without one more backwards glance from Namgyu over his shoulder. He wasn't done with you and that thought sat heavily on your shoulders until the robotic voice from unseen speakers made the countdown to lights out.

The very last thing you remembered, before the overhead lights were snuffed out, was his black, almond eyes still watching you from his bed.

The blue 'O' velcroed to your breast burns a hole through your conscience as your eyes flutter open in the middle of the night, really needing to pee. The prize money acts as the only source of gold light illuminating the hall while everyone else remains soundly asleep.

Life in the games was so much more stomachable during the day, but when the lights went out, you were forced to sit with your thoughts. That piggy bank didn't have money inside it, it held bodies, and the ghosts practically filled this room.

Still, you can't help but whisper to yourself, “I really have to pee.” The only thing stopping you from going to the bathroom is the gaze you knew would somehow find you from three beds over. Your ex boyfriend watches you, even when the lights go out.

Paranoia be damned.

Cursing softly, you maneuvered yourself to the ground. Trying to make the least amount of noise possible as you moved through the row of beds.

If you were being followed you'd never know. Everything was too dark but a part of you sighed as you reached the small arched doorway completely unscathed.

Almost unscathed.

Your heart hammers in its cage when you feel his heavy arm settle over your shoulders. Your mouth falls open but Namgyu is already banging on the arched door with a closed fist. You flinch with every loud, metallic hit.

The little window opens to reveal a triangle-masked soldier. He stands there emotionless.

“My girlfriend's on her period- she's bleeding everywhere. We need the bathroom.”

There is silence from the Guard who is clearly unimpressed. Just before the little window is about to slide shut Namgyu kicks at the door, “Hey! I wanna fuck my girl- if you want, we could do it out here?!”

You try to wrench yourself out of his grip, toilet be damned but your heart absolutely sinks to find the pink soldier opening the metal door.

Namgyu only twirls, pumping his fist before pulling you in his arms, biting back a smile.

“Can't believe that worked,” Namgyu says, with a raised eyebrow and a happy little shrug as he drags you across the threshold. The trip to the women's bathroom is relatively short as you writhe and fight in his hands. There's virtually no reason for the pink guard to think any of this was consensual but they kept their stoicism on their face as you reached the girl's bathroom.

“We'll be quick,” Namgyu assures the guard with a tight sort of smile before pushing you into the bathroom, and closing the door after himself.

You trip on your way running into one of the stalls and he watches you, biting his nail.

“This is the girls bathroom, or are you too high to notice?” You hiss absolute venom as he bites his fingernail.

“Nah, I'm sober right now, which means I need something to take the load off.”

“Cool. Use your hand,” you sigh from within the stalls before dropping your pants to pee. It irked you that he was standing there, on the other side… waiting for you.

You make quick work of it all. Wiping, flushing, and making a beeline for the sinks. He lets you wash your hands but before you make it to the door his arms are wrapped around your waist.

“Uh Uh,” he tsks, “No ‘i miss you’ kiss, huh?” He drags you into his arms, kicking and screaming as he swipes your brains from across your panicked face.

“Only competent boyfriends get kisses,” Despite the fuss, the door doesn't open. Those guards have quite literally abandoned you in here to fend for yourself.

“I can make it up to you,” he said, “I miss you really bad, baby,” Namgyu's pushing your back against the sink, stained with that sickening, pastel colour as he lowers his nose into the crook of your neck. You writhe as he breathes you in deeply, before sighing. His erection pressed against your thigh.

“Someone else could walk in here,” you cry, feeling a dampness seep out of you, wetting your underwear. Your body was being traitorous because it was enjoying feeling anything other than fear. It yearned for it.

“Sto-” you attempt to catch your breath as he gropes at your breasts from over your tracksuit. “Stop touching me-” you say despite your legs getting weaker and weaker.

“You don't get to touch me anymore. You lost that privilege when you stopped being my boyfriend.” He was so much taller than you when he stretched his hand across your cheeks, forcing your neck back to make more space for his lips. A moan nearly spills out of you.

His hands are trembling and his tongue swipes out to lick the length of your neck. To your shock and horror, you melt in his grasp.

“You don't mean that-” he whispers against your skin. “No one's gonna fuck you like I do-”

“No one's going to steal my money like you do either-”

His hand flies down to your throat, choking as he says through clenched teeth, “I told you I had a problem-” he squeezes and for the briefest moment, you see stars. “I needed help and you abandoned me, you bitch-”

“I didn't abandon you-” His lips are on yours, silencing you in one messy kiss that him forcing his tongue into your mouth.

“You gonna be good for me, Huh?’ He says, hoarsely, your eyes glare up at him.

“Leave me alone-”

“You know I love it when you try to fight back,” his mouth breathes against your hair, “You trying to get me riled up babe, huh?”

His fingers find the lining of your own sweatpants and your heart stammers as he turns to push your front against the sink. Your hand grips at the cheap plaster and you avoid your own traitorous reflection in the mirror, lest you find not only fear in your eyes, but lust

“You know how bad I've needed this- fuck,” his voice cracks when fumbles his cock out, grinding against your ass with his eyes closed in ecstasy and his mouth hanging open. Your finger curls around the sink as the first moan slips out of you. It had his eyes flying open to look down at you in amusement and awe.

“I knew you weren't a completely stuck-up bitch,” he says, pulling you up by the base of the throat, “I knew you still wanted me.”

“I don't,” you squeak out as he pulls down your pants.

“No- but your body does,” he swipes your underwear to the side.

Your body spasms as he roughly sinks his digits into you once before pulling out.

“You miss me real bad,” he brings your fingers up in front of your face and your heart drops to find the arousal webbing his index and middle.

He continues to swipe your arousal from from your ass to your puffy clit and the need wracks through your entire body, building as you arched your ass backwards against him.

His mouth is by your ear, breathing heavily as he lines his cock up at your entrance, already leaking precum, “I know I gave you hell when we were out there-”

“Hell doesn't begin to cover- FUCK-” he rams his cock into you. Positively brimming with need as his hips stutter against you.

“Y-ou stole my fucking savings for drugs-” you get the sentence out quickly before moaning into the air, as your boyfriend fucks out all the frustration he's been carrying, all the need and the withdrawal.

“And I ate you out as an apology-” He reaches his hand around to clamp down on the base of your throat. Your mouth falls open when he cranes our neck back, his eyes boring into yours. “Don't you miss it baby, don't miss having me inside of you?”

“Y-Your eyes are diluted-” you begin to say, utterly incredulous. “You're high right now!”

His hips thrusts in shallow, quick strokes. “And your pussy's wet, guess we're both fucked.”

Your pussy tightens around him like a long lost friend, it knocks you out how deeply you've craved him. Needing reprieve from all the fear. “You're squeezing around my cock, you fucking slut-” that nearly has you seeing stars. Your body spasms.

“That it…” he whispers, “Don't think I haven't forgotten the way you abandoned me out there… But in here,” your eyes roll to the back of your head, “You dont so much as fucking breathe without my permission.”

Your eyes squeeze shut as his cock hits that particular pillow of nerves inside you, nearly flipping you off the edge.

“Spit on my hand,” he says, an edge to his voice that let you know he was far too close. You forgot how messy things got when you had sex with him. How much of a mess he made of you.

You do it without thinking about it and his eyes widen as he presses that same hand to your clit.

“F-Fuck!” Your eyes are squeezed shut as he reaches around to rub you to your orgasm. His movements only fumble when his hips start stuttering.

“N-Need you to cum for me-” he breathes out. “I’m jittery- baby. I need it- shit-” you slip into your orgasm right in front of him, milking his cock for all its worth. “F-Fuck this is so much better than drugs,” he murmers, eyes rolled back as a drunken smile ghosts over his face. He's in complete and utter euphoria.

Two rough knocks on the door signal the need for your return but Namgyu's cock is still spilling ropes of his cum inside you and you're doing nothing but taking it.

“I hate you,” you breathe out, because it's true. If it weren't for him you wouldn't be here.

His breath is warm against your neck as he says, “I love you too.

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