#as being skinny is important to its not the most important thing. simply being skinny usnt gonna make me happy and fix my problems

[tinylittlebab]

when i see people with the same ugw as me but theyre taller i feel so bad about myself

[krazyyyyyy]

Forever Longing Solivan Brugmansia /Reader

Synopsis: A small glimpse into Sol's elementary life, where he abruptly meets the single most important person in his life...You

Warnings: Mentions of violence

Words: 2553

Notes: Don't know how many more of these I'll write, but I'm hoping to get around three more done if not a few more.

Hope you enjoy this short story <3

Children’s happy laughter echoed loudly throughout the playground, as they began to spill out of the school building; marking the beginning of their cherished recess time. Kids ran freely playing around with friends, swinging giddily on the swing sets, and continuously going up and down the slide.

Well, all the kids but one…

A young, small, and quiet Solivan stood far away from the other kids, staring at the ground at his feet, avoiding any eye contact with anybody within the area. He knew he didn’t fit in with the others, given his introverted nature, he was considered an outcast amongst his classmates. People tended to overlook him, barely acknowledging his presence even when they were standing right next to him.

He was used to it, though…. He had his drawing supplies and stuffed animals, the only things that really made him feel anything close to happiness. The stuffed animals would never judge him, and, they’d always be around to listen to him when he needed it, an idiosyncratic concept to him growing up in a loveless household.

A soft tap on his shoulder causes him to lift his amber gaze from the ground and into the familiar brown orbs of his teacher, Mrs. Baker. A woman with a skinny frame and curly auburn hair that just slightly exceeded her shoulders. It took everything within him not to scoff at her arrival. She was keen on pushing him towards being more sociable with the other kids, a goal that would always fail in his favor. So why couldn’t she just leave him alone?

 She crouched down to his height and spoke to him in her usual soft and steady voice, “Solivan, Why don’t you play with the others today? It seems they're playing a little game of freeze tag, doesn’t that sound like fun?” 

Solivan spared a short glance toward where the kids were running wildly at each other, while some others stayed frozen in place, showing signs of annoyance at being frozen; he retracted his gaze back to the ground shaking his head, mumbling a small “No”

Mrs. Baker smiled understandingly at the timid young boy before her, “I know it might seem scary, but give it a chance, you might like it more than you think.” She attempted one last time to try to convince the boy to open up, even if it was just a little.

The boy remained silent, having lost interest in the conversation completely and hoping that his teacher would simply give up and leave him alone for the rest of the recess period.

Thankfully, it seemed fate was on his side, as he heard his teacher sigh next to him before standing up and walking away to a different part of the playground to supervise a group of rather exuberant children. Leaving him alone at last.

The little raven-haired boy sat on the ground, back pressed against the steel fence that separated the playground from the busy streets that lay not far behind. Settling down, Sol pulled out a small sketchpad from his back pocket; a notebook that was filled page to page in his numerous doodles, which he usually did during class time to pass the time.

Pulling out a pencil, Sol began to doodle, head buried in the notebook; heavily embarked on the mini sketches that required his utmost attention. After a while, he finally cranes his head back to admire his work; his sketch was that of a small horse with a small sketched figure of him seated cheerfully on its back.

He beamed at the drawing, proud of his work. While marveling at the sketch, the notepad is quickly ripped from his grasp. Startled and confused, Sol snaps his head up to look at the culprits. Standing above him, were three kids, obviously much older than he was, possibly four grades above him.

Sol was quick to spring up to his feet to try to get the notebook back, but to no avail, as the blond boy who held the item towered over him. He held the sketchbook high above his head, so even if the little boy tried to jump for it, it would prove pointless in the end

“Give it back!” Sol shouted at the kids as he continued to try to reach for what he considered to be one of his only sources of comfort. All three of the boys laughed at him, “Aww, is the little weirdo gonna cry.” a boy with red hair teased, pointing at him.

“You drew yourself riding a horse? What are you, some kind of girl?” The blond boy jokingly flipped through the pages of the book, briefly observing its contents.

“Stop it!” When Sol tried to reach for his sketchbook once again, the blond boy laughed, before tossing the book over to another boy; then that boy proceeded to also flip through the book and laugh before also tossing it to the next boy. Sol found himself playing in this miserable game of monkey in the middle; a game where he could only watch as his book flew through the air above him, out of reach, with no hopes of ever reaching it.

Eventually, Sol got the courage to defend himself from these bullies, and with all the strength he could muster with his tiny form, he tried to shove the bully who had the sketchbook in his possession. But, the shove proved unhelpful, as the bully didn’t even move an inch.

Sol could barely catch his breath before he was harshly shoved to the ground. A sharp pain pulsed through his body as his back was met with the hard ground; Sol opened his eyes to notice that his sketchbook had fallen next to his body, the bully had more than likely dropped it in outrage at Sol’s sudden rebuke. Sol swiftly snatched the book off the ground and held it close to his chest, shielding it from the bullies.

Sol lay on the ground in a fetal position, with his back facing his bullies, arms still tightly wrapped around his sketchbook. There was a sudden sharp pain on his side as a bully directed a fierce kick toward the young boy; another boy directed a kick, of similar intensity, toward his other side, leaving the little boy only to whimper in pain.

The group of bullies continued to relentlessly kick the defenseless boy, not showing any hint of mercy toward him. Tears ran down Sol’s cheeks as he could only endure the endless kicks that the bullies threw at him. He closed his eyes and hoped the boys would soon grow bored with this and walk away, or maybe a teacher would notice this assault and interfere.

It felt like an eternity that the kicking would continue, he almost thought it would never end…

Until a loud voice rang out and suddenly the kick stopped.

“Hey! Leave him alone!” Sol heard the unknown voice shout at the group of boys. He peeked from his position to glance at where the shouting came from; upon opening his eyes, he was met with his saviors back facing him as they spread their arms out wide to shield him away from the sight of the bullies.

“Get outta the way Pipsqueak! Or you're gonna be next!” He heard one of the bullies shout at the person before him. Sol noticed the stranger's visible shakiness as they stayed rooted in their spot in front of him; they were just as scared of these bullies as he was, yet they still chose to throw themselves in the middle just to protect him. He felt a surge of admiration for the stranger; this had been the first and only time someone stood up for him… his heart couldn’t help but skip a beat.

“No! I-I won't l-let you!” The stranger's words came out shuddered and breathy as if they were holding back tears. Luckily, their voice had been loud enough to possibly draw the attention of others nearby.

The twisted grins on the bullies' faces faded at the realization, and they looked around the area to see if anyone had caught the drift of what was happening.

“Shit!”  Was the last thing Sol heard from them, followed by the frantic pattering of feet in the grass as the bullies quickly fled the scene. Leaving behind two frightened kids as a result. 

Sol, who was still lying on the ground, breathed heavily, the fear coursing through his veins still running wild. He flinched when a blurry object suddenly came into his vision. As his vision slowly cleared, he noticed that the object was the outstretched hand of his savior; they looked down at him with a concerned expression, tears still lingering in the corner of their eyes.

Hesitantly, Sol took the hand, which helped pull him to his feet. He stumbled a bit but managed to regain his balance with a bit of effort and help from the person next to him.

“Are you okay?” The stranger asked him, their voice a bit hoarse from all the yelling yet still holding a subtle gentleness to it. Sol looked at them for a second, before shyly shifting his gaze off somewhere else and slightly nodding his head.

They smiled, their gaze landing on the item that Sol continued to hold tightly to his chest. “What’s that?” They pointed out the sketchbook, which, unknowingly to them, had caused the whole ruckus that just happened moments ago.

“... It’s my sketchbook,” Sol murmured under his breath, keeping his gaze away from the person in front of him. He never did well talking to people, never mind kids his age, this person wouldn’t be any different.

Their eyes lit up as he spoke, “You draw?! I wanna see it! Can I see pretty, please?!”

 Sol was taken aback by their sudden interest in his sketchbook, his eyes were blown wide at them; he had never shown anyone his work before, nor had anyone ever asked to see it… this person was achieving a lot of firsts for him. He supposed he could show them, considering they had just saved him from a harsh beating.

“Umm… Okay.” Sol pulled the sketchbook from where it rested on his chest to hold it out between him and the stranger. He slowly navigated through the pages, properly allowing the person next to him to take in each piece of art. They were a bundle of excitement, commenting excitedly on almost every single little doodle in the book; it brought a small smile to Sol’s face, knowing that someone enjoyed his drawings just as much as he did.

“These are so good! You're so talented! Do you think maybe you can draw me something?” Sol felt his cheeks flush with an odd, unfamiliar warmth. They wanted him to draw something for them. Him? Out of all the people they could have asked? They wanted him to draw for them…

He fidgeted with the pages of the notebook in his hands, keeping his eyes glued to the ground, nervously. “Sure–”

“Wait! Before I forget, my name is Y/N!” They cheerfully cut him off, “What’s yours?” They talked a million words per second, which was a bit overwhelming, but Sol still found himself intrigued by them.

“My name is Solivan…” He spoke quietly, but loud enough for their newfound acquaintance to hear. “Solivan?” They tested his name out, “Well, Solivan from this day forward you are now my friend!” Sol stared at them dumbfounded. He never had a friend before, but didn’t think it would ever be this simple, yet here he was.

He didn’t get a chance to respond to their declaration when they continued to speak, “I’m thinking maybe a butterfly–No wait! A gecko… no…” They continued to list through a variety of animals, as Sol would stand and watch them in awe. He didn’t know what it was, but he felt some sort of connection to his new friend, it wasn’t unwelcome, but it was still strange.

“Oh, I got it! How about a dove? Mom says those are her favorite!” 

Sol raises an eyebrow at them.“Like the bird? Are you sure?”

“Yeah!” They cheer.

Sol only nods his head in response, but a smile remains on his face at their jubilation. He sees the opportunity to speak after your moment of triumph and takes it, “I-um… thank you… for helping me. Not many would’ve done the same.”

They shake their head at him with a smile,“ Don’t mention it. You needed help…so I helped!”, the sincerity in their tone set Sol at ease. He wondered if had truly been missing out. If other kids acted just like Y/N, then maybe talking to others wouldn’t be so bad.

A mature voice suddenly rang out through the playground, catching everyone's attention, “Kids, recess is over! Start lining up with your class!”

“Aww man!” The child next to Sol groans, “Just when we were having fun, too!”. If their definition of fun was getting nearly trampled by a couple of older students, then Sol supposes he had the time of his life… Not really, though, but meeting Y/N was a nice surprise.

Children from all around the playground started to depart, moving to their designated class lines. Y/N started to make their way toward their line before they stopped to turn around to look at Sol one more time. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Solivan! Can’t wait to see the drawing!” And with that, the energetic second-grader gave him one last wave before running over to their class.

Sol gave them a little wave in return, watching as their figure got further and further away. It wasn’t long before he himself started making his way toward his own class, to continue the rest of his day. Of course, his attention wasn’t drawn toward that of his classwork, but rather that of the little dove drawing he spent the rest of the day drawing for that special someone he met.

~

Sol paid no mind as his art teacher rambled on and on about the importance of elements in art; his focus mainly on the small, worn-out sketch pad that lay open on his desk. He lazily drew his fingers along the delicate pencil marks of his old drawing from way back then.

Out of the drawings he had created during his entire childhood, that little dove that he drew for you in the second grade always held a special place in his heart. He remembers how bright your face lit up when he showed it to you the very next day; you insisted that he kept it in his sketchbook, under the circumstance that you get to view it anytime you want–which you would do on the daily.

He shifted his gaze from the paper to where you sat near the front of the classroom, trying your best not to fall asleep during the lecture. His heart ached for you to look at him the way you did when you were kids, now it was like he was a total stranger to you; another student who simply attended the same art class as you.

But with time, you’d eventually grow aware of his existence, you’d have too.

After all, you were his soulmate, just as he was yours.

[compassionatereminders]

I think it’s important to remind people that everybody’s healthy looks different.

Like I’m 5’2 and my average weight ranges from 145 to 160, which is supposedly overweight for my height, but a lot of that is muscle because i’m a dancer, so I’ve got strong legs. Which isn’t to say this weight is big by any means, but that a lot goes into weight - you can’t just get on the scale and assume it’s fat; some of its water weight, bloating, muscle mass (and muscle weighs a hell of a lot, don’t forget).

And every single body holds weight differently. I’m quite lucky that most weight I gain I hold extremely well, you’d never look at me and assume I weighed that, but weight distributes differently on everyone. For some people it’s their stomach, hips, arms, chest e.g and it’s not really in the element of control.

Gaining or losing weight can be a great thing, as long as your goal is about health and happiness. There was this thread on Twitter I found of women sharing their glow ups after gaining weight and it was so refreshing.

The most important thing is - don’t listen to the scales, don’t listen to those random google searches that are telling you you’re “too big” because half the time it’s all bullshit anyway

No BMI is literally a bullshit scam that plain doesn't concern itself with muscle and all these "health concerns" associated with "being fat" are most likely a result of doctors neglecting their fat patients by simply telling them to lose weight. Like you can absolutely be "overweight" and perfectly healthy and super skinny and literally dying

[that-ghost-girl-6]

Reverting Common Body Insecurities (Will update with time):

Scars (self-inflicted or not, prominent or invisible, burn or something else, etc.): Scars are a physical mark of your endurance and bravery. They show you’ve healed or are healing. They represent dedication to recovery and self-compassion, in my opinion. Plus, they look badass!

Stretch marks: I like to call stretch marks beauty marks, because they’re the ultimate physical manifestation of growth. They show how you BLOOM. Whether you got them from pregnancy, weight changes, or something else, they’re a reminder that you endured a period of growth in your life. And isn’t that a beautiful, wonderful thing? Wouldn’t the world be so boring if we remained stagnant, and our bodies beared no signs of change?

Lower belly pouch (most commonly found in AFAB people): Let’s be real, if you are AFAB, you probably have this little “pouch” of soft, sagging skin on your lower belly. Even if you have toned abs, this pouch is completely normal! It’s there to hold in your reproductive organs; consider it a blanket or a soft layer of protection for one of your most complex organ systems! If it didn’t sag the way it does, it wouldn’t be able to do its job as well. Thank God for that!

Large bust: This is a pretty common insecurity, particularly if the girls are saggy. Guess what? Sagging is fine! Nothing, not even the girls, is resistant to gravity. I promise you don’t have to wear a push-up bra if you don’t want to. Just because anime characters defy gravity doesn’t mean you have to as well. There’s nothing wrong with your big bust; it’s really just a natural body structure that you don’t have much control over. Not to mention, breasts have an important biological function (lactation) that’s crucial for a baby’s development if you’re a parent.

Small bust: Just as those with larger bust might be insecure, people with smaller bust can, too. They’re often told they’re “too boy-ish” or “not feminine enough”, etc, which just isn’t true. If you consider yourself feminine, you’re feminine, full stop. There are plenty of very feminine women who have smaller busts, and they own it! Also, consider the perks. You can generally lay flat on your chest, you’re at a lower risk for back pain, and sometimes depending on your cup size you can be free from bras!

Thinness: Yes, skinny-shaming is just as real and problem as fat-shaming. Say it louder for the people in the back! Skinny ≠ underweight, just as plus-sized ≠ overweight. Whether you’re bony, lanky, model thin, size zero, scrawny, angular, slender, lean, slim, gangly, petite, lithe, or however you may be described. Your body isn’t the problem, you’re beautiful.

Plus-sized bodies: There’s this huge stigma surrounding “fat positivity,” with a lot of people labeling it as “misleading” and “cringe.” This is a very black and white view of such a complex thing. Fat people simply existing and showing off their HEALTHY, UNRESTRICTED diets (often known as intuitive eating) is NOT “promoting obesity.” The people who are saying being overweight and obese is okay are outliers. Not to mention, being obese doesn’t mean you’re not beautiful and it certainly doesn’t mean you can’t have influence on social media and be confident. People will often say in these videos that they “just care about your health and want you to put the junk food down.” But that in itself is a harmful assumption. It assumes that your body size is the ultimate indicator of health, and that it determines moral uprightness. But there are so many things that can lead to a higher risk obesity and overweightness that is not just overeating, including but not limited to: illness, disability, genetics, stress, physiological and environmental influences, not having access to proper nutrition often because ultra-processed food is less expensive and not a lot of people can afford unprocessed nutritious foods, sleep disorders, medications, a lack of physical activity, etc. And even then, it’s not fair to make moral judgments about people who are overweight because they overeat, either, because you are shaming people who have developed unhealthy eating habits, and shame only makes these habits worse. People over eat for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to: binge-eating disorder, bulimia nervosa, lack of bodily awareness and hunger cues (common in autistic people), coping with stress, emotional eating, etc. These are all complex, multi-faceted issues that critics MUST learn to understand before criticizing ever fat person ever.

[equallyshaw]

all i want for christmas - nico hischier

Warnings: nothing but a bit of angst. my MO.

Word Count: 1.98k

← day two. day four. →

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if there was one thing that people knew, is that they wanted you two back together. for good. though, nico had good intentions two months ago; it wasn't panning out to what he had intended. he wanted to really focus on the team, the season ahead. he didn't really have much time to put enough energy and time into the relationship that you had shared for two years already. but you agreed, you didn't want your heart to be broken over nico not being there enough. not showing up when it most mattered, you understood. you always had. so you headed back to denmark your native country. you had been staying with your parents for two months since the breakup, and you were doing relatively well all things considered. it was nearing december 12th and that's when your mom started to ask questions and ultimtely be a pest. "mom!" you started as you looked up from your computer, she met your glare and was taken back. "stop, please just stop asking about nico. were done. its over. im here now. im not going back." you said flustered and simply over it. she nodded going back to lunch and sipped her espresso. her questions over the past few days had begun to stir things within you. for the first time in two months, you looked at his instagram. his friends instagrams and hell, even googled to see how he was doing. you sighed wiping your face before returning to the email at hand. you wondered if nico was also thinking about you, it was a mere two weeks until your third - would of been - third anniversy. you stood up and took your computer up to your childhood room and ponded the idea of texting him or not.

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is you

you turned over in your sleep as it was nearing 6 am, and groaned. it was now december 21st and you had not stopped thinking about nico. you were annoyed at yourself that you wanted him. despite having a mutual break up that went well you felt guilty and pissed off that you still wanted him. thanks mom, you mused silently. you fidgeted your fingers over nico's contact that hadn't been looked at since you had to talk to him about sending over some things from the states. you growled, before pressing the message icon. before exiting the app altogether.

it was true, you wanted him more than anything this christmas. as cheesy as it may sound, that was the reality and dilemma you were dealing with right now. straight out of a hallmark movie. but nico wouldn't want to speak to you right? especially since they were nearing some very important games you had read. your mind raced back and fourth over the idea and found yourself looking at nico's contact again for the third time that day. "just text him, sweetie." your mom said from across the room. you looked up at her and she smiled, urging you to do it. "you won't know until you know. what's the issue?" she questioned setting down her coffee. you looked down at the contact and sighed, "what if he still doesn't want me? like i know that he said that he wanted to focus on the game but what if it was more than that? my worst fear and worry that i have never admitted to anybody was that i wasn't good enough. wasn't pretty or skinny enough." you paused sniffling, "what if he wanted somebody different and broke up with me because of that?" you pondered out loud and your mom felt her heart break for her only child. your mom shook her head, "if that's the case - fuck him. he isn't good enough for you. and to hell with what anybody thinks of your weight, your looks, your hair color or occupation. fuck them, fuck him, if they don't accept and adore you." she said trying to comfort you. you nodded and wiped your tears and typed out the message.

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nico, i hope this message finds you well. i honeslty dont even know why im texting you but i am. thanks to my mom for the past week asking me questions about you, i can't get you out of my mind. ive tried, ive replayed the conversation over and over. and alas here i am. i just want to talk thats all, catch up. though, i understand if you found somebody else since we broke up. i understand and understand if i wasnt good enough for you or your world and lifestyle. ill stay away. though i wish the best nevertheless, always. xx (y/initial)

────────────

that was garbage, you thought. pure word vomit.

you pressed send and closed your phone hoping that it would be a bit before he responded. it was only 8 am over on the east coast so he would probably being having a team skate or practice for all you knew. you got off the couch and walked over to your mom and hugged her. she kissed your head and you ended the hug. "im gonna go for that walk." you stated before walking out of the house. it was now getting colder in denmark and you zipped up your nike puffer and headed down your street and towards the local forest trail that no doubt would be busy. per usual.

all the lights are shining so brightly everywhere

Won't you please bring my baby to me?

it was the next day and your mom and dad took you into downtown aarhus which was a three hour drive from coppenhagen. a seaport town, that held fond memories for you and your small family. your three dined for dinner at one of your favorite swiss restaurants. you had taken nico the second time he came to visit and the two of you dined for about 3 hours before you two took in some frozen yogurt and overlooked for the harbor just talking. as you thought about that that evening looking into the harbor as you drank some hot coco, your eyes pooled with tears. you sniffled, but smiled at the memory. you wanted that here and now, you wanted that again come his offseason. you begged the universe to make a christmas miracle to happen. you would do anything, you thought. a few minutes later, you and your parents started up towards the heart of downtown when it began to snow, just your luck. a white christmas was upon your favorite place. you guys stopped outside a pub and you snapped a photo. because of how bad the snow was it looked white outside. you snapped a photo for your instagram story and smiled. you placed a red heart on the bottom, before you made your way inside the bar for the evening, that most likely would turn into staying over night in the upstairs hotel.

a few hours later, you were getting ready for bed and you heard your phone ding from yor bedroom. your eyebrows crinkled before turning off the bathroom light and grabbing your phone off your bed. it was nico.

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

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y/n, ive been waiting for you to text honestly ever since we broke up. ive been waiting to hear that you wanted to catch up to maybe tell you that i miss you and i would finally hear your voice again. ive thought about texting or calling your myself but i didn't really have the right to since i am the one that intiated the breakup. and no, i never found anybody else. i certaintly wasn't looking nor did i want to. i just wanted you. especially, here with me for christmas and our anniversary. i want you here and ill pay whatever to get you here asap.i love you y/n, i never stopped. "

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your eyes went wide before bringing a hand to your mouth. this was exactly what you wanted. okay, yes, it was like a hallmark movie you grinned. you made your way down the old hallway and knocked on your parents door and the door opened a few seconds later. your mom looked down at your and saw the smile on your face. you nodded with happy tearms brimming your eyes. "he want's me still, he want's to fly me out as soon as i can." you said excitedly. she smiled and wrapped her arms around you. "finn! we are leaving early tomorrow so she can get on that plane." your mom annouced and your dad came out of the bathroom. he smiled and you pulled out your phone to let nico know that you were available the next day. he responded ten mintutes later with a screenshot of the flight ticket and you smiled.

I just wanna see my baby standing right outside my door

you stepped outside of the airport in newark and spotted your driver instantly. jack stood outside his range rover and you playfully rolled your eyes. "jacky!" you beamed throwing your arms around him and he lifted you up. the two of you had always been close, seeing one another as sibilings. "you dont understand how much he has missed you missy." jack said throwing your bags in the back as he shut your door. you smiled knowlingly, you had also been missing him like crazy. "where is he?" you asked, buckling. jack put the car in drive and you two began the 30 minute drive to his townhouse. "he's at the house, he had an appointment that ended later than he would have liked it to." jack said truthfully and you nodded, and then the two of you caught up on the way there.

jack waved as he took off towards his apartment in manhattan and you knocked on door. nico sprinted towards the door, alerting your once shared cat "missy". you wanted to bring missy home, but knew nico needed her more than you did. hockey got to be a lot after awhile mentally and being captain only added to it. nico swung the door wide open and instantly wrapped his arms around you and twirled the two of you. you giggled into his ear, which sounded like music to him. the two of you had happy tears coming out, as he set you down. you looked at one another in the eye, and smiled. he brought his face down towards yours and for the first time in almost 3 months, the world stopped for a brief moment. that's how it was with you two, a kiss could freeze the world. especially, when it held as much as it did like this one. "you came." he hummed as you two pulled apart. you nodded, "yes. no place i'd rather be." you said as he wiped your tears from your cheeks. "i love you so much y/n and i was a fool for letting you go. please, please dont leave again." he whispered as snow flurries began to flutter down. you looked up and laughed. nico's anxiety rose, as the answer to his words was still unanswered. you looked back at nico and smiled, "no place i'd rather be." you smiled before kissing him once more. he spun you around once more, before walking inside.

missy greeted you and you pulled her into your arms and listened to her purring. she had missed her favorite person, though nico came in a very close close second. nico wrapped his arms around your waist and pressed his chin on your shoulder watching missy's eyes slowly close. "and just like that, our favorite person has indeed returned." nico whispered before placing a kiss on your temple. you indeed had returned to your favorite people.

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i hope you guys enjoyed day three! so sorry for the day late posting. but alas, here we are ahaha.

RANDOM tags: @jayda12 @bitchinbarzal @lhugh @starshine-hockey-girl @matbaerzal @pucksalotguys

[rafent]

◜  ₊  —  𝓡  ˚  ₊   𝐏𝐀𝐖𝐍

cw; decapitation.

Nil liked the Hooded Man.

His unquestioning adherence to orders so long as there was a battle to be had. His creative and violent solutions that demanded no direction or to be told what to do. His enthusiasm for all those things. For a Corrupted the circumstances of his transformation even differed from most. He had let Nil come to him, not forced, only compelled, and simply accepted the offer laid before him with relish. Never mind that it was no offer at all. That Nil would have killed him regardless.

He was, in any case, his most recent pawn. One that Nil’s hand needed. Someone able to be stretched thin, traveling over the various sectors of the chessboard where the crown royals couldn't be, simultaneously the most invisible and the most visible- which was why he wore the hood. To avoid the bevy of complications at being recognized, to avoid pulling apart a white spider's delicate web, so patiently exacted over years—

And for all that, Nil didn't even remember his name. Only that he’d been a prince once. Only that he was useful. Or perhaps it didn’t matter anymore; the lives that his Corrupted lived, when all of them served their best uses dead.

“You’ve returned with news of success, I hope. I've been waiting a long time for this,” he said softly without turning, knowing there would be nothing to see so much as hear from the obscured, hooded prince. Suspecting it. But the occasion was marked with surprise- instead of a report, a burlap sack dropped wordlessly at his feet without explanation.

Silence. Nil cocked his head, still imbued with an air of innocence, though his confusion was real.

“What's this?”

Wordless, again. It wasn't often that the talkative Corrupted feigned silence, or deigned a lack of response to his master. Some haunting note of importance accompanied this decision. Curiosity compelled the Fell Dragon prince at last to bend down, to untie the cord and peer inside upon a scene of. . .of—

He covered his face with one hand, obscuring an unknown expression. His shoulders trembled, beneath the skinny jut of his collarbone his chest heaved with scarcely contained emotion. Even the weak and spindly body doubled over at the waist in agony. It was almost as if he were crying until—

a giggle.

—no, it was laughter.

“Kaha..”

Unremitting, truly genuine laughter.

“Hahahaha!”

Years—centuries—over a millennia's worth of desire led to the sound. A harsh and gleeful peal; that high-pitched throttle only once exhausted of all fuel faded to a dying note. A driblet of saliva that he wiped away on the backside of his hand.

“.  .  .Hah.” Light-headed, Nil steadied.

Then he straightened. Like something within him had snapped back into place. Or simply, just, snapped. His kind eyes twisted into fragments of bloodied ice as he reached deep into the sack to surface the singular item that composed its contents- a decapitated head lifted from the depths into the light. Into the range of his hatred, his yearning, and his goal.

“What a sorry fool. Did you think you could run? Did you think I would not find you? Every speck of dirt belonging to this world lies within my web.”

With this final foxhunt, there was no more of them that remained. Brothers and sisters flushed out from the hinterlands of Gradlon by the Emblem bracelets. Worn on the bodies of his Corrupted, a roused-awake Emblem emitted the smell of honey- a 'revived' father's power- attracting the surviving children of Sombron like bees, leading them into ambush and annihilation. And yet—

“You called me a failure and yet look who it is that remains standing!" The mass of flesh was thrown squarely onto the ground, smashed viciously against it beneath the sole of his boot. That sole rubbed and smeared and ground any surface that it could. "None of our brothers and sisters remain. I am Father’s sole heir—me!!”

A smear lead to one stomp, then another. Then another. Another after that.

It was only when there was nothing to recognize- nothing more of a scornful expression and face to remember- that he stopped. Only then was it enough. Panting, he rose to his full height, faced with the smirking lower face of his pawn who even then didn't say a word.

“What. You’re still here?” He gave an ugly scowl, but there was no venom and no distaste in the observation. No; Rafal was in too good of a mood. One chapter closed by Rafal’s machinations, and countless others soon to begin. His tenor dropped to the pit of his chest. Deep and inky and honest.

His hand wiped on the Hooded Man's chest as he moved past.

“Clean this mess up. I have no need for it any longer—but keep close to the vicinity of Lythos Castle. Do not be caught. Should a new Divine One step foot into this world, you will know what to do.” 

And he left quickly. It was too long a time to be away from Nel’s side. Sweet Nil would never stray for long from his precious older sister or the protective enclave of the castle. Not even for 'a breath of fresh air'. Rafal made his way back to it from the grassy outskirts, his eyes wavering with anticipation. A ribbon soon to be cut, paving the way to the Divine One’s gift- whether willingness was a factor or not.

All would go according to plan.

Because Rafal’s pawns moved as he willed them to.

[possessionisamyth]

Every time I see the occasional floating SU post talking about how no one understood The Point, I both get it and immediately recognize that, due to the complex hate vortex created on tumblr during its run, people have selective memory for what legitimate and illegitimate criticisms were being made for the show. Heres a short list, do not add to it:

-the racism from outside and inside the house (human zoo full of brown people, entire bismuth plotline, white people saying garnet isn't black "shes an alien" which also happened for all of her fusions, blatant silencing of black teens written of as "the discourse" whenever they made decent talking points about anything, etc)

-people crucifying rebecca sugar for drawing illicit material as a minor (something a lot of ppl who do art or likes art makes or consumes when they get really into drawing or shipping)

-people shouting "rebecca sugar is jewish! she knows what she's doing" to any criticism at all to silence other people just engaging with the show and stating things they didn't like about certain episodes

-the reveal of rose quartz, the beautiful fat character we spent all this time learning bits and pieces about, being a skinny tall girl(pink diamond) in essentially a fat suit

-homophobic and transphobic people capitalizing on the discourse tags to shout louder and louder about small things that'd go under the radar of any other show further poisoning the cesspool (dumb shit like peridot being child coded)

-how the SU crew handled advertising when they really shouldn't have been doing any marketing ( the concrete reveal and immediate backtracking) and I do blame CN for not doing more actual marketing and trying to bank on social media clout with animators who are not equiped for this

-people asking for lowered stakes when it comes to the diamonds whole schtick because of the implications, and they could predict what the showrunners would do based on previous plotlines

-people upset because during a time where we were getting a fascism free sample(drump), the imaginary fascists get a handshake and a "okay, restorative justice time" moment

-severe lack of understanding that the show was cut short due to the ruby/sapphire wedding, and the movie and sequel series was an attempt to make up for it, and i can't say whether or not this was done well because I dropped out of SU before the movie dropped

In summary, I do think Steven Universe was important. It did do a lot of things well, and it helped open more doors for other creators to do more fun gay and trans stuff in their shows including handling difficult topics. Whether those other shows handle ALL those topics well isn't something I'm going to waste my breath on. If the writing captivates me then it captivates me, and now whether or not it's good is always second to whether or not I find it fun.

My little brother and I watched SU together like we did Gravity Falls and Adventure Time, and I was able to use the metaphor of Stevonnie to explain my nonbinary status to him without any issue. However, at some point for me, I stopped finding the show fun, and I know for a lot of people sucked into the tumblr hate vortex that meant they had to equate the show as Bad.

I don't know if I'll sit myself down and watch the movie or follow up series, but this isn't because I think they're bad. I simply have gotten back into actual adult fiction books and comics, so a lot of YA or kids content haven't been hitting those same brain spots with me like they used to when I was a minor or a young 20 something trying to figure out how to be a person.

There's more I could say about how lgbt+ writing and art is held under a tighter microscope than the most milquetoast cishet content, but there's already dozens of posts floating around that explain it better than I feel like doing at this hour.

What I will say though, is if you loved SU at first and you started to hate it, like genuinely hate it, maybe take the time to figure out when the hate started, what caused that hatred, and why you hated it, especially now that you don't have every other post on your feed talking about how SU sucks yelling in your ear.

[anti-benophie]

What proof do you have that both Yerin and Simone are arrogant? Which interviews have you seen or read where they’ve represented themselves as being superior to others?

basically all the interviews!!!! i can't take here all the links af interviews of simone. Just watch the interview yerin did for bridgerton s4. And watch simone interviews for glamour mag and her speech in the awards.

And like that there are a lot. The chin tilt simone did...?? like what?? she talking about nicola like if she knows struggles in life being that skinny and yerin and her superiority saying how she told her friends???

let me tell you this. Skinny woman who are also beautiful like her never face s struggle in life, all served, that is how unfair life is

Sooo what you’re saying is you have no actual proof just lame opinions. How embarrassing to be both so loud and so wrong.

Thus far, Yerin has had minimal press and/or interviews for Bridgerton and it is a shame that you are passing judgement on her at this early stage. And Simone has consistently represented herself as someone who aims to uplift and empower Women/Girls of Color—most recently in her Glamour award speech, but also in multiple articles and interviews. It is clear to many people (fans and others alike) that Simone is confident but not cocky, comfortable in her own skin and is unapologetically true to herself. For you to believe she has no struggles simply because she is beautiful and skinny shows that you are willfully ignorant to understanding another person’s perspective which differs from yours.

Please stop projecting your own insecurities and SEEK PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP ASAP.

uughhh it is SOOO boring when people send me to therapy!!!! Can you please stop?? mental health is a really important topic. Not weaponize it!!

I will say it this way. Im stating facts, not opinin, you ca see what im telling you in the interviews i am mentioning . If n future interviews im prove wrong with yerin i will have no problemsn to accept it.

As for simone. No, it's not like that. I was looking at comments on ig and posts about her speech and I can't believe how SO MANY people praise her and thank her for her speech and say how important it is for the little girl and... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!?? You really don't see how she is dressed giving the speech? Is it necessary to show off your body? I mean, everyone wants girls to see a woman with a body that less than 5% of women IN THE WORLD have????

Very few women in the world have the privilege of having sculptural bodies, only thin, model-style. And I would have no problem praising a beautiful woman if she were humble. This is not the case I don't understand how no one else sees it.

So many women are there when she gives an empowering speech looking like the beauty stereotype created and praised by men. Hypcrite at its best. I mean, her looking like that is the most misogynistic thing.

[mi5018tomberry]

Modelling and Rigging

This is the tutorial series I am following for the rigging process. I've never been taught how to rig before so I wanted to start simple so that I'm not wasting all my time for a compositing module on character modelling, texturing and rigging.

Here's the first draft run of the model, it felt a bit too plain and the arms were too skinny in proportion with the rest of the model so I knew I needed to revisit things later.

Here's the finished model, considering how fast I've made it I'm happy with the results. It's simple enough with a little bit of character to it which will hopefully come out more when it comes to texturing and animating.

Here's the initial colour test, its a bit bland but I wanted to lay out a foundation for the possible colours,

The concept of the robot is an AI assistant in the near future one which is faulty and inefficient and juxtaposes the idea that AI will be flawless in all iterations. I wanted to explore one which, like in the past, started as a good idea to solve problems like Clippy however, just like Clippy it too had its flaws and was simply too much for users. I had to decide between the sanitised futuristic look or one which looks a little more run of the mill but it has more character to it and I decided to go ahead with the orange and blue model it felt more complete than the other.

Here's the robot after most of the rigging is complete, Gary helped me figure things out and built the skeleton which I then did the weight painting for which didn't take long to understand but getting the weight painting to work as intended took some time. Building the skeleton was quite a simple process and works similarly to the rigging I did last semester in After Effects so I think I'll be able to repeat the steps smoothly in future projects.

This is some of the important UI when working on a rig, each joint is bound to the vertexes of the mesh and by painting different tones of the spectrum above, you assign the level of influence each joint has over each part of the mesh with black being no influence and white being total influence (only one joint will have control of vertexes painted white). You change the value bar in the brush settings to assign the value and make sure to check Colour Ramp in Geometry Colour to get a better idea of the weights visually. You have to select each individual mesh one by one and paint it based on the joints nearest to it, to save time select the value and then press flood to fill the mesh with one colour and for more precision use the 3rd profile icon of the brush which is at 100% hardness so other vertexes aren't mistakenly painted.

Here's the finished rig, everything seems to work well so far so I can get on with animating the character.

[oukiyaba]

Since you've become everyone's personal stylist, what are some of your fashion tips?

I would like to disclaim that my job in the other world was not a stylist, nor anything involved in fashion. This is simply what I've learned by being around well-dressed people.

Unisex.

Everyone should own a properly fitted blazer. It doesn't have to be expensive; you can go to your local thrift store and pick up one that you like, perhaps a bit oversized, and get it tailored if needed. A guide to a properly fitted blazer - the shoulder seams should sit where your shoulders end. When your arms are down, the sleeves should stop roughly around your wrist bone. They should be mid or lower crotch length (women, you have more room to play with length. But a classic will also hit you mid-hip.)

Invest in your shoes. Particularly a nice pair of dress shoes. For women, this can be flats or a nice pump. Black is usually best. A lot of costs can be saved with the rest of your wardrobe, but shoes are absolutely something to invest in to be comfortable. Uncomfortable shoes and sore feet can cause you a world of problems.

Know your color pallet. The last thing you want is to be wearing colors that dull your skin or wash you out. I can't give a lot of general advice on this, as everyone has such vastly different skin tones. Find a makeup artist or a personal stylist.

Learn to iron. You can have a suit custom made for you, and if its wrinkled, it will ruin the entire look.

Find and embrace your personal style. Similar to the last, the price tag and a nice fit will mean nothing if you're uncomfortable. Sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt can look amazing if you're feeling your best.

Men.

You should have at least one properly fitted white button down, and one black button down. These are classics and can elevate almost any look. This may be another place you want to invest some money in, as cheap fabrics can be difficult to breathe. However, your local thrift store may carry quality brands that can be tailored and look almost (if not entirely) new.

A well-fitted pair of dark pants, be it dark jeans or dark slacks. They go with everything, and even a pair of dark jeans with a white t-shirt and a black blazer can do a world for your appearance.

Accessories are normally not our friend - at least, not in excess. A simple watch, even something incredibly cheap, should mostly suffice.

Women.

Own a little black dress. The cut and fit are your choice, your main concern is versatility. You should be able to wear the dress to both the club and dinner. Most common little black dresses come just above the knee.

Figure out what neckline suits you the best, as well as find out what dress cuts suit you. There aren't as many "well fitting" guidelines for women as there are with men (with the exception of suits.) You likely don't just have one neckline or dress cut either. Eliminate the ones you don't think suit you and go with ones you do.

Similar to the last, figure out what pants cut is best suited for your body type as well. A wide leg will not flatter everyone.

Accessorize, but don't overdo it. This does depend on your fashion taste, though. Some, particularly alternative styles, call for excess amounts of accessories. A classic look, one or two rings per hand, a bracelet, a watch, a necklace, and earrings should be fine.

If you want to wear something more loose fitted/"baggy", off-set it with something fitted. A fitted top with sweatpants, or a large shirt with skinny jeans.

I'm sure there are some things to be said about purses and undergarments, but these are not things I know much about. I will leave those things up to the professional. I've also opted not to comment on hair, makeup, or personal grooming. It varies far too much from person to person.

The most important take-away should be to invest in meeting with a personal stylist at least once. They can teach you things that you can carry with you for years, if not your entire life.

[cinema-wasps]

who am i kidding. you follow me of course you do

im gonna set things straight. i dont like olandy. my older mutuals who followed my main back when i dialtownposted there might know me as the asshole who asked for it to be tagged so i can blacklist it. its one of those ships i both dislike and am uncomfortable with but both for completely unrelated reasons [im uncomfy w it because oliver is a comfort character for me so i headcanon him as aro. and even if i wasn't uncomfortable w it i would still dislike it]

[as a sidenote this makes me so afraid of joining dialtown servers especially bigger ones bc what am i gonna do. ask people to spoiler it. the most popular ship in the fandom. like people are just gonna think im a killjoy]

AND HERE'S THE THING. i was there when it was created. on instagram. in the demo days when full randy's route wasn't even published. and little ol me tried soooo hard to pretend i liked it and wasn't uncomfortable w it at all [newsflash baby kordian you're aro and this will happen with almost every popular ship in existence] but i already saw. the horrors. oh the issues. of the fandom that can't enjoy the source media when it doesn't have two male characters to ship

and it was just so baffling to me. they haven't even interacted in the demo ONCE. people had NO grounds to ship them other than that they NEEDED to have a mlm ship. and like. is that really what so many people can only see in media? and appreciate? that there are two men you can imagine being your uwu gay babies? when the ship got popularized it was hard NOT to see content that wasn't olandy. karen got IMMEDIATELY pushed aside, labeled as the 'only person in the group with a braincell', shipped with typegingi in the 'secondary supportive ship' way. while having just as much canon material as the other two. just because she was a woman so she couldn't get reduced to a mlm ship so the fandom didn't really Want her [as a huge fan of karen and someone who relates to her in many ways it was. kind of heartbreaking]

like. i dont have anything against olandy shippers. it just left a REALLY bitter taste in my mouth seeing what it turned the fandom into. like really THINK about it. it's the most popular ship because oliver and randy are both the most 'shippable': despite randy's canonical Everything, they're both conventionally attractive, canonically white & skinny and men and there simply aren't other characters in the main cast who fit into that criteria. and i guess sometimes you have to take a step back and just. think Why you ship something and Why it could have gotten popular in the first place. especially when the characters you ship interacted like twice in the whole game [yes i know they got established as friends and dogman said its basically canon. yes it hurts me because it might be the most popular ship but it doesnt meant that everyone automatically likes it]. its overall hard for me to get why shipping is so important to fans of media like dialtown: when there's a lot of focus at characters as individuals and they don't interact much with each other. like. i'd at least expect LESS shipping content but here we are

anyways i forgot what i was saying. reject olandy embrace aro oliver. or something

alright yall i just finished my beer who wants to hear my take of the century

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

in which you’re harry’s assistant and harry needs to open his eyes.

a/n: ASSISANT!YN has finally arrived! this took me three weeks and a half to write, so please enjoy and kindly rb with feedback! i’ve had this concept in mind for SO long, and i’m proud of it! this is also inspired by my love for the barcelona pic, pictured on the left, that I think about on the daily along with some thoughts in a dressing room! also picture on the right at the final show is an aspect in the story as well!

also big thank you to my bestie @stylesloveclub for screaming and hyping this up for me while I rave about it, ily!

enjoy a long slowburn of 26.3k words of a friends to lovers fic that’s filled with angst and some smut! genuinely be ready for the angst hehe

COME INTO MY INBOX AND LETS TALKING ABOUT WANT YOU HERE! i’d love to know your thoughts and feedback!

pls rb to share! <3

16 December 2017

The smell of fresh flowers brought allergies to your senses as you shuffled and continuously rubbed your nose with a tissue. 

You were at the flower shop with two bouquets in your hands as you debated which bundle to get. You were given specific instructions to find a bouquet that’s full and big with the color white being the dominant color of the bouquet, and your options were a white orchid bunch, which weren’t your personal favorite, but it was one of the white bouquets, and your other option was a white lilac bouquet with a couple of white roses and baby’s breath around the large lilacs. 

“Do you need help choosing a bouquet?” The lady that was named Vicky asked. She had an expression of curiosity as she was probably wondering if you were going to buy anything since you’ve been standing in the corner for quite some time as you tried choosing which bouquet to get. 

“Oh, no. Thank you,” you replied back with a smile, and she nodded her head, walking away to help another customer, but you knew she was going to be back to ask you again in the next ten minutes if you don’t make your mind up right now. 

After another three minutes of deciding, you opted for the white lilac bouquet, and headed to the cashier. You gave the employee your number for rewards since you were at the flower shop quite a lot that you’ve managed to rack up some points in order to get a free bouquet. Once you paid and were on your way, your phone rang in your purse. Struggling to reach for it as you were holding the big bouquet and a few shopping bags, you moved to the side to set your paper bags down on the ground, and quickly grabbed your phone so it won’t go to voicemail. 

“Hey,” you answered cheerfully, knowing exactly who it was. 

“Hi there. Where are you?” The voice from the other end asked. 

“I just left the flower shop—should be there soon.” 

“Okay, perfect. Thank you for everything.” 

“Harry, you don’t need to thank me every single time,” you chuckled. “I’m your assistant. It’s my job.” 

“I know, I know. It’s just…I’m grateful for what you do,” he said thankfully. 

“I know, and I’m grateful for having this job and working for you. So, thank you also.” 

“Look who’s saying thank you now,” he joked, and you laughed. “But I’ll see you soon. Walk back safely, please,” he said, bidding you goodbye. 

“Always do. See you,” you hung up the phone, picking up the shopping bags, and walking towards Harry’s place. 

You’ve been Harry’s assistant for quite some time now; exactly two years. You started working for him when you were both twenty one, and he had just gone separate ways from the band. Harry was in the midst of writing his very first album and planning his first world tour as a solo artist in smaller theatre venues, and desperately needed an assistant to do some basic errands and remind him of his scheduling. Luckily as Glenne’s friend, you were in need of a job. You were fresh out of college as you had your bachelor’s in public relations, and being friends with someone who’s boyfriend is in the industry has its perks. 

Glenne had immediately recommended you once Jeff mentioned that Harry was looking for an assistant, and since Jeff had met you a handful of times, he told Glenne to call you in for an interview, but somewhat knowing that he was going to hire you already since Harry desperately needed one and you were a friend. 

When you walked into the interview, you were greeted by Jeff and Harry. That was your first time meeting Harry, and you were quite shocked that he was a real person. Of course you were a fan of him, and you were still surprised whenever Glenne talked about him, but when you saw him for the first time, you immediately thought that he was more gorgeous in reality. 

“So nice to meet you,” Harry said, shaking your ring filled hand. The coolness of his metal rings met your shaky hands, and sparks had immediately shocked your body. 

“Great to meet you too. I love your shirt,” you complimented. He was wearing a bright blue button down shirt with a cherry blossom print on it with a white t-shirt underneath along with some black skinny jeans and brown boots. 

“Thank you. Your trousers are very nice,” he said back, looking down at your pants. You were wearing burnt orange corduroy pants with a white semi turtleneck blouse with a pussybow tie on it, along with some black booties. “Actually, I love your whole outfit,” he added, and you chuckled, trying to hide your blush. 

Never in a million years would you have thought you would meet Harry, let alone Harry complimenting your entire outfit. You’re really living the dream. 

The interview went extremely well and only lasted about thirty minutes. The first ten minutes were some generic interview questions because they still had to keep it professional, but the last twenty minutes consisted of asking about your interests and simply getting to know you because you would spend most of your time with Harry. 

At the end of the interview, it was quite obvious Jeff and Harry knew they wanted to hire you. They loved your personality and how you made jokes, especially how you laughed at Harry’s jokes, which he thought was a very important aspect of being his assistant. 

Jeff exited the room, telling you he would be right back, but really he went into his office to grab some paperwork for you to sign. That left you and Harry in the conference room alone as you made conversation with him about university. You also told him that you were a fan of his, which you thought was a mistake to tell him because you’re sure he doesn’t want a crazy fan to be his assistant and practically have access to his personal life, but he said gratefully said thank you, and asking if you had a favorite song off new released album. Your favorites off his album were ‘Only Angel’ and ‘From the Dining Table.’ 

“Good picks,” he teased. 

“I would hope they’re good picks. It is your album,” you teased back, making him laugh, and he thought that it was a great choice making you his assistant. 

Once Jeff was back, he opened a folder, taking out various paperwork before Harry broke the news and told you that he’d love for you to be his assistant. You hadn’t expected to be hired on the spot, or be hired in general, but there you were, reading over the contracts and signing your name at the bottom of the last page along with the date. Jeff and Harry both shook your hands, telling you that they were excited for you to be along with the ride, and you told them that you were excited as well. 

You had thanked Glenne a million times for getting you an interview, and till this day, you always made sure to thank her because one mention of your name had gotten you an opportunity and a well paying job that you actually really loved. 

Harry also made the job bearable; not truly treating you as only an assistant, but rather a friend who helps a lot. Throughout the years of knowing each other, you and Harry had grown quite close. With always being around him, it was like hanging out with him, and you were thankful for that because you were sure no other job would feel like this. Harry also doesn’t give you difficult tasks either. He just has you go on coffee runs or run to the store to grab him something, but the most work you’ve had to do for him was to call several people on his guest list for a party he was hosting last year or write out his whole schedule for the entirety of the year. But nothing strenuous that would leave you frustrated with him. 

He would also make sure everything that he assigns you to do is okay for you to do, and you really appreciated that, but you would do anything for that man. 

You stood in front of Harry’s door, setting your bags down onto the floor before you reached into your purse to grab your keys where a spare key to Harry’s place hung on the metal ring. Before your hand could even find them, the door swung open revealing Harry smiling at you, looking impeccably sharp in his suit, which caused your heart to flutter. 

“Ah, thought I heard you. Here, let me help you,” he grabbed the shopping bags from the ground and the flowers from your hands, leaving you empty handed as you followed behind him into his home. “Thank you for getting these. I’ve just been so busy lately,” he thanked once again as he did on the phone. 

“Yeah, I know. Afterall, I am your assistant,” you teased, and he laughed as he studied the bouquet. 

“This is a lovely bouquet. Good pick,” he said, and your mind immediately goes back to when he said that to you for the first time at your interview. He said it quite often as you ultimately always make the decisions when he asks you to go out and grab something for him. 

“I thought so too. Also,” you opened one of the shopping bags, taking out the garment bag before unzipping the entire thing, “I got the exact dress you asked for, and get this: it was the last one in her size. Lucky man, you are, Harry Styles,” you handed him the Yves Saint Laurent black dress so he could get a better look at it, and he held it up, smiling. 

“It’s perfect. Thank you so much, angel,” he said, and you slightly blushed from the pet name that you would never get used to. 

Harry started calling you ‘angel’ when you were two months into working for him. With all the work you do for him, the pet name had slipped out, but it stuck once he kept calling you that. You loved it--a lot, and you hoped that one day, he wouldn’t forget to call you that because you would miss the simple name coming out of his mouth very much. Plus, it was fitting because your favorite song of his is ‘Only Angel.’

“Are you excited for tonight?” You asked. 

“Yeah, I am. It’s been a while since I’ve properly taken her out on a date, so I’m stoked for it. Pretty sure she is too.” Harry had a busy schedule. With being involved in interviews and promo for his upcoming tour, he was a busy man, which you knew of course. But it had affected his personal life greatly. 

“Well, I’m happy if you are. I hope she loves the dress,” you said painfully. 

“She will. She’s been talking about it for a while now. I just hope she didn’t go buying it without telling me because that would be really awkward once I tell her to go change into this,” he chuckled softly, and you joined him, agreeing. Harry quickly checked the time on his phone as it read 6:30 p.m, and he carefully placed the dress back into the garment bag and zipped it up. He grabbed the bouquet of flowers and his wallet on the counter. “I gotta go. Gonna be late if I don’t leave now. Lock up for me if you decide not to stay, yeah?” You nodded, walking him to the door as if it were your house. “Oh!” He turned back around because he had forgotten something, and you were holding up his keys already, and he chuckled. “Thanks again. You’re a lifesaver. Don’t know what I’d do without you,” he leaned in to give you a brief kiss to your cheek, which he has done often, and you waved at him. 

“Have fun tonight! Call me if you need anything,” you called out from his front door and he waved the flowers as a sign of goodbye before getting into his car. You watched him reverse out of his driveway and drive off to his girlfriend’s house. 

With a sigh, you closed the door, looking around at what needs to be done. Harry’s place was relatively clean. He just had some things laying around on random surfaces, and you think that was probably because he was in a hurry, so he just placed them on the nearest surface. If Harry were here, he would probably tell you that cleaning up his own mess was so unnecessary and that he doesn’t expect you to, but you know that he’s grateful you’re doing it anyways. 

You were silent as you tidied up his house, putting things back in his closet, and washing the bowl of yogurt and fruit he eats in the morning. It was an unnerving silence, and you just wanted to make any kind of noise just to fill the quietness that was slowly eating you away. You grabbed one of his shirts off the ground that slipped off the hanger, and you brought it up to your nose. His scent filling your senses as you closed your eyes, taking his smell in. You inhaled enough to practically take away his entire scent that was left on his shirt to fill the satisfaction in your body as you pretended he was close. 

As you did that, you uncontrollably sobbed into the material, letting out a heartbroken cry as you covered your face with his shirt. You slowly sank down to the floor, completely sitting down on the cold tiles. The sudden outbreak of your cries weren’t new; they had made their appearance when he left for dates or after he was done talking about someone he liked. When you would go out to the store and grab things he wants gifted. When he would call you angel while he was with the devil who was keeping you two apart. 

Once you calmed down a bit, you thought about how hugging his shirt was the closest you would get to him as you wished you were the lucky person he would be greeting them with his presence and a pretty batch of flowers, but he doesn’t even know your favorite flower.

It was the next day, and you woke up in the comfort of your own bed. 

You had taken an Uber home around ten p.m the night prior as you figured Harry was still on his date and perhaps wouldn’t be coming home till later. So, after watching a movie on his couch and having dinner, you turned off all of the lights and locked up as you headed to your place for what you hope is a relaxing night. 

A weird feeling had taken over you as you got ready for bed and it felt strange. You knew you weren’t yourself, and you hated that. The outburst of your crying was long forgotten as you climbed into bed and slept the day away. 

Once you had woken up from your deep slumber, your charged phone was ringing with your text tone. Groaning, you stretched your body from the tenseness from your sleep before you reached for your phone, unplugging the charger. You rubbed your eyes and blinked a bit as the brightness of your phone was straining to your vision. When your sight had cleared up, you were greeted with various messages from Jeff, asking if you had heard from Harry or if you’ve seen him. Going to Harry’s message, you hadn’t received anything, so you texted Jeff back and told him that he hadn’t contacted you and the last time you saw him was last night. Jeff immediately texted back, asking you if you could kindly go to his place and check if he was there, and you instantly said yes, a bit worried as Jeff seemed to be worried as well. 

You got out of bed for the day, not wanting to leave, but knowing you had responsibilities, you got ready for the day, doing your normal hygienic routine.

 It was Sunday, and usually on Sundays, you didn’t have much work to do since it was Harry’s day off as well. That is, if it’s not on tour, he gets a nice little day to himself. So, you chose a comfy outfit—one where you wouldn’t sweat so much as you walked to Harry’s house in the summer heat. You opted for a big t-shirt and pairing it with black biker shorts, and some sneakers. With one last look in the mirror, you were out the door and headed to Harry’s house. 

The day was beautiful as the sun was out and the sky was blue. Rarely any clouds to overcast the sun, and there was a slight breeze in the air, making the walk more bearable so you wouldn’t sweat all that much. 

Once you got to Harry’s house, fortunately, it wasn’t that far of a walk from where you live, you unlocked the door and walked in. 

“Harry?” You called out, looking around the living area. His shoes that he normally wears out are by the couch, so he should be somewhere. He might still be asleep, you think. You walk up the stairs to his room, knocking lightly before entering. And what you saw was something you wanted to erase from your memory forever. “Oh, fuck! Sorry!” You immediately slammed the door as you stood still outside of his room, in disbelief of what you just saw. 

You had just witnessed Brooke giving Harry head. They were both obviously naked, and her actions were on full display too because the bed faced the door and Brooke was on the side of Harry rather than in front of him as she had his dick down her throat, and of course, Harry had his head back, simply enjoying it because what guy wouldn’t. 

You heard shuffling through the door, and that took you out of your spaced out mind; quickly walked down the stairs and to the kitchen, grabbing yourself a glass of water, feeling yourself get flustered from how bare Harry was in front of you. 

“God, does she ever learn how to fucking knock?” You heard Brooke faintly say as they both walked down the stairs, most likely thinking you didn’t hear, but you definitely did as her voice echoed throughout the whole fucking house. “Hey, girl,” she smiled once they both made it to the kitchen, and it was the fakest smile you’ve ever seen. No wonder she’s a good actress, you think. 

“Hi,” you said back, sipping your glass of water as you avoided eye contact with Harry. 

“Hi. What are you doing here? Do I have to be somewhere today?” He greeted, but immediately asked questions as if you were invading his privacy and day off. You looked at him very briefly, but remained your sight on his marble counter. 

“Uh, no. Jeff told me to come here and check on you; said that he hadn’t heard from you, so he was worried,” you explained, glancing up and Harry nodded. 

“Oh, okay. The last time I talked to him was before I left, but I hadn’t checked my phone since. Was it anything urgent?” You shook your head, realizing Jeff never really explained why he needed Harry, but you brushed it off. 

“He bought me this lovely bouquet of flowers and a pretty dress for dinner!” Yeah, I know. I was the one who got them, you thought. “Then he took me out on a boat ride, and we came back here-”

“Spare me the details? I already know all of this. I am his assistant afterall,” you said in a not so friendly tone, interrupting her and not wanting to know the details of what happens in his bedroom that entails Brooke. Usually, you weren’t so harsh to anyone, but you had a reason to be a bit stern with Brooke because she bites back. Unfortunately for her, you bite back even harder. 

Harry and Brooke have been dating for what seems like forever, but it’s really only been about six months. You tried being nice to her--you really tried, giving her your patience, but every time you see her, she would act cold towards you. Of course not in front of Harry because he thinks she’s an absolute saint, but she was the complete opposite of that. She was the devil and you were the angel. But of course, Harry doesn’t see that. 

Brooke gives you a harsh look, rolling her eyes a bit as Harry grabbed a glass of water for both of them. She turns to him, giving him a big smile before reaching up to kiss his lips, knowing exactly what she was doing in front of you. She then took a sip of her water, hugging Harry before she said, “I gotta go. Have a meeting at ten. I’ll call you?” Harry nodded, walking her to the front door, giving her one last kiss before she was off and Harry shut the door. You scoffed to yourself as you watched them, rolling your eyes in a way to attempt to hide your pain. 

Harry walked back to the kitchen, leaning on the counter, matching your stance. 

“I’m sorry you had to walk in on us-”

“Harry, it’s fine. I should’ve waited before I knocked,” you tried to get rid of the thought of seeing Brooke’s mouth on Harry. That was the first time you’ve walked in on him like that--fully bare on the bed while in action. Brooke was probably his first serious girlfriend in years, but he’s had some one night stands here and there, which he called you in the morning to pick him up. It wasn’t your preferred task to do because of the pain you would always feel when you would see him walk out of the house he just slept in, but then again, he is your boss. 

It was a bit quiet between you two, and Harry thinks that it’s because you practically saw his dick on full display. Partially it was for that reason, but it was also the way Brooke would treat you almost every time she sees you. Harry thinks back to when Brooke was in the house, and he could practically feel the anger from you when she was there. 

“You know, you could be a little nicer to her,” he stated, recalling what you said to Brooke and how you said it. 

“Well, she could be nicer to me in general,” you raised your brows, waiting for what he has to say about that. 

“She is nice to you. She always talks about wanting to invite you places, but she comes back sad because you’re always so quick to turn her down.”

“Brooke has never invited me anywhere. In fact, she’s never said a word to me unless you were there,” Except for that time a couple of months ago when you two had a little chat that ended up with you in tears at the end of the night. You laughed as you were in disbelief that she would actually lie to Harry that she actually wanted to be friends with you. 

“What? No. She’s always talking about wanting to get to know you more, but you just shut her down,” Harry’s brows furrowed, and you laughed even more. “W-What’s so funny?”

“Harry, you would know if she would have talked to me because I would’ve told you, but your girlfriend has never mentioned anything other than…” you trailed off as you stopped laughing, not wanting to overstep or overshare some of things that Brooke has really said to you. 

“Other than what?” He noticed that you cut yourself off. 

“Maybe ask her if you wanna know. I gotta get going,” you said, brushing it off as if it didn’t matter to you as you avoided his suspicious eyes while you headed for the door. “Make sure to call Jeff too. Oh, uh,” you turned around to find him following you to the front door, “Did you need me to do anything for you while I’m here?” You asked, still knowing that he was your boss. 

“Oh, hmm, no. Don’t think so. Enjoy your day,” he said, and you got off of his doorstep.

“Bye, H-,” you were interrupted by the sound of his door closing. You raised your brows in confusion as Harry never really interrupted you, especially not like that. He would usually wait for you to get in your car and pull out of the driveway, but he didn’t even wait for you whatsoever. 

You tried not to make it a big deal because you figured he was frustrated and probably a bit pissed that you weren’t so nice to Brooke, but how could you cover up her lie like that especially if she was so mean to you? You grew some thick skin when you first started working for Harry, and that meant that you learned how to stand up for yourself no matter who is talking to you, not even Harry’s girlfriend. 

You groaned; on the topic of Harry’s girlfriend: how could he possibly think she’s a nice person? She put up such an act in front of him, and whenever he’s not around, that act is the complete opposite. 

When will he realize what’s right in front of him? That’s been right in front of him for years now. You were tired of meeting his new love interests and picking him up from other people’s houses when he could be at yours without worrying about going anywhere or leaving because the morning would be spent cuddling and making breakfast together. Oh, how you envied the people he got to hold onto tight and freely kiss as you wished for those lips to land on you as he called you angel. 

The thought was driving you insane because you wouldn’t dare tell him whatsoever. Afterall, he was your boss and it would be awkward if he didn’t feel the same way. But you think he would never see you in that way, so you keep your mouth shut and hold your heart close as you just go with the flow despite the pain you feel. 

20 December 2017

Harry was laying on his back breathless as Brooke collapsed right next to him, deeply sighing as she tried catching her breath. 

“How does it get better every single time?” She giggled as she was in a post orgasmic state. She shifted so she was laying into Harry’s side, cuddling him as he wrapped his arm around her. He smiled, kissing the top of her head. Brooke’s hand roamed his chest as it was her way of showing that she would like to go for another round. 

She started kissing his chest and his neck, and Harry wasn’t opposed to the idea, but the sound of his phone vibrating on his bedside table had killed the mood. 

“Don’t answer it, please. Want you again,” she sat up slightly and buried her head more into his neck as she kissed and sucked his skin. He was so close to listening to her, trying to block out the sound of his phone, but as it kept vibrating, he realized he couldn’t ignore it. 

“M’sorry,” he sat up causing Brooke to pull away as she groaned, laying on her side of the bed. Harry picked up his phone and Brooke had a little peek at who was texting him. He had changed your contact name from your name to your nickname ever since he started calling you ‘angel,’ and it’s been the same ever since. He loved it; it added a little flare and he would always smile when he sees your contact name pop up on his phone. 

“Does she always have to make an appearance at the worst times? Or in general?” She asked, but the last part was definitely muttered under her breath as Harry was too focused on reading your texts. Harry had sent out a text  a few hours after you left on Sunday, saying that he was sorry for being rude and practically slamming the door on you. You had texted back saying that it was okay, and that you were sorry for being rude to him too. There were no rude remarks towards him, but your tone had said otherwise, and you knew that you could’ve handled that conversation better. 

My Angel: Hi, H. I was wondering if you wanted to do some suit fittings before you leave to go back home or after? Let me know so I can tell Lambert and Harris. 

“Sorry. She’s just wondering if I’m available to do some suit fittings for the upcoming tour,” he said to Brooke before texting you back. 

H: Preferably after the holidays. We’ll do it right at the beginning of January. 

“Isn’t she your assistant? Why doesn’t she just schedule it already?” She asked cluelessly. 

It wasn’t like Brooke was stupid. No, she was smart. But there were some things that didn't click for her, which makes Harry and anyone have to explain things twice. She would usually have her assistant do everything for her without confirmation, and Brooke would just go with it.

“Well, I still have to approve of it, love. Can’t just book me without me knowing,” he chuckled slightly. 

My Angel: Okay, perfect. I scheduled the fitting for January 4th. That’s okay right? I know you’ll be back before New Years, so I just wanna make sure. 

He always loved how you were so cautious about everything. Sure, he wanted you to let loose sometimes and not take everything so seriously, but you two were a perfect team because you need to keep him in check sometimes, but you did let loose and have fun off the clock. 

H: Yeah, should be good. Thank you, angel. xx

My Angel: That’s what I’m here for! You don’t have anything scheduled for tomorrow before you leave. Do you wanna get some coffee before your flight? Say at 8?

He smiled down at your text. Brooke noticed, which made her furrow her eyebrows in confusion, so she started rubbing his back and his stomach as she tried getting a look at his text messages. Once she saw a bit of it, she climbed on Harry’s lap. 

“Do you want to get lunch tomorrow before you leave? I’m gonna miss you,” she pouted slightly, and Harry had only glanced up at her very briefly before looking back down at his phone as he was in the middle of responding to your question. 

H: Sure! That’d be great. The usual spot?

My Angel: Yes, the usual :) see you then, H! 

He grinned before locking his phone and placing it back on the bedside table. He looked up at Brooke who was impatiently waiting for him to give her attention as she had her arms crossed. 

“Well?” 

“Oh, sorry I’m actually getting coffee with Y/N,” he frowned slightly, somewhat feeling bad rejecting her offer. 

“You don’t wanna see me before you leave?” She asked in an annoyed tone, getting off his lap to sit beside him on the bed. 

“W-What?” He said in disbelief. “You’ve been sleeping over since Saturday. That’s why we planned for you to stay here until I leave right?” He stated obviously. They clearly talked about her sleeping over after their date on Saturday until he leaves to go back home for the holidays. So, he’s wondering if she’s missed something or she’s just acting like this to get a rise out of him. 

“You think four days is enough? You’re gonna be gone for two weeks until I have to see you again, and you would rather spend your time-” 

“Four days is a really long time! And I’m seeing you for New Years. I don’t understand where this is coming from,” Harry got off the bed and pulled on his boxers. 

“I’m just saying…she’s already your assistant. Why do you have to spend so much time with her?” Brooke asked as she got under the covers as she watched Harry pull on his sweatpants. 

“She’s also my best friend. Where is all of this coming from? Are you jealous or what?” She scoffed, rolling her eyes, and Harry furrowed his brows. 

“Please. Like I could ever be jealous of her. All I’m saying is that I just want to spend all the time I can get before you leave, or I can go with you back home…” she suggested, and Harry perked up. 

“What? You want to come with me?” She nodded eagerly as she smiled. 

“Yeah, why not? We can spend the holidays together, and it’ll be fun. What do you say?” She crawled over to the edge of the bed where Harry was standing, and she sat on her knees as she looked up. 

They’ve been dating for six months, and Harry hadn’t introduced her to his family. It wasn’t like he didn’t like her or he was embarrassed that he’s dating her, but that was a really big commitment that needed a lot of thought put into it. Meeting the family is just a big step for him, and although his family has met his previous partners, that was when they were still friends and not together. But with Brooke, it all happened so fast that his family had never met her when they were friends or hooking up. They obviously know he’s dating someone, but to bring them home? Especially on Christmas? He wasn’t ready for that. 

“Maybe some other time. I’ll talk to them to see if they want to come over here for my birthday or something,” he rejected her suggestion. Home was just something so vulnerable to him that he wouldn’t just bring anyone. 

Brooke sighed deeply, “Okay, I’ll hold you to that,” she said, impatient that she hasn’t met his family yet, but he’s met hers. “How about I come with you tomorrow morning to get coffee?” She looked at him as she pleaded with her eyes. 

He knew that you wanted to spend time with him before the holidays and he wanted to as well. But Brooke obviously wanted to see you as much as possible now that he’s denied her suggestion of coming home with him, but she had been sleeping over for the past four days, which Harry thinks is enough time. 

“I’m sorry, but no,” he said as it came out more like a question as he didn’t want to seem rude by saying no to her. Throughout the months of dating Brooke, he learned that she hates when people say no. Obviously, it’s fine when he says no to sex, but he could tell that it really frustrates her. “I haven’t seen her in a few days because I’ve been with you the whole time, so I think it’ll be good to catch up with her before I leave,” he smiled lightly, trying to make light of the room. 

“Sure. Have fun,” she said sarcastically before heading to the restroom. 

Harry sighed, grabbing his duffel bag from the closet before he started packing. He was simply just excited to see you tomorrow and his family over the holidays. 

21 December 2017

You waved over at Harry once you saw him standing at the entrance of the coffee shop. Harry walked over to you with a beaming grin as he looked incredibly handsome. He wore black circular sunglasses that sat on his nose, a blue hawaiian shirt with a gray t-shirt underneath as a brown coat was thrown over his body. He wore his famous black skinny jeans and his famous brown Yves Saint Laurent boots that you know he has a whole collection of. His hair looked amazing as he recently cut it a week ago, and it’s starting to grow out a bit as the ends of his hair started to curl. 

As he was close enough, you snapped yourself out of your trance of checking him out before you stood up, giving each other a hug and a cheek to cheek kiss. 

“How are you, angel?” He asked, taking his coat off before taking a seat, and setting his coat down on the chair next to him. 

“I’m good. I hope you don’t mind, but I went ahead and ordered for us. Should be out soon.” You had gotten Harry an iced black coffee, and despite the weather, he was always up for an iced beverage, especially when it came to his coffee; and you had ordered him a coffee cake--the coffee house’s specialty. 

“Of course not. Thank you. So, you’re going back home right?” He asked, placing his arms on the table. Right as he asked, the drinks and food had arrived and you waited for the barista to leave before you answered. 

“I might,” you said, taking a sip from the coffee mug. 

“What do you mean you might? Told me that you were going,” he furrowed his brows in confusion because you two had just had this conversation the other week, and you were excited to go back home. 

Home was in Oregon for you, and you moved out when you were eighteen to go to school in New York. It had always been your dream of moving to the big city, and although you loved Oregon, New York had made space for you to have a home as well. 

“I mean, I was. But you know how I’m saving to buy a house right? Well, flights are expensive, especially when it’s around this time,” you explained. 

“I can always-” 

“No, no. Before you go saying that you’re going to buy me a ticket, don’t even waste your breath because I’m not taking it,” you shook your head, and Harry chuckled. 

“C’mon, please? I know how excited you were to go back home. Don’t want you to be alone during the holidays,” he pouted as he cut into his coffee cake. 

“I told mom the situation, so they might come here for a change, but not definite yet--was just a suggestion. But honestly, I don’t think they will because it might be too late and all that, y’know how they are,” you chuckled, knowing how late your family will be if things happen last minute. “Don’t worry though. Glenne asked if I could take care of Penny, and I said yes if I’m not going home,” you said, smiling at the thought of the shih tzu that Glenne and Jeff own. 

“I mean, you can always come home with me,” he put it out there, and your eyes perked up. 

“W-What? No. I can’t do that.”

“Why not? It’s not like I would be buying you a plane ticket either. We’ll be using the jet,” he smiled lightly as if there were no meaning behind his words. 

“God, you just don’t know how rich you are--saying shit about your own fucking jet,” you teased, and he laughed loudly. 

“But really. Think about it. Mum would love to see you again and I know Gems has so much to catch you up on,” he said, taking a sip from his straw. 

You had met Anne and Gemma several times as they often visited sometimes or you would fly home with Harry and hang out with them while he’s working. They were a lovely family, if not, your second family, you would say. They were the kindest people you’ve ever met, and you’re so grateful that Harry was raised by great people surrounding him. 

“Really, H. Thank you, but I’m going to pass that up. I’ll probably just suck it up and buy a plane ticket,” you scoffed slightly at your indecisiveness. 

“Alright. Well, if you change your mind, which you have practically a day to figure it out, let me know and I’ll see what I could do with the jet going back here,” he said with a smile, wanting you to have choices rather than being stuck at home all alone during the holidays. 

“Thank you, Harry. I appreciate it.” 

The rest of the hours spent at the coffee spot was filled with conversation and laughter. Luckily, Brooke wasn’t one of the topics during your time together, and you were glad for it. Harry was also happy you didn’t mention Brooke either because he just wanted his mind to rest during his vacation, and not to say that he doesn’t like her, but it can be a bit stressful to communicate things with sometimes. 

“Oh, you have to head to the airport already,” you said, looking at your phone and realizing that he has about two hours to head to the airport. “Do you have everything packed?” You asked as you two stood up from your seats and put your coats on. Harry put on his sunglasses, hopefully a way to avoid the curious eye of the public. Luckily when you two were having coffee, no one approached him, but there were some looks made towards you two, but none of them walked up to the table. 

“Yeah, you have my shirts right?” 

“Yup. They’re in my car.” Once you two made it outside, you were parked on the curb and Harry’s car was about three cars behind you. You took Harry’s shirts out from the backseat that were folded very nicely and ironed. You had borrowed a couple of shirts from him when you would sleepover and had forgotten to give them back to him, but Harry said it was fine for you to keep until he needed them. “Alright, here you go. Don’t need anything else before you leave right?” 

“Actually, if you’re not busy doing anything, do you want to drop me off at the airport? I can call ahead of time and tell them that my driver isn’t going to take me, so we have access to the back,” he said with hopeful eyes. 

“Oh okay, sure,” you smiled softly. 

“Great,” he gave you a big smile before looking down at his phone, and you assumed he was texting Kyle, his driver, that he didn’t need to pick him up anymore. “Okay, I’ll see you at my place? I just have to get my shit.” 

“Okay, race you there! Wait, no, just kidding. Really, drive safe,” you chuckled, and Harry laughed. 

You met Harry at his house which was only about ten minutes from the coffee shop. His car was already in the driveway when you had pulled up, and you just decided to wait outside by your car for him, popping open the trunk. A few minutes later, Harry came out with his duffel bag, locking the door behind him. 

He put his stuff in the trunk before hopping into the passenger seat of your car, and you were off to the airport. 

Traffic was a bit heavy, but you made it just in time for Harry to check in and get settled without having to worry if he was late or not. You had pulled into an underground garage of the airport, and got out of the car as Harry got his stuff out from the trunk. 

“Guess I’ll see you on New Years?” You stood in front of Harry behind your car. He nodded before taking you into your arms. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Let me know if you’re going back home or if you decide to join us,” he said into your ear as he hugged you tightly around your waist. Your arms were looped around his shoulders, giving him a warm squeeze. 

“I will. Have a safe flight, and text me when you land,” you said back into his ear. 

“Always do.” 

Both of you pulled away, but his touch had still lingered on your arm; raking his hand slowly down your arm as he walked away, and you had wished you weren’t wearing a coat with many layers underneath just so you could feel his hand on your bare skin. 

“Don’t miss me too much,” you teased. Harry turned around and smirked; the one that made your stomach do flips. 

“You know I will. Gonna miss me too?” He asked in return. 

“Always do, H. Always do,” you blew a kiss at him, and he caught it, placing his hand on his heart before walking through the doors. 

You sighed as you got into your car before pulling out of the garage and driving back home. 

It may seem a little peculiar on how you two ask towards one another despite him having a girlfriend, but it’s always been like that between you two. It all started when you were at a party right beside Harry, and a few friends of his went up to you two and asked when you two were going to get together. At that time, your heart stopped because you had just figured out that you had feelings for him. But Harry responded with “until she lets me,” and it was meant to tease you, but it had left you in confusion. 

Since then, you two would tease each other and somewhat act like you were together, but it had died down a tad bit ever since he’s gotten a girlfriend. And although Harry is a natural charmer, you two were best friends, so there was a tad bit platonic flirting between you two. 

But you wished that he would see past the best friend line and assistant line. 

31 December 2017 

The cold air from the room had made goosebumps rise onto your skin, although it seemed warm in the room from the crowd that was gathering rather quickly while the music started becoming louder, and chatter and laughs filled the room. 

You were talking with Glenne and observing the people around you at the same time; everyone was wearing their best attire for the new year, and you were as well. You were wearing a red silk dress that hugged you just right as the material in the back dropped to your mid back, showing almost the entirety of your back. You wore nude four inch heels, feeling like the height of your shoe was enough so you weren’t completely struggling to walk throughout the night. And your makeup was sparkling with gold colored eyeshadow and a red lip. You looked hot, and you knew it. 

One of Jeff’s friends had booked a hotel room on the top floor, literally right next to the ball drop, so everyone can just look out the window rather than going outside in the freezing weather. 

It was nice to dress up after being cozied up throughout Christmas. You had decided to go back home after all, buying your plane ticket right when you got home from dropping Harry off at the airport. It was a bit pricey because of the fact that you were buying the ticket a day before the scheduled time the flight is supposed to take off, and considering that it was the holiday season as well. But you had gotten a Christmas bonus unexpectedly, and everything worked out. 

You enjoyed your time with your family and getting to spend a week with them before you had to leave for New York again for New Years. 

You also hadn’t expected to receive a gift from Harry on Christmas morning when your mom was passing gifts out. With a confused expression, you took the big box from your mom’s hands that was wrapped in red and white festive wrapping paper with a bow on it. Once you opened it, you had softly gasped when you saw the items inside; it was all of your favorite things, including some extra items Harry had picked out for himself. He had gotten you a much bigger planner, for the next year, that will help for work, and you smiled, knowing that he had remembered you talking about how much you wanted the planner so badly. The box also contained some of your favorite snacks, little Knick knacks that reminded him of you, and a velvet rectangle box that held a small diamond pendant attached to a thin gold chain. 

It was absolutely stunning, and Harry must’ve spent a lot on it, but he didn’t mind. He thought it was going to look so beautiful on you, and it made you feel special that you were wearing something so meaningful from someone that means so much to you. 

The gold chain sat perfectly on your collarbones, and you hadn’t taken it off ever since you received it; only when you showered, but you put it right back on after. 

The volume of the room had increased, and you turned your head towards the door and found Harry walking in with a bright smile on his face, and of course, Brooke right alongside him with her arm looped with his. 

They looked absolutely stunning together as they walked inside the building as they greeted everyone with big smiles. They radiated perfection and luxury as everyone’s eyes were on them as if they were a piece of art hung up high in the gallery--worthy enough to be looked at. But your eyes were placed on one person in the room, and you so wished you were right beside him instead of her. 

The couple had made their way through the crowd when Harry spotted Jeff in the corner. With Harry leading the two of them with their hands interlocked together, they greeted Jeff and Glenne before Harry let go of Brooke’s hand to give you a hug. 

“Hey, angel,” he smiled, wrapping his arms around your waist as he slightly picked you up off the ground. His hands met the exposed skin of your back and he felt goosebumps rise onto your skin as his cool metal rings touched your skin. 

“Hi, H. How are you?” You asked against his ear and he set you down on your feet before pulling away. 

“Good, good. Missed you.” 

You blushed, “Miss you too. Also, thank you again for your present, it was so thoughtful and lovely.” 

“I’m so happy you liked it. Thank you for yours as well. I love it a lot,” he beamed as he looked down at you. You had given Harry three presents. The first one being a black soft leather journal with his initials engraved in the middle and spine of the journal in gold. The second gift was a manicure set because he recently started to paint his nails, so you wanted him to have all the tools and colors he needed. The third gift was a photo album of his success (you also threw in a couple of you and him). You told him that he can look at it anytime he wants, but it’s just a reminder of how proud you are of him and how far he’s gone; and you would be adding more in the future. It had made him tear up a bit as he found the gifts to be so sweet and sentimental of you. 

“Hi, Brooke,” you greeted with a small smile, and you saw her face beam as she hugged you, but you knew that it was definitely a fake one to put up an act in front of her boyfriend. 

“How are you, girl?! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever!” She yelled over the loud music. 

“Good, thanks. How are you?” 

“Great! Did you see what Harry got me for Christmas?” She waved her arm out to show you the diamond bracelet that sat on her wrist. It was very beautiful, you had to admit. It was very Brooke, and you were glad Harry didn’t ask you for any help with trying to find her a Christmas present. 

“I’m gonna get another drink,” you excused yourself, not really wanting to be around her much longer as she smirked and tried to flaunt her gift in your face. But you didn’t let it get to you because you truly loved the gifts Harry had gotten you, and it made it extra special because he put so much thought into it. 

You made your way to the bar, downing the remains of your drink before asking the cute bartender for another one. 

“Having fun?” He asked with a smile as he set your drink down onto a black square napkin. 

“Sure, let’s just say that,” you chuckled sarcastically before throwing your head back to take the entire cup of alcohol down your throat. 

“Thanks,” you set the glass down before walking away. 

You wanted to go back to where Glenne was standing, but you had bumped into some friends that you had met through Jeff on your way, so you had to catch up with them and tell them everything that’s going on with you after they told you their whole life story. 

The hours to the new year went by pretty quickly. You ended up hanging out with a few friends and going outside with them to have a smoke. The alcohol and weed had eased you, and you actually had a really fun time with them. The idea of Brooke clinging onto Harry had left your mind and you loosened up, smiling and dancing along with drinking. 

There were five minutes left until midnight, and everyone was gathered next to the window that overlooked Times Square. The volume in the room was loud as everyone screamed and laughed—excited for the new year. 

You were standing next to Harry, and of course Brooke on the other side of him. Glenne and Jeff were on the left of Brooke, and both of the couples had their arms around each other as the only thing you were holding was a glass of tequila as you didn’t have anyone to celebrate the new year with. 

“Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!” Everyone chanted, and you chuckled, laughing at your loneliness when there were so many people around you. Your eyes watered up, crossing your arms as you looked at the shining lights through the window.

“Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!” The sounds of cheers and party horns erupted in the room as people took each other against their lips. 

You slightly glanced right next to you and saw Harry and Brooke kissing lovingly as she smiled into the kiss, along with Jeff and Glenne. 

You turned away, looking out at the window as you raised your glass. “Cheers,” you whispered to yourself before throwing your head back and consuming your tequila shot. 

Everyone was so consumed in one another that nobody noticed the tears streaming down your face as the loneliness you had felt physically and mentally took over. 

4 January 2018 

Harry was standing on the elevated box in front of a mirror. He was wearing a sparkly pink suit with gold lining on the seams, along with a gold shirt with a pussybow. Harry Lambert was behind up, straightening out the jacket. 

You had sat on the couch of the large private dressing room as you observed. Harry looked at you through the mirror, giving you no emotion. You smiled, but he didn’t smile back; only looking away and taking his attention on the suit. You furrowed your brow, confused as to why he was looking at you like that and so coldly. 

You stood up, walking over to him. “It looks great, H.” 

“Thanks,” he said quickly. 

“Think you can dance in it?” You teased as you smirked, trying to add some sort of lightness to see if his cold looks were accidental. 

“Pretty sure,” his tone was very short, and your smirk fell. 

“Wait right here. Just need to get something really quick for the pants,” Harry Lambert said before walking out of the dressing room. 

There was a moment of silence, and Harry pulled on the suit jacket so it sits nicely on him. By this point, he would’ve asked for your opinion and for some reassurance because sometimes he needs those extra words that tell him it doesn’t look too much or weird on him. But you got silence. 

“Is everything okay?” You asked warily. 

“Yeah.” 

“You sure?” You still weren’t convinced enough. 

“Yes, now can you please stop asking me? Fuck,” He rolled his eyes, voice slightly raised. 

“What is your problem?” Your brows furrowed. 

“What my problem is, is that you won’t leave me the fuck alone nor would you stop talking. I’m just trying to do some fittings, but you wouldn’t stop talking,” he huffed. He didn’t even turn around, just kept looking at himself in the mirror. 

You scoffed, grabbing your bag from off the couch. “Don’t fucking ask me to come with you if you didn’t want me here.” You headed for the exit before turning around at the last second. “And next time, look me in the eye and tell me that shit,” you said before you completely exit the building and head towards your apartment. 

You’ve never been so annoyed before, and that says a lot because you deal with a lot of people from the industry and Brooke. You didn’t know what came over him because he’s never talked to you like that nor has he raised his voice at you. With utter confusion, you sat on your couch, taking off your shoes for the day since you didn’t have any other work to do for the day, and you thought going with him to his fitting was a waste of time if he was going to act all pissy on you. 

Only moments later, you heard a knock on your door, and you immediately knew it was Harry probably coming by to tell you that he was sorry and he didn’t mean to say those words. But words are words and despite not meaning to say them, they still came out meaning that he was thinking it. But since this was Harry, the kindest human you’ve ever met, you opened the door because he’s your best friend and you deserve an apology. 

Huffing, you opened the door to find Harry standing on your doorstep with his head down and a slight frown to his face. Without saying anything, you moved to the side, opening the door wider for him to walk through, which he does. You walk over to the couch and take a seat; Harry sitting on the other side. The fact that you weren’t saying anything was killing him, but he doesn’t blame you. You crossed your arms as you waited for him to say something, and he inhaled deeply before he spoke. 

“I’m sorry for what I said back there. I shouldn’t have taken all my anger out on you because you don’t deserve that whatsoever. You were just trying to make sure I was okay, and I really appreciate that,” he resented himself for acting that way towards you. His eyes were red and he looked quite sad, and you want to know what made him originally feel this way. 

“Why were you so mad to begin with?” You asked curiously, and he sighed as you brushed away his apology. 

“Brooke and I have been fighting--ever since New Years. She claimed that I was always hanging out with you and that I left her at the party to be with you, but that’s not true right? I feel like I barely saw you during the party,” his brows furrowed in confusion. He was right; you barely even hung out with him during New Years because you were some other friends, and the only time you really spoke to him was when he arrived and after the countdown, but that was it. 

“Why is she so…” you trailed off, not wanting to sound so offensive towards his girlfriend. 

“You can say it.” 

“Possessive? Obsessive? Threatened by me? I mean I get that you’re her boyfriend, but I haven’t done anything to trigger that, have I?” You tilted your head as if you were thinking. You were never the one to steal someone’s boyfriend because that wasn’t any of your business; no matter how much you liked that person. But your attitude towards Harry was very much best friend-like. You miss him on days when you don’t see him, you give him big hugs when you reunite, you give each other friendly kisses on the cheek in a way to say ‘thanks,’ but it was never meant to steal him away from her. 

“No, you haven’t. I don’t know… I feel like she’s always had this problem with you because you’re my best friend, but also assistant--the closest person to me. I always tell her that she has nothing to worry about, but she doesn’t trust me for some reason.” 

“I’m sorry, H,” you said, placing your hand on his knee in a way to comfort him. He placed his hand right over yours in a way to say ‘thank you for understanding.’ 

“I should be the one apologizing. You didn’t do anything wrong. I really am sorry for how coldly I acted towards you,” he softly smiled, and you gave him one back. 

“It’s okay. Was it unnecessary? Yes. But it was one time,” you forgave him. 

“You’re the best. But I should get going to finish up the fittings,” he said, standing up from the couch. You stood up, walking him to the door. “I’ll see you?” You nodded, giving him a big hug. He embraced you with both arms as he squeezed tightly before he walked out the door. You figured there was no point in going with him since he only has a couple of suits to try on, so you stayed back. 

About thirty minutes later, your phone vibrated. Seeing Harry’s contact name, you smiled to yourself. 

H: Attachment: 2 images 

How do these look?

You chuckled. He had sent you mirror pictures, holding up a peace sign as he was in a sparkly blue suit. 

My Angel: You look like Cinderella lmao

I love it!

Harry smiled. He was about to text you some silly joke about being Prince Charming while you’re the princess, but he heard a voice at the door, making him stop what he was doing. 

“Hey, babe!” Harry looked up and saw Brooke walk in. His eyes widened as he turned around, and she gave him a kiss. 

“W-What are you doing here?” He asked, confused. 

“Jeff said you’d be here, so I decided to surprise you!” She said cheerfully, holding his hands. 

“O-Oh, I’m very surprised,” he chuckled nervously. He didn’t really know why he was nervous, but possibly the fact that if he hadn’t snapped at you, then you would still be in the room, which would have raised questions and yet another argument with Brooke. 

“I figured after you’re finished, we could get an early dinner and you could come back to my place?” She suggested. “Think we need to talk about some things.” 

“Yeah, that sounds good. I have about two more suits, so you can wait outside-”

“Silly! No, I’ll wait here,” she took a seat on the couch you were just sitting on thirty minutes ago. He nodded without saying anything before he proceeded on to his next suit. 

You looked down at your phone on Harry’s message thread, waiting for his reply. You saw the text bubbles pop up and you smiled, waiting for him to say some corny joke, but they went away. You waited for a moment, so they could pop back up, but they didn’t. So, you shrugged, locking your phone, and wondering if he got caught up in something, so he couldn’t reply. 

1 February 2018

It was Harry’s birthday and the crowd was rolling in. 

He decided he wanted to spend his birthday in Los Angeles since most of his friends are there anyways. Plus, it’s a small get together before the tour starts next month and then he would be all over the place. He wanted a semi small party at his house, nothing too crazy, he just wanted everyone he cares about at the party. Anne and Gemma flew in the day before to join in on the fun, and you were excited to see them because you missed them like crazy. 

“Angel! This party is great! Thank you for keeping it so nice and small,” Harry said, giving you a hug. He also handed you your favorite drink, which is a whiskey on the rocks. 

“I’m happy you like it, birthday boy,” you smiled as you watched everyone gather into his Malibu house. There were about thirty people in total that were on the guest list, only adding people Harry was close to.

“Ah, there’s mum and Gem. Let’s say hi,” he told you, and you excitedly smiled, walking towards the door. 

“Mum!” Harry called out, and Anne’s eyes lightened up. 

“Oh, my baby! Happy birthday, my love,” she kissed his cheeks as he hugged her. 

“Hi, Gems,” he greeted his sister, also giving her a hug. 

“Happy birthday baby brother. One more year and you’ll be a quarter of a century,” she joked, and Harry chuckled. 

“Ha ha, very funny. I’m so happy you guys are-” 

“Y/N? Is that you? Oh my god, come here you!” Anne interrupted Harry once she saw you. Her eyes widened and she was smiling like crazy as you walked towards her, giving her a lovely hug. “Oh, darling. It’s been a while since I saw you!” 

“Yeah, it really has been. You both still look so amazing,” you said, giving Gemma a hug. 

“Please, you’re too sweet to us. How have you been? Don’t want to quit just yet because of this one?” Anne joked, nudging Harry as he playfully rolled his eyes. 

“Heyyy,” his brows furrowed, and Anne pinched his cheek. 

“I’ve been good. And not yet. Give me about five months and we’ll get back to this conversation,” you joked back, looking at Harry to see him frowning. You looped your arm around his waist, giving him a hug, and he stopped frowning; his face turning into a small smirk. 

“Let’s definitely catch up later. I’m going to say hi to Jeff and Glenne. Be right back,” Anne said before walking through the crowd, Gemma following her. 

You and Harry were alone again as you two sipped on your drinks. Some people said hi to them, but not making conversation for too long as they wanted to get another drink or food. 

“Is Brooke here? Haven’t seen her,” you asked curiously. Harry’s face dropped, and you looked at him confusingly. 

“Oh, fuck,” he pinched the top of his nose as he looked down, shaking his head. 

“What?” 

“I totally forgot she was coming,” he said, and you fought the urge to laugh. 

“How did you forget your own girlfriend?” 

“I don’t know--I was just so focused on the tour and this party that it slipped my mind that she was coming,” he sighed. 

“Oh okay. What’s so bad about her being here?” You wondered. 

“That means she’s gonna meet mum and Gem.” Your mouth formed an ‘o’ as if realization struck you, and Harry nodded his head as if he was saying ‘yeah, that’s why.’ 

“Better prepare for that because I could already hear her laugh,” you placed your hand on his shoulder, patting it. Harry took a deep breath and downed the rest of his drink before he walked over to the entrance. You chuckled as he did so as you found it amusing that he had to do that to deal with her. 

After you heard her squeal, which meant that Harry had gone up to her already. You started walking towards the entrance door, and you saw them hugging; she then started jumping and kissing him, whispering into his ear and biting her lip as he gave her a smirk. 

As you watched from the sidelines, your heart started to ache. You wished that it was you instead of her. You wished you could whisper all things sweet and dirty into his ear as he looked at you with a smirk before biting his lip. You wanted him to give you the same smile he gave her, although you were starting to see less and less of that smile. You wanted what she had. 

But you would never get that. 

“Hey, you,” Gemma sneaked you from behind you, causing you to slightly jump. “Sorry,” she chuckled. 

“It’s okay. What’s up?” You smiled, trying to hide the pain in your eyes. 

“You’re not going to tell him, huh?” 

“Tell who what?” You raised your eyebrows, pretending to be oblivious. Gemma gave you a knowing look as she raised her eyebrows. 

“You know what. Not gonna tell him at all?” You sighed, shrugging your shoulders as you turned your head back to them. They were posing for some pictures with their arms around each other’s waists. They took a couple: smiling ones, funny ones, and even a kissing one. You turned your head back to Gemma once they started to kiss for a picture, and she softly smiled at you. 

“There’s no point. He’s with Brooke, and it’s not like he’s ever going to like me or get with me,” you sadly explained. Gemma looked at you as if you were totally wrong. “If he’s happy with Brooke, then why would I ruin that for him because of my selfish reasons?” 

“It’s not selfish for wanting to tell someone you love-”

“I don’t love him,” you immediately interrupted. 

“Y/N…c’mon,” she raised her eyebrows, knowing you’re completely wrong. 

“Okay…” you sighed in defeat, and she chuckled, continuing what she was saying. 

“You’ve known him for what, two years? That man makes sure you’re a priority. He makes sure you’re happy. If you could hear the stories he tells us and how he talks about you, you would think otherwise,” she stated before taking a sip of her drink. 

You stay quiet for a moment and think. Was there any way that Harry could have possibly liked you? There’s no way. You hadn’t noticed anything different about his behavior in the past two years you’ve known and worked for him. So, there was no way he could’ve liked you. And you know you’re only telling yourself that now, so you don’t lose your shit at his birthday party. 

“W-What does he say about me?” 

“Maybe you’ll know some time in the future if you tell him,” she challenged, and you rolled your eyes, causing Gemma to laugh. 

After Harry and Brooke managed to get away from the entrance, you and Gemma saw them walking towards you both. 

“Y/N, hi!” She greeted you with a not so surprising high pitched tone; only because Harry is right next to her. She also gave you a hug, which you only put in half the effort like always. Harry smiled at both of you, and she let go. 

“Gems, where’s mum?” He asked his sister. 

“Think she might be in the back,” she replied, looking at Brooke for a brief moment before looking back at Harry. 

“This is Brooke,” he introduced his girlfriend. 

“Hi! It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Brooke said with a big smile on her face, giving Gemma a hug. Polite as Gemma is, she hugged back. 

“You too,” Gemma simply said. 

“Should we go to the back and find mum? Brooke wants to meet her,” Harry asked, and Gemma nodded before walking towards the backyard. 

You stayed back, realizing that you weren’t needed and you didn’t have any business following them for Brooke to meet Anne. So, you walked over to the kitchen to grab a plate of cheese and crackers. Since the kitchen was right next to the large doors that led to the backyard, you looked up and saw Brooke jumping up and down slightly as she greeted Anne with a hug. You saw Anne smiling, hugging her back before they pulled away and started talking. Harry looked at them so fondly as they spoke. 

“Hey,” a voice next to you had startled you, making you slightly jump, taking your attention away from what’s happening in the backyard. Luckily, not dropping any of your food. 

“Hi,” you said back to the man you don’t know. 

“I’m Alex. One of Jeff’s friends. I don’t believe we’ve met yet,” he shook your hand, smiling. 

“I don’t think we have. I’m Y/N,” you nicely said back. 

“So, how do you know Harry?” He asked, grabbing a grape. 

“I’m his assistant, and best friend.” 

“Oh, shit! Special person I’m talking to, right here,” he smirked. Alex was cute and very attractive, but it wasn’t the same kind of smirk that you’ve been in love with for two years. 

“Hardly,” you scoffed before giving him a small smile as a way to tell him you’re somewhat joking. 

“Hey, don’t sell yourself short. By any chance, you want to go somewhere to sit and talk?” He proposed hopefully. It wasn’t a bad idea whatsoever. You needed to make new friends and possibly make some new connections. You also didn’t want to depend on Harry all the time when you wanted to talk to someone because he’s busy, and his girlfriend doesn’t like you. So, you nodded. 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” He smiled, leading you to a more quiet area of the house, which was the sitting area. 

Meanwhile as you were chatting with Alex, Harry watched Brooke interact with Anne with a smile, but he still felt a weird feeling in his chest, like he’s happy about it, but he’s still wary. He brushed that feeling off, looking around and wondering where you were--if you’re having a great time. He turned his head towards the kitchen, and saw you talking to Alex. Smiles were placed on both your faces, and Harry frowned. He knew Alex was charming him up because that’s what he does. Alex technically wasn’t a bad guy, and Harry’s known him for a few years. He was nice, attractive, and can charm the shit out of someone just like Harry. But the sight and thought of seeing him actually charm you did not sit well with him. It really didn’t sit well once he saw you following him out of the kitchen. 

Harry took deep breaths, trying not to let the thought of you possibly enjoying hanging out with Alex as he carried on with his birthday night. 

6 February 2018

A deep sigh was let out once you sat in your seat on the plane. 

It was cold in Los Angeles and you knew the flight back to New York was going to be a bumpy one considering the weather in both cities, so you dressed comfortably, wearing grey sweatpants, a black sweatshirt, and some white sneakers. Your headphones had been plugged into your ears ever since you were cleared at TSA. 

As you got comfortable in your seat, Harry sat next to you, sighing. You obviously didn’t hear it because your headphones were in, but you definitely heard it the second time when he did it louder. You didn’t do anything, just browse on your phone until he dramatically sighed again, even louder this time. 

“What?” You said, taking your headphones out. 

“Why are you ignoring me?” He immediately asked, and your brows furrowed. 

“Ignoring you? Why would you think that?” 

“Well, for starters, you haven’t really spoken to me since my birthday. What’s up with that?” 

“Well, I didn’t really have to, did I?” There was no reason for your somewhat sarcastic tone and it’s not like you weren’t mad at him or anything, but you were exhausted from flying back and forth, plus doing your job. It’s not like you were ungrateful, but sometimes, you just needed a break, and that included, not talking to anyone. 

“You could’ve just answered my texts saying you were okay and that you weren’t going to be on your phone,” he scoffed, and you knew he was right. You were about to say you were sorry until he muttered something else. “Too busy with Alex, I see.” 

“What?” You asked in disbelief, knowing he said what you heard, but wanted to clarify. 

“You were, right?”

“What does this have to do with Alex?” You were starting to grow frustrated. 

“I mean, I saw you two at my party, and you two left together and stuff. So, you were probably busy for the entire week,” he said casually, scrolling through his phone as if you weren’t fuming right next to him. 

“It was one night-”

“Are you saying you had sex with him?” He turned his head towards you with raised eyebrows. He had this look on his face that told you he knew everything, but he just wanted to hear you say it. So, you did. 

“Yeah. So what if I fucked him? Is there something wrong with that? Didn’t get a little birthday sex? Don’t worry, I had some for you!” You tried containing your yells, but it came out like a loud whisper. Luckily there weren’t that many people on the plane; only the people who flew first class. 

It was true. When Alex had suggested talking, you found out that he was a very nice and funny guy. The night was getting late, and you said you were going to head home (which was a hotel), so he offered to drive you since you took an Uber, and that led to you inviting him up to your room and him gladly saying yes. It all happened so quick. You had immediately kissed him once you closed the door, and that led to him taking both of your clothes off before he fucked you. It was average sex, but you had fun considering that it’s been a while since you’ve had someone fuck you. That morning he left, telling you to text him, but you hadn’t and you don’t know if you will.

Harry stayed quiet, looking back down at his phone, and you shook your head, sitting correctly, and looking out the window, knowing that this was going to be a long flight. 

Just as you knew, the ride was bumpy, raising your fear and anxiety as you held onto yourself for dear life. You turned your music up, put your hands into your sweater, and crossed your arms in a way to calm you down and feel like someone is holding onto you. You closed your eyes, trying to focus on the songs until you felt a hand on your arm. You opened your hands, and saw Harry with his eyes closed, but you knew he wasn’t sleeping. He had always held your hand when you two would fly together and there was turbulence. It was something he did that made you feel safe and comfortable during the flight. 

You smiled softly, taking his hand in with your as you shifted closer to his seat despite the middle console in between you two. For the rest of the flight, you weren’t as scared. 

Once you two landed, Harry’s driver was immediately outside in the designated area, and you two were taken back to your place before there was any cause of commotion at the airport. Harry helped you with your bags, walking to your front door. 

“Hey, I’m sorry for everything on the plane,” he said as you looked for your keys in your purse. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too--for not replying to you and for snapping at you on the plane as well,” you said back. “Can I just ask why you were so...angry I was with Alex?” You wondered. 

“I…uh,” he stumbled over his words, trying to find the right thing to say without it coming out like he was a jealous prick. “Just...Alex is known for charming the shit out of you, so he could sleep with you, but seeing as you already slept with him…” 

“Harry, isn’t it my job to decide who I can and can’t sleep with? I get that you want to look out for me, but just let me decide that, alright?” You said softly, and he nodded. 

“Think I was jealous,” he blurted out, and he immediately closed his mouth and widened his eyes once he said that because he really didn’t mean to. 

“W-Why?” You looked at him concerningly, and Harry took a deep breath because now he had make up an answer because god knows what the truth is. 

He took a step forward, looking at you so intently. You felt like he was staring you down, but you didn’t look away as you were so lost in his eyes that it physically made it difficult to even glance the other way.

Next thing you knew, he was inches away from you, glancing down to your lips and back up to your eyes. You held your breath as you looked up at him, looking extra close at the pinkness of his lips. Your chests were pressed so close against one another that you were sure he could feel your heart pounding through his. It was so loud that it rang through your ears—so loud you couldn’t hear anything else except for the constant chanting in your head screaming ’Harry, Harry, Harry.’ It was Harry that you wanted to kiss so badly. It was Harry who’s lips you could touch in an instant if you were to just lift your feet. It was Harry. It always has been. 

But you couldn’t.

Brooke.

You immediately stepped away from him as your eyes looked down, finally away from Harry. “I’m sorry-”

“No, I’m sorry-”

“Because Brooke, and-”

“Yeah…” 

You nodded, not sure what to do next, but seeing as you were still outside of your door, you finally got your keys out, and unlocked it. 

“Well, I’ll see you.” 

“Yeah, I’ll text you,” he said as he started walking backwards away from your apartment. 

You nodded. “Yup. Bye.” He waved, turning around and walking down the hall. 

Walking into your space and bringing your luggage in, you sighed as you closed the door. It was completely silent as your mind was racing and your heart was beating. 

What the fuck just happened and what the fuck was that?

3 March 2018

The first show of Harry’s tour was kicking off, and you were excited for him. He was slightly nervous and jittery, but that was expected. 

The ‘moment’ you two had when you came back from Los Angeles after your birthday was past you two. Although, you still think about it way too often, Harry seemed like he didn’t want to talk about it, so you respected that and didn’t bring it up. Besides, what was there to talk about anyways?

The first show started in Basel, Switzerland and you were very stoked. You’ve never been to any of the countries he’s going to play in besides London and some cities in the states, so it was going to be an adventure for you. For his very first tour that included small venues, you rarely went to any of the shows, so to say you were excited was an understatement. 

You were with Harry Lambert, looking at the first show suit in the stylist room. It was a Gucci black sparkly suit with gems on the lapel. You hadn’t seen this particular suit on him yet because you weren’t at the fitting the day he tried it on, but you absolutely loved it. It gave everyone just a hint of what the rest of the suits for the tour will look like. 

“Har—oh,” Brooke had entered the room, assumingly looking for Harry, but was disappointed when she saw you. “Have you seen Harry?” 

“Uh, I haven’t. He might be out on the stage,” you said honestly, and she nodded, turning around. But before she could exit the room, you called her, “Hey, Brooke.” She turned around, rolling her eyes. “I just kind of want to mend things between us. I feel like there has always been some sort of tension ever since we met, and seeing that you’ve been around for long and might be around for even longer, we should be civil towards one another.” 

“Well, obviously there has been. You’re trying to steal my boyfriend,” she said straightforwardly, and you raised your eyebrows, looking at Lambert. He was looking at Brooke with a not so friendly look, knowing that you would never do that despite knowing that you were in love with him. “I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again. You will never get Harry. He’s in love with me, not you. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re trying to do. You will never be enough for him because you’re just his assistant. That’s all you are to him. Don’t think you’re more than that, okay?” She said with a smile, and you bit your lip, not wanting to argue with her. 

There was something about her words that really got to you, and you think that’s because she’s actually dating Harry and has managed to weave her way into his heart.

“I’d hate to continuingly have to tell you this, but I think the first time was enough, right? Now you’ve made me tell you twice,” she continued as she scoffed. “Anyways, I need to go find my boyfriend,” she turned around but suddenly stumbled back as she was met with Harry. “Oh, Harry. I was just looking-”

“Don’t even speak right now,” his eyes were dark and he was angry. 

It wasn’t like you to see Harry so often considering that he sometimes deals with rude fans and pushy paps, but he was mad. 

“I-”

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Trying to degrade my best friend and assistant?” 

“Har-”

“We need to talk,” he told her, leaving the room. She turned around to look at you with sad eyes, but you simply couldn’t help her, not like you would anyways. She followed him, and the room was left with a weird tension that needed to be cut with a knife.

“Well, wasn’t that interesting,” Lambert said. 

After about thirty minutes, Harry walked back into the room. He stayed complete silent and started undressing to get into his suit since there was thirty minutes left until he had to go on. You and Lambert looked at each other, not knowing if you two should say anything, but decided to keep your mouths shut and let him get ready. 

Once he was dressed, he thanked Lambert and walked out of the room; once again with the same tension being in the air. You walked out as well as you debated whether or not to talk to him, but you saw him and the band gathering together, so you figured you could just talk to him after. 

The show had finally started, and the band was going out on stage. The crowd was roaring like crazy as the anticipation of seeing Harry was finally coming to an end. Once the band was fully equipped, Harry started to climb up the stairs. Around the stage it was dark as the beginning of ‘Only Angel’ started to play. You turned on your flashlight on your phone, and called out for him.

“Harry!” He turned around, holding the railings of the stairs, and his expression was normal; no smile or anything.  “Goodluck out there!” Once you had said that, the corners of his lips turned up as his mouth turned into a soft smirk. 

“Thanks, angel,” he said before pointing up as a way to say ‘listen to the song.’ “This is for you,” he quickly told you, running up the stairs and to the stage before the big circular screen rose up. 

You watched the rest of the show from the side of the stage, not too far away from the front of the pit. He was spectacular on stage; he truly belonged there. He charmed the crowd, made them laugh, scream, cry, and dance their hearts out for an hour and a half, and you were truly amazed. The atmosphere of the venue was insane, loving every second of it. 

Once he finished with ‘Kiwi,’ he said his goodnights to Switzerland before running off the stage and meeting the band, talking about how crazy and fun the first show was. He told everyone that it’s only going to get better from here, and everyone nodded and high fived excitedly. 

After a few minutes, Harry walked to his dressing room to cool off, and you followed behind him. It may seem as clingy, but you were concerned for your best friend. A lot went down with Brooke in just a few minutes, and you wanted to know if he was okay, despite not showing any signs of sadness or anger on stage. 

You knocked on his dressing room door and opened it before you heard ‘come in.’ Harry looked up, and saw you peek your head through the door, and he gestured you to come in all the way, which you did. 

“That was an amazing show, H,” you complimented. 

“You watched?” He asked surprisingly. 

“Yeah, didn’t miss a moment. I was on the side of the stage.” 

“Oh, well. Thank you,” he said. 

There was a moment of silence as you tried to form your words on how to go about talking to him about what had happened before the show. 

“I-I just wanted to ask if you were okay?” You started. He took a seat on his couch as you stayed standing up in front of him. “I’m sorry for what happened before the-”

“Why are you saying sorry?” He asked, looking up at you as if he was genuinely asking. 

“I...I don’t know what happened with Brooke, but if something did happen then I’m sorry,” you nervously. The only reason why you were so nervous was because you hoped that he didn’t get mad at you for whatever happened with her. 

“You didn’t do anything, angel. You did nothing wrong at all,” he sighed, and you stayed quiet as there was definitely more of what he wanted to say. “But I did break up with her.” Your brows raised at that, and you fought the urge to jump and cheer. 

“Y-You did?” 

“Yeah. I kind of wanted to a few weeks ago, but I never got the chance to. But before the show, she gave me another perfectly good reason why we shouldn’t be together, so I ended it.” There wasn’t a hint of sadness on his face as he told you. 

“What were the other reasons?” You hadn’t known that he wanted to break up with her before the events that happened today. You would expect him to talk to you about it, but you weren’t hurt by it. 

“I…” he cut himself off, and you waited patiently to see if he was going to say something. After a few more seconds, you saw him debate with himself to see if he actually wanted to tell you, and you wondered if he trusted in that sense; to talk to you and tell you things that were on his mind, but you didn’t want to get into it with him. 

“Are you okay?” You asked instead, truly wanting to make sure. 

“I should be asking you that.” 

“No-”

“Angel, c’mon. Behind closed doors, I didn’t know half the shit she was saying to you. I told her to fess up everything she’s done to you, and she did. Let me tell you, I was not happy at all that you had to deal with that without me knowing. And that fact that she lied to me about asking you to hang out and pretending to be nice to you--no wonder why you didn’t want to hang out with her.” 

The first time you had hung out with her was when you had to pick up some lunch and dry clean for Harry. They had only been dating for two months, so you thought it was best to get to know her since you were Harry’s best friend. You asked if Brooke wanted to go, and she hesitantly said sure, but when Harry thought that was a great idea, she perked up to it and said yes. When you two were in line for lunch she had asked you the basics of your job before rudely interrupting you and telling you that she knew that you were in love with him. Before you could even deny, she wasn’t having it and told you that you weren’t good enough for him and that you were only hired because you were Glenne’s friend. You were quite devastated after that and you faced Harry everyday with a smile on your face, but with the lingering thought of her words in the back of your mind. 

“Yeah, she wasn’t my particular number one person to hang out with,” you said sadly, and Harry sighed, standing up. He walked closer to you, and it felt like that time when you got home from the airport, and placed his hands on your shoulders. 

“Her talking shit about you was the last straw. Can’t have anyone talk to you like that, ever,” he said while looking into your eyes as if he was trying to convince you. 

“I am really sorry that you had to go through a break up though--especially on your first night of tour. Plus, it was your first serious relationship you’ve had in a while,” you felt bad because no one should go through the pain of a breakup. 

“It’s alright. Wasn’t in love with her like she said--didn’t even say those words to her. And it was her idea of wanting to meet my family. I was still wary about it, but that was one of the subjects for most of our arguments,” he sighed. “But I’m gonna be much happier without her. Felt like I was always stressed out around her,” he chuckled, causing you to as well. “But if anyone that I know talks to you like that ever again, please don’t hide that from me. I hate knowing that you were taking all of that shit, especially for months.” You nodded your head and he gave you a smile. 

He pulled you in for a hug and you wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head on his chest. You two stayed like that for a moment as you both felt like it’s been a while since you two has had one of these hugs. All thoughts and worries flew out of your head--not thinking about when the next time you’ll have one of these types of hugs again, and you felt safe in his arms. 

And you cherished it. 

30 March 2018

Tour was going by rather quickly as the first ten shows were already done with. 

You were able to see some beautiful sightings of the countries with Lambert and some of the band, and throughout that time, you had wished Harry was with you all, but for obvious reasons, he couldn’t be out in public so casually. 

Everything you’ve seen was so beautiful and your jaw dropped everytime you would look at a tall and high building, or the skyline of the entire city. You were quite amazed. 

Now, everyone was in Barcelona, and it was by far one of your favorite cities that you’ve visited. You loved the atmosphere and the ambiance that walking through the streets of Spain had placed a beaming grin onto your face. You were only staying for a couple of days before everyone had to pack up and head to Madrid, but you made sure to snap a mental and physical photo to remember your time in Spain. 

But rather than spending your day on the streets, roaming around the beautiful city, you were currently looking for Harry because Lambert was also looking for him, and of course, you decided to help find him. You pretty much checked every room backstage besides the bathroom, and you didn’t really think to check the restroom, but he might be in there, so you made your way towards it. 

“Oh! Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to barge in,” you said once you entered the restroom. 

The sight before you had made you sweat. A series of butterflies made its appearance in your stomach, making your hands shake. The slightest bit of air from swinging the door open had made chills rise onto your skin, but you knew that it was because of the beautiful man in front of you. 

You had walked in on Helene taking pictures of Harry, possibly so he could post them on Instagram. But he was candidly looking into the mirror as he sprayed on his Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille cologne; the one that you had picked up for him multiple times, and the one that you think smells amazing, specifically on him. He strutted around like it was made for him, and it was honestly your favorite scent. His suit was a custom Palomo black and white checkered sequined suit that just looked fucking good on him. 

“No worries, sweetheart. Just about finished. He’s all yours,” she winked at you before heading out of the bathroom. 

“What’s up, angel?” 

“Just wanted to tell you that Lambert is looking for you. Said he needed to fix up a stitch really quick before you go on stage,” you said, not meeting his eyes. 

“Is that all?” He asked, sensing your nerves, and he knew that it was possibly from walking in on him, doing a mini photoshoot because he knew he looked good. 

You gulped, “Y-Yeah.”

“You don’t sound too sure,” he challenged, walking closer to you, but not too close as there was a bit of space between you two. 

“Uh-”

“Tell me,” he shifted even closer, making you nervous. You didn’t know where the sudden outbreak of him being somewhat flirtatious as he demanded you to tell him came from, but the sound of his raspy and deep voice, and the way he was looking was making you act up as you were about to confess your feelings towards him. 

You figured it was time as you felt like he sensed that kind of vibe from you, plus Brooke mentioning that you were in love with him, which you think you’re pretty sure he heard, but you’re wondering why he hasn’t 

“I-I want to tell you something, and this may potentially ruin things between us, but-”

“There you are!” The sound of someone else’s voice in the room and the banging of the room had interrupted you, and you and Harry stepped back from one another. “Everything okay here?” Lambert asked, looking at both of you and practically feeling the tension. Once you two nodded, not looking at each other, he looked at you both suspiciously before continuing. “Anyways, come with me. I need to fix something,” Lambert walked out of the restroom as Harry followed him, not giving you another look. 

You turned around to look in the mirror, sighing to yourself as you shook your head. 

Well, guess that’s not happening right now, you thought. 

Watching Harry up on stage was something you would never get used to. You made sure to never miss a show as you watched from the side, and since he knows where you stand during the show, he always makes sure to go to that side of the stage and wave to you. But seeing him on stage was different every night. His performances and conversations with the crowd were always different and that’s what made them and him so entertaining. 

Once the show was over, he made his way off the stage and to the dressing room. He talked a bit with the band, as they always did right when the show ends, to talk about their favorite moments and which songs they needed to work on for rehearsals. After that, Harry walked to his dressing room and you would follow every single time. 

“Another great show, H. Never get tired of watching you,” you said once you entered the dressing room.

“Thanks, angel. Always feel like I’m on a high when I’m trying to cool down, like I just have so much energy to perform another hour,” he chuckled, wiping some sweat off his forehead. 

“That must be exhilarating--being up there every night for your fans,” you walked towards him to stand in front of him as he leaned on the table of the vanity. 

“Yeah, it really is,” he smiled. He pulled your arm towards him and wrapped his arms around your waist, giving you a hug. You were surprised by the sudden affection, but Harry was an affectionate type of guy, and really, you didn’t mind being close to him. Plus, he seemed extra needy since he recently just broke up with someone. “Thank you for being here.”

“Of course, Harry. Always going to be here for you,” you said against his ear as your arms were around his shoulders. 

“And I’m always going to be here for you,” he said back. 

For a moment, it was just this--hugging him as he cooled down in your arms, and you liked it...a lot. But when you pulled back, you didn’t pull back completely and it made you face to face with him, literally inches away from each other. You two looked at each other in the eye, glancing your eyes to his lips and back up to his eyes. The only thing you thought was: I really want to fucking kiss him right now. 

And it seemed like he did as well because he crashed his lips with yours, molding them together as your arms were wrapped around one another. It was everything you expected as you dreamed of his lips on yours quite often, and you absolutely loved it. He felt like a drug, like all of your pain and worries went away once his lips touched yours, and you were addicted. You wanted so much more. 

Your tongue makes its way in his mouth, meeting his, and he swirled it with his before lightly sucking on it. Your teeth found a way to bite his bottom lip and he let out a groan. He pulled back for a bit, looking at you before kissing you again. 

“God, been wanting you for so long,” he groaned, and you felt butterflies in your stomach, trying not to take his words literally as to keeping your hopes down. But little did you know that his words were serious. “Can I touch you?” He whispered in between kisses. 

You nodded, whispering out, “Please.” Harry’s stomach did flips once you gave him consent, and his hands trailed down your body. Luckily, you were wearing a simple dress with straps, so it was easier. He bunched up your dress up to your hips, and you held it up with your arm before touching you over your panties, feeling a wet spot over the fabric. 

“Practically drenched. It’s for me, right?” He muttered, wrapping his free arm around your waist so you were closer. 

“Yes. Always going to be for you,” you moaned as his hand continuously rubbed you and he smirked. Your words had completely slipped out, but it was the truth. 

“Can I take them off?” He asked, and you nodded your head before he slid your drench underwear down your legs and you kicked them off to the side somewhere in his dressing room. You molded your lips with his again and grabbed a fistful of his curly hair, causing him to kiss you even harder. 

Harry then started roaming his hands around your thighs, going to ass and squeezing the flesh, and you moan against his mouth. His hand moves up and to your stomach before trailing down to your hot core. He took his fingers and swiped up your slit, making you groan from the feeling of his hands. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he whispered before touching your clit and rubbing it. He buried his face in your neck to kiss, suck, and nibble on your skin, and that feeling made you throw your head back as his hands rubbed you and mouth kissed you. The feeling was indescribable, but it was Harry. 

You felt his fingers slip inside of you, starting off with one finger before pumping in and out of you. He then added another finger as he curled them in an inward motion and brushed his fingertips against the soft upper area of your pussy. 

“Shit, that feels so good. So, so good, H,” you groaned out. Harry took the straps of your dress off your shoulders, and kissed your chest where the gold chain he had gifted you rested. He pulled on the front of your dress to expose your tits, and his mouth immediately wrapped around your hard nipples, sucking them and pulling on them before releasing them with a pop. Your grip on Harry’s hair tightened as you felt like you were going to rip out his hair from the way you’re feeling. “Add another,” you whimpered out. 

“Another finger?” He looked at you with wide eyes, but all he saw was your eyes closed and head being thrown back; and you nodded. He added his pinky finger in with his ring and middle finger, trying his best to curl them up into you, but the snugness of your hole was challenging him. “Fuck, you’re so tight. Practically squeezing my fingers,” he said, kissing your neck. 

His words and fingers had gotten you to the edge, and you were minutes away from releasing around him. He saw you bite your lip and take deep breaths, and he knew you were close. 

“C’mon, angel baby. Let go for me, yeah? Know you’re close,” he thrusted his fingers deep into you, and that was when you hit your peak. With loud moans, you jolted around his fingers, riding your high out as Harry continuously pressed kisses to your chest and neck. He took his hand, sticking one of his fingers in your mouth, and you swirled your tongue around his finger that was covered in your orgasm, and moaned. He took the other two fingers, and placed them in his own mouth, tasting yourself on his fingers. “Taste so good,” he smirked, kissing your forehead, and you leaned your head on his shoulders to take a breather.

Once you calmed down, you turned your head to kiss his neck, sucking on his skin to calm your breathing down, and Harry hissed. His hands ran through your hair and all the way down to your back, soothing you. After a minute or two, you lifted your head up, meeting his eye before you kissed him, deeply. You two made out for a while you unbuttoned his black shirt, and you pulled away from his lips to kiss down his torso until you were on your knees. Harry was hard as rock in his pants and desperately needed some release that he could possibly come any minute with how you’re kissing him. 

His entire suit was still on and he went to take his jacket off, but you stopped him. 

“Keep it on,” you looked up at him as you told him so before proceeding to kiss down his stomach. He put his arms down, and gripped and sat on the edge of the desk. You got to the hem of his pants and looked up at him, giving him a sight to die for. “Can I take these off?” 

He looked down at you, smirking before nodding his head. “Please, take it all off,” he gave your cheek a stroke with his thumb, and you smiled looking back down to his pants to unbutton it, pulling down his trousers to his ankles, you saw his bulge, and smirked before you kissed over his underwear. Harry took a deep breath in as you palmed him before grabbing the hem of his briefs and pulling it down, his dick springing up as Harry’s shoulder relaxed from the lack of restraint. 

“Fuck, you’re so big,” you said, grabbing his dick. You knew very well that he was well endowed because of the many times you’ve seen him get hard on stage, and also from that moment when you walked in on him in Brooke’s mouth had confirmed it, but seeing it up close was unreal. You licked your hand and grabbed his cock before looking up at him. “What do you want me to do, Harry?” Your voice asked seductively. He was completely under your spell as his breaths were staggered while you stroked him. 

“Anything you want,” he breathed out. You smirked at the state he was in at the moment, and you loved every second of it. 

You put your mouth around his tip, sucking it lightly, and that caused Harry’s breath to hitch in his throat. You took more of him in your mouth as you relaxed your jaw. He was bigger than the guys you’ve fucked and you really hoped you were doing a good job for him because you wanted him to feel good. You hollowed your cheeks in and sucked hard, slicking your tongue on the underside of his cock. 

“Feels so good, angel baby,” he moaned, throwing his head back. He was already embarrassingly close, but he wanted to feel you more, so he tangled his fingers in your hair, getting a gentle but steady grip, and started guiding your head up and down his cock. You let him take control for the time being because honestly, you loved hearing the sounds of his moans start to progress. “That’s it,” he muttered under his breath once he felt the back of your throat. 

You placed your hands on his thighs, gripping his skin harshly so that your nails dug into it, and he hissed, but the pain felt so good to him. After a few more pushes to your head, you pushed on his thighs so he could release you, and when you did that he knew that he was done being in control. You grabbed his cock that was slick from your mouth, and you loved your head down so you could take his balls in your mouth. More of the beautiful sounds coming from his mouth came out more loudly as you sucked until he finally said the words. 

“Gonna cum, angel. Gonna fuckin’ cum,” he moaned. You saw his knuckles practically turn white as he gripped the desk hard. You loved your head back up to place the tip in your mouth as you fondled with his balls before he spurts his come in your mouth. “Such a fuckin’ good girl,” he said as you swallowed. 

You kissed back up his stomach and to his neck before meeting his lips again. He tasted himself on your tongue, and you were a good mix with him. You two pulled back from one another, looking at each other before you both started giggling—post orgasm haze. 

“Jeez, such an angel, but that mouth of yours is sinful.”

5 June 2018 

The rest of the Europe, Australia, and Asia leg went by, and you were back in the states for the first show of the US leg. 

Ever since the dressing room escapade, you and Harry had been acting differently towards each other. There weren’t anymore sexual acts, but there was a lot more affection. Sadly, not any kisses to the lips, but kisses to the cheek and forehead were made, and they were welcomed and given. He would always put an arm around your shoulder when you two were walking, and there was the occasional cuddle in his hotel room before or after the show. It was definitely different, but you enjoyed it. 

What you didn’t enjoy was the fact that you hadn’t told him you liked him. You were sure he had an idea, but you wanted to say it out loud to get it off your chest. You also didn’t know if he felt that way towards you whatsoever, and that thought scared you. Just because of what happened in the dressing room didn’t necessarily mean he had feelings for you. The thought of him just leading you on and messing with you feelings made your heart sink when you think about it, and you really hoped it wouldn't get to that point. 

Tonight was the Dallas show, and Harry wore an Alexander McQueen embroidered pink floral suit. As always, he looked amazing. But your favorite was the Barcelona suit, and you might be a bit biased on that given the events that happened in that particular suit. You chuckled to yourself as you followed Jeff and Glenne to your seats. 

You decided to watch the show with them in the reserved seats in the lower level of the arena, and it was a change from the side of the stage, but you could really see more from the seats. Once you got to your seats, Harry had already finished up with ‘Only Angel’ and was moving on to ‘Woman,’ but a familiar man had caught your eye. 

“Alex?” You called out through the music. 

“Y/N! It’s so great seeing you!” He said, giving you a hug. 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Jeff and Harry invited me! Haven’t seen Harry perform since last year, so they reserved me a seat,” his face was close to your ear, so you could understand him better through the loudness of the crowd and the bass of the music. 

“Ah, well I’m glad you’re here! It’s been a while,” you said completely innocently, and he nodded, smiling before turning his head to watch Harry on stage. In all honesty, the thought of Alex slipped your mind because your head was constantly thinking about Harry as it always does. 

For the rest of the show, he was amazing. The crowd was wild as always, and he absolutely looked so cute in his suit. Your favorite part was when someone threw a rainbow sequined cowboy hot on stage, and he picked it up to wear it. It was a look, to be honest. 

Before the band said their goodbyes to the crowd, the four of you headed backstage, so there wasn’t any delay with everyone trying to leave at the same time. As you were walking, you were walking next to Alex as Jeff and Glenne walked in front of you two. 

“Hey, I was thinking. Maybe we should get dinner tonight? Y’know, to catch up? I know some places that are still open,” he suggested, and you liked the idea. 

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good,” you said, smiling back. 

The four of you met with the band as they laughed and talked about the show. You met Harry, giving him a hug as you told him that he did amazing out there. He hugged you back tightly, telling you thank you. 

“C’mon,” he said, taking your hand as he wanted to go to his dressing room as you always did after his shows. 

“Oh, uh, actually,” you pulled your hand back, causing him to stop walking. “I’m going out to dinner with Alex…” you said nervously, and he raised his eyebrows, looking down the hall and noticing Alex talking to Adam. 

“Oh okay, yeah. Go ahead,” he let go of your hand, completely dropping it from his as his face dropped. In that moment, you wished you didn’t say yes to Alex and went with Harry to his dressing room. This would be the first time you were going to miss out on dressing room chats as he calmed down from his energetic state from being on stage. It would be the first time you weren’t going back to the hotel with him while holding his hand in the car and up to your rooms. 

“Hey,” Alex caught up to you, not feeling the tension between you and Harry. “Ready to go?” You looked up at him briefly, placing a fake smile on your face before looking back at Harry who already had his back turned towards you, walking to his room. 

“Yeah, I am.” 

21 June 2018

The prospect of not talking to Harry as much hurt you a bit. 

You haven’t had a full conversation with him in about two weeks. The most you’ve ever spoken to him was when someone was looking for him or if he was clearing up and clarifying his schedule. But other than that, nothing. You didn’t know why it was like that, but you tried not to let it get to you as you told yourself that he was tired from the tour. He was on the last month of tour and the flying had definitely caught up to him. 

But that wasn’t the real reason. 

You have been going out with Alex ever since that night in Dallas, and you thought it was nice to have someone to talk to other than Harry and the rest of the crew and band--although they’re very nice and fun people, you saw them everyday. And you came to find out that Alex was even more fun once you’ve gotten to know him even more. 

Alex made you feel free. There was something refreshing about hanging out with him that made you want more, and he definitely took your mind off of thinking about Harry... by having his tongue down your throat and inside of you. There have been plenty of pleasurable times when Alex had made you feel good, and vice versa. It started out in the night at Fort Lauderdale, two days after Dallas, and you went out with Alex to a bar in the city. Both of you had too much to drink and he asked if you wanted to go over to his hotel, which of course you said yes. One thing led to another, and you were underneath him, moaning his name out. Ever since then, he would watch every other show and you two would have date nights that took the night away into a hotel room. 

It was nice, and he liked you and you liked him back. 

Liked him as much as Harry? Not quite. But there were definitely a little bit of feelings for him. Besides, he calls you nice things and tells you you’re pretty. 

It was Harry’s first New York show in Madison Square Garden as a solo artist, and he was pumped, but also a little nervous. You were so incredibly proud of him and what he’s done in his career, so you were happy for him. And you were happy to be back home for a few days as well because you haven’t been home since the beginning of the month. 

Alex stood next to you with an arm around your shoulder the entire time of Harry’s show. He was wearing a custom Gucci white suit with flowers printed all over and the phrase ‘Memento Mori’ underneath it. The lapel part of the suit was a velvet material and he wore a black shirt underneath. The trousers were flared from the knee down, and you absolutely loved it. 

When the show was over, you and Alex headed backstage to meet with the band. You had expected that he wanted to get dinner already, but he hadn’t mentioned anything, so you assumed that you were going to go back to your hotel and hang out with him there. 

“Lovely show, H,” you hugged him tightly, but he didn’t reciprocate the same energy into the hug like you, and you found that odd because he usually hugs you tight. 

“Thanks,” he smiled softly, shaking Alex’s hand before thanking him for coming to the show. 

You turned towards Alex and asked, “What’s the plan for tonight?” 

“Oh, I was going to tell you, but I’m hanging out with a couple of friends from college that live here. So, I can't hang out with you tonight. I’m sorry,” he slightly pouted. “I’ve got to get going now though, so I’ll see you tomorrow?” You nodded understandingly. 

“Yeah, definitely. Probably best we don’t hang out all the time because I don’t want you to get tired of me,” you joked, and he shook his head no. “But I’ll see you tomorrow. Text me,” you told him before he gave you a kiss on the lips before heading towards the exit. 

Harry had watched the whole interaction with a small frown. He tried to contain his jealousy when he saw Alex kiss you and you smiling, but it was difficult for him to not scoff loudly, so he turned around and walked towards his dressing room. You turned around to find Harry missing, and you assumed he went to his dressing room, so you headed over there. You knocked on the door before entering, and you found him on the couch with his phone in his hands. 

“Hey,” you smiled, sitting on the couch as he muttered a ‘hi.’ “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, what makes you think I’m not?” He said defensively, and you furrowed your brows. 

“I never said you weren’t. I just wanted to make sure you were. I haven’t talked to you in a while.” 

“Well, that’s not my fault,” he whispered under his breath before continuing to scroll through his phone. 

There was a bit of a silence, and unfortunately, it was an awkward one. You didn’t feel needed in the dressing room, but you sat there awkwardly as you didn’t know what to say to him. 

“You’re seeing Alex?” He suddenly asked, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah. Just hanging out with him,” you got up to grab a water bottle from the table, and you opened it, taking a sip. 

“So, you’re fucking him?” He said casually, but you choked on your water, immediately coughing. Once you calmed down, you looked at him with watered eyes. 

“Uh…” 

“You can tell me,” he said sternly. 

“I mean, yeah, we had sex a few times, but there’s no label or anything like that. We’re just hanging out,” you told him, and he nodded. 

“Do you like him?” He raised his brows, and you took a deep breath, wondering what all these questions were for. 

“I think so, but-”

“Good, he’s a good guy,” he interrupted you. You liked Alex, yeah, but comparing your feelings for Alex to Harry...unmatchable. “I’m glad you’re happy,” he said, getting up from the couch before grabbing a towel from the vanity and walking out of the dressing room. Once he left, you were alone in the dressing room. You sighed deeply as you buried your face in your hands. 

“Yeah, sure I am.”

22 June 2018

The sound of ringing had woken you up from your slumber. 

You groaned as you tried to make out where your phone might be on your bedside table with your eyes closed, but you were hitting empty spots, so you opened one eye and grabbed your phone. 

“Hello?” Your morning voice coming out through the speaker. 

“Y/N. Can you come by, like right now?” It was Harry on the phone, and you groaned. After the night prior, you thought he didn’t want to talk to you, but seeing as you’re still his assistant, of course he would call you. 

“Why must you call me at,” you pulled your phone back to look at the time, “six in the morning?” 

“Please. It’s important. I have some stuff I need you to do,” he pleaded, and you stretched your limbs out, making inhumane noises while still being on the phone, and Harry chuckled. 

“Fine. Be there in like twenty.”

“Thank you, angel! See you.”

He must be in an awfully good mood this morning, you thought. And it’s been a while since you heard your pet name, but you brushed it off and got ready. 

You unlocked the door of Harry’s house, letting yourself in. You found him sitting on the couch, reading a book until he looked up at the door and saw you. He got up and walked towards you, and opened his arms, giving you a big hug. 

“Hey, angel. Thanks for coming by,” he said into your ear, leaving you in goosebumps. 

“Course. Everything okay?” You asked once you pulled away. 

“Yeah. I miss you, y’know. Feel like we haven’t spoken in a while,” he trailed off a bit, and you squint your eyes at him. 

“I sense a ‘but,’” you said, and he chuckled. 

“I actually need you to get these for me, if that’s okay? Just need them before the show,” he handed you a list, and you looked at it. 

The items were something similar as before: a bouquet of flowers and a gift basket with various types of snacks. As you read through it, that’s when you knew and your heart sank. 

“So who is it?” Harry looked at you curiously, and you waved around the list up. “Who are you dating?” 

“Oh, this girl I met through a mutual friend. She actually was at the Dallas show and we met after at a bar. She’s in the fashion industry; her name is Rena,” he explained with a smile. “She’s coming to the show tonight, so I just wanted to get her a little something.” 

“Okay, I’m on it. I’ll see you tonight,” you headed out, figuring since you had nothing else to do, you could stretch your errands out until the show. You decided to have breakfast first and get some coffee since it was quite early still, and enjoy a day to yourself until Harry introduces you to yet another girl. 

Rena was a nice lady. She was two years older than you and Harry, and she was drop dead gorgeous. You’ve never seen anyone this stunning up close. She always had the sweetest smile, and you were contemplating if she was real or not, and why Harry is calling you ‘angel’ and not her. It was difficult to hate her, and it’s not like you wanted to, but considering that you have feelings for Harry, you wanted something to be wrong about her--maybe a Brooke 2.0, but she was so kind to you, and she loved everything that was gifted to her from Harry, even if the items were the smallest things. So, there were no complaints. 

Harry seemed happy with her, so that’s all that mattered. 

1 July 2018

It seemed like Rena was around all the time now, like she was at every show since night two in New York. You tried to busy yourself by going around the town you were in or talking to Alex, but you missed Harry. It was always like this when he was dating someone; the first few months, he would completely forget about you and always hang out with the person, but once he starts settling in, he wants to talk to you. And since he’s only been dating Rena for a month, he hasn’t been talking to you lately. 

You watched Harry on stage in St. Paul next to Rena, Alex, and Jeff as Harry was wearing a sparkly pink Gucci shirt with a pussybow on the front and some black trousers. The energy in the room was amazing. By far it was the best performance of ‘Medicine’ you’ve seen him perform. He even held out a pair of handcuffs in front of the crowd, making them go crazy, and he looked up at your section, glancing at Rena before smirking, making you cringe a tad bit as she cheered. 

At the end of the show, you greeted the band, and immediately Rena was attached to Harry, which made you impatient because you wanted to hug him like you always do. But they were wrapped in each other’s arms as they kissed, no plans of letting go of one another. 

“Hey, wanna head out?” Alex asked. You still hadn’t said hello to Harry, but you figured you could text him later, so you nodded, glancing back at the two of them and walked out with Alex. He took you to a diner that wasn’t too far from the hotel and you both ate breakfast for a midnight meal because breakfast simply hits differently when it’s at an unusual hour. Alex then walked you back to the hotel room, and you were exhausted by this point. You just wanted to get out of your shoes and sleep for a very long time. You were lucky that you weren’t sharing a room with Alex because sometimes you just needed to be alone, and this moment was that time. “So, I’ve been meaning to ask you something,” he said, stopping in front of your room and your brows raised as he continued. “We’ve been dating for about a month now, and I really like you, so I wanted to ask if you wanted to be my girlfriend.”

You had expected anything else, but that question. Your heart beat practically stopped for a moment as you looked at him, wondering if he was serious, and when he didn’t say he was joking, you realized that he was actually being serious. 

“Oh, uhm…”

“It’s been fun getting to know you and travelling to these places with you, so I figured it was time to ask you.”

“Alex...you’re a really nice guy, but I’m just not sure I can be your girlfriend,” you told him honestly, and his brows furrowed. 

“Why’s that?”

“I-I like you, but I feel like my feelings for you aren’t 100% there when it comes to being your girlfriend.” He only nodded, and you were getting quite anxious when he didn’t say anything. 

He then started laughing, pacing around in the hallway and you crossed your arms. 

“That’s hilarious,” he said. 

“What-”

“No, the only reason you don’t want to be with me is because you’re in love with someone else!” His voice raised, making the hallway echo a bit. You looked at him, not knowing what to say. “Yeah. I know you’re in love with Harry. Noticed that the first time I met you; that you were staring right at someone that wasn’t yours, but desperately wanted to be.”

“I…” you were speechless. Had you really been that obvious about your feelings towards Harry that everyone around you noticed? 

“It’s a shame though, isn’t it?” He had a grin of the devil; mischievously and humiliating. You looked at him nervously, urging him to continue. “You’re in love with someone that doesn’t even want you,” he stated. “That doesn’t look your way for a second when he thinks about a relationship because you’re only his assistant. Not once would he look your way down the street if you weren’t working for him,” he looked you up and down, and your eyes started watering, and you were embarrassed that you were about to cry in front of Alex as he crushed you in every possible way. “It’s okay, don’t cry. You have me,” he opened his arms to take you in for a hug, but you physically pushed him away because now you were angry. 

“I have you? Are you fucking kidding me? After you just humiliated me?” You were breathing out through your nose as your tears made their way down your cheeks. 

“Hey, I’m just telling you the truth-”

“Why did you even ask me to be your girlfriend?” You asked, genuinely confused on his logic. 

“Well, the question that you’re supposed to be asking is why did I talk to you in the first place?” 

“Why did you?” 

“Since you want to know so bad,” he teased, and you rolled your eyes. “When I saw you, I definitely liked you, but then I saw you were giving heart eyes to Harry, so I thought I could change your mind. See if I could switch your feelings up,” he chuckled. 

“So, this was some sort of experiment? Guessing your hypothesis was wrong then, huh? Go ahead and write your conclusion as: fucked her, but dick wasn’t good enough to fall in love. So, fuck off,” you rolled your eyes and opened the door before slamming it shut in his face. Your back was leaning against the door as more that you’ve been holding onto fell from your face as you heard him still talk. 

“You’ll never be like Brooke or Rena, or whoever he dates in the future! You’re nothing to him!” He yelled through the door as his words came out muffled. 

Sliding down the door, you finally heard him leave, and you were full on sobbing. You tried not to let his words get the better of you, but the way Alex spat them out so easily, it was hard not to. 

Because what if he’s right. 

7 July 2018

Harry noticed that you had been feeling off the entire week. 

It was like you were simply existing, but not present in some moments when people would talk to you. You had this dull look on your face, and it wasn’t the same as your bright and happy look that he looked forward to everyday. He noticed it when everyone was leaving from Minnesota, and he told himself that it was because you were tired, which was true, but he didn’t know the whole reason. 

After the show in Seattle, he didn’t see you like he used to, and he wondered where you or if you even watched the show. Once he high fived and talked to everyone for a bit, he headed to his dressing room, hoping that you were in there, but you weren’t. So now, he was worried. 

H: Hey, where are you? He texted. Luckily, Rena wasn’t around anymore because she would want all his attention after the show. He simply couldn’t take someone being so clingy, so he called things off with her. It may have also had to do with the fact that he didn’t want to hide his feelings anymore, and being with other people just wasn’t working for him anymore. Not when you were in front of him. 

It’s been a long time coming now, and he felt stupid for not telling you in the first place since he’s been in love with you since last year--during the time he was with Brooke. He was honestly afraid to tell you, and when he heard Brooke say it, he just felt so much shock run through him, so he kept his mouth shut. He didn’t have an excuse as to why he got with other people while being in love with you, but it just made him feel in control of himself because he couldn’t control his feelings towards you, so he got scared. So, he decided that when everyone gets to California in two days, he’s going to confess his entire feelings for you. 

Harry walked to your hotel room, knocking on it as he waited for you to answer. He could hear shuffling and movement through the door, and he hoped to god that Alex wasn’t in there with you. 

“Who is it?” You said through the door, softly. 

“Angel, it’s Harry. Can I see you?” He asked. There was a pause, but then he heard the door handle rattled as you opened the door. 

Your face was a crying mess and your hair was up in a very messy bun. Harry’s mouth opened slightly as he concerningly asked, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” His question and concern had made you sob even more as you shook your head. “C’mere,” he pulled you in for a hug and you sobbed into his chest as he walked you over to the edge of your bed. He observed your room and saw that there were a stack of clothes folded on the other bed along with your open luggage with some of your belongings inside. “Angel, what’s going on?” You pulled your head out of his chest to look at him, knowing that he was probably wondering why you were packing; and he had a sad expression on his face. 

“I’m leaving,” you simply said. 

“Leaving? Where are you going?” His brows furrowed. 

“I’m going back home.” 

“W-What? Why?” 

“I can’t be your assistant anymore, Harry,” you cried, and Harry’s heart sank as his jaw dropped. 

“What are you talking about? A-Are you quitting?” You stood up, placing the stack of clothes in your luggage as you sorted them. 

“Y-Yeah,” you said quietly, and Harry has never been more confused in his life. 

“W-What did I do wrong? I’m sorry we haven’t been seeing each other lately, but I promise after tour-”

“No, no. It’s not you, I promise,” you shook your head. In this moment, you felt like you should tell him everything because he deserved an explanation from you. “Please, listen, okay?” He nodded. You walked to sit on the desk chair in front Harry as he sat on the edge of the bed. You proceeded to tell him everything that Alex said from him asking you to be his girlfriend to you saying no. “He said these mean things that-”

“What the fuck did he say?” He gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. 

“Just listen,” you stopped him. “He said those things because I’m in love with someone else…I’m in love with you, and you probably heard Brooke say that, but you didn’t say anything, so I just assumed that you didn’t want to believe it.” It was the words Harry has been wanting to hear and he went to open his mouth, but you immediately started talking again. “I have been ever since I started working for you, and I thought it was just a crush on my boss, but it’s way more than that. Alex told me I’m not good enough for you and that you would never love me, and I think that’s true-” 

“No! That’s not true! I love-”

“Please, don’t,” you shook your head as you sobbed. You’ve been waiting for years to hear those words, but you knew that you couldn’t hear them just yet. “Don’t say those words because I’m leaving and to prove Alex wrong.” 

“I’m not trying to prove him wrong, it’s true,” Harry’s eyes watered, and you sighed.

“What he said got me thinking…I go to all these stores and pick shit up for your love interests, sending me a list of all their favorite things, and wishing that they were for me. And in the midst of it, I realized you don’t know what my favorite flower is! I’ve been hurting for so long that I covered it up everytime and put a fake smile on my face just to see you happy.”

“Your favorite flower is-”

“I just really think that I deserve to be happy as well,” you nodded your head as a way to try and convince yourself. 

“You do deserve to be happy, angel baby. But we can be happy together? I-I… want you here. With me.” His voice was filled with hope, and it only made it harder for you. 

You closed your eyes for a moment, burying your face in your hands. “I want that so bad. I do, H. But I really need to be happy with myself and by myself first. I depended on you and the others around me a lot, and I just didn’t save that love for myself, so…I need to leave,” you sniffled, wiping your cheeks. 

“And when you come back?” 

“I don’t know when that will be or what’s going to happen, but I’m not asking you to wait for me or anything because you should live your life. But when I come back, I’ll call you, and we’ll talk,” you told him, and it seemed like you had everything planned already, but you were just as lost as he was. He dropped his head, crying into his hands. You rolled your chair closer to him, grabbing his wrists, and he lifted his head. “We’ll be alright, okay? Just need a little time to myself.” He nodded, sniffling. 

You stood up and walked over to your luggage, zipping it closed before you looked around to see if you forgot anything. Harry stood up and walked over to you, grabbed your wrists, and pulled you to him, giving you a hug. His face was buried in your neck and you felt him press kisses against your skin as he cried. 

“You’ll be back?” The pain in his voice was enough to tip you over the edge of bawling. 

“Yeah, I’ll be back,” you said in between sniffs. “I’m going to stay with my parents for a while; get a job back in Oregon,” you told him, so he’s not completely out of the loop. He pulled back, looking down at you. 

“When you come back, your job will always be here.” You smiled sadly, raising your hand to caress his cheek. 

“We’ll see, okay? But I have to go to the airport now. My flight is in two hours,” you managed to free yourself from his grasp as it tightened so you wouldn’t go, but you really had to. 

“Let me drop you off?” He offered, and you shook your head. 

“No, it’s only going to make this harder,” you said, grabbing your luggage and backpack. “Have a great rest of the tour, alright? Take care of yourself,” you placed your palm on his cheek again, looking in his sad eyes before you reached up and kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you, honey.”

You walked out of the room with no glance back at him, and Harry was alone in your hotel room, and it was the last memory of you that would be ingrained in his mind forever. 

14 July 2018 

The crowd cheered loud for Harry for his final show in Los Angeles. He overwhelmingly smiled as he took a deep breath before continuing onto the next song. Everyone seemed to know what the next song on the set list was, so the room went a bit quiet as the crowd turned on their flashlights as the lights went completely dark, and the only thing was heard was the strumming of the guitar. 

Woke up alone in this hotel room… As he sang, he took in his own lyrics, feeling like they really related to him at the moment despite writing the song two years ago. Harry sang with every emotion in him as he let it all out in the dark room that was silent, and the only thing he heard was his voice and the guitar that was played by Mitch. 

We haven’t spoke since you went away…He had thought of you every night he sang this song since you left in Seattle, and it pained him that there was no contact between you ever since you left, but he figured that was what you wanted. What you needed. 

Comfortable silence is so overrated… The moments when there would be silence between you two, he hated looking back at those moments because he knew he should’ve said something, you would’ve still been here. 

Why won’t you ever say what you want to say? Why didn’t you say anything, Harry? 

Even my phone misses your call, by the way…He missed your contact name pop up on his phone that went along with his contact picture for you. You were smiling bright as you ate ice cream. It was a summer day in New York and really warm outside, so you decided you two took a break from running around and got some ice cream. You were so happy that day, and he was happy he got it on camera. 

Harry would often find himself looking at your pictures together; trying to pinpoint the exact moment you knew you were in love with him. Your smile always made his day, and it broke his heart knowing that he wouldn’t get to see that smile for a long while--at least he hoped it’s not a long time till he gets to see you again. Since, he knew when his feelings had progressed, he looked back on the pictures when he knew he fell hard. His smile had gotten bigger and the look he gave you was full of love, and he wished that you saw how he looked at you. 

He missed you so much. 

13 December 2019

It took you quite a while since you felt whole again. 

You hadn’t felt so empty as you had been when you left Seattle. The year and a half you spent back at home really helped you with that. You were able to find yourself again; spending time with your family and with yourself was something so refreshing that you cherished every moment with them. You learned a lot about yourself, and you reshaped your own worth and values. You came back stronger than ever and you’ve never been happier than you are now. 

You nervously walked over to the section you were going to be sitting in. The room was dark and the crowd was absolutely wild as they were finally seeing the one person they’ve been waiting for. You looked down, watching your step as you held your phone with the flashlight on your feet as they stepped onto the red floor of the pit, until you saw the familiar faces you’ve been looking for. 

“Y/N! There you are!” Glenne smiled, taking you in for a hug. “I’ve missed you babe,” she said in your ear as you hugged her tight. 

“I missed you too, so much.”

“Hey, Y/N. It’s good to see you again,” Jeff said, giving you a warm embrace. 

The music was playing and the crowd had gotten louder as the man of the hour finally stepped on stage, and all the spotlights were pointed on him. You watched him as he walked down from the high stage to the main stage, grabbing his guitar as said hello to everyone before strumming the first note. 

As you remembered, he was amazing on stage as he wore the same outfit as the album cover. He ignited the crowd with his charm and voice that left people in tears from being so overwhelmed by him. You felt overwhelmed as well; seeing him for the first time in a year and a half had made you quite emotional. 

You knew you wanted to go to Harry’s ‘One Night Only’ show when he first announced it. From keeping in contact with him, you figured you could keep in contact with updates of him, and what he’s up to these days. You streamed his music, watched his music videos, and stayed up late just to hear a snippet of him on the radio. You were always excited when you would get the notification on your phone of new pictures and videos of him because that was the only way you were able to see him. You found out that he had spent quite some time in Japan towards the end of last year and the beginning of this year. You really hoped he was doing okay. During the days of finding yourself, the thought of seeing him again had scared you, and you weren’t ready for that, so you waited until this day to see him. 

So, at the beginning of the week, you had texted Glenne that you wanted to go to the show, and she immediately said yes, putting your name on the list. You told her not to tell Harry just yet because you wanted to surprise him, and she was on board with the idea as was Jeff. 

They were both really supportive of you during your times sulking and growing, and Glenne had even visited you in Oregon to make sure you were okay and simply just missing you. You were really thankful for both of them because you knew that it was hard to see their two friends in pain, but you were glad that they supported your decision. Glenne had always known that you were in love with Harry, and you told her ever since you figured your feelings out. But you had made her swear on her life and Jeff’s that she wouldn’t say a word about it to anyone, not even Jeff (although Jeff saw it coming). 

“He’s going to be so happy to see you and know that you’re here,” Glenne said to you as the beginning of ‘Fine Line’ was starting. You thought the album was an  absolute masterpiece that was composed of beautiful lyrics, melodies, and emotion. You made sure to dance and cheer for the songs you didn’t know the words to extra loud, and you sang to the ones you knew without hesitation. You stayed up all night, listening to the album multiple times on repeat and trying to get the words down, and you were sure everyone did the same. 

As you listened to Harry sing the outro and the words ‘We’ll be alright’ coming out so effortlessly, you were reminded of your words to him as you left the hotel room. The song was quite hard hitting and you felt every inch of your skin cover in goosebumps. 

You practically lost your shit when Stevie Nicks came out and performed ‘Landslide’ with him, and when he sang ‘Wonderful Christmas Time’ while fake snow was falling from the ceiling. Before you knew it, Harry was in the middle of singing ‘Kiwi,’ and Glenne tapped your arm, telling you to follow her and you knew that you three were going backstage already. You felt butterflies in your stomach, feeling really nervous to see him again up close after a year and a half; and you only hoped that he was happy to see you as well. 

You heard the muffled final beat of the song as the crowd loudly cheered for him, telling him to do another song, but you knew that it was the end of the show. Jeff had walked way ahead of you both to grab Harry really quick, so he could point his attention towards you. Your hands were shaking as your arm was looped with Glenne’s as she provided physical support for you, holding you up, and continuously telling you that he’s going to be so ecstatic. 

Cheers erupted from the crew as everyone hugged each other, proud and happy of the success of Harry’s first show of his sophomore album. Once you were close enough, you could make out everyone’s faces. The band was there along with Harry’s friends and producers that had written the album with him. Finally, there was Harry; his back was facing you as he hugged Jeff, and Jeff gave you an amusing smile as he hugged his best friend. You heard him whisper into Harry’s ear, and Harry pulled back, saying, “What?” 

Jeff nodded, and Harry quickly turned around. His face was pulled into a shocked expression as his eyes widened and his body was practically frozen as he took in your presence. You smiled softly, waiting for him to say or do something because you didn’t know how he felt with you being here on his special night. 

Finally, he took two long strides towards you, pulling you in for a hug. Your body collided with his, and smiled into his shoulder, wrapping your arms around his tone body. 

“How are you?” You whispered in his ear as you practically felt him shaking in your arms. 

“I’m doing good. Better now,” he said softly. “What the fuck are you doing here, angel?” He chuckled, finally realizing that you were here in his arms. The sound of your pet name had widened your smile as your eyes watered; feeling so happy that you finally got to hear that name come from out of his mouth again. 

“Came to see you,” you said in his neck. He pulled back, looking at you in the eye before smiling like crazy as he took you in his arms again. He felt like he was on the moon; the overwhelming feeling of the feedback from the album, the show, and now finally getting to see you for the first time in a very long time—he truly couldn’t believe it, so he held you tight, not wanting to let you go as he felt like if he did, then you would vanish again. You felt his hesitancy or not wanting to let you go, so you whispered in his ear, “Hey, I’m here. Not leaving.” 

He eventually pulled back, and noticed everyone that gathered around you two, and smiles were on their faces with their hands over their hearts. They all had really witnessed Harry struggle the past year and a half; from song writing, recording, rehearsing, and just being present. They really saw Harry at his lowest, and now they're happy to finally see him happy now that you’re here. 

“I-I have to go meet some people and take some pictures, but do you think, uhm…” he trailed off, realizing that he might be acting too eager. 

“H, I’m right here. Do what you have to do, and I’ll wait for you, alright?” You told him with a smile, and he nodded. He didn’t want to walk away from you, but you knew that some people were waiting for him, so he had to leave. He gave you one last hug, which brightened your smile, and he walked down the hall of The Forum. “Stay in my dressing room!” He called out, and you laughed, remembering the talks and moments in his dressing room after his shows. 

Heading over to his dressing room, you stopped to say hi to everyone as they excitedly greeted you. You couldn’t believe that you were here again. The journey to get here was a struggle, but reuniting with everyone had made it so worth it—seeing Harry again was worth it, and you knew that you had to do it. 

After an hour of catching up with the crew and band, and sitting on his couch, mindlessly flipping through the pages of the Fine Line Booklet that contained pictures of Harry in the process of recording his album, he finally showed up. Sighing as he walked in from the rush of the entire day, once he saw your face again, he knew he wasn’t in the state of dreaming because you were really here. 

He took a seat on the couch next to you, taking your hand in his. He hesitantly raised your hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on the back of it; you smiled at the sweet gesture, caressing your thumb against his hand. 

“How are you, angel?” He asked, softly smiling as he was trying to contain his excitement that you’re finally here. 

“I’m good, H. I’m happy,” you said, and hearing that made Harry’s eyes glossy because that’s all he wanted from you. He wanted you to be happy; with yourself, with others, and with life. 

“I’m so glad to hear you say that,” he smiled, dimples poking out. You reached over to caress his cheek, rubbing his dimple out, and he turned his head to kiss the inside of your hand. 

“I want to hear everything from you--catch me up on everything?” He nodded eagerly, wanting that from you too. 

“Security said that the parking lot is empty now because they had to practically kick everyone out, so there’s no one out there, but what do you say we go out there and walk around the parking lot?” He suggested. It was almost midnight, and despite being exhausted and overwhelmed by this whole day, he’d rather stay up and talk for hours with you. 

“Are you sure? You’re not tired?” You asked, and he shook your head. 

“No, not at all. It’s been a year and a half since I last saw you. I want to spend time with you.”

“Okay, I’d like that,” you smiled, and he nodded, telling you that he was going to change really quick. He walked over to his duffel bag, grabbing some clothes before walking over to the changing room that was in his dressing room. Before he walked in, he turned around, facing you. 

“Hey.” You perked up, smiling. He missed your smile so damn much. “Your favorite flower is a baby pink peony,” he said before walking into the room. 

You were immediately taken back to the night when you had left when you had told him that he didn’t know what your favorite flower was, but all this time, he knew. He had always known. 

Walking towards the exit of the venue, the night was dark as the moon shined from up above you. With cold air rushing through you, you shivered, and Harry smiled next to you as you two walked through the emptiness of the parking lot. Before you two even spoke a word on how to go about having the ‘catch up’ conversation, you sensed Harry’s nervousness as he felt a bit hesitant with you because of the distance and time spent apart. But you wanted to remind him that you were the same person. You had the same feelings for him, and you really hoped he had some feelings for you too. 

So, you brushed your left hand against his right hand, cheeks flushed, and you interlock your fingers together, holding his warm ringed hand with your small one. 

This was it--this moment right here. This was where you were supposed to be. 

please come into my inbox and tell me how you’re feeling and what you thought of this! she was an emotional one :’)

[danghyuk]

BTS having a tall but timid boyfriend

A/N: Request by: @awkfanboy, this is really long (like 2,6k words oof) and I’m sorry it took ages to finish. ​​

Namjoon:

Namjoon is the tallest member in BTS, and though he’s not used to be the smaller person for once, it’s not a bad thing at all. It’s not before one of his fellow members points it out, that Namjoon starts to notice the slight difference in your heights.

With the slight teasing about how Namjoon isn’t the tallest anymore, especially from the youngest, the older members like Seokjin also starts to hint about and assume your bedroom situation. 

Though Namjoon never comments on it. He’s mature about the teasing and he knows to keep your private matters to himself. In fact, he often refrains himself from smiling due to the rest of the members being so clueless and assuming that your height defines who’s the more dominant. The two of you are not your average heteronormative couple, starting with the both of you not being straight, so why do the same social expectations apply to you in every aspect?

They just continue with the teasing, taking it for granted since Namjoon never says or does anything against their claims. He wants the members to see for themselves rather than correcting them for judging a book by its cover. Because he also assumed that you would take the lead when it came to sex, and Namjoon doesn’t want to appear as a hypocrite. 

So, when he finally introduces you to his fellow band members, he refrains himself from laughing as their expressions one by one changes into pure surprise. None of them can tear their eyes away from the two of you, and being shy, you naturally hide your face into Namjoon’s neck, to which he just smiles and pulls you closer. There’s not really a distinct height difference between the two of you, but it’s still surprising to see your taller and longer frame sitting on Namjoon’s lap. 

Seokjin:

No one, not even Namjoon believes that you – Seokjin’s tall and intimidating boyfriend, are as shy and cute as he describes you as. “What do I have to do, huh? Drag my small baby to meet all of you hyper kids at the same time?” “Hyung, I’m sure [Name] is a lot of things, but small is not one of them…”

It takes a lot, and I mean a lot, of persuasion (and diversity of bribery) from Jin’s side to make you finally accept the fact that you were going to meet them all at once. A pep talk, murmurs of sweet nothings and loving kisses is a big part of it (and it never fails to make you blush, which Seokjin takes great pleasure in – that sadistic bastard).

Seokjin reassures the rest of his bandmates that he under no circumstances was trying to hide you, but then again no one believes that you’re as shy as he makes you out to be. On the other hand, he resonates with you that he wants the most important people in his life to meet. 

On the big day, neither of you can tell who’s the most nervous judging by both of your clammy hands (Seokjin simply refuses to let go of your hand). He steers you right away towards the couch when you’re done taking off your outerwear because he knows for a fact that you’re not going to be left alone for the entire evening. The couch is therefor the perfect limbo, he can press himself into your taller and warmer frame at the same time as the members can join you.

 Meeting them isn’t as chaotic as you thought it would be, and the members (especially the younger ones) are perplexed, which quickly turns to giddiness. They do not pry much (thanks to Jin’s warning looks and Yoongi’s sharp elbow into Jeongguk’s stomach), but their curious eyes bulge every time your cheeks flush due to Seokjin’s flirty antics, and whenever your hand unconsciously searches for Seokjin’s calming touch. By the end of the day, your boyfriend is wearing a permanent smirk and your ears have never felt warmer due to Seokjin ‘accidentally showing off the long scratch marks on his back. 

Yoongi: 

Yoongi can be blunt when he wants to, not to mention honest, but there are some aspects of his private life he values too much. One of those being you, of course. The other members know he has a boyfriend of some sort; however, they are rather bad at getting any type of information out of him. Jimin and Seokjin are the nosiest, being two different menaces – one nagging and one too curious for his own good.

From what they have gathered, they know that you are younger than Yoongi and that’s about it. Despite Yoongi rarely opening up when it comes to the boyfriend topic, he does sometimes slip up. Like that one time you changed his lock screen to the two of you and he forgot to change it back.

Despite his fellow band members constantly begging him to introduce you to them, Yoongi declines every time with no room for any argument. What his members don’t know is his reasons for not wanting to introduce you to them just yet. Even after being together for almost four months, you’re still extremely shy and nervous around large groups of people, especially nosy ones. BTS is exactly that and because they’re considered as his second family, he just knows you will be way more nervous meeting them and to give them a good impression of yourself. 

When they do meet you, it is just by accident and poor miscalculations. Yoongi had texted you earlier to come over and with a clear signal that the dorm was empty except him. However, it is not your boyfriend who opens the door for you when you arrive. Jimin, who wasn’t expecting anyone, mirrors your shocked expression as you both stare at each other for a while. He figures out who you are immediately seeing as Yoongi was everything but subtle when he pulled you after him in a hurried manner towards his room, and he doesn’t waste a single second to text everyone about his discovery. 

When the rest of the members arrive back home, they are met with a pretty funny and slightly pathetic sight. You, a 190cm tall male, trying your best to hide behind your much smaller boyfriend. Your much taller form next to the smallest idols in BTS is a sight to take in. Just like Jimin, all of them are shocked by your height, but also how you behave around Yoongi. With looks as sharp as knives from Yoongi, no one dares to look at the two of you too long nor ask the question at the tip of everyone’s tongue. This lasts until Yoongi, by accident again, manages to tug your sweater down and expose your hickey covered throat. 

Hoseok:

When Hoseok starts to date you, everybody knows it. Before they have even met you, BTS knows what your favourite colour is, how you look when you sleep and how many plants you have. He can’t particularly help it since you’re his favourite topic and honestly, everyone is rather amazed at him not having exposed your relationship. The weird thing, which Yoongi pinpoints every time you are brought up in a conversation, is that they have yet to meet you.

Being constantly reminded by the other’s and not having a good answer as to why they haven’t met you, makes them slightly annoyed. You are already a huge part of Hoseok’s life and it’s not hard to see how much you affect him in every aspect. A single text from you can make his entire day and he wears the same dreamy smile whenever he returns from a date with you. 

There’s nothing else Hoseok wants to do other than introduce you to them, but he respects your comfort zone and takes your feelings into consideration. If you don’t feel ready meeting them, then he’ll wait for you 100%. You’re his adorable boyfriend after all, even with your taller and bigger build, he adores how easy he can make you flush and writhe underneath him.

“Yah! When are you going to introduce your boyfriend to us?” “Soon, I hope. He’s just… really shy.” Whenever Hoseok uses that specific word to describe you, the others have a hard time believing him due to his other stories about you. Luckily, they do not have to wait long before you agree to meet them all.

The first introduction goes like dream, except for the many times you hit your head in the door frames. They are all in awe of your height, whether they voice it out loud or not (like Taehyung asking you if he could get a piggyback ride). Some of them feel slightly guilty for not believing the rapper earlier, though those feelings are quickly brushed away by their curiosity. How come someone so tall has a personality resembling that of a fragile flower? Another thing they learn, to their surprise, is Hoseok’s new favourite hobby – teasing you until you’re hiding in his embrace.

Jimin: 

The first thing Jimin had noticed when he saw you was your undeniable height, but it wasn’t what drew him towards you. He can’t deny that you look absolutely stunning, with your long legs wrapped in skinny jeans or slacks that make your figure seem as if you’re sculpted by the gods, but he simply can’t enough of your flushed cheeks and you averting your eyes whenever the two of you lock eyes for more than five seconds.

He simply thrives on how completely different you are compared to your looks. Even though he is the smallest in BTS and is relentlessly teased for it, he has absolutely no problem standing at the tip of his toes just to whisper something dirty in your ear, kiss your nape or just tug you down by your collar to meet your lips in a deep kiss. 

Because of Jimin’s never-ending PDA, you’ve gotten quite used to being showered in affection and more used to ignore prying looks, though you can’t stop yourself from blushing whenever he decides he wants to kiss you. And you just know he does it on purpose, that’s a no-brainer because your boyfriend will always, without a doubt, burst out in a cute high-pitched giggle every single time he manages to make you hide behind your own hands. 

Jimin is pretty quick to introduce you to his friends and the first thing they immediately point out are your ridiculous differences in height as if you weren’t aware of it yourselves. Your boyfriend is used to comments like that, but you aren’t and causes you to step behind Jimin- using him as a shield. You’re practically digging your own grave by trying to hide behind your boyfriend, BTS are ruthless and they tease you even more after laughing at your attempt at hiding. 

BTS thinks it’s cute how the two of you compliment yet contrast each other in your relationship. With your tall build and shy nature, it’s easy to imagine your personality as cold and stoic, so, until now you’ve done nothing but turning the other member’s expectations upside down. They still can’t phantom the image of you turning towards Jimin for permission someone asks you to do something or join them. 

Taehyung:

Like Namjoon, he isn’t really aware of height until he has a hard time kissing you, messing with your hair or jumping at your back for you to carry him. He also tends to forget how tall you actually are because he is a rather spontaneous and impulsive person. It doesn’t bother him even if he has to ask you to bend down time after time, Taehyung just huffs in fake annoyance and simply tugs your head downwards.

Due to your own awkward and timid personality, you feel bad whenever he has to ask you to bend down. Taehyung thinks you’re being ridiculous when you tell him and shows you just how hot he thinks your taller frame really is. That certain event made Taehyung realise in which direction your relationship was establishing and unfolding, and he realised how little he cared whether you took control or not.

The discovery makes him more aware of your sheepish habits and your reserved way of accepting his affections. From how your neck would turn darker whenever he does something you really like or display your relationship – to how you would try to make yourself smaller next to him in the public (he always scolds you for doing so because he’s worried about your posture). 

The two of you have spun your own net of habits around you and your relationship, which you often are unaware of, but when you meet his bandmates, they’re a little thrown off at how you and Taehyung’s dynamics work. You are completely used to your boyfriend making the decisions and don’t think much of it until the rest of BTS, especially Jimin and Hoseok, catch on to who’s really in charge. 

Suddenly you find yourself in the middle of a sexual innuendos and joke battle, and your face feeling as if it’s on fire does anything but defuse the situation. Even after getting Taehyung to save you and sitting in his lap, it’s Seokjin and Jeongguk’s turn to laugh seeing as you’re trapping your smaller boyfriend between you and the couch. Having the build like an intimidating basketball player doesn’t help your case when a little kiss makes into a stuttering and flustered mess. 

Jeongguk:

Your height is something Jeongguk was jealous of originally before you got together and before he knew that your ‘tall, mysterious and handsome’ appearance is you being too reserved for socialising in large groups of people. Now he just relishes and finds pride in being able to push you down on your couch, bed, floor, whatever to start a heavy makeout session, knowing you love it as much as he does.

He loves to show you off to everyone, everywhere. “Look at my boyfriend, isn’t he gorgeous?” “He’s legit a tree, Jeongguk, but sure.” Having him constantly spewing out compliments and bragging left and right, doesn’t help your shy persona at all and makes you pull out of social interactions more often than not.

Thus, portraying yourself as unapproachable and standoffish to others. BTS has a hard time warming up to you since the first few introductions were brief and pretty awkward for both parts. Even though they’re all impressed by your height, it just adds to your ‘tough guy’ image. Jeongguk doesn’t give up however and tries harder to include you in the group activities. 

Whenever you try to excuse yourself or go somewhere quieter, your boyfriend hurries to pull you back in even if he has to haul your tall ass over his shoulder. It’s quite the sight to see the youngest member dragging his way taller boyfriend after him as if he has no worries. Your flushed expression makes them ponder a bit before they all realise the same. Seokjin even apologies for not being the most welcoming, they just found you slightly intimidating, and of course, that makes you even more flustered as you accept their apology. 

After the big revelation, Jeongguk’s friends watch your interactions with your boyfriend wide-eyed, disappointed in themselves for not having noticed your constant flustered expressions, how you seem to lean on Jeongguk and the fact that it’s the youngest BTS member who initiates all physical contact like kissing you and placing his hands on your thighs. The two of you fit together like a puzzle even if some stereotypical roles are reversed. 

[changlix-mp4]

BANG CHRISTOPHER CHAN ♡ : A TO Z - ( NSFW )

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

well , we all know how caring he is?

he is so dad , caring , like yea daddy ( sorry ksjsk )

ok for real ,

I think he is the type to wait a little bit , to let you both calm down , holding you into his arms

after cleaning you up

he’s gonna be soft with you

treat you right huh

little caresses and all

he is so affectionate , he’s so adorable ,, I want to hug him forever 

*crying session is open*

I definitively can see him wanting to cuddle you afterwards

he would lay his head on your chest at first , wanting you to play with his soft curly hair

NATURAL CURLY HAIRED CHAN SUPERIOR , BARE WITH ME

after awhile , he would put your head on his chest and his turn , he would play with your hair

holding you close with his hand on your waist until you both fall asleep

c u t e .

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Well , before I start ,,

Chan said he loves his dimples when he smiles ,, well same

SO

I think Chan’s favourite body part are his dimples and his whole body? I mean I don’t really know, and I can’t really explain , but the fact that he works out and take care of his body ,,

he prob likes his arms aswell ( anyways , I do )

For his partner , he’d prob likes ,, oh no ,, loves your thighs , the skin so soft , smooth  ( so sexc sksj ) ,, he loves the fact that they’re not too slim and skinny . He also likes your plump lips , so kissable and soft and your tummy uwu

knowing Chan , I bet this boy loves every parts of your body

I know y’all don’t care , but

I love Chan’s veiny arms , his hands omfg choke me daddy , his cheeks , his hair , his smile omg, well … EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM ! His dimples are my weakness bye.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

not the greatest taste?

but more liquidy and not sticky gross

so I-

I think it’s fine to swallow it?

he thinks it’s hot when you do this

but he’s not the type to want you to do things that make you uncomfortable

If you don’t want to swallow it , then don’t do it

If you want to , just do it

you’ll just make him moan at the sight before him

he likes loves to cum inside

it’s his fav place

when he doesn’t cum inside you

he would cum on your thighs ( because he loves them asf )

and your stomach too

but not on your face

you both find it gross so it’s a big no no

and it’s more embarrassing than sexy so , NO

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

chan is actually pretty open about his kinks?

he’s a dom ( we all know it jk )

act like he knows what he’s doing

but sometimes it’s not the case

actually there is one thing he’ll probably never admit

he acts like he wants to do all the job

the one who control

but daddy he wants to feel special sometimes

that’s why he f loves when you want to take control

he’d act like he doesn’t want to , but boy inside is burning with excitments & anticipation

I also think chan is the type to use your underwear when he jacks off

the thought of you in them, really turns him on

he’s just a bit ashamed to steal some panties of yours he loves a lot

ohh and he really wants to try fingering you in a public place

like in a restaurant? , library

He’s nervous about bringing it up tho. It’s a thought that he jacks off to sometimes

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

not really experienced.

chris is super hot , well build , really charming , polite and all

let’s just say perfect ( I’m not even exaggerating )

everyone want to get in his pants

but

I’m pretty sure chan is a virgin ,,

I mean , he prob just saw a few porns

my boy is really intelligent so

he just learn very fast skjsl

but yea ,,

and plus , he was a trainee since he was young , 14?

being under jyp had its own restrictions

and I don’t think he needed that and he had time for that

busy man *sigh*

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. will probably include a visual)

I don’t think he is very demanding

chan is someone very simple , understanding , he’s just not complicated

not someone hard to please

so I think ,

he enjoys the traditional one ( lmao ) missionary?

he also enjoys doggy style too

he can pulls on your hair to lift you up and have your back against his chest

in this position he can put his hand on your stomach and your neck to slighty squeeze it

AND

he loves when you ride him

boy gets harder than he was ,, as hard as a rock

is that possible??

this position makes him horny asf

he finds it f hot

he loves the fact that he can see your pretty face making yourself feels good

with this position he can see your face when you orgasm

he can easily kiss your neck , make hickeys

he can holds you and yea ,,

he can do a lot of things with this position ( hell yea )

but like I said chan is a super easy person to please

missionary is his fav one

he actually finds it very confortable for the both of you

very soft in a way and romantic

making love uwu

depends of the situation obv;)

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Chan is a goofy person

I mean is so giggly most of the time

ma babey!!!

he loves to tease , oh yea he does

he can be the type to laugh during sex , if you make a joke ( yea why not lmao )

if you’re uncomfortable , he’d try to make you feel better

so he’d try to make jokes ,if his first option of consolling you doesn’t work

if you guys feel like laughing , you’ll do

looking into your eyes and smiling at each other

c u t e

ngl he can get pretty serious

again , it depends of the mood

when he’s frustrated , angry , tired..

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

I’m pretty sure

he is not bare down there ,,

veeeryy well groomed

doesn’t shave it all off, simply trims, all nice and neat

the amount of hair isn’t too crazy

armpits shaved , he feels more confortable and clean

guys , this boy armpits is cleaner than my whole face tf

happy trail shaved since

TOO MUCH TUMMY FLASHES

but wants to keep his happy trail ,, maybe??

ughhh I want him to keep it bcs damn this is so hot

please hear me out daddy chris

i want to suck hug him

but honestly I feel like

he can go natural when he has the choice?

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

he is so caring

so very romantic

he is a passionate man and he shows it through many ways

we all know it

ahhh I love this man sfm

but sometimes he can be rough

not too much but it depends of his mood

I mean he is daddy so sometimes he feels like he have to show his daddyness lmao i just cringed help me ughhh

he feels like he have to show his dominance sometimes

but when I say rough

it’s not something really wild x)

even when he’s rough

he controls himself

and make sure to check if you’re alright

tbh rough sex happends very very very rarely

but it makes it more special ,, x)

he cares a lot about you

i think he’s more into vanilla sex

yeaa I’m sure he is sooo into it

I mean c u t e

I mean I want him to make love to me!! lord forgive me

he is naturally sweet and adorable so

lord I’m so in love with this man <3

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

he doesn’t do it often

only when he really is alone

especially if you are not around

when he’s really frustrated he also tends to jack off

and one of the reasons why he doesn’t really masturbate

it’s just because he’s constantly around the boys

and my boy is a really hardworking man

well , like I said before he doesn’t do it often

probably once or twice a week? Or not at all the week

it’s when he really needs some reliefs

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

chris is kinky , PERIOD .

y’all can’t deny it

• daddy kink for sure , no doubt ahah

he said it himself sooooo

he’s daddy material tho lmao

he gets turn on when he is being called daddy sometimes

if you call him daddy in public he will get a light boner for sure

guess what will happen next;)

BUT it’s not a need !

he doesn’t want to be called that every time you guys have sex

•maybe roleplay

teacher x student / doctor x patient or stuff like that ( I think he can prob play both, that boy is a switch )

I think he’s definitively not into hardcore bondage ( sorry ) but doesn’t mind to blindfold you

•edging : giving and receiving

he loves the way he can make you whine and scream when he’s overstimulating you

BUT that is only for pleasure and not for torture

•praise kink: giving and receiving

he thinks it’s somehow important

•biting kink : both giving and receiving

he likes feeling you bite down on his skin when he fucks you

he also loves it when you moan out for him as he nips at your skin

thinks hickeys are sexy ( and tf yes they are )

•so marking kink: giving and receiving ,,

it makes him horny when you give him hickeys out of nowhere

and he loves it when you do it while he makes love to you

but most of time he is the one giving them to you

loves leaving hickeys and little bruises on your hips , neck , collarbones , stomach and thighs ( your whole body should be decorated by his soft lips skjsk )

having hickies and love bites on his neck and collarbones

he loves his back being scratched

likes seeing the scraches on his back in the mirror

oh my gosh imagine what it looks like when he takes a shower ,, the water cascading over the red marks omg help me I’m-

since I think he likes thighs ( idk why but yea)

•THIGH RIDING is a big YES

his muscular thighs!!

he likes it when you wear strockings // it’s so fucking hot

•impreg kink tho it’s so sexy and cute damn <3

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

chan is not picky , he’s a simple guy

the bedroom is perfect

why? because it’s confortable

AND secure , intimate

it’s somehow warm and all

but the rest of the house is ok tho

kitchen ( but very rarely bcs you guys feel like it’s not very hygienic but it happens only when one of you are reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally horny and impatient)

living room : couch , carpet ,, shower sex is one of his fav

bath sex with chan is a concept

he’s not into public places

he wants thing to be confortable and intimate ,, that’s why he prefers doing it at home

Or maybe omg

s t u d i o

one of his fav for sure!!

he loves having sex with you in his studio ,, hot

having you riding him slowly

or cockwarming while he’s working ( arg stop me )

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

kisses by his ears and down his neck

his ears seem to be really sensitive hehe

he really likes when you trace his veins with your fingertips ( it also turns you on , ugh it’s like i’m talking about me *moan * )

seeing you in his clothes really turns him on aswell

when you stroke his hair , like when you’re sitting on his lap and run your fingers through it , pulling at the strands a little ( goosebumps kskjs)

but ngl he can get turn on by you whatever you do lmaao

just smile , just breath , boy is turn on ( jk .. unless ahah)

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

anything that involves bodily matter or fluids that are not sperm or vaginal fluid

he does not like degradation , it’s a big NO !

He would never ever degrade you! He likes and respect his girl too much to talk down to her ,, chan is a gentleman . He expects you to treat him the same btw

AH!! sharing you sexually . Don’t even think about it

things like threesomes and all, aren’t his thing

anything that involves violence too

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

he f loves it when you go down on him kissing him from his neck all along his collarbones , abs ,, running your hands on his torso

it pleases him to hit the back of your throat ,, but stay careful to not hurt you

he loves the sight of you inbetween his legs

he likes threading his fingers through your hair ,, pulling at it a little

but my man chan is one of the few blessings on this planet

he equally loves both : giving and receiving

he likes pleasuring you ,, looking at you from between your legs seeing you rolling your eyes in the back of your head , throwing your head back

seeing the way your eyesbrows frown , biting you lips

seeing how you clunch at the sheets , and pulling at his hair ,,making him moans at the sensation and at how sexy you look like

oof this is so sexy I want to disapear helpsk

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.)

he can be rough y’know not really hard and fast but yea it depends of his mood

he is the one controlling the pace

even when you ride him , he’d place his hands on your waist/ hips to guild you

but I think he’s more into sensual things

he’d be slow and sensual

really slow when he wants to tease the sh^t out of you

he’d be gentle obv

y’know into vanilla sex

Idk why people think he seems to be into really rough things but I DON’T THINK it’s actually the case

my babie is so soft behind all those muscles uwuuuu

Q= Quickie ( Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex and how often? )

No, quickies mainly have to be done in a risky area and that freaks him out so no

plus he hates feeling rushed.

he’s not the biggest fan but he def. won’t turn you down if you suggest it

he won’t push you away for sure

He finds it kinda hot because it mainly means you are needy for him.

Would rather have proper sex. He likes taking his time so quickies aren’t ideal.

On the very unlikely occasion he’d go for a quickie it would definitely have to be in a place he would never get caught

R= Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks?)

He is not that risky, he wouldn’t do anything to hurt you or to get caught in a sexual act

He has his own boundaries

He is prob open to try new things

he just needs to be convinced first but mainly just to tease you. He wants you to give him reasons

ngl i think he doesn’t know a lot of different kinks and stuffs so he is probably quite open for experimenting ,, curious boy

As long as none of them involve pure pain and violence he’s good.

S= Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

I don’t think I really need to write something for this one? He has a good stamina and can last a long time. I think he starts really slow at the beginning and then uses more force and speed after a while .

SO all night bcs of his crazy stamina , I mean he is pretty athletic so , but again DEPENDS of the day and mood

making love all night , taking his sweet time my fucking heart is beating so fast omgg

doesn’t get tired easily i think ; I mean boy can’t even fall asleep irl

BUT don’t get me wrong he can go for rounds but makes time to appreciate your presence and enjoy having conversations with you , y’know?

So prob tried to not go too crazy bcs he wants to spend time with you afterwards get me

If i have to say the numbers of rounds i’d say 3-5 rounds max . Again , it would depends on his mood and pace

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Definitely NOT a toy user

he’s not into it at all

a vibrator is what he will use ONLY if you ask him to ( I think you must really insist if you want it )

he def prefers tease you with his fingers , cock but not objects

it’s skin against skin for him ,bye.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

lmao we all know he is a fcking tease

sometimes , I think it comes to him naturally and it’s apart of his personality

he finds it so cute when you’re frustrated ,blushing and super shy ahah ( my body is burning just thinking about him teasing skjls)

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

L O U D.

I mean , please listen to 3RACHA songs , he’s pratically moaning ( that’s so sexy tho *moan*)

deep , or high pitched ( lord help me ) soft grunts

moans , groans , breathy moan ( does not scream that’s it )

please just imagine when he’s getting close and makes those sounds

( i’m the one horny rn , brb imma fix my problem lmao )

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

he loves to hold your hand while you two are having sex ( uwu I’m so in love )

enjoys strip teases. Whether it’s giving or receiving ( lord , imagine him getting rid of his clothes slowly and looking straight into your eyes , biting his lips .. I’M NOT OKAY!!)

loves it when you hold his head while he gives you oral , pulling at his locks

fucking loves buying cute and sexy ( not vulgar ones) lingerie sets for you

not necessarily for sex , he just loves admiring the way you look in black or red lingeries ( or even pastel colors )

he just lives for the moments when you dress up for him , only for him

like knowing he’s the only one who sees

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

long and thick. veiny

6-7 inches

( please i just took a ruler to look at the length , the way i moaned i’m-)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

normal?, average. 1-3 times a week

but he doesn’t need to have sex every week to stay satisfied

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

depends on how long you two were having sex

of course after a proper after care.

but would rather hold you for a moment , talking with you , making you laugh and smile. It means a lot for him , want to enjoy the warmth of your bodies against each other.

c u d d l e  to sleep. uwu cute

---------

A/N : sorry I wrote a lot , it wasn’t supposed to be this long 😭 // FEEDBACKS ARE VERY WELCOMED ♡ taglist :@justamessofablog @mermaidshmari || since you guys asked to be tagged here you are lovelies 💕🥺 ||

[cinnamon-coffees]

Pls read if u want :) tw: ed things but mostly bout how and why i’m recovering

also tw for s/h

ok so i feel like i should start here when i was in the worst of my ed my weight got incredibly low. so so so low that my mom would come into my room every single night and make sure my heart was still beating. everyone was concerned but it didn’t stop me. i was a shell of my former self. i isolated myself, had a short temper, was cold, and miserable, all i wanted was to die to simply sleep forever. and a lot of that was BEFORE i got into a low weight range. i lost my period and did all the anorexic things that i thought i had to do. my mom pulled me aside one day crying begging me to eat. it didn’t feel good or validating at all. it made me feel like a burden. my younger sister started to notice and would try to get me to eat with her. and i just couldn’t, at some point even gum had to many calories for me. i do cheer and dance and both of my coaches benched me in fear i would break a bone. my blood work was off and at the doctors i had 1 of 2 choices:

1.) i could recover at home with my parents

2.) i could go inpatient

i didn’t like either of those options so i decided to go with the first one. i was able to sneak around until everything came tumbling down on me and my mom started sitting with me every meal. we hired a dietitian and i was eating A LOT. it was so so scary. i wasn’t even gaining weight or doing fear foods just eating a lot. there was so much crying. and so many tears, i wish i wasn’t so narcissistic when it came to this i was hurting my whole family. listen mental illness is never a choice but i was actively shoving away everyone who loved me and being an asshole. and the worst part of all of this is i still wasn’t skinny enough for my eating disorder. and i decided to give in to recovery because one of my mentors pulled my mom aside, and asked if i was okay. that’s all my mom ever got “does ur daughter have cancer” “is ur daughter ok” “she needs to eat more”. it was a headache another breaking point was seeing my younger sister cry. I still struggle with my ed and i’ve still got along way to go to recovery i’ve had this awful disease almost all my life and i’ve had many relapses however this time, ik it will stick, cause this time i want to recover i don’t want to be so sad anymore. i don’t wanna let this be the rest of my life.

Im not here to force u into recovery. i cant do that and i support u if u aren’t ready to recover that being said here’s some important things to be aware of

THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR:

-Consuming fewer calories than you need means that the body breaks down its own tissue to use for fuel. Muscles are some of the first organs broken down, and the most important muscle in the body is the heart. Pulse and blood pressure begin to drop as the heart has less fuel to pump blood and fewer cells to pump with. The risk for heart failure rises as the heart rate and blood pressure levels sink lower and lower.

-Some physicians confuse the slow pulse of an athlete (which is due to a strong, healthy heart) with the slow pulse of an eating disorder (which is due to a malnourished heart). If there is concern about an eating disorder, consider low heart rate to be a symptom.

-Purging by vomiting or laxatives depletes your body of important chemicals called electrolytes. The electrolyte potassium plays an important role in helping the heart beat and muscles contract, but is often depleted by purging. Other electrolytes, such as sodium and chloride, can also become imbalanced by purging or by drinking excessive amounts of water. Electrolyte imbalances can lead to irregular heartbeats and possibly heart failure and death.

-Reduced resting metabolic rate, a result of the body’s attempts to conserve energy.

-Slowed digestion known as gastroparesis. Food restriction and/or purging by vomiting interferes with normal stomach emptying and the digestion of nutrients, which can lead to:

1.) Stomach pain and bloating

2.) Nausea and vomiting

3.) Blood sugar fluctuations

4.) Blocked intestines from solid masses of undigested food

5.) Bacterial infections

6.) Feeling full after eating only small amounts of food

-Constipation, which can have several causes:

1.) Inadequate nutritional intake, which means there’s not enough in the intestines for the body to try and eliminate

2.) Long-term inadequate nutrition can weaken the muscles of the intestines and leave them without the strength to propel digested food out of the body

3.) Laxative abuse can damage nerve endings and leave the body dependent on them to have a bowel movement

-Binge eating can cause the stomach to rupture, creating a life-threatening emergency.

-Vomiting can wear down the esophagus and cause it to rupture, creating a life-threatening emergency.

-Frequent vomiting can also cause sore throats and a hoarse voice.

-Both malnutrition and purging can cause pancreatitis, an inflammation of the pancreas. Symptoms include pain, nausea, and vomiting.

-Intestinal obstruction, perforation, or infections, such as:

1.) Mechanical bowel problems, like physical obstruction of the intestine, caused by ingested items.

2.) Intestinal obstruction or a blockage that prevents food and water from passing through the intestines.

3.) Bezoar, a mass of indigestible material found trapped in the gastrointestinal tract (esophagus, stomach, or intestines).

4.) Intestinal perforation, caused by the ingestion of a nonfood item that creates a hole in the wall of the stomach, intestines or bowels.

5.) Infections such as toxoplasmosis and toxocariasis may occur because of ingesting feces or dirt.

6.) Poisoning, such as heavy metal poisoning caused by the ingestion of lead-based paint.

-Although the brain weighs only three pounds, it consumes up to one-fifth of the body’s calories. Dieting, fasting, self-starvation, and/or erratic eating means the brain isn’t getting the energy it needs, which can lead to obsessing about food and difficulties concentrating.

-Extreme hunger or fullness at bedtime can create difficulties falling or staying asleep.

-The body’s neurons require an insulating, protective layer of lipids to be able to conduct electricity. Inadequate fat intake can damage this protective layer, causing numbness and tingling in hands, feet, and other extremities.

-Neurons use electrolytes (potassium, sodium, chloride, and calcium) to send electrical and chemical signals in the brain and body. Severe dehydration and electrolyte imbalances can lead to seizures and muscle cramps.

-If the brain and blood vessels can’t push enough blood to the brain, it can cause fainting or dizziness, especially upon standing.

-Individuals of higher body weights are at increased risk of sleep apnea, a disorder in which a person regularly stops breathing while asleep.

-Low caloric and fat consumption can cause dry skin, and hair to become brittle and fall out.

-To conserve warmth during periods of starvation, the body will grow fine, downy hair called lanugo.

-Severe, prolonged dehydration can lead to kidney failure.

-Inadequate nutrition can decrease the number of certain types of blood cells.

-Anemia develops when there are too few red blood cells or too little iron in the diet. Symptoms include fatigue, weakness, and shortness of breath.

-Malnutrition can also decrease infection-fighting white blood cells.

ok now that that’s done.

logic goes out the window when dealing with an ed so if u don’t want help or aren’t ready to recovery here’s some

safety tips:

-try and eat 500 cals (min) a day ur brain needs that much just to function

-don’t cut out carbs and fats

-take multivitamins

-talk to someone about ur ed that u can call in case there’s an emergency

-WATER WATER WATEER

-keep a granola bar with u in case u feel faint

-use ur hand when vomiting not something else

-if u purge drink water with electrolytes

-try to take rest days

-take meds the furthest time from purging

-if u struggle with not exercising walk

-get ur bloodwork checked

-try not to use laxatives days in a row

Next:

BUT I DONT CARE IF THIS IS HOW I DIE I WANT THIS TO BE MY SUICIDE

yeah so u most likely won’t die especially if ur young. there’s usually something that will stop u:

1.) yea you’ll die in ur 20s or 30s from a heart attack. thinking about food, having no personality or friends, you’ll be thinking about what u ate when u ate and how much u ate

2.) MOST LIKELY you’ll get hospitalized or forced into some form of treatment. and trust me the more u resist the more u stick ur nose up. the more they feed u. the longer ur stuck refeeding. you’ll get forced in and out of treatment stuck in a viscous cycle dying from a heart attack or organ failure

3.) you’ll die from gastric dialation.

very glamorous right ?

unfortunately i royally fucked up my body and most likely will never be able to have kids now.

If you wanna recover by yourself here’s some things to look out for:

Refeeding Syndrome Symptoms-

Fatigue.

Weakness.

Confusion.

Difficulty breathing.

High blood pressure.

Seizures.

Irregular heartbeat.

Edema.

For bulimia:

short term effects-

amenorrhea

anemia

low electrolyte levels

cavities

gum disease

intestinal problems

hair loss

dry skin

organ failure

sleep issues/ insomnia

long term-

diabetes

brittle bones

reproductive difficulties

Anyways :)

i cannot force u to recover but pls be safe while engaging in disordered behavior ur valid even if u don’t believe u are

and every single one of u deserves treatment and u are sick enough ilyyy pls take care

forehead kisses lovely’s xx <333

[demoiselettes]

Hello! I'm a follower of yours and I really want to make a match up, it's my first time playing so I'm very nervous, my name is Eugenia(I'm from Uruguay/Latam) my pronouns are she/her and I consider myself asexual or demisexual, I have a I am short and very skinny(you can literally lift me up with one arm), I have brown hair that reaches my collarbones and is medium wavy, the only outstanding thing about my appearance is that my eyes(brown) turn green in the light and that I have moles in several places on my body (I have counted up to 18 moles).

I am a very shy person and it is difficult for me to talk to other people, I have a tone of voice that makes others think that I am angry 24/7, but the truth is something that I cannot control!

I am very helpful, if I see that you are busy I offer to help you, if I see you crying I will most likely ask you what is going on, etc.

I am somewhat dense socially but when I am in confidence I am much more cheerful and sincere, I have Asperger syndrome (variation of the autism spectrum) and it is difficult for me to measure my words and I do not have any type of filter, that is why people think that I am insensitive, but actually I get bad for any stupidity.

My hobby is drawing characters created by me, I love giving them stories and adventures, I also love reading and I get in a bad mood if they interrupt me in my reading, my dream is to be a fashion designer.

My love language is giving or receiving gifts and words of affirmation (although there are also acts of service), it makes me feel loved and special for that person and I want them to feel special too.

My ideal date would be to watch a movie(in a modern au) or go somewhere relaxed(perhaps a restaurant), although I'm preferably an indoor person.

I'D RATHER BE PAIRED WITH A HUMAN KIMETSU NO YAIBA CHARACTER PLEASE!

Thank you for reading the bible I made have a good day!😅

Eventide

I match you with Aoi Kanzaki!

•At first, the queen Aoi might find you rather undesirable to be around and she might take to avoiding you, often getting angry at you

•She later learns not to judge a book by its cover after seeing you help out here and there.

•She realizes you’re not actually a bad thing, you’re simply misunderstood. This’ll cause her to feel really guilty about the way she treated you, so the first step to your relationship would be her giving you steamed red bean paste buns as an apology(although quite nervously and grumpily)

•Aoi doesn’t mind you being shy. She’s dealt with Tengen trying to kidnap her, and she appreciates you being down to earth

•She might get offended at times if you say something rather..blunt but she soon learns about you having the Asperger syndrome and from then on, she does her best to try and makes sense of the meaning behind your words and how to interpret them, because at the end of the day she know you have a kind heart

•Honestly, she’ll be the proudest person alive if you manage to come out of your shell around her, it’s a huge achievement because you mean so much to her

•Aoi herself is rather reluctant when it comes to showing her love for you but please know that she does love you, she just doesn’t know how to show it without feeling embarrassed

•Since Shinobu and Kanao are often busy with training and/or missions, Aoi can get pretty lonely by herself since Sumi, Kiyo and Naho are often assisting to injured slayers.

•So her preferred method of relaxation is listening to you talk about your characters, making up stories about them while she cooks. If you squint hard enough, you might notice her smiling but she will deny it. She has to concentrate to not smile and in the process she might mess up the food-

•She’s learnt not to interrupt you while you’re reading since she doesn’t like seeing you upset and if anyone else interrupts you for no important reason, they’re getting scolded

•Your dream is to become a fashion designer? Aoi will bring you fabrics to work with when she comes across them while running errands for Shinobu. She’ll just say they were on sale but c’mon you know better

•If you’re shorter than her, she’ll be so smug about it

•She’s gonna grumble about why you’re this short and why you aren’t growing up when really she adores it when you have to ask for her help to reach something

•Though she would be concerned about your weight and would try to get you to eat more by fear that you might be underweight. She’s just concerned about your well-being, it’s in her blood

•You often catch her staring at your eyes, more specifically, when you’re standing in the sun.

•She’ll turn the deepest shade of red and yell about you having something on your face but she was really just enraptured with how pretty how eyes are and when they turn green in the sun my god she’s stumped

•Aaaanndd she’s memorized every visible mole that you have 🤭

•If you ask her several times, she might style your hair with butterfly hair clips! Or if you prefer, kanzashis. She’ll choose the ones that go well with your hair color and that fit your personality