#artist!carmy means so much to me

[carmthebear]

Carmy drawing in season 3

[nolita-fairytale]

don't want to walk alone | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader | chapter one: june/july

summary: you and carmy plan a wedding like it's the opening of a new restaurant.

warnings: swearing, eventual smut, lots of tooth rotting fluff, marriage, no use of y/n, second person pov

wc: 3.4k

listen to: let's get married (bleachers cover) - mitski

a/n: the long awaited wedding FIC!! welcome to part four of the 'make my heart surrender' universe (four part series). this takes place a month after the end of 'still into you' but before the carmy as your baby daddy headcanon series (my carmy masterlist is organized chronologically, if you'd like to read in order). anyways, i truly adore writing for these two and feel it important to note that after watching season 2, i've realized this has just become an animal of its own -- its own universe/timeline/entity which also means there AREN'T any SEASON TWO SPOILERS! this chapter was inspired by a conversation from two months ago between me and @carmensberzattos so courtesy of us, enjoy some healthy relationship-future husband!carmy. also don't worry syd will be starring in the next chapter. i missed her too. lmk if you wanna be added or removed from the taglist.

masterlist | part two

"let's just get married, don't wanna walk alone, so let's get married, 'cause we don't wanna walk alone or runaway." (bleachers, let's get married.)

'I just want to be married to you' are the words uttered (first by you, you think, but maybe he said it first, you really can’t remember) that lead you and Carmy to the decision that you should elope. Sooner rather than later, preferably, is what you both agree on. It’s not like you’re planning on having a big wedding anyways. How much work can a civil ceremony at City Hall and a nice dinner party afterwards be to pull off?

Famous last words. 

You’re not sure how you’ve gotten from there to here, locked in a heated debate over menu edits with your fiance in the middle of your shared apartment when the sun’s just barely come up, but here you are.

“I’m just saying that we should be open minded and leave room for his artistic integrity!” Carmy passionately argues, winding you up as he makes his case. 

“Artistic integrity? Carmy, are you kidding me right now? I-!” you fire back, shaking your head incredulously. “We said we were gonna keep everything chill.”

“It is chill!” he defends, matter-of-factly.

Oh, he’s just looking for a fight.

“There is nothing chill about a parm espuma and it certainly doesn’t belong anywhere near the carbonara!” you scoff, stubbornly. “I mean, the only reason he even brought up the idea of a goddamn espuma in the first place is because he was trying to impress you.”

Carmy’s jaw twitches in response as he grinds his teeth, a display of discomfort at the mere thought.

“He-he was not,” he denies with the kind of conviction of a five year old toddler who's sure as can be.

You shoot him a look. 

“Carmen,” you warn him. 

Sure it’s a silly thing to fight about, but there’s no malice in this argument. It’s all passion, artistry, and for lack of a better term, foreplay. You let out a sigh, softening before you rise out of your chair. 

“Baby, when are you going to admit that you’re kind of a big deal and that people want to impress you?” you level with him, making your way over to your very stubborn and very insistent fiance. You settle down onto his lap, before tucking a stray curl behind his ear as you break, giving the sweetest smile.

He laughs dryly, averting his eyes from you because he’s not sure how much longer he’ll be able to stand his ground (especially when you’re looking at him like that). 

You’re right. And he knows you’re right. 

And Carmy’s never been able to resist you for long anyways. 

A fox-like grin spreads across your lips and you know you’ve won the argument when you feel a pair of hands snake around your waist. 

“Don’t push it,” he warns you, seeing the look on your face as he shakes his head, finally returning his eyes to yours. 

You raise an eyebrow, “You like that I push.” 

He nods slowly in surrender, his face softening as he asks you:

“You really want to fight about this?” 

You shake your head with a laugh. 

“No, of course not! Of course, I don’t want to fight about this!” you exhale, sliding your hands over his shoulders to wrap around his neck. “But I do think that your new buddy is trying to impress us and that it may be wise for us to reign him in – clear the air on what it is we’re looking for.” 

A beat. 

“Don’t get me wrong. Of course, we can leave room for creativity… but I don’t want our wedding party to turn into some pretentious fine dining fancy party.”

“Well, we did meet because of some pretentious fine dining fancy thing,” he points out, giving your hip a squeeze. 

You giggle, “How could I forget?”

You shake your head once more, leaning in to press your lips against his. Carmy inhales deeply, enjoying the feel of your lips on his, your arms wrapped around his neck, the weight of your body on his lap. 

You indulge him for a moment, deepening the kiss as you feel your future husband relax against you, because you really are happy that Carmy’s made a new friend. 

Carmy had met a private chef a few months ago and had been trying to hire him for the restaurant for a while now. Wanting to work for himself, the chef had respectfully declined all advances, but he and Carmy had kept in touch, and it looked as if the relationship could potentially extend outside of the four walls of a kitchen. Since you both agreed that no one from the restaurant should work the party, it had been good timing (making a new friend and the fact that he was a private chef) and the right move for Carmy to ask his new friend to cater the wedding.

“Fine,” you resign yourself, pulling away from the kiss. “Derek can keep the liquid nitrogen but that is as far as it goes.”

Carmy shoots you a look – one that says he’s not quite convinced. 

“And I will be more open minded in the spirit of… artistic integrity. But I’m not changing my mind about courses. Family style or bust, baby,” you negotiate, a serious look in your eyes. 

Carmy thinks it over for a moment before finally coming to a resolution. 

“Deal,” Carmy nods with the same intensity as a ‘yes, chef.’

You nod too, completing the agreement. 

“I want it to be real, Carm. I want it to be us,” you reiterate, your voice soft as you make your condition loud and clear. 

“I know,” he returns, just as determined and committed to the idea as he is to you. 

You’re satisfied with the resolution – even more satisfied with the fact that you’ve come to it together. 

“You know…” he starts, something in his voice that you can’t quite make out, unsure if you’re going to like what’s about to come out of his mouth. “... it could be a perfect menu if you just let me-.”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, Carmen!” you interrupt, knowing exactly what he was going to say. 

You are so not playing this game today.

“You don’t even know what I was-!”

“Yes, I do! You are not catering your own wedding party,” you protest, adamantly.  

You know him too well. 

He laughs, shaking his head as he leans back against his chair, like he’s in high school again, and you’ve just caught him sneaking back into the house. 

“God, I love you! But sometimes you drive me up the wall, Carm,” you groan out of frustration, eliciting another laugh from his chest as you hang your head, resting your forehead against his shoulder this time.

“Such a control freak,” you sigh, against his chest. 

“Thought you like it when I take control,” he murmurs, beginning to leave kisses across your exposed skin. 

You giggle partially because it tickles, and mostly because of what Carmy’s said. 

“Yes. Yes, I do.”

You lift your head and Carmy kisses you again, this time savoring the way your lips feel against his for a little while longer – just long enough to remind himself that he wants to have the option to sneak away in the middle of your wedding party to have sex much more than he wants cater to be in control all the time. 

Sometimes, he thinks to himself, control is overrated anyways. 

Only sometimes.

“Okay, okay,” he mutters, letting go of the idea. “I’ll get back to Derek about final menu edits and make sure he knows that while we want him to be creative, we also want to keep it… you know….”

“Chill?” you emphasize. 

“Chill,” he confirms.

“Okay. Thank you, baby,” you smile softly, trying your best to enjoy the temporary moment of peace between the two of you. Carm squeezes your hip as you roll your eyes with a sigh, muttering an:

“Oh fuck.” 

“What’s up?”

You shake your head again, laughing incredulously before letting out another sigh. 

“Just wait till we go through this again with the cake.”

“Fuck!” Carmy shouts towards the ceiling, throwing his head back as you laugh. “Why did we say we wanted to plan a wedding again?”

“Well baby, I don’t think either of us can pass up on a chance to create a menu,” you giggle, leaving a few kisses along his jawline before you make your way up to his nose. “Can you imagine if we decided to have a full-on wedding? That’d be a freaking mess.”

He chuckles, “It’d be like opening another restaurant.”

“Yeah, pass,” you hum, so glad to have dodged that bullet.

-----------------------------------------

By the time you and Carmy are even ready to focus on the cake portion of said wedding-dinner-party it’s a month later. You’ve been through half of the bakeries in the city, you think, and something’s just felt off. You’re practically eating your words, as it dawns on you that you’re having the exact same thought as Carmy: that it could just be perfect if you were able to make it yourself. 

Then again, you remind yourself that a cake is an entirely different thing versus running a dinner service, so it can’t be that unhinged to have these thoughts, right?

But you and Carmy made an agreement, so in solidarity, you decide it’s only fair for you to make like Tammy Wynette and stand by your man. 

You’re grateful for the half day you have today (“Summer Fridays”, as it’s so fondly referred to around your office) – and the fact that you get to work from home. What it means for you is that today you can clock out early and pick up samples from the tenth bakery (okay, so maybe it’s the eleventh but truthfully, you’ve lost count) in the running for your wedding cake. 

You change out of your pajamas for the first time today, throwing on a slip dress and one of Carmy’s crisp, white Ralph Lauren button downs – worn layered and open like a cardigan – before you head to the bakery, and then eventually, The Bear.

The restaurant is closed for the afternoon, as they do a shift change over: some stay and take a break, others go home, let the dinner crew come in and take over. It’s different these days and while some days you miss it – the hustle and bustle of the kitchen, the sounds of an ‘all day’ shouted by the expeditor, the careful dance that is working in a kitchen – you remind yourself that you’re enjoying a half day, and that when you’d chosen to leave, you were ready for a change. 

After entering The Bear, you make small talk with Gary while he finishes turning over the dining room for dinner, catching up over the flag football league he’s recently joined – one, it seems, to be taken very seriously by all participants. You tell him that you’re here with wedding cake samples, and he’s more than eager to give you some space to set up, because who doesn’t love free cake? Mid-sentence, Gary gestures towards a table for you to set up on, as you begin to unpack your large brown paper bag. 

“Well, well. Look who it is,” Marcus calls out, as soon as he sees you. “Heard a rumor you were out here. You brought cake?”

“I brought cake,” you repeat as confirmation, turning to see your dear friend and mentee. “But don’t worry. I’ll be thinking about yours the whole time.”

He snickers, moving in for a hug. 

“‘S Good to see you, Chef. How ya been?” he asks, enveloping you in his arms for a tight squeeze. 

“Good to see you too, Marcus. I’m good. Had a half day today so… you know, we’ve just been busy with wedding stuff. But what’s going on with you? What’s new?” you answer, turning the focus back onto him. 

“Oh you know. The usual. Though, I’ve been workin’ on some new shit for Syd’s new menu when I’m not here,” he answers, a broad smile spreading across his lips as he talks about. 

“Jeez, Brooks. I know, Carm’s got ya busy. When the hell do you ever sleep?” you ask, as you shake your head. 

“I don’t,” he answers plainly. 

And just as you’re about to remind Marcus to get some rest, Sugar comes bursting through the front doors, her rounded belly full on display now that she’s had a chance to tell almost everyone the news of her pregnancy. 

“Hey! Sorry I’m running late,” Sugar says, announcing her arrival. “Got tied up running an errand and then I had to stop at the store for Tums. This baby is killing me with the heartburn these days. Fucking christ.” 

“Oh, no big deal. I haven’t even seen Carmy yet,” you shrug, as she mutters a surprised ‘oh’ and Marcus mumbles something about going to get Carmy. “It’s good to see you!”

“Yo, Carm!” Marcus shouts, heading back to the kitchen while you and Sugar exchange hellos. 

“Awww, it’s good to see you too, sweetie,” she smiles, pulling you in for your second hug of the day. 

This is something you miss about working in the kitchen: the camaraderie, the found-family, all the love. 

“Wow this is… quite the spread,” Sugar mentions, eyeing the cakes you’ve laid out on the table.

“Yeah… they had a lot of ideas, I guess,” you say with a shrug. 

Sugar shoots you an unconvinced look. 

“Okay, fine.  I had a lot of ideas…” you admit guiltily. 

“...aaaand no one is going to do it the way you want it to be done,” Sugar sighs in the middle of your sentence. 

“And they were more than willing to play. I couldn’t help myself!” you finish, defending yourself. 

“Well, your enthusiasm is one of the many things I love about you, but… yeah, this is a lot,” Sugar grins as she gestures towards the overwhelming amount of cake you’ve just laid out on the table. 

Regardless, Sugar really can’t wait to be your sister-in-law. 

“Speaking of… I thought this was just a small wedding. It looks like you’re preparing to feed the entire French Army during Marie Antoinette’s reign.”

“Oh it still is – small,” you answer, simply. “I went a little overboard, didn’t I?”

“Why go through all this trouble? You might as well have a small ceremony instead of-,”

“No!” you protest, hearing another voice say the same thing. 

“Sugar, we’ve already told you that we don’t want to do anything big!” Carmy adds, as soon as he enters the dining room. 

“Hey, babe,” he says, sending you the softest smile as he looks your way.

“Hey you,” you smile in return as he approaches you, giving him a short ‘hello’ peck on the lips. 

“Fak attack!” Fak cries out, as he enters the dining room. “Ooooh cake tasting!”

“Yeah,” you chuckle, as Fak is quickly followed by some of the line cooks that have just wrapped up lunch service. 

It’s then that you hear Tina’s voice, growling something in Spanish as Richie speaks way too loudly about god knows what, as Ebra follows behind, somehow in the middle of a story that has little to do with whatever Tina and Richie are going on about. 

You smile to yourself, because you really do miss this part. 

“I told everyone we were doing a cake tasting,” Carmy starts, gesturing towards the rest of the staff as they join you. “That cool?”

“Totally. We have more than enough to share,”

“That’s true,” Sugar says. "And I can't complain because the baby is reeeeaaally craving cake these days."

As everyone at The Bear crowd around the circular dining table where you set up the cake tasting, you all enjoy bites here and there, comparing notes, sharing reactions to each flavor combo. 

Earl grey & lemon. A classic red velvet. And of course, you had to get a little weird with the black sesame clementine combination you’d dreamed up with the pastry chef you’d been working with. 

“I think my favorite is the black sesame and clementine but I doubt it’s a cake everyone will like. Doesn’t have the crowd appeal we probably should keep in mind,” you murmur to Carmy as the two of you watch his staff go on about the tiramisu-inspired one. 

“Well, babe, it’s our wedding! We can do whatever we want,” he encourages you. 

“I don’t know,” you sigh, paralyzed with indecision. 

“The tiramisu one is good. I’m leaning towards that,” Carmy shares with you, eager to hear your thoughts. 

“Yeah, I don’t know. Don’t you think it’s a little too on the nose?” you reply, unsettled and unsure that any of these are right. 

“Why don’t you guys just let me make it?” Marcus interjects, asking the question he’s been wondering this entire time. 

“I-,” you start, unable to help the fact that your eyes begin to wet with emotion. “Really?” 

He laughs, glancing sideways at you. 

“Uh yeah. I’m a little offended neither of you did in the first place,” Marcus teases the two of you, though you know there’s some truth to it. 

You and Carmy exchange a look that says something along the lines of: ‘oh shit.’

“Well, we didn’t think you’d-,” you stammer, beginning to explain the why behind you and Carmy’s hesitation in the first place.

“We just thought you’d want to- that you should be able to enjoy the party,” Carmy adds, finishing your sentence, his eyes widening as he realizes that you both kinda fucked up. 

“Chefs,” he says, looking from you to Carmy once more, with a seriousness in his voice as he rises to his feet. “It would be my honor. And just because I’m makin’ the cake doesn’t mean I won’t be able to enjoy the party. I can do it in the days leading up to it.”

“Oh-, okay, yes! Yes!” you cry, leaping to your feet this time, as if you’re accepting Carmy’s proposal again. 

Richie rolls his eyes in response, groaning as he mutters something snarky to Fak, as Marcus pulls you into the biggest bear hug. 

“You all are a bunch of saps,” he scoffs, directing this next comment to Marcus this time. “You big softie!”

“Richie!” Sugar hisses, glaring the sharpest daggers from her eyeballs into Richie’s skull. 

“Oh fuck off, Richie,” you snort, with a laugh. “You’re just salty because… wait. Carm, you haven’t asked him yet?”

“Babe, I-,” Carmy whines, his eyes wide. “You just ruined the surprise!”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah ‘fuck’ is right,” he pouts, though he can never stay upset with you for too long. 

“What the fuck are you guys even talking about?” Richie asks, squinting as he looks between the two of you. 

You and Carmy share a knowing look, deciding that now is a better time as ever. 

“We want you to be our witness, Cousin. At the courthouse,” Carmy says, a soft intensity in his eyes as he answers Richie’s question.

“Jesus Christ,” Sugar snarks, with an eye roll as she realizes she’ll be stuck with him at the damn courthouse as well.

“Wh-?” Richie begins to ask, looking from Carmy to you, then back to Carmy again, tears welling up in his eyes as he realizes what Carmy’s just said. “You-? Really?”

“Yeah, of course,” you reply, in a well-duh kind of tone. “Plus you know I can’t get married without my Ava there.”

“And sign the marriage license and everything?” Richie balks, because he really can’t believe it. 

“Yeah,” you reassure him. 

“Yeah. I mean, fuck yeah! Fuck yeah!” Richie declares, even more sentimental than Marcus this time. “Shit, Cuz… Hell yeah, I’ll sign the fuck out of that marriage license as your witness.”

Tina snickers, exchanging a look with Sugar, and earning a glare from Richie. He lowers his voice, directing the question towards you this time: 

“Oh and uh… cool if Ava still sings “Love Story?” I kinda promised her she could sing a Taylor Swift song as part of my best man speech and she insists that one is about you and Carmy,” Richie asks, looking around suspiciously, afraid of someone else hearing. 

“Awwww, Richie. Of course,” you coo, only melting inside a little at the thought.

“What?” Richie snaps, realizing that he hasn’t been as discreet as he thought he was. 

Sugar snorts in response, earning a laugh from both Tina and Marcus. 

It’s Marcus’ turn to roll his eyes at Richie this time. 

“What?” Richie repeats, this time with a little more annoyance in his voice. 

Sugar smirks, firing back with a:

“Who’s the big softie now, Rick?”

[wannabeschyulersister]

I need some Carmen berzatto! Reader licking frosting off his fingers 🥵

Baking was something that you liked to do when you were stressed after a long day. You weren’t the best at it. Like nowhere near Marcus’ level but you enjoyed the process.

Marcus let you shadow him one random Wednesday as he taught you some basics. Carmy told him that you had gotten into baking as a stress reliever and Marcus wanted you to see him in action.

It was nerve wracking to say the least but you did enjoy the time you spent with Marcus. The kitchen was busy but you focused solely on what he was doing. It was truly like watching an artist at work.

Now, you were in the middle of making homemade frosting for the chocolate cake you just baked. It was nearly midnight and you definitely should’ve been getting some much needed rest. It was Friday, well early Saturday morning, so you could sleep in.

The front door to your apartment opened and closed. Carmen had a long day at the restaurant and couldn’t wait to get some sleep. He had been thinking of nothing more than getting under the sheets with your body molded right next to his.

He took off his coat and set his keys by the small table. He heard noise from the kitchen and was surprised that you were still awake. “(Y/n)?”

“Who else would it be?” You answered like a smartass.

Carmen rolled his eyes at your joke and made his way into the kitchen. He noticed the dirty mixing bowls, measuring cup and the flour that was on your right cheek. “Have a long day?” He walked to the sink and washed his hands.

“Yeah, I just felt a little restless and wanted to make a cake.”

“You want to talk about it?” Carmen was tired as fuck but if you needed to decompress and tell him about your day, he didn’t mind spending some more time awake.

“No, I’m feeling better now. I know you’ve had a long day and I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my crappy job.” You didn’t mean to sound snarky or anything but you hated piling your problems on others. Even your boyfriend.

Carmen crossed the kitchen and stood behind you, “Hey, look at me.”

You set the bowl down and turned to face him. He placed his hands on either side of your body, trapping you between him. “You know that I like hearing about your day. Good or bad. You can tell me anything.”

“I know that I can. It’s just, you have a stressful fucking job and I don’t want to add my problems to your plate. No pun intended.”

Carmen rested his forehead against yours, “I like hearing about your day. It’s- something that distracts me from the shit that I had to deal with.”

He softly kissed your lips and it was like all of your problems melted away in that moment. Being with him was like being in a bubble where nothing could go wrong. Carmy made everything better.

“Thanks, Carmy.” You whispered.

“Anytime.” He reached behind you and placed his finger in your mixing bowl getting some frosting from the side.

“Hey! No fingers in my bowl!” You laughed.

“Sorry, it looks delicious.” He started to put his finger in his mouth to taste it but you stopped him. Instead, you grabbed his hand and guided it to your mouth.

Carmen watched with a lustful gaze as you licked the frosting from his index finger.

“Mmmm. Delicious.”

“Bedroom. Now.”

You laughed, “I have to finish frosting my cake.”

Carmen stepped closer to you, “If you aren’t in that bed in one minute, I will carry you there myself.”

“Yes, Chef.”

[yannaryartside]

If Sydcarmy is not engame….

This is a rant. A sad rant but still. I know we have evidence, I would go to the supreme court with it, but hear me out.

If sydcarmy is not endgame:

It would make the show a disappointment for me. It will kinda ruin it to some extent. But not only as a shipper they had her expectations unsatisfied, but as a conscious viewer. I would like to explain why.

Part 1: the meaning of their connection

I was a shipper of this relationship the moment the characters met. She was cute, awkward and brilliant. He was cute, awkward and angsty. I normally go hard for shipping character where I find both of them interesting, and I like their dynamic. This is the ship that had consumed my head the most in all my years of consuming fiction. They both have real traumas and flaws. Even if the show wasn't so obvious with its intentions, I would have shipped them until they both got their respective soulmates. These two characters taught me how complex developing a romance could be, and how satisfactory if the pieces went together. Just the fact that they are so complex and I got to ship them is something I am grateful for. I will never write romance the same way.

Now, I don't know if is the time of the month fatalism hits, but I have been recently seriously considering the fact that it may not happen. That Claire was always supposed to be Carmy’s endgame.

Part 2: potential

The first reason why I would be disappointed if they are not engame is because the concept of two people building something together while supporting each others flaws is what got me into the show. It is such a beautiful concept for a couple, and I know it works on friends, but I once read that romance appears in your life when you have to open yourself to new potentials. In Carmy, Syd saw the potential for grow and movement, in Syd, Carmy saw the potential for peace and sincerity. Not to mention I rather ship two messed up characters than one messed up character and another that the show has called “perfeft” multiple times.

Part 3: Claire

Thinking Claire bear is endgame is to admit that she has to grow of the flaws we all saw, that Carmy could make her better (wich I don't think because Claire seemed to have a lot of lack of empathy to begin with) but ok. The thing that could never work for me is that we know Syd can make Carmy feel peace but Claire can't. It is the theme of the show that a woman should learn how to be like other woman in order to maker her man happy? We will define how much good she can do to Carmy on how much peace she could bring like Syd did. That doesn't sound right to me.

Part 4: Syd

I don't think the purpose of Syd in the whole story is to be Carmy’s endgame, but a lot of her screentime so far has been defined by her relationship with him. In the good things she does for him and his family. We know she has feeling for him. We know that she has had her heart broken before and then this could break it again. Again, that is the theme of your show? That a woman needs to get her heart broken in order to grow or get to her full potential? Who asked for this?

You made her fall for a guy that may never support her creative journey, that may have defined how she view herself as an artist? That she will have to deal with her broken heart and decide to find another spot to work? Are we supposed to believe that is something good for her? You wanna to contribute to a narrative of glorifying women's pain to justify growth? You are gonna use these amazing character just to have her heart broken 3 seasons out of 4. Is that supposed to be her big lesson? Her motivation even?

Not that is justification for Carmy and Syd getting together, but what a waste of time. If you had established and denied the attraction earlier or just never make her have feelings for Carm you could have her a interesting arc worthy of such an interesting character.

Not only that, but it seems all so cruel, to create a dynamic that in friendship can make her grow but because she developed feelings for him can hurt her immensely.

Idk, maybe I just made a story on my head that I thought made sense but the author insist on disagreeing. Maybe I am making storm out of nothing since they may have us a satisfactory thing. But yet…

[thebearer]

I saw a TikTok (it swiped away before I could save it; I’ll try to find it again 😭), but it immediately made me think of Carmy. This woman, who was an artist, created a cookbook for her boyfriend, who was a chef, as a gift, and it was the absolute sweetest thing in the world. The book had all their favorite recipes and the things they like to cook together, and she illustrated all of the dishes and added cute little notes and doodles throughout; it was almost like a scrapbook with all her original art. I think if you did something like that, he may actually die, and I know he’d cherish it forever. Idk I feel like he’d really appreciate handmade gifts and something that combines your passion and his that’s like a love letter to your relationship ahhh it’s too cute it’s too much

-🧚🏽‍♀️

i think carmen would sob and i mean that in the best way. like little recipes that mean so much to the two of you??? little love notes??? he would be sobbing. esp if you made it one of those that you add over time. like when you get engaged, married, anchovy, the babies. all of it over time so it's like one big cookbook time capsule??? AHHHHH

[gingerylangylang1979]

Sydney, Love, Beauty

I don’t know if many others noticed but Syd seems to have glammed up a little in the later episodes of S2. It’s very slight, you would almost miss it but it’s there. She has on shiny sheer lip color (yes, her lips always looked so dry last season, thank you), a sliver of eyeliner, and a touch of mascara. I also noticed her lighting is much improved showing off her perfect skin.

Syd has always been attractive but it just really stuck out to me that after the arrival of Claire she’s looking just a tad more dolled up. Is it connected? Did the makeup artist just decide to experiment more? Will we see more changes in the future?

As a black woman I’m obviously going to analyze this more. Black women are always going to notice how we are portrayed onscreen aesthetically. I remember being so pissed, along with much of the black TWD fandom, about how wamp, wamp Michonne’s wigs were. Were we being reasonable? Would any of us have amazingly groomed dreads during a zombie apocalypse? It wasn’t like the white women had fresh blowouts. Was it on purpose or an oversight?

Back to Syd. They could keep Syd looking the same. They could change her to look more glam. Either choice has implications.

A lot of people read Sydney’s style as signaling that she’s a lesbian. That could make sense. Plenty of lesbians style themselves like Syd. But it could also mean nothing. I have two black women friends that dress very tomboyish and both are very straight. They are like sisters to me. I could testify in court they love dick. But especially for black women any sign of non feminine coded style signals gay. I think this feeds into people having a hard time seeing Syd as interested in men or having the show’s sex symbol attracted to her. She could turn out to be gay but I doubt it given the slow burn with Carmy. She could be bisexual which leaves possibilities open. But I think it’s very interesting that the production choices didn’t decide to make Syd a girlie girl when the writing is making her an object of men’s affections. Part of me is really into that.

On the other hand part of me would love to see her have a glam moment. But this could be potentially problematic. Syd has style but also seems to dress for practicality. So if she is consciously making an effort to look more feminine where is it coming from? Is she just growing into a new look? Is she trying to catch Carmy’s eye? Are the producers consciously trying to make her more appealing to the general audience as a romantic lead?

Personally, I would love to see Syd switch it up a little but not go too far. I would love her to have a more modern hairstyle. Box braids are classic but I want to see a more sophisticated, trendy style. Someone posted about her getting knotless boho braids or passion twists. I’m into it. I just feel like Syd is up on design and I want to see her step her game up as her career rises. I don’t mind the little bit of makeup we saw and would love to see a slightly bolder look if she has someplace to go that’s not a restaurant. On that note, can we please see her somewhere that’s not food related? I also wouldn’t mind seeing her in some lighter colors in her street wear. Her wardrobe was so dark this season.

What I don’t want to see is her doing like a full extreme makeover and that’s the thing that seems to be the catalyst for Carmy to realize he loves her. I feel like that’s fine in some white girl Cinderella story but leaves me cold in a black woman’s love story. And if they do a silk press and that’s her glow up I would be super pissed. I’m not anti her ever having straight hair but if it’s like oh, now the white boy falls for her I will ride at dawn to FX.

I wonder what Sydney’s perceptions of her looks are. She seems confident in so many ways. But, yeah, why did she decide to randomly have a glossy lip? Does she view herself as pretty? Has she dated? Has she been told she’s beautiful?

I’m rambling but my point is she can glow up a bit but I never want the messaging to be she had to “get pretty” to get the guy. If she makes changes I want it to be because she’s evolving, maybe a little flirty, but not thinking she has to be a different person to get who she wants.

[blackjack-15]

kay right carmy al-anon speech let's go

"before i came to al-anon i was a cook. i'm still a cook i guess, just a different kind of cook" this for me is a really, really sad peek into how he thinks of himself. there are so many carmys, broken up by where he is and who he is and what's happened to him

also he says "cook" not "chef", probably feeling "chef" is pretentious -- probably due to his extended family's reactions to him being a chef

also he introduces himself as "Carmen" here, not Carmy, which is interesting. i'd love to know how he introduced himself in NYC, b/c in ep 1 we see him introduce himself to syd as "Carmy"

"let it rip" we've heard that so many times in the background as sort of an auditory hallucination from carmy that it makes sense that it was Mikey's phrase

the knowledge that carmy has a speech impediment is not even a little surprising -- he still has hesitation markers, especially when stressed, and it prolly reinforced the idea to richie et al that he was a baby

bad at school, bad at paying attention, bad with women, bad with humor -- he's hurling these one after another and, again with The Bear's excellence in hearing what characters don't say, you can get the sense that he thought Mikey was good at all of these things, and how could Carmy even begin to compare?

"I just wanted him to say good job!" oh honey

"and I think it's clear that me trying to fix the restaurant was me trying fix what was wrong with my brother" there's the thesis statement of s1, and Carmy coming to that conclusion makes so much sense -- out of his siblings (including Richie), he's the quiet, introspective, sensitive one -- an artist's temperament with a pugilist's temper. he knows what he's doing, he just can't express it, can't fix it

"that restaurant has, and does, mean a lot to people. it means a lot to me" -- it's why he reacts the way he does when sugar (and, implied there, his mother) blames the restaurant and says it makes people unhappy. to him, this restaurant isn't just an obligation, or a f//k-you from Mikey, or a distraction, or a place where he can cook -- it's something that Means something, it's a constant, it's an institution. i don't know how Mikey felt about it-- we may find that in S2, we might not -- but Richie and Carmy love the restaurant the same amount in different ways, and as long as that's true, some form of the Berzatto family restaurant will exist in Chicago

a final note for that speech -- it's an incredible performance, first of all, but that's obvious. it's also an incredibly risky scene, especially in a half-hour show (which The Bear is, despite the runtime of eps 7 and 8), to point the camera at an actor for seven minutes straight and say "go".

in any TV that's risky, in half hour tv it's riskier -- that's 1/3 of the show's runtime! -- and in a show that relies on movement, chaos (organized or otherwise) and quick cuts like The Bear does, it's incredibly risky. it pays off in full here, and i'm clapping it out. a+ for all involved

[hourglassfish]

Risottogate Extras

Thanks so much for taaags @eatandsleepwell when I read them I was like 😭 because there was stuff in there that I took out when I edited it down. So some replies which I hope is OK? I love all the different readings of this show and talking and thinking about it, and my mum doesn't like 'that shouting programme'.

I agree with you that it's implied that Carmy is the chef from the veal fat story. You can sort of see it when he’s like ‘one day he just hit it’, in his face*. The reason I feel like Sydney worked it out is because we see her frown, as though she is thinking while Carmy explains the specifications of the gelee, and then she explains how she got there, to both Marcus and Carm, which I feel like she wouldn’t do if she knew it as a lesson from him. I mean this could just be her remembering a story she’s heard, and finishing it off to give herself plausible deniability. However, I also think her having that technical knowledge is part of an ongoing rhythm, of her arriving and both Syd and Carmy thinking it will be mentee/mentor, but by the end of Brigade it's very clear that won’t be the dynamic.

I also agree that the decision to switch the kitchen to a brigade comes from Al-Anon. I feel like the decision to hand the labour of doing that to her (right now this minute), is sort of catalysed by her brilliance in that moment: because the previous day, when we cut from Al-Anon to the chaos of her and Richie yelling with Carm in the middle (😭) she feels like part of the problem, not an easy solution. 

how much fun do you think the set dresser had sneaking tomatoes into each and every scene?

I think the reviewer isn’t so harsh on The Beef! He describes it as shabby but also much loved, there is very little slamming. His depiction of it is so much milder than all the things that Carmy says about it throughout the season, though I know it’s different when an outsider says it. That being said, I think if that review had said ‘the sandwiches are the best they’ve ever been’ Carmy’s entire demeanour would have been different, I’m sorry! 😭 One of the things I really enjoy about unlikelyjapan’s recaps of S2 is that they point out when Carmy’s ego is hurt or when he’s feeling a lil emasculated, and while he is different, he is not a stranger to the type of masculinity we see from Richie, Jimmy and Michael.

I think the second season is really good about sort of opening up the city of Chicago as a place for eating and food excellence, but in the first season it’s all very insular and centred around the Beef and family homes as locations. Sydney and Marcus become the stand-ins for Chicago’s food scene as a whole. Cus Sydney left too, right, like CIA is in NYC? I think there’s another reading of the decision to give the risotto to a reviewer which is that it’s Syd pulling back the blinds and sort of dragging The Beef and Carmy into the light - to gos! Reviews! Let’s throw a gauntlet down and let it rip!

But there is also maybe some projection here from me: I left the city I grew up in for 8 years, to go to university then be in a city that was better for my artistic practice (and I was successful and built a company and won awards but it shot my mental health to shit, and destroyed my body too) and then I came home because of a family death at 26 - 

Just gonna stare into the void for a minute, brb

Damn, he's just like me for real

OK, trigger is over!!!

Anyway

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

When I came back there were obvs people doing what I had been doing, to a high level - and they hadn’t had all this family estrangement that I had. And it was complicated, you know? Not good, or bad, just complicated.

I be projecting on this man for real, much to think about!!!

Anyway!

See… Richie’s bitterness to me isn’t that weird! He says at the top of System that he’s been looking after Donna for the past six months, he was at the funeral when Carmy wasn’t, he’ll have been holding both Michael and the restaurant together while Carmy was away, and he explicitly says it's to the detriment of his own family situation. We see that happen in the show: he finally gets a job from Jimmy that means he can escape the Beef and do right by Eva and Tiff, and it goes to shit cus someone calls Michael when they needed to call Richie. It feels likely that the loss of the job, the divorce and his place at the Beef will have all been tied together, 8n his head at least. Michael’s love pushed Carmy away, but he depended on Richie day in, day out: both Carmy and Richie want what the other had. Richie envies Carmy’s being protected from the worst of Michael’s addiction. Carmy feels that he missed out on Michael’s honesty and intimacy. Richie does not have the biological/blood claim that Nat or Carmy have, but he was by Mikey’s side day to day. He is left with nothing but memories, many of them painful. He can stay close to this family he has built his life around,but only at their discretion. They can dispose of him (drop his ass) at any time, and as Tina brutally points out in Ceres, where is he gonna go? He is deeply fearful of this, understandably. The response, of course, is that no one asked him to stick by Michael’s side, or care for Donna. But love doesn't work like that.

Don't worry babes, when we communize care it won't have to be like this.

I find the feelings underpinning his behaviour deeply human: I find the behaviour itself vile, and I hate how easily Carmy and the script let him off for withholding the letter. It’s a total non-event. It’s one of very few moments in The Bear where even the first time round I was like ‘nah, that’s poor writing’. Carmy has a bigger response to him bitching about Claire!

I love shipping, and am a fan of romance goggles. Especially with this ship, because people are fucking weird about it. For me personally, the idea of a romance between these two… ah I wanna be into it, I do. When I ignore a bunch of things I kind of enjoy it. Almost.

Someone made that supercut of all their scenes together, and when I watched it, at the end I felt so, so sad. Cus I felt like I’d just spent 90 minutes watching some white dude exploit a really talented Black woman over and over again while she got sadder and sadder and then she threw up in an alleyway. Even whilst seeing moments that felt romantic. Obviously a supercut like that is not a fully accurate representation of their relationship or characters. But the feeling of dismay and unease won't shift.

In S2 especially, there are so many moments where she just looks really sad. I don’t think Carmy wants to compete with her, or with anyone, really, and I definitely don’t think she’s competing with him, she’s sincere when she tells Richie she’s got no ulterior motive: she wants to work, to find the work meaningful, get paid and live her life. But I think it’s hard to leave your training behind, and them man are trained to compete, it’s the only way you move up in the kitchen, and my reading of the risotto, and why it takes up so much SPACE, cus it’s bubbling away for 3 episodes, is that Carmy’s ego enters the chat, and is a part of the destruction that unfolds. 

Anyway, I am off to watch some horror films with Black women as protagonists so that the next time I want to represent myself staring into the void in horror I'm not left with Florence and Mia, much as I love them.

*to believe this i have to ignore that he credits the discovery to a sous and we know he was CDC at EMP. But he also talks about cubes on a dish where everything is a circle, so you know, we can suspend disbelief when we want

[berzattosbandanas]

sydcarmy as taylor swift songs: a list

This show has got me down so bad, and the meta and fan fiction has given me such a stunning case of brain rot that I am actually writing something to contribute to a tag for the first time.

Sydcarmy is the one ship that I didn't want to have Taylor Swift songs for, because even as a major Swiftie, I need a break sometimes. However, the TikTok edits got me and I now have a list. There aren't many on this list just because I'm actively trying not to overreach with their current state in canon and not confuse myself with the mass amount of fan fiction I have read in the last month.

I think I need to establish my own thoughts on these two characters and their relationship at some point, but I think the main thread I have is that they don't know what they mean to each other yet. Carmy is definitely more in love with Syd at this point in time as he has visibly shown that he needs her to cope. While this is a bit unhealthy and could lead to a smidge of codependence, Syd is the person who understands him and his craft and knows him beyond his family, which is a source of comfort for him. On the other hand, Sydney has spent the series growing out of her hero worship of Carmy and building a professional relationship with him that has made them equals. I think having this innate understanding of each other will translate well into a romantic relationship, especially with the boundaries of this professional relationship being as blurry as they are and the feelings simmering under the surface. There is not a single platonic explanation for the panic attack scene or the table scene, but both of these characters have not been given an opportunity to have their romantic feelings become realised yet but there is such a clear opportunity for it to go this way.

Song One: cowboy like me (evermore 2020)

This song is the story of two con artists who fall in love but the narrator is unsure of how real the relationship is, despite the twin flame/soulmatism of it all. There is so much in this song to analyse on its own and in relation to these two, but I will try and keep it to a few points.

While Syd and Carmy are not con artists, their shared passion and job binds them together the way the con artists in the song are. They have both had bad experiences in fine dining, souring their passion but the newfound connection and subsequent relationship with each other have given them hope because of their unique understanding. This is akin to the experiences the narrator of the song puts forward of the rich men who she has tricked and their wives who have talked shit about her for it. Deceit is also a theme of the song, relating to how Syd and Carmy are, at this point, hiding their true feelings for the other from themselves and hiding behind the restaurant and their food to do that talking.

The relationship described in the song is hesitant but they know that it is it. The line now I know / I'm never gonna love again after the con artists' first meeting and repeated at the end of the song imply that this could either be the greatest love story or their biggest ruin, mirroring what Syd and Carmy have the capacity to be to each other. Now you hang from my lips / like the Gardens of Babylon carries so much meaning in the song on its own, with the reference to a historical place that has no proof of ever existing implying that the relationship is beautiful but idealistic and a far-away fantasy for someone in the unconventional line of work the narrator is. In relation to Carmy and Syd, the industry they work in is insanely difficult to form romantic relationships within and outside of, but there are a lot of fwb situations to blow off steam. This speaks to if the relationship between the two takes a sexual or romantic turn, where will the line be drawn? Will it just be a friends with benefits situation or can they put in the work to make it a beautiful, healthy and fulfilling relationship, just like the Gardens of Babylon would have needed if it actually existed?

Overall, the song does validate the connection that Carmy and Sydney have and that they can be (are) the great loves of each others' lives, but it needs work and both of them to stop lying to themselves and each other about their feelings.

Song Two: peace (folklore 2020)

Peace is a song that I think encapsulates Carmy's point of view on a relationship. Not just with Syd, as parts of the song can be generalised out to Claire and even his familial relationships like Mikey, Richie, Nat etc. It speaks of warning someone about committing to the narrator, in this case Carmy, as he is not a peaceful person so it would be hard to give the other person the peace they seek in a relationship.

Of course, I think the person to give Carmy peace and allow him to reciprocate would be Sydney because they work in the same industry, and get each other in a way that no one else can understand. They have both had moments of validation from the other, Sydney by having a culinary education and fine dining experience validating Carmy's thoughts and direction during The Beef era, and Carmy acknowledging her fears in the table scene and absolving them (before getting stuck in the fridge and unintentionally going backwards on his word). This validation of the other is such a gift of peace in an otherwise crazy workplace that is a valued part of their relationship.

The whole song is of giving someone peace, warmth and a safe place to come to that Carmy is sceptical of having and being but will give to the described partner to the best of his ability. The narrator/Carmy also admires the person they are singing the song to, Your integrity makes me feel small / you paint dreamscapes on the wall, which forms a big part of the relationship because if this is about anyone, it would be about Syd. I think in 2x03, he wants to let her creativity show and be able to collaborate with her to create a restaurant that is not just his, but theirs but hey, then a big distraction walks in the door.

The bridge is also a massive part of why this song is Carmy-specific.

And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches Give you my wild, give you a child Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other

He wants to give Sydney her dream, as well as achieve his own of his restaurant with Mikey, this is spoken through the wild and child, as the wild his his passion, effort and attention and the child in this case is The Bear. He will support her through her decisions and ambitions, the same way she will him, and go through all the shit with her that comes with running a business in the cutthroat culinary world, whilst wanting to know more of her and her life (the Dead Mom conversation, the "say more" in the table scene). The silence line is the most Sydcarmy coded song lyric that I have ever heard in my life and they have the beginnings of that connection now, but they have such a capacity to grow into that sort of telepathic connection and safe space for each other that I really hope we get to see.

Song Three: hoax (folklore 2020)

These songs, in my head, go together quite well and in this case, it is Sydney singing about Carmy. The singer begins the song as downtrodden, whether as a result of their life and experiences or because of the other person, which works with Syd's narrative thus far. Over the course of the song, the narrator insinuates that as disillusioned with life as she is, the hoax that is being in love and having a life with this one specific person is all they want.

For Syd, her previous experiences in fine dining and her catering business were those winless fight[s] / that have frozen [her] ground and made her closed off from the culinary world until she saw the job posting by Carmy that gave her hope. These and her mother's death early in her life have also seen to have frozen her heart, as we as the audience have had no mention to connections she has beyond her dad and those at The Bear. I hope in the next season/s that we get to see Syd with some friends (bring Rachel Sennot on the show pleeeease) so she doesn't seem as lonely as she does.

Don't want no other shade of blue, but you / no other sadness in the world would do is such a romantic lyric that speaks to, when she realises she is in love with Carmy and wants to be with him, wanting to be with a person regardless of all their mental health issues and insecurities, which Carmen Berzatto has in abundance. To counter with Peace, Carmy wants the same with Syd, despite her neuroticisms and anxieties, he wants her too.

The bridge in this song is also a big part of why I like this song for Syd and Carmy.

You know I left a part of me back in New York You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars From when they pulled me apart You knew the password, so I let you in the door You knew you won, so what's the point of keeping score? You knew it still hurts underneath my scars From when they pulled me apart But what you did was just as dark Darling, this was just as hard As when they pulled me apart

The New York mention makes it feel like this could be a Carmy song because he was so battered and bruised by his New York experiences, pulled apart if you will, but for Sydney, New York meant something else to her. She tasted Carmy's food for the first time and set her standards for food there. I think she has yet to reach her own standards, whilst being an incredible chef, and growing closer to Carmy in terms of their professional partnership and personal relationship will help her reach that.

There is something so intimate about someone knowing you so well and there being such a strong connection that all of the walls you keep up are let down around this person (You knew the password, so I let you in the door) and I think that this is Carmy to Sydney. She told him about her mom which she had not told anyone else (as far as we have seen) and they share many of the same fears in terms of the culinary world so letting him in was easy, he just now has to maintain being that person and be the hoax that Syd can believe in.

Other Songs

Obviously there are many more songs that could fit these two, but they are included in multiple Sydcarmy playlists on Spotify and capture what I feel like these two characters could feel for each other based on what we have seen so far in the show.

Renegade (feat Taylor Swift) - Big Red Machine (How Long Do You Think It's Gonna Last? 2021)

The Archer (Carmy Carmy Carmy)

You Are In Love (established relationship fic vibes)

False God (for when the finally get their act together)

[devisrina]

is it just me or does carmy seem like the type or write poetry? He seems like someone who would find the beauty is expressing one’s feelings through words, since he also seems to enjoy drawing as a form of planning and detailing his ideas.

It would be cute if they incorporated some form of artistic carmy into the show a little more. Like what calms him down, other than syd ofc, when he can feel the pressure rising?

Yes and no. Like, I see poetry as being one of the subjects that he got top marks in despite his shitty grades. Maybe his English teacher saw his potential but because Carmy already had low self-esteem, he didn't really think too much about it. We also know that he doesn't know how to accept compliments from his first interaction with Sydney. He does enjoy hearing them though.

I think another example of this could be when he finds Sydney's notebook. The way he gently slid his hands down her writing could also indicate that he appreciates penmanship. I feel like he also prefers handwriting over typing, considering how hard it was for him to read Syd's COGs. And poetry is an outlet where meanings can be expressed with minimal words.

So with that, he would write poetry, but not a lot.

I think he is also the type to be inspired by poetry and quotes and incorporates them into his art. He could leave a quote and create an art piece based on it.

As for things (and Syd) that calm him down, here are a few things that I have come up with:

I feel like the ocean calms him down. The scene of him in season 1 episode 3 before he goes to Al-Anon, how he stared out at the waves cascading along the horizon. I think he enjoys areas where he has time to think.

He likes to fidget a lot. I think Fak would bring in a pop-it one day, and Carmy would comment on it being stupid and non-practical, but then he secretly fiddles with it and it actually calms him. So then Fak brings them regularly but doesn't tell Carmy that he saw him fidgeting with them.

Adult colouring.

Taking care of people. He regularly asks Syd if she is okay. He also handmade Tiff Sprite to help with her nausea. He likes knowing when people are in a good state when they are under his supervision. When Marcus snapped at Syd, Carmy was the first to go and calm him down so Syd was alright.

Music. I feel like when he is cleaning, it is nice to have it playing in the background.

I feel like he was one of those kids who enjoyed building Legos and Play-Doh/clay sculpting.

[the-one-where-casey-watches-tv]

The Bear episode 2.06 "Fishes"

This show is so special. It’s doing everything right- the soundtrack, the cast, the setting, the dialogue, the themes. But more than anything, its real charm lies in how deeply realistic these characters are. The Bear is both one of the most realistic and artistic shows I’ve ever seen, and that’s so exciting to me. In the 90s/2000s era of “quality TV” we had The Wire, hyper realistic, at times to the point of being monotonous, and 24, which readily sacrificed plausibility for relentless action. To me, The Bear represents all the best things that today’s tv is doing; first and foremost, it’s proving that gut-punching familiarity doesn’t have come at the cost of delivering a spectacle.

And nothing makes that point better than “Fishes”. Once again making no effort to be consistent in episode length, “Fishes” is an outlier of season 2 at over 40 minutes long, but it is worth every second. It’s a flashback from Christmas past as the entire Berzatto clan gathers for a very loud and eventful feast of the seven fishes.

Jeremy Allen White and Jon Bernthal in "Fishes". Image courtesy of IMDb.

First let’s talk about the elephant in the room- the amount of famous people in this episode. They just keep coming. I honestly consider the cast of this episode to be a spoiler- seeing and recognizing the stars as they arrived to Christmas dinner felt like a deliberate and important part of my experience as a viewer. Just like Carmy I got to smile and think “wow, it’s so good to see you, I didn’t know you were gonna be here!”- followed immediately by wondering what could possibly be in store with all these people together.

Jaime Lee Curtis takes it the fuck away as Donna in this episode. She called it the role of a lifetime and spent several minutes looking into Jeremy Allen White’s eyes before filming, and learning about the care that was taken in making this episode affirms for me that they knew exactly what they were doing. Before we see her, though, the episode opens on the three kids- Carmy, Sugar, Mikey- talking about her.

Sugar is begging Mikey to do something about their mom (“and here I am just fucking in the middle because you’re you and Carmy’s Carmy”), Mikey is begging her to resist the urge to ask Donna if she’s okay (“You ask somebody if they’re okay, they immediately start thinking they’re not acting okay… and that immediately makes them start not acting okay”), and Carmy is begging them both to come back inside so he’s not stranded with the rest of the family (“can you come inside and be you real quick? I don’t know how to deal with these people”).

Of course, it’s The Bear, so this exchange all happens quickly amidst some yelling from Fak, but nonetheless, there’s so much to this interaction if only there was time to unpack it. But things are moving right along and a beat later we’re in the kitchen with Carmy and Donna. Before this episode I often thought no environment looked less appealing than the back of house at The Beef. And then we cooked with Donna, and it made everything about these people make sense.

Jamie Lee Curtis in "Fishes". Image courtesy of IMDb.

It’s a nightmare kitchen, and not just because she’s cooking seven fishes in there. Carmy steps in like he’s entering a minefield, which he honestly is. Donna’s slamming things and throwing things and dropping things and setting an egg timer for God knows what. But through it all, we ride that fine line of chaos and rhythm, and there’s a musicality to the exchange that happens through all the noise:

“Carmen. I’m spilling shit everywhere. And I’m behind on the lobster. Carmen. I have a question. Cousin Michelle’s friend Steven, is he gay?”

“Is who gay? Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma. Why are you doing the seven fishes thing? Nobody ever eats this shit.”

“Steven. Is he gay? I mean, he seems kinda gay. You know, he’s arty and I mean I love him and everything but he’s gay. I think. And it’s tradition.”

“It’s tradition that he’s gay?’

“No. The seven fishes. What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing this since 4 o’clock this morning for?”

This seems like a good place to mention that cousin Michelle and her actually straight boyfriend Steven are none other than Sarah Paulson and John Mulaney. Even without us knowing Steven and Michelle, we’re able to recognize that they’re quirky yet endearing together and fit right in with the Berzatto clan.

For the first half of the episode Donna is wound pretty tight and everyone is treading very lightly around her (and making sure that Pete throws the tuna salad he brought the fuck away), but it has the endearing familiarity of any family gathering. She gently urges Richie’s pregnant wife to change clothes and lay down in her bed; she tells Carmy she loves him and she’s glad he’s home; she welcomes uncle Cicero into the kitchen with a kiss.

But soon, the relatively lighthearted family dysfunction transitions into a truly traumatic display that perfectly informs all the behavior we’ve seen from the Berzattos throughout the series. Something goes awry in Donna’s hell kitchen right as Sugar walks in, exploding with “It’s like I have to do everything for everyone. No one fucking lifts a finger to help me. Can you just go upstairs and get Dad’s gun out of my drawer, I think I’m just gonna blow my fuckin brains out, and then you guys can make dinner because I don’t think anyone would fuckin miss me.”

All the while, Carmy and Sugar reassure her that they are, in fact, actively helping her. When someone else walks in to offer a hand, Donna screams at them all to get out, out, “get the fuck out!!” In the hall, Sugar siphons a hug off cousin Steve, sharing an understanding of what they just walked into- and out of.

In the next room, Mikey and Richie are in the throes of recounting a tale from a wild time in their past. An unimpressed Uncle Lee, played by Bob Odenkirk, cuts them off, lamenting that he’s heard this story a thousand times. The conflict unearths what is clearly a deeper, longstanding beef (no pun intended) between Mikey and Lee. Lee doesn’t let up, spoiling the end of the story for the rest of the room and then declaring, for everyone to hear, that stories seem to be the only thing Mike is capable of finishing. Cicero enters the room and breaks the ice but doesn’t stop the tension from mounting between the two of them.

Bob Odenkirk in "Fishes". Image courtesy of IMDb.

As everyone sits at the table, Carmy makes good on his promise to handle Donna- he follows her upstairs after her explosion resulted in her storming out of the kitchen. Gently, with that faux nonchalance you use with volatile people, Carmy asks her what’s up. Donna releases that she can’t do this on her own anymore, but doesn’t think that anyone in this family cares about her at all. Like they’ve been doing this whole episode, Carmy lays reassurance on her that everyone is willing to help- to which she fires back that she had to beg him to come home. He insists that he is happy to be there and everyone downstairs appreciates her. She laments that she “makes beautiful things for them and no one makes beautiful things for me”.

Carmy doesn’t really know what to say to that- the self-imposed nature of the seven fishes hellscape is almost comically obvious to everyone but her. Instead, he offers to walk her downstairs and sit at the table together. She declines, and when he decides to wait until she’s ready she asks him why he’s treating her like a child. In the briefest moment that Carmy lets go unchecked, she also calls him Michael. But a moment later she full-name’s him with an icy “Carmen Anthony Berzatto do we have a problem?” He says no and the next moment she’s breaking down in tears, and on a note of relative peace and love Carmy leaves her to go sit.

He enters the dining room just in time to see tension resurface between Mikey and Uncle Lee. After some taunting from Uncle Lee, Mikey throws a fork at him. It gets a reaction from Lee, so he wants to throw another, but the consensus at the table is that Lee’s being a jagoff, but Michael is making everybody nervous. No one will give him their fork. Lee lays on honestly brutal onslaught of verbal abuse “this guy’s nothing and he’s nobody… you loser… you loser fuckin monster.”

We have to spend a minute on the horrendously mean things that have been said to both Mikey and Richie. It’s actually crazy how often they’re called losers, nothing etc. It would be enough to break anybody. If the rest of this gathering wasn’t such a fragile Jenga tower I would’ve been rooting for him to throw the second fork.

Alas, they’re interrupted by Donna finally gracing the table with her presence, eliciting a round of applause. For a second it looks like they might salvage this night. Steven says a grace that I’m pretty sure they let John Mulaney write himself and it’s very nice. So nice that it makes Donna start to cry again.

But if you forbid a question in act one, you can bet someone’s gonna ask it in act three. Sugar just can’t help herself. She asks her mom if she’s okay. It’s the straw that broke the camel’s back. “Oh, Natalie. Do you know how much I fucking hate that you ask me that. Do you ask the rest of these people if they’re okay? Do I not look okay, Natalie? Did I not just bust my ass all day for you motherfuckers? Am I okay- Are you motherfuckers okay?! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you, Natalie.” The whole time Sugar is so meek I could cry. Interjecting when she can that she didn’t mean it like that and can they go upstairs, but Donna just explodes and then storms out of the room alone.

Abby Elliott and Gillian Jacobs in "Fishes". Image courtesy of IMDb.

There’s a brief moment of a kind of relief, of the thing you were dreading finally happening, and the table lets out some nervous breaths and chuckles. Then Mikey throws the fork. It’s instant. Lee lunges at him, Mikey flips the table, everyone is on their feet keeping the two apart. The thing that stops it is maybe the only thing that could stop it. Donna drives her car through the wall. The episode fades out over Mikey banging on the car, repeating “Ma! Open the door! What did you do?! Open the door! Ma!!”

This is really just another love letter from me to The Bear, but there was a full house in this episode, and I obviously didn’t get to everyone! Did “Fishes” resonate with you? What were your favorite parts that I didn’t cover? Why is this show nominated for outstanding comedy? Did the academy see this one?

[carmenized-onions]

WAIT OMG I FOUND MY NOTES FOR PART 3 (THAT TUMBLR DELETED)

part 3 - hello get ready for more yelling in your asks (that you can feel free to ignore btw!!)

i finished the chapter so:

HER WEARING HIS JACKET!! I REPEAT HER WEARING HIS FUCKING JACKET

the allusions to reader being bi - i feel so seen. this story is perfect. bis love carmy ik that’s right

…Chip’s (i love that nickname so that’s my name for them now) making him a painting, excuse me while i sob

ALSO I HAVENT MENTIONED THIS YET BUT YOUR COMEDY AND ALSO THE DIALOUGE IS IMPECCABLE TEACH ME YOUR SORCERY

YEE HAWWW

WEARING HIS JACKET ALEERRRTTT!!!

Bisexual femmes either want any woman or a man that looks like he could die in 72 hours. That's it. That's the sentence. Send tweet.

So many people loved the painting idea, as a stupid little mixed media artist, this did make me very happy to see people would find trash that i make a good gift as well. Very happy to see that. I'm also honestly delighted to see someone calling Chip Chip instead of Tony-- Actually. Can you make polls on asks, holdon.

I'm just very curious, if people have a preference. It's also low-key high-key no spoilers a sticking point to the story, so I'm just curious what the audience perception is on it as well.

AND DIALOGUE!!! THANK YOU!!! AND THE BEING FUNNY!! I've still got some rough spots with my dialogue, sometimes I think I definitely make characters yap too much, I'm just a yapper, at heart, what do you MEAN people don't usually say 4 full lines of dialogue without stopping? What do you MEAN people don't break into sudden monologues? WHAT!?!?!?!?!

But really, if you think I'm funny and good at dialogue, the secret really is uhhhhhhhh Talking a lot, and Watching a lot of shows and also a lot of people, in real life. Listen to your friend's speech patterns, try to do impressions of them, it's easier than you think.

[thecapricunt1616]

Hey. Hope you’re doing well. I just want to say congratulations on 200 followers. Also I am a fellow autistic person myself. I was wondering if you’re only okay with answers this, do you sometimes see your reader as an autistic person? Because sometimes I do even when the reader isn’t autistic. Also I hope you have a great day stay safe.

Also remember to stay hydrated.

What is your least favorite thing people have ever asked you about your autism if you have had that experience?

What is your favorite tips of fanfics you write?

I have read your fanfics and great writing job on them.

And again congratulations on 200 followers. 🎉🎊

🙂😊😀🌸👍🏻

Oh my, Hello friend!! Thank you SO much, firstly!

Alrighty, there are kinda different answers to this? It depends!! Heres what I mean.

For The Bear & His Honey : Winnie is autistic, as is Carmen - this is just canon for me. Carmy, (as an autistic person myself, who has also done extensive research on autism & how it presents in different genders, and even age groups) is visibly autistic. JAW as an actor has mentioned in interviews, even if he didn't realize? He purpousfully gave Carmy autistic traits, this likely because Mikey - the main driving character of the original Chris Storer Screenplay, and The Bear show in general - showed traits of autism as well, and Carmy took strongly after his older brother.

Winnie though, is a 'Manic Pixie Dreamgirl' To Carmy, she was raised 'Normal' - as a latchkey kid, in a trailer park, with a deaf twin, and a mother who worked too much to keep them afloat. She has a big personality - like Mikey, because Mikey had to raise him and sugar, but Winnie had to keep a social life afloat for her and Chris - before he died. So Carmys autistic traits were way more coddled by his family, hence why his panic sets in much more often (Mike was always there to hug him and calm him down) - Winnie helped herself, and her brother.

Now - Carmen x Reader? It depends. It depends on the ask. I believe every writer bases things off their own feelings as much as they can because it's all they know (the more you stray from experiences you had yourself, or at least extensively read about, the more difficult they are to realistically write). So, alot of things I write - I think about how I would feel. I am an overly emotional kind of autistic. When it comes to empathy, I have too much - which is why I am able to write Dad!Carm so well, (parents and empathy are like PB&J)

Smut? It is up to interpretation. I'm autistic, so the reader can always likely be read as autistic. I also have ADHD. So severe, I was diagnosed by the time I was 4 (early 00's) & I'm AFAB, which it wasn't recognized females could even have ADHD until I believe 2010 or later, so thats how you know it hinders me - even as a 4 year old little girl, the doctors knew I was more then just - 'chatty'

Least favorite thing people ask me .... hmmmm - i've gotten "i'm not sure I can handle that, do you have any empathy?" from A FREAKING GIRLFRIEND!!! like- I finally opened up to her, and her first question was if I was capable of feeling like I was a sociopath!!!

In regards to my favorite kind of fanfics to write? I like asks that are detailed. I like getting an ask with someone's detailed vision, and trying my best to bring it to life as close to what they saw in their head, kinda like a tattoo artist tries to do! You always have an idea in your head for a tattoo (if you're inked you get this, if not - sorry for the bum analogy) but when you have the idea, if the artist just doesn't get it - it's hard to say yes to having it on you forever. You want that artist that can bring the vision that is plastered on the inside of your brain to life, that is the kind of ask I like answering.

thank you so soooo much for this adorable ask sweetness!!! I hope you are having a wonderful night xoxo-xoxo

[wannabeschyulersister]

Carmy x reader meet at a tattoo parlor

“I take it this is your first.”

Your current state of mild panic was interrupted by the guy sitting on the other end of the couch. “Excuse me?”

“Your first tattoo.” He clarified.

“Uh, yeah it’s my first.” You answered, “What gave it away?”

The guy with the prettiest blue eyes you’d ever seen in your entire life chuckled, “You look nervous. Also, you-uh haven’t stopped bouncing your leg since you sat down.”

You immediately stopped moving your leg. It was a habit that you didn’t even realize you were doing half the time. “Sorry.”

“You know you don’t have to do it right? I don’t think anyone here is holding you hostage.”

“No, I have to.”

“Did you lose a bet or something?” Normally Carmen wouldn’t bother starting conversations with random strangers. He was against it most of the time. He didn’t know what was making him continue to get answers from you in that moment.

You smiled a little, “No, I didn’t lose a bet. I pass by this shop every day when I go to work and I always say that I’m going to come in here and get a tattoo. Today, I finally made it inside.”

“What are you planning on getting?”

“Uh just a small rose on my forearm. You?” You looked down and saw that he had quite the collection of tattoos already.

Carmen felt a little self-conscious in that moment. He didn’t know if you were judging him or not. “I’m uh-I’m getting something on my back.”

“Can I ask you a stupid question?”

“I doubt your question is going to be stupid.”

You leaned over and asked him quietly, “Is it going to hurt like hell?”

Carmen couldn’t help but smile a little, “Yeah, it’s uh, it’s going to hurt but I think you’re going to be okay.”

The tattoo artist came from out the back at that moment and called your name, “(Y/n), I’m ready for you.”

You grabbed your small backpack and stood up. The nerves hit you like a wave all over again.

“You alright?” The beautiful blue-eyed man asked you.

“Would it be weird if I asked you to come back there with me and hold my hand? You can say no. I mean, I don’t even know your name and I’m asking you to be there with me so I don’t freak the fuck out.”

Carmen stood up beside you and held his hand out for you to shake, “I’m Carmen.”

You shook his hand and instantly thought about how nice his hand felt on yours. You also wondered how it would feel on other parts of you.

“It’s nice to meet you, Carmen.”

“Likewise.”

A few minutes later, you were ready for the ordeal to begin. Carmen sat on a small stool to your left. His hand still firmly holding yours.

When the buzzing started, Carmen distracted you by asking you random questions. Your favorite movie. Your favorite song. The best place you’d ever been. It was a great trick that got your mind off of the pain.

“Okay, you’re all finished.” The tattoo artist cleaned you up and then you admired their work.

“It’s amazing. Thank you so much.”

“You know they say tattoos are addicting. Once you get one, you don’t stop.” Carmen gestured to his arms proving his point.

“Well, next time I hope there’s a willing stranger here that’ll hold my hand for ten minutes.”

“Or uh-or I could- we could exchange numbers and I can be that willing stranger.”

Your heart soared but you tried to play it cool, “Yeah, I’d like that. I hope that by the time I figure out what tattoo I want next, we won’t still be strangers by then.”

[yannaryartside]

SYDNEY, PASTA, CARMY, AND FAILURE

When Sydney was trying to create items for the menu and failing at it, I kept asking myself why, why is he self-sabotaging now, even when she may have been waiting for a change like this her whole life.

There were some events related to her fear of failure, to pasta, and to Carmy, that created a unique avalanche of her own.

She tells Carmy the story of the incident that broke her business, about a mean lady who demanded fresh pasta that she couldn't deliver despite her best efforts. The failure was caused by improvisation on her part, trying to compensate for biting more than she could chew to begin with. 

In that same scene, she fucks up Carmy's recipe to ferment the pasta. Too much acid, when he had suggested her to add acid to another of her original dishes before. This was a subconscious response to how badly she fears to disappoint him, yet she does. Simple instructions, something she has done before, fucked up (remember the stock incident, even if it wasn't her fault, she felt humiliated). Pros to Carmy for actually reacting as a friend this time and the next scenario, even if that didn't help Sydney's self-critic too much.

Next time they cook together, Sydney fucks up another recipe, one of her own. Too much salt. Again, something she has done before.

And then, Carmy ditches her.

She has to go for inspiration alone, and what does she imagine as a possible signature dish? A pasta dish. It makes sense; it is an Italian restaurant, after all. 

When she imagines this dish, she imagines it plated on the circular black plate Carmy liked, the only one he wanted.

Later, after fighting with Carmy, she tries to make that pasta dish she imagined but fails at it. 

She cannot improvise or be creative because the last time she did that, she was punished by losing her business. And then made a recipe of her own, or tried to collaborate on another one, fucked up in front of her partner and idol. All these cases, in her mind, it connected to a pasta dish. 

images by @heardchef

She has failed in the same area (pasta) in different scenarios (Carmy and his standards, that is the same as saying the industry standard, her business, fucking a recipe) doubting herself to the point she has locked herself in an art block.

About Carmy ditching her on the food tour, for what we know, she may think that was something Carmy did on purpose as a way of saying, "You are a CDC now. This is your problem." She spoke to everyone all day, saying she had a partner, only to realize there is no such thing as a partnership at the top of this industry; you can pull your weight, or you sit your ass down. Nobody wants to feel like death weight in a partnership, and now she may feel she is lacking in the things that made Carmy choose her; that is why, in 2x09, under the table, she goes, "You could do this without me." The reassurance coming from Carmy completes her arc. 

Now, these some other thoughts on this:

Sydney may still only be able to define her own culinary success by the things that had made Carmy successful. Let's remember she is working for his family restaurant. Most recipes are his family recipes (filled with trauma, but we are not going to touch that today). He is the mold she cannot fit in, the plat in which she doesn't provide anything yet, to her eyes. This is a very common problem for artistic people, success is only defined by the people before you, if your own creative voice doesn't fit that mold, you may think you are not good, or ready.

She considers his experience more valuable than her own instincts, so I really hope she gets to resolve that. 

The inspirations he decides on would be pretty interesting since now she was only trying to fit the mold of her previous failures. Something is to be said about a woman of color, with a culture of her own, trying to fit in a Western-oriented industry, fighting to be taken seriously in what is considered "high-end cuisine." Someone made a post of a female black chef who won a chef competition combining her Italian and African heritage, something like that (at least until she gets her own spot), would be pretty neat.

Finally, and to aggravate everything, SHE IS RUNNING FULL SPEED. The sense of urgency that was very evident in s1. we don't know what makes her this way (it may be "working twice as hard to get the same recognition" or a different type of trauma). “Growing too much too fast" on her business, gambling on a shot on a kinda disgraced star chef in a chaotic environment, pressuring Carmy to change the restaurant on s1, pushing her dish to the food critic, all that collapsing on her all at once. Then she took care of her own and Carmy’s responsibilities on s2, because she tough that was expected of her. Too much, too fast. If she ever wants to make a path of her own, she needs to heal this.

[sprouts-on-a-log]

Tuesday 7/2/24

watched:

The Bear Season 3, Episodes 1-4:

possible spoilers? better safe than sorry.

Tomorrow

This show never fails to make me sob. I was a little confused what was going on at first because it's been a while since I watched the other two seasons. I think there's also a sort of rhythm to the show I have to warm up to again. But once it kept going, I felt alllll those emotions that made me love this show in the first place. It feels like every thought and action is at the forefront and you're given time to flow with it instead of them shoving the next idea at you.

I was really happy to see the evolution of his time in New York and the casual kindness of his roommate covering him with a blanket. Just small gestures throughout that really proves how so much of what he's done has been done with the help of those around him. Also shows just how focused he is on cooking even at the cost of distancing himself from people he really loves.

The shot of Sydney appreciating his meal??? I cheered idek why. She's so happy and impressed and that makes my heart full knowing everything that happens later.

Beautiful first episode! Very excited to binge the rest.

(the rest of these are more scattered thoughts I jotted down during so they're very rough)

Next

Feels more like a typical episode. Less artistic and gentle.

Love the relationship between Sydney and her father. Very sweet to see.

Banging song at the start lmao

"Is it fucking rich, Richard??" omggg

genuinely what is this argument, they're not even attempting to make progress or come to an understanding

Ok but Carmy is literally insane for wanting to change the menu every single day. That is not sustainable at all, pushing too hard when this is genuinely still so new to all of you. Like, your plan is to be a team more and then you proceed to choose to do something that is all you. I get he's feeling a lack of control so this is something he CAN control, but damn bro. This only works if everyone is in full agreement. Forcing is just going to distance yourself further and create grudges.

aghhh him slowly becoming just like the abusive teacher oh nooo. he doesn't see how he's acting. i think he's just gone into full survival/freak out mode. i feel bad for him.

super intense episode, felt shorter somehow

Marcus :(((

Doors

Marcus' eulogy :(((((

ah yes the distinct feeling of teetering on certain disaster

Now Sydney can ALSO get some trauma from working in this kind of environment, oh goody! (thinking again about how hopeful she used to be, and just the reality being so so stressful now)

I feel bad laughing about Neil with the soup plsss

Tuesday surprise lmao there is no logic in this place

......aghhhhhhhhhhhh

Conclusion: Carmy is losing it again. I thought we were healing.

Violet

"Did it hurt so much that it didn't hurt at all?" :'(

Rich loving his daughter so so much will always mean so much to me. It's always so bittersweet.

"Whatever grows together goes together." :'( pt.2 (two great quotes this episode??)

I love that Frank at least tried to clear the air a bit. I honestly think he was right for that. It is awkward, but he's clearly open to having Rich still be in his daughter's life. Coming to some sort of ok-ness with each-other just so that she can be happy is mature and good.

WELL SHIT