#arospec representation

[lvthkllr]

So I have been thinking a lot about Eloise as a character, and how she is often perceived as being a lesbian due to her disinterest in men and marriage. For a long time I had agreed with this sentiment because my mind took the logical route of “if she doesn’t like men then she must like women”, but through my own exploration of romantic and sexual identities I have developed a new theory.

I think that Eloise is lands somewhere on the aromantic spectrum.

I do want to acknowledge that I fully understand that many queer women and non-men often describe their journey to fully understanding their sexuality by pointing out that a lack of interest in dating men was a “early warning sign” of their queer identity, and I in no way shape or form want to invalidate that. I also want to say that I fully understand that romantic and sexual orientation are two very different things, and in my mind the queer characters of Bridgerton feel sexual attraction and love for anyone regardless gender.

That all being said, I think it’s worth noting that when fandoms speculate and theorize on a specific character’s sexual orientation, they often bunch it up with romantic orientation, and I think that’s a huge mistake when it comes to Eloise.

We’ve seen in the show with Theo, that Eloise can and does experience romantic attraction to men. What differentiates her from her peers and siblings is that she requires a lot more than simply meeting and flirting. Similar to those on the aromantic spectrum, Eloise’s romantic attraction is atypical to the societal expectation of meet, flirt, marry; she requires more.

When she met Theo she seemingly had no romantic interest in him, however as they spent time to together and explored each other’s interests we saw that Eloise began to develop romantic feelings for him. And I know what some of you are going to say “that’s literally just the friends to lovers trope”, BUT ACTUALLY NO because prior to and after meeting Theo in season 2, Eloise does not experience any other explicit romantic attraction on screen.

I just think that we as a fandom need to take a step back and acknowledge that while it may be true that Eloise has a sexual attractions to women as well as men, we also need to acknowledge that the her character development past season 1 shows that her avoidance of marriage may have nothing to do with men and everything to do with avoiding the societal pressure of romantic attraction, especially when she doesn’t experience it in the same way as her peers.

[bizarreaizen]

someone: hey can you give me some relationship advice?

me who's aroace: communicate

someone: I tried but it didn't-

me: break up /lh

[agrebel18]

saw someone on here the other day say that we don’t need aromantic and asexual representation in media because that’s a “sanitized” identity like BITCH WHAT????? IF YOU CAN ONLY SEE ASPEC PEOPLE AS CHILDREN THAT IS A YOU PROBLEM.

[sparrow-the-tired-lesbian]

if I see one more “straight people on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrum don’t count” I will personally light shit on fire

If you’re heterosexual and aromantic, you’re valid. If you’re asexual and heteroromantic, fuck yeah, you’re valid too. You belong here, in LGBTQIA+ spaces, and I love and accept you here. You belong at the pride parade, you belong in the LGBTQIA+ clubs at your school or university, and you belong in the LGBTQIA+ community.

We love you. You belong. anyone who says otherwise can go fuck themselves.

[your-local-crypt1d]

Oh so when a priest takes an oath of celibacy he's "a man of faith", but when I say I'm Ace and sex-repulsed I'll "change my mind" and "haven't found the right person yet" 🙄

[miss-midnightt]

This year, I went to two local pride events. It was great, but in both events I noticed something: there was almost no aromantic representation. There were plenty of flags for sale, as well as colored merch and stickers, encompassing a wide range of identities. Not ONE of them was aromantic. The flag banners they'd put up, with a bunch of different LGBTQ+ flags? No aromantic. However, there was an asexual flag as well as other items for sale, which was part of the reason I was surprised by the lack of aromantic flags and other merchandise.

I'm not saying the asexual representation is bad; it's great! It's the lack of representation for aromanticism that is problematic. I'm aroace. I was pissed as HELL because I felt that half of me was underrepresented. I can't imagine how excluded allosexual arospec folk would have felt to know that they had all but been completely erased. The A in LGBTQIA doesn't just stand for asexual; it's for aromantic and agender (which I also noted had no representation) too.

The only mention of aromanticism at all in both pride events was a brief, easy to overlook touch on it at a few stalls. Pride is meant to be inclusive to all. To ALL. Not ALLOROMANTICS ONLY. ALL.

I'm aromantic. I'm not just ace. It took me years to figure out that I was also aromantic, but it doesn't actually make a difference. If I can only find my asexuality shown at pride events then things need to change.

I am aromantic. I'd like for that part of me to be represented. I DEMAND that part of me to be represented.

[quetzai8]

Guys help I think my family is on to me 😭😭😭

[koifishanonymous]

and if i said they were in a secret-third-thing fucked up mutually destructive qpr what then

[whatisgoingoninmyhead]

there's something to be said about how public unawareness about aspec identities contributes to the infighting within the aspec communities.

for example, I've seen a lot of "don't say ace people don't have sex because that's harmful to the sex favourable aces" and the opposite: "don't say ace people can have sex because what about the sex repulsed/averse?"

and they're both valid points, but because of it, aspec posts have to cater to the entire spectrum or risk starting arguments over this. Ideally, people could look at an aspec post and accept that it's for a different part of the aro/ace spectrum to where they are, but that's where the public unawareness comes in

because outside of the aspec communities, there's so little understanding of what the terms mean, that people within the community have to make every post generic so that the unaware won't see one post and make an assumption for the entire community based on it.

I see where every side is coming from, but infighting doesn't really solve any of the issues. The only thing that can start to solve it is more expansive aspec media representation, and spreading the "aro/ace identities are a spectrum" posts as much as possible to reach outside of the community, rather than trying to make specific posts fit that generic message.

[noballoonsinspace]

felt like I was forgetting something about tomorrow but then I remembered oh yeah kind of a big day how could I forget

Happy Dracula eve!!!

[thalfbloodloser]

i wish we had alloaro representation in media. a charming character who fucks - both literally AND aesthetically. one that makes other characters go "wow! they're so cool and good in bed, but ultimately un-datable, because as soon as they sense any romantic intention on you, they flee" (kinda like lucifer morningstar from "lucifer". he's aroallo in my heart)

a character who's funny and has a horrifyingly 80's sense of fashion (they have a curly combed-out mullet and mismatched earrings. you'll find them at pride wearing a corn costume because it "matches the aroallo flag" and they're "being subtle") or one who's the embodiment of a 60's greaser (their motorcycle helmet is themed after the aro flag and the back of their leather jacket says "LOVELESS / LOVE LOSES") or one who's a girly fanfiction writer that has more ships than a star wars movie (their fics are muntifandom-ly famous and most their stuff is covered in yaoi/yuri patches and stickers. everyone thinks they're a hopeless romantic because of it, but that's exactly why they're so big on the fiction ≠ reality discourse) or...

anyone else, really. just ultimately a HUMAN who's casually aromantic. one who doesn't make it a parade but isn't subtle about it, either. will they hold other character's hands? maybe. kiss their cheek? perhaps. hang out with them, on picnics and walks along the river? can't see why not! but platonically. or maybe have them be genuinely romance-repulsed & not so eager to participate in anything socially perceived as romantic. that would also be amazing.

let them express themselves sexually! let them fuck. give them a..."fuckbuddy", if you must. or a best friend who's sexually involved with them - classic romcom material, i know - but without it being "complicated"; because there's no romance involved to complicate it.

give them funny scenes. another character tries to kiss their lips or ask them on a date? they laugh nervously, the scene cuts and we get a hilarious shot of them escaping through the bathroom window. or audibly saying "ew" and then regretting it. another character is struggling to write a romcom/romance book without it being corny? we get a scene where our character casually describes the most romantical (and, to them, unappealing) plot ever - because, much like aces acing the smut department, they're far from misunderstanding what is or isn't heartstopping for alloromantics - only to have the other character stare at them like "?????????? HELLO????". give us a scene of them being confused as to why their hookup is yelling at them for acting "so casual" and responding with a quotable shitty line ("just because we had sex last night i can't call you "bro"? / "what? expected me to marry you or something? get off my bed, it's 9AM" / "would you rather have me mad? sad? what's happening here. give me a hint")

but give them complicated scenes too. scenes portraying the loneliness that comes with being aromantic but not asexual, the lack of community. them talking about how hard it is to maintain sexual relationships just sexual. the painful "breakups" because one of their friends declared their undying love for them but they cannot possibly match that energy, even if they wanted to. have them weep because somehow that keeps happening. the unfairness in being accused of heartlessness and selfishness by other queers. the shame on being told they're fetishistic and the reason why queer men/women/people are seen as sex-crazed or impure.

...anyways, i'm rambling- do y'all have any aroallo ocs? or ideas for alloaro characters? maybe aroallo headcanons? i'd love to know what you think! :)

(don't tag as #ace / #asexual / #asexuality)

[maryhall]

When I complain about there not being enough acespec and arospec representation in media, I'm often told to just do it myself. That, as a writer, I should write the representation I lack.

And I do.

But I make those characters. I don't want to have to make them. The burden of representation should not fall exclusively on me.

I want to turn on a random show and be pleasantly surprised by the inclusion of an aroace person. They don't need to be the protagonist. They don't need to be anyone important at all.

I want to be seen.

I want to be heard.

[bizarreaizen]

aromantic and asexual cis men seriously need more recognition, they've been told that being a virgin above the age of 18 is weird and that all cis men are p0rn brained and they've seen that romance and sex is very important to a man and you need to have it or you're confirmed "lame" "boring" and a "virgin loser" /gen

[lambfromfield]

i get it jayvik should've kissed this and that but this is a win specifically for me, aro, #1 believer in "so devoted that the lines blur"

[aroaceaid]

Shipping as an Ace/Aro/Aroace with aesthetic attraction

Whether you are aesthetically attracted (finding a gender or genders) very good looking or beautiful or handsome, it is acceptable to write a character who is attracted to someone on a non romantic/sexual level but not fully platonic.

You can write a pan ace, a straight aro, a bi demi aroace, an omni aroace, a lesbian aegoace, a gay grey-aro, etc.

There are no rules, follow your heart.

[lilyrosegold]

To those who counter any general discomfort people have with aro and/or ace characters being shipped romantically or sexually with “but aro and aces can still date/have sex/be in relationships”- that’s is true but, do you actually care about the complexities and nuance of navigating romance and/or sex as someone who falls on the aroace spectrum or are you just looking for an easy way to not get hate for blatantly ignoring a character’s identity in favor of your shipping?