#as always im open to more thoughts
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I got. thoughts. about valens and voices in imperial roman history. but I also got a lot of thoughts about uhhhhhh choosing your brother for co ruling the Fratricide Foundation Story Empire. many thoughts about themistius' oration too
Brotherly Love, Themistius (trans. Peter Heather & David Moncur)
⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app / insta
#it's also the Incest-Cannibalism Empire but that's a discussion for a different blog#all of the heavy hitters were Incest Empires btw. that's a feature of Empire across all of time. not always Cannibalism tho. TRAGIC.#but rome specifically being the Fratricide&Stuprum Empire is funny AND makes parts of this speech feel. uh. UHHHHH.#feels like you're trying to overwrite history and while you succeeded ONCE the uncle-nephew antagonism with a body count#somehow feels worse????? feels worse. i dont like anything that happened to valentinian 2#anyway. as a result: i personally will be including the bigamy accusations against valentinian into my belief system#stuprum babyyyyy! a requirement for every emperor! valens is lacking here so valentinian has to pick up the slack#valens will be giving me an opening to fire shots at figures in christianity i dislike which is honestly better than scandalous sex#later roman empire tag#komiks tag#brother emperors tag#IF. you missed my brother emperors posting. the head in hands thing here is meant to be a little bit offputting on account of#valentinian being valens' imperial maker. that's a life in your hands. overtures of fratricide. etc. you get the point#whatever other subtext you want to apply to it from the subtext spice cabinet. im not picky. this was a quick comic i did#to shake off the depression cobwebs lmao. eventually i'll style guide this era and do comics with more intentional thought later
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forgive me if this is equivalent to a "cornplate tweet" but i just noticed that drv3's setting as a school in poor condition acts as a symbol of franchises dragging on so long for the sake of commercialization to the point it becomes a shell of its former self. the setting being a school that is not only old enough for it to become broken and fragile but also for nature to take over it, plus despite what makes the building recognizable as a school fading away, it continues being used as a school? the school is representative of franchises in general but especially the in-game danganronpa series, with the nature burying the building by time hinting at the franchise's (unnecessary) longevity and it becoming history, while the fragility of the building represents how a franchise's identity becomes fragile itself due to the charm and depth it was once defined by fading away due to the series being dragged out.... i love the drv3's setting even more now
#this was probably the most obvious thing ever but i admit that i dont focus on That commentary as much as the commentary on#fiction and lies & truth. so my eyes were opened too late....#ive always loved the drv3's setting. its so unique to me and its pleasant to look at. but also its clever!!!!!!!!!!!!#ive always thought it was clever in the “oh the building is old like danganronpa”#but i never really considered more to it until recently! Maybe im looking into it too much idk#drv3#danganronpa v3#sunny's thoughts#sunny.txt#dr thoughts#danganronpa#edit: i think using “commercialization” was maybe the wrong word? but at least people are getting what i mean!
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☆ de fontaine
{☆} characters furina {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort {☆} word count 1.4k
This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!
She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.
She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.
Furina is tired.
But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?
So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.
Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.
Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.
An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.
She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.
She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.
She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.
And Furina has always been good at lying.
It's the believing that's the hard part.
There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?
Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.
She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?
She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.
Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?
Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.
Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?
They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?
"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"
Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.
Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.
Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.
Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.
"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.
But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.
They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.
She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.
If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..
Furina will make sure they do.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#fic tag#furina#so um. looks around. okay look. i know im like THE ts@r1ts@ dealer (censored so it doesnt show in tags. hopefully)#but the moment i saw furi in fontaine the day it released she became my fav even more then the tsaritsa SORRY SHES SO..#this is my love letter 2 furi (making her suffer unimaginable horrors)#open ended kinda in case i decide on making a sequel maybe#furi makes me feel cuteness aggression so bad i start acting like a rabid animal#furina the woman that you are. thats my girlprince meow meow id kill someone for her#playing her part as archon so well but being so horribly irrefutably human in every way..#five hundred years not even knowing what the real plan was. when it would end. knowing if she slipped up it was over.#and in the end almost no one knew what really happened. a select few people know the real weight of her sacrifice.#furina's story was always a tragedy. it was never going to be anything but a tragedy.#and thats one of the most tragic parts of it isnt it? she didnt know how itd end. she didnt know her story was always going to be a tragedy#furina never knew a thing. and still she did it for the people of fontaine and succeeded.#how do you define “yourself” when you havent existed for 500 years?#to be so selflessly human you give up “yourself” to save people who will never know of your sacrifice.#sometimes i think about the confrontation on the stage and have a week long mental breakdown#sacrificing EVERYTHING for fontaine and still. still! the people closest to you turn on you.#heavy on clorinde. she was as close 2 furi as neuvi fight me on this. i bite.#her bodyguard and friend and she ends up staring down her blade wondering if this is it. she failed. she failed them all#because even when faced with the trial. with losing everything. she still thought only about fontaine. oh furina.#do you think she has nightmares. wonders if she was never meant to win this game of g-ds. that her story was always meant to be a tragedy?#do you think she still wonders if she was ever meant to have a chance at a happy ending? a doomed tragedy from beginning to end
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[character who only shows up for maybe a scene or two per book, we know very little about - not even a surname - very much a minor character, not relevant to the main plot ]
me: ... its free real estate
#haley wayhaven my beloved#i want to know more about you pls!!#idk why but im having haley thoughts tonight#since i doubt we will find out more in the books#im just gonna live with my own headcanons about her#like her family / past/ relationship with the mc / friends etc#also i hc that she dyes her hair every few months#like to switch things up - like her bakery decorations#and thinking bout how she got into baking too - did she go to uni?#did she always want to open a bakery#little thoughts like that swirls in my brain tonight#and maybe thinking bout giving her some romance too perhaps hehe#the wayhaven chronicles
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notes on past and future link
#specifically for this au. i have slightly different feelings about canon bc i think PL is less of a hardass bc he doesnt Know what happens#calamity unwritten#calamity unwritten comic#loz#botw#hyrule warriors#hyrule warriors age of calamity#time travel au#zelda#link#loz link#digital art#art tag#comics#comic#and sillies#in case you were forgetting how much of a self indulgent au this is im introducing you to my 10 page essay on link's gender journey#Past link has been changed by the circumstances and the burden of knowledge. hes usually sillier around at least zelda but now he feels#like he has to be Extra Closed Off because of how open future link is. there will be more notes in the future i have a lot of thoughts that#i cant always cram into the comic. though its all in there Technically#in the subtext#ignore what time im posting this ill queue it for normal hours. later.
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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😭😭
#BEHIND THE CODES SPRINGTRAP NOOO#Hi. im posting this here during a break from studying. i'll be back soon though#:]#i plan on making some springdad au animations in the future to better my skills#working on the au helped me get through some stuff irl and honestly im not ready to let go of it so soon#i'd say its different from the aftons suburb one. i had lost interest in it when it became some sort of shitpost#there is nothing wrong in having 'shitpost aus' but ig its not how i wish to view things#i do like ephemeral stuff#things that last for a while and that make you think 'woah. im glad i had the opportunity to see this' are always my favorite#aftons suburb was one of these cases#springdad au is going through the same path. but i trully believe theres more content to come from it#oh and about BTC?#i took a break from it. its been two or three months since that folder was last opened (and if i did open it. i didnt do anything)#its relatively hard to come up with good dialogs when theres also a need to comprehend how different characters express themselves#especially when said characters are older than you. or smarter than you in some way#some of them speak louder. while others will speak through their actions#thought i had to grow up a bit more to understand how these things work.#turns out. that mindset was blocking the whole creative process#anyway. its going to take a while#thank you for your patience
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"Why not?"
"I wish you were a girl."
#hughlander#at first i thought of hughie saying the first quote but the more i thought about it the more it made sense for it to be john HEAR ME OUT..#he was obviously trained to only enjoy the whole “american dream” so ofc that picture perfect look for him would be a woman next to him#while he himself is a piece of shit and cares only about his image he also just doesnt give a shit#(based on his behavior l8r on in the show) he also just doesnt care what anyone has to say especially since in his eyes he is THE strongest#no one can say anything to him and hes untouchable..which is why his odd obsession with hughie will prove to be zero issue#and while he tries to make a connection with hughie in his own overly possesive way hughie holds himself firm with his actions#(lowkey where things gets ooc oh well idc) homelander does try and make SOME sort of attempt in picking at his brain anf at hughie as to#figure out WHY he even is interested in “that loser” and in doing so he eventually finds that hughie for whatever stupid reason#notices that he GENUINELY does care about people and that its not some front like he really does and TRY to see some good in people#so john opens up slightly to him about what people at vought did to him as a kid and its those moments where homelander tries to make it-#light buy hughie looks at him and i mean really /looks/ at him and says “jesus thats fucked Im sorry” and john is absolutely dumbfounded#like so dumbfounded and the god honest yet short comment in regards to him opening up about his past#essentially john starts to feel what he always imagined what “feelings” are supposed to be and after a long time of him and hughie oddly#finding some sort of “middle ground” he tries to pull a move in a moment of odd peace amongst the two and hughie jerks back#john is so confused and i mean REALLY confused#he thought he read all those “signals” right based on the romantic films he was forced to watch why is hughie acting like this?#he doesnt want to even think about what this pain in his chest is and all he can ask is “why not?”
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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I am still baffled that we are literally told in the novel that Wei Wuxian defecting from the Jiang Sect AND the fight after, was staged, because they really had to bring home that there was nothing between them anymore to keep the Jiang Sect safe, and yet people still use it as an argument for why Jiang Cheng is the worst and totally hates Wei Wuxian. Like we don't have that lovely little Yungmeng trio scene only 2 chapters later. Wild.
Oh and if you're interested here are the citations that that support that the defection in it's entirety is a sham:
After the fight, Jiang Cheng told the outside that Wei WuXian defected from the sect and was an enemy to the entire cultivation world. The YunmengJiang sect had already cast him out. From then on, no ties remained between them- a clear line was drawn. Henceforth, no matter what he did, they'd have nothing to do with the YungmengJiang sect!
MDZS exiled rebels translation, chapter 73
Before they parted, Jiang Cheng spoke, "We won't see you off. It wouldn't be good if someone saw us."
Wei WuXian nodded. He understood that it wasn't easy for the Jiang siblings to have come out here. If someone else saw them, all those things they did for the public to believe would be wasted.
MDZS exiled rebels translation, chapter 75
#things did not get worse for wwx because of jc#they got worse because wen ning was spotted and everyone started freaking out over this new type of fierce corpse#but jc didnt have to declare that he was an enemy of the cultivation world?!?!? babes no one would believe the rift between them#also at no point is wwx upset about this bc those dumbasses thought of that plan together#and then proceeded to actually injure each other to make it even more believable bc just words weren't enough#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#mdzs#the untamed#again im always open to discussions but keep it civil
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reading a single tf comedy fic will confront u with the authors viewpoints on: heads of military, heads of state, stance on revolutionary politics, reporters, freedom of the press, cops, class stigmatized labour, civilian liberties, criminalized... miscreantism? blows big breath kicks can down the road... minorities?
#some shit#its not called cisformers#there indeed could be a use case where i said all this and was saying it in a positive tone.#reader: i am not#i gotta stop opening links from tumblr the reccs just arent worth it#groans. why are you guys so fucking authoritarian. dont u wanna watch animated or smth with me. cant we have fun.#honestly the amount of times i see like. evil/nuisance reporters is bizarre. like oh well sure I KNOW corporate news media just washes the#hands of the state. but.... somehow i feel thats not your angle. given. who the mains always are#also: every time im forced to defend an iteration that actually isnt that good but at least has concepts more interesting and thought out#than ave. fandom. fan fic of other fanfic. world states. sighhhhhh#its a lot of bitching i know i know listen. only cause im out here on my lonesome on this beautiful thrusday morning alright. its fine.#theres are the facts of the. online space i choose to spend time in.... :/ god help me
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I think you’re talking about these posts [here & here], I don’t know if there have been others.
I'm not gonna say what I did was right, you are correct I should probably just not respond to asks getting me to talk about other people. I will say for these two posts those people had already blocked me I’m pretty sure, so it’s kinda hard to talk directly to them in that case. And I was not doing so anonymously and had not blocked them so I wasn’t hiding what I was saying. I did not follow them, I am not part of the innitor community, and not that that makes it right but I do think it is kinda different. Though you make a good point, perhaps we should stop this pattern of responding to asks about other blogs and such.
Still, the biggest thing to me I realized, back in elementary school when I first dealt with this, was that honestly all the time we talk about people behind their back. Talking about people when they aren’t always in the room is kinda just inevitable and part of socializing, however I think the important part is how you are talking about other people. It’s when you are insulting them, talking negatively about them to people they know, spreading false information and so on that it becomes not okay. Hopefully that makes sense.
In these cases I merely focused on the lore. I didn’t insult them or talk shit about them, as a person, as a blog or say their takes were stupid or they are stupid or speculate about their trauma or mental history. I just talked about reasons why I disagreed, or saw things differently and why we might see things differently. They were also not the only ones I saw to say similar things so I think in my mind I was making more of a general discussion, not trying to target them specifically. I didn’t post beyond that about them. But you are right, regardless it was probably not the right way to go about things.
But just to be clear, if I am a hypocrite it is not my intention. I haven’t vague blogged anyone or meant to vague reblog anyone. I think this week is pretty much the first time I’ve ever been not naming, passive aggressively talking about blogs, and even then I’m not trying to insult them, trying to cancel them. I’m just expressing that before you go off about how I’m stupid and unable to have a discussion about it, the very least you could’ve done was give me an opportunity to try.
#I’m not going to say I’ve handled everything like I should. I feel like usually I try to tag people and include context and pictures so I’m#not trying to be passive aggressive or talk about people behind their back.#I’m not hiding. I haven’t even used the Tommy neg tag and I feel like I always leave things open and - here is my opinion it is not the onl#one or maybe even the right one or - here are my thoughts at the moment of 1am or here is the lore…#I made my alt name and image very clearly still me. I’m not trying to be sneaky or backhanded or insult You for an opinion or call You dumb#and if I have insulted or hurt someone I’m genuinely sorry and didn’t mean to. Something I try to reiterate#as my tone can come across as aggressive#crumbs#hello there#but see how we can have a discussion of -hey flora maybe you shouldn’t be talking about other people without tagging them or going directly#to them and I can be like - yea you have a good point. your right that’s not being respectful to them.#clarifications#thats what I'm really asking for. the respect to see if I am going to be as bad as you assume. give me the benefit of the doubt#I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know all the internet etiquette or slang. this is my first time participating in a fandom#my first time on tumblr. on ao3. the first time I've gotten actual like interactions on things beside like graduation pics#not to plead ignorance as innocence#but I know I don't know everything & am not claiming to thats why I try to leave safe space for people to come respectfully to me#after feeling aggressive backlash and seeing it happen I have since tried to make sure I try to respect other people's opinions#now that doesnt mean that if you just leave an anon in my inbox Im going to respond to it if I have already talked about it.#- okay you disagree. I stated my opinion you've stated yours and if there is no further point to discuss then I might not respond#though I did make this blog to perhaps respond more to things like that since you did take the time to say it the least I can do it respond#(and I cant just send you a direct message if you go anon <3)#uh... anyways didn't mean to leave an essay here oops... hope im making sense to someone :)
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Every time I cry, my first thought is just I wish Scrabble were here 😭
#personal#I miss him SO bad and everytime I cry im just reminded of how many times id just scream sob to him about things 💀😭#he probably thought this fucking dumb bitvh again 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😔😩😔😔😔😔😔#does she ever STOP crying 💀#and I love marley but hes just like. a different vibe to me. like he doesnt understand im sad and is happy to sit there#whether I throw up scream cry or not#i felt like scrabble kinda understood. . .. he probably didn't but he never...#well no he was just a huge fucking idiot#one time I was sobbing and I'd left my window open by mistake with scrabble in my room#and I had to pause my sobbing to run out on the roof and chase him back inside 💀#which happened fairly often ...or more than I'd like to admit#he WAS ALWAYS SAFE THOUGH I PROMISE........i just remember going outside once and him staring from the roof down at me on the sidewalk#💀😔 maybe it was more like ik youre crying but despite it all I am about to wreak chaos#marley is like idk what youre doing but I'm here to sleep as close to your face as humanly possible and then get annoyed when youre too#close
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I wasn't going to post this, and I doubt it'll get much attention but I wanna say it anyway. I had a conversation with someone I met a few times back in college via email and he wished me several happy specific holidays-- Thanksgiving and Christmas specifically. Upon telling him thank you for the thoughtfulness but I don't celebrate those holidays his reply was very... Well, it's what I've heard a million times and it always feels so luke warm and someone who never really actually puts in the effort to learn and change to be more inclusive. He replied with "well, i don't think about the origins of the holidays! I just view them as family gathering times haha!"
I'm sure other people have heard that sort of response waaaay more than me around this part of the year (indigenous people, jewish people, and many others) and I can't ever help but always feel so irked and annoyed by it. It's like theyre taking someone who doesn't partake in christian holidays/US centric holidays as a personal attack and are deflecting in a "im not one of THOSE people" even though they are simply by not being more inclusive in their wording/assuming everyone celebrates these days.
I could probably word this post better in some way but it's early and I sat there with my email open just staring at the reply for a few minutes.... I always felt the need to apologize growing up for saying "i dont celebrate [insert christian based holiday]" because of this sort of reply over and over and over. It's just... strange. Why do I, and millions of others, need to apologize for not celebrating your holidays? Why do we need to feel awkward and bridge the gap with soothing your feelings over us having different holidays than you? Why do you feel the need to "oh i just view it as family gathering time" when faced with someone only saying they don't celebrate your holiday (not criticism or bashing or anything further about it)?
#s.txt#im just left.... hm.#its always so strange and now that im much older its just something ive thought more and more on#one parent was very christian or catholic or something idk he was always on and off the religious thing#so i was always dragged to these celebrations and forced to dress up for them and forced into a lot of other stuff related#my other parent raised me pagan and explained the origins of holidays and where they came from#mind you not in the... best ways... and she wasnt the best fucking parent in the world either. horrible fucking woman.#but she at least never forced us into celebrating anything and it made me curious enough to do research and to be more open#and inclusive with others and their celebrations and holidays#its just so. weird. growing up was weird for fucking sure#oh!! also okay to rb#if youre going to defend the 'its just family time' statement. simply dont!! shush for once!!
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Boy King Seb :D
#thank you to Grace for the idea of making his chivarly collar red bull instead <33333#he was gonna have both collars but then making that one made me suffer so no not today#this was a lot of fun but also made me suffer. but i keep looking at it and being like AAAHHHHH BABY!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!!#can you believe i tried to do this in one night? i cant#i stopped and came back to it and was like 'no way you could do this in one sitting at 1 am'#this is kinda the ascended form of that very first sketch i made for this au! concentrated boy king sebby!!!#i say to myself i need to take a break from drawing complicated things but youll prob see a nando version of this in less than a week ;;;#okay about the drawing(i wrote good tags and then tumblr deleted them so these are a bit inferior AGH):#this is typical pouty seb but is also referenced off a specific pic from AD 2009(beloved)#its very important to me how emotionally open Seb is. im not sure the specific context of this. maybe after a triumph?#but instead of being that typical stoic serious detached kind of ruler; i like him being openly emotional(think AD 2010)#its important as well for his dichotomy with nando and how they choose to portray themselves#seb is very assured in himself and his rule vs. nando who is more insecure and bitter about his#so nando takes strides to portray himself in that more stoic calculating way bcs he feels like it helps him legitimize himself better#whereas seb has absolutely no care for outward public image and shows how he feels and is loved for it(nando hates it but loves it)#not that nando cant be fun and whimsical!! but to me he always seems a bit more mysterious; like i can never tell his true thoughts tbh#anyways i feel like ill finish 10 more drawings before i end up posting the lore pt 2 LMAO#its just a lot harder to organize and layout compared to part 1 which was just an explanation#pt2 would be a mix of more world building/characterization/anecdotes ive talked about with mutuals(LOVE YOU GUYS!!!)#i have a *lot* of ideas (gotta whip out my notes app every once in a while to write down stuff abt it) just hard to put into a coherent pos#sebastian vettel#f1#formula 1#f1 art#formula 1 art#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#catie.art.#*ill prob make a process post later if anyone is curious!! its fun to write abt my process and influences and such#boy king au
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nikkicafeina said: There's just /something/ there when all our revolutionary leaders learned about justice and heroism and politics from Europe (sometimes IN Europe) and Europe learned it from Rome and in the end it just comes down to how we've never learned to say "freedom" in our own languages, and maybe we never can.
I actually have a much more optimistic opinion on this! even if our history has been brutalized four times over (spain, america, japan, and both marcos administrations), we did, as a people, learn to cry for freedom, and it did not come from a place of Roman imagery or European thought.
there were parts of the Philippines that managed to escape the full force of imperial violence due to the simple fact of geography, and they resisted tyranny as much as someone inspired by the writings of Rizal did, and there were parts of the Philippines that have always resisted the forceful reach of Manila to culturally assimilate and consume all other cultures and regions under an invented national one. these are calls for freedom, maybe without language, but it IS resistance born out of the filipino people, without the hand of europe to guide it.
even if much of our history was lost, rewritten, bastardized, the Filipino people have always resisted, even if the conclusion was tragic or forced into something else by someone's poetic but misguided bullshit, because at the end of the day, it is intolerable to be under the foot of someone else and it always has been, everywhere across the world.
the continuation of imperial visuals (whether it's the Western talking points of the government, the architecture, the Roman Empire) has a lot to do with structures of power. the government is distinctly European-Western. honestly, it's fucking American. it's driven by capitalism and imperialism, or a desire to ally with imperialist nations, to subjugate and maintain power to benefit a handful of officials who desire profit above all else. this is a tragedy, and we seem unable to shake it!
but. our students have always come forward to fight against injustice. we burned effigies, we protested, we call for justice even when our journalists are killed, our farmers are massacred in the streets, when our people are shot down by the military. many people from my province do not have a higher education, they would not know of the messy politics of imperial powers, but they do know that the elections were bullshit and the farmers are suffering and government doesn't fucking care, so they all turned out to march through the city to cry for justice, to be recognized.
today, we hold hands across seas with other oppressed people who are also desperate for freedom and peace. it would be nice to have our own words for it! but I'm not sure that we need it. it's enough to stand next to our countrymen and for others across the world and say, I got your back.
as the chant goes: from the classrooms to the streets, etc.
if our history had not been colonized, we might have had our own words and philosophies for it, instead of borrowed approximations, but the desire for freedom and justice is very much ours, and we have always called for it through action. the language now, I think, is one of solidarity. like, I think above all else, we MUST believe in a better future.
#also shout out to the universities who keep trying to make all their journals open access but are at the mercy of western publications!#you're the real MVPs!#i gotta post more about academic racism and how the philippines has been struggling against it for awhile now#SHSHD hi. sorry to make a whole speech about this. i think about it a lot!!! arguably this takes up. 60% of my thoughts on a daily#basis. i have a lot of complicated feelings about ph history but i always look to see who is calling for justice and freedom#and im like. yeah. YEAH. FROM THE CLASSROOMS TO THE STREETS!#and then I walk backwards to call for justice for the revolutionaries. andres bonifacio…………..#I want to. un mythologize our history. I think. which is why I’m focused on it’s tragedy. but I also try not to get Stuck in it
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