#as a way to metaphorically keeps them around in case anything bad happens and they may not make it out

[berniecranes]

xxxi. thing you carry everywhere

Wrote this on the day of the prompt, but was a little hesitant to post it here. But I still really like it and feel like sharing it. Especially since I'm not writing much right now, as not being the biggest fan of February's prompts

It was weird to actually be in his room again. In his genuine house. Not anything trying to act as it, he was actually stateside. He couldn't quite say it felt as if he never left; but he certainly tried to force that feeling. Hoping it would come genuinely and naturally soon. John laid in bed, his arm cradling his head. It had to be his left, as he can't leave his right hand scrunched up for so long. It'll begin to feel heavy, and feel hard to move, cramping up. His hand doesn't fully stop on him anymore, but he'll always have to adjust how he does things all because of that goddamn hand. He slipped his lit cigarette into his mouth so he could run his fingers across his clothed chest. He didn't need to see the scar under his t-shirt to know it's there. He knows right where it begins and where it ends. He's at least somewhat thankful this one doesn't bother him nearly as bad as his hand. This one only brings anger and hints of shame when he's shirtless, looking down at himself. He feels like a fool for trusting someone as much as he trusted Aldridge. He told himself to not do that again, to never put more faith in someone than you put in yourself. But there he went. Only took a couple years and he became that fool all over again.

But this time it was different. He knew that's easier said, but he truly believed it this time. Aldridge left him with wounds that will never heal. Left him with pain that will never heal; whether that's when his hand twitched at the heat or when holding a gun. When the part of his scar that is still rose for some reason becomes angry and it feels like thorns across his hand. Or when it's nights like this. He can't sleep because too many thoughts are circling. But Lincoln, he couldn't have been anymore different. John sat up from his bed, resting his cigarette in his ashtray after taking a long drag. He pulled open the bottom drawer of his night stand, where he shoved some stuff away when he got home. Gently, he picked up the chain with two tags dangling from it. He looked at the first one. It had his name and number on it. This one was all his, but then he put his focus on the lower one, hanging on by the smaller chain. This one wasn't his, it was Lincoln's. He still remembers the night they exchanged them.

It was the night before they were going to make an aggressive move. One that left you a little jittery about what could go wrong. It was just the two of them. Lincoln for once seemed a little nervous of what was to come. This was unlike him. John had his reservations as well, but he showed them more frequently; never too scared, as it was shown more through caution and over compensation, a sort of cockiness. But he felt just as vulnerable as Lincoln was in the moment. Lincoln slowly brought his hand up to his dogtags and undid the lower hanging one, John watched in silence, his chest moving up and down with every breath and exhale. Lincoln clipped it onto John's tags. John began to do the same. John never knew what military shit he didn't know about, as that wasn't necessarily his field. But at this moment, it all made sense.

'At least we'll both make it out.' Lincoln said tenderly. His voice having a sense of airiness John only rarely heard.

'I've never seen you like this. You're starting to scare me now.' John exhaled. 'We'll both make it out, walking right next to each other. Not whatever this is.'

'I know.'

John swallowed hard, and put his hand on top of Lincoln's. Lincoln twisted his hand to be palm up, and let his thumb gently caress John's skin.

John ran his own thumb over Lincoln's tag. It was late, and he had no light on. He couldn't read what it said but he could feel the indent of the words. He hopes he's adjusting nicely to being home. Lincoln deserved to get a break for once. He actually was a man with code and carried his own honor. John truly wasn't sure if their paths would ever cross again in the real world, but he knew Lincoln wasn't leaving his thoughts anytime soon.

[theminecraftbee]

okay so. hear me out. but. au concept--

joel is one of many people affected by a Vanishing. its a phenomenon sweeping the country--people simply not showing up for work, school, life one day, as though they've vanished from the face of the earth. it's almost possible to mistake for normal missing persons cases, if it weren't for the way a few of the higher-profile Vanishings have happened to people who shouldn't have been able to vanish at all, let alone in a way that wouldn't be noticed until too late. look at joel's hometown. the people monitoring the dam were supposed to be redundant, and yet--

anyway. not like he cares or anything, except for the fact this stupid disaster or whatever has left him without anywhere to live or anyone to live with, and he still has a year of high school left, so he can't just do whatever he wants. luckily there's this school in a town called new hermiton that agreed to give him a scholarship to finish his education in the name of recovery and solidarity or whatever, and it's kind of a shwankier school than he'd normally go for, but it's free and, more importantly, they're willing to pay for his lodging, and he can't really turn that down. and it's not like he has a choice but to upend his entire life now. so packing what few of his belongings survived into a bag and getting on a train and moving across the country to a new school it is, he guesses.

(he's been having nightmares that inexplicably feature swarms of blue butterflies. last time he checked, lakes don't have butterflies in them. although maybe it's a metaphor or something, on account of the butterflies saying stupid stuff about how people who are remembered can't disappear, and even a false world cannot be erased if it's watched over, and how fate depends on him holding people in his heart. thanks for saying the same stupid shitty platitudes his social worker told him, just more cryptically, butterflies. real cool.)

new hermiton, it turns out, is a small city. while new hermiton academy is a newer school, much of the city is older. he's moved into a nice enough flat in an older apartment building. he has another cryptic butterfly dream. he thinks he remembers someone trying to urgently warn him of something, but it's all... shaky. that morning, he goes to the school for the first time. he's greeted by a fellow transfer student, skizzleman, although apparently he already knows some of the other folks in town, and transferred here so he could stay with them. but it's at least someone else in a similar enough situation to joel, especially since joel can just tell by the way people are looking at him that skizz didn't have much of a choice but to be here, either, and best friends with impulse or not, he's on his own too.

so. a friend. maybe this school won't be that bad, even if joel keeps having nightmares, and even if the weather here is weirdly cold for july, and even if his new homeroom professor keeps on looking at him really weirdly. (aren't professors supposed to be better about stupid rumors anyway? what's that mr. hills's deal?)

and then, two days later, he waves skizz off at the end of the school day, and gets skizz's friend, impulse, at his door, desperate to hear that skizz had just come to stay the night in joel's shitty lonely apartment, because otherwise it looks like--come on man. joel's already having a shit time. the universe deciding to go after his one existing friend too? he promises impulse to help investigate that night, in the vain hope that Skizz isn't one of the Vanished. joel gets a splitting migraine trying to follow their path back, though, and they have to stop for the night.

skizz is reported missing the next morning. joel resigns himself to cutting himself off from the people around him, as per usual. then, strangely, mr. hills corners him as he goes home.

"you'll need this," he says, and shoves what feels like a cheap butterfly knife into joel's hands. "uh, remember, trust your heart! you'll know how to use it."

"what," joel says. "hold on. you're supposed to be a teacher. why are you giving me this. i know for a fact my file says i have like, ptsd or whatever, which is stupid, but you definitely aren't supposed to be giving me a knife, you weirdo?"

"you'll know how to use it," joe hills says again. "goodbye! believe in yourself!"

mr. hills sprints behind a building before he has to explain anything else. joel is left standing on the sidewalk holding a knife, staring after him.

so. that's weird as hell. joel shivers in the cold and continues on his way home. the butterfly knife feels heavy in his pockets. he should probably report that guy to his social worker or something, but actually talking to his social worker feels like conceding defeat. joel can take care of himself. he can prove he can take care of himself. just watch him. step one: go out to get ramen because he forgot to buy any food for his apartment.

he sees impulse putting up signs as he eats. impulse looks miserable. joel thinks about how skizz, just in the short time he'd known him, had sort of unintentionally given away that he felt isolated after his mother Vanished. that impulse was a great friend, but impulse didn't understand what it was like. he never really SAID as much, but--

it's not fair to impulse, for that to be the last thing impulse remembered of what was apparently a friend since childhood. and joel doesn't care about any of these guys, but he can still pay his check and go out and help impulse go looking. he's no good at comforting people and doesn't know this guy, but joel had been alone too, sitting on the roof and crying, when the helicopters came.

except when they go back to the path by the school, joel's head starts to hurt again.

he looks up and there's a butterfly.

"hey, impulse, are butterflies common here?" he asks, a little desperately.

"i mean, not really, why?" impulse says.

"uh," joel says, and gestures. the two of them stare as the strange yellow butterfly circles in place.

"okay, so that is kind of weird," impulse admits.

"right?" joel says. "the only way it would be weirder is if it were blue." impulse gives him a look. joel does not explain.

it starts to fly away.

"we should follow it," impulse says, his voice getting a little dull. "yeah. we should follow it."

"what? no! no we should not follow the haunted butterfly, are you nuts?" joel says, but it's a bit too late. (maybe this is what the knife is for: stabbing impulse. it would be an effective method of stopping him!) he chases impulse down, down to the river, where yellow butterflies are swarming. impulse, as though possessed, simply steps into the swarm and falls through them to the water.

joel's, uh, freaking out more than a little bit? he'll admit he's freaking out. he dives forward to try to grab him, only to realize that he doesn't see impulse anywhere.

a single blue butterfly lands on joel's shoulder. "do you hold his heart next to yours?"

"i'm going insane," joel says.

"no heart is meant to be completely alone. do you hold his next to yours?"

"this isn't happening," joel says. "this is like a stupid manga or something. it's not happening."

"there is still time to save them; you must hold your heart strong, or the consequences will be dire. i believe in you."

the butterfly vanishes.

"fuck it," joel says. "if i drown then it's nothing people haven't expected of me anyway."

he steps through the swarm of butterflies.

that night, he drags both impulse and skizz out of the river. they're all freezing cold. shadows and strange, yellowy liquid still cling to all of their skin. also, joel stabbed himself, which like, glad to know that's what the knife was for, apparently, and the scar is warm and comforting. he can feel his--persona, and don't ask him how he knows that--shifting under his skin, under the mark on his hand. it said its name is pygmalion; it says it is a piece of joel's soul.

this is all patently insane. but skizz and impulse are alive and NOT eaten by shadow monsters, so even if they're both a little unconscious, joel takes that as a win.

they lie on the ground outside the river. someone stumbles across them. "well give me some teeth and call me an alligator. you got out on your own," breathes a fellow student clutching a dagger. joel thinks he's in the class across the hall. also--

"what are you talking about," joel wheezes.

"you found it on your own. you can find them?" the student says. his eyes are wide. something in joel's soul recognizes something in the student's. something in joel's BRAIN puts two and two together and realizes why mr. hills gave him a knife.

"no. no, go away, i don't want to be involved in this," joel says.

"well, don't you think it's too late for that?" the student says, and joel passes out. he's pretty sure the butterflies have to be laughing at him. in fact, as though to mock him further, after passing out, he doesn't even get to avoid it forever, because he wakes up in a glowing blue boat. there is a man with white-blonde hair, blue eyes, and a blue outfit leaning over him, poking him.

joel takes no responsibility for punching him. he'd do it again, too, as the long-nosed man sitting next to the unmanned steering wheel welcomes him to the velvet room.

(this, joel realizes later, all rather sets the tone for what the next year of his life is about to become.)

[hannieehaee]

Hellooo!! Can I please ask for a Seventeen reaction where they think their s/o is really scary when she's angry, or mad at them?? 💖 btw, greetings from Argentina 🇦🇷👋🏻

you being scary when you're mad

wc: 953

a/n: thank u so much for reading and for requesting <33 i hope i did ur request justice <3

masterlist

seungcheol -

seungcheol himself tends to be a little scary when mad, so you'd expect him to understand and react accordingly when having an s/o who was also intimidating when in a bad mood. however, seungcheol would not know how to handle being around you when you were angry. he'd finally understand how chan felt when they were trainees and he couldn't even hold eye contact with him.

jeonghan -

have you seen him when seungkwan's annoyed at him and wrangling him around? he'd be the same with you lmao. if his s/o was scary when mad, he'd be a lil entertained by the sight. he'd let you shove him a little if you wanted (lightly in annoyance ofc, not in an actually harmful way out of anger!) he would maybe even instigate it a lil bit bc he's just silly like that. he wouldnt go too far though, not actually wanting to worsen your mood nor get into hot waters with you.

joshua -

at first he would find it funny and laugh at your anger and frustrations. it'd be after a while that he would begin to feel slightly worried. your silence and the cloud over your head would have him rethinking his whole life. he'd wanna wait out your anger and not get in the way, fearing for his life. once you were in a better mood you'd laugh at both at your mood and his reaction to it.

jun -

the poor boy would be terrified. he'd be so confused at your anger, not knowing whether he should try and help you calm down or if he should keep away from you. he'd try to make you laugh or something and would just cause you to grow more annoyed, in turn making him shrink into himself a little more. at that point he'd just choose to stay out of your way until you were back to normal.

soonyoung -

he would not process the fact that you're angry at first. he'd still be making jokes and playing around before realizing you were in a mood. you'd have to be very direct about it, in which case he'd immediately shut down and pout at you, now a little scared of how quickly the mood in the room changed. he'll try to bring your mood up while also keeping his distance, feeling a little intimidated by you when you were like this.

wonwoo -

not a very easily scared guy, but if his s/o happened to be a little on the scarier side when mad, he'd watch his step around you a little. he'd wanna respect your space while you were in a mood, not wanting to cause you to grow even more frustrated, but he wouldnt be truly scared of you, just a little intimidated.

jihoon -

as someone who also looks a lil scary when mad, he wouldnt be too phased by it. he knows you and he knows your heart, so he'd know it was just your emotions getting the best of you. there would still be some occasions where he'd feel a bit intimidated by your mood though. so he'd try to either stay out of your way or try to alleviate your mood.

seokmin -

poor guy would be terrified the moment he sensed your anger. he knew you'd never actually take your anger out on him in any way, but he's a sensitive boy, so he would be able to just feel it in the air. he knew you got a little on the scarier side when you were angry, so he'd avoid you a little bit in order to prevent triggering any further anger out of you. he'd feel apologetic even if he wasn't who made you angry.

mingyu -

he's already scared of you regardless lmao. you're the one who wears the metaphorical pants in the relationship, so anything you said goes. if you were ever mad at him or just mad in general, he would be walking on eggshells, not wanting to trigger more anger out of you. he'd be ashamed of this, but he'd also be a little extra attracted to you whenever you were mad. your intimidating aura would empty his head of any thoughts, which would usually just cause you to grow even more frustrated lmao.

minghao -

despite liking to claim he's not scared of anything, one specific look from you and he's gulping at your unexpected anger. he knew by now you tended to be a little scary when mad, but it was something he had not gotten used to. had you been anyone else, he wouldve probably just brushed you off. but your mood intrigued him, while also making him feel a bit intimidated at the uncertainty of what your next move would be.

seungkwan -

he's got a very strong personality, so this could go one of two ways. he'd either not take you too seriously, even if he was a little intimidated by you. or he would straight up avoid you like the plague. he'd be too worried about your attitude to wanna try interacting with you. he didn't want neither yours or his feelings to be collateral damage to both your big personalities.

vernon -

another member who would be attracted to you when mad. you intimidated him, making him wanna shut down and just do whatever you wanted. he'd usually just stay quiet and hum at anything you said to him during these periods of time, wanting to appease you in any way he could. this would usually only annoy you more, creating a vicious cycle of frustration for you. he wouldnt mind it, though.

chan -

you know that face he makes whenever he's got a lil question mark hanging above his head? that would be him whenever you were mad. he'd be confused and a bit scared. he'd be taken right back to predebut days when he was terrified of even being in the same room as seungcheol or jihoon. he'd avoid you like the plague until he was sure your mood got better.

a/n: i never get angry so this was a lil hard to write im ngl 😭 it was still rlly fun to write tho :D

[thenextdawn-temporarilyclosed]

Can you please please do a Wednesday X Fem Reader where thy are dating and it can be like parts where one, finding out about readers cancer, then dealing with it, then trying to fight it, but the treatment not working, so the reader is slowly dying and Wednesday does all the things reader likes for them and always stays with them. Then after R's death Wednesday tries to cope with it for weeks and months but in the couldn't anymore so she hints the dark ending. The Angst will be out of this world

Ghost Of You

Word count: 3.8K

Summary: request above

Warnings: angst, terminal cancer, anything to do with cancer, death, loss, depression, mentions of suicide

Pairing: Wednesday Addams X Fem!Reader

I need a hug after writing this. I think it’s my longest fic so far, I hope you like it!🖤✨

———

Your relationship with Wednesday was by far the best thing you could ever wish for, and it shocked you when out of the three people that were interested in her, she chose you. You never expected her to choose you because you thought you weren’t as pretty as Tyler or Xavier… well, everyone thought she liked boys because she was always hanging out with one, but turns out she liked women, and you were her first and only choice. Sure you weren’t perfect, but Wednesday always made sure you knew you were perfect to her… obviously using her ways. She never told you directly, more through metaphors but you didn’t mind, you knew that this was her love language and somehow you had to admit you didn’t mind that. You weren’t one for hugs or cuddles yourself, but it would happen from time to time that you and her would sleep together, and the most contact you had even in bed was your arm around her waist, nothing more nothing less.

In class you would always sit together, paying attentions and taking notes for each other when one of you stayed in your room because you were sick or something like that. Of course Wednesday’s note were always so clean and tidy, and yours would be decorated with the doodles you drew when you were bored. Recently though you have been feeling sicker than usual. You didn’t have a fever, but you were always so weak and tired, even if you slept for hours nothing would change. You would sweat a lot even when you were not moving, and you were always so pale. This was no other case. “(Y/N), you need to sleep. You can’t always be this tired and not pay attention.” Your girlfriend recently has always been trying to help you and get you to sleep, even if her ways were a bit too harsh. You were in your botany class so you had to keep it low “Wednesday I’m sleeping a lot at night, I don’t know what’s happening to me” you sand as you wiped your forehead from the new bead of sweat.

Wednesday noticed that and put a hand on your forehead to feel your temperature. “You’re warm. You should go to the infirmary.” You nodded slightly and got up, but as soon as you did you started feeling dizzy. “I’m not… feeling very well…” you tried to hold yourself up but you lost consciousness and fell to the ground. Without saying a word Wednesday got up and rushed to your side. The teacher came towards you as well, and given as you may have hit your head when falling, she called an ambulance. When it arrived you were still unconscious and you remained unconscious for a few hours… weird, for just a high temperature. Being the protective girlfriend she was, Wednesday wanted to get on the ambulance but no one let her, so she had to wait until lessons were over, and she did, going to the hospital with Weems. “How is she?” The short Ravenette girl asked.

The doctor sighed. “Unfortunately we only have bad news… she has stage 4 cancer. Has she ever shown signs of weakness?” The news threw Wednesday off, she never expected such bad news just because you passed out. Wednesday stayed quiet for a while, until Weems nudged her shoulder, both to remind her she had to answer the question and to get her out of her thoughts. “She was always tired these past few weeks, she said it was because she studied too hard… she was never this sick. Is it treatable?” The doctor took notes and then sighed. “We can try, but it most likely won’t work. It’s not operable but we can immediately start with aggressive chemotherapy, this could give us some hope even if she’ll be very very sick.” Both Wednesday and Weems nodded. Weems was your guardian so she had to agree to the treatment. “How long does she have left?” Wednesday asked, her voice low and soft, as the doctor shook his head with a sigh. “Not much. Close to a year, maybe even less.”

Weems wanted to be the one to tell you as she basically raised you, so Wednesday stayed out of the room. When Wednesday finally came into your hospital room, she saw you cry desperately while in Weems’s arms, she was crying as well. You refused to believe that your life was basically over, you had your whole life ahead of you yet it got ripped from you. You had planned a lot of stuff with your friends, with your girlfriend. You hadn’t been together for that long, But you two were definitely made for one another, and even though you wanted to wait to have some more physical contact with her, now it couldn’t wait anymore. Wednesday grew sick at the sight of you so desperate, she couldn’t bare to see you like this and for the first time in her life, it hurt her as well seeing someone in pain. She had promised you too many times that she’d protect you, but she couldn’t protect you from this, there wasn’t any chance that she could do so. Wednesday looked down, trying to prevent her own eyes to water.

When you had calmed down a bit you asked Weems to be left alone with Wednesday and of course she left the room. Wednesday looked at you as she made her way over to you. “I-I don’t want to die…” you said trying not to cry again, as you covered your face with your hands. Wednesday didn’t hesitate to come towards you and hug you, for the first time in your relationship she hugged you. “I know mi amor. I’m so sorry.” Wednesday herself was trying so hard not to cry. She promised herself she wouldn’t cry anymore, but she knew that when you left, it would destroy her. You refused to stay in the hospital, deciding that you’d take your treatments in your dorm. You didn’t want to live your last year in a hospital, you wanted to make the best out of it with your girlfriend and your best friends. Your doctors allowed you to, and Weems even changed your dorm so that you’d be with Wednesday.

Your first treatment was at the hospital, and even though it was really heavy, you went through it easily. You had decided to take your illness on a brighter side: You were going to die anyway, but why be sad instead of making the best out of it? When you went back to school all your friends were there for you, they did whatever they could to try and cheer you up and it worked in some ways, because when you happened to be alone, you’d always break down. You didn’t want your friends to see you always sad, you wanted them to remember you like the happy girl you have always been and always will be, in their memory. Wednesday had changed as well. She was more protective, more attentive to you and what you did, she wanted to make sure you were happy and fine until your last breath, and she wanted you to have as many memories with her as you could. She loved you so much and deep down she was hurting too, but she never showed it, she never vented to anyone. She had to tend to you.

Your treatments were in the afternoon, after school in yours and Wednesday’s dorm. It had now been two months since you had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and slowly but surely you were getting weaker, sicker. But you still managed to keep going. One morning you woke up and when you went to the bathroom to brush your hair… they just came away like it was cotton candy. Literally you took a strand of your hair and it would come away without any effort. You had expected this, but it didn’t feel like you had anticipated. “W-Wednesday?” You called for her and she dropped whatever she was doing to come to you. “Yes my love?” She said, and looked at you through the mirror. You were looking at yourself with tears in your eyes and strands of hair in hour hands, unable to speak.

Wednesday took the hair you were holding and put them in the sink, as she placed a hand on your cheek and turned you to look at her, caressing both your cheeks as her eyes showed a hint of sadness as she gave a small smile. “This is good though, right? It means that the chemo is working. Right?” You were panicking, tears filled your eyes even more as they rolled down your cheek. You had been trying to deny the fact that you were sick but now it was undeniable. Wednesday sighed and pulled you in a tight hug, where you broke and fell to your knees, Wednesday caught you and accompanied you to the ground as you two stayed in that desperate hug, where you did nothing but cry, scream and grip Wednesday close to you. “I don’t want to die…” you sobbed out, while the brunette was holding you tightly, rubbing your back. “I know…” she said in a surprising soft tone, it would be surprising to everyone else but you, because recently she has always been soft to you.

Wednesday’s eyes let a couple tears fall, but she looked up and gulped, she had to be strong for you. That day you shaved your head to get rid of the last bit of hair that remained, from that day on you were never the same. You no longer smiled every day, you no longer made jokes about anything and you didn’t leave your room aside from school. It had been six months now and You had also started loosing weight and you hated that. You looked like a corpse, pale and basically skin and bone. It was a morning like every other and you were getting ready for school, but when in your underwear you stared at yourself in the mirror. You hated how you looked, you hated all of it. As you cried and sniffled Wednesday hugged you from behind, hands around your waist and her head on your shoulder. You were pretty much the same height, so it was no problem for her.

“I look terrible…” you said in a soft voice as you placed your hands on top of Wednesday’s. “You don’t. Mi amor you’re the prettiest girl I have ever seen” you shook your head and turned around to look at her, her arms still wrapped around you. “Wednesday, I’m dying.. I only have like six months left and I look like shit now. There’s no way I look pretty” you sighed as you hid your face under her neck. “You’ll always look pretty. Skinny, normal weight, short hair, long hair… you’ll always be pretty wether it’s here or in my mind, you’re still the prettiest girl I know… no wonder you’re my girlfriend” she said and you smiled brightly, staying in her embrace. Three more months had passed, you had now only three months left. Chemo obviously didn’t work so you interrupted it, even if you still would get sicker and it was showing. Your friends were still trying to make you happy whenever they could. Weems even let you all go on a trip to Los Angeles, you have always wanted to go there and you finally managed to make that dream come true.

On a Monday morning you woke up feeling extra weak. Wednesday was still asleep, but you had to go to the bathroom. You got up and out of bed, but as soon as you were on your feet you immediately fell down… you couldn’t even hold yourself up on your feet anymore. “Fuck-“ you said as you tried to stand back up, but you couldn’t. You started crying, calling for Wednesday but she was in a deep sleep, until you managed to raise your voice more. “Wednesday please wake up…” you sobbed out. Finally she did wake up and soon saw you on the floor. “(Y/N)? What happened?” She asked as she rushed to your side, to try and lift you up and place you on the bed. You tried to help by pushing yourself up, but you couldn’t. “I had to go to the bathroom, but when I got up my legs failed me, I can’t even hold myself up anymore…” you looked down and cried. Wednesday hated seeing you like this and it wasn’t long now until your time was up and you’d be gone. Luckily doctors had you prepared for this inconvenient and had left you a wheelchair. With Wednesday’s help you sat there so she could take you to class.

You were giving up. You couldn’t keep fighting knowing you’d die anyway… it was no use. You even refused to celebrate your birthday, you stayed in your room, just cuddling with Wednesday knowing that this would be the last birthday you’d spend with her. “I don’t want you to cry when I die..” you said all of the sudden. You were basically laying half on top of her with your head under her neck. Wednesday stayed quiet at your request. “It wouldn’t be you. I want you to be the girl you always have been, I don’t want you to change because of me… I just want you to remember me and not forget about me.” You said as you took a deep breath and stayed close to her. “My love I will never forget about you. You will forever be my only love, I can’t find someone like you nor even close. There’s only one (Y/N) and only one person who has my heart, and that person is you.”

Three more months passed… you were back at the hospital. You had gotten sicker, to the point that you needed a mask to help you breathe. Wednesday was always there by your side, never leaving you. Both of you knew that your end was near and she did whatever she could to make you as comfortable and as happy as possible. You were in a lot of pain, you were having troubles breathing… until the dreaded day came. Wednesday and Weems were in your room, you knew that life would leave your body pretty soon. After talking to Weems who was crying desperately you moved your attention to Wednesday, taking a hold of your hand. “Nes I’m scared” you sobbed out weakly as you searched for her eyes. She looked at you and squeezed your hand tightly “I know you’re scared my love.. but it’ll be okay… you’re going to be okay” she said and caressed your face, all while you winced in pain, your whole body hurt, everything hurt. “N-nes, promise me you’ll be okay” you asked, you wanted her to be okay when you left.

“Promise me you’ll continue with your life, that you will be happy. But promise me you’ll always remember me, and that you’ll always love me” you cried out, and she leaned in to place her forehead on yours “I promise you mi amor” she said and leaned in for a kiss, which you reciprocated… your last. You saved your last breath and your energy for this kiss, and then you were gone. You died kissing your girlfriend and you couldn’t ask for a better death.

———

Enid came rushing through the hospital, tears in your eyes as she busted the door open, she didn’t like what she saw one bit… Weems was crying desperately while sitting on your bed and trying to hug you, while Wednesday sat in her chair. Fists and jaw clenched as she looked down. She was trying so hard not to cry, and she was managing so far. Wednesday didn’t do tears. Wednesday had promised you she’d never cry, and she never did. In her life Wednesday only cried once, when her pet scorpio died, and now she was scared she would cry again and if she did, she wouldn’t recover ever again. “Is she gone?…” Enid asked, making her way towards Wednesday, who only gave a nod in response. Her knuckles had turned white from how tight she was keeping her fists, nails biting into her flash. “I’m sorry…” Enid said, sitting next to Wednesday and placing her head on her shoulder.

Wednesday always liked funerals, she even attended the ones of people she didn’t know. But your funeral was something else… because she knew you, she loved you and seeing you being put into the ground, just hurt. Every student from Nevermore was there and all of them wished their condolences to the principal, and even tried to do the same with Wednesday. She kept avoiding everyone, she didn’t want to hear people tell her how sorry they were for her loss. The whole week it has been raining, but it was sunny that day, and your funeral was right at dawn… god did you make a beautiful sunset. Your favorite colors were in the sky, from purple to orange and Wednesday has never liked colors more, she wanted to frame this moment forever. When everyone left Wednesday stayed at your grave.

Wednesday had promised you she’d never stay at your grave, yet here she was.

Wednesday had promised you she’d be happy… but she couldn’t, not after losing you.

Wednesday had promised you she wouldn’t cry, yet here she was.

For the first time she was crying. A couple tears had left her eyes, but it was just that. She wiped her tears with the back of her sleeve, smearing her dark, light makeup. She stayed at your grave for hours, just staring at the beautiful picture of you smile, and Wednesday remembered: you had never seem her smile. You talked a lot about wanting to see her smile, yet you never did. Wednesday couldn’t keep one single promise to you. She cried, she wasn’t happy. It was hard to keep these promises. She would have had no issue with that, but with you.. she couldn’t stand to know that she had broken her promises to you, and it hurt, it hurt so bad. But she couldn’t let her façade drop, she had to keep it up.

Wednesday was destroyed. Her grades in school had dropped, she barely left her room. She didn’t have any interest anymore, she didn’t hang out with her friends. The room she shared with you was filled with your scent and she didn’t want to forget about it, she didn’t want to forget about you, she couldn’t. You were too young to die, and you were both too dumb to know things like “Love” so she drowned it all down, talking to what now is the ghost of you, telling you how she misses you, talking about everything she could think of, and mostly, saying sorry. What was she sorry for? She was scared she hadn’t been a good girlfriend, she was scared she hasn’t been enough for you, and she just wanted the confirmation that she did whatever she could to make you happy, but you couldn’t give her this confirmation, not anymore.

Wednesday started skipping classes, she never did that. Wednesday stopped writing her very loved novel. Wednesday was depressed.

Eventually she had to move back in with Enid, and the girl was so keen on wanting to make her vent. “Wednesday it’s been months now. You need to talk to someone. We barely see you around anymore, please just talk to me.” Enid tried, sitting on her friend’s bed. “I’m fine Enid. I don’t need to talk to anyone.” Wednesday replied bitterly, nails gripping her desk as she was drawing something she didn’t even know what it was. The blonde stayed quiet for a while. “You know what Wednesday, I’m tired of this. I’m tired of seeing you, my best friend, being depressed for her girlfriend’s death. And I don’t mean it in a bad way, I want you to understand that it’s okay to be depressed, that it’s okay to be sad but it’s also okay to talk to someone. We all miss her, but we also know that it’s been the hardest on you. Please Wednesday just talk to me, to any us” she said the last part whispering.

Wednesday put the pencil down as she turned to look at her friend. She didn’t know how to begin, where to start from. She felt tears building up in her eyes as she tightened her fists and jaw, she didn’t want to cry. Wednesday didn’t want to cry, not in front of Enid. Wednesday was crying.

A couple tears had rolled down her cheek, but she wasn’t making any sound. She just looked at Enid, who smiled sadly. “You can let go… it’s just us-“ “Don’t.” Wednesday was quick to shush her and while her mind spoke this fake truth, her body language Said otherwise. The ravenette started visibly shaking, her breaths becoming closer to one another and quicker that her usual. All the emotions she has been bubbling up burst out all at once as she started crying this time it was a real cry, it wasn’t just a couple tears, Wednesday was crying, sobbing on her chair as she covered her face with her hands. Enid made her way towards Wednesday and pulled her into a hug. “No! G-get away from me-“ she tried, but Enid was stronger. “I won’t Wens. Stop trying” the blonde insisted, keeping her close to her.

Wednesday eventually gave in and cried more in the hug, her friend’s shirt who tried to comfort her while holding her close, Wednesday was screaming, sobbing, everything she has always been trying to deny. “Oh my g-god-“ Wednesday sobbed out, thinking of you again. It seemed like she was trying to deny the fact that you had died until now. “You’ll be okay Wednesday… it’ll pass with time” Enid tried to reassure her, but From that day on, Wednesday only felt worst. Now she didn’t get out of her bed, she didn’t stop crying.

Then on this particular day, Wednesday felt happy.

They say it’s a matter of time

A thousand days and the sun won’t shine

Before I come back to you…

And I’m happy, nothing’s going to stop me

I’m making my way home

I’m making my way

Wednesday felt happy, because

For your love I will go far

I wanna be wherever you are

I know I’m coming back to you.

Wednesday was happy, because she was soon going ti be with you forever.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for not telling my sister we're related?

I CAN EXPLAIN, I SWEAR.

Okay, so basically. I have this friend (??X -- look, they're around my age but I don't know my age because time is not something I'm good at keeping track of. I think I'm older? Not by much though.), we'll call them R. R's a great person -- trustworthy, reliable, friendly, willing to play good cop to my bad cop (METAPHOR!!! NOT ACTUALLY COPS!!!), one time we planted an inordinate amount of beetroots together? Maybe more than once.

R is also, like, super possessed by an evil version of himself. At least, I'm pretty sure S (???X) is evil. He's sneaky, ominous, keeps saying things that don't make any sense, have this really spooky voice, and oh yeah there's also the eyes that change color and the fact that he keeps! Bugging me! About my past! Which you'd think would not be something appropriate to ask someone with a mechanical arm and a bunch of burn scars! And yet!!

Anyway. S insists her name is also R but in this case I'm referring to her as S because otherwise you wouldn't be able to tell the difference now would you? And I've been trying to figure out what exactly is going on with S for ages. Like, don't get me wrong, terrified of her, but I also want her help. Having someone like that on my side could be really useful.

The thing is, a while ago S and I talked and zhe showed me this... weird, old buried upside-down clocktower in the ground? I tried to talk things out with zhen and ask what zhe wanted but. Uh. Look, at some point maybe I stopped paying attention and tripped while going down one of the internal ladders or something, I still have a few healing bruises from that talk. Lost some time, too. But I do remember her mentioning I was related to R (and also something about us being time and space? Maybe? I don't want to think about that! So I'm not going to!) and that I was supposed to be zhens older brother.

The other thing is, every time I've remembered this (memory issues, you know how it is, everyone has 'em) it's been the worst possible time to go "hey, by the way, we're related" to R. Like, absolutely godawful timing. I didn't tell them immediately because S possessing R messes up their body hardcore and frankly I was scrambling to get them health potions so they wouldn't randomly die about it. I didn't tell them the next time I remembered because we were busy dealing with the person who blackmailed us who turned out to be a) a literal star and 2) basically a baby -- who then kind of told us the reason he's not, you know, in the sky, is that his brothers pushed him out of it as a prank and if there's any really bad time to tell someone you're their brother, it's when the kid in front of you is basically going "brothers suck, source: me." (Side note -- some weird combination of ESH and NAH from that situation as far as I'm concerned. We worked stuff out.)

Only, uh. Look, I am entirely not sure what happened. I randomly came to in the clock tower again one day with S glaring at me, and then next thing I know I've lost more time and R is helping me get out of the clocktower cavern with an absolutely splitting headache. He gets me up out of the place and then to my house (I saw some weird signs with my handwriting on them along the way. Sidenote: might also be possessed by an evil me.) and is acting... really weird. Keeps asking if there's anything I need to tell him or am keeping from him, eventually just reveals that S spilled the beans on us being related. I think he's a little mad about it -- I mean, I would be too -- but I really did just totally forget! I've been super busy and might've gotten a concussion at the time S told me!

Anyway. Found out someone was my sister via her evil possession twin. Forgot to tell them because the timing was always the worst timing imaginable. Am I the jerk for this specific thing. Not the other stuff. Probably was kind of a jerk during the thing with the star. Not relevant here.

[dgaftilwedie]

You should tell me about your ghoul oc................

WHAT'S THIS??? AN OPPORTUNITY TO TALK ABOUT MY LITTLE GHOUL?????? EEEEESOIJFSJDKJFSKDF

ok so!! their name is inferno, and (as you can probably tell by their name) they're a fire ghoul :3 they're fem-presenting but use neutral pronouns, and they're dewdrop's... pupil?? of sorts?? copia summoned them before the reimperatour, after the Bloody Guitar incident just in the off chance something like that happens again and dew isn't able to keep playing. on stage, dew lets them practice their solos, but most of the time, they're off to the back harassing rain or singing background vocals with the ghoulettes and swiss. they were also summoned at the same time as aurora and phantom, so they're all very close!! (but with nameless ghouls, they're all basically attached at the hip so...)

inferno is a very loud individual, both literally and metaphorically. they're very bold, easily excitable, and talkative. they're constantly full of energy and enthusiastic to do anything and everything. that doesn't come without some downfalls though... they're very overly-emotional and one "bad" interaction can quickly send them spiralling. when they get into moods, they hide away in their room for days on end, and they can be a little hard to work with because of this. they also have the tendency to be a LOT to handle, which they know, and they hate that their actions can be seen as annoying when they're just trying to be themself. aside from that, they're a really fun ghoul to be around!!

below the cut is just me talking about their relationships with the other ghouls off stage :3 if you want me to talk about the on stage relationships, i will GLADLY do that too HEHEHEHEHE

dew:  when copia first announced that dew was going to have an understudy, everyone was very nervous about his reaction. he's very headstrong and independent, so most people thought he was either going to hate his pupil or be a bad teacher to them. this could not be farther from the case!! dew was surprisingly very excited (which he masked under his typical "ugh... whatever" attitude). seeing as how inferno is dew’s understudy, the two of them are very attached to each other. they often stay a lot later than everyone else during practice, rehearsing different parts (usually because inferno begged him to teach them their favorite solos and dew obliges every time). inferno reminds dew a lot of himself when he first became a fire ghoul - he remembers how much of a mentor ifrit was to him, and he's trying to be even better of a mentor to inferno. they're spicy and annoying and bold, just like him, and he loves it.

rain: practically inseparable. they compliment each other in a bunch of different ways. inferno is loud, easily-excitable, and very jumpy; rain is usually quieter, collected, and more reserved. inferno helps to get rain going, and he eagerly plays into their enthusiasm. they’re very much attached at the hip, even more so than inferno and dew. cuddling, hugging, falling asleep in a pile on the den couch, etc. they're never not with each other. inferno is very clingy, and so is rain, so neither of them have an issue with this arrangement. inferno is still learning how to utilize their ghoul-magic and they often mess around with rain by poking his neck with their fire. it scares the shit out of him, but he's gotten used to it, and he splashes water at inferno to get back at them. he's also one of the only ghouls who inferno will go to with their problems, swiss and mountain being the other two. they feel too obligated to appear Super Cool and Strong to dew and cirrus, they don't wanna burden cumulus, and they don't want aurora and phantom to think less of them for being the way they are. (of course, they'd all listen if inferno wanted them to, but they're terrified)

phantom:  inferno was summoned around the same time as phantom, so they’re already pretty close. you’ve also seen how quintessence ghouls and fire ghouls act with each other... the two of them act a lot like dew and aether. they practice their parts together, throw pics at each other, and they’re generally very playful with each other. they also both have a biting problem?? phantom will be minding his own business and inferno will come up from behind him and sink their teeth into his neck. phantom does the same in return. literally both of them are covered in each other's bitemarks and they both think it's hilarious.

aurora:  like phantom, the two of them were summoned at the same time, so again, inherent closeness. the two of them are VERY gossipy with each other. they're often spotted around the ministry, giggling and whispering to each other in darkened corners. since they're usually on stage together, they practice little bits off stage to spice things up, which usually ends up in them being a tangled mess of bodies and instruments on the floor of the practice room. aurora also has really, really long hair and it's super soft and inferno often insists on styling it for her.

mountain:  they adjusted to each other very easily. similar to rain, mountain is much quieter than inferno is, but he appreciates their enthusiastic personality. inferno knows they can be a lot to handle but mountain is a naturally calming presence to them, so they're a lot more toned-down around him. mountain's sorta like a large teddy bear to them, probably because they have a massive height difference (which both of them thoroughly enjoy). mountain has taken to nicknaming inferno “fern” because he thinks it’s cute (he’s the only one allowed to call them that). the two of them often have little "dates" as inferno has taken to calling them; the two of them will sit in the ministry's garden and smoke some of mount's special stash as the sun rises before falling asleep in the grass. sister imperator has gotten on their cases for doing this on nights before big clergy meetings that both of them ended up missing.

cirrus: inferno looks up to cirrus a ridiculous amount. like, they treat her like a celebrity. they're in complete awe of her and cirrus thinks it's adorable. she definitely teases them about it. she's gotten into the habit of hugging inferno from behind just to get them all melty in her arms. plus, they're a fire ghoul, so they're naturally very warm, which cirrus loves. the pair also bond over instruments--who knew that keytars and guitars could be so similar, yet so very different...

swiss: when inferno was first summoned, swiss was the ghoul that intimidated them the most. he wasn’t the tallest or the strongest, but he was certainly the scariest. he had an evil glint in his eyes the sent a shiver down inferno’s spine. of course, that didn’t last very long. he’d give them occasional pointers on their guitar (and really good hugs) (and the ghape, sorry not sorry) and inferno opened up to him pretty quickly after that. they pick on each other a lot, but swiss always welcomes them with open arms if they're having a rough time.

cumulus: inferno has a very similar relationship to cumulus that they do with swiss... except for the fact that cumulus didn't scare the shit out of them when they first met. inferno thinks she's absolutely adorable, constantly flooding her with compliments and practically begging to watch her play the piano. the two of them spend a lot of time learning duets to perform for the other ghouls and ghoulettes; they have very different vocal ranges, cumulus's being much higher and inferno's being much lower, so it's an interesting contrast to hear. but they both think it's super fun!! also, ghoulette slumber parties... cumulus dubbed inferno an "honorary ghoulette" so they're invited the all of the slumber parties and girl's night activities that cirrus, aurora, and cumulus get up to :3 (they appreciate being included more than anyone realizes)

[chip-potato]

Hey, so I think I figured out why the Gaster Followers are the way that they are, and also why nobody seems to talk about Gaster himself, despite his very apparent importance in the Underground society's history. The Followers are, literally, being hurt and consumed by bad memories. (tw: suicide mention) Monsters' bodies are made of magic, and as such, they work differently than human bodies do, which is evident especially with the concept of Falling Down, described by Alphys in the True Lab logs as a monster, after losing all hope, falls to the ground in a comatose state and seemingly has no way of reawakening or doing anything except for eventually dying. Hope, or rather the absence of it, plays a key role in this interaction. From this, we can gather that how a monster feels can have a tangible impact on their physical health. It stands to reason, then, that witnessing a traumatic event can cause a similar kind of damage to a monster's psyche, and therefore their bodies. Not only that, but turning our attention back to the True Lab, we can encounter amalgamates called “Memoryheads”--

-- which, if you interact with them in a specific way, can fill our inventories with an item called the "Bad Memory". These bad memories cannot be thrown away, and if you try to use one, you take a little damage. But that's just what happens to Frisk, a human. What happens if a monster were to be given a bad memory? The game, according to my theory at least, gives us the answer to that question in the form of the three Gaster Followers you can randomly encounter around Hotland. Yes, followers plural. It is my personal belief that all three of them have pieces of Gaster. Or, perhaps it’s more accurate to say that the pieces... have them? Deltarune finally gave us a look at what Follower 3′s normal self looks like, and due to the fact that everyone in Deltarune doesn’t change that much physically from their Undertale counterparts, we can (in my opinion) safely make comparisons between every Follower and their more colorful selves.

To be frank, it’s... a little concerning, because looking at it all at once, it’s quite obvious what’s happening to these monsters. They’re holding onto Bad Memories, which are apparently in the process of consuming them. Follower 2′s hand has been replaced or melded with one piece, the borders around 1′s eyes and mouth seem to suggest (at least to me?) that it’s practically being WORN, like some kind of bodysuit. 

And, of course, 3... good lord, look at Follower 3. Knowing what’s meant to be what in this sprite now makes it appear that 3′s body has Fallen Down, but the memory might be able to keep it upright and sort of... puppet it around? It’s almost like a burlap sack was thrown over the guy, honestly. Possibly while it was frozen in the second frame of its animation, as you can tell from its beak and wing shapes matching up with the “jaw” of their Follower/Undertale version. Follower 2, though, is especially interesting due to the fact that his piece seems to bear the most resemblance to an attack the Memoryheads are known for doing:

In any case, the trend is clear: holding onto Bad Memories (or in other words... trauma) literally eats monsters up. You can tell it’s eating them up in the metaphorical sense, too. Vague as they are, all of their dialogue revolves around Gaster, and as a matter of fact it’s basically the only confirmed sources of information on this character that we have. It’s all they know, too. Due to its importance to my theory, here is a comprehensive list of everything directly told to us by the three Followers: 1 - Doctor W.D. Gaster was the Royal Scientist preceding Alphys. 2 - Gaster’s brilliance is described as “irreplaceable.” This is corroborated by another Follower, calling Gaster an “act to follow.”  3 - Gaster created the CORE. 4 - Gaster, at some point, “vanished without a trace.” 5 - There was a rumor that “(Gaster) shattered across time and space.” I specify that it seems to be a rumor due to this being prefaced with “they say,” a common way to simply say that something you heard is a rumor being passed around. 6 - This same follower, #2, is able to say this “without fear,” due to possessing a piece of Gaster themselves. 7 - At some point, Gaster’s “experiments went wrong”. 8 - Gaster’s life was “cut short”. This wording of “cut short” is shared across two of the followers, and given Undertale’s style of writing, it’s likely significant in some fashion. 9 - Gaster “fell into his own creation.” 10 - Asgore “waited so long” to hire a new Royal Scientist. 11 - Asgore "took so long” to hire a new Royal Scientist, which seems to imply something different to the “waited so long” anecdote from another follower. “Took so long” implies a process that took a lengthy amount of time. “Waited so long” implies, well, waiting a long time before beginning the process. 12 - Alphys “works faster” than he did, most likely meaning that her output in terms of experimentation results and inventions were faster. 13 - There is speculation that Alphys will “end up the same way”. 14 - Despite everything else said about Gaster, Follower 3 refrains from elaborating on the experiments going wrong, claiming that “... it’s rude to talk about someone who’s listening.” Potential conclusions to draw: - (3 + 9) Gaster fell into the CORE. - (10 + 11) Due to Asgore seemingly dragging his feet, there was a long stretch of time where there was absolutely no Royal Scientist. - (2 + 12) Gaster was, seemingly, quite the perfectionist. - (3 + 12) Alphys was the creator of everything hi-tech seen in Undertale, with the exception of the CORE. - (7 + 13) Gaster and Alphys, perhaps, experienced similar situations of their experiments going wrong during their respective tenures.

Now, a lot of this is important, but I want to draw attention to the things concerning comparisons to Alphys, and Gaster’s experiments going wrong. Alphys, as I’m sure many of you know, is depressed. She is depressed due to her feelings of failure regarding the Amalgamates, an experiment into Determination that went wrong, in the True Lab... and she fights back against that regret by watching anime and blogging about her bad opinions online. It’s not exactly a healthy coping mechanism, but at least it’s... something. Something that Gaster, presumably, did not have. Now, let’s look back at Gaster’s Entry Number 17: “ENTRY NUMBER SEVENTEEN DARK DARKER YET DARKER THE DARKNESS KEEPS GROWING THE SHADOWS CUTTING DEEPER THIS NEXT EXPERIMENT SEEMS VERY VERY INTERESTING ... WHAT DO YOU TWO THINK?” Due to Deltarune's frequent allusions and ties to this piece of dialogue (and the noise being emitted in the room it’s found in), we now know, more or less, what was happening here: Gaster was witnessing the creation of a Dark Fountain, hinted at by the present tense of the words like “GROWING” and “CUTTING”. Due to Fountains requiring Determination to open, however, it is unlikely that he would be able to open one himself and survive, so it is likely that he enlisted the help of... someone. Possibly one of the “you two” mentioned at the end, or perhaps even a third party. Due to the fact that Gaster is a historical figure of sorts, this narrows down who this Fountain-puller could be by... a lot, actually. There’s only one real candidate, I’d argue.

But that’s a theory for another time, I think. Getting back on track, it would seem that, either soon after this Entry or at a later point, something went wrong with these Dark World experiments. Gaster presumably thought that things went wrong to such an extent that he would be unable to face the consequences of his actions, for whatever reason, leading to him “falling into his own creation”. Due to the parallels between him and Alphys made by the Followers themselves, and assuming this to be accurate information, it is very likely that Gaster was attempting to take his own life. However, that did not happen. Instead, while his life was indeed “cut short”, pieces of him scattered across time and space. Some, ending up in the hands of monsters who would later come to obsess over him and his legacy. Consider the broader context of this, for a moment: this sort of news would likely come as a deep emotional cut to a populace of monsters stuck in a cave with seemingly no way to break the barrier preventing them from leaving. Monsters that, mind you, go into a coma and eventually die if they lose hope. How could Asgore go about explaining to everyone that Dr. Gaster, one of the most brilliant minds monsterkind has ever known, was just... gone? It’s simple: he couldn’t. No formal announcement could possibly be made that wouldn’t result in bodies dropping like stones. We are talking potentially pounds of dust littering the streets. So, my theory-within-a-theory here, is that Asgore allowed news of Gaster’s fate to pass from one person to another in the forms of vague rumors. Once he felt confident in it being spread enough, he began to hold auditions for a new Royal Scientist, to complete the cover-up. The reason why nobody (aside from the Followers Three) talks about Gaster is because, due to the way monster bodies interact with their feelings, it quite literally hurts to talk or even think about him. Additionally, anyone who does think about Gaster for too long, starts to be consumed by those thoughts. The same Bad Thoughts that the Memoryheads give you. It's not any sort of memory wiping/timeline shenanigans, or at least not in the way people may think at first glance. It’s just... simple monster biology.

[malt-rants-and-stuff]

hey... hey psst. psst. kim dokja. i keep thinking about him because he really seems like the kind of guy i like. time loop guy with a dissociation metaphor thing going on??? and also a play on the self-insert trope?? that's all i REALLY know i think. i dunno how you feel about these kinds of questions but im curious to hear ur thoughts on him. i might never get into orv because the length of it alone requires a grindset of some sort even if you end up in the hyperfixation trenches i feel like, which is something i've been going through with MY game but like. it looks more intimidating when you're not already into it i think. in any case would u ever wanna talk about him...

KIM DOKJA OH MY GOD

you don't even know what you're doing to me rn. if anything I have Too Many thoughts about him it's actually insane.

idk what level of detail I should talk about him at since you said you aren't sure if you'll get into orv but like. ouuughhh kim dokja. need to study him in a controlled environment so bad.

okay but here's the thing about him. it's not really a time loop or at least that's not exactly the biggest part of the angst here though it is partially. especially its about yoo joonghyuk (protagonist) regressing every time he dies and one day kim dokja (reader(orv mc)) shows up and changes the timeline and makes things go better than they ever had but also he won't stop dying because he so desperately wants what he thinks is the Best Ending and that ending had yoo joonghyuk and everyone else happy and away from the apocolypse but that ending never included Him and it's so fucked.

yoo "you fool, if I regress will I meet you again?" joonghyuk and kim "it was a good story, wasn't it yoo joonghyuk?" mother fucking dokja. they need to be stopped. but then they can't just have me be insane over them because here comes han "this story is for that one reader" sooyoung who will do Anything to save kim dokja even when he won't let her and the THEMES oh they are delicious. yoohankim make me so sick it's crazy

the never ending cycle of sacrifice turned self-sacrifice, I was made for you I made you I was made for you, the truth of omniscient reader's viewpoint was that it was never going to end well no matter how desperately they wanted it to happen.

Kim dokja will never let himself be saved, yoo joonghyuk will never stop searching for him, han sooyoung will never stop trying to be his savior. Kim dokja doesn't see himself as worthy of their love he doesn't think he is necessary but when he's gone they just fall apart. Mr. International Terrorist and Ms. Interdimensional Mass Murderer. That one reader who they did all of this for. who they spent thousands of regressions, hundreds of years, unknowable numbers of timelines trying so hard to save. and even after all of that, after the pain and the memory wipes and the separations and the death and just. everything. it will never be enough. Because this is a story for that one reader and he will never stop reading. he will never come back to reality. Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint is a trap of yoohankim's own desperate making. their collective failure to save each other like they saved everyone else is actually astounding.

Kim dokja is everyone we are all kim dokja etc etc, on his deathbed (one of many) he once made the one that he loves most kill him and everyone had just spent multiple chapters fighting to figure out who it was and it was so clear all along that it was painful. the usage of reading skills to tell the story of orv is so cool, the way that you can feel the foreboding energy through every word leading up to it, i fall apart over this book istg. you can clearly tell I have no coherent thoughts on them from this lmao.

also the themes around suicide and healing and regression (haha) and forgiveness and unhealthy love that burrows into your skin and wraps tightly around your bones and death and life and also there is a scene where kim dokja litterally says "eat the dirt yoou joonghyuk." and yjh does and I felt like I needed to be put down like a dog because I was laughing so hard while also crying over literally everything else going on. there is a point where the novel subtly changes from first to third person to signify the effects of something and when I realized it I literally broke down sobbing but it's so amazing like this story really takes advantage of its medium to tell the story it wants to tell. the story for that one reader. also the fourth wall is a actual character in this and its literally amazing, sassy shit who calls kim dokja out on his bullshit while also helping him. they go to a library and I kid you not I have never felt so heartbroken over two characters in my life than I did when one of the children kdj took in as his own acknowledged that he had become a side character type at one point in the novel and that kdj didn't love him as much as the other kid bc he was right it was true he did get pushed off and no one said anything because that's just expected when these types of long books have a pretty decently sized main cast but like in context the usage of this trope only to use it for character writing later was just evil and wrecked me.

the real kim dokja was the diagnosis I got along the process of reading this damn novel

[red-man-of-mustache]

Mario's Bio

Long post, going under a cut-- This is for mobile users, desktop users can also view this here

The stork. Trusted companion to expecting parents. Mario & Luigi were both on their way to the Metro Kingdom via Stork until, unfortunately, the animal was set upon by a particular Magikoopa: Kamek! He'd managed to successfully kidnap Luigi and the stork but not the older of the twins Mario. Kamek foresaw the trouble the bros would cause for Bowser and the Koopa clan in the future and sought to nip it in the bud. Luckily Mario landed amongst a tribe of Yoshi’s who selflessly helped reunite the bro’s and free the poor stork. There was much toil in between but the brave reptiles perservered. After their little adventure the Stork took the bros and continued on it’s course to deliver the duo to their parents.

The Koopa Clan searched tirelessly for the twins, seeking to keep a future enemy from growing too powerful or in this case growing at all! There was a second kidnapping because the stork had actually delivered the babies to the wrong parents, given it was frazzled from being taken prisoner. Fortunately, when the twins were kidnapped again(with a whole host of other babies dubbed the Star Children) the stork on it's way to pick them up attacked the Toadies after they gathered the children, managing to free both Mario & Peach. The Yoshi's, with the guidance of the children, set off again to save their island and the Star Children. They succeeded once more and it seems as though the Koopa Clan went quiet after another failure.

The bros, when returned to their actual parents, were raised with as much love as the pair could receive. Mario was an energetic child who often injured himself being too daring or getting into fights with the other kids meanwhile Luigi was more introverted and preferred to indulge softer things on his own. He scared easily and was an obvious target for bullies. Most of Mario's fighting was spent defending his younger brother whereas other times he may metaphorically step on someone's toes and then refuse to offer an apology. Mario is obviously the more brash of the twins so he wasn't as well-mannered. Luigi would often have to apologize on his behalf and divert whatever was coming his way. They stood up for one another in their own ways but they stuck together and that was all that mattered throughout their younger years.

Once they hit adulthood, Mario picked up plumbing after he flew through a slew of other careers. He was a Doctor, Carpenter, Demolition worker, Factory worker, and much more, Mario’s adventurous attitude didn’t let him wade in one profession for too long,plumbing being the only exception. Plumbing happened to be precious to him because it was something he could share with Luigi along with it running in the family. In fact, Mario’s love for plumbing would plunge him into a world full of adventure. Him and Luigi were involved with a typical call to fix a leak. When they arrived and got to work the foundation of the home had begun crumbling, dropping them near a large green warp pipe. Mario, being the curious fellow he was, wanted to see where it would go. It wasn't attached to anything else within the home and he wished to see why. Luigi followed after concerned for his brothers safety.

The second the bros came out on the other side they were met with their first adventure: save the Princess from the clutches of Bowser. In a foreign land and far from home, the bros didn't let the situation shake them. They valiantly traveled throughout the eight worlds of the Kingdom to reach Bowser in Darkland and smite him.

Their first adventure done, the bros decided to stick around. The pipe that brought them was gone. Not that Mario saw it as a bad thing. It looked like the people of this humble land needed him and Luigi. Though it should go without saying that from time to time he does think about Mama Mario and Papa Mario.

[technicallyblakebelladonna]

Anything you want from ilia that’s isn’t related to Blake or yang? Personally I want to see a little of ilia finding herself not in relation to Blake or Adam. And my personal hope is that we see anything to suggest she isn’t just following in ghira’s footsteps, I’ve been dissapointed by the white fang plotline and that’s really all I can hope for at this point

im trying to discern whether or not this is a subtle passive-aggressive dig at the fact that when i rambled about ilia earlier, basically all i did was talk about her and her relationship with blake and future interactions with yang.

but i'll do my best to answer in sincerity in the case that it's not.

so just to quickly state, i'm of the stance that i'm not someone who should be speaking about the white fang/faunus arc and how it's been handled previously since i am white (and the faunus arc has been most widely discussed as a metaphor/narrative vehicle for real world racism) -- and also i don't believe that my opinion should matter for that very reason. far better people than me have had better things to say about all of it, and usually i try to avoid getting too much into rwby fandom discourse in general bc it just turns into a hot mess extremely quickly no matter where you end up in the fandom. so i'm just going to avoid all that and say it's not my place.

having said that, i genuinely believe that i don't think it's a bad thing for ilia to work with ghira and kali to reestablish a better white fang. it feels like a natural continuation of ilia's arc to have her further split from adam and his influences. blake even directly compares ilia and adam, but follows that comparison up by stating "i don't think ilia is like adam - not yet at least" so it really makes sense that ilia would continue to strive for a goal that she once had -- working towards the betterment of the faunus -- but through a lens that is no longer twisted by spite and rage and a overzealous desire for power, as adam's goal for the white fang was. actually, adam never used the white fang for what they were actually meant for in the first place, he just was doing whatever he could to have as much power as possible (but most specifically, as much power as he could over blake -- and he sought to do anything and everything he could to gain control over here).

so for ilia to continue her journey, unfettered by misguided leadership, to step into her own leadership role in regard to the white fang, i personally feel like that's a good continuation for her character. for her to completely abandon the white fang and just leave it for ghira and kali feels like a weird characterization for her, in my opinion. plus, on top of that, really what else would her character do? with her character redemption arc resolved and now that she's on the side of good, why would she just stop there? that doesn't make any sense to me, personally. like, canonically, that makes sense to me from both her character stand point and giving her an in-story reason to continue on with her journey, rather than just having her drop off the map entirely bc all of the sudden now her redemption is complete and we have no need for her. she's a tertiary character for sure, but i dont think even miles and kerry and the other writers are that lazy to just simply drop an entire character. not when they went decided to include her in the montage shots during ruby's v8 monologue. they plan to keep her around, and clearly they plan to keep her around through her connection with ghira and kali - likely meaning, the white fang.

now for something that i would LOVE to see them do with ilia that "isn't related to blake or yang", but will likely not happen, is for ilia to become a maiden in some way, shape or form. i've seen, specifically, that ilia will become the summer maiden somehow as a theory that's gained some popularity. specifically because the maidens (other than cinder, who is basically ruby's main antagonist) are tied to our protagonists in some way -- winter is weiss' sister, and raven is yang's mom. so it feels like a fairly short leap to assume that the next revealed maiden could end up being tied to blake in some regards.

there are a couple other posts that completely sold me on this (as if i needed much convincing in the first place bc i love ilia so much and having her be a maiden would just be dope as fuck) that you can read HERE and HERE if you so desire to, but basically they boil down to how thematically ilia could fit in as the summer maiden and how it would make sense, actually. one point is that the maidens themselves have interesting relationships/connections between themselves, so it stands to reason that the next maiden-maiden connection would have something similar. and it would be a connection that winter would have with another maiden. and winter and ilia have interesting established narrative parallels already that could be more deeply explored in ilia becoming a maiden.

the other post talks about how team rwby would become guides to the maidens, rather than becoming maidens themselves. this is already showing up with yang and raven, with ruby and cinder (to a degree), and certainly with weiss and winter. blake currently does not have a guide position to fill -- except that she already has guided one character along their path back to redemption. so, again, not a massive leap to see the possibility of blake further guiding ilia in that journey. again, the posts say far more and say it much more eloquently than i did, so feel free to read those instead.

there's certainly a lot the writers could do with ilia's story that isn't related to her interactions with blake or yang, and a lot that i'm excited for if they choose to bring her back, but in the meantime, i'm just gonna keep hoping we see her again, somehow.

[wastemanjohn]

happy deanjohn friday!! does JOHN know about dean and bobby and how do you want him to find out?

happy deanjohn friday to you also (or Saturday now!) ❤ and thanks for the ask this is so spicy!!

maybe a less spicy answer though: i actually think that john would never ever find out. i don't even think he would ever suspect - kind of similar to what's been brought up about bobby suspecting johndean, i think that works both ways - if john notices anything slightly strange in their interactions his first thought is not going to be "well they're obviously bumping uglies" - he'd find other, way less extreme explanations before he landed there. it's uncomfortable as fuck to think about, but bobby has also been a parental figure in dean's life - someone john has trusted, which, no matter how sour his and bobby's relationship obviously got later, trusting bobby to take care of his kids would have been a huge deal for someone as paranoid as john. so later in life, when dean is an adult, it would just not occur to him that deanbobby could ever be the case. plus i'm also not sure how tuned in john is to other people to even notice much about them anyway! he's quite self absorbed. that no doubt extends to dean.

and dean - i don't see dean keeping, or being able to keep, many secrets from john. but there's no way he's ever telling john about this. he well knows that bobby wouldn't be long for this world if he ever did. and if we're talking background johndean - then dean also knows that for john to find out would be very bad for him. no one wants their husband to know that they're secretly banging their best friend, right? i think i see bobby as an escape from john, that bobby can maybe give him things that john can't. consistency. appreciation. undivided attention - a lonely old man like bobby is not going to take a pretty young thing in his bed for granted, and he isn't going to take dean for granted generally. dean may not even be conscious that this is what it's about for him - and he may feel very conflicted and guilty about it. but it's all the more reason for john to never know - because it would be admitting to both john and to himself that john isn't willing or able to give him what he needs. that would be so painful for dean to confront i think. john too, probably - he does not great things and behaves in not great ways. but i think he at least feels a lot of guilt about them.

bobby, obviously, is not going to let on. to protect dean and to protect himself. he too knows that john would kill him and probably not just metaphorically lol. i think bobby would be super conflicted and confused about the whole thing as it is - for maybe obvious reasons - but that's another post.

but yeah- ultimately i see deanbobby as something that happens in a great amount of secrecy. i don't know about anyone else but to me dean and bobby having a sexual relationship feels way more taboo than john and dean having one - which is crazy, but biological or not, i can't see bobby as anything other than dean's dad. i actually always felt low key squicked about shipping them until some very indepth and convincing conversations with @vintagedean recently. i know bobby also has his own not-small flaws and not everyone is as up his arse as i am lol - but anyway, to me that taboo is definitely reflected in any relationship they have. they aren't talking about it or acknowledging it unless it's happening. they're not being lax about hiding it from sam, they really don't want him to know either. it only ever happens in bobby's house, and only when no one else is around. it's something they'll both probably take to their grave.

so how would i want john to find out? i don't think i do. for me personally the secrecy/shame/extramarital affair angle is a huge part of the appeal of this ship. though i'm sure it would cause dean a lot of anxiety - getting back into bed with john after a solo hunt, knowing full well he took a detour on the way back, still a little sore and dazed from bobby - but he knows, deep down, that john isn't going to notice. he doesn't seem to notice much at all.

[eolewyn1010]

Mina is falling into the "sleep is restless and not recuperative in the slightest" routine. Nobody is catching on. Well, except for Renfield who asks God to bless her, but who cares about him; better hide from Jonathan that she's miserable! Because priority number one for every good woman must be to keep her man happy. Bleh. Also, more infantilizing - "after dinner, they sent me to bed". I'm not sure how long I can keep up with this. Mina even asks Jack to give her an opiate so she sleeps well and is Not A Burden to the dude squad. Funnily, Mina, left all alone in her bed, talks of "flirting" with death. Heh, there's the vampires = sex metaphor waving from the distance again. And Mina catches the brain cell and realizes that it might not be smart to induce a sleep she cannot easily wake up from. I hope she doesn't do it again.

Jonathan goes hunting after dirt-filled chests again and contemplates sending Mina home to Exeter. This is actually a good idea, accidentally - well, not for "poor frail woman" reasons, but it would put her out of Dracula's reach. Then Jonathan lampshades the trouble with understanding phonetic spelling. Okay, caught me off-guard. Hilarious, my man, I'll admit that. He manages to ask and bribe his way around said trouble and finds a dude who has transported nine of Dracula's boxes out from the latter's dusty estate to some other dusty old house. And Dracula himself helped him to load the boxes into the carriage - and then off again in Piccadilly. Hasn't forgotten his do-it-yourself ways from home chores, it seems. Can I ask him to help me with my move? I find it rather rude that Jonathan is only worried about the boxes, because the transport guy says he can't quite remember how he got home, implying he served as a snack in between.

Next, Jonathan is off to Piccadilly to have a look at the new house and talk to another real estate agent, but the latter is serious about confidentiality, prompting Jonathan to call him a prig. Our Victorian himbo is on a roll today. Flipping out his "I'm here on behalf of Lord Godalming" seems to be a bit more effecitve, though. When Jonathan returns home, he has the presence of mind to notice Mina's not looking well, and the decency to feel bad about excluding her. He loses the one brownie point for this immediately when he shakes her off - Mina definitely didn't want to be alone that night and needed some affection. But instead, he goes to confer with the dude squad and plan another breaking and entering, this time in Piccadilly.

Jack has Renfield guarded in case anything of interest happes. Well, just before he went to bed last night, he has checked in on the situation and nothing of interest has happened. Only around midnight, Renfield woke up and got really upset again, fearfully praying (to God or to Dracula?) which the attendant only noticed late because he was "dozing", so now Jack complains about where to find good staff these days. He also contemplates if they are going mad, what with them preparing for a burglary and van Hellstoker at the museum to read up on ancient demon cures. After war council with the dude squad in the evening, Jack allows himself the faintest hope that they are on the right path, because Renfield has been quiet and leisurely catching flies. Naturally, this notion is interrupted by Renfield yelling throughout the house, and an attendant informing Jack that he found Renfield lying on the floor, covered in blood. "Accident" my ass; Dracula either hypnotized him into hurting himself or he has gotten into Renfield's cell.

[theovergrowth]

The Wilds, The Overgrowth, and Titus: Summed Up

(aka me actually putting into words Whats Going On on a Larger Scale, and how that is Messing Up Titus in a way he doesn’t know)

TLDR: The Wilds is just the connections of all things to the natural world around them. It didn’t have a plan or goal, The Overgrowth is just Titus’ grief, anger, and aggression mixed with eldritch nature power, made worse by the fact that Titus doesn’t realize that it’s Him, desperately and ferociously wanting things to stop going wrong. It’s honestly just a bad metaphor for the ways grief intrinsically changes you for better Or Worse, and the effects an overly religious and secluded childhood environment can have on one’s growth, identity, and healing as they grow up.

Often, I get kinda messy and vague about The Wilds and The Overgrowth because Titus is also pretty Messy and Vague about them! But I wanted to compile the relevant information about them so I can link it in the about (and also help myself keep things straight as! I am prone to forgetting ideas out of excitement for other concepts). Let’s crack in, starting from the Biggest to the Smallest!

The Wilds: What The Fuck is It?

So many times when I try to answer this, I say things like “it’s a force of nature” or “it’s like a god but also not but also it is” or “it big”! And I stand by all of it but also I should word it better.

The Wilds is ancient, It exists throughout all things and calls to all to return to It. If you’ve ever had that feeling where you get stressed for no reason, then realize it went away once you went outside and felt the breeze, THAT is The Wilds’ Call.

The Wilds, in the most simple terms I can come up with, is the relationship all things, living or not, have to the natural world. It can barely be considered “a being” because It both comes from a multitude of other beings while also being the thing all earthly (and occasionally non-earthly, in the case of The Fae Realm) beings come from. Because of this, some people (ie The Sons of The Wilds, The Commune) chose to simplify it as being just A God, which they worshipped in various ways.

So why did it send The Overgrowth? And why Titus?

The Archfae Stuff

As I’ve said millions and billions of times to the annoyance of those forced to read it, when Macrides (King of The High Desert) died, his soul was transported back to his home realm to heal while the Essence of The King of The High Desert was ejected. This was a unprecedented situation, as he was in The Mortal Realm and had no nearby biological heirs. So, a nonbiological heir would have to do! Thus, at 12 years old, Titus was forced into the position.

So what does that have to do with anything? Well, it made Titus inherently arcane! He had Zero magical ability before Macrides died, but then he got it! Which just happened to also happen in a time of extreme emotional turmoil and trauma. He was in grief, he felt like it was his fault, and he was Immensely angry at The Outside world for what had just happened.

That happened to make him a perfect Host for an Avatar of The Wilds

The Overgrowth: What They Thought

Here’s where we really get to the part where things can get VERY muddled because Titus’ information about The Wilds basically came completely from either Connecting to it or from what he had heard from others on The Commune.

The Sons saw The Wilds as their god and eternal guardian (even if from The Wilds perspective, they didn’t really exist or affect it in a real way). When Titus communed with it, Elder Brother Macintosh referenced an old tome which said that if The Wilds chose a Host, it meant that The End of The Civilized World was upon them.

Titus was also told many times by Elder Brother Ambrose that The Overgrowth was actually a gift, given to him so he could continue what his father couldn’t. He could protect them, but also if that meant ending the civilized world that would be pretty cool. (Important Note: Ambrose didn’t actually believe The Wilds existed. He thought it was just a story to bring people around a common goal and make it easier to keep them complacent. So when The Overgrowth started happening, he had to really shift gears quick to keep Titus and The Sons under his thumb).

He didn’t get many more answers when he was taken from The Commune! In fact, there was a huge effort to keep him from even thinking about it, out of fear that The Overgrowth may awaken once again (we’ll get to what put it to sleep in the next section). This went as far as keeping Titus away from nature as a whole, though that didn’t last long as his foster father (and the man spear-heading his rescue) noticed that he was getting more and more depressed the longer he was kept away.

So they don’t really know! But we can!

The Overgrowth: What it Actually Is

The Overgrowth is an Avatar of The Wilds, yes, but that’s not all! It’s also a culmination of Titus’ grief and rage, which is what wakes it up or makes it stir even while sleeping. This mixture has sort of created a being of The Fury of Nature, as well as Being one of those connections that creates The Wilds (while still being created by it, I know I know it’s messy, but it makes sense to me)

So is The Overgrowth meant to actually End The Civilized World? No. Not really.

Was The Overgrowth a gift from The Wilds? No.

Did The Wilds even understand what it was doing? Not at all.

In reality, The Overgrowth isn’t a being. It’s a condition, one that came from Titus accidentally communing with It when his perceptive and arcane ability was heightened to that of an Archfae. He glimpsed it, it acknowledged him like one would acknowledge a bug landing on their shoulder, then was suddenly forced back into a perspective he could more easily handle at the cost of losing the understanding of what he saw.

But he wasn’t meant to see it the way he did. That, mixed with the high levels of physical ether hidden below The Commune, his new ability as an archfae, and the sudden crisis of losing his father and it being seen as his fault, culminated into The Overgrowth.

Which, yes, means that The Overgrowth is actually more Titus than The Wilds, despite what he believes. Which was why The Overgrowth went to sleep! Titus was run ragged by the time The Final Battle between The Sons and The Outside happened, so afterwards when he was actually hit through all the plants and wood, it was sort of a reality check for him? He looked around, saw his people retreating and leaving him behind, and hid under a bush before passing out.

He was too tired still when he woke in a small town in Colorado, so despite his fear and aggression The Overgrowth didn’t reawaken. But recently, it woke because that old wound was not only reopened, but completely recontextualized his childhood and the atrocities committed in the name of his father’s death.

Then what does The Overgrowth want? It wants to protect Titus, yeah, and it also wants to bring All closer to The Wilds. It wants to strengthen those connections, thus strengthening The Wilds and strengthening itself and Titus in turn.

[arjaandsimoni]

The Emperor and Judgement

Jaipur India, three days after the defeat of the manticore

Nelen groaned, sitting in the rec room of Barjar manor with his head in his hands. His phone was no longer buzzing with notifications for text messages, missed calls, voicemail, and various social media direct messages. This was because it was sitting across the table with a wooden stake driven through it. He had kept himself mostly anonymous on social media, sticking around on there just to keep an eye out for anything that could hint for trouble, but after what had happened his identity had been uncovered shockingly fast.

Rajesh Barjar had been equally as busy, trying mostly to put out metaphorical fires (and a few literal ones) as he attempted to explain to the rest of Jaipur’s ruling family why his daughter was able to defeat a monster that had killed over a dozen policemen, and eaten several of them whole.

There was no escaping or hiding this one. It was all out in the open now. Nobody could miss something like that. There had even been news interviews with the headmistress of the Heatherford Girl's Academy of Boston (who apparently was hoping to pressure Rajesh into footing the bill for the renovations after Nelen’s defeat of The Red Lady,) a manager of a McDonald’s in Provo Utah (who had sworn blind that she’d never met him and that any questions regarding a malfunctioning McFlurry machine should be directed to McDonald’s legal department,) and a police chief in Canon City Colorado (who had bluntly stated ‘no comment’ before locking his office door.)

Aisha’s manager had some very pointed questions for her as to how the hell she wound up in India, though apparently the top hat she had was giving them some ideas for their next clothing line so it wasn’t all bad for her. Natasha, Stephy, and Sammi had all vanished as soon as the cameras started going off so people barely got glimpses of them. Drusilla had already gotten a following on social media (turns out a lot of people are into large women, but in her case this mostly amused her,) but as for Arja and Simoni.

Well, they weren’t there.

After all that’d happened, they decided that a vacation was exactly what was needed, and if there was one place reporters wouldn’t be able to track them down it was somewhere that was outside of reality as they knew it.

So the day after all this began they decided to go visit Akul and the rest of the vanara… until they got the all clear to come back once things had calmed down.

Vanara Village, the Supernatural Realm

It didn’t really have a proper name, the Vanara all knew what and where it was, so why bother. They mostly just called it ‘home’ and left it at that.

The two girls were back in Mirza’s kitchen, each having a lovely bowl of chicken curry and naan with extra rice and recounting the story for the vanara woman.

“A manticore… well well, you two have come quite a long way. I doubt even Elder Akul could have handled one of those by himself.” she chuckled as she poured them another cup of chai tea.

Arja sighed, “Yeah, but it would have been nice if we’d thought to lure it out of the city before we went all in…” she shrugged, scooping up some of the curry onto her naan and gulping it down.

Simoni nodded, “I mean… we couldn’t really. That thing wasn’t playing around this time. Whoever its master was had clearly lost control of it. No supernatural would willingly let something run wild in a major city like that. I’m betting every vampire elder, archmage, and whatever is about ready to shit after that. Everyone is just asking ‘am I going to get found out next?’”

Mirza pursed her lips, “Mmm, yes that is a major problem. I know your grandfather was beside himself with worry when he heard about what had happened.” she nodded to Arja, “Last I heard all of our family in Jaipur is ready to abandon the city and make for the temple at a moment’s notice if we need to. With the manticore being this bold we can’t be certain that the naga won’t throw caution to the wind now that it’s all out in the open.”

Simoni frowned, “The worst part is we have no idea who its master is! I know the first time we fought it I heard a voice that sounded like a naga’s, but I can’t be certain… Mirza, do you have any ideas?” she asked.

The vanara woman shrugged her shoulders, “Nope. I’m no historian girls, just a woman who likes cooking. I keep to my kitchen and let Elder Akul worry about such matters.” she replied. “I prefer it that way, spices don’t start crises unless I put too many on a curry… and even then its quickly fixed.”

The two nodded, then finished up their meals and left the eatery, heading through the village towards the temple in the center where Akul spent his days. As the walked through town they did notice more looks than normal, though these were more admiration than anything. After all, a manticore was a horrible foe. To defeat one was quite the feat. The vanara would be talking about this for generations to come, that was certain.

The two entered the temple and approached the throne room where, as he often did, sat Arja’s grandfather. The massive ape-man examining a historical text with one face as his other face took careful notes as, of course, the man had two faces. One on either side of his head. He had been alive for quite some years, and such things happened to the enlightened of India’s supernatural community.

He paused as he heard them enter, then smiled, “Ah, girls… welcome back.” he nodded, putting down the tome.

“Hi grandpa.” replied Arja, smiling back at him, though it was a strained smile. The past few weeks had been difficult for them all. “Any luck yet?” she asked.

He sighed and shook his head, “I am afraid not… there are precious few who could ever have hoped to control a monster such as a manticore, and of those less than a dozen could have survived to the present day.” he frowned. “Even then, none of them would have a reason to hold specific enmity towards us that I know of…”

As they talked however a man arrived at the edge of the village. Several vanara paused and looked at this newcomer, then three of them raised weapons and demanded they leave at once. The newcomer gave them a withering look, then walked past them with their hands folded behind their back as if they were nothing more than an animal screeching at them.

Back in the temple Simoni shrugged, “Well… what if one of the other ones could have survived somehow? I mean, they may have just hidden away, or gone into some sort of hibernation or something.”

Akul stroked his left chin, frowning. “It is not… impossible, but unlikely still.” he replied.

Outside more of the vanara came rushing from their homes as cries of alarm went up, the newcomer walking casually towards the temple as if he was simply taking a Sunday afternoon stroll.

One vanara, braver than the others, dove towards him with a spear and without looking the newcomer spun, slammed their fist into their face, and sent them flying into a nearby house with a sickening crunch, then shook their hand clean and sniffed in annoyance before continuing along his path.

Arja scowled, “But who are they? All we know is this thing has a master that might be a naga… ugh!” she threw up her arms, “They know us! They know all about what we can do! They even knew about Dawn’s tricks but we know NOTHING about them except they’re powerful and one MIGHT be a naga!” she shouted in frustration.

Simoni nodded, “Yeah… we don’t even know why they’re after us…” she added, then paused as she had a worrying thought, “Arja… the only reason we’ve got for anyone to be after us right now would be that we helped hide Rama’s Arrow… do you think…” she glanced towards her… then suddenly a young vanara guardsman burst into the temple.

“ELDER AKUL! We have an intruder in the village! A powerful raksha-…” he began, then a hand closed around his throat and threw him outside of the temple.

“I can announce myself, thank you.” came a cultured voice in a very old dialect of Sanskrit.

Akul rose from his throne, his eyes widening as, into the temple, walked a man in the garb of an ancient Indian maharajah. He had long glossy black hair tied into a braid down his back and a trimmed mustache and beard. He also had deep blue skin and shining yellow eyes… clearly not human at all.

“Who are you?” Akul demanded, “How dare you intrude upon our home! Begone at once rakshasa!” he demanded.

The rakshasa frowned, “So discourteous, behave yourself vanara or I will be forced to correct you.” he scolded.

Arja’s eyes bulged, the girl shifting into her vanara form as she snarled at him. “Don’t you talk to my grandfather that way! You’re in our home and we outnumber you easily! What makes you think you’ll be leaving here alive?” she demanded.

The rakshasa sniffed, “You truly do not know who I am, do you?” he sighed, “I suppose it has been quite some time since I last walked upon this world. Even the spawn of Hanuman no longer recognize me…” he shook his head, “Very well, very well… I shall educate you children.”

He stood, smirking at them, “Kneel and recognize your better, monkeys! Before you stands none other than the son of the true king of Lanka! Heir to the great and powerful King Ravana whose austerities were so grand that even Shiva was forced to acquiesce to his demands!” he laughed as Simoni looked around. Arja had frozen on the spot, all the bravado gone from her face as even Akul took a step backwards in shock.

“I am Prince Indrajit. Conqueror of the devas…” he grinned at Arja and Akul, “… and who, in a single day, slew over six hundred million of your kin, nearly destroying the line of Hanuman single-handedly. To me, you are nothing but animals.”

Arja stared at him, her eyes wide. “No… you’re gone. Lakshmana killed you!” she insisted. “He beheaded you with Anjalikastra! You’re gone!”

Indrajit chuckled, “So that is what they told you…” he shook his head, “No, he did not use that weapon. He used a sword… one that was not of the deva, or of India itself. It was a great giant blade… a…” he paused, thinking, “I believe a claymore is the term the westerners use for them…” he nodded.

Simoni felt a chill go down her back, “… no…” she shook her head.

“Yes indeed, a claymore. At least that’s what his mortal allies saw. I saw a great gaping hole in the world… as if the air itself was ripped apart, leading to nothing but blackness.” sneered the Rakshasa.

Arja felt her heart catch in her chest, the girl glancing at Simoni, then back at Indrajit. They knew of only one sword like that… and they had both had a hand in its destruction.

“After my return I had my servants track down any information they could on such a sword. Apparently it was made in what is now called the ‘United Kingdom.’ Why, I even learned it had a name. I am not familiar with the tongue, but I believe it was called…” he continued, smiling as he drew the moment out.

“No…” whispered Arja, “We didn’t… that… there’s no way…” she was breathing fast now, her eyes wide with horror.

“… I believe it is pronounced… ‘Claiomh Dorcadas.’” he finished, watching them curiously.

Simoni felt her legs tremble. She felt her stomach churning.

“If it were up to me, I’d shatter as many as I could… but… even then… if there was something like Ravana in one… I mean, we can’t know until it’s broken.”

That was what she’d said to Arja when they were almost to the Temple of Rama to deliver the arrow, before Akuru had ambushed them. They couldn’t know until it was broken.

Now they did know, there was something like Ravana in Claomh Dorcadas.

HIS SON.

Indrajit chuckled at their clear distress, “Truly, I must thank you two children. Knowingly or not, you freed me! What is more, knowing what my prison was I learned the truth of my father’s defeat! So, I am here today to offer you terms for an honorable surrender.” he nodded, “Thus are my terms. You will stand aside and not attempt to stop me from retrieving the Arrow of Rama. In exchange, your people may live… for now.”

Arja was breathing so hard she was on the verge of hyperventilating, her eyes wide and wild. This wasn’t as bad as Ravana’s return, but it was damn close to it! What was worse, he had been trapped within Claiomh Dorcadas! This was her fault!

“A-and… if we refuse?” she managed to gasp out.

Indrajit chuckled, as if enjoying a personal joke, then he fixed Arja with a glare as his expression became deadly serious. “Then Jaipur will burn.” he snarled, “I have spent the last several months rallying the rakshasa to my banner once more, and the naga as well. I command a veritable army once again. If you attempt to stop me, my forces will besiege the city and utterly erase it.” he spat. “None will survive, mortal or otherwise. No buildings will be left standing. We will reduce the city to rubble and salt the land it stood on. Make no mistake, scion of Hanuman. What I do now I do because honor demands it. Otherwise, you would not be alive.”

Simoni shook her head, trying to focus past her shock, “It was you. You sent the manticore, didn’t you?” she demanded.

Indrajit shrugged, “A useful beast for testing your abilities, but a troublesome one. It got so frustrated with those foreign warriors sent to stop it that it refused to listen to me and attacked Jaipur alone. Really, you have my gratitude for putting it down. A pet that refuses to listen to its master does not deserve to live.”

Indrajit shook his head in disappointment, then straightened up and clapped his hands, “Ah, but I must be off. Many things to do to prepare for my father’s return. Remember, if you try to prevent this all those you know and love will pay the price for your actions scion of Hanuman.” he nodded, the rakshasa prince turning and leaving as casually as he came in… only to find a mob of vanara waiting outside, weapons drawn.

Indrajit looked around, making an annoyed tsking sound, then flexed his hands… but before anyone could act Akul emerged behind him and called out, “STAND DOWN! ALL OF YOU!” in a loud booming voice.

The vanara looked at him in confusion, but Elder Akul had said it… so hesitantly they lowered their weapons and stepped back, making a path for Indrajit.

The prince chuckled, “Listen to your leader little monkeys. As much as I would enjoy the exercise, I am very busy today.” he nodded, walking to the edge of the plateau where the city stood, then jumping off. It was a fall that would kill most people, but clearly this was not most people.

Simoni stood next to Akul, watching him leave… then she heard Arja coughing behind her, then retching.

The vanara was on her knees, the stress and shock of what had just happened causing her to throw up the curry they had just eaten onto the floor of the temple. She knelt there next to the puddle, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Arja!” called Simoni, rushing over to her and sitting next to her as the vanara curled up into a ball, wrapping her arms tight around her legs and burying her face in them.

“This is our fault Simoni… we broke Claiomh Dorcadas… we set him free… this is all our fault…” she whispered.

“Arja, yeah we did… but we can still stop him! We can make it right!” she nodded, putting her hand on the vanara’s shoulder.

Arja shook her head, “No, no we can’t… if Rama and Lakshmana had to use mundane blades to defeat them, what chance do we have? India, maybe the entire world is doomed… and it’s our fault!” she moaned out, shuddering as the weight of it all settled on her like a shroud.

Through the jungle below, Indrajit strode back to his base of operations in the Supernatural World, a smile of accomplishment on his face. He could have simply killed her, yes, but this was so much more satisfying. He had seen her face, he had heard the shaking in her voice.

Let Hanuman’s heir live to see their King’s ultimate failure and the destruction of all they held dear. Arja could not stand against him now. He didn’t need to break the vanara girl’s body, he had already broken her spirit.

Next Story

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[musicjunkie71315]

What Does the Song Mean?

Hey guys!! I’m back again for this weeks post! This week I’ll be back with the Song Meaning post. For this post in particular I will be writing about what I think the meaning is behind the song “No Rainbows” by Chase Atlantic. Although at first when I heard it I didn’t really like the song (although this goes for most Chase Atlantic songs, what was I thinking not to like these absolute masterpieces 😨) it really grew on me and it’s a frequent player in my Spotify playlist. Also I happen to know some background information about this song that will help me have a more accurate interpretation of the meaning of this song. But anyways…let’s get into it!!

The song first starts off with the lyrics, “We don’t like to make the right decisions. Clearly, we enable our addictions.” I think this line is pretty self explanatory but what I think they are talking about here is that anyone can see that they don’t make good decisions because they have drug and alcohol addictions that they continue to enable. Common sense will tell you that enabling your addiction to anything unhealthy is not a “right” decision. After this they say something about the Fendi on their kicks getting offended. For those who don’t know Fendi is an expensive designer brand and when they say kicks I’m assuming they’re referring to shoes I’m not completely sure what this line means but I think they’re saying that the Fendi is fake?? I say that mostly because of what they say in the line right after that because they say “you get the messages. We don’t live the life that we say we do in the pictures.” Them saying this only makes me think that maybe they’re putting on an air for the public to see when they are in a whole different situation entirely. You see this a lot with famous people. They act like they are living a lavish life to the media but really they struggle like every day people. That said I think that’s what’s going on here. Now for the hook of the song they say, “There’s no rainbows, just white lines.” Now y’all I’m not gonna lie. When I first started analyzing this song I thought the white lines they were talking about was cocaine 💀💀. But I don’t think this is the case. Looking at the lyrics as a whole I don’t think that would fit really. I think when they say this they mean it as more of a metaphor. Because think about it rainbows represent a sign if hope, beauty, and good fortune. Now I might have to take you guys back to 4 grade science to understand this but to get a rainbow white light can be flashed through a clear prism. The prism bends the white light and separates it into the clear lines of the rainbow colors forming a rainbow. In terms of this song white light is being flashed through their prism but instead of getting a rainbow they’re just getting lines of white meaning there is no rainbow. I hope all this made sense 💀💀💀 but anyways I’m pretty sure that’s what they meant. Since there’s no rainbow they’re basically saying there is no sign of hope, no beauty, or good fortune happening for them. After this they talk about friends not staying close and just wasting time. I think they’re talking about their friends. None of theirs friends stayed close to them and the ones who did “stick around” are only there to waste their time maybe by influencing them to do things like make bad decisions (referencing back to the first line) because they have no interest in seeing them succeed which really isn’t even a true friend. After this there is a line about VVS being brighter than their future. When someone sings about VVS it’s normally talking about the Diamond clarity scale and they’re relating it to how their lives will shine bright like a diamond. Chase Atlantic feels the exact opposite. The diamond is shining way brighter than their future could ever be. (Erm I’m just realizing this song is kind of depressing…)

The rest of the lyrics in the song are kind of repetitive and to keep from explaining the same thing over and over again I’ll talk about the last part that’s different and what I think it means. There’s 4 lines in the song where I don’t know if they’re talking about themselves or someone else so I’m gonna go with them talking about themselves. First they say that they’re watching money fall from a distance. Them saying this makes me think that maybe they’re talking about seeing someone making money but them themselves are not making any. Then they say “quick to sell you drugs, make a business” I think this means that in order to make money they are quick to start selling drugs and make a “business” out of it. A shady business but business is business. Then they talk about how they spend all the money they make in the “business” buying designer stuff like Prada (which is really expensive btw). Because they spend all their money on expensive and frivolous things they are now broke and have no money which makes them go into debt. Debt is depressing causing them to want to die. That’s basically what the 4 lines in the song I’m talking about is saying. If you listen to the song you’ll easily which 4 I’m talking about.

I think the overall meaning of this song is that Chase Atlantic is feeling lonely because they have no friends and they are putting on airs to make it seem like life is going good but it is not. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows for them. They’re sad and depressed.

As I say in all of my song meaning post, this is just my interpretation of what the song means. I don’t think it’s 100% accurate. However I did attach the song to this post so feel free to listen and tell me what you think the song means in the comments!

11/13/2022

[ghooostbaby]

deeeep dive into why and how wei wuxian and lan wangji love each other, complete each other, are the inverse reflection of each other’s deeply hidden internal selves mirrored through the other’s external self, lan wangji’s inner wildness that he has to conceal and protect recognizing and loving wei wuxian’s outer wildness, wei wuxian’s deep, fuddy-duddy morality and values that he conceals with an elaborate subterfuge of jokes, mischief, and bravado, seeing and loving in lan wangji the ability to say no that it was never safe for him to express directly, “between you and me there is no need for thank you and sorry”

oh and a slight diversion midway through into a manifesto on WEI WUXIAN IS NOT INSECURE the whole story is about a society where being liked is ESSENTIAL for survival and it is actually completely perilous not to be liked, and his “people pleasing” is a skill and tool for his survival especially as an orphan and proven to be a necessary one when he stops doing it and STOPS SURVIVING

after the cut discussing the very interesting dynamics of consent in general in the novel, but not going into the consensual non-consent kink stuff till the last paragraph if you need to avoid for any reason.

I've been thinking about how Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian the exterior, unfettered expression of the wildness Lan WangJi holds in him and protects with rigid codes of conduct, propriety and outward dignity.

I have had this sense that these two are mirrors, either one reflecting the hidden, interior (and unallowed) self of the other. but it seemed more clear from Lan WangJi's side, especially knowing about his history with his mother and the spicy side that emerges when he drinks and in the extras.

I also - just... the way this whole story shows how romantic love is truly this longing for your self, to become yourself, to become the thing you're not allowed to be, seeing in that person the expression of whatever it is you can't become and longing for it, protecting it, joining with it as closely as you can without ever being able to let it live inside your own body.

On the surface it seems a lot more difficult for Wei WuXian to find a piece of his soul in Lan Wangji. I think its a bit too simplistic to see whatever draws Wei WuXian to Lan Wangji as a reverse-psychology sort of craving of acceptance from the only one who won't give it, pushing and pushing against this impenetrable boundary that he needs to break to feel assurance that no matter what he can make anyone accept him.

And he is SO drawn - in a mind boggling way, in the teenage flashbacks Lan WangJi rudely and aggressively throws him off over and over and Wei WuXian cannot keep away! Even when he talks about how boring Lan WangJi is, he never stops trying to be around him and talk to him.

I've seen discussions of the way Wei WuXian has always relied on the goodwill of others to survive, and that his placating of others to survive is a character flaw. Although that seems only halfway true. 

As a young child he didn't have anyone's goodwill for a while and he survived, and it seems like he can always find a way to survive from whatever means and sometimes very limited resources he has at his disposal. Doing what he has to do to become powerful enough to survive losing his core and being thrown into the burial mounds slowly costs him the goodwill of everyone around him - and what happens to him as a result shows how much placation was a truly necessary for someone without the protection of biological/hereditary family bonds.

(Don’t get me started on how his loss of his golden core and his development of demonic cultivation to give himself power by ‘unnatural methods’ through the use of a musical instrument is a metaphor for disability and the way ableist society sees the use of accessibility devices and tools. Actually please DO get my started haha.)

Wei WuXian is so charismatic and seems very used to getting what he wants and needs on the strength of that. He pushes a lot of boundaries and seems pretty confident and flexibly prepared to handle the consequences, whether beatings or harsh words. But he does work so hard to make others feel good, good with him, good with themselves.

When he is in the cave with Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian is described as "like one who forgets all past pain as soon as the wound heals". He can't resist coming up beside Lan WangJi and talking to him again and again after every time Lan WangJi pushes him off, only finally staying away when Lan WangJi bites him (and he still keeps trying to talk to him after a little bit!) and then calls him an awful person (!!! Bad Wangji! :(((( ). In the end, when Lan WangJi (very minimally) discloses what happened to his sect and his father, and even cries, because of all the defences/assaults Lan WangJi has put up Wei WuXian can't do anything or say anything to help and feels miserable.

Lan WangJi just absolutely refuses to allow Wei WuXian to take care of him - and I began to wonder maybe that’s what Wei WuXian actually really likes about him? Why he is unable to resist coming up to Lan WangJi again and again? Maybe because Lan WangJi refuses to let Wei WuXian appease him. He’s not trying to crack Lan WangJi to get to this impenetrable place of approval and acceptance. In a way he can’t quite understand, Lan WangJi is a respite for Wei WuXian from the constant work to be the one who pleases.

And  how different this is to how Wei WuXian is (or has to be) with Jiang Cheng when he wakes up in Lotus Pier after the cave. Jiang Cheng gets so down and really really needs Wei WuXian to do what he does so well (and wasn’t allowed to do with Lan WangJi) - chasing Jiang Cheng down while being injured and reassuring him about all his insecurities about his father's acceptance and becoming a sect leader and Wei WuXian's own abilities excelling his - and at first Jiang Cheng is pushing him away, but he really does need Wei WuXian to do all this to feel better.

Wei WuXian is described as not wanting to be lonely, and not wanting to see other people unhappy, and he keeps trying to push and pull with whatever he has to not be lonely and lift the mood for those around him. I don't think it's a kind of codependency or insecurity. It’s not that Wei WuXian is afraid to say no, in fact I would say he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do, but he must always do it creatively, with humour. Similarly to Nie Huaisang, he uses a persona of foolishness to give himself a covert agency.

I also think I'm writing this because I don't like seeing this discussed as a sad bean character flaw for him to always need to be liked - its a strategy, its a tool, its how he survives and excels. Doesn’t the whole story prove how essential being liked is to a human’s survival? And he is so so good at being liked, in making others happy, even when he is refusing to do what others want from him that he doesn't want to do, he does it in a way that deflects criticism, with a smiling bravado that never says what it truly means and has people writing him off as shameless or foolish or just endearing himself toward them despite themselves.

He is always at work really, with jokes and flattery or mischief and teasing, to get the resources he wants and needs. Case and point, when he makes a big coquettish show for mianmian, definitely not being "people pleasing" for her, but the group of girls around them all find it funny and cute and in the end she gives him a perfume sachet which ends up being a valuable resource for later. Or the time he outright tells Jiang Cheng that if you give the girls some lotus seeds they'll remember you and return the favour in the future. (Also notice how his interactions with girls seen as flirtatious are actually strategic resource-gathering acts.) These are the skills he has developed to meet his own needs. (THIS IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW. I REPEAT.) He takes what he needs and steals from the Lotus Pier markets knowing it'll be paid for, he lives like he never know when his next windfall will come from so he'll take what he can when he can find it. Like Jiang Fengmian said, if there is no guarantee of a meal in the future then today's meal should still be enjoyed. It’s how Wei WuXian said to Nie Huaisang at Cloud Recesses, you have to find ways to make your own fun out of whatever you have. So he gets kicked out of class, goes fishing, gets alcohol, he pursues his own pleasure. He actually is quite insistent of his own agency and right to choose, he just can never directly say no.

And that little detail that Wei WuXian always tucks coins into his clothes just in case, that makes him able to buy food when he and Jiang Cheng are on the run... breaks my heart and reveals so much about the way Wei WuXian is constantly at work on ensuring his own survival and never takes for granted whether he is safe (he knows he never is). 

I've seen some people talking about Wei WuXian sacrificing so much for his brother and sister out of a need to be accepted out of a chronic sense of insecurity. But isn’t this just true? Doesn't he live in a world where being accepted is absolutely essential for survival? Doesn’t this whole story show the cruelty of a social system based on networks of hereditary/biological family that closes out and scapegoats any outsiders, and that without biological family connections that can enclose around you, you can never truly be safe if not constantly working to earn acceptance? (And then beautifully ends with the way a gay romantic relationship that queers marriage/family/etc disrupts all this and creates safety and inclusion for Wei WuXian without needing a normative family.) (AKA romantic love does not resolve some internal personal problem in Wei WuXian but disrupts and refuses and rebels against the problem of SOCIETY.) (*breathes heavily*)

And that’s why Lan WangJi is magnetizing to Wei WuXian. Lan WangJi is always saying no. Although what Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian is an exterior wildness, Wei WuXian is not really out of control so much as he is playing and caring and supplicating and showing off and pleasing people to get the resources and the acceptance he needs to live his life. He has firm values and desires that he can never outwardly state, only creatively spinning plates to distract and deflect while he refuses what goes against his values, protects who he cares for, or takes what he needs to in order to survive/thrive. Lan WangJi embodies an exterior of resoluteness and direct agency that Wei WuXian doesn't have the luxury of. And he's so drawn to him for his ability to repeatedly say no, to refuse to get along, or make others laugh, make other people happy, but just simply follow what he thinks is right.

Wei WuXian’s outward wild movement protects an inward stillness. He is an exterior of people-pleasing around an interior of refusal. He is an exterior of youthful rebellion around an interior of unflinching morality. He sees in Lan WangJi the outward expression of his stillness, his morality, his resistance that he can't express, that he's had to protect.

FYI after the cut gets more into the dynamics of consent in the story, and the last paragraph directly talks about consensual non-consent kink play in wangxian’s relationship.

When Wei WuXian is with Lan WangJi, there is no work to be done. Lan WangJi cannot be swayed by him, and so there's no point vying for resources or favors. Lan WangJi will either give him everything or refuse him everything based on who he is, it does not matter what Wei WuXian does and he can't do anything that will change Lan WangJi’s mind. Someone he literally can't win over. After the resurrection, they are often in an adorable tug of war, where Wei WuXian tries to take care of Lan WangJi, while Lan WangJi won't allow him to but demands to care of Wei WuXian right back. Actually, Lan WangJi insists that Wei WuXian take everything he wants or needs from him and is even angry when he doesn't take or when Wei WuXian tries to offer a gesture in return, even something as simple as a thank you Lan WangJi won't accept. It’s kind of adorable how frustrated Wei WuXian is in doing this thing he's learned that he needs to do, and just... so confused by Lan WangJi, and has to find a way to please this person who aggressively refuses to be pleased and is ONLY pleased by Wei WuXian being pleased.

(Not to mention the way Wei WuXian delights in finding that Lan WangJi can’t say what he wants, and they have sort of these chaotic cohesive both-being-so-pleased-by-working-hard-to-please each-other moments where Wei WuXian is letting Lan WangJi please him by finding out what pleases Lan WangJi and giving it to him.)

The wildness Lan WangJi had always hidden within himself is something he sees as just as dangerous as Wei WuXian thinks of his desire to refuse. He saw his mother be socially alienated, shunned, and eventually die because of her wildness. His ability to survive in the world, aka to be accepted by his family, is contingent on him being able to control this inner wildness. From a young age (re: Phoenix Mountain kiss) he could only understand his sexual desires for Wei WuXian as something repulsive or dangerous that had to be repressed and controlled, and that the only way he could imagine his desires as possible was as non-consensual. His secret gay desires were never available to him as anything but something monstrous.

Importantly, it’s not like everyone else other than Lan WangJi are all vampires cruelly demanding Wei WuXian’s constant sacrifice. Wei WuXian is always vibrantly, charismatically offering so much, before anyone has asked. It’s Wei WuXian who creates this kind of relationship for himself again and again. It’s Lan WangJi who simply refuses - he refuses to charmed, to be cared for. And so in the end Lan WangJi becomes the one person who Wei WuXian feels doesn't need anything from him. When he says he's eating the corpse's fruit to save Lan WangJi money and Lan WangJi says that will never be necessary. Or when Wei WuXian asks what toy he should win for Lan WangJi at the market game, and Lan WangJi says anything Wei WuXian gets will be the one he wants. (XD stahhhhp it’s too sweet !!!) He really just wants Wei WuXian to be, to exist, to spend his life discovering his own desires and allow Lan WangJi to help satisfy them, he doesn't want anything from Wei WuXian other than him living - happy and safe.

It takes someone like Lan WangJi to refuse Wei WuXian’s aggressive generosity, it’s definitely not an easy thing to say no to Wei WuXian, dazzling or annoying people so chaotically before they even realize there’s something to say no to. The sacrifice he gives to Jiang Cheng, he never even offers a choice - and perhaps it would have been too much for Jiang Cheng to accept if he had the chance.

Lan WangJi’s statement "Between us there is no need for thank you and sorry" seems like one of the most important sentences in the novel, and you can’t help but noticed the way “sorry” and “thank you” is littered meaningfully through the book. What is owed, what the characters owe to each other, the give and take, touches every part of the story (down to wangxian's erotic explorations!).

When Jiang Cheng talks to Wei WuXian at the Guanyin temple he makes a lot of contradictory statements about what Wei WuXian owes, what he was given, what he took, what he (Wei WuXian still) is owed in return. Wei WuXian, according to Jiang Cheng, took everything from the Jiang clan, and paid them back with their deaths. The Jiang clan give him his life when they took him in, and he owed Jiang Cheng service for the rest of his life as the right hand to the sect leader, that’s what Wei WuXian had promised anyway. At the same time, Wei WuXian sacrificed everything (his golden core) to Jiang Cheng, by giving everything he was taking one more thing - Jiang Cheng’s right to even be angry at him. Jiang Cheng had taken everything from Wei WuXian. Everything that happened around Wei WuXian after could be said to be because of the loss of his golden core, which Jiang Cheng might be said to be responsible for. But he never asked for it, maybe he never would have wanted it. He wishes Wei WuXian told him, but Jiang Cheng never told Wei WuXian his golden core was melted while he was sacrificing himself to save Wei WuXian. He wants Wei wuxian to say sorry, but that makes him feel pathetic. And Jiang Cheng says sorry too. It’s a mess of paradoxes, and in the end somehow it seems like the scales are balanced in the most hollow, dismal way.

What is owed, what is given, what is taken ... Wei WuXian has never been part of a family. He has always had to say thank you and sorry for everything he's taken. Wei WuXian himself admits that he used "thank you" as a way to enforce distance between himself and Lan WangJi. Lan WangJi's point i think is that they belong to each other, Wei WuXian is his, and he is Wei WuXian's, unconditionally. The way that Jiang Cheng speaks of him in the Guanyin temple (admittedly I read a fan translation and this is very nuanced, related to slight variations of grammar), even when Jiang Cheng clearly is so broken by the loss of Wei WuXian from his life, he talks about Wei WuXian as an outsider. It is what MY family gave to YOU, never what you took from our family. But at one point Wei WuXian was part of their family - but he takes too much, and becomes an ex-disciple, not a brother. Wei WuXian’s inclusion as a Jiang was always conditional. 

Even when Wen Qing and Wen Ning leave him to go take the blame for qiongqing path they tell him "thank you and sorry", drawing a line between them and him, so he doesn’t even belong to these people who he sacrificed everything for. The way Wei WuXian acted when he was younger, he was always keenly aware of this - he always knew that he didn’t belong to anyone, no one is going to protect him unconditionally. And after first escaping the Burial Mounds, he is done pretending. When Lan WangJi warns him about what a demonic cultivation path will do to his heart, Wei WuXian replies: “After all, on the topic of how my heart is, what could other people know about it? Why should other people care about it?” He is done pleasing. Nothing has changed really, he still belongs to no one and is alone, but now he is angry about it, and instead of saying thank you and sorry he is going to become too powerful to be at anyone's mercy. And then we see in the story afterward what happens to people who don't say thank you and sorry.

The whole point I think is the impossibility of choice, the impossibility of consent in this society. If he didn't forgo the behaviour his social acceptance was conditional on, he wouldn't have survived the burial mounds. But once he becomes powerful enough to survive and get revenge on the Wens, he is socially outcast. Except he was already outcast from the beginning.

And so how do Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi find a way through all that to a life together where all their desires are possible, where Wei WuXian can say no while also being pleasing (safe) to others, and Lan WangJi can indulge in his wild desires while still being good? The answer is kinky sex!

It is kind of miraculous and beautiful how Wei WuXian finds a way to say no, while simultaneously pleasing Lan WangJi, giving pleasure, while taking it, saying no, and knowing his refusal is not just tolerated, but gives Lan WangJi pleasure, knowing Lan wangji and knowing the painful belief Lan WangJi holds within that his desires are unacceptable and unspeakable, and that Wei WuXian can take care of Lan Wangji in a secret little way and please him and give everything to him by craving this wildness in Lan WangJi while at the same time he gets to say no again and again , and it won't push Lan WangJi away, he can refuse everything while at the same time be totally pleasing and thus safe, and also for Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian's pleasure at saying "no" while still being held onto, that he genuinely wants to be fucked even while begging Lan WangJi to stop (and the many ways he does give his consent for this throughout, especially their first time), allows Lan WangJi the ecstatic feeling that this idea that his sexual desires are only possible through force are not just something his lover forgives him for but something his lover is SO turned on by, and that he has consent for his fantasies of non-consent, Wei WuXian has the same fantasies from the other side, he is doing what he is supposed to while doing what he shouldn't, and actually these monstrous feelings in him allow him to take care of Wei WuXian in a way that he needs - that they both need - and all these impulses that are so wrong with Wei WuXian become very right and a way to do good. And they are just both so perfect and perfect for each other and I love them and I am so happy for them to have a long kinky life together.