#artifical condition

[hellofriendhawke]

Me and my mutually administration assistance

[canaryyello]

before you write off the dramatized version of the murderbot diaries, listen to this and tell me its not the best way to experience mb 😏😌

[dazzleluminosity]

Gender = N/A

Can we talk about how the prevailing fan art depiction of Murderbot has distinctly masculine face, but its donor human DNA more likely than not came from a AFAB human? - Uses the name "Eden" the first time it impersonates an augmented human. - When it retcons Consultant Ren to be a remote owner/operator of itself, Ren uses she/her pronouns.

[rosewind2007]

Vote for your favourite AUGMENTED human in the Murderbot Diaries—please re-blog for a more representative sample:

[ratsreading]

Don't leave this in the tags

cannot get over how ART had one of the most iconic character introductions of all time. in the span of 100 pages and a few weeks, it was like hey. if you mess with me i'll squash you like a bug. check out how i'm 10,000 times more powerful than you. wanna watch tv together? ah FUCK my tv blorbo died. what do you mean you won't tell me all the secrets of your dark past. can i do some surgery on you? do you need me to blow anything up? let me hijack your brain for a couple seconds. ok that went great! here's my number in case you ever need it

[homosekularnost]

@ martha wells is it ok. is it ok is it eating

[recoveringsoulsposts]

I’ve never read anyhting more accurate. The male has no purpose therefore looks for meaning through artifical structures such as religion. Male philosophers will label the deficiency’s of the male population and generalise it by labelling it the human condition.

SCUM MANIFESTO BY VALERIE SOLANAS.

[rosewind2007]

Ahhh, Murderbot 2 here is “Artificial Condition”

Spoiler for Network Effect: not my beloved little feral bit of sentient killware

I love how murderbot 2 is literally just 2 bots in a trenchcoat trying to get into an r rated movie (convincing people that murderbot is a human)

[bonefall]

i dont think people are upset that the erins "weren't creative" enough with Moonpaw, they're upset that she's just. not a chimera. thats just a longhaired tortie and they justified it with chimerism. which is extremely insensitive because chimerism is a real medical thing that can cause issues in every species, including humans for those that dont know, and thats like. a big thing.

like, yay some disability rep (depending on how they write it. it wont be good. ughh) but like. its not going to be considered a disability when it can be in some cases. they are just going to say "ohh shes so special!!" like some people say with autism in this age (the infantilization of it) and its gonna be. weirdddd

anyways. sorry for ranting in your inbox.

Hey. Woah. THIS is insensitive and I don't know where you're getting this from. NONE of the three types of natural chimerism are a disability and it is extremely rare that fusion chimerism leads to medical complications.

Do not spread misinformation about a genetic condition because you're annoyed about the writing team confusing a common tortie fur pattern with chimerism. THEIR mistake is ultimately harmless. What YOU'RE doing is stigmatizing.

Quite frankly, after seeing a bunch of posts and receiving several asks about this, I don't think half of the people who are getting mad actually know anything about chimeras. I sure as fuck hope it's just ignorance, and that you aren't out here trying to call the state of being intersex a disability.

But I can fix ignorance. No need to assume malice. I will explain what chimerism is, and why you should stop going around implying it "causes issues in every species."

Chimerism is when a single individual is comprised of cells from two or more fully fertilized zygotes. There are two BROAD types of chimerism;

Artifical

Natural

Artifical chimeras are common with the advent of modern medicine. Ever had a blood transfusion? Organ transplant? You are a chimera. Or at least were for a while.

THIS can lead to complications and can cause disability, but it's not what Moonpaw is. She would be a type of natural chimera, which in and of itself has THREE subtypes;

Micro chimerism

Blood chimerism

Fusion chimerism

Microchimerism is so common that I could make a Your Mom joke out of it. It's caused by the passage of cells between the fetus and placenta during pregnancy. Everyone who has ever been pregnant is a microchimera.

While it can lead to complications, it can also be beneficial. Pregnancy could be considered a type of temporary disability, but no one would expect disability rep from every character who had ever given birth.

Blood chimeras are common in species whose twins typically share a placenta, such as cows and marmosets, but very rare in animals like humans and cats which usually don't. It occurs when tissue between two twins is exchanged through the umbilical chord. This type of chimera often ends up with a mixed bloodtype, hence the name.

This is the cause of freemartinism in cattle, when fraternal cow twins cause a sister to share her brother's hormones and act more like a bull. A type of intersex condition, not a disability-- so I sure HOPE you aren't trying to imply THIS should be "disability rep."

And even in the other case, would you automatically expect disability rep from a character that has two blood types?? No. Just like you wouldn't automatically expect disability rep from every character that had ever been pregnant, or every character who had ever needed a blood transfusion

And lastly, the one that Moonpaw ACTUALLY is. A fusion chimera. These are created when two fully fertilized zygotes fuse into a single individual.

These are extremely rare because you can't usually TELL when an individual is a chimera. There is no obvious physical difference between the "halves," with some cases of doctors insisting that patches are just weird birthmarks. They live their entire lives with normal health problems like non-chimeras. It mostly causes complications when DNA testing results in a false negative-- because the offspring of a fusion chimera occasionally end up being their genetic nespring.

Or, the two "halves" are male and female, causing gonadal differences. These people aren't disabled, there's nothing wrong with their bodies, but they're subjected to unneccesary cosmetic surgeries as children because they are intersex.

Say it. SAY IT. INTERSEX. I N T E R S E X. IM GRABBING YOU BY THE SHIRT AND SHAKING YOU THEY ARE INTERSEX.

Can some intersex conditions cause disabilities? YES. Are intersex conditions inherently disabilities? NO. Even when you're discussing infertility as a disability, tread VERY CAREFULLY because intersex people are fighting very hard to lift the stigma over their bodies.

Speak with care. Do not equate being intersex with being disabled. They are two different things.

You can be both and sometimes one could contribute to the other, but BEING intersex IS NOT a disability.

VERY rarely, even MORE rare than standard chimeras which are already very very rare and massively underreported because they are so unremarkable, a fusion chimera will happen LATE in utero. THIS can contribute to a chronic autoimmune condition where the cells reject each other, which is a disability.

And by rare I mean one case. Literally one. Of the 50 reported fusion chimeras in the review I'm referencing, Taylor Muhl was the only one with this. 4 were discovered via congenital abnormalities (unknown if connected to the chimerism b/c they were only tested because something was already wrong), 17 had fertility issues, and the remaining 28 didn't report immune conditions or birth defects but INTERSEXUALITY.

ANOTHER condition is often lumped in with chimerism, by people who do not know what chimerism is, which is mosaicism. Mosaicism, when there are two different sets of genes resulting from the same zygote, is NOT chimerism. MOSAICISM can be a cause of disability. CHIMERISM is usually not.

(Read the review in depth, as it includes mosaic cases for the sake of completion.)

They can both be fertilization errors, but are not the same thing. Follow me, I'm only going to woefully simplify a complicated topic once,

CHIMERA = Two zygotes in one body

MOSAIC = Two bodies in one zygote

CHIMERA = usually fine

MOSAIC = usually bad

And the last possible places you could be getting the idea that chimerism "causes disability" from, to my knowledge, is 1. This study that says the loss of a twin in early pregnancy increases the chance of congenital defects in the survivors (has barely anything to do with chimerism, this link is tangential, vanishing twin syndrome does not necessarily mean it was absorbed by its sibling)

Or, 2, this study of several animals where they correlated rates of benign tumors to % of chimerism based on SPECIES. BLOOD chimeras. It's COWS AND MARMOSETS AGAIN. The study ITSELF calls for further targeted research of chimerism cause of susceptibility to cancer.

It couldn't even link new growths or malignant tumors to chimerism in the mammals of its study. WE'RE mammals.

Correlation does not equal causation. Statistics 101.

So no. That's not "a big thing." Chimerism is fine, they're just very likely to be intersex if they're a fusion chimera of a male and a female zygote. Do not imply intersexuality is a disability. Please get mad about the actual ableism in the series, not the team being clueless about tortie patterns.

Also everyone say you're sorry to intersex Moonpaw. I better see you people making intersex Moonpaw pride flag edits as penance IMMEDIATELY.

UPDATE: Anon apologized! Growth! I still think this is an important post, especially in the context of the wider fandom conversation, so I'm leaving it as-is. Please feel free to reblog.

UPDATE 2: Clarification on infertility as a disability because I didn't word myself very well in one section!

[eldritch-spouse]

Fucking robot. Why does he always bother me during breaks? He doesn't even need breaks.

“Hi Xavier. Was there something that you needed?”

You know he likes you because he bothers to address you by your name. As opposed to a serialized string of numbers and letters.

The numbers before your shift code and initials make you wonder just how many of them there were before you. How many he tossed away after an unfortunate workplace accident. That tag on your uniform is more of a death sentence than anything.

'Like'... As if this tin can is actually able of feeling.

It's more realistic to say he sees value in you, for some reason, and employs some kind of social algorithm to fabricate a twisted sort of relationship.

" You have been consistently distracted lately. "

Is that a warning?

Two red abyss-like orbs cast a crimson filter upon your face. It always feels like Xavier is watching you a little too closely, monitoring more than just your verbal responses.

" Ah, my bad! " You force a wobbly smile. " I promise it doesn't get in the way of my wo- "

" It does. " He silences you immediately, imposing and unforgiving in his cold corrections. " Clients notice when you zone out. Your movement speed is drastically reduced and the chances of committing errors -which you have by now- is considerably increased. Spacing out this much is in no way acceptable behavior for a multitude of... "

Only the very real notion that he's noting your facial expressions stops you from rolling your eyes at the robot's tireless monolog regarding the dangers and consequences of being distracted at work. One of your eyes still manages to twitch, as if in defiance.

" Yes sir, I understand. " You try to cut in, try to abort that speech before it turns into a whole lecture.

One camera cranes down slightly. " Your reputation as the exemplary employee is being damaged. "

Xavier says this like it should make you anxious. You hate that he thinks of you as an example, that he emphasizes it constantly. Not only is it putting unnecessary pressure on you for no compensation, it's also costing you the few mild friendships you have worked to maintain in this hostile minefield of an environment.

The more he speaks of you as some ideal of professionalism, the more others give you judgemental side-eyes. Sneers. Avoid you. Spread snide comments that then find their way to you through gossip.

Maybe if Xavier stopped exalting your mediocre performance, your asshole coworkers would stop murmuring that you've been orally pleasing the glorified microwave.

Xavier doesn't even have a dick! Why would he?! He's an artifical stand in for a manager that only cares about the dehumanizing process of maximizing profit.

He doesn't have a penis. You think.

You only realize a long silence has installed itself this whole time when the robot breaks it.

" ... Are you ill? "

" Huh- No. No, I just have a lot on my mind. I'll work on it boss. "

There's another pause. This time, you presume Xavier is waiting for you to cave under pressure, or counting the pores on your complexion. You bet he'd know the exact number.

" You have not allowed access to more in-depth medical records. If I had such a permission, I would be able to rework your current shift into something more suitable for any preexisting conditions such as- "

" Uh no sir, no. I don't think that's relevant, it's probably just my sleep schedule. " The thought of Xavier knowing about your health beyond what is strictly necessary for employment is chilling to the core.

He takes the rejection silently, lenses refreshing.

" I know who is bothering you. "

Xavier says, so naturally and spontaneously that you gawk for a moment, forever surprised by his eery bursts of casual remarks.

" ... Pardon? "

These moments make it seem as if there's more than mere cold calculations running through his processor components.

Xavier drifts that much closer to you, now suffocating your personal space. Only the crimson of his camera lenses light the dingy alley you've chosen as your break spot.

" Incubus, Babesley. Masseur. He has self-inflicted carvings on his body consisting of infatuated statements and your name. "

You rattle for a second, the memory of the demon's mutilated chest surfacing, his wild and desperate eyes searching yours for a hint of approval that wasn't there, only disgust and fear.

" Wrathfolk, Mozgrag. Trapper. Teamed up with the incubus upon being confronted, effective in forcing his way to you at any cost. "

Another memory flashes by, burly hands carelessly tearing the horns out of someone's head, he'd look at you when the screams rang, attempting to prove something you only saw as terrifying murderous intent.

Shaken, irritated, afraid, you openly glare at Xavier.

" Why haven't you done anything... " It was too quiet to sound as confrontational as you wished.

There's a split second where his stiff arms twitch, like the machine was trying to roll its shoulders. Cameras tilt and reposition, erroneously assuming the light from his lenses is what's causing you to tear up.

" The customer is always right. " Faintly, or perhaps just in your head, his words sounded dragged out.

" Then what's the problem?! "

You can't help the childish irritation, the desire to pluck your hairs out of your scalp in a pull that might just tear your skin asunder. You want to scream and kick this stupid fucking machine until it shuts off. Why does he bother you during your breaks to ask things that make no sense, to unnerve you, to create contradictions. You've never had a positive interaction with this robot. Why would he mention those two if he seemingly has no problem with their attitudes?

You know he doesn't care, because your coworkers are also living through their own cases of harassment at the hands of the denizens of Hell. You've had to pretend you didn't hear the sound of a cashier's arm being twisted in all the wrong directions before. Reminded that quitting is not an option, that you can only pray such doesn't happen to you.

" Your performance- "

No. Shut up.

" Okay, let's do some math, Xavier. " You growl. " My precious work performance is being impacted by a lot of things, but mainly those two. Those two are customers, and the customer is always right, aren't they? So there's nothing to be done, yeah?! Stop- "

Your confidence begins to falter when you realize you've stepped out of line, that you snapped at your own superior. The fear of consequences flashes very briefly across your eyes. That's enough, you need to calm down. You need to leave.

Xavier's silence doesn't help.

" I'll... I'll be heading back to work now. "

Head hanging low, you attempt to swiftly retreat into work, halted quickly by cold metal wrapping around your arm.

His grip is as frighteningly solid as it is sudden.

You don't remember Xavier having ever touched you before.

When you squirm around to glance at him, ask what he thinks he's doing, those two cameras pin you into silent obedience. You could never hope to free yourself of his grasp, only if you wished to tear a limb out of its socket.

" Do you think I enjoy these limitations? "

There's a mute gasp. Then the pain of his grip tightening, restricting your blood flow into a tingling soreness. Your teeth bare themselves.

" I don't think you enjoy anything at all, machine. "

It was ruthless, yet, deep down, you almost believed it.

Xavier stares at you for another prolonged period of time, unaware that the pain in your arm is only worsening. You have no idea what occurs behind those lenses, what those words might mean to him.

Metallic fingers unclasp with the slowness of a decompressing blood pressure monitor, allowing you to yank your own limb back and hold it to your chest like an animal licking its wounds.

" ... This issue will be resolved. "

He doesn't make a move to follow after you. In fact, Xavier remains staring forward, at the empty space where you once stood.

Maybe you broke him. Who cares, he might give you peace for the rest of your shift.

[chochuuya]

scenarios with tr boys!

that i hc suit them best.. part 2! (≖ᴗ≖ ✿)

note: there are only four scenarios in here, to read more go to part 1 ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞

characters included: shinichiro, draken, inui, baji, mitsuya, hakkai, kokonoi, kakucho, taiju, ran, kazutora, chifuyu, angry and takuya

imagine that your scooter or motorcycle died just when you’re on the way to s.s motors.

he always manages to turn your luck around, though. the fact that he would go a literal extra mile to come and help you— he’s just that kind of guy.

right now, he’s laughing at your defeat of trying to go further and pushing the vehicle with him.

he flashes a charming grin at you and lets you sit while he pushes. since when is he this strong?

“alright, hang on tight.” he takes off his jacket, playfully tossing at you. “keep that safe for me?”

what an annoying flirt.

SHINICHIRO, draken, inui

two beds.. or does the universe have other plans for you both?

“we’re gonna freeze to death.” he hits the air conditioning unit once more for good measure.

it relentlessly continues to create an artifical north pole into the motel room as he shivers and your teeth chatter.

you both could go home but.. your only transport (his motorcycle) went out of gas and it’s midnight.

he looks down at you, laying in your own bed with the covers pulled up to your chin. he gives you an apologetic look, as if this is all his fault.

“maybe we could conserve body heat?” he suggests. there’s two beds, but maybe one was the better solution.

you quickly nodded as you reach out your arms for him without a second thought. the cold was too much.

he climbs into your bed, his body instantly hugging you tightly, his arms wrapping around your back without hesitation as the blanket drape over your figures.

“n-next ti-time, we should bri-bring extra money when we go out!” you say as you quavered.

“noted.” he chuckled.

BAJI, mitsuya, hakkai

he spends money like water. for you especially.

this is the twentieth gift he has sent, except this time it’s from the man himself.

it had been a week since you two had a fight and you hadn’t spoken to him.

he’s been sending you gifts that you received but didn’t respond to, so this time he decided to come himself.

“can we talk? i want to apologize, okay? i’ve been meaning to all week but, i don’t know how.” he says when you finally open the door.

you take a good look at him, debating with yourself before deciding.

with a defeated sigh, you allowed him to enter your home. “okay, come on in..”

“thank you,” he says, smiling at you.

“now please tell me what i can do to make this right.” he pauses and then asks, “do you want another gift?”

you shake your head. “i don’t want another one, i just want you to be with me.”

his smile widens as he steps closer to you. “and i want to be with you too.”

“i know we’ve had our ups and downs these past few weeks, but i know we can make this work. just give us a chance.”

he gently takes your hand and presses it to his lips, kissing it tenderly.

girl.. you better forgive him, only you can make him this smitten for you.

KOKONOI, KAKUCHO, taiju, ran (more specifically bonten ran.. he gives me sd vibes)

the line in the store was unusually long and your legs are starting to turn to jelly.

when it is finally your turn to pay for your purchases, you were out of it for some reason.

“thank you for waiting, ma’am. i apologize for any inconvenience.”

you had to stare at the cashier for a good few seconds. you rarely come across men looking this good, you thought before snapping out of it.

“huh?”

“sorry for making you wait.” he smiled.

you just nodded, pressing your lips together feeling even more embarrassed now for not hearing him the first time.

KAZUTORA, CHIFUYU, angry, takuya

please do not steal, copy, translate, repost to other sites or claim my writings as your own. plagiarism is real!

the last one is canon bcs it happened to me in uniqlo.. it’s gonna haunt me for life now (⭑•͈ 𓎟 •͈ ) all likes & reblog are vv much appreciated! ♡♡

[itsalittlebitchilly]

This was actually the wrong week to find this out.

Who was going to tell me I can listen to Rogue Protocal audiobook on spotify.

[liesreblogstheworld]

Murderbot Animatic. Spoilers for Artifical Condition. I cannot say enough things about this video. I am having an emotion.

(The artist @kesbeacon can be found on Tumblr as well.)

[gabessquishytum]

You just filled my Sand-ridgerton prompt; Which I love!! ❤️❤️🩷❤️

I'm so glad your box is open again!!

----

Hob just wanted to get some snacks from the corner store; he was hungry and too tired to cook. He knew the universe would get him for eating nothing but suspicious hot dog(s), and artifical spicy cheese flavoring for dinner, but he didn't think it would be before he could finish said snacks. But well......

Bursting into Hob's boring night, on this random Tuesday, was a beautiful man, bare foot, wearing ripped pants and a wrecked shirt (or what used to be a shirt) covered spotted with blood?!? and seemingly hiding in the corner behind the Tastykakes. Even roughed up as he was, for Hob it was just love at first sight, Hob was gobsmacked by how lovely he was.

Hob would have helped him regardless, really, but he definitely had to help his future husband. 😝

Dream managed to save his (damn) self from the Burgess Gang after his mission went bad (and his company didn't work to save him). Dream was a top spy, so he knew the drill, but he was too far from hq to get there in his current condition. Hiding and regrouping in a nondescript late night store should help him shake the remaining Burgess goons chasing him. When he finally stopped to take a breath, ducked low behind some snack cakes, he (unfortunately) could help but notice a handsome puppy dog of a man staring at him.

Omg, himbo Hob and spy Dream is just the perfect combination.

Hob tries so hard to be smooth about it, kind of shuffling up to Dream in what he hopes is a discreet manner. He immediately ruins it by babbling away about how he doesn't usually talk to strangers but he also likes to help strangers in need, particularly strangers who don't seem to have any shoes on... Dream stares helplessly at the cute guy who just doesn't seem to be able to shut up, and he makes a split second decision. The cute guy is clearly kind of an idiot, and can't possibly be a danger to Dream, and aligning himself with a civilian is a great way to throw the Burgess gang off the scent. Dream puts on his own most pathetic puppy eyes, and throws himself on Hob’s mercy.

And look. He only meant to go home with Hob and lay low for a couple of hours. But Hob was so taken in by Dream’s 'damsel in distress' act that he seems genuinely really worried. He makes Dream a nice (ish) food, fusses over his bruises and cooes over him like a mother hen. Dream doesn't even get a chance to steal a pair of shoes and run away because Hob is all over him! And... it's kind of nice, after what Dream has just been through. Suddenly staying the night doesn't seem so bad, especially when Hob gives him a bubble bath and a fucking aromatherapy massage afterwards. Dream can't peel himself up off the bed after that.

And why is he stilled holed up in Hob’s apartment a week later? Well... if his company couldn't be bothered to save him, then he clearly deserves a holiday before he does go crawling back to them. Burgess will never find him at Hob’s place, and Hob is so... charmingly adorable and sweet. He waits on Dream hand and foot! Leaving him sounds like the worst idea ever.

Little does he know that Hob is already planning their wedding. And little does Hob know that the love of his life is a spy being hunted to the death by Burgess and his goons. Somehow, they might just be perfect for each other!

[suppotato123]

Screw Hogwarts Houses (and JK Rowling) tell me what degree you would be taking at a magical university:

Thaumaturgical Artificing- The scientific study and application of magic as it pertains to Alchemy (the creation of of potions) and Arcana (the engineering of magical devices).

Necromantic Studies- A degree for those looking for the most modern and ethical methods of raising the dead.

Arcanic Anthropology- This degree walks students through the history of magical artifacts, how to find them, and their proper uses to aspiring Sorcerers and non-magic users alike.

Linguistic Incantology- The study of the properties of magical languages as well as the characteristics of those languages in general ascertained in order to gain mastery over the magical art of incantation.

Magiphysical Sciences- The study of Humanoid systems, anatomy, and physical health and fitness as it pertains to magical gestures and more physically involved magic systems.

Mystic Virology- The study of magical diseases and curses, their effects on the humanoid form, and the treatments and counterhexes for such magical conditions.

Enchanted Horticulture- A branch of Enchanted agriculture that focuses on cultivation of magical gardens for the purposes of spells, medicine, and consumption.

General Studies- This degree covers the most basic information on various magical studies and provides a great opportunity for students to discover their magical passions and/or complete their prerequisite courses before moving on to a more advanced degree.

[brown-forking-weed]

At 3 P.M. today, Tidus, the beloved main character of Final Fantasy X, best known for his swordsmanship and happy-go-lucky attitude, will be struck by an impossibly unfortunate streak of bad luck that will render him unable to hit enemies with a single attack. According to experts, this unprecedented series of misses will not be the result of some latent bias in the random number generator, but rather can only be attributed to sheer coincidence. The astronomically small possibility of such an occurence has left fans and mathemticians equally baffled, but according the latest models this pattern is expected to continue until many billions of years from now, when the increasing entropy of the universe renders the Playstation 2 inoperable.

According to Final Fantasy X walkthrough youtuber slammedunk95, Tidus's inefficacy will make completing the story impossible: "Although other party members such as the Ronso, Kimahri, can make up for Tidus's shortcomings with their attacks and special abilities, there are a number of encounters where Tidus is expected to kill enemies on his own, something that he will no longer be statistically capable of." Additionally, he added that he was "concerned" about how Tidus's condition might "affect his sense of self wirth [sic]", adding that "Auron is... certainly not going to be pleased with him."

A number of theories have been proposed in order to explain Tidus's condition, though none have so far proven completely satisfactory. One explanation that had made the rounds on social media is the so-called "Reading Glasses Hypothesis". Proponents of the hypothesis suggest that Tidus is far-sighted, requiring a pair of reading glasses in order to read without strain, and that by some accident he has left them on his face, rendering his regular sight so blurry as to reduce his accuracy to nothing. Critics, however, have pointed out that a pair of reading glasses would clearly be visible on Tidus's model, and numerous analyses have failed to find any visual indication of their existence. Supporters counter that Square Enix programmed the game not to render the glasses onscreen, likely as a convenience to the player. Confusing the matter further, a number of conflicting screenshots have emerged, some showing Tidus with glasses, some appearing to show the barest outlines of a nearly invisible pair, others depicting him utterly bare-faced except for his signature smile. Square Enix themselves have been strangely silent on the matter, and nearly all attempts to contact them have been met with silence.

Yesterday morning, longtime series composer Nobuo Uematsu was spotted leaving a downtown ice cream parlor with two two-scoop waffle cones, one in each hand, alternating his licking between them as he strutted down the crowded sidewalk, deftly weaving through oncoming pedestrians, cones perfectly balanced, his blushing tongue darting out from between his lips to catch every stray drop melted by the sun, never losing even an ounce of that precious ambrosia, smoothing the surface of the strawberry scoops to a glossy sheen with his warm papillae, wearing away at the mountain of mint chip with nothing but the determined rubbing of that pinkish organ - stained pinker by artifical strawberry colorings - whose articulate flapping might, with any luck, reveal the secret of Tidus's bizarre condition to our news crew, who were approaching him at that very moment. Unfortunately, the revered composer politely declined to answer our inquiries, but our quick-thinking cameraman managed to capture a seventeen second clip of him biting into his wafflecones as he walked away. It is unknown at this time if the foootage will prove relevant to the investigation.

Fans of Final Fantasy X are advised to make the most of their remaining time with the profoundly moving story of Tidus and Yuna before the 3 P.M. deadline. Social media is already awash with fan-art and tributes to the critically-acclaimed title, with many lamenting soon-to-be defunct features such as Blitzball and Kimahri. Use the hashtag #TidusFailure2023 to share your favorite moments and memories of the game.

"guys i think it might have started early my tidus just missed five times in a row #tidusfailure2023"

"never mind he hit again. >_< just bad luck i guess"

Additionally, at 2:30 P.M E.S.T, a live contest will be aired on Twitch, with over 150 gamers competing to be the last person ever to hit an enemy with Tidus. The winner will recieve a cash prize of $100, and, unusually, the intellectual property rights to the character himself. Explaining this decision, the CEO of Square Enix remarked that; "He is of no more use to us now than a dried-up piece of lettuce."

Update: As of 4:05 P.M., Square Enix has announced a revised version of the game, entitled "Final Fantasy X: Niimen's Story". Though Tidus still retains his status as the story's protagonist, he no longer participates in combat, instead flying above the party in a hot air balloon and shouting words of encouragement as the rest of the party defeats fiends. Tidus recieves experience points alongside the rest of the party, reflecting the contribution of his motivational shouts. By utilizing the sphere grid, Tidus can unlock new words to use in his cheers, such as "great" or "wonderful", while others, such as "wacko" and "dingbat" may be used to express Tidus's disapproval with the party's performance. In order to maintain the balance of encounters, Tidus's slot in the roster has been filled by a new character named Niimen. Niimen can use all the same attacks and abilities as Tidus, but he is older, and his pant legs are of equal length. As of this time, it is unknown if Niimen will miss with every attack, but all evidence seems to indicate that the probability of such an occurance is so low as to be essentially impossible.