#as i said in the tags of another post

[glitterdustcyclops]

okay it's nearly one in the morning and i can't sleep because i'm thinking too much about astarion so permit me to ramble for a moment (you actually have no choice)

but just

ugh

the more and more i play the game and experience all the different facets of the conversations you can have with him (and also ruthlessly spoil myself on his arc both ascended and not because i'm impatient lmao) the more i am just, completely in awe of the depth and care that went into writing him??

like, okay, cards on the table, i have a pretty major vampire kink, biting kink, blood kink, etc. and from the first moment i heard there was a romanceable character in a fantasy rpg that was a flirtatious queer vampire pretty boy with a Traumatic Backstory and a twisted master/slave relationship with an Evil Dude i was immediately like 👀👀👀

could not draft the marriage proposal fast enough, you know?

and larian could've just stuck with that! they could've had him be an incorrigible flirt, and have his whole arc focused on getting revenge against the horrid man what wronged him, and by helping him on his quest you earn his love and you two ride off into the sunset, happy forever

but no. instead we got something so much more, and it's entirely fascinating to me. all of his layers and contradictions!! the different masks he wears on top of each other, and all his pain and trauma barely simmering under the surface of his pretty polished façade.

and not only do we go ahead and take this man whomst on the surface appears to be a walking vampire erotica trope in a gorgeous package, but we pull off the reveal (and depending on how you play it this can happen almost immediately after you express interest in him) that this whole thing, is a very blatant, deliberate act. one cultivated by a sexual abuse survivor, as a way to protect himself from the things that scare him, that make him vulnerable.

he straight up tells you to your face that this is a lie!! this all pretend!!! you're supposed to fall for it, he wants you to. what he does not want, what he could never predict, not in centuries, is that you would see past his mask(s), and then go ahead and love him anyway. him. the real him, the one he barely knows himself, the flashes he reveals to you accidentally in small moments, as much as he doesn't want to: all those messy cruel capricious terribly horribly wonderfully real parts of himself, and how he wants to be real with you in turn, even though it scares the absolute bejeezus out of him

and THEN!!!! the further you go in his romance, the more you realize that this walking series of pickup lines, this supposed master seducer, is actually incredibly wary of sex because of all the trauma and pain it's caused him. sex is not something he associates with true joy or pleasure or even intimacy, not anymore; the ability to feel good about his body was taken from him. the game makes it explicit that, as a man who was robbed of his agency and his ability to meaningfully consent to sex, not only is it the objectively wrong decision but it is downright evil to force him into doing anything sexual with you, even though you're his True Love or whatever, and as he learns and grows and feels more secure in himself he will straight up dump your ass if you violate his boundaries around sex!!!

and instead of flirt-flirt-flirt-true-love-forever you get all these really sweet, tender moments of nonsexual intimacy, hand holding and hugs and just, honest sweet conversations? you can even tell him "hey i don't think it's good for us to be serious right now, but i still want to be your friend." and even if you do keep romancing him, you can reassure him that you don't hold his lack of interest in sex against him, you still want to be with him just as he is!! he is worth it to you, with his ten-piece designer set of luxury baggage. and he practically melts about it!!

and this is not even getting into everything post cazador quest, i haven't even gotten to those scenes yet except for the "evil" version (trying not to ruin it for myself haha) but the way his arc ends in the "good" version where you talk him out of doing the ritual, out of perpetuating the cycle of abuse that was forced on him, and instead show him a better way forward? and he experiences true actual freedom for the first time in centuries, and he hesitantly decides that he wants to keep going forward with you??

UGH!! i just, i care about astarion so much!!!! i am absolutely head-over-heels-stupid in love with him and the way he's written and i will never fucking get over it, oh my god, help me, i'm DYING

[monkesupreme]

ref

a satisfactory answer for Selina

[risibledeer]

hugs, all of joel's soulmates, lizzie, grian and eefo lol

Psst reqs are open, ik I draw a lot of Joel but i like drawing most hermipires so feel free ti ask, if uf like to

[piratespencil]

This is so funny to me. Reducing them down to their simplest attributes. Turning them into symbols.

[cosmicgamer]

The way Luz's thank you drawing got rejected by the person it was for when she thought she finally found someone who wouldn't make fun of her for her eccentric behavior, that she is worthless..and then the drawing does get recognized, that it's beautiful and why would it get thrown away. She was finally understood (I am in shambles help-)

[kingbeeleth]

hes so funny

[catofoldstones]

this manga is so unserious 😭

[warpedpuppeteer]

It's interesting how Buck's love interests are all written in a way that ends because of the reason they meet/happen in the first place and then of course, we have Eddie.

Abby, who changes Buck's view of a healthy relationship but then turns around and ghosts him, making him wait for months on end and letting him realize she's not coming back on his own.

Ali, who meets Buck during a dangerous situation in his line of work and then leaves him for how dangerous his work is.

Taylor, who lashes out at Buck for using her as a fake date and saying she thought she could trust Buck to be a friend who then ends up using him for her career and chose to put his friends in danger.

Natalia, who's there to help him embrace and deal with his temporary death but it leads to their break up because of the constant talk surrounding death when Buck's not comfortable with it.

We can't confirm for Tommy till it ends but it's important to note how he offers to get Buck into his interests like flying and muay thai yet doesn't show effort with Buck's interests like dressing up according to the bachelor party theme despite Buck being stressed about it. And we also have the fact that the entire reason they got together was due to Buck's jealousy for Eddie which he then claims to be was for Tommy. Makes me think they are either going to end because of differing interests OR because of the jealousy issue popping up again.

Funnily enough, every scene above has an Eddie parallel:

Eddie co-parents with Buck and not only does this not stop after a dangerous event but Eddie also has Buck down as a legal guardian (healthy relationship - Abby).

Eddie is in the same dangerous line of work and they have each other's backs. This happens right off the bat too.(dangerous job - Ali).

The Lawsuit era and The Dispatch era - both where they "betray" each other but manage to work through it (betrayal/lie - Taylor).

Eddie doesn't pressure Buck to talk about his temporary death until Buck's ready and is more focused about him living than in his death (death doula - Natalia).

Eddie who has different interests than Buck (poker, basketball and UFC/MMA) but also manages to show interest and actively takes part in whatever Buck comes up with; he suggests their outfit for the themed party AND ends up staying there for Buck even when others leave (different hobbies & showing interest/taking part - Tommy).

Absolutely fascinating when you start noticing that Buck's relationships keep failing for one reason or another and then we have him and Eddie who face the same sort of situations but they still come out of it stronger together.

It's clear that there's a reason Buck is able to overcome anything when it comes to Eddie (that conversation with Maddie about being there for each other even at their worst 👀) and we've already established that everything Eddie looks for in a partner is already something he has found in Buck. So really, all that's left is for them to realize that hey, the one I'm looking for is right in front of me! 🤷🏽

And yes, it's been said to death (hah) but you don't find it son you make it. And Buck and Eddie have already made it.

[tekatonic]

huh, Princess Elise is looking a lil different today

[saedyne]

nobody asked but my hot take is that i think kon's struggles with

being literally made to be superman

being given roles and expectations (as a hero/boyfriend/etc) based on that/how he looks and squeezing himself down into those expectations

being torn between duty/obligation (even and perhaps especially of the self-imposed variety) and his own sense of self

feeling like he outlived his purpose after coming back from the dead and not knowing what he's supposed to be now that he's done the superman thing (maybe even feeling like he needs the unbearable weight of expectation because without a job to do or a box to fit into he might dissolve into nothing because he's always avoided examining who he is when there's nobody he has to be i wonder why that is)

could. uh. y'know. all that could be read as quite...queer. in a pretty genderful way. but what do i know.

[harperskele]

The Subversion of Expectations

A gift for @mmmilkweed, inspired by this post.

---

Shadow Milk can't remember the last time he felt regret. Has he ever? Fear, certainly. Rage? Countless times. But regret? He can't seem to recall a time he ever had, until now.

Floating lazily above Pure Vanilla's bed, he quietly hums a tune. A small doll, half-complete, dangles in the air as he works on adding its vanilla petal hair. Beneath him, Pure Vanilla slumbers, unaware of his presence. 

It's the middle of the night, and the palace is quiet. Moonlight streams through the windows, casting his muse in a gentle halo. It’s far better than the sunlight, unabashed and loud in its presence; yes, moonlight is far better. Darkness is best, but that isn't an option right now. There is work to be done, and redecorating his new abode isn't a high priority right now.

Stealing another glance for reference, he stitches the petals to the doll's head with a reverence that would disgust him if it were anyone else. Here, in the quiet and the calm, he can relax the chaotic energies that drive him and focus on his craft. Certainly, he could simply create a doll with his powers, a meaningless puppet that would dissipate at will. But this, something tangible that he's made with his own hands? This gives a sense of satisfaction unlike any other.

Getting to watch over Pure Vanilla is a simple bonus, a small treat for his hard work.

He's just finished stitching on the final petal when Pure Vanilla stirs. He jolts, drifting into the shadows like second nature, and silences his little tune. Fortunately, his quarry doesn't awaken. Unfortunately, he does something worse.

Pure Vanilla groans, clutching at his chest through his pajama shirt. His legs kick aimlessly under the covers, and his face grows strained. Even his staff, leaning against his bedside table, begins to twitch and shudder. 

Shadow Milk drifts out of the shadows, floating closer and tilting his head. A dream, perhaps? Certainly not a good one.

Pure Vanilla whimpers.

Shadow Milk jolts, floating backwards a few inches. He'd never expected such a pathetic, weak sound to come from such a man. He's seen his tears before, but he's never heard such a sound come from him before.

Already, he can see the tears beading on Pure Vanilla's lashes, and his struggle grows more frantic.

“No… No, no…” 

Shadow Milk drifts down and plops himself next to Pure Vanilla, figuring it's better to wake him up now instead of let this nightmare play out. He reaches out to shake his shoulder, and--

“Please, not this- Don't- Don't show me this-!” 

He pauses, a frown tugging at his own face. A nightmare about him? He withdraws his hand, crossing his arms.

Pure Vanilla is pale now, gasping frantically. “I won't ignore-- I'll listen-! Please-!” He chokes on a sob, writhing in what seems like pain.

It feels like he's been punched in the gut. He knows now what he's having a nightmare about. An instance early in their meeting, when Pure Vanilla - at the time, Truthless Recluse - had refused to acknowledge him and his incredible hosting skills. He was crueler then, far less patient and completely unempathetic.

He can still remember Pure Vanilla's face when the gore of seeing his maimed friends had caused him to vomit. He had laughed then, laughed at his suffering and his tears. Laughed for how easily he caved under the suffering of others, and laughed at how much work was to be done to teach him.

He can't find any humor in the memory.

He reaches out once more, frantically shaking Pure Vanilla's shoulders. “Hey, ‘Nilly!” He calls, brushing some of his hair out of his tear-stained face. “Wake up! Hey, hey! Come on now, get up!” He tries to smile, but it's strained. His voice grows high and brittle with growing panic. He can't let this keep going. He's made so much progress, gotten so much better. What if he doesn't want him around after remembering what he did?

Guilt feels like ice water pooling in his insides, but also like acid burning in his heart. He almost wants to stop, to run away. But he'd learned, from Pure Vanilla nonetheless, that it wouldn't fix anything to run.

Pure Vanilla shoots up with a gasp, still grasping at his crumpled pajamas. Unfeeling eyes snap open, as does the eye on his staff. His arm is tangled in the sheets, and he lets out a frantic cry as he tries to get free. 

“Hey! You're okay! ‘Nilly, calm down!” He pleads, easily slicing away the sheet. Shadows answer his call, pressing Pure Vanilla's staff into his hands. He just hopes it's enough to help anchor him. He rests his hand on Pure Vanilla's heaving back, but he flinches away.

“No, please, I--” Pure Vanilla clambers backwards, closer to the edge of the bed, and stops just short of falling off. Suddenly, his hands fly to his mouth with a grunt, and Shadow Milk barely has enough time to usher a bucket into place before Pure Vanilla vomits. He gropes for the edges of it, and Shadow Milk pats his back once more. This time he doesn't flinch.

“That's it, get it all out. It's okay.” He murmurs, forcing an uncharacteristic softness into his voice. Once Pure Vanilla stops, he dismisses the bucket and grabs a rag through a small portal, beginning to clean up his face. “You're safe now, you're not-” He stops short, clears his throat, and tosses the soiled rag aside. “Not in that place.” 

Silence consumes them, and Shadow Milk cringes at the awkwardness. Pure Vanilla just had a nightmare about his time in the Spire, his time being tortured at Shadow Milk's own hands. And here he is, helping him recover from it. He ushers Pure Vanilla back to his former spot, fishing out a softer cloth to dab at the sweat on his forehead.

Again, neither of them speak, but Pure Vanilla doesn't ask him to leave, doesn't shudder at his very presence. So he cleans him up, then pats his head.

“All done. I'll leave you be now--”

A hand darts out and grabs his sleeve. “Stay! Stay. Please.” Pure Vanilla begs. His eyes are closed again, but his staff's eye is fixed on Shadow Milk. “I don't- I don't want to-”

“It's okay. I know. I'll stay.” He sits at the foot of the bed, facing Pure Vanilla. He wouldn't have wanted to be alone after that either. 

I'm sorry. The words are on the tip of his tongue, but he can't force them out. They're the right words, the only words he can think to say, and he can't make himself utter them. Maybe it's his pride, maybe it's his shame.

Pure Vanilla's deep, meditative breaths are the only sounds that fill the room. It stays that way for what must have only been five minutes, but it feels like an eternity to Shadow Milk.

He opens his mouth to say something else, anything else, but Pure Vanilla beats him to it.

“It was you this time.” He whispers.

Shadow Milk scowls. He knows it was him. It's always him. He's the one who did it.

“They- You-” Pure Vanilla sniffles, rubs at his eyes once, and exhales. “You screamed so much.”

“I… what?”

“There was so much blood, and you were just… Calling out to me. And I couldn't move. I wanted to help, but I couldn't.” Pure Vanilla lowers his head. Seeing his face like this, twisted in pain and guilt, when he should never had felt that way, tugs at Shadow Milk's chest. “I'm sorry. I'm such a coward, I should have--”

“Okay, pause. ‘Nilly, what are you talking about?” He interrupts, scooting closer. He reaches out, takes Pure Vanilla's chin in a gentle hold, and lifts his head. Deftly, he swipes under his eyes with his thumbs, coaxing more tears into falling so that he can brush them away. “You were having a nightmare, right? About… About the Spire. What I did to your friends, what I made you see… Right?”

Pure Vanilla melts into his hand. He sets his staff aside with practiced ease and shuffles a bit closer. His arm brushes Shadow Milk's leg and stays there, seeking its warmth. He can feel Pure Vanilla's hands tremble, but doesn't say anything.

Pure Vanilla shakes his head, loosing a wet laugh. “No, it was you. You were dying. I don't know how, but-” His smile drops in an instant, and his lip wobbles. “I couldn't help you. You were in so much pain, and I--”

“I'm fine, ‘Nilly. Everything is okay. No one can hurt me, ‘member?” He pats Pure Vanilla's cheeks. “It was just a nightmare.”

“I know, but-”

“No buts.” He smiles. “Dreams are crazy. Don't read too much into it. I've even had crazy dreams, like one time I had this dream where--”

He rambles on, spinning tales of whacky adventures and strange phenomena, refusing to let Pure Vanilla talk about his nightmare again. It'll fade with time. Memories are fickle like that, especially dreams.

An hour later, as he glances at Pure Vanilla again, he sees that the man has grown still amongst his pillows. He smiles, tugging the blankets up to his chin. “Sleep tight, sweet ‘Nilly.” He whispers. He pauses for a moment, double checking to make sure he's really asleep, before he leans down and presses his lips to Pure Vanilla's forehead. 

He drifts upwards, floating above his bed again, this time to keep vigil.

He'd tortured him. There was no other word for it. He'd tried to drive him insane, and here he was, having nightmares about Shadow Milk suffering. He grabs at his chest, where his soul jam sings at its proximity to its other half. Maybe it's just because they share a fundamental piece of themselves. Yeah, that's probably why. If Shadow Milk dies, it's probably going to affect Pure Vanilla. It makes sense that he would be scared of Shadow Milk dying.

It's a lie, and he knows it, but it's easier than accepting the truth of the matter. 

Pure Vanilla cares about Shadow Milk just as much as anyone else, probably more, and he's starting to feel the same way.

He huffs, grabs his doll, and begins work on it once more, stealing glances at Pure Vanilla more often now. He tells himself he's not checking on him, he just needs a reference, but that's a lie, too.

[hololucent]

hey… listen to burnt cook book party. and lets unravel the nature of time and space together

[felidaefighter]

Also I am not gonna lie, Dream was 100% right that playing a villain affected peoples' perception of him.

There was a reason we had to fight tooth and nail to get AO3 to recognize the SMP was a roleplay.

There was a reason that /rp and c![character] were created as terms.

There was a reason that every time we made a post about a character we'd have some loser screaming at us that treating "real people" "that way" was "freak behavior" etc.

Younger-audience fandoms have always had these sorts of issues where actor and character becomes blurred, but the DSMP hit during covid times, at the peak of social isolation, when those still in schools (of any kind really) were having their brains permanently altered by the isolation.

I am not surprised, and nobody should be, either.

[ambigiousorganfailure]

this is a short in-between post while i gear up for the actual adler/bell and harrow/case comparison, but just an interesting note.

we all know about adler watching you/bell from the red room, right? but did you know he also follows you to the fenced-off area, too?

when i first played cold war, his behavior in this briefing stuck out to me. the way he shifts his weight, changing from foot to foot, looking between his table and the evidence board. it almost seems nervous, fidgety. it feels awkward on him, and it’s awkward to watch. when i was trying to record footage from the safehouse briefings for this miniature post, i thought i’d come out of it making a whole “lightning in a bottle” analogy for adler. but then you run into an issue-there is no other moment like this in cold war. at least, not in the briefings, not in the same way he acts here.

it was strange to me. why does he behave so differently here compared to any other time? his movements are so orchestrated, composed. this is past odd habits, this feels like a moment of weakness. he doesn’t breathe down your neck this severely at any other point in the game. why?

and it clicks in. this is the first briefing of the entire game. this is your first true moment as bell. before this, all he had known of them was a spiteful, frustratingly stubborn soviet and then an empty husk, trapped in a room where he’d have to strong-arm them into psychological submission with drugs and his own personal memories. this is his first time seeing bell out in the wild, moving of their own accord, not separated by restraints or reinforced glass. he’s nervous because of bell.

the reason this is the only time adler appears this way is because he’s reaffirmed of his leash on them after fracture jaw, after the memory exercise. hudson echoes this statement, too, as much as he is untrusting of them, for obvious reasons.

and how interesting is it, that he never shows this apprehension ever again.

[banditblvd]

Prime defenders but it’s only the stupidest things I’ve drawn for them

Banimatic