#as a legit anon like think about how genuinely insane that is

[foodtruckery]

I've been having crazy Stancest brain rot thinking about an AU where they don't have the portal incident and instead have crazy marathon hate sex instead (Inspired by some amazing art by @CoreArde on Twitter) and I thought it'd be fun to share that with you.

They start off arguing in the lab and then oops they're fucking on the lab floor, and they really should be thinking this through but nope now they're upstairs fucking on the kitchen table and okay maybe now they'll finally talk about it nah, they're fucking in Ford's bed now.

It starts off as rough hate sex getting out years of frustration, but by the time they make it to the kitchen its become insanely desperate and cloying because they missed each other, and their bodies fit so well together, and GOD how could they have not been doing this all time? They're going at it so long that they basically end up passed out in Ford's bed by the end, and Stan's not going to be sitting down for a while after this. He's probably just happy to be sleeping in a bed, but Ford is trying to figure out how he got so far from the initial plan.

Even better if the two of them have been harboring feelings for years and never acted on it, because they get the one-two punch of all the weight of their time apart and processing the fact that OH GOD I JUST FUCKED MY BROTHER (which of course they both wanted to do but still).

I have no idea what would happen after that, but both of them waking up sore, sweat soaked, sticky with cum (some still inside Stan because of course Ford didn't use a condom this wasn't supposed to happen) after having gone at each other like rabbits in heat despite never having expressed their attraction to each other before is a hilarious and hot idea to me. What do you think?

HI THERE ANON. i am so fucking sorry that i left you waiting for so long about this, but i need you to know it's because i was FUCKING OBSESSED with this. like just absolutely beside myself over it, and i refused to respond until i had a chance to sit down and respond PROPERLY.

cause uh YEAH FRIEND i know the exact fucking piece of art (explicit) you're talking about, because it's INCREDIBLE. and in case you didn't know, the artist is over here too and shares some fucking fantastic writing and headcanons also! (seriously, go check out @/cartoonsinthemorning if you haven't. and cart, i hope you don't mind that anon and i both kinda lost our minds about your art over here! i genuinely have no idea what tag etiquette is on this site and didn't wanna bombard you, but you did this. again.)

i'll be honest, anon, this kinda got away from me (fucking shocker) and i am too tired to do any legit editing of it right now, so please forgive any typos or weirdness! i'll try and clean it up before it eventually goes up on ao3. but thank you for such a LOVELY ask because this was so hot, and so inspiring, and i hope i did a little justice to your idea and cart's gorgeous art!

--- Ford isn't entirely sure how it had started. His memory, his perception of time, his ability to follow a linear order of events -- all if it is less than reliable at the moment, so he can't entirely blame himself for losing track of things here and there. But the jump between trying to wrestle his journal out of Stan's hands to trying to wrestle Stan out of his dingey jeans is a jarring transition to lose in the dull static that's been edging around his awareness for weeks now. 

Not jarring enough to stop him, though. 

He thinks, vaguely, while he's blindly tugging at Stan's denim, that there's a concerningly high likelihood that he's hallucinating. His head is swimming in so much caffeine and adrenaline that he doesn't even feel the rough concrete of the lab floor under his knees -- maybe that isn't where he is? Maybe he'd nodded off without realizing. Maybe he's going to come to with another lapful of polaroids and a new humiliating tattoo. 

Maybe, maybe, maybe -- he can reckon with a probability model later. For the first time in what feels like months, the stability of his perceived reality is not actually at the forefront of Ford's mind.

Pressing in on him harder than the doubt, harder than the disassociation from his physical body, and harder than the threat of the creature lingering in the depths of his subconscious is anger. It feels like a beacon in the muddled, fuzzy mess inside his head, something bright and real and his. It's searing through him, slicing away all the frayed edges of his paranoia and doubt like a hot blade through so much butter. 

Ford clings to the sharp edges of that anger and feels more alert than he has in weeks. 

He can't remember how their bickering had taken this particular turn, but if he's liable to lose his eyes and his life in the next few days, Ford will be fucking damned if he squanders the opportunity. He knows he's made a mess of things, that he's made the sorts of mistakes that can't and frankly shouldn't be forgiven. 

But he also knows with blinding, white hot certainty that he's only here, now, because of Stan's mistakes.

Ford may not deserve absolution, but he does deserves this. 

Laughter cuts through the lab, rough and mocking, and Ford's attention finally falls, properly, on Stan. He has a bruise blooming on his cheek and a snide smirk twisting his lips. He's also on his back, his jeans and a threadbare pair of boxers bunched in Ford's fists and pulled so low he can see the tight curls of his pubic hair and the root of his cock. 

"What's wrong, Poindexter?" Stan asks, mocking, and it's only then that Ford realizes he's paused halfway through stripping his twin's lower half. The bite of the cold concrete under his knees still feels far away, but the rough material in his palms, and the heat of Stan's body so close to him are sharp, clear details. "No hands on experience with a dick that ain't your own? Afraid you might actually be bad at somethin' for once?" 

Ford narrows his eyes, feeling the hot point of anger cutting through him, steadying him, and he jerks Stan's clothes hard enough that he gets the material past his knees in one tug. Stan laughs at him again, but it stutters into a little 'oof!' when Ford flips him onto his stomach. 

He doesn't care that Stan's pants are still caught around his calves and his boots. He doesn't care that Stan hisses something that sounds like pain when he's yanked onto his knees and dragged backwards several inches across the concrete. He doesn't even care that, once upon a time, he'd dreamed of this, of crossing this line with the only person he'd ever really loved in any way that mattered, and it's nothing like the softer, sweeter picture he used to imagine. 

Stan's hips are soft, and the skin gives easily under the iron grip Ford has on them, holding him in place as he grinds against his ass. Even through his slacks, the heat of Stan's body is intense, addictive, and he grinds forward again, harder, watching the friction rub a pink  patch against his skin. 

Stan, shameless and selfish as always, pushes eagerly back against him. Ford has barely done anything beyond rocking the outline of his cock against his hole, but he can hear Stan panting against the ground, can see his hands curling into fists. He remembers how many times Stan had called Carla McCorkle "easy" in high school and thinks, now, that the easy one had been his brother. 

"You gonna keep humpin' me, or are you gonna fuck me?" Stan demands, rocking as firmly back as he can with the bruising grip Ford has on him. 

"What makes you think you deserve that?" Ford bites out. It would serve Stan right, he thinks, if he got himself off exactly like this, no different than grinding against a particularly firm couch pillow. Just a conveniently warm object for Ford to release some tension with. 

Stan looks back over his shoulder and flashes teeth at him. It isn't a smile. "Oh, I get it. Cold feet? Well, we can just chalk it up to one more thing ya promised and then backed out of as soon as you actually had to make a choice. Good to know some things never change, Stanford."

He's being goaded, and Ford knows that. But the anger boils in his chest, and he thinks, why should he care about what Stan does or doesn't deserve from him? This is about what Ford deserves.

And what Ford deserves is to have his dick so far up Stan's ass he'll be able to feel it in the back of his throat. 

"Do you ever shut up?" he snaps while he releases one of Stan's hips to yank his slacks open. The bruise of his fingerprints already forming against Stan's skin thrills him, almost to distraction, if it weren't for Stan laughing again. 

"'Course not," he says, shifting his center of balance to dig into the pocket of his dirty red coat. The little packet he tosses over his shoulder bounces off his own ass to land by Ford's knee, the word LUBE printed in large, bold letters across the front. He should be surprised to see it, and part of him is. The word "easy" comes to mind again. 

Ford rips the packet open with his teeth. 

"F-Fuck!" Stan curses, turning his forehead against the ground when Ford presses his slick cock into him a moment later without warning. 

Ford grabs him roughly by the waist when he twitches forward and yanks Stan back until his ass hits the open fly of his slacks. He makes a choked sound at that and turns his face into the crook of his own arm when Ford pulls back and rocks hard back into him. 

"What's wrong, Stanley?" he parrots. He pistons his hips at a punishing pace, watching his cock pumping in and out of the greedy, grasping ring of Stan's hole. "Nothing to say?" 

Stan makes a noise that's too muffled by the sleeve of his coat to understand, so Ford reaches down to take a fistful of his stupid mullet instead. The hitching gasp that escapes his twin when his head is forcefully jerked up makes him groan. "What was that? Come on, Stanley, use your words." 

"F-Fuck off," Stan says, his voice strained, almost whining. 

"I see you haven't gotten anymore eloquent since you left," Ford scoffs around the breathlessness in his own voice, feeling the anger and pleasure coiling harder in his gut. "What was it you said? Good to know some things never change." 

When he pulls Stan's hair again, just because he can, Stan moans. And when he shifts his hips, driving in just as hard at the new angle, Stan shouts. With his own knees bracketed on either side of his, Ford can feel the way his thighs tremble when he clenches around his cock, and he can feel the sweat beading up under his palm where he's digging darker bruises into Stan's side. 

Ford feels like he's on the edge of delirium again, consumed by every sound Stan makes, every twitch of his hips, every ounce of his heat. He thinks, a bit wildly, that Stan may have been made for this, made to take his cock, for how well he does. 

It isn't until Stan jerks under him, going hot and tight around his cock and making a strangled noise in the back of his throat, that Ford realizes he may have said part of that out loud. That Stan came over it. 

He groans low in his throat and thrusts half a dozen more times into Stan's clenching hole before he comes as well. 

It's quiet for a few minutes other than their ragged panting, but it's Stan who eventually reaches back and swats at Ford's hand until he lets go of his hair. He takes the hint and pulls out, watching with no small amount of satisfaction as his come trickles down Stan's thighs. It strikes him suddenly that he wants to follow the wet trail back up with his tongue. It's enough to make his cock give a feeble, appreciative twitch. 

He isn't sure if he's just terribly distracted or if he loses time again, because when Ford next lifts his head, Stan is on his feet, pants pulled up around his waist but still open, and he has his journal in hand. This might be more jarring than the last transition he'd lost. 

"What are you doing?" he demands, shoving himself back onto his own feet. He doesn't bother to tuck his cock back in, and he spots the moment Stan's eyes flick down. It's brief, but he'd seen it. 

"What does it fucking look like I'm doing? I'm taking your stupid diary and disappearing like you begged me to," Stan says. His voice is still a little raw, and Ford has a moment to realize how much he likes that, before the words catch up. 

He scoffs. "Oh! So now you want to actually help?! Is it always this easy to fuck the sense into you?" 

Stan's expression does a few things Ford doesn't understand before his brows ultimately slam down and he turns his back, storming towards the door with Ford's journal still in hand, and Ford himself hot on his heels. "You're fucking unbelievable, Stanford, you know that?!" 

"Me?! You're the one who came all over my lab floor and then decided he was ready to be reasonable!" 

Stan jams his thumb against the call button for the elevator several times in quick succession, despite the car already being on their floor and the gate sliding open. "Most people would just say thank you when someone agreed to help them out, but not you! What does Stanford Pines have to be grateful for? We're all just fucking lucky to get a task from ya, huh?" 

Ford crowds into the elevator with him before Stan can try to pull the gate or call the doors shut behind him. He punches the button to take them up himself, before making a grab for the journal, snarling when Stan leans back and holds it up above his head. 

"You're the one who threatened to destroy my work twenty minutes ago, Stanley! Why would I trust you with it now? Hell, I can't figure out why I trusted you enough to bring you here in the first place!" 

"Oh really? You can't?" Stan sneers, leaning in close. And when Ford takes a step back, Stan follows, backing him into a corner of the car. "I don't think you fuckin' trusted me to do shit, Stanford. I think you were all outta options cause nobody else could stand to put up with you anymore." 

Stan doesn't so much as hit a nerve as he takes a sledgehammer to it, and as soon as the elevator dings, Ford shoves him as hard as he can out into the study. Stan yelps when he stumbles, nearly tripping over his own feet, and it's only knocking into a cluttered desk that keeps him from falling on his ass. 

Ford doesn't give him any time to right himself, storming in after him and grabbing him by the front of his jacket. Stan flinches, like he'ex expecting a punch, but Ford yanks him in and crushes his mouth against his instead. 

There's a dull thump that Ford only realizes was the journal being dropped when he feels both of Stan's hands on his shoulders. They curl briefly, grasping at him, and Ford feels his mouth starting to go soft and slack. But as soon as he presses in, runs his tongue along that loosening seam, he's suddenly being shoved backwards. 

If he weren't so damn confused, Ford would probably appreciate the picture Stan makes, lips slick and pants open, leaning back against one of Ford's desks. 

"What are you doing?!" Stan demands, like he's the one who doesn't know what day it is, and keeps losing track of events. 

"I would think even you could figure that out after what happened downstairs, Stanley."

Stan flushes, visible even in the low light of the study, though Ford isn't sure if it's embarrassment or anger. The scowl on his face doesn't help clear things up, either, though the fact that he isn't actually looking at Ford is...telling.  

"That ain't happening again," Stan states, and there isn't anything convincing about the way he says it at all. But when Ford steps forward, Stan sidesteps him and the desk. He makes a wrong turn in the dark, in a house he isn't familiar with, and flinches when Ford flips on the light in the kitchen he's walked into.

"I don't know how you expect to leave and hide my journal after leaving it in the study," he points out, frowning at the back of Stan's head. 

He isn't surprised when Stan whirls on him. He is, however, stunned still when he realizes Stan's eyes are wet. 

"What the fuck do you want from me, Stanford?!" Stan shouts, his voice cracking over his name, and it makes something feel like it's cracking inside his chest. 

Ford has to wet his lips when he finds them and his throat dry. "...I told you what I wanted," he says.

"Yeah, you did! And when I finally agreed to do it, you threw a fucking fit about it! And now you're pissy because I'm not?! What do you want?" 

The anger sparks sharply inside him again, and Ford grasps at it like a lifeline, willing to bloody his hands for that bite of stability. 

"You tried to burn it! My life's work! And you only decided you would help me after we--"

Stan cuts him off, looking towards the cabinets while he raises his voice and waves his hands. "Jesus Christ, I'm sorry about the fucking lighter, all right?!"

Ford frowns. He takes a step forward and, still without looking at him, Stan takes a step back. It's the elevator all over again, but this time Ford is pressing in, backing Stan into the cabinets. He grabs the counter on either side of his hips when he tries to side step him again. 

"Stanley, look at me," he demands, frowning harder when Stan sets his jaw and stars determinedly at his shoulder. "Stanley--"

"What do you want, Ford? Just...just fucking tell me and I'll leave, all right?" Stan says, his voice tired and soft as he reaches up to rub a hand over his own face.

He wants a lot, honestly. And hasn't that always been the problem? He's always wanted -- to be normal, to be respected, to be the best, to be special. 

To be wanted. 

To be enough.

To fix things. 

"You," he realizes, watching Stan jerk his head up. His lashes are still wet, and Ford can't stop himself from reaching up and pressing his palm to Stan's cheek, skimming his thumb gently under one of his eyes. 

When he leans in to kiss him again, Stan makes a small, wounded little noise under his mouth, but he parts his lips for Ford's tongue this time. Stan's lips are chapped and he tastes vaguely of stale cigarettes, but Ford is still struck by how soft and sweet he is. 

More than anything else that had happened that evening, this is the moment that Ford knows he should suspect most of all. The way Stan relaxes between him and the counter, the almost tentative way he lifts his tongue to meet his, the careful fingertips touching the edge of Ford's coat and brushing against his loose tie. It's tender in a way Ford didn't think either of them were capable of, and it should be setting off warning bells and red flags in every part of his mind. 

It isn't. 

Ford is more certain of  the reality of this single moment, the gentle slip of Stan's lips against his own, than he's been of anything in a long time. 

And then Stan sighs between them and murmurs, warm and hopeful, "Ford," against his lips, and he's done for. 

It doesn't matter that they just fucked, that Ford's come is probably still drying between Stan's thighs -- he can't keep his hands off of him. Ford is suddenly frantic and desperate in a way that he hadn't been downstairs. He needs to relearn the new, wider shape of Stan's shoulders and pecs. He needs to feel out every new scar and take stock of all the old ones he remembers Stan collecting for him as kids. He needs to be surrounded by him again, soaking in the warmth of him. 

Ford doesn't deserve absolution, but he thinks he may be able to find something close to it in the low, shaky way Stan moans his name. 

And there's familiarity in the way Stan grabs at him in turn, tugging at his jacket and tie and surging into another, harder kiss. Ford thinks he may not be the only one looking for expiation. 

Then Stan drops to his knees between him and the cabinet, and Ford stops thinking so much. His cock is still out, and Stan wastes no time in getting his fist around the shaft and his lips around the head. He suckles and swirls his tongue, and Ford shoves the beanie off of his head to get his hands in his hair. 

"Stanley," he gasps, stroking his fingers along his scalp and fisting the strands between them. 

Stan moans around him and shuffles closer, sliding the seal of his lips further down the length of Ford's cock. All he can do is groan and try to keep from rocking his hips as more of him is greeted by the warmth of his mouth and the wickedness of his tongue. 

He keeps waiting for Stan to reach his limit, to back off and give himself room to breathe. He doesn't. He keeps leaning in, keeps taking him, and then Ford feels his cockhead slip into Stan's throat, sees his lashes are wet again, and he has to put one hand on the counter to keep himself steady. "Fuck, Stanley, you're so good at this."

Stan makes a horribly sweet sound around the girth of Ford's cock and reaches up to hold his hips as he swallows, and Ford is suddenly afraid he's going to embarass himself.  His hips twitch despite his best efforts to keep them still, but Stan simply relaxes his jaw and his throat and tugs a little to encourage him to do it again. He does, of course, how could he not? 

Despite the heat clawing its way through him and the pleasure mounting dangerously high, Ford almost feels outside of himself again. The picture Stan makes, with his eyes damp and heavy lidded, his lips wet and stretched around Ford's cock, his hair fisted in Ford's fingers and his own clinging to Ford's hips -- it's lewd, debauched, and so horribly sweet that it makes Ford's chest hurt. 

Stan gasps raggedly when Ford pulls him off. "I was go-gonna...I mean you can--"

Ford kneels down to kiss him, tasting stale cigarettes and himself, cock throbbing over the rough state of Stan's voice. "Not done yet," he manages, before tugging Stan onto his feet. 

They lose clothes and time on the journey upstairs, tripping over the steps and Ford's discarded pants, and stumbling into his wreck of a room. If Stan notices the state of things, he doesn't comment, mouth latched onto Ford's shoulder and hands all over his back and hips. 

The back of Ford's legs hit the bed and he sits hard on the mattress. Stan doesn't hesitate to crawl up into his lap. He'd lost his boots in the kitchen and his jeans and boxers somewhere on the way to the stairs, giving him ample opportunity to rub his bare cock against Ford's. 

Cursing, Ford rolls his hips and only belatedly remembers to reach up and tug the hideous red coat off of Stan's shoulders. 

"Oh, fuck, hold on. I think I have another one," Stan says, panting softly as he digs into the pockets of his coat. Ford takes the opportunity to run his hands across Stan's thighs and ass, squeezing whatever skin he can until Stan makes a triumphant sound and pulls another little packet of lube free. 

Only then does he let Ford toss his jacket aside and tug him further up the bed with him. He doesn't protest when Ford takes the packet from him, lowering his head to work open mouth kisses up Ford's throat instead, and he rolls his hips distractingly while Ford fights to get the damnable thing open. He ignores the snickering against his skin in the process. 

It stops anyway, hitching into something warm and startled when Ford sinks two slick fingers into him. 

"Oh, fuck," Stan breaths, reaching up to grab Ford by the shoulder, holding himself steady. "Y-You know you don't have to do that, right? Pretty loosened up already."

He is, to be fair. His hole is still soft and loose and fucked open. But Ford enjoys petting his fingers against the tender muscle and stroking them inside anyway. He likes watching Stan bite his lip and push himself back onto his hand. When he slides a third in after the first two, Stan's thighs tremble on either side of his own, and he makes a low, throaty sound. 

When Ford curls his fingers just right, Stan yells and grips his shoulder hard enough to hurt, and it makes warm satisfaction curl in his middle. So he does it a few more times, alternating between spreading his fingers and rubbing the tips against Stan's prostate until he's squirming in his lap. 

"I-I'm gonna come if you don't knock that sh-shit off," he gasps, slumping a bit when Ford chuckles and slides his fingers out. 

"I think I'd like that," Ford says, squeezing his slick fingers against Stan's thigh. 

He snorts and straightens back up, finding the discarded lube packet to squirt the remainder onto Ford's cock. "Yeah, I bet you fucking would," Stan agrees, but there's no malice in his voice, just warm amusement. 

His fist is warm and wonderful when it curls around Ford's cock, spreading lube, and then Ford is being held steady, Stan adjusts himself on his scuffed knees, and there's nothing else to do but hold on as Stan lowers himself into his lap. 

It feels as good as it had earlier to be inside of him, and Ford squeezes the thigh under his hand tightly, fighting against the need to buck his hips. Stan is panting softly, his head tilted back and a pretty, pink color is crawling up from under his t-shirt to flood his neck and face. 

Ford groans and leans forward, finding a nipple through his thin shirt to get his teeth and tongue against.

"F-Ford!" Stan gasps, fumbling the hand not clawing at his shoulder up into his hair, and Ford sucks hard on the firm nub,  rubbing spit-soaked cotton against it with his tongue until Stan rocks in his lap. 

Fuck, he likes that, the way his name sounds in Stan's voice, especially warm and rough after fucking his throat earlier. 

He squeezes Stan's thigh and his hip, giving him a little tug, and that's all the encouragement Stan needs before he's bouncing on his cock. Ford has that thought again -- that Stan was meant to be filled by him, that they're a perfectly matched set. But it isn't just feeling good and hot while Stan fucks himself in his lap. It's feeling like he's been missing something and he finally has it, like he's finally complete again. 

He's missed this, Ford realizes. 

Not the fucking his brother part. He'd fantasized about that for years but it still feels like a dream that it's happening, like something that's too good to be true. 

But being able to put his arms around him? To be this close to him again? 

Ford rocks his hips up, hard, and Stan says his name. He wraps his fingers around Stan's cock, and he gasps his name. He bites the same swollen, pink nipple through his shirt, and Stan shouts his name. 

He snaps his hips up to meet him a few more times and rubs the sensitive glans under the head of Stan's cock, and then there are teeth digging into his other shoulder and his fist and stomach are being striped in Stan's come while he shudders and jerks overtop of him. 

Stan goes easily when Ford rolls them over and pins one of his wrists to the bed. And despite the way he squirms and how his spent cock twitches and leaks, blatantly overstimulated, he hooks his ankles behind Ford's back and urges him on. 

"C-C'mon, give it to me. Fuck, just like that, Sixer!" 

The nickname hits him with all the subtlety of a truck and all the heat of a volcanic eruption. 

He doesn't even remember coming so much as he remembers every synapses in his brain trying to fire at once. Coming back down to reality is a little clearer, with his head spinning and pulse racing as he flops onto his back, but it still takes several long minutes before he feels fully cognizant again. 

Something makes the bed shift, and he looks over to see that Stan has rolled onto his stomach. Ford wonders if he looks half as fucked out as Stan does, with bruises blossoming across his body, his shirt rucked halfway up his stomach, and come staining his ass and thighs. Ford realizes Stan still has his socks on, and he can't figure out why that makes something twinge, hot but exhausted and halfhearted, in his gut. 

"Gonna...gonna get up in a minute," Stan says, his voice slurring and his eyes already closed. Ford watches him rub his cheek against one of Ford's pillows, and the soft sound of snoring follows soon after. 

The reality of the situation starts to settle in shortly after that, and Ford stares wide eyed up at the ceiling as if he'll find some sort of answers there. Unsurprisingly, there are no secrets etched overhead for how to reckon with the fact that he had just fucked his brother, twice, while the fate of the world was still very much hanging in the balance between his fraying sanity and Bill's looming threat. 

".....Fuck," Ford murmurs.

When the adrenaline finishes seeping out of his system, Ford expects to crash. The exhaustion certainly climbs back into his bones, but he's surprised to find himself still clear headed. Focused. 

The sound of Stan sleeping soundly beside him is as soothing as it is mocking, but he doesn't want to separate himself from it even though he knows he needs to get up. There's soft, gray light starting to creep in through the windows, and distant birdsong calling for the start of the day. He needs to readjust, to come up with a new plan, find some way to explain to Stan what's going on so they can buy themselves a little more time. 

Against all odds and his better judgment, there's a tiny, optimistic voice in the back of his head reminding him that there's strength in numbers. He isn't surprised that it sounds like Stan.

[xbasement-baitx]

Can I please tie you to a tree and use your beautiful body for pleasure? If I have to trap you first I will.

You are a random anon stranger so no lol

[oacest]

My thoughts on the audio are that I genuinely cannot come up with a sane explanation. I don't think Liam was necessarily in the studio but he has to be talking about him, right? Like IDK there was some visual effect or whatever, literally who else could be the cunt Noel doesn't want to see. Beyond which I am not a proper scholar so please let me know if I'm way off base but I have an extended divorce theory that goes:

2009: Breakup, they're both big mad for a minute

201?-2012: They are texting and like, sending their kids to the same school. possibly the most normal they've ever been.

2013-2015: Liam blows his entire life up and is extremely sad about the consequences of his own actions. I saw actual video footage of Noel saying that he's shocked beady eye broke up and he's actually sweet about it and tells Liam not to give up? who is this man. anyway while Liam will later claim Noel wasn't there for him during the divorce but as a general rule they're much nicer about each other when they're divorcing other people. this is where I become extremely conspiratorial because at some point they had to get the documentary off the ground and a second, more personal breakup is clearly going down around this time. I believe in their ability to deeply wound each other by playing cryptic telephone through the press but I think it genuinely makes more sense if they were actually talking, perhaps about a potential reunion.

2016-2020: supersonic documentary and also (coincidentally?) the apocalypse. Liam launches his solo career, Noel hates it and is pretty relentlessly mean about it and about Liam more generally. we are gearing up for the kind of tweeting/podcast commenting where you call your brother your ex-wife. I think this is also when Noel decides to drag Molly into it for some reason. Liam says publicly that he thinks Noel was waiting for him to hit rock bottom so he could be magnanimous about saving him. whether he thinks this because of something concrete noel did or said or because he's liam is a mystery. the Anais incident goes down, the vogue article comes out. we are never ever getting back together for real this time. noel says a bunch of normal and well adjusted stuff about how he wants Liam to die in a self driving car crash with Donald Trump and seeing his face makes him want to shoot up a MacDonalds.

2020-2022: the pandemic saves oasis. I'm serious. they're both stuck sitting at home with nothing to distract them from themselves and think of brighter days. apparently being trapped in a house with noel is genuinely so unbearable that Sara calls it quits (in the matter of Sara v. Noel I'm on her side). presumably this was cause for at least some self reflection. divorce is a lonely and difficult experience, sara and liam seem to legit hate each other in a way that would be a barrier to reconciliation (in the matter of Sara v. Liam I am also on her side but less so bcs she didn't get trapped in a house with him). at the same time Liam pulls off Knebworth 2022, demonstrating he can handle big events without headcasing (and without noel, and he will be doing those big events solo or otherwise). at this point I genuinely think it was just a matter of time before we were back, baybeee! let's hope they can keep it together.

bro your brain is so huge and deeply wrinkled, profoundly agree with all of this. why you on anon when your opinions are so correct and you could be sharing them with us directly tbh 👀.

but yeah, 100% covid saved oasis lmao. noel's divorce saved oasis. noel's miserable midlife crisis (ongoing) saved oasis 🥰🥰🥰. and it juuuuuust really seems like all those insane highs and lows that went on publicly in the media between them over the years probably, or at least quite possibly, had irl personal catalysts rather than just a general holdover of ill will from the 2000s. there are so many random little times one or both of them casually mentioned they were in contact, and any one of those instances can be disregarded, but when considered in retrospect from a collective standpoint..... AWFULLY DAMNING!!!

lots more to say about all of this actually, every point you've made is legit af and could be expounded upon for a hundred years, but it's midnight and im coming down with a flu (punishment for some kind of hubris im sure), so. thank you for all of this and goodnight 🙏

[aihoshiino]

Helloooo :DD

I was wondering what would you do differently with OnK's ending?

The ending just felt absolutely off to me and quite lackluster in general to me. Like I kid you not, I think I envisioned a completely different ending for the series when the chapter of Ruby and Aqua showing Kamiki the DvD (can't exactly remember what chapter it was) and the call with Nino happened. I legit thought they would make it were Kamiki just..turned himself in after everything? I..I could be tripping but didn't he say something along the lines he was going to make things right?

Maybe in a sense, I am sorta defending Kamiki because I h a te how he was portrayed as this mastermind who is evil incarnate like no. THAT'S MY HUSBAND RIGHT THERE!

And I suppose I also wanted a happy ending where Kamiki and Aqua didn't die because of how emotionally invested I had become with this story.

ANYWAYS ENOUGH SENTIMENTALITY, AI SLAP SOME SENSE INTO YOUR DUMB SON (AFFECTIONATE) AND YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND IN THE AFTERLIFE

ok i feel slightly insane answering this ask because there was DEFINITELY another ask in my inbox re: an alternate ending that specifically focused on fixing up Kamiki's characterization and letting Aqua live and i REALLY LIKED IT and I was going to publish that one first then come to this one and be like 'basically this lol' but. That ask has vanished???? I assume tumblr arbitrarily ate it for some fucking reason which I feel very bad about because it was VERY long so anon who sent me the "Kamiki & Aqua live but Kamiki is the one to tell Aqua's lie to the press & police, thus taking the fall for him" alt ending PLEEEEASE SEND IT AGAIN I'M SO SORRY BUT KNOW THAT YOU COOKED

Anyway uh like I said ^ that anon's ending ^ would've been pretty ideal to me, at least in terms of like... realistically working with the material we have. To the best of my memory, it diverged following the end of 163 and had both Hikaru and Aqua wake up in hospital. Aqua gets a big come to Jesus moment from all the people who love him and finally, properly realizes the full weight of his life and his desire to live it - not just as something to burn to ensure the joy of others, but to share in their joy and to find his own as well.

Hikaru, seeing this, realizes that he still has the opportunity to do the one last thing for Ai he talked about and before Aqua can fess up, tells Aqua's cover story to everyone - including the police and press - and thus takes the fall, accepting his punishment and allowing Aqua to go free.

There was also a bit where Akane visiting Aqua privately sort of implicitly let him know she figured out the truth and made it very clear he was not to pull any horsepiss like that again!!!

I think the note it ended on was Ruby & B-Komachi at the Dome and a distant finale with an ambiguous/implied AquKana end or at least a confession.

THERE WAS MORE and again I feel so bad that the anon's ask got mulched because it was genuinely really good lol. BUT YEAH, that would be my ideal ending just based on the material we actually had in the manga, I think.

[rainbowspinch]

idk if u saw my rb about it but i was the anon from [this post] & i just wanted 2 say thank u for all the fanart & food for batim youve provided me and my autism 💞i dont remember much of how i acted back when i was in your discord server in like 2022 or something (jesus christ how time flies) but it really helped and changed me as a person soo yah

Ok first things first I am so sorry for how long it’s taken me to get to this, I’ve been thinking about it basically since u sent it tryna figure out what to say. Cause when you sent the FIRST ask I was like “there’s no way this is who I think it is” cause last I had heard you vanished off the face of tumblr and I hadn’t heard from you since. And then afterwards I was like “IT IS THATS CRAZY” SO!!!!!

ITS BEEN AGES SINCE WEVE TALKED HOW ARE YOU DOING!!!!!!

My friend I think about you all the time and I hope you’re doing better than you were way back when. I’ve legit graduated and got a job since we last spoke!!!! I think everyone has changed a bunch since the experience and overall it was for the better that the server was raptured.

It’s pretty insane the way everything played out and I’m glad it’s over with. But genuinely, I really hope you’re doing better these days, because you deserve to feel good and have a good life. Glad you’re back on track and really happy to hear from you, I really hope things are playing out better for you now. We love ya, and welcome back to the spinchverse I missed you

[astralleywright]

i apologize if this sounds insane because frankly it does. on deviantart, there's a sub-sect of fandom people that make posts of like, a fictional character angrily ranting at another fictional character in a giant PARAGRAPH of text explaining what they did wrong and telling them they should be ashamed of themself. that is legit what comes to mind whenever i see the six trillionth post in the tag about "OMG WHY DOESN'T BH TALK TO EACH OTHER!"

do not worry anon, I am extremely internet poisoned and have a vast knowledge of weird fandom habits. Idk if i've even seen that kind of post exactly, but I have certainly witnessed variations of the idea or the feelings behind it in many places across many fandoms. for all i roll my eyes abt excessive posting abt how good one is at Understanding Media i DO agree that getting mad at the characters and lecturing them for having flaws and doing the wrong thing is like, the lamest and least interesting way to discuss stories. its very boring when characters do not do these things!

i understand the impulse; stories are meant to make us feel things, including anger and frustration, and there are plenty of times characters i love have done stuff that, in the moment, genuinely upset me (and not on a meta, 'bad writing' level, which is different). i just think it's good to take that reaction, appreciate how it made you feel, and the fact that the writing or performance or story evoked a reaction from you, but to not let that be the end or even necessarily the beginning of your analysis of the hows and whys and thens of the situation.

there's a lot of things happening with the "why won't the hells talk to each other!" thing. ppl struggling, mentally and/or emotionally, with the extreme time dilation is a big one. i also think part of it is people approaching this one-camera improv show the way they would a scripted tv show, and possibly attributing more intentionality and significance to certain actions or reactions than the players did, or attributing decisions that may have been influenced by out-of-game factors exclusively to the hells. i get the frustration, bc i too want them to talk more often, but i think ppl getting outraged that the hells don't immediately follow up on every questionable action or percieved offense is. unserious. they're a little busy at the moment.

[sapphire-weapon]

I'm not on Twitter and have no idea what happened today (mainly thanks to insanely toxic fandom shit, I do not have the headspace for that anymore) but as per your last ask, I'm sorry people were shitty to you today. I don't know what happened, but being dogpiled over ships is so stupid. Regardless, you're a talented writer and I absolutely adore your blog. I enjoy everything you put out and I'm saying this as somebody who's painfully neutral about Leshley/Eagleone lmao. The way you break down Leon, Ashley, Ada and others is so, so well fucking written and it's so lovely to see someone who can agree with my own opinions (even if I'm a relatively new and poorly articulate fan!).

My point: I hope hate never gets to you. You don't deserve it. Keep talking and writing, you're wonderful!

It doesn't get to me, and I think it was frustrating for a lot of the people who tried to jump on me to realize that I was treating them like a joke. I'm done playing with them now, though. I got bored, and now I'm just blocking anyone who decides to be a clown.

Basically what happened was, I went to Twitter and I yelled at EagleOne fandom to stop trying to appease the rest of RE fandom by wringing their hands and insisting that the ship is purely 100% innocent and there's no basis in canon.

And then Aeon fandom found the Tweet and they went full

and they took the whole "no, actually, Leon and Ashley's shared arc in RE4make is, in fact, canonically romantic in nature" thing very personally.

What I learned today is:

EagleOne will never be treated as a valid ship in fandom because the rest of the fandom has beaten down the majority of EagleOne people into believing (or at least saying they believe) that the ship isn't valid. We are our own worst enemies, and we are the ones holding the ship back -- not Aeon fandom or anyone else. As long as EagleOne people continue to care about what the rest of the fandom thinks of us, we will never be able to enjoy the ship on our own terms.

There's a really weird and uncomfortable sex-averse thing happening in fandom that I kind of vaguely knew in the back of my mind was there, but I had NO IDEA just how prevalent and insidious it was. Half the people were going "no no no there's no there there in canon" and the other half were legit saying "why do you have to sexualize it?" (as though two people being attracted to each other isn't inherently sexual in nature to begin with?) or even going so far as to say that my brain has been ruined by porn, as though I'm not like. A full grown adult who has had several different dicks in my own mouth, ass, and vagina at varying points in my life.

When given actual evidence for the claims I was making, the people who received it shut the fuck up and never came back into my mentions ever again. It is possible to get people to second-guess the narrative that's been fed to them by fandom, but if there's a way to effectively do that en masse, I don't know what it is.

Slash fans are based as fuck, because their responses to my Tweets were "ok but in my head Leon is still getting railed by dudes" and that is, objectively and unironically, the best attitude I've seen held by any shippers in any fandom ever. They're right, and they should feel good about saying it.

I'm not trying to pull an "it was just a social experiment" because it wasn't, and I genuinely was trying to call out EagleOne people for being a bunch of spineless cowards who are dedicated to destroying their own fun, but a very interesting bit of social commentary did shake out of the whole situation unintentionally.

But like I said to the last anon, I'm glad you're here, bro. I'm glad to be able to provide a place in this fandom where people can actually have intellectual conversations about scripting, game design, and cinematography/film direction/symbolism without the fear of the mob jumping on them for daring to think a little bit (as opposed to not at all).

[katierosefun]

Hey there! I'm a little late to be joining the Beyond Evil fandom, but I just wanted to say your blog and fics are keeping me going through the very worst of the jwds brainrot (the situation is dire, honestly) so thank you! I absolutely love your writing style, and your characterization is impeccable. I have been screaming about your fics A LOT over the last couple of days (I'm legit very unwell about it), and it's got my little gremlin writer brain going. I literally haven't written fic in like 14 years, and this is so far from being a coherent story that I don't know if anything complete will ever get posted, but as a writer I know that I would enjoy reading something inspired by my work, so I thought I'd drop it here in case you felt the same :)

***

Juwon doesn’t know how to name the howling in his chest that will not let him sleep. The wailing pit that builds beneath his breastbone every time Dongsik looks at him and smiles. He cannot bear it. He doesn’t think he would be able to keep breathing without it. He wants to tear out his own insides, dismantle his own body piece by awful piece until he can root out whatever it is that aches this way.

If he finds it, if he can hold it in his hands and examine it in the light of day, will it begin to make sense?

He has fears of what it is. He has hopes. He does not quite know how to tell one from the other.

***

Dongsik knows precisely what this feeling is. He may have never been in love before, but he knows love well. Has always had it, even throughout a life so plagued by tragedy and grief. There have always been people he has loved, who have loved him in return.

So though this, now, is not exactly the same—this burn is different, wilder, poignant in a way that both heals and hurts—he is wise enough to know that it is love.

He is also wise enough to know that love, on its own, is not always enough.

ahhh anon thank you for the kind words! i do love writing jwds fic and just sharing my little beyond evil thoughts so it's always such a sweet relief and surprise to see that people like you like it!! :'))) i read this last night and it really perked me up, so thank you!! :'))

as for your writing: oh that's beautiful, thank you for sharing it with me! i absolutely love your style and also the really lovely comparison between joo won and dong sik in confronting what they might genuinely be feeling for each other. it's both insanely poetic and a very good insight into their characters (ie. joo won not being able to handle the fact that he's in love with dong sik, not really knowing if it's love or if it's something else bc oh that guy's never felt a real shred of love when he was younger, so how tf does he know? you captured that kind of panic and deep-rooted fear so well! and dong sik knowing what it is because experience, memories of what love actually looks like and what it also feels like . . . because like, there had been a hot second in his life when he did experience those kinds of feelings . . . but also knowing that it heals and hurts . . . that was also a really beautiful way to look into his character, thank u :'))

[running-with-kn1ves]

I haven't seen any fanfics or headcanons for Blackheart (from the movie Ghost Rider). Could you do it if possible?

Girl.. when I tell you my family hates this movie, I mean they HATE IT LMAOO-- I had never seen it b4 so I watched it just for you anon~~ (And bc I'm genuinely going insane at home.) And lemme say-- I get why you asked for this;;; Lowkey blackheart's got that snarky dickhead vibe that just;; kinda attractive man, if yknow what i mean;; But also lowkey I just wanna... punt him. He just looks very punchable :D very submissive and breedable 

TW: violence, abusive behaviors, toxic relationships, daddy issues.

He's definitely that spoiled rich kid with daddy issues type-- so mans got very little remorse for others, and is a slight sadist (obviously.)

If he EVER had a darling... well lets just say it would not be a fun time. He would have a very niche and specific type of person that he’s attracted to. He gives me very horny bisexual vibes, but he’s only really like that because.. he can be that way. Using an kind of sin he can to take advantage of the one he’s infatuated with, and manipulate them into his hands, if he needs to in the first place. In all honesty, he’d likely just take his darling immediately, not even trying to swoon them. 

Considering he’s currently trying to take over his father’s reign, he’d be very busy, fuckin around and trying to track down the contract to inherit those thousands of souls. He strikes me as a very... conflicted lover.

He’s legit made out of evil, born and raised from everything awful in the world. To feel an emotion like love would be overran by possession. 

He’d see his darling as someone who’s so interesting, a useless human who somehow managed to captivate his interest. Because of his goals and his place as a demon, he doesn’t ever see himself as being capable of love or pure emotions. 

If he ever felt something like that, it would be immediately tossed over into becoming possession and desire. 

Blackheart is childish in nature; if he doesn’t get what he wants, he will throw a fit. He’s not afraid to hurt the one he loves, especially if they were immune to his abilities. But its even worse if they aren’t; he likes to cause pain, especially because it makes him feel less conflicted. If he hurts his darling, it makes him feel like they’re just like everybody else-- just a toy he can petrify at any moment he wishes. Even though subconsciously he knows they aren’t; and he wouldn’t purposely ever kill his darling. 

If he were to have a darling, I imagine he’d be captivated by the kind of person who helps him despite his scary nature. He’d be beaten and bloody, not feeling a thing. But here comes this human, fussing and causing a racket about how in pain he looks. 

Even if his darling understood that he wasn’t human, they’d still probably help, thinking under the guise that everyone deserves kindness, especially those who are kept in the claws of evil-- whether voluntarily or not. 

Blackheart does feel some semblance of pity, but its only because of the unfairness; he’d hurt his darling left and right, over the tiniest things. Internally, he’d feel a bit bad, understanding that they don’t really deserve his punishment. But this sympathy comes in VERY RARE waves. You can’t expect Mephistopheles's son to feel remorse. 

He’s not a very affectionate obsessor; honestly he really just likes the small almost human-like interactions with his darling, like talking to them about small things, even if its about how painful their wounds are or the fact that they want to go back home. 

Blackheart’s minions would be watching his darling most of the time, taking shifts to make sure his plaything would have the utmost protection, and are mildly comfortable. He’d think he’s only keeping his darling as a toy, just a thing to take out his rage. But really he wants them because of his infatuation, though he’d never admit it. 

Despite Blackheart’s wish to understand these strange desires of possession over someone else, he’d likely end up killing his darling. Either out of rage from their lack of attention and care, or even just because he can’t seem to wrap his head around the fact that he feels strange feelings for another being. He’s only ever focused on his own needs, not caring who gets hurt along the way. 

After killing his darling, I think he’d feel a lot of guilt. They were the first person he’d ever met who had been genuinely kind to him, despite his title as being the son of Mephisto.

He’d go along with his goals, trying to forget his darling and focusing on the ghost rider. But it would be difficult; every now and again when thinking about how he’ll finally rule hell, he’ll be disappointed, knowing that, he didn’t have the chance to corrupt his darling into being the same as him. A small part of him hates the idea of someone being so pure and kind; he has the need to pull his darling into the same darkness and foul life as himself. So now that they died free from his goals, and without him, he’d be angry. Especially because their soul wouldn’t be likely to end up in his reigning realm. 

Defeating the ghost rider seemed so easy but now that the only person he felt understood him is gone, he’s almost lost. He’d push those feelings of guilt and anger away. If anyone tried to mention his darling again, he’d kill them on the spot, no matter how useful they might be.

Within his last moments, remembering all the people he killed, along with those thousands of souls, he’d only really feel remorse for hurting his darling. Their face would show, screaming and crying, pain being unbearable. He’d be slightly thankful for the image, glad he could see them at least one last time.

[free-falling-grenade]

Imagine Raya being all cocky once she accepts her feelings for Namaari, they are walking down the palace in Fang and raya goes "i will fight anyone and everyone for your love" or something like that, and Virana is nearby and says "I accept the challenge" and both girls are like :o *insert pikachu meme here *

HA. Omg, Virana totally would accept the challenge. AAA Here’s a mini ficlet for it: “I accept the challenge”

Raya blinks owlishly at the Chief before leaning in to ask Namaari if her mother is secretly a skilled warrior. But she herself doesn't actually know how well the Chief of Fang can fight. Never given the opportunity to see, so when she says that she accepts Raya's challenge, she's quite taken aback.

Namaari just stares wide eyed and shrugs because she can't tell if her mother was just joking or if she was serious, her expression too neutral to guess.

Raya stands there almost faltering from the Chief's challenging stare but she shakes away her fear and nervously nods, "So be it"

Namaari just turns to her utterly shocked, because she can't be serious right now.

They're right outside the throne room, at the bottom of the steps. Fang soldiers and merchants alike have gathered to watch out of curiosity after overhearing the challenge.

Virana just steps forward, and casually asks for the spear General Atitaya is holding. She hands it to her in a daze, not quite sure if the Chief will pull through. She fears for her well being. She knows how well Raya is with her fighting skills, having had the opportunity to witness Namaari's and her spars, and being offered to spar against her as well.

Raya draws out her kris slowly, stepping forward herself, a few feet distance between her and the Chief. She gulps thickly, "Okay. We're actually doing this. Cool, cool." She mostly says to herself.

Virana just raises an eyebrow smirking, "Don't tell me you are backing out, Princess Raya." She taunts as she weighs Atitaya's spear in her hands, flipping it around seamlessly.

Raya just scoffs a little offended, "I never back out from a challenge, Chief Virana. Especially not when it's for Namaari's hand"

Meanwhile the Fang princess stands there glued to the floor, the crowd staring at her, some expecting her to stop the two before literal blood is shed. But the problem is, Namaari knows three of the most stubborn people in her life: one of which is herself, and the other two? The ladies in front of her seemingly ready to cut each others throats out. There is literally no stopping them once their mind is made.

She runs a hand through her hair, keeping it in place as she watches Raya and her mother, who she still has no knowledge of how well her fighting skills are, position themselves into a fighting stance.

In any other day, Namaari would laugh at the comical idea of it all, her mother in her signature white dress, and Raya in way too formal clothing to be comfortable in a fight.

"Just a warning, Chief. I don't plan on holding back" Raya warns, if she's going to this, might as well not let her guard down.

Virana just grins, "I didn't expect you to" she says then charges, skipping the pleasantries. Her dress limiting her steps a little but enough for her to move around smoothly.

Raya, caught of guard, hastily blocks the spear coming at her face. She huffs away her shock, a playful grin coming to her face at the realization that this is definitely not a game. It's indeed a legit challenge the Chief had agreed to and she will treat it as such.

She swings her own blade towards the Chief, her mind consciously pulling back her strength, afraid she might hurt the princess' mother. However, Virana seems to sense this, using it to her advantage to nick the skin on her shoulder. This elicited a loud gasp around them.

Raya backflips away, glancing down at the cut. She looks up at the Fang Chief's face who wore a smug look, "I thought you said you weren't going to hold back?"

The Heart princess can't help the amusement to show on her lips, she now understands where Namaari's infuriating taunts came from.

Instead of replying, she charges with complete intention to hurt, not caring that she is facing the Chief of Fang anymore. She swings aggressively leaving no space for the older woman to strike. She sees her struggling, her dress limiting her movements as she backs away trying to block each of her powerful strikes.

Raya for a second thought to give her a break, so she swiftly pulls the leg under the dress with her own, tripping her backwards. She lands on her back with a loud thud, her white dress now soiled and damaged.

She doesn't notice Atitaya holding back some of the Fang soldiers who were about to step in and help their Chief. Namaari who's rendered speechless stood ramrod stiff. The crowd wore wary expressions watching their beloved Chief on the floor.

Raya turns away for a second to catch her lover’s gaze but she regrets it almost immediately hearing the shuffle from in front her. She fails to react fast enough, feeling the long metal spear swiftly hitting the back of her knees knocking her off balance then the edge of it meeting her stomach.

She huffs out in pain, mustering the energy to roll away quickly when the spear lifts again to hit her.

She doesn’t get time to spit out a witty retort when the Chief starts swinging at her with surprising precision and tentative strikes. The hits as powerful as Raya's previous swipes earlier. She blocks them effortlessly though, looking for a way to knock her out again but the speed is seemingly too distracting to even think of a way.

She grunts in frustration, deciding to put a physical distance between them instead as she uses the Chief's leg that's pushed forward to step on her thighs and jump over the tall woman. She uses the distraction to step back a little, recollecting herself.

She breathes out to calm her thoughts, risking another glance at the other princess who stood way too dazed and in shock to even glance at her back. She huffs out an amused laugh at her face. The Chief charges at her noticing the distracted moment, the end of her spear managing to graze the side of her cheek. She hisses out in pain.

She slides down dodging her next swing but as if predicted, the older woman's knee collides with her face harshly. She sees white spots temporarily as she falls on her knees disoriented. She feels the sharp edge of the spear by her neck.

"Do you yield, Princess of Heart?" She hears the Chief say sounding a bit too winded.

Raya takes in a deep shaky breath, her eyes closing. She exhales out with a grin, "Never."

She doesn't let the older woman react before reaching out and pulling her spear forward, letting it slice the surface of her neck lightly. She uses the close distance to throw a dirty punch on the Chief's midsection. She inwardly cringed at that, her mind still hoping she didn't hurt her too much. But her body reacting by itself, stood up to kick the bent over Chief that sent her skidding backwards.

She waits for a few more seconds to see if the woman would stand again but when she remained on the floor coughing, she walks over pointing down her sword at her opponent's throat.

"Do you yield, Chief of Fang?" Her tone surprisingly serious as Virana stares back at the Princess' determined eyes.

She lets the silence lapse between them, the hushed whispers of the crowd barely audible as she tries to find any ill intent and malice in the young girl's eyes. However, she sees nothing but love and devotion.

A tender smile graces Virana's lips, her arms lifting up in surrender, "I yield, Princess. You win"

She hears Raya's sharp intake of breath before seeing her sword clatter beside them and bending down to pull her up into an embrace. The crowd around them breaks into an applause, clearly entertained from the intense fight.

She grunts in pain at the bone crushing hug the Princess has her in, "You have my blessing, sunlight. But if you could let me breathe, that would be great" she manages to murmur out. 

Raya pulls back instantly, an apologetic look on her face. There are tears that brimmed her eyes, "I'm sorry"

"I'll be fine. You left this old lady pretty bruised but you are quite a fighter, Princess."

Raya bashfully grins, "You left me some pretty nice cuts too. But, who knew the Chief of Fang has hidden skills up her sleeve" “I’m no damsel in distress, Princess Raya. I am a well capable Chief” Virana states half heartedly. 

Raya snickers lightly, not doubting it for a second. She stands up offering a hand for the older woman to take. She willingly accepts, pulling herself upright. She staggers back a little but the feeling of strong arms catches her quick.

Namaari stands behind her mother supporting her. She shakes her head vigorously, a smile of disbelief tugging on her lips, "You both are actually insane and out of your minds"

Raya smiles softly, "Just for you, dep la"

Virana nods in agreement then latches on to her daughter's hold, visibly exhausted. Raya lifts the older woman's other arm behind her neck to support her other side. 

"Let's get you to the healers"

They help the beat up Chief walk, the merchants and guards bowing in respect as they passed, all of them beaming with pride and joy as if she had won the fight.

"You definitely gave them something to write for Kumandra's history books" Namaari comments eliciting a genuine laugh from the older Chief.

"The only time I don't mind being defeated" Virana tenderly says. The two lovers on each of her side supporting her. She really doesn't mind another daughter in the family. -x- This got so long omg. Thank you, anon? Also you can’t possibly tell me Virana doesn’t know how to fight. I doubt she’s all bark and no bite. That woman is hiding her skills coz she doesn’t wanna get her dirty. Should i post this on ao3 or just leave it here LOL

[fairycosmos]

(ive written to u before months ago) ppl who send hateful messages are insane honestly. i lost my sister nine months ago and last night somebody on here messaged me that even when she was alive i was fishing for attention complaining and venting ON MY OWN TRAUMA AND VENT BLOG about things and being depressed so 'what's different now? you got what you wanted lol a reason to bitch and feel special and traumatized your whole life' and i want to die so badly i dont know how people can be so cruel chloe i normally pretend it doesnt affect me but hate messages do affect everybody and this has been fucking me up so badly.

omg what the fuck?? people are literally out of their fucking minds!! no sense of empathy or boundaries or just basic common decency at all!! i am so so sorry you've had to deal w this on top of everything else. first of all you can talk about whatever YOU want on YOUR blog and second of all being open about grief is not 'looking for attention' (which btw needing attention esp in sadness is a basic human craving so they really had no point at all) and third of all theyre the ones who r looking for a reaction and can only get it by antagonizing ppl on anon. it is ENTIRELY and i mean ENTIRELY a reflection of them, not of you. that is so sick that they would say smth like that to you like?? literally inhumane god im raging. it's completely understandable that its fucked you up, you're allowed to be upset and to be hurt. and it's possible to feel that way while also acknowledging that the pain/shock is not a permanent state of being and you will move forward from it with time. tbh sending hate on anon means they've already got no ground. the person cant even say it with their whole chest and they have to hide their identity to even get the words out. it's like going up to someone on the street and saying smth cruel as fuck to them while covering ur own face -- it's laughable. but it is also extremely hard to deal with esp when ur already in a bad place and i totally get that. please know that u have every right to talk about your feelings in your own online space esp when u made the blog for that reason!! the fact that they think ur sibling passing away is just 'a reason for you to feel traumatized' and not a legit source of trauma and genuine pain ????? clearly shows they have literally NO idea what they're talking about. at all. they have major issues and that is never going to be your fault or your problem. utilize the fuck out of the block button and turn off anon if needed!! you dont owe anyone esp ppl like that ur time. i am so so sorry for your loss and for this situation in general. all mourning is unique but i do understand to an extent and i am just so so sorry, i wouldn't wish this on anyone. i am keeping you and your sibling in my heart. sending u so much love, please take care. and know my inbox is open any time. ur not in this alone x

[berrymeter]

idk anything about the grace period for deltarune u can just keep this ask in the attic until that’s over.. anyway.. i really liked chap 2 i played it in one sitting 😭 the rpg combat is enjoyable enough and just the right amount more complex than the undertale combat is, although not very difficult. very touching power of friendship moments minus that fucking bird man. some of the dialogue felt quite fandom tropey and surface-level, and queen’s lines (love her tho) were hit or miss for me. i think the biggest frustration i have with it is all the useless random encounter characters clogging up your world 😞😞 there’s only so many wacky one-liners toby can give them and i am not invested enough to care! also some of those designs are uglie!! there are better ways to make a world feel real and lived in. same thing happened with undertale.

BUT it was a great time! i liked the juxtaposition between the ultimately harmless antics and charming banter with the gang and queen, and the more sinister plot going on in the background. most obviously in the ending. toriel and susie making a pie while kris RIPS OUT THEIR SOUL….spoiler warning.. did u see the theory that the soul aka red heart is you the player operating kris the vessel? i’m definitely not a theorist but i like seeing all the loose plot ends i’m having a good time. i love noelleeeeee 💞💞💞💞and i liked susie a lot more this chapter. when ralsei taught her a healing spell 😖😖 i still don’t really care about ralsei though 😓

special shoutout to the spinning teacups ☕️☕️☕️ and special NOT-shoutout to the mice games with the rotating blocks i never understood how to do that.

it was a very feel-good game. it made me feel good. standards for video game passed. what did u think tho!! i mean i assume u liked it but for the same reasons? different ones? feel free to respond with an excruciatingly long essay of ur own <3 we are back to the tt anon blocks of text i restrained myself for a bit but we are back -tt

hiii tt anon <3 back at it again with the asks that i am looking forward to answering. if i post this a little before the 48 hours i will be forgiven bc i will use the deltarune spoilers tag and also the long post tag LMAOO anyway anyway oh btw never refrain urself from sending blocks of text if my followers are mad even though i tag them long post that's ON THEM. everything u say is worth listening to & same for everything i say so that's my final stance on this 😌

i also played it in one sitting it was so GOOD. i don't care that it was 2 am here when it was released i wasss ecstatic and the game was so fucking GOOD tonby the fox delivered!! it was so so worth the wait! the music was so much better than in chapter 1 imo, like... my castle town? the cyber fields theme? the queen's fight? spamton g spamton??? rouxls' "fight"?? BANGERS. i only see bangers. the new gameplay mechanics were also very fun!! i for one kinda struggled with the mice puzzles but not nearly as much as that one section with the traffic jams where you have to go down and back up or whatever. what the hell was that? i'm surprised i actually got past it. i loved the parts in cyber field though where you had to move on beat with the music that was sooo fun!! more of that! i prefer the fighting system in undertale ngl but it's mostly bc the undertale bosses are... just so good. the one boss who rivalises for now to me is queen, although rouxls is also very fun.

as for the story itself... i liked it :) susie & noelle are fucking ADORABLE. i think they deserve to be happy forever like not even together just individually as characters they're the fucking best. susie's grown so much that's my girl... wough... ralsei i do like but... i don't trust him :D i don't think he's evil but he knows too much and tells us too little until he can't keep it for himself and i don't like that. like bro you're gonna get us in trouble stop. but ALSO some ppl speculate that himself is being misled and that the fountains wouldn't bring the roaring, which is an interesting theory. (also i miss lancer being more relevant)

uhh kris is... well... kris... :)... yeah i did hear about that theory i'm in a discord server where ppl have been going on and on about theories since the game dropped LMAOO we're all insane. um. my personal theory is that there's another knight, or that kris is at least also influenced by an "evil force" or whatever, and we're the good force influencing them bc otherwise they're just a normal albeit mischievous kid. and the stretch part is that uhhh there's two knight pieces on a chessboard, ik this isn't about chess at all but king of spades does tell you at the end of chapter 2 that you'll meet a more powerful foe = the queen, coincidentally in chess the queen is stronger than the king. hmmmmmmmmmmm. lmao i don't think my parallel here is right but it's fun to think about anyway

did you see the superboss? i didn't fight him myself but he's so fun. also @ everyone who said he's gonna be a tumblr sexyman i hate that you're right shut that shit down HJKSNFKJSDHG. also did you see the secret fucked up pipis route? it's horrible. genuinely... i watched a streamer play it and 😳 uh. well i didn't even hate berdly before anyway yeah he's annoying but like he's a snot-beaked kid i'm not gonna wish him... whatever happens in this route. legit scarring. and poor noelle... pffbbgtbg. hate this so much. but i think it was done so bad and horrible on purpose, with how specific your gameplay has to be for you to be able to complete it tonby really was like "you wanna be an asshole? undertale wasn't enough? fine. work for it. and also suffer" nskjshf. i'm never doing it <3

lastly FUCKING QUEEN!!!!!!! QUEEN MY LOVE!!!!! BEST CHARACTER. i love her sosososo much it's unreal. and i didn't mind any character designs much, i'm not too complicated in that regard shfkjsdfh i love the tasques and tasque manager though :) also the... idk their names... the butler dudes? they're so cute. swatch's design is neat

so those are my thoughts <3 can't wait to hear more from u!!!

[normal-thoughts-official]

Oooh yeah the first time I was playing as a female mc because I wanted to romance ava and I usually go male mc if I want to romance a man and female mc if I want to romance a woman (and I think there was one book with where mc could be non-binary so I picked that one but I didn't finished the book), and Stacy's brother felt Hetero™ in a way, like Hollywood ish (? Honestly like cinematographicly bad hetero) but I ended up really loving Andy too, and Stacy felt a little flat but also I really liked her potential, like go crazy girl, and the mom issues.

Apart but holy shit you're 10000% right about that teacher like who inmediately threatens expulsion just like that for something not violent ??? And to an honor student with way too much on his plate ??? Obviously it would have been bad with any student, but you have literally the reason of why he's doing it and as a teacher HE LITERALLY COULD HAVE HELPED WITH IT ??????? Like something teachers can't really help students because it's a family thing only or is a financial struggle or etc but it was literally because of school (and his family, but the teacher could have heloed him with the school part)

(Identity thief anon (also I go by any pronouns ahhshs))

ur valid! that's lowkey what i wish i'd do (picking female MC if my fave LI is female and the other way around, i mean) but unfortunately i always go into the stories blindly having no idea what i'll find </3 so i cant really do that doiajdiosa and then i get attached for the MC i picked so i feel bad about changing their gender/name/appearance when i replay. so what i usually do is that i pick a male MC when i get the option because A- u don't always get the option, so i end up being male half the time and female half the time either way; and B- i feel slightly more comfortable with a male identity than a female one. like i'm still nonbinary and i wouldn't consider myself male aligned or within the gender of Man, but like... when i first came out i went by any pronouns but then because im afab everyone was like "cool, she/her only it is" so i was like fuck that and stopped using she/her. so i feel slightly more comfortable with a masc MC and end up going with that

there's also the fact that it always feels slightly genderfucky to have a male MC because choices is so sexist and also always writes the stories assuming ull pick a female MC, even when they give u the option not to. so when u pick a male MC he's very like not toxically masc and some things they add to make a QuiRkY MC that are very white woman and would feel annoying are actually kind of subversive for my black and brown male MCs. so like another win for queerness /j

ILITW MC in particular i feel has HUGE nonbinary vibes like no reason at all he just does <3 maybe it's just that for once the male clothes for ILITW actually fUCK. i wanna dress in that goth outfit <3 so gorgeous ugh. i love him even tho he's a fucking dumbass

also there's a book where an MC can be enby? worm? ive only ever read one book in choices with any enby characters at all (america's most elligible, books 2-3) but they weren't even a LI which is disappointing cuz they were a billion times superior to any of the LIs. sorry america's most elligible LIs fans

also oh connor IS the epitome of white cistraight man even when u play as a man tbh, like he was just so cistraight to me daouhdsaojdasij he kind of annoys me but also i forget that he even exists until he shows up onscreen and choices starts trying to push me into his lap and i'm just like, ugh, not again

and yeah i think i feel a similar way about stacy. i don't dislike her as a character and i don't feel like she as a character felt flat, her growth was very interesting and i loved seeing her start to challenge her mom like YESSS GO GIRL GIVE US EVERYTHING, she just felt flat as a LI to me ig? like idk i didn't feel chemistry between her and my MC personally, but also like, stacy girls are valid u know

right exactly. like i don't think ppl really understand that a school that doesn't drive people to cry during finals week and feel absolutely crushed by having to be there and that makes ppl feel like they're stupid, not enough, and overwhelmed IS IN FACT POSSIBLE and actually pretty easy to make when we stop treating students like statistics that will get the school more clients/funding (depending on whether it's a private or public school). and like as a teacher getting my degree in brasil it just feels completely surreal to me that anyone would see a student who's so overwhelmed by the amount of extracurriculars and responsibilities he feels like he has to take that he starts taking drugs to help his performance despite it affecting his health, and see that as like... something morally reprehensible? like it is bad that it happened but it's not the student's fault, what's morally reprehensible are the circumstances that led to his decision, not his decision

and like it is very much a systemic problem, more and more kids are taking focus pills to be able to survive the pressure of school and have a shot at a future, either on their own or because we are actually medicalizing not existing to be productive. and if it's a systemic problem then the fault is at the system?? and like holy shit i legit don't understand why choices gave us options like being like "it still isn't enough" when lucas gets rid of his pills, what do you mean it isn't enough??? enough for what??? to FORGIVE him???? for something that only hurt himself??? for something that is very much a systemic problem and therefore NOT HIS FAULT????? literally what the fuck even is this, lucas doesn't have to "make up" for a single thing, he needs to be HELPED is what he needs

like idk i know that the school system in the US is...... extremely backwards lmao which is not a term i like to use because it usually implies imperialistic views but the US is the height of world imperialism so like actually idc. brasil has a pretty progressive constitution and as a teacher my whole education was focused on being critical of the school system, particularly the productivity obsession, and drilling into us again and again that we aren't supposed to just be teaching subjects, we are also supposed to be teaching how to be a citizen, be a critical human being, work towards building a better future, and learning and growing AS A PERSON to be healthy and happy are values of the school system

like that's easier said than done when schools are under insane amounts of pressure by companies in practice to be productivity-driven, and most teachers who actually want to do a good job end up having to live at the edge of the knife and constantly fighting back outside pressure, but at least it is very much a mandatory part of our education to become teachers and also like literally part of the constitution. so i just... i can't fathom reacting the way mr cooper did? like as a teacher i felt BETRAYED, i felt like he shat all over my profession because that is the opposite of what we should be doing, this is a kid who needs help

and just like hOLY SHIT HE DID NOTHING WRONG, what are you punishing him for??? it's not even a like, stealing bread to feed your family situation, because what he did HAS NO VICTIM OTHER THAN HIMSELF, and therefore HE IS THE VICTIM NOT THE CULPRIT. he doesn't have to repent or atone or answer for a single fucking thing, he didn't victimize others, he doesn't have to apologize, there's nothing to punish him fOR??? like i don't believe in punishment anyway cuz im a prison abolitionist but doDAUSDJADASIJDAS???????????? HE DIDN'T. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. WHY IS THIS WHOLE GAME ACTING AS IF HE WAS IN THE WRONG. OH MY GOD

it's like saying that someone needs to be forgiven for self harming????? like how is it that someone has been hurt continuously until it led them to hurt themselves and then they have to? make up for it to a bunch of other ppl? my god it makes me so mad and i genuinely don't understand the logic, like usually when i see someone doing fucked up shit i can see the logic but i don't agree with it, but this time i genuinely DON'T SEE THE LOGIC. my USan friends said it was because he was technically doing drugs but like i legit still don't understand

anyway any school that drives a student to do something like that needs to rethink their entire curriculum and the psychological effect it's having on kids, because lucas is 1- not even the first one according to mr cooper; 2- even if he was, that'd be the only one who got CAUGHT; and 3- even if there was really only one singular student who went tHIS far, i doubt the others weren't feeling that same pressure and dealing with it in other similarly unhealthy ways

i know that's probably easier in brasil than in the US even if it's by no means easy here because here at least in public schools the curriculum and political-pedagogical plan has to be agreed on by the school community (teachers, parents, students, workers, and anyone who lives in the area of the school) and it's updated every year, so like, you have more means to do something to change the school in a deeper way, altho of course that still has to mean swinging the rest of the community, but still. but at the very least he could have looked for counseling for him? tried to find a way to take some of the workload off his shoulders? given him some more time on assignments? motioning for all the clubs he was the president of to have co-presidents so he was less overwhelmed?

like there was just daodsao he could have done so many things and he justs DIDN'T he chose to not only punish him instead but quite literally THREATEN HIM WITH DEATH because that's what calling the police on a latino student over a drug charge is. like he might've survived but the possibility that he would fucking DIE was very much there, and i know choices didn't think of that because they'd rather die than think about the racial implications of anything but holy fucking shit. and im not even getting into how mr cooper is BLACK because then ill just start biting people like thanks for putting that threat on a black character's mouth choices. if u need me ill be foaming at the mouth

anyway SORRY god why is it that i always get to the salty part within 2 seconds of joining a fandom i promise that i actually like it lives and the way they handled most of their plot, i genuinely think it's a very well written and actually worth ur time story but i just doadosaida like i said particularly as a teacher in the context where i'm being taught, plus with all my political beliefs, i just can't let it go aaaa

also ty for telling me ur pronouns! idk if i assumed them at any time, i don't think so but i might have done so without realizing and if i did im really sorry. also sorry for the gigantic salty reply daojdsaojdaisjsajdoadsaodasj rip me i never shut up

[canonicallyanxious]

12, 23, 34 and 35. pls answer as long as u need to!

thank you for the permission to ramble anon skjfnsknfs you genuinely have no idea how much i appreciate it

12.  Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

sndfkjsdnfksd what wips... really though i’m finishing up my one actual wip [davenzi star wars au scream] today and once that’s done i’ll have basically no wips to speak of, wowowow! i can provide a small list of au ideas for kieutou i’m excited to tackle, though. ABSOLUTELY NO PROMISES any of these will ever see the light of day or that i’ll even get around to starting the drafting process for them but right now in the brainstorming phase they do live in my brain rent free

summer fling/romance au

high fantasy au - kieu my as a half-elf, fatou as a human bard

korrasami au

modern persuasion au

also my friend suggested doing some druck new gen spin-offs of the star wars au which, like, i’m not NOT thinking about tbqh

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

Honestly i struggle with prompts/challenges in a major way, idk it’s just a lot easier to motivate my writing brain with intrinsic motivation [e.g being really excited about an idea i came up with myself] than extrinsic motivation [e.g deadlines/prompts]. i am trying to be better about taking prompts, though! often the issue i have is with being excited about an idea that i didn’t come up with but if i can find a way to make the idea my own then i feel like that’s good practice anyway, especially for times when i don’t really have the energy for coming up with my own ideas but i still wanna write!

[as far as challenges go tho i mean i’ve tried a few in my time and all i have to say on the matter is: never again]

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm bold of you to assume i remember anything i have ever written skjdnfskdjnfsdkj anyway here’s a little bit from the most recent thing i posted bc i actually really like this bit of dialogue:

Fatou reaches into the pile of nail polish and pulls out a bottle filled to the brim with a deep crimson red.

“The color of your heart,” she says.

Kieu My looks up at her. “You think so?”

“Yeah,” Fatou says. “You picked the color of mine.”

Kieu My reaches out and closes Fatou’s fingers around the bottle, warmth of her palm resting lightly against her knuckles.

“You say such pretty things,” she says.

Fatou meets Kieu My’s eyes. “I only say things that are true.”

“Yeah,” Kieu My says, and smiles. “Same thing.”

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I HAD A TIME DECIDING WHAT TO RAMBLE ABOUT in fact i legit couldn’t decide skjnfskdjfsnd so i had @boxesfullofthoughts give me a prompt and this is what they said I should talk about: “the use of themes in your work and what themes you feel resonate most with you and your audience.” So i guess i’m gonna ramble about that now!

So one big reason why i gravitate toward fic is because i think it’s a really great avenue for exploring relationship dynamics and development. obviously in a romantic context yes, but what especially interests me is the blurring of lines between friendship and romance, as those have always been pretty nebulous concepts for me personally. like how do you even define those things? where do you draw the line? what happens when that line grows blurry and indistinct? idk i find it kind of hard to explain but for me intimacy in romance is oftentimes very rooted in intimacy of friendship and that’s what i like to explore [i think a lot about a little life by hanya yanagihara which imo does an excellent job of delving into this concept, the romance of friendships; it’s definitely a story i draw a lot of inspiration from, which i think probably says a lot about who i am as a person lol]

and a very big part of love imo is well-encapsulated by that meme quote “if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known”. which yes i know the original article is about someone judgmental attitude toward the writer’s goats or something but ALSO as i am the kind of person to take something very silly and make it incredibly serious i legitimately think this quote captures the heart of what i find so compelling about love stories! to be truly loved by someone is to be truly known by them - all the deepest, darkest, ugliest parts of you alongside the good. and that’s fucking hard! it’s hard work to allow someone to know you like that - to be that vulnerable, to really expose yourself to another human being. but also ultimately after all that difficult work what is more rewarding, what is more comforting than existing in the presence of someone you don’t have to explain yourself to because they already understand you wholly and completely, in a romantic or platonic context or otherwise? it’s something i love to unpack in my writing, like really there’s nothing i find more cathartic than really peeling back the layers and figuring out how two characters get to that point.

Another thing i think a lot about is a quote from a random tumblr post i no longer have the link for, which goes something like “tenderness is softness in the face of pain and shame”. and that is really IT, isn’t it? that’s exactly the kind of vibe i strive to capture in my writing always. particularly in the context of queer stories, when our community has had a long history of pain and suffering and repression and shame and yet despite all of that we still find ways to love each other, to take care of each other, to be ourselves and help each other be themselves too. that’s the kind of shit that drives me fucking insane! and it’s the kind of shit i love to write about. that’s all i can really say.

[is this still fic related? probably only tangentially. but this is the kind of shit i usually end up writing about on some level across all my fics so i think it still counts lol.]

q’s for fanfiction writers!

[suchalilyofthevalley]

I’m going to be blunt with you - I don’t think you genuinely work for the media or PR as you say. You keep throwing around “facts” and then when you give us ideas (such as the 3-5 album ordeal) - you instantly back away and then change it around. If you’re supposedly a Shawn fan, you would see he is being mistreated. Even if artists have a say, you can see is mistreated by his clout team. ALL PR Stunts do not go past a whole year, so it is obvious they are setting up for a single release (1)

To build on “breakup” album. Even with the pandemic, the pattern is still there. If he isn’t breaking up with his team this year, I don’t see it going past the first few months of 2021. He is unhappy. You can tell he is a puppet. Don’t come at us for being worried and figuring out how soon it will end. There are many other sources out on the media saying this is a job/stunt and it will end soon. (2)

So first off, brave of you to hide behind an anon ask. Let’sset some facts and records straight here cause I’m not here for bullshit and I’mfar too old for fandom petty nonsense.

I’ve never said I was media. I’ve always said I worked inPR. If you check back into my gettingon my PR soapbox tag, I’ve been doing these posts since May 2011. Wellbefore my foray into the Shawn fandom. So, here’s almost a decade of receiptsprior to me stepping foot into this space talking about PR, touring, ticketing,the music industry, the PR industry.

Also, want some receipts that way with am I really a PRprofessional with oodles of experience? So, I’ve known @suzteel, @andiwontforgetyou (previously @facethefall-blog) & @whenidance for ages – helloIRL friends, all these girls have been with me through ups and downs of jobsand clients, both have been with me at events when I’m working or had access tobecause of work. We’ve gone on vacations together, been at each other’s houses,there in good times and in bad. I wouldn’t have gotten through losing my Mom alittle over two years ago without these ladies. Fun fact, D (@suzteel) & N (@andiwontforgetyou) aren’t even IN this damn fandom so there’s no point in them‘vouching’ for me for clout and L (@whenidance) is one of my best friends goingon almost a decade and knows more about me than anyone aside from my childhoodbestie. It’s my fault L is actually a Shawn fan and why we went on a massivelyinsane road trip for this kid last year. L also has been with me repeated timeswhen I’ve been with one of my former clients in a social setting.

Also, I’m not in this to become fandom famous or internetimportant. Believe me, I have like 450 followers on this blog, most of which aredead blogs from when I was around with Glee. Also, notice I never throw theseposts into main Shawn tags. If I wanted all this glory, don’t you think I’d bedoing that? It’s all based on interacting with folks who follow me or find mewho actually have an interest in this piece of the business. This is me wanting tohelp folks who have a genuine interest. I give no shits about being some bigperson in the fandom. No thank you.

I’ve also saidbefore I never went into PR for the fame of it, to be some clout chaser orto make a fuckton of cash. It’s always been about the client and their work.Always. Their goals are what’s most paramount, be it from smaller brands andtalent to some of the A-listers and Fortune 500 companies I’ve worked with.

I’ve always said I’m going to shed light on the facts of theindustry. That’s what I did here. I’ve never interjected my opinion into itbecause facts are facts and opinions are subjective. So, I’ll call out thedifferences in here below.

The album thing? I’ve got you some receipts. I’ve never waiveredthere. I’ve never been the one to say YES HIS DEAL IS FOUR and then back away. That’swhat y’all have gravitated to due to some other folks saying that was what theythought and that was their opinion. This is the firstask I got about deals from early March and here I’ll even pull it out foryou:

Yes, the number of albums is anold industry standard, that way the label actually holds you for a bit longer -however, there have been instances where it’s based off of years. 

Each label has its ownnuances and how they like to approach business. If an artist is more likely tocrank out singles or an EP before approaching a release for an LP and they’retesting the waters, a contract based off of year length may be theirgo-to. 

There also could beclauses that wrap both up, saying you’ll need to release X number of albums ina Y year span. 

Contracting is socomplicated and so individualized, it’s really and truly hard to say in ablanket way yes THIS is how it all shakes down.

There were posts where @thotmendes mentioned some of our conversationsand said in thispost here that I had said an industry sweet spot was 3-5, and then wentonto say that SHE thought his deal was 4. 

What I said in last night’s post here for reference too:

Contract terms – you’ll see some intro deals based on years with options provided to extend based on years or albums, but we’ve got no real clue as to what the terms are with Island on this specifically. Folks keep assuming it’s 4. It could be 5, it could be 6. We don’t know what the original deal was. 3-5 is an industry sweet spot, but I’ve also seen some intro deals be 6. There could be year commitments tied into those as well aka 4 albums in 6 years, etc. Each label has its own formulaic equation as to how these things piece out and it changes per label, per artist, per genre - and how that all plays out into what the marketplace is consuming/streaming/spinning.

So please do me a favor and don’tcome at me saying I’m wavering on things without receipts. As you can see here, I haven’t.

Who said PR relationships ONLY last a year? They can be asshort or as long as people feel they need to leverage. PERSONAL OPINION ON THIS:I think PR relationships are stupid, pointless and beyond reproach. If you’re apublicist and that’s what you’re leaning on to do your job to get your clientscoverage and buzz. You aren’t worth your damn salt. Especially when you’ve gotA+ level talent you’re working with like he is. Even if you’ve got Q level talent, it’s still abullshit approach IMO. The same goes for calling/hiring out paps.

I’ve never once ‘came at fans’ for having concerns or beingconcerned. I’m concerned as well. Why I’m trying to give some color to theindustry piece of it. The only thing I said inthis post last night is that I was tired of the mistruths and conspiracytheories being spun as what’s really going on. Also – where are these “sources”out in the media saying it’s coming to an end? Blind items do not count. Ragsources are fine and dandy, but they’re also not legitimate sources. Come to mewhen you’ve got something from People, US Weekly, Billboard. Even then it’ll bewith a grain of salt until we hear it directly from their team(s) aka Dvora, theshared publicist.

MY PERSONAL OPINION: I am a Shawn fan. This kid’s music and hisshows have helped me get through some of the most difficult points in my life. Myass hiked to MEXICO CITY from NYC for his last three shows of SMTT thisDecember - the crazy road trip I referenced above with @whenidance. He gives me JOY. It’s why I care the way I do, it’s why I feel likescreaming and why I want to go legit work/help this kid out. It’s why I’mconcerned and trying to share some knowledge where I can, and what’sknowledge/facts about the industry versus what’s not true about the industry.Notice I said industry because I don’t know what this kid is wading throughright now and it’s not fair of me to say YES it’s this and assume like I haveany idea. CAUSE I DO NOT. I absolutely hate this nonsense we’re wading throughof whatever the teams have going for him/with him, I’m not a fan of this. Icame to be a fan of his, not of theirs. I don’t like what’s shaking out. Do Ifeel like this is PR? Damn right I do. Can we think this may have started outmore innocently and was positioned differently than what it’s evolved to? Yeah,for sure. BUT WE DON’T KNOW. All our thoughts are conjecture here. I don’t wantto see him unhappy, miserable, not feeling creative or supported. The wholepurpose of building a team around you that you trust is for that. I’m hoping thateven in this disasterpiece shit show, he can find that inner strength to dowhatever he needs to across the board to get back to a place where he’s feelinghimself, happy and being his own best version of the Shawn he wants to be.

Also – I’m leaving anon on for now, but if y’all can’t put on big boy/big girlpants and talk/behave like adults, it’ll go off and you’ll have to show yourface :)!

[thisiskatsblog]

Hi Kat, I often come to seek your wisdom and thoughts on matters such as these because you were the first Larry blog I ever found and the last time I did, you really seemed to understand me and my conflicting emotions and messiness haha. So. My question is what are your thoughts on the Ray and SBB twitter accounts? I found them a few months back when I found a thread explaining a theory of why it's L&H and go back now and again to see what is being posted. I am the darkest Larrie there is, yet

contd: I always prefer to be a cynic because I know just how devastating it is when you put your hope in something only to have it crumbled. And in this fandom, you can't trust anything or anyone unless there is hardcore evidence and proof (aka every millisecond of footage of fetus Larry). There is talk about clues, numbers, iphone/androids and these cryptic riddles and hidden meanings. People do admit in the comments it feels like they're clowning yet I also see thousands resting their hopes contd: on these obscure tweets. I will admit the proof thread I originally read made it seem believable but I then I thought 'who am I kidding, there's no way it could genuinely by H&L'. It doesn't seem like something they would risk, nor something either of them would actually do. It seems like two people baiting Larries and giving us false hope (because in this era where we never get public interaction, many have become far more gullible and willing to believe anything, no matter how far

fetched. Ahh I don't know. It just seems far too good to be true that the two of them are communicating with us through cryptic pictures and riddles and messages. Yes I do believe they both have always found ways to communicate with us, whether it is through songs or body language, because we opened our eyes, we were by their sides and stay strong for them because this is a fight they will win, but I really don't know. It's very cruel if someone is indeed baiting us. Thanks x

 (^^^ March 23rd) 

2.       Anonymous said:

March 25th 2020, 7:06:01 am · a month ago

okay so I just read some master posts explaining RBB and SBB in detail (I didn't get why people were hanging onto every word of Ray and Seymour's tweets like that) and my mind is literally going INSANE trying to process it all. As usual their reactions when asked about it directly on that christmas sweater interview told me all I needed to know back when I watched it but had no idea the sheer significance of these bears until now. It's crazy all the ways L&H showed us the truth all along, to

this day it's just mind-blowing to me. Like they were screaming in the midst of drowning (cough cough Director's Cut), desperate for us to listen and thank God so many of us weren't blind. Sometimes I do feel like maybe I am going crazy or I am delusional for believing in this, as FIMQ said, the cognitive dissonance is real. My mind spirals catastrophically and I doubt my own sanity, and then my mind plays all these touches and glances, slipped words and monumental actions on a loop, far too

much evidence to dispute, and I know I can never go back, how can I, when I've never in my whole life witnessed such magnificent, almost otherworldly love, never cared about any celebrity's love life yet this is far more than that, it is fighting for their love, because they should have never had to be that strong, to endure so much pain, so so young, but they weren't that strong for us to be weak. And I can't wait for the day they are free. No one on this earth deserves it more than L&H.

 3.        Anonymous said:

March 26th 2020, 12:44:47 pm · a month ago

Even I am the darkest Larrie (and yes there is no going back, ever) sometimes I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Loving and supporting and fighting so fucking hard for a love that is as tragic and excruciating as it is the most beautiful, magnificent thing I have ever witnessed. I wonder, did I get it all wrong and what if they don't find their way back to each other, my waking moments are haunted by memories of them, so young, so clearly smitten, like who the fuck finds their soulmate at

that age? What if even if it is 'always going to be h for Lou', even if they were 'too young to know they had everything' but h doesn't forgive him or remember that yes, their love is worth it? Sometimes I feel I am teetering on the brink of insanity, what if Lou actually has a kid? And Harry's album was about a horrible woman who never deserved him? I think I'll be strong for them, even if I have to wait ten or twenty years but I also feel so much pain thinking about it all. I have never

doubted my own sanity in my life, but lately I wonder so often if I am delusional for having faith in the love of two boys who we're fated to meet and fall in love. I can't even watch them in their baby boyfriends stage or watch edits anymore because I feel physical pain because they never deserved that. I feel pain thinking about their pain, no one should have to face that so young. To be that strong. I want to be strong yet and I try so hard but i also feel I am going mad. I don't even know.

______________________________

Three anons that I suspect are the same person (and maybe even the same one I just answered). Big hugs to you dear anonymous person! And thanks for the compliment. And the patience. I’m so sorry it took me so long to answer. Not sure if I have anything helpful to say, still, except: the fact that you’ve started doubting your sanity, that cognitive dissonance you feel, that dizzy head nauseous gut feeling you get when what you see and what you hear and what you read, just doesn’t match up but you haven’t been able to rationally unravel it yet. That feeling is probably your best proof that something is very amiss, and that Louis’ and Harry’s relationship is very real. We all know that feeling, and it tends to get worse the more caught up in fandom you get.

Your sanity is worth preserving though, so - in my view - it’s better to leave the fandom for a while, however short, to take care of yourself, and be strong for yourself when you feel like it’s draining you too much. You can do that by physically leaving social media, or by taking emotional, and mental distance on a regular basis.

I always remind myself that I have no influence over whether Louis and Harry eventually make it together. And next to no influence over their careers, management, label. I can decide what I do, and have a wee tiny bit of influence on the modest amount of followers of this blog, and then a wee little bit more through the other one - but all in all, my actions, the person they matter most to, the person they influence most, is me. So I try to do, in life, and in this fandom, the things that make me happy. Worrying, does not make me happy. Arguing with hets rads antis and all the other new abbreviations i don’t really get, doesnt make me happy either - I only do it when I’m having one of those days or one of them really sets me off like the other day. But in general, what makes me happy is focusing on the positive. What this fandom has brought me. And has brought other LGBTQ+ people. What are we learning here, what stories do we tell eachother, how are we making eachother better here. 

All of that said: Louis, and Harry, have both sung, in this past year, that they “made it”, and referenced eachother’s music videos in important ways. So I honestly don’t think there’s much to worry about. I think that, whatever was causing them difficulties, they already “found their way back”. I think they are allright.

And I want us to be allright to. That’s something we can influence, that we can do for eachother. So I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to you

I enjoyed reading your SBB post, talking about the sweater interview. That part of it was wonderful, and everything we needed to know. I took RBB and SBB with a big grain of salt in the beginning, but I have reason to believe it was them, or someone very close to them, and that interview did confirm that.

With or without permission, that’s difficult to say. Was it queerbaiting? I’ve been asked that question so many times. In a sense noo, because they are LGBTQ+ themselves - but there is the fact that RBB & SSB very deliberately engaged with LGBTQ+ fans and kept them here while they must have known, at least after bullshit 2.0 happened, that they were going to stay closeted. 

I don’t know exactly how I feel about that. It was a crazy ride, and some of it was enjoyable, and I think the support is important to them, so I do want to stay around. But I also  think it’s shit that LGBTQ+ fans in this fandom have done SO much to support them, and are getting so much shit in return, still, not from them, not at all, but in this environment - and no one is stopping it. 

And that’s not just the case in Louis’ fandom, where we’re definitely experiencing enormous amounts of cognitive dissonance with the bearding and babygate. But also in Harry’s. When LGBTQ+ fans bring rainbows night after night, but it’s constantly portrayed as if Harry is the one bringing them, and when it’s LGBTQ+ fans organising to light up arena’s night after night across Europe, but the only time that gets featured is when it’s two straight girls organising it, insisting they are not doing it for queer fans but because we should be one happy family inclusiveness all around.. I can understand the frustration, the impression of queerbaiting, the feeling of being taken for granted, that made some people leave Harry’s fandom. I will stay, I think he’s amazing, and I think he needs and is grateful for the support, but as an LGBTQ+ fan, I still feel like I am in a hostile environment - knowing he is with Louis, and that he cannot speak about it, has never spoken about any concrete relationship with a man. That’s... - that still tells LGBTQ+ people they are not 100% legit. 

And that’s probably not a lot better for the straight fans who see what we see: a beautiful relationship they can’t speak about and that’s denied all the time. That, too, tells you your thoughts are not legit, and therefore you are not legit. The gaslighting... it’s probably the most poisonous, detrimental aspect of this fandom. Coming back after more than a year off, I was shocked, at how clear things seemed to me again, compared to how doubtful I had been about my own opinions when I left. Taking time off is not abandoning them. Remember that. For me, it made me stronger, and it allows me to support them now. 

So I hope this gets better. Soon. I am still convinced they want that too. And when I start doubting, I listen to Only The Brave...